Latest / Where We Rise / 23 | "Life Lessons" | What Has Shaped Your Life?

Transcript

23 | "Life Lessons" | What Has Shaped Your Life? · Where We Rise

• 0:00
  Khalila McCoy: Hi, I'm Khalila McCoy, and this is a show where we grow together.
• 0:05
  Khalila McCoy: This is where we rise.
• 0:08
  Khalila McCoy: Hey there, friend.
• 0:13
  Khalila McCoy: Thank you so much for joining me this week.
• 0:15
  Khalila McCoy: I'm so excited that you're here because this week is extra special.
• 0:20
  Khalila McCoy: Because I am celebrating my birthday.
• 0:23
  Khalila McCoy: Yes, it's true.
• 0:25
  Khalila McCoy: On July 14th, Khalila McCoy officially turned 40 years old.
• 0:30
  Khalila McCoy: 40.
• 0:32
  Khalila McCoy: Yes.
• 0:33
  Khalila McCoy: I have joined the ranks of all the friends I have lovingly teased who have crossed this milestone before me.
• 0:40
  Khalila McCoy: But honestly, I am grateful.
• 0:42
  Khalila McCoy: I'm thankful to have made it this far.
• 0:44
  Khalila McCoy: And I've loved celebrating with family and friends and have enjoyed a little bit of much needed me time as well.
• 0:51
  Khalila McCoy: So I can't complain.
• 0:52
  Khalila McCoy: It's been a great week so far.
• 0:54
  Khalila McCoy: Since it's my birth week and since I'm officially 40 now, I thought it would be fun to switch things up and for me to speak to you in this episode.
• 1:04
  Khalila McCoy: I want to share a little bit more about who I am by walking you through some things that I've learned in my four decades of living.
• 1:12
  Khalila McCoy: And because DJ is wonderful and supportive, he agreed to join me for this conversation.
• 1:17
  Khalila McCoy: He didn't know what I was going to share ahead of time, which made this even more fun.
• 1:22
  Khalila McCoy: So let's get right into it and we'll talk more afterwards.
• 1:26
  Khalila McCoy: How are you, babe?
• 1:30
  DJ McCoy: I'm doing well.
• 1:31
  DJ McCoy: Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
• 1:32
  DJ McCoy: What's up, everybody?
• 1:34
  Khalila McCoy: All right.
• 1:34
  Khalila McCoy: So today is my 40th birthday episode, and you so graciously are helping me with it.
• 1:43
  Khalila McCoy: I am sharing, okay, so I'm supposed to be sharing 40 things that I've learned in life now that I'm 40.
• 1:51
  Khalila McCoy: Um, but 40 was a lot.
• 1:53
  Khalila McCoy: It was really hard to come up with 40 things that I felt like I wanted to say and really share and impart.
• 2:01
  Khalila McCoy: And I'm sure if I like got to the nitty-gritty, right, there could be 40 things that I could share, but it might not resonate with people.
• 2:10
  Khalila McCoy: You know what I mean?
• 2:10
  Khalila McCoy: Like it would just be random, silly things.
• 2:13
  Khalila McCoy: So then I knocked it down way down to 10.
• 2:16
  Khalila McCoy: So like my top 10 things.
• 2:18
  Khalila McCoy: And then I was working on that, and that was hard too.
• 2:22
  Khalila McCoy: So I've knocked it down to seven.
• 2:26
  DJ McCoy: Okay.
• 2:26
  DJ McCoy: I mean, you know, I was expecting 10, but it's all good, you know?
• 2:30
  DJ McCoy: And it's your realm, you lead, I'll follow, I got you.
• 2:33
  DJ McCoy: Seven's a good number.
• 2:35
  DJ McCoy: Seven's a good number.
• 2:36
  Khalila McCoy: Yeah.
• 2:37
  Khalila McCoy: So seven things that I've learned in my 40 years of life.
• 2:41
  Khalila McCoy: And I kind of, again, kind of switched it because I didn't really necessarily want this episode to be me giving advice to people because I think people are in different stages of their life, going through different things.
• 2:55
  Khalila McCoy: And I wanted it to be more kind of like story-driven.
• 2:59
  Khalila McCoy: So it's just things that I've learned about myself that help me grow.
• 3:03
  Khalila McCoy: And then hopefully there'll be something somebody can take from it, something that they can relate to, things like that.
• 3:09
  Khalila McCoy: So that's where we're gonna be going with this direction, okay?
• 3:13
  DJ McCoy: Yeah, that's good.
• 3:13
  DJ McCoy: I'm almost sure this is gonna be nothing but positivity.
• 3:16
  DJ McCoy: I mean, the show is easier.
• 3:19
  DJ McCoy: Yeah, you know.
• 3:20
  DJ McCoy: Yeah, well, I I feel you in the sense, you know, I'll be in the media space, and it gets different when you give your opinions versus just trying to just say what you learned.
• 3:31
  DJ McCoy: So like how you just are like, This, this is what I've learned.
• 3:34
  DJ McCoy: Here go seven things that I've learned.
• 3:36
  DJ McCoy: And you know, so
• 3:37
  Khalila McCoy: and obviously I've learned more than seven things in 40 years, but these are probably the things that ground me the most.
• 3:44
  Khalila McCoy: I'd say that.
• 3:46
  DJ McCoy: Okay.
• 3:47
  Khalila McCoy: Okay.
• 3:47
  Khalila McCoy: So are you ready?
• 3:48
  Khalila McCoy: My seven things over 40 years.
• 3:53
  DJ McCoy: And then are we going in order or from least to greatest, or are we just saying seven things?
• 3:59
  Khalila McCoy: So I'm just saying seven things.
• 4:01
  Khalila McCoy: Um, my first one is definitely my number one thing.
• 4:04
  Khalila McCoy: And then the rest kind of just I feel like it, they flowed.
• 4:08
  Khalila McCoy: I hope they kind of flow into each other in a sense.
• 4:11
  Khalila McCoy: But um, my first one is number one.
• 4:14
  Khalila McCoy: And number one is God first.
• 4:18
  Khalila McCoy: So my listeners know that I am a Christian.
• 4:22
  Khalila McCoy: I do believe in God and Jesus, and that has been a very big influence in my life.
• 4:27
  Khalila McCoy: I grew up in the church, my dad was a pastor.
• 4:30
  Khalila McCoy: Um, I went to church, like church girl scouts.
• 4:34
  Khalila McCoy: It's called missionettes when I was younger.
• 4:36
  Khalila McCoy: So I spent a lot of time in the church, a lot of time with God.
• 4:40
  Khalila McCoy: And then, you know, I was in college and stuff like that.
• 4:45
  Khalila McCoy: And I still definitely believed in God, but I didn't spend as much time with him for a while.
• 4:50
  Khalila McCoy: So I think I did have that reconnection and re I don't want to say I won't, I don't want to say recommitting my life because I don't feel like I was not committed, but just that new understanding as an adult, learning about God and religion on my own terms, you know what I mean, as an adult versus just growing up in it as a child.
• 5:10
  Khalila McCoy: So um I've had a lot of really good things honestly happen in my life and a lot of different trials and things that I went through, but I feel like God was there with me and leading me along the way.
• 5:27
  Khalila McCoy: So one of my biggest things is for the longest time, like if you asked me what my favorite Bible verse was, right?
• 5:34
  Khalila McCoy: I would say the Jeremiah 29, 11, and that reads, For you know the plans, for I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord.
• 5:41
  Khalila McCoy: Plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope in a future.
• 5:45
  Khalila McCoy: And there's so much that can go into that verse, and we can dive into that at another time.
• 5:50
  Khalila McCoy: But just that part that I took for it and that a lot of people talk about is just the God has good plans for you, right?
• 5:57
  Khalila McCoy: And your steps are ordered and things like that.
• 5:59
  Khalila McCoy: So I really feel like the things that I've been through in my life and the experiences that I have, God has really ordered things for me and has planned stuff for me.
• 6:09
  Khalila McCoy: And I do believe that I have walked within his will for me.
• 6:14
  Khalila McCoy: So I really like that verse, and it just reminds me like even if things aren't going well, you know, things will work out for good.
• 6:22
  Khalila McCoy: God is in control, things like that.
• 6:24
  Khalila McCoy: So that was my favorite verse.
• 6:27
  Khalila McCoy: But I think like there's a lot of good things that are obviously in the Bible and a lot of good verses.
• 6:32
  Khalila McCoy: So I think that was a good one for a season, I guess.
• 6:37
  Khalila McCoy: Um I still like it, but I think for this season in my life, I have a new Bible verse.
• 6:44
  DJ McCoy: That's that's good, man.
• 6:45
  DJ McCoy: That's that's very interesting.
• 6:47
  Khalila McCoy: Do you want to hear my new verse?
• 6:48
  DJ McCoy: Yeah, I want to hear it.
• 6:49
  Khalila McCoy: So my new verse is actually John 16, 33.
• 6:54
  DJ McCoy: Okay.
• 6:55
  Khalila McCoy: And Jesus is telling his disciples all about what's coming and the challenges that will he'll face that they will face too.
• 7:01
  Khalila McCoy: And he says, I've told you these things, so that in me you may have peace.
• 7:08
  Khalila McCoy: In this world you will have trouble, but take heart, I have overcome the world.
• 7:13
  Khalila McCoy: So it's a very different verse.
• 7:17
  DJ McCoy: Different tone, different vibes, different.
