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How long does it take to heal from being in a relationship with a narcissist · The Mental Healness Podcast

• 0:00
  So how long does it take to heal from a toxic
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  narcissistic relationship? If you're new here, my name
• 0:05
  is Lee Hammack. I'm a clinically diagnosed
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  narcissist and welcome to another episode of the
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  narcissist code. Welcome
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  back. Welcome back. Welcome
• 0:29
  back folks. Yes. Yep. Yep.
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  Yep. How long does it take to heal
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  from a narcissistic toxic relationship with a toxic
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  narcissistic abusive person? With
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  a horrible person? With a horrible human being? How
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  long does it take? So yeah, I might not like the
• 0:46
  answer to this question. I'm
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  going to be real with you. Some
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  of you might not like it. Some
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  of you might be like, damn it, Lee. Why
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  did you have to say that? But
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  realistically, y 'all, it takes as long as it takes.
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  Then no, but seriously, it does.
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  It does take as long as it
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  takes. This is being real. It
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  does. The healing is up to you. The
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  timetable is completely up to you. Like
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  it takes as long as it's going to or it can be as
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  short as you want it to be. Because
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  toxic narcissistic relationships, they last
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  different amounts of times. It
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  really is. I talked to a person the
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  other day, they have been a member of my support
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  group, right? The mental healers. If
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  y 'all join the support group, we do Zoom lives
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  and meetings and there's workshop. There's
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  a lot of stuff going on in my support groups. The
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  link is in the description of every video and podcast
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  that I do. Mental healers group. But
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  yes, that's where the mind goes, y 'all. And
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  that's just me being realistic. That's
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  literally where the mind goes within this space.
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  I'll talk to the girl the other
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  day, right? And she's like, I wasn't in
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  the relationship for a long time, but it wasn't long,
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  but it was intense. The relationship wasn't very
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  long, but it was extremely intense. And
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  I tell people, like Lent versus intensity, it doesn't
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  have to be a long -term relationship for you to get
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  hooked into it, right? And being in a short three,
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  four, five, six month relationship can take longer
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  to heal than someone leaving a 10 -year
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  relationship. It really depends on you. It
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  really depends on your level of what you want to
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  do, of how you want to go about doing things, right?
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  It really depends on you. It
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  really falls onto you. And I know that sucks when I
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  say that, but the healing, like the abuse, the abuse
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  was on them. The healing, the growth, the
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  empowerment, that's on you. The
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  abuse was on them, the healing is on you, right?
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  So now it's time to heal. Now
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  it's time to grow. Now it's time to move forward.
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  Now it's time to empower
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  yourself because by finally letting go of it, you
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  know, and yes, so I don't think that you can fully
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  heal in the same environment that made you
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  sick, but you can start to heal while you're in it.
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  You can start to heal while
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  you're still dealing with this toxic narcissistic
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  person. You can begin the healing
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  process, but it doesn't mean that you're going to
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  be fully healed or on your way on a healing journey.
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  You can start by the way you
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  start healing is by accepting who they are,
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  accepting who you are and accepting who they are. Who
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  are they? Not who they used to be, not
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  who they used to be just without, not who you think
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  they are, not who you thought they were, but who
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  are they for real? Who is this person? Write
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  this stuff down, y 'all. That's
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  your assignment. This is like, go back to school
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  right now. Your assignment is to write down
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  who this person is. Pardon the interruption. Just
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  want to let you know that I do have courses and
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  support groups available as well. Courses
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  to help you understand what you went through and
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  support groups to help you during or after the toxic
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  relationship. Link in the description and back
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  to the video. Your assignment is to write down
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  exactly who they are so you can accept it. And
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  I'm sorry to make it sound like this. I
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  know it's not an easy thing to accept and that's
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  I'm not trying to make it seem like it's an easy
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  thing to accept, but you have to be real in this,
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  in your convictions right here. You
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  have to be, that this person is extremely abusive.
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  I used to love this person.
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  I still might have love for
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  this person, but this person be extremely abusive,
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  addict, harbor person, liar, cheater, manipulator. Y
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  'all, accept who they are to you, to everybody else.
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  Like accept who they are to you
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  because to other people, they can seem different. To
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  other people, they can be the pastor, the church,
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  they anointed, they just blessed somebody. They
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  took the little anointing oil and put a cross on a
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  baby's forehead and kissed the baby. Held
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  the baby, blessed that baby, christened that baby,
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  baptized that baby and the baby mama and the baby
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  daddy, right? But at home, they're abusive,
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  they lie. That baby, they baptized with
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  their husband and wife. That's
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  the pastor's baby, the pastor's cheating with the
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  wife. They might know that. You
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  see what I'm saying? The pastor has a good image.
