Latest / Reformed Thinking / One Man, One Woman, by Grace, Till Death | John Piper

Transcript

One Man, One Woman, by Grace, Till Death | John Piper · Reformed Thinking

0:00
Welcome to Reformed Thinking, where we consider what Scripture
0:02
reveals about our walk with God. Today we step into a deep dive,
0:06
taking a close look at concepts that shape our lives and faith
0:10
in really fundamental ways. We're opening up a stack of
0:13
sources that dissect Jesus is striking teachings on marriage,
0:16
on singleness, and on the well, the truly crucial nature of
0:20
forgiveness. Our material draws largely from
0:22
Matthew 19, alongside other Gospel accounts.
0:25
Our task for you, the listener, is to uncover the foundational
0:28
principles Jesus lays out. And you know what they mean.
0:30
For us right now, in our actual lives, we need to discern what
0:34
is at the core of these matters, cutting through human
0:36
expectations and getting to clear divine intent.
0:39
That's right. And this examination, I think,
0:41
will certainly reveal how Jesus so often turn traditional
0:44
thinking on its head, especially when it comes to relationships.
0:48
We'll see how his perspective truly shifts our focus from,
0:52
let's say, earthly arrangements to an eternal outlook, helping
0:56
us grasp what truly lasts. The sources consistently
0:59
highlight how Jesus sets a very high standard, yet at the same
1:03
time offers this boundless well of grace.
1:05
It's a striking combination really.
1:07
Divine expectation and divine provision.
1:10
OK, let's unpack this then. Our sources tell us that Jesus
1:13
is teaching on marriage in Matthew 19, specifically verses
1:16
3 through 9. It left his disciples utterly
1:18
bewildered. I mean, picture the scene.
1:20
They've just heard Jesus speak and their direct, immediate
1:23
response is to say if such is the case of a man with his wife,
1:26
it is better not to marry. That's quite a reaction, isn't
1:29
it? What was it about Jesus's words
1:31
exactly that caused such an intense response?
1:33
What did the disciples understand about this
1:35
exceptionally high bar he was setting?
1:37
And, well, what did it imply about any potential backdoors to
1:39
marriage? It's quite insightful actually,
1:41
because the disciples, they accurately grasped the
1:44
seriousness of Jesus's view. They perceived that if there's
1:48
no easy exit, you know, no back door to marriage, then perhaps
1:52
it's better not to walk through the front door at all.
1:55
This wasn't some casual observation from them.
1:57
It was a realization of the absolute nature of what Jesus
2:01
was saying. Our sources clarified that Jesus
2:04
was not prescribing an easy exit for anyone, not even in cases
2:08
like infidelity. His definition of marriage was
2:11
designed to be permanent, binding till death.
2:14
Till death, that's all. It is, and this kind of radical
2:17
regard for marriage is presented as a distinguishing mark of a
2:20
follower of Jesus. It's not just a suggestion, it's
2:23
something that truly sets a believer apart in how they view
2:26
and approach this, this fundamental institution.
2:29
The sources explain that the capacity to remain in a hard
2:32
marriage, even when it feels incredibly difficult, is seen as
2:35
a gift of God, a work of divine grace.
2:37
So. Not just willpower.
2:39
Exactly. This isn't a matter of simply
2:41
gritting your teeth and trying harder.
2:43
It's about a supernatural enablement that God provides a
2:47
strength beyond your own natural ability that allows you to
2:50
uphold the covenant. That's a significant shift in
2:53
perspective on the permanence of marriage just in this present
2:56
existence. But beyond how long it lasts,
2:59
Jesus also defines its very composition, right?
3:02
Our sources indicate that Jesus grounds marriage in the
3:05
beginning of creation itself. So how does Jesus, by referring
3:09
all the way back to Genesis, fundamentally establish who is
3:12
involved in a marriage? And Speaking of composition, our
3:15
sources present a very clearview from Jesus regarding homosexual
3:19
unions. How do they say Jesus would view
3:21
two men or two women calling their union marriage?
