Latest / RiseUp - Live Joy Your Way / Ep. 32 – Self-Talk

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Ep. 32 – Self-Talk · RiseUp - Live Joy Your Way

• 0:00
  SPEAKER_01: Today's episode is produced by my friends at Walk West.
• 0:03
  SPEAKER_01: If you're looking to grow your brand and generate leads through podcast or video production, head over to walkwest.com.
• 0:10
  SPEAKER_01: Okay, let's start the show.
• 0:18
  SPEAKER_00: Welcome to Rise Up.
• 0:20
  SPEAKER_00: Live Joy Your Way with Comedy Wood.
• 0:24
  SPEAKER_00: It's time to step into your power.
• 0:28
  SPEAKER_01: Hey there, everybody, and welcome to another episode of Rise Up, Live Joy Your Way.
• 0:32
  SPEAKER_01: I am Comedy Wood, and I thank you so much for joining this episode of my podcast.
• 0:37
  SPEAKER_01: For those of you who are still getting to know me, I am a certified life coach that works with individuals on healing that relationship with oneself, ending the outsourcing of self-worth in order to have success in business and career, as well as to have healthy relationships and to really be engaged in life, to stop the box checking and really just truthfully live your life and live it as you see fit.
• 1:02
  SPEAKER_01: Today I wanted to discuss the difference between negative self-talk and positive self-talk.
• 1:09
  SPEAKER_01: I think a lot of times on this podcast, I will refer to things like mindset and mindfulness, and then I also refer to uh judgment versus kindness, which is a huge part of self-compassion and just how we talk to ourselves.
• 1:24
  SPEAKER_01: But I don't think I've ever really spent the time to just dive into what is self-talk and what is the difference between negative and positive self-talk.
• 1:32
  SPEAKER_01: So, first and foremost, self-talk is generally thought of to be a mix of conscious and unconscious beliefs and biases that we hold about ourselves and about the world in general.
• 1:44
  SPEAKER_01: Um, actually, I think it was Sigmund Freud who was one of the first who created the idea that we do have both a conscious and an unconscious level of thought, and that the unconscious cognitive process can influence our behavior in ways that we don't even realize.
• 1:59
  SPEAKER_01: So when we think about self-talk, truthfully, it's how we talk to ourselves, and it can be positive or negative.
• 2:06
  SPEAKER_01: And paying attention to which way that you often talk to yourself can help make proactive changes.
• 2:14
  SPEAKER_01: It can help you make those proactive changes in order to move from that reactive state, judgment state, into a generative state and help you deal with life's challenges as they come at you.
• 2:26
  SPEAKER_01: Because let's be honest, there are plenty of curveballs that are thrown at us on a daily basis.
• 2:32
  SPEAKER_01: We are routinely faced with situations that we would deem to be ones of adversity, whether they're, you know, tremendous adversity or low low adversity, either way, there are challenges, and how we talk to ourselves really has an influence on how we meet those challenges.
• 2:50
  SPEAKER_01: So, first, negative self-talk.
• 2:53
  SPEAKER_01: Negative self-talk is based in judgment.
• 2:55
  SPEAKER_01: It is in judgment of ourselves with an overly critical eye.
• 2:59
  SPEAKER_01: Our patterns of self-talk uh are sometimes or all too often I should say are often they're negative with a focus on a preconceived idea that uh we're not good enough or that we are always a failure, or there's there's no way to do anything or get anything right.
• 3:18
  SPEAKER_01: Our brains are hardwired to remember the negative experiences over positive ones so that we recall the times we didn't quite get something right more times than we do, more times than we recall the ones that we got it right.
• 3:30
  SPEAKER_01: If you think about this, I'm sure many of you have heard, if you're in the business world, how uh business owners will often talk about how reviews are so important to them uh being able to build more clientele.
• 3:44
  SPEAKER_01: And the reason being is one negative review will get uh 12 times more attention than one positive review.
• 3:51
  SPEAKER_01: So what happens with those negative that that negative self-talk is we will replay the messages in our minds, and those those negative feelings that we get will then start fueling more negative feelings.
• 4:02
  SPEAKER_01: Negative self-talk tends to fall into one of four categories.
• 4:05
  SPEAKER_01: One of personalization, where you blame yourself when things go wrong.
• 4:10
  SPEAKER_01: The second category is polarizing, which means that you see things only as good or bad.
