Latest / Privycast / Ep. 183 Justice for the Twist w/ Drac (Privychat 46)

Transcript

Ep. 183 Justice for the Twist w/ Drac (Privychat 46) · Privycast

0:00
you
0:26
Welcome back to Privy.
0:28
Privy is a podcast about bathrooms recorded from my home bathroom.
0:35
I'm your host, Hunter Hoover, and I love bathrooms.
0:39
Welcome back everybody.
0:40
Thank you so much for being here.
0:42
And I gotta tell you, I gotta tell you, it's kind of weird normally.
0:47
So we have a guested episode this week and our guest,
0:54
I'm still waiting for them to...
0:58
Shoot.
0:59
Okay.
0:59
I'll be right back.
1:00
I think they're finally here.
1:01
Hold up.
1:13
Okay, well while Hunter was busy, just had to come in here.
1:17
He has bought a ridiculous amount of pumpkin spice recently.
1:20
Like pumpkin spice everything.
1:21
We have bath bombs, chapsticks.
1:24
My guy bought like a two gallon jug of pumpkin spice soap.
1:29
What am I supposed to do with two gallons of pumpkin spice soap?
1:32
It's not even gonna be in season in like a week and a half.
1:36
So do I store it?
1:37
Do I just, what am I supposed to do with it?
1:40
Does anybody need pumpkin spice soap?
1:44
How do I get him to stop?
1:46
How do I him to stop buying so much of it?
1:49
Because this is really just getting out of hand.
1:54
It's crazy.
1:56
I didn't even know they made this many types of pumpkin spice, anything.
2:00
It's got like...
2:03
And he's gonna use all of it, or at least attempt to in one of his crazy, I don't know.
2:13
It seems like an impossible task to use it all.
2:15
And I guess he's gonna test it against a regular pumpkin spice latte to see if it's the same.
2:22
I don't really understand that part of it, but I mean.
2:29
I'm kind of nervous he's gonna eat it.
2:31
Remember we did that like weird like Tasting he remember he ate the deodorant.
2:38
Oh Man, what if he eats some of this pumpkin stuff?
2:42
There's like soaps.
2:43
There's a bath bomb.
2:44
What if he bites it?
2:46
uh Man, we're gonna go to the hospital so many times Hello Is this the preemie cast?
2:58
The podcast about the bathrooms?
3:02
Yeah, I mean, yes, technically.
3:06
Usually it's my husband who I think I'm right on time.
3:10
I flew in from Transylvania.
3:15
Burbank, Transylvania.
3:18
I don't think that's the same place.
3:20
It's like Transylvania.
3:23
OK, OK, so it sounds like.
3:25
Wait, what is your name?
3:28
Dracula!
3:29
Oh boy.
3:31
Dracula is better when you choke on it!
3:37
So I'm assuming Hunter was supposed to interview you.
3:41
I don't know, I received a summons.
3:45
It's very, very curious.
3:48
I rang the doorbell and nobody came.
3:52
And I just welcomed myself into this...
3:58
Very nice.
4:01
Somebody does things in here like pooping.
4:07
I thought you were gonna compliment my very nice bathroom.
4:10
It is I love the color Instead you decided to talk about I love the color.
4:15
I'm sure your husband loves the color, too Yeah He didn't really want it, but it's okay Dracula tell us a little bit about yourself and can I get you something to drink since
4:25
we're oh I?
4:29
Really really love Apple Apple cider it's delicious
4:36
Well, I think I have a hot cup right here while you tell Very, very good.
4:40
While you tell our listeners.
4:42
I am Dracula!
4:44
One of the things that you'll find as you get around these parts is you actually pick up accents from all over the world.
4:54
you, though I still have, I still slip into my Transylvania accent every now and then.
5:00
You'll find that it's really an amalgamation.
5:04
Because I've been all over this world slurping blood.
5:10
Because I am Dracula.
5:12
boy.
5:13
So, Hunter usually asks some questions when he does Who is this Hunter?
5:19
Oh yeah, so he's my husband and he does this.
5:24
You do not normally sit in the bathroom with this much cords?
5:29
Nope.
5:30
Nope, I don't.
5:30
And drinks?
5:32
Definitely not.
5:33
Usually it's Hunter in here.
5:34
I don't know where he went but Since he's gone, I guess I will be interviewing you for a very interesting So he has usually some questions so I figure we'll go through them But if
5:45
you have any bathroom stories at any time feel free to just bring them up and I figure you probably have quite a few Living as long as you have how long I'm at least I'm at least 70
5:57
But probably more like four thousand if I'm honest about it.
6:02
It's hard to tell because I keep getting trying to be killed and I think I have been killed but also and buttholes can't get me yet.
6:13
Alright.
6:14
So what do you do as a job?
6:17
Yes, I suck blood.
6:19
Can I call you Drak?
