Latest / No Shrinking Violets Podcast for Women / Redefining Wealth for Women: It's Much More Than a Budget

Transcript

Redefining Wealth for Women: It's Much More Than a Budget · No Shrinking Violets Podcast for Women

• 0:05
  Mary: Welcome to No Shrinking Violets.
• 0:07
  Mary: I'm your host, Mary Rothwell, licensed therapist and certified integrative mental health practitioner.
• 0:13
  Mary: I've created a space where we celebrate the intuition and power of women who want to break free from limiting narratives.
• 0:20
  Mary: We'll explore all realms of wellness, what it means to take up space unapologetically, and how your essential nature is key to living life on your terms.
• 0:30
  Mary: It's time to own your space, trust your nature, and flourish.
• 0:34
  Mary: Let's dive in.
• 0:35
  Mary: Hey Violets, welcome to the show.
• 0:41
  Mary: Interestingly, when I decided to go into business for myself after choosing to retire from a suddenly toxic workplace, the last thing I thought about was money.
• 0:50
  Mary: Granted, I had a working spouse, but having been employed in educational settings for my entire working life, my hourly rate had little meaning to me.
• 0:59
  Mary: By that I mean I valued my work based on my students and my clients because honestly, I wasn't getting rich working in public schools or higher ed.
• 1:08
  Mary: I never equated my worth with my bank account.
• 1:11
  Mary: As I tried to embrace the uncertainty of entrepreneurship and find what I needed to know to figure out a workable business plan, I was always so uncomfortable when someone asks something like, What is your financial goal for the next six months?
• 1:25
  Mary: I guess part of the issue is that therapists often often aren't paid commensurate with our education or our need to continually invest in more learning, which we really should do.
• 1:36
  Mary: But also the amount we, quote, earn per session after insurance companies take their cut is abysmal.
• 1:42
  Mary: So many therapists in private practice need to schedule lots of clients per day, and it often impacts our own mental health.
• 1:48
  Mary: We are unfortunately often terrible at recognizing our financial worth and worse, asking for compensation, perhaps because we're trying to assign value to work that often involves trauma and vulnerability.
• 2:00
  Mary: And that's a kind of a tough thing.
• 2:03
  Mary: But beyond this being an issue for many mental health professionals, I slowly started to see a pattern in my interaction with other entrepreneurs.
• 2:11
  Mary: It always seemed to be the women that had the most trouble recognizing or pursuing their financial worth, almost like it was shameful to ask for fair compensation for services.
• 2:21
  Mary: Like there was a build-in apology in their fee structure.
• 2:24
  Mary: So it is for all of these reasons that I'm so excited to talk with my guests today.
• 2:29
  Mary: AJ Bishop Andrews is the founder of FEROZ, a movement redefining wealth and power for high-achieving women navigating major life transitions.
• 2:38
  Mary: With 20 years in the financial industry, AJ has advised women overseeing billions in assets through moments that change everything, from career pivots and entrepreneurship to divorce, inheritance, and reinvention.
• 2:51
  Mary: She's the author of the forthcoming book Rich Like Her and the creator of The FEROZ Experience, an annual flagship event where women gather to rewrite the rules of success and design lives that actually feel good, not just look good.
• 3:06
  Mary: AJ is known for blending financial psychology, design thinking, and energy leadership into practical tools that help women move from proving to choosing and from overperformance to freedom.
• 3:17
  Mary: That sounds awesome.
• 3:18
  Mary: Welcome to No Shrinking Violets, AJ.
• 3:21
  AJ: Thank you so much, Mary.
• 3:22
  AJ: I loved hearing your story and it just feels so aligned that with the, you know, that we're crossing each other's paths, very similar backgrounds.
• 3:30
  Mary: Yeah.
• 3:30
  Mary: And I shared earlier when before we started, before we hit record, that I have not had a topic for women in wealth yet on my podcast.
• 3:38
  Mary: And I probably avoided it because of everything that I talked about, that it's very uncomfortable for me.
• 3:44
  Mary: And it was a different way of sort of assigning worth in the work that I did.
• 3:48
  Mary: So I'm really excited to dig into this a little bit.
• 3:51
  Mary: But could we start with having you share what were some of the pivotal moments for you that kind of, I don't know, kind of helped you end up where you are right now?
• 4:02
  AJ: Yeah, I would probably say that similar to you, like it's been a journey of reinvention over and over again, like getting to places and spaces that I could have never imagined being in.
• 4:13
  AJ: You know, I grew up in a small town in Utah.
• 4:17
  AJ: My mom's from Brazil, so FEROZ means fierce in Portuguese.
• 4:21
  AJ: And my father grew up on a cotton picking farm in Alabama.
• 4:25
  AJ: So like when I say I'm my family's wildest dreams, I am.
• 4:30
  AJ: But what I found is despite the success I was having being in the wealth management industry, being an executive at major institutions, I just didn't have that sense of confidence and fulfillment with the amount of money that I was or was not able to maintain.
• 4:47
  AJ: So my story, very similar to you, is even though I was in the business working day to day with other individuals and leading teams with wealth management and finances, I was struggling with my own what I call limiting beliefs and money scripts, if you will, or wealth imprints that were basically created for me before I was even born.
