Latest / Untraditionally Lala / Alyssa Shelasky on Sperm Donors, Sex Diaries & Staying Single

Transcript

Alyssa Shelasky on Sperm Donors, Sex Diaries & Staying Single · Untraditionally Lala

0:06
Speaker 1: Hello, gorgeous, Welcome back to the Get Them Lalla Podcast.
0:09
Speaker 1: I am so excited for today's guest. Her name is
0:13
Speaker 1: Alyssa Silaski, aka the real life Carrie Bradshaw. We are
0:18
Speaker 1: going to dive in to her amazing modern day life
0:23
Speaker 1: and talk about her book This might be Too personal
0:26
Speaker 1: and other intimate stories which came out April fifth. You
0:29
Speaker 1: guys have to get it. So let's just get it popping.
0:33
Speaker 1: We have Alyssa Shilaski. All Right, you guys, I am
0:39
Speaker 1: about ready to have a heyday with Alissa Shlaski, the
0:43
Speaker 1: real life Carrie Bradshaw. Oh my gosh, I'm so excited.
0:48
Speaker 2: I mean, I'm gonna take it. Let's go with it.
0:51
Speaker 2: But I don't know if it's like I don't think
0:54
Speaker 2: they based the show. They did not base the show
0:56
Speaker 2: on me like that. My took of the column seven
1:00
Speaker 2: years ago, Sex Diaries for New York Magazine, where I
1:03
Speaker 2: profile a different New Yorker's love and sex life every
1:05
Speaker 2: single week of the year. But the show came before
1:09
Speaker 2: the column.
1:09
Speaker 1: Okay, so other But I mean, I'm Marie, I've read
1:13
Speaker 1: your bio and all of us outsiders. I know that
1:17
Speaker 1: the show came before, but we're all pegging you as
1:21
Speaker 1: the real life Carrie Bradshaw.
1:23
Speaker 2: I mean, I love it. It's been a life even
1:27
Speaker 2: like when I was a I don't know, twenties, in
1:30
Speaker 2: my twenties in New York twenty two. So I moved
1:32
Speaker 2: to New York when I was eighteen. I was always
1:34
Speaker 2: doing this and I was always talking about love and
1:36
Speaker 2: sex and writing about love and sex and keeping it real.
1:40
Speaker 2: And then the show came out and everybody was just like,
1:43
Speaker 2: how did they know about you? And how did you
1:46
Speaker 2: inspire this character? And it's like I didn't. I really
1:50
Speaker 2: can't take credit for it. It was based on Candice Bush,
1:52
Speaker 2: now another you know, another New York writer, but I've
1:56
Speaker 2: just lived this parallel life with that, with that character
1:59
Speaker 2: for so long that at this point it seems to
2:01
Speaker 2: be sort of like conflated. So I mean, there are
2:04
Speaker 2: worse things. I love it, and I love it for you, Parker.
2:09
Speaker 2: I know, the few times I've met her interviewed her,
2:11
Speaker 2: I always want to be like, you know, like I'm
2:15
Speaker 2: you and you're me, and we're and I and you're
2:17
Speaker 2: Carrie and I'm caring, and then I just don't say
2:20
Speaker 2: anything because it's just too weird. And she's such a
2:23
Speaker 2: lovely she's such a classy person that you just don't
2:26
Speaker 2: want to be like remotely, you know, too gross or
2:30
Speaker 2: like aggressive in any way.
2:31
Speaker 1: So I'm not intimidated by many people, but if I
2:35
Speaker 1: were to run into her, that would be I would
2:38
Speaker 1: be immediately intimidated.
2:40
Speaker 2: You wouldn't, though. I think it's like when somebody meets you,
2:43
Speaker 2: like there is something disarming about you and something I mean,
2:46
Speaker 2: I'm just meaning you for the first time, but I've
2:47
Speaker 2: certainly followed you. I it's surreal to be talking to you.
2:51
Speaker 2: She's very warm and yeah she's beautiful and you know,
2:57
Speaker 2: teeny and chic as hell, but she's so warm and
3:01
Speaker 2: so cool, and she's like the type of person who
3:03
Speaker 2: wants to know about you and rather than make it
3:05
Speaker 2: about her. I don't know. I think that you would
3:08
Speaker 2: not you would be thrilled. But I think in a second,
3:10
Speaker 2: you guys are probably I mean, I'm talking about it
3:12
Speaker 2: her like she's my best friend. Yeah, you're like literally twice,
3:15
Speaker 2: but I think you share a spirit. Oh my god, Laala,
3:20
Speaker 2: I love you. I have so there's so much I've
3:22
Speaker 2: wanted to say to you. Throughout the years.
3:24
Speaker 1: Oh, I love that.
3:26
Speaker 2: I really am a big fan of a big Bravo fan,
3:29
Speaker 2: and I've been loyal to you since like your first
3:33
Speaker 2: appearance on Vander Pomphlick before it was cool to like
3:38
Speaker 2: be obsessed with you. Do you know what I mean?
3:40
Speaker 1: You you were when it was an unpopular opinion. You
3:45
Speaker 1: were still down for La La. I love that.
3:48
Speaker 2: I knew it. I knew it, I knew you were magical,
3:50
Speaker 2: and I knew you'd have your moment. It didn't take
3:52
Speaker 2: long for the rest of the world to catch on.
3:54
Speaker 2: But no, I love you. I hated seeing you, well,
3:58
Speaker 2: you look so good in the at the reunion, but
4:00
Speaker 2: I hated seeing you in pain. And I'm so proud
4:03
Speaker 2: of your sobriety and fuck anybody who came for you
4:06
Speaker 2: at every I'm very fierce. I have two young kids
4:09
Speaker 2: and I'm a mama bear, and totally we don't have
4:11
Speaker 2: to talk about it. But like anybody who thought that,
4:14
Speaker 2: like you deserve what happened to you because of the circumstances,
4:19
Speaker 2: so fucking heartless, you know.
4:20
Speaker 1: What, in that moment, I'm glad I wasn't actually physically
4:25
Speaker 1: at the reunion because the side comments I wasn't able
4:28
Speaker 1: to hear because I was via zoom and you know,
4:32
Speaker 1: so I watched myself and I was like, damn, I
4:34
Speaker 1: was so poised during those moments, but I can't take
4:37
Speaker 1: credit because I didn't hear what was going on on
4:40
Speaker 1: the side.
4:41
Speaker 2: That's amazing, although I will say that's what I love
4:44
Speaker 2: about you. It's not your darkness, it's your lightness, like
4:47
Speaker 2: it's your grace. Honestly, thank you.
4:49
Speaker 1: I so appreciate you saying that.
4:51
Speaker 2: I mean, it's just such bullshit that anybody would come
4:53
Speaker 2: for you on that show, as if they're all such purists.
