Latest / Two Doting Dads with Matty J & Ash / #259 Ash & April - His Sobriety, Her Side Of The Story

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#259 Ash & April - His Sobriety, Her Side Of The Story · Two Doting Dads with Matty J & Ash

• 0:00
  Speaker 1: This is just called Spice, but April's here.
• 0:04
  Speaker 2: You've got to say it with more enthusiasm.
• 0:05
  Speaker 3: I was going to say.
• 0:07
  Speaker 2: Yeah, April is here.
• 0:08
  Speaker 4: Yeah.
• 0:09
  Speaker 2: April, what did you have for breakfast? Oats. Oh, nice.
• 0:12
  Speaker 3: So I actually had two breakfasts already.
• 0:14
  Speaker 2: Go on.
• 0:15
  Speaker 5: Yeah.
• 0:15
  Speaker 1: Just lining up for a third.
• 0:17
  Speaker 3: Yeah. I brought some food with me in case I
• 0:19
  Speaker 3: got hungry.
• 0:19
  Speaker 1: Do you? No.
• 0:20
  Speaker 3: Of course I do.
• 0:21
  Speaker 1: I don't leave the house without it. Is that where
• 0:22
  Speaker 1: the funky smell was in the car? No.
• 0:23
  Speaker 2: You got a bit of chicken, a bit of rice?
• 0:25
  Speaker 1: No, no, no.
• 0:26
  Speaker 3: I have grapes, strawberries and a protein bar.
• 0:28
  Speaker 2: Grapes.
• 0:29
  Speaker 4: Grapes.
• 0:30
  Speaker 2: Interesting.
• 0:30
  Speaker 3: They're very expensive at the moment, must I add.
• 0:32
  Speaker 1: Yeah, $ 19 a kilo for a grape.
• 0:33
  Speaker 2: But surely the like the arowana grape is not there.
• 0:36
  Speaker 2: It's just sugar.
• 0:37
  Speaker 3: Yeah, but that's it.
• 0:38
  Speaker 5: I just like just have in my handbag just in
• 0:41
  Speaker 5: case because I didn't want to get hangry for you guys.
• 0:43
  Speaker 1: I would trade out that grape for like a Kit
• 0:46
  Speaker 1: Kat or something.
• 0:46
  Speaker 2: What about could you trade a grape for an apple?
• 0:49
  Speaker 3: Definitely not. I do not like apples.
• 0:50
  Speaker 2: Why?
• 0:51
  Speaker 3: They give me headaches. Weirdly, I know. I don't know why.
• 0:54
  Speaker 3: Don't know the science behind it.
• 0:55
  Speaker 2: I know.
• 0:56
  Speaker 1: Yeah, I don't know what.
• 1:00
  Speaker 2: So just flat out no apples.
• 1:01
  Speaker 3: Flat out no apples. Do not like them.
• 1:04
  Speaker 2: No. You never told me this.
• 1:05
  Speaker 3: Did you know that? You never seen me eat apples.
• 1:08
  Speaker 1: I've seen you eat an apple. Mate, I've seen you
• 1:13
  Speaker 1: eat apples before. You cut them up. You soak them
• 1:15
  Speaker 1: in salt water.
• 1:16
  Speaker 3: Yeah, I do that now, but that's for Oscar.
• 1:18
  Speaker 1: Oh, well, there you go. I'm wrong.
• 1:20
  Speaker 2: So, yeah. Everyone right now would be like, oh, my God.
• 1:24
  Speaker 2: I've also like she's one of us. I have headaches
• 1:26
  Speaker 2: with the apples as well.
• 1:28
  Speaker 1: Yeah.
• 1:28
  Speaker 2: If you get headaches from apples.
• 1:30
  Speaker 1: Let us know. How common is this? They do say
• 1:34
  Speaker 1: an apple a day keeps the doctor away. Not in
• 1:35
  Speaker 1: this case. Doesn't keep the panadol away.
• 1:39
  Speaker 2: When people say that, are you like wrong? Wrong.
• 1:41
  Speaker 3: Instantly wrong.
• 1:42
  Speaker 2: Absolutely not.
• 1:42
  Speaker 3: Not for me.
• 1:43
  Speaker 1: We drove into work together this morning.
• 1:45
  Speaker 2: It was cute.
• 1:46
  Speaker 6: Yeah.
• 1:46
  Speaker 2: When was the last time you guys went to work together?
• 1:48
  Speaker 1: Today. Before today.
• 1:52
  Speaker 2: That was like when you guys were.
• 1:54
  Speaker 3: Oh, as in like in the city.
• 1:56
  Speaker 1: When we used to have to go off the bus
• 1:57
  Speaker 1: because April had morning sickness.
• 1:59
  Speaker 2: Yeah.
• 1:59
  Speaker 1: And she used to be off on the bus.
• 2:01
  Speaker 2: Yeah.
• 2:01
  Speaker 3: And Ashton would sit there and just make sure I'm okay.
• 2:04
  Speaker 2: Any voms this morning?
• 2:06
  Speaker 3: No voms this morning.
• 2:07
  Speaker 1: We both drove here like it was silent because we
• 2:09
  Speaker 1: were anxious.
• 2:10
  Speaker 3: I wasn't.
• 2:11
  Speaker 5: You were.
• 2:11
  Speaker 1: Must be nice.
• 2:12
  Speaker 4: Yeah. I don't know.
• 2:13
  Speaker 2: Guys, this is a really safe place, okay? Just know
• 2:17
  Speaker 2: that whatever is said.
• 2:19
  Speaker 1: I feel sick.
• 2:22
  Speaker 2: I know. Because you're on holiday, Ash.
• 2:26
  Speaker 4: Wow.
• 2:27
  Speaker 1: Last holiday, Matt.
• 2:29
  Speaker 2: Right now, when this comes out, where will you be?
• 2:32
  Speaker 4: In a place called Similu, which is the northern tip. Well,
• 2:35
  Speaker 4: I don't know if it's quite the northern tip, but
• 2:37
  Speaker 4: it's a northern part of Indonesia.
• 2:39
  Speaker 1: Or Sumatra, if you will. Could be some tigers.
• 2:41
  Speaker 2: You never know. In the wild.
• 2:42
  Speaker 1: But a friend of ours has a surf filler up there.
• 2:45
  Speaker 1: So we're going to check it out because they put
• 2:47
  Speaker 1: a pool in.
• 2:48
  Speaker 2: So you will be either in the pool or you'll
• 2:50
  Speaker 2: be in the ocean.
• 2:52
  Speaker 1: Big swell coming. So I'm pumped.
• 2:55
  Speaker 2: There might be tigers and a typhoon.
• 2:57
  Speaker 3: Yeah.
• 2:58
  Speaker 2: You'd freak out your wife.
• 2:59
  Speaker 3: The tiger thing does scare me.
• 3:01
  Speaker 1: She's sturdy.
• 3:02
  Speaker 2: Are there actually tigers? Sumatra.
• 3:04
  Speaker 1: Sumatra tigers, bro.
• 3:05
  Speaker 2: But like where you're going to be?
• 3:06
  Speaker 1: I'll ask the locals. They'll be like, yeah, we lost
• 3:08
  Speaker 1: Timmy last week. They got a taste for us.
• 3:11
  Speaker 2: Okay. Well, like hopefully you return.
• 3:14
  Speaker 1: They're vegetarian tigers up there.
• 3:16
  Speaker 4: Or limbs.
• 3:16
  Speaker 2: Yeah, back in one piece.
• 3:17
  Speaker 1: They're vegetarian tigers up there.
• 3:19
  Speaker 2: I heard the first one. He says. Fuck.
• 3:22
  Speaker 1: I'm outnumbered.
• 3:23
  Speaker 2: Yeah, actually this is like. This is nice.
• 3:27
  Speaker 1: We should probably do an intro.
• 3:29
  Speaker 2: Oh yeah, sorry.
• 3:29
  Speaker 1: Welcome back to Two Doting Dads and One Doting Mum.
• 3:35
  Speaker 1: I am Matty J. I am April's husband.
• 3:39
  Speaker 2: And I'm April.
• 3:40
  Speaker 4: April.
• 3:52
  Speaker 2: And this is a podcast all about parenting. It is
• 3:54
  Speaker 2: the good, it is the bad.
• 3:55
  Speaker 1: And the relatable.
• 3:56
  Speaker 2: And we will not give advice.
• 3:58
  Speaker 1: No.
• 3:58
  Speaker 2: Actually, just quickly, life uncut, a little struggling independent podcast.
• 4:03
  Speaker 1: I've never heard of them.
• 4:05
  Speaker 2: Someone said in the Facebook group, I'm in there a lot. Okay.
• 4:08
  Speaker 2: I spend a lot of time on Facebook.
• 4:08
  Speaker 1: Why don't you respond to one of my fucking text messages?
• 4:10
  Speaker 2: Because I'm spruiking two doting dads. Someone said, I'm like
• 4:17
  Speaker 2: eight weeks pregnant. Everyone's like, congratulations. And she's like, what
• 4:20
  Speaker 2: podcast would you recommend? And I was just like waiting
• 4:23
  Speaker 2: and like refresh, refresh. And it was like kick, showing
• 4:28
  Speaker 2: birth stories.
• 4:28
  Speaker 1: Everyone was like, can someone hear that breathing?
• 4:30
  Speaker 2: Yeah. And I said, just waiting for someone to recommend
• 4:36
  Speaker 2: another podcast that I might have hosted. And then someone said,
• 4:40
  Speaker 2: you don't give advice.
• 4:42
  Speaker 4: Oh. Rude.
• 4:43
  Speaker 2: And I said, listen here. Every second Monday. We have
• 4:48
  Speaker 2: experts come in. It's like, fuck you.
• 4:51
  Speaker 1: Did you see the email that was on?
• 4:52
  Speaker 4: It was like, I've got to get a guest recommendation
• 4:54
  Speaker 4: for a PR agency that's not going to chew your listeners'
• 4:57
  Speaker 4: ears off with advice.
• 4:58
  Speaker 1: It was like, what? Since when have we ever done that?
• 5:01
  Speaker 1: It was like, you clearly don't listen.
• 5:03
  Speaker 2: Who was it?
• 5:03
  Speaker 1: It was something in the emails I was going to
• 5:05
  Speaker 1: talk to you about today.
• 5:06
  Speaker 5: I was like, fuck.
• 5:09
  Speaker 1: And then she suggests someone I've never heard of, and
• 5:11
  Speaker 1: I'm like.
• 5:12
  Speaker 2: I wonder if it's someone good and we're like, what
• 5:15
  Speaker 2: did he do?
• 5:16
  Speaker 4: I've already made an executive decision that I didn't like
• 5:18
  Speaker 4: how you opened the email.
• 5:19
  Speaker 2: It's like Barack Obama and we're like, no.
• 5:21
  Speaker 1: It's actually Michelle.
• 5:24
  Speaker 2: April, it is great to have you here.
• 5:25
  Speaker 3: Thank you.
• 5:26
  Speaker 2: We have had a number of requests for you to
• 5:29
  Speaker 2: join us here in the new studio talking about yourself
• 5:32
  Speaker 2: and your beautiful husband.
• 5:34
  Speaker 1: Well said.
• 5:34
  Speaker 2: Thank you.
• 5:35
  Speaker 1: And what do you think about the studio, Sophie?
• 5:37
  Speaker 3: I love it. It's so nice to see.
• 5:38
  Speaker 5: I saw it in like a work in progress where
• 5:40
  Speaker 5: it was half painted, but no, it looks really nice.
• 5:42
  Speaker 3: Very homely considering it's a studio.
• 5:44
  Speaker 4: It's Matt's couch that really brought it all together in
• 5:47
  Speaker 4: the homeliness.
• 5:48
  Speaker 3: No, I think it's the shelves.
• 5:49
  Speaker 2: The floating shelves work.
• 5:51
  Speaker 1: Where's more shelves than people?
• 5:52
  Speaker 2: There's a lot of shelves.
• 5:54
  Speaker 1: Yeah, I did.
• 5:55
  Speaker 2: I brought in my old couch and my old rug
• 5:57
  Speaker 2: and coffee table.
• 5:58
  Speaker 3: I did notice it looked like your house.
• 5:59
  Speaker 2: Laura kicked Matt out pretty much and he took his
• 6:02
  Speaker 2: half of the belongings. Actually, if we ever have an
• 6:05
  Speaker 2: argument and I need to have like someone to crash,
• 6:07
  Speaker 2: I'm coming here.
• 6:08
  Speaker 1: Bro, I wish we had this when I drank.
• 6:10
  Speaker 3: Yeah.
• 6:12
  Speaker 2: Fuck.
• 6:12
  Speaker 1: Where are you? I'm just sleeping in my bedroom. Which one?
• 6:15
  Speaker 1: The one up in my sleep. I'm working. I'm working hard.
• 6:17
  Speaker 1: I just had a mic over my head.
• 6:20
  Speaker 2: But I think a lot of people want to hear
• 6:22
  Speaker 2: your version. Obviously Ash has told his side of the story,
• 6:26
  Speaker 2: which is great.
• 6:26
  Speaker 1: I am the oath.
• 6:28
  Speaker 3: And me.
• 6:29
  Speaker 1: I'll tell nothing but the truth.
• 6:31
  Speaker 3: It feels a bit like that.
• 6:33
  Speaker 2: Remind me, I forget how many years when you guys
• 6:37
  Speaker 2: first met. It was 12 years ago?
• 6:39
  Speaker 1: 15 years ago.
• 6:39
  Speaker 2: Okay.
• 6:40
  Speaker 4: We've actually known each other for longer than that since
• 6:42
  Speaker 4: we were, how old were you when you were dating
• 6:44
  Speaker 4: one of my friends?
• 6:45
  Speaker 2: Year seven. That is beautiful.
• 6:48
  Speaker 1: I've also dated some of April's friends just for the record.
• 6:51
  Speaker 1: I don't want to seem like a.
• 6:53
  Speaker 2: Loser in this relationship. When Ash was, let's say, around
• 6:59
  Speaker 2: the ages of like 18, 19, 20, I feel like
• 7:02
  Speaker 2: most young Australian men of that age are drinking a lot.
• 7:06
  Speaker 2: Do you remember what his drinking was like when you
• 7:09
  Speaker 2: were first together in the early years of dating?
