Latest / Pod Therapy / #390: Grey Rocking Narcissism, Therapist Needs Friends, Weight Loss Journey

Transcript

#390: Grey Rocking Narcissism, Therapist Needs Friends, Weight Loss Journey · Pod Therapy

• 0:00
  Speaker 1: So we're naming this show what Grease Scream is That.
• 0:10
  Speaker 2: Movie is ruined for me. Yeah, I've done that show
• 0:14
  Speaker 2: a few times.
• 0:16
  Speaker 3: From Fabulous Last Thanks Mad. This is pod therapy, real people,
• 0:19
  Speaker 3: real problems, and real therapists. You can submit your questions
• 0:22
  Speaker 3: anonymously at pod therapy dot net or email us at
• 0:25
  Speaker 3: pod therapy guys at gmail dot com.
• 0:27
  Speaker 1: Broadcasting from the churn. That's Jim, that's Whitney.
• 0:30
  Speaker 2: I'm Nick.
• 0:30
  Speaker 1: It's time for some pod therapy. Hello friends. We are
• 0:34
  Speaker 1: into our summertime. We are going on little trips around. Uh.
• 0:38
  Speaker 1: I was gonna say the world, but really just an
• 0:40
  Speaker 1: hour radius.
• 0:42
  Speaker 4: Well, you are very small radio.
• 0:44
  Speaker 2: Some of the rest of us are going farther.
• 0:46
  Speaker 4: I'm going to Portugal.
• 0:48
  Speaker 1: What are you the same?
• 0:50
  Speaker 4: We were all going to Portugal.
• 0:53
  Speaker 1: Did we not.
• 0:53
  Speaker 2: Get the invite?
• 0:55
  Speaker 1: Yeah? I'm not part of your swinger so I don't
• 0:57
  Speaker 1: know what your news. I thought, Oh no, you're getting
• 1:01
  Speaker 1: kicked the swinger club until you find out you know what,
• 1:05
  Speaker 1: pro will start her own. You don't worry, man, I'm
• 1:10
  Speaker 1: not gonna let them push you around.
• 1:12
  Speaker 2: You're interesting. Nick and Jim.
• 1:14
  Speaker 5: Swinger Club Free to email pop the website, Gmail dot.
• 1:18
  Speaker 1: Com somebody by Nick and Jimswinger club dot com. Right now,
• 1:23
  Speaker 1: we'll we'll build a treehouse.
• 1:27
  Speaker 2: Outside.
• 1:33
  Speaker 1: It will be a tire swing obviously.
• 1:35
  Speaker 2: That's what this is. That's the Swinger.
• 1:38
  Speaker 1: What are you guys talking about? Patroon dot com slash therapy.
• 1:43
  Speaker 1: You can hear all about some trips. We're doing some movies.
• 1:45
  Speaker 4: We're watching Portugal August.
• 1:48
  Speaker 2: Okay, I'm going in July.
• 1:51
  Speaker 1: Well maybe if there's any Portugal left after Jacob has
• 1:53
  Speaker 1: been there, right.
• 1:55
  Speaker 2: Tear it on down, shut.
• 1:58
  Speaker 4: I'm excited.
• 1:59
  Speaker 2: Yeah, break of diseases they haven't seen maybe. Oh.
• 2:04
  Speaker 4: Someone just that I was at dinner with earlier was
• 2:07
  Speaker 4: saying that Wisconsin is the place to go.
• 2:10
  Speaker 2: I do like Madison. I've been to Madison several times.
• 2:13
  Speaker 2: Where have you been to Wisconsin?
• 2:15
  Speaker 1: Oh? Yeah, I've been all over.
• 2:19
  Speaker 3: There are two vacations that everybody from the Midwest goes on. Okay, okay,
• 2:25
  Speaker 3: you you've went on one of or two of these? Okay,
• 2:28
  Speaker 3: The Black Hills. What's that Mount Rushmore?
• 2:31
  Speaker 4: Yeah, it was like Mount Rushmore, South Dakota.
• 2:33
  Speaker 1: Or yeah, or the Wisconsin Dells.
• 2:37
  Speaker 2: Is that the where they make the milk the farmer?
• 2:42
  Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, exactly what is the Wisconsin.
• 2:46
  Speaker 3: It's kind of like a imagine, like uh, hard to describe,
• 2:52
  Speaker 3: like a typical like lake community Okay, okay, in the
• 2:56
  Speaker 3: summertime where the population like quadruples.
• 3:00
  Speaker 4: Like Michigan and stuff.
• 3:01
  Speaker 2: Okay, but it's.
• 3:04
  Speaker 1: They've got it a lot.
• 3:06
  Speaker 3: The best way to describe it as a lot of
• 3:08
  Speaker 3: mini golf and go kart tracks.
• 3:10
  Speaker 1: Amazing.
• 3:11
  Speaker 3: That sounds great like all those things. You ever watched
• 3:14
  Speaker 3: the movie The Great Outdoors?
• 3:16
  Speaker 2: Yes, yeah, I love that.
• 3:18
  Speaker 3: Ye add that to the h That's a good one
• 3:22
  Speaker 3: where they go they do the go karts and then
• 3:25
  Speaker 3: he's the other guys out hitting golf balls on the ring.
• 3:28
  Speaker 2: That's where they're at. That no, that's not where they're at.
• 3:30
  Speaker 1: But that's essentially what the Wisconsin got it.
• 3:32
  Speaker 2: Okay. I like this idea.
• 3:34
  Speaker 1: Wisconsin is pretty good. Yeah, yeah, I like cheap like
• 3:40
  Speaker 1: your other suggestions, you know, the suggestion honestly, Michigan to
• 3:45
  Speaker 1: found motel, not going that far.
• 3:48
  Speaker 2: So we want on a plane, la.
• 3:52
  Speaker 3: Laura and I watch a lot of travel shows on PBS.
• 3:55
  Speaker 3: So Samantha Brown, you know, you know Samantha Brown. Yeah,
• 3:57
  Speaker 3: Sandy b we go way back. So she's got a
• 4:00
  Speaker 3: show on their Places to Love, and she did one
• 4:04
  Speaker 3: in Traverse City, Michigan. Oh, and we watched it. We're like,
• 4:08
  Speaker 3: holy shit, this is really cool, Like could this would
• 4:10
  Speaker 3: be like a really fun trip.
• 4:12
  Speaker 1: It's amazing to me that Laura, who is one of
• 4:15
  Speaker 1: the cooler people I've ever met in my life, is
• 4:17
  Speaker 1: it all entertaining the idea of the Midwest as a
• 4:19
  Speaker 1: place she would ever get? She loves it. It's weird
• 4:22
  Speaker 1: how she ironically loves its great And I just think, like, no,
• 4:26
  Speaker 1: she's secretly shitting on this place the whole time, and
• 4:28
  Speaker 1: she's like, well this is great, Like I love everything.
• 4:30
  Speaker 1: She really likes it. Yeah, she's like cool, cool, Like
• 4:33
  Speaker 1: I feel like she could be a Manhattan chick.
• 4:35
  Speaker 2: Is that where cool people?
• 4:36
  Speaker 1: She lived in Manhattan? See there you go. Wow, damn,
• 4:39
  Speaker 1: I'm really good at this. I know people I do. Yeah.
• 4:44
  Speaker 1: Patron dot com slash Therapy, you can support the show.
• 4:47
  Speaker 1: You can also help Jim come up with more movies
• 4:49
  Speaker 1: to watch during the summertime or suggest trips. Oh there
• 4:53
  Speaker 1: you go, my son will love that. Will It's a
• 4:55
  Speaker 1: solid teen boy?
• 4:57
  Speaker 2: Yeah? Yeah, by the bell. First, Well, here's the thing.
• 5:02
  Speaker 1: Here's the thing. He'll love it. He will. Actually, I
• 5:05
  Speaker 1: think he'd hate it. Yeah, he'd hate watching it with you.
• 5:07
  Speaker 2: Of course.
• 5:08
  Speaker 1: I think that was one of the worst things growing up,
• 5:10
  Speaker 1: was going to movies with your family and then they
• 5:12
  Speaker 1: just have like the obligatory sex scene in there, and
• 5:14
  Speaker 1: you're like, this fucking sounds like like I think modern
• 5:18
  Speaker 1: film has kind of gotten rid of that now, Like
• 5:19
  Speaker 1: it's amazing how the standards have changed. You go back
• 5:22
  Speaker 1: and see things like what was this fucking rated? What
• 5:24
  Speaker 1: was grease rated? Like now that we've gotten over the.
• 5:26
  Speaker 2: Content, yea, yeah, yeah, no, all those movies are PG.
• 5:29
  Speaker 2: Yeah that today would not.
• 5:31
  Speaker 5: But there was also a time when, uh, like you
• 5:34
  Speaker 5: could have brief nudity or something like that, like like
• 5:36
  Speaker 5: people showering or something like that in the movie, and
• 5:38
  Speaker 5: that wouldn't get an R rating.
• 5:39
  Speaker 2: Yeah, no, it'd be like a PG or PG thirteen.
• 5:42
  Speaker 1: It's it's interesting how much a little non sexual nudity
• 5:44
  Speaker 1: or something. Yeah, like, oh god, I wanted to watch
• 5:47
  Speaker 1: Disney's The Three Musketeers, which, if you think back, that's
• 5:50
  Speaker 1: the one with key for Sutherland. Oh yeah, it was
• 5:54
  Speaker 1: really good. And Cardinal Richelieu is played by the guy
• 5:57
  Speaker 1: who plays Rocky Horror Picture Show.
• 6:00
  Speaker 2: Okay, Tim Curry.
• 6:02
  Speaker 1: I was like, it's a really great cast, Like it's
• 6:05
  Speaker 1: really Christian O'Donnell.
• 6:06
  Speaker 2: I think is the Crystal o'donald. Yeah, so yeah, Robin,
• 6:10
  Speaker 2: yeah exactly.
• 6:13
  Speaker 1: Yeah, but yeah, I wanted to watch that with the kids,
• 6:15
  Speaker 1: and I'm like great, and I'm like, oh, we should
• 6:16
  Speaker 1: fire this up on Disney. And I was like, hey,
• 6:19
  Speaker 1: double check it because like I don't know if it's appropriate.
• 6:21
  Speaker 1: And I'm like, it's a Disney movie talking about like
• 6:22
  Speaker 1: I look it up on the web and I'm like,
• 6:24
  Speaker 1: oh no, there's like full on zec scenes and like
• 6:26
  Speaker 1: partial nudity and all those like what the fuck Disney
• 6:30
  Speaker 1: Childhood was weird. Caban.
• 6:32
  Speaker 4: I was like, people, I mean, there's no blood, but
• 6:35
  Speaker 4: they're like dying. They're just killing people.
• 6:37
  Speaker 1: A lot of people get stabbed right in the fucking
• 6:40
  Speaker 1: throat in that movie, and you're just like when you rewatch,
• 6:42
  Speaker 1: you're like, holy shit, a lot of people just die
• 6:44
  Speaker 1: and dying like raiding a town and stealing women and
• 6:49
  Speaker 1: you're like, ah, this.
• 6:51
  Speaker 2: Is not the way I remember the road.
• 6:53
  Speaker 1: Yeah. So anyway, yeah, we need summer movie suggestions. But
• 6:56
  Speaker 1: patroon dot Com Slash Therapy support the show. It is
• 6:59
  Speaker 1: deeply appreciated, and we always appreciate you joining in and
• 7:03
  Speaker 1: being on the Discord and giving us some live chat
• 7:05
  Speaker 1: feedback to the questions and it turns into a lot
• 7:07
  Speaker 1: of great dialogue, and of course you get the show
• 7:09
  Speaker 1: a day.
• 7:09
  Speaker 2: Earlier and without any ads.
• 7:11
  Speaker 1: But we've got some great questions for today's episode, and
• 7:14
  Speaker 1: we're leading it off with a topic we've never really
• 7:16
  Speaker 1: gotten into before. I'm pretty excited about this, and it's
• 7:18
  Speaker 1: titled Gray Rocking a Narcissist.
• 7:22
  Speaker 2: It's a cool idea.
• 7:23
  Speaker 1: So it's from our friend bgay Do Crimes, who says, hey,
• 7:26
  Speaker 1: here's another question. It was also posted on Discord, so
• 7:30
  Speaker 1: great fact there. If you're out there and you're like, hey,
• 7:32
  Speaker 1: I want to ask questions. I don't know if I
• 7:33
  Speaker 1: really want the whole like show experience on it, but
• 7:36
  Speaker 1: I do like feedback. Get on the discord. We have
• 7:38
  Speaker 1: channels where people just put up questions and just get
• 7:40
  Speaker 1: you know, group feedback. So really cool way just to
• 7:43
  Speaker 1: get the dialogue going. But anyway, bgay Do Crimes Rights,
• 7:46
  Speaker 1: I think I just understood something. I picked up Gray
• 7:50
  Speaker 1: Rocking from videos I saw from YouTube recently I realized
• 7:55
  Speaker 1: what this is. I'll explain it, okay, great. I realized
• 7:58
  Speaker 1: that it was one of the strategies I was already
• 8:01
  Speaker 1: using when dealing with my mother, who has some narcissistic traits.
• 8:05
  Speaker 1: When I'm around her, the choice is usually to either appease, fight,
• 8:09
  Speaker 1: or shut down. I learned then to be very sensitive
• 8:13
  Speaker 1: to situations when someone is not happy with me, and
• 8:16
  Speaker 1: I would start being careful choosing my words, holding my
• 8:20
  Speaker 1: tongue when I can. Then I learned to focus on
• 8:22
  Speaker 1: practical information and focus on empathy to capital h handle
• 8:27
  Speaker 1: the person in front of me like a dangerous animal
• 8:30
  Speaker 1: that could pounce at any second. It made it so
• 8:33
  Speaker 1: I shut down my emotions and don't express them to
• 8:36
  Speaker 1: feel safe, and of course it has backfired. These days,
• 8:40
  Speaker 1: I end up feeling lonely because I constantly noticed the
• 8:43
  Speaker 1: slightest of hints that people might be unhappy with me.
• 8:46
  Speaker 1: I'm also extra cautious with expressing myself. I think it
• 8:49
  Speaker 1: causes me to sabotage the process of making friends or
• 8:52
  Speaker 1: feeling genuine with people. It feels like there's always a
• 8:56
  Speaker 1: fake facade between me and myself and anyone around me.
• 9:00
  Speaker 1: I want to break that habit? How can I do that?
• 9:03
  Speaker 2: B gay do?
• 9:04
  Speaker 1: Crimes pronouns are he and him. Age is forty one
• 9:07
  Speaker 1: and just as a general show note because Biga didn't unpack,
• 9:11
  Speaker 1: Like what is gray rocking? So usually it's like a
• 9:14
  Speaker 1: it's kind of like hiding in plain sight. So like
• 9:16
  Speaker 1: you're dealing with somebody who's toxic, manipulative, excessive, angry, volatile,
• 9:20
  Speaker 1: and you just kind of take this like Kid's gloves approach.
• 9:23
  Speaker 1: They call it gray rocking because it's like blending into
• 9:25
  Speaker 1: the background. You're just a gray rock in this. You're
• 9:28
  Speaker 1: giving them nothing, okay, nothing to piss them off. So
• 9:31
  Speaker 1: like when somebody's looking for a fight with you kind
• 9:33
  Speaker 1: of thing, and you're like, okay, if I give them sass,
• 9:35
  Speaker 1: if I give them energy back, they will escalate, and
• 9:38
  Speaker 1: then I will escalate, right and if.
• 9:40
  Speaker 2: I react, well known.
• 9:43
  Speaker 1: My sassiness is very strong or I feel hurt, and
• 9:46
  Speaker 1: so they're yelling at me and they're being cruel to me,
• 9:48
  Speaker 1: and so like now I'm like being subdued and like
• 9:51
  Speaker 1: I'm seeming affected emotionally. That could piss them off too,
• 9:54
  Speaker 1: because like, oh no, you're gonna fucking pout.
• 9:55
  Speaker 2: I want to take account blah blah blah.
• 9:57
  Speaker 1: And so like anybody who's like this kind of toxic mess,
• 10:00
  Speaker 1: gray rocking is often this this method that people kind
• 10:03
  Speaker 1: of pick up where it's just emotional neutrality, just kind
• 10:06
  Speaker 1: of like subdued and just hide. And but this is
• 10:10
  Speaker 1: what Bigue's talking about. Is it growing up with a
• 10:11
  Speaker 1: narcissistic parent. He learned how to like gray rock right now,
• 10:15
  Speaker 1: he looks it up and realizes, oh, a lot of
• 10:17
  Speaker 1: people that have survived narcissistic people in their lives are
• 10:20
  Speaker 1: excessive people in their lives also describe the strategy where
• 10:23
  Speaker 1: they learn to be like numb and like held back
• 10:25
  Speaker 1: and reserved and just wait for the person to punch
• 10:28
  Speaker 1: themselves out basically, and then you just kind of move on.
