Latest / I Do, Part 2 / Golden Advice with Kathy Swarts and Susan Noles

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Golden Advice with Kathy Swarts and Susan Noles · I Do, Part 2

• 0:14
  Speaker 1: It's I Do Part two, and it's some of your
• 0:17
  Speaker 1: favorite villain hosts from The Golden Bachelor Season one. It's
• 0:21
  Speaker 1: Kathy Swart.
• 0:22
  Speaker 2: And Susan Knowles, and we're in San Francisco with iHeart
• 0:25
  Speaker 2: for the Jonas Brothers concert and we're having the best
• 0:28
  Speaker 2: time hanging out with the crew.
• 0:30
  Speaker 1: Huh, Katy, Yeah, we are who knew? On this podcast,
• 0:35
  Speaker 1: we're always asking you to call and write in when
• 0:37
  Speaker 1: you need advice, So today we're going to be answering
• 0:40
  Speaker 1: your questions.
• 0:41
  Speaker 3: Little boy. Here we go.
• 0:43
  Speaker 2: First, one's from Allison and Omaha, I'm going on my
• 0:47
  Speaker 2: first date since losing my husband five years ago. I
• 0:51
  Speaker 2: haven't been on a date in over thirty years. What's
• 0:55
  Speaker 2: something I should try to do on the date so
• 0:58
  Speaker 2: that he gets to know me?
• 1:00
  Speaker 3: And I'm not just nervous drink heavily?
• 1:07
  Speaker 1: No this, You know, this is actually an easy question
• 1:09
  Speaker 1: because Alison, I'm right there with you. I'm just dating
• 1:13
  Speaker 1: and my husband died six years ago. So here's my
• 1:16
  Speaker 1: advice to you. You should ask him questions about himself
• 1:22
  Speaker 1: because everybody loves to talk about themselves, and if you
• 1:25
  Speaker 1: ask him something about himself, you know his family, what
• 1:29
  Speaker 1: he does what he likes to do on a weekend.
• 1:31
  Speaker 1: That's going to help you come up with other ideas
• 1:35
  Speaker 1: and he'll ask you some questions.
• 1:36
  Speaker 3: Hopefully he asks her some question.
• 1:38
  Speaker 1: But you know what, don't be nervous, Alison. You know
• 1:41
  Speaker 1: it's only dating. You're not signing your life away yet,
• 1:45
  Speaker 1: so go enjoy it, have some fun, relax and you know,
• 1:49
  Speaker 1: get to know a guy you never know. You never
• 1:51
  Speaker 1: know when the arrow is going to shoot.
• 1:52
  Speaker 2: And for me, just take a big, deep, cleansing breath
• 1:57
  Speaker 2: before you walk in and just do you. Just be you,
• 2:01
  Speaker 2: because you're what matters, not him. Okay, so if you
• 2:06
  Speaker 2: feel chemistry, just be yourself and I think the conversation
• 2:10
  Speaker 2: will flow.
• 2:10
  Speaker 3: I really do.
• 2:11
  Speaker 1: Yeah. I would add one more thing to that, Alison.
• 2:13
  Speaker 1: If there's something special, you know, some special thing you
• 2:16
  Speaker 1: like to do, hiking or kayaking or something you know,
• 2:19
  Speaker 1: bring up that, bring up something that's important to you
• 2:21
  Speaker 1: and see if you can get a conversation started going.
• 2:24
  Speaker 3: Now, way to talk about it.
• 2:25
  Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, don't go too deep and let us know Alison,
• 2:28
  Speaker 1: how that date goes in omhand, Rascal, we want to
• 2:31
  Speaker 1: hear one.
• 2:31
  Speaker 2: Thing I will say, do not say, what are you
• 2:34
  Speaker 2: looking for the worst question ever ever.
• 2:38
  Speaker 1: Well, unless she's looking for a glass of wine and
• 2:40
  Speaker 1: then wave the waiter over.
• 2:42
  Speaker 2: All right, thank you for writing in Alison. Let us
• 2:44
  Speaker 2: know how you make it. We would love to hear.