3:24
Right, if we connect this to the bigger picture, Jesus grounds
3:26
his definition of marriage in the creation of male and female
3:29
from the very start. He's directly quoting and
3:32
referencing Genesis here, saying have you not read that he who
3:35
created them from the beginning made them male and female and
3:38
said therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and
3:42
hold fast to his wife and they shall become one flesh.
3:45
OK, this isn't just a cultural norm he's endorsing.
3:49
It roots the institution of marriage in the very fabric of
3:51
creation itself, as a union uniquely between one man and one
3:56
woman. So very specific based on
3:58
creation order, yes. And based on that, the sources
4:02
convey that Jesus would be deeply troubled.
4:05
Maybe appalled is the word they use at the notion of two men or
4:08
two women calling their homosexual union marriage.
4:11
They argue that by consistently grounding marriage in Genesis
4:14
one and two, in the specific creation of humanity as male and
4:18
female, designed for procreative union and complementarity, Jesus
4:21
establishes A foundational intrinsic order.
4:24
So it's not just about preference.
4:26
Not according to these sources, no.
4:28
To attempt to redefine marriage beyond this male, female
4:31
structure would be seen as a fundamental departure from the
4:34
divine design. They would describe such
4:36
attempts as folly in their deviation from creation's
4:38
intent, and as sin as it dishonors the specific structure
4:42
God Himself established for this sacred institution.
4:45
It is presented not merely as a cultural preference, but as a
4:48
theological conviction rooted in the very fabric of creation as
4:52
depicted in Scripture. The sources suggest he would
4:55
truly lament how lightly the original, glorious purpose of
4:58
marriage is sometimes treated today.
5:01
So the disciples faced with this exceptionally high standard for
5:05
marriage, they actually suggested it might be better not
5:08
to marry at all. It really puts things into
5:10
perspective for them, doesn't it?
5:12
How did Jesus actually respond to the suggestion?
5:14
Did he, you know, back down? Did he lower the standard for
5:17
marriage in light of their reaction?
5:19
That's a crucial point to address.
5:21
And no, Jesus did not lower the standard for marriage one bit.
5:24
Instead, he affirmed that the ability to remain single, if
5:28
necessary, is also a gift from God.
5:30
Also a gift, OK. Yes, this is an equally radical
5:33
idea in a way. Just as flourishing in marriage
5:36
is a work of divine grace, so too is flourishing in
5:39
singleness. The sources point out Jesus's
5:41
words. Not everyone can receive this
5:43
saying that marriage is permanent, but only those to
5:46
whom it is given. Right to whom it is given.
5:48
Exactly this capacity, this faithfulness in both singleness
5:52
and marriage, is truly described as a distinguishing mark of a
5:55
disciple. It means God provides the grace
5:58
for what he directs. So whether you have the grace to
6:01
receive this call to a radical regard for marriage or the grace
6:05
to embrace single for His Kingdom, both are signs of being
6:08
a genuine follower of Jesus. It speaks to God's complete
6:12
provision for our lives, regardless of our relational
6:14
status. Jesus then illustrates this
6:17
concept of grace for singleness by speaking about Unix.
6:21
Now this is a figure that might initially seem a bit unusual to
6:24
us today. What were the three types of
6:26
eunuchs Jesus spoke about, and how do they collectively
6:28
illustrate that singleness is not, in fact, a tragedy at all?
6:31
Well, what stands out here is uses as classification of
6:34
eunuchs, which really broadens our understanding of singleness.
6:37
He mentions three types. First, those who have been sowed
6:40
from birth, meaning they are naturally unable to marry or
6:43
perhaps have children. Second, those who've been made
6:46
eunuchs by men indicating a forest or societal condition of
6:49
singleness could be through injuries or social structures.
6:52
And 3rd, those who have made themselves eunuchs for the sake
6:55
of the Kingdom of heaven. This is the chosen singleness
6:59
for a specific spiritual purpose.