• 4:16
  SPEAKER_01: There's no great area or room for middle ground.
• 4:20
  SPEAKER_01: The third is magnifying, where you only focus on the bad or the negative in every scenario and dismiss any positive, any negative positivity.
• 4:30
  SPEAKER_01: And then the fourth is catastrophizing, just meaning you are always expecting the worst.
• 4:35
  SPEAKER_01: So, what is positive self-talk?
• 4:37
  SPEAKER_01: Well, it's the opposite, and it's based in the concept of self-compassion and recognizing that each of us is truly a spiritual being having this human experience.
• 4:46
  SPEAKER_01: It's all about stepping away from judgment into this place of self-kindness versus self-judgment and recognizing that we are all part of the common humanity, that we're not alone, and that so when we are facing an adverse situation or something that doesn't go well, we don't have to isolate ourselves.
• 5:03
  SPEAKER_01: We can seek out support.
• 5:05
  SPEAKER_01: Positive self-talk is also rooted in being present and practicing mindfulness.
• 5:11
  SPEAKER_01: Positive self-talk is not about narcissism.
• 5:15
  SPEAKER_01: I know that is a word that is tossed around a lot.
• 5:18
  SPEAKER_01: I I will definitely have more podcasts about narcissism because I think it is an important topic.
• 5:24
  SPEAKER_01: And I do think that those of us who are involved in uh narcissistic dynamics, which can happen in the workplace, it can happen in familial situations, it can happen in romantic situations, it is a huge issue that people are facing.
• 5:38
  SPEAKER_01: And I will I will absolutely love to dive into that on a different podcast.
• 5:42
  SPEAKER_01: But for now, today, I just wanted to say that positive self-talk is not about narcissism, it's not about deceiving ourselves into thinking something is true that isn't true.
• 5:53
  SPEAKER_01: It's really about having that concept of self-compassion for yourself, to recognize that there is a sense of uh positivity in every situation.
• 6:05
  SPEAKER_01: And what I mean by that is instead of going into the spiral of how terrible you are, what you should have done, and sitting in that judgment, it is about what negative information can I take and use to move myself forward.
• 6:18
  SPEAKER_01: It is about positive self-talk is about that internal narrative, and it is about switching to ideas like I can do better next time, or I am going to choose to learn from my mistake and not be held back by it.
• 6:32
  SPEAKER_01: The impacts of negative self-talk are huge.
• 6:37
  SPEAKER_01: So, for instance, even in sports, um, they have looked at, there's been many research um studies based looking at uh sports and and athletes and how when they are in a situation of facing uh failure, for instance, in a game situation, those that have spoken poorly to themselves or in a negative light end up failing to be able to get themselves out of it versus those who are able to dig deeper and to find that place where they can they can talk to themselves in a positive light.
• 7:11
  SPEAKER_01: They're able to get into that what many have referred to as this different gear.
• 7:15
  SPEAKER_01: It's about lowering the sense of anxiety in the moment.
• 7:19
  SPEAKER_01: So when we sit there and we talk about ourselves in a negative way, we're just raising our anxiety level versus when we can figure out a way to talk to ourselves in a more positive way, it lowers that anxiety level.
• 7:30
  SPEAKER_01: We're able to create that, we're able to create in our own minds a creative space.
• 7:35
  SPEAKER_01: And we know that creative spaces allow us to figure out different ways to look at a problem and to solve the problem.
• 7:41
  SPEAKER_01: And so therefore, the positive self-talk enables us and empowers us to be able to make our way and see our way through a challenging situation.
• 7:51
  SPEAKER_01: Ways, um sorry, the benefits of positive self-talk uh are the reduction in stress.
• 7:58
  SPEAKER_01: Research has shown people that are speaking to themselves in a more positive way are also able to cope, that their coping strategies for challenging situations are more ideal, so to speak, and it helps you reframe stressful situations, so it inevitably reduces the amount of stress that you're feeling.
• 8:18
  SPEAKER_01: Positive self-talk can help boost confidence and also your resiliency.
• 8:22
  SPEAKER_01: So when you approach life with positive self-talk, it allows individuals to build up that positive self-esteem, and so those people are more likely to achieve their goals and to recover from those adverse situations or those feelings of fight or flight in a more timely manner.
