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010 - The Man The Maid And The Miasma · Selected Short Stories

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Speaker 1: Chapter ten of The Man Upstairs and Other Stories. This
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Speaker 1: is a LibriVox recording. All LibriVox recordings are in the
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Speaker 1: public domain. For more information or to volunteer, please visit
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Speaker 1: LibriVox dot org. Recording by Mike Harris, The Man Upstairs
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Speaker 1: by P. G. Woodhouse, Chapter ten, story number ten, The Man,
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Speaker 1: the Maid and the Miasma. Allough. This story is concerned
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Speaker 1: principally with the man and the Maid. The miasma pervades
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Speaker 1: it to such an extent that I feel justified in
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Speaker 1: putting his name on the bills. Webster's Dictionary gives the
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Speaker 1: meaning of the word miasma as an infection floating in
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Speaker 1: the air, a deadly exhalation, and in the opinion of
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Speaker 1: mister Robert Ferguson, his late employer, that description, though perhaps
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Speaker 1: a little too flattering, on the whole, summed up Master
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Speaker 1: Roland Bean pretty satisfactorily. Until the previous day he had
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Speaker 1: served mister Ferguson in the capacity of office boy. But
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Speaker 1: there was that about Master Bean which made it a
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Speaker 1: practically impossible for anyone to employ him for long. A
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Speaker 1: syndicate of Galahad Parsiphal and Marcus Aurelius might have done it.
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Speaker 1: But to an ordinary erring man, conscious of things done
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Speaker 1: which should not have been done, and other things equally
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Speaker 1: numerous left undone, he was just too oppressive. One conscience
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Speaker 1: is enough for any man. The employer of Master Bean
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Speaker 1: had to cringe before two. Nobody can last long against
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Speaker 1: an office boy whose eyes shine with quiet, respectful reproof
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Speaker 1: through gold rimmed spectacles, whose manner is that of a
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Speaker 1: middle aged saint, and who obviously knows all the plod
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Speaker 1: and punctuality books by heart, and orders his life by
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Speaker 1: their precepts. Master Bean was a walking edition of stepping
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Speaker 1: stones to success, millionaires who have never smoked, and young
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Speaker 1: man get up early. Galahad Parcival and Marcus Horelis, as
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Speaker 1: I say, might have remained tranquil in his presence, but
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Speaker 1: Robert Ferguson found the contract too large. After one month,
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Speaker 1: he had braced himself up and sacked the punctual plotter.
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Speaker 1: Yet now he was sitting in his office long after
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Speaker 1: the last clark had left, long after the hour at
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Speaker 1: which he himself was wont to leave, His mind full
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Speaker 1: of his late employee. Was this remorse? Was he longing
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Speaker 1: for the touch of the vanished hand the gleam of
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Speaker 1: the departed spectacles. He was not. His mind was full
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Speaker 1: of Master Bean, because Master Bean was waiting for him
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Speaker 1: in the outer office, and he lingered on at his
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Speaker 1: desk after the day's work was done. For the same reason.
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Speaker 1: Worden brought to him earlier in the evening that Master
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Speaker 1: rollind Bean would like to see him. The answer to
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Speaker 1: that was easy, tell him, I'm busy. Master Bean's admirably
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Speaker 1: dignified reply was that he understood how great was the
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Speaker 1: pressure of mister Ferguson's work, and that he would wait
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Speaker 1: till he was at liberty. Liberty talk of the liberty
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Speaker 1: of the treed possum, but do not use the word
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Speaker 1: in connection with a man bottled up in his office
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Speaker 1: with Roland Bean guarding the only exit. Mister Ferguson kicked
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Speaker 1: the waste paper basket savagely. The unfairness of the thing
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Speaker 1: hurt him. A sacked office boy ought to stay sacked.
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Speaker 1: He had no business to come popping up again. Like
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Speaker 1: Banquo's ghost, it was not playing the game. The reader
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Speaker 1: may wonder what was the trouble why mister Ferguson could
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Speaker 1: not stalk out a brusquely dispose of his foe. But
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Speaker 1: then the reader has not employed Master Bean for a month.
