Latest / Topeka Bible Church Audio Archive / January 25, 2018 | Men Of Success - Winter 2018, Session 3 - The One Minute Negotiator

Transcript

January 25, 2018 | Men Of Success - Winter 2018, Session 3 - The One Minute Negotiator · Topeka Bible Church Audio Archive

• 0:00
  SPEAKER_00: All right, men.
• 0:00
  SPEAKER_00: Good morning.
• 0:02
  SPEAKER_00: Good to see everybody out this morning on this uh nice spring day, although I don't think winter is uh over yet.
• 0:08
  SPEAKER_00: If we were near the end of February, I might think that we were close.
• 0:12
  SPEAKER_00: You know, I I generally try to kind of ask the Lord what I ought to say in the morning, you know, try to have some words of wisdom, something that's uh has some significance and wasn't sure what I was gonna say this morning, and the the word encouragement popped into my mind.
• 0:26
  SPEAKER_00: And uh, you know, as we think about um uh employees, uh as we think about leaders at work, as we think about our families, uh one of the things I remember people telling me at work was, gee, never felt like anybody appreciated what I did.
• 0:39
  SPEAKER_00: So just something to think about today.
• 0:41
  SPEAKER_00: Be an encourager.
• 0:42
  SPEAKER_00: Encourage your wife, encourage your kids, uh, encourage your employees, tell somebody thanks, somebody they're doing a good job, and goes a long way.
• 0:51
  SPEAKER_00: Uh when I looked at the topic this morning, I thought about my friend Les, thinking about uh his the years he's been in the uh car business.
• 0:59
  SPEAKER_00: And how many of you like to negotiate when you buy a car?
• 1:03
  SPEAKER_00: Is there any that like to do that?
• 1:05
  SPEAKER_00: So so just a just a few.
• 1:07
  SPEAKER_00: I know there are some people that they they really like the the uh uh the art of negotiation, and then I saw a lot of hands that didn't go up.
• 1:14
  SPEAKER_00: I think uh car salesmen probably like the ones that don't negotiate, they just uh you know, here's the price, okay, that's good.
• 1:21
  SPEAKER_00: But no, I know a lot of you do like to negotiate.
• 1:24
  SPEAKER_00: So we're gonna let these uh um Derek and Jim talk to us about the one-minute negotiator this morning.
• 1:30
  SPEAKER_02: So thanks a lot, Paul.
• 1:34
  SPEAKER_02: Appreciate it.
• 1:34
  SPEAKER_02: Also, thanks, Tom, this morning for getting all the breakfast together and always always a highlight of the morning.
• 1:46
  SPEAKER_02: Aren't these some big sports some big big sports news?
• 1:50
  SPEAKER_02: Big sports news.
• 1:52
  SPEAKER_01: Anyone else watch this game on TV?
• 1:54
  SPEAKER_01: How exciting was that?
• 1:56
  SPEAKER_01: I have ever since I went to the Oklahoma K-State game in K-State, I've been watching their games.
• 2:01
  SPEAKER_01: They uh it's it's been a long time since the two Kansas teams have been number one and number two in the Big 12 this far into the season.
• 2:10
  SPEAKER_01: So it's uh pretty exciting.
• 2:12
  SPEAKER_01: KU's uh KU's gonna face a tough time.
• 2:15
  SPEAKER_01: It's Monday, isn't it, that they play at K-State?
• 2:18
  SPEAKER_01: I think so.
• 2:19
  SPEAKER_02: That'll be a game.
• 2:20
  SPEAKER_01: That'll be a good one.
• 2:22
  SPEAKER_01: And uh Oklahoma went down and lost to Kansas day before yesterday.
• 2:28
  SPEAKER_01: Or Kansas went down and lost to Oklahoma.
• 2:31
  SPEAKER_01: And I decided the picture that was most appropriate was the picture, the big center of KU.
• 2:38
  SPEAKER_01: If you watch this game, Bill Self just left him in and they kept hackadoking.
• 2:43
  SPEAKER_01: It's called instead of Hack A Shack.
• 2:45
  SPEAKER_01: I just kept fouling him intentionally, starting with about four minutes to go, and he missed every free throw.
• 2:50
  SPEAKER_01: And they were up when this happened, but by the end of the by the fine time finally uh Bill Self realized what he was doing, and it was a minute and ten seconds left, you know, KU had lost the game pretty much.
• 3:02
  SPEAKER_01: So that was kind of funny.
• 3:04
  SPEAKER_01: That's horrible.
• 3:05
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, but uh, but it sure made the Big 12 a lot closer.
• 3:10
  SPEAKER_01: And yeah, I I was thinking my my boys, my three sons are texting me throughout the whole game, and they're pretty upset.
• 3:18
  SPEAKER_01: But uh, you know, with how badly Bill Self wants to win this, I forget how many it is, this record setting.
• 3:25
  SPEAKER_01: No 77 Big 12 championships.
• 3:30
  SPEAKER_01: If he loses because of this rotten coaching job he did, that'll be anyway.