7:01
So a voluntary choice. Correct.
7:04
The core lesson here, the sources suggest, is that those
7:07
who are single, for whatever reason, are not isolated in
7:10
their experience. They are in the company of
7:13
others whose singleness was forced upon them by
7:15
circumstances or was a deliberate choice for the sake
7:18
of God's Kingdom. In all these situations, God
7:21
provides grace. His words, let the one who is
7:24
able to receive this receive it are a call to discern and accept
7:28
these teachings, finding peace and purpose in whichever path
7:32
God has for you. That's quite freeing it.
7:34
Is and the sources make it undeniably clear that never
7:37
having married is not a tragedy. They cite Jesus's own life as
7:40
the prime example. The idea that his unmarried
7:42
existence could be considered a tragedy would be, well, absurd.
7:46
Yeah, that it doesn't make sense.
7:47
No, rather, the real tragedy, as some sources propose, is when
7:52
someone craves what they perceive as the perfect marriage
7:55
so intensely that they elevate it to an idol, allowing it to
7:59
take the place of Jesus himself and their affections and
8:01
desires. That's the danger.
8:03
OK, so given these genuinely high standards for marriage, a
8:07
significant and very human concern for many would be about
8:10
falling short. We all do.
8:13
Our sources address a question that undoubtedly weighs on many
8:16
hearts. Is divorce followed by
8:18
remarriage the unforgivable sin? What does Jesus teach us about
8:22
the actual scope of forgiveness available to us?
8:25
That's a vital point to address, especially with such serious
8:28
topics, and the sources are absolutely clear on this.
8:30
Divorce followed by remarriage is not the unforgivable sin.
8:33
Not the unforgivable. Sin.
8:34
This is a message of genuine freedom.
8:36
Jesus stated that His blood is the basis for forgiveness for
8:39
all sins without exception. Forgiveness in this framework is
8:43
freely obtained by trusting Jesus to forgive.
8:45
It involves seeing sin for what it is, a dishonor to Jesus, and
8:49
detesting it. Turning from it now, it's
8:51
crucial to understand that there is one specific sin that will
8:55
not be forgiven, which Jesus called blasphemy against the
8:58
Holy Spirit. OK, what is that according to
9:01
the sources? The sources define this not as a
9:03
single misstep, or even a terrible sin committed once, but
9:07
as a persistent, willful refusal to confess and forsake a sin.
9:12
It's a clinging to that sin for so long and so tenaciously that
9:17
a person can no longer admit it is sin and consequently cannot
9:20
turn from it. So it's a state of heart,
9:23
almost. Yes, a state of settled
9:24
resistance. It's a prolonged, persistent
9:26
resistance against the Holy Spirit's convicting work until,
9:29
tragically, he withdraws, leaving a person with a helpless
9:33
hardness of heart unable to turn.
9:35
But marital sins, such as illegitimately leaving a
9:38
marriage or entering a second one in a way that wasn't right?
9:40
Well, it's placed in the same category as other grave sins
9:43
like lying, killing, stealing, coveting, adultery or homosexual
9:47
behavior. All of these, the sources
9:50
stress, are forgivable through Jesus that.
9:52
Distinction is critical. Absolutely.
9:54
A single act of sin, even a serious one like adultery or
9:58
wrongful divorce, is not unforgivable.
10:01
Persistent, defiant resistance to God's Spirit is what
10:04
constitutes that unique, unforgivable state.
10:07
So if someone has committed what we might call a marital sin, or
10:11
for that matter has lied or stolen, what then is the
10:15
absolutely crucial consideration for them to receive forgiveness?
10:18
What's required? The crucial consideration in
10:20
such cases is not can they be forgiving because the sources
10:23
are clear that they can be, but whether they admit what they did
10:27
was sin, That's the first step. Acknowledgement, yes.