• 10:31
  Speaker 1: But he's saying, like, now that sucks because that kind
• 10:33
  Speaker 1: of became a fake version of me that now I
• 10:34
  Speaker 1: hold and I need to break through that is there.
• 10:39
  Speaker 4: And because when I picture the term gray rocking and
• 10:43
  Speaker 4: that numbness you talk about, I kind of imagine like
• 10:47
  Speaker 4: a subdued emotion underneath, but like I imagine it would
• 10:50
  Speaker 4: be actually like a lot of anxiety underneath, right because
• 10:53
  Speaker 4: you're trying to not be noticed, so it's like turbulent insight.
• 10:56
  Speaker 4: Even though you're like outward is calm and.
• 10:58
  Speaker 1: Collected, outside just kind of giving them nothing. It's a
• 11:01
  Speaker 1: poker face, and it's like it's depriving this this fiery
• 11:05
  Speaker 1: person of oxygen. Basically you're non reacting to them, and
• 11:09
  Speaker 1: you know, but then it also sucks because then this
• 11:13
  Speaker 1: toxic person often has like permission to keep doing their
• 11:15
  Speaker 1: bullshit right because they're not experiencing a consequence. But then
• 11:18
  Speaker 1: it's also tough because you've probably tried to like do
• 11:21
  Speaker 1: consequences and get angry back at them, but they will
• 11:23
  Speaker 1: always escalate and make it worse, and you've realized, like
• 11:26
  Speaker 1: the fastest way to get through this unfortunate experience with
• 11:29
  Speaker 1: this person is just to like be cool, let it pass. Yeah,
• 11:33
  Speaker 1: and then you know, you'll be around friends or family
• 11:34
  Speaker 1: that see this person lose their shit and they're like,
• 11:36
  Speaker 1: what the fuck is this and you're like you all
• 11:38
  Speaker 1: just like suddenly stare off, you know, like you're just
• 11:41
  Speaker 1: ignoring this and moving on. And yeah, it's an adaptive strategy,
• 11:45
  Speaker 1: which sucks because then, yeah, you do kind of become
• 11:47
  Speaker 1: detached and then there's like this facade and I think
• 11:50
  Speaker 1: also the thing Bgay is talking about is like becoming
• 11:52
  Speaker 1: hypersensitive now to like, oh, have I upset anybody? Because
• 11:56
  Speaker 1: when you're living with somebody who is human nitro glycerine, Yeah,
• 12:00
  Speaker 1: the slightest jostle you're like very fucking aware of. And
• 12:03
  Speaker 1: then you move on and you meet other, you know,
• 12:05
  Speaker 1: people that are along the emotional continuum of normality, and
• 12:09
  Speaker 1: then you're like, are you okay?
• 12:10
  Speaker 2: Did I offend you?
• 12:11
  Speaker 1: And like I relate to this a lot, like I'm
• 12:13
  Speaker 1: very jittery of like, oh shit, are we cool? Like
• 12:15
  Speaker 1: did I say the wrong thing or whatever? And like
• 12:18
  Speaker 1: that can suck, you know, because it's like you're, you know,
• 12:20
  Speaker 1: then you're constantly vigilant for that and you don't need
• 12:22
  Speaker 1: to be.
• 12:23
  Speaker 4: Yeah, I feel I'm gonna throw Peter under the bus.
• 12:33
  Speaker 4: I feel like this is how Peter is and it's
• 12:38
  Speaker 4: from similar scenario. A parent in your home displayed narcissistic tendencies,
• 12:45
  Speaker 4: and so going throughout our relationship is kind of interesting
• 12:49
  Speaker 4: because in some ways this is horrible, but early on
• 12:52
  Speaker 4: in our relationship, I feel like that was helpful. Beer
• 12:56
  Speaker 4: with me. I don't think it was good, but it's
• 12:59
  Speaker 4: like he didn't really show his true feelings about things.
• 13:04
  Speaker 4: So in some ways, I think back early on in
• 13:06
  Speaker 4: our relationship and should I might have done that annoyed
• 13:08
  Speaker 4: him or like whatever, I'm sure.
• 13:10
  Speaker 1: We're great when he would shut the fuck up and
• 13:11
  Speaker 1: let me do whatever I want.
• 13:14
  Speaker 4: No, I mean, I think if he just spoke his mind,
• 13:17
  Speaker 4: I'd be like, what, Like, you're upset that I like
• 13:19
  Speaker 4: asked you for a glass of water or whatever, And
• 13:20
  Speaker 4: so internally he'd be like, oh my gosh, why is
• 13:22
  Speaker 4: she doing that? But I can't show my true emotion,
• 13:24
  Speaker 4: So he kind of like suppressed anyway till till rapport
• 13:28
  Speaker 4: was built, and then built and then now obviously here
• 13:32
  Speaker 4: we are, like eighteen years later, and uh even before that.
• 13:35
  Speaker 4: In the last few years, he's done a great job
• 13:37
  Speaker 4: working through this. But this is still a conversation that
• 13:39
  Speaker 4: comes up with like new people he meets, if there's
• 13:42
  Speaker 4: anyone in his like line of work that he has
• 13:46
  Speaker 4: great respect for, he's very gets very sensitive to any
• 13:50
  Speaker 4: feedback because he's like, oh, did I did I do
• 13:53
  Speaker 4: something wrong? Or I can't you know what? I put
• 13:56
  Speaker 4: myself out there a little bit, and you're you're very
• 13:58
  Speaker 4: sensitive to the respect even down to one. This was
• 14:03
  Speaker 4: kind of awesome. He was on a call that was
• 14:06
  Speaker 4: video recorded, and he left this call and he was like,
• 14:09
  Speaker 4: oh my gosh, you know I sounded so stupid on
• 14:12
  Speaker 4: this call, but like he's really beating himself up. He's
• 14:14
  Speaker 4: like that the guy who I was responding to me
• 14:18
  Speaker 4: was this expert in the field, and he responded in
• 14:21
  Speaker 4: a way I know, he like he thought I shouldn't
• 14:24
  Speaker 4: even asked that question. Oh yeah, And so I was like,
• 14:26
  Speaker 4: all right, we'll sit with it, rewatch it through. I'll
• 14:28
  Speaker 4: rewatch it, like because he's like, will you watch this
• 14:30
  Speaker 4: and tell me your thoughts honestly or he did end
• 14:33
  Speaker 4: up showing me the clip. Eventually it was nothing, and
• 14:36
  Speaker 4: he even said that he rewatched He goes, oh yeah,
• 14:38
  Speaker 4: like that was nothing. But his experience in that moment
• 14:41
  Speaker 4: was like it's like you're transported back to that response
• 14:46
  Speaker 4: because you're so sensitive to that. It's like when you're
• 14:50
  Speaker 4: raised for eighteen years under the roof of your parent
• 14:53
  Speaker 4: who might be like critical or their moods are all
• 14:57
  Speaker 4: over the place, so you don't know what they're going
• 14:58
  Speaker 4: to be upset about. We be okay with It's like
• 15:02
  Speaker 4: and your feelings are not okay, Like you cannot show
• 15:04
  Speaker 4: that you're upset. Only I can. And you need to
• 15:07
  Speaker 4: be the child that's behaved, like you know, you need
• 15:09
  Speaker 4: to have your shit together. So then you learn, all right,
• 15:11
  Speaker 4: I just have to have my shit together no matter what.
• 15:13
  Speaker 4: But your own emotions are so suppressed. It's like you
• 15:17
  Speaker 4: can be you. It's okay.
• 15:19
  Speaker 1: So it's a good time to talk about golf.
• 15:21
  Speaker 3: Oh good, yeah, yeah, this thing that's like everybody drink.
• 15:29
  Speaker 1: The reels versus the feels, okay, Like what like.
• 15:34
  Speaker 3: Within like instagram, within a golf swing, what you actually
• 15:39
  Speaker 3: feel is happening versus what is actually happening. Okay, because
• 15:44
  Speaker 3: like in your in your brain, how you see yourself.
• 15:47
  Speaker 3: From your perception, you think you're doing one thing and
• 15:50
  Speaker 3: it's not until you actually see it on video you're like,
• 15:53
  Speaker 3: holy shit, I was way off, you know, Like it
• 15:56
  Speaker 3: was funny because after the tournament today, I was, you know,
• 15:58
  Speaker 3: hanging out with the guys and we were talking and
• 16:01
  Speaker 3: you played golf today.
• 16:05
  Speaker 1: I didn't get a chance to tell the audience. We've
• 16:08
  Speaker 1: started strategically asking about it before we record, that we
• 16:11
  Speaker 1: get it out.
• 16:11
  Speaker 2: Of your system.
• 16:12
  Speaker 1: But here we are. I just get to talk about
• 16:18
  Speaker 1: it a second time.
• 16:19
  Speaker 3: Yeah.
• 16:21
  Speaker 2: So anyway, we.
• 16:22
  Speaker 3: Were talking about like golf swings and like trying to
• 16:25
  Speaker 3: take like a three quarter swing, and I had said,
• 16:28
  Speaker 3: you know, at one point my coaches like, just take
• 16:30
  Speaker 3: a three quarter swing and did it, and then she
• 16:33
  Speaker 3: showed me the video of it. And what I thought,
• 16:36
  Speaker 3: three quarter is all zoomed was the whole time You're like, no,
• 16:40
  Speaker 3: it's front on. So it was crotcher, Oh good, good,
• 16:42
  Speaker 3: but yeah, but my back swing, like I was all
• 16:45
  Speaker 3: the way up. So anyway, but it's it's kind of
• 16:47
  Speaker 3: that perception of like, you know, when you become super
• 16:50
  Speaker 3: sensitive to something, then the reels versus the feels what
• 16:54
  Speaker 3: you feel you're doing is so far off base, and
• 16:58
  Speaker 3: we see this all over it. It's anything like when
• 17:01
  Speaker 3: you you know, when when the saying that I've heard
• 17:06
  Speaker 3: in the song is like once you've once you you know,
• 17:08
  Speaker 3: drink so much wine?
• 17:10
  Speaker 1: Or fuck how I fuck it up? I fucked it up.
• 17:14
  Speaker 1: I can't remember.
• 17:15
  Speaker 2: Everybody drink. Nobody will ever hear any of this. Totally
• 17:21
  Speaker 2: delete it.
• 17:22
  Speaker 3: I'm gonna have to come back to this. I will
• 17:23
  Speaker 3: come back to this, but anyway, it doesn't matter. But
• 17:26
  Speaker 3: like this this idea of like I think it's the
• 17:28
  Speaker 3: way you take a vodka drink when you're all the
• 17:30
  Speaker 3: way on one end. Anything shifted just a little bit
• 17:34
  Speaker 3: to one side looks.
• 17:35
  Speaker 1: Like the far extremes.
• 17:35
  Speaker 2: Oh yeah, right right.
• 17:36
  Speaker 3: You see this in politics all the time, right, It's
• 17:39
  Speaker 3: like where one side is like, holy shit, you're accusing
• 17:43
  Speaker 3: us of this, and it's like, no, we're just saying
• 17:45
  Speaker 3: a little bit of you.
• 17:46
  Speaker 1: Know, yeah, no, this is a good point, and and
• 17:48
  Speaker 1: like that's exactly what I think the writer's talking about here,
• 17:51
  Speaker 1: is like whenever you've lived your whole life in this volatility,
• 17:54
  Speaker 1: got it there there, Once you've tasted blood, the wine
• 17:58
  Speaker 1: seems too thin. Dark.
• 18:01
  Speaker 4: I was way darker, and I thought it was I
• 18:03
  Speaker 4: was like, why yay, oh, okay, shit kind of golf
• 18:07
  Speaker 4: is a catholic.
• 18:14
  Speaker 1: Yeah, But I like your point here that there is
• 18:15
  Speaker 1: sort of like a tolerance that's built up and a normality,
• 18:18
  Speaker 1: and it's really hard whenever you enter your adulthood. I mean,
• 18:20
  Speaker 1: Biga is like forty, you know, and he's like, dude,
• 18:22
  Speaker 1: like since a child, Like I lived my adulthood with
• 18:25
  Speaker 1: this hyper sensitivity of I'm walking on eggshells around all
• 18:28
  Speaker 1: these other humans. I'm so scared. I'm an upset the
• 18:30
  Speaker 1: apple cart.
• 18:31
  Speaker 4: It's like how you survived in a word.
• 18:32
  Speaker 1: Right, it worked, it was an adaptive skill, but then
• 18:35
  Speaker 1: it also sucks. And like I can appreciate where you're saying,
• 18:37
  Speaker 1: like it sucks because I'm not genuine sometimes, like and
• 18:40
  Speaker 1: I really relate to this, Like we've I've told you
• 18:44
  Speaker 1: guys this, or I think I've said this before, and
• 18:46
  Speaker 1: I think when I say it, you all just kind
• 18:47
  Speaker 1: of like huh, and you just don't like like most
• 18:50
  Speaker 1: things I say, I think you just don't listen to
• 18:51
  Speaker 1: me hard, Like I admire how when especially Jacob and Nicks.
• 18:58
  Speaker 2: I don't see this with Whitney as much.
• 18:59
  Speaker 1: But we'll be out doing something in the world, yeah,
• 19:03
  Speaker 1: a goddamn yeah, fuck of everything. But like, no, we'll
• 19:07
  Speaker 1: be out in the world and something will happen that
• 19:09
  Speaker 1: makes one of you unhappy, Like something just happened, like
• 19:12
  Speaker 1: they they brought the wrong thing, or like something they
• 19:15
  Speaker 1: didn't hear you or whatever. You're able to show disapproval
• 19:19
  Speaker 1: to that person or that situation and like do it authentically.
• 19:24
  Speaker 1: It's not right size you're not throwing anything across you know,
• 19:26
  Speaker 1: the fucking room. But you will disapprove vocally and like
• 19:30
  Speaker 1: they'll be like, oh my god, I'm so sorry.
• 19:31
  Speaker 2: Let me make that right. It's fixed, and.
• 19:35
  Speaker 1: Like I'm just always sitting there in awe. I'm like
• 19:37
  Speaker 1: how did you do that? Like how did you in
• 19:39
  Speaker 1: a situation? If you bring me the wrong thing, I'm
• 19:42
  Speaker 1: now that's mine. Now I don't want to have a problem,
• 19:46
  Speaker 1: Like I don't want to say anything wrong.
• 19:47
  Speaker 2: I just know it's cool.
• 19:49
  Speaker 1: Or if like somebody gets volatile or whatever, like I'm
• 19:51
  Speaker 1: either going to gray Rock or And I think this
• 19:53
  Speaker 1: has made me pretty useful in addictions environments, like de
• 19:56
  Speaker 1: escalate like a motherfucker, Like which if you've been that
• 20:00
  Speaker 1: child in your household, like you've learned like diffuse the bombs,
• 20:03
  Speaker 1: don' let the parents fight, like you know, hide the
• 20:04
  Speaker 1: other sibling, like you're gonna get everything low key, and
• 20:07
  Speaker 1: like that will make you a pretty good therapist for
• 20:09
  Speaker 1: certain crisis interventions. But it sucks when it becomes like
• 20:11
  Speaker 1: imbutes your personality because then you can't tolerate anybody else,
• 20:16
  Speaker 1: like being unhappy without having to feel like you have
• 20:19
  Speaker 1: to fix it, or like being authentic, like Bigay says,
• 20:22
  Speaker 1: where it's like I can't access my genuine disapproval or
• 20:25
  Speaker 1: my upsetness and say it authentically because I never want
• 20:30
  Speaker 1: to upset anybody else and create a situation.
• 20:33
  Speaker 3: There's actually, you know, when you brought up addictions work
• 20:36
  Speaker 3: that kind of reminds me of this, because when we
• 20:39
  Speaker 3: work with families, we get to see a lot of
• 20:42
  Speaker 3: the family dynamics and the family roles because you know,
• 20:46
  Speaker 3: when and I like to look at it as like
• 20:47
  Speaker 3: the family is almost kind of like it's like.
• 20:50
  Speaker 1: A cherry pie.
• 20:51
  Speaker 3: Okay, kind of yes, where like the classic.
• 20:55
  Speaker 2: That's what I was thinking.
• 20:56
  Speaker 1: Hold on, this gets even better.
• 20:57
  Speaker 2: I'm sure. Hold on, you were just talking about drinking blood.
• 21:01
  Speaker 1: You're just on the edge of your seats. I'm pretty scared. Actually,
• 21:03
  Speaker 1: it's got the cancel button right here.
• 21:05
  Speaker 3: When you pull out that first piece of cherry pie,
• 21:09
  Speaker 3: the filling on the inside all kind of slides out
• 21:12
  Speaker 3: right because it's got to fill that empty spot.
