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Lessons - You're Preparing for a Life You'll Never Live (Scott) · Success Story with Scott Clary

• 0:00
  In this lessons episode, I want to talk about why high-performing people are so afraid of wasting their life,
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  that they've actually forgotten to live it, because just like myself, I've dealt with this before,
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  working endless hours to build this perfect future, but we're completely missing the life that's
• 0:16
  happening right now. I'm going to show you exactly why you keep moving your own goalposts,
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  why even the most powerful people in history couldn't solve this problem, and a simple framework
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  that finally breaks the cycle. By the end, you're going to see why the life that you're preparing for
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  is actually the one that you're already living. Today's podcast is very personal for me, because
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  what I'm going to talk about today is something that has impacted me, and I think it's impacted a
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  lot of people who are listening to this, who are, you know, the quote unquote, high-performing,
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  super ambitious people. We're always trying to push the next level, get to the next milestone.
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  I think that a lot of us are so afraid of wasting our lives that we've forgotten to live them.
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  Let me explain what I mean. When you started your business, you started your career. You'd be happy
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  if you made a hundred K. You'd be happy if your business hit a hundred K in sales, and then it was
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  200 K, and then it was 500 K, and now you're making more money than your parents ever dreamed of,
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  and you're still not living the life that you promised yourself that you would live when you quote,
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  unquote, made it, because your goalposts keep moving, and you keep chasing them, and you are convinced
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  that the next milestone will finally give you permission to stop optimizing and start living.
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  It will finally give you permission to go on vacation. It will finally give you permission
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  to work less hours. The next milestone will finally give you permission to buy that condo and
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  settle down, and the next milestone will finally give you permission to have kids, because how could I
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  afford them right now? But all of that narrative, that is all made up in your mind, and those goalposts
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  that keep moving, well, they're not moving themselves. You're moving them, because every single
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  achievement creates a new problem. Every single level that you unlock reveals 10 more levels. Every single
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  financial milestone that you achieve, it gets swallowed up by lifestyle inflation, and then you
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  discover people who have even more, and you become this world class optimizer and world class
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  achiever, and kind of an amateur human being. But the irony is, in your desperate attempt to
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  avoid mediocrity, which is really what we're all trying to escape. We just don't want to live
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  a mediocre life. You are actually creating something way worse. You are creating a life that you
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  are absent from. You are creating a life that you are actually not living, because we all tell
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  ourselves this story, right? Once I hit X number, then I'll have the freedom to enjoy life, but freedom
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  isn't a destination. It's truly a decision that you make about the life that you already have,
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  and you have convinced yourself that your current dissatisfaction with life is just temporary. It's
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  just this necessary sacrifice on the way to the life that you deserve. So you postpone joy, and you
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  postpone presence, and you postpone actually living all in service of some future version of yourself
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  who will finally have permission to be happy. But what's sad is that that person doesn't exist. They
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  never will, because here's what actually happens when you finally hit your number. Nothing, nothing
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  changes. You don't suddenly become somebody who can enjoy life. You become somebody who needs a
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  bigger number. So every single time that you tell yourself, I'll be happy when you're actually
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  training your mind to look for what's missing. You're hunting out all the problems. Instead of
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  noticing what's here right now, what do I have right now? How good is my life right now? And if
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  you do this for years, you'll become physically incapable of satisfaction. You will rewire your
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  brain so that you can never be happy, because your brain gets really good at spotting problems
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  and terrible at recognizing them when things are actually fine and highly ambitious people. We are
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  not just falling into how our brain works. We are reinforcing and continuously telling our brain
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  to spot problems that life isn't good enough, that we're not happy yet. And if we tell our brain
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  this enough, it's going to start to believe it. This is what's going to happen. The person
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  making a hundred K who thinks 200 K will solve everything will turn into the person who's making
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  200 K who now thinks 500 K will solve everything who will then turn into the person making 500 K who
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  thinks 1 million will solve everything. Now, you're not climbing towards satisfaction. You are running
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  on a treadmill that you built in your own mind. But the part that really stings is that most high
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  achievers actually learn this as kids. So you were probably the child who got hugs for good grades
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  and silence just for existing. And a lot of love came through performance. And being yourself
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  wasn't enough, you had to be accomplishing something that mattered. So now you're 35 years old,
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  you're 40 years old, you're 45 years old, and you're still trying to earn gold stars in your
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  subconscious from a teacher who isn't even there anymore from your parents who don't care because
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  you've already surpassed them. Because the 75 K person who's worried about rent, the 150 K person
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  who's worried about the mortgage on the house have upgraded to the 300 K person who worries about
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  the private school tuition for the kids. It's just different numbers, same anxiety, different
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  lifestyle, but if you're not careful, same emptiness because happiness, fulfillment, and security
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  is a feeling, not a number. We keep thinking it's a number. Feelings don't follow bank balances.