10:29
Following that admission, they must renounce it, turn away from
10:32
it in their heart and actions, and then do what they can to
10:35
make it right, if that is possible in their situation.
10:37
Restitution where feasible. A sin is not unforgivable simply
10:41
because it needs confession, a turning away from it, and we're
10:44
applicable making amends. The sources strongly emphasize
10:47
that past marital sin should not exclude anyone from fellowship
10:50
with followers of Jesus, provided there is a heartfelt
10:53
confession and a turning away from the sin.
10:56
So the same standard as other sins.
10:58
Exactly the same expectation. It's consistent.
11:01
God's grace extends to all who genuinely come to Him through
11:05
Jesus, regardless of the specific past sin.
11:09
This leads to a very practical and I imagine difficult question
11:12
for many listeners. What would Jesus expect from one
11:15
of his followers who has committed marital sin and is now
11:18
perhaps divorced and remarried? Our sources give some specific
11:22
expectations here, don't they? They do, and it's a question
11:25
that truly hits home for many individuals in our churches and
11:28
communities. Jesus would expect them to
11:31
acknowledge that the choice to remarry and the act of entering
11:34
that second marriage if it was contrary to His teaching, was
11:36
sin. OK, acknowledge the sin, Yes.
11:39
They would be called to confess it honestly and to seek
11:41
forgiveness for it. But here's the crucial and
11:44
perhaps surprising directive. Jesus would also expect them not
11:48
to separate from their present spouse.
11:49
Not to separate. That seems counterintuitive to
11:52
some. It can seem that way.
11:54
This isn't a simple or maybe easy answer for everyone, and
11:57
it's important we understand the reasoning behind it, which our
12:00
sources detail quite carefully. That's a very firm directive
12:03
indeed. And I imagine for many
12:05
listeners, perhaps even a surprising one, especially given
12:08
how our culture views, you know, starting over.
12:11
How do the sources help us understand the wisdom behind
12:15
Jesus's instruction to remain in a second marriage, even if it
12:18
began sinfully? The sources provide 5
12:21
observations I think that support this.
12:23
Can you walk us through those in detail?
12:25
Yes, these five observations are truly central to grasping this
12:29
teaching. Let's take them one by one.
12:31
First, the sources point out that Jesus regarded multiple
12:34
marriages as wrong but real. Wrong but real OK.
12:38
They use the compelling example of the woman at the well in John
12:40
4.1 LA. Remember, Jesus tells her
12:43
directly, you have had five husbands and the one you now
12:46
have is not your husband. Notice the language.
12:49
Jesus identifies her previous unions as husband.
12:52
Acknowledges them. Exactly.
12:53
He acknowledges their reality despite their broken nature or
12:56
maybe sinful origins. He isn't saying these unions
13:00
were ideal or sanctioned by God in every way, but he is
13:03
recognizing that she did in fact enter into these binding unions.
13:07
This demonstrates a recognition of the actual state of things,
13:10
even when that state falls short of the ideal.
13:13
It's a sort of pragmatic recognition of what has
13:15
transpired. OK.
13:16
That's the first point, was the second.
13:18
Second, the sources highlight that Jesus knew that Deuteronomy
13:21
24.4 spoke against returning to a first husband after marrying a
13:26
second. The Old Testament law.
13:28
Correct. And critically, he did not
13:30
contradict this provision. This Mosaic Law, given perhaps
13:34
for the hardness of hearts in Angel Israel, stated that if a
13:37
man divorced his wife and she went and married another man,
13:40
and then that second husband also divorced her or died, her
13:43
first husband was not allowed to take her back as his wife.
13:46
It was considered defiling the land.
13:48
Right, I remember that passage. This establishes a pattern.
13:50
Once a second marriage is entered, even if it started
13:53
sinfully, the prior union is not automatically restored or
13:56
expected to be restored. Jesus in his teachings did not
14:00
offer any qualification or annulment of this principle from
14:03
Deuteronomy. Interesting.