4:56
Speaker 1: I know, you know what though, I'm a tough bitch. Yeah,
4:59
Speaker 1: And I know so that you can relate to that
5:01
Speaker 1: because your resume is insane and it's not easy to
5:05
Speaker 1: get where you are. And I'm definitely inspired. That's the
5:11
Speaker 1: word of this entire When I, you know, revamped the
5:14
Speaker 1: Give Them La La podcast, it was like, I want
5:17
Speaker 1: people on who inspire me in some way. Let's talk
5:20
Speaker 1: about this, Okay. I have a baby, obviously, and I
5:26
Speaker 1: know that I would like another one, and I would
5:28
Speaker 1: like it in a certain time period. If I don't
5:31
Speaker 1: meet somebody, I'm absolutely getting a sperm donor.
5:35
Speaker 2: Oh yeah, you're ready for it. You're made for it.
5:37
Speaker 1: Made for it. So you've been there, you've been there,
5:42
Speaker 1: let's talk about it. What is going through that process?
5:46
Speaker 2: Like, well, it takes obviously a tough bitch like we are,
5:52
Speaker 2: somebody who does not care, you know, it has such
5:55
Speaker 2: a strong sense of self and a strong village and
5:58
Speaker 2: a strong foundation. It really doesn't matter what anybody's going
6:01
Speaker 2: to say. It's really a tough decision to make. If
6:04
Speaker 2: you're going to worry that people are going to gossip
6:07
Speaker 2: or feel bad for you, like you, you really have
6:10
Speaker 2: to be above all that, which like you're already there.
6:13
Speaker 2: I was definitely already there, you know, I don't beyond that.
6:18
Speaker 2: It doesn't take much more than just like inner strength, okay,
6:22
Speaker 2: a decision that you are ready to be a mother,
6:25
Speaker 2: and then nothing's going to get in your way. For me,
6:28
Speaker 2: I was there. I mean I was thirty eight and
6:30
Speaker 2: I'd wanted to have kids my whole life, so I
6:32
Speaker 2: was more than there. I guess I was thirty seven
6:34
Speaker 2: when I started the process. So I made up my mind.
6:38
Speaker 2: I made up my mind because I met another single
6:40
Speaker 2: mother by choice who was the sexiest, coolest woman I'd
6:42
Speaker 2: ever met in my life, totally, and I didn't have
6:45
Speaker 2: many examples of what a single mother by choice looked like.
6:48
Speaker 2: And I met her and it's it was like, yes,
6:51
Speaker 2: that that that's me. That's who I aspire to be.
6:55
Speaker 2: That's my definition of what it is to be a
6:56
Speaker 2: cool woman in the world like that. And so she
6:59
Speaker 2: she was my mentor, and she said, go to this
7:02
Speaker 2: doctor and this sperm bank and she and she's very successful,
7:05
Speaker 2: she's she's rich and I'm not. And I was like, okay,
7:08
Speaker 2: but let's talk about the reality of it. And honestly,
7:12
Speaker 2: it cost me. I'm very transparent about these things. It
7:14
Speaker 2: cost me ten thousand dollars at the end of the day,
7:17
Speaker 2: which is a lot. It was a lot for me,
7:19
Speaker 2: and it's a lot for a lot of women. But
7:20
Speaker 2: it's not what you might expect, right, Like it's like
7:24
Speaker 2: it's not like you don't need one hundred thousand dollars,
7:26
Speaker 2: you don't need a million dollars. And then the question
7:28
Speaker 2: is can you raise a baby? A lot of people
7:31
Speaker 2: are like, well, how we raise a baby without the
7:33
Speaker 2: you know, the income of a man or whatever. And
7:37
Speaker 2: the truth is like, there's many creative ways to raise
7:40
Speaker 2: a family. There's many vest things in life are phrase
7:43
Speaker 2: sorry for the cliche, but now that you have a baby,
7:45
Speaker 2: you know, it's sitting on a picnic blanket and watching
7:49
Speaker 2: the sunset. You know, it's we live in great cities
7:52
Speaker 2: where there's museums and classes and so anyway, once I
7:56
Speaker 2: was like, yes I can afford this, and yes I'm
8:00
Speaker 2: doing this. That's the hardest part is just to be
8:02
Speaker 2: like I'm in because like anything in life, it's you
8:05
Speaker 2: have to be super responsible and go to your go
8:08
Speaker 2: to the doctors and do fertility and not fuck around
8:11
Speaker 2: and not sort of like question yourself. You gotta have
8:15
Speaker 2: that faith in yourself and like faith in your baby
8:18
Speaker 2: who's not even there yet, but just faith that the
8:20
Speaker 2: two of you will be okay.
8:22
Speaker 1: Oh my gosh, that sends chills, Like I love that
8:26
Speaker 1: and so and I love that you took me through
8:29
Speaker 1: that aspect of it, of the the emotional part, because actually,
8:34
Speaker 1: when I was thinking about, you know, in a year
8:38
Speaker 1: or two, if I don't have somebody, I will get
8:41
Speaker 1: a sperm donor. I didn't even think about the outside
8:44
Speaker 1: world and what people might say, is that so weird.
8:47
Speaker 1: I didn't even think that.
8:48
Speaker 2: I think you've you've exercised that muscle, Like you couldn't
8:53
Speaker 2: do what you do if you weren't already evolved enough
8:56
Speaker 2: to handle that.
8:57
Speaker 1: Shit, right. Is it basically like shopping for a baby
9:01
Speaker 1: daddy when you go when you get a sperm donor.
9:04
Speaker 2: Yeah, I mean I had fun with it. I saw
9:07
Speaker 2: all of this as just the like, the greatest thing
9:11
Speaker 2: in the world. I was dying to become a mother,
9:13
Speaker 2: and I figured out a way how. But I think
9:16
Speaker 2: a lot of other people of the sperm donor. Picking
9:18
Speaker 2: the donor really freaks them out. For me, it was
9:21
Speaker 2: just like, oh my god, like do I want my
9:23
Speaker 2: daughter to do? I want my future child to be
9:25
Speaker 2: really tall or really athletic, or brilliant, or speak for
9:29
Speaker 2: languages or like be a great great dancer whenever. There's
9:32
Speaker 2: all these you know, descriptions. So it was fun because
9:36
Speaker 2: it's sort of like looking around a room. You know,
9:38
Speaker 2: you've dated all of these guys and some wanted kids
9:40
Speaker 2: or didn't want kids, or you weren't sure if you
9:43
Speaker 2: want to have a baby with them, and it's like,
9:44
Speaker 2: here's one hundred thousand men who all who like you
9:48
Speaker 2: can have a baby with any of them proctly like
9:51
Speaker 2: assuming God willing, like you're you're healthy and stuff. So yeah,
9:56
Speaker 2: I went for I mean, I'll be very honest, like
10:00
Speaker 2: I went for looks and I went for genetics because
10:04
Speaker 2: I knew that I would make my child kind and
10:08
Speaker 2: funny and smart and spiritual. Like I knew I had
10:11
Speaker 2: all that covered to give somebody like great cheekbones or
10:17
Speaker 2: eyebrows or like creemy skin or whatever. I was like,
10:20
Speaker 2: why not. Life is hard enough, Like let them be tall,
10:24
Speaker 2: like let them have like a really cool, you know,
10:29
Speaker 2: mixed background. So I just had fun. And what I
10:32
Speaker 2: did was I narrowed it down to three different donors,
10:35
Speaker 2: and then I like included my family and we had
10:38
Speaker 2: like a little viewing party and I sort of presented
10:40
Speaker 2: the donors and and we you can hear their voices.