• 3:36
  SPEAKER_01: Uh this is gonna be fun, right?
• 3:39
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, some last week I think we decided some people were boycotting the Super Bowl.
• 3:43
  SPEAKER_02: I've heard that several times.
• 3:45
  SPEAKER_02: It's uh we should cheer for the Eagles at least.
• 3:47
  SPEAKER_02: We are exactly a bunch of Christians on their team.
• 3:50
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, there's a guy who um a Washburn professor who was coming here every week, and then all of a sudden, uh his name is Ober, David Ober, and he would sit right in there.
• 4:00
  SPEAKER_01: And um, and then he um since his contract wasn't gonna be renewed at the end of the year, he talked them into letting him go back to uh Pennsylvania uh near Philly um to where his wife is, she has cancer.
• 4:16
  SPEAKER_01: And so he left uh a couple weeks ago, and he and I had gotten close just in the year he had lived here in town, and he is texting me every day.
• 4:24
  SPEAKER_01: He's so excited about the Eagles, being in the Super Bowl and so excited because there's so many Christians.
• 4:28
  SPEAKER_01: They have a daily Bible study.
• 4:30
  SPEAKER_01: And did you see uh Nick Foles?
• 4:32
  SPEAKER_01: Did you hear Nick Foles talk about God, talk about the Lord after they won?
• 4:37
  SPEAKER_01: Nick Foles is the backup, you know, the guy everybody's been making fun of, the backup quarterback to Carson Wentz, who is sort of the spiritual leader of that team as well as the quarterback.
• 4:46
  SPEAKER_01: And uh so I'm really rooting for Philly because you know, New England's going to hell and Philly's going to heaven, so you know.
• 4:54
  SPEAKER_01: Um I can say that because Don Verge isn't here.
• 4:59
  SPEAKER_01: He's from New England, he's in a Bible study, and you can't say he's gonna be.
• 5:01
  SPEAKER_02: He'd be very upset about that.
• 5:03
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
• 5:04
  SPEAKER_01: Anyway, so we got this little book here.
• 5:07
  SPEAKER_01: And uh I gotta tell you, I I read this book back in December, and and Derek, this book hit me at the right time because I had some important negotiations coming up that I was afraid of.
• 5:19
  SPEAKER_01: I love to somebody asked the question, do you like to negotiate?
• 5:22
  SPEAKER_01: For some reason, when I'm leading tours over to Greece and Israel, I love to bargain with Arab shop owners, and I usually less, is that right?
• 5:32
  SPEAKER_01: I mean, I love it.
• 5:33
  SPEAKER_01: You you tell me what you want, and I'll go into the Arab shop, and I know a few Arab words, and I love to negotiate and get a good price.
• 5:40
  SPEAKER_01: It's just fun.
• 5:41
  SPEAKER_01: But over here in America, I don't like to.
• 5:45
  SPEAKER_02: And and why is that?
• 5:46
  SPEAKER_01: Uh I don't know, I'm a weenie.
• 5:48
  SPEAKER_01: I don't know.
• 5:48
  SPEAKER_01: So, um, so anyway, uh uh we're gonna talk about this, and I and this book really has helped me in the last couple of months as I've been uh dealing with some really important um negotiations basically.
• 6:02
  SPEAKER_01: So let's talk about this.
• 6:04
  SPEAKER_01: Um you want to take yeah, yeah.
• 6:06
  SPEAKER_01: Let's look at the first four chapters of this book, and we're gonna take it next week because our goal is that I decided that uh, you know, we decided that since this book has helped me, even though it's really simple, we want you to make a determination today uh to think about it and to use it this next week, to use the simple concept and come back and talk to your table about it or talk to us about it next week.
• 6:30
  SPEAKER_01: Okay?
• 6:30
  SPEAKER_01: So we're gonna do a two-week deal.
• 6:32
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, it'll be good.
• 6:33
  SPEAKER_02: And it'll be very easy.
• 6:36
  SPEAKER_02: Very, very easy for you.
• 6:38
  SPEAKER_02: And that's something that the authors of the book hammer out is this easy, and it's so easy that they even give us, as we'll see in a little bit, they give us an acronym, E-A-S-Y, to implement this negotiating plan that apparently everybody can do in one minute or less.
• 6:55
  SPEAKER_01: And so we all have a disease, right?
• 6:57
  SPEAKER_02: It's this disease, and it's called negotiaphobia.
• 7:04
  SPEAKER_02: Yes, negotiaphobia.
• 7:06
  SPEAKER_02: It's a real word.
• 7:07
  SPEAKER_02: It was created for this book, it might even be in a dictionary somewhere now.
• 7:12
  SPEAKER_02: But we talk about negotiations, and as we saw and and Paul as Paul gave the intro, some of us like to negotiate.
• 7:21
  SPEAKER_02: I like to negotiate lots of things, but some people really don't like negotiating at all.
• 7:26
  SPEAKER_02: And maybe some of us like negotiating in certain arenas, but not others.