14:04
This suggests that once a new union is formed, even if
14:07
irregularly, from God's original design, a different reality has
14:10
taken hold that the law, and by extension Jesus, recognized as
14:14
having a form of binding quality.
14:17
OK, so wrong to real and the Deuteronomy principle.
14:19
What's third? 3rd covenant keeping is
14:21
absolutely crucial to Jesus. To understand why, we need to
14:25
remember that in biblical thought, a covenant isn't just a
14:27
contract. It's a sacred, binding
14:30
agreement, often sealed with an oath carrying profound
14:33
implications for faithfulness and relationship, mirroring
14:36
God's own covenant with humanity.
14:39
It's a weighty concept. Very wetty.
14:41
So even if the current covenant, the second marriage, began in
14:44
sin, meaning the initial act of entering it was not aligned with
14:47
God's perfect will, it is deemed real and should be kept.
14:51
It's start in sin does not mean it is continuously sinful and
14:54
without hope of purification. So the covenant itself takes
14:57
precedence. In a sense, yes.
15:00
The very nature of a covenant as a solemn agreement holds weight.
15:04
While the making of it might have been an act of
15:06
disobedience, the covenant itself, once made, establishes a
15:10
new reality, a reality that deserves to be upheld in God's
15:14
eyes, particularly if it can be consecrated and purified by His
15:17
grace. The focus shifts from the flawed
15:20
beginning to the ongoing obligation and the potential for
15:24
God's work within it. That leads naturally into the
15:27
4th point I think about God's sovereignty.
15:29
Exactly. 4th The sources demonstrate that God can take
15:33
acts of disobedience and turn the result into God ordained
15:36
plans. This is a truly remarkable
15:39
attribute of God's sovereignty. How He works.
15:41
All things for good for those who love him.
15:43
Even our mistakes. Even our sins.
15:45
Sometimes. They give two truly compelling
15:48
examples. Consider Israel's sinful request
15:51
for a king in First Samuel 12. This was an act born not of
15:54
faith, but of a desire to be like other nations, rather than
15:57
trusting God as their sole king. It was rejection, really.
16:00
Right, Samuel warned them. He did.
16:02
Yet despite its sinful origin, God used this very act to
16:06
establish the line of the Messiah, ultimately leading to
16:09
Jesus's kingship through David. Another stark example is David's
16:13
sinful marriage to Bathsheba. It involved adultery and murder
16:17
and certainly displeased the Lord, as True to Samuel clearly
16:20
states. A terrible story.
16:21
Terrible. Yet after their first child
16:24
passed as a judgment, their second child, Solomon, was loved
16:27
by the Lord and chosen by him to be ruler, the one to build the
16:31
temple. Wow.
16:32
These instances show God's incredible capacity to a work
16:36
good through broken beginnings, demonstrating His absolute rule
16:39
over human sin and His ability to bring about His purposes even
16:43
through imperfect human choices. It means that a marriage that
16:46
started wrongly isn't necessarily outside God's
16:49
redeeming purposes. OK, that's powerful.
16:51
And the fifth point, it sounds like it brings some hope.
16:53
Yes, the fifth point is very encouraging.
16:56
The sources teach that through repentance and forgiveness based
16:58
on Jesus blood and the sanctifying work of the Holy
17:01
Spirit, a marriage entered sinfully can be consecrated to
17:04
God. Consecrated, set apart for him.
17:06
Precisely, it can be purified from the stain of its sinful
17:10
beginning and become a means of grace for those involved.
17:13
While it may remain less than ideal compared to God's original
17:16
perfect design, starting right is always better.
17:18
It is explicitly stated to be not a curse.
17:22
No, in fact, it may become a great blessing.
17:25
That's truly hopeful. It is this offers a path forward
17:28
for individuals who have made choices in their past that they
17:31
now regret. The grace of God, applied
17:33
through honest confession and the active work of the Holy
17:35
Spirit, can take a situation that originated in disobedience
17:39
and bring it into alignment with His purposes, allowing it to
17:42
become a source of good and even blessing.