10:44
Speaker 2: You can hear like a Q and A with each
10:46
Speaker 2: donor and we listened.
10:48
Speaker 1: So but do you see do you okay? So it
10:50
Speaker 1: wasn't like a Q and A where you guys were
10:52
Speaker 1: like seeing each other. This was just like the sperm
10:55
Speaker 1: donor place what do you call the sperm bank?
10:58
Speaker 2: Yeah, yea.
10:59
Speaker 1: They conduct in interviews with these uh sperm donors. And
11:03
Speaker 1: then when you decide okay, this one, I like the
11:06
Speaker 1: look of it, and then they send over like their
11:09
Speaker 1: interview process.
11:10
Speaker 2: You get a membership, so of course, like you get
11:13
Speaker 2: the highest, like you don't skimp on this, like you
11:16
Speaker 2: get the VIP membership totally, because there's no better money spent.
11:20
Speaker 2: You know you're not going to do like clearance rack sperm,
11:22
Speaker 2: so rack sperm, like you go to the top.
11:27
Speaker 1: You go to fucking Bergdorf Sperm.
11:29
Speaker 2: Absolutely kind, that's my favorite store. So with the good package,
11:34
Speaker 2: you get the voice recording. So you see baby pictures.
11:38
Speaker 2: In my case, I did not choose a sperm thing
11:39
Speaker 2: where you can see adult pictures. I just didn't want to.
11:42
Speaker 2: I didn't care. I like the fantasy of it all.
11:45
Speaker 2: Like you see pictures, I think age ten and under,
11:47
Speaker 2: so I like sort of just imagining what they grew
11:49
Speaker 2: up to be. And I didn't want to look for
11:51
Speaker 2: this guy like all around America and like have a
11:54
Speaker 2: I'd rather discreet. I call him Vince Vaughan in my
11:56
Speaker 2: book because I love that they also have celebrity look alone,
12:00
Speaker 2: and that was his celebrity lookalike. You gotta go on,
12:02
Speaker 2: it's so fun. I'll get your code.
12:04
Speaker 1: I would love to do this. This sounds fucking awesome.
12:08
Speaker 2: Like we have the same attitude. I thought it was
12:10
Speaker 2: just fucking awesome. I thought it was fabulous, and we're
12:14
Speaker 2: joking about it and talking about sort of the superficial stuff.
12:17
Speaker 2: But there's also like so much blood work done and
12:20
Speaker 2: so much health which, of course, like you do need
12:22
Speaker 2: to know that part. There's a little bit of a
12:23
Speaker 2: question mark with a sperm donor where it's just like,
12:27
Speaker 2: you know, health history, mental health history, schizophrenia, things that
12:31
Speaker 2: like don't even necessarily show up in blood work. But
12:34
Speaker 2: as much as you can know about pretty much any
12:36
Speaker 2: guy you're going to sleep with or you know, date
12:39
Speaker 2: or make a baby with you, you do know about
12:41
Speaker 2: the sperm donors because of like the high level health
12:45
Speaker 2: info they have to put out there. So it's like
12:47
Speaker 2: once that part's done, they've got all the good health stuff. Yeah,
12:49
Speaker 2: you can have fun with it. You can pick some
12:51
Speaker 2: like Matt Damon sperm or like Ryan Seacres lookalike sperm.
12:55
Speaker 2: There's so many.
12:57
Speaker 1: I would pick maybe like a Denzel washing and sperm.
13:01
Speaker 2: So that's on. There goes fast. That shit goes fast.
13:05
Speaker 1: Oh, I'm sure, yeah, like a Michael B. Jordan, Like
13:08
Speaker 1: if I and I'm sure it goes fast.
13:11
Speaker 2: Those would go fast. I definitely thought about, like, that's
13:14
Speaker 2: my type of guy, for sure, And I was even
13:17
Speaker 2: though like I ended up my partner now as like
13:20
Speaker 2: a white boy from Maine, like the opposite. But I
13:25
Speaker 2: sort of always thought like I ended up choosing a
13:28
Speaker 2: donor who looked some somewhat like my family because I,
13:32
Speaker 2: for me personally, I just felt like my kid would.
13:36
Speaker 2: I didn't know what it would be like and if
13:38
Speaker 2: they were he or she or they were faced with
13:40
Speaker 2: a million questions about who's your real dad and the
13:42
Speaker 2: biology of it all. As it turns out, none of
13:45
Speaker 2: that matters, and nobody cares, nobody says anything. But just
13:47
Speaker 2: to protect my kid from having one more question that
13:51
Speaker 2: they had to answer in other words, like why are
13:53
Speaker 2: you black and your mother's white? Or why you know,
13:56
Speaker 2: why do you look Korean and your mother's Jewish, whatever
13:58
Speaker 2: it was, I decided to eliminate one question from their
14:02
Speaker 2: life in case it was something that continued to come
14:05
Speaker 2: up for them here in Brooklyn and where you are
14:08
Speaker 2: in LA and honestly, hopefully more and more everywhere nobody cares.
14:14
Speaker 2: Nobody like gives a shit that Hazel. My partner has
14:17
Speaker 2: now adopted Hazel. He's not her biological father, but he's
14:20
Speaker 2: been with us since she was seven months old. She
14:23
Speaker 2: knows her whole story. It's frankly, it's like boring to her.
14:26
Speaker 2: Do you know what I mean?
14:27
Speaker 1: Like, so, how how old is Hazel?
14:29
Speaker 2: So she's six? And then Sam and I had a
14:32
Speaker 2: two year have a two year old who, like I
14:34
Speaker 2: had through sex. It's so it's embarrassing because we just
14:39
Speaker 2: like had sex and got pregnant. It's so uninteresting. So
14:42
Speaker 2: it's so retro it's like there's there's no Uh, it's
14:46
Speaker 2: not as modern as I want my brand to be,
14:50
Speaker 2: but I love it. It's a blessing. No, So he's adorable.
14:53
Speaker 1: Well the first the first round was very modern day
14:56
Speaker 1: of year totally. Did Hazel have questions or did you
15:00
Speaker 1: just when did you decide to tell her about you know,
15:04
Speaker 1: her backstory?