6:20
Yes, Drak.
6:22
More like Drak in these uh...
6:24
Okay sorry.
6:27
That's one of those jokes that really hits home in the crypt.
6:33
know what saying?
6:34
With the monsters.
6:36
Oh does it?
6:37
Yes.
6:37
Yeah.
6:38
Yes.
6:38
Boo Barry is...
6:40
He dies for it.
6:46
Alright.
6:47
So...
6:48
No, I suck blood, particularly of humans.
6:52
That's your job?
6:53
You get paid for that?
6:54
I think so.
6:55
What do you get paid with?
6:56
Blood.
6:57
And bat guano.
7:00
It's weird.
7:01
Every now and then I wake up and I'm covered head to toe in bat guano.
7:05
Gross.
7:06
Yes.
7:06
Lots of diseases in I have no memory of how I get to bat guano and I have a raging headache like all the blood has gone to my head.
7:14
and covered in bat guano.
7:18
Head to toe.
7:19
And where do you live?
7:23
I know you said Burbank, Transylvania, but I don't think that's a real place.
7:26
no, no.
7:27
Burbank was my last home, but California kind of sucks really bad right now.
7:32
So I kind of picked up this like weird Transylvania, but also Burbank accent.
7:38
That would explain.
7:40
pretty good, yes?
7:41
No, it's real bad.
7:43
Real bad.
7:45
But I originate from Transylvania, which is confusing being 4,000 because I'm pretty sure Transylvania is in Pennsylvania, and Pennsylvania notoriously is only like 300 years old.
8:01
So don't check history or my math.
8:04
All right, I definitely won't.
8:06
It's 4,000 in bat guano years.
8:08
Bat
8:10
you count back guano years in comparison to human years?
8:13
very curious like what's the ratio?
8:16
was I was actually told that I asked the the person that sent the summons would there be any math and they said there would not be any math.
8:29
Your accent is shifting there but...
8:31
Yep it's because I've lived all over wait till you get to southern Tallahassee, DRAC.
8:39
very interested in that.
8:40
He's somewhat racist.
8:41
They killed him rapidly.
8:43
that, okay.
8:44
So there's some questions that, like I said, um that Hunter asks all the guests that come on the show.
8:50
um What time?
8:52
As long as we have time at the end for my thing.
8:55
I was very specific about why I was coming on here.
8:59
I have a very, very important...
9:01
that's right.
9:02
Yes, but that's for later.
9:04
okay.
9:04
I want to make sure we end on it.
9:06
Okay, we can.
9:07
We can.
9:08
What type of toilet paper do you use?
9:12
Is it a house?
9:12
it a crypt?
9:13
Mansion?
9:15
Tomb?
9:15
What kind of is it that you live in?
9:18
yes, I sleep in a coffin.
9:22
Standard wood build.
9:23
But where is that coffin located?
9:26
Transylvania of course, in Pennsylvania.
9:28
Transylvania, Pennsylvania.
9:29
Okay, but like, do you live in a tomb?
9:32
No, it's a super mansion.
9:33
Haven't you ever seen...
9:35
The one with the small vampire child with the silly ears and all the monster friends on the Disney Junior.
9:44
It's exactly like that house.
9:46
Isn't that like the...
9:49
okay, okay.
9:49
The vampire girl.
9:51
I do not know these girls.
9:53
I do not remember what that movie is called.
9:56
But the house is exactly...
9:57
Transylvania.
9:57
No, no, that is an abomination of a film.
10:00
It totally misrepresents me.
10:04
100 % misrepresentation.
10:05
You don't say blah blah blah.
10:07
I do not.
10:08
That is some weird Icelandic version of Dracula.
10:12
Icelandic, huh?
10:13
Yes, he didn't speak very good English since the blah blah blah.
10:16
Got it.
10:17
Alright.
10:17
Or blah blah blah, depending on where I'm from from now.
10:21
Alright, so back to the toilet paper.
10:23
Was there like a special kind that you used?
10:25
Oh, I mean, over the years it's kind of developed as toilet paper.
10:30
I remember
10:31
I remember the pine cone days, they sucked really bad.
10:34
And you tried to just keep the pine cones kind of moist, because otherwise it's just dry, scratchy pine cone.
10:42
um if you go against the grain, you do not want to go against the grain.
10:49
It's very, very bad.
10:53
Turn into a little bit of a baby Dracula there.
10:56
Yes, that was during my days of living in Baby World.
11:00
Oh, Baby World.
11:01
Yes.
11:01
Have you not seen The Boss Baby?
11:03
I lived in Baby Corp for just like...
11:06
You do realize that's an animated movie and it's not real, right?
11:08
That is another misrepresentation of the truth.
11:11
Oh, okay.
11:12
Yes.
11:13
Yes.
11:13
But turns out I was not welcome very long because like...