17:45
It demonstrates that God's grace is not limited by the
17:47
circumstances of a relationship's origin, but can
17:50
redeem and redefine it. That truly reshapes how we might
17:53
view these complex situations. Thank you for walking through
17:56
those five points. Now here's where it gets really
17:59
compelling, and perhaps even more challenging for some of our
18:02
common assumptions about marriage.
18:05
Our sources stress that marriage, despite its sacred
18:08
nature and its permanence in this earthly life, is not
18:11
ultimate or permanent in the grand scope of things in
18:14
eternity. What does this truly mean for
18:17
us? How does Jesus convey this
18:19
perspective? Yeah, this brings us to a
18:21
fundamental shift in perspective that Jesus introduces.
18:24
He makes it very clear that marriage is an ordinance for
18:28
this age only. For this age only.
18:30
Yes, he explicitly states it in Matthew 22.30 when he's dealing
18:34
with the Sadducees. He says, For in the resurrection
18:36
they neither marry nor are given in marriage, but are like angels
18:39
in heaven. That's a direct statement.
18:41
Very direct. He uses that moment, that
18:43
theological trap they tried to set, to pull back the curtain on
18:46
eternity. Therefore, marriage is described
18:48
by our sources as a brief blessing brief.
18:51
Even a lifelong marriage. Compared to eternity, yes, it is
18:54
a great one, certainly, but not an ultimate one.
18:57
It is precious, but not permanent.
19:02
This eternal view helps explain Jesus's radical standards for
19:05
marriage in this life. If marriage isn't ultimate, then
19:08
it doesn't and shouldn't be expected to meet all our needs.
19:11
It should not be treated as an idol and it certainly cannot
19:14
take the place of Jesus Himself in our hearts.
19:16
That connects back to the singleness point too.
19:18
It does. Marriage is but for a moment in
19:20
the grand scheme of eternity. Jesus is for eternity.
19:25
So how we live in our marriages and how we live in our
19:27
singleness will ultimately show if Jesus is truly our supreme
19:30
treasure. His demands for faithfulness in
19:32
marriage or devoted singleness are presented as well, almost a
19:36
test of His lordship over our lives, revealing where our
19:39
ultimate hope and treasure truly lie.
19:41
It grounds our earthly relationships firmly in an
19:44
eternal reality. Wow.
19:46
What a compelling consideration of what Jesus thought about
19:48
marriage, singleness, and forgiveness.
19:51
We've seen that Jesus's standards are exceptionally
19:53
high, yes, but his grace is higher.
19:56
It extends even to the purification and consecration of
19:59
unions that may have begun in sin.
20:01
The call to confess and turn from sin, alongside the
20:04
recognition that all sins, say the unique 1 of blasphemy
20:07
against Holy Spirit, are fully forgivable through Christ.
20:10
That offers such a liberating truth for us all.
20:12
It truly sets us free from the crushing weight of past
20:14
failures, doesn't it? Indeed it does.
20:16
This whole examination reveals how Jesus truly reshapes our
20:19
expectations, redirecting our gaze from, you know, fleeting
20:23
earthly arrangements to an eternal reality.
20:26
Whether married or single, our existence here is meant to show
20:29
the supremacy of Jesus and his Kingdom.
20:31
That's the goal. And this leaves with a profound
20:33
truth to consider, I think. Since marriage is for a moment
20:36
and Jesus is for eternity, how might this change our desires
20:39
and aspirations for our relationships, whether we are in
20:41
one or not? How can we point them towards
20:43
the ultimate relationship we are called to have with Him?
20:46
How does this eternal perspective reprioritize what we
20:49
seek in life, what we truly value?
20:52
An excellent final thought for us to ponder and really dwell
20:54
on. Thank you for joining us for
20:56
this deep dive on Reformed thinking.
20:58
Join us next time as we open up more sources to consider
21:00
enduring truths for your life and faith.