• 21:14
  Speaker 2: Yes, No, he's doing fine.
• 21:18
  Speaker 1: That's basically what happened.
• 21:20
  Speaker 2: I know, just disappointed.
• 21:28
  Speaker 1: That happens. We don't need the hand just does not help.
• 21:32
  Speaker 1: Your cherry pie is being maneuvered with two fingers, and
• 21:34
  Speaker 1: it's not helping us.
• 21:37
  Speaker 2: What happens if a grown man tastes it? Do they do?
• 21:40
  Speaker 2: They cry? Actually had a really I had.
• 21:43
  Speaker 1: A really good point. This is the show is off
• 21:45
  Speaker 1: the rails.
• 21:47
  Speaker 3: But when, uh, when the person in the family who's
• 21:53
  Speaker 3: got the problem, whether that be gambling, addiction, whatever, they're
• 21:56
  Speaker 3: now out of the pie, right, They're out of the picture.
• 21:59
  Speaker 3: So all these roles have to fill void is filmed,
• 22:03
  Speaker 3: and so everybody in the family ends up taking a role,
• 22:06
  Speaker 3: and what happens with the kids is usually get and
• 22:10
  Speaker 3: this probably oversimplifies it quite a bit, but you get
• 22:13
  Speaker 3: the family hero who takes over for the other parent
• 22:17
  Speaker 3: that is now withdrawn, you know, that has to take
• 22:20
  Speaker 3: care of dad, you know, because dad's all fucked up,
• 22:23
  Speaker 3: so Mom's got to do that, so no one's there
• 22:24
  Speaker 3: to take care of the kid that falls in the
• 22:26
  Speaker 3: family hero. And then you've got the the scapegoat, you know.
• 22:33
  Speaker 3: And then you've got the lost child, You've got the mascot.
• 22:37
  Speaker 3: You've got all of these different roles, and this actually
• 22:39
  Speaker 3: kind of sounds like the role of the lost child.
• 22:42
  Speaker 3: The role of the lost child is really to just
• 22:44
  Speaker 3: be the one that no one has to worry about,
• 22:47
  Speaker 3: that just sits quietly and doesn't just disappears into the
• 22:51
  Speaker 3: background because it keeps everything calm.
• 22:54
  Speaker 1: I add no complexity to this equation. I'm fine, Please
• 22:58
  Speaker 1: focus on others. Yes. By the way, a special request
• 23:01
  Speaker 1: I'm making right now this would be a really good
• 23:04
  Speaker 1: deep dive for Monday content is to do the whole
• 23:06
  Speaker 1: family Roles thing. It's been a while since I've done
• 23:09
  Speaker 1: a refresher on it, and I think people doind it fascinating. Yeah,
• 23:11
  Speaker 1: you know, it's it's very much addiction targeted. Like I
• 23:14
  Speaker 1: think it's very relatable because there's a lot of that arch.
• 23:17
  Speaker 1: I write that down because I will not remember.
• 23:19
  Speaker 2: That's a fairly I needed to have video of you describing.
• 23:23
  Speaker 3: Just really really showing us my adjustures were fully appropriate.
• 23:28
  Speaker 1: Well, we're not alive on Twitch, so people are just.
• 23:31
  Speaker 2: Gonna have to use there.
• 23:32
  Speaker 4: I just have to say what Jacob's airplane story was
• 23:34
  Speaker 4: because I thought about it last weekend. One of the
• 23:37
  Speaker 4: people I was traveling with was the type of person
• 23:40
  Speaker 4: when the plane stops and they just stand up and
• 23:42
  Speaker 4: just walk.
• 23:43
  Speaker 2: Oh yeah, And I was.
• 23:45
  Speaker 4: Like, Jacob, be not PiZZ but would say something right now,
• 23:49
  Speaker 4: you bring justice that a plane you said.
• 23:51
  Speaker 5: Oh yeah, I did, but because she was if you
• 23:54
  Speaker 5: get up and like book it out, I will think like, oh,
• 23:57
  Speaker 5: there goes a somewhat rude person. Sure, but like if
• 24:00
  Speaker 5: they're not in anybody else's way, cool, Okay, this person
• 24:04
  Speaker 5: was like really.
• 24:05
  Speaker 2: Inconveniencing other people because what she.
• 24:07
  Speaker 4: Was trying to say anyway, well never mind.
• 24:09
  Speaker 2: She was blocking other people in and slowly and to correct.
• 24:12
  Speaker 4: My friends on the flight back, I said.
• 24:14
  Speaker 2: My friend Jacob is very upset at you.
• 24:17
  Speaker 4: You would be cussed out by some people.
• 24:19
  Speaker 1: I know.
• 24:21
  Speaker 5: If you like just get to the front door and
• 24:23
  Speaker 5: you're not anybody's way, Like I think you're kind of
• 24:25
  Speaker 5: a jerk.
• 24:25
  Speaker 4: Yeah, but I think it's silently yeah. Okay, So how
• 24:29
  Speaker 4: do you combat this or break that habit?
• 24:33
  Speaker 1: And saying like this is causing me to sabotage the
• 24:36
  Speaker 1: process of making friends. I'm not feeling genuine with people.
• 24:39
  Speaker 1: It feels like there's a facade around me. And I
• 24:42
  Speaker 1: want to be sincere, I want to be real. But
• 24:44
  Speaker 1: if I get the slightest hint that people might be
• 24:46
  Speaker 1: unhappy with me, I get extra cautious and I kind
• 24:49
  Speaker 1: of pull back.
• 24:50
  Speaker 4: Yeah, And the catch here is that my belief therapeutically
• 24:56
  Speaker 4: is that conflict. I say this all the time. Conflict
• 25:01
  Speaker 4: can bring intimacy, like it brings that connection. So when
• 25:04
  Speaker 4: we're scared of conflict and veering away from it, we
• 25:08
  Speaker 4: think that is helpful. It's like, oh, that's what we
• 25:11
  Speaker 4: were trained to do. But really kind of trying to
• 25:13
  Speaker 4: shift that narrative from conflicts bad that will ruin relationships
• 25:18
  Speaker 4: or if you're you get upset with somebody, they may
• 25:21
  Speaker 4: never want to talk to you again. Instead, it's if
• 25:23
  Speaker 4: I can share what I my opinion, my truth, whatever
• 25:27
  Speaker 4: my disgruntled opinion is with a friend, then that gives
• 25:33
  Speaker 4: them a chance to change and you guys can be closer.
• 25:37
  Speaker 4: So it's kind of like conflict's okay, and conflict brings connection.
• 25:41
  Speaker 1: I love that you said that because I think a
• 25:43
  Speaker 1: lot of people me included same. Our worst fear is
• 25:47
  Speaker 1: hard and it's very hard for us to and we're
• 25:50
  Speaker 1: pleasantly surprised sometimes when we have conflict with you know,
• 25:54
  Speaker 1: balanced humans, Yes, and it turns out okay. And then
• 25:57
  Speaker 1: after you're like, huh, I was so fucking of that.
• 26:01
  Speaker 1: You would have felt like gun to my head to
• 26:02
  Speaker 1: get me to tell you the truth about what I
• 26:04
  Speaker 1: was really feeling that situation.
• 26:05
  Speaker 2: Yep, I would have.
• 26:05
  Speaker 1: Taken it to the fucking grave just to avoid this.
• 26:08
  Speaker 1: And like you'll do it in your relationships, you'll do
• 26:10
  Speaker 1: in your marriage. You'll just hide all of your feelings
• 26:13
  Speaker 1: about shit because you're so scared like that you're gonna
• 26:15
  Speaker 1: upset this nitroglisser in situation And a lot of times
• 26:18
  Speaker 1: it's not true. I would probably be exactly in big
• 26:22
  Speaker 1: a do crimes position if I didn't have the group
• 26:26
  Speaker 1: of friends or I didn't grow up with a group
• 26:27
  Speaker 1: of friends I grew up with. How So, because I
• 26:30
  Speaker 1: mean the same thing, like I when I was home
• 26:33
  Speaker 1: as a kid.
• 26:33
  Speaker 3: And you're always told like you're in the way, you're
• 26:35
  Speaker 3: in the way, you're in the way, whatever. So you're
• 26:37
  Speaker 3: told you're kind of trained to not cause conflict, to
• 26:40
  Speaker 3: just be out of everyone's way, right, and so yeah,
• 26:45
  Speaker 3: and so like I would probably agree, i'd be in
• 26:47
  Speaker 3: the exact same boat that you are with when there's conflict,
• 26:50
  Speaker 3: it just causes a lot of anxiety and I still
• 26:53
  Speaker 3: have that. But it was different with my friend group
• 26:56
  Speaker 3: because with my friend group, we would get into like
• 26:59
  Speaker 3: huge okay wow, and then just be like let's go
• 27:06
  Speaker 3: hang out, let's go do whatever. And then we would
• 27:08
  Speaker 3: just do that, you know, and like it was just
• 27:10
  Speaker 3: a series of like we'd get into big arguments, knock
• 27:13
  Speaker 3: out drag out fights, drag down fights, and then we'd
• 27:15
  Speaker 3: just be like, cool, all right, that's over, let's go
• 27:19
  Speaker 3: trust that process. You just kind of learned to trust
• 27:21
  Speaker 3: a little bit. Kay, Conflict's okay, You're going to get
• 27:24
  Speaker 3: through this and you know you kind of grow.
• 27:28
  Speaker 2: Yeah, that's really cool that you had that.
• 27:29
  Speaker 4: Experience, but you need That's kind of where I was
• 27:31
  Speaker 4: going to go. My advice is there needs to be practiced.
• 27:34
  Speaker 4: So first, changing that thought process to like conflict brings
• 27:38
  Speaker 4: that connection. But also you have to start practicing. So
• 27:42
  Speaker 4: I know you said be gay that you don't you
• 27:46
  Speaker 4: this is inhibiting you potentially from making new friends and
• 27:50
  Speaker 4: having new connections. Do you have even like one friend
• 27:54
  Speaker 4: or a partner or anyone a family member who you
• 27:58
  Speaker 4: do feel like you can just start practicing that. It
• 28:01
  Speaker 4: doesn't take much. You just need one.
• 28:03
  Speaker 1: Yeah.
• 28:03
  Speaker 3: See, sigment this week is to fight.
• 28:08
  Speaker 1: A lot because this is like you know, I often
• 28:11
  Speaker 1: call therapy emotional yoga, and to me, this is that
• 28:14
  Speaker 1: kind of feeling of like what an uncomfortable pose because
• 28:17
  Speaker 1: I relate to this writer, Like if you told me, like, hey,
• 28:20
  Speaker 1: pick somebody in your life who you have had a
• 28:23
  Speaker 1: little bit of a struggle with in animosity with and
• 28:25
  Speaker 1: find an opportunity to healthily discuss that with them and
• 28:29
  Speaker 1: permit some tension and some conflict and allow that to
• 28:32
  Speaker 1: lead toward resolution, I'd be like, oh, fuck you, Like
• 28:35
  Speaker 1: I'm not doing that, but like, boy, would I appreciate
• 28:37
  Speaker 1: the health of that. But like this other challenge that
• 28:40
  Speaker 1: Big talks about that he suspects falsely that people don't
• 28:45
  Speaker 1: like him, suspects falsely that he's done something wrong, and
• 28:49
  Speaker 1: is carrying that that delusion not delusion, it's too strong
• 28:51
  Speaker 1: of a word, but that cognitive distortion around and that's
• 28:54
  Speaker 1: causing him to like pull back from friends because he's
• 28:57
  Speaker 1: constantly like, ooh, I screwed up.
• 28:58
  Speaker 2: Oop, I screw up.
• 28:59
  Speaker 1: And so many people in the years of the show
• 29:02
  Speaker 1: have written in Yeah, We've even had people post scoop
• 29:05
  Speaker 1: fest right in and say I really wanted to hang
• 29:08
  Speaker 1: out with you guys more and I really liked meeting you,
• 29:10
  Speaker 1: but oh my goodness, I felt so awkward and I'm
• 29:12
  Speaker 1: sure I did this thing wrong and we're like, what.
• 29:13
  Speaker 2: Are you talking about? Like, no, that wasn't notable at all,
• 29:15
  Speaker 2: Like what do you know?
• 29:16
  Speaker 1: Of course not, You're you're lovely, but like I think
• 29:19
  Speaker 1: humans are extremely self conscious and this fear of like.
• 29:21
  Speaker 2: Whenever they come to me with that, I'm like, yeah,
• 29:23
  Speaker 2: I did notice that much more. That's that's excellent. We
• 29:32
  Speaker 2: were all very relieved. Yeah, we were extremely and.
• 29:40
  Speaker 1: Now it's gone. How do we challenge that distorted thinking
• 29:44
  Speaker 1: that we all get stuck into that Bigay's talking about
• 29:47
  Speaker 1: where we say, I'm I'm constantly fearful that I have
• 29:50
  Speaker 1: bothered somebody, that I have offended somebody that like I
• 29:53
  Speaker 1: have created attention and that causes me to pull back,
• 29:56
  Speaker 1: Like how do we like nudge that cognitive distortion with
• 30:00
  Speaker 1: like reality testing or what is a method that we
• 30:04
  Speaker 1: can use?
• 30:04
  Speaker 2: How often does it happen the other way around? How often?
• 30:08
  Speaker 5: How often are you so annoyed or so put off
• 30:10
  Speaker 5: by someone just having a conversation with you that you
• 30:14
  Speaker 5: really notice it, not even though you take action, but
• 30:16
  Speaker 5: you just noticed like, oh, I'm annoyed by this person,
• 30:19
  Speaker 5: And I bet it's not that often.
• 30:21
  Speaker 3: Yeah, yeah, I would I would agree with that, And
• 30:23
  Speaker 3: I think it's kind of that again, that idea of
• 30:27
  Speaker 3: like what does it look like from the other person's perspective, right, yeah,
• 30:31
  Speaker 3: how often do you feel that way about other people?
• 30:34
  Speaker 3: And it's like, oh, I never feel that way, Okay, Well,
• 30:36
  Speaker 3: then they probably don't either.
• 30:38
  Speaker 2: It was they're definitely still not thinking about it.
• 30:40
  Speaker 3: Yeah, and that's what helped me a lot, you know,
• 30:42
  Speaker 3: doing any kind of public speaking.
• 30:44
  Speaker 1: You know.
• 30:44
  Speaker 3: One of the first rationalizations that I had about it.
• 30:47
  Speaker 3: I was always get nervous in school, like if I
• 30:49
  Speaker 3: had to speak in front of people, And then I
• 30:51
  Speaker 3: just kind of realized, like, how many times have I
• 30:54
  Speaker 3: really been listening to anything anybody has said?
• 30:57
  Speaker 2: Nobody cares?
• 30:58
  Speaker 1: Never okay, So like ninety.
• 31:00
  Speaker 3: Percent of these people are exactly like me. They're not
• 31:02
  Speaker 3: listening to anything I say, right, And it's like, wow,
• 31:04
  Speaker 3: my anxiety just dropped quite a bit, Like I can
• 31:07
  Speaker 3: do this now.
• 31:08
  Speaker 1: I like. I like both that those suggestions of normalizing
• 31:11
  Speaker 1: it from that lived experience. I kind of relate it
• 31:14
  Speaker 1: to when you're walking around in sandals and like a
• 31:16
  Speaker 1: little pebble falls in your shoe or whatever, like, yeah,
• 31:18
  Speaker 1: that's uncomfortable. You shake it out and like that's it.
• 31:21
  Speaker 1: It passes, and five minutes later you do not remember
• 31:23
  Speaker 1: that that incident happened. Oh okay, I thought that was
• 31:26
  Speaker 1: gonna go a different direction.
• 31:27
  Speaker 2: Oh what did you think.
• 31:28
  Speaker 1: I was gonna go?
• 31:29
  Speaker 2: Taylor Swift?
• 31:30
  Speaker 3: No, No, like you notice one, oh right, but if
• 31:35
  Speaker 3: you got a bunch, it's like it's just no big deal,
• 31:38
  Speaker 3: like it actually, you know, because there's only the only
• 31:41
  Speaker 3: thing worse than having one pebble in your shoe is
• 31:43
  Speaker 3: having or it's better to have a hundred than it
• 31:47
  Speaker 3: is to have one.
• 31:48
  Speaker 1: I see what you mean, right, yeah, because now you're
• 31:49
  Speaker 1: just walking with that shoes because then it's just yeah,
• 31:51
  Speaker 1: then it just feels that the one will bother one
• 31:53
  Speaker 1: will bother you. Yeah, which is I think another true
• 31:56
  Speaker 1: metaphor that we'll probably find an opportunity to use in
• 31:58
  Speaker 1: another letter.
• 31:58
  Speaker 5: It's better to have a shoe ooo full of pebbles, Yes,
• 32:01
  Speaker 5: shoe full of bees.