• 7:11
  Speaker 5: Yeah, we met in the era of binge drinking days, literally,
• 7:16
  Speaker 5: like every weekend.
• 7:18
  Speaker 1: The good old days, Michael.
• 7:21
  Speaker 5: Yeah, so like every weekend it was the same thing, Friday,
• 7:24
  Speaker 5: Saturday night we'd go out drinking until early hours.
• 7:27
  Speaker 4: April even smoked the odd cigarette to impress me.
• 7:31
  Speaker 5: To be fair, I never like fully could do it.
• 7:34
  Speaker 1: She was like, I love this.
• 7:37
  Speaker 2: I remember when we were going out and all my mates,
• 7:39
  Speaker 2: I didn't smoke, Ever?
• 7:41
  Speaker 1: You weren't cool like us.
• 7:43
  Speaker 2: I would sometimes like try when my mate would sometimes
• 7:47
  Speaker 2: say like, you don't know how, you're missing out on
• 7:49
  Speaker 2: such a good time. It's having a morning coffee with
• 7:51
  Speaker 2: a cigarette. And I'd be like. That's so good. So
• 7:53
  Speaker 2: when I was drunk, I'd have one and I'd just never.
• 7:56
  Speaker 2: If people were going into the smoking area, I'd be like,
• 7:59
  Speaker 2: can I come?
• 7:59
  Speaker 1: Yeah, can I come? You just stick like an ashtray
• 8:02
  Speaker 1: with none of the.
• 8:03
  Speaker 2: Yeah.
• 8:04
  Speaker 1: You just pretend.
• 8:04
  Speaker 2: I just head-spin them in like, this is great.
• 8:08
  Speaker 3: Did none of your mates bring back the barley cigarettes?
• 8:11
  Speaker 1: Oh, the goudangs.
• 8:11
  Speaker 3: The mint ones. They were good.
• 8:13
  Speaker 2: I could handle those.
• 8:15
  Speaker 4: The ones that crackle and pop and they had like
• 8:17
  Speaker 4: the butt taste like honey or something.
• 8:19
  Speaker 1: Oh, I don't remember that that well. The goudangs.
• 8:21
  Speaker 2: And like one cigarette would get passed around to 20 people. Yeah.
• 8:24
  Speaker 1: Everyone's just green.
• 8:25
  Speaker 2: And that's why I have coleslaw.
• 8:28
  Speaker 1: Yeah.
• 8:29
  Speaker 2: Do you remember then as we got a little bit older,
• 8:33
  Speaker 2: we got a little bit more mature, people's drinking starts
• 8:36
  Speaker 2: to taper off. Do you remember at any point where
• 8:40
  Speaker 2: you thought, oh, maybe Ash is drinking too much still? No.
• 8:45
  Speaker 5: I don't think I realised Ash had a problem drinking
• 8:49
  Speaker 5: until he told me he had a problem drinking.
• 8:52
  Speaker 3: Like it just was more normal drinking.
• 8:55
  Speaker 5: Because he's, like, him and his mates, like, they all just,
• 8:57
  Speaker 5: they have beers on the weekend or they have beers,
• 8:58
  Speaker 5: you know, Thursday, Friday, Saturday.
• 9:00
  Speaker 3: So it wasn't to me, like, a problem at that stage.
• 9:04
  Speaker 2: Yeah.
• 9:05
  Speaker 1: It was pretty early doors, I think.
• 9:06
  Speaker 3: Yeah.
• 9:07
  Speaker 4: I think, yeah, over the earlier years it was just so,
• 9:10
  Speaker 4: still so common.
• 9:11
  Speaker 1: Like, I was early 20s. So, you know, what do
• 9:14
  Speaker 1: you do with your mates?
• 9:15
  Speaker 4: Like, most of the time you go into the pub, like, then,
• 9:18
  Speaker 4: you know, you're leading up to, like, getting married and stuff,
• 9:21
  Speaker 4: and it's all surrounded by alcohol. Even at that point
• 9:25
  Speaker 4: I didn't think I really had a problem.
• 9:26
  Speaker 1: So I just thought it was normal.
• 9:28
  Speaker 2: So then even right up until Ash stopped drinking, at
• 9:32
  Speaker 2: any point were you thinking, were there any particular moments
• 9:35
  Speaker 2: where you thought, oh, he's probably giving it a bit
• 9:38
  Speaker 2: too much of a nudge?
• 9:39
  Speaker 5: I think there was definitely stages where you would try
• 9:42
  Speaker 5: and stop drinking. And I think when you started having
• 9:45
  Speaker 5: those breaks and I really realized how much it affected
• 9:49
  Speaker 5: you and that's why you needed the break. And that
• 9:51
  Speaker 5: was kind of like, I feel like you'd have breaks.
• 9:53
  Speaker 3: Over the past couple of years.
• 9:55
  Speaker 1: Yeah.
• 9:55
  Speaker 2: Yeah.
• 9:55
  Speaker 3: And so that's when it kind of came.
• 9:57
  Speaker 1: Yeah.
• 9:58
  Speaker 4: I feel like, you know, since having kids, it really
• 10:01
  Speaker 4: highlighted that because it was sort of like to suppress
• 10:04
  Speaker 4: and to block out any emotions and also the overstimulation
• 10:10
  Speaker 4: of a of a child. And then, you know, it
• 10:13
  Speaker 4: definitely highlighted it having Oscar. And then as the years
• 10:17
  Speaker 4: sort of progressed from there, it was pretty evident that
• 10:20
  Speaker 4: I was battling with it, but I wasn't in a
• 10:23
  Speaker 4: position to feel like it. I still didn't think it
• 10:26
  Speaker 4: was a problem because we just, I just thought I
• 10:28
  Speaker 4: was just, you know, battling with it. Yeah.
• 10:30
  Speaker 2: At your peak, obviously, you know, there's moments throughout the year,
• 10:33
  Speaker 2: like coming into summer lends itself perfectly for everyone to
• 10:36
  Speaker 2: drink more, socialize more. At the moments where it was
• 10:39
  Speaker 2: at its peak, how much were you drinking?
• 10:42
  Speaker 4: Before I quit, alcohol was probably, last year, let's just
• 10:45
  Speaker 4: say last year, was at its worst.
• 10:48
  Speaker 1: I think you mentioned there like summer.
• 10:50
  Speaker 4: I feel like people and me in particular looked at
• 10:52
  Speaker 4: summer as like, it's okay to drink this much.
• 10:55
  Speaker 1: But it was really those winter months where.
• 10:58
  Speaker 2: When it's hot, it's just like.
• 10:59
  Speaker 1: It's so socially acceptable. It's just part and parcel, right?
• 11:02
  Speaker 4: And especially like being Australian, we thrive in the sun
• 11:05
  Speaker 4: and then we're like, Throw in a couple of pints
• 11:08
  Speaker 4: in there and woohoo, we're having a great time. But
• 11:10
  Speaker 4: I think for me, last year I was so busy
• 11:14
  Speaker 4: and travelled so much, commuting, I would also just get
• 11:18
  Speaker 4: to where I was working and if I wasn't doing
• 11:21
  Speaker 4: the work, I was isolating and drinking alone in my
• 11:23
  Speaker 4: hotel room. It sort of got to the point where
• 11:26
  Speaker 4: I was drinking anywhere between 12 and 15 beers a
• 11:29
  Speaker 4: night alone in my office at home.
• 11:32
  Speaker 2: Wow. And were you aware of that at all, April?
• 11:36
  Speaker 5: Yes, because I'd wake up to all the bottles or
• 11:39
  Speaker 5: cans on the kitchen bench.
• 11:41
  Speaker 1: I'd hide half of them.
• 11:42
  Speaker 5: It was my pet hate though. I was like, but
• 11:44
  Speaker 5: like in saying that, you did clean them up obviously
• 11:46
  Speaker 5: that day. But yeah, so I could definitely tell like
• 11:48
  Speaker 5: there were mountains of cans and bottles going through.
• 11:52
  Speaker 4: And I used to hide half of it. I've never
• 11:55
  Speaker 4: told you that actually.
• 11:55
  Speaker 3: No, I was going to say that's the first time
• 11:57
  Speaker 3: I heard that.
• 11:58
  Speaker 2: I feel like, I don't know if this is the
• 12:01
  Speaker 2: same with other people who drink a lot, but for me,
• 12:04
  Speaker 2: like I look at Ash and if we had a
• 12:06
  Speaker 2: big night, you could still sleep for a couple of minutes,
• 12:11
  Speaker 2: open your eyes, pop out of bed and you'd be
• 12:13
  Speaker 2: ready to go to church almost.
• 12:14
  Speaker 1: Vegas exhibit A. Yeah.
• 12:16
  Speaker 4: Nine days of, I remember we had a little cuddle
• 12:18
  Speaker 4: out the front of Allegiant Stadium the day before the
• 12:21
  Speaker 4: game and you were like, you're doing really well. Because
• 12:22
  Speaker 4: I was, I think at that point we were like
• 12:24
  Speaker 4: eight days straight of, Working, drinking, editing ourselves, doing a
• 12:28
  Speaker 4: podcast from another country. Those days were just like so full.
• 12:32
  Speaker 1: On for us.
• 12:33
  Speaker 4: But I remember that moment and I was like, fuck,
• 12:35
  Speaker 4: I can't. Even then I was like, I can't carry
• 12:38
  Speaker 4: on like this forever.
• 12:39
  Speaker 2: Yeah. Because I think people would be listening and being like, well,
• 12:41
  Speaker 2: surely you must have been able to tell that like
• 12:44
  Speaker 2: he wasn't the best version of himself.
• 12:46
  Speaker 5: He was functioning the next day. So even though, you know,
• 12:50
  Speaker 5: he'd be so hungover. He always eventually got out of bed, shower,
• 12:54
  Speaker 5: we'd go do something with the kids. But it's not
• 12:56
  Speaker 5: until I look back now that I realize how different
• 13:00
  Speaker 5: he is at full potential now and what I thought
• 13:03
  Speaker 5: was like, you know, he was fine.
• 13:05
  Speaker 2: Yeah, because I guess it's, you know, drinking has always
• 13:08
  Speaker 2: just been a part of your relationship from when you
• 13:11
  Speaker 2: guys first met to get to that point where you're
• 13:13
  Speaker 2: drinking your most. I'm assuming that was just a real
• 13:15
  Speaker 2: gradual buildup.
• 13:17
  Speaker 4: Yeah, I think those moments that I was talking about
• 13:19
  Speaker 4: where I try to give myself a break was those
• 13:21
  Speaker 4: moments where I need to stop the buildup because you're right,
• 13:25
  Speaker 4: your tolerance gets, you build a tolerance and then all
• 13:29
  Speaker 4: of a sudden you're drinking 10 beers and don't even
• 13:31
  Speaker 4: notice it. And then, yeah, I would take those breaks
• 13:35
  Speaker 4: because I was like, I was just physically exhausted.
• 13:36
  Speaker 1: And that's what this one really, really was.
• 13:38
  Speaker 4: This one was like I sort of had a bit
• 13:40
  Speaker 4: more determination that I wanted to do an extended stint
• 13:45
  Speaker 4: for the kids really.
• 13:47
  Speaker 1: I was exhausted, don't get me wrong.
• 13:49
  Speaker 4: I was, you know, so many years of it and
• 13:52
  Speaker 4: lack of sleep over those years and trying to hide
• 13:55
  Speaker 4: it so that it didn't affect the family so much,
• 13:58
  Speaker 4: especially the next day. But it sort of just got
• 14:01
  Speaker 4: to the point where I was like, I need a
• 14:02
  Speaker 4: break or I'm going to explode.
• 14:05
  Speaker 2: And when you say, like, I needed that break, otherwise
• 14:09
  Speaker 2: it was going to get to boiling point, were you
• 14:11
  Speaker 2: communicating that to April or was that just all internalised?
• 14:14
  Speaker 1: There was some communication because April could tell that, I
• 14:17
  Speaker 1: was definitely struggling with it, but I don't think she
• 14:21
  Speaker 1: really understood the extent of what my brain was telling me.
• 14:25
  Speaker 1: And there's been times.
• 14:26
  Speaker 4: I've tried to articulate how I'm feeling. We've talked about,
• 14:31
  Speaker 4: you know, it's like losing my best friend. I've had
• 14:34
  Speaker 4: that conversation with her once before because it was so
• 14:36
  Speaker 4: heartbreaking and gut-wrenching to think.
• 14:39
  Speaker 1: That this– part of this. It was such a big
• 14:42
  Speaker 1: part of who I am.
• 14:43
  Speaker 4: And like, think about like losing 50% of your personality
• 14:46
  Speaker 4: overnight about that.
• 14:47
  Speaker 1: That's that it scared me. It made me think like,
• 14:51
  Speaker 1: what am I going to be like?
• 14:52
  Speaker 4: But I was also very curious to like, I was
• 14:54
  Speaker 4: just so very curious to understand what my brain's full
• 14:58
  Speaker 4: potential could be because I had never given myself the opportunity.
• 15:02
  Speaker 4: I used to have a manager, right? So this manager
• 15:04
  Speaker 4: would say to me when we used to sell cars, right?
• 15:06
  Speaker 4: He would say, make sure you exhaust every opportunity. And
• 15:09
  Speaker 4: at I reflected on that a little while ago, last
• 15:13
  Speaker 4: year was, and I was like, I've never actually followed
• 15:16
  Speaker 4: through with that in my personal life where it's like
• 15:19
  Speaker 4: I've never ever followed through with what's my potential. I
• 15:24
  Speaker 4: never gave myself the opportunity to exhaust my brain power
• 15:27
  Speaker 4: to see if I was a better or worse person.
• 15:31
  Speaker 4: So it just played with me a bit there. Yeah.
• 15:35
  Speaker 2: Were there any moments, and this might be really hard
• 15:37
  Speaker 2: to cast your mind back because my memory is mush.
• 15:41
  Speaker 1: You just spoke about your memory.
• 15:43
  Speaker 2: But were there any moments when Ash was drinking a
• 15:47
  Speaker 2: lot where you felt like he was letting you down
• 15:49
  Speaker 2: or the family down?