• 2:45
  Speaker 1: Okay. The second one is from Rachel in Miami, Florida.
• 2:49
  Speaker 1: My marriage ended ten years ago after my husband cheated
• 2:53
  Speaker 1: on me. I haven't been in a relationship since, and
• 2:56
  Speaker 1: now I'm going through menopause. Do you recommend sex toys?
• 3:00
  Speaker 1: I'm tired, but I haven't lost desire. Wellna, this one
• 3:05
  Speaker 1: was for sus She's got about two suitcases full of
• 3:08
  Speaker 1: under her bed.
• 3:09
  Speaker 2: Go for it, But I do have a favorite, my love.
• 3:13
  Speaker 2: I should take stock in this company. The woman eyeser. No, Absolutely,
• 3:17
  Speaker 2: pleasure yourself. There is nothing wrong with it. You're still
• 3:20
  Speaker 2: alive and I don't know about you, but for me
• 3:24
  Speaker 2: menopause it kicked in like it was way more than
• 3:29
  Speaker 2: I ever felt.
• 3:31
  Speaker 3: As far as the changes you mean that you went through.
• 3:34
  Speaker 2: No, the desire for sex, and I didn't have anybody
• 3:37
  Speaker 2: in my life during that time, So yes, by all means, I.
• 3:42
  Speaker 1: Guess that's two thumbs up for sex toys. I'd also
• 3:46
  Speaker 1: say to you, nothing wrong with sex toys. But you
• 3:49
  Speaker 1: know what, maybe you'd like to look in to find
• 3:52
  Speaker 1: your relationship with a guy too. You know, it's not
• 3:54
  Speaker 1: one of the other, Rachel, it's not one of the.
• 3:56
  Speaker 3: Oh, it's both. Definitely both.
• 3:58
  Speaker 1: So good luck to you, and I hope you find
• 4:01
  Speaker 1: some great sex toys and hope you maybe find a
• 4:03
  Speaker 1: good relationship the womanizer.
• 4:05
  Speaker 2: Anyhow, Okay, thank you Rachel. Janet from Brentwood, California. My
• 4:10
  Speaker 2: youngest kid just left for college and I'm officially an
• 4:14
  Speaker 2: empty nester. I've been putting my dating life on the
• 4:18
  Speaker 2: back burner till my kids were grown. How soon into
• 4:21
  Speaker 2: dating someone should I bring them into my world with
• 4:25
  Speaker 2: my kids?
• 4:26
  Speaker 3: Well that's a personal.
• 4:27
  Speaker 2: Well so not the first date as well.
• 4:31
  Speaker 1: Her kids are older, So, Janet, your kids are older
• 4:34
  Speaker 1: and they're out of the house. So I think for
• 4:36
  Speaker 1: you it's a little bit different. I think when you
• 4:38
  Speaker 1: have young children, they're very impressionable. I think in your case,
• 4:44
  Speaker 1: we don't know, you know, if you're a widow, we
• 4:45
  Speaker 1: don't know if you're divorced, we don't know what your
• 4:47
  Speaker 1: kids think of their dad. All those things really matter.
• 4:51
  Speaker 1: But my advice you would be, don't bring somebody in
• 4:55
  Speaker 1: to meet your children unless it's somebody you think you
• 4:58
  Speaker 1: might want to have relationship with. Otherwise your kids are
• 5:02
  Speaker 1: going to go. Here comes the next one. Here it
• 5:04
  Speaker 1: comes the next one.
• 5:05
  Speaker 2: See how you feel about him when it's getting to
• 5:08
  Speaker 2: that point where you're in a committed relationship, if you will. Well,
• 5:12
  Speaker 2: some people don't bring them home for six months, and
• 5:15
  Speaker 2: I don't think that's fair for anybody.
• 5:18
  Speaker 3: You think you should meet the one's family.