• 32:03
  Speaker 2: Old man.
• 32:09
  Speaker 1: But anyway, but the point just being like, yeah, you
• 32:11
  Speaker 1: probably sometimes do or say something that's slightly off putting.
• 32:15
  Speaker 1: God knows I have, And I think it's just these
• 32:17
  Speaker 1: moments where people go huh, all right, and then they
• 32:18
  Speaker 1: shake that pebble out and then they just move the
• 32:20
  Speaker 1: fuck on. And it doesn't like endure, right, So even
• 32:23
  Speaker 1: if we did something that is offensive or bothersome, it
• 32:26
  Speaker 1: can't be permanent. It's just this quick little oops and
• 32:29
  Speaker 1: then people just shake that out and they move.
• 32:30
  Speaker 2: On from it.
• 32:31
  Speaker 4: Yeah. I had a client once that would when they
• 32:35
  Speaker 4: were feeling a lot closer to a person. So this
• 32:38
  Speaker 4: isn't someone they would have like met recently, but if
• 32:40
  Speaker 4: someone they were still building you know, a friendship with,
• 32:45
  Speaker 4: they would definitely try and rationalize. But sometimes the overthinking
• 32:49
  Speaker 4: just wins. We spiral still and doesn't matter how much
• 32:53
  Speaker 4: we fight it, it just continues. But they would occasionally
• 32:57
  Speaker 4: do not do this every single time that you're like spiraling,
• 33:02
  Speaker 4: but occasionally, if it really if it really was setting
• 33:04
  Speaker 4: and you're like, man, is this person upset with me?
• 33:07
  Speaker 4: Are they annoyed with me? Did I say something? They
• 33:10
  Speaker 4: would kind of like gently reach out and ask the
• 33:12
  Speaker 4: person like, hey, like we're cool or or are you
• 33:17
  Speaker 4: upset with me?
• 33:18
  Speaker 1: Like?
• 33:19
  Speaker 4: And so you have to be kind of delicate with that.
• 33:20
  Speaker 4: You don't want to be asking every single week are
• 33:22
  Speaker 4: you mad at me? Are you mad at me? Are
• 33:23
  Speaker 4: you mad at me? But if it was something that
• 33:25
  Speaker 4: was really sitting with them, like I feel like they
• 33:27
  Speaker 4: were really quiet, it probably is just them, but I'm
• 33:30
  Speaker 4: not sure. Maybe saying like, hey, you seem kind of
• 33:33
  Speaker 4: quiet when we hung out the other day. Is there
• 33:36
  Speaker 4: something I did? It kind of like opens up the door.
• 33:39
  Speaker 4: Whether they say it or not, that's on them. If
• 33:40
  Speaker 4: they there is something that bothers them or not, Like
• 33:42
  Speaker 4: that's totally on them. But they it kind of ended
• 33:45
  Speaker 4: up reinforcing over time as we continued to meet and
• 33:48
  Speaker 4: we'd kind of like revisit this same dynamic over time.
• 33:52
  Speaker 4: They now get to a point where they're like, no,
• 33:53
  Speaker 4: I know, it's not me, and it kind of reinforced positively.
• 33:57
  Speaker 4: After maybe two or three times over for a year
• 34:01
  Speaker 4: of kind of checking with that person, are you something?
• 34:04
  Speaker 4: They were like, Okay, no, I know they're not. I
• 34:06
  Speaker 4: just have to sit with that a little longer.
• 34:09
  Speaker 3: Used to do that to me, Oh really yeah, I
• 34:11
  Speaker 3: mean I text him like every once in a while,
• 34:15
  Speaker 3: I'm just like, hey, man, are we okay? We used
• 34:19
  Speaker 3: to do that when we used to work together. Yes,
• 34:21
  Speaker 3: like you would you would kind of checking like, hey,
• 34:24
  Speaker 3: we're good, right you left? You didn't say anything when
• 34:27
  Speaker 3: you left, we're good, right, Yeah, But then like that
• 34:31
  Speaker 3: was years ago, and now it doesn't happen anymore. So
• 34:34
  Speaker 3: either he realizes that we're okay or he doesn't give
• 34:36
  Speaker 3: a ship.
• 34:37
  Speaker 2: I think I've gotten to this. I just don't care.
• 34:40
  Speaker 2: I don't give anymore.
• 34:42
  Speaker 4: It's an understanding.
• 34:43
  Speaker 1: But I like that suggestion Whitney, that there is a
• 34:45
  Speaker 1: there is a time and a place, there's a right
• 34:47
  Speaker 1: amount of reality checking to do. It can become compulsive,
• 34:52
  Speaker 1: and we can overrely on that muscle and we can
• 34:54
  Speaker 1: constantly see reassurance and then we are creating challenges in
• 34:57
  Speaker 1: our relationships, and that's not good either. Right.
• 34:59
  Speaker 2: We don't want you to scratch the itch so much
• 35:01
  Speaker 2: that you're inflaming, right.
• 35:02
  Speaker 1: So, but BGA do crimes. This is a very relatable
• 35:05
  Speaker 1: thing and I can't wait to see the discord on this.
• 35:08
  Speaker 4: I know, Yeah, this is something that other people, peoples.
• 35:10
  Speaker 1: Lived experiences are going to be really interesting because even
• 35:13
  Speaker 1: just knowing that the people that have been part of
• 35:14
  Speaker 1: our community for so long, so many people have at
• 35:17
  Speaker 1: some point shared a story of like, hey, I did
• 35:19
  Speaker 1: have a narcissistic kind of person in my life, and
• 35:22
  Speaker 1: here's how I came up with bad adaptations. Here's how
• 35:25
  Speaker 1: I've had to grow out of that and change out
• 35:26
  Speaker 1: of that. So I'm really eager to read this, you know,
• 35:28
  Speaker 1: because I think it's gonna be a really fun one
• 35:30
  Speaker 1: but great conversation topic. Thank you for this question. It's
• 35:33
  Speaker 1: a really good one. And I hope that you do
• 35:35
  Speaker 1: continue to challenge yourself, and I hope you do continue
• 35:37
  Speaker 1: to like trust that you are a full ass adult.
• 35:40
  Speaker 1: You're a good person. You don't have to like constantly
• 35:42
  Speaker 1: tiptoe on eggshell's run everybody else and if they become
• 35:45
  Speaker 1: offended or something bothers them, trust them to tell you
• 35:48
  Speaker 1: that or to get the fuck over it. Yep, you know,
• 35:50
  Speaker 1: because like a lot of times, like you interact with
• 35:52
  Speaker 1: people all the time, you step on toes all the time,
• 35:55
  Speaker 1: and like I think about that all the time, Like,
• 35:57
  Speaker 1: especially since I started teaching at the university, teaching a
• 35:59
  Speaker 1: class of like twenty graduate students. You're delivering a three
• 36:02
  Speaker 1: hour lecture, and like I'm thinking to myself, I definitely
• 36:05
  Speaker 1: try to joke this night that did not work, or
• 36:07
  Speaker 1: I definitely said something that bothered one of these students.
• 36:09
  Speaker 1: But then I think, like, Okay, this can either be
• 36:11
  Speaker 1: the hell they fucking die on and he'd be like,
• 36:13
  Speaker 1: fuck this guy for the forever, for the rest of
• 36:15
  Speaker 1: the semester. I hate this guy and I choose not
• 36:16
  Speaker 1: to learn from him. Or they sleep it off, they
• 36:18
  Speaker 1: get over it, they show up again, they give me
• 36:20
  Speaker 1: another shot, you know, usually how many times is he
• 36:22
  Speaker 1: going to do that? That's what she said.
• 36:25
  Speaker 4: They're just jealous that I got there.
• 36:28
  Speaker 1: Anyway, we're gonna take a quick break and when we
• 36:30
  Speaker 1: come back, we're going to answer a question about making
• 36:32
  Speaker 1: friends as a therapist. Here we go. You're listening to
• 36:36
  Speaker 1: we don't have any therapy.
• 36:38
  Speaker 3: Today's episode Robert or Men, Kala Lansberry, Kevin Chamberlain, Ben Stanley,
• 36:45
  Speaker 3: Adam Hathaway.
• 36:46
  Speaker 1: Dan Martin Live, Hey yo, Andrew Langmead and cham Chad Meg.
• 36:51
  Speaker 1: Would you like to sponsor the show? Become a theraproducer?
• 36:53
  Speaker 1: Pictureon dot com slash therapy. I've been up since four am.
• 36:56
  Speaker 2: By yeah, no, we're not judging you.
• 36:59
  Speaker 3: I'm barely hanging out, all right, this is Are you
• 37:04
  Speaker 3: smarter than a fifth grader? Continuing on?
• 37:06
  Speaker 2: Gim you're up, all right? Bring it?
• 37:08
  Speaker 1: How many continents are there?
• 37:09
  Speaker 2: Oh? Fuck me? Uh?
• 37:13
  Speaker 1: Nina the Pinta, the Santa Maria, I think shooting off
• 37:17
  Speaker 1: the hip. I'm gonna go straight seven. I'm not even
• 37:19
  Speaker 1: gonna try to count it anymore.
• 37:20
  Speaker 2: I'm just gonna say seven two, yes, right, got it?
• 37:25
  Speaker 2: God damn I'm good geography. Going to see them or
• 37:29
  Speaker 2: be able to list them? Yeah, No, I don't think
• 37:31
  Speaker 2: I do that, but seven.
• 37:33
  Speaker 3: Which of these is an example of an Oh fuck,
• 37:36
  Speaker 3: what's this word? Oh automatopoia. I had to I had
• 37:43
  Speaker 3: to read that multiple times before I got so. Which
• 37:47
  Speaker 3: of these is an example of an Automno automni.
• 37:51
  Speaker 1: So he inherently has to have options, so he can't
• 37:54
  Speaker 1: get two points?
• 37:56
  Speaker 4: Yeah?
• 37:57
  Speaker 1: Does he? Or he could just tell us what an
• 37:58
  Speaker 1: automotopia is.
• 38:00
  Speaker 4: You could give your.
• 38:00
  Speaker 2: Own is a word that sounds like what it is. Bang? Yeah, yeah,
• 38:05
  Speaker 2: that's spoosh.
• 38:08
  Speaker 1: Okay, so yeah your options.
• 38:11
  Speaker 2: Mainly, spoosh is an example of an automous.
• 38:14
  Speaker 3: Giggle boom jump, friendship.
• 38:18
  Speaker 2: Friendship, friend jack. We're friendshiping right now. I think boom
• 38:27
  Speaker 2: was one of those.
• 38:27
  Speaker 1: I think they're doing that when I hug people shout
• 38:30
  Speaker 1: for friendship and I'm just staring into the sky.
• 38:33
  Speaker 2: When a friend at.
• 38:36
  Speaker 4: I'll give you a friend that I'll.
• 38:38
  Speaker 3: Give you a point for the answer and a point
• 38:41
  Speaker 3: for having the definition. There go all right, like, uh, Whitney,
• 38:47
  Speaker 3: what do you call a triangle that has two equal sides?
• 38:51
  Speaker 4: Bruce, I'm just gonna say I saw.
• 38:58
  Speaker 3: Saucily hardlythy Uh two points?
• 39:03
  Speaker 1: Yes, Yes, we are smarter than fifth graders today. Proud
• 39:09
  Speaker 1: of us were.
• 39:10
  Speaker 3: Spending around again. Yeah, let's go one more time, right, Well,
• 39:12
  Speaker 3: this one? How many bones are in the adult human body?
• 39:17
  Speaker 2: We got? Give me options?
• 39:20
  Speaker 3: Okay, so your options are two hundred and four, two
• 39:24
  Speaker 3: hundred and six, two hundred and one or two hundred
• 39:28
  Speaker 3: and eight.
• 39:28
  Speaker 2: Oh my goddess was like, it's low. Two hundreds of
• 39:32
  Speaker 2: the first option.
• 39:33
  Speaker 1: I was like, oh that's that's no never mind, I'm
• 39:36
  Speaker 1: going to go with the high bar.
• 39:37
  Speaker 2: So give me the biggest one. Was it to weight?
• 39:39
  Speaker 2: I'll take two away?
• 39:41
  Speaker 1: Oh six, yes, close, six it was. But Pluto is
• 39:45
  Speaker 1: no longer a plan. Yeah, right, also depends how which
• 39:47
  Speaker 1: parties you're at.
• 39:48
  Speaker 3: Right, Uh, Jacob, what is the term for a word
• 39:54
  Speaker 3: that is spelled the same forwards and backwards?
• 39:57
  Speaker 2: Oh? That's ship.
• 40:01
  Speaker 4: Oh geez, this is gonna.
• 40:04
  Speaker 2: You can take options like a bitch.
• 40:09
  Speaker 1: I only say that because I know it and I'm
• 40:11
  Speaker 1: hoping it passes all the way to me.
• 40:12
  Speaker 2: It's not.
• 40:16
  Speaker 1: Why I could.
• 40:16
  Speaker 2: Get it like race car. All right, give me the options.
• 40:21
  Speaker 3: Anagram, palindrome, that's it it is.
• 40:25
  Speaker 2: Yeah, he chose anagram and wrong horoscope?
• 40:30
  Speaker 3: All right, Whitney, Which planet rotates on its side compared
• 40:34
  Speaker 3: to the others?
• 40:35
  Speaker 1: Oh? I know this one.
• 40:37
  Speaker 2: I know this.
• 40:38
  Speaker 1: I watch a lot of documentaries about space.
• 40:42
  Speaker 2: If I fall asleep on.
• 40:44
  Speaker 4: Its side, I think it's Saturn. But I'm gonna take options.
• 40:49
  Speaker 1: Is it Saturn? Is it Neptune? Is it Venus? Or
• 40:54
  Speaker 1: is it Uranus?
• 40:57
  Speaker 2: But it's that one. It's always on its side, isn't it.
• 41:00
  Speaker 4: I'm gonna get Saturn.
• 41:02
  Speaker 2: No steal passed me. He can just shout steel. I
• 41:06
  Speaker 2: just did.
• 41:10
  Speaker 1: No.
• 41:11
  Speaker 2: He shouted steel like a gentleman.
• 41:12
  Speaker 6: I don't. I will honor the code.
• 41:23
  Speaker 1: The sure.
• 41:29
  Speaker 4: Guess.
• 41:31
  Speaker 1: Very good. We're done, all right, excellent, everybody doing really well.
• 41:35
  Speaker 1: We've all learned something today, Short and sweet. Making friends
• 41:38
  Speaker 1: as a therapist, Hey, y'all, how do you make friends
• 41:41
  Speaker 1: as a private practice therapist? I work in an office
• 41:44
  Speaker 1: space where everyone keeps to themselves. Aside from minimal chit chat.
• 41:48
  Speaker 1: If we are getting water outside of the office, I
• 41:50
  Speaker 1: don't feel like I can talk about my job, which
• 41:53
  Speaker 1: has become my primary identity.
• 41:55
  Speaker 2: Thanks Anonymous.
• 41:58
  Speaker 4: I think you live in like a weird black hole
• 42:01
  Speaker 4: because I'm pretty sure like my friends are.
• 42:05
  Speaker 2: I don't know how you do that. Like I was
• 42:07
  Speaker 2: thinking about this the other.
• 42:10
  Speaker 1: I think it's a different kind of person that comes
• 42:12
  Speaker 1: out of social work because, like I have realized recently,
• 42:16
  Speaker 1: I find almost all my colleagues insufferable. And I think
• 42:19
  Speaker 1: it's just it continues to be the small sample size.
• 42:21
  Speaker 1: What's the common denominator? Do you think ain't me? Ain't me?
• 42:26
  Speaker 1: I'm charming as fuck? No, I just I don't like
• 42:29
  Speaker 1: it's just I don't know. I feel like meeting other
• 42:33
  Speaker 1: therapists that I get along with that have a sense
• 42:36
  Speaker 1: of humor, they don't get an exception to the rule.
• 42:39
  Speaker 1: A lot of pretentious and they just cannot wait to
• 42:44
  Speaker 1: be condescending.
• 42:46
  Speaker 4: Have seen some dark ship like a grizzly social worker
• 42:50
  Speaker 4: climbing out of the dirt in their hair.
• 42:53
  Speaker 1: They're just not putting on airs. They're just like, I
• 42:56
  Speaker 1: don't give a fuck anymore.
• 42:59
  Speaker 2: Jesus but there is.
• 43:00
  Speaker 4: Okay, we're scruppy bunch.
• 43:04
  Speaker 3: I think it is different though for you and I
• 43:06
  Speaker 3: Jim than it is for Whitney because we work primarily
• 43:10
  Speaker 3: in a female dominated industry.
• 43:12
  Speaker 2: Nick and Jim Swinger Club has.
• 43:13
  Speaker 4: Like nos allowed com.