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  Who are they to you? Accept
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  who they are to you. You're
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  not lying to yourself about who they are. You
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  see how they treat you. Their
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  behaviors are evidence. I need evidence. I
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  need evidence. The behaviors are the evidence.
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  So it can take a month to
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  heal. It can take years to heal.
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  But I tell people, and this is
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  right here, y 'all, in order to heal, the fastest
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  way to heal, right? To be real with yourself, of
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  course. But then also, don't beat
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  yourself up. You really cannot beat yourself
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  up and don't give yourself a time limit to heal. It
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  takes as long as it takes. It
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  does. It's up to you, but it takes
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  as long as it takes. If you've been in a 45 -year
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  marriage, y 'all, two weeks out of it, you're not,
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  probably not going to be healed. Let's
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  be real. A year out of it, you might
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  not be healed. You might not be fully healed,
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  but you started the healing process. I've
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  been out of it for five weeks. I
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  still cry every day. That's understandable. You
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  just get out of it. Your body is like, if you cry
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  every day, just look at it as your body doing a
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  detox. If you cry every day, your
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  body is detoxing itself from toxicity, right? This
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  is the tears of detox. You know what I mean? It's
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  just cleansing your body. It's
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  cleansing your system of this toxicity, of this
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  relationship dynamic. That's what I tell people. When
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  I say it takes as long as it takes, it's on to you.
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  You can move fast in your
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  healing, or you can take slow healing slowly. Baby
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  steps are still steps. But if you try to, like, I'm
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  just be real, if you try to rush the healing
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  process, you're going to end up with another, first
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  of all, you're going to still be hurt, but you
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  might end up with another, in another narcissistic
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  relationship faster, because a lot of people are going
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  to tell you bad information. Like
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  that's another way to heal faster is to get good
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  information from the right people, the wrong people
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  will have you a week out of your relationship,
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  sending you on dates that you're not ready to go on.
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  They have you missing red flags
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  because you don't understand what you, you're still
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  healing from the previous relationship. You're
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  missing red flags in a new one. You
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  can't, y 'all, this might be hard to believe, but
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  you can end up with a worse person. There's
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  levels to this. You can end up with a worse
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  person because a lot of times when you get out of
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  these relationships, you'll be on high alert, but you
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  still might be questioning yourself. Maybe
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  I'm too, me, I'm too anxious. Maybe
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  I'm too paranoid. Maybe it wasn't a red flag. It
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  is a red flag. It is. Trust
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  yourself. It takes time to understand
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  that, though. Y 'all, you have to stop
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  beating yourself up. You have to get around people
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  who understand what you went through. Like
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  you have to have an outlet. You
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  have to have a vent. The more you vent, the faster
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  you heal. The more outlets you have, the
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  faster you heal. If you still remain isolated
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  in an enclosed space, that might help you heal a
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  little bit. Especially if you're a reader and
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  you're a writer or something like that, but
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  you still have to, you can be in closed space. You
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  can be isolated for a little while, but you still
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  have to be doing the work. You
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  can do meditation. You can do breath work. You
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  can do the auto type of stuff. You
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  can book coaching sessions. You
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  can go to therapy. You can join my support group
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  or anybody else's support group. You
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  can read a book. You can read a book and
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  understand it because understanding what you went
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  through helps out so much too. Understanding
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  what you went through can help you heal faster as
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  well. Like Dr. Romney
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  got books out and stuff like that. I
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  have a course called understanding the seven
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  stages of a type of relationship. You
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  take my course. It's on the links in the
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  description. It helps you understand exactly
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  what you went through because understanding is
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  validation. Understanding is answering the question
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  that you had not been asked that you didn't have
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  the answers for. But I will also tell you this.
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  This is the disk in Accelerate
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  your healing as well. Be okay with not knowing.