15:05
Speaker 2: So I told her and I would say this advice
15:08
Speaker 2: is like any mother in whatever situation, Like I've always
15:13
Speaker 2: been one hundred percent honest, but to the extent that
15:17
Speaker 2: like her brain could handle it, do you know what
15:20
Speaker 2: I mean? So what I always did, was say, and
15:23
Speaker 2: I made it sound like a beautiful story, like a
15:25
Speaker 2: fairy tale, like a like enchanted and magical. And I
15:28
Speaker 2: would just say, you know, like in the beginning, it
15:30
Speaker 2: was just like Mommy and Hazy, it was just the
15:32
Speaker 2: two of us, and then we met Daddy and he's
15:37
Speaker 2: he begged and begged to be your father, and and
15:40
Speaker 2: we had a little family meeting just the two of
15:42
Speaker 2: us when you were seven months old, and you were like, yes, Mommy,
15:45
Speaker 2: I want you know, like I turned. I made it
15:47
Speaker 2: all something happy and fun instead of dark and scary.
15:52
Speaker 2: And even like about how she's born or how she
15:55
Speaker 2: was created. I'll now I use the word sperm because
15:58
Speaker 2: she kind of gets it that she's like gross, mom,
16:01
Speaker 2: don't say that word. But I used to say, like
16:04
Speaker 2: thank God for this doctor, he doctor Griffa, like he
16:07
Speaker 2: he put a seed in Mommy's tummy, like I picked
16:09
Speaker 2: the best seed and he put the seed in Mommy's tummy.
16:12
Speaker 2: And and you we grew you like the doctors. And
16:15
Speaker 2: I grew you and and then I had you. And
16:18
Speaker 2: so she always knew that she was kind of conceived
16:21
Speaker 2: through this I don't know, this like magical way that was.
16:26
Speaker 1: It is magical. I mean, as you're talking about it,
16:29
Speaker 1: I wish that everyone could see my face because I
16:31
Speaker 1: just like my face hurts because I'm just like, tell
16:33
Speaker 1: me more about this magical story of how Hazel came
16:38
Speaker 1: to be. I love that. And by the way, I
16:42
Speaker 1: feel like the way that you explained it to her
16:46
Speaker 1: is very much how it happened. Like you're saying, like
16:49
Speaker 1: you put it in a very magical way, but you're
16:53
Speaker 1: just putting it the way it happened, like the honest truth.
16:57
Speaker 2: Yeah, the honest truth. And I think because I U
17:01
Speaker 2: such warm feelings, I have such gratitude for like the
17:03
Speaker 2: doctors and and and honestly for the sperm donor who
17:08
Speaker 2: I will probably never meet him. I don't know him,
17:12
Speaker 2: I I don't know anything about him, but I love
17:15
Speaker 2: him so much, Lalla. It's it's the most like unconventional
17:19
Speaker 2: love story of all because I never need to meet him,
17:23
Speaker 2: and yet like I hold him in my heart and
17:26
Speaker 2: like in such a safe spot forever and ever. He
17:29
Speaker 2: gave me the greatest gift of all, you know. And
17:32
Speaker 2: she's perfect, she's she's unbelievable, and I owe I owe
17:36
Speaker 2: that to him. So it's a really unusual thing because
17:40
Speaker 2: it's in a way he's my great love story even wow,
17:44
Speaker 2: you know, and uh, and he's a stranger and a
17:46
Speaker 2: mystery and I am okay if I if he remains
17:50
Speaker 2: that way for the rest of my life.
17:51
Speaker 1: Ohlisa, that is so beautiful what you just said.
17:53
Speaker 2: Thank you.
17:54
Speaker 1: I have never heard that story before, for even a
17:59
Speaker 1: version of that story from anybody, And the way that
18:01
Speaker 1: you just explained it, that was beautiful.
18:05
Speaker 2: It's all perspective. And you know this now with ocean. Like,
18:08
Speaker 2: by the way, my son's name is River. I can't believe.
18:10
Speaker 2: I love the name Ocean so much. I can't believe
18:13
Speaker 2: it was not on my radar when I was pregnant
18:15
Speaker 2: with him. I mean, I'm glad I chose River and
18:18
Speaker 2: he's a boy, But I fucking love the name ocean
18:20
Speaker 2: so much.
18:21
Speaker 1: Thank you. Can I tell you I have always been
18:25
Speaker 1: obsessed with the ocean and everything in it. It was
18:27
Speaker 1: after I saw the documentary Blackfish. I don't know if
18:30
Speaker 1: you ever saw that, it's about Orca's in captivity, and
18:35
Speaker 1: just something started pulling at me and I said, this
18:37
Speaker 1: is my passion and I have to be a voice
18:39
Speaker 1: for animals in captivity, and I developed a deep love
18:44
Speaker 1: for the ocean, but it never crossed my mind for
18:47
Speaker 1: a name until I was in the Bahamas walking through
18:50
Speaker 1: the marina and there was a yacht called the Ocean Alexander,
18:53
Speaker 1: and I was like, oh my god, the name Ocean.
18:55
Speaker 1: It has to be my first baby.
18:57
Speaker 2: Right because it could be boy or girl, and like like, oh,
19:01
Speaker 2: is such a cool nickname. I don't know if you
19:03
Speaker 2: call her or we.
19:04
Speaker 1: Do we call her?
19:04
Speaker 2: Oh, it's just so perfect. You know this now as
19:10
Speaker 2: a mother who has had to sort of rewrite your
19:13
Speaker 2: own story a bit, like it is all about the
19:16
Speaker 2: perspective and the narrative we tell ourselves and when once
19:20
Speaker 2: we can make peace with it and we find the
19:22
Speaker 2: beauty around it, Like you already said, you've done where
19:24
Speaker 2: you have you found, you have your gratitude and you
19:28
Speaker 2: know how lucky you are. You know, once you have
19:32
Speaker 2: that beautiful perspective around your unique story, as complicated as
19:35
Speaker 2: it is, you just infuse that into everything you give
19:39
Speaker 2: your kids. Right, you know, you're not pretending that everything
19:43
Speaker 2: is normal. I mean, who cares about normal? Right? Or
19:47
Speaker 2: easy even? But it's if you make it, you know,
19:50
Speaker 2: enchanted and blessed and just like filled with spirit, you know,
19:55
Speaker 2: and grace, like it makes it so much easier and
19:59
Speaker 2: like sets the tone for the rest of their lives.
20:01
Speaker 1: I agree with you. And so many people ask me,
20:04
Speaker 1: are you worried about what Ocean may read? And I'm like, no,
20:08
Speaker 1: I'm not. I'm her mother, and no matter what, she's
20:13
Speaker 1: always gonna be okay because I'm her mother. She's surrounded
20:16
Speaker 1: with love, She's surrounded with positivity. And even though I
20:20
Speaker 1: look at the big picture and I think, you know,
20:23
Speaker 1: how did I end up here? I look at Ocean
20:26
Speaker 1: and I go, this is exactly why. Every choice that
20:31
Speaker 1: I made, every move that I made, it was all
20:35
Speaker 1: leading to this little girl right here.