• 7:21
  DJ McCoy: And it that makes sense to me as somebody who gets to observe you up close and personally.
• 7:26
  DJ McCoy: World, I feel like I might be part of that, but
• 7:33
  Khalila McCoy: it does it does seem very negative, right?
• 7:36
  DJ McCoy: No, I don't think it's negative.
• 7:37
  DJ McCoy: You know, I don't look at you know, I don't look at confrontation as negative.
• 7:42
  DJ McCoy: It's just so many things we gotta go through, and the Lord will be, he would hope we'll be willing to go through it, but a lot of us avoid things, but like, you know, you more you know, you know, you're pulling your sleeves up and you realize that like life is tough and bad things happen.
• 7:57
  DJ McCoy: So like, how am I gonna move?
• 7:59
  DJ McCoy: And I like your approach with uh doing what you feel God calls you to do, and then just rolling up your sleeves and doing what you can in terms of that that you know that war that we in.
• 8:10
  DJ McCoy: It's not we don't fight, God say we don't fight like how people fight.
• 8:14
  DJ McCoy: We fight in a different way, and you never really, you know, a lot of people may not know that.
• 8:19
  DJ McCoy: You roll up your sleeves and you do your thing about like how God tell us to fight, you do that.
• 8:24
  DJ McCoy: So, but that is definitely more of your approach now.
• 8:27
  DJ McCoy: Like it's gonna be harsh, can't be kind of whining about it.
• 8:31
  DJ McCoy: It suck, but I gotta do what I gotta do.
• 8:33
  DJ McCoy: It's been fun to watch, though.
• 8:34
  DJ McCoy: I like it.
• 8:35
  Khalila McCoy: Yeah, I do feel like as I've gotten older, you know, different things have happened in the world.
• 8:39
  Khalila McCoy: You see different things, you process things differently.
• 8:42
  Khalila McCoy: And even in this podcast, right, some people have shared some really interesting or tough things in their life, and especially the ones who say that they're Christians and believe in God.
• 8:53
  Khalila McCoy: I I always ask, like, how do you continue to have your faith in such a hard time?
• 8:59
  Khalila McCoy: And I think that's such a real question.
• 9:01
  Khalila McCoy: I think some people feel like, oh, if you are a Christian, you can't question God or you can't question, you know, what's going on with you, or you know, sometimes Christians like to act like they're perfect or nothing goes wrong, but God, Jesus literally says, you're gonna have trouble, things are gonna be bad, but not to stress and worry.
• 9:22
  Khalila McCoy: And I think even for me, sometimes I do question like when you look at the world, you're like, where are you, God?
• 9:28
  Khalila McCoy: Like, why is this happening?
• 9:29
  Khalila McCoy: What is going on?
• 9:30
  Khalila McCoy: And then again, it's that back to that first verse.
• 9:33
  Khalila McCoy: Well, if we know he has good plans and he will prosper us, you know, you have to believe through those hard times too.
• 9:40
  Khalila McCoy: So um I think that's kind of just where I am now, and you know, I'm continuing to grow my faith and learn different things about God and things like that.
• 9:51
  Khalila McCoy: But I do feel like everything in my life, and that's why I said this is the number one, because it always goes back to my faith in God and just knowing that I can trust him, and I'm not even gonna pretend that I understand all the things and you know, all the things that are in the Bible, all the things that are happening in the world.
• 10:08
  Khalila McCoy: I I don't get it most of it, but um, I choose to believe.
• 10:13
  Khalila McCoy: So there we go.
• 10:15
  Khalila McCoy: Number one, God first.
• 10:18
  DJ McCoy: Hey, wait a way to wait to pop the segment off.
• 10:21
  DJ McCoy: I think those were some great ideas and views, and like I said, just from being able to observe you.
• 10:27
  DJ McCoy: Um you hey, we've been at this a while.
• 10:30
  DJ McCoy: Observing me.
• 10:32
  DJ McCoy: Yeah, I've been observing you.
• 10:34
  DJ McCoy: Yeah, we met a while ago.
• 10:37
  DJ McCoy: And um, you know, you're not the same 21 year old.
• 10:42
  Khalila McCoy: Okay, so um, I think you'll like the second one then, Mr.
• 10:45
  Khalila McCoy: I've been observing you and you've changed.
• 10:47
  Khalila McCoy: Okay, number two is my job is not who I am.
• 10:54
  DJ McCoy: Oh, yeah, for sure.
• 10:56
  DJ McCoy: For sure.
• 10:58
  Khalila McCoy: So for my listeners, you guys know I am a school teacher, and especially as a classroom teacher, right?
• 11:03
  Khalila McCoy: I taught fourth grade.
• 11:04
  Khalila McCoy: Well, taught kindergarten first, then fourth grade.
• 11:06
  Khalila McCoy: I think I was in the classroom for like, I don't know, 12 years, something like that.
• 11:11
  DJ McCoy: And she crushed it to do well.
• 11:14
  Khalila McCoy: Yeah, I think I did do well.
• 11:15
  Khalila McCoy: I loved being a teacher.
• 11:17
  Khalila McCoy: I loved the kids, I love the families.
• 11:19
  Khalila McCoy: It was really great.
• 11:20
  Khalila McCoy: Um, I wouldn't definitely take any of that back, but I was definitely really proud of the fact that I was a teacher.
• 11:27
  Khalila McCoy: Oh no.
• 11:29
  Khalila McCoy: I felt like, be quiet.
• 11:31
  Khalila McCoy: I felt like it was definitely part of my identity, right?
• 11:35
  Khalila McCoy: Like I was a teacher, like I teach, that's what I do, that's who I am, type of thing.
• 11:40
  Khalila McCoy: And I spent a lot of hours and poured a lot of time into it.
• 11:45
  Khalila McCoy: And if you listen to the marriage round table, you heard Amy talk about how she spent a lot of time teaching in in her classroom and didn't really feel like she was able to spend as much time with her kids and her family.
• 11:58
  Khalila McCoy: And I think that's something that all teachers, at least, you know, the ones that I see and hear talk about their career go through because there's so much, and even now, I feel like more than ever is demanded of teachers and expectations of what we do and what we provide for those kids in our classroom.
• 12:17
  Khalila McCoy: So I enjoyed it.
• 12:19
  Khalila McCoy: I was young, so I didn't have anything else really going on.
• 12:22
  Khalila McCoy: I think that that's part of it too.
• 12:25
  Khalila McCoy: But I spent a lot of time just focused on the job and pouring all of me really into that, into those kids.
• 12:33
  Khalila McCoy: I guess I think there were blessings in that.
• 12:35
  Khalila McCoy: I think I made some really good connections with some families.
• 12:38
  Khalila McCoy: I think I really helped some kids.
• 12:40
  Khalila McCoy: But I think I got to a point where I don't want to say I was burnt out, but I did get to a point where I didn't want to be in the classroom anymore.
• 12:52
  Khalila McCoy: And it was really hard for me because it's like, well, this is who I am, this is what I do.
• 12:58
  Khalila McCoy: How can I be feeling like this?
• 13:01
  Khalila McCoy: Why am I feeling like this?
• 13:02
  Khalila McCoy: Why am I going through that?
• 13:03
  Khalila McCoy: And so I had to really step back and think about, you know, at work they're always like, what is your why?
• 13:09
  Khalila McCoy: Why are you here?
• 13:10
  Khalila McCoy: And it's it's always so annoying when they ask you that.
• 13:12
  Khalila McCoy: They're like, remember your why.
• 13:14
  Khalila McCoy: You know, you have teachers like joking, like, because I have to pay my bills.
• 13:18
  Khalila McCoy: But you know, it's always like why we're here for kids, we're here for what's best for kids.
• 13:23
  Khalila McCoy: And that's true too.
• 13:25
  Khalila McCoy: But I, you know, I like to be reflective.
• 13:28
  Khalila McCoy: So my why was I really like to help people.
• 13:32
  Khalila McCoy: For me, it was helping the kids to see what they truly could do, right?
• 13:38
  Khalila McCoy: I was I was a math teacher, and most kids don't like math or they're not good at it, so they feel like they can't.
• 13:45
  Khalila McCoy: So I really enjoyed like helping them come to the realization that I don't have to love this, but I can actually do this and be good at it.
• 13:52
  Khalila McCoy: And that's when I realized like that's what I want to do.
• 13:56
  Khalila McCoy: Like, I want to help people see, you know, all the possibilities and then make the best choice for themselves and to to succeed and be joyful for them and joyful in themselves that they've succeeded.
• 14:09
  Khalila McCoy: So I think redefining why I love teaching really helped me as a teacher.
• 14:16
  Khalila McCoy: It helped me like kind of be better in the classroom.
• 14:20
  Khalila McCoy: And then it also helped me like I was a fitness coach at the time too.
• 14:23
  Khalila McCoy: And it was the same thing.
• 14:23
  Khalila McCoy: I loved helping the adults that I was working with reach a goal or work harder or push themselves past what they thought they could do.
• 14:31
  Khalila McCoy: And I also loved doing that for myself as well when I was in fitness.
• 14:34
  Khalila McCoy: So I think I thought I was like, oh, I'm just a teacher, this is what I do, I teach.
• 14:39
  Khalila McCoy: But it was actually that help and that connection with others.
• 14:43
  Khalila McCoy: So realizing that kind of helped me realize, okay, what do I want to do next?
• 14:48
  Khalila McCoy: So now I'm still in education because I still love working with kids.
