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AI Could Never Write This Joke Kiry Shabazz Stand Up Comedy 🤣 · Funny Comedy | Laugh Out Loud

• 0:00
  SPEAKER_01: Last time I was here, I let the audience know I only wear these glasses so white people can trust me.
• 0:07
  SPEAKER_01: It works like a charm.
• 0:09
  SPEAKER_01: I'm serious, like right now, if you all were a jury, this would be a not guilty verdict.
• 0:14
  SPEAKER_01: Easy.
• 0:16
  SPEAKER_01: This nigga's going to jail.
• 0:20
  SPEAKER_01: This nigga better remember a number or two.
• 0:23
  SPEAKER_01: He's doing some time.
• 0:27
  SPEAKER_01: This guy gets a second chance for sure.
• 0:31
  SPEAKER_01: Last time I was here, what I didn't mention is that I don't only wear these for white people, I wear these for my people too.
• 0:38
  SPEAKER_01: Right?
• 0:39
  SPEAKER_01: Because with these glasses, I look like a youth pastor.
• 0:43
  SPEAKER_01: That comes in handy in the hood.
• 0:45
  SPEAKER_01: I live in LA, I could be in the wrong neighborhood, right?
• 0:48
  SPEAKER_01: I'm a big sugar night looking nigga from the back.
• 0:52
  SPEAKER_01: They might run up on me and ask me where I'm from.
• 0:54
  SPEAKER_01: You know what I mean?
• 0:55
  SPEAKER_01: They like, hey nigga, where you from?
• 0:57
  SPEAKER_01: I just turn around like St.
• 0:58
  SPEAKER_01: Lutan Church of Christ.
• 1:04
  SPEAKER_01: You got time for the Lord?
• 1:08
  SPEAKER_01: It works every time.
• 1:11
  SPEAKER_01: Works every time.
• 1:13
  SPEAKER_01: I gotta invest more into these.
• 1:15
  SPEAKER_01: These are from Hot Topic.
• 1:18
  SPEAKER_01: I can't see shit with these.
• 1:21
  SPEAKER_01: I need something stronger than this.
• 1:24
  SPEAKER_01: These ain't gonna cut it, man.
• 1:26
  SPEAKER_01: I need like some lens crafter shit.
• 1:28
  SPEAKER_01: You know what I mean?
• 1:30
  SPEAKER_01: Something that's just gonna satisfy.
• 1:32
  SPEAKER_01: Any white people in there got glasses I could borrow?
• 1:36
  SPEAKER_01: Okay, my brother right there.
• 1:38
  SPEAKER_01: He's not afraid.
• 1:39
  SPEAKER_01: He's like, I'll catch sickle sale.
• 1:40
  SPEAKER_01: Fuck it.
• 1:44
  SPEAKER_01: You mind passing them up, Jeffrey?
• 1:48
  SPEAKER_01: Oh man, these are the real deal.
• 1:50
  SPEAKER_01: I feel the whiteness in these.
• 1:54
  SPEAKER_01: Look at this cheap bullshit.
• 1:55
  SPEAKER_01: You can't you mind holding these Kelly?
• 2:00
  SPEAKER_01: I like your hair.
• 2:01
  SPEAKER_01: The color your hair is cancel culture.
• 2:07
  SPEAKER_01: These the real deal, man.
• 2:09
  SPEAKER_01: I feel the whiteness in this shit.
• 2:13
  SPEAKER_00: Man, oh I don't think you're supposed to give me these, man.
• 2:21
  SPEAKER_01: I have white man vision now.
• 2:24
  SPEAKER_01: I see the world through a white man's eyes.
• 2:27
  SPEAKER_01: What's all this shit floating around in the air, man?
• 2:30
  SPEAKER_01: It looks like opportunity.
• 2:31
  SPEAKER_00: It's everywhere.
• 2:37
  SPEAKER_01: It's an abundance.
• 2:40
  SPEAKER_01: I gotta take these off.
• 2:41
  SPEAKER_01: This is getting dangerous.
• 2:44
  SPEAKER_01: I got the sudden urge to get in a submarine to see the Titanic.