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Speaker 1: Mister Ferguson had and his nerve had broken a slight
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Speaker 1: cough penetrated the door between the two offices. Mister Ferguson
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Speaker 1: rose and grabbed his hat. Perhaps a sudden rush, he
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Speaker 1: shot out with the tense concentration of one, moving towards
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Speaker 1: the refreshment room at a station where the train stops
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Speaker 1: for three minutes. Good evenings. Ah was the watchers of you. Hello, ah, Bean,
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Speaker 1: said mister Ferguson, flitting rapidly. Leave still here. I thought
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Speaker 1: you'd gone. I'm afraid I cannot stop now. Some other
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Speaker 1: time he was almost through. I fear, sir, that you
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Speaker 1: will be unable to get out, said Master Bean sympathetically.
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Speaker 1: The building is locked up. Men who have been hit
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Speaker 1: by bullets say the first sensation is merely a sort
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Speaker 1: of dull shock. So it was with mister Ferguson. He
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Speaker 1: stopped in his tracks and stared. The porter closed the
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Speaker 1: door at seven o'clock punctually, sir. It is now nearly
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Speaker 1: twenty minutes after the hour. Mister Ferguson's brain was still
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Speaker 1: in the numbed stage closes the door. He said, yes, sir,
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Speaker 1: then how are we to get out? I fear we
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Speaker 1: cannot get out, sir. Mister Ferguson digested this. I am
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Speaker 1: no longer in your employment, sir, said Master Bean respectfully.
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Speaker 1: But I hope that in the circumstances you will permit
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Speaker 1: me to remain here during the night. During the night,
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Speaker 1: it would enable me to sleep more comfortably then on
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Speaker 1: the stairs. But we can't stop here all night, said
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Speaker 1: mister Ferguson feebly. He had anticipated an unpleasant five minutes
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Speaker 1: in Master Bean's company, imagination boggled at the thought of
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Speaker 1: an unpleasant thirteen hours. He collapsed into a chair. I called,
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Speaker 1: said Master Bean, showing the trivial subject of the prospective vigil,
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Speaker 1: in the hope that I might persuade you so to
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Speaker 1: reconsider your decision in regard to my dismissal. I can
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Speaker 1: assure you, sir, that I am extremely anxious to give satisfaction.
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Speaker 1: If you would take me back and inform me how
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Speaker 1: I have fallen short, I would endeavor to improve. I
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Speaker 1: we can't stop here all night, interrupted mister Ferguson, bounding
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Speaker 1: from his chair and beginning to pace the floor without presumption. Sir,
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Speaker 1: I feel that if you were to give me another chance,
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Speaker 1: I should work to your satisfaction. I should endeavor. Mister
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Speaker 1: Ferguson stared at him in dumb horror. He had a
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Speaker 1: momentary vision of a sleepless night spent in listening to
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Speaker 1: a nicely polished speech for the defense. He was seized
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Speaker 1: with a mad desire for flight. He could not leave
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Speaker 1: the building, but he must get away somewhere and think.
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Speaker 1: He dashed from the room and raced up the dark stairs,
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Speaker 1: And as he arrived at the next floor, his eye
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Speaker 1: was caught by a thin pencil of light which proceeded
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Speaker 1: from a door on the left. No shipwrecked mariner on
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Speaker 1: a desert island could have welcomed the appearance of a
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Speaker 1: sail with greater enthusiasm. He bounded at the door. He
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Speaker 1: knew to whom the room belonged. It was the office
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Speaker 1: of one Blathwaite, and Blathwaite was not only an acquaintance
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Speaker 1: but a sportsman. Quite possibly there might be a pack
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Speaker 1: of cards on Blaithwaite's person to help pass the long hours,
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Speaker 1: and if not, at least he would be company in
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Speaker 1: his office. A refuge. He flung open the door without
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Speaker 1: going through the formality of knocking. Etiquette is not for
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Speaker 1: the marooned, I say, Blaithwaite, He began and stopped abruptly.