• 5:08
  AJ: Right.
• 5:09
  AJ: The fact that my mother and my father both grew up in poverty, I had I had, if you will, a limited scope, a limited view, a limited perspective on what was possible when it came to making money.
• 5:23
  AJ: And so therefore I had a really hard time keeping up with the money, right?
• 5:27
  AJ: And that led to my reality that I felt like I didn't deserve wealth, right?
• 5:33
  AJ: And what that looked like for me was a lot of spending, right?
• 5:36
  AJ: I would literally give it away to my family members, I would take them on lavish trips, I would always be giving the money away as a way to show, well, you know, I'm worth it.
• 5:47
  AJ: Um, I deserve this money, even though deep down I really didn't.
• 5:51
  AJ: So that's what started was the curiosity.
• 5:54
  AJ: And despite having financial success, I don't feel successful or fulfilled or wealthy.
• 6:00
  AJ: And that's when I found financial psychology and everything has changed since then.
• 6:06
  Mary: Wow.
• 6:06
  Mary: Well, I remember my mom saying, so my mom, if she was living, she'd be 98.
• 6:11
  Mary: So she was born in 1927, a very large family.
• 6:15
  Mary: Both my parents came from larger families, not much money.
• 6:18
  Mary: But I remember at one point my mom said, I don't have enough money to make a budget.
• 6:22
  Mary: And we laugh now, like the kids laugh.
• 6:25
  Mary: It's sort of like one of those things we'll say if we're like, you know, having a moment, having a financial moment.
• 6:30
  Mary: It's like, I don't have enough money to make a budget.
• 6:32
  Mary: But I'm thinking that there are people listening that maybe already have said, I don't need this episode because I don't really have money, or I'm never going to have wealth to manage.
• 6:45
  Mary: So how would you address that situation?
• 6:49
  AJ: Yeah, I would say there's it, yeah, it's really twofold.
• 6:52
  AJ: And it's such an interesting challenge as I do this work, right?
• 6:56
  AJ: I always go back and forth between the words money, finances, and wealth.
• 7:01
  AJ: Because exactly as you just mentioned, a lot of women struggle with that word wealth, because ultimately our wealth in modern terms is associated with our status, our power, our ability to be successful.
• 7:17
  AJ: When really, if you look at the the past and look at what wealth actually meant before technology, right?
• 7:25
  AJ: Wealth was connection, it was community, it was fulfillment, it was spending time with family, it was your health.
• 7:31
  AJ: So what I always tell women is the first place to start is exactly where you did, looking back and seeing what are the stories, what are the the sayings that I grew up with around in my family, and really looking at it through the lens of does that lint, does that script right, does that story support me, or is it actually holding me back?
• 7:56
  AJ: So the the idea of not having enough money to budget, well, that is a belief, right, that you are holding on to, whether it's deeply embedded or it's right here and you can see it, but it's still in you, right?
• 8:09
  AJ: Like I always tell clients, even when you're able to see what the beliefs are that you're holding, it doesn't mean they go away.
• 8:17
  AJ: They just shift and they transform.
• 8:18
  AJ: And so having a framework, which is what we do with our clients, we help them create a framework to be able to illuminate the limiting beliefs that are at play.
• 8:28
  AJ: So then they know what they're dealing with.
• 8:30
  AJ: Because oftentimes with money and finances, like the beauty, the beauty about money and finances is it's pluses and minuses.
• 8:37
  AJ: Like there is no, there is no gray when it comes to math, right?
• 8:41
  AJ: It's black and it's white.
• 8:43
  AJ: Where it gets challenging is the emotional charge and the emotional triggers that are behind the idea of money.
• 8:49
  AJ: And that's where women typically tend to get off balance.
• 8:53
  AJ: And I specifically say women, because despite all of our education, despite our advancement and owning businesses and making it into C-suites, one in two women, so 50% of women, even the most successful, still struggle with making confident financial decisions.
• 9:10
  AJ: And that's not because we're broken.
• 9:12
  AJ: It's not because you didn't learn math right or you're not smart enough.
• 9:16
  AJ: It's just the system was built on a different set of values and a different structure that I personally believe wasn't really created for women.
• 9:23
  AJ: So that is why we exist is to ensure that women have an opportunity to take a pause and say, okay, if I don't feel worthy of wealth or if I don't have enough money, if that seems to be a common theme or common right script that goes through my head, I need to look back and say, where did that start?
• 9:41
  AJ: And is it still true?
• 9:42
  AJ: And if not, what can I do about that instead?
• 9:45
  Mary: Yeah.
• 9:46
  Mary: Well, I know historically, so in the United States, it has been only about 50 years since women could have their own accounts, buy a house, all of those things.
• 9:56
  Mary: And I and I think younger people don't know that.
• 9:58
  Mary: And so I think that was after I was born that happened.
• 10:03
  Mary: So I think that the women in the older women in my family still carried that memory.
• 10:08
  Mary: But what do you think makes it so hard specifically for women?
• 10:12
  Mary: Like when you say I I always use that the term limiting beliefs.
• 10:16
  Mary: So can you give an example or two?
