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What is the role you play in a relationship with a narcissist · The Mental Healness Podcast

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  What is going on, beautiful people.
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  Today we're talking about the role that you play in the life
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  of a narcissist, which can vary from person to person, from
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  narcissist to narcissist because because we know no two
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  narcissists are alike. If you're here, my name is Lee
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  Hammock. I'm a diagnosed narcissist here
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  to give you this perspective of a narcissist.
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  And welcome to another episode of The Narcissist Code.
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  Boom, welcome back folks, welcome back, welcome back
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  y'all. The new camera coming through a
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  little crispy ate it. The new new mic setup got a
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  wireless y'all so grateful for everybody, everybody so grateful
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  for y'all. But yes, y'all narcissistic
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  people, toxic people. To be with them, you have to
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  play a role in their lives. You there, yo there.
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  You have to serve them in some way, shape, shape or form.
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  You absolutely have to. There's no if ands or buts
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  between it like this is how it goes.
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  This is how it works. This is the mentality, the
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  mindset of how narcissists operate, right?
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  And most times, most times, the number one role that people are
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  going to play is the role of a parent.
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  Though you shocked, are you shocked?
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  The role that most people play in a in a narcissist's life is
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  going to be the role of a parent.
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  Like if you are dealing with a narcissistic man in particular,
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  women can play this role as well, right?
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  But if you're dealing with a narcissistic man, most times, I
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  would say most times, a lot of times they're going to have
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  mommy issues, right? Some narcissistic men absolutely
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  hate their mothers. And guess who gets the brunt of
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  that? Guess who gets hurt and treated
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  badly because they hate their mothers?
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  The woman that they end up with, right?
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  The person that they end up with could be a man.
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  They could end up with a man as well, right?
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  To each their own. We try to be a little, we all
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  big group hub. We're all trying to be all
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  inclusive, right? But this is where it goes.
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  This is the mentality. Like you could play the role of
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  their mom. Now I know a lot of people are
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  going to say but Lee, my narcissistic partner, actually
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  loves their mom. But even though their mom was
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  abusive and controlling when they were growing up, they
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  actually really really love their mom.
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  Or do they Or do they? I feel like a lot of people
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  don't realize this, but just because you they they seemingly
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  care about their mom in these situations doesn't actually mean
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  that they actually care about them like that.
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  They feel like they are indebted to their mother or their parent
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  or whatever, right? They raised them.
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  They feel like they owe that parent a debt.
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  So they still might keep that parent in their life, but
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  internally they can't stand that parent.
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  Internally they sometimes they can hate that parent and because
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  they don't want to treat the parent bad because they feel
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  like they owe them something. Guess who gets the bad
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  treatment? You or any other woman.
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  That's why you get a lot of narcissistic men that hate women
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  because they have these mommy issues.
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  So you in that you inadvertently end up playing the role of the
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  mother. I know a lot of people like damn
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  Lee, that just damn, that's crazy.
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  But it can also be the same with the fathers as well.
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  You can play the role like you can play the role of their
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  father as well. Same dynamic applies.
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  They grew up hating their father and whatnot, right?
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  But you inevitably take on the role of their father with a
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  narcissistic woman or with a narcissistic man.
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  There's in a man, man, man in relationship or a narcissistic
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  woman. There's in a woman.
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  What is that WLW relationship or whatever, right?
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  That happens. That absolutely does happen so
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  many times, right? You end up playing the role of a
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  parent. And I say this to people all the
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  time, if you feel like you're parenting your partner, you are
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  in a very, very uniquely toxic relationship.
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  It is very, it can be very uniquely difficult to deal with
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  this type of person. Like if you feel like you're
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  parenting your partner, like you end up like you're playing the
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  role of the parent to your partner, it's an unequal
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  relationship. It's going to be a toxic
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  relationship where you will always be giving more than you
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  receive in the relationship, which to some people, let's keep
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  it real, which to some people is fine.
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  Some people don't mind giving more in a relationship because
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  hey, this is what you're accustomed to.
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  You're used to giving more that you're used to giving more than
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  what you receive in a relationship.
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  You're accustomed to that. And that's, hey, to each their
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  own. Like I said, I'm not here to
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  judge anybody, make anybody feel less.
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  That's not my that's not my task here, right?
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  I'm just here to let you know that this is the mind, how a lot
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  of narcissist minds work. Like you end up playing the role
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  of that parent. And when you play the role of a
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  parent, woo, you better buckle your safety better because
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  you're going on a ride, buddy, you're absolutely going on a
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  ride. I promise you.
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  Now, like not all narcissists hate their parents.
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  Let's get that out the way right now.
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  Not every single narcissist hates their parents.
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  You got it. Because not every single
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  narcissist is created through abuse.
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  They not not every single narcissist is created the same
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  way. I'll do another video on that
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  later. But no, no two narcissists are
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  created in the same way. But I'll say this right here.
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  The next role that you can play in a relationship with the
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  narcissist is the role of the provider.
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  Yo, I'm telling you, you will be, you will be the caretaker
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  provider for the narcissist in a lot of these relationships,
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  right? You play the role of their
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  conscience sometimes too, like the provider role can be very
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  similar to the parenting role, right?