• 7:31
  SPEAKER_02: Some people maybe like negotiating at work, but then when it comes to at home and with your wife or your kids or something like that, how do those negotiations work?
• 7:40
  SPEAKER_02: And usually they're they're different.
• 7:45
  SPEAKER_01: Is there any husband who wants to negotiate with his wife?
• 7:48
  SPEAKER_01: No.
• 7:49
  SPEAKER_01: You decide I'll watch TV, forget it.
• 7:53
  SPEAKER_02: So this is this is what we're gonna look at is this negotiophobia stuff.
• 7:57
  SPEAKER_02: And it's part of the premise of the book is that all of us have it at some level.
• 8:02
  SPEAKER_02: All of us uh fear to some degree negotiations, and he really gives two reasons why negotiation is is tough for us.
• 8:13
  SPEAKER_02: And the first is that sometimes we view negotiation as combat or as conflict or as something bad.
• 8:23
  SPEAKER_02: And we some of us, especially if we're we don't like conflict, we tend to avoid conflict, we're not going to like negotiation because that means that we're gonna have to go into battle, we're gonna have to do this back and forth thing to bring about a result when it'd be much easier to say, okay, let's just make a decision and go with it, regardless of who it's good for.
• 8:44
  SPEAKER_02: And then the second is that they point out is a lack of skill development in negotiations.
• 8:51
  SPEAKER_02: Because I don't know about you guys, but I've never been in a seminar, I've never been in a class, I've never been in a workshop that specifically addressed negotiating.
• 9:01
  SPEAKER_02: And maybe some of you are like that too.
• 9:03
  SPEAKER_02: And so that's the second reason that he poses for why we have negotiophobia is because we're just not skilled at it.
• 9:09
  SPEAKER_02: And it is something that we have to learn and we have to develop and grow over time.
• 9:14
  SPEAKER_01: In the book, um, it's really simple to read, partly because it's written like a lot of business books now.
• 9:21
  SPEAKER_01: It tells a story, and in the story, uh the main character uh goes in, he he's he's been the top producer in his little firm.
• 9:33
  SPEAKER_01: So he expects to win Salesman of the Year or whatever, and a promotion.
• 9:38
  SPEAKER_01: And a promotion.
• 9:39
  SPEAKER_01: So he and his wife are on the cruise that the business has taken for all their top producers, but he finds out behind the scenes, like the first day, he probably won't win.
• 9:49
  SPEAKER_01: To his shock, this this woman's gonna win, who he outproduced, but uh the company has decided instead of looking for the top producer, they're looking for the one who's the bottom line, who's actually made the company the most money.
• 10:05
  SPEAKER_01: And sh this woman has been to a guy's seminar, uh man's seminar who talks about negotiating, and that transformed the way she did things.
• 10:14
  SPEAKER_01: And so she uh she probably win.
• 10:17
  SPEAKER_01: And in fact, on the cruise, this guy is on the cruise.
• 10:20
  SPEAKER_01: The reason they decided to go ahead and take this particular cruise, this guy who talks about negotiating is on the cruise.
• 10:26
  SPEAKER_01: And uh anyway, so the second chapter of the book, he just took the first one, negotiophobia, is this guy making a decision?
• 10:34
  SPEAKER_01: Is he going to boycott the seminars?
• 10:36
  SPEAKER_01: He is so upset, he's so angry, so is his wife, they were gonna buy a new house with a bonus and so forth.
• 10:42
  SPEAKER_01: And the second chapter is him deciding I'm not too old to learn new tricks.
• 10:49
  SPEAKER_01: And so it's sort of the are you willing, no matter what age you are, to learn new ways of of living and dealing.
• 10:59
  SPEAKER_01: And that's really, I think, what happened.
• 11:01
  SPEAKER_01: The reason I sympathize with that, and I grabbed this chapter, and that's all that I need to say about the chapter, is I had to make the same decision in December.
• 11:08
  SPEAKER_01: I thought, okay, I'm going to some going into some new sort of relationships here.
• 11:13
  SPEAKER_01: We're gonna have to negotiate.
• 11:16
  SPEAKER_01: And uh, am I willing to jump in and not just simply say whatever you decide is best?
• 11:22
  SPEAKER_01: And so um I found that valuable.
• 11:25
  SPEAKER_01: Now we move to chapter three.
• 11:27
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, and so in chapter three basically gives the the high-level strategy.
• 11:31
  SPEAKER_02: This is the easy strategy that the uh the doctor on the boat, the the professor, the presenter, that he gives and is going to give to the main character on the cruise ship and their entire firm because they're switching to this kind of negotiating model.
• 11:49
  SPEAKER_02: And so there's there's four steps, and it's easy.
• 11:51
  SPEAKER_02: So the E is engage.
• 11:53
  SPEAKER_02: So this is the part where you recognize that you are in a negotiation.
• 11:59
  SPEAKER_02: Because if you don't recognize that this is a time for negotiation, the rest of it doesn't matter because you're just gonna be lost and your heads are gonna be in the clouds.
• 12:07
  SPEAKER_02: And the second is assess.