• 43:21
  Speaker 3: I've had this issue, not because of private practice, but
• 43:24
  Speaker 3: just because I've mostly worked with females. So finding other
• 43:28
  Speaker 3: male friends through work, like you can, you kind of
• 43:32
  Speaker 3: have to go outside of work.
• 43:34
  Speaker 4: They have to be male. Well, I mean, I was
• 43:37
  Speaker 4: going to say, I remember working with you. You were
• 43:38
  Speaker 4: quiet and set to yourself. That keeps you from making friends.
• 43:46
  Speaker 1: That might be part of it. Are we doing the
• 43:48
  Speaker 1: Nick intervention? Okay, great, get fine.
• 43:52
  Speaker 5: They come with you when I'm when I'm at the shows,
• 43:54
  Speaker 5: when I'm when I'm at work.
• 43:56
  Speaker 2: That's exactly what I do.
• 43:57
  Speaker 4: That's fine.
• 43:58
  Speaker 2: I don't have to keep your I'll go around making friends. Yeah,
• 44:00
  Speaker 2: you're there to work. Come here doing a gig. Yeah.
• 44:03
  Speaker 4: Which I don't think is is I will often.
• 44:06
  Speaker 2: Have noise canceling headphones in during the show lugged.
• 44:15
  Speaker 5: I can't during the shows, but like when the shows
• 44:17
  Speaker 5: are running, I'm just taking out backstage.
• 44:19
  Speaker 2: It's at least fifty to fifty that I.
• 44:22
  Speaker 1: Can get away with. That'd be really funny if when
• 44:24
  Speaker 1: he's not in his booth, he's still walking around with
• 44:26
  Speaker 1: the full headset and just the jack is just dangling.
• 44:30
  Speaker 1: I feel like.
• 44:32
  Speaker 2: It's just to go fund yourself, like you'll never see
• 44:34
  Speaker 2: my jack dangling.
• 44:38
  Speaker 4: I was some advice that was given to me before
• 44:41
  Speaker 4: I started private practice, was from an older lady who's
• 44:44
  Speaker 4: been doing this a long, long long time, and she's
• 44:50
  Speaker 4: and she said, if you're gonna do private practice, you
• 44:53
  Speaker 4: need to find colleagues that you can do staffings like
• 44:57
  Speaker 4: debriefings with. Like that was her only I mean, I'm
• 45:00
  Speaker 4: sure if I push, she would have given other advice,
• 45:02
  Speaker 4: but that was like her number one thing. And so
• 45:05
  Speaker 4: I know that's not necessarily friendships, but I almost kind
• 45:09
  Speaker 4: of hear uh the writer saying like, hey, uh, I
• 45:14
  Speaker 4: can't talk with anyone else about work, And like, in
• 45:17
  Speaker 4: my mind, that is one way to do that, to
• 45:19
  Speaker 4: get kind of your work stuff out, because you're right,
• 45:22
  Speaker 4: I don't talk to my friends outside of social or
• 45:25
  Speaker 4: outside of clinic, like I don't. I might mention like
• 45:28
  Speaker 4: a funny story or something maybe a client shared, like
• 45:31
  Speaker 4: that's not related to anything but like that's one client,
• 45:38
  Speaker 4: did it I know? Or am I mentionally like, oh,
• 45:41
  Speaker 4: they went on a hike and recommended that, Like you know,
• 45:43
  Speaker 4: I might say something like that, but like I don't know,
• 45:46
  Speaker 4: there's just there. I'm not going to tell them.
• 45:48
  Speaker 1: About the real problem. But it is in private practice,
• 45:51
  Speaker 1: it is a real problem. It's one of the things
• 45:52
  Speaker 1: that I warned a lot of my students that were
• 45:54
  Speaker 1: preparing to graduate because like the one that I ended
• 45:56
  Speaker 1: up mentoring serve working substance abuse, And one of the
• 46:00
  Speaker 1: things that we were talking about is that's as far
• 46:03
  Speaker 1: as like fields go, That's one of the really neat
• 46:05
  Speaker 1: things about the field is like you it's so collaborative.
• 46:08
  Speaker 2: It's impatient.
• 46:09
  Speaker 1: So you're hanging out with nurses, you're hanging out with doctors,
• 46:10
  Speaker 1: hanging with texts, hanging out with other counselors. You're constantly
• 46:13
  Speaker 1: staffing cases, you're running a house, and so like you're
• 46:16
  Speaker 1: doing activities together, you're running groups. There's a lot of
• 46:18
  Speaker 1: group and like sometimes you are just playing cards, you know,
• 46:21
  Speaker 1: with like the clients like it just it's it's a
• 46:23
  Speaker 1: much more like they're not right.
• 46:26
  Speaker 2: It helps. Sometimes you're just planning a little baggies of cocaine. People.
• 46:29
  Speaker 1: Hey, that was a couple of times. Okay, I was
• 46:32
  Speaker 1: I was reprimanded. I learned, but us yeah later. But
• 46:39
  Speaker 1: like what the writer's saying, when you're just in straight
• 46:41
  Speaker 1: private practice, it's tough because the only time you want
• 46:44
  Speaker 1: to be in the building is whenever you have sessions. Yeah,
• 46:46
  Speaker 1: and you can't just like hang out and like sometimes
• 46:48
  Speaker 1: other like therapists crack their door open. That's sort of
• 46:51
  Speaker 1: the universal signal of like, I'm around, like if you
• 46:53
  Speaker 1: need me, But like everybody can only talk for a
• 46:56
  Speaker 1: few minutes.
• 46:57
  Speaker 2: You have another session coming.
• 46:58
  Speaker 4: And if you're just everything is not overlapped. Your hour,
• 47:00
  Speaker 4: lunch is not gonna be the same as someone else's.
• 47:02
  Speaker 1: Your day is based on what you're you're needed you
• 47:04
  Speaker 1: know that day. And so it's very very hard to
• 47:06
  Speaker 1: make friends in the industry. And in my argument and
• 47:10
  Speaker 1: what I've found like really good for me, I try
• 47:14
  Speaker 1: not to make therapist friends.
• 47:15
  Speaker 2: I really don't like, I mean well like and I
• 47:18
  Speaker 2: was thinking we need to.
• 47:19
  Speaker 1: I will pay you a genuine compliment, okay, because the
• 47:21
  Speaker 1: other day I was just thinking about how insufferable so
• 47:24
  Speaker 1: many of our colleagues are, and I was thinking, like, God,
• 47:26
  Speaker 1: it is so hard to find somebody that's just like
• 47:28
  Speaker 1: hair down, chill, approachable, And I thought, it's so weird that,
• 47:32
  Speaker 1: like I met Whitney and she's great and like nick
• 47:35
  Speaker 1: and like I don't but it's like the batting average
• 47:37
  Speaker 1: is very low for how often I meet another therapist.
• 47:40
  Speaker 1: Like this person's cool, you know, like Emma, our intern
• 47:43
  Speaker 1: was in Illinois. I've talked to her through Zoom. Great,
• 47:46
  Speaker 1: great girl. You know, she's a lot of fun, not pretentious.
• 47:49
  Speaker 1: She's like, look at my fucking horses and like can
• 47:50
  Speaker 1: you name them? So she's got to be a bit
• 47:53
  Speaker 1: eventual when she gets this doctor and she's gonna never
• 47:55
  Speaker 1: shut the fuck up about it. But yeah, like you know,
• 47:57
  Speaker 1: it's just it's very hard to find colleagues that you
• 47:59
  Speaker 1: just like. Yeah, and like this is something that others
• 48:02
  Speaker 1: other therapists throughout the years of our show have written
• 48:04
  Speaker 1: in and said, you guys, I like this show because
• 48:08
  Speaker 1: you're the only colleagues that I've interacted with every week
• 48:11
  Speaker 1: that I actually like. And it's because we're all sitting
• 48:13
  Speaker 1: here like bust and balls and being shore women. It's
• 48:16
  Speaker 1: very hard themselves, so serious, so seriously and it's like
• 48:20
  Speaker 1: if you bring up anything like God damn, like there's
• 48:23
  Speaker 1: no room to breathe. Like I've I've hung up with
• 48:25
  Speaker 1: other therapists and like you try to lighten the mood
• 48:27
  Speaker 1: with like a quick little joke about something that's clearly
• 48:30
  Speaker 1: an exaggeration of like oh, you know this thing, and
• 48:32
  Speaker 1: they'll be like, well, that would be culturally insensitive, and
• 48:35
  Speaker 1: you're like, oh, would it be?
• 48:37
  Speaker 2: Would would?
• 48:37
  Speaker 1: Yeah?
• 48:38
  Speaker 2: Yeah, I'll bet you're probably right. Yeah, building that on
• 48:40
  Speaker 2: an ancient Indian barrel ground probably would. It's almost like.
• 48:43
  Speaker 1: I wasn't fucking serious. Yeah, yeah, it's weird, you know,
• 48:47
  Speaker 1: like the one joke about Italian sudden Jesus Christ.
• 48:53
  Speaker 2: Bippity bopany racist Jesus.
• 48:55
  Speaker 1: I mean, Jim, if you watch the news, I mean,
• 48:57
  Speaker 1: Israel's under attack right now, your religion be saying that
• 48:59
  Speaker 1: kind of like it's just a bit, you know, but
• 49:02
  Speaker 1: it's like really hard to just get people to like
• 49:04
  Speaker 1: take off that veneer, you know. And I think especially
• 49:08
  Speaker 1: in private practice, because like if you're working at like
• 49:11
  Speaker 1: a community mental health.
• 49:12
  Speaker 2: Program, it's a little bit more gritty.
• 49:14
  Speaker 1: Like I don't none of us are in competition with
• 49:16
  Speaker 1: each other, but like in private practice, a lot of
• 49:18
  Speaker 1: times people are like always auditioning for mayor and it's
• 49:21
  Speaker 1: like even on like the Therapist Las Vegas Facebook group
• 49:24
  Speaker 1: and like shit like that, it's just constantly like look
• 49:27
  Speaker 1: at me, look at me, and it's just like I
• 49:28
  Speaker 1: don't know, like it's just it becomes very hard to
• 49:30
  Speaker 1: just be human with each other, or even like the
• 49:33
  Speaker 1: weird Sacharine insincerity that shows up in our field a lot,
• 49:36
  Speaker 1: where it's like everybody just has to be really concerned
• 49:39
  Speaker 1: all the time, and it's like you'll see somebody post
• 49:41
  Speaker 1: something and be like, oh my gosh, you know that
• 49:43
  Speaker 1: could be this or that person probably and it's like, okay,
• 49:46
  Speaker 1: just shut the fuck up. So my answer writer is
• 49:49
  Speaker 1: like I've gotten away from therapy as a place to
• 49:51
  Speaker 1: find friends, but like this is also a big problem
• 49:54
  Speaker 1: in our field. It gets talked about all the time.
• 49:56
  Speaker 1: It's also one of the reasons that boundary violations happen
• 49:59
  Speaker 1: because being a therapist is lonely and it's very human.
• 50:03
  Speaker 1: You're connecting with these people and a lot of times
• 50:05
  Speaker 1: you're closer to your clients than you are anybody else
• 50:08
  Speaker 1: in your life, all right, And this happens where you'll
• 50:11
  Speaker 1: have like your regular and you're like, oh my god,
• 50:12
  Speaker 1: I haven't seen this guy in a while. I'm so
• 50:14
  Speaker 1: excited to find what's going on, and like you connect
• 50:15
  Speaker 1: with them, and she's like, you just you have a
• 50:17
  Speaker 1: great instance in your connection. And they even say like,
• 50:20
  Speaker 1: I feel like we're friends right in your head. Of course,
• 50:23
  Speaker 1: we're fucking friends. I look forward to seeing them all
• 50:26
  Speaker 1: like you're the best. And then like you know, they
• 50:28
  Speaker 1: leave and you're like no, and then it's like you're
• 50:30
  Speaker 1: not allowed to follow them. You're not allowed to be
• 50:32
  Speaker 1: like oh we should hang out or like oh this
• 50:33
  Speaker 1: thing and it's tough and they're just like bye, and
• 50:36
  Speaker 1: you just like they drive away, you.
• 50:37
  Speaker 2: Know, and you're like huh, and it's a very lonely time.
• 50:42
  Speaker 4: Last week, say, she's like, she sent me a referral.
• 50:45
  Speaker 4: I don't know if they ever reached out. I don't
• 50:47
  Speaker 4: think they have yet, but she's like, oh, just so
• 50:48
  Speaker 4: you know, sent you this referrals And so in the
• 50:51
  Speaker 4: next session, I was like, oh, thanks for that or whatever,
• 50:53
  Speaker 4: and she's like, yeah, you know, I just sure they're
• 50:55
  Speaker 4: like you know, it's like we're friends, she was, I know,
• 50:58
  Speaker 4: we're not friends, Like she definitely don't. But it just
• 51:02
  Speaker 4: it feels like that relationship. I'm like, we're friends. Yeah, good,
• 51:10
  Speaker 4: I know, and I can't be like I know, we're
• 51:12
  Speaker 4: I feel like we're friends too.
• 51:13
  Speaker 1: I'm just like, Okay, this is hard because remember your place.
• 51:17
  Speaker 1: This goes back to Nick's cherry pie example of like
• 51:19
  Speaker 1: they'll go on like we are humans, and I think
• 51:24
  Speaker 1: this void exists of like, I need friendship too, and
• 51:27
  Speaker 1: then when you don't have that, it actually.
• 51:30
  Speaker 2: Becomes dangerous for therapists.
• 51:31
  Speaker 1: And I think that that's a real thing for new
• 51:33
  Speaker 1: therapists or for any therapist that's experiencing a lot of loneliness.
• 51:37
  Speaker 1: It's easy, I think, to just gloss over it and
• 51:39
  Speaker 1: just be like, oh, I'm sorry to hear that, but
• 51:41
  Speaker 1: you know, it'll be okay for me. I worry about
• 51:43
  Speaker 1: a colleague who's really experiencing that vacancy because the only
• 51:48
  Speaker 1: humans you see a lot of are your patients. And
• 51:51
  Speaker 1: at some point I worry for the health of that
• 51:53
  Speaker 1: therapeutic relationship because you you have a void right in
• 51:57
  Speaker 1: your life, and the cherry pie filling of all these
• 51:59
  Speaker 1: other relationship ships might start to just naturally fill that void.
• 52:03
  Speaker 1: You may start to glom onto your clients too much,
• 52:05
  Speaker 1: and that can suck, and like, you're not a bad therapist,
• 52:07
  Speaker 1: that happens, You're just a human. So we do have
• 52:09
  Speaker 1: to find those relationships. For me, writer, it is intentionally
• 52:13
  Speaker 1: leaving the field and saying I am going to go
• 52:16
  Speaker 1: out and do the normal work of trying to like
• 52:19
  Speaker 1: find friendship, going to meet ups, going to you know,
• 52:23
  Speaker 1: game nights, at special things, going through friends of friends. Yeah,
• 52:27
  Speaker 1: just finding communities like this podcast, like so many people
• 52:30
  Speaker 1: in our community, you just become real friends with them.
• 52:33
  Speaker 1: Is one of my favorite things about this podcast over
• 52:37
  Speaker 1: the almost a decade that we've been doing it now
• 52:39
  Speaker 1: is that I can be friends with these people. They're
• 52:41
  Speaker 1: just listeners. I have no fucking ethical obligation to sleep
• 52:44
  Speaker 1: with all of you, and I will.
• 52:47
  Speaker 2: I will getting banged. Just that's so much energy.
• 52:55
  Speaker 1: I don't know. I maybe go to the gym a
• 52:57
  Speaker 1: few times, some push UPSIM will do it did not
• 53:00
  Speaker 1: get to the listeners, But like, I love that aspect
• 53:05
  Speaker 1: that we'll go to scoop Fest and like we're having
• 53:07
  Speaker 1: drinks and nachos with all these people that we listen
• 53:09
  Speaker 1: to and talk to online all the time, and like, well,
• 53:13
  Speaker 1: We used to have game nights in the discord. We'd
• 53:14
  Speaker 1: fire up the poker system and like play poker and
• 53:17
  Speaker 1: just talk. And I love that, but it's hard to
• 53:20
  Speaker 1: find organic like friendships as an adult.
• 53:22
  Speaker 4: Yeah, something that I've done with other other therapists, which
• 53:27
  Speaker 4: you can kind of bring in, like each person could
• 53:29
  Speaker 4: bring in someone else's.
• 53:31
  Speaker 2: Swinger club thing.
• 53:32
  Speaker 4: Yeah, obviously.
• 53:35
  Speaker 1: You can. I'll be trusted not to tell as long
• 53:39
  Speaker 1: as we're billing for it.