• 10:18
  Mary: And in kind of the context, what makes it so hard for women specifically?
• 10:23
  AJ: Well, I think it makes it specifically hard for women because of one, you just named it, right?
• 10:30
  AJ: We've we are later to the game than men.
• 10:33
  AJ: Specifically, men talk about money all the time, right?
• 10:36
  AJ: I was having coffee a couple weeks ago at a Pete's, sitting there, you know, writing, finishing up some things on the book, and I'm overhearing these guys talking.
• 10:45
  AJ: They look like they just got done with golf.
• 10:47
  AJ: And like they were talking about their swing, and then in like 20 seconds, the conversation shifted to an idea that one of the guy's financial advisors gave him.
• 10:58
  AJ: And all of a sudden it was a mommy conversation, and all of them were just kind of sitting back, sipping their coffee, enjoying right, like what they were saying and feeling totally comfortable with it.
• 11:09
  AJ: But yet, I've never in public seen women talk about money.
• 11:12
  AJ: And if we do, we don't talk about it in the true sense of wealth building or saving.
• 11:18
  AJ: It's more, I got a new car or we just remodeled the bathroom or my my home, right?
• 11:23
  AJ: Like it's because at the end of the day, women see money in a different way, right?
• 11:28
  AJ: It has a different meaning.
• 11:30
  AJ: And I think that there are some women, I don't want to put all women in one box, but there are a lot of women out there, myself included, who grew up with these limiting beliefs that not only probably our parents held, but their parents held, right?
• 11:46
  AJ: That it's it's not unknown that the cycle of poverty, the cycle of indebtedness is is it's generational, right?
• 11:55
  AJ: If you've grown up in poverty, the chances of you getting out of poverty are pretty low.
• 11:59
  AJ: And that was a big reason why my mom wanted to come to the United States.
• 12:03
  AJ: She knew that we would have the best chance possible of becoming as financially successful as we could if we lived in the United States.
• 12:11
  AJ: But I think women specifically often struggle.
• 12:14
  AJ: The most common ones I hear, I already mentioned the one was I don't deserve money, right?
• 12:19
  AJ: I'm not worthy of it as, or it's like this idea that you'll never actually have enough to be wealthy, right?
• 12:26
  AJ: I've sat across from billionaires who were worried about purchases that may seem trivial to you and I if you have a billion dollars, but because they grew up with limiting beliefs around what they could and couldn't have or what they did or didn't deserve, it significantly impacted their ability to make strong financial decisions.
• 12:46
  AJ: So it comes up in so many ways, and there's four main that tend to write avoidance, um, kind of like this idea that, you know, it as you mentioned at the top of the podcast, right?
• 12:58
  AJ: Like, I just don't talk about it.
• 13:00
  AJ: And that's I would say that's probably the most common with women is we just don't talk about it.
• 13:04
  AJ: So even when I started my business um about five years ago, everyone's like, wait a minute, you're talking to women in groups, like communities of women talking about money.
• 13:14
  AJ: I'm like, absolutely, men do it all day long, every day.
• 13:17
  AJ: And I want to normalize that.
• 13:19
  AJ: I want to make it nice for women to talk about money, right?
• 13:23
  AJ: Like I remember hearing it's not nice to talk about how much you make.
• 13:26
  AJ: Yeah.
• 13:27
  AJ: You know, these are all little limiting beliefs that are about money that maybe don't say that.
• 13:32
  AJ: Um, but we're picking those up every single day from the television to people we follow, people we listen to.
• 13:40
  AJ: And it's about figuring out where your true north is.
• 13:43
  Mary: Yeah.
• 13:43
  Mary: Well, you're right.
• 13:44
  Mary: I've never had a conversation about money with my girlfriends.
• 13:48
  Mary: It it's so fascinating.
• 13:50
  Mary: Sometimes these these differences are so fascinating to me.
• 13:54
  Mary: And even as I extrapolate out a little bit, when we look historically at careers, women have been in careers where the soft skills, like I'm a therapist, or they were teachers or secretaries, things where you didn't equate it with getting wealthy.
• 14:09
  Mary: And how I'm, I just, this is sort of just a pondering, like how much does that still influence how we value what we do?
• 14:19
  Mary: Because those are not therapists are not paid well.
• 14:22
  Mary: And I see people struggle with even I don't take insurance now.
• 14:26
  Mary: I decided I'm gonna take only cash payments because it limits me.
• 14:31
  Mary: It's you know, I don't get paid what I feel like my time is worth, but it's very fraught because I anytime I'm telling somebody what my fee is, I'm cringing a little bit.
• 14:42
  Mary: And I'm not really sure how to just get past that because I know it's okay.
• 14:46
  Mary: I know there's people that charge more than me, but it's almost like an ingrained feeling inside of that like embarrassment or shame to talk about it.
• 14:55
  AJ: Yeah.
• 14:55
  AJ: Like what I typically find with women when it comes to their rates or even asking for right negotiating pay is it's we've attached our value to that dollar amount, like it's our child or like it's right, our favorite, most secret prize.
• 15:12
  AJ: And the reality is, is it's just money.