• 14:51
  Khalila McCoy: I still love that teaching part of it, but now I get to help with adults, right?
• 14:56
  Khalila McCoy: So it's like a bigger scale because I help teachers find their joy or their passion or the resources that they need to do their thing, which then in turn helps the kids.
• 15:06
  Khalila McCoy: And then I help those struggling kiddos or those kiddos who are, you know, above and beyond.
• 15:11
  Khalila McCoy: I need a little bit extra.
• 15:12
  Khalila McCoy: So I do a lot of helping, which I think it's part of who I am.
• 15:17
  Khalila McCoy: And um, so yeah, so my job that was my number two.
• 15:22
  Khalila McCoy: My job is not who I am.
• 15:26
  DJ McCoy: I like that.
• 15:26
  DJ McCoy: I like that.
• 15:27
  DJ McCoy: And it it's not, it's not, but it is something that you know you should do, you should approach with a very serious seriousness, a vigor, you know, um, even like a competitive type edge.
• 15:39
  DJ McCoy: Like try to be the best.
• 15:40
  DJ McCoy: Try to be the best at what you're doing and take advantage of those times, and I think you'll be rewarded for it in your approach and how you did it.
• 15:48
  DJ McCoy: I saw it up close and personal, how serious you took it.
• 15:51
  DJ McCoy: But I I I I I love it.
• 15:54
  DJ McCoy: I enjoy it.
• 15:54
  DJ McCoy: I never get mad.
• 15:55
  DJ McCoy: And you know, I also, and this is a just a warning to some of the younger people coming into it.
• 16:00
  DJ McCoy: Like, I know that although my wife loved me and we met when we did, her first love was teaching.
• 16:06
  DJ McCoy: Like, this is a genuine uh affection for this uh for this skill type, for this, for this help that they're trying to do.
• 16:13
  DJ McCoy: It's a specialized type thing, and you know, you gotta let that you gotta let that go.
• 16:19
  DJ McCoy: Like you gotta let our you know, I think we do better when we uh you know encourage and get behind our women that are doing great things.
• 16:26
  DJ McCoy: And these tasks are very, very hard.
• 16:27
  DJ McCoy: Like I can liken a teacher to being like a football player.
• 16:31
  DJ McCoy: Like uh, you know, football is a microcosm alike, but like these teachers go through tons of specialized knowledge for like uh just a section, K through third, third through seventh grade, um just literature, just history, like these very specialized sections where uh and there's competition in that, so they can get these few selected teacher jobs that don't pay but that pay what they pay.
• 16:55
  DJ McCoy: You know, I'm not gonna diss it because you know I'll I'm a pro-teacher person, but um it's been just as fun watching you uh attack the new systems that come in.
• 17:06
  DJ McCoy: Now we got a new program watching you go through and dissect, go through, tap every button to see what everything does in this program that they make in a switch over that you don't agree with, but you want to be the best you can for your students because uh you know, you know, your students, oh, this one software on page four, however you do it.
• 17:27
  DJ McCoy: Only I done I've seen you do it, but I don't know what you're doing.
• 17:31
  DJ McCoy: But I understand this is what teachers do, and you know, we appreciate y'all a lot.
• 17:36
  DJ McCoy: And it's been fun watching you do it and support you do it the whole time, you know, even the master's classes and when you gotta fit those things in the card before.
• 17:46
  DJ McCoy: I ain't trying to bring up trauma, but I'm just you know, I understand that teacher woman grind, but I understand at least this dynamic of you know marriage between educator and you know, husbands and stuff, because y'all care about all them kids a lot.
• 18:02
  Khalila McCoy: Yes.
• 18:03
  Khalila McCoy: Yeah, it's like a little family when you're in the classroom.
• 18:06
  Khalila McCoy: So but yeah, so that was my number two.
• 18:11
  Khalila McCoy: My number three that I've learned about myself is kind of related to education in the sense, but it's that I am a lifelong learner and I enjoy trying new things.
• 18:26
  DJ McCoy: Oh, you're gonna tell me about it?
• 18:27
  DJ McCoy: You gonna tell me about it?
• 18:28
  DJ McCoy: Yeah, I think I I think I agree.
• 18:31
  DJ McCoy: I mean Yeah.
• 18:33
  Khalila McCoy: So, you know, we always talk about at school, like k teaching kids to be lifelong learners and things like that.
• 18:38
  Khalila McCoy: And I do like learning new things, and I would say certain things I learn about, like I find out about a situation or something, or I find out about a thing, and then I decide to dig deeper into it.
• 18:55
  Khalila McCoy: And it could be like internet searches and um Googling stuff and looking at articles, or it could be then reading books about it and going deeper into things.
• 19:05
  Khalila McCoy: So I like doing that.
• 19:07
  Khalila McCoy: And so you know, I want to know more about that topic so I can be smarter in that area.
• 19:15
  Khalila McCoy: Um and then there's a lot of stuff I don't know about and I don't care to know about, which is very true, which is something I'm working on because I was like, maybe I should pay more attention to these things like X, Y, and Z.
• 19:27
  Khalila McCoy: So that is something that I have to consider.
• 19:30
  Khalila McCoy: But um I do like get into those, what do they call it?
• 19:35
  Khalila McCoy: I go down the rabbit hole of learning different things and having that knowledge.
• 19:39
  Khalila McCoy: And I like to share it with people.
• 19:41
  Khalila McCoy: And as you know, DJ, when I learn something new, I always like, oh, let me tell you about this.
• 19:45
  Khalila McCoy: And pretend to listen.
• 19:47
  Khalila McCoy: So thank you.
• 19:47
  DJ McCoy: I hear it all.
• 19:48
  DJ McCoy: I hear it all.
• 19:49
  DJ McCoy: I get I get about seven to twelve fun facts a week, you know.
• 19:55
  Khalila McCoy: So interesting.
• 19:56
  Khalila McCoy: I know I love my I just got a book from um actually my grandma's house when she passed when I was going to herself.
• 20:03
  Khalila McCoy: She has a book called Um a Book of I forget like unimportant facts or like things like that.
• 20:11
  Khalila McCoy: So I'm excited to go through that and share that with Miles, actually.
• 20:14
  Khalila McCoy: But I love learning new things and I love trying new things.
• 20:18
  Khalila McCoy: So um, you know, whether it's just like trying a new food, trying a new restaurant, trying a new activity, things like that.
• 20:26
  Khalila McCoy: Now, this is separate from learning, right?
• 20:28
  Khalila McCoy: Because I feel like trying new things is like, okay, I did it once, I'm good, I'm done.
• 20:32
  Khalila McCoy: Like I'm okay with something like that.
• 20:34
  Khalila McCoy: But I feel like at least I've tried it, at least I've had that experience.
• 20:38
  Khalila McCoy: I'm all about, you know, obviously as long as it's safe and healthy, um, having an experience, like trying something different.
• 20:46
  Khalila McCoy: So, you know, you want to go axe throwing, sure, why not?
• 20:49
  Khalila McCoy: Let's try that.
• 20:50
  Khalila McCoy: Not really into golf, but people want to go tap golf.
• 20:52
  Khalila McCoy: Let's go to tap golf, things like that.
• 20:54
  Khalila McCoy: Um, when I was a fitness instructor, one of my goals actually was, I don't know if you know this, babe, but one of my goals was to try like every different type of workout there was.
• 21:04
  DJ McCoy: And I just wanted to surprise that's all about, right?
• 21:07
  DJ McCoy: Yeah.
• 21:08
  Khalila McCoy: So I was already teaching spinning and boot camp classes.
• 21:11
  Khalila McCoy: So I wanted to try different things that also like challenged my body in different ways.
• 21:15
  Khalila McCoy: So I did like CrossFit, I did rowing, I did um uh what did I do?
• 21:22
  Khalila McCoy: Like kickboxing, things like that.
• 21:24
  DJ McCoy: Just like yeah, I taught the boot camp.
• 21:28
  Khalila McCoy: But yeah, I would try different.
• 21:29
  Khalila McCoy: I did bar, which was really hard.
• 21:32
  Khalila McCoy: And so like sometimes it's it's truly just purely to challenge myself and to see what I can do when I'm capable of.
• 21:38
  Khalila McCoy: And you know, I might like it and continue it.
• 21:41
  Khalila McCoy: Most of the things I just named, like I did one time, and then that was it.
• 21:44
  Khalila McCoy: But I was like, hey, I did it, I experienced it, I tried it, and you know, I can take that back to what I do on the regular and have that help me grow in what you know in my regular life as well.
• 21:58
  Khalila McCoy: So trying new things.
• 21:59
  Khalila McCoy: And then learning things along the way, I think is really important.
• 22:03
  Khalila McCoy: And I think sometimes as we get older or just life gets busy, you know, you get in a rut and you just get comfortable doing what you've always done.
• 22:12
  Khalila McCoy: And I'm not against being comfortable at times, but I think that it's important to step outside of that and try a thing and do something that you wouldn't typically do.
• 22:23
  Khalila McCoy: Like I said, because it's not always just about that thing.
• 22:25
  Khalila McCoy: Like I said, it can show you something about yourself.
• 22:28
  Khalila McCoy: It could show you about your resilience.
• 22:30
  Khalila McCoy: It could show you about your ability to connect with others, whatever it is, you don't know, right?
• 22:35
  Khalila McCoy: Until you try that thing.
• 22:37
  Khalila McCoy: Um, so yeah, that's my number three.