11:16
You're not a whole sucking the blood thing does not go over well with like not adult situations.
11:23
it.
11:23
I was immediately kicked out.
11:25
Alright, so we know you've used pine cones.
11:27
Yes, but my preferred paper nowadays would probably be Charmin.
11:32
Oh, with bear.
11:32
Charmin, ultra strong!
11:34
Well, we're not doing like an ad here for him.
11:37
They don't need it.
11:38
I know, I know.
11:39
Those beautiful bears.
11:41
Okay, so Charmin.
11:42
I'm just saying, if I was gonna suck bear blood, I'd pick theirs.
11:46
Drak, do you turn into a bat?
11:48
I don't really know.
11:50
I have no memory.
11:52
of ever turning into a bat?
11:55
So wouldn't it just...
11:55
If you could turn into a bat, wouldn't it just be easy to go to poo and use the bathroom while you are a bat?
12:01
Because then you don't have to worry about toilet know, it's kind of...
12:03
I don't really use that much toilet paper now that I think about it.
12:08
It's really...
12:09
How often do you go to the bathroom?
12:11
You have blood.
12:12
I don't...
12:12
Now that I think about it, I don't really do that.
12:15
Like I said, I'll black out sometimes and I'll wake up covered in bat guano and a raging headache.
12:21
Okay, okay.
12:22
And I...
12:24
My great- great- niece, Vampirina, she- my great- great- great niece, Vampirina, she once suggested that I was guanoing on myself while I sleep.
12:33
Wow, we're just really- we're just really hitting those- those names from popular TV shows.
12:40
I remember the scary house from the thing that I said earlier.
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Naturally, 4,000 year old memory.
12:46
took me a minute.
12:47
Yes?
12:47
Are you talking about Vampirina?
12:49
Yes.
12:51
Shall we sing the song together?
12:52
Let's definitely not.
12:54
Let's not.
12:55
Okay.
12:55
So we know you like Charmin.
12:58
Charmin?
12:59
Right.
13:00
Ultra strong.
13:02
Why does it need to be ultra strong?
13:06
Why couldn't it just be regular Charmin?
13:08
It doesn't hold up.
13:10
To what?
13:11
My butthole.
13:14
Got it.
13:16
What about other- Also, when Mothman comes over, I think he likes to do other things with the toilet paper.
13:22
I'm not sure what.
13:23
I don't invite him over much anymore.
13:25
Is it because he eats your toilet paper?
13:26
No.
13:27
he's a moth?
13:28
No, he's a man.
13:30
Okay.
13:30
What about other monsters?
13:31
Do you know, is there like a particular brand that other monsters use?
13:34
I think it's like-
13:36
ghoul like like a ghoul something or another ghost like the ghosts i know they have trouble with the toilet paper because they have to have special ghost paper because wiping
13:51
as a ghost is complicated they they got that ghost but whole would they even need to they're a ghost there's no they have ghost food they ghost well have you ever seen casper
13:59
i don't want to talk about him
14:01
because they eat the food and it instantly drops off I have some things to say about...
14:05
they don't have any digestion system, so how do they go...
14:07
But they eat ghost food.
14:09
They don't have a digestive track.
14:12
But it goes into their mouth.
14:14
And then it just falls out the bottom.
14:16
Yeah, but it's ghost food.
14:17
So they have ghost poop, so they must have ghost toilet paper.
14:20
I think that's a thing.
14:21
I know that it is.
14:23
It's boo ply.
14:25
They only use boo ply.
14:28
Boo ply is it to ply no it's a boo ply for the gus Alright, I think we're gonna just go in a circle here.
14:38
So What about a soap?
14:40
I love circles.
14:41
Oh boy.
14:42
I bet you do Dracula.
14:43
I bet you do Do you use a bar soap or liquid soap and I'm curious about whether or not you use one in your human form and one in bat form Oh, I'm pretty sure I don't shower as a bat
14:56
I you could not remember when you were a bat.
14:58
All I know is I wake up, I'm covered in bat guano.
15:03
Well, that's a good point.
15:04
When you wake up from your strange dreams of not having any memory and headaches really bad, which soap gets the bat guano off easier?
15:12
Bar soap or liquid?
15:15
it is definitely, definitely the bar soap.
15:18
It's it's more abrasive.
15:20
I like a bar soap, but it's got lots of those weird little chunks in it really feels like it's scratching your skin almost like a hair removal, but like Pieces of in it.
15:31
Yeah.
15:32
Yeah.
15:32
Yes.
15:33
It's an exfoliating.
15:34
So yes, it's foliant All right, very very good But sometimes, you know, I think I think liquid soap is a sign of bad morals like
15:49
Like it's very very bad.
15:51
Bad morsels.
15:52
Yeah, it's like soft and squishy.
15:54
if you're using too much liquid soap you're probably a crook.
15:58
You know that's the rap.
