Latest / Forged In The Dark / The "Becoming"
Transcript
- Forged In The Dark: Behavior shapes identity, self-perception follows action, and the nervous system doesn't distinguish between real and rehearsed. So the question for all of today becomes, who are you becoming? Welcome to Forged in the Dark. I'm your host, Jamie. Let's dig in. So let's start with Jackie Kennedy. Before she was the icon, she was a woman with a whisper of a voice, physically small, uncertain in crowds, and the decision she would make to move like a woman that already was powerful and elegant happened. Before there was an external reason for her too. This has me thinking about you, and this has me thinking about me. And truly, the topic of becoming becoming happened on my 50th birthday. ⁓ And I do need to pause here and give a huge shout out to my incredible, beautiful, amazing friend Because ⁓ is my birthday MVP this year. Yes, She's most valuable birthday person this year. ⁓ Because she went ⁓ out of her way to make ⁓ everything about my incredibly special. She As much as I kept saying 50 isn't a big deal, she was the one behind me telling me all of the reasons it is. But the real reason to even bring up the birthday was the dress. this dress, is red and whimsical and flowy, and it's beautiful. I've owned this dress for four ⁓ years, ⁓ and ⁓ I cut tags last week. And this dress made me think of who I am becoming. And the person that I am becoming wears the damn dress, does the damn thing, shows up uncomfortable, and doesn't question. But it goes further here because it's more than just wearing the dress. There there was a moment. That I I put on the dress and I knew exactly why I was uncomfortable. It was it was very, very low cut. I had a lot of cleavage. there was a level of discomfort in wearing this dress. ⁓ But I wore it anyway because I wanted to, and because it's beautiful, and and because it felt like a power move. There was no way to not be seen in a dress like this. And there was a moment as I was stepping ⁓ through door, as I was crossing the threshold ⁓ into event. ⁓ I I I took a big breath and I thought, well, here goes. ⁓ And I stepped ⁓ into that room, not ⁓ pretending, ⁓ but ⁓ ⁓ the of that mind a little bit of cleavage. ⁓ The the the the one can have ⁓ an outfit malfunction and laugh, which we did many times during the night. ⁓ But I stepped into the identity of the person who wears the dress days, weeks, months before I actually put it on. Now your brain doesn't know the difference between reality and ⁓ practice, rehearsal. So if your brain doesn't know the difference between rehearsal. And reality, it's literally up to you to take the action until it becomes part of who you are, until it becomes more comfortable. You don't wait for things to become comfortable before you act. You act before you're ready. And I think this is a great time. To come back to circle back to our list of famous people. Because before Muhammad Ali was the greatest, he was a young fighter from Kentucky. And he made a choice that sounded insane to everyone around him. He chose, he was already the heavyweight champion before he ever had the title. He walked into rooms announcing it. He moved through the world as if it was already true. And because he did this, his nervous system had no choice but to rewire around that identity before it actually existed. So, what is your Red dress, think about it. I literally want to give you a moment here. I want to just pause and be quiet, and I want you to think about who are you becoming? The person that you are becoming. How do they think? How do they speak? What are they listening to? What are they eating? How are they dressing? How are they carrying themselves? How are they marketing themselves? How are they spending their time? How are they spending their money? Because these are all things that are really important to think about. Now, on my birthday, as I looked at that dress and as I got ready, look, I had an alternative. I, I, I, I. I spoiled myself for my birthday. So I had multiple things hanging in my closet that I could have gone to that would have been a little bit more modest, way less flashy, new with the tags, no reason I couldn't change my mind. Other than I made up my mind to wear this particular dress at least a month ago. The intention was there. I went out and bought shoes and a purse to go with this dress. And wearing this dress became a non-negotiable. The choice that I had made previous ⁓ was the courage, the commitment, ⁓ was the decision, choice to wear the dress, not the comfort. But the next version of myself, the version of myself I have been talking about becoming all of a sudden was here right now. ⁓ In in my house, in my bathroom, in my car, ⁓ at ⁓ the event ⁓ the new identity showed ⁓ up. And is what you must practice. ⁓ That is ⁓ you must rehearse. To someone you've never been, ⁓ of course, got to get your belief system on board. Of course. But what ⁓ better way get your central nervous system, your brain, your belief system on board? than by going out into the world, being the next version of yourself right now. If and I know I didn't share Oprah's story, but but it's much of the same. I mean whether we are talking about Oprah or Jackie Kennedy or Muhammad Ali or Carrie Grant or any other number of people that are well documented. In assuming the identity of where they are going before the proof is there that they will get there. So your job today, if you I mean, let's go back to the question who are you becoming? What do they do? Where do they go? How do they act? How do they talk? Who do they hang around with? What music are they listening to? What books are they reading? Your job right now is to not only answer those questions. But to go ahead and step into that identity today. Wear the damn dress. Do the damn thing. Because it in this 50 years on on this earth that ⁓ that that that I've lived, I I feel pretty strongly that I've gained a lot of wisdom, I've gained a a lot of discernment. I know for certain that the number of my age doesn't matter nearly as much as the things that I have overcome in my life. And to be this version of myself right now, that is sitting here in front of you, or is sitting here recording and you're listening. I did not get to this place. I didn't get to my red dress moment by not. Rehearsing who I was becoming first. But I did it. And now my brain and my central nervous system can get on board for when I do it again and again and again. Okay, so sit with that question today, see how it sits with you, and and choose your action. Choose your action. feel free to let me know what you're going to do. reach out, reach out on socials, ⁓ email me. Let me know what your thing is. ⁓ because it's actually quite fun when you get on the other side of the discomfort. You you you leave the house and you're uncomfortable. You step over the threshold of the event you're attending and you're still uncomfortable. But in hindsight, you're not uncomfortable. You knew you let it all hang out and you survived. Okay. to become who are becoming, you have take the action without having the proof that it's working. Okay. I am sending you so much love. Until next time.