• 22:40
  Khalila McCoy: Lifelong learner and trying new things.
• 22:42
  DJ McCoy: Okay.
• 22:43
  DJ McCoy: What else we got coming up?
• 22:48
  Khalila McCoy: Okay, so my number four is life lessons can come from unexpected places.
• 22:54
  Khalila McCoy: And I think we all know that, right?
• 22:57
  Khalila McCoy: We learn things when we least ex least expect it.
• 23:01
  Khalila McCoy: My biggest thing for me was I've had the privilege of traveling to different countries and different things like that, especially at a younger age.
• 23:11
  Khalila McCoy: Um, and then into my early 20s, I traveled as well with some friends to different countries.
• 23:17
  Khalila McCoy: And the my biggest lesson, my favorite experience was when I was a junior in high school, I did a so I went to a private school and they had this thing called winterum.
• 23:31
  Khalila McCoy: And so it's like for a month, we didn't have like regular classes, we would dive deep into a specific study.
• 23:37
  Khalila McCoy: So I took Spanish, so my parents let me go to Mexico, and we did a service trip.
• 23:44
  Khalila McCoy: And we stayed in this city called Quiretro, and we went to this place called El Puente de Esperanza, it's called the Bridge of Hope.
• 23:51
  Khalila McCoy: And it was a place where women and their children could come.
• 23:55
  Khalila McCoy: The women and the children would stay there, the children would go to school, and the moms would stay and learn a trade that they could then take back to their city and use it to, you know, make money for their family and stuff like that.
• 24:09
  Khalila McCoy: So we were there and we would like take care of the kids and help around and stuff.
• 24:13
  Khalila McCoy: I really don't remember what we did.
• 24:15
  Khalila McCoy: We were there for three weeks.
• 24:16
  Khalila McCoy: I don't remember what we did.
• 24:17
  Khalila McCoy: I just remember playing with the kids.
• 24:19
  Khalila McCoy: So I'm sure we did other stuff.
• 24:21
  DJ McCoy: Just babysitting.
• 24:22
  DJ McCoy: Yeah, we played with the kids.
• 24:24
  Khalila McCoy: I remember walking them to school.
• 24:25
  Khalila McCoy: I remember exploring the town.
• 24:27
  Khalila McCoy: Um, I'm sure we did other things, but that was what is important to me at the time.
• 24:32
  Khalila McCoy: But the biggest impact was at the end of that three weeks that we were there, it was actually the end of one of the cycles.
• 24:40
  Khalila McCoy: So the women invited us back to their town.
• 24:43
  Khalila McCoy: They were from a town called San Il Defonso, and they wanted us to come and see them at the market and they're selling their wares and just see their houses and stuff.
• 24:53
  Khalila McCoy: And when we went, it was like a desert, like the area.
• 25:02
  Khalila McCoy: And like it was bare.
• 25:03
  Khalila McCoy: There was like I don't know.
• 25:05
  Khalila McCoy: It looked like, you know, when you watch the movies and it's like that weird town in Mexico where like, yeah, people come out and like the Western.
• 25:14
  Khalila McCoy: Rango, Rango, like it was, it was not what I thought it'd be more of a town town, but it was like, and then like shacks.
• 25:24
  Khalila McCoy: And I just remember one of the little boys, Juan, he showed us his house and he was so excited.
• 25:31
  Khalila McCoy: He was so proud to show us this like tiny shack that they didn't have a bathroom in the house.
• 25:37
  Khalila McCoy: There, the bathroom was outside.
• 25:38
  Khalila McCoy: It was like a hole in the ground, like this wood covering that looked like it would fall over in the wind.
• 25:43
  Khalila McCoy: Their house was tiny.
• 25:45
  Khalila McCoy: Um, there was wild dogs running around and stuff like that.
• 25:49
  Khalila McCoy: And, you know, as an American in a middle class family, like this was definitely like, you know, me looking at them like, oh, this is this is sad.
• 25:58
  Khalila McCoy: This is like you're so poor type of situation.
• 26:01
  Khalila McCoy: But like he was so proud of what he had, right?
• 26:04
  Khalila McCoy: And he was so excited to share it.
• 26:06
  Khalila McCoy: And then I remember going to the market and the women were so excited to see us, and they were giving us their things for free.
• 26:13
  Khalila McCoy: Like I still have a um, a little blanket type shaw thing um that's in our living room.
• 26:20
  Khalila McCoy: And they gave it to us for free.
• 26:22
  Khalila McCoy: And I remember thinking, like, you're supposed to be using this for money, so you can, you know, have money and things like that.
• 26:27
  Khalila McCoy: And they're like, oh no, we want you to have this.
• 26:30
  Khalila McCoy: We're so happy you were here.
• 26:31
  Khalila McCoy: Thank you for coming.
• 26:32
  Khalila McCoy: And, you know, they wanted to give us food, they wanted to give us jewelry, they wanted to give us clothes.
• 26:38
  Khalila McCoy: And I just was, you know, that was my first experience seeing poverty, I think.
• 26:43
  Khalila McCoy: Well, seeing poverty.
• 26:46
  Khalila McCoy: And then, but they were so willing to give and to share.
• 26:50
  Khalila McCoy: And I went, I had been around a lot of people who had money, a lot of affluent people who, you know, never once offered anything, or, you know, who never were like, oh yeah, well, uh, what's mine is yours.
• 27:05
  Khalila McCoy: Like, let's let's share this together.
• 27:08
  Khalila McCoy: Let's give, let's do this.
• 27:09
  Khalila McCoy: So it was just interesting that one of my, you know, my my parents are very giving and caring.
• 27:14
  Khalila McCoy: So I had them as role models.
• 27:16
  Khalila McCoy: But I think one of my big first experiences of somebody really showing true hospitality and care came from people who, you know, didn't have much to give, but they were excited to do it and excited to share.
• 27:28
  Khalila McCoy: And like I said, I was a junior in high school, and that moment has stayed with me and it's been a part of kind of how I see the world, I guess.
• 27:39
  Khalila McCoy: It reminds me not to judge people based off of their circumstances or where they live or, you know, race, religion, whatever.
• 27:48
  Khalila McCoy: And it also reminds me that when I have something, if I come across somebody who needs it, or if I'm just want to be nice, because I didn't need any of the things that they gave me that day.
• 28:00
  Khalila McCoy: Um, they just wanted to show kindness and love.
• 28:03
  Khalila McCoy: So that has been a big part of my life of remembering just like always show kindness and love, always give without expecting something in return.
• 28:14
  Khalila McCoy: And like I said, you don't know anybody's situation.
• 28:18
  Khalila McCoy: And no matter your situation, you can always show love and be joyful.
• 28:24
  Khalila McCoy: So, like I said, life lessons can come when you least expect it.
• 28:28
  Khalila McCoy: Because I wasn't expecting to go there and have this memory that would last my whole entire life.
• 28:32
  Khalila McCoy: I just, you know, was going on this journey with some friends from high school and was gonna go see their town, but it ended up impacting me way more than I ever thought it would.
• 28:42
  Khalila McCoy: So I think, and that's a moment too, right, that I could have easily passed on and not let that stay with me.
• 28:51
  Khalila McCoy: It could have just been like, oh, well, cool.
• 28:54
  Khalila McCoy: Like this lady gave me a blanket, like whatever.
• 28:56
  Khalila McCoy: But the fact that I allowed myself to kind of slow down and see more into it, I think was really important and cool.
• 29:07
  Khalila McCoy: And I'm sure there's moments right in life that are just as profound that I might have missed, but I'm glad that I had that one.
• 29:14
  DJ McCoy: Yeah.
• 29:14
  DJ McCoy: Well you never know when when these um when these moments come or when they on the road, but I do think just your heart and the way you are got you to even be able to experience that moment.
• 29:28
  DJ McCoy: Like, you know, God kind of lays our steps based off our heart.
• 29:32
  DJ McCoy: So you know, you was able to some ways God teaches about humanity.
• 29:39
  DJ McCoy: It's like you just gotta experience it.
• 29:41
  DJ McCoy: You just gotta experience it.
• 29:42
  DJ McCoy: I know um you know kind of about like where I'm from and stuff, and you know, I I vouch for crazy ghetto places because I'm like, no, it's uh it's real hard there.
• 29:51
  DJ McCoy: It's like people without nothing.
• 29:53
  DJ McCoy: But they willing to share, they willing to make room and they don't know room.
• 29:57
  DJ McCoy: Like it's just like some of the things that um some people who we would perceive have nothing monetarily, they really rich.
• 30:06
  DJ McCoy: Like they really like really, really, really rich.
• 30:09
  DJ McCoy: Like super rich.
• 30:10
  DJ McCoy: And uh and then I've been surprised in places where I thought it was supposed to be all peaches and nights and bells and whistles and some wild stuff happened.
• 30:20
  DJ McCoy: I'd be like, I was not expecting you know, so um God has a way of intimately teaching us these lessons, like for us, per for us to get it.
• 30:35
  DJ McCoy: For like that wasn't for everybody, like uh that was for God to teach you about people in that in that moment at that age, and through that opportunity, and you know, um I don't think you would have quite got it just being in Toledo and Akron in Ohio, like you know, that opportunity awarded you this uh see, you know, real humanity, not like where you're not from is real humanity, but like you got to see something different, something more uh like interesting, you know, something that spoke to your heart.
• 31:07
  DJ McCoy: So and I'm happy you had that moment because you know you know I just appreciate your heart.