20:37
Speaker 2: And you got pregnant, Like something was right about it
20:40
Speaker 2: that you got pregnant, you stayed pregnant. This daughter is
20:44
Speaker 2: just perfection. Yeah, think about it. I feel like you
20:48
Speaker 2: were ready to be.
20:48
Speaker 1: A mom too, right absolutely. I was like, let's do this. Yeah, yes,
20:53
Speaker 1: I mine's uneventful too, and very like you said, you
20:57
Speaker 1: have one cool story. One not so cool mind was
21:00
Speaker 1: like we downloaded the fertility app and I was like,
21:03
Speaker 1: time for bank sessions, Like I'm ready to have a baby.
21:06
Speaker 1: And be a mother. So that's my story. It wouldn't
21:17
Speaker 1: be li live if I didn't get a little raunchy.
21:19
Speaker 2: I need I pay my rent writing about low jobs
21:23
Speaker 2: and rim jobs and you know.
21:26
Speaker 1: So let's talk about that. What are you doing with
21:29
Speaker 1: that mouth to be engaged multiple times? Like, what are
21:34
Speaker 1: you doing to make a man put a ring on
21:36
Speaker 1: it more than once?
21:38
Speaker 2: I think it's because I never wanted to get married,
21:40
Speaker 2: so they all came, you know what I mean, I
21:43
Speaker 2: never cared, which, by the way, being pregnant also was
21:47
Speaker 2: like everyone was like, who's going to date you now?
21:49
Speaker 2: And it's like, who's not gonna date me now? Like
21:51
Speaker 2: I literally need nothing from a man, and they all
21:55
Speaker 2: were like so captivated by that. Right, I don't know
21:59
Speaker 2: why I do date. I have a wild side. My
22:04
Speaker 2: poor Sam missed like my slutty years. But I used
22:07
Speaker 2: to I used to love, you know, I was very lucky,
22:09
Speaker 2: Like I think I I think I like had an
22:13
Speaker 2: orgasm the night I lost my virginity. I think I
22:15
Speaker 2: had three orgasms that night. Like I had a very
22:17
Speaker 2: healthy relationship with sex and you know adult you know,
22:21
Speaker 2: adult consensual, safe sex. But nevertheless, I had a very
22:25
Speaker 2: good relationship with sex. I loved it. It changes in
22:29
Speaker 2: your forties, it changes. It sucks like.
22:32
Speaker 1: It does change when you get older. I feel after kids.
22:35
Speaker 1: I don't know, it's still nice. It's still nice, but
22:37
Speaker 1: I used to really like, you know, crave it.
22:39
Speaker 2: You know what? What? What? Where were we with?
22:43
Speaker 1: We were talking about how we were talking about how
22:46
Speaker 1: you've been engaged so many times and I have to like,
22:50
Speaker 1: I have this right here. You were engaged to us
22:54
Speaker 1: Celebrity Chef and you moved to Italy.
22:57
Speaker 2: I was engaged to Spike from Top Chef when Brothers
23:01
Speaker 2: of Bravo. Yeah. I don't know if you remember him or.
23:04
Speaker 1: If you watch the Top Chef, but of course I do.
23:06
Speaker 2: He's wonderful, He's I had a crush on him on
23:09
Speaker 2: the show, and I interviewed him for a story for
23:12
Speaker 2: a magazine kind of like I manipulated this interview because
23:16
Speaker 2: I was just dying to meet him. Said like a
23:18
Speaker 2: feeling that we would have chemistry, and we did so.
23:23
Speaker 2: I was engaged to Spike for a couple of years.
23:26
Speaker 2: I have nothing but wonderful things to say about him.
23:30
Speaker 2: He's as like delicious as he appears to be on TV.
23:34
Speaker 2: It just life with a chef was not for me,
23:37
Speaker 2: and I was ready to have kids even then, like
23:40
Speaker 2: in my late twenties early thirties, and he was on
23:43
Speaker 2: a completely different road to stardom or you know, this
23:46
Speaker 2: sort of sexy chef life, and we kind of crashed
23:50
Speaker 2: and burned. But he has kids now and I have
23:52
Speaker 2: kids now, and it's all good. We don't work like
23:54
Speaker 2: it's strange, right, nothing bad to say about him.
23:56
Speaker 1: I love Yeah, the timing was just off.
23:58
Speaker 2: The timing was off. You know, it looks like he
24:01
Speaker 2: really found his soulmate. I'm not sure. We had a
24:03
Speaker 2: lot of heat, and we had a lot of connection
24:07
Speaker 2: and certainly friendship. And yeah, he's hot, He's really hot.
24:12
Speaker 2: I love me. I loved being his girlfriend. But it
24:15
Speaker 2: looks like he found his soulmate and so I'm happy
24:18
Speaker 2: for him.
24:18
Speaker 1: Yeah, I love that for him. And what about this
24:21
Speaker 1: the random guy on a vest ba You asked him
24:24
Speaker 1: for directions and it turned into a two year relationship.
24:27
Speaker 2: Yeah. So after Spike, I became a food writer. When
24:32
Speaker 2: I was with him, part I wanted to integrate into
24:35
Speaker 2: his life, like I never knew how to even like
24:37
Speaker 2: make toast, you know what I mean, Like I couldn't
24:39
Speaker 2: boil water. And here I was with a chef who
24:42
Speaker 2: was surrounded like Tom Calichio was always visiting and all
24:45
Speaker 2: these big time chefs, and I just I hated feeling
24:47
Speaker 2: like a wallflower. I hate that feeling, and so I
24:49
Speaker 2: just sort of like integrate into the food world. So
24:51
Speaker 2: I became a food writer, which was great, and that
24:55
Speaker 2: got me. After a Spike and I broke up, I
24:57
Speaker 2: was like, I'm gonna do my eat prey love thing
24:59
Speaker 2: and moved to Italy and right through the pain and
25:02
Speaker 2: you know, and the first human being, literally the first
25:05
Speaker 2: part Italian I spoke to asking for directions to my
25:08
Speaker 2: Airbnb ended up being this ugly yet sexy, dark brooding
25:15
Speaker 2: guy on a Vespa hand rolling cigarette who I ended
25:18
Speaker 2: up staying with for three years.
25:21
Speaker 1: That is insane. So he wasn't physically he wasn't physically attractive.
25:27
Speaker 2: I think you get what I mean when I say
25:29
Speaker 2: ugly sexy.
25:30
Speaker 1: Ugly sexy. I'll be honest, bless, I don't know what
25:34
Speaker 1: that means, all right. I was just kind of thinking,
25:37
Speaker 1: you have an example.