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Speaker 1: The only occupant of the room was a girl. I
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Speaker 1: beg your pardon, he said. I thought that they would.
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Speaker 1: He stopped again, his eyes dazzled with the light. Had
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Speaker 1: not seen clearly they did so now you, he cried.
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Speaker 1: The girl looked at him, first with surprise, then with
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Speaker 1: a cool hostility. There was a long pause. Eighteen months
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Speaker 1: had passed since they had parted, and conversation does not
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Speaker 1: flow easily after eighteen months of silence, especially if the
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Speaker 1: nature of the parting has been bitter and stormy. Ferguson
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Speaker 1: was the first to speak. What are you doing here?
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Speaker 1: He said, I thought my doings had ceased to interest you.
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Speaker 1: She said, I am mister Blathwaite's secretary. I have been
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Speaker 1: here a fortnight. I've wondered if we should meet. I
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Speaker 1: used to see you sometimes in the street. I never
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Speaker 1: saw you, no, she said indifferently. He ran his hand
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Speaker 1: through his hair in a dazed way. Do you know
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Speaker 1: that we're locked in? He said? He had expected wild
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Speaker 1: surprise and dismay. She merely clicked her tongue in an
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Speaker 1: annoyed manner. She said, what a nuisance I was locked
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Speaker 1: in only a week ago. He looked at her with
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Speaker 1: unwilling respect, the respect of the novice for the veteran.
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Speaker 1: She was nothing to him now, of course she had
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Speaker 1: passed out of his life, but he could not help
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Speaker 1: remembering that long ago, oh eighteen months ago. What he
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Speaker 1: admired most in her had been this same spirit, this game,
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Speaker 1: refusal to be disturbed by fate's blows. It braced him up.
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Speaker 1: He sat down and looked curiously at her. So you
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Speaker 1: left the stage, she said. I thought we agreed when
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Speaker 1: we parted not to speak to one another, said she coldly,
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Speaker 1: Oh did we? I thought it was only to meet
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Speaker 1: as strangers. It's the same thing, is it. I often
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Speaker 1: talked to strangers. What a bore they must think you,
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Speaker 1: she said, hiding one eighth of a yawn with the
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Speaker 1: tips of two fingers. I suppose, she went on with
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Speaker 1: faint interest. You talked to them in trains when they're
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Speaker 1: trying to read their paper. I don't force my conversation
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Speaker 1: on any one, don't you, she said, raising her eyebrows
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Speaker 1: and eat surprise. Only your company is is that it?
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Speaker 1: Are you alluding to the present occasion? Well, you have
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Speaker 1: an office of your own in this building, I believe
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Speaker 1: I have, then, why I am a perfect liberty said
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Speaker 1: with dignity to sit in my friend Blaithwaite's office if
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Speaker 1: I choose, I wish to see mister Blaithwaite on business.
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Speaker 1: He proved that she had established no corner. In raised eyebrows,
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Speaker 1: I fear, he said that I cannot discuss my affairs
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Speaker 1: with mister Blaithwaite's employees. I must see him personally. Mister
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Speaker 1: Blaithwaite is not here. I will wait. He will not
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Speaker 1: be here for thirteen hours. I'll wait very well. She
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Speaker 1: burst out. You have brought it on yourself. You've only
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Speaker 1: yourself to blame. If you'd been good and had gone
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Speaker 1: back to your office, I would have brought you down
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Speaker 1: some cake and cocoa. Cake and ko Ko said, he superciliously, Yes,
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Speaker 1: cake and coco. She snapped, It's all very well for
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Speaker 1: you to turn up your nose at the now, but
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Speaker 1: wait you thirteen hours of this in front of you.
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Speaker 1: I know what it is. Last time I had to
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Speaker 1: spend the night here. I couldn't get to sleep for hours.