• 12:10
  SPEAKER_02: And so this is evaluating and checking out to see okay, where is this person at?
• 12:17
  SPEAKER_02: Where is he coming from?
• 12:18
  SPEAKER_02: What are they putting on the table?
• 12:20
  SPEAKER_02: Where am I at?
• 12:21
  SPEAKER_02: Where am I coming from?
• 12:22
  SPEAKER_02: What are my tendencies?
• 12:23
  SPEAKER_02: What am I going to bring to the table?
• 12:26
  SPEAKER_02: And knowing what those are ahead of time.
• 12:28
  SPEAKER_02: And then S is strategize.
• 12:31
  SPEAKER_02: And so this is the part, and uh Jim will talk about this in a little bit, but which strategy are we going to employ?
• 12:38
  SPEAKER_02: And so there's he gives four different ones that we can uh kind of go through.
• 12:44
  SPEAKER_02: But which one of those is going to be best for this particular situation?
• 12:48
  SPEAKER_02: Some are better than others for depending on the situation, we'll talk about each of those.
• 12:54
  SPEAKER_02: And then the why is your one-minute drill.
• 12:56
  SPEAKER_02: So this is the one minute that you have, the 60 seconds, to go through this, engage, assess, and strategize to figure out okay, given the situation, given where this party's at, given where I'm at, what's going to be the best course of action to have the best outcome for this particular negotiation?
• 13:17
  SPEAKER_02: Because one thing that he stresses, the authors stress in the book, is that negotiations are not a one-size-fits-all program.
• 13:26
  SPEAKER_02: And he's going to give us a couple uh different things to distinguish, okay, what's going to be good for this particular negotiation and not for that.
• 13:35
  SPEAKER_01: So in chapter four, now we're going to get specific.
• 13:38
  SPEAKER_01: That's just been general.
• 13:39
  SPEAKER_01: So you need to think for a moment about negotiations that you enter into or that you that are before you.
• 13:47
  SPEAKER_01: One would be like, for instance, buying a car.
• 13:50
  SPEAKER_01: Um, another would be talking with your wife about maybe where you're going to take a vacation this coming year.
• 13:57
  SPEAKER_01: Uh, another might be a negotiation with your child or with your boss.
• 14:02
  SPEAKER_01: And it's important to decide when you've decided I need to engage in a negotiation and not just simply, you know, you know, lie down and let the wind blow over me.
• 14:12
  SPEAKER_01: Then you need to you need to think about a negotiation strategy matrix, and in which you uh realize there are four different ways that people negotiate.
• 14:24
  SPEAKER_01: One uh is a bottom left, and that would be an avoidance in which you avoid any negotiation, and you put your head in the sand, like an ostrich, you can see that on the bottom left, and basically you sort of run away from any negotiation.
• 14:42
  SPEAKER_01: That would be, he says, a lose-lose situation.
• 14:45
  SPEAKER_01: Whatever you say goes, and so you both end up basically losing.
• 14:50
  SPEAKER_01: And uh the important thing, by the way, I think here is to see that this matrix is uh you know looks at at two different um at an XY and an X on an XY scale, whereas the Y the Y scale asks, are you being proactive or are you being reactive?
• 15:11
  SPEAKER_01: Avoidance, for instance, is just sitting there and reacting to whatever the other person says.
• 15:16
  SPEAKER_01: A proactive means you actually uh you know step forward with a strategy of your own.
• 15:23
  SPEAKER_01: On the X scale, the issue is are you cooperative in the negotiation or do you run away?
• 15:29
  SPEAKER_01: Do you are you low cooperation and you don't want to talk?
• 15:33
  SPEAKER_01: That's low cooperation.
• 15:34
  SPEAKER_01: High cooperation is you are willing to get in a discussion with the other person about what you want.
• 15:41
  SPEAKER_01: So avoidance obviously is low cooperation and just reactive, and that's lose-lose.
• 15:47
  SPEAKER_01: Moving to the right on the bottom, when you're still reacting and not being proactive, but you're highly cooperative, that's accommodation.
• 15:56
  SPEAKER_01: Where the other person's your wife, let's say, says, I would really like to go to Branson for vacation.
• 16:03
  SPEAKER_01: And Branson's the last place in the world you want to go.
• 16:08
  SPEAKER_01: You would rather go to downtown Chicago and uh, you know, to hear um rock music or something rather than to hear, anyway, whatever.
• 16:21
  SPEAKER_01: But your wife says it, and so you go, okay.
• 16:26
  SPEAKER_01: Now you may be a little upset down deep in your gut, but you're an accommodator, and you just sort of roll over and you're highly cooperative.
• 16:34
  SPEAKER_01: So you lose, she wins.
• 16:37
  SPEAKER_01: Or when, for instance, if your boss says to you, I'm giving you, giving everybody in the firm we had a tough year, we're all getting 10% cuts, except for you, you're getting a 20% cut because I think you're paid a little too much.
• 16:49
  SPEAKER_01: And you go, uh, okay.
• 16:52
  SPEAKER_01: Uh that's accommodation.
