Latest / The Spiritual Shitshow Podcast / What Am I For? (And the Song Only You Can Play)

Transcript

What Am I For? (And the Song Only You Can Play) · The Spiritual Shitshow Podcast

• 0:11
  Hello and welcome back to the Spiritual Shit Show Podcast.
• 0:13
  My name is Julie Nguyen, and the other day I was driving and I found myself thinking about how often we hold back from the things that feel the most alive in us and to us.
• 0:28
  And it got me thinking, I don't know if it's because we don't care or because we care too much or because we're kinda still bound by limiting belief systems or fear But I don't know if you've ever experienced this.
• 0:43
  You can feel an idea beginning to form.
• 0:48
  You can sense the direction you want to move in, what you wanna create.
• 0:52
  There's something that you wanna say.
• 0:54
  You have an idea.
• 0:56
  There's something that you wanna say, make, share, teach, build, or become.
• 1:03
  And for a moment, it feels so clear, and you can literally feel it,"This is happening.
• 1:11
  This is happening.
• 1:11
  It's gonna happen." And there's an excitement around it And then the questions start Is this right?
• 1:18
  Is this wrong?
• 1:19
  Can I do this?
• 1:21
  Will anybody come?
• 1:22
  Will anybody listen?
• 1:23
  Does it make sense?
• 1:25
  Will people understand?
• 1:26
  Will people like it?
• 1:27
  What will they say?
• 1:29
  And then before we've even begun, we begin to imagine the room we'll have to explain ourselves to And then sometimes the room actually shows up.
• 1:40
  People offer their feedback, their opinions, or they don't, and that can leave you curious of"Do they like it?
• 1:47
  Is anybody responding?
• 1:49
  Is this landing?
• 1:50
  Is this meaningful?" And then little by little, something that felt so creative and felt so alive gets placed onto a very linear path then we start dissecting this idea.
• 2:05
  Is this a good idea?
• 2:07
  Do I need to explain it?
• 2:09
  Do I need to prove myself in this idea?
• 2:13
  Am I beginning to compare my idea to what other people already doing?
• 2:19
  We can lose touch with the thing that made us want to begin when we do that.
• 2:26
  And then I don't know about you, but then I go into total freeze.
• 2:29
  And I wanna pause here because I don't think this means we should never listen to anyone for feedback or ideas or even advice because some people see things we can't see on our own, and also I feel like everything needs a witness.
• 2:47
  Our stories, our pain, our dreams, our ambitions, But here's the difference between receiving guidance and handing over the authority to be yourself and/or handing over subconsciously authority to your fear, your doubt, your limiting belief systems There's a difference between letting something refine your gift and letting it replace your gift.
• 3:16
  and and I want to offer this question, what if your gift was never supposed to look like anyone else's?
• 3:24
  And I think deep down inside you know that to be true.
• 3:28
  What if there isn't one right way for what came here to move through you?
• 3:34
  And while I was thinking about this, I was given a visual that really struck me.
• 3:41
  It was really quite beautiful.
• 3:43
  I saw the whole universe as this really beautiful sound.
• 3:49
  It was an orchestra of sound that I've never actually really heard before.
• 3:54
  And I saw all of us standing there with these instruments that were developed in our hearts and we are now holding in our hands.
• 4:06
  And each instrument was so uniquely different And the universe wasn't waiting for us to play perfectly.
• 4:21
  It was just inviting us to play And then I thought,"What a beautiful world we could create if more of us picked up what we have been given and we just played." And not because we've rehearsed it perfectly and it had to be perfect before we set it out into the world There's no right, there's no wrong And then it was, you know, it's not because everyone would like the sound either if it was played by itself But that this universal orchestra needs us in it We all have gifts.
• 5:01
  We all have our own ways of seeing, creating, loving, teaching, moving, speaking, building, connecting, and expressing.
• 5:15
  We each have gifts.
• 5:19
  We each have gifts, and those gifts are our soul instruments.
• 5:26
  And I believe we're being encouraged again and again and again to play them.
• 5:32
  The more of us who play the sound of our own souls, the more beautiful and harmonic this world can become And harmony is an important word here.
• 5:42