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Speaker 1: When I did, I dreamed that I was chasing chocolate
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Speaker 1: eclaires round and round Trafalgar Square, and I never caught
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Speaker 1: them either. Long before the night was finished, I would
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Speaker 1: have given anything for even a dry biscuit. I made
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Speaker 1: up my mind I'd always keep something here in case
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Speaker 1: I ever got locked in again. Yes, smile, you'd better
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Speaker 1: why you can, he was smiling, but wanly. Nobody but
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Speaker 1: a professional fasting man could have looked unmoved into the
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Speaker 1: inferno she had pictured. Ah, but then he rallied cake,
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Speaker 1: he said, scornfully. She nodded grimly. Ko ko again that
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Speaker 1: nod ineffably sinister. I'm afraid I don't care for either,
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Speaker 1: he said, If you will excuse me, she said indifferently.
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Speaker 1: I have a little work that I must finish. She
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Speaker 1: turned to her desk, leaving him to his thoughts. They
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Speaker 1: were not exhilarating. He'd maintained a brave front, but inwardly
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Speaker 1: he quailed. Reared in the country, he had developed at
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Speaker 1: an early age of fine, healthy appetite. Once, soon after
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Speaker 1: his arrival in London, he had allowed a dangerous fanatic
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Speaker 1: to persuade him that the secret of health was to
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Speaker 1: go without breakfast. His lunch that day had cost him
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Speaker 1: eight shillings, and only decent shame had kept the figure
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Speaker 1: as low as that. He knew perfectly well that long
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Speaker 1: ere the dawn of day, his whole soul would be
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Speaker 1: crying out for cake, squealing frantically for Coco. Would it
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Speaker 1: not be better to no a thousand times, no death,
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Speaker 1: but not surrender? His self respect was at stake. Looking back,
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Speaker 1: he saw that his entire relations with this girl had
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Speaker 1: been a series of battles of will. So far, though
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Speaker 1: he had certainly not won, he had not been defeated.
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Speaker 1: He must not be defeated. Now. He crossed his legs
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Speaker 1: and sang a gay air under his breath. If you
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Speaker 1: wouldn't mind, said the girl, looking up, I beg your pardon.
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Speaker 1: Your groaning interrupts my work. I was not groaning. I
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Speaker 1: was singing, Oh, terribly sorry, not at all. Eight bars rest,
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Speaker 1: mister Ferguson, deprived of the solace of song. Filled in
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Speaker 1: the time by gazing at the toiler's back hair. It
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Speaker 1: set in motion a train of thought, an express train
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Speaker 1: bound for the land of yesterday. It recalled days in
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Speaker 1: the woods evenings on the lawn ever recalled sunshine, storm,
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Speaker 1: plenty of storm, minor tempests that burst from a clear sky,
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Speaker 1: apparently without cause, and the great final tornado. There had
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Speaker 1: been cause enough for that. Why was it, mused mister Ferguson,
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Speaker 1: that every girl in every country town, in every county
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Speaker 1: at England, who had ever recited curfew shall not ring
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Speaker 1: to night well enough to escape lynching at the hands
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Speaker 1: of a rustic audience, was seized with a desire to
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Speaker 1: come to London and go on the stage. He sighed,
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Speaker 1: Please don't snort, said a cold voice from behind the
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Speaker 1: back hair. And there was a train wreck in the
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Speaker 1: land of yesterday. Mister Ferguson, the only survivor, limped back
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Speaker 1: into the present. The present had little charm, but at
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Speaker 1: least it was better than the cakeless future. He fixed
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Speaker 1: his thoughts on it. He wondered how Master Bean was
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Speaker 1: passing the time, probably doing deep breathing exercises or reading
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Speaker 1: a pocket Aristotle. The girl pushed back her chair and rose.
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Speaker 1: She went to a small cupboard in the corner of
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Speaker 1: the room, and from it produced in installments, all that
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Speaker 1: goes to make cake and cocoa. She did not speak
13:42
Speaker 1: presently filling space. There sprang into being an odor, and
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Speaker 1: as it reached him, mister Ferguson stiffened in his chair,
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Speaker 1: bracing himself as for a fight to the death. It
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Speaker 1: was more than an odor. It was the soul of
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Speaker 1: the coco singing to him. His fingers gripped the arms
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Speaker 1: of the chair. This was the test. The girl separated
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Speaker 1: a section of cake from the parent body. She caught
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Speaker 1: his eye. You'd better go, she said. If you go now,
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Speaker 1: it's just possible that I may. Oh, but I forgot.