• 16:54
  SPEAKER_01: Then you move to the top left, and now suddenly you're proactive, but you're not cooperative.
• 17:01
  SPEAKER_01: And this is competition.
• 17:03
  SPEAKER_01: This is when you're going back and forth, and somebody's gonna win, and somebody's gonna lose, and you're fighting, and you're gonna win, and they're gonna lose, or else they're gonna win and you're gonna lose.
• 17:13
  SPEAKER_01: That's competition.
• 17:15
  SPEAKER_01: Collaboration is what you want.
• 17:17
  SPEAKER_01: That's where you both win, where you talk it through.
• 17:21
  SPEAKER_01: So, um you want to share some of your thoughts about that?
• 17:24
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, I I I really enjoy this matrix, and and one of the neat things is that at least for the the two that are on top, so the most proactive ones, um, those will be two strategies that are, I guess, more highly advocated for.
• 17:42
  SPEAKER_02: And then the accommodation, even sometimes, may be the best situation for us or the best way to negotiate.
• 17:50
  SPEAKER_02: Um, the avoidance, typically not.
• 17:53
  SPEAKER_02: But then he he talks about compromise.
• 17:57
  SPEAKER_02: He talks about this word compromise.
• 17:59
  SPEAKER_01: We'll get into that specifically next week because that's that's oftentimes the one we run to, isn't it?
• 18:04
  SPEAKER_01: That'll be good.
• 18:04
  SPEAKER_01: Yes.
• 18:05
  SPEAKER_01: And what's the what what's what's the problem with compromise?
• 18:08
  SPEAKER_01: Because we often run to that first, which he says is really bad advice.
• 18:12
  SPEAKER_02: Yes.
• 18:12
  SPEAKER_02: So he tells us to not not completely throw compromise away, but first understand what it is.
• 18:19
  SPEAKER_02: And so it's where, say, you're selling cars, so let's you're out on the lot and somebody comes up, I'm I'm gonna buy a car from you, and you say, Hey, the price is seven thousand, and I say, Well, I want to pay five thousand, and we say, Okay, I'll pay six thousand, and we both agree.
• 18:44
  SPEAKER_02: We both come away from that really in a lose-lose situation because I'm thinking, man, I paid too much, I paid more than I wanted to, and then Les is thinking, Wow, maybe I could have even gotten a little bit more money out of it than that.
• 19:00
  SPEAKER_02: But there's very little discussion, very little negotiation, it's very quick because we don't necessarily want to engage in that negotiating process, and we both, and because we didn't go through the process, we feel like we both lost.
• 19:16
  SPEAKER_02: And so a big part of it is going through that process and helping both sides to hopefully get to that win-win situation, which can be really difficult.
• 19:29
  SPEAKER_01: You know, and I've I've found this in my experience more with even when I saw I've sold, bought, and uh sold uh a house about 20 years ago.
• 19:39
  SPEAKER_01: And um the realtor, you know, when I said what I wanted for the house, he said, Oh, it's too high.
• 19:45
  SPEAKER_01: And he I said, Really?
• 19:47
  SPEAKER_01: In fact, you know, he said, What you need to sell that for?
• 19:50
  SPEAKER_01: And he stated a price about 15% lower than I was thinking.
• 19:55
  SPEAKER_01: But being sort of an accommodator, not wanting to really discuss, I go, okay.
• 19:59
  SPEAKER_01: And he's and the house sold the very immediately as soon as he listed it.
• 20:03
  SPEAKER_01: And of course, then I'm going away thinking, I know I could have gotten more than that.
• 20:08
  SPEAKER_01: But he made a sale, he got a 7% or whatever.
• 20:11
  SPEAKER_01: And uh so so so that's why that's why the quick compromise maybe is is is a problem.
• 20:20
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, and he talks too about the the competitive person.
• 20:24
  SPEAKER_02: And so some of us in in our jobs, we really like to be the competitive person, we want to make sure that we win, and really that's the only thing that matters.
• 20:33
  SPEAKER_02: But he said that's not always a great strategy.
• 20:36
  SPEAKER_02: And the example that he gives is if you are stranded out in the desert and your car runs out of gas, and there's somebody who's coming along and they have a can of gas for you, it's not going to be in your best interest to be a competitive person.
• 20:52
  SPEAKER_02: Because chances are you're just going to be stranded.
• 20:55
  SPEAKER_02: That would be the time where you need to say, I'll pretty much do whatever as long as I get the gas.
• 21:00
  SPEAKER_02: As long as I can get the gas, I'm taking it.
• 21:04
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
• 21:05
  SPEAKER_02: Because in that situation, you don't have room to negotiate.
• 21:09
  SPEAKER_02: It's it's it's not happening.
• 21:12
  SPEAKER_01: So uh one thing we can do, the last thing I want to do is uh I've gone through the Bible a little bit, and I want to show you the four strategies in the Bible, give you some examples because this will help us sort of understand.
• 21:22
  SPEAKER_01: So let's take them uh in order in order again.
• 21:25
  SPEAKER_01: I've got a couple examples with each.