• 15:16
  AJ: And I know it sounds like basic and it sounds maybe even dismissive, but when you're able again, going back to this idea of like it's just it's just plus and minus signs and understanding that relationship.
• 15:30
  AJ: Like, what is it about telling someone what I charge that creates discomfort in me?
• 15:36
  AJ: Right.
• 15:36
  AJ: Like I always say the quest, the answer is in a question.
• 15:40
  AJ: And so one of the things we teach our women to do is ask yourself a question when that feeling comes up, right?
• 15:46
  AJ: And I'm sure as a therapist, you have those moments too, right?
• 15:49
  AJ: Like, okay, right now I'm feeling nervous about talking about what my rate is.
• 15:53
  AJ: I know I'm gonna have to disclose it.
• 15:55
  AJ: I know they're waiting for it, right?
• 15:57
  AJ: Like that's the reality.
• 15:58
  AJ: When someone comes in for your service, they're expecting to pay.
• 16:02
  AJ: And so what I often see is women will undercharge, they don't charge at all.
• 16:07
  AJ: I've been a victim of that myself.
• 16:08
  AJ: I consider myself a very generous person.
• 16:11
  AJ: But I also heard something really valuable the other day that this idea that like the person can't necessarily have a transformation or get what they need from working with you unless there's an exchange of value.
• 16:26
  AJ: And that exchange in this scenario is money, right?
• 16:29
  AJ: So there's different ways to exchange value, and that's why I always say wealth is actually more than just money, right?
• 16:36
  AJ: Your your wealth is three T's, as I call it.
• 16:39
  AJ: Your time, it's your talent, and in your scenario, right, you're a therapist, and then it's your treasure.
• 16:45
  AJ: Now, if you're looking at a client and you're so worried about the the talent or rather the treasure piece, right?
• 16:54
  AJ: Like I'm, I know I can help you, right?
• 16:56
  AJ: Like Mary, I know you know you can help these people, but that treasure piece just starts to build up in you.
• 17:02
  AJ: Well, we all know, and this is the energy leadership, we know that that gives off a frequency, right?
• 17:07
  AJ: Like we're able, babies are able to look at faces and say, that person's afraid, right?
• 17:13
  AJ: Or that person's happy.
• 17:14
  AJ: So it's also coming out, like you're emitting this energetic um uncomfortability.
• 17:20
  AJ: And so it's like, how do I interrupt that pattern?
• 17:23
  AJ: And how do I re just realize this is the price and become unattached to it?
• 17:29
  AJ: And you're exactly right, it's not easy, right?
• 17:32
  AJ: Like we're not talking about easy work where you just put a motivational quote on your computer and you say, Okay, I'm now gonna say this every time I'm on the phone, but it's that sitting in the uncomfortableness, and that's what we teach women is to sit in that uncomfortableness to be able to get yourself regrounded and then put forth right what it is that you actually want, that energetic shift, that value exchange.
• 17:57
  Mary: Yeah.
• 17:58
  Mary: And I think when you talk about energy too, I do think that men do have more of that, um, almost like a sense of like I deserve to make a certain amount of money.
• 18:11
  Mary: And I think about a story that another guest talked about that they there was a discussion in the family about flying a plane.
• 18:17
  Mary: And the male in the room, the young, young man, was like, oh, I could do that.
• 18:22
  Mary: And and the the young female was like, Well, I don't know.
• 18:26
  Mary: I would have to.
• 18:27
  Mary: I think we look at all the parts of something.
• 18:30
  Mary: Yes, and it becomes intimidating.
• 18:33
  Mary: And instead, and I don't, I don't like to stereotype men and women, but I think there is either our brains develop differently, or there's that socialization part is so huge that that forward momentum that men have towards that type of the money earning, the fine the financial stuff, women just for some reason, it's almost like we lean back from it or we ponder it, or we like you're talking about, we value it in a in a different way and it it limits us so much.
• 19:05
  AJ: You know, while you were just sharing that, I like had this vision.
• 19:08
  AJ: I'm like, now I'm really curious, right?
• 19:10
  AJ: I always say I'm always a student first and then a teacher, right?
• 19:13
  AJ: I liked I'm in the work too.
• 19:15
  AJ: I always tell people, it's not that I'm ahead of you in any ways.
• 19:18
  AJ: Well, yes, I am, but I'm also still learning, right?
• 19:21
  AJ: Like you know, this as a therapist.
• 19:23
  AJ: We're constantly evolving and our dynamics change.
• 19:26
  AJ: But what I was thinking is, I'm like, I wonder if there's actually right, testosterone is is is truth, right?
• 19:33
  AJ: Progesterone, estrogen, those are all truth.
• 19:36
  AJ: And men typically have more testosterone than women.
• 19:39
  AJ: And so now I'm also sitting here wondering, I'm like, is it the testosterone, right?
• 19:44
  AJ: Like that confidence, that ability to go out in the world and right, like if we just go back to evolution, right?
• 19:50
  AJ: They were the hunters and we were the ones who stayed at home and we had to assess all of the moving pieces.
• 19:56
  AJ: I always tell my husband, I'm like, this is why you're not allowed to plan anything, because inevitably something is forgotten, and I love him for it.