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Speaker 1: You don't like cocoa, No, said he resolutely. I don't.
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Speaker 1: She seemed now in the mood of the conversation. I
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Speaker 1: wonder why you came up here at all? She said, Well,
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Speaker 1: there's no reason why you shouldn't know. I came up
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Speaker 1: here because my late office boy is downstairs. Then why
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Speaker 1: should that send you up? You've never met him, or
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Speaker 1: you wouldn't ask. Have you ever had to face some
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Speaker 1: one who was simply incarnate saintliness and disapproval? Who are
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Speaker 1: you forgetting that I was engaged to you for several weeks?
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Speaker 1: He was too startled to be hurt. The idea of
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Speaker 1: himself as a Ronald Bean was too new to be
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Speaker 1: assimilated immediately. It called for mediation. Was I like that?
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Speaker 1: He said, at last, almost humbly. Oh, you know you were.
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Speaker 1: Oh I'm not thinking only about your views on the stage.
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Speaker 1: It was everything. Whatever I did, you were there to disapprove,
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Speaker 1: like a like an aunt. She concluded triumphantly. You are
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Speaker 1: too good for everything. If only you would just once
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Speaker 1: have done something wrong. I think I'd have, but you couldn't.
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Speaker 1: You are simply perfect. A man will remain cool and
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Speaker 1: composed under many charges. Hint that his tastes are criminal,
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Speaker 1: and he will shrug his shoulders. But accuse him of goodness,
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Speaker 1: and you rouse the lion. Mister Ferguson's brow darkened. As
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Speaker 1: a matter of fact, he said, haughtily, I was to
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Speaker 1: have had supper with a chorus girl this very night.
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Speaker 1: How very appalling, she said languidly. She sipped her cocoa.
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Speaker 1: I suppose you consider that very terrible, she said, for
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Speaker 1: a beginner. She crumbled her cake. Suddenly she looked up.
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Speaker 1: Who is she? She demanded fiercely. I beg your pardon,
15:55
Speaker 1: he said, coming out of a pleasant revery. Who is
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Speaker 1: this girl? She erer, and her name is Marie, Marie Templeton.
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Speaker 1: She seemed to think for a moment that dear old lady,
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Speaker 1: she said, I know her quite well. What mother we
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Speaker 1: used to call her? Have you met her son? Her
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Speaker 1: son a rather nice looking man. He plays heavy parts
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Speaker 1: on tour. He's married and has two of the sweetest children.
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Speaker 1: That grandmother is devoted to them. Hasn't she ever mentioned
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Speaker 1: them to you? She poured herself out another cup of cocoa.
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Speaker 1: Conversation again languished. I suppose you're very fond of her,
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Speaker 1: she said at length, I am devoted to her. He paused,
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Speaker 1: dear little thing, he added. She rose and moved to
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Speaker 1: the door. There was a nasty gleam in her eyes.
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Speaker 1: You aren't going, he said, I shall be back in
16:43
Speaker 1: a moment. I am just going to bring you a
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Speaker 1: poor little office boy up here. He must be missing you.
16:48
Speaker 1: He sprang up, but she had gone. Leaning over the banisters,
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Speaker 1: he heard a door open below, then a short conversation,
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Speaker 1: and finally footsteps climbing the stairs. It was pitch dark
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Speaker 1: on the landing. He stepped aside. Then they passed without
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Speaker 1: seeing him. Master Bean was discoursing easily on koco. The
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Speaker 1: processes whereby it was manufactured, and the remarkable distances which
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Speaker 1: natives of Mexico had covered with it as their only food.