  Harmony doesn't mean we all sing the same note.
• 5:47
  Imagine how flat and boring that would be.
• 5:50
  Harmony comes from different notes finding ways to exist together.
• 5:55
  It comes from each part contributing something that others can't.
• 5:59
  Your sound doesn't take away from mine.
• 6:01
  Mine doesn't take away from yours.
• 6:03
  We don't have to compete for a place in the song.
• 6:07
  But I know it can be hard to believe that when you're standing at the edge of something that matters to you.
• 6:13
  Maybe you've felt that pull to write something, create something, build something, say something, but you keep thinking about how people will receive it maybe you wanna speak more honestly and you're afraid of being misunderstood or labeled or talked about Maybe you're drawn to a new way of working or wanting to be in your life or living, and it doesn't look like the path people expected you to take.
• 6:45
  So you don't take action and you wait.
• 6:49
  Or maybe you research, or you ask others for their opinions, or you make just one more adjustment.
• 6:57
  It's just not quite right yet.
• 6:59
  And all of those things can be useful until they become a way of postponing the moment when you let yourself be heard, you let yourself be seen, and more importantly, you let yourself be loved I understand that impulse.
• 7:18
  Being seen can feel vulnerable.
• 7:20
  Sharing something that's truly yours means someone might not connect with it.
• 7:25
  They have a judgment about it.
• 7:26
  They resonate with it.
• 7:27
  They don't resonate with it.
• 7:28
  They have an opinion about it.
• 7:29
  Someone might tell you how they would have done it or how you could do it better.
• 7:35
  They might even be right about a small part of it, but they can't tell you what it feels like to be you.
• 7:41
  They cannot hear the song from inside your body the way you do So maybe when we catch ourselves asking,"Am I doing this right?" We can just try another question.
• 7:56
  what am I for?
• 7:58
  Am I for love?
• 8:01
  Am I for expression?
• 8:03
  Am I for freedom?
• 8:04
  Am I for creativity?
• 8:06
  Am I for connection?
• 8:08
  Am I for teaching?
• 8:09
  Am I for healing?
• 8:11
  Am I for making space for something honest to come through me?
• 8:16
  These questions bring us to a deeper place within ourselves.
• 8:20
  They remind us that the point isn't to find a flawless performance.
• 8:24
  The point is to be in relationship with the gift that you have been given, to listen to it, to practice it, to care for it, and to play it.
• 8:39
  Let it move, because your gift doesn't have to arrive fully formed to be real.
• 8:48
  A musician learns by playing.
• 8:51
  They miss notes.
• 8:52
  They find rhythms they didn't expect.
• 8:54
  They hear what happens when they play with other people, and over time, they begin to trust their ear.
• 9:03
  Maybe we can give ourselves that same grace.
• 9:07
  You are allowed to begin before you know exactly what it will become You're also allowed to change your approach.
• 9:17
  You are also allowed to take in feedback and still choose what feels to be true for you.
• 9:26
  And you are allowed to sound like yourself even while you're learning what your sound is.
• 9:36
  And if you've spent a long time being quiet, please don't mistake that quiet for having nothing to offer.
• 9:43
  Sometimes we go quiet because what we carry matters to us And we're trying to protect it And then I want us to breathe into this knowing that we have to take the jump.
• 9:57
  We have to embrace and allow the moment And just like everything that we love, we have to let it fly so we can give it space to live I keep coming back to that image of all of us with our instruments, and I wonder how many sounds this world hasn't heard yet because someone is waiting for permission.
• 10:24
  I wonder how many people would feel less alone if they heard the very thing you are hesitant to share.
• 10:32
  You may never know all the ways your expression reaches someone.
• 10:35
  You may not even see what becomes possible because you chose to show up for yourself.
• 10:40
  You may never know the power of your inspiration, your impact If you've been making your gifts smaller or you're too afraid to play I want you to return to this question: What am I for?
• 10:57
  What is mine to bring?
• 10:59
  What would it feel like to play one honest, joyful note today?
• 11:06
  The universe is a song And there is a beautiful invitation for you to pick up your instrument and to play.
• 11:14
  Let us hear you and join this cosmic incredible sound of love