• 31:14
  DJ McCoy: And um and it really shaped you in terms of that's how God would have us look at people, not to judge them based off what they have.
• 31:22
  DJ McCoy: Like it's really one of his principles, and I think he got got that message to you early enough, knowing you was about to do more things, be around, way more prominent, see different things, like so you wouldn't be jaded by you know what you posed to see versus like what you actually experience.
• 31:42
  Khalila McCoy: Yeah, that's one of my one of my favorite memories.
• 31:45
  Khalila McCoy: All right, number five.
• 31:49
  Khalila McCoy: Number five is uh when I am my true self, I am my best self.
• 31:56
  Khalila McCoy: So we have heard episodes on here where you know, coaches and people have talked about self-love and be who you are and things like that.
• 32:05
  Khalila McCoy: And I think that it's really easy to sometimes forget who you are in the sense that you're either trying to fit into a group or trying to be like other people or trying to be what you perceive the world, right, wants you to be, or look like or do like or act like.
• 32:26
  Khalila McCoy: So I've learned kind of a lot through other people, which is I think is so important, like with this show, right?
• 32:34
  Khalila McCoy: I always tell people to listen to someone else's story, listen louder.
• 32:37
  Khalila McCoy: Because I think a lot of things about being true to who you are, I've actually learned from watching other people, not necessarily my own experiences.
• 32:46
  Khalila McCoy: Um my mom and dad were great when I grew up building my self-confidence and who I was and who I am, you know, things like that.
• 32:55
  Khalila McCoy: So that wasn't anything that I ever really struggled with, but I think I saw a lot of other people struggle with that and question who they were or like, you know, change who they were because they were with this person, or, you know, especially girls, like when she's dating him, she's this person.
• 33:12
  Khalila McCoy: When she's dating him, she's a different person.
• 33:14
  Khalila McCoy: So I think I learned that from watching other people and kind of seeing, you know, because I what I don't want to do, but also like positive situations where I see where I do want to, you know, do the right thing.
• 33:29
  Khalila McCoy: So I don't think that I've ever really stepped out of who I was and wasn't true to myself.
• 33:33
  Khalila McCoy: No, yeah, there were times where maybe I should have said something where I didn't because I didn't want to make waves, or there are probably times where, you know, I laughed off something that really bothered me, like, you know, normal, small things like that.
• 33:48
  Khalila McCoy: But I've always been confident in like who Khalila is.
• 33:52
  Khalila McCoy: I think I'm a really nice person and a really cool person, but I know there's a lot of power in that.
• 33:57
  Khalila McCoy: And I've talked to people about that.
• 33:59
  Khalila McCoy: And I've had people who have said to me, like, you know, I'm encouraged by your self-confidence and how you carry yourself and go through life.
• 34:08
  Khalila McCoy: And it's honestly, like I said, it's just things that my mom and dad taught me, or things that I've seen other people do, or who have warned me about like, make sure you do this and X, Y, and Z.
• 34:19
  Khalila McCoy: And I've also been blessed to be around um really good people who encourage me and say speak positively into my life.
• 34:28
  Khalila McCoy: So then they'll say, you know, okay, you're really good at this, like keep it up, keep doing that.
• 34:33
  Khalila McCoy: So it helps me kind of stay on the right track.
• 34:36
  Khalila McCoy: So I guess with that, like being true to myself is not only just living out what's best for me, but also being that encouragement for others, which I like I said, I like to help.
• 34:48
  Khalila McCoy: So that's part of who I am and continuing that.
• 34:52
  Khalila McCoy: And if I'm ever in a space that doesn't appreciate that or I'm asked to compromise who I am or something like that, I would be able to not do that because like I know who I am and I feel confident in that.
• 35:10
  DJ McCoy: That's interesting.
• 35:10
  DJ McCoy: That's good.
• 35:11
  DJ McCoy: Well, I would, you know, I'm probably your biggest advocate for you being your true self.
• 35:18
  DJ McCoy: I think the world needs a lot more of Khalila true self.
• 35:23
  DJ McCoy: I really love your spirit and the way you do life.
• 35:27
  DJ McCoy: And um, I know this is something that I have struggled with.
• 35:32
  DJ McCoy: Not in a sense, like I definitely know my true self.
• 35:35
  DJ McCoy: So a lot of what I deal with now, so is shedding off my true self, you know, really conforming fully to Christ.
• 35:43
  Khalila McCoy: Yeah, just like knowing I guess by true self, I mean like knowing who you are, right?
• 35:47
  Khalila McCoy: Knowing where your boundaries are, knowing what your non-negotiables are, knowing what you believe in, knowing almost like your code of how you act and how you behave and who you present to others.
• 36:00
  Khalila McCoy: And yeah, in different situations, you might have to act accordingly, right?
• 36:06
  Khalila McCoy: But not to the point that person A is like, oh, I know Khalila.
• 36:11
  Khalila McCoy: Person B is like, oh, that's not the Khalila I know.
• 36:14
  Khalila McCoy: Like I want them both to know like this is this is who she is and this is where she stands.
• 36:20
  Khalila McCoy: And like obviously at work in a professional setting, you know, those people might know me different than like, you know, my friend who sees me at home, right?
• 36:28
  Khalila McCoy: I'm more relaxed and a little bit different in that way.
• 36:31
  Khalila McCoy: But I'm still at my core who I am.
• 36:34
  Khalila McCoy: It's not wishy-washy, it's not fake, it's not disingenuous.
• 36:38
  Khalila McCoy: Was that the word?
• 36:40
  Khalila McCoy: Is that a word?
• 36:40
  Khalila McCoy: Disingenuous.
• 36:41
  Khalila McCoy: Disingenuous disingenuous.
• 36:43
  Khalila McCoy: There we go.
• 36:44
  Khalila McCoy: Yeah.
• 36:47
  Khalila McCoy: So yeah.
• 36:48
  Khalila McCoy: So just being your choose out.
• 36:49
  Khalila McCoy: I think that can be hard for some people, and depending on, you know, their situation and stuff, and obviously no judgment, but I think that's a place where you want to be, where you want to get to.
• 36:59
  Khalila McCoy: And, you know, I just in my uh previous episode, I had a lady who talked about like dating, right?
• 37:05
  Khalila McCoy: Even in the dating world.
• 37:06
  Khalila McCoy: Like if you don't know who you are, if you don't love yourself, like how can you expect others to love you and treat you well if you don't treat yourself well, if you don't know what you want and stuff like that.
• 37:18
  Khalila McCoy: So I think that was a big thing.
• 37:19
  Khalila McCoy: Like when we first started dating, you know, I told you, I was like, this is who I am.
• 37:24
  Khalila McCoy: But not in like a weird way, but it was just like I knew what I wanted.
• 37:30
  Khalila McCoy: I knew who I was.
• 37:31
  DJ McCoy: Probably like why to the degree.
• 37:33
  DJ McCoy: Probably likewise.
• 37:34
  Khalila McCoy: Yeah, I think we both came into it like having a very confident view of who we were and what we believed and what we wanted moving forward.
• 37:42
  Khalila McCoy: And it takes time to get there, I think.
• 37:44
  Khalila McCoy: Some people get there earlier in life.
• 37:47
  Khalila McCoy: Um, but yeah.
• 37:48
  DJ McCoy: And on what we looking forward to too.
• 37:50
  DJ McCoy: Like, you know, a lot of those early dialogues, like the way I see it is like this.
• 37:55
  DJ McCoy: All right, I can see it like that.
• 38:00
  DJ McCoy: I can see it like that.
• 38:01
  DJ McCoy: Oh, I cannot see it like that.
• 38:03
  Khalila McCoy: You know, so well, I think even with that, like it's important to know that even in being your true self, like you can't evolve, right?
• 38:10
  Khalila McCoy: You can grow and you can change and rewrite that story.
• 38:13
  Khalila McCoy: So it's not like you're stuck and fixed in this one person.
• 38:16
  Khalila McCoy: You're like, oh, this is who I was at 20.
• 38:18
  Khalila McCoy: This is who I have to be, because Khalila said I have to be my true self.
• 38:22
  Khalila McCoy: Like you should be growing and evolving, evolving and changing and learning different things as you go through different experiences and meet different people.
• 38:30
  Khalila McCoy: So, and again, it's not like it's you're this 180.
• 38:34
  Khalila McCoy: And it might be depending on where you started.
• 38:36
  Khalila McCoy: I don't know, your life, like depending on where you started, you might need a 180, but it might just be, you know, different views that you had before now that you've had these experiences.
• 38:46
  Khalila McCoy: Maybe you aren't so closed-minded on certain things, or maybe, like I said, you're willing to try stuff.
• 38:52
  Khalila McCoy: And I think that can be hard for people, right?
• 38:55
  Khalila McCoy: They talk a lot about people as they grow and change and develop, like old friends start to walk away because they're like, oh, we don't even know who you are anymore.
• 39:03
  Khalila McCoy: But if you're truly making a pro a positive growth or a positive change, then I mean that's when you find out who your real friends are and who's for you, right?
• 39:12
  Khalila McCoy: So I think there's a lot that goes into it.
• 39:16
  DJ McCoy: Ultimately, and I think um I maybe could speak for both of us.
• 39:19
  DJ McCoy: Like a lot of our true self is we just trying to, you know, line that up with Christ.
• 39:24
  DJ McCoy: So it's like, you know, we're gonna get different positions, we're gonna be in different places, we're gonna meet different people, but you know, like how we're treating people, whether it be kindness or right, that's not gonna change.