• 2:57
  SPEAKER_01: Thank you, Kelly.
• 2:59
  SPEAKER_01: What's her real name, by the way?
• 3:01
  SPEAKER_01: I don't want to be racist.
• 3:02
  SPEAKER_01: It's what?
• 3:04
  SPEAKER_01: I was close, Courtney.
• 3:08
  SPEAKER_01: Of course it's Courtney, right?
• 3:12
  SPEAKER_01: Oh man.
• 3:15
  SPEAKER_01: Just a warning, though, these glasses don't work on every race.
• 3:19
  SPEAKER_01: Like Indian people.
• 3:21
  SPEAKER_01: Indian parents over 50 are extremely racist.
• 3:24
  SPEAKER_01: Every time my Indian friends have brought me home, their parents look at me with disappointment and disgust.
• 3:30
  SPEAKER_01: You know what I mean?
• 3:31
  SPEAKER_01: They're like, this is not why we came to America.
• 3:35
  SPEAKER_01: You need to hang out with whites.
• 3:36
  SPEAKER_01: No, it's the look they give me.
• 3:38
  SPEAKER_01: Then they have a secret meeting in the other room and they speak Hindi aggressively, and it's like racial.
• 3:44
  SPEAKER_01: I can understand it, but I just can feel the tension.
• 3:47
  SPEAKER_01: They're in the other room, like, oh no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.
• 3:51
  SPEAKER_01: Now I know, I know that's a racially offensive impression of Indian people speaking Hindi.
• 3:58
  SPEAKER_01: But in my defense, that's a racist impression of someone saying something racist.
• 4:07
  SPEAKER_01: So it balances itself out.
• 4:09
  SPEAKER_00: You know?
• 4:11
  SPEAKER_01: Him saying a doodle doodle doodle translates to get that nigga out of my house.
• 4:16
  SPEAKER_01: It's I've been called so many banchot collars.
• 4:19
  SPEAKER_01: Like it's I've earned that right.
• 4:22
  SPEAKER_01: I just think our culture, man, we went cancel crazy.
• 4:25
  SPEAKER_01: I don't believe you can cancel large groups of people.
• 4:28
  SPEAKER_01: Individuals are fine.
• 4:31
  SPEAKER_01: I think there's a lot of risk to canceling groups of people.
• 4:34
  SPEAKER_01: I don't like spiders.
• 4:35
  SPEAKER_01: They creep me out.
• 4:37
  SPEAKER_01: But I can't get rid of every spider, right?
• 4:39
  SPEAKER_01: I can't kill off every spider because it'll mess up the ecosystem.
• 4:43
  SPEAKER_01: I think the same could be said about Karen's.
• 4:48
  SPEAKER_01: I think in 2020 we killed off way too many Karen's, and now the homeless are out of control.
• 4:56
  SPEAKER_01: The homeless have run among, and it's because we killed off their natural predator.
• 5:01
  SPEAKER_01: You know what I mean?
• 5:02
  SPEAKER_01: Like we got rid of the only people in our society evil enough to call the police on the homeless.
• 5:15
  SPEAKER_01: I need a caring to be evil so I can continue to look like a good liberal.
• 5:20
  SPEAKER_01: You know what I mean?
• 5:21
  SPEAKER_01: That's the balance of things.
• 5:24
  SPEAKER_01: I can see it now.
• 5:25
  SPEAKER_01: Caring to be outside, harassing the homeless with the police.
• 5:28
  SPEAKER_01: I come out there like, hey, you racist bitch.
• 5:31
  SPEAKER_01: You forgetting one over there.
• 5:32
  SPEAKER_01: He's hiding.
• 5:36
  SPEAKER_01: I know those jokes are problematic.
• 5:38
  SPEAKER_01: Uh so thank you guys for laughing.
• 5:41
  SPEAKER_01: I'm personally proud of those last few jokes because AI can't write that shit.
• 5:45
  SPEAKER_01: You know what I mean?
• 5:49
  SPEAKER_01: That shit is AI proof.
• 5:52
  SPEAKER_01: Could you imagine typing that in?
• 5:54
  SPEAKER_01: Like, tell me an Indian joke.