• 21:27
  SPEAKER_01: This is the avoidance strategy, right?
• 21:29
  SPEAKER_01: Or you're sort of running away.
• 21:31
  SPEAKER_01: And the story comes from 1 Kings 12, very famous chapter, 931 BC in Israel's history, where Rehboam, the son of Solomon, uh, faced a group of the people who came to him and said, Your dad was wonderful, but he's killing us with taxes.
• 21:44
  SPEAKER_01: Please cut taxes.
• 21:45
  SPEAKER_01: This is the first day of his reign.
• 21:47
  SPEAKER_01: And King Rehoboam, you know, goes to his old advisors and they say, That's really good advice.
• 21:53
  SPEAKER_01: You ought to cut taxes.
• 21:54
  SPEAKER_01: If you do, they'll be on your side forever.
• 21:57
  SPEAKER_01: But Rehboam goes, then goes to his college buddies.
• 22:00
  SPEAKER_01: And they say, no, they're going to think you're a wimp.
• 22:03
  SPEAKER_01: They're going to think you're just a, you know, knuckling under an accommodator if you do that.
• 22:06
  SPEAKER_01: You need to show them you're tough.
• 22:07
  SPEAKER_01: Tell them you're going to raise taxes.
• 22:09
  SPEAKER_01: And so that's what he does.
• 22:10
  SPEAKER_01: I'm no wimp.
• 22:11
  SPEAKER_01: He says, I'm going to raise them.
• 22:12
  SPEAKER_01: So the people don't stay in disgust.
• 22:14
  SPEAKER_01: He doesn't discuss.
• 22:15
  SPEAKER_01: He just lays it down.
• 22:16
  SPEAKER_01: They withdraw.
• 22:17
  SPEAKER_01: The kingdom divides.
• 22:18
  SPEAKER_01: The ten tribes of Israel ended up being lost forever.
• 22:21
  SPEAKER_01: You know, just because of that one lack of negotiation.
• 22:25
  SPEAKER_01: That was avoidance or withdrawal.
• 22:27
  SPEAKER_01: But the other one shows us that sometimes withdrawal is appropriate.
• 22:31
  SPEAKER_01: Remember when Jesus was on trial?
• 22:34
  SPEAKER_01: Now the priests weren't really looking to negotiate.
• 22:37
  SPEAKER_01: They just wanted him to beg for your life.
• 22:39
  SPEAKER_01: That's Caiaphas.
• 22:40
  SPEAKER_01: But Pilate really wanted to talk with him.
• 22:42
  SPEAKER_01: Remember?
• 22:42
  SPEAKER_01: Are you innocent?
• 22:43
  SPEAKER_01: Tell me.
• 22:43
  SPEAKER_01: And of course, Jesus knew he needed to go to the cross.
• 22:47
  SPEAKER_01: He didn't want to, he didn't want to, you know, Pilate's wife had had a dream that said that this man was innocent.
• 22:54
  SPEAKER_01: Well, the last thing that Jesus wanted was to for Pilate to let him off.
• 22:58
  SPEAKER_01: So Jesus withdraws before the negotiations start and goes to the cross, which is which is why we have salvation.
• 23:06
  SPEAKER_01: So there may be occasions where that's exactly what you want to do, right?
• 23:11
  SPEAKER_01: Now we move to uh the one example I have of accommodation, that is lose wind.
• 23:16
  SPEAKER_01: I don't know if you remember the situation, but in Galatians chapter 2, Peter, who believed in the gospel of grace, was up in Antioch and he's eating with Gentiles.
• 23:26
  SPEAKER_01: Well, the legalists came from Jerusalem, the Pharisee type so-called Christians, came and said, Stop that.
• 23:32
  SPEAKER_01: They're not circumcised, so they can't be real Christians.
• 23:35
  SPEAKER_01: What do you do and eat with eating with them?
• 23:37
  SPEAKER_01: And Peter immediately, he just caves.
• 23:41
  SPEAKER_01: He goes, Oh, okay.
• 23:42
  SPEAKER_01: And not only does he stop eating with them, but he gets the rest of the Jews to do, as Paul later described it, to his face, to join him in his hypocrisy.
• 23:52
  SPEAKER_01: Okay.
• 23:53
  SPEAKER_01: Now we move to competition.
• 23:55
  SPEAKER_01: As you can, as you know immediately, Moses and Pharaoh were in a competitive negotiation, weren't they?
• 24:01
  SPEAKER_01: With Moses constantly going to Pharaoh and saying, God says, let my people go.
• 24:06
  SPEAKER_01: And Pharaoh constantly going, No, this is a win-lose.
• 24:09
  SPEAKER_01: And God's saying, okay, and he blasts them with plagues one, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight, and nine.
• 24:15
  SPEAKER_01: And Pharaoh goes, Okay, okay, okay, you can go, you can go.
• 24:19
  SPEAKER_01: And then as they start to pack, he says, I just changed my mind.
• 24:22
  SPEAKER_01: You can't go.