• 15:51
  Speaker 5: I feel like kind of what you were saying before,
• 15:53
  Speaker 5: like there was build-up, build-up, I feel like I could
• 15:55
  Speaker 5: see when this was happening. Like there was always a
• 15:58
  Speaker 5: pattern and it would be, I want to say it
• 16:00
  Speaker 5: kind of almost came about more so when you started
• 16:04
  Speaker 5: the social media thing. career because there'd be so many
• 16:07
  Speaker 5: events and it was all brand new and you'd literally
• 16:09
  Speaker 5: say yes to every single event and it was a
• 16:11
  Speaker 5: pattern and then I was fine with you going because
• 16:14
  Speaker 5: like this is great this is great opportunity blah blah
• 16:16
  Speaker 5: but yeah after so many events and whatnot you'd come
• 16:21
  Speaker 5: crashing and that's when you'd have the old little um
• 16:24
  Speaker 5: stop drinking stint and they'd be like okay I'm good
• 16:27
  Speaker 5: again and same thing like it just it was repetitive
• 16:30
  Speaker 5: in a way yeah.
• 16:31
  Speaker 2: Did you try and encourage that suggestion of let's have
• 16:35
  Speaker 2: a break or what was your approach there?
• 16:37
  Speaker 5: I think very early days I learnt I could never
• 16:41
  Speaker 5: tell Ashton what to do.
• 16:44
  Speaker 3: Very, very early days.
• 16:47
  Speaker 1: I'm fair though.
• 16:48
  Speaker 3: I'm fair.
• 16:49
  Speaker 5: So I think I, like I still say it, I'm
• 16:52
  Speaker 5: just like you tell me, like I'm here to support
• 16:54
  Speaker 5: you no matter what. You tell me how I can
• 16:57
  Speaker 5: do that for you. So it was never like. I
• 17:00
  Speaker 5: don't think I ever was like, you need to stop drinking.
• 17:02
  Speaker 3: This is ridiculous.
• 17:03
  Speaker 5: I think, which is kind of hard as well, because
• 17:05
  Speaker 5: I watched the pattern, but I think I just learnt
• 17:08
  Speaker 5: me getting involved and having a say would just tip
• 17:11
  Speaker 5: him backwards anyway.
• 17:13
  Speaker 2: Did you ever think like, maybe I should give him
• 17:15
  Speaker 2: an ultimatum, you know, it's you drink or you, you know,
• 17:19
  Speaker 2: if you do that, then this will happen. And did
• 17:21
  Speaker 2: you try and use any of that as a way
• 17:24
  Speaker 2: of encouraging him to take a break?
• 17:26
  Speaker 5: I don't think I ever gave you an ultimatum. I
• 17:28
  Speaker 5: think because you just functioned a bit, like you would
• 17:31
  Speaker 5: just function. So it was like, if you go out
• 17:33
  Speaker 5: the night before, I was like, just show up the
• 17:36
  Speaker 5: next day. That's all I asked for you. And I
• 17:37
  Speaker 5: think I said that multiple times, like, that's fine.
• 17:39
  Speaker 3: You go out, go out to whatever hour in the
• 17:41
  Speaker 3: morning you need. Just show up the next day for
• 17:43
  Speaker 3: me and the kids.
• 17:44
  Speaker 2: Yeah.
• 17:44
  Speaker 5: And he would, but it's not until now I look back,
• 17:47
  Speaker 5: him showing up is very different to him showing up now.
• 17:50
  Speaker 2: Yeah. In what way?
• 17:51
  Speaker 3: He is just a completely different person.
• 17:54
  Speaker 5: Like, his full potential is actually showing up now as
• 17:57
  Speaker 5: a dad, as a husband, as a partner, as everything.
• 18:00
  Speaker 5: I didn't realize what we had missed out on for
• 18:04
  Speaker 5: so long until now.
• 18:08
  Speaker 2: Yeah.
• 18:08
  Speaker 1: That breaks my heart.
• 18:09
  Speaker 2: Yeah.
• 18:10
  Speaker 4: And we've spoken about that where it's, you know, I
• 18:13
  Speaker 4: feel really, really guilty about not, you know, I obviously
• 18:18
  Speaker 4: still have my moments like everyone does. I mean, parenting
• 18:20
  Speaker 4: is really, really fucking hard, but I think, I was
• 18:24
  Speaker 4: functioning but I wasn't giving all of myself to my
• 18:28
  Speaker 4: kids and their emotions, which I think I just drowned
• 18:32
  Speaker 4: that out so much because I had developed this problem
• 18:38
  Speaker 4: and used it to cope that I wasn't so observant.
• 18:43
  Speaker 1: And aware of.
• 18:45
  Speaker 4: What more I could be doing to enrich these kids' lives.
• 18:50
  Speaker 4: And then when I had started to exit the room
• 18:53
  Speaker 4: of alcohol, I'm looking at Oscar and Macy so differently.
• 18:56
  Speaker 1: Like it's fucking wild. The relationship in such a.
• 19:01
  Speaker 4: Short time that I've built with both of them where
• 19:05
  Speaker 4: I want to see them do their absolute best and give,
• 19:08
  Speaker 4: I want to give them everything that I haven't been
• 19:10
  Speaker 4: able to give them because I was selfish and didn't
• 19:13
  Speaker 4: really know the way.
• 19:15
  Speaker 2: Those mornings where you would wake up and you would
• 19:17
  Speaker 2: see all the bottles there after Ash had had a
• 19:20
  Speaker 2: night on the drink. What was your initial reaction when
• 19:22
  Speaker 2: you saw that?
• 19:23
  Speaker 5: I think it's just like, okay, what sort of ash
• 19:27
  Speaker 5: am I getting today?
• 19:28
  Speaker 3: That sucks.
• 19:29
  Speaker 1: Sorry about that.
• 19:31
  Speaker 2: I'm sorry.
• 19:32
  Speaker 5: Yeah, because I just know like it's not, you know,
• 19:35
  Speaker 5: I feel like almost, yeah, I'd have to walk around
• 19:37
  Speaker 5: a little bit like on eggshells because I don't want to,
• 19:39
  Speaker 5: because you would be, you know, short-tempered and like, yeah,
• 19:43
  Speaker 5: harder with the kids and stuff. So it was, yeah, okay.
• 19:47
  Speaker 5: I feel like I'd mentally prepare for that.
• 19:49
  Speaker 1: I'm sorry.
• 19:49
  Speaker 4: Yeah.
• 19:50
  Speaker 2: To do that.
• 19:50
  Speaker 3: No, that's all right. I'm not perfect.
• 19:52
  Speaker 2: Don't be silly. And then hearing now that that was
• 19:57
  Speaker 2: only the half of it because the rest of it
• 19:59
  Speaker 2: was being hidden by Ash. How does that make you feel?
• 20:02
  Speaker 3: Yeah, that's, that's a shock.
• 20:04
  Speaker 5: I am like sad that he felt like he needed
• 20:07
  Speaker 5: to hide that, but. I don't want to dwell on
• 20:11
  Speaker 5: the past.
• 20:12
  Speaker 3: It's the past.
• 20:14
  Speaker 1: I felt like I was just ashamed.
• 20:19
  Speaker 4: I just felt like I was just ashamed that I
• 20:21
  Speaker 4: was sneaking around in my own house hiding beers, which
• 20:26
  Speaker 4: fucking sucks, man. Like when my grandfather died, I found
• 20:30
  Speaker 4: a bottle of 75% proof rum next to his bed
• 20:34
  Speaker 4: and I felt like I felt so exposed.
• 20:37
  Speaker 1: Do you know what? I felt like I get it.
• 20:39
  Speaker 1: That's what I felt like.
• 20:41
  Speaker 4: I loved him so much. Thanks to COVID, we'd never
• 20:43
  Speaker 4: had a funeral.
• 20:44
  Speaker 2: Sorry.
• 20:45
  Speaker 4: He used to drink 30 sakunas a day. I just
• 20:50
  Speaker 4: felt like he saw me. He used to tell me
• 20:53
  Speaker 4: that he didn't want to be here anymore because it
• 20:56
  Speaker 4: was just all so hard.
• 20:58
  Speaker 2: Gosh, and you can relate to that so much more now.
• 21:01
  Speaker 4: When he died, he died in the hospital. I remember
• 21:06
  Speaker 4: it was during COVID and I saw him and he died.
• 21:09
  Speaker 4: said to me we're going down for lunch at the
• 21:11
  Speaker 4: RSL and he said bring us back a schooner he
• 21:14
  Speaker 4: knew it was a joke it was on his deathbed
• 21:17
  Speaker 4: essentially I never saw him again and I remember just
• 21:25
  Speaker 4: thinking those words were so fitting that I never that
• 21:29
  Speaker 4: a day goes by where I don't think about that
• 21:32
  Speaker 4: and then my therapist said to me it's great to
• 21:35
  Speaker 4: have those memories but you're not him and you you
• 21:39
  Speaker 4: have a choice, you have choices if you want to stop.
• 21:42
  Speaker 4: And I don't think he ever wanted to stop, but
• 21:45
  Speaker 4: he also didn't want to be around.
• 21:47
  Speaker 1: And I think I thought, okay, well, he wouldn't want
• 21:51
  Speaker 1: me to do that.
• 21:56
  Speaker 2: If someone was to say, I'm trying to like allow
• 21:58
  Speaker 2: other people to understand what it's like being so close
• 22:01
  Speaker 2: and like the inner circle of this relationship. But, you know,
• 22:04
  Speaker 2: someone was to say, when did you, when did you
• 22:05
  Speaker 2: realize your kids weren't babies that were kids? And you're like, well,
• 22:08
  Speaker 2: it just, it just happens a little bit by a
• 22:11
  Speaker 2: little bit each day that all of a sudden you're like,
• 22:13
  Speaker 2: you know, when you have a chance to really analyze
• 22:16
  Speaker 2: the situation and be like, oh my God, it's so
• 22:18
  Speaker 2: vastly different. But I often think, oh, it'd be so
• 22:21
  Speaker 2: interesting to look at Like if old Ash was to
• 22:24
  Speaker 2: walk into the room, you know, and to like see
• 22:27
  Speaker 2: side by side that the difference in the two, because
• 22:29
  Speaker 2: I think back to like, you know, Vegas is an
• 22:32
  Speaker 2: example of like, who was that person? Like it was
• 22:35
  Speaker 2: still Ash, but yeah, it's, it's so different to how
• 22:38
  Speaker 2: it is now. Cause you know, it wasn't like a,
• 22:40
  Speaker 2: a big announcement of like, I am sober, you know,
• 22:43
  Speaker 2: it was like, I'm taking a break. And so did you,
• 22:46
  Speaker 2: when you were noticing things were getting better, did you
• 22:49
  Speaker 2: have to try and digest the thought of like, well,
• 22:51
  Speaker 2: he might start drinking again? Because it's not like, it's
• 22:54
  Speaker 2: a big announcement of like April from now on, I
• 22:57
  Speaker 2: am sober. And that's a promise. It was like, I'm
• 22:59
  Speaker 2: going to take a break. So how often were you
• 23:01
  Speaker 2: trying to manage your own expectations to go, well, he
• 23:03
  Speaker 2: might go back?
• 23:04
  Speaker 3: I still manage it.
• 23:06
  Speaker 5: I feel like, you know, there's a part of me
• 23:08
  Speaker 5: that thinks maybe one day, maybe, I don't know. I
• 23:11
  Speaker 5: think maybe in my head, I'm like, maybe one day
• 23:13
  Speaker 5: you'll be that person that just has one drink. But
• 23:15
  Speaker 5: I know that's not the case ever for you. So
• 23:16
  Speaker 5: there's still a part of me that's like, oh, maybe
• 23:18
  Speaker 5: one day he will start drinking again. But maybe he
• 23:23
  Speaker 5: would have learned so much that it'll be different. I
• 23:25
  Speaker 5: think I don't think I'll ever go back to the
• 23:27
  Speaker 5: ash that was the heavy drinker if it ever came
• 23:30
  Speaker 5: to it.
• 23:31
  Speaker 2: No. And so were you for yourself, were you trying
• 23:35
  Speaker 2: to think, well, how can I continue this like good
• 23:39
  Speaker 2: run going?
• 23:40
  Speaker 3: How do I hold onto it?
• 23:41
  Speaker 2: Yeah. How do I help Ash?
• 23:43
  Speaker 1: Yeah.
• 23:43
  Speaker 5: I just, yeah, there's part of me that I'm like,
• 23:46
  Speaker 5: what else can I be doing to show him? Like,
• 23:49
  Speaker 5: I just hope he realizes, I'm sure you do, but
• 23:53
  Speaker 5: like what an amazing transformation. And I just hope that
• 23:56
  Speaker 5: you see that, which I think you do. I just
• 23:59
  Speaker 5: don't want you to ever lose.
• 24:00
  Speaker 4: Sight of that.
• 24:01
  Speaker 2: Yeah.
• 24:02
  Speaker 4: It's someone asked me the other day, they were like,
• 24:04
  Speaker 4: you know, what, like same question, like what, is the
• 24:07
  Speaker 4: best thing that April's sort of done to try and help.
• 24:09
  Speaker 1: And I say, just understand how I'm feeling. And that's it.
• 24:13
  Speaker 1: She never told me I needed to quit drinking. She
• 24:15
  Speaker 1: never told me.
• 24:16
  Speaker 4: You never said really anything, but I could, I could
• 24:20
  Speaker 4: pick up that it wasn't, it wasn't making you happy.
• 24:23
  Speaker 1: I could pick that up.
• 24:25
  Speaker 4: And now I don't want to do it. Not just
• 24:28
  Speaker 4: for me, but for you and for the kids. I
• 24:31
  Speaker 4: think so many people have said to me that your
• 24:33
  Speaker 4: kids will thank you so much. And it's like I
• 24:35
  Speaker 4: feel like there already are that I don't want to
• 24:38
  Speaker 4: give that up for anything. You know, we went to
• 24:41
  Speaker 4: an end-of-year soccer barbecue yesterday where, you know, me and
• 24:44
  Speaker 4: another guy there, they're sober but everyone else is, you know,
• 24:48
  Speaker 4: we're chatting and everyone's having a drink and I could
• 24:51
  Speaker 4: see he was quite agitated because he's not as far
• 24:54
  Speaker 4: along in his journey. But I was really content and
• 24:57
  Speaker 4: really felt really confident the fact that I didn't for
• 25:01
  Speaker 4: once feel like I needed to drink.