17:12
Speaker 1: The door opened, flooding the landing with light, and mister Ferguson,
17:15
Speaker 1: stepping from ambush, began to descend the chairs. The girl
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Speaker 1: came to the banisters. Mister Ferguson, he stopped. Did you
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Speaker 1: want me? He asked? Are you going back to your office?
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Speaker 1: I am? I hope you will enjoy Bean's society. He
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Speaker 1: has a fund of useful information on all subjects, he
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Speaker 1: went on. After a while, she returned to the room
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Speaker 1: and closed the door. Mister Ferguson went into his office
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Speaker 1: and sat down. There was once a person in the
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Speaker 1: name of Simeon Stylites, who took up a position on
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Speaker 1: top of a pillar and stayed there, having no other
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Speaker 1: engagements for thirty years. Mister Ferguson, who had read Tennyson's
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Speaker 1: perm on the subject, had until to night, looked upon
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Speaker 1: this as a pretty good thing, reading the lines thrice
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Speaker 1: ten years, thrice multiplied by superhuman pangs in hunger and
18:08
Speaker 1: in thirsts, fevers and colds, in kaufs, aches, stitches, ulcerous throes,
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Speaker 1: and cramps. Patient on this tall pillar, I have borne rain, wind, frost, heat, hail,
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Speaker 1: damp and sleet and snow. He had gathered roughly as
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Speaker 1: it were that Simeon had not been comfortable, mister Ferguson
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Speaker 1: had pitied him. But now sitting in his office chair,
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Speaker 1: he began to wonder what the man had made such
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Speaker 1: a fuss about. He suspected him of having had a
18:38
Speaker 1: touch of the white feather in him. It was not
18:40
Speaker 1: as if he had not had food. He talked about
18:42
Speaker 1: hungers and thirsts. But he must have had something to eat,
18:45
Speaker 1: or he could not have stayed the court. Very likely,
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Speaker 1: if the truth were known, there was somebody below who
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Speaker 1: passed him up regularly supplies of cake and cocoa. He
18:56
Speaker 1: began to look on Simion as an overrated amateur. Sleep
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Speaker 1: refused to come to him. It got as far as
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Speaker 1: his feet, but no farther. He rose and stamped to
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Speaker 1: restore the circulation. It was at this point that he
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Speaker 1: definitely condemned simeon stylites as a sybaritic fraud. If this
19:15
Speaker 1: were one of those realistic Zolaesque stories, I would describe
19:18
Speaker 1: the crick in the back that would but let us
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Speaker 1: hurry on. It was some six hours later. He had
19:23
Speaker 1: no watch, But the numbers of aches, stitches, not to
19:26
Speaker 1: mention cramps that he had experienced could not possibly have
19:29
Speaker 1: been condensed into a shorter period that this manly spirit snapped.
19:35
Speaker 1: Let us not judge him too harshly. The girl upstairs
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Speaker 1: had broken his heart, ruined his life, and practically compared
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Speaker 1: him to Roland Bean and his pride should have built
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Speaker 1: up an impassable wall between them. But she had cake
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Speaker 1: and cocoa. In similar circumstances, King Arthur would have groveled
19:52
Speaker 1: before Gwenevere. He rushed to the door and tore it open.
19:56
Speaker 1: There was a startled exclamation from the darkness outside. I
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Speaker 1: hope I didn't disturb you, said a meek voice. Mister
20:04
Speaker 1: Ferguson did not answer. His twitching nostrils were drinking in
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Speaker 1: a familiar aroma. Were you asleep? May I come in?
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Speaker 1: I've brought you some cake and cocoa. He took the
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Speaker 1: rich gifts from her in silence. There are moments in
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Speaker 1: a man's life too sacred for words. The wonder of
20:22
Speaker 1: the thing that struck him dumb an instant before, and
20:26
Speaker 1: he had had but a desperate hope of winning these
20:28
Speaker 1: priceless things from her at the cost of all his
20:30
Speaker 1: dignity and self respect. He had been prepared to secure
20:34
Speaker 1: them through a shower of biting taunts, a blizzard of razor,
20:37
Speaker 1: like I told you so. Yet here he was draining
20:41
Speaker 1: the cup and still able to hold his head up,
20:43
Speaker 1: look the world in the face, and call himself a man.