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  Being okay with not knowing is
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  super like, because you might not get the answers
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  to every single question that you have that you
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  have to ask. And that narcissistic person is
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  typically not going to be opening, opening and willing
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  to share these answers with you. So
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  they're going to stonewall you out and not give you
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  the closure that you seek. Be
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  okay with not getting closure from them. Be
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  okay with giving closure to yourself. You
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  close it. It's your book. You
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  have to close the chapter on it, right? So
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  the faster you can close the chapter, the faster you
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  can get the healing. You see what I'm saying? Be
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  okay with not knowing why they did what they did
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  sometimes. Because they, I know you can get
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  some answers from me, but I don't know your person
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  personally. You know, why didn't they cheat
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  on me with my best friend or my sister or my brother
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  with access? It could be a lot of
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  different reasons. But I want to ask them. Asking
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  them is not going to make you feel any better. You
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  think it is, but it's not going to make you feel any
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  better. Going no contact or going low
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  contact can help you heal faster too. Because
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  talking to the person every single day, entertaining
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  them, allowing them continuous access to you.
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  If y 'all, if you can prevent
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  it, like you have kids and know it's different, but
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  like, if you don't have anything tied to this
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  person and but you're still allowing access to them,
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  you're still reading their text messages and responding
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  to their voice notes and their snaps, chats on the
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  Instagram, it's going to immerse you. You
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  have to get out of the like the toxic swamp that
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  is this, that is this relationship, right? You
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  have to escape the swamp. You
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  have to get on the dry land. You
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  have to get out the water. You
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  have to dry yourself off by getting away from the
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  toxicity. I will say, I will also add
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  this to it as well, y 'all. Another
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  fast way to heal is to just let yourself know that
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  staying through more abuse does not get you a reward.
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  You won't be rewarded for it,
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  especially for the toxic narcissistic person. They're
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  not going to reward you for being a ride or die.
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  They're not going to reward you
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  for sacrificing your education and your schooling
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  and your job or your career. They're
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  not going to reward you for that. They're
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  going to say you were supposed to do that. Why
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  you want a cookie? For things that you're supposed
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  to do. There's no reward in that, y 'all.
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  So like I said, how long it
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  takes? It takes as long as it takes,
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  but you can accelerate your healing by taking the steps
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  and doing the stuff that I say in this video. You
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  really, really can. Immerse yourself. Okay,
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  I would say this as well, y 'all. Be
• 11:01
  okay with taking breaks from reading stuff, watching
• 11:03
  videos. It's okay to take a break. It's
• 11:05
  okay to take a break from watching videos all day my
• 11:07
  head hurt. Take a break. You
• 11:09
  don't have to watch the video tomorrow. You
• 11:10
  don't have to read the book tomorrow. Take
• 11:11
  a break sometimes. Go for a walk. Meditate.
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  Take a deep breath. You know what I mean? Do
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  the type of stuff right there to give yourself, to
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  give back to yourself. You know? And
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  last but not least, don't compare yourself. Don't
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  compare the speed of your healing to somebody else's.
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  Believe, they've been on a
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  relationship for a year and they already married to
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  somebody else and engaged and happy ever after. I've
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  been off for two years and I'm still single and
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  lonely. Take your time. It's
• 11:35
  not a rush. Comparison can be the thief of joy,
• 11:39
  y 'all, but it can also be inspiration. Don't
• 11:41
  compare your journey to theirs. Get
• 11:43
  inspiration from it. Like them. They
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  heal. I can do it. In
• 11:45
  my support group just yesterday, we had a, we
• 11:47
  had a, one of my Zoom support group meetings. A
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  woman I was talking to, she was laughing and
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  talking about her, talking about her journey. And
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  then the next woman that spoke up, she's like, I'm
• 11:55
  so glad to hear you laughing because she's like,
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  I cry every single day. She's
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  like, I cry every day and it's so good to see you
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  laughing. You've been out, you've been out
• 12:02
  for five weeks. I've been out for two days.
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  It's so good to see you
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  laughing because that shows me I can heal and I can
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  laugh again. She compared it, but she got
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  inspiration from it. She didn't compare it. She's
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  like, I'm not, I'm not that far off. You
• 12:13
  see what I'm saying? Maybe with y 'all, check out the
• 12:15
  group, check out the courses, make sure you
• 12:17
  subscribe to this channel. Hit
• 12:18
  the like button. Mr. Hood, this is up. Peace.
• 12:21
  Thank you so much for making it
• 12:23
  to the end of my video. I am extremely grateful for
• 12:25
  you have no idea. If you haven't already, make
• 12:28
  sure you go ahead and subscribe to the channel.
• 12:29
  He'll reach more people and click
• 12:31
  on the screen to watch another video or to browse
• 12:32
  through another playlist. There's
• 12:34
  also a link on the screen to check out my courses
• 12:36
  and my support groups to help you heal and
• 12:38
  understand what you've been through. Thank
• 12:39
  you so much again. I will see you in the next
• 12:41
  video. Peace.