• 25:03
  Speaker 3: Yeah.
• 25:04
  Speaker 1: Not once, yes.
• 25:05
  Speaker 5: Yeah, I was so impressed by you because like before
• 25:09
  Speaker 5: we went and you even said it was like 12 p.m.
• 25:12
  Speaker 3: To 4 p.m. party or whatever.
• 25:13
  Speaker 5: And he's like, I think I want to leave like,
• 25:15
  Speaker 5: you know, 3 p.m. And in my head I was like,
• 25:16
  Speaker 5: you know, when Ashton calls it, we'll just leave. Like
• 25:20
  Speaker 5: whenever you're uncomfortable, we'll leave. Like 100% I support that.
• 25:24
  Speaker 5: And then the fact like, you know, the time just
• 25:25
  Speaker 5: kept ticking and I looked over and you're just chatting
• 25:28
  Speaker 5: and just being you. With a Pepsi Max in your hand.
• 25:33
  Speaker 1: Thank God for Pepsi Max.
• 25:34
  Speaker 2: This is not sponsored by Pepsi.
• 25:37
  Speaker 1: Not yet.
• 25:39
  Speaker 5: So it was, yeah, a real proud moment, I think,
• 25:41
  Speaker 5: to see you. Because we haven't done a social situation
• 25:45
  Speaker 5: like that.
• 25:45
  Speaker 1: Not of that, yeah. To that extent. There have been
• 25:47
  Speaker 1: bits and bobs, but not as many people.
• 25:50
  Speaker 4: And, yeah, I think I was just walking around so
• 25:54
  Speaker 4: proud of myself that whole time.
• 25:56
  Speaker 1: I think this whole thing is. I'm way more of
• 26:00
  Speaker 1: a thoughtful person.
• 26:02
  Speaker 5: Oh, you are like the most thoughtful person to ever
• 26:06
  Speaker 5: exist and now.
• 26:08
  Speaker 3: Like you always were before but like now.
• 26:10
  Speaker 1: Yeah, he's a secret empath.
• 26:11
  Speaker 2: Yeah.
• 26:12
  Speaker 3: Oh, it shines. It absolutely shines that trait on you.
• 26:15
  Speaker 1: It makes me feel good.
• 26:16
  Speaker 3: Yeah.
• 26:17
  Speaker 4: And I feel like it's one of the only, like
• 26:20
  Speaker 4: it's sort of one of the only times now that
• 26:22
  Speaker 4: I like, not now, but like it makes me feel good.
• 26:26
  Speaker 4: to help, you know, to be thoughtful of someone else.
• 26:30
  Speaker 4: And it's like gets me going. You know, one of
• 26:32
  Speaker 4: the mums talks to me about her husband and if
• 26:36
  Speaker 4: I can help and, you know, I come home from
• 26:39
  Speaker 4: that conversation, I'm like, I'm fucking fired up, dude.
• 26:41
  Speaker 1: Like for lack of a better word, fuck gets my
• 26:43
  Speaker 1: dick hard, eh?
• 26:45
  Speaker 4: You know, and I do this thing where there's people
• 26:50
  Speaker 4: in my life that I know that need help or
• 26:53
  Speaker 4: even just– there's something and I'm, I don't know. I
• 26:57
  Speaker 4: just subconsciously do it where I'll just go through and just,
• 26:59
  Speaker 4: I'll just flick a message to that person. Like even,
• 27:02
  Speaker 4: it's going to sound so dumb, even the girth master.
• 27:05
  Speaker 1: Okay.
• 27:07
  Speaker 4: At the start of the year, he went through a
• 27:08
  Speaker 4: breakup in an industry where there's no real emotion, but
• 27:11
  Speaker 4: he had an emotional connection with someone.
• 27:13
  Speaker 2: For anyone who doesn't know the girth master, you can Google.
• 27:17
  Speaker 1: You can piece it together. But don't.
• 27:19
  Speaker 2: He is an Australian porn star. Yeah.
• 27:21
  Speaker 1: One of the best.
• 27:23
  Speaker 4: And, um, I remember him saying to me, he goes,
• 27:25
  Speaker 4: I'm really battling with this one. And just every now
• 27:28
  Speaker 4: and then I'll flick him a message, just be like,
• 27:29
  Speaker 4: how are you doing? Because he's in America, he's quite isolated.
• 27:31
  Speaker 4: Because I feel like that's my obligation. That's what I
• 27:36
  Speaker 4: would want sometimes. And the response I get from that
• 27:41
  Speaker 4: is it's another thing that keeps me going.
• 27:44
  Speaker 2: It's like this new muscle that's glowing. Yeah.
• 27:47
  Speaker 1: Yeah, and I also just like don't want to.
• 27:50
  Speaker 2: For want of a better– Yes.
• 27:53
  Speaker 1: Great analogy. A lot of blood in that muscle.
• 27:57
  Speaker 4: But like, yeah, I'm also teetering on the thing where
• 28:00
  Speaker 4: I'm like I don't want to preach to people what
• 28:02
  Speaker 4: to do. So I never ever really– I talk about
• 28:05
  Speaker 4: me and then– Because what was.
• 28:07
  Speaker 2: Your opinion on people who were sober previously?
• 28:10
  Speaker 4: I think I've gained an immense respect for them prior
• 28:14
  Speaker 4: to this.
• 28:15
  Speaker 1: Already, which helped me for sure.
• 28:17
  Speaker 4: Cause I, I put, I put this decision down to
• 28:21
  Speaker 4: a few other things as well that have stuck with
• 28:24
  Speaker 4: me over the years.
• 28:25
  Speaker 1: Andy cooks, man, like how many.
• 28:28
  Speaker 4: Years ago was that?
• 28:29
  Speaker 1: And that just made me feel like he can, such
• 28:31
  Speaker 1: a cool guy who he is can be that far sober.
• 28:34
  Speaker 1: Like he's like 10 years sober now, you know, he's
• 28:37
  Speaker 1: a chef.
• 28:37
  Speaker 4: So that's like part of the industry really. And it's
• 28:40
  Speaker 4: stuck with me so much and he's been amazing. And
• 28:43
  Speaker 4: then We've spoken about it before, Ben and Zara, when
• 28:46
  Speaker 4: Ben said, one day you're going to wake up and
• 28:48
  Speaker 4: you realize the party's over.
• 28:50
  Speaker 1: That never left my fucking mind. Never left me. It
• 28:52
  Speaker 1: would follow me around.
• 28:55
  Speaker 4: I said it to him the other day. I said, mate,
• 28:56
  Speaker 4: it just never left my thought. I thought that I'd
• 29:00
  Speaker 4: do something with this.
• 29:01
  Speaker 2: You talk about how alcohol was such a huge party personality.
• 29:04
  Speaker 2: Like it was, you know, 50%. And for so many people,
• 29:07
  Speaker 2: it's such an easy enabler. If you're going to like
• 29:10
  Speaker 2: a social environment, have a couple of drinks, makes you
• 29:13
  Speaker 2: a bit more fun. do you think I'm not as
• 29:16
  Speaker 2: fun as what I used to be? Like the humor's
• 29:17
  Speaker 2: not there. I know, you know, you're a very funny guy.
• 29:20
  Speaker 1: I'll take that compliment.
• 29:22
  Speaker 4: I was, I was worried about that because I feel
• 29:25
  Speaker 4: like so many people in that situation that I was
• 29:28
  Speaker 4: feel that it's the confidence juice, right?
• 29:30
  Speaker 2: Oh yeah.
• 29:31
  Speaker 1: And it is right. A little bit of liquid courage
• 29:33
  Speaker 1: that you don't really realize you just slur and you
• 29:34
  Speaker 1: sound like a fucking idiot. But I think when I
• 29:38
  Speaker 1: it was and it would be the.
• 29:39
  Speaker 4: Same for a lot of people who are thinking about
• 29:40
  Speaker 4: quitting alcohol you think am i going to be that
• 29:42
  Speaker 4: same person and fun and stuff and whatever in those moments.
• 29:46
  Speaker 1: The answer is fucking no for starters but that's because.
• 29:49
  Speaker 4: You're essentially you you would avoid those environments early doors
• 29:53
  Speaker 4: and i think a lot of people like once you
• 29:55
  Speaker 4: get over that and you realize like Like for me now,
• 29:59
  Speaker 4: I thought I was funny then, but I'm fucking making
• 30:03
  Speaker 4: myself laugh with just how much brain power I've got.
• 30:06
  Speaker 4: Like I said to April the other day, I'm like,
• 30:08
  Speaker 4: I wake up and it's a thousand voices talking to
• 30:10
  Speaker 4: me from when I wake up, when I go to
• 30:12
  Speaker 4: sleep at all times up here. And I'm so thankful
• 30:16
  Speaker 4: that majority of them are funny and things that I
• 30:20
  Speaker 4: can use in my life.
• 30:23
  Speaker 1: There's always going to be dark times and stuff like that.
• 30:25
  Speaker 4: But I think as I'm progressing in this, It's like
• 30:30
  Speaker 4: I'm definitely way wittier. I think I absorb so much
• 30:35
  Speaker 4: more information and use it to my advantage in terms
• 30:39
  Speaker 4: of humour.
• 30:40
  Speaker 2: Yeah.
• 30:41
  Speaker 4: I definitely prefer my brain now, especially the funny part
• 30:46
  Speaker 4: of it, just because I feel like my observational skills
• 30:48
  Speaker 4: are on a fucking other level.
• 30:50
  Speaker 3: Oh, they've enhanced.
• 30:52
  Speaker 5: Every single little thing you just notice.
• 30:55
  Speaker 3: Like you notice everything before but now you're just so quick.
• 30:58
  Speaker 1: I'm just so much sharper. You know, I still have
• 31:00
  Speaker 1: bad days.
• 31:01
  Speaker 4: Because obviously I'm still ADHD and meds and so many
• 31:04
  Speaker 4: things that can, you know, a little bit less sleep
• 31:06
  Speaker 4: and contradict all that.
• 31:07
  Speaker 1: But at the heart of it, like I would say.
• 31:10
  Speaker 4: That what I said earlier, where it's like, I'm exhausting
• 31:12
  Speaker 4: my every opportunity on the potential. I feel like my
• 31:15
  Speaker 4: brain's allowing me to do that.
• 31:17
  Speaker 2: Do you get nervous at all, April? Not to single
• 31:20
  Speaker 2: out any of Ash's friends, but. Obviously you're still in
• 31:24
  Speaker 2: contact with your old social circle and when Ash goes
• 31:28
  Speaker 2: out to hang out with him, whether it's to go
• 31:30
  Speaker 2: to the football as an example, how much are you
• 31:32
  Speaker 2: sitting there anxious thinking if they're going to be a
• 31:35
  Speaker 2: bad influence?
• 31:36
  Speaker 3: I don't think I've ever thought that.
• 31:38
  Speaker 5: I think Ashton has proved that he is like so
• 31:42
  Speaker 5: strong-willed around like being sober at the moment. There's definitely
• 31:46
  Speaker 5: friends who've made jokes and I've been there.
• 31:48
  Speaker 3: I'll just have a drink.
• 31:50
  Speaker 2: How do you respond?
• 31:51
  Speaker 3: And I'm, like, furious.
• 31:53
  Speaker 1: But Ashton laughs it off. It's the same guy. It's
• 31:56
  Speaker 1: the same guy. And he's, like, our best friend.
• 31:58
  Speaker 2: Yeah.
• 31:58
  Speaker 1: And he knows he's going to get a rise out
• 32:01
  Speaker 1: of it.
• 32:01
  Speaker 5: But I say to, like, I remember the first time
• 32:02
  Speaker 5: I was, like, oh, my God, like, how rude, like,
• 32:04
  Speaker 5: behind the guy's back. Ashley's like, nah, it's fine. Like
• 32:08
  Speaker 5: it actually doesn't get to him.
• 32:09
  Speaker 2: Mike's just talking about you.
• 32:12
  Speaker 1: And don't get us wrong, we fucking love Mike.
• 32:14
  Speaker 4: And that's another thing too. Like I'm really lucky that
• 32:18
  Speaker 4: my friend group and stuff.
• 32:19
  Speaker 1: Are so understanding.
• 32:21
  Speaker 4: It's funny, like the guys that would have maybe given
• 32:23
  Speaker 4: a little bit of pushback early doors are now like, oh,
• 32:26
  Speaker 4: I'm actually having a break too, you know.
• 32:27
  Speaker 2: 100%.
• 32:28
  Speaker 5: I think you've been a big inspiration for a lot
• 32:31
  Speaker 5: of people.
• 32:32
  Speaker 2: I think one of the most common messages we get
• 32:36
  Speaker 2: is from wives mostly about their partners and saying, what
• 32:41
  Speaker 2: can I do? What can I do to help them
• 32:45
  Speaker 2: get on their journey to sobriety? And there's not really
• 32:47
  Speaker 2: an answer, is there?
• 32:48
  Speaker 5: I was going to say, it's such a hard question
• 32:50
  Speaker 5: to answer. I think for our situation, I still don't
• 32:55
  Speaker 5: know if there's anything I could have done better. And
• 32:56
  Speaker 5: I asked Ashton, like, what can I do? But yeah,
• 32:59
  Speaker 5: like you said before, just be there to listen, be
• 33:02
  Speaker 5: there to support. And yeah, I think our situations may
• 33:04
  Speaker 5: be different because Ashton was never like a bad drunk.
• 33:08
  Speaker 3: He wasn't like aggressive or anything. He'd just drink and
• 33:11
  Speaker 3: drink and drink and drink and drink and go to sleep.
• 33:13
  Speaker 2: Yeah.
• 33:14
  Speaker 1: Pass out is probably the correct name for that. It's funny.
• 33:18
  Speaker 4: Like I was saying, people always ask that question, like
• 33:22
  Speaker 4: what can they do?
• 33:23
  Speaker 1: And it is real true. Everyone's obviously different.
• 33:27
  Speaker 4: Everyone responds to criticism and suggestions and whatever differently.
• 33:32
  Speaker 1: I think if you know your partner well enough, you'll
• 33:34
  Speaker 1: know how to help.
• 33:35
  Speaker 4: And I think the most important thing is that you
• 33:38
  Speaker 4: communicate how you're feeling.