25:38
Speaker 2: He was really tall. He was Oh god, who would
25:42
Speaker 2: we both know? I don't want to not like a
25:46
Speaker 2: Jax because he wasn't cheesy. He was Italian. He was
25:49
Speaker 2: like very sotistic, totally a snob and all, you know,
25:53
Speaker 2: I don't know, just like a dark, rooting European man
25:55
Speaker 2: like Javier brought Bardem or.
25:57
Speaker 1: Something like it, you know what I mean. Yes, I
26:00
Speaker 1: totally not, but.
26:02
Speaker 2: Like presents as a hot, confident and real you know,
26:06
Speaker 2: but he was. It was just like this Italian dream.
26:11
Speaker 2: I was a fever dream and I was taking Italian
26:14
Speaker 2: and we were cooking together and we were drinking a
26:16
Speaker 2: lot of new cronies and sex was good, but he
26:20
Speaker 2: was he was really dark. That was the last guy.
26:23
Speaker 2: Like that was the final straw for me in terms
26:25
Speaker 2: of like difficult men, like this guy had demons. Yeah,
26:30
Speaker 2: and you know I was then like by then thirty
26:32
Speaker 2: two and then thirty four, and then suddenly you're thirty five,
26:35
Speaker 2: and it's just like, get me off the vespa, Like,
26:38
Speaker 2: get me.
26:38
Speaker 1: Off the fucking vespa. Okay, what about what about this
26:44
Speaker 1: CFO close talker with a deadly stinky cheese habit.
26:48
Speaker 2: Oh that poor guy. Yeah, that was just that was
26:52
Speaker 2: like an unfortunate he had hygiene issues.
26:55
Speaker 1: Okay, let's talk about that. You say, is a close talker.
26:57
Speaker 1: Did did the stinky cheese breath?
27:00
Speaker 2: Yeah, it was real bad, and he was super confident
27:03
Speaker 2: and he was like it went. I won't say where
27:05
Speaker 2: he went, but he had like he was a very
27:07
Speaker 2: polished guy, and he would like he probably read some
27:10
Speaker 2: leadership book at some point where it's like shake some
27:13
Speaker 2: of his hand and look them in the eye and
27:14
Speaker 2: of a really like present conversation. I was like, maybe
27:16
Speaker 2: not that present, like maybe like back it up a
27:20
Speaker 2: little distant.
27:21
Speaker 1: I was with this guy. I won't mention his name,
27:23
Speaker 1: but and I told him this on multiple occasions. He
27:28
Speaker 1: smelled like a farm animal most of the time. And
27:33
Speaker 1: I'm gonna be so rude right now, but I'm not
27:35
Speaker 1: saying his name, so it doesn't matter, Melissa. His breath
27:39
Speaker 1: smelled like a dead animal shit in it. And you
27:42
Speaker 1: told him that, Yeah, I did. I tried to be kind.
27:48
Speaker 1: I was like, hey, when you bathe, you should like
27:50
Speaker 1: you soap like. I was trying to be nice and
27:53
Speaker 1: be like, hey, we should we should brush our teeth
27:56
Speaker 1: like more than just once a week. And it wasn't.
28:02
Speaker 1: It wasn't hitten right. So then I just lost my
28:04
Speaker 1: mind and I told him all about.
28:06
Speaker 2: Oh my god, that is so because it sounds like
28:08
Speaker 2: it was because of like a lack of trying, Like
28:10
Speaker 2: I do think maybe every now and then there's like
28:13
Speaker 2: a guttural like they say, there's like you know, there's
28:17
Speaker 2: a something deeper like a gut situation.
28:20
Speaker 1: Yeah, no, can I tell you this person. I got
28:23
Speaker 1: into a fight one time when we were dating, and
28:28
Speaker 1: I made a comment about him brushing his teeth and
28:30
Speaker 1: he said, I do brush my teeth and I said, well,
28:32
Speaker 1: then maybe you have stomach issues. Okay, Then the last
28:37
Speaker 1: one we're going to talk about is your husband, who
28:41
Speaker 1: you met on Tinder.
28:42
Speaker 2: And who I refuse to marry.
28:44
Speaker 1: So he's not your hut.
28:45
Speaker 2: Oh we might as well be. I'm not against like
28:48
Speaker 2: I am against marriage, but I'm not. It doesn't offend
28:51
Speaker 2: me in any way because I love him. We're monogamous.
28:54
Speaker 2: I hope to do with him forever.
28:56
Speaker 1: Your life partner. He's my life partner's father of your
28:59
Speaker 1: children exactly.
29:00
Speaker 2: He legally adopted Hazel this year in the middle of
29:04
Speaker 2: the pandemic. We changed her last name to his act
29:08
Speaker 2: so because I really wanted my kids to have the
29:10
Speaker 2: same last name. I just didn't want there to be
29:13
Speaker 2: any question about like are they I used to hate
29:16
Speaker 2: when people be like, so is River like her half
29:18
Speaker 2: or her step and he got to her fucking brother.
29:22
Speaker 2: I know. Do you have siblings that are from different parents?
29:26
Speaker 1: Yes, I have a half brother and we have the
29:28
Speaker 1: same last name. We come, we have the same same dad,
29:32
Speaker 1: but he we're fifteen years apart. So a lot of
29:35
Speaker 1: people I have to explain because they're like, wow, so
29:39
Speaker 1: your mom had him when she was like fifteen, and
29:41
Speaker 1: I'm like, no, right, so then I have to go
29:44
Speaker 1: into the whole thing. But it's like, no, he's not
29:46
Speaker 1: my Oh so he's your half brother. No, he's my
29:48
Speaker 1: fucking brother exactly.
29:50
Speaker 2: He's your family. He's your family.
29:52
Speaker 1: I don't half anything here.
29:53
Speaker 2: No, I don't like that at all. And I just didn't.
29:56
Speaker 2: I wanted to. I don't know. I just wanted to
29:59
Speaker 2: prevent them from happening. And also I have Sam has
30:01
Speaker 2: a great His last name is Russell. It was just
30:03
Speaker 2: like such a that's a great last name.
30:05
Speaker 1: That's a great last name.
30:06
Speaker 2: I know, I'm like Schlaskiam a mouthful, but like Russell's
30:09
Speaker 2: Russell is so classy.
30:10
Speaker 1: Would you ever change your last name?
30:12
Speaker 2: I've been a right professional writer my entire life, and
30:15
Speaker 2: I just like, you know, my byline and my books
30:18
Speaker 2: and stuff, So I don't think I would although like
30:20
Speaker 2: I think my being Alyssa Russell would have like been
30:23
Speaker 2: given me an entirely different life, you know than like
30:26
Speaker 2: Melissa Shilaski. I sound like inherently like this, like you know,
30:29
Speaker 2: gossipy Jewish lady from the Upper West Side or something.
30:34
Speaker 1: But oh, I love it.
30:35
Speaker 2: Thank you for your name.