• 53:40
  Speaker 4: Yeah, exposure therapy, that's right, that's right. So No, it's
• 53:53
  Speaker 4: book club, and so I know its way less like
• 53:58
  Speaker 4: once every three months, uh, you know myself, maybe like
• 54:03
  Speaker 4: three or four other clinicians will kind of meet up,
• 54:06
  Speaker 4: and usually it's like a common common therapeutic book, like
• 54:11
  Speaker 4: Body keeps the Score or like, I don't know, just
• 54:14
  Speaker 4: ones that you've kind of heard of because maybe other
• 54:17
  Speaker 4: people have talked about but you haven't read it. You're like,
• 54:19
  Speaker 4: all right, but when you talk about kind of the
• 54:22
  Speaker 4: pettiness with certain therapists, that.
• 54:24
  Speaker 2: Sounds like the worst thing in the world of other therapist.
• 54:27
  Speaker 4: No, it's great until you have the one. See, that's
• 54:29
  Speaker 4: why you keep it small. It's here, I said, like
• 54:30
  Speaker 4: four five MACS because then there was one that entered
• 54:34
  Speaker 4: in and they ended up they had a falling out
• 54:37
  Speaker 4: with another clinician there, and so the one left and
• 54:41
  Speaker 4: they were like, oh, well, if you guys want to
• 54:44
  Speaker 4: do a book club, I still want to do it,
• 54:46
  Speaker 4: but I want to do more like serious or culturally sensitive,
• 54:48
  Speaker 4: like very specific. And I was like, I mean I
• 54:51
  Speaker 4: want some of them. I do. I would like to
• 54:53
  Speaker 4: read a book or two, but like, don't bash the
• 54:56
  Speaker 4: like light lighter therapy book club because that's still valuable
• 55:01
  Speaker 4: and those are books that I've been wanting to like
• 55:03
  Speaker 4: I'm more generalized, maybe like I don't know. It almost
• 55:07
  Speaker 4: like knocked them like that wasn't a real therapist, but
• 55:10
  Speaker 4: like we're getting into the real deep stuff, ready to
• 55:12
  Speaker 4: get hardcore kind of And I was like, then I
• 55:15
  Speaker 4: feel like about therapistm Like does that make not a
• 55:17
  Speaker 4: hardcore therapist?
• 55:20
  Speaker 2: You say, then we'll get some hero We're an upgrade
• 55:21
  Speaker 2: to some hardcore.
• 55:23
  Speaker 4: They probably did.
• 55:25
  Speaker 3: If you want to listen to a real therapist podcast, Yeah,
• 55:30
  Speaker 3: therapy on the air.
• 55:35
  Speaker 2: There's a Patreon for it. Definitely.
• 55:40
  Speaker 5: There's always a number when there's a number where we're
• 55:42
  Speaker 5: all doing Heroin on the show they have.
• 55:44
  Speaker 1: To pay for rehab. That's part of the deal responsibly potentially, Yeah,
• 55:50
  Speaker 1: you might.
• 55:50
  Speaker 4: Not have I don't know, an addictive personnelity, so I'm good,
• 55:54
  Speaker 4: but yeah, I agree completely.
• 55:57
  Speaker 1: And this is the thing is like in collaboration with
• 56:00
  Speaker 1: other therapists, I like collaborating with you guys, Like it's
• 56:02
  Speaker 1: great to talk cases and like get feedback here how
• 56:04
  Speaker 1: you would answer a question. I love that, But it's
• 56:07
  Speaker 1: so hard to find the right blend in other professionals
• 56:10
  Speaker 1: where they're like useful, they're intelligent, you respect them, Yeah,
• 56:13
  Speaker 1: but then they're not pretentious, they.
• 56:15
  Speaker 4: Do not care all the time.
• 56:17
  Speaker 1: Yeah, they throw it away, they're self deprecating, and like
• 56:20
  Speaker 1: that is just really hard to find. And like, god,
• 56:23
  Speaker 1: it's just the the more that I've stepped out of
• 56:25
  Speaker 1: my little you know, uh, private practice hobbit hovel and
• 56:29
  Speaker 1: like gotten back into the world and intermingled more, the
• 56:31
  Speaker 1: more I've been finding that, like hanging out with more
• 56:34
  Speaker 1: professional therapists has been difficult, and like hanging out people
• 56:37
  Speaker 1: that are non licensed or in other disciplines a lot easier.
• 56:40
  Speaker 4: Just to be like okay, great, And you said, do
• 56:41
  Speaker 4: you struggle with that too? Finding other uh clinicians.
• 56:46
  Speaker 1: Friends mostly just because like guy friends.
• 56:49
  Speaker 3: Okay, you know, just like I'm Brian who I worked
• 56:54
  Speaker 3: with the first first job I had in Vegas. We
• 56:58
  Speaker 3: were the only two men in that entire facility, right,
• 57:01
  Speaker 3: it was.
• 57:02
  Speaker 1: Just the two of us, you know.
• 57:03
  Speaker 2: It was a women's rehab.
• 57:05
  Speaker 1: It was yeah. That so there's that.
• 57:08
  Speaker 5: Yeah, But like it was far As Nick and this
• 57:10
  Speaker 5: other guy were doing that eighties movie thing where they
• 57:12
  Speaker 5: were dressed as women the entire time and just going
• 57:15
  Speaker 5: through all these wacky shenanigans something people wouldn't find out.
• 57:20
  Speaker 2: I too, just like menstruating, but like one of them
• 57:23
  Speaker 2: was in black face the whole time.
• 57:25
  Speaker 1: I was one prior to that. Different time was different.
• 57:30
  Speaker 3: The program I worked in in Iowa, it was me
• 57:35
  Speaker 3: and there's one other guy that worked there other than
• 57:37
  Speaker 3: the other than in management, Like the executive director was
• 57:40
  Speaker 3: a male, the CFO was a male. Everybody else all women. Yeah,
• 57:45
  Speaker 3: just one other dude.
• 57:46
  Speaker 1: Yeah, and that It's been that way in most of
• 57:50
  Speaker 1: the places I've worked.
• 57:51
  Speaker 3: It's it seems to be female dominated.
• 57:53
  Speaker 2: It is, well statistically it is eighty percent of the
• 57:56
  Speaker 2: field as well.
• 57:56
  Speaker 1: Yeah, and it seems to be Yeah, and that's you know, fine,
• 58:00
  Speaker 1: I'm not I'm not against it.
• 58:01
  Speaker 2: You seem kind of against it. That's how I heard.
• 58:05
  Speaker 7: I think he said, I think it's cute. I like
• 58:13
  Speaker 7: senior dressed up in your business clothes.
• 58:18
  Speaker 2: I'm all for equal rights.
• 58:20
  Speaker 3: I forgot that, uh so, but but yeah, So it's
• 58:28
  Speaker 3: been tough finding other men to build friendships with. So
• 58:33
  Speaker 3: it's pretty much I've had to do that mostly outside
• 58:37
  Speaker 3: and for me it's you know a lot of it.
• 58:39
  Speaker 3: It just has been golf. I mean, like getting into
• 58:41
  Speaker 3: this golf league. There's I've made a ton of friends
• 58:45
  Speaker 3: and we hang out outside of golf.
• 58:46
  Speaker 1: Now there's you there you go.
• 58:49
  Speaker 3: I think definitely finding activities, building friendships around activities.
• 58:54
  Speaker 1: And not around work. I think that to me is
• 58:56
  Speaker 1: the key and one of the last things the writer
• 58:58
  Speaker 1: talks about in here. It was a short question, but said,
• 59:00
  Speaker 1: you know, outside of the office, I struggle because I
• 59:05
  Speaker 1: have come to see what they say said outside of
• 59:08
  Speaker 1: my office, I don't feel like I can talk about
• 59:10
  Speaker 1: my job, which has become my primary identity, and that
• 59:14
  Speaker 1: I think is an interesting thing because, like I think,
• 59:16
  Speaker 1: to a person, therapist don't always feel very comfortable talking
• 59:19
  Speaker 1: about our profession with people outside of it because it
• 59:22
  Speaker 1: is nuanced. They usually have a caricature view of it,
• 59:25
  Speaker 1: or they just want to hear the hot gossip, right,
• 59:26
  Speaker 1: They're like, oh, so tell me about crazy cases. And
• 59:29
  Speaker 1: that's the default posture people want to take with us,
• 59:31
  Speaker 1: is like, so tell me stories, right, or can I
• 59:34
  Speaker 1: ask questions? And if it's not storytelling or question asking,
• 59:38
  Speaker 1: it's hard to relate to my profession at all. Right,
• 59:41
  Speaker 1: you just those are the two postures. And it's really
• 59:43
  Speaker 1: tough because the writer says, this has become my identity,
• 59:45
  Speaker 1: and so it's hard because I think like it is
• 59:48
  Speaker 1: very much an identity thing. But then I think a
• 59:50
  Speaker 1: lot of us have had like different ways that we
• 59:51
  Speaker 1: conceal it or like push it away, like you've talked
• 59:54
  Speaker 1: about on the golf course that you just kind of
• 59:56
  Speaker 1: have like ubiquitous statements now that you use to just
• 59:59
  Speaker 1: kind of I mean.
• 59:59
  Speaker 3: If I'm playing with people I don't know, like, if
• 1:00:02
  Speaker 3: I get paired up with somebody else just makes some
• 1:00:03
  Speaker 3: shit up, then I always say accountant because no one
• 1:00:06
  Speaker 3: has any follow up questions.
• 1:00:07
  Speaker 2: Yeah, that's it, just like oh cool number one.
• 1:00:11
  Speaker 3: No, but I do still sometimes I'll get that, but
• 1:00:14
  Speaker 3: the other times when I'm playing with somebody I know,
• 1:00:17
  Speaker 3: or and we're playing with other people or whatnot, and
• 1:00:20
  Speaker 3: you know, I'm just being myself, Yeah, just making stupid,
• 1:00:23
  Speaker 3: inappropriate jokes and doing all sorts of crazy shit. And
• 1:00:26
  Speaker 3: then it's usually my friend that's like, this guy's a.
• 1:00:28
  Speaker 2: Therapist, is all right?
• 1:00:31
  Speaker 1: I have a quick Batman story that I think it's
• 1:00:33
  Speaker 1: gonna come full circle and it'll make senses like it.
• 1:00:35
  Speaker 1: So there's a scene in a comic book where Wonder
• 1:00:38
  Speaker 1: Woman who has this thing called the Lasso of Truth
• 1:00:40
  Speaker 1: and so she gets thrown around people and they have
• 1:00:41
  Speaker 1: to tell the truth. It's the best thing ever. And
• 1:00:43
  Speaker 1: so there's this part where she's like she lassos each
• 1:00:46
  Speaker 1: of the super Friends in the Justice League and she's
• 1:00:49
  Speaker 1: out or she gets them all or something like that,
• 1:00:50
  Speaker 1: and she's like asking him questions because there's some kind
• 1:00:52
  Speaker 1: of big thing going on, and so one thing she
• 1:00:54
  Speaker 1: says is.
• 1:00:54
  Speaker 2: Like who are you? Who are you really?
• 1:00:57
  Speaker 1: And so Superman says Clark Kent, you know, and and
• 1:00:59
  Speaker 1: like the Flash was, oh fuck, sorry, I'm sorry. Flash
• 1:01:02
  Speaker 1: is a Barry or whatever the fuck his name is. Uh,
• 1:01:05
  Speaker 1: and Batman says Batman. And it's interesting because like you know,
• 1:01:11
  Speaker 1: the storyline develops and stuff, but it's a quick reference
• 1:01:13
  Speaker 1: to this fact that Bruce Wayne is not his identity anymore.
• 1:01:17
  Speaker 1: Like for him, at least the comic book Batman, he
• 1:01:19
  Speaker 1: truly is Batman.
• 1:01:21
  Speaker 2: That is who he wants to be. That's who he
• 1:01:22
  Speaker 2: is all the time.
• 1:01:23
  Speaker 1: Bruce Wayne is this playboy billionaire that he pretends to
• 1:01:27
  Speaker 1: be to allow himself more time to be Batman, right
• 1:01:30
  Speaker 1: and so to, it's all part of being Batman.
• 1:01:32
  Speaker 5: In fairness, it's also pretty nice to just being a
• 1:01:35
  Speaker 5: billion billion Yeah that's great.
• 1:01:37
  Speaker 1: I'm sure he enjoys the perks. Yeah, but yeah, his
• 1:01:39
  Speaker 1: identity to be. I tell that story to get back
• 1:01:42
  Speaker 1: to you. I think that if like I had the
• 1:01:45
  Speaker 1: wonder Woman Lasso of Truth, which I'm gonna be wonder
• 1:01:47
  Speaker 1: Woman for Halloween again this year.
• 1:01:49
  Speaker 2: So this, you know, we'll do a whole rehearsal where
• 1:01:50
  Speaker 2: I'll throw the lass around you. It's a lot of fun.
• 1:01:53
  Speaker 1: But I think that you identify as a professional golfer.
• 1:01:56
  Speaker 1: I was like, well, who are you, Nick Tangiman. I
• 1:01:59
  Speaker 1: don't think you'd be like, hey, I'm a counselor there.
• 1:02:01
  Speaker 1: I think you'd be like aspiring professional golfer.
• 1:02:04
  Speaker 3: Now, I'm just a golfer that hasn't gotten his chances.
• 1:02:10
  Speaker 1: You're like the guy who's been Hollywood like stand by
• 1:02:13
  Speaker 1: for ten years and it's still bussing tables and it's like, well,
• 1:02:16
  Speaker 1: who are you And he's like, I'm.
• 1:02:17
  Speaker 2: A lead actor.
• 1:02:18
  Speaker 1: I just you know, I have not had my opportunity.
• 1:02:19
  Speaker 1: I feel like last of truth, you're going to say
• 1:02:21
  Speaker 1: something rest for the world sees Yeah, yeah, yeah, then
• 1:02:24
  Speaker 1: I'll get my break.
• 1:02:24
  Speaker 2: Yeah, semi pro golfer and they'll know I'm the next
• 1:02:28
  Speaker 2: Milton Burrel.
• 1:02:31
  Speaker 1: Making friends with a therapist though, Whitty, do you tell
• 1:02:33
  Speaker 1: people that you're a therapist?
• 1:02:35
  Speaker 2: Come out?
• 1:02:37
  Speaker 4: I I guess I do. I do tell people, and
• 1:02:41
  Speaker 4: it is annoying sometimes. Yeah, I don't know people as
• 1:02:46
  Speaker 4: I became a therapist because I like people, though I
• 1:02:49
  Speaker 4: kind of want to know their stories. So probably I'm
• 1:02:51
  Speaker 4: a little sadistic in that sense where I'm like, yeah,
• 1:02:54
  Speaker 4: I'm a therapist.
• 1:02:55
  Speaker 2: Tell me deep you flow with it. Sounds like you'll
• 1:02:57
  Speaker 2: bring it out and they react. However, they're going to react.
• 1:03:00
  Speaker 2: You know what to do with that. It doesn't bother you.
• 1:03:02
  Speaker 4: Yeah, it doesn't bother me too much. Sometimes I guess
• 1:03:05
  Speaker 4: if I really wasn't in a mood to like dig
• 1:03:07
  Speaker 4: around or yeah, I'm on a flight and I just
• 1:03:09
  Speaker 4: want to kind of like read my book or whatever,
• 1:03:12
  Speaker 4: then I just wouldn't talk to the person. But I
• 1:03:14
  Speaker 4: don't know, like making friends, I guess I don't know.
• 1:03:18
  Speaker 4: I feel like it's hard to make friends as an
• 1:03:19
  Speaker 4: adult in general. Adding on therapists like that makes it hard.
• 1:03:24
  Speaker 4: And then I thought where you were going with the
• 1:03:26
  Speaker 4: writer saying like this is basically my identity is Just
• 1:03:30
  Speaker 4: that it's hard to separate that because I literally just
• 1:03:34
  Speaker 4: said that, Oh well, I like talking to people, so
• 1:03:36
  Speaker 4: in some ways it is my identity, like that, I
• 1:03:40
  Speaker 4: wouldn't do this for you know, the hours a week
• 1:03:42
  Speaker 4: that I do it like, because it is. It's exhausting.
• 1:03:45
  Speaker 4: It pulls from you, Like you have to really like
• 1:03:48
  Speaker 4: this work to do it like or really enjoy some aspect,
• 1:03:51
  Speaker 4: whether it's the knowledge, the like coaching aspect, the whatever,
• 1:03:54
  Speaker 4: like just connecting with people. You have to really love that,
• 1:03:57
  Speaker 4: in my opinion, to really be okay doing that a
• 1:03:59
  Speaker 4: long time. But I don't know, how do you like
• 1:04:03
  Speaker 4: separate that from friendship? I think it's hard.
• 1:04:06
  Speaker 2: It is really hard making friends is hard, but I
• 1:04:08
  Speaker 2: do agree.
• 1:04:09
  Speaker 4: With this not being a therapist in your friendship group. Yes,
• 1:04:11
  Speaker 4: I just started saying, oh, this is therapy whitney advice
• 1:04:14
  Speaker 4: or like he's like that, Hoe's like.