• 20:04
  AJ: But I do think there are some like evolutionary, what I call nature versus nurture that does come into play.
• 20:14
  AJ: But what I've also found is it's just a skill set like anything else, right?
• 20:19
  AJ: You talked about your evolution from teacher to therapist.
• 20:22
  AJ: All you had to do is go get more skills because at your core, you know, you're a great communicator.
• 20:27
  AJ: You're probably great at building trust and developing relationships with people.
• 20:31
  AJ: And so the skill set is it exists in all of us, right?
• 20:35
  AJ: It's there.
• 20:36
  AJ: It's just maybe we haven't practiced it as much as we would like to, or maybe in the past we did practice it and someone said we were bossy.
• 20:44
  AJ: Like that was like my nickname as a kid.
• 20:46
  AJ: I was bossy.
• 20:47
  AJ: And in the beginning I used to hate it, but now I'm like, I'm kind of grateful I was bossy because it made it gave me thick skin.
• 20:54
  AJ: It gave it gave me the ability to go after things that I think other people in my scenario wouldn't have.
• 20:59
  AJ: So now I'm actually like sitting here thinking, I'm like, that would be an interesting study.
• 21:03
  AJ: I'm gonna have to think about how to figure that out.
• 21:06
  AJ: But the truth is, is that idea of drive, that idea of decision making, it's not that women don't know how, to your point.
• 21:14
  AJ: It's just we don't have we don't exercise it as much as we do.
• 21:18
  AJ: We tend to be more observers than we are leaders sometimes when it comes specifically to our finances.
• 21:25
  AJ: And so that's something that we're looking to disrupt because by 2035, Mary, the majority of wealth in the United States will be in the hands of women, right?
• 21:35
  AJ: There are an astronomical amount of baby boomers retiring every day.
• 21:39
  AJ: We're already at 10,000 a day.
• 21:41
  AJ: But as we also know, women tend to live longer than men.
• 21:45
  AJ: So whether that's they're going to inherit the money through a partner or whether they're going to be a daughter of someone who inherited money after both parents have passed.
• 21:56
  AJ: Like a lot of women are going to be at this, what I call financial crossroads.
• 22:00
  AJ: And if they don't feel confident in their skill set to be able to make decisions, then planning, building, growing wealth just really isn't on the table for them.
• 22:08
  AJ: And I want to stop that.
• 22:10
  Mary: Yeah.
• 22:10
  Mary: Well, I think you brought up a good point with the socialization that when we have a strong energy, we are people, and this is the whole theme of my podcast.
• 22:20
  Mary: We're people try to keep like stay in your lane.
• 22:22
  Mary: You know, stay in your lane, stay small.
• 22:25
  Mary: That's not for you.
• 22:27
  Mary: And so it makes me think about the name FEROZ.
• 22:30
  Mary: Tell me why you chose that.
• 22:33
  AJ: So I went all over the place, right?
• 22:35
  AJ: That I would say my favorite thing to do is to come up with names for things.
• 22:39
  AJ: Like it's, you know, if I could figure out how to be a branding person, maybe someday I would.
• 22:44
  AJ: But I sat there and I'm like, what is it about this woman?
• 22:47
  AJ: Right?
• 22:47
  AJ: Is it her um intelligence?
• 22:50
  AJ: Well, of course she's intelligent.
• 22:52
  AJ: Is it her presence?
• 22:54
  AJ: Is it her energy?
• 22:56
  AJ: It's like what makes a woman fierce, right?
• 22:59
  AJ: What is, and not fierce as aggressive, but just this commanding, like, I'm standing in my purpose and I like don't mess with me kind of energy, right?
• 23:10
  AJ: And so when I was looking through the words, I went through a couple of different reiterations, but the word just kept coming back.
• 23:18
  AJ: And I'm like, oh, is she fierce?
• 23:20
  AJ: Like, is that the right word?
• 23:22
  AJ: But as I started doing more research on the impact of women not making these being confident in financial decision making, that's when I was like, it's gonna take more than just conviction, right?
• 23:35
  AJ: That we have to be fierce in this endeavor.
• 23:38
  AJ: Because one of the statistics that really alarms me, and I used to see all the time in the wealth management industry, is by the second generation, let's say, Mary, your podcast hits it big, you make multi-millions of dollars, right?
• 23:52
  AJ: And let's say you set up a trust, you set up a will, you set up all of the documents you need to pass on that wealth.
• 24:00
  AJ: Well, if your daughters, specifically in this scenario, and sometimes even your sons, if they are not in a place where they feel confident in making decisions, 70% of that wealth is gone.
• 24:12
  AJ: And then by the third generation, if it makes it to the third generation, 90%.
• 24:17
  AJ: So it's like we're building all of this wealth and we're losing it at the same time.
• 24:23
  AJ: And you see this in the news, right?
• 24:24
  AJ: You see celebrities who once were on top and then they're filing bankruptcy.
• 24:29
  AJ: Yeah.
• 24:29
  AJ: Or you see people who win the lottery and then all of a sudden they're filing for bankruptcy.
• 24:35
  AJ: And it's because a little bit of where we started, right?