• 33:39
  Speaker 1: And I mean, that goes for both parties.
• 33:41
  Speaker 4: Like April and I are really good at talking about
• 33:45
  Speaker 4: how I'm feeling in that moment.
• 33:46
  Speaker 1: But one of April's strengths is she understands.
• 33:48
  Speaker 4: And that is the most important thing to me where
• 33:50
  Speaker 4: it's like, I might not be feeling okay that day
• 33:53
  Speaker 4: because of whatever reason. And if I can communicate that
• 33:56
  Speaker 4: April's really good at understanding that that's how I'm feeling.
• 34:00
  Speaker 4: And if I might need just a walk or whatever
• 34:03
  Speaker 4: it is to try and make myself feel better, without
• 34:06
  Speaker 4: pushing me to do something, she might say, okay, well,
• 34:08
  Speaker 4: do you feel like doing something for yourself? Or do
• 34:10
  Speaker 4: you feel like, you know, like I had a bit
• 34:12
  Speaker 4: of a moment on Saturday and we got back from
• 34:14
  Speaker 4: soccer and April was like, oh, San's up at the
• 34:17
  Speaker 4: park with her kids. I'm going to take the kids
• 34:18
  Speaker 4: up there because she recognized that I wasn't okay and
• 34:21
  Speaker 4: I just probably needed to be alone and work on
• 34:24
  Speaker 4: a couple of things that I needed to work on,
• 34:26
  Speaker 4: you know, around the house to distract myself and get
• 34:28
  Speaker 4: back to that place. And, you know, those couple of
• 34:31
  Speaker 4: hours she did that is sort of what I got
• 34:33
  Speaker 4: I soundproofed a whole room, so there's my head. But
• 34:36
  Speaker 4: in that moment, I was able to attune away from
• 34:39
  Speaker 4: what my thoughts were doing. And I wouldn't have been
• 34:41
  Speaker 4: able to do that if the kids were there, because
• 34:43
  Speaker 4: I would have been focusing on them and then dwelling
• 34:45
  Speaker 4: on what was happening in my head at.
• 34:46
  Speaker 1: The same time.
• 34:47
  Speaker 4: So I would say to anyone, and I hate that
• 34:51
  Speaker 4: I can't give the answer to people and they write
• 34:53
  Speaker 4: it to me, because once I open that floodgate, it
• 34:55
  Speaker 4: could cause problems. So I would just say that if
• 34:58
  Speaker 4: you're worried about your partner, first of all, depends on
• 35:02
  Speaker 4: what sort of person they are, but Just understand what
• 35:05
  Speaker 4: they're going through.
• 35:06
  Speaker 1: That's it.
• 35:07
  Speaker 4: And if you don't understand what they're going through, just
• 35:09
  Speaker 4: ask to understand without any judgment or any suggestions. Just
• 35:12
  Speaker 4: ask to understand and listen and then give yourself the
• 35:15
  Speaker 4: opportunity to digest it and then find little ways to
• 35:19
  Speaker 4: help that you aren't going to trigger the opposite effect.
• 35:21
  Speaker 1: Because that's the thing, right? April was so right when
• 35:24
  Speaker 1: she was like, no, I can't tell Asher what to do.
• 35:27
  Speaker 2: Because if she had pulled you aside and said, you
• 35:30
  Speaker 2: need to fucking stop drinking right now, like enough's enough,
• 35:34
  Speaker 2: on a Sunday morning when you're really hungover and you're
• 35:36
  Speaker 2: struggling just to get out of bed and get the
• 35:38
  Speaker 2: day started, if she had said that to you, how
• 35:40
  Speaker 2: do you think you would have reacted?
• 35:42
  Speaker 4: First of all, it wouldn't have been me that reacted.
• 35:44
  Speaker 4: It would have been the alcohol that would have reacted.
• 35:46
  Speaker 4: It would have been the hungover. It would have been
• 35:48
  Speaker 4: the snappy, the irritability, and it would have been it
• 35:51
  Speaker 4: would have been met with probably like mind your own
• 35:54
  Speaker 4: business because I would have been that stubborn in that moment.
• 35:57
  Speaker 1: But I think it would have done more harm than good,
• 36:00
  Speaker 1: I think, as well.
• 36:01
  Speaker 2: Because I think everyone's instinct, right, is to be like.
• 36:06
  Speaker 5: Give them the ultimatum, do all that stuff.
• 36:08
  Speaker 2: Yeah. I think I hear it so often that to
• 36:13
  Speaker 2: the man they'll say, well, it's the bottle or me,
• 36:15
  Speaker 2: which one do you pick? Pick one. And I think.
• 36:18
  Speaker 2: everyone hopes that that is going to be the light
• 36:21
  Speaker 2: bulb moment of like, fuck, oh, my gosh.
• 36:24
  Speaker 3: That's the change.
• 36:25
  Speaker 2: That's it, exactly.
• 36:26
  Speaker 4: It's quite often the opposite. It quite often would do
• 36:29
  Speaker 4: the opposite, I would say. I also say to the
• 36:31
  Speaker 4: person who wants to stop, don't make it anyone else's
• 36:33
  Speaker 4: problem because you've got to.
• 36:36
  Speaker 1: Make the decision. You've got to put the things in.
• 36:39
  Speaker 4: Place for you to make this change and it's nice
• 36:42
  Speaker 4: to have people around you to understand and support you
• 36:44
  Speaker 4: and stuff like that, which is awesome, but you ultimately
• 36:47
  Speaker 4: have to make that decision.
• 36:49
  Speaker 1: And then the.
• 36:50
  Speaker 4: Things you do, again, you don't want to go out
• 36:53
  Speaker 4: and be like, don't drink around me because you're making
• 36:56
  Speaker 4: it someone else's problem. If you're not comfortable in that situation,
• 37:00
  Speaker 4: then maybe you need a bit more time before you
• 37:02
  Speaker 4: put yourself in that situation. And that's another thing that
• 37:05
  Speaker 4: Andy said to me. He was like when he quit alcohol,
• 37:08
  Speaker 4: he was a bit snappy and snarly with his partner
• 37:12
  Speaker 4: and his brother pulled him aside and said, you are
• 37:13
  Speaker 4: doing amazing things here by changing your life, but do
• 37:16
  Speaker 4: not make it someone else's problem.
• 37:18
  Speaker 2: My reference point for someone who's been on this journey
• 37:21
  Speaker 2: is entirely you and you only. Like I don't have
• 37:23
  Speaker 2: anyone else in my life who's done a similar thing.
• 37:26
  Speaker 2: And I think how I expected it to play out,
• 37:30
  Speaker 2: and this is an analogy that's not food related, but
• 37:32
  Speaker 2: I thought it would be like someone who's saying, I
• 37:35
  Speaker 2: want to get fit. I'm going to go to the gym. And,
• 37:38
  Speaker 2: you know, obviously like the first week of the gym
• 37:39
  Speaker 2: would be hard, but then by the second week, you're like,
• 37:41
  Speaker 2: you know, I feel fitter. I feel stronger. I, you know,
• 37:43
  Speaker 2: I feel better overall. And then it would just from
• 37:46
  Speaker 2: then just be good.
• 37:48
  Speaker 1: Right?
• 37:49
  Speaker 2: And I now know that that's not the case because
• 37:53
  Speaker 2: in the last 260, was it, days, there's been moments
• 37:57
  Speaker 2: where it's been great, but there's also been equal to
• 37:59
  Speaker 2: that lots of really tough moments where you've had to
• 38:01
  Speaker 2: deal with the head noise.
• 38:03
  Speaker 1: Yeah.
• 38:04
  Speaker 2: Have you been aware of those moments where Ash has
• 38:06
  Speaker 2: really struggled?
• 38:07
  Speaker 5: Yes.
• 38:08
  Speaker 2: Yes.
• 38:08
  Speaker 5: I think because Ash will express like, and tell me,
• 38:13
  Speaker 5: you know, what's going on. Well, Maybe sometimes, but there's
• 38:17
  Speaker 5: probably times you haven't, but definitely I think you're very
• 38:20
  Speaker 5: good at communicating to me what's going on at the
• 38:23
  Speaker 5: moment and your body, your whole body language, everything I
• 38:26
  Speaker 5: can tell.
• 38:26
  Speaker 3: And I'll be like, you were right.
• 38:28
  Speaker 1: So yeah. Yeah. A manager once told me that I'm
• 38:31
  Speaker 1: as transparent as a piece of glass. And it's so true.
• 38:35
  Speaker 4: Sometimes I look in the mirror and I'm like, what's
• 38:37
  Speaker 4: wrong with you today? Because I can tell there's a difference.
• 38:40
  Speaker 4: And like last week was a pretty good example where
• 38:41
  Speaker 4: I was telling you that I was And I spoke
• 38:43
  Speaker 4: to you about it too, where I felt like I
• 38:44
  Speaker 4: was going to have a panic attack on the way here.
• 38:46
  Speaker 1: I just wasn't right. Something wasn't right.
• 38:49
  Speaker 4: And I think I got home that afternoon and I
• 38:51
  Speaker 4: sort of, I didn't snap at anyone. I snapped at
• 38:54
  Speaker 4: the situation where in that moment, I wanted to drive
• 38:56
  Speaker 4: my car into a tree.
• 38:58
  Speaker 1: Because I was so sick.
• 39:00
  Speaker 4: I was so sick of how exhausting this was and
• 39:03
  Speaker 4: how exhausting it was to be in my whole head
• 39:05
  Speaker 4: in those moments. But it's about getting out of that
• 39:09
  Speaker 4: mind frame. And like the last couple of days I've
• 39:12
  Speaker 4: been so happy, like, because I've changed a few things up.
• 39:15
  Speaker 4: It's just a constant battle. But every time you get
• 39:18
  Speaker 4: a little win, it spurs you on a little bit further.
• 39:20
  Speaker 4: Like we joked about on the way here that so
• 39:23
  Speaker 4: many people say, so many of your problems can be
• 39:25
  Speaker 4: fixed with a walk. And I would think, yeah, fucking whatever.
• 39:27
  Speaker 1: Shut up. And then yes, i sent you a picture
• 39:30
  Speaker 1: of a waterfall like i fucking.
• 39:31
  Speaker 2: Found a waterfall i was like wherever you walk dude
• 39:34
  Speaker 2: it looks like northern territory.
• 39:36
  Speaker 4: But immediately i'm like okay well i've dug myself out
• 39:41
  Speaker 4: of this.
• 39:42
  Speaker 1: Hole so i can keep going here but you know
• 39:45
  Speaker 1: there's days where.
• 39:46
  Speaker 4: I'm like have i got another 30 more years of
• 39:47
  Speaker 4: this left in me absolutely not absolutely not i can't
• 39:52
  Speaker 4: do this and yeah it is really really hard and
• 39:55
  Speaker 4: for anyone out there that's listening that's might be early
• 39:57
  Speaker 4: doors or thinking about it or 200 years into it
• 40:01
  Speaker 4: they'll tell you the same thing like you're gonna have
• 40:03
  Speaker 4: days where it fucking sucks ball sack yeah and that's
• 40:08
  Speaker 4: just the best way to describe it your day sucks
• 40:11
  Speaker 4: you put on a brave face so often and And
• 40:14
  Speaker 4: in those moments where you're probably tired and you're home
• 40:17
  Speaker 4: and you're in a comfortable zone, you sort of can
• 40:20
  Speaker 4: decompress it all. And I'm really thankful that April listens
• 40:24
  Speaker 4: and hears to the point where I don't have, it
• 40:28
  Speaker 4: sort of sits there and then it makes me feel
• 40:31
  Speaker 4: better that I've been able to express it without having
• 40:33
  Speaker 4: to pick up the bottle and carry on.
• 40:36
  Speaker 2: You said before that your manager referred to you as
• 40:39
  Speaker 2: being as transparent as a piece of glass. I actually
• 40:43
  Speaker 2: would argue that. Really?
• 40:45
  Speaker 1: Really.
• 40:45
  Speaker 2: Because I think back to how you were before you
• 40:49
  Speaker 2: stopped drinking and I was totally oblivious to how much
• 40:54
  Speaker 2: you were struggling.
• 40:55
  Speaker 1: Unless I physically told you.
• 40:58
  Speaker 2: Totally. And, you know, we would record every single week
• 41:01
  Speaker 2: and I just didn't have any clue how serious it was. And, like,
• 41:07
  Speaker 2: sounds like you didn't either.
• 41:09
  Speaker 3: I would say the same thing.
• 41:10
  Speaker 1: Like I knew.
• 41:11
  Speaker 5: It was serious but I learnt a lot just from
• 41:13
  Speaker 5: listening to this pod. I learnt new things from listening
• 41:16
  Speaker 5: to this pod.
• 41:17
  Speaker 1: So, yeah.
• 41:18
  Speaker 2: So when you hear Ash talk about those moments where
• 41:20
  Speaker 2: it was so tough, how does that make you feel?
• 41:24
  Speaker 3: It's heartbreaking.
• 41:25
  Speaker 2: Yeah.
• 41:30
  Speaker 5: I don't know really what else to say but it
• 41:33
  Speaker 5: is heartbreaking. I am just so proud of him for, like,
• 41:41
  Speaker 5: Being so open, it takes a lot.
• 41:46
  Speaker 2: Yeah.
• 41:47
  Speaker 4: Yeah, I don't think I would have, I don't think
• 41:49
  Speaker 4: I'd be here if I wasn't, I didn't allow myself
• 41:51
  Speaker 4: to be open about how I was feeling. Because so
• 41:54
  Speaker 4: many people in that situation hide it from everyone they love.
• 41:57
  Speaker 1: I mean, there's times during the.
• 41:59
  Speaker 4: Time of this pod where I know that there's times
• 42:02
  Speaker 4: where you've pulled me up on it because I haven't
• 42:04
  Speaker 4: pulled my weight on things. And it was like so fair.
• 42:09
  Speaker 4: And even those moments where it was like I think
• 42:12
  Speaker 4: along the way there was also a big part where
• 42:14
  Speaker 4: I didn't want to let you down, you know, where
• 42:18
  Speaker 4: it was like we went three years without a break
• 42:22
  Speaker 4: doing this and it was either I make this decision
• 42:28
  Speaker 4: for my family but there is a big part of
• 42:29
  Speaker 4: that as well which I didn't want to let you
• 42:31
  Speaker 4: down so much so that like I would hide it
• 42:35
  Speaker 4: from you and I would put on this brave face
• 42:38
  Speaker 4: so much.