• 24:23
  SPEAKER_01: So God dumps plague number 10 on him, remember, which is killing his oldest son, killing all the firstborns.
• 24:29
  SPEAKER_01: And finally Pharaoh says, Okay, you can go.
• 24:32
  SPEAKER_01: It totally was a win-lose competition from the beginning.
• 24:36
  SPEAKER_01: I don't know that it could have been any different.
• 24:38
  SPEAKER_01: Delilah and Samson was a win-lose, remember?
• 24:42
  SPEAKER_01: Tell me your secret.
• 24:43
  SPEAKER_01: No, please, no, I can't.
• 24:45
  SPEAKER_01: Delilah weeping, please.
• 24:47
  SPEAKER_01: So Samson tells her, okay, it's my hair.
• 24:50
  SPEAKER_01: You cut my hair, I lose my strength.
• 24:52
  SPEAKER_01: So she turns around and tells the guys in the closet, you know, the Philistines, and they come and say eventually he dies as a result.
• 25:00
  SPEAKER_01: But that was a win-lose negotiation where what she had to offer was exactly what apparently what he wanted.
• 25:09
  SPEAKER_01: And uh and the other competition that I thought of is this is sort of part two of that Paul Peter one.
• 25:16
  SPEAKER_01: And I appreciate you giving me this example.
• 25:20
  SPEAKER_01: You want to share about this one?
• 25:21
  SPEAKER_02: Because you were the one.
• 25:22
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, you've got you've got Paul and Peter, and then Peter separating because you know he's not necessarily the Gentiles not to being circumcised.
• 25:36
  SPEAKER_02: And so they say, Oh, well, the Gentiles have to be circumcised.
• 25:41
  SPEAKER_02: Paul says, that's not that's not necessarily the way that we want to go with it.
• 25:46
  SPEAKER_02: And then, you know, Paul's saying, hey, this is the gospel.
• 25:50
  SPEAKER_02: It's about faith, it's about believing, it's not about the outward circumcision.
• 25:56
  SPEAKER_02: And Peter comes back and says, Okay, yep, you actually are right.
• 26:02
  SPEAKER_02: It's not about the outward circumcision.
• 26:05
  SPEAKER_02: And this is so important for that competition because Paul was fighting for what was right.
• 26:11
  SPEAKER_02: Paul was fighting for what Jesus was fighting for, Paul was fighting for what Jesus came for, and he wasn't willing to accommodate, he wasn't willing to budge on the gospel just to please whatever Peter wanted.
• 26:25
  SPEAKER_01: And this is the issue, you know, when you talk with Jehovah's Witnesses or with Mormons or whatever.
• 26:30
  SPEAKER_01: Some of them may be the nicest people, and so you're getting along, you're trying to be really nice to them, and so forth.
• 26:34
  SPEAKER_01: And this is more with Mormons, Jehovah's Witnesses aren't always quite as nice, but it's always a competition because you're getting into something you can't accommodate.
• 26:42
  SPEAKER_01: You just can't go, oh well, okay, it's the gospel plus a little bit of works, and okay, Jesus isn't really God, you know, to the Jehovah's Witnesses.
• 26:51
  SPEAKER_02: There's just no middle ground.
• 26:52
  SPEAKER_02: Here's a really good example of that.
• 26:55
  SPEAKER_02: So yesterday I'm on the phone with a guy, and his family's moving from Lawrence to Topeka, and he's trying to find a Bible-believing church.
• 27:02
  SPEAKER_02: And I'm on the phone with him, and he has a couple, uh, sixth grader and eighth grader, and he asks me, So, are you guys actually a full evangelical Bible-believing church?
• 27:16
  SPEAKER_02: Because here in Lawrence, we have several that say that we're Bible churches, but then we kind of fudge or we accommodate on certain issues.
• 27:24
  SPEAKER_02: And he says, you know, such as homosexuality, is that something that you guys promote, or do you stick to the scriptures about that?
• 27:32
  SPEAKER_02: And so that was a really interesting thing because we see that often through several different churches, not just in Lawrence, but across the US, across the world, who, because of the accommodation, kind of going against what the scripture says for the sake of having people like them or come or give money or whatever.
• 27:54
  SPEAKER_01: Now, the final one, of course, is the one we want.
• 27:56
  SPEAKER_01: And I've got three quick examples.
• 27:58
  SPEAKER_01: Do you remember the story of when God said, I'm gonna destroy Sodom?
• 28:01
  SPEAKER_01: And Abraham was worried about Sodom because that's where his nephew Lot lived.
• 28:05
  SPEAKER_01: So God's telling his, he's saying, You're my friend, so I'm gonna let you know Sodom's toast.
• 28:10
  SPEAKER_01: And Abraham goes, Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, what if there's 50 righteous people in there?
• 28:14
  SPEAKER_01: Are you gonna burn them to a crisp?
• 28:15
  SPEAKER_01: God says, No, I'll spare it if there's 50.
• 28:18
  SPEAKER_01: And so this long negotiation, Abraham, well, what if there's 45?