• 39:35
  DJ McCoy: Yeah, like that, you know, that's that's what we don't want to not look like, you know.
• 39:41
  DJ McCoy: That's what we don't want to be out here is being the anti-fruit of the spirit, you know.
• 39:47
  DJ McCoy: Like we want to be, you know, in line with how our Lord tell us to live.
• 39:53
  DJ McCoy: And that's why I say, you know, that's why we can use more K spirit out here, and you and you, you know, I believe you've impacted hundreds, if not thousands, of students already.
• 40:04
  DJ McCoy: You're starting to get some of that reciprocal, um I will say some of that gardening.
• 40:10
  DJ McCoy: You put in some work a long time ago and getting some of the invites to the high school graduations and stuff, being from a kindergarten teacher, like to have an impact like that.
• 40:20
  DJ McCoy: And a lot of that is like just how you ran the classroom, how you treated the children like little people, how you listened to them, like you know, some things I feel like I can be proud of of you know, and how you how you put your work in.
• 40:34
  DJ McCoy: Like it's it's fun watching you do your thing.
• 40:39
  Khalila McCoy: Well, your support goes into my next one, number six.
• 40:43
  Khalila McCoy: The family and friends that I choose are very important.
• 40:48
  Khalila McCoy: And I put family and friends in there and put the word choice as in choose because typically you don't think of your family as a choice.
• 40:59
  Khalila McCoy: Um and it's not really, right?
• 41:02
  Khalila McCoy: But you get who you get.
• 41:04
  Khalila McCoy: Um but I think especially at this stage in your in my life, you know, like I'm 40 now, which is so weird to say.
• 41:13
  Khalila McCoy: I can choose who I get to, you know, I get to choose who I spend the most of my time with.
• 41:20
  Khalila McCoy: Like when you're a kid, you don't really get a choice.
• 41:22
  Khalila McCoy: You have your mom and your dad, and obviously through this, I'm not advocating like dump your family or anything like that.
• 41:28
  Khalila McCoy: But I do know again through this podcast and through people I've talked to, like not everybody has the supportive, healthy family.
• 41:36
  Khalila McCoy: And sometimes you do have to separate from that so you can grow and so you can just so you can live life pretty much, depending on the situation that you are in.
• 41:47
  Khalila McCoy: So I think it's important that just because they're your family, if they're treating you wrong or things aren't going well, doesn't mean like you have to stay in that horrible bad situation.
• 41:59
  Khalila McCoy: I've been blessed with a really great family.
• 42:01
  Khalila McCoy: Like I said, my mom and my dad were really close.
• 42:03
  Khalila McCoy: I talk to them pretty much every day.
• 42:05
  Khalila McCoy: Talk to them about anything and everything.
• 42:07
  Khalila McCoy: I love that.
• 42:08
  Khalila McCoy: Um, you know, my siblings, we've had an interesting relationship.
• 42:12
  Khalila McCoy: They're older than me.
• 42:14
  Khalila McCoy: Um, we're not as close as I would love us to be, but I think we're working on, you know, certain things in our relationship there.
• 42:21
  Khalila McCoy: But if it was, you know, Lauren was an evil, toxic person to me, then I wouldn't talk to her.
• 42:26
  Khalila McCoy: I wouldn't spend that time with her.
• 42:28
  Khalila McCoy: I would still love her and care for her, but I would have to separate myself.
• 42:32
  Khalila McCoy: Luckily, she's not like that.
• 42:34
  Khalila McCoy: So we can grow in our relationship as adults.
• 42:37
  Khalila McCoy: And then I do have, I think my whole life, I've had some really good friends.
• 42:43
  Khalila McCoy: And I have friends that I've been friends with since, you know, elementary school who are still my friends today.
• 42:50
  Khalila McCoy: And I've had friends that I met, you know, as I say, for a season and a reason, right?
• 42:57
  Khalila McCoy: Who are really close, who I thought I would be friends with for forever.
• 43:00
  Khalila McCoy: That I've never had like a big fallout with friends or anything, like just kind of like a fade off, right?
• 43:05
  Khalila McCoy: You just life gets busy and you kind of move away from them or they stop talking to you.
• 43:11
  Khalila McCoy: But it's not I haven't had like a big blowout fight or anything like that.
• 43:14
  Khalila McCoy: But I think even in those relationships that I don't have anymore, I learned a lot and grew a lot and they supported me when I needed that.
• 43:24
  Khalila McCoy: But like I said, I have friends who I know today, like I know who I could call right now and who would have my back if I needed something or if I needed to talk to.
• 43:35
  Khalila McCoy: And I know that they would give me good advice, right?
• 43:37
  Khalila McCoy: That's the big thing too.
• 43:38
  Khalila McCoy: Like some people have someone who you can call, but do you really want to call that person?
• 43:43
  Khalila McCoy: Um and then I think those people who I know who I could count on, they also know that they could count on me too.
• 43:50
  Khalila McCoy: And that just adds a little, you know, a little more peace to life when you have the right people around you.
• 43:58
  Khalila McCoy: I know, like when I was struggling.
• 43:59
  Khalila McCoy: Back to teaching.
• 44:01
  Khalila McCoy: Like, I had some really tough years where you know I had a coworker who was really mean to me, or I had, you know, a situation where I was like, is this what I'm supposed to do?
• 44:11
  Khalila McCoy: And am I a good teacher?
• 44:13
  Khalila McCoy: And it was, you know, my friends who really spoke life into me and were like, hey, like, you are on the right path.
• 44:20
  Khalila McCoy: You're doing the right thing.
• 44:21
  Khalila McCoy: It's just tough right now.
• 44:22
  Khalila McCoy: Like, don't give up.
• 44:23
  Khalila McCoy: Don't give in.
• 44:24
  Khalila McCoy: So um, like I said, I could have if you have the wrong people around you, they're gonna say the wrong things.
• 44:31
  Khalila McCoy: Or if you have people who aren't really there for you, right, you get into jealousy and things like that, and they start to speak down on you.
• 44:37
  Khalila McCoy: So I've never had situations like that with, like I said, with people who I chose to continue my life with, right?
• 44:44
  Khalila McCoy: I've had people who have been mean to me and who who seem like they were friends at first, I guess I should say, who seem like they could be, but I never actually got to the point of calling them friends because you can tell pretty early on who is, you know, interested in being a part of your life in that way.
• 45:02
  Khalila McCoy: So I think it's important, but I could have chosen that person, right?
• 45:05
  Khalila McCoy: I could have decided, like, hey, she's so cool though.
• 45:08
  Khalila McCoy: I really want to be friends with her, I really want to hang out with her, or like the benefits of being around her, or something like that, right?
• 45:13
  Khalila McCoy: And I could have decided, like, oh yeah, she is a friend.
• 45:15
  Khalila McCoy: But I think it's important to choose who you allow yourself to spend the most time with, who you allow to speak into your life, and who you allow to influence you.
• 45:28
  Khalila McCoy: Family and friends.
• 45:32
  DJ McCoy: I agree.
• 45:33
  DJ McCoy: Um And I've I've seen, I've seen, you know, I get to I get to watch you up close, so um and I like it.
• 45:41
  DJ McCoy: I like it.
• 45:42
  DJ McCoy: I feel like it's I feel like it's in line with how God wants you to live.
• 45:47
  DJ McCoy: And I don't think it's you know, allowing you to neglect any of your professional duties or anything like that.
• 45:53
  DJ McCoy: But I've seen, and a lot of it is, and I'm surprised we've gotten this far without mentioning our main character in our life.
• 46:00
  DJ McCoy: But you know, since the introduction of the the little dude, man, he is um I think for both of us helped really reprioritize everything.
• 46:13
  DJ McCoy: Like, along with Corona.
• 46:15
  DJ McCoy: So it was this combo of thunder and lightning.
• 46:18
  DJ McCoy: Corona and Miles McCoy.
• 46:20
  DJ McCoy: And um, and I like to think we came, you know, through that storm, you know, through our storm and bring rain and this growth after that.
• 46:30
  DJ McCoy: And I like I like where we are more so after, you know, Corona and getting our our star player, our little dude.
• 46:39
  DJ McCoy: But um it's it's been fun to see you even become a mom.
• 46:43
  DJ McCoy: You wasn't a mom for the first half of our relationship, and then now you are, and it's it's amazing to watch.
• 46:51
  DJ McCoy: Like I think you do well.
• 46:52
  DJ McCoy: Hey, your your husband is was too.
• 46:57
  DJ McCoy: I'm gonna say was.
• 46:58
  DJ McCoy: I'm expecting rest this upcoming season, you know some some better things in that in that regard.
• 47:06
  DJ McCoy: But um I like I like where you settle in upon in terms of those those choices and selections in terms of friends and family.
• 47:17
  Khalila McCoy: So um Yeah, and I hope, you know, hopefully, right?
• 47:20
  Khalila McCoy: All of these things that I'm sharing will help me be a better mom and can instill some of these lessons into Miles because you know, we are quote unquote older parents.
• 47:31
  Khalila McCoy: So I do get to share some of this with not Miles and not necessarily even share with them, but just hopefully live it out because I do feel like a lot of what I experienced wasn't just the conversations, right?
• 47:43
  Khalila McCoy: It was more watching.
• 47:45
  Khalila McCoy: It was seeing, like I said, seeing the little kid be excited about sharing his life with us or seeing people and talking with people helps a lot, but it's really that action that I notice the most.