30:37
Speaker 1: What's the time? What's the why am I blinking? The
30:40
Speaker 1: age difference between River and Hazel four.
30:44
Speaker 2: Years apart, which was more than I wanted. But I
30:48
Speaker 2: so I had Hazel at thirty eight, Sam and I
30:51
Speaker 2: sort of trying. I had a miscarriage. I had a
30:53
Speaker 2: bunch of chemical pregnancies, which I don't know if you've
30:56
Speaker 2: ever had them. That's weird because you like, you get
30:58
Speaker 2: the positive pregnancy result, right, and then like you get
31:01
Speaker 2: a really heavy period ten days later, you know, So
31:04
Speaker 2: it's a little bit of a mind fuck, but it's not,
31:06
Speaker 2: you know, it happens. And then I did IVF, which
31:09
Speaker 2: I found to be like our unique form of human torture.
31:13
Speaker 2: And I had my daughter. So I was sort of like,
31:16
Speaker 2: do I want to put myself through this. I already
31:18
Speaker 2: have a kid, Like, I'll be okay if it's well,
31:20
Speaker 2: of course we'll be okay. So I didn't do another
31:22
Speaker 2: round of IVF, and then we gave up, and then
31:24
Speaker 2: we got pregnant. It's like very you know, classic, that.
31:27
Speaker 1: Is everyone's story. Do you think it's because the like
31:29
Speaker 1: the pressure is gone, like your body feels relaxed for.
31:33
Speaker 2: Me, yes, one hundred percent. Yeah, we were back to
31:35
Speaker 2: having sex for the sake of pleasure again totally. And yeah,
31:39
Speaker 2: my body was relaxed exactly. And I remember it was
31:43
Speaker 2: really good sex. I don't know if there's any science
31:45
Speaker 2: behind that, but it was like it was all flowing,
31:48
Speaker 2: you know what I mean, Like and we and I
31:51
Speaker 2: was forty two, So I got pregnant that time and
31:55
Speaker 2: had a beautiful pregnancy and then came River.
31:59
Speaker 1: So no complations with your pregnancy with River I had.
32:02
Speaker 2: It's so funny because I know Sheena had it to.
32:03
Speaker 2: I'd pre clamsya with both my pregnancies.
32:06
Speaker 1: That is so scary.
32:07
Speaker 2: It's it's the only reason. I mean now I'm forty four,
32:10
Speaker 2: but I would never I would never do it again
32:12
Speaker 2: because I like how many times you want to press
32:14
Speaker 2: your love, but you should tell Shina you do get it,
32:16
Speaker 2: Like chances are you'll get it with your second pregnancy,
32:18
Speaker 2: and it's okay. You just have to like be really
32:21
Speaker 2: diligent about checking your blood pressure. You got it, like
32:24
Speaker 2: you it's not a joke. It's it's not a joke
32:27
Speaker 2: at all.
32:27
Speaker 1: Yeah, I mean, I remember sheen at the reunion, like
32:29
Speaker 1: she she said, I believe she said she could have died.
32:33
Speaker 2: Oh yeah, you definitely can die if it's not if
32:35
Speaker 2: you don't catch it or have a stroke. It's serious.
32:39
Speaker 2: It's very scary. I know I felt for her. I'm
32:41
Speaker 2: not like the biggest sena empathize. I mean, I like
32:43
Speaker 2: her a lot, but I'm always you know, she's dramatic.
32:46
Speaker 2: But then like when I heard her say that, I
32:48
Speaker 2: was like, oh, no, she's been she was she went
32:50
Speaker 2: through hell.
32:50
Speaker 1: That's absolutely yeah, so you said you I'm loving this conversation.
32:59
Speaker 1: By the way, I said, you don't believe in marriage?
33:02
Speaker 1: Can you elaborate, like what makes you not believe in it?
33:05
Speaker 2: Okay? Well, the three times I was engaged, I didn't
33:08
Speaker 2: It did nothing for me, Like I didn't care about
33:10
Speaker 2: the rings were all beautiful, Fine, I just didn't fulfill
33:13
Speaker 2: something that I've been waiting for my whole life anything
33:16
Speaker 2: like that. And on top of that, I just felt
33:17
Speaker 2: an enormous amount of pressure. Maybe it was because they
33:21
Speaker 2: all you know it was with the wrong person all
33:23
Speaker 2: three times, or my gut, my intuition knew something. But
33:25
Speaker 2: I just felt this pressure, like I don't know, I
33:29
Speaker 2: felt trapped, and that took away the point for me,
33:33
Speaker 2: which was just to feel lifted up by the relationship
33:37
Speaker 2: and like your life was only enhanced and like you're
33:39
Speaker 2: this was I don't know. I always wanted, like my
33:42
Speaker 2: soul to be watered by the person I'm with, and
33:46
Speaker 2: I always staid started to feel like claustrophobic and kind
33:50
Speaker 2: of nervous, and I didn't like all the attention on
33:53
Speaker 2: like us being perfect forever and ever. So after I
33:58
Speaker 2: called off the third one, I was like, also, I
34:00
Speaker 2: could never call my mother again and be like I'm engaged,
34:02
Speaker 2: Like I can never like I can't do that to
34:05
Speaker 2: the people I love ever again. I come from tons
34:08
Speaker 2: of aunts and they all like would take their dresses
34:10
Speaker 2: out from the basement and like air out the moth
34:12
Speaker 2: claws and then bring the dresses right back down to
34:14
Speaker 2: the basement, you know. And then when I met when
34:18
Speaker 2: I was pregnant with Hazel, I had a boyfriend in LA.
34:21
Speaker 2: I was in New York. He's in LA, lived in
34:22
Speaker 2: Echo Park. And it was the first truly non monogamous,
34:29
Speaker 2: super unique, way out of the box relationship. And it
34:32
Speaker 2: was the best love story of my life because he
34:37
Speaker 2: was my person. I adored him. I didn't care what
34:40
Speaker 2: he was doing. He fulfilled everything I needed, and I
34:43
Speaker 2: didn't care what he was doing when we weren't together.
34:45
Speaker 2: Blah blah, blah blah. You'll have to read the chapter
34:48
Speaker 2: in my book. It's actually really heartbreaking because his roommate,
34:52
Speaker 2: they were like these two women, gorgeous womanizers living in
34:54
Speaker 2: Echo Park, musicians, and his roommate had struggled with the addiction.
34:58
Speaker 2: And by the time Hazel's life began, like his roommate
35:03
Speaker 2: Ben's life ended. I mean, it's like it's it was
35:07
Speaker 2: the most beautiful, romantic, and heartbreaking time on so many levels.
35:11
Speaker 2: So all that to say, by the time Ed, He's
35:13
Speaker 2: like come off that relationship, and I was like, I
35:15
Speaker 2: I do best with relationships that are like on the fringe,
35:19
Speaker 2: Like I don't need the non monogamy because I've just
35:23
Speaker 2: never I'm like, a, I'm just not personally, I'm not
35:26
Speaker 2: interested in sleeping with more than one person at once.