• 42:39
  Speaker 2: Were you afraid of letting April down? Absolutely.
• 42:42
  Speaker 4: I couldn't imagine if one day April just had had
• 42:45
  Speaker 4: enough of it, my fucking life would be over.
• 42:48
  Speaker 1: It would crumble. And I don't understand. You do and
• 42:52
  Speaker 1: you don't understand.
• 42:53
  Speaker 4: How people let it get to that situation where you've
• 42:56
  Speaker 4: got to be offered an ultimatum and then take the
• 42:58
  Speaker 4: wrong choice because you are being convinced by such a
• 43:02
  Speaker 4: stronger power than just the person standing in front of you.
• 43:06
  Speaker 4: You know, like I can hear the words that are
• 43:08
  Speaker 4: coming out of someone's mouth if they're disappointed in me.
• 43:10
  Speaker 4: And it sucks so bad, but what do I do?
• 43:13
  Speaker 4: I have a drink and get the fuck over it.
• 43:16
  Speaker 4: But it would win that argument 90% of the time.
• 43:20
  Speaker 2: Do you think you knew how much it would break
• 43:22
  Speaker 2: April's heart? Yeah.
• 43:25
  Speaker 4: I would hate it to get to the point where
• 43:27
  Speaker 4: April's put so much of her life and trust and
• 43:31
  Speaker 4: love me so much for all be for nothing and
• 43:35
  Speaker 4: her having to– potentially piece things together without me. You know,
• 43:40
  Speaker 4: there was times early on with the kids where I
• 43:43
  Speaker 4: just felt like they'd be better off without me. But
• 43:46
  Speaker 4: as I progressed as a parent and as a partner
• 43:49
  Speaker 4: and stuff, when I would have those really thoughts, it
• 43:52
  Speaker 4: was them I would think about.
• 43:53
  Speaker 1: I couldn't leave.
• 43:55
  Speaker 4: I couldn't imagine leaving Oscar without me. I know I'm
• 44:01
  Speaker 4: hard on him. I'm hard but fair because I want
• 44:03
  Speaker 4: the best.
• 44:04
  Speaker 2: Out of him.
• 44:05
  Speaker 4: And I know his potential for whatever he does. And
• 44:08
  Speaker 4: I look at, I see him and I see me
• 44:10
  Speaker 4: and think, I wish I was given opportunities.
• 44:13
  Speaker 1: Then to be understood.
• 44:16
  Speaker 4: And I like, I can't imagine him having to do
• 44:19
  Speaker 4: all of this, even going to school and some asshole
• 44:23
  Speaker 4: pulls his pants down for a joke. I can't imagine
• 44:25
  Speaker 4: him not being able to come home and talk to
• 44:26
  Speaker 4: me about that or have dad to lean on.
• 44:29
  Speaker 1: It kills me.
• 44:31
  Speaker 4: But that's where it was at. couldn't imagine having april
• 44:38
  Speaker 4: wake up one day and thinking all of that was
• 44:42
  Speaker 4: for nothing.
• 44:45
  Speaker 2: When you hear april talk about how different you are
• 44:48
  Speaker 2: now how much of a better husband you are how
• 44:51
  Speaker 2: much of a better dad you are it must mean
• 44:55
  Speaker 2: so much it must just be such a fresh bit
• 44:58
  Speaker 2: of push and motivation for you to keep.
• 45:00
  Speaker 4: On going yeah i think prior to this journey where
• 45:04
  Speaker 4: april might have said something really encouraging towards me it
• 45:06
  Speaker 4: might have fallen a bit on deaf ears because it
• 45:08
  Speaker 4: wasn't i didn't feel like it was me listening but
• 45:12
  Speaker 4: now it's like i just want to do the best
• 45:15
  Speaker 4: i can in every situation i possibly can and that
• 45:20
  Speaker 4: means being a better dad being a better partner being
• 45:23
  Speaker 4: a better business partner the whole thing which i don't
• 45:26
  Speaker 4: think would have ever been possible if i'd have continued
• 45:28
  Speaker 4: down that track So to hear her say things like that,
• 45:32
  Speaker 4: I think she just hits the right nerve. She said
• 45:35
  Speaker 4: to me the other day, she said, you bring so.
• 45:36
  Speaker 6: Much joy to people but never any joy to yourself,
• 45:40
  Speaker 6: which is the reality of my brain, the good and
• 45:43
  Speaker 6: the bad, because realistically it's like your own biggest critic
• 45:48
  Speaker 6: but I feel like I've got a thousand critics in
• 45:50
  Speaker 6: my head that when she says something like you bring
• 45:53
  Speaker 6: joy to millions of people every day and that's why
• 45:56
  Speaker 6: I do it, But I never bring.
• 45:58
  Speaker 1: Any joy to myself for myself.
• 46:00
  Speaker 4: And it fucking breaks my heart, but it's just my brain,
• 46:04
  Speaker 4: but it makes me feel better when someone says it
• 46:05
  Speaker 4: like that. And same with you. I think I rang you,
• 46:09
  Speaker 4: I was like 90 days in. And you even said,
• 46:13
  Speaker 4: sometimes I forget to just give you a pat on
• 46:15
  Speaker 4: the back. It just fucking propels me.
• 46:18
  Speaker 2: Forward, eh?
• 46:18
  Speaker 4: Because I just never know, especially in this world where I'm, what,
• 46:24
  Speaker 4: a few years into doing all.
• 46:25
  Speaker 1: This stuff, the journey.
• 46:28
  Speaker 4: Of everything else that I never know if I'm doing
• 46:31
  Speaker 4: any good.
• 46:32
  Speaker 2: But surely... Yeah, I'm starting to piece it together.
• 46:35
  Speaker 1: You know, and it feels really good.
• 46:39
  Speaker 4: Like sometimes when I'm, you know, trying to get to
• 46:42
  Speaker 4: sleep because it's really fucking hard to get to sleep
• 46:45
  Speaker 4: all the time, that I think about, like, maybe I
• 46:49
  Speaker 4: can be more than I am for me and for
• 46:53
  Speaker 4: everyone because that would be fucking awesome.
• 46:55
  Speaker 1: It is.
• 46:56
  Speaker 2: so amazing to sit here and hear about how good
• 47:01
  Speaker 2: you guys are together. Because obviously I get a sense
• 47:04
  Speaker 2: of what life is like from our chats every week,
• 47:06
  Speaker 2: but then to see it in the flesh and to
• 47:08
  Speaker 2: see how, and again, woo woo, I feel the energy
• 47:13
  Speaker 2: between you guys. And I know that everyone is guilty
• 47:16
  Speaker 2: of not giving enough credit to someone who's doing a
• 47:18
  Speaker 2: good job, you know, because everyone's busy. Everyone's got a
• 47:22
  Speaker 2: thousand things on their plate, especially parents. But there are
• 47:25
  Speaker 2: so many people out there who don't make that change.
• 47:29
  Speaker 2: And the fact that you've done it and you're doing it,
• 47:32
  Speaker 2: it is just so incredible. Thank you.
• 47:35
  Speaker 1: I appreciate that.
• 47:37
  Speaker 2: Yeah.
• 47:38
  Speaker 3: You're so hard on yourself.
• 47:40
  Speaker 1: Oh, I know.
• 47:41
  Speaker 5: And you are the most amazing person and you were
• 47:45
  Speaker 5: amazing even before this amazing person. Like you've always been
• 47:50
  Speaker 5: an amazing person in my eyes and just the fact
• 47:53
  Speaker 5: that you were like, the person you are now, I
• 47:56
  Speaker 5: didn't realize could even get more amazing.
• 47:59
  Speaker 1: Yeah, I love that.
• 48:04
  Speaker 2: I think it makes just me so happy that there
• 48:07
  Speaker 2: was that voice in your head that said enough's enough
• 48:09
  Speaker 2: because I know there's so many people out there who
• 48:12
  Speaker 2: just don't have that voice. Yeah. That switch in their
• 48:16
  Speaker 2: own mind will never go off and if they don't
• 48:18
  Speaker 2: want it, then it's not going to happen and you
• 48:20
  Speaker 2: wanted it.
• 48:21
  Speaker 1: Yeah, I think. You know, it could have easily been
• 48:26
  Speaker 1: this is all too hard.
• 48:28
  Speaker 2: Sure.
• 48:28
  Speaker 1: Which it is. It's fucking hard, man. Like it's so hard.
• 48:33
  Speaker 4: And anyone with a substance problem will tell you that
• 48:36
  Speaker 4: it's really hard and I really feel sorry for the
• 48:38
  Speaker 4: people that give up because, you know, like in those
• 48:44
  Speaker 4: moments you don't think that it can be any better.
• 48:46
  Speaker 4: You're so brainwashed by the evil of it and, like
• 48:50
  Speaker 4: I said, it wins nearly every argument.
• 48:53
  Speaker 1: You know, you go into an argument.
• 48:54
  Speaker 2: That's the thing.
• 48:55
  Speaker 4: Every day, man, every fucking day I would have this
• 48:58
  Speaker 4: argument at 4 o'clock in the afternoon and I would
• 49:01
  Speaker 4: lose it every day. I'd lose that argument and then
• 49:03
  Speaker 4: I would be ashamed of myself and then I would
• 49:06
  Speaker 4: drink more. I'd hide it, wake up the next day
• 49:09
  Speaker 4: and think it's all going to be different again and
• 49:11
  Speaker 4: it wouldn't be.
• 49:11
  Speaker 1: I'd have that argument again. It was fucking exhausting.
• 49:15
  Speaker 4: And everyone that's in that situation has that conversation and
• 49:18
  Speaker 4: I always say that every piss daydreams about being sober.
• 49:22
  Speaker 2: So what was it then? Because I think people would
• 49:25
  Speaker 2: be in a similar situation being like, I can't win
• 49:28
  Speaker 2: that battle. That voice is always going to get me.
• 49:31
  Speaker 2: How did you tackle it head on? How did you
• 49:34
  Speaker 2: get one over the voice?
• 49:36
  Speaker 1: Reflection. Like I said, I reflected on things that I
• 49:39
  Speaker 1: picked up.
• 49:40
  Speaker 2: You think your granddad?
• 49:42
  Speaker 1: Granddad was one.
• 49:43
  Speaker 4: Pop was one for sure where it was like he
• 49:45
  Speaker 4: died at 86 and was an alcoholic and that's a
• 49:49
  Speaker 4: massive innings. But he wasn't happy. That, you know, that
• 49:53
  Speaker 4: get us a schooner is something I hold on to
• 49:55
  Speaker 4: dearly because it reminds me of him. But I think
• 49:59
  Speaker 4: the little things along the way, like the exhaust every
• 50:03
  Speaker 4: opportunity and try and give yourself the best.
• 50:05
  Speaker 2: Try and.
• 50:07
  Speaker 4: To try and see what you like at your full
• 50:08
  Speaker 4: potential was something that I was like, I fucking, I
• 50:12
  Speaker 4: know I can be funnier than this. I know I
• 50:14
  Speaker 4: can be a better person than this. So why not
• 50:15
  Speaker 4: give myself the opportunity to be? That the party's over
• 50:20
  Speaker 4: just never, ever fucking left me. I remember him saying
• 50:23
  Speaker 4: that in your living room. And in that moment I
• 50:26
  Speaker 4: was like, fuck, I'm never going to forget that. And
• 50:31
  Speaker 4: it was like that day is going to come where
• 50:33
  Speaker 4: I feel that. I reckon I feel it every day
• 50:36
  Speaker 4: where I'm like the party is over. But it just
• 50:39
  Speaker 4: means that a new party gets to start, right, those
• 50:42
  Speaker 4: sort of things.
• 50:43
  Speaker 1: And it fucking feels good to win.
• 50:45
  Speaker 2: Oh, yeah.
• 50:45
  Speaker 1: Think about like every pisshead out there that's watching his
• 50:48
  Speaker 1: footy team lose five in a row badly.
• 50:53
  Speaker 3: And then we won.
• 50:55
  Speaker 4: And then you win that sixth one when no one
• 50:58
  Speaker 4: ever expected you to win that one.
• 50:59
  Speaker 1: Fucking hell. It's a flex, man, and it's a flexibility.
• 51:04
  Speaker 4: You know, like sometimes I look in the mirror now
• 51:06
  Speaker 4: and I think, fuck, you're the man.
• 51:10
  Speaker 1: And it makes me feel so proud.
• 51:12
  Speaker 4: I remember when I first started, I used to write
• 51:15
  Speaker 4: the day number on the mirror so when I'd have
• 51:17
  Speaker 4: to look at myself, I'd have to look at that.
• 51:19
  Speaker 4: And what does it say? The pursuit of progress.
• 51:23
  Speaker 1: That's what it said.
• 51:25
  Speaker 2: Look at you now.
• 51:26
  Speaker 4: Yeah. Mind blown.
• 51:29
  Speaker 1: Like I said, I thought I'd be dead long before
• 51:30
  Speaker 1: this day. You're winning.
• 51:32
  Speaker 7: You're winning.
• 51:34
  Speaker 1: Feels good. Hopefully we made the height.
• 51:38
  Speaker 2: Mathematically, we can. Well, it's been seven months now?
• 51:44
  Speaker 1: Today's 260 days.
• 51:46
  Speaker 2: Wow. Do you remember, April, when the penny dropped for
• 51:50
  Speaker 2: you to looking at Ash when he was entering that
• 51:53
  Speaker 2: phase of not drinking where you thought, oh, this is
• 51:56
  Speaker 2: a really different person to the person I knew previously?
• 51:58
  Speaker 3: I don't think it was like specific. I want to
• 52:00
  Speaker 3: say Pacific.
• 52:01
  Speaker 2: We've been watching.
• 52:03
  Speaker 1: Too much in between.
• 52:06
  Speaker 5: I don't think it was a specific penny drop moment.