• 48:00
  Khalila McCoy: All right, we are off to number seven.
• 48:06
  Khalila McCoy: This is my final one.
• 48:08
  Khalila McCoy: This is probably my favorite one, and it kind of goes along with everything about my personality and who I am and this podcast as well.
• 48:20
  Khalila McCoy: But my last one is give your advantage away.
• 48:25
  Khalila McCoy: So I guess this is more advice, but this is something that I've learned to give my advantage away.
• 48:32
  Khalila McCoy: And so there's a story that goes with this.
• 48:38
  DJ McCoy: Everything has a story.
• 48:39
  DJ McCoy: This is interesting.
• 48:42
  DJ McCoy: I'm uh interesting.
• 48:43
  DJ McCoy: Go ahead.
• 48:45
  Khalila McCoy: So, okay, so it comes from a place of I so and I have this say, I have a disclaimer.
• 48:52
  Khalila McCoy: So in a previous episode, I had said that we talked about people pleasing, right?
• 48:56
  Khalila McCoy: And I was like, oh, you know, I kind of fall into people pleasing sometime.
• 48:59
  Khalila McCoy: And I was talking to my mom and my dad about that episode, and my mom's like, you're not really a people pleaser.
• 49:03
  Khalila McCoy: And we were talking about all the reasons why I wasn't a people pleaser.
• 49:06
  Khalila McCoy: And she's like, you just, you know, you don't allow certain things to bother you, and you really like, again, to help people and to you care about their needs and things like that, but you don't like put yourself down to raise somebody up, type of thing.
• 49:20
  Khalila McCoy: And so that's kind of where this comes in because my whole life, like I feel like, you know, not to toot my own horn, but I've I'm a pretty nice person, a genuinely caring person.
• 49:32
  Khalila McCoy: And I do want to see other people win.
• 49:34
  Khalila McCoy: I do want to see other people rise.
• 49:35
  Khalila McCoy: I do want to see other people do well.
• 49:37
  Khalila McCoy: So there's certain things like people are people, right?
• 49:40
  Khalila McCoy: Like I'm pretty good at noticing, like, okay, this is just who so-and-so is, this is how they act, and this is how I move around them.
• 49:48
  Khalila McCoy: Like, again, still my true self, but understanding that this is how I deal with this person and this is how they deal with life.
• 49:56
  Khalila McCoy: And um, I've had a lot of times where people have been like, you know, why do you spend time with that person, or why do you let this person act that way?
• 50:06
  Khalila McCoy: Or isn't that doesn't that make you angry, or doesn't that make you mad?
• 50:09
  Khalila McCoy: Or even when we first started dating, right?
• 50:11
  Khalila McCoy: You would just be like, Why do you let people walk all over you?
• 50:14
  Khalila McCoy: Or why do you do this and why do you do that?
• 50:16
  DJ McCoy: Don't be talking, don't be talking up.
• 50:19
  Khalila McCoy: But I really struggled with that because I didn't see it that way.
• 50:24
  Khalila McCoy: I just saw it as me caring for I never felt that someone was getting over on me, right?
• 50:31
  Khalila McCoy: In that sense, I never was angry about certain things because certain things just didn't bother me, or I was okay with giving up of myself in that moment for that person to have that joy or whatever they needed, right?
• 50:45
  Khalila McCoy: Um, but it didn't take away anything from me.
• 50:49
  Khalila McCoy: And it was, it's see, even now, like it's hard to explain exactly what I mean by that.
• 50:53
  DJ McCoy: But um yeah.
• 50:56
  Khalila McCoy: So, but people would always question it and be like, you know, how do you do that?
• 51:00
  Khalila McCoy: Why are you doing this?
• 51:01
  Khalila McCoy: Like, be tougher, be more assertive, blah, blah, blah.
• 51:04
  Khalila McCoy: And I would try to, and then I would feel like crap because I was like, I don't like acting this way.
• 51:09
  DJ McCoy: That's not who I am.
• 51:11
  Khalila McCoy: Like, I feel mean.
• 51:13
  Khalila McCoy: I'm like, oh, I'm so sorry.
• 51:14
  Khalila McCoy: Obviously, as I've gotten older, I've gotten a little bit more certain, I've done different things and had to grow in certain ways.
• 51:20
  Khalila McCoy: But you become a mom.
• 51:22
  Khalila McCoy: Overall.
• 51:23
  Khalila McCoy: Oh, yeah, don't mess with my baby.
• 51:24
  Khalila McCoy: But overall, I think I'm still that person, right?
• 51:28
  Khalila McCoy: But it was still a lot of that questioning.
• 51:30
  Khalila McCoy: So again, this happened when I was young, and I don't remember.
• 51:33
  Khalila McCoy: My dad used to listen to the radio a lot when we were kids, like driving in the car.
• 51:38
  Khalila McCoy: And he was listening to um like the sports, they were interviewing a coach.
• 51:43
  Khalila McCoy: And I don't know who the coach was, and I I can't find it.
• 51:46
  Khalila McCoy: I've tried to look for it.
• 51:47
  Khalila McCoy: But the coach was talking about how he would get like a lot of players from either overseas or inner city um schools or something like that.
• 51:56
  Khalila McCoy: And he would really set that kid up for success, and he would really like teach them all the things they need to know, get them food, get them in a situation where they needed to be, and then they would be successful and like their full talent could come out.
• 52:08
  Khalila McCoy: And then he would, you know, that kid would leave and go to like a better school or a better team or you know, whatever.
• 52:15
  Khalila McCoy: And the interviewer asked the coach, like, how do you feel about that?
• 52:19
  Khalila McCoy: Like you're doing all this for these people, they're taking advantage of you.
• 52:23
  Khalila McCoy: Like, how do you feel about that?
• 52:25
  Khalila McCoy: And I'll never forget the coach, and then I say I never forget, but I don't remember the exact wording, but the coach looked at him and he said, They can't take advantage of me because I'm giving the advantage away.
• 52:37
  Khalila McCoy: And that, like, even as a kid, I remember like that stayed with me so strong.
• 52:43
  Khalila McCoy: And I was like, that is me.
• 52:46
  Khalila McCoy: Like, and that is who I want to be.
• 52:48
  Khalila McCoy: Like, I am not giving to people from this sense of like loss or struggle, right?
• 52:56
  Khalila McCoy: I am in a I am fully me, and I am giving from a place of abundance.
• 53:01
  Khalila McCoy: I want you to succeed, I want you to grow, I want you to be your best self.
• 53:05
  Khalila McCoy: So that is why I do the things I do.
• 53:08
  Khalila McCoy: So you can't take anything from me because I'm giving it freely to you.
• 53:13
  Khalila McCoy: And that just made me so happy.
• 53:16
  Khalila McCoy: Like having that moment.
• 53:17
  Khalila McCoy: I was like, yes, somebody who gets me.
• 53:20
  Khalila McCoy: Like, and that is something that I always, you know, want to be.
• 53:25
  Khalila McCoy: And you know, I'm not wealthier by any means, but if I can give somebody money to help them, I would love to.
• 53:30
  Khalila McCoy: If I can, just be kind or just, you know, sometimes just a smile.
• 53:34
  Khalila McCoy: Like I can't tell you, like going to Walmart and telling some strange lady that I like her hair, like the way they light up is like, what?
• 53:41
  Khalila McCoy: Like no one's ever complimented you before.
• 53:44
  Khalila McCoy: It's just little stuff like that, or you know, if I do have to take a backseat so you can move forward, like my backseat still gets me where I need to go, right?
• 53:53
  Khalila McCoy: So I don't, it doesn't bother me.
• 53:56
  Khalila McCoy: Um so yeah, um, just that idea of giving your advantage away.
• 54:02
  Khalila McCoy: I think we all have something, right, that we can give that we can do to help others to succeed, to help them rise, as we like to say in those podcasts.
• 54:12
  Khalila McCoy: And I think that is really where this comes from.
• 54:15
  Khalila McCoy: Like the stories that we tell, the life that we live, we all have something that somebody out there needs to hear, to see, to believe in.
• 54:27
  Khalila McCoy: And we all have an advantage that we can give away.
• 54:30
  Khalila McCoy: So we should do that and do it freely and with joy.
• 54:34
  Khalila McCoy: So that's my seventh one.
• 54:38
  Khalila McCoy: Give your advantage away.
• 54:41
  DJ McCoy: Great, great, great way to end.
• 54:43
  DJ McCoy: I have I have a bunch of thoughts, but I still don't even know my role in this episode.
• 54:47
  DJ McCoy: I think like she just wanted me up here so she can feel comfortable to, you know, talk about some of these um, I'll gonna say some personal things she given to y'all, man.
• 54:58
  DJ McCoy: I watched her do some of these things.
• 55:00
  DJ McCoy: And listening to your number seven, uh, also too, was kind of put into people like to try to put me into this people-pleasing thing.
• 55:09
  DJ McCoy: But it's like, you know, we I don't know.
• 55:12
  DJ McCoy: It's just it's just interesting um that I feel like we we have this little another little thing that we have in common.
• 55:21
  DJ McCoy: It's just actually a way of life that we do.
• 55:23
  DJ McCoy: Um if we find out about an advantage or saving money, like we're gonna tell you.
• 55:28
  DJ McCoy: We're gonna like if there's a better way and you and our spirit influence, like, we're gonna share that with you.