• 5:21
  Speaker 1: Well, I agree, but again her children are older and
• 5:23
  Speaker 1: theoretically a little bit more and alone responsible and a
• 5:27
  Speaker 1: little bit more sophisticated. And understand we hope that their
• 5:30
  Speaker 1: mom wants to date. There's something wrong with that, but
• 5:33
  Speaker 1: I would not be saying, you know, this week it's Jack,
• 5:36
  Speaker 1: next week it's John. And by the way, I'll let
• 5:39
  Speaker 1: you meet Tom in two weeks. That's not going to
• 5:41
  Speaker 1: play well. But we wish you luck and the dating.
• 5:44
  Speaker 1: And can't get discouraged because Jannet, Can I ask a favor? Yeah,
• 5:49
  Speaker 1: not you, Susan a message, Janet, here's my favorite, Janet.
• 5:53
  Speaker 1: Can I have your cast offs? Can you send them
• 5:55
  Speaker 1: my way? You know I'm not that picky, so you know,
• 5:59
  Speaker 1: send me your send your cast offs. And who knows
• 6:02
  Speaker 1: we could have loved budding in the air at any moment.
• 6:05
  Speaker 3: All Right.
• 6:05
  Speaker 1: The next one is from Kristin, and she's from Paris, Texas.
• 6:09
  Speaker 1: And I know right where Paris, Texas is, Kristin, because
• 6:12
  Speaker 1: I've been through there. Okay, I've been seeing a guy
• 6:16
  Speaker 1: for four months. He's a single dad and I'm a
• 6:19
  Speaker 1: single mom. Every time we're together, his ex wife is
• 6:23
  Speaker 1: calling or blowing up his cell phone. I haven't met
• 6:26
  Speaker 1: her yet, But how do I approach him that it
• 6:29
  Speaker 1: bothers me without making myself sound clingy?
• 6:34
  Speaker 3: Four months?
• 6:35
  Speaker 1: Huh?
• 6:35
  Speaker 2: It's yeah, every time? I want to know, does he
• 6:38
  Speaker 2: complain about it as well?
• 6:40
  Speaker 3: Or is it just you? You're gonna have to bite
• 6:43
  Speaker 3: your tongue, sweetie.
• 6:45
  Speaker 1: I'm not gonna what a chocker Susan you and are
• 6:47
  Speaker 1: going to disagree. Those of you don't listen to us regularly.
• 6:51
  Speaker 2: I don't think it would make her sound clingy by
• 6:54
  Speaker 2: complaining that's I wouldn't use the word clean.
• 6:57
  Speaker 1: I think I think what she's really saying is it
• 7:00
  Speaker 1: made my curse sound jealousy, like, do you still have
• 7:03
  Speaker 1: a thing? Here's what I want to know, christ annoying? Well,
• 7:08
  Speaker 1: here's Here's it depends why. If she is calling because
• 7:15
  Speaker 1: they have a child that has special needs, if there's
• 7:18
  Speaker 1: a reason, if she's blowing up his phone because, you know,
• 7:22
  Speaker 1: do you have the number of a good plumber because
• 7:24
  Speaker 1: my dishwasher just went out, I'd have a problem with that.
• 7:28
  Speaker 2: I think maybe wait, blowing up his phone because she
• 7:31
  Speaker 2: didn't want the divorce.
• 7:33
  Speaker 1: We don't know. What I'm saying is I'd wait a
• 7:35
  Speaker 1: few more months. And if this develops into a serious
• 7:38
  Speaker 1: relationship for you and you think you see a future
• 7:41
  Speaker 1: with this guy, then it's time to bring it up.
• 7:44
  Speaker 2: But something Kathy and I do agree on is communication. Conversation.
• 7:50
  Speaker 1: Yeah, I'm not trying to have it yet, but.
• 7:51
  Speaker 2: She's just seeing a guy. She's not saying she's in
• 7:54
  Speaker 2: a relationship for four months. She's seeing a guy.
• 7:57
  Speaker 1: Yeah. So, and let me just say, Kristen, if every
• 8:00
  Speaker 1: time you guys are together, his ex wife is calling
• 8:04
  Speaker 1: and or blowing up his cell phone, one of you
• 8:06
  Speaker 1: needs to go out and buy a lottery ticket because
• 8:09
  Speaker 1: the odds of that happening every time you're together, you're
• 8:13
  Speaker 1: either together twenty four to seven or she has you
• 8:16
  Speaker 1: know what, she's got an apple tag on him.