20:47
Speaker 1: His keen eye detected a crumb on his coat sleeve.
20:50
Speaker 1: This retrieved and consumed, he turned to her, seeking explanation.
20:55
Speaker 1: She was changed. The battle gleam had faded from her eyes.
20:58
Speaker 1: She seemed scared and subdued. Her manner was of one,
21:02
Speaker 1: craving comfort and protection. That awful boy, she breathed, Bean, said,
21:08
Speaker 1: mister Ferguson, picking a crumb off the carpet. He's frightful. Oh,
21:13
Speaker 1: I thought you might get a little tired of him.
21:15
Speaker 1: What has he been doing talking? I feel battered. He's
21:20
Speaker 1: like one of those awful encyclopedias that give you a
21:22
Speaker 1: sort of dull leaden feeling in your head directly you
21:25
Speaker 1: open them quite Do you know how many tons of
21:28
Speaker 1: water go over in Niagara Falls every year? No? He does.
21:34
Speaker 1: I told you he had a fund of useful information.
21:36
Speaker 1: The purpose and tenacity books insist on it. That's how
21:40
Speaker 1: you catch your employer as I. One morning, the boss
21:43
Speaker 1: suddenly wants to know how many horse hair sofas there
21:46
Speaker 1: are in Brixton, the number of pins that would reach
21:48
Speaker 1: from London Bridge to Waterloo. You tell him, and it
21:51
Speaker 1: takes you into the partnership. Later you become a millionaire. Ah,
21:56
Speaker 1: but I haven't thanked you for the cocoa. It was fine.
21:59
Speaker 1: He waited for the retort, but it did not come.
22:02
Speaker 1: A pleased wonderment filled him. Could these things really be thus?
22:07
Speaker 1: And it isn't only what he says? She went on,
22:10
Speaker 1: I know what you mean about him now, it's his
22:12
Speaker 1: accusing manner. I've tried to analyze that manner. I believe
22:16
Speaker 1: it's the spectacles. It's frightful. When he looks at you,
22:20
Speaker 1: you think of all the wrong things you've ever done
22:23
Speaker 1: or ever wanted to do. Oh does he have that
22:26
Speaker 1: effect on you? He said, excitedly. What that's exactly describing
22:31
Speaker 1: what I feel. The affinities looked at one another. She
22:36
Speaker 1: was the first to speak, We always did think alike
22:39
Speaker 1: on most things, didn't we? She said? Of course we
22:43
Speaker 1: did he shifted his chair forward. It was all my fault,
22:47
Speaker 1: he said, I mean, what happened. It wasn't it wasn't it? Yes,
22:52
Speaker 1: it was. I want to tell you something. I don't
22:55
Speaker 1: know if it will make any difference now, but I
22:56
Speaker 1: should like you to know it. It's this. I w
23:00
Speaker 1: aaltered a good deal since I came to London for
23:02
Speaker 1: the better. I think I'm a pretty poor sort of
23:05
Speaker 1: specimen still, but at least I don't imagine I can
23:08
Speaker 1: measure life with a foot rule. I don't judge the
23:10
Speaker 1: world any longer by the standards of a country town.
23:13
Speaker 1: London has knocked some of the corners off me. I
23:16
Speaker 1: I don't think you'd find me the beans i'vee any longer.