• 55:36
  DJ McCoy: Like, there's no we don't do no little weird gatekeeping or I don't know.
• 55:41
  DJ McCoy: So it was fun hearing you encourage other people to give your advantage away.
• 55:47
  DJ McCoy: And um because I'm and you never know how that shows up, whether that be um Yeah, that's true.
• 55:53
  DJ McCoy: Like, shout out to the ladies last the that thing in the charter.
• 55:57
  DJ McCoy: They was giving their advantages away.
• 55:58
  DJ McCoy: They was telling us what was helping them and they marriages and how they got to where they got.
• 56:03
  DJ McCoy: Best believe it was not as fun to get to them conclusions as it was for them to just be able to kind of spell it out.
• 56:12
  DJ McCoy: But a lot of it is helping the youth catch up.
• 56:15
  DJ McCoy: That's a lot of what Real McCoy TV is like.
• 56:17
  DJ McCoy: You don't have to jump over them same hurdles or even be curious about them or even be nervous about them.
• 56:23
  DJ McCoy: Here go the answers.
• 56:24
  DJ McCoy: Now make your choice.
• 56:25
  DJ McCoy: Like, you know, here this is this is what this route gonna do this with, this route gonna do this with really choose your choice, you know.
• 56:32
  DJ McCoy: So um, but yeah, you know, I'm uh I'm a huge fan of you, babe.
• 56:38
  DJ McCoy: So I like how you do things.
• 56:40
  DJ McCoy: I had um I had a little a little more, but let's let's go.
• 56:45
  DJ McCoy: I still, like I said, I don't know what my role in, and then she just had me in between her questions too.
• 56:50
  Khalila McCoy: I was sharing with you as I share with them my my seven things.
• 56:57
  DJ McCoy: But yeah, um, and then all also like even um all I would also say look at your advantage and not to get gloomy.
• 57:05
  DJ McCoy: Um but look at your advantage of something like maybe even a hardship.
• 57:11
  DJ McCoy: So I like I grew up in a crazier, tougher area where you know people didn't talk nice or different things.
• 57:16
  DJ McCoy: So like sometimes I was just accustomed to how people talk, like accustomed to mean people.
• 57:21
  DJ McCoy: You learn how to move around that, you learn how to deal with, you know, a little bit more challenging people, and then you can you can use that to help people.
• 57:30
  DJ McCoy: Likewise, when I get um, the Lord favors me a lot.
• 57:34
  DJ McCoy: Sometimes I'm not the head leader, but I'm usually favored somewhere close to top command, second or third.
• 57:40
  DJ McCoy: I can then teach the other people around how I got here.
• 57:43
  DJ McCoy: You can do these things too and get the same type of respect and get the same type of results.
• 57:49
  DJ McCoy: You know, it's just it's not a mystery.
• 57:51
  DJ McCoy: Do these things, this will work, this will don't work.
• 57:54
  DJ McCoy: You know, I'll I don't know.
• 57:56
  DJ McCoy: But that's just kind of how we McCoys like to do life, you know.
• 57:59
  Khalila McCoy: So um Yeah, just looking out for other people.
• 58:02
  Khalila McCoy: Imagine a world where we all just helped each other.
• 58:08
  DJ McCoy: And not and not giving off of um what you said, I like that giving um based off of a loss and struggle or something like that.
• 58:16
  DJ McCoy: I forgot exactly how you worded it.
• 58:18
  Khalila McCoy: Oh, like it's not like you're empty.
• 58:20
  Khalila McCoy: You're giving from a place of abundance.
• 58:22
  DJ McCoy: Yeah.
• 58:23
  DJ McCoy: You're not giving to being something for yourself.
• 58:27
  DJ McCoy: Yeah.
• 58:29
  DJ McCoy: I've been I've been blessed enough to have people who was over me who did nothing but pour into me.
• 58:34
  DJ McCoy: Thank God that he chose that history for me.
• 58:37
  DJ McCoy: But some of us come against adversity where there's some envy from somebody older than you and making hardships and different things.
• 58:45
  DJ McCoy: So, you know, when you get these different positions and places, like when you share with people, let it be for nothing in return, other than it's just the right thing to do.
• 58:54
  DJ McCoy: It's just the right thing to do.
• 58:56
  Khalila McCoy: Perfect.
• 58:57
  Khalila McCoy: Okay, well, do you have a final question for me that all guests get asked on this podcast?
• 59:04
  DJ McCoy: Now that you now that we've heard from you.
• 59:09
  Khalila McCoy: You can't say why you're laughing.
• 59:12
  DJ McCoy: You should have just winked or something.
• 59:15
  Khalila McCoy: Well, we're just sitting here silent for like two minutes.
• 59:19
  DJ McCoy: I told you I didn't all right.
• 59:20
  DJ McCoy: Now that we've heard from you, what is it that you want the listeners to take away that can help them rise in their own lives?
• 59:30
  Khalila McCoy: Thank you for asking that question.
• 59:31
  Khalila McCoy: So I wrote down what I wanted to say.
• 59:33
  Khalila McCoy: So this was actually a hard question.
• 59:35
  Khalila McCoy: I asked all my guests this.
• 59:37
  Khalila McCoy: So thank you to my guests for answering this because I had to really think about it because I shared, you know, seven things.
• 59:43
  Khalila McCoy: So I wrote down what I wanted to say.
• 59:45
  Khalila McCoy: And I think my overall takeaway that I want people to have to help them rise is the things that I shared today aren't groundbreaking.
• 59:55
  Khalila McCoy: You've probably heard them or lived them or learned them in your own way, but these lessons have shaped who I am and who I'm becoming.
• 1:00:03
  Khalila McCoy: And my hope is that you take a moment to think about who you truly are and who you truly want to be.
• 1:00:11
  Khalila McCoy: And it doesn't matter if you're 22 or you're 92.
• 1:00:16
  Khalila McCoy: Like you said, we're all growing and evolving and changing, so you can always take a moment to reflect and look at your experiences, the good, the hard, the unexpected, and let them help push you towards becoming someone that you're proud of and someone who is always rising and pulling up others so they can rise as well.
• 1:00:46
  DJ McCoy: That was that was great, man.
• 1:00:47
  DJ McCoy: Look, y'all, if y'all do listen, if y'all reflect on these seven things, you will rise.
• 1:00:53
  DJ McCoy: For real.
• 1:00:53
  DJ McCoy: These are seven good things, baby.
• 1:00:56
  DJ McCoy: Good work.
• 1:00:57
  DJ McCoy: Good work.
• 1:00:58
  Khalila McCoy: Thank you.
• 1:00:58
  Khalila McCoy: And thank you for talking with me today.
• 1:01:04
  DJ McCoy: I got you.
• 1:01:04
  DJ McCoy: I got you.
• 1:01:05
  DJ McCoy: I got you till we go, baby.
• 1:01:10
  Khalila McCoy: All right, y'all.
• 1:01:11
  Khalila McCoy: I hope you enjoyed this episode.
• 1:01:13
  Khalila McCoy: I had fun sharing a little bit more about who I am and what makes me tick.
• 1:01:17
  Khalila McCoy: Again, I want to encourage you to reflect on your own life as well.
• 1:01:22
  Khalila McCoy: Take some time and make your list.
• 1:01:25
  Khalila McCoy: If you were to do an episode like this, what would you say?
• 1:01:29
  Khalila McCoy: What are seven things that have shaped who you are today?
• 1:01:33
  Khalila McCoy: And what are the stories or experiences that align with that?
• 1:01:37
  Khalila McCoy: And who knows, maybe you're able to actually get 10 or 40 or however old you are.
• 1:01:43
  Khalila McCoy: Can you make a list of those things?
• 1:01:45
  Khalila McCoy: And you know me.
• 1:01:47
  Khalila McCoy: I love to hear what you come up with.
• 1:01:49
  Khalila McCoy: There are several ways that you could share with me.
• 1:01:52
  Khalila McCoy: Send me an email at WhereWeRisepod, all one word at gmail.com.
• 1:01:57
  Khalila McCoy: You can leave a message on our YouTube community page where everyone can learn from you.
• 1:02:02
  Khalila McCoy: Or you can DM me on Instagram at WhereWeRisePod.
• 1:02:06
  Khalila McCoy: I can't wait to learn more about you.
• 1:02:09
  Khalila McCoy: And if you're not comfortable sharing your story yet, I'd still love to hear from you.
• 1:02:13
  Khalila McCoy: Feel free to give some feedback on this episode or any episodes you've listened to.
• 1:02:18
  Khalila McCoy: Drop me a line in one of the ways I mentioned, or I would really appreciate it if you would take the time to rate the show.
• 1:02:25
  Khalila McCoy: Most of you are Apple Podcast listeners.
• 1:02:28
  Khalila McCoy: So if you scroll to the bottom of this podcast page, you can give up to a five-star rating and leave a review.
• 1:02:37
  Khalila McCoy: It would mean a lot to me to have you support the show in this way.
• 1:02:41
  Khalila McCoy: Okay, that's all from me for now.
• 1:02:45
  Khalila McCoy: I look forward to spending time with you again next week.
• 1:02:48
  Khalila McCoy: But until then, as you move through the rest of your day, I hope you take a moment to listen a little louder to yourself, to the people you love, and to the things that connect us and ways and sometimes forget to notice.
• 1:03:02
  Khalila McCoy: I'll meet you back here next time.
• 1:03:04
  Khalila McCoy: See ya bye.