• 8:18
  Speaker 2: Maybe she knows been more than once while they were together,
• 8:21
  Speaker 2: and it's getting on on Kristen's nerves.
• 8:23
  Speaker 3: That's what I think.
• 8:25
  Speaker 1: I'd tread lightly Kristen for a little bit longer, and then.
• 8:28
  Speaker 3: Slow approach to this one, but have a conversation.
• 8:31
  Speaker 1: If it gets Yeah, I would absolutely do. Thank you
• 8:34
  Speaker 1: for sy snow, Kristin. And by the way, Paris, Texas
• 8:38
  Speaker 1: is a great place. You've chosen a good town to
• 8:40
  Speaker 1: live in, Okay.
• 8:41
  Speaker 2: Helen from Rutland, Virginia writes, I've been divorced for a
• 8:45
  Speaker 2: handful of years now and have decided I want something
• 8:49
  Speaker 2: less conventional the second time around. Dating someone long distance
• 8:54
  Speaker 2: seems appealing. What's one thing that no one anticipates though?
• 9:02
  Speaker 2: When they start doing that? Well, I can tell you
• 9:05
  Speaker 2: firsthand it seems easy, but it's not. It's some days
• 9:10
  Speaker 2: are more difficult, but you get through that. As long
• 9:12
  Speaker 2: as you have a plan for the next visit. That
• 9:16
  Speaker 2: always helps. It is appealing because they're not underfoot twenty
• 9:22
  Speaker 2: four to seven. You know you've been on your own
• 9:25
  Speaker 2: for a while. I know I've been, you know, by
• 9:27
  Speaker 2: myself for a while. And when he is here for
• 9:29
  Speaker 2: two weeks, I love every minute of it. But it's like,
• 9:32
  Speaker 2: oh my god. And then he leaves and she calls me,
• 9:35
  Speaker 2: clean this up, do this, do this, shut the door.
• 9:38
  Speaker 1: Here's what I think. I don't. I have never dated
• 9:42
  Speaker 1: someone long distance, but I can imagine that no one
• 9:49
  Speaker 1: would anticipate that maybe one or the other of you
• 9:54
  Speaker 1: form stronger feelings and you don't want to be long
• 9:59
  Speaker 1: distance anymore. Or you say right now, Helen, that you'd
• 10:02
  Speaker 1: like to be a dating long distance. It seems appealing,
• 10:06
  Speaker 1: it's less conventional. It allows you to be in your lane,
• 10:09
  Speaker 1: by yourself. Sometimes it allows you to be with him.
• 10:13
  Speaker 1: But here's the thing. Once you're with him for a
• 10:16
  Speaker 1: while or he with you, you might change your mind
• 10:20
  Speaker 1: or he might change his mind. And then here's the issue.
• 10:24
  Speaker 1: You fall in love, he falls in love. You really
• 10:26
  Speaker 1: down the road, you see yourself wanting to spend twenty
• 10:30
  Speaker 1: four to seven oops, you're leaving Rutland, Virginia, or he's
• 10:34
  Speaker 1: arriving on your doorstep, and you don't anticipate that, thinking.
• 10:38
  Speaker 3: It sounds good, and it is good.
• 10:39
  Speaker 2: It is, But then it also depends on how far
• 10:42
  Speaker 2: of a long distance. Yeah, if he's in Europe, that's
• 10:46
  Speaker 2: a hell of a plane ride.
• 10:47
  Speaker 1: Yeah, I mean, I'm guessing you know she's she's thinking
• 10:50
  Speaker 1: probably another state. But I also would say one other thing.
• 10:56
  Speaker 1: You said, what's one thing? Let me give you one
• 10:57
  Speaker 1: other thing that I don't think people are into topate.
• 11:01
  Speaker 1: When you're with someone all the time, it's it doesn't
• 11:05
  Speaker 1: take long till you see that they leave their socks
• 11:08
  Speaker 1: in the middle of the bedroom. But when you but
• 11:10
  Speaker 1: when you see them on an occasional basis, everybody's on
• 11:14
  Speaker 1: their best behavior, and so you may or may not
• 11:17
  Speaker 1: get to know the real person until you spend extended
• 11:22
  Speaker 1: amount of time together.
• 11:23
  Speaker 4: So so maybe though that's what she's wanted to know,
• 11:26
  Speaker 4: and that's there's nothing wrong with no.
• 11:28
  Speaker 1: And again, Helen, there's a common theme here. Send me
• 11:31
  Speaker 1: your cast off too, Thank you so much. We have
• 11:44
  Speaker 1: one from Lindsay from Newport Beach, California. Here we go.
• 11:48
  Speaker 1: My ex husband and I are going through a long,
• 11:51
  Speaker 1: contentious divorce. It's been over two years and I don't
• 11:55
  Speaker 1: know when it will end. We've both moved on. He
• 11:58
  Speaker 1: is in another relationship and I've been dating someone for
• 12:00
  Speaker 1: six months. My kids have no problem with their dad dating,
• 12:04
  Speaker 1: but are upset with me and treat my boyfriend terribly
• 12:08
  Speaker 1: when he's around. What should I do? My exes? No help?
• 12:12
  Speaker 1: What should you do? Well? First of all, I got
• 12:15
  Speaker 1: some humor in here. You know, when the divorce, you know,
• 12:18
  Speaker 1: in the contentious divorce is going to be over, when
• 12:21
  Speaker 1: the lawyers cannot rent one more dollars for either one
• 12:24
  Speaker 1: of yours, that's my other. You know what, kids, I
• 12:28
  Speaker 1: have to be honest with her. My kids struggle until recently,
• 12:34
  Speaker 1: and I've been single now six years. Until recently, my
• 12:37
  Speaker 1: kids have struggled with me, particularly my daughter. Bringing a
• 12:42
  Speaker 1: man into my life. Your kids, uh, six months probably
• 12:48
  Speaker 1: seems a long time to you. I wonder how old
• 12:50
  Speaker 1: your kids are because that makes a difference how old
• 12:54
  Speaker 1: your kids are.
• 12:55
  Speaker 4: Also, do your kids live with you? Because they don't
• 13:00
  Speaker 4: have a problem with their dad? Because I'm sure if
• 13:03
  Speaker 4: he gets them every other weekend, he's not with that person.
• 13:07
  Speaker 4: You know, when she's with somebody and they live with her,
• 13:10
  Speaker 4: they're seeing him. As she says, they treat him awful.
• 13:14
  Speaker 1: Right, But she said, but she said, the kids have
• 13:16
  Speaker 1: no problem with their dad dating, So you're right.
• 13:19
  Speaker 3: I know he's dating, but maybe it's not in their face.
• 13:22
  Speaker 1: And you know what, maybe that's, lindsay, something to try.
• 13:24
  Speaker 1: Maybe don't date, get a babysitter, don't bring him home,
• 13:27
  Speaker 1: go out, you know.
• 13:28
  Speaker 2: Not only that, depending on how old the children are,
• 13:31
  Speaker 2: you have a conversation with them too. Hey, I'm alive.
• 13:34
  Speaker 2: There's nothing you know what with eating. I'm going to
• 13:37
  Speaker 2: move on.
• 13:38
  Speaker 1: So my parents were divorced when I was six, and
• 13:42
  Speaker 1: that is not a conversation that I would have understood.
• 13:45
  Speaker 1: That's why I says, Well, we don't know how older children. Oh,
• 13:48
  Speaker 1: that's why I said, so you know, if they're teenagers,
• 13:51
  Speaker 1: let's just be let's just cut caught what it is.
• 13:53
  Speaker 1: Teenagers tend to be selfish and only think of themselves.
• 13:56
  Speaker 1: So you know, they want to ride to the skating rink.
• 13:59
  Speaker 1: They don't want you out on a date. I mean,
• 14:00
  Speaker 1: there's we don't have enough information here, lindsay, but give
• 14:04
  Speaker 1: it again, give it some time, give it time, don't
• 14:07
  Speaker 1: don't push your kids. Just remember it's been a contentious
• 14:10
  Speaker 1: divorce for you, but it's also been tough for them.
• 14:13
  Speaker 1: They've lost their family.
• 14:14
  Speaker 2: You have noticed that, you said, my ex is no help.
• 14:18
  Speaker 2: What do you expect him to help with? You want
• 14:21
  Speaker 2: him to talk to your children? Maybe and say it's
• 14:23
  Speaker 2: okay that mom dates, like I don't understand that part.
• 14:27
  Speaker 1: That's probably what she's thinking. That dad could say, Hey,
• 14:31
  Speaker 1: you know you don't mind being dating, right, you know
• 14:34
  Speaker 1: you don't mind I'm dating Louise. Your mother should be
• 14:36
  Speaker 1: able to date Joe. Good luck. Divorce. Divorce sucks, it's hard.
• 14:43
  Speaker 1: I'm sure you're be kind to yourself too, you know.
• 14:46
  Speaker 3: You're give it some time, Give it some.
• 14:48
  Speaker 1: Time, give yourself the great, the great.
• 14:51
  Speaker 3: My boys.
• 14:51
  Speaker 2: I've been divorced eighteen years and my boys still don't
• 14:54
  Speaker 2: want to meet anybody.
• 14:56
  Speaker 1: That's a whole nother question for a whole nother podcast.
• 14:59
  Speaker 1: It's called you know, send them upstairs for the Kedemine therapy.
• 15:04
  Speaker 1: All right. The next one is from.
• 15:06
  Speaker 3: David in Manhattan.
• 15:08
  Speaker 1: Yeah, okay, I'm retired and my wife passed away more
• 15:12
  Speaker 1: than a decade ago. Since then, my only focus was
• 15:16
  Speaker 1: raising our kids. I have built a lot of financial
• 15:19
  Speaker 1: security for myself and my kids. Now that I'm dating again,
• 15:23
  Speaker 1: how do I bring up the nancys because it's important
• 15:26
  Speaker 1: to me and I'm not going to do anything that
• 15:29
  Speaker 1: would impact my kids negatively.
• 15:33
  Speaker 2: Well, I don't blame me there, but I mean, you're
• 15:36
  Speaker 2: just dating. There's no reason for that conversation immediately.
• 15:42
  Speaker 1: Well, and let me just say, I think this is
• 15:45
  Speaker 1: a tricky one. Yeah, And it's tricky because you have
• 15:50
  Speaker 1: built financial security for yourself and your children. And I
• 15:56
  Speaker 1: feel exactly the same way. My husband passed away, as
• 16:00
  Speaker 1: I said, six years ago, and the money I have,
• 16:03
  Speaker 1: I'm financially secure. My husband and I worked hard for
• 16:07
  Speaker 1: that income, and I want my kids to benefit from
• 16:12
  Speaker 1: that when I go. So I don't think David, that
• 16:16
  Speaker 1: you have to bring it up right now. I think
• 16:20
  Speaker 1: that only.
• 16:21
  Speaker 2: If you're getting serious, moving in together or remarrying.
• 16:24
  Speaker 1: But I think before you remarry, before you move in,
• 16:27
  Speaker 1: you would have just like if you, David, just as
• 16:30
  Speaker 1: if you were dating for the first time, you know,
• 16:32
  Speaker 1: you had no kids, you would talk about do you
• 16:34
  Speaker 1: want kids? Are we going to have a joint checking account,
• 16:36
  Speaker 1: who's going to pay the bills, how are we going
• 16:37
  Speaker 1: to pay the bills, who's going to do the laundry?
• 16:40
  Speaker 1: You know, if and when it gets to that time
• 16:44
  Speaker 1: with a potential mate, that's when you have those conversations.
• 16:48
  Speaker 1: You You don't say to her, hey, let's move in
• 16:51
  Speaker 1: together and then have the conversation.
• 16:53
  Speaker 3: Called a prenup. If you get married right.
• 16:56
  Speaker 1: Well, yeah, and then find a good lawyer who can
• 16:58
  Speaker 1: break it.
• 17:00
  Speaker 2: David, good luck, But don't be real quick to bring
• 17:03
  Speaker 2: that up, because you'll turn somebody right off. And hopefully
• 17:06
  Speaker 2: you'll find somebody that's comfortable financially themselves and that won't
• 17:09
  Speaker 2: be a problem.
• 17:10
  Speaker 1: Hold on, I just got a quick follow up here.
• 17:13
  Speaker 1: I feel like I'm an attorney. Quick follow up, quick
• 17:17
  Speaker 1: follow up question.
• 17:17
  Speaker 3: You'd be good.
• 17:18
  Speaker 1: I want to go to law school. Just couldn't couldn't
• 17:21
  Speaker 1: get together. Here's here's my question for you. If if
• 17:26
  Speaker 1: you are dating someone of means and you have means
• 17:31
  Speaker 1: whose means pay first? And by that I mean what
• 17:35
  Speaker 1: do you mean? I mean seriously? Yeah, like, think about it.
• 17:39
  Speaker 1: If he if David from Manhattan finds a woman with means.
• 17:43
  Speaker 3: It's the same as he has.
• 17:44
  Speaker 1: Are we cutting it fifty to fifty?
• 17:46
  Speaker 3: I guess?
• 17:46
  Speaker 1: So I don't want to. I don't want to be
• 17:49
  Speaker 1: told I'm an old time princess.
• 17:52
  Speaker 4: Oh oh, don't you dare said princess? Emphasis on the
• 17:56
  Speaker 4: old Okay, we have a thing about the word princess. Okay,
• 17:59
  Speaker 4: you know, be stor right. The next one is from
• 18:01
  Speaker 4: Chelsea from Phoenix, Arizona. My ex husband cheated on me
• 18:06
  Speaker 4: and started a relationship with the woman he had an
• 18:10
  Speaker 4: affair with. They ended up getting married, and after seven years,
• 18:15
  Speaker 4: she's now found out he cheated on her. She's trying
• 18:20
  Speaker 4: to turn to me for sympathy. I feel bad, but
• 18:24
  Speaker 4: what do I do? She's the reason my marriage ended.
• 18:28
  Speaker 1: Can I answer this question?
• 18:30
  Speaker 3: Yeah?
• 18:30
  Speaker 1: I'm going to too, but go right in this one.
• 18:32
  Speaker 1: To me, honestly, Susan is so simple. I'm not going
• 18:37
  Speaker 1: to say what many women say is wants a cheater,
• 18:40
  Speaker 1: always a cheater. Now, I'm not going to say that.
• 18:43
  Speaker 1: I'm going to say, why would you want anything to
• 18:50
  Speaker 1: do with a woman who, theoretically, in your words, is
• 18:56
  Speaker 1: the reason your marriage ended? So you know what, It's
• 19:00
  Speaker 1: called busy signal. That's showing my age. If she calls,
• 19:04
  Speaker 1: block her email, don't answer her text, and if she persists,
• 19:08
  Speaker 1: say you know, Louise for the name of the day, Louise,
• 19:13
  Speaker 1: I'm really sorry. I guess you know how I felt now,
• 19:17
  Speaker 1: but we're going to go our separate ways. I've built
• 19:19
  Speaker 1: a new life and I suggest you do the same.
• 19:22
  Speaker 1: Be nice, be firm, be polite it's over, or or
• 19:27
  Speaker 1: you'd be more like me. Oh god, Susan's going to
• 19:30
  Speaker 1: invite you over for tea.
• 19:31
  Speaker 2: After seven years, I'm well over it, and I would
• 19:35
  Speaker 2: feel bad and bring her hugger and says and one
• 19:39
  Speaker 2: of the things I could say, as you just did,
• 19:42
  Speaker 2: that's exactly how I felt. I know what you're feeling,
• 19:45
  Speaker 2: and I feel for you.
• 19:46
  Speaker 1: And then the conversation is over.
• 19:47
  Speaker 3: I can't fix it. And where do I want to
• 19:50
  Speaker 3: be your best friend? I'll hold her hand.
• 19:54
  Speaker 2: No, I'm not going to ignore her and make her
• 19:55
  Speaker 2: go away busy signal.
• 19:57
  Speaker 3: I'm going to say, give me pleasu sure to hug her.
• 20:01
  Speaker 1: See.
• 20:02
  Speaker 4: See, this is the different, This is the That's exactly
• 20:06
  Speaker 4: how you feel right now is what I went through. However,
• 20:10
  Speaker 4: it's been seven years and I'm over it, so bringing in,
• 20:13
  Speaker 4: let me give you a hug.
• 20:14
  Speaker 1: But really you're being like it. But you know what,
• 20:19
  Speaker 1: I don't know because I never was cheated on. But
• 20:22
  Speaker 1: but Chelsea, I don't blame you if you're not over it.
• 20:26
  Speaker 1: I think that's.
• 20:27
  Speaker 4: Really feel But what do I do you do? What
• 20:29
  Speaker 4: makes what you are comfortable with?
• 20:32
  Speaker 1: I mean you if you are looking to Susan and
• 20:35
  Speaker 1: me for approval to tell her, you know, you take
• 20:40
  Speaker 1: a short trip off a long pier. That's you don't
• 20:44
  Speaker 1: need our permission do it. If you want to be
• 20:46
  Speaker 1: the hug it out Susan type, you don't need our
• 20:49
  Speaker 1: permission to do that either. I myself would not answer
• 20:53
  Speaker 1: the phone, block her calls. And if I saw in
• 20:55
  Speaker 1: the grocery aisle, you know, in the peanut butter aisle,
• 20:59
  Speaker 1: and she came up to me and said let's have coffee,
• 21:01
  Speaker 1: I'd really like to talk with you. I would say, Louise,
• 21:05
  Speaker 1: you know what now you know how I feel or
• 21:08
  Speaker 1: how I felt seven years ago. I don't want to
• 21:11
  Speaker 1: go back and relive what I had to go through
• 21:15
  Speaker 1: when John or had an affair with you. So I
• 21:18
  Speaker 1: wish you all the best, but I have to go
• 21:20
  Speaker 1: pick up my turkey in the deli aisle.
• 21:22
  Speaker 2: Now, so where she can also say to her for
• 21:26
  Speaker 2: the next one, how would you feel when the person
• 21:29
  Speaker 2: that he cheated on you with seven years?
• 21:33
  Speaker 3: What are you going to hug them? What do you
• 21:35
  Speaker 3: want me to do for you?
• 21:36
  Speaker 1: Susan. Don't ask a question that you either know the
• 21:40
  Speaker 1: answer to or you don't want the answer. Okay, well
• 21:44
  Speaker 1: you know what that's but you know what you do,
• 21:46
  Speaker 1: what you want to do, whatever, and write snow Chelsea personally.
• 21:50
  Speaker 3: But an ass he's an.
• 21:53
  Speaker 1: Oh now it comes out. Oh wait, what happened to
• 21:55
  Speaker 1: the hugged out her?
• 21:58
  Speaker 3: Kumba said him.
• 22:00
  Speaker 1: I'm sure he's a lovely man. All right. Well, thanks
• 22:03
  Speaker 1: everybody for writing in. Keep your questions coming. This podcast
• 22:07
  Speaker 1: is all about you, the listeners.
• 22:09
  Speaker 2: And if you're dealing with a difficult X bouncing back
• 22:13
  Speaker 2: after divorce, need some guidance, call us or email us.
• 22:19
  Speaker 2: All the info is in the show notes.
• 22:22
  Speaker 1: Follow us on socials. Make sure to rate and review
• 22:25
  Speaker 1: the podcast.
• 22:26
  Speaker 2: I Do Part two an iHeartRadio podcast where falling in
• 22:30
  Speaker 2: love is the main objective