• 1:04:19
  Speaker 1: Ask questions about how she's feeling a.
• 1:04:22
  Speaker 4: Lot of those were going around on like Instagram for
• 1:04:24
  Speaker 4: a while, and I'm like, this is so relatable.
• 1:04:26
  Speaker 3: No, I like giving really terrible advice and then saying
• 1:04:30
  Speaker 3: that that is my therapist.
• 1:04:31
  Speaker 2: Okay, got it.
• 1:04:33
  Speaker 4: Strategy, he'll never.
• 1:04:34
  Speaker 1: At his job. We should pay for beers a job
• 1:04:39
  Speaker 1: and Nick's gonna make it.
• 1:04:45
  Speaker 2: Not long for this profession.
• 1:04:47
  Speaker 1: Well, it's it's a very relatable question writer, and I
• 1:04:49
  Speaker 1: know for all of us, like you just you find
• 1:04:51
  Speaker 1: these venues that I think for all of us, like
• 1:04:54
  Speaker 1: you know, sometimes it's a hybrid of the profession, especially
• 1:04:57
  Speaker 1: in private practice. Whitney's advice I think is very true.
• 1:05:00
  Speaker 1: That's like the number one private practice advice people give
• 1:05:02
  Speaker 1: is find a crew that you can hang out with
• 1:05:05
  Speaker 1: that like you can go over to yeah like that
• 1:05:08
  Speaker 1: you can you know, get good feedback on give good feedback.
• 1:05:11
  Speaker 1: Maybe do a book club, like I think that over time.
• 1:05:14
  Speaker 2: Like a book club or like a real book club.
• 1:05:16
  Speaker 1: Oh, like yeah, Kamasutra and Ascid Yeah.
• 1:05:21
  Speaker 2: Yeah, and I want to do a real bonus. We're
• 1:05:23
  Speaker 2: going to do a book club. I don't want to
• 1:05:24
  Speaker 2: put ship Okay, I want to.
• 1:05:27
  Speaker 1: Get into it.
• 1:05:27
  Speaker 4: Yeah you're the doctor, Jacob.
• 1:05:31
  Speaker 2: But that's solid advice, I mean. But yeah.
• 1:05:33
  Speaker 1: The way that I've been able to sustain the profession
• 1:05:35
  Speaker 1: is to draw my social energy outside of the profession.
• 1:05:40
  Speaker 1: Though I do enjoy teaching it and I've gotten a
• 1:05:42
  Speaker 1: lot out of like finding opportunity to like get more
• 1:05:45
  Speaker 1: involved in the industry, but it's just it's increasingly hard
• 1:05:48
  Speaker 1: for me to do that. And like a lot of
• 1:05:50
  Speaker 1: the other professionals I meet, I just think, boy, you
• 1:05:53
  Speaker 1: are insufferable, like that you're so on a mission to
• 1:05:56
  Speaker 1: be impressive, and like, I think my like vibe is
• 1:06:00
  Speaker 1: not that Like as a therapist, I'm trying to be
• 1:06:03
  Speaker 1: disarming and humanizing and among colleagues like and some people
• 1:06:06
  Speaker 1: have told me like, and this is a good critique.
• 1:06:08
  Speaker 1: Actually it's a little meta. But I've I've brought this
• 1:06:11
  Speaker 1: up before, and I remember having somebody pull me aside
• 1:06:13
  Speaker 1: and say, you know, not to get like a little
• 1:06:16
  Speaker 1: too critical of you, Jim, But like there's a white
• 1:06:18
  Speaker 1: male privilege that you do have, that you don't have
• 1:06:21
  Speaker 1: to be impressive, that you can throw away credibility whenever
• 1:06:25
  Speaker 1: you want and be like disarming and humorous and silly
• 1:06:28
  Speaker 1: and like still just inherently carry credibility that the rest
• 1:06:31
  Speaker 1: of us don't have. And yeah, this was a colleague
• 1:06:34
  Speaker 1: of color, you know, as female, and said, you know,
• 1:06:36
  Speaker 1: I need to constantly be on or I'll be dismissed.
• 1:06:40
  Speaker 1: My seat at the table will be taken from me.
• 1:06:42
  Speaker 1: You can get up and walk around and act like
• 1:06:44
  Speaker 1: you don't have a chair, and anytime you go to
• 1:06:46
  Speaker 1: sit you'll be there will be a chair for you.
• 1:06:48
  Speaker 2: And I was like, fuck, So I take that, you know.
• 1:06:50
  Speaker 2: I thought that was really good feedback.
• 1:06:52
  Speaker 5: Soough actually yea, yeah, yeah, this was after I.
• 1:06:59
  Speaker 2: Good luck though.
• 1:06:59
  Speaker 1: Making friends is hard. But if you haven't gotten involved
• 1:07:02
  Speaker 1: with our discord as strongly encourage it, doesn't think it
• 1:07:05
  Speaker 1: becomes this little like island in the internet where people
• 1:07:07
  Speaker 1: hang out and talk to each other and get closer.
• 1:07:09
  Speaker 1: So anyway, good question, writer, thank you for that. We're
• 1:07:12
  Speaker 1: gonna take quick break in when we come back. We
• 1:07:15
  Speaker 1: are talking about weight loss journeys. You're listening to pop Therapy.
• 1:07:19
  Speaker 1: Today's episode is brought to you by Robert.
• 1:07:21
  Speaker 3: Brown Junior, Men's Kayla Lansbury, Kevin Chamberlain, then Stanley Adam Halfway,
• 1:07:26
  Speaker 3: Dan Martin.
• 1:07:27
  Speaker 1: Liz Hey, Yo, Andrew Langlead and Chance.
• 1:07:30
  Speaker 2: Goddamn, it's four letters.
• 1:07:33
  Speaker 1: I know there's something about I got to move the
• 1:07:36
  Speaker 1: order around because something about it's still gonna spell that.
• 1:07:38
  Speaker 1: If you're like Shaw, become a therapist, at become a therapist.
• 1:07:44
  Speaker 2: You can become a therapist.
• 1:07:47
  Speaker 1: Therapy.
• 1:07:48
  Speaker 2: Why have we never done that.
• 1:07:51
  Speaker 3: Internet therapy certificates I had of PHDH Thomas, they did
• 1:08:00
  Speaker 3: just have your name on.
• 1:08:01
  Speaker 1: Yeah, but for not getting those out, But we should
• 1:08:03
  Speaker 1: definitely do like Life Coach certified certificates, Like oh, that's
• 1:08:06
  Speaker 1: an easy move.
• 1:08:07
  Speaker 2: Like people will pay for that. I mean that's it's
• 1:08:10
  Speaker 2: a pretty high bar to be. They will be like you.
• 1:08:13
  Speaker 2: They don't have a jingle, they just get a piece
• 1:08:15
  Speaker 2: of paper.
• 1:08:16
  Speaker 3: All right, We're moving on into uh Internet culture trivia.
• 1:08:20
  Speaker 1: I think I'm in the lead though, f y s.
• 1:08:22
  Speaker 1: I got two for two and then I got a steal,
• 1:08:24
  Speaker 1: so I'm at five points. I think get best you guys.
• 1:08:26
  Speaker 1: I believe you have one for two I have not missed.
• 1:08:29
  Speaker 2: I believe you missed.
• 1:08:31
  Speaker 3: What is the first major peer to pure file sharing
• 1:08:34
  Speaker 3: service that was shut down in two thousand and one.
• 1:08:38
  Speaker 1: I'm gonna shoot from hip. I think it's Napster.
• 1:08:41
  Speaker 4: I have a different guess. If he's wrong, I hope.
• 1:08:45
  Speaker 1: What's your guess?
• 1:08:46
  Speaker 2: That's also was a good one.
• 1:08:50
  Speaker 5: I guess, and I guess was going to be if
• 1:08:53
  Speaker 5: if Napster wasn't it, I would have said, lamar.
• 1:08:55
  Speaker 1: If it's not Napster, it's going to be like something
• 1:08:58
  Speaker 1: that we're all like, Oh, only the nerds how to
• 1:09:00
  Speaker 1: use that? Yeah?
• 1:09:03
  Speaker 2: Is that the answer? No? Think?
• 1:09:07
  Speaker 1: Yeah, Jacob, where was Charlie bit my finger originally uploaded
• 1:09:15
  Speaker 1: the Internet?
• 1:09:16
  Speaker 5: Oh?
• 1:09:18
  Speaker 1: I can't say he's wrong. You go, let's give him
• 1:09:23
  Speaker 1: to give him to and then list the options for fun.
• 1:09:27
  Speaker 2: But let's give him clearly.
• 1:09:28
  Speaker 3: Here in the tip YouTube, vine, Facebook, break dot com.
• 1:09:35
  Speaker 2: Break dot com. That might have been a vine because
• 1:09:38
  Speaker 2: it's quick vine was vine?
• 1:09:39
  Speaker 1: Was vine?
• 1:09:41
  Speaker 4: I guess is YouTube?
• 1:09:43
  Speaker 1: It was YouTube?
• 1:09:44
  Speaker 5: Okay, it's like one of the first well did you
• 1:09:48
  Speaker 5: was like the seven second one or something?
• 1:09:51
  Speaker 1: Remember the old websites like something awful dot com.
• 1:09:54
  Speaker 2: And eat.
• 1:09:56
  Speaker 4: Yeah, like always forget how did we find the was
• 1:10:00
  Speaker 4: random ass video?
• 1:10:01
  Speaker 1: That was the website dot com was another one. These
• 1:10:06
  Speaker 1: were like the places you'd go.
• 1:10:07
  Speaker 4: To over Thanksgiving. I went to visit my roommate from
• 1:10:10
  Speaker 4: college and stayed the night at her house. It was
• 1:10:12
  Speaker 4: like the best ever. She sent her kids to her
• 1:10:14
  Speaker 4: grand to their grandparents' house, and we just like slept
• 1:10:17
  Speaker 4: over and she's like, all I want to do is
• 1:10:18
  Speaker 4: go on YouTube and watch old like, oh yeah, all
• 1:10:21
  Speaker 4: those old, the random ass fucking videos and it was
• 1:10:24
  Speaker 4: the fucking best.
• 1:10:26
  Speaker 3: I was like, ah, I went down that YouTube rabbit
• 1:10:28
  Speaker 3: hole of watching old vine. I never had vine, I
• 1:10:32
  Speaker 3: never did, didn't live very long.
• 1:10:35
  Speaker 2: I did that the other day. I did a YouTube
• 1:10:37
  Speaker 2: rabbit hole of the old g I Joe p s
• 1:10:39
  Speaker 2: a joke that was great, and just.
• 1:10:42
  Speaker 1: Rewatched all of them, like gold, it's so well done.
• 1:10:46
  Speaker 1: All right, Whitney, what green digital helper? I remember? Green
• 1:10:52
  Speaker 1: green digital helper often popped up in Microsoft Word Who
• 1:10:56
  Speaker 1: was offering to help you write a letter?
• 1:10:59
  Speaker 2: It it's not don't don't get distracted by greens.
• 1:11:02
  Speaker 4: Not clippy.
• 1:11:03
  Speaker 2: I gotta be clippy. Okay, green paper clips aren't.
• 1:11:08
  Speaker 4: I need to see a picture of Clip.
• 1:11:09
  Speaker 1: He was yellow. He has a yellow behind him, but
• 1:11:13
  Speaker 1: he's a little paper clow. Yeah, he just the graphic
• 1:11:16
  Speaker 1: usually had like a little yellow sticky note.
• 1:11:18
  Speaker 2: And then he was like, he's just like silver.
• 1:11:20
  Speaker 4: That's what I thought. Silver.
• 1:11:21
  Speaker 2: Great, he's like metal paper.
• 1:11:22
  Speaker 1: Maybe this is a Mandela thing.
• 1:11:24
  Speaker 2: Oh maybe it is green, the green pad paper behind him.
• 1:11:30
  Speaker 4: Maybe they're calling that green. It looks I could see
• 1:11:32
  Speaker 4: green if you told me green, but I wouldn't ye.
• 1:11:34
  Speaker 1: Also, if the AI people want to like make me
• 1:11:38
  Speaker 1: like them better, let's get clippy, like use clippy.
• 1:11:41
  Speaker 4: Thank you, that's great, just clippy and you will hook all.
• 1:11:46
  Speaker 1: Clip is like, I need your social Security number and
• 1:11:48
  Speaker 1: your mother's name will be like yeah, okay, Clippy, we
• 1:11:50
  Speaker 1: go way back.
• 1:11:51
  Speaker 2: You've written a lot of ship for me. So he
• 1:11:54
  Speaker 2: says that Clippy is gray. Okay, thank you. All right,
• 1:11:57
  Speaker 2: there we go. I'm in the lead.
• 1:11:59
  Speaker 1: Last question of the night weight loss journey. Starting out,
• 1:12:02
  Speaker 1: I was a six foot four, three hundred and fifty
• 1:12:06
  Speaker 1: or I was at six foot four, three hundred and
• 1:12:07
  Speaker 1: fifty pounds. I was finally able to get the VA
• 1:12:10
  Speaker 1: to prescribe me with GOVY. The intense change in my
• 1:12:13
  Speaker 1: gut biome wrecked me something fierce with my gut brewing
• 1:12:17
  Speaker 1: bread and my tail spitting fire. I was losing weight. Finally,
• 1:12:22
  Speaker 1: with the weight coming off, Nick's challenge to lose the
• 1:12:25
  Speaker 1: weight and a certain politician lying on his medical checks,
• 1:12:28
  Speaker 1: I had a goal weight. I will lose enough to
• 1:12:31
  Speaker 1: equal what he said he was. My goal weight is
• 1:12:35
  Speaker 1: two twenty five. I believe that is the weight of
• 1:12:37
  Speaker 1: Donald Trump on his license.
• 1:12:39
  Speaker 2: Yeah, something like that.
• 1:12:40
  Speaker 1: The wegovy alone got me to two seventy. I have
• 1:12:43
  Speaker 1: started to walk a minimum of five thousand steps a day.
• 1:12:45
  Speaker 1: It hurts, it sucks, it's helpful. I've realized that the
• 1:12:49
  Speaker 1: reservoir of energy I have to walk has grown simply
• 1:12:53
  Speaker 1: by doing it. As Jack Lelaine put it. Your health account,
• 1:12:57
  Speaker 1: your bank account. There the same thing. The more you
• 1:13:00
  Speaker 1: put in, the more you can take out. Exercise is
• 1:13:03
  Speaker 1: king and nutrition is queen. Together you have a kingdom.
• 1:13:07
  Speaker 1: The joy I have with that much weight off is noticeable,
• 1:13:12
  Speaker 1: especially when people I know are commenting, Wow, you've lost weight,
• 1:13:15
  Speaker 1: You're looking good. My depression is still strong, but my
• 1:13:18
  Speaker 1: two brains are in an even match now, when previously
• 1:13:21
  Speaker 1: the depression was a sumo wrestler and the happy was
• 1:13:25
  Speaker 1: a flyweight.
• 1:13:26
  Speaker 2: PS. I have already been calling you all my weekly therapists.
• 1:13:31
  Speaker 2: Thank you for all your help you've given me over
• 1:13:33
  Speaker 2: the years, especially doctor life coach Jacob your find Winter's scoop.
• 1:13:39
  Speaker 2: A good letter here, a good letter.
• 1:13:40
  Speaker 1: Yeah, it sounds like more of a statement of like, hey,
• 1:13:43
  Speaker 1: update about my life and here's my journey in a
• 1:13:45
  Speaker 1: nutshell and talking about the mental health component of this.
• 1:13:48
  Speaker 1: But I like that bank account metaphor, the more you
• 1:13:50
  Speaker 1: put in, the more you can withdraw later.
• 1:13:53
  Speaker 2: I like that a lot. Yeah.
• 1:13:54
  Speaker 3: Yeah, and I we kind of talked about this, I
• 1:13:58
  Speaker 3: think in a recent show. Okay, so you were at
• 1:14:01
  Speaker 3: three hundred and fifty, now to seventy. I'm understanding this correct.
• 1:14:06
  Speaker 5: So like the drug from the wig, Yeah, it sounds
• 1:14:08
  Speaker 5: like the drug knocked off about seventy five pounds right
• 1:14:11
  Speaker 5: off the bat without a whole lot of working.
• 1:14:12
  Speaker 2: The goal is another fifty down right, Okay, six foot four?
• 1:14:16
  Speaker 5: What I would suggest if walked her daddy stand at
• 1:14:19
  Speaker 5: six foot four said, ain't gonna swing with my daughter
• 1:14:22
  Speaker 5: no more.
• 1:14:23
  Speaker 2: She's my cherry pie.
• 1:14:25
  Speaker 1: Tie it all together, boom, big circle. He has a
• 1:14:31
  Speaker 1: professional shit.