• 24:38
  AJ: If you've weren't, if you weren't raised with conversations about money, like in my house, the the most we talked about money was you have to save for it.
• 24:46
  AJ: Like that was probably the motto is you need to save for that.
• 24:49
  AJ: If you want it, you have to save for that.
• 24:51
  AJ: Well, great, saving only gets you so far, then what?
• 24:54
  AJ: And so it's like these conversations have to be more fierce, like women have to kind of dig a little deeper and get a little more uncomfortable than we have been so far, because the time is coming, right?
• 25:06
  AJ: Like 10 years is not very far away.
• 25:09
  AJ: And it would be a it would be a tragedy to see all that money not make it to the second or third generation because of right, a skill set that just didn't exist before.
• 25:19
  Mary: Yeah.
• 25:20
  Mary: And I like that you refer to it as a skill set because I think then going into a discussion with a financial advisor or whatever the situation, it's only something that you need to learn.
• 25:31
  Mary: It's not something that you're not wired to learn.
• 25:34
  Mary: It's simply, and and you know, we're talking a lot about mindset, it's changing that mindset that it's everyone can learn it.
• 25:42
  Mary: And being aware, like you said, of the discomfort when that comes up.
• 25:46
  Mary: Um, and I say to him, I mean, I'm lucky that my husband does most of the planning, but I still he always takes me along.
• 25:52
  Mary: I always listen, but it's still, I know I have that sort of that block in my thinking.
• 25:58
  Mary: And so I try to like, okay, explain this to me again.
• 26:01
  Mary: And you know, I really try.
• 26:03
  Mary: So I think it's really like putting that aside.
• 26:06
  Mary: And so I wanted to talk a little bit about more specific things because the mindset is wonderful, but you have like you talked about the three T's.
• 26:17
  Mary: So can you review them again quickly for us?
• 26:21
  AJ: Yeah, I will review them, but I'll also add a zinger because I think you just added something that's so important.
• 26:27
  AJ: And this is why I think where we stand out as photos, then right, my background is nothing but wealth management.
• 26:35
  AJ: I was a financial advisor, so I get the strategies.
• 26:38
  AJ: I've sat in the rooms where I've seen women, children, right?
• 26:44
  AJ: What I'd consider the non-primary financial decision maker, sit and not ask any questions.
• 26:50
  AJ: Like you can just literally see the body language change and the advisors just keep going on like they're running a script, right?
• 26:58
  AJ: So that was always my favorite part of when I started leading teams is how do we engage everyone?
• 27:03
  AJ: You you said it beautifully before we even started, how we create a container for learning because that is what financial advisors are trained to do is to be teachers.
• 27:13
  AJ: They should be teachers first.
• 27:15
  AJ: And so if you don't get it, that's not on you, right?
• 27:20
  AJ: It's not your fault, it's the professionals' fault.
• 27:23
  AJ: And I don't say fault in the sense of blame them.
• 27:25
  AJ: It's they have not been taught how to communicate with everyone in the room, right?
• 27:30
  AJ: What we know is some people learn through emotion, some people learn through facts, some people learn through visuals.
• 27:36
  AJ: And this is where I see the industry needing to change, and that's something I'm really passionate about.
• 27:41
  AJ: I still am very connected to the wealth management industry, and I work with teams all the time on how do we change the way you're communicating in your meetings so that everyone feels included because the language is confusing, right?
• 27:54
  AJ: It and candidly it was created to be confusing because there had to be a barrier to entry, right?
• 28:00
  AJ: If you really think about the evolution of wealth management, you had to go to a stockbroker to get access.
• 28:06
  AJ: Well, if the stockbroker took everyone, no one would actually, right?
• 28:10
  AJ: Like that it's it's it's demand and supply.
• 28:13
  AJ: So we've created really complex strategies and we've created a real complex jargon to make wealth management feel hard.
• 28:20
  AJ: When the reality is, is if you have a really great advisor or planner, they should be able to communicate it in something as simple as the same way you would communicate geometry to a second or third grader, right?
• 28:31
  Mary: Yeah.
• 28:31
  AJ: But going back then to your question about the three T's, what I realized was mindset is a like 80% of our challenges probably are psychological, right?
• 28:42
  AJ: Mindset.
• 28:43
  AJ: But then 20% is that strategy.
• 28:46
  AJ: But yet in wealth management, we lead with strategy.
• 28:49
  AJ: Yeah.
• 28:49
  AJ: And so looking at the three T's was really my way of saying, okay, well, how do we address mindset so that when we get to the strategy piece, there's a connection.
• 29:00
  AJ: So for example, if you were to prioritize, I'll ask you, Miri, what is most valuable to you right now in this season?
• 29:08
  AJ: And this is the other flaw that we don't have enough time to go into in the wealth management industry, is it's the assumption is you want to plan for retirement.
• 29:16
  AJ: Well, yeah, of course I want to be comfortable in retirement, but I want to be comfortable now too, right?
• 29:21
  AJ: Yeah.
• 29:22
  AJ: So what is if you had to pick from the three T's, time, talent, and treasure, what right now in your life is the most important?
• 29:30
  Mary: Time.
• 29:31
  AJ: Yeah.