16:00
Monsters get a bad rap.
16:01
I think we're all bad guys.
16:03
But really we like hard bar soaps.
16:06
Okay.
16:08
Alright.
16:10
These are the most difficult questions I've been asked in like three thousand years.
16:15
Alright, well, it's good to know that these really stump you.
16:17
Am I passing the quiz?
16:19
I, you know, we're gonna give you solid C plus right now.
16:24
Let's go.
16:25
Alright.
16:26
What about baths?
16:28
Do you like to take a bath?
16:29
I love bats!
16:30
Not bats.
16:31
Baths.
16:33
Baths?
16:33
Yes, like you soak in the water.
16:35
Your accent was slipping there for a moment.
16:37
It's not my accent so much as like I kind of slur my s's a little bit sometimes.
16:43
Is it the apple cider?
16:45
I'm drinking hot cocoa.
16:50
shoulda went with the cocoa.
16:56
And to think I had a pumpkin spice cocoa cause Hunter's been buying an absurd amount of pumpkin spice.
17:01
I've been hearing a lot about these Hunter and his love of pumpkin spice is kinda sounding weird almost.
17:10
From what I can tell watching the weirdos in Pennsylvania, it's mostly white women with the pumpkin spice.
17:19
I don't know what his deal is.
17:21
You know, that's a really Does he also wear Ugg boots?
17:24
No, no.
17:25
He's not an Ugg boot kind of guy.
17:27
Thank God.
17:29
But he does like a flannel.
17:30
I refuse to suck the blood of Ugg boot people.
17:33
It's probably good for you to make you dumb.
17:38
very rude but true and I'm sure that anybody that listens to this show that might wear a boots will blame me and forgive you entirely I do apologize but on that I love them but I
17:54
refuse to shower before I get into the bath why I like to feel the bat guano as it floats I like to skim it
18:05
off the top like some weird soup lurry.
18:09
Gross.
18:09
Yeah.
18:10
Sometimes I bottle it.
18:11
We have this, we have this fun little like, it's kind of like a tourist shop at the Transylvania, Pennsylvania.
18:21
And sometimes when we run out of like, holy water, we'll just put the batwana water in there and see what rides.
18:28
It's very, very funny.
18:30
Very good.
18:31
You wouldn't believe it.
18:33
That seems like.
18:35
An FDA nightmare.
18:37
Funny enough, the demons hate it.
18:41
They go running more than the holy water.
18:43
It's wild.
18:44
It turns out back, All right.
18:46
It's very good.
18:48
Well, you just say this over something.
18:50
You know, this is goes out to the world.
18:52
People can hear it.
18:56
Huh?
18:57
What is it?
18:58
Wait.
18:59
So everything that I have said so far, other people will once again listen to all of those words?
19:04
Yup.
19:08
He did like...in the internet?
19:11
Yep.
19:14
Sam Squatch won't let me have VIFI.
19:17
So I will not be able listen to this broadcast.
19:20
Sam Squatch, huh?
19:22
Yeah, he cut my VIFI internet connection.
19:25
Why?
19:25
Were you downloading too many videos?
19:28
No, he turned SafeSearch on after I Googled how to suck blood better too many times.
19:34
That's probably a good idea.
19:35
Yeah, I got mad.
19:37
And then I tried to bypass it and he shut off my VIFI.
19:40
That's rough.
19:42
Do you see because Transylvania, we say the double VUBBLE views as V's.
19:48
The VUBBLE views?
19:49
The VUBBLE views as V's, so VIFI.
19:51
VIFI.
19:52
Yes.
19:53
Vampire VIFI.
19:56
You just said the W.
19:58
VIFI.
20:01
That was Burbank Drag.
20:03
All right, Drag.
20:04
What kind of a...
20:06
oh
20:06
You know, this doesn't really make a lot of sense, this question that Hunter asked, just because I know that you only drink blood.
20:13
No, sometimes I will go out for an app-a-teaser.
20:19
Do you suck bugs' blood for your appetizer?
20:22
I can eat non-blood food.
20:23
It doesn't make you sick?
20:25
No.
20:25
I mean it gives me diarrhea, but...
20:27
Remember, this goes out to the internet.
20:29
It's fine.
20:30
Okay.
20:31
I'm very vocal about my diarrhea.
20:33
That is very much becoming apparent.
20:35
Okay, so is there anywhere in particular that just really makes your stomach the worst?
20:42
Well, don't...
20:43
Like I said, I don't eat out much.
20:44
It's hard...
20:45
You know, the whole blood suck thing is like...
20:49
It's tough.
20:50
Could you go out in public and it's like, here we go again.
20:55
Like, are we safe?
20:57
Like, I went to, oh, that stupid store.
21:02
Oh, it just, I can't even imagine anybody ever wanting to go there.
21:07
But it was very, very stupid.