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  But the role of their conscience like you, like this is just be
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  real. Let's just say what I, I, I'll
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  say this nowadays, right when I'm talking about my wife, I
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  will tell people there's like what, what do you love about
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  your wife? I like I, I, I love the fact
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  that she has like so much like she, she is oozing with empathy,
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  right? I learned from her.
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  She's like my, she's like my, I was to say she's, she completes
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  me, right? She's the good part.
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  She's so she's such a good, amazing person, such a highly
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  empathetic person. I love it right.
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  So in my, in my life, the role, one of the roles that she plays
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  is she plays the role of like she's a role model for me.
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  Now, a lot of times when you play the role model to a
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  narcissist, they're looking to replace you, right?
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  They're looking, they're studying you and trying to find
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  a way to replace you in some, you know, in some way, shape or
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  form, they're trying to find a way to get over on you, to take
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  advantage of the situation and to get away from you, right?
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  That's what they're trying to do a lot of the time, right?
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  But for me in my in my marriage, I know people are going to ask,
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  well, Leo, are you trying to replace your wife?
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  Y'all, we've been married for 10 years.
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  We've been rocking, we've been together.
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  This is 20. We're going together.
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  This is 20 y'all December will be December will literally be 14
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  years of us being together, right?
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  Marry for 10, together for 14. It's cool.
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  She plays the role of the role model.
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  She completes me. I can learn from her and I do
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  learn from her. That's why communication has got
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  so much better because I'm open and honest and vulnerable.
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  Now. The other role that she could
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  have played is the role of like my competition.
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  I could have just been competing with her, right?
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  Because I because I'm so jealous of her empathy, right?
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  I could have been competing with her as well, right?
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  I absolutely could have been in competition with her.
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  Like a lot of y'all going to resonate with that because a lot
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  of y'all are playing the role of competition like competitive
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  with your narcissistic partner or whoever it is in your life or
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  parent could be your parent, right?
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  You are playing the role of their competitor.
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  You are the greatest competition because they are jealous of you.
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  They will hate on you. They would do so.
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  So they would do so many things to try to get to take advantage
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  of you in these situations or to try to bring harm or some type
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  of pain into your life. And that's, yeah, let's be real,
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  that sucks. It does.
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  It's absolutely horrible how that can go.
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  It's absolutely awful. Seriously, how that ends up
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  going in relationships with highly narcissistic people, they
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  will treat you like you do not matter.
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  They will treat you like you are just a horribly inconsiderate,
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  toxic ass person and they don't care.
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  A lot of narcissists don't care when they're jealous of you.
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  They're always trying to pull you down.
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  Like a narcissist that is always in competition with you will
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  always be competing with you in some way, shape or form.
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  They will always be trying to knock you off of your high
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  horse. They'll do things like that on a
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  consistent basis because they really, really, truly want to
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  hurt you in some way, shape or form.
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  They absolutely do. I know that's going to suck to
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  hear for a lot of people, but the role you might play is the
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  role like a temporary role they might play, you might play the
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  role of the wife or the husband or significant other for a long
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  time, but it's temporary and they'll treat you as A and This
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  is why I tell people like marry people you married to this
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  person. Make sure that you marry people
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  that actually like you. Like if you feel like this
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  relationship is rocky before you get married is going to be rocky
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  in marriage. I think some people have it in
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  their minds, right, That somehow when you get married, things
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  will get better. Like, immediately.
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  Somehow things will get better overnight.
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  You just like, well, things. We'll we're going to be loved
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  tomorrow. They'll love me tomorrow.
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  They'll do this for me tomorrow. Yeah.
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  Once we get married, things are going to change.
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  I'll be, I'll be their wife or I'll be their husband.
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  No, you could still be temporary.
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  Like if they've been cheating on you before they got married.
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  Just imagine what your life's going to be like after you say,
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  I do like the role that you play in a narcissist's life is not
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  sometimes it's not just going to be a singular role.
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  There could be multiple roles that you play in this person's
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  life, right? There could be literally
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  multiple roles that you play in this person's life and how they
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  go about doing things and how they're going to treat everybody
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  in these situations. So that's what you have to
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  prepare for. Your role could transition.
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  They could, you could transition from being a parent to being to
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  being their role model for them trying to replace you to a
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  temporary role. Or you can play multiple roles
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  at the same time. You could be a you can play a
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  parental role in their life, but they can also simultaneously be
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  jealous of you and trying to compete with you to pull you
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  down. You see what I'm saying?
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  They do this type of stuff. So you have to be prepared for
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  y'all if you deal with a narcissist.
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  Hey, I, I know it sucks. I know I hate, I, I hate, I even
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  hate had to talk about it sometimes, but you have to
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  protect yourself at all costs. Be prepared for that, y'all.
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  Anyways, y'all think I'll make the end of my video?
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  I'm going to keep this, keep this one short and sweet.
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  Let me know what y'all think about the quality of the video.
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  I'm trying to change things around a little bit, y'all.
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  Y'all I'm out. Peace.