• 29:32
  AJ: And so sometimes that may prioritize, it may conflict with treasure or it may conflict with talent, right?
• 29:43
  AJ: Like right now, I can see that you're spending a lot of time in your talent, right?
• 29:49
  AJ: This podcast is an example.
• 29:51
  AJ: You're probably looking at other ways to promote yourself.
• 29:54
  AJ: That's also talent, but you're also you have that boundary of time, which means you're not going to hustle.
• 29:59
  AJ: Like you were 25 years old, right?
• 30:01
  AJ: These girl bosses, these side hustles.
• 30:04
  AJ: Yeah.
• 30:04
  AJ: And it's funny because I'm always looking at these ads that come and I get served them too.
• 30:09
  AJ: And I'm like, like, I love that she's these women are able to do this, but they they have a lot more time, right?
• 30:15
  AJ: Their time is a different value to them.
• 30:17
  Mary: Yes.
• 30:18
  AJ: So the idea of time, if that's your number one priority, when you go in to meet with your advisor, the conversation should be nothing but grounded in time.
• 30:27
  AJ: Like, what does that mean to you?
• 30:28
  AJ: Is it you want to spend more time now with your family?
• 30:31
  AJ: Does it mean you want to retire earlier?
• 30:34
  AJ: Does that mean that you want to have more of passive income so you can spend more time doing the things that you want?
• 30:41
  AJ: Right.
• 30:42
  AJ: That's a completely different conversation than me telling you how your portfolio did last quarter.
• 30:48
  Mary: Right.
• 30:48
  AJ: And from there, I can then build a strategy for you that feels in alignment with where you're at right now.
• 30:54
  AJ: Doesn't mean we're changing everything we did last quarter or the year before.
• 30:57
  AJ: No.
• 30:58
  AJ: But it allows for that flexibility of being human, where it's like, of course, we're all saving for the future, but we also want to have fun today because we don't know if the future's coming.
• 31:09
  AJ: So that's how I would explain the three T's in practice, right?
• 31:13
  AJ: Is it's prioritize which one has the most weight for you right now.
• 31:18
  AJ: And then make your decisions specifically around your finances based off of that priority.
• 31:24
  Mary: And I think also to go along with that, whatever you choose is okay.
• 31:28
  Mary: I think we guilt ourselves, especially if we choose, like say we choose time.
• 31:32
  Mary: Oh, well, I I should keep working as long as I can.
• 31:35
  Mary: Or we, you know, again, there are those limiting narratives.
• 31:37
  Mary: So I think listen to your inner self.
• 31:40
  Mary: And whatever is a priority for you is okay.
• 31:44
  Mary: We don't need to assign any big meaning to it.
• 31:47
  AJ: Yeah, and I think that's the biggest challenge I see in my generation and younger, right?
• 31:51
  AJ: So I'm the oldest of the millennials.
• 31:54
  AJ: And then I see, right?
• 31:56
  AJ: I have a niece, she's actually visiting me right now, who's the Gen Z.
• 32:00
  AJ: And there's this idea and beauty in some ways, like my generation, we were taught to hustle.
• 32:07
  AJ: So we're all burning out now, right?
• 32:09
  AJ: Like most of the women that come to me are burnt out from their corporate jobs, they've got the golden handcuffs, or they're getting divorced, or unfortunately, something has happened to a loved one and they're met with all these decisions they have to make.
• 32:23
  AJ: But our younger generation, my concern is is right now the models they have for, you know, what success and power and wealth looks like feels um it feels unattainable.
• 32:38
  AJ: Like I was just on a uh podcast yesterday with a young lady who's considered Gen Z in her mid-20s.
• 32:45
  AJ: And you you I could just sense how heavy life felt at 25, you know, and I remember being that age and like it was blue skies and open road.
• 32:56
  AJ: And I'm not discounting the reality of what the state of the world is like right now.
• 33:01
  AJ: We got a lot of moving pieces, right?
• 33:03
  AJ: And so to think that what you want, Mary, is the same as me is not realistic, but yet we like to subscribe to the idea that that's what success looks like because it's on Instagram and she's got a million followers.
• 33:18
  AJ: And that's my biggest concern with our younger generation is who are the models, who are the role models for these women that are doing the hard work every day, right?
• 33:29
  AJ: Like there's just too, there's a lot of instant fixes out there.
• 33:33
  AJ: And as you and I know, like working through relationships, whether that's to money or a partner or yourself, that's that's deep work.
• 33:41
  AJ: It's not easy.
• 33:43
  AJ: So I always have to sit there and think about like, how do I become accessible enough for women who are that younger generation who need to understand the principles we're talking about?
• 33:54
  AJ: How do we make it fun?
• 33:55
  AJ: How do we make it relevant?
• 33:56
  AJ: And that's something we're focused on next year.
• 33:59
  AJ: But the book that I that's coming out in January was really this idea that right, I wanted women to be able to empathize and know that they're not alone.
• 34:07
  AJ: Like I think sometimes because we can't see ourselves on social media or in the press or in the news, we don't think that it's good enough.
• 34:16
  AJ: And the reality is, is once you get that center in yourself, it just it's easier to figure out your own path.
• 34:23
  Mary: Oh, yeah.