35:28
Speaker 2: You know. Yeah, it's it's not for me. And it
35:32
Speaker 2: gets messy. I mean we're like, we're the last people
35:36
Speaker 2: out there who I feel like are not like like
35:38
Speaker 2: you know, ethically non monogamous or whatever. But but I
35:43
Speaker 2: found after that, I was like, that works for me,
35:45
Speaker 2: like whatever. That was like a relationship that has its
35:47
Speaker 2: own set of rules and moves at its own speed
35:50
Speaker 2: and pace and and sort of like just grows and
35:53
Speaker 2: evolves on it organically. Like that's for me, right, No,
35:57
Speaker 2: I it's something changed. And I was like, I'll never
35:59
Speaker 2: get married. And then when I met Sam, I said
36:02
Speaker 2: that on our first day, Well, I was like, well,
36:03
Speaker 2: first of all, I have a baby at home, she's
36:05
Speaker 2: six months old. Also, I'm never gonna get married, so
36:07
Speaker 2: that's what you're looking for, you know, good luck? And
36:11
Speaker 2: he was like cool, cool and cool, you know, I
36:14
Speaker 2: love it, right, And so it just it was off
36:16
Speaker 2: the table from the beginning for us, and it still is.
36:19
Speaker 2: I don't know. I get like, here's what I know,
36:22
Speaker 2: and you know this as well as anybody. Love is
36:26
Speaker 2: really complicated and it can often be cruel, and it
36:31
Speaker 2: is just the only thing like we can't ever really
36:35
Speaker 2: understand or control. And knowing what I know about that,
36:39
Speaker 2: I don't understand why why anybody would like lock in
36:43
Speaker 2: for life with one person, knowing that life throws you
36:47
Speaker 2: curveballs and people change, and you know, people start to
36:51
Speaker 2: hate each other or you've thought you find somebody else,
36:54
Speaker 2: and like you can't help but what you're feeling, and
36:57
Speaker 2: you know whatever, I'm as traditional as the next person.
36:59
Speaker 2: I'm super I don't want if they're say I'm cheated
37:03
Speaker 2: on me, it would not be good. Like I'm not
37:06
Speaker 2: saying I want this crazy free love kind of like
37:09
Speaker 2: nineteen seventies lifestyle. I want the grounded traditional values and
37:14
Speaker 2: all that. I just I don't want to be legally
37:17
Speaker 2: bound to someone, knowing that life fucks with you sometimes.
37:21
Speaker 1: You know, I'm on your same page, by the way,
37:23
Speaker 1: I just wanted to get your perspective. I remember after
37:27
Speaker 1: my wedding was postponed at that time due to the pandemic,
37:34
Speaker 1: my mom she kept trying to say it in a
37:38
Speaker 1: very soft way, and keep in mind my parents were
37:40
Speaker 1: married for forty years before my dad passed away, and
37:44
Speaker 1: so I come from successful marriages. You know, I've seen
37:47
Speaker 1: it with right, so you know, so it has nothing
37:51
Speaker 1: to do with me being traumatized by marriage. But she
37:54
Speaker 1: kept saying, if you marry him, you're going to lose
37:57
Speaker 1: your power because we kept trying to put a new
37:59
Speaker 1: day on the calendar and it kept getting canceled because
38:02
Speaker 1: COVID was just not allowing it to happen. And now
38:07
Speaker 1: you know, cut to where we are now and everything
38:09
Speaker 1: I know. I'm just so I will do a ceremony
38:14
Speaker 1: that we can celebrate our love. But when it comes
38:18
Speaker 1: down to the marriage, I am not having it. I
38:21
Speaker 1: will never get married to somebody. We will be together forever.
38:26
Speaker 1: That's that's what I want, just like that's what you want.
38:28
Speaker 1: I don't want to mess around with anybody. I just
38:32
Speaker 1: want a partner for life. But they're no contract involved.
38:36
Speaker 1: I don't need that, no contract. It adds so much pressure.
38:39
Speaker 1: And it's just like I hate all my friends are
38:42
Speaker 1: married and they're happily married. And I hate to sound
38:44
Speaker 1: like a hater, but I honestly find it to be
38:46
Speaker 1: like foolish, like really like knowing what we know?
38:50
Speaker 2: Why do that? It's it's hard. It takes a really
38:53
Speaker 2: like evolved mind to understand that both things can exist,
38:57
Speaker 2: That you can want to be with someone forever and
39:00
Speaker 2: still believe in love and all of that, and yet
39:03
Speaker 2: feel that marriage is bullshit. Like you both can exist totally.
39:07
Speaker 1: I had the best time with you on on my podcast.
39:11
Speaker 1: You have no idea, me too.
39:12
Speaker 2: I also just want to say I really love DJ
39:14
Speaker 2: James Kennedy. I just have to say that, and I
39:16
Speaker 2: think that you. I know you too. For you. I
39:19
Speaker 2: love how you have man like taken care of him,
39:22
Speaker 2: and I love the friend you've been to him, even
39:23
Speaker 2: when it's he's made it impossible for you.
39:26
Speaker 1: You know what, James Kennedy is such a fabulous soul.
39:29
Speaker 1: And if I always tell him, whoever is not your
39:33
Speaker 1: friend is missing out because he is the funnest friends
39:37
Speaker 1: you'll ever have. You got to be tough, you got
39:39
Speaker 1: to be able to take some insults. Yeah, but he
39:41
Speaker 1: doesn't mean them. He loves hard, so that means he
39:44
Speaker 1: fights hard. But I adore DJ James Kennedy.
39:47
Speaker 2: I know he's he's he's on your level. He's on
39:50
Speaker 2: your well not quite. No one's quite on your level.
39:53
Speaker 2: But he's yeah, he's a good he's a good soul.
39:55
Speaker 2: I could tell and you should go on. I want
39:57
Speaker 2: you to go switch to real houses with Beverly Hills.
39:59
Speaker 2: That's the last name going to say about my right.
40:01
Speaker 1: Can can you write into Anti Cohen and tell him that, yeah.
40:03
Speaker 2: You belong there, like it's time for you to elevate.
40:06
Speaker 1: You know that I want to elevate. Where where can
40:09
Speaker 1: people get your book? This might be too personal and
40:12
Speaker 1: other intimate stories.
40:14
Speaker 2: So it's everywhere you can get on Amazon or your
40:16
Speaker 2: local bookstore, and you please follow me at Alyssa Shlaski.
40:22
Speaker 1: I can't wait to read your book.
40:23
Speaker 2: Oh my god, Lalla, I really love your rooting for
40:26
Speaker 2: you and you got this.
40:27
Speaker 1: I really love you too. Thank you so much, babe. Okay,
40:30
Speaker 1: bye bye