• 52:09
  Speaker 5: I think like just looking at it holistically right now,
• 52:12
  Speaker 5: like if someone had shown me, told me this is
• 52:17
  Speaker 5: your life, if that alcohol wasn't around, I think I, well,
• 52:22
  Speaker 5: I feel like I can't say I would have done
• 52:23
  Speaker 5: things differently because I don't know what I would have
• 52:25
  Speaker 5: done differently, but I'm just like, I just wouldn't have
• 52:27
  Speaker 5: believed it because I'm like, wow, like, oh my gosh,
• 52:30
  Speaker 5: like just removing that and opening up to something so
• 52:34
  Speaker 5: much bigger and better and yeah.
• 52:37
  Speaker 2: And then I know how much it's impacted the relationships
• 52:40
  Speaker 2: in a positive way with Macy and Oscar, but then
• 52:43
  Speaker 2: for the two of you, how has it improved?
• 52:46
  Speaker 5: Oh, I think like our relationship is literally at its
• 52:49
  Speaker 5: strongest right now. I think everything is just, I don't
• 52:54
  Speaker 5: want to go too woo-woo on you, I'm.
• 52:56
  Speaker 2: All for it.
• 52:58
  Speaker 1: Here we go. She's manifested.
• 53:01
  Speaker 5: No, I just very much like I just try and
• 53:03
  Speaker 5: practice so much gratitude right now because I'm just so
• 53:05
  Speaker 5: thankful and grateful for everything Ashton's done and how our
• 53:11
  Speaker 5: life is right now.
• 53:11
  Speaker 3: I just think it's beautiful and I'm very grateful.
• 53:15
  Speaker 1: Yeah, I'd say I agree.
• 53:17
  Speaker 4: I think this is like in between the mood swings
• 53:22
  Speaker 4: and stuff just of other things that are going on.
• 53:24
  Speaker 4: It's like around our relationship and everything. I would say
• 53:29
  Speaker 4: that the happiest I've ever been, I I'm obsessed with April.
• 53:33
  Speaker 2: Thanks.
• 53:34
  Speaker 4: And my kids to a point where I never thought
• 53:37
  Speaker 4: I'd be here. I thought, I thought I'd be dead
• 53:41
  Speaker 4: long before this. That's the reality really. I thought it
• 53:49
  Speaker 4: would all be too hard. It would be much easier
• 53:51
  Speaker 4: if I just wasn't here. But now that I'm here,
• 53:55
  Speaker 4: I don't think I've ever been so proud of myself.
• 53:58
  Speaker 1: Oh, yeah.
• 53:59
  Speaker 4: I don't think I've ever been so emotionally available and
• 54:02
  Speaker 4: so clear and so precise with my thinking and the way,
• 54:07
  Speaker 4: especially with like Oscar, just the way I get the
• 54:09
  Speaker 4: best out of him.
• 54:10
  Speaker 1: Like I never thought.
• 54:11
  Speaker 4: I'd be there to a point where I could turn
• 54:14
  Speaker 4: that kid from being so upset like the other night
• 54:17
  Speaker 4: for losing a game at Uno to turning him around
• 54:21
  Speaker 4: so quickly just because I've I'm so clear minded instead
• 54:26
  Speaker 4: of just throwing the fight or flight parenting. I can
• 54:31
  Speaker 4: stop and think about how I'm going to help this
• 54:34
  Speaker 4: kid get overcome that. And it's like watching him and Macy.
• 54:38
  Speaker 1: Just thrive and April, like there's a happy tears.
• 54:47
  Speaker 2: Ash has said that he feels like you love him
• 54:49
  Speaker 2: more now. How does that make you feel when you
• 54:52
  Speaker 2: hear him say that?
• 54:53
  Speaker 3: Well, that's very hard to hear.
• 54:55
  Speaker 5: I've always admired Ash and he's always been the light
• 54:59
  Speaker 5: to me.
• 55:00
  Speaker 3: Because he's made me laugh. He gives so much love.
• 55:02
  Speaker 5: And this is, you know, do we talk pre, like
• 55:05
  Speaker 5: what do we refer to Ash pre-days?
• 55:07
  Speaker 3: Yeah, piss head.
• 55:08
  Speaker 1: The piss head with a daydream.
• 55:11
  Speaker 3: Before sobriety. Is that the word?
• 55:13
  Speaker 2: Sobriety.
• 55:13
  Speaker 1: Sobriety.
• 55:14
  Speaker 4: Whatever.
• 55:17
  Speaker 2: Specific.
• 55:17
  Speaker 1: We're all specific.
• 55:19
  Speaker 2: It is easier to love someone when they're sober, I think.
• 55:23
  Speaker 5: Yes.
• 55:23
  Speaker 3: Yeah, yeah, very much.
• 55:24
  Speaker 1: Oh, really?
• 55:27
  Speaker 5: But, again, I just didn't realise that our life and
• 55:30
  Speaker 5: the love that we have for each other could be
• 55:33
  Speaker 5: as good as it is now.
• 55:35
  Speaker 3: Like we were happy. We were so happy.
• 55:38
  Speaker 5: Like we've been together for such a long time and
• 55:40
  Speaker 5: we've grown up together and I didn't realise that our
• 55:43
  Speaker 5: relationship could blossom together so much and be so great.
• 55:49
  Speaker 4: Yeah i feel i feel like that part of my
• 55:51
  Speaker 4: brain is like really x like really flex that muscle
• 55:55
  Speaker 4: a bit more so i'm using some of the things
• 55:57
  Speaker 4: that we we thankfully we get to talk to a
• 55:59
  Speaker 4: lot of really great people doing what we do and
• 56:02
  Speaker 4: you know the sexologist for example and just the just
• 56:04
  Speaker 4: the little things that make such a big fucking difference
• 56:08
  Speaker 4: man like april walk into a room and i'll let
• 56:10
  Speaker 4: her know that.
• 56:11
  Speaker 1: She's lit up the room you know You don't say
• 56:14
  Speaker 1: it that politely.
• 56:17
  Speaker 2: I'm like, look at that. I don't know if it's
• 56:21
  Speaker 2: maybe just something that's I'm a bit more aware of it,
• 56:24
  Speaker 2: but it feels like in my kind of circle there's
• 56:26
  Speaker 2: been a few separations, you know, a few divorces. And
• 56:30
  Speaker 2: I think it's really easy to slip into the narrative
• 56:33
  Speaker 2: of like, oh, fucking hell, like my partner nagging me constantly.
• 56:37
  Speaker 2: And it's just an easy fallback as well. But then
• 56:40
  Speaker 2: it's so nice to see two people who have gone
• 56:45
  Speaker 2: through the trials and tribulations of raising young kids to
• 56:49
  Speaker 2: also come out the back end of that and still
• 56:51
  Speaker 2: be more in love now than they were when they,
• 56:53
  Speaker 2: you know, almost when they first met.
• 56:55
  Speaker 5: Yeah, a hundred percent. And I just feel so grateful
• 56:59
  Speaker 5: and lucky. of our life, like Ashton has just brought
• 57:03
  Speaker 5: so much joy to us.
• 57:05
  Speaker 1: Yeah, I'm having a good time.
• 57:07
  Speaker 3: Yeah.
• 57:08
  Speaker 4: I think without being too, yeah, soppy, but, yeah, I
• 57:12
  Speaker 4: feel like our home life is fucking leaps and bounds,
• 57:17
  Speaker 4: just the little things, the little things that we notice
• 57:20
  Speaker 4: and do for each other that I feel like now
• 57:23
  Speaker 4: is just way more present because we're both on the
• 57:26
  Speaker 4: same page all the time without me having to hide
• 57:29
  Speaker 4: a hangover at the same time. I can give my
• 57:32
  Speaker 4: full self to my wife and my kids so that,
• 57:34
  Speaker 4: you know, I want Oscar to grow up and look
• 57:36
  Speaker 4: at me and think that's, you know, when someone says,
• 57:39
  Speaker 4: how would you define a man? It would be someone
• 57:41
  Speaker 4: who's a leader and also emotionally available and empathy and
• 57:46
  Speaker 4: be able to provide joy. I want to be all
• 57:48
  Speaker 4: those things and more so that I can look back
• 57:50
  Speaker 4: and go, right, I'm at the end of this now
• 57:53
  Speaker 4: and I didn't waste time. any more time that I
• 57:55
  Speaker 4: didn't have to.
• 57:56
  Speaker 5: I think if you asked Oscar who his hero is,
• 58:00
  Speaker 5: it would, without a doubt, be you.
• 58:02
  Speaker 1: Togacola.
• 58:06
  Speaker 3: Togacola first, you second.
• 58:08
  Speaker 1: Yeah, I always tell Oscar I'm faster than Togacola. Because
• 58:12
  Speaker 1: he's like, what, really? Are you serious?
• 58:14
  Speaker 2: He's a very good manly player for anyone who's like, who?
• 58:17
  Speaker 2: Who is that?
• 58:19
  Speaker 1: It's Oscar's obsession.
• 58:21
  Speaker 4: But I know people like really thrive on that little
• 58:25
  Speaker 4: pat on the back. So if you've got someone in
• 58:27
  Speaker 4: your life that's like they might be battling a little
• 58:29
  Speaker 4: bit or you think like they're going through something like
• 58:33
  Speaker 4: this where they're trying to better themselves in any aspect,
• 58:36
  Speaker 4: a pat on the back is no harm depending on,
• 58:39
  Speaker 4: of course, how that comes across.
• 58:41
  Speaker 1: And like I do love the little nudge forwards and
• 58:44
  Speaker 1: I think, yeah, I might not. take it in in
• 58:47
  Speaker 1: the moment.
• 58:48
  Speaker 4: But when I'm trying to sleep for hours at night,
• 58:50
  Speaker 4: I take all that stuff in and reflect on it.
• 58:52
  Speaker 1: And that actually helps me get to sleep.
• 58:54
  Speaker 4: So I would say, yeah, if you've got someone in
• 58:56
  Speaker 4: your life that you think could use a little pat
• 58:58
  Speaker 4: on the back, a little attaboy, don't hold back.
• 59:01
  Speaker 1: Just do it in the way that you know that
• 59:03
  Speaker 1: they'll respond nicely to it.
• 59:05
  Speaker 2: Surely we're all the same. in that if Laura will say, hey,
• 59:08
  Speaker 2: you parented really well today. I'm like, did I?
• 59:11
  Speaker 4: Yeah.
• 59:12
  Speaker 1: Really?
• 59:12
  Speaker 3: Tell me again.
• 59:13
  Speaker 2: Oh, my God. That is just.
• 59:16
  Speaker 4: But you don't want it to be like you parented
• 59:18
  Speaker 4: really well today and you're like, so I don't parent
• 59:19
  Speaker 4: well every other day. You know, and it's like the
• 59:23
  Speaker 4: same thing with these wife videos where I'm like, it's
• 59:25
  Speaker 4: like April would give me two shirt options.
• 59:27
  Speaker 1: Oh, I like that one. She's like, what's wrong with
• 59:28
  Speaker 1: this one? It's not bad. It's just that I feel like, yeah,
• 59:33
  Speaker 1: I feel like.
• 59:34
  Speaker 2: A little pat on the back. You did really well today.
• 59:35
  Speaker 2: A little fist bump.
• 59:36
  Speaker 4: Or like a situation like I feel like I'm trying
• 59:38
  Speaker 4: to be better in the situation, like in the moment
• 59:41
  Speaker 4: in the situation with the kids when they're melting down,
• 59:44
  Speaker 4: try a different approach.
• 59:45
  Speaker 1: And sometimes I can just tell that April's happy with
• 59:48
  Speaker 1: how that went and how I did it.
• 59:49
  Speaker 4: And it was like, yeah, like the other day when
• 59:52
  Speaker 4: he had a meltdown over losing Uno.
• 59:53
  Speaker 1: Because we're all human. But I use that manly analogy
• 59:57
  Speaker 1: with him like a good coach.
• 59:58
  Speaker 5: Yes.
• 59:59
  Speaker 4: And he went from hiding away in the bedroom to
• 1:00:02
  Speaker 4: I want to go give mummy a cuddle because I
• 1:00:04
  Speaker 4: felt like I just ignored her then when she came
• 1:00:06
  Speaker 4: in and he ran and gave mummy.
• 1:00:07
  Speaker 1: A cuddle in the kitchen.
• 1:00:07
  Speaker 4: I felt like I achieved that and I could tell
• 1:00:11
  Speaker 4: April's face.
• 1:00:12
  Speaker 1: She was proud of that moment.
• 1:00:14
  Speaker 5: I was going to say the kids, yeah, you are
• 1:00:17
  Speaker 5: so good at like, yeah, giving the kids little pep
• 1:00:21
  Speaker 5: talks or something. Like you handle those situations so much
• 1:00:24
  Speaker 5: better than me. Like when I don't know what to say,
• 1:00:27
  Speaker 5: you're like, leave it with me.
• 1:00:28
  Speaker 2: And you do.
• 1:00:28
  Speaker 5: You just go in there and you see you can
• 1:00:31
  Speaker 5: change their thinking process.
• 1:00:34
  Speaker 3: Yeah, and it will just pick them up.
• 1:00:37
  Speaker 2: Ash always jokes about the fact that he just yells
• 1:00:39
  Speaker 2: at the kids.
• 1:00:40
  Speaker 1: That's old me.
• 1:00:41
  Speaker 3: Very rare.
• 1:00:41
  Speaker 1: That's old me now, eh?
• 1:00:43
  Speaker 2: Yeah.
• 1:00:43
  Speaker 1: I definitely have noticed.
• 1:00:45
  Speaker 4: I've got my voice all the time. I think we
• 1:00:48
  Speaker 4: all raise our voice at situations. I was way more
• 1:00:51
  Speaker 4: erratic because I just had less patience. I feel like
• 1:00:54
  Speaker 4: this whole thing as well has given me a little
• 1:00:57
  Speaker 4: bit more patience. Absolutely.
• 1:00:59
  Speaker 1: This is going to sound dumb. I really noticed it yesterday.
• 1:01:02
  Speaker 4: I went and played pickleball with Mike in the afternoon.
• 1:01:05
  Speaker 4: And I feel like whenever we do that with Mike,
• 1:01:08
  Speaker 4: it's a really good place to unload because we're across
• 1:01:11
  Speaker 4: the court.
• 1:01:11
  Speaker 1: We're laughing.