21:09
But everybody in Varby's, Varby's is just like, give me the roast beef and it's just, what are we doing?
21:18
But you go there and everybody's like, he's gonna suck the blood.
21:23
So they run.
21:24
So it's hard to go out with With friends.
21:29
However, Mothman makes a mean cannon fire chili.
21:36
Cannon fire?
21:36
Cannon fire chili, yes.
21:38
It's his signature recipe.
21:40
And it's very, very good.
21:43
The only problem with the cannon fire chili is...
21:48
It really the chili is the gunpowder and then the cannon.
21:53
Whoa, stop right there because I have a really good idea of where this is going.
21:58
Is me.
21:59
Yeah, that's where I thought it was going.
22:03
It goes into.
22:04
I know.
22:04
uh Just because my husband likes to hear all of these things, I don't need the explicit information.
22:13
So what about a uh dark shower?
22:16
Are all your showers in the dark?
22:19
What do you mean?
22:20
Do you take them into light?
22:22
This is the most light I've interacted with in a very, very long time.
22:26
Don't...
22:27
I'm getting a headache.
22:29
Weren't you living in Burbank, Pennsylvania?
22:31
That's why it sucked!
22:33
I thought you meant the people.
22:35
No, that too.
22:36
Sorry, Burbank.
22:39
Somebody loves you.
22:42
I'm sure you're great.
22:43
Okay, okay.
22:43
The blood was weird.
22:45
This is one that I've never heard him But yeah, I only take showers in the dark.
22:49
It's the very, very best way to do the showers.
22:52
It's in the dark.
22:53
I thought you didn't like showers.
22:55
Well, do take...
22:56
If I'm gonna take a bath, I refuse to shower before.
23:00
Oh, that's But I will take a shower.
23:02
Oh, I'm so sorry, Drak.
23:03
I missed...
23:04
I misunderstood.
23:05
me.
23:06
Shower.
23:06
Okay, what about an orange shower?
23:11
Do you mean that this is, I've actually experienced this in two ways.
23:14
There's two ways.
23:15
If this is where a witch casts a spell on the shower spray and it sprays VOR, if it is when you eat an orange in the shower as if it was a vapple.
23:33
uh I believe it is number two so number two Like the bathroom But it is when you eat an orange in the shower at his in Vietnam as an apple.
23:48
Do you?
23:51
Sometimes I don't even feel it.
23:53
It's really an aromatic experience.
23:57
It really tangles the tenses into my face.
24:02
Especially blood orange.
24:04
Love blood oranges.
24:05
love blood oranges.
24:06
Those are very good.
24:07
Sometimes just blood.
24:09
Bag of blood.
24:10
No, no.
24:14
What about a waffle stomp?
24:17
Huh?
24:19
You're going to have to detail exactly what this waffle stomp is.
24:23
I had a feeling you were going to say that.
24:25
Oh gosh.
24:29
Why does he ask these questions?
24:31
um From what I understand, it is when you are in the shower and you really have to go number two.
24:43
And so you do so in the shower, but then there's number two floating on the floor.
24:49
so you forsooth, then you use your foot to squish it down the drain.
24:54
That is the most abysmal dark, sick and twisted thing I have ever heard in my entire life.
25:01
And I am, I do not.
25:04
Number one, no, that is disgusting.
25:05
I have standards.
25:07
I like, I suck blood, but I know.
25:09
I stomp, bleep.
25:10
You know what You sit in a bat guano tub.
25:13
I don't know.
25:14
The bat guano was...
25:15
I don't know where it came from.
25:17
You're a vampire.
25:18
Vampirina alleges it came from me, but that cannot be possible because I've never been a bat.
25:28
Drac, have you ever talked to somebody about these delusions?
25:34
Nobody that I remember, the last one I sucked their blood and laughed because they were not wearing Uggs.
25:41
Alright.
25:41
Nice.
25:43
But yes, do not listen.
25:46
If there, you said people hear this?
25:48
Yes.
25:48
Yes?
25:49
Very good.
25:50
So if you do not like listening, if you do not like, if you hear this, do not poop in your bath while you are showering.
25:58
It is very stupid.
26:01
Very, very stupid.
26:06
Do you want to explode poop all over your feet?
26:11
Gross.
26:11
Because that is what you will do if you do that.
26:14
I don't think anybody has ever actually, do you know?
26:17
Yeah.
26:18
People have actually done this very bad thing.
26:20
some people have.
26:23
That is very well viled.
26:25
It is.
26:26
It is.
26:26
Viled indeed.
26:27
Alright, what about bathroom pet peeves?
26:30
Things that drive you nuts that have to do with the bathrooms.
26:37
I got a few things to talk about.
26:39
awesome.
26:40
I'm very interested.
26:41
First of all, I'm going to tell you something.
26:42
Yeah.
26:43
When people leave the toilet paper empty, like what are we doing?