• 5:56
  SPEAKER_01: A no-do-do-do.
• 5:57
  SPEAKER_01: Get that thing out of my house.
• 5:58
  SPEAKER_01: Like, no.
• 6:00
  SPEAKER_01: Shut it down immediately.
• 6:05
  SPEAKER_01: All that stuff has me concerned.
• 6:07
  SPEAKER_01: AI, global warming, now the government is just exposing aliens and shit.
• 6:14
  SPEAKER_01: Like, before I go to therapy, I just want to know is the world ending or not?
• 6:18
  SPEAKER_01: Because I don't want to waste my time in therapy becoming a better person.
• 6:23
  SPEAKER_01: When I could be learning more useful skills like parkour.
• 6:27
  SPEAKER_01: You know what I mean?
• 6:29
  SPEAKER_01: Like, I'm afraid when the world ends, I won't know how to hunt or pull the trigger on a rifle, but I'll know all my emotional triggers.
• 6:38
  SPEAKER_01: I'll know what triggers me.
• 6:40
  SPEAKER_01: Like, what if I'm attacked by a grizzly bear, right?
• 6:43
  SPEAKER_01: He gets up on his hind legs like my only defense is honestly, bro, I think you're projecting.
• 6:52
  SPEAKER_01: I think there's some cub hood trauma you need to address.
• 6:58
  SPEAKER_01: I don't have any useful skills for the end of the world.
• 7:01
  SPEAKER_01: Before a comedy, I worked at Taco Bell.
• 7:04
  SPEAKER_01: I still know how to make a crunch wrap supreme.
• 7:08
  SPEAKER_01: 12-inch sortie, heat it up for five seconds on each side, one scoop of beef, pump of cheese, take a tossada shell, put it on top, give it a swirl, so there's an even portion of beef and cheese in the center when you bite to it.
• 7:17
  SPEAKER_01: Circle pump of sour cream, four finger pinch of lettuce, three finger pinch of tomato, wrap it up like a semi-octagon, grill it for 17 seconds and serve.
• 7:24
  SPEAKER_01: That is a useless fucking seal like the Please don't condescend, please.
• 7:33
  SPEAKER_01: The only way that skill is be useful is I don't know, if we're attacked by like an alien life force, and NASA finds out that the aliens really love Taco Bell, and they're like, we need an expert to go into outer space and wrap a nuclear bomb in a crunch wrap spring.
• 7:52
  SPEAKER_01: They come find me.
• 7:53
  SPEAKER_01: I'm living in a log cabin off the grid.
• 7:56
  SPEAKER_01: I'm like, I don't do that anymore.
• 7:58
  SPEAKER_01: I gave up for the car.
• 8:01
  SPEAKER_01: That's the old me.
• 8:04
  SPEAKER_01: They're like, do it for your country.
• 8:06
  SPEAKER_01: I go back to the NASA training ground, they got scientists floating around the zero gravity, but they don't know the first thing about making real authentic taco bell.
• 8:16
  SPEAKER_01: So I'm like, look, if we do this mission, I do it under two conditions.
• 8:20
  SPEAKER_01: We do it my way with my crew.
• 8:28
  SPEAKER_01: Now we gotta ride around getting the whole gang back together for one last mission.
• 8:34
  SPEAKER_01: Save mankind.
• 8:36
  SPEAKER_01: People on my list are qualified, experts in their field, but NASA's a little suspicious of them.
• 8:41
  SPEAKER_01: The first one is Maria, she's pregnant with her third child.
• 8:45
  SPEAKER_01: They're like, what do we need with a pregnant teenage girl?
• 8:49
  SPEAKER_01: I was like, we need someone to work the registers, all right?
• 8:52
  SPEAKER_01: Maria's the best in her field.
• 8:55
  SPEAKER_01: The next guy's Philip.
• 8:56
  SPEAKER_01: He's a 54-year-old white man addicted to meth.
• 9:00
  SPEAKER_01: They're like, what do we need with a 50-year-old white meth addict?
• 9:03
  SPEAKER_01: I was like, we need a store manager.
• 9:07
  SPEAKER_01: Now, please, this mission is time sensitive.