• 8:41
  SPEAKER_01: So it just helps boost that because you're talking to yourself and giving yourself the ability to recognize that even if something is challenging, you have the power within you to face whatever it is and you can continue to work towards whatever goal it is that you're working towards.
• 8:57
  SPEAKER_01: Positive self-talk also helps build better relationships because when we see ourselves as complete and as complete individuals who are enough, and we see ourselves as coming into a relationship as a whole and complete person, we're no longer entering those relationships looking for somebody else to make us feel complete and whole.
• 9:16
  SPEAKER_01: And so positive self-talk allows us to be more confident and it reflects more positively on those around us as well.
• 9:23
  SPEAKER_01: So research has found that couples who are more optimistic have cited actually higher levels of cooperation and positive outcomes.
• 9:30
  SPEAKER_01: In addition, those people who utilize positive self-talk are more capable of picking up on the positive traits around them.
• 9:39
  SPEAKER_01: And so, again, positivity breeds positivity.
• 9:42
  SPEAKER_01: What are some strategies to help replenish or build up your ability to speak to yourself in a positive way?
• 9:51
  SPEAKER_01: Well, first and foremost, it's identifying those self-talk traps.
• 9:55
  SPEAKER_01: So it's really identifying those situations when you might indulge in negative self-talk and then pattern interrupting, putting in place a way to address the situation.
• 10:07
  SPEAKER_01: When you catch yourself with that automatic negative way of seeing yourself or talking to yourself, how are you going to interrupt?
• 10:13
  SPEAKER_01: And what will you say in order to shift yourself into a different way of showing up?
• 10:18
  SPEAKER_01: Another really important strategy is to check in with your emotions regularly.
• 10:22
  SPEAKER_01: So when we are in a habit of speaking to ourselves in a negative way, switching to this new positive talk does take an effort.
• 10:30
  SPEAKER_01: It's not something that happens overnight.
• 10:32
  SPEAKER_01: And so just being in tune to that self-talk that we we give ourselves each and every day is important, but it's also to check in with ourselves routinely.
• 10:41
  SPEAKER_01: So when we're feeling down, it's to recognize it, accept, okay, this is not a happy emotion, figure out what it is that we need, and then addressing that rather than just letting it sit there, because that's where that negative self-talk will start to to breed and to grow and fester from there.
• 10:58
  SPEAKER_01: Another really important strategy when uh trying to build this muscle of positive self-talk is to uh is to not be afraid of creating boundaries because there are some people in our lives who just honestly don't bring out the best in us.
• 11:12
  SPEAKER_01: And so when we I are able to identify those self-talk traps when it's related to certain people in our life who encourage that negative self, that negative talk, it's important and it's okay to set up boundaries with those people or even go as far as removing hanging out with those people just to make sure that you're surrounding yourself with people who will encourage you to speak to yourself more positively.
• 11:37
  SPEAKER_01: And then the final strategy is is utilizing positive affirmations.
• 11:42
  SPEAKER_01: And I do believe, and I've talked about this before, that affirmations, I have a love-hate relationship with them because when we're having a negative thought and we try to do this huge pendulum swing to the positive um opposite of that negative thought, sometimes it's really hard for our brain to really believe it.
• 11:57
  SPEAKER_01: So it's about how do we take that negative thought and move it into a more positive way of seeing ourselves and just being able to move that negative talk chatter that we're having into a different way of seeing it ourselves and moving it towards that needle of positivity so that um if it is a situation where we're talking negatively, you know, at least having a positive affirmation or something that we can help remind ourselves what's a different way that we can look at this, how can I see myself differently, how can I shift in a place into a place of empowerment?
• 12:31
  SPEAKER_01: That definitely is a strategy to help us shift from this concept of negative talk into a place of positive talk.
• 12:38
  SPEAKER_01: If you would like to speak to me or to s to just chat about what's happening with you and what support I could offer you, feel free to reach out to me.
• 12:48
  SPEAKER_01: You can easily book a time to speak with me at chatwithcomedy.com.
• 12:53
  SPEAKER_01: Or if you'd like some more information on topics such as this, I would invite you to check out my blog on my website at comedywood.com.
• 13:01
  SPEAKER_01: And until next time, I'm Comedy Wood.
• 13:05
  SPEAKER_00: Thanks for listening to Rise Up.
• 13:08
  SPEAKER_00: Always remember your uniqueness and the gift that you bring to this world.
• 13:12
  SPEAKER_00: Life happens for you, not to you.