26:52
Just put it back on.
26:53
This is my theory.
26:55
I have a theory about this.
26:58
Every time, every time I go to the bathroom, I'll make sure it's full.
27:03
And then mommy will go to the bathroom.
27:07
And it doesn't matter if it's fresh roll, half roll, does not matter one bit.
27:12
Very time that mommy go to the bathroom, it's empty.
27:18
And I think he's using it for things that are nothing to do with the bathroom, have nothing to do with To his wrappings?
27:26
That has to be either that or he's eating it.
27:28
Like, I don't know.
27:29
He's dead.
27:31
So like, Ace is wild.
27:33
He not yet ghost, otherwise boop-lie, but he's...
27:37
something's wrong.
27:38
The other thing is Yeti sets the freaking shower to ice cold.
27:43
And it's not a problem, except for it's one of those things where like the colder it is the last time, the longer it takes the next time to get it to the hot.
27:51
Yeah.
27:52
Then so, then Yeti comes in and does that.
27:57
It takes forever and it makes the blood worse on my blood orange.
28:04
So that's that sucks Yeti.
28:06
Yeti if you're hearing this figure it out.
28:09
You fat idiot.
28:12
And don't tell me it's it's just fluff.
28:15
You're not fooling anybody.
28:17
You're polishing off snowballs and Klondike bars left and right like it's going out of style dude.
28:23
Like take a breath.
28:25
Don't forget to get a breath.
28:31
Sometimes some people leave their lid up and it is not really big deal for me, but you know, it is what it is.
28:39
I think the witch sisters are up to the witch sisters and they, you know, it's very, very tough because...
28:47
What do the witch sisters do?
28:49
They leave the lid up and I think they do it so that way other people get blamed.
28:54
Nobody really likes any of these.
28:55
I have to be really careful about the witch sister's name.
28:59
because their nickname that we all call them when they're not around really rhymes with with snitch blisters, but like we're not going to get into that.
29:09
It it was a totally original name come up by Frankenstein.
29:13
Very good.
29:14
But I think they leave the lid up and it's just kind of stupid.
29:17
And then I want to say like Casper is kind of a butthole.
29:21
Like it's a Casper quote unquote, the friendly ghost.
29:25
It's all a ruse.
29:27
It's all fake.
29:29
He gets his shenanigans out on us, the monster community.
29:34
So that way he can go be this beloved idiot ghost with all of the human people.
29:38
And he dogs me, and then it's even harder for me to get the blood that I need.
29:44
Have you ever heard of a blood bank?
29:46
Yes, yes.
29:47
My garage is very good.
29:49
I love it too.
29:50
All right, all right, all right.
29:52
So this just keeps getting weirder and weirder.
29:58
I'm afraid to ask, but uh, bathroom wisdom?
30:01
Oh yes.
30:03
Yes, I have some bathroom wisdom.
30:06
I do have one story I want to tell.
30:10
It involves Dogman.
30:12
um One time, Dogman, very funny, very funny.
30:17
He was in more Vogue mode than Man mode.
30:21
And as everybody is very well aware, like...
30:24
When the doggie go to the bathroom in the backyard, they get to scoot and then they'd like do the squat and they're totally defenseless.
30:32
It's very funny.
30:34
And one time we were having a monster party and Dog Man had to poop and he forgot he was a man.
30:40
He went to backyard and squatted and stared at everybody and we were all laughing and then he killed one of them.
30:47
But it was, you just had to be there.
30:49
It was very, very funny.
30:51
Very good.
30:53
But yes, bathroom wisdom as you asked, yeah?
30:56
It's just not the space to worry about much.
31:01
You know, too much worry makes the butthole pucker.
31:05
you want everything to come out very good and very quick and very smooth.
31:15
And I mean to say, necessarily bathroom wisdom, but I do want to say that I am here for a very specific reason.
31:24
Right.
31:24
I remember hearing something.
31:26
I want to say if this is wisdom not necessarily for the bathroom, but if you do, here it is, you might want to know that if you invent something, this is public service
31:38
announcement, you want to invent something.
31:43
You got to make sure that you do good on the patent and on all of the TM, TM, TM, making sure that nobody take it.
31:51
I still don't understand what that Because the TM?
31:55
Yes.
31:56
I believe it is a trademark.
31:58
Oh.
31:59
I'm sure my son would have known what that is.
32:03
He's eight.
32:05
The TM?
32:06
Yeah.
32:07
Does he say TM?
32:08
You know what?
32:09
He says a lot of stuff.
32:11
Where does he learn these weird things do you suppose?
32:14
Probably his dad.
32:16
But is it the hunter with the pumpkin spice?
32:18
Yes, yes.
32:20
And the internet.
32:22
He has wi-fi?
32:23
Yeah, he has wi-fi.
32:26
Very good.