23:19
Speaker 1: I don't disapprove of other people much now, not as
23:22
Speaker 1: a habit. I find I have enough to do keeping
23:24
Speaker 1: myself up to the mark. I want to tell you
23:27
Speaker 1: something too, she said. I expect it's too late, but
23:30
Speaker 1: never mind. I want you to hear it. I've altered
23:33
Speaker 1: too since I came to London. I used to think
23:35
Speaker 1: the universe had been invented just to look on and
23:38
Speaker 1: wave its hat while I did great things. London has
23:41
Speaker 1: put a large piece of cold ice against my head,
23:43
Speaker 1: and the swelling has gone down. I'm not the girl
23:46
Speaker 1: with ambitions any longer. I just want to keep employed,
23:49
Speaker 1: not have too bad a time when the day's work
23:51
Speaker 1: is over. He came across to where she sat. We
23:56
Speaker 1: said we would meet as strangers, and we do. We
23:59
Speaker 1: never have known each other. Don't you think we'd better
24:02
Speaker 1: get better acquainted? He said? There was a respectful tap
24:06
Speaker 1: at the door. Come in, snapped mister Ferguson. Well, behind
24:12
Speaker 1: the gold rimmed spectacles of master Bean, they're shown a
24:15
Speaker 1: softer look than usual, a look rather complacent than disapproving.
24:20
Speaker 1: I must apologize, sir, for intruding upon you. I am
24:22
Speaker 1: no longer in your employment, but I do hope that
24:25
Speaker 1: in the circumstances you will forgive my entering your private office.
24:29
Speaker 1: Thinking over our situation just now, an idea came to me,
24:32
Speaker 1: by means of which I fancy we might be enabled
24:34
Speaker 1: to leave the building. What it occurred to me, sir,
24:38
Speaker 1: that by telephoning to the nearest police station. Good heavens,
24:42
Speaker 1: cried mister Ferguson. Two minutes later he replaced the receiver.
24:47
Speaker 1: It's all right, he said, I've made them understand the trouble.
24:50
Speaker 1: They're bringing a ladder. I wonder what the time is.
24:52
Speaker 1: It must be about four in the morning. Master Bean
24:56
Speaker 1: produced a Waterbury watch. The time, sir, is almost exactly
25:00
Speaker 1: half past ten. Half past ten. We must have been
25:04
Speaker 1: here longer than three hours. Your watch is wrong, No, sir,
25:08
Speaker 1: I am very careful to keep it exactly right. I
25:10
Speaker 1: do not wish to run any risk of being unpunctual.
25:14
Speaker 1: Half past ten, cried mister Ferguson. Why we're in heaps
25:18
Speaker 1: of time to look in at the Savoy for supper.
25:20
Speaker 1: This is great. I'll phone them to keep a table supper.
25:24
Speaker 1: I thought she stopped. What's that? Thought? One? Hadn't you
25:28
Speaker 1: an engagement for supper? He stared at her. Whatever gave
25:31
Speaker 1: you that idea? Of course not. I thought you said
25:35
Speaker 1: you were taking a Miss temple to help Miss templeton
25:38
Speaker 1: her His face cleared. There isn't such a person. I
25:41
Speaker 1: invented her. I had to when you accused me of
25:43
Speaker 1: being like our friend the Miasma legitimate self defense. I
25:49
Speaker 1: do not wish to interrupt you, sir, when you are busy,
25:52
Speaker 1: said Master Bean. But come and see me to morrow morning,
25:56
Speaker 1: said mister Ferguson, Bob said the girl as the first
26:00
Speaker 1: threatening mutters from the orchestra, herald an imminent store of melody.
26:04
Speaker 1: When that boy comes to morrow, what are you going
26:06
Speaker 1: to do? Call up the police. No, but you must
26:10
Speaker 1: do something. We shouldn't have been here if it hadn't
26:13
Speaker 1: been for him. You know that's true, he pondered. I've
26:18
Speaker 1: got it. I'll get him a job with Rakes and Courtney.
26:22
Speaker 1: Why Rakes and Courtney, because I have a pull with them,
26:25
Speaker 1: But principally, said mister Ferguson, with a devilish grin, because
26:29
Speaker 1: they live in Edinburgh, which, as you are doubtless who
26:31
Speaker 1: wears a long long way from London. He bent across
26:35
Speaker 1: the table. Isn't this like old times? He said? Do
26:38
Speaker 1: you remember the first time I ever? Just then the
26:40
Speaker 1: orchestra broke out. End of story number ten, The Man,
26:45
Speaker 1: the Maid and the Miasma recording by Mike Harris