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Adult Kid Boundaries · Let's Ask the Mamas!

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  We got a question for American mama to your mama's as parents to adult children,
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  where are our boundaries? Well, let's ask our American mama's Alma mama
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  and joining us now our American mama's Terry Nuttiville and Kimberly Burlson. Okay,
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  just you know, as a parent in general, my roof my rules.
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  Just throwing that out because a lot of folks have kids, adult kids that
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  are still living at home, and I'm just of the mind my roof my
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  rules. What do you guys say? It's tough when they're adults though.
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  I mean, that's where there's the problem, because you you know, you're
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  telling your kids what to do, you're guiding them, you're their little leader.
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  But then they reach a certain age and they need no leader. They
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  feel like they don't want to hear what you have to say. I saw
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  this podcaster talking to her own kids the other day, and they're like a
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  little bit younger than our kids, And she and her husband said, what
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  is it that most parents get wrong with their kids? And the answer was,
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  you tell our business to other people. When I tell you something,
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  I want it to be between us. But you go and share it with
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  friends, and I thought, oh my gosh, look what we do.
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  Yeah, unless they say don't you know, don't share, this happen.
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  Even when they say don't share it. There's a you know, the sister
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  like you and I and our other sister. We share everything with each other,
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  which is why there's a phrase in your family, don't tell this,
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  the sisters don't tell That's what our kids say, you know what, lindsay.
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  Our youngest had a good observation about this, and a sister she said,
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  you know what, Kimberly, I don't like that. She said,
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  let's be honest. Here, Italian families, Hispanic families, Greek families,
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  Black families, they are tight close, they're in each other's business. But
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  there's something about white families that are very much boundaries. This is my this
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  is my boundaries. And yet they seem to struggle the most with family unity,
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  in my opinion, than other families. And so maybe we need to
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  be in each other's business. Maybe that's part of creating a very close knit,
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  helping each other along kind of community. All right, we were all
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  with all of our girls the other day and they were telling us the things
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  that tick them off. You know, we always like to ask these questions
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  like what do I do? What do I do? That ticks you off
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  the most? So they're talking about they're like, we don't like it when
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  y'all share stuff like this is my private stuff. And Lindsay our sister,
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  said, I'm gonna ask that's who I am in your life. I'm another
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  mother And then you know, if you don't tell me, then you don't
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  tell me. But I'm going to ask you if you had a date and
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  you said I didn't go, well, I'm not going to end with that.
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  I'm going to say, well, what happened? What was he like?
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  And that is Lindsay's personality. I am a little bit different. I
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  can tell when my nieces, Like with my daughter, it's different because I
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  can you know until she says stop or my boys are like staying your lane
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  or whatever. But with with my nieces, unlike Lindsay, I kind of
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  I can gauge whether they want to talk about it. So then I don't
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  want to. I don't want to cross that line because I don't want them
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  to get tired of me or like see my name come up on the phone
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  and go, oh, she's in my business. But Lindsay made such a
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  good point. She's like, that's just who I am in your life,
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  and that's why they look at us like other mothers. But I thought it
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  was so interesting because my children were such a community kidtive family. Anyway.
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  They have no problem telling me to stay my lane, none, zero.
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  But Kevin is different because he's like, if you're under our roof or if
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  we're still helping financially, he feels like he has more of a say than
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  he really should, which drives them absolutely bonkers and makes them want to get
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  out from under his thumb even more because he as long as he's paying some
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  of the bills or paying the phone or whatever, he feels like he has
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  the right to know more than they're willing to give. Preach. Is that
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  how you feel? Well? It went further with us because I worked for
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  my dad, so I'm in my thirties, I've married, I've thought three
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  children, and my dad still because he gave me a paycheck, felt like
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  he could tell me what to do. You know, I want to go
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  jogging and you'd say you're not going jogging, and I say, yeah,
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  I am married, I have three children. I can do it. I
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  want, and he goes, you're not going jogging and I would walk up
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  to my house two days, two houses away, and not because you're a
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  mind and but he was. So I do see a different worce with that,
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  because then you wouldn't do that to any other employee, right, yeah,
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  so that but look, you know, if if we haven't fully launched
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  here, you still need some advice and correction. I've fully launched. So
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  yeah, Well, I guess the beautiful thing is if you do communicate in
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  your family, these are the things you can talk about. You know,
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  these are the things you can say. And these are the things you probably
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  need to talk about. Whether you communicate in your family or not, you
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  probably need to be having these That's what I think, because you because if
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  you don't, then you're going to have somebody feel just internally a kid say,
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  gosh, she's in my business. I'm not gonna tell her anything,
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  right, I'm I'm going to keep her out of my life. She's not
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  gonna know anything. Everything's going to be a secret. But if you talk
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  about it and you explain it and say, well, you know, if
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  you ask me not to share, I won't if you ask me, like
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  sometimes my kids will tell me something and they say, don't share it with
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  dad, and and like there's I know when to and I know when not
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  to because I don't want him to bring it up. And then them think,
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  oh my, I'll never tell her anything again, right, you know
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  what I mean. So it's such a but it's so interesting to think about
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  all of the different cultures because like I think about the Greek families and the
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  Italian families, they're so tight. I mean, they are just and they
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  are like they tell each other their business, like you know, she's dating
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  this, you know whatever, and they're all like, you don't need to
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  date that person, you know, and that kid's like, oh geez,
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  here we go. But then they'll grow up being the same way with theirs,
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  you know. So that's maybe maybe we're just really Italian at heart,
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  and our family most would be happened to hear that. If you like to
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  as scar American Mama is a question, go to our website Americanground Radio dot
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  com, slash Mama's and click on the ass the mama's button turned out of
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  Well can believe, brothers, and thank you so much, Thank you