32:27
I will find the wi-fi.
32:29
But I need to say if you invent something you want to make sure that you patent it.
32:33
Because if you don't, years and years ago I'll tell you a story now.
32:37
I'll tell you a story.
32:38
So years and years ago.
32:40
I invented super popular dance that all monster community all loved it.
32:47
I think I know this one.
32:48
And then one day I went and I hibernated in my coffin again, the bat guano, not sure where it came from, but like I went to sleep and then it who knows how long I sleep.
33:00
Uh huh.
33:01
And then I had this famous song and this famous dance.
33:05
And everybody loved it.
33:06
All the monsters did this dance.
33:08
Yeah, the monster match.
33:12
That's what it is.
33:13
It's the monster...
33:15
Everybody knows it.
33:18
It's Halloween.
33:18
How dare you!
33:20
It's the monster...
33:21
It is not the monster match!
33:24
Yeah, that's what it's called.
33:25
No, it's happening.
33:27
What's his name?
33:28
Bobby Forrest and the Fifty-Five?
33:31
Yes!
33:32
Sick.
33:33
Whoa language track they ruined my dance.
33:39
Yeah, how do they ruin the monster match?
33:41
That's uh-uh-uh.
33:44
Uh-uh-uh.
33:45
Sorry.
33:46
Um, how did they mess up the monster match?
33:50
Did they get the moves wrong?
33:52
Please.
33:53
No, they're they're excellent.
33:54
They they're the song.
33:55
The dance is too easy to mess it up.
33:59
But what you have done incorrectly is you've incorrectly identified my dance.
34:05
The Monster Mash?
34:05
As the monster nothing because that is fake.
34:08
But it makes sense.
34:09
It's all about monsters dancing together.
34:11
Yes.
34:12
But if you remember Bobby Boris goes on record and he even he in his song testifies against himself that the monsters in justly and incorrectly called
34:28
I dance the Monster Mash when it is really called the Transylvania Twist!
34:33
But that doesn't make any sense.
34:35
The monsters do the dance.
34:36
No, but that's why it's stupid because Vi am the one that invented the Transylvania Twist from Transylvania, Pennsylvania.
34:47
And just because I'm not there to defend myself, they changed it to the Monster Mash.
34:54
More like monsters shut the frick up.
34:58
Monster match only one thing it's bad cereal made by one of them companies that try to put all the monster cereals together and I'm I'll tell you Carmella creeper deserve better.
35:10
She did She deserved better but transylvania twist is the dance and vanter brought me on to tell everybody about Justice for the twist it is a yearly thing that I guess
35:27
I thought I was the only one, but I snuck a bit of wi-fi and I did a search and I saw this homeless looking freak on the internet.
35:36
he's not homeless.
35:37
I promise he has a home.
35:39
He looked homeless.
35:40
He's not.
35:41
And I could almost smell him through the vent- No way.
35:44
He smells nice.
35:46
Ben, said, this guy, gets it.
35:49
Which is not de monstermat-
35:52
It is the franzylvania twist!
35:54
franzylvania frist?
35:56
No!
35:56
The tranzylvania twist!
35:59
The transylvania swist?
36:00
No!
36:01
Dang it!
36:03
Please don't make fun of my very on point tranzylvania accent!
36:08
It is the tranzylvania twist!
36:11
Drak, I am so sorry but this is like trying to talk to my six year old.
36:16
Is?
36:17
Or, or...
36:18
Like some of my nieces or nephews who are really little- the horseshoe effect of age!
36:23
Eventually you get so old that you start over.
36:26
Yeah, I don't think that's how that goes.
36:30
Okay, so you want to get the word out that it's not called the Translator Twist but the Monster Mash.
36:37
I believe I have spit on your recording equipment.
36:41
It's very wet.
36:41
It's okay.
36:42
Very wet.
36:43
It's alright.
36:43
It's alright.
36:44
Very vet.
36:45
I'm sure we can clean it later.
36:46
Very vet.
36:47
We'll just not say anything and maybe Hunter won't notice.
36:52
So you just, like I said, you want to get the word out that it's not the Monster Mash, it's the Transylvania Twist.
36:58
Yes, that is correct.
37:00
That is very correct.
37:01
That is exactly right.
37:02
So this song has been called the Monster Mash for years.
37:06
Years and years.
37:08
Whoever the corrupt record company is that did this very stupid thing.
37:12
They just did not cite the sources.
37:14
It's very simple.
37:15
It's a matter of plagiarism.
37:16
You just have to do a basic search.
37:18
Who invented...
37:20
But I think when came out they didn't have internet.
37:22
The...
37:23
the wi-fi?
37:25
But they have it now, yes?
37:26
Yes, but when it came out they couldn't have checked because you were sleeping.
37:31
That's okay, but then I woke up and I told them and they did nothing to change it.
37:34
Well, they probably figured it very corrupt.