• 28:23
  SPEAKER_01: God says, Okay, okay, I'll spare him.
• 28:25
  SPEAKER_01: What if there's 40?
• 28:26
  SPEAKER_01: And he works all the way down to 10.
• 28:28
  SPEAKER_01: And God says, I'll spare him even for 10.
• 28:30
  SPEAKER_01: And God says, okay, okay, okay, okay.
• 28:32
  SPEAKER_01: And so that's when they stopped.
• 28:34
  SPEAKER_01: But that was a negotiation.
• 28:36
  SPEAKER_01: Of course, it ended up, there weren't 10.
• 28:39
  SPEAKER_01: You know, there was one.
• 28:40
  SPEAKER_01: His name was Lot, but and so it it became toast anyway.
• 28:43
  SPEAKER_01: But it was a successful negotiation, and they both won.
• 28:48
  SPEAKER_01: Or take the issue when King Saul decided he was going to kill Jonathan, his son Jonathan's best friend, King David.
• 28:54
  SPEAKER_01: King Saul in uh 1 Samuel 18, uh, 1 Samuel 19, tells his whole kingdom, find David, kill him, give you a reward, whoever kills him.
• 29:03
  SPEAKER_01: Jonathan goes, wow, dad, hold it.
• 29:05
  SPEAKER_01: Let's talk.
• 29:06
  SPEAKER_01: David's loyalty.
• 29:07
  SPEAKER_01: He killed Goliath for you.
• 29:08
  SPEAKER_01: He was just playing the harp for you in here the other day.
• 29:10
  SPEAKER_01: I mean, he's he's not a bad guy.
• 29:13
  SPEAKER_01: I mean, and and so the king, Saul.
• 29:16
  SPEAKER_01: Saul goes, oh yeah, I forgot that.
• 29:18
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, you're right.
• 29:19
  SPEAKER_01: Spare him.
• 29:20
  SPEAKER_01: He announces to the whole king, spare him, and he he hires him back immediately.
• 29:24
  SPEAKER_01: Now David's back in the castle.
• 29:25
  SPEAKER_01: And Saul changes his mind again and throws a spear at him.
• 29:28
  SPEAKER_01: But but it was a successful negotiation.
• 29:31
  SPEAKER_01: And finally, Esther and King Hashuirus.
• 29:34
  SPEAKER_01: Remember the king who had listened to Haman says, kill every Jew in the kingdom on such and such a day.
• 29:40
  SPEAKER_01: Esther goes, whoa, whoa, whoa, can we talk?
• 29:42
  SPEAKER_01: Because she's a Jew.
• 29:43
  SPEAKER_01: Can we eat lunch?
• 29:45
  SPEAKER_01: And after the first lunch, she says, Can we eat lunch again?
• 29:48
  SPEAKER_01: And so in the second lunch, she goes, Haman's evil.
• 29:51
  SPEAKER_01: Spare my people.
• 29:52
  SPEAKER_01: The king goes, Oh, yeah, you're right.
• 29:54
  SPEAKER_01: Hang Haman.
• 29:55
  SPEAKER_01: You Jews, defend yourselves.
• 29:57
  SPEAKER_01: And uh so you might say he cave, but uh, I couldn't put the whole negotiation on here because it involved him, you know, reading in the diary of the kingdom and so forth, finding out the Jews were good people.
• 30:09
  SPEAKER_01: So this is these are collaborations and just interesting stories from the Bible.
• 30:15
  SPEAKER_01: Next week we're gonna take uh part two, but let's talk about these questions that that we can talk about and ask today.
• 30:21
  SPEAKER_01: These will be good discussion starters.
• 30:24
  SPEAKER_01: Uh you want to read the first and I'll read the second?
• 30:26
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 30:27
  SPEAKER_02: Describe a negotiation, a negotiating situation you sometimes find yourself in with a boss or wife or somebody else.
• 30:34
  SPEAKER_01: Salesman.
• 30:35
  SPEAKER_01: Two, would you say that you sometimes have negotiaphobia?
• 30:39
  SPEAKER_02: Then what's your tendency to avoid, to accommodate, to compete, or to collaborate?
• 30:46
  SPEAKER_01: And next week we'll share with you the percentage of Americans that fall into each category according to survey.
• 30:52
  SPEAKER_01: It's quite interesting.
• 30:53
  SPEAKER_01: And number four, can you recite the EASY process?
• 30:57
  SPEAKER_01: Try this process this week and be ready to share the outcome in your group next to you next Thursday.
• 31:02
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
• 31:03
  SPEAKER_02: Let's pray.
• 31:04
  SPEAKER_02: Heavenly Father, thanks for the opportunity to meet together.
• 31:07
  SPEAKER_02: Thank you for your word.
• 31:08
  SPEAKER_02: Thank you for your spirit that helps guide us every single day.
• 31:12
  SPEAKER_02: And we pray this week that you would help us in these negotiating situations to do each one of them appropriately and for your glory.
• 31:21
  SPEAKER_02: In Jesus' name.
• 31:22
  SPEAKER_02: Amen.