• 1:01:13
  Speaker 4: Whatever but i remember playing with him but i was
• 1:01:16
  Speaker 4: playing a different i was playing with patience and i
• 1:01:18
  Speaker 4: that's not me i would be like i'm a fucking
• 1:01:21
  Speaker 4: win this point now bro right i'm a win at
• 1:01:23
  Speaker 4: this first shot but i was like i even said
• 1:01:26
  Speaker 4: to myself subconsciously i'm gonna play the long game here.
• 1:01:29
  Speaker 7: Mike's like who the fuck am i playing and i
• 1:01:35
  Speaker 7: you know i when i left that thinking okay hang
• 1:01:38
  Speaker 7: on a minute i didn't I wasn't erratic in that moment,
• 1:01:41
  Speaker 7: even as a competitor.
• 1:01:42
  Speaker 1: I was actually quite level-headed and knew what I was doing.
• 1:01:47
  Speaker 4: And I was like, I'm like that now with my kids,
• 1:01:49
  Speaker 4: opposed to just doing the fight or flight thing where
• 1:01:53
  Speaker 4: you're like, shut up, you know?
• 1:01:55
  Speaker 1: And look, don't get me wrong.
• 1:01:56
  Speaker 4: I love it when Oscar's being a cheeky shit. I'm like, hey,
• 1:01:58
  Speaker 4: he's like, hey, I'm like, shut up. And we have
• 1:02:00
  Speaker 4: a laugh over it.
• 1:02:01
  Speaker 1: I love that still, but I'm nowhere near.
• 1:02:03
  Speaker 4: As my voice now is at a level with them,
• 1:02:06
  Speaker 4: which is stern and fair and not. over the top
• 1:02:10
  Speaker 4: where I feel like it will traumatise them because I
• 1:02:11
  Speaker 4: feel like my mum was a yeller, which I love
• 1:02:13
  Speaker 4: her for that because.
• 1:02:14
  Speaker 1: She helped me up.
• 1:02:15
  Speaker 4: I think for Oscar I would like it to be
• 1:02:17
  Speaker 4: if you need to use your loud voice in a situation,
• 1:02:19
  Speaker 4: it's fine, but you've got other options.
• 1:02:21
  Speaker 1: My dad voice has improved. Absolutely. If I can scare
• 1:02:26
  Speaker 1: the neighbour's kids with my dad voice, that's great. And
• 1:02:28
  Speaker 1: now I'm going to have to raise it. That's amazing.
• 1:02:30
  Speaker 2: April, I do want to ask you one quick question
• 1:02:33
  Speaker 2: before you go.
• 1:02:34
  Speaker 1: Yeah.
• 1:02:35
  Speaker 2: And this is another question that we get very frequently
• 1:02:38
  Speaker 2: sent in, Are you aware of the videos that Ash
• 1:02:42
  Speaker 2: puts out on social media?
• 1:02:43
  Speaker 5: I'm well aware because I'm on crowd control with the
• 1:02:46
  Speaker 5: children going, shh, shh, daddy's filming, shh.
• 1:02:49
  Speaker 2: Magic's happening.
• 1:02:51
  Speaker 1: You know when you're in a live TV audience.
• 1:02:54
  Speaker 3: And it's like applause? Silence.
• 1:02:58
  Speaker 2: Are you made aware of the concepts before they get filmed?
• 1:03:03
  Speaker 3: Some, not always.
• 1:03:04
  Speaker 5: A lot of them, yeah, I see them firsthand like everyone. No,
• 1:03:08
  Speaker 5: is that firsthand when everyone else is seeing them?
• 1:03:10
  Speaker 2: Yeah.
• 1:03:11
  Speaker 5: And part of me says, I didn't say that.
• 1:03:17
  Speaker 1: Bullshit, eh?
• 1:03:19
  Speaker 2: The one that's kind of popped off was locking the
• 1:03:22
  Speaker 2: back door.
• 1:03:24
  Speaker 1: You know you left the back door unlocked last night?
• 1:03:27
  Speaker 1: We all could have died.
• 1:03:29
  Speaker 4: April would be like make sure the house is fort
• 1:03:32
  Speaker 4: knocks before anyone goes to sleep, which is totally fair.
• 1:03:35
  Speaker 1: We live in, honestly, the safest neighbourhood that could exist.
• 1:03:39
  Speaker 4: It comes with the concept of not locking the back
• 1:03:41
  Speaker 4: door because if I've been out onto the balcony or
• 1:03:44
  Speaker 4: something when she's already gone to bed to bring a
• 1:03:46
  Speaker 4: washing or something or whatever's out there and shut the
• 1:03:47
  Speaker 4: door and I forget to lock the sliding door, we
• 1:03:51
  Speaker 4: could have died, okay?
• 1:03:53
  Speaker 2: Did you say that?
• 1:03:54
  Speaker 3: Yeah, 100%.
• 1:03:54
  Speaker 5: I think I've said it multiple times, but it's because
• 1:03:57
  Speaker 5: I do– I tee myself up and I watch a
• 1:04:00
  Speaker 5: lot of documentaries.
• 1:04:01
  Speaker 1: True crime.
• 1:04:02
  Speaker 3: True crime. And you see it, those, you know, in America, far,
• 1:04:07
  Speaker 3: far away, but it happens.
• 1:04:08
  Speaker 1: It does happen.
• 1:04:09
  Speaker 2: Are you a fan of the videos?
• 1:04:11
  Speaker 3: I love them.
• 1:04:12
  Speaker 5: I love them and I love, yeah, I get so excited.
• 1:04:15
  Speaker 5: Like when I'm saying, oh, if I hadn't seen one,
• 1:04:17
  Speaker 5: I could see you like record it.
• 1:04:18
  Speaker 3: I'm like, oh, what's this one? I love it. And it's, yeah,
• 1:04:21
  Speaker 3: like you said, I think you're even more funnier now.
• 1:04:24
  Speaker 2: Yeah.
• 1:04:24
  Speaker 1: It's crazy. It's my job. Part of my job. This
• 1:04:27
  Speaker 1: is the other job I have. This is my notch.
• 1:04:29
  Speaker 2: You were the fuel for his job.
• 1:04:31
  Speaker 3: That's it.
• 1:04:31
  Speaker 4: And April had said to me, like, we joke about
• 1:04:34
  Speaker 4: how many jobs I've had on here because.
• 1:04:38
  Speaker 1: Quite frankly, I just get bored. And I remember April would.
• 1:04:42
  Speaker 4: Always, as, you know, partners do, always complain about how
• 1:04:45
  Speaker 4: much I hated what I was doing for so long.
• 1:04:47
  Speaker 4: And she always would say to me, do what you
• 1:04:49
  Speaker 4: love and you won't work a day in your life.
• 1:04:50
  Speaker 4: And I love how much April loves how much I
• 1:04:53
  Speaker 4: love it. Yeah.
• 1:04:55
  Speaker 1: If that makes sense.
• 1:04:56
  Speaker 2: Yeah.
• 1:04:57
  Speaker 4: It's also brung another element to our relationship where we
• 1:05:00
  Speaker 4: get to laugh at each other so much.
• 1:05:02
  Speaker 1: Yeah. Because when I put on the hair, I'm you.
• 1:05:05
  Speaker 4: Yeah.
• 1:05:07
  Speaker 2: The walk, the head.
• 1:05:10
  Speaker 3: You're an exaggerated version of me. Let's be clear. Let's
• 1:05:14
  Speaker 3: be clear.
• 1:05:14
  Speaker 1: Yeah, okay. I remember that first video I did with Andy.
• 1:05:18
  Speaker 4: Cooks at his house and he made me jam pikelets
• 1:05:20
  Speaker 4: and I whipped the towel out in front of his
• 1:05:22
  Speaker 4: partner and I put it on and she was just like,
• 1:05:24
  Speaker 4: You are her.
• 1:05:25
  Speaker 1: You are here. You are a different person.
• 1:05:26
  Speaker 3: Different character.
• 1:05:27
  Speaker 2: It's so good.
• 1:05:28
  Speaker 1: Yeah. I'm just going to have a shower, okay? I'm
• 1:05:30
  Speaker 1: not washing my hair, though. And sometimes you'll pull me
• 1:05:33
  Speaker 1: up and you'll be like, you were just doing your wife.
• 1:05:35
  Speaker 3: And I'm like, oh, shit.
• 1:05:37
  Speaker 4: Because I've observed April for, you know, we're coming up
• 1:05:40
  Speaker 4: to 10 years married next year, 15 years together.
• 1:05:43
  Speaker 1: I think I have observed her little quirks.
• 1:05:47
  Speaker 5: And you, like we were saying, you're more observant now
• 1:05:50
  Speaker 5: than ever before.
• 1:05:51
  Speaker 1: Must be driving you.
• 1:05:53
  Speaker 2: Would you ever switch your account on social media to public?
• 1:05:56
  Speaker 3: I've thought about it, but I don't post anything. I'm boring.
• 1:06:00
  Speaker 3: No one wants to follow me.
• 1:06:01
  Speaker 4: Actually, I think the most in-depth conversation we had about
• 1:06:04
  Speaker 4: it happened a couple of days ago.
• 1:06:06
  Speaker 1: You would have 100,000 requests. Easy. Yeah. It would be
• 1:06:09
  Speaker 1: unbelievable if she opened it up. But also as well.
• 1:06:13
  Speaker 2: Please do it.
• 1:06:14
  Speaker 1: No, she wanted to do it for.
• 1:06:16
  Speaker 3: Free stuff.
• 1:06:17
  Speaker 1: For free stuff. And I said, you know, you've got
• 1:06:20
  Speaker 1: to work. You can't just exist like that.
• 1:06:24
  Speaker 4: I mean, go ham, but I know she will, even
• 1:06:27
  Speaker 4: before she leaves a comment on any video now, she'll
• 1:06:29
  Speaker 4: make sure I check it.
• 1:06:29
  Speaker 2: Is this okay?
• 1:06:30
  Speaker 1: So I can't imagine what it would be like if
• 1:06:32
  Speaker 1: you were to try and post it today. I'm like,
• 1:06:34
  Speaker 1: just leave it to me.
• 1:06:34
  Speaker 2: It's not for the faint of heart. It's hard. It's
• 1:06:38
  Speaker 2: tough out there. Yeah, it's a tough landscape.
• 1:06:40
  Speaker 1: It's a roller coaster.
• 1:06:40
  Speaker 2: I wouldn't want to wish it upon my worst enemy.
• 1:06:42
  Speaker 3: I really wouldn't.
• 1:06:43
  Speaker 1: You wouldn't, no. Just trying to. Just minimize the competition
• 1:06:47
  Speaker 1: over here.
• 1:06:47
  Speaker 2: Yeah, that's the last thing I need.
• 1:06:48
  Speaker 1: Laura's like, don't let her.
• 1:06:50
  Speaker 2: Don't let her.
• 1:06:50
  Speaker 1: Don't let her open that up.
• 1:06:52
  Speaker 2: April, I want to say thank you for coming into
• 1:06:55
  Speaker 2: the studio. It's always nice to hear about this topic.
• 1:06:58
  Speaker 2: I love it because for me it's such a happy ending,
• 1:07:02
  Speaker 2: you know, for now. And I'm confident that it's going
• 1:07:04
  Speaker 2: to continue to be a happy ending. And it's also
• 1:07:06
  Speaker 2: the difference in Ash in your presence is beautiful.
• 1:07:10
  Speaker 4: Aw.
• 1:07:11
  Speaker 2: It really is. You big old softy.
• 1:07:13
  Speaker 1: You got an erection.
• 1:07:16
  Speaker 2: But I want to say thank you for not just
• 1:07:18
  Speaker 2: today but for supporting Ash through everything.
• 1:07:22
  Speaker 1: Thank you.
• 1:07:22
  Speaker 3: No, I appreciate being asked to come in.
• 1:07:25
  Speaker 5: I hope I answered the questions okay.
• 1:07:31
  Speaker 4: I would say firstly thank you. You did give me
• 1:07:34
  Speaker 4: the space to work it out. I'm just glad that
• 1:07:37
  Speaker 4: you didn't give me an ultimatum because I don't know
• 1:07:39
  Speaker 4: where that would have ended up.
• 1:07:40
  Speaker 1: And I think like early on in this journey, Matt said,
• 1:07:42
  Speaker 1: how long is this going to last?
• 1:07:44
  Speaker 2: I didn't say it in that tone. I may have
• 1:07:48
  Speaker 2: said those words, but.
• 1:07:49
  Speaker 4: That sits with me a lot because I want to
• 1:07:52
  Speaker 4: prove him wrong because I want to win that one too.
• 1:07:55
  Speaker 3: You're out to win.
• 1:07:56
  Speaker 4: And yeah, also thank you to you because you give
• 1:07:59
  Speaker 4: me so much space to thrive instead of just survive.
• 1:08:04
  Speaker 1: So thank you.
• 1:08:05
  Speaker 2: You're welcome. I don't feel like I deserve that, but I'll.
• 1:08:08
  Speaker 3: No, you do.
• 1:08:09
  Speaker 2: Take it.
• 1:08:09
  Speaker 1: I'll write it.
• 1:08:09
  Speaker 2: I'll text it to you, mate. If you have enjoyed
• 1:08:12
  Speaker 2: this episode, we would love it if you gave us
• 1:08:14
  Speaker 2: a couple of comments. Subscribe, Apple Podcasts, Spotify.
• 1:08:17
  Speaker 1: You can join us on socials at April underscore weeks.
• 1:08:24
  Speaker 1: You can join us on socials at Two Doting Dads, Instagram, TikTok, Facebook, YouTube.
• 1:08:29
  Speaker 1: Or send us an email at hello at twodotingdads.com.
• 1:08:32
  Speaker 4: Thanks.
• 1:08:33
  Speaker 2: We'll get out of here.
• 1:08:33
  Speaker 4: Okay, bye.
• 1:08:34
  Speaker 1: Thanks, bye.
• 1:08:35
  Speaker 4: Bye.
• 1:08:48
  Speaker 2: Two Doting Dads podcast acknowledges the traditional custodians of country
• 1:08:52
  Speaker 2: throughout Australia and their connections to land, sea and community.
• 1:08:56
  Speaker 1: We pay our respects to their elders, past and present,
• 1:08:58
  Speaker 1: and extend that respect. to all Aboriginal and Torres Strait
• 1:09:01
  Speaker 1: Islander peoples today. This episode was recorded on Gadigal land.