• 34:24
  Mary: Yeah.
• 34:24
  Mary: Cause like when I started what I'm doing now, I followed all the wrong things because it was what you're supposed to do.
• 34:31
  Mary: And as I just gained confidence, I realized yeah, our our instinct.
• 34:38
  Mary: And and I actually have a book coming out at the beginning of the year.
• 34:41
  Mary: And it's really about our nate, like because I'm a gardener, so it's about nature and how we just we forget that we're nature, but when we were kids, we knew what we loved.
• 34:51
  Mary: And then all the things came along that told us that's not what you should be doing, or whatever those messages are.
• 34:58
  Mary: So I think that if we can connect to that and, you know, allow that to give us the confidence to say, well, yeah, I don't really want to do a sales funnel.
• 35:09
  Mary: I would rather, you know.
• 35:10
  Mary: So I think that's a story for another day because we're sure that we could get into the business part of all of this.
• 35:16
  Mary: But I want to start to put a finer point on as we're getting towards the end of this.
• 35:20
  Mary: So you talk about moving from proving to choosing.
• 35:24
  Mary: Can you tell me?
• 35:26
  Mary: It sounds like maybe that's what you were talking about a little bit right there in your in your life.
• 35:30
  AJ: Yeah, I think I think that's the biggest leap we as women get to have in this, you know, this new generation, this new movement of women and feminism is right, when I even think about the path my mom, my mom was born in 44.
• 35:47
  AJ: So when I think about her path and I think about my sister's path, and I think about my path, and then I think about my nieces, I have only three stepsons.
• 35:56
  AJ: Um, I worry that we're still proving ourselves, right?
• 36:01
  AJ: We're we're exhausting ourselves mentally, spiritually, financially, physically, because we're constantly proving that we deserve it, we earned it, we like all of the add, right?
• 36:15
  AJ: Add the not enoughness at the end.
• 36:17
  AJ: And what I believe is redefining wealth on your own terms is this idea that I get to choose what my path looks like and also have the confidence.
• 36:28
  AJ: You said the word beautifully, right?
• 36:30
  AJ: I have the confidence that I'm heading in the right direction.
• 36:32
  AJ: I've got the conviction, the FEROZ in me that even if I see other people doing their thing, it's no longer about comparison, right?
• 36:41
  AJ: It's about I've chosen this path for myself and I'm going to live it full on, right?
• 36:46
  AJ: And I think that that's the new world we're in, right?
• 36:50
  AJ: The framework, the blueprint that was set out for our mothers or even for women a little bit ahead of us, it's not the same blueprint that's gonna work in the next chapter, right?
• 37:02
  AJ: This idea that one technology has just expanded our opportunities to choose your own adventure, as I like to call it, whether that's you want to work from home or work from Thailand or Bali, like there's just so many options.
• 37:16
  AJ: It's just a matter of me choosing it and putting all of my energy and my attention on it.
• 37:22
  AJ: Different than I'm kind of just going through the motions, proving myself, putting all this energy into things that don't fill me back up, that don't light my fire.
• 37:32
  AJ: And then I'm confused when I get burnt out, when I'm bitter, when I'm resentful, when I feel like I don't have time with my family and friends.
• 37:41
  AJ: And sometimes that comes with monetary cost in the short term, right?
• 37:45
  AJ: Um, to say that I'm making the same amount of money I used to make in corporate America, Wall Street, no, but my content level is at an all-time high.
• 37:54
  AJ: And that's more valuable to me than any zeros in my bank account.
• 37:58
  AJ: And so that's me choosing contentment and happiness over a full bank account, right?
• 38:02
  AJ: A larger bank account.
• 38:04
  AJ: And I think as women, we typically tend to think more longer term, right?
• 38:10
  AJ: We we ultimately legacy is who we are, right?
• 38:14
  AJ: Your book about gardening reminds me of legacy, right?
• 38:16
  AJ: Some of the most beautiful gardens exist because some woman wanted it to, right?
• 38:21
  AJ: I don't know if you've ever been to Bouchard Gardens in um on Victoria Island in Vancouver.
• 38:26
  AJ: It's beautiful, but this woman basically said she took this disgusting, like um mining pit.
• 38:32
  AJ: They had depleted it of all of their all of its nutrients and all everything that was beautiful.
• 38:38
  AJ: And she just went in there and she's like, Nope.
• 38:40
  AJ: Granted, we made all this money, right?
• 38:43
  AJ: Mining this area, but now we're gonna give back.
• 38:45
  AJ: And it's one of the most beautiful gardens you've ever seen.
• 38:47
  AJ: And to think a one woman created this, yeah.
• 38:50
  AJ: So that's why I'm so passionate about what I do.
• 38:53
  AJ: It's like I know that when women decide what they want and it feels a hundred percent in alignment for them, they create amazing things.
• 38:59
  AJ: So that idea of I'm now choosing my future versus I'm trying to prove it to someone else is um really just it's a choice.
• 39:08
  AJ: It's a choice and action that you get to take every day.
• 39:11
  Mary: Yeah.
• 39:12
  Mary: Well, and so there's a concept of the wellness wheel in my world, and you know, it's all this stