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SMNTY Interviews: Maria Diez · Stuff Mom Never Told You

• 0:05
  Speaker 1: Hey, this is Annie and Samantha and welcome to Steff
• 0:07
  Speaker 1: I'll Never told you, a production of iHeartRadio.
• 0:18
  Speaker 2: And today we are so thrilled.
• 0:20
  Speaker 1: To be joined by Maria Diaz, the host of the
• 0:24
  Speaker 1: podcast When You're Invisible. Thank you so much for being here.
• 0:29
  Speaker 2: Oh my gosh, thank you for having me.
• 0:31
  Speaker 1: Yes, our contributor on the show, Joey, who's been on
• 0:35
  Speaker 1: the show, sent your name our way and we were
• 0:38
  Speaker 1: so excited to talk to you. There's a lot of
• 0:42
  Speaker 1: overlap and what you talk about what we talk about.
• 0:46
  Speaker 1: So could you introduce yourself to our audience please?
• 0:50
  Speaker 2: Yeah, totally.
• 0:51
  Speaker 3: So.
• 0:51
  Speaker 4: I'm Maria Fernandaleez, but I go by Maria for folks
• 0:55
  Speaker 4: who can't roll their urs and I like a little
• 0:59
  Speaker 4: bit about me. So I a live in New York City.
• 1:03
  Speaker 4: I'm an artist along with a podcaster. I was originally
• 1:07
  Speaker 4: an actor slash, I.
• 1:09
  Speaker 2: Am an actor? Why originally still am?
• 1:13
  Speaker 4: And I actually was an iHeart Next Up fellow and
• 1:17
  Speaker 4: that's how I found podcasting during the pandemic, because I
• 1:20
  Speaker 4: was already doing it on my Instagram like I was.
• 1:23
  Speaker 2: My dad happens to be a.
• 1:24
  Speaker 4: Microbiologist who like works with the CDC and so I
• 1:28
  Speaker 4: was like talking to him about like what is science
• 1:32
  Speaker 4: and like what about all these things that we're using
• 1:34
  Speaker 4: for the vaccine, Like how does this work? And then
• 1:36
  Speaker 4: I was talking to my brother about what was happening
• 1:38
  Speaker 4: politically during that time and like how to break that down.
• 1:42
  Speaker 4: So my friend, my sweet angel friend, was like, this
• 1:45
  Speaker 4: sounds something like something you would like to do. So
• 1:48
  Speaker 4: shout out to next Up who taught me how to podcast.
• 1:53
  Speaker 4: And then at the end we all our shows, we
• 1:57
  Speaker 4: pitch and we join the Hurt family. And then I've
• 2:02
  Speaker 4: had the pleasure of getting to build when You're Invisible
• 2:05
  Speaker 4: with an incredible team for season one and now season two.
• 2:09
  Speaker 4: Last season we also won a Signal Award and where
• 2:13
  Speaker 4: we be nominated.
• 2:14
  Speaker 2: So it's really cool. It's like a cool world.
• 2:17
  Speaker 4: And I When You're Invisible is my love letter to
• 2:19
  Speaker 4: the working class and immigrants and folks who are other
• 2:22
  Speaker 4: in an American Western society because I'm first gen. I'm
• 2:26
  Speaker 4: a first gen Latina who grew up like yeah, like
• 2:31
  Speaker 4: we didn't have much growing up, and then my parents
• 2:33
  Speaker 4: got to become middle class and we always had an
• 2:37
  Speaker 4: immigrant community or we moved around a lot too, So
• 2:39
  Speaker 4: like I grew up in like midwestern Minnesota, and then
• 2:43
  Speaker 4: my parents are now in Georgia, but I'm like from
• 2:45
  Speaker 4: upstate New York, and so it was just kind of
• 2:48
  Speaker 4: a hodgepodge of things with like deep roots still in Mexico.
• 2:52
  Speaker 4: So for me, it was really important to be having
• 2:55
  Speaker 4: conversations with like everyday people and the people who inspired
• 2:58
  Speaker 4: me to be who I am and to connect with others.
• 3:02
  Speaker 2: And I also very much.
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  Speaker 4: Was raised by a tribe of really incredible women as well,
• 3:09
  Speaker 4: who were not afraid to both like challenge the norm
• 3:12
  Speaker 4: and then also have a lot of the norm embedded
• 3:14
  Speaker 4: in them, and so like being the first and the
• 3:17
  Speaker 4: oldest grandkid and stuff like that, and learning ropes that
• 3:22
  Speaker 4: like I was not given originally. And so for me
• 3:25
  Speaker 4: it was like really important to uplift voices who have
• 3:28
  Speaker 4: shown me a different way or who have lived life differently,
• 3:32
  Speaker 4: while still also being like, how do you make it
• 3:34
  Speaker 4: through everyday life when you're not a celebrity, when you
• 3:37
  Speaker 4: don't have all these means and resources afforded to you
• 3:43
  Speaker 4: and make life beautiful regardless of.
• 3:46
  Speaker 1: Yeah, that's I love that so much. I'm so glad
• 3:50
  Speaker 1: that next up you came through through next step that's amazing.
• 3:56
  Speaker 1: On your second season, We're going to talk about this more,
• 3:59
  Speaker 1: but I love how you have brought your family into
• 4:02
  Speaker 1: these conversations and had conversations with your family.
• 4:05
  Speaker 2: Yeah.
• 4:06
  Speaker 1: But yeah, that's a good segue into you kind of
• 4:09
  Speaker 1: talked about it. But can you give us an overview
• 4:12
  Speaker 1: of what the podcast is?
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  Speaker 2: What's the Yeah, totally.
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  Speaker 4: So it's definitely talking to everyday people, like the lifeblood.
• 4:19
  Speaker 2: Of our country in many ways.
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  Speaker 4: And it starts off, like the whole series starts off
• 4:27
  Speaker 4: with my friend from the Columbia University Mail Center, who
• 4:35
  Speaker 4: like literally helped me see life in a completely different way,
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  Speaker 4: Like he kept me from dropping out when I was
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  Speaker 4: like an average public school kid going to this slite
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  Speaker 4: university on like an almost full ride.
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  Speaker 2: Being like how do I do anything?
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  Speaker 4: And incredible conversations with my classmates, of course, but things
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  Speaker 4: that I'd never faced in my life before, and also
• 4:58
  Speaker 4: dealing with it in theory versus and like all of
• 5:01
  Speaker 4: these different things. And my friend was the one who
• 5:03
  Speaker 4: was kind of like, so, do you think this place
• 5:06
  Speaker 4: is hard because it's not the right place for you?
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  Speaker 2: Or is it hard.
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  Speaker 4: Because it's just you've never experienced anything like it? And
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  Speaker 4: can you wait it out?
• 5:14
  Speaker 5: Uh?
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  Speaker 4: And like who are you doing this for? Is it
• 5:17
  Speaker 4: for yourself? And who else are you elevating with this opportunity?
• 5:23
  Speaker 2: And he had a beautiful way of like every.
• 5:25
  Speaker 4: Day I would ask him like, how are you doing
• 5:27
  Speaker 4: when I'd see him, and he'd be like, I'm great.
• 5:29
  Speaker 4: I'm like amazing, Why are you great? And He's like, uh,
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  Speaker 4: I just day am like I woke up today. And
• 5:36
  Speaker 4: it was such an incredible perspective on life, and he
• 5:40
  Speaker 4: and the rest of the workers at the mail center
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  Speaker 4: like literally uplifted all the students, Like there are so
• 5:46
  Speaker 4: many of us who became friends with them, and they
• 5:50
  Speaker 4: just had an incredible way of just being like, even
• 5:53
  Speaker 4: if you only see us for five minutes today, how
• 5:56
  Speaker 4: do we make your day better? How do you feel
• 5:58
  Speaker 4: seen in your day? And I think it spurred a
• 6:01
  Speaker 4: lot of my thoughts in this along with just like
• 6:05
  Speaker 4: people who've gotten to know like I in the first season,
• 6:09
  Speaker 4: like I talked to my friend Kate, who she's an
• 6:12
  Speaker 4: incredible activist and worker with kids who stutter, and she
• 6:17
  Speaker 4: has a really pronounced stutter, and so we talk about
• 6:19
  Speaker 4: like what it's like to be perceived as like slow
• 6:23
  Speaker 4: or like when your people don't have patience for you,
• 6:26
  Speaker 4: and also what it's like to date as a woman
• 6:29
  Speaker 4: who has something so quote unquote defective upfront, and when
• 6:36
  Speaker 4: what version of your authentic self are you portraying? And
• 6:39
  Speaker 4: so like different things like that. In this season, we
• 6:42
  Speaker 4: start with my brother. Episode one is out and it's
• 6:45
  Speaker 4: with my brother who is a community organizer, and how
• 6:49
  Speaker 4: he viewed life differently than I viewed life growing up,
• 6:52
  Speaker 4: and like how our paths led to what we do
• 6:55
  Speaker 4: and how I think Like his episode is not to
• 6:59
  Speaker 4: bring up the election, but is beautifully timed in a
• 7:01
  Speaker 4: way of like, Okay, what now and what are the
• 7:04
  Speaker 4: ways we can do little changes? And I think that's
• 7:07
  Speaker 4: true about this particular season is we'll talk to people
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  Speaker 4: we talk to everyday people and people whose identities intersect
• 7:14
  Speaker 4: in very specific ways. Like we have a trans Latino
• 7:19
  Speaker 4: boy in Arizona who's like we talk about like it
• 7:23
  Speaker 4: is what it's like to look at the world through
• 7:25
  Speaker 4: a youth perspective, along with like the intersection of being
• 7:30
  Speaker 4: Latino and trans and in a red state, like and
• 7:34
  Speaker 4: yet he has so much joy. And then my friend Yahira,
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  Speaker 4: who is who was a teen mom and she's a
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  Speaker 4: Latina and all of the stereotypes that that carried, and
• 7:43
  Speaker 4: her mentality of being able to be like, you know what,
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  Speaker 4: I can see how you are limiting me, but I'm
• 7:50
  Speaker 4: not going to limit myself and like the absolute strength
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  Speaker 4: she has in that, and then yeah, and just like
• 7:56
  Speaker 4: a variety of people and just talking about what has
• 7:59
  Speaker 4: led that to their place in life right now, what
• 8:03
  Speaker 4: are their hopes and dreams. When do they feel seen
• 8:08
  Speaker 4: and when do they feel invisible? Because I think sometimes
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  Speaker 4: we're not upfront about how other people's bias and our
• 8:14
  Speaker 4: own bias affect how we're able to be in connection,
• 8:18
  Speaker 4: community and conversation with each other, and like, yeah, big
• 8:22
  Speaker 4: upfront about I had preconceived notions about this conversation, or
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  Speaker 4: like I feel really nervous to talk about this myself
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  Speaker 4: because I grew up this way, Like with Yahira, I'm like,
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  Speaker 4: I grew up with like don't get pregnant, sex before marriage?
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  Speaker 2: What the heck is a?
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  Speaker 4: And like not okay, right, Like there were things like
• 8:41
  Speaker 4: that where I had to shed that for myself and
• 8:44
  Speaker 4: then thinking about it in context with a teen mom,
• 8:46
  Speaker 4: or like we talked to West Virginia coal miners in
• 8:50
  Speaker 4: the podcast, and I was like, I totally came in
• 8:52
  Speaker 4: not knowing anything about like your life or what you
• 8:55
  Speaker 4: do other than the research that I'd done, and I
• 8:58
  Speaker 4: still assumed they were going to be ignorant or you know, conservative,
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  Speaker 4: or have a problem with me being a woman or Latina.
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  Speaker 4: And they were like the nicest humans, and they were like, yeah,
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  Speaker 4: like it's all about us all being willing to be like,
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  Speaker 4: I'm going to be ignorant in some way. He's like
• 9:15
  Speaker 4: one of them was like, I'm sure I'm ignorant to you,
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  Speaker 4: and I'm like, well it goes.
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  Speaker 2: It's a two way street.
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  Speaker 4: So being really upfront about all of those things happening
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  Speaker 4: internally with ourselves and being willing to have that in
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  Speaker 4: conversation with people who might be incredibly different than me
• 9:33
  Speaker 4: at least, and just working through that. So that's what
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  Speaker 4: the podcast is in many ways.
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  Speaker 1: You have so many great guests and so many great stories, yeah,
• 9:56
  Speaker 1: that have come out of it, so many great conversations.
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  Speaker 1: Of the things that you're a big champion of is
• 10:04
  Speaker 1: talking about working class women, highlighting and celebrating yeah, woman
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  Speaker 1: of color in this space. Can you talk about why
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  Speaker 1: that is such an important conversation.
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  Speaker 4: Yeah, I think, oh so many things. I think the
• 10:20
  Speaker 4: way we look at diversity is really interesting right now.
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  Speaker 4: Like I think there was like such a push to
• 10:26
  Speaker 4: have us all in the space, and then there was
• 10:28
  Speaker 4: a feeling that like if you weren't this type of
• 10:32
  Speaker 4: this version of diversity, like where do you fit? And
• 10:37
  Speaker 4: I think like that is a fascinating conversation within itself,
• 10:40
  Speaker 4: and for me, it's really important to be like we
• 10:43
  Speaker 4: are all so diverse even within our specific monolith right
• 10:49
  Speaker 4: of like Latina Latino I means so much and is
• 10:53
  Speaker 4: so diverse, and yet sometimes we are given a cookie
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  Speaker 4: cutter version. I particularly think, like so much expectations lie
• 11:05
  Speaker 4: on us, like as women and as women of color
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  Speaker 4: of like not only like the things you grew up
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  Speaker 4: with familiarly, like I think as a particular sector of that,
• 11:16
  Speaker 4: as like firshin Mexican American, in a very specific kind
• 11:21
  Speaker 4: of Mexican community, Like there was a lot of expectations
• 11:24
  Speaker 4: of like you are the first, you have to be successful,
• 11:28
  Speaker 4: you have to be strong, you have to support the family.
• 11:32
  Speaker 4: There's like a lot of things where I think like
• 11:35
  Speaker 4: women of color end up beingcoming like very superhuman and
• 11:39
  Speaker 4: yet we are incredibly human and so allowing us to
• 11:42
  Speaker 4: be like, yeah, we can be incredibly strong and yet
• 11:44
  Speaker 4: also be allowed to be tired of this and also
• 11:48
  Speaker 4: not nowhere to go or be like you all let
• 11:50
  Speaker 4: me dout, and just being giving space to our full
• 11:54
  Speaker 4: humanity and being seen as a person and celebrating our
• 11:58
  Speaker 4: personhood not necessarily our superhuman elements, but our full personhood
• 12:03
  Speaker 4: is really important to me.
• 12:05
  Speaker 2: And working class to women.
• 12:06
  Speaker 4: Just like working class people, but working class women like
• 12:09
  Speaker 4: hold down the fort in so many ways, Like that
• 12:13
  Speaker 4: was my mom, Like while my dad was going to school,
• 12:16
  Speaker 4: she was working like three jobs, Lorana Daycare, was cleaning
• 12:20
  Speaker 4: people's houses, was being a personal assistant in order to make.
• 12:25
  Speaker 2: Sure we could survive.
• 12:27
  Speaker 4: And to me, those are the stories in which, like
• 12:30
  Speaker 4: when you can make it through really tough situations, there's
• 12:34
  Speaker 4: like an incredible spirit and mentality in that. And I think,
• 12:39
  Speaker 4: like I think of all the like the women of
• 12:41
  Speaker 4: color and the moms who raise us, and like, yeah,
• 12:47
  Speaker 4: the difficult things that we don't talk about as well,
• 12:50
  Speaker 4: which is something for me that I'm also trying to
• 12:53
  Speaker 4: work through. Is like I think, in culturally speaking, there's
• 12:55
  Speaker 4: a lot of things you don't talk about so breaking
• 12:58
  Speaker 4: down that too, of like there's so much solidarity and
• 13:01
  Speaker 4: love and connection we can have through this, through these
• 13:05
  Speaker 4: conversations and championing these women and being like, can I
• 13:09
  Speaker 4: ask you all these questions and see how you're feeling,
• 13:11
  Speaker 4: how you're sitting with and what tools we can work
• 13:14
  Speaker 4: with together, or like what can we learn from together?
• 13:17
  Speaker 2: Because I just think we go unseen.
• 13:18
  Speaker 4: Like I see so many like amazing diverse women, and
• 13:23
  Speaker 4: most of the time we see their success stories, we
• 13:25
  Speaker 4: see the brilliance of their lives, and we don't think
• 13:28
  Speaker 4: about all the women who help raise them up to
• 13:31
  Speaker 4: that level, who are like their mates, they're nannies, they're
• 13:36
  Speaker 4: you know, whoever came through and just like for me,
• 13:40
  Speaker 4: they are like your mentors can be anywhere and it
• 13:44
  Speaker 4: can be a split second in a moment, and I
• 13:46
  Speaker 4: think women of color and working class women do that
• 13:49
  Speaker 4: so beautifully for the people around them and their families
• 13:52
  Speaker 4: and never get flowers, never get vacations in the same
• 13:56
  Speaker 4: way maybe self care days, And to me, it's just
• 14:02
  Speaker 4: so important to be like, let's celebrate them and let's
• 14:06
  Speaker 4: find a way to give them that and also come
• 14:08
  Speaker 4: to a place where it's like we can have more
• 14:10
  Speaker 4: honest conversations about it all.
• 14:13
  Speaker 5: Speaking of which, Yeah, listening to your episode with your
• 14:17
  Speaker 5: parents was such a genuinely like delightful episode. But I
• 14:22
  Speaker 5: really love obviously it's a signature part of your shows
• 14:26
  Speaker 5: as well as the name of your show when you
• 14:28
  Speaker 5: ask the questions such as when do you feel invisible?
• 14:32
  Speaker 5: And you actually asked you know your parents that your
• 14:34
  Speaker 5: mom's answer was so heartfelt and I just kept back,
• 14:38
  Speaker 5: Oh my god, because not only did she talk about, yes,
• 14:41
  Speaker 5: these are my strengths, but those are the times that
• 14:43
  Speaker 5: I felt invisible, even to your dad, you know, like
• 14:45
  Speaker 5: she had that moment like it was such a beautiful question.
• 14:47
  Speaker 5: But why do you think this specific question is so important?
• 14:51
  Speaker 4: Ooh, There's a couple of things. I think it's one
• 14:54
  Speaker 4: of the deepest things we all want is to be seen.
• 14:58
  Speaker 4: And I think it's like when we do not feel
• 15:03
  Speaker 4: seen is some of our darkest moments. And I think,
• 15:09
  Speaker 4: like I think about all the research coming out or
• 15:10
  Speaker 4: like people constantly being like people are more lonely than ever.
• 15:14
  Speaker 2: And so it was.
• 15:17
  Speaker 4: It was a question that I wanted to start to
• 15:20
  Speaker 4: ask to hear what exactly is it that people felt
• 15:25
  Speaker 4: was missing almost so it's like you can see the
• 15:28
  Speaker 4: good and like be like, Okay, when do you feel visible?
• 15:31
  Speaker 4: These are the good things, and then where is it lacking?
• 15:33
  Speaker 4: I also find that everybody has a different answer to
• 15:36
  Speaker 4: that question, and it's.
• 15:38
  Speaker 2: Such a beautiful way.
• 15:40
  Speaker 4: It's always taught me to think about it in different ways,
• 15:43
  Speaker 4: like and that it will surprise you, like my mom's
• 15:46
  Speaker 4: answer surprised me in certain ways and is also so
• 15:52
  Speaker 4: deeply sincere to her. And I think the thing is like,
• 15:56
  Speaker 4: we don't often get to talk about that, Like I.
• 16:00
  Speaker 2: Think we.
• 16:03
  Speaker 4: Are quick to sometimes move through our anxiety and depression
• 16:07
  Speaker 4: or the anxiousness. We don't always sit in the sadness
• 16:11
  Speaker 4: or the loneliness or the question of like, yeah, why
• 16:16
  Speaker 4: don't I feel taken care of? What am I missing?
• 16:20
  Speaker 4: Why don't I feel seen? What makes me feel invisible?
• 16:25
  Speaker 4: That was really moving to me, And then some people
• 16:28
  Speaker 4: were like, well, it depends on how you see invisibility.
• 16:30
  Speaker 4: Sometimes I see it as a superpower that like you
• 16:32
  Speaker 4: don't perceive me, and I can walk through the world
• 16:35
  Speaker 4: however I want. And there's certain things like that where
• 16:38
  Speaker 4: I was like, oh, I would have never thought of
• 16:40
  Speaker 4: that question that way. But yeah, I think it's like
• 16:43
  Speaker 4: there's a lot less people who do things out of malice,
• 16:46
  Speaker 4: I think.
• 16:48
  Speaker 2: But what happens is.
• 16:49
  Speaker 4: We just don't see each other. It's like we are
• 16:51
  Speaker 4: invisible to each other. And that I think is a
• 16:55
  Speaker 4: bigger factor personally to our loneliness than malice itself. Like
• 17:01
  Speaker 4: people lead with less maliciousness than they do of just
• 17:03
  Speaker 4: like I just didn't notice, or I didn't know, or
• 17:07
  Speaker 4: I was too involved. That makes the question particularly interesting
• 17:11
  Speaker 4: to me.
• 17:12
  Speaker 1: And you also did an episode with your grandmother, Yes, yes,
• 17:19
  Speaker 1: that your mom was involved with and so it was
• 17:21
  Speaker 1: a multi generational episode that seemed to really like you
• 17:25
  Speaker 1: left with a lot of thoughts.
• 17:27
  Speaker 2: Yeah, oh my.
• 17:28
  Speaker 1: God, So can you talk You talked about a lot
• 17:30
  Speaker 1: of big topics. Can you discuss that?
• 17:33
  Speaker 4: Yeah, so that's gonna be our season finale this season,
• 17:38
  Speaker 4: so you all, guys, all of you get a taste
• 17:40
  Speaker 4: of it. But Maya Willa is like such a force
• 17:43
  Speaker 4: in my life. Like we she grew up living with
• 17:48
  Speaker 4: three of her children. She has four kids, and she
• 17:51
  Speaker 4: grew up like bouncing from three different houses, including ours,
• 17:55
  Speaker 4: so like three to six months out of the year
• 17:57
  Speaker 4: she'd live with us. So she was always like my
• 18:00
  Speaker 4: best friend in many ways, and she's like so adorable.
• 18:04
  Speaker 4: She's tiny, like at this point, probably like four to eight,
• 18:08
  Speaker 4: and like is always dressed in the nines, like always
• 18:12
  Speaker 4: has Like you'll see her with a little hair brush,
• 18:14
  Speaker 4: curling her little hair and then she'll take it out,
• 18:17
  Speaker 4: brush it, make sure it's perfect, and like has to
• 18:20
  Speaker 4: put on makeup.
• 18:21
  Speaker 2: And she's she's turning ninety in.
• 18:24
  Speaker 4: June, and I'm like, this is so much effort and
• 18:28
  Speaker 4: it's incredible.
• 18:29
  Speaker 2: But it was interesting because.
• 18:32
  Speaker 4: When I hit puberty, our relationship shifted and it became
• 18:37
  Speaker 4: so oriented on.
• 18:40
  Speaker 2: Looks and on whether I.
• 18:42
  Speaker 4: Was being ladylike and on like how everything could be
• 18:48
  Speaker 4: reflected or seen by the people around me. Like we
• 18:51
  Speaker 4: always had in common that we were like hilarious and fiery,
• 18:55
  Speaker 4: but like we'll banter till like the sun comes up
• 18:59
  Speaker 4: kind of. And she's the kind of person where it's like,
• 19:02
  Speaker 4: you know, if I'm like come do this thing, or
• 19:04
  Speaker 4: like no, you can't have that piece of cake, She'll
• 19:05
  Speaker 4: be like go to hell, right, Like it's that level
• 19:10
  Speaker 4: of just like I can talk to you, however, and
• 19:12
  Speaker 4: we won't take it personally in certain ways, and so
• 19:15
  Speaker 4: there's that freshness of it, but then there is like
• 19:18
  Speaker 4: so much like we're automatically hitting puberty. There started to
• 19:22
  Speaker 4: become a different level of our relationship where suddenly there
• 19:25
  Speaker 4: were expectations on me as a woman and how I
• 19:29
  Speaker 4: was going to carry this legacy or how I was
• 19:31
  Speaker 4: a reflection or how it was important to be perceived
• 19:34
  Speaker 4: by men, and that I saw her emulate in certain
• 19:38
  Speaker 4: ways and that she also loves, like like my hair
• 19:42
  Speaker 4: is what it is like whatever. I run around in pants,
• 19:44
  Speaker 4: like no makeup most days, and like, you know, to
• 19:47
  Speaker 4: my grandmother it would be like, if you're gonna wear pants,
• 19:50
  Speaker 4: they should be pink and flowy or like you know,
• 19:52
  Speaker 4: like things need to like be hyper feminine. And so
• 19:56
  Speaker 4: it was such a clash of generations that started. And
• 20:01
  Speaker 4: so the podcast for me was actually an opportunity to.
• 20:04
  Speaker 2: Be like why is that?
• 20:06
  Speaker 4: And like do you actually care about being dressed up?
• 20:10
  Speaker 2: And like also we talk about sex on the podcast,
• 20:15
  Speaker 2: and like that was.
• 20:16
  Speaker 4: Completely her and I was so impressed because she would never,
• 20:21
  Speaker 4: like my my grandmother never talks about really sex, Like
• 20:25
  Speaker 4: she likes Nora Roberts books, but.
• 20:26
  Speaker 2: She won't admit that she likes Roberts books. She's like,
• 20:30
  Speaker 2: I don't know what you're talking about. I don't have
• 20:31
  Speaker 2: any Miths.
• 20:33
  Speaker 4: She loves Bridgerton, but she won't watch Bridgerton in front
• 20:35
  Speaker 4: of anyone else, like things like that, Like it's so like, no,
• 20:40
  Speaker 4: it's fine, and you know, and definitely grew up with
• 20:44
  Speaker 4: like a Mexican Catholic background of like sex before marriage
• 20:49
  Speaker 4: is a heck now and if you are that better
• 20:51
  Speaker 4: would be the person you're gonna marry, right, and you know,
• 20:54
  Speaker 4: and growing up with that and then also the expectations
• 20:58
  Speaker 4: of like also a different culture and even sexuality were
• 21:02
  Speaker 4: things we didn't really like fully talk about because I
• 21:05
  Speaker 4: was like, you grew up in a culture that's a
• 21:06
  Speaker 4: little bit delayed along with generationally being different. And it
• 21:12
  Speaker 4: was such an interesting conversation where she was just like
• 21:15
  Speaker 4: she was like, I mean, I just wish you didn't
• 21:18
  Speaker 4: have sex with more than two people. And I was
• 21:20
  Speaker 4: like what, Like she's like, because I was like, what
• 21:23
  Speaker 4: are the difference generationally that you see? And she's like,
• 21:25
  Speaker 4: I mean, you guys have more sex. She called it
• 21:27
  Speaker 4: like having relations. She's like, you guys have relations And
• 21:30
  Speaker 4: I was like what, And she's like, you know, you
• 21:34
  Speaker 4: have with multiple people, and I was like, oh, oh
• 21:38
  Speaker 4: my god, we're going to go here. And it truly
• 21:41
  Speaker 4: was just the format of a podcast that allowed her
• 21:45
  Speaker 4: to have this liberty of like, Okay, I'm going to
• 21:47
  Speaker 4: tell you the exact thing that I think is the
• 21:49
  Speaker 4: most difficult thing.
• 21:50
  Speaker 2: For me to process.
• 21:52
  Speaker 4: But then like we also got to like go through
• 21:55
  Speaker 4: conversations of like also like what it was like growing
• 21:57
  Speaker 4: up during that time, and what it was like as
• 21:59
  Speaker 4: a woman to work for the first time, and like
• 22:05
  Speaker 4: that she didn't get paid directly, but she was helping
• 22:07
  Speaker 4: support her family and stuff like that, and that was
• 22:12
  Speaker 4: so interesting as well. And then along with a conversation
• 22:15
  Speaker 4: about love and death in your old age and like
• 22:22
  Speaker 4: my Awoila's best friend is her her late brother's wife,
• 22:29
  Speaker 4: and like how they've become each other's There's a really
• 22:33
  Speaker 4: beautiful thing that my mom says in the episode that
• 22:36
  Speaker 4: my grandmother is her my aunt's brain, and my aunt
• 22:42
  Speaker 4: is my grandmother's legs. That they've become such a team,
• 22:47
  Speaker 4: and I see how they interact with each other, and
• 22:49
  Speaker 4: I'm like, no one understands each other as well as
• 22:51
  Speaker 4: they do, not just because of the life they carry together.
• 22:55
  Speaker 4: But also what they're experiencing right now. Yeah, and just
• 23:00
  Speaker 4: talking about what it's like to be like perceived as
• 23:02
  Speaker 4: like adorable and old, and like whether or not you're
• 23:05
  Speaker 4: listened to in that way and whether or not you're
• 23:07
  Speaker 4: seen in that like beyond that too. And so that
• 23:10
  Speaker 4: was like an incredible conversation for me to be like,
• 23:15
  Speaker 4: who is the woman who raised me? Looking at her
• 23:18
  Speaker 4: as a person and giving her the opportunity to ask
• 23:20
  Speaker 4: me whatever she wants to ask me as well, And
• 23:23
  Speaker 4: I think, yeah, we had conversations we really truly would
• 23:26
  Speaker 4: not have had had I not like invited her to
• 23:30
  Speaker 4: do this, and then her being like, you know what,
• 23:34
  Speaker 4: I'm just gonna go for.
• 23:36
  Speaker 5: It, which I love, you know what? That again, that
• 23:40
  Speaker 5: episode which I'm really looking forward to. I try to
• 23:41
  Speaker 5: find that one because I know you hinted at it
• 23:43
  Speaker 5: is like I need to hear what a Boila has
• 23:45
  Speaker 5: to say. I need to say with your family, with
• 24:00
  Speaker 5: your parents, you have such amazing, like very personal episodes
• 24:05
  Speaker 5: and not only are you talking about your experiences and
• 24:07
  Speaker 5: being able to talk back and forth about things that
• 24:10
  Speaker 5: you've learned or giving lessons to learn, you kind of
• 24:12
  Speaker 5: like I loved your parents complimenting you about like being
• 24:15
  Speaker 5: so proud of your accomplishments. It was really cute, and
• 24:18
  Speaker 5: your brother and talking about how that prow they were
• 24:20
  Speaker 5: to see that, and then hearing this personal touch about
• 24:22
  Speaker 5: like you know, I wish you didn't do this, but
• 24:24
  Speaker 5: if we have to, this is what I will allow
• 24:26
  Speaker 5: you to be or whatever whatnot, and all of these
• 24:28
  Speaker 5: such personal episodes. What is your reaction going back and
• 24:31
  Speaker 5: looking at these very much out there episodes with these
• 24:36
  Speaker 5: people that you've known all your life but have the
• 24:38
  Speaker 5: same new level of condition.
• 24:43
  Speaker 4: I it's kind of crazy, Like it's nice to go
• 24:46
  Speaker 4: back and revisit. And my parents have revisited their episode
• 24:50
  Speaker 4: fun Fact too, I love it. They're like, oh my gosh,
• 24:54
  Speaker 4: Like they're like we cried when we heard it.
• 24:58
  Speaker 2: It's very cute.
• 24:59
  Speaker 4: It's so it was also really magical, Like those moments
• 25:02
  Speaker 4: are really magical. To get to introduce my parents, my
• 25:06
  Speaker 4: brother and Maauela to like this is my work, and
• 25:10
  Speaker 4: like seeing what it looks like from the inside. It's
• 25:16
  Speaker 4: so cute, like all of them in studio with their
• 25:18
  Speaker 4: mics and like being like ooh what now, So like
• 25:23
  Speaker 4: that is a really odd moment because like, yeah, we've
• 25:26
  Speaker 4: to be like, yeah, your daughter gets to be a
• 25:27
  Speaker 4: creative and like my like that is a huge gift.
• 25:32
  Speaker 4: And going back to listen to them is incredible because
• 25:36
  Speaker 4: I get to hear their voice differently. I think I
• 25:38
  Speaker 4: get to hear new things and remember things a little differently,
• 25:43
  Speaker 4: and it it has helped our relationships even like I
• 25:49
  Speaker 4: think it's it's really given us all new perspectives of
• 25:53
  Speaker 4: each other, right, and again like giving them insight of
• 25:57
  Speaker 4: like being like, oh, that was the conversation we walked
• 25:59
  Speaker 4: into and this is the episode that came out. Like
• 26:01
  Speaker 4: those are two different things because it is an edited
• 26:03
  Speaker 4: format with my thoughts in between, So there is that
• 26:08
  Speaker 4: like and also it makes me excited for our future
• 26:14
  Speaker 4: that it's like if you were willing to do this
• 26:16
  Speaker 4: with me, and we were willing to be brave together
• 26:20
  Speaker 4: of sharing these personal moments together, that like just gives
• 26:25
  Speaker 4: me a lot of hope for our relationships moving forward.
• 26:29
  Speaker 2: But also of like.
• 26:30
  Speaker 4: Trying to practice what I try and share in the
• 26:34
  Speaker 4: podcast of like here here I am being incredibly vulnerable
• 26:38
  Speaker 4: because I'm talking to people who know me extremely well
• 26:41
  Speaker 4: and I'm actually not sure what's going to come out
• 26:43
  Speaker 4: of their mouth right now, you're going to tell yeah, exactly,
• 26:47
  Speaker 4: and then I'm going to be like, well, my team,
• 26:49
  Speaker 4: like my my producer is going to have to listen
• 26:51
  Speaker 4: to this anyway, like.
• 26:54
  Speaker 2: Someone's gonna new no on a new level. Or if
• 26:57
  Speaker 2: we have an engineer in the work room, someone's gonna.
• 27:00
  Speaker 5: Have to warn and be like before warned, you get
• 27:03
  Speaker 5: a little time.
• 27:03
  Speaker 4: Oh my gosh, Like it was really funny, like having
• 27:06
  Speaker 4: my Aboila in in studio. We were in Atlanta, and
• 27:09
  Speaker 4: it was so funny because our engineer who was there
• 27:12
  Speaker 4: was like cracking up and making faces at all the
• 27:16
  Speaker 4: conversations and all the things she was saying. And I
• 27:18
  Speaker 4: was like, oh, yes, like this is and but that's
• 27:22
  Speaker 4: also like I love that. I love that, Like I
• 27:24
  Speaker 4: want us to, like all of us to take away
• 27:27
  Speaker 4: from this like of like oh, they're being really vulnerable
• 27:29
  Speaker 4: or like oh, they're really being willing to be bold
• 27:31
  Speaker 4: in this, and like, hey, maybe that'll inspire me to
• 27:34
  Speaker 4: like be a little bolder with my family. And it
• 27:36
  Speaker 4: does like for me, like my Aboila. After our conversation,
• 27:40
  Speaker 4: literally afterwards, we went and got lunch together and she
• 27:42
  Speaker 4: starts going like, so the person you're dating or having
• 27:47
  Speaker 4: sex with Now, how are they treating you?
• 27:50
  Speaker 5: Like?
• 27:52
  Speaker 2: This was yes, exactly, it was.
• 27:55
  Speaker 4: She's you know, she's like, I don't know exactly what
• 27:57
  Speaker 4: this is right now, so just fill me in. And
• 27:59
  Speaker 4: I was like, wow, this woman is like from an
• 28:02
  Speaker 4: older generation willing to be like.
• 28:04
  Speaker 2: Is it dating? Is it not dating? Is it?
• 28:07
  Speaker 4: What other version of this should I learn?
• 28:10
  Speaker 2: How to say?
• 28:11
  Speaker 5: Have you taught her situationship yet?
• 28:12
  Speaker 4: Like like that's so she she's learning, she's learning. She's like,
• 28:19
  Speaker 4: I'm trying to remember, like if there's a word in
• 28:21
  Speaker 4: Spanish for situationship, I'm gonna have to ask my cousins
• 28:24
  Speaker 4: because like sometimes they teach her the English version and
• 28:28
  Speaker 4: then she's like okay, Like when when my cousin taught
• 28:32
  Speaker 4: her bachotta from like Carol G and Becky G.
• 28:36
  Speaker 2: They have this called bota and she was like, what
• 28:39
  Speaker 2: the heck is that?
• 28:40
  Speaker 4: Because it's it's like taking the word gen turning it
• 28:43
  Speaker 4: into a spanishized word, which is like basically being a
• 28:47
  Speaker 4: boss is like the one word for it. And she
• 28:50
  Speaker 4: was like what And my cousin was like, say, you're
• 28:53
  Speaker 4: a bachotta and she's like.
• 28:56
  Speaker 1: And then she like did.
• 28:58
  Speaker 6: So we're like slowly getting that we're slowly getting there.
• 29:00
  Speaker 6: I think she'll be able to say like situationship soon.
• 29:04
  Speaker 6: But it was very funny. It was so cute, and
• 29:08
  Speaker 6: I was like, I you know, and then she's like
• 29:10
  Speaker 6: are you happy? Are you okay?
• 29:12
  Speaker 4: Because I think like the other thing generationally between me
• 29:16
  Speaker 4: and Mayouela is like success looks a very particular way
• 29:22
  Speaker 4: to her, so to not emulate what she knows socially
• 29:27
  Speaker 4: to be success, it's like getting used to like, Okay,
• 29:33
  Speaker 4: I'm going to trust that you are happy and okay
• 29:35
  Speaker 4: because you're not married by now and you don't have
• 29:38
  Speaker 4: kids right now, and like, but your jobs are also weird,
• 29:43
  Speaker 4: so like I don't understand you don't have a promotion
• 29:46
  Speaker 4: like right like she I remember the day she was like,
• 29:51
  Speaker 4: you're not going to be a lawyer. I'm so sad,
• 29:53
  Speaker 4: like because like lawyer, doctor, accountant, housewife, those were the
• 29:59
  Speaker 4: things that she knew women could do right like now
• 30:04
  Speaker 4: my world, and so it's so weird. It was really
• 30:07
  Speaker 4: interesting to also have a moment with her of like
• 30:09
  Speaker 4: I was like, do you trust me me when I
• 30:12
  Speaker 4: say that I'm happy and her being like I think so,
• 30:20
  Speaker 4: and being like okay, Okay, we're getting somewhere, because like
• 30:23
  Speaker 4: there used to be the judgment of like, so when
• 30:25
  Speaker 4: are these things happening?
• 30:27
  Speaker 3: Right?
• 30:28
  Speaker 2: Or like I'm worried, I'm worried about.
• 30:30
  Speaker 4: You, and I'm like, but why if I haven't given
• 30:32
  Speaker 4: you an indication to be worried? And so like learning
• 30:36
  Speaker 4: that and being like in that dance between of like
• 30:40
  Speaker 4: what does she think of what women a woman's life
• 30:43
  Speaker 4: should look like and my life should look like so
• 30:45
  Speaker 4: that she doesn't have to worry and like what life
• 30:49
  Speaker 4: actually has to offer?
• 30:50
  Speaker 6: Right?
• 30:53
  Speaker 1: Yeah, I love that. I mean it's such a great
• 30:58
  Speaker 1: example of why that question when did you feel invisible?
• 31:03
  Speaker 1: Is so powerful and why the podcasting, like doing it
• 31:07
  Speaker 1: through a podcast is really effective because sometimes people just
• 31:13
  Speaker 1: need the like like going onto a podcast feels different
• 31:17
  Speaker 1: than just like talking about it. Yeah, in your family.
• 31:20
  Speaker 1: I remember once I had to do some project for
• 31:22
  Speaker 1: school and it was like interview a parent, and my
• 31:25
  Speaker 1: dad was like never, But then I started to just
• 31:28
  Speaker 1: like read the questions out loud, and sure enough he
• 31:30
  Speaker 1: wanted to answer the questions. He like actually was looking
• 31:33
  Speaker 1: for the excuse almost like oh no, I want I
• 31:37
  Speaker 1: do want to talk. I do have thoughts about that,
• 31:40
  Speaker 1: and it did like help move our relationship forward, and
• 31:44
  Speaker 1: I learned a lot from him from that, like one
• 31:48
  Speaker 1: like school project I did that I never knew. So
• 31:52
  Speaker 1: it is amazing when you sit down with somebody and
• 31:55
  Speaker 1: you're just like, let's talk about these things, yeah, talk
• 31:59
  Speaker 1: about and see these generational differences. I think that's so
• 32:03
  Speaker 1: powerful totally.
• 32:05
  Speaker 4: It's really like to me, I'm like, also, like, my
• 32:08
  Speaker 4: grandmother has gone through a lot of hardship and she's
• 32:10
  Speaker 4: a very smiley human and so I was like, whoa
• 32:14
  Speaker 4: to know the depth of it too, and also the
• 32:17
  Speaker 4: way in which, like she could.
• 32:18
  Speaker 2: Have been a business woman, she just was too scared.
• 32:22
  Speaker 4: And I was like, oh, I wouldn't have thought of
• 32:24
  Speaker 4: that for this woman who's like so like loving and
• 32:28
  Speaker 4: outgoing in many ways. But it's like she was like,
• 32:32
  Speaker 4: I'm a widow of four kids with four kids at
• 32:35
  Speaker 4: the age of thirty, like, and she was like, I'm
• 32:39
  Speaker 4: not going to go out and risks my livelihood in
• 32:43
  Speaker 4: this way. And so it was like interesting to be like, oh,
• 32:46
  Speaker 4: I didn't know that. I didn't know that she had
• 32:48
  Speaker 4: the opportunity to not be a worker like as in
• 32:51
  Speaker 4: like someone had been like you know.
• 32:53
  Speaker 2: And she talks about this.
• 32:54
  Speaker 4: She worked at a jewelry store and the vendors were like, Rosita, like,
• 32:57
  Speaker 4: you're so good at this. If you wanted to put
• 33:00
  Speaker 4: up your own shop, we would all sell to you
• 33:04
  Speaker 4: and we would help you. And she was like too
• 33:06
  Speaker 4: terrified to do it. And so to me, I was like, oh,
• 33:11
  Speaker 4: I had no idea that was a chapter in her life.
• 33:14
  Speaker 4: She's always been, you know, a grandma to me and
• 33:16
  Speaker 4: like a family woman and a widower. And to be like, oh, oh,
• 33:22
  Speaker 4: what did you say no to to get here is
• 33:26
  Speaker 4: really interesting and like what would your life be like
• 33:28
  Speaker 4: had you not? Or like people proposed, Like there was
• 33:32
  Speaker 4: a family friend who proposed to her after his wife
• 33:36
  Speaker 4: died to like give her and her kids the pension,
• 33:40
  Speaker 4: but in that time they didn't live in the same city,
• 33:42
  Speaker 4: and the like norm was she would move her and
• 33:46
  Speaker 4: her kids to go live with him, and she was like,
• 33:50
  Speaker 4: I'm not going to do that, And so she stayed
• 33:53
  Speaker 4: working like six days, seven days a week for like
• 33:58
  Speaker 4: the full day and do doing like really crazy odd
• 34:01
  Speaker 4: hours because she was like, I don't it don't feel
• 34:05
  Speaker 4: comfortable moving my kids again to a new place and
• 34:08
  Speaker 4: thinking about those things. But just being like, oh, your
• 34:10
  Speaker 4: life could have turned out so differently, and I had
• 34:13
  Speaker 4: no idea that that was a possibility in your life. Yeah,
• 34:17
  Speaker 4: so like the things you learn for sure of the
• 34:20
  Speaker 4: people you love that you were like.
• 34:22
  Speaker 2: What, I didn't know that?
• 34:25
  Speaker 4: Yeah, it's so so real.
• 34:28
  Speaker 2: It is.
• 34:29
  Speaker 1: And going back to what you were talking about earlier,
• 34:33
  Speaker 1: of working class women and women of color, it's just
• 34:38
  Speaker 1: so much of that work is thankless, is invisible, yell
• 34:42
  Speaker 1: is not appreciated. But if we would not be here
• 34:45
  Speaker 1: without the people who raised us or who did this.
• 34:49
  Speaker 1: And then when you get older and you think, like
• 34:53
  Speaker 1: you ask these questions and you find out, oh, I
• 34:55
  Speaker 1: didn't know all of this stuff about this person in
• 34:58
  Speaker 1: my life.
• 34:59
  Speaker 2: Yeah astounding.
• 35:02
  Speaker 4: Yeah, it truly is. And I think like that's true
• 35:07
  Speaker 4: about us all in many ways. And I think that's
• 35:11
  Speaker 4: the thing is like I think we're so used to
• 35:14
  Speaker 4: with social media and everything as like quick, like the
• 35:19
  Speaker 4: lacquered version, the like picture perfect version, or the quick
• 35:23
  Speaker 4: glimpse of that person rather than the fullness.
• 35:25
  Speaker 2: And I don't know.
• 35:27
  Speaker 4: If we I'm guilty of this, is like I don't
• 35:29
  Speaker 4: always ask the right questions when I'm not like in
• 35:32
  Speaker 4: front of someone and so kind of learning how to
• 35:36
  Speaker 4: rewire a little bit, to rethink of that and consider that.
• 35:41
  Speaker 2: But yeah, like even like I was in nanny for
• 35:44
  Speaker 2: a while.
• 35:44
  Speaker 4: The other thing too is like I've done a million
• 35:46
  Speaker 4: odd jobs, like like yeah right, yeah right, and like
• 35:54
  Speaker 4: so being a nanny and like kind of being in
• 35:56
  Speaker 4: these homes and then also being around other nannies and
• 35:59
  Speaker 4: then being like I have an episode in season one
• 36:02
  Speaker 4: which is like with my friend Anisia who's a personal
• 36:04
  Speaker 4: chef and nanny and she's black first gen as well,
• 36:08
  Speaker 4: from a Nigerian family. But like she and I were
• 36:11
  Speaker 4: talking about it, it's like there's a hierarchy within that.
• 36:14
  Speaker 4: And then like you also think about like all these
• 36:16
  Speaker 4: women who are raising kids and who are teaching these
• 36:19
  Speaker 4: kids second languages, third languages, but because they're not you know,
• 36:24
  Speaker 4: educated with the university degree, will not get that there's
• 36:27
  Speaker 4: the same credit as the nanny who does have all
• 36:29
  Speaker 4: of that background and stuff like that. And you're just like, WHOA,
• 36:33
  Speaker 4: But these are the people who like not only raise
• 36:37
  Speaker 4: their own kids or take time to not raise their kids,
• 36:40
  Speaker 4: but you know, are raising multiple next generations. And I
• 36:45
  Speaker 4: think the other thing that I really love about cultures
• 36:48
  Speaker 4: that aren't like necessarily white American culture, of mainstream culture personally,
• 36:55
  Speaker 4: is that there's such an emphasis on community, which can
• 36:58
  Speaker 4: be obnoxious sometimes, like speaking from my large family, sometimes
• 37:04
  Speaker 4: you're like, I don't need everybody to know my business.
• 37:07
  Speaker 2: Then you learn how to work through that.
• 37:08
  Speaker 4: But there's also an element of like we all raise
• 37:12
  Speaker 4: each other, right, And I think, like that's what I'm
• 37:15
  Speaker 4: hoping too with like also celebrating women and women of
• 37:17
  Speaker 4: color is like we all raise each other and reminding
• 37:22
  Speaker 4: each other of that right, and that like a lot
• 37:25
  Speaker 4: of us come from those kinds of cultures, and so
• 37:27
  Speaker 4: it becomes automatic, but it's not always recognized from a
• 37:31
  Speaker 4: larger lens or like a lens from necessarily what we
• 37:38
  Speaker 4: see in this country, right. You know.
• 37:50
  Speaker 5: One of the things I think is so important with
• 37:52
  Speaker 5: your podcasts and podcast like hours in general when it
• 37:55
  Speaker 5: talks about your sectionality and talking about people of color
• 37:59
  Speaker 5: or marginal communities, is talking about like trying to acclimate
• 38:04
  Speaker 5: to where we're at in the United States, but at
• 38:07
  Speaker 5: the same time trying to preserve our culture as well
• 38:10
  Speaker 5: truly understanding our identity. You know, again, going back to
• 38:13
  Speaker 5: that one episode, because I just really loved y'all talk
• 38:15
  Speaker 5: about being indigenous and talking about what that meant for
• 38:18
  Speaker 5: y'all even though you can be white passing and having
• 38:21
  Speaker 5: that balance in wanting to yes, you do want to
• 38:25
  Speaker 5: be a part of a culture that you're involved in,
• 38:29
  Speaker 5: but at the same time, you also know it's important
• 38:31
  Speaker 5: to preserve where you came from, who you are, your
• 38:34
  Speaker 5: identity as well. How do you think podcasts like this
• 38:38
  Speaker 5: can really open up that conversation?
• 38:41
  Speaker 4: Ooh yeah, so many ways. I think one, just talking
• 38:45
  Speaker 4: about things is so important, right because like I think
• 38:48
  Speaker 4: we can go on autopilot, or when we're surrounded by
• 38:50
  Speaker 4: something that might not be one of our cultures, or
• 38:54
  Speaker 4: if you come from a culture and you don't recognize
• 38:56
  Speaker 4: the other cultures around you, right, Like, there's so many
• 38:59
  Speaker 4: levels in which having it in the ether and so
• 39:02
  Speaker 4: accessible and so consistent, like I think is so important
• 39:07
  Speaker 4: because I think it's like when we don't get to
• 39:10
  Speaker 4: sit down and have conversations with people in front of us,
• 39:13
  Speaker 4: like these conversation through our ears, like through our headphones
• 39:17
  Speaker 4: is one way we get to do that and like
• 39:19
  Speaker 4: be like it. Actually, I think podcasting is such a
• 39:21
  Speaker 4: beautiful medium because it provides a little bit of a
• 39:24
  Speaker 4: safety of like, oh, if I have a personal reaction
• 39:28
  Speaker 4: to that, I can sit with that alone and don't
• 39:31
  Speaker 4: have the element of like, oh, suddenly I'm gonna be embarrassed,
• 39:34
  Speaker 4: or like, oh I didn't know that. Maybe I'm want
• 39:37
  Speaker 4: to go research that now, but I don't have to
• 39:39
  Speaker 4: show that I'm doing that, right, because I think shame
• 39:42
  Speaker 4: and embarrassment is like such a crazy thing in our
• 39:45
  Speaker 4: culture especially.
• 39:46
  Speaker 2: It's like either we embrace it like crazy, or it's
• 39:48
  Speaker 2: like I didn't I didn't know. I knew that.
• 39:50
  Speaker 4: I knew that, right, And at least I'm guilty of that.
• 39:54
  Speaker 4: I'm like, yeah, I'm gonna write that down for later, right.
• 39:58
  Speaker 4: And So I think like podcasting and shows like this
• 40:01
  Speaker 4: is such a beautiful way of like giving space for
• 40:05
  Speaker 4: that and privacy for that, which is so cool while
• 40:09
  Speaker 4: it still is engagement. And then to what I love
• 40:12
  Speaker 4: is like getting to know the hosts and being like
• 40:16
  Speaker 4: now I'm attached to a person.
• 40:18
  Speaker 2: It might be very different than me.
• 40:20
  Speaker 4: Right, but wow, now I get to attach to this
• 40:23
  Speaker 4: person and get to learn a little more. And then
• 40:25
  Speaker 4: also I think like care and love are such powerful
• 40:28
  Speaker 4: tools and compassion, so podcasting just breaks down barriers in
• 40:33
  Speaker 4: that way to get to know people who you may
• 40:35
  Speaker 4: not have met or would know of or know how
• 40:39
  Speaker 4: to even start thinking about them or their cultural lens otherwise.
• 40:44
  Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah, I love that.
• 40:47
  Speaker 5: And yeah, talking about being personal, you are very vulnerable
• 40:51
  Speaker 5: with your audience and listeners and it's really difficult sometimes
• 40:55
  Speaker 5: to do all of that. Being vulnerable really sucks.
• 41:01
  Speaker 1: Appreciate it.
• 41:03
  Speaker 2: Has it done?
• 41:03
  Speaker 5: Is what is the action that you get from people
• 41:08
  Speaker 5: in your personal life, like your family when they hear
• 41:10
  Speaker 5: these such vulnerable moments from you and also from your listeners.
• 41:14
  Speaker 2: Oh, it can be a mixed bag sometimes. I think.
• 41:18
  Speaker 4: I don't know about you, guys, but my pulse also
• 41:20
  Speaker 4: accelerate sometimes when I'm like, I'm being really vulnerable and
• 41:23
  Speaker 4: now I'm gonna put it out there because I.
• 41:25
  Speaker 2: Think this is the right decide.
• 41:28
  Speaker 4: But I think one a lot of people have been
• 41:31
  Speaker 4: really grateful for it and will be like, oh my god,
• 41:33
  Speaker 4: I feel the same way too about that, or like,
• 41:37
  Speaker 4: oh my god, I hate this this thing too, or
• 41:39
  Speaker 4: like that that was funny, like people have been really
• 41:42
  Speaker 4: transparent about that, or like being like hey, people have
• 41:46
  Speaker 4: like asked for more episodes and I'm like, I really
• 41:48
  Speaker 4: want to. I'm like, this is the dream is to
• 41:51
  Speaker 4: you know, unlock the season three.
• 41:53
  Speaker 2: But like people have been like very much like, oh
• 41:56
  Speaker 2: my god, this.
• 41:57
  Speaker 4: I didn't realize I would connect with this person like
• 42:00
  Speaker 4: they have this and I have this. Like people when
• 42:02
  Speaker 4: they talk like again, like whether it's like disabilities, whether
• 42:08
  Speaker 4: visible or invisible, or neurodiversity or something like, people are like.
• 42:12
  Speaker 2: Oh my gosh, can you do this or can you
• 42:14
  Speaker 2: talk about this?
• 42:15
  Speaker 4: I'm so excited because like this felt the closest thing
• 42:18
  Speaker 4: that I've heard that is to me, that is like me.
• 42:23
  Speaker 2: And so that has been a reaction.
• 42:26
  Speaker 4: People have since sometimes thought I was too nice, Like
• 42:33
  Speaker 4: there's one episode in specific they were like, I think
• 42:35
  Speaker 4: you could have been a little meaner on this particular.
• 42:38
  Speaker 4: So like, you know, people are going to give their
• 42:40
  Speaker 4: thoughts too, and that's what I want, Like I'm inviting
• 42:43
  Speaker 4: conversation back and like, but it is funny to hear.
• 42:48
  Speaker 4: But people are usually really supportive, which I've I feel
• 42:52
  Speaker 4: really lucky that I've mostly experienced that. I had one
• 42:57
  Speaker 4: cousin who got mad at me out of a lot
• 43:00
  Speaker 4: of love, out of a lot of love, Like he
• 43:02
  Speaker 4: was just like, why didn't you share this with me sooner,
• 43:07
  Speaker 4: like I'll say it on here I'm by and we
• 43:13
  Speaker 4: talk about it with my parents, but a lot of
• 43:15
  Speaker 4: my family is it's not an open conversation because.
• 43:20
  Speaker 2: Mexican Catholic.
• 43:23
  Speaker 4: We're just at the place where where Mexico's been having
• 43:28
  Speaker 4: pride parades and stuff like that. Like I've been in
• 43:31
  Speaker 4: conversations where people are like I just don't understand by
• 43:35
  Speaker 4: people like I totally get the gay thing, I just
• 43:38
  Speaker 4: don't understand by like that doesn't make sense to me.
• 43:41
  Speaker 2: So I've been in.
• 43:42
  Speaker 4: Rooms where it's like people I love are just not
• 43:45
  Speaker 4: quite there yet to have the conversation and so like,
• 43:50
  Speaker 4: But I talk about it with my parents because like
• 43:52
  Speaker 4: it was also a hard thing to be Like my
• 43:54
  Speaker 4: mom was like, don't tell your family, and so to
• 43:58
  Speaker 4: be in that space. But my cut in, one of
• 44:00
  Speaker 4: my cousins who speaks English, listens to my podcast and
• 44:04
  Speaker 4: he was like, why the heck did would you not
• 44:06
  Speaker 4: tell me that? And we're like really close, and I
• 44:08
  Speaker 4: was like, to be honest, I just didn't know. I
• 44:11
  Speaker 4: didn't know, and we haven't had the opportunity to like
• 44:13
  Speaker 4: have it come up naturally.
• 44:15
  Speaker 5: Right, I'm not going to text You'm like, by.
• 44:18
  Speaker 3: The way, by the way, yeah, you know, and so
• 44:23
  Speaker 3: all of that, and like there are stereotypes right of
• 44:26
  Speaker 3: like what that means as a woman and stuff, and
• 44:29
  Speaker 3: so I was like, I also wasn't entirely ready to
• 44:33
  Speaker 3: have that conversation with you, but then I totally forgot that.
• 44:37
  Speaker 2: I didn't realize you were listening.
• 44:39
  Speaker 4: And so there are moments where you're like, oh shoot,
• 44:43
  Speaker 4: or there's moments where you have to be brave, Like
• 44:45
  Speaker 4: there's moments where I get nervous at my my guests
• 44:48
  Speaker 4: aren't going to love their episode.
• 44:50
  Speaker 2: Like I'm like, as.
• 44:51
  Speaker 4: Since I am a flawed person with my own bias
• 44:54
  Speaker 4: and perceptions, Like I'm sometimes like, here's.
• 44:57
  Speaker 2: This piece that's about you. Please you like it right.
• 45:02
  Speaker 4: Because I'm trying to do you justice, but I might not,
• 45:05
  Speaker 4: And I think that's always like the scary thing to
• 45:08
  Speaker 4: me too, is like I might not, and then I'm
• 45:11
  Speaker 4: just like I try my best and hopefully we'll figure
• 45:14
  Speaker 4: this out. It hasn't happened yet where someone has been
• 45:16
  Speaker 4: like disappointed by their episode at all, but me myself,
• 45:20
  Speaker 4: because there's so much vulnerability and so much personal stuff
• 45:24
  Speaker 4: in it that I'm like sometimes I'm just like, I
• 45:27
  Speaker 4: really hope you feel taken care of in this episode.
• 45:30
  Speaker 5: No, yeah, we are. We are that saying where like,
• 45:33
  Speaker 5: oh no, if so and so listens, we're screwed.
• 45:37
  Speaker 2: Yeah, we have a lot.
• 45:38
  Speaker 5: We have a big conversation coming up. Why they take
• 45:40
  Speaker 5: a listen and finding out different people who are listening.
• 45:43
  Speaker 4: You're like, oh, oh yeah, literally in one of your episodes,
• 45:46
  Speaker 4: You're like, some people in my personal life will probably
• 45:49
  Speaker 4: think I'm talking about them, But I'm.
• 45:52
  Speaker 2: Like, that's a really good disclaimer.
• 45:55
  Speaker 5: This is not about you, Jane. Wait, I do actually,
• 46:04
  Speaker 5: but yeah, that is one of those fears that you're like,
• 46:06
  Speaker 5: oh yeah, how much am I hearing?
• 46:09
  Speaker 2: Right? I forget people to.
• 46:12
  Speaker 1: Take it into account too, because I remember once we
• 46:15
  Speaker 1: were at we were speaking at a conference and somebody
• 46:18
  Speaker 1: asked us a question that was essentially like because Samantha
• 46:23
  Speaker 1: and I when we first started working together, it was
• 46:25
  Speaker 1: like Trauma miniseries where we were being very vulnerable, and
• 46:28
  Speaker 1: she was asking like, how because this isn't just going
• 46:31
  Speaker 1: to impact you if it gets out, And she wasn't
• 46:34
  Speaker 1: like saying she was saying, how do you balance that
• 46:37
  Speaker 1: of what you're doing for yourself and what feels safe
• 46:40
  Speaker 1: versus like the conversations you're probably going to have to
• 46:44
  Speaker 1: have if people involveteer it that didn't know, And so
• 46:49
  Speaker 1: that is a it's a question we ask ourselves a
• 46:52
  Speaker 1: lot of like where's the line and taking into account
• 46:56
  Speaker 1: for people that are listening might listen.
• 47:00
  Speaker 4: Yeah, I think that's always a like even this, Like
• 47:03
  Speaker 4: to me, I'm like, that's always such a conversation because
• 47:07
  Speaker 4: also it's like, you know, even talking about people's identities
• 47:11
  Speaker 4: and things that have made them feel invisible, like because
• 47:13
  Speaker 4: we are focused on that, like, but it's not like
• 47:16
  Speaker 4: even this package of them trying to show a fuller
• 47:18
  Speaker 4: picture is not going to be the full picture.
• 47:21
  Speaker 2: And so it is.
• 47:22
  Speaker 4: Yeah, it's such a tricky question when you're like and
• 47:24
  Speaker 4: then yeah, exposing something like this is my story, but
• 47:27
  Speaker 4: it is always someone else's story too, and yeah, I
• 47:30
  Speaker 4: never I think like that is such an interesting line.
• 47:33
  Speaker 4: And then like I don't know about you guys, but
• 47:35
  Speaker 4: I feel like sometimes it will shift depending on the story,
• 47:39
  Speaker 4: depending on who it's about, or who can who I
• 47:41
  Speaker 4: talk to, or how much I share as well, Like
• 47:46
  Speaker 4: those are all pieces.
• 47:49
  Speaker 5: And you know, because we are talking about vulnerability and
• 47:51
  Speaker 5: really giving a lot of yourself in our jobs and
• 47:54
  Speaker 5: something that we do have a passion about. We also
• 47:57
  Speaker 5: ask this question, and I want to ask you, what
• 47:59
  Speaker 5: do you do to take care of yourself when it
• 48:02
  Speaker 5: does feel overwhelming?
• 48:05
  Speaker 2: Ooh, I love that question.
• 48:07
  Speaker 4: I think I'm still learning sometimes. I feel like it
• 48:12
  Speaker 4: changes sometimes and sometimes I'm like, I don't know if
• 48:15
  Speaker 4: that's gonna work today. But one thing I do, I'm
• 48:21
  Speaker 4: very lucky that I think actor training teaches a lot
• 48:24
  Speaker 4: about your nervous system. I really wish everyone went through
• 48:31
  Speaker 4: actor training and certain pieces of actor training, because there's
• 48:35
  Speaker 4: like in actor training, there's like an acknowledgment of the
• 48:38
  Speaker 4: physiological signs of vulnerability. So just being like, Okay, my
• 48:44
  Speaker 4: cheeks are red, my heart is moving really fast, my
• 48:49
  Speaker 4: left hand is shaking, and.
• 48:51
  Speaker 2: Just being able.
• 48:53
  Speaker 4: To name the things that are physically happening to me
• 48:56
  Speaker 4: has been really helpful. And then learning how to reground,
• 49:00
  Speaker 4: take deep breaths, and then being like, okay, do I
• 49:05
  Speaker 4: need to move my body right now? Like I'm a
• 49:08
  Speaker 4: huge I'm a huge proponent of dance parties. I'm like,
• 49:11
  Speaker 4: I will solo dance party, clean my apartment, and that
• 49:14
  Speaker 4: does a lot to reset me like when I'm feeling vulnerable,
• 49:18
  Speaker 4: is like how am I showing up for myself today?
• 49:21
  Speaker 4: And whether it's like making sure I'm drinking enough water
• 49:23
  Speaker 4: sometimes or like literally having my space not reflect a
• 49:28
  Speaker 4: crazy inside, like because I know mentally if I'm having
• 49:32
  Speaker 4: an off day, my room is a mess, and like
• 49:34
  Speaker 4: so like being like, okay, what can I do what's
• 49:37
  Speaker 4: in my control to reset? And then and then just
• 49:41
  Speaker 4: being gentle. And sometimes it's like taking myself to a movie.
• 49:46
  Speaker 4: Sometimes it's calling my best friend and being like, do
• 49:49
  Speaker 4: you have ten minutes for me to be like I'm
• 49:51
  Speaker 4: panicking about my like this hangover of emotions or the
• 49:56
  Speaker 4: sphere or just naming it. Sometimes I name it to
• 49:59
  Speaker 4: like my team, like my producer who's a godsend.
• 50:03
  Speaker 2: Dylan, thank you so much for everything. Where I'm like,
• 50:07
  Speaker 2: I don't want.
• 50:08
  Speaker 4: This to be like a this kind of moment. Am
• 50:12
  Speaker 4: I right or wrong in feeling this? Or like I'm
• 50:15
  Speaker 4: having this reservation. I don't know if I want to
• 50:19
  Speaker 4: take it out yet or I don't know how I
• 50:21
  Speaker 4: feel about sharing this yet, but I just want to
• 50:23
  Speaker 4: acknowledge that I'm not sure about it, so giving myself permission.
• 50:28
  Speaker 2: To name it with people as well, and.
• 50:31
  Speaker 4: Being like I'm not sure if I have an action
• 50:34
  Speaker 4: item to solve it yet, but I'm giving myself permission
• 50:37
  Speaker 4: that if I want one, I can have one, and
• 50:40
  Speaker 4: then just owning up to things like when my cousin
• 50:43
  Speaker 4: and I had that, like when my cousin was.
• 50:45
  Speaker 2: Like, why didn't you tell me?
• 50:46
  Speaker 4: Like I feel like you don't see me in my
• 50:49
  Speaker 4: own way of like I am my own person, I'm
• 50:52
  Speaker 4: not our whole family.
• 50:53
  Speaker 2: I'm and like or.
• 50:55
  Speaker 4: Being like, yeah, I may have had those kinds of
• 50:57
  Speaker 4: thoughts like three years ago, but now I am evolved,
• 51:01
  Speaker 4: and then having those tough conversations even though like my
• 51:05
  Speaker 4: heart will be like pounding and just being like you're
• 51:09
  Speaker 4: right and I can hear you now, and can I
• 51:11
  Speaker 4: ask you questions? And he's like, yeah, can I ask
• 51:14
  Speaker 4: you questions? And I think trying to lead from like
• 51:20
  Speaker 4: who is this person to me as well, because if
• 51:26
  Speaker 4: they love me and I love them, we'll figure it
• 51:29
  Speaker 4: out even if it's hard, even if it's weird.
• 51:33
  Speaker 2: And what I find really useful.
• 51:35
  Speaker 4: Is like if someone's upset at you and they tell you,
• 51:40
  Speaker 4: usually that means they want to work it out, and
• 51:43
  Speaker 4: that's like a beautiful thing about humanity is like normally
• 51:45
  Speaker 4: we're like I'm mad at you, it's because I want
• 51:47
  Speaker 4: you to fix it, like like I want us to
• 51:50
  Speaker 4: fix it, and trusting that people usually come from a
• 51:53
  Speaker 4: good place of like let's fix it. So if I'm
• 51:56
  Speaker 4: like feeling like I overstepped or or I'm scared or
• 52:00
  Speaker 4: I'm not sure, like.
• 52:02
  Speaker 2: Those are ways of which of like.
• 52:04
  Speaker 4: Just remind remembering who the person is and that like
• 52:07
  Speaker 4: we lead with love and and then do practicing like
• 52:11
  Speaker 4: self care together of like being like okay, now let's
• 52:14
  Speaker 4: shoot or like okay, now let's watch this funny video
• 52:16
  Speaker 4: and now I'm gonna send you memes.
• 52:19
  Speaker 2: I'm very much.
• 52:20
  Speaker 4: I watch lots of animal videos and funny videos as well.
• 52:24
  Speaker 4: In self care, I absolutely need that.
• 52:27
  Speaker 2: And then like we'll be like.
• 52:30
  Speaker 4: Wash my face, put on a little college and mask
• 52:32
  Speaker 4: or something like also very traditional, eat eat a cookie.
• 52:37
  Speaker 2: I'm such a proponent of eating a cookie.
• 52:41
  Speaker 4: And going on a walk, right, I'm like, I love
• 52:44
  Speaker 4: I love a walk with a cookie and just being like.
• 52:47
  Speaker 7: Okay, multitasking, I like, yeah, I love how your answer
• 52:56
  Speaker 7: involved like having self conversations.
• 52:58
  Speaker 1: But that's great.
• 53:02
  Speaker 4: Tell you well, I can't sit with things for very long,
• 53:05
  Speaker 4: Like I realized, like that's something about me, is like
• 53:08
  Speaker 4: I am very bad at sitting with things for a
• 53:10
  Speaker 4: long time.
• 53:12
  Speaker 2: I'm like, I've had to learn how to be like
• 53:15
  Speaker 2: when are you free? You know, Like I'm very much
• 53:19
  Speaker 2: like if I'm.
• 53:20
  Speaker 4: Feeling like it's an issue that we need to solve,
• 53:23
  Speaker 4: let's solve it and that'll make me feel better versus
• 53:27
  Speaker 4: ruminating because like my brain will be like here are
• 53:29
  Speaker 4: the twelve ways that they could dislike you for the
• 53:32
  Speaker 4: rest of your life. Oh yeah, and if you don't
• 53:34
  Speaker 4: fix it now, what if they stop caring? Like so,
• 53:38
  Speaker 4: I'm very much like self care also comes to with
• 53:40
  Speaker 4: it and being like is there anything we need to
• 53:43
  Speaker 4: confront right now that would make the care easier?
• 53:48
  Speaker 2: Yeah, good point.
• 53:50
  Speaker 1: No, it's great, it's a great answer. It's healthy.
• 53:55
  Speaker 5: It's been doing therapy.
• 54:00
  Speaker 2: Yes, she has been in therapy.
• 54:03
  Speaker 1: A lot of times when we ask that question, we
• 54:05
  Speaker 1: always get the same answer, which is I don't know.
• 54:07
  Speaker 1: So I love that you had such like I'm like,
• 54:10
  Speaker 1: do you what tool do you want?
• 54:13
  Speaker 2: Process?
• 54:13
  Speaker 5: And I love every single one of them?
• 54:15
  Speaker 2: Thank you well?
• 54:15
  Speaker 4: Actually, like so fun fact, not so fun fact, I
• 54:18
  Speaker 4: was nomadic for two and a half years recently, both
• 54:20
  Speaker 4: my choice and also by like financial insecurity in New
• 54:23
  Speaker 4: York is way too expensive, so it was kind of
• 54:27
  Speaker 4: like it was a fast track in learning how to
• 54:30
  Speaker 4: take care of myself because when you don't have a
• 54:34
  Speaker 4: home that's yours, that you get to like hide away
• 54:39
  Speaker 4: in and like Kermit and then watch TV for forever,
• 54:43
  Speaker 4: like which was one of my old ways of self care,
• 54:45
  Speaker 4: which I still have. But like when I'm like, oh,
• 54:47
  Speaker 4: this isn't my space, I'm subletting someone else's space who's
• 54:50
  Speaker 4: away for a month, Like when nothing feels like it's yours,
• 54:54
  Speaker 4: I literally had to be like what can I find
• 54:59
  Speaker 4: outside of this space or in myself to find ways
• 55:04
  Speaker 4: to take care of myself. So it kind of forced
• 55:06
  Speaker 4: me to It kind of forced me. Every new place
• 55:09
  Speaker 4: was like what new way will we find to do
• 55:11
  Speaker 4: to take care of ourselves? Like taking a dance class
• 55:14
  Speaker 4: down the street. Oh my god, amazing great way to
• 55:17
  Speaker 4: self care, but like I had never known before, you know,
• 55:20
  Speaker 4: so that really yes, that was helpful.
• 55:26
  Speaker 1: Well, thank you so much for coming on in sminty tradition.
• 55:31
  Speaker 1: You are now friends. Yes, yes, we loved having you.
• 55:36
  Speaker 1: This is a great conversation. I'm sure there's a million
• 55:39
  Speaker 1: other things we could talk about, but for now, the
• 55:43
  Speaker 1: good listeners find you.
• 55:45
  Speaker 4: Oh, the good listeners can find well. When You're Invisible
• 55:48
  Speaker 4: is on all platforms. It's an iHeart show so and
• 55:51
  Speaker 4: a Microltura podcast network show. So we are wherever you
• 55:55
  Speaker 4: like to listen to your podcasts, including the iHeartRadio.
• 55:57
  Speaker 2: App and all.
• 56:00
  Speaker 5: So.
• 56:00
  Speaker 4: We have Instagram, we might have a TikTok soon, but
• 56:05
  Speaker 4: Instagram when You're Invisible podcast and then you can also
• 56:09
  Speaker 4: you're always welcome to follow me. It is my personal page,
• 56:12
  Speaker 4: so you might get things about my life that is
• 56:16
  Speaker 4: muddy fair.
• 56:17
  Speaker 2: So m A R I f e R, which is.
• 56:22
  Speaker 4: The nickname between my first two names, Madia Fernande Underscore
• 56:27
  Speaker 4: my last name di e Z underscore b as in
• 56:30
  Speaker 4: bird because that's my second last name. Because as a
• 56:34
  Speaker 4: Latina we have a million names. That those are the
• 56:37
  Speaker 4: easiest ways to find me and to follow, and we'll
• 56:40
  Speaker 4: be posting more content on rig this this season.
• 56:45
  Speaker 1: Awesome. Well, thank you so much for being here. Congrats,
• 56:50
  Speaker 1: thank you the success and second season, and thank you,
• 56:53
  Speaker 1: thank you and listeners. If you would like to contact us,
• 56:56
  Speaker 1: you can you can email us stuff your mom stuff
• 56:58
  Speaker 1: at heartnea dot com. You can find us on Twitter
• 56:59
  Speaker 1: at a podcast, are on Instagram and TikTok at stuff
• 57:01
  Speaker 1: when Never Told You.
• 57:02
  Speaker 2: I'm also on YouTube.
• 57:03
  Speaker 1: We have a tea public store, and we have a
• 57:05
  Speaker 1: book we can get where we get your books. Thanks
• 57:07
  Speaker 1: as always too our super producer Christina, our executive pducer Maya,
• 57:11
  Speaker 1: and our tribute Joey. Thank you and thanks to you
• 57:13
  Speaker 1: for listening. Stuff I Never Told You is protection by
• 57:15
  Speaker 1: Heart Radio. For more podcasts from my heart Radio, you
• 57:17
  Speaker 1: can check out the iHeart Radio app, Apple podcast, or
• 57:18
  Speaker 1: wherever you listen to your favorite shows.