37:37
Very corrupt.
37:38
Yes.
37:38
What do you want out of it?
37:40
I do not want royalties.
37:41
I do not want the glory.
37:43
I don't even want my name.
37:45
I just want everybody to recognize that the song is the Transylvania twist.
37:51
I don't think it's going to happen, Drak.
37:53
Well, not with that attitude.
37:55
But if we try hard enough and we keep pushing, we will have justice for the twist eventually.
38:02
for the mash.
38:04
The mash can go suck eggs.
38:06
through Casper's butthole.
38:08
That was not polite.
38:09
He'd like it.
38:09
That was not polite.
38:11
Casper's not polite.
38:13
One time, one time he left boo ply all over my slippers and you don't think I can feel it because it's ghost poo paper but you but vacula can feel it.
38:24
Vacula?
38:25
Yes.
38:25
That's he vacuumed up.
38:27
vacuumed the blood out of these suckers you know what saying?
38:31
boy, Drax.
38:32
Well this has been.
38:34
Very good.
38:35
Eventful.
38:37
Very good.
38:38
You know, I'm not really gonna score it But did I pass the test earlier?
38:44
Yeah, you know what?
38:46
I need you to say the ending of the show for me.
38:49
Well, I think I think what we should do.
38:52
Here's what we do.
38:53
Here's what we do I'm going to leave Because I had to get back to Pennsylvania.
38:59
It's almost Halloween as you well know and by the time we get back
39:05
Vampirina is gonna be wanting to do something with her stupid little friends.
39:09
So, I have to get back to Transylvania.
39:12
So, I'm actually going to flutter on out of here.
39:16
You don't want to end the show?
39:20
Nope!
39:20
I think I don't even know how to end the show.
39:23
I mean, what do I do?
39:25
Just like say, Vergoode, Transylvania Twist, bye bye.
39:31
Bye bye.
39:32
Bye bye again.
39:33
Bye bye!
39:34
Lookit, we ended the show together.
39:37
Where are you going?
39:38
Okay, I guess we're leaving.
39:40
Here we go!
39:41
oh okay, bye!
39:43
Bye!
39:44
Bye, Drax!
39:45
Bye!
39:46
Oh boy.
39:47
That was...
39:50
I'll suck the blood of the doggy on the way.
39:53
Oh boy, I do not know how Hunter sits and interviews so many weirdos.
39:59
She's crazy.
40:00
And I know I've been on this show, but that was extra special.
40:04
Now, just as a throw out here, it's still called the Monster Mash, but I'm going to head out because I think I hear Hunter.
40:12
Now, don't tell him anything I said.
40:25
okay.
40:25
All right.
40:27
gosh.
40:29
geez.
40:29
Okay.
40:30
All right, we're still set up.
40:32
Let's go.
40:32
Let's get this on.
40:35
Very good.
40:35
Why is my microphone wet?
40:37
What the frick is going on in here?
40:41
Well, sorry, guys.
40:43
I thought that was gonna be our guest for the show, but I was actually just getting another Amazon shipment.
40:50
Big surprise coming your way here in the not too distant future.
40:55
But let's just say there's pumpkin spice in my future if you know what I'm saying, it's gonna be great.
41:03
Huh, that's weird.
41:06
My recording says we've been recording for 40 minutes, but I but only stepped outside to take.
41:17
to take my Amazon package.
41:19
That's weird.
41:21
this is gonna be a mystery to all of us, but I guess at 41 minutes, there's nothing else to do.
41:27
But I'm just gonna end it and post and let it ride, I suppose.
41:34
This brings us to the end of another episode of Privy.
41:40
Thanks for listening to whatever you listen to.
41:45
Yeah.
41:46
Leave the show a rating.
41:48
The five star options are preferred.
41:50
For every rating you leave, we'll leave a dollar to Wounded Warriors and Living Water International.
41:55
As a reminder to keep pooping in the free world.
41:57
That free world was not always free.
41:59
And to pursue cleaner water for all.
42:01
Not everybody has it, but everybody should.
42:04
Thanks to Kevin and Pottington for the use of their music.
42:07
I'd like to thank our guest, but he never showed up.
42:09
I'm kind of bummed.
42:10
It was a real bummer.
42:13
I, you know, we had, we...
42:14
uh
42:15
As you guys well know, it's twist season.
42:17
we had kind of put out like a summons for pretty sweet spot to promo twist season.
42:24
And I'm really bummed that we're not gonna be able to close out twist season with that big get.
42:29
But we'll soldier on.
42:32
Hashtag justice for the twist online.
42:35
Share the show with a friend.
42:36
uh Yeah.
42:38
This brings us to the end of another episode of privy.
42:41
Thank you so much for listening.
42:42
Keep pooping in the free world.
42:44
Own your stank.
42:45
And now, as always, don't forget to flush.