• 1:14:32
  Speaker 2: I gotta change the title to Height of the Dad Cherie,
• 1:14:37
  Speaker 2: I think.
• 1:14:37
  Speaker 4: You need ladies are creepy.
• 1:14:40
  Speaker 1: So okay, ladies to be creepy. That's eighty pounds.
• 1:14:44
  Speaker 2: That's so much.
• 1:14:45
  Speaker 4: I was like, that's almost one hundred pounds.
• 1:14:47
  Speaker 1: Yeah. Every once in a while you should go around,
• 1:14:51
  Speaker 1: like go to a gym or something.
• 1:14:53
  Speaker 3: Rab rab Yeah, just walk around, yeah, I mean, and
• 1:14:59
  Speaker 3: just be able to you can A discovered that you
• 1:15:02
  Speaker 3: just can't you can.
• 1:15:03
  Speaker 2: That's probably what you're gonna discover.
• 1:15:04
  Speaker 5: Like you're gonna go pick up an eighty pound dumbbell
• 1:15:06
  Speaker 5: and be like, I can't just carry this around.
• 1:15:08
  Speaker 2: Yeah, yet you were, you.
• 1:15:09
  Speaker 1: Know, And I think that's that's what's so amazing.
• 1:15:12
  Speaker 3: Do that every once in a while, just to keep
• 1:15:14
  Speaker 3: motivation and realize that, like, you know, if this was
• 1:15:17
  Speaker 3: when feel better, yeah exactly, and what's the next eighty
• 1:15:21
  Speaker 3: pounds going to feel like?
• 1:15:22
  Speaker 1: You know, well, there's not gonna be eighty You're not
• 1:15:24
  Speaker 1: going down that far. I mean, but you're going to
• 1:15:27
  Speaker 1: notice that.
• 1:15:27
  Speaker 3: And the other thing too, that I always encourage people
• 1:15:29
  Speaker 3: to do is as they're losing weight, continue to stay active,
• 1:15:34
  Speaker 3: you know, because that's one of the biggest things that
• 1:15:36
  Speaker 3: happens is you know, people will lose the weight and
• 1:15:39
  Speaker 3: they feel good, but the lifestyle never changes, and then
• 1:15:42
  Speaker 3: they pretty much.
• 1:15:42
  Speaker 1: Just put it back on. You know, take advantage of
• 1:15:46
  Speaker 1: what it's like to be in a smaller body.
• 1:15:48
  Speaker 2: Right and yeah, you know, go hiking, buy smaller seats
• 1:15:51
  Speaker 2: on airplanes.
• 1:15:52
  Speaker 3: Yeah, go you know, go bicycling, Go do all the
• 1:15:56
  Speaker 3: fun things that you would have done in the past
• 1:15:59
  Speaker 3: that you couldn't work.
• 1:16:00
  Speaker 2: We ran a subcompact car. This is a really good point. Like,
• 1:16:03
  Speaker 2: so we just went to Mount Charleston this weekend.
• 1:16:04
  Speaker 1: The last time we went was two years ago, and
• 1:16:06
  Speaker 1: so I was pulling up old pictures because we were
• 1:16:08
  Speaker 1: trying to figure out, like, oh what did we pack,
• 1:16:09
  Speaker 1: Like what was that like? And so like, yeah, I
• 1:16:11
  Speaker 1: definitely saw me fifty pounds heavier, you know, at a minimum.
• 1:16:14
  Speaker 1: And like we were on this long hike and we
• 1:16:16
  Speaker 1: were just talking about it, and I was like realizing,
• 1:16:19
  Speaker 1: this is so much easier, Like I just I remember
• 1:16:22
  Speaker 1: the same trail. I remember what I was feeling two
• 1:16:23
  Speaker 1: years ago. I remember having a really hard time with it,
• 1:16:26
  Speaker 1: and like I just I'm not carrying fifty pounds, Like
• 1:16:29
  Speaker 1: it's just so much lighter for me. It was also
• 1:16:32
  Speaker 1: an opportunity to make a lifestyle because the method I
• 1:16:35
  Speaker 1: was using was slow and like g ruling, but like
• 1:16:38
  Speaker 1: it changes you, like mentally because like you're just going
• 1:16:42
  Speaker 1: through that with govy and ozempic and stuff. I think
• 1:16:44
  Speaker 1: really gives you that awesome assist where you're bringing that
• 1:16:47
  Speaker 1: sayety way up and so you're not craving and like
• 1:16:50
  Speaker 1: you're just feeling fulfilled, and I think you're learning how
• 1:16:52
  Speaker 1: to fill your life and your time differently, especially learning
• 1:16:56
  Speaker 1: to break the bond between eating an emotion. And so
• 1:16:58
  Speaker 1: it's a huge opportunity, like you said, Nick, to like
• 1:17:01
  Speaker 1: get into your new body, keep up that activity, build
• 1:17:03
  Speaker 1: new behaviors and habits, and also just discover the new
• 1:17:06
  Speaker 1: version of you. If you can do that, I think
• 1:17:09
  Speaker 1: the weight continues to fall off. I think you can
• 1:17:11
  Speaker 1: keep it off, but I like that advice. So this
• 1:17:13
  Speaker 1: is an opportunity to experience life at a different weight
• 1:17:16
  Speaker 1: and then kind of live in that new identity.
• 1:17:19
  Speaker 4: Yeah, something that stuck out to me first of all. Amazing.
• 1:17:23
  Speaker 2: Yeah, way to go.
• 1:17:24
  Speaker 4: I am just wildly impressed with that. It's such a
• 1:17:27
  Speaker 4: hurdle losing weight, It can be a struggle, So way
• 1:17:30
  Speaker 4: to go. What I loved about your letter was you
• 1:17:34
  Speaker 4: mentioned that your depression is still strong, but your two
• 1:17:37
  Speaker 4: brains are in an even match now, right. And this
• 1:17:40
  Speaker 4: is something when I talk with clients about who are
• 1:17:44
  Speaker 4: in extreme depressive episodes, I will sometimes mention and I
• 1:17:51
  Speaker 4: throw a caveat out there. I'm like, look, I know
• 1:17:53
  Speaker 4: this is basic bitch therapy. I literally will like you,
• 1:17:55
  Speaker 4: this is basic bitch therapy. You're like, have you gone
• 1:17:58
  Speaker 4: outside and put your face in the sun for for
• 1:18:00
  Speaker 4: five or ten minutes? Have you got moved your body? Like,
• 1:18:03
  Speaker 4: I don't even care what it is. I don't care
• 1:18:04
  Speaker 4: if we're walking in circles, but just exactly, I just
• 1:18:08
  Speaker 4: share it with me whenever you take exactly, but I
• 1:18:13
  Speaker 4: just I go over the basics and I'm like, here's
• 1:18:15
  Speaker 4: the deal. Work like exercise, eating better, all these things.
• 1:18:19
  Speaker 4: We go over those things. Not because I think, oh,
• 1:18:21
  Speaker 4: that's going to cure your depression.
• 1:18:23
  Speaker 2: It's not.
• 1:18:24
  Speaker 4: But it helps. It helps make days feel a little
• 1:18:29
  Speaker 4: more bearable, not so deep in this hole. Maybe it's
• 1:18:33
  Speaker 4: still a little dark, it's still a little dim, but
• 1:18:35
  Speaker 4: you're not so far down that it just feels like hopeless.
• 1:18:39
  Speaker 4: And so it's like setting that expectation. But I just
• 1:18:41
  Speaker 4: love the way you worded that.
• 1:18:43
  Speaker 2: I'm going to steal it brains.
• 1:18:45
  Speaker 4: Yeah, they're an even match.
• 1:18:46
  Speaker 1: Now, well, it's just insane. You know.
• 1:18:48
  Speaker 3: I've talked about this before too, but I really kind
• 1:18:50
  Speaker 3: of look at like when you talk about overall mental health,
• 1:18:54
  Speaker 3: I look at it as like three legs on a stool, old.
• 1:18:58
  Speaker 4: Man, next analogy, old three leggy nick.
• 1:19:02
  Speaker 2: That's what they used to call him in high school. Yeah, hello, ladies,
• 1:19:10
  Speaker 2: corn dogs.
• 1:19:12
  Speaker 1: Watch him do the strick with a corn dog. He
• 1:19:14
  Speaker 1: eats it in one bite. He just comes out with stick. Crazy,
• 1:19:18
  Speaker 1: not what you think it is.
• 1:19:21
  Speaker 4: Can cherry stem he can tie.
• 1:19:25
  Speaker 2: The corn dog? He can tie the stick into it.
• 1:19:31
  Speaker 2: Not very talented. I can. I can whittle a horse.
• 1:19:38
  Speaker 2: All these women are just fanning their fail Oh my god,
• 1:19:41
  Speaker 2: yours are just picking and eating corn, right, that's right,
• 1:19:45
  Speaker 2: just raw. All the farm hands are just staring at him.
• 1:19:48
  Speaker 2: That snort was okay, the three legs, Oh, go back
• 1:19:56
  Speaker 2: to that.
• 1:19:56
  Speaker 1: Yeah sorry.
• 1:19:57
  Speaker 3: Psycho pharmacology, yeah, psychotherapy and exercise, yeah okay. Now can
• 1:20:03
  Speaker 3: you address mental health.
• 1:20:05
  Speaker 1: Issues with just one?
• 1:20:07
  Speaker 2: Right?
• 1:20:08
  Speaker 1: Not very often?
• 1:20:10
  Speaker 2: Can you do it?
• 1:20:12
  Speaker 4: Very very precarious? That one?
• 1:20:14
  Speaker 1: Can you do it with two.
• 1:20:15
  Speaker 3: Yeah, a lot of people have tried, but three still
• 1:20:18
  Speaker 3: it is still gonna be the most effective.
• 1:20:20
  Speaker 1: I love that we're starting to see the term psychophysiology
• 1:20:25
  Speaker 1: being used more and more, and there's a lot more
• 1:20:27
  Speaker 1: research coming out and a lot more see the research
• 1:20:30
  Speaker 1: I think has been saying this for a long time.
• 1:20:32
  Speaker 1: We're seeing more and more research about it. But now
• 1:20:34
  Speaker 1: the profession is starting to catch up to feeling more
• 1:20:37
  Speaker 1: comfortable talking about it because it used to be this
• 1:20:39
  Speaker 1: thing we just never brought up, you know, and like
• 1:20:41
  Speaker 1: feeling more competent in it and like cross pollinating with
• 1:20:44
  Speaker 1: you know, trainers and like people that are out there
• 1:20:46
  Speaker 1: doing a little bit more. I think that's tremendous and
• 1:20:49
  Speaker 1: it's a big part of this. So the tripod thing
• 1:20:50
  Speaker 1: is absolutely true. It's interesting because I remember my anxiety
• 1:20:55
  Speaker 1: was notably different after a lot of the weight came off,
• 1:20:59
  Speaker 1: and I remember just no, not that, and not really
• 1:21:00
  Speaker 1: sure what to make of it. And then one day
• 1:21:02
  Speaker 1: I saw research come through on Medscape that said there's
• 1:21:06
  Speaker 1: a percentage of body fat and abdominal fat in particular
• 1:21:10
  Speaker 1: that is associated with severe.
• 1:21:11
  Speaker 2: Anxiety, and I was like, what the fuck?
• 1:21:13
  Speaker 1: And I opened this up, and I'm like starting to
• 1:21:15
  Speaker 1: learn about Like that is the wildest thing.
• 1:21:17
  Speaker 2: Like I would never have thought.
• 1:21:18
  Speaker 1: Those two things have anything the fuck to do in common.
• 1:21:21
  Speaker 1: Like you'd think of obesity being a lot more associated
• 1:21:24
  Speaker 1: with depression because like that seems more cyclical to us.
• 1:21:27
  Speaker 1: But it was fascinating to realize, like, yeah, there's this
• 1:21:29
  Speaker 1: whole like area of research that was finding a lot
• 1:21:31
  Speaker 1: of connection between specific kinds of abdominal fat and like
• 1:21:36
  Speaker 1: fatty liver disease things like that, which I absolutely had,
• 1:21:38
  Speaker 1: and like severe anxiety, and just the way that it
• 1:21:41
  Speaker 1: was inhibiting certain like transmitters and hormone levels and then
• 1:21:45
  Speaker 1: making you much more vulnerable to like if you have
• 1:21:47
  Speaker 1: that that disorder which I have, gad having more episodes
• 1:21:51
  Speaker 1: and having more panics.
• 1:21:52
  Speaker 2: I just like that is so fascinating to me. Right,
• 1:21:54
  Speaker 2: So it's just it's so interesting how all this is interrelated.
• 1:21:57
  Speaker 3: Yeah, because like the brain, you know, if you think
• 1:22:00
  Speaker 3: of it like a pharmacy, you know where it's got
• 1:22:02
  Speaker 3: all of these chemicals that are all supposed to be
• 1:22:05
  Speaker 3: working together. Yeah, and yeah, your your body changes how
• 1:22:11
  Speaker 3: those the mixture of those chemicals fascinating.
• 1:22:13
  Speaker 1: YEA. Also another cool Monday deep dive series that you
• 1:22:17
  Speaker 1: could launch is psychophysiology. Yeah, just like small like take
• 1:22:21
  Speaker 1: ons of Like, Okay, today, let's talk about anxiety, something
• 1:22:24
  Speaker 1: you don't think has anything the fuck to do, you know,
• 1:22:26
  Speaker 1: with anything fitness related.
• 1:22:28
  Speaker 2: Let's talk about that.
• 1:22:28
  Speaker 1: You know, that'd be a really cool breakdown side I
• 1:22:30
  Speaker 1: did it already.
• 1:22:31
  Speaker 4: Was like, nobody's ever talked about anxiety and you.
• 1:22:33
  Speaker 1: Never call it psychophysiology. I'm getting you a cool buzzwordzword. Anyway,
• 1:22:38
  Speaker 1: Winter Scoop, congratulations. I love reading letters where people are
• 1:22:42
  Speaker 1: managing their mental health, hitting personal health goals. I like
• 1:22:46
  Speaker 1: this idea of the health bank account. I'm totally stealing that.
• 1:22:48
  Speaker 1: It totally makes.
• 1:22:49
  Speaker 2: Sense, and I think that that totally totally is something
• 1:22:53
  Speaker 2: that we want to steal from and use.
• 1:22:54
  Speaker 1: So anyway, love hearing this. It's a little bit more
• 1:22:57
  Speaker 1: of a letter than a question, so we'll leave it there.
• 1:23:00
  Speaker 1: But which is great for us because we go out
• 1:23:02
  Speaker 1: of the park. Yeah, we're doing really good. I think
• 1:23:04
  Speaker 1: all of our answers were terrific on those. We yeah,
• 1:23:08
  Speaker 1: never miss, never miss you don't from us. We're great,
• 1:23:11
  Speaker 1: We're coming back. We are closing out the show.
• 1:23:13
  Speaker 2: You are listening to pod Therapy.
• 1:23:15
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• 1:23:23
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• 1:24:35
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• 1:27:27
  Speaker 1: I'm Nick Canjman.
• 1:27:28
  Speaker 2: I'm looking for more movie suggestions.
• 1:27:30
  Speaker 1: Thanks, and we'll see if your appointments next week. I
• 1:27:32
  Speaker 1: feel like there's some there's gotta be like a lot
• 1:27:34
  Speaker 1: of these classics, but they're not like classic classics, but
• 1:27:37
  Speaker 1: they're like good movies, you know, like not Iron Eagle.
• 1:27:40
  Speaker 1: But actually, none of your suggestions were reasonable.
• 1:27:43
  Speaker 5: I could flirt with all the guys, smile at them
• 1:27:45
  Speaker 5: and bat my eyes, press against them when we dance,
• 1:27:48
  Speaker 5: make them think that they stand a chance.
• 1:27:51
  Speaker 2: Then refuse to see it through. What That's a thing
• 1:27:54
  Speaker 2: I'd never do.
• 1:27:59
  Speaker 1: Love it gross?
• 1:28:01
  Speaker 2: All right, goodbye, everybody. They couldn't teach you anything.
• 1:28:04
  Speaker 5: You think you're such a looker, but no customer would
• 1:28:07
  Speaker 5: go to you unless you were shut the funk up.
• 1:28:11
  Speaker 2: This isn't Greece, Oh my god.
• 1:28:17
  Speaker 5: That's also like they're like, oh, you could just go
• 1:28:19
  Speaker 5: back to high school and then you can at least
• 1:28:21
  Speaker 5: get a job in the stinto pool.
• 1:28:23
  Speaker 1: What's the Oh the stenographers, Yeah, wow, by taking notes
• 1:28:28
  Speaker 1: for men doing business, business, business, wow, business, Bye everybody.
• 1:28:36
  Speaker 2: The Chick's Cream