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  Now, let me show you how this is not something that just you are dealing with. So don't stress
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  because this is a very common problem that high performing people have to deal with. Literally,
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  one of the most powerful people in the world at the time, Marcus Aurelius. Well, actually,
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  he was literally the most powerful person in the world at the time because he controlled
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  armies, vast wealth, basically an empire that spanned three continents. So you could say that he had
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  accomplished a lot. He could have anything he wanted, could do anything he wanted, he could
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  live his life in any way he chose. But he spent his private moments, this is documented history,
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  writing reminders to himself. He would always write out, you have power over your mind,
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  not outside events, realize this, and you will find strength. So the most powerful man in history
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  needed to remind himself that external circumstances don't create internal peace. So if a Roman
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  emperor struggled with this, what makes you think that your next promotion is going to solve all
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  your problems. The same patterns that trap you at 100K are going to trap you at a million.
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  The same dissatisfaction that you feel in your current apartment, that's going to follow you
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  to the penthouse because your problem isn't your circumstances. It's your relationship with them.
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  External achievements can't fix internal dissatisfaction and you've been trying to solve a
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  feelings problem with a money solution. Now, this is what changed everything for me. This is what
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  actually helped me overcome this mental block about achievement and success and it didn't
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  this exercise and I'm going to get you to do didn't stop me from wanting to achieve more
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  or to be more ambitious, but it helped me live in the moment in the present and not keep running
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  on this treadmill that I've created for myself and allow me to sometimes take some time off
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  from work, not feel guilty about it and spend time with friends and family and on other things.
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  So, what changed everything for me was writing down my enough number. What is that enough number?
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  It's how much you have to make, right? How much money you have to make. So, it's not enough to
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  be comfortable or enough to feel secure. It's a very specific annual income that you have to take
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  home that would let you live the exact life that you want without compromise. That's very important.
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  We're not talking about making no money and not living a great life. We're talking about the
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  amount of money that you would want to take home every single year so you could live a life without
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  compromise. And for me, it's actually quite low. Subjectively, I know this number could be large
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  for some people, but for me, most of my money that I make goes right back into my business, but what
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  I like to spend money on is traveling two to three times a year, dinners without checking the prices
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  on the menu, the ability to help my family when they need my help, and really enough left over
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  not to worry about money. I don't spend a lot. Everything above that number is really just
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  lifestyle inflation disguised as ambition. So, you have to write down your enough number. Not what
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  society tells you to want, not what your friends and your peers are chasing, the actual amount of money
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  that would let you live the life you want. If we look at Warren Buffett, he still lives in the same
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  house he bought in 1958 for $31,500. Not because he can't afford better, but because he decided it
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  was enough. He could buy anything he wants in this world, and he chooses to need very little.
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  That's not frugality. That's freedom. So, your homework is to write down your enough number,
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  and then you ask yourself, well, what would I do if I already had that number? Because for some of
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  you, you probably already do, or you're closer than you think, and you're postponing living,
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  you're postponing friends and family and travel and fun and hobbies and pastimes and life
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  because you're chasing a number that wouldn't even impact your life significantly. You're chasing
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  a number that would make you so much money you wouldn't even know what to do with because you wouldn't
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  spend it on things that are important to you. So, it's fine to be ambitious. It's fine to push
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  the next level, but don't do it while forgetting everything else. You can live right now.
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  Let me do some math that's going to hurt. If you work 60 hours a week, and I know that some of us
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  work more than 60 hours a week, but if you work 60 hours a week for the next 20 years to build
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  the perfect life, that is 62,400 hours of preparation. 62,400 hours of getting ready to live.
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  That is more time than most people spend awake with their families in a lifetime. That's more time
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  than most people spend doing things they actually enjoy. But you are spending more time preparing for
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  life than living it, but the cost isn't just time. It's relationships. Because while you've been
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  preparing and optimizing for some day in the future, the people who matter most have been living
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  in today. Your partner, your spouse, stopped inviting you to spontaneous dinners because you
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  always say you're too busy. Your kids stopped asking you to play because you're always working on
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  something more important. And your friends stopped calling because every time you hang out, you're
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  just stressing about your next goal. You've been so focused on building a life worth living
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  that you've ignored the people who make life worth living. And the cruelest part is that at the end
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  of those 20 years where you've been preparing because you have conditioned yourself to not be happy,
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  you're probably going to set new goals and spend another 20 years pairing for the life that you live
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  someday. And you're going to do this until you die because you on your deathbed, your deathbed
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  self, they're not proud of optimization and preparation. They are heartbroken by you missing out
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  on all the life that you have available to you right now. They are lying there wishing that they
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  could go back and tell you what it's really all about. Family, friends, and experiences.
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  The Tuesday morning conversations, the unplanned adventures, the quiet moments of just being present
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  with someone you love. So maybe you should listen to you in the future because you can keep
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  preparing for that extraordinary life or you can show up to the one that's happening right now.
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  But you can't do both. And as Marcus Aurelius wrote, can find yourself to the present, the present
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  that you've been avoiding while optimizing for the future. And the choice is yours, but choose
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  quickly because while you're deciding how much is enough, how much should I push, what can I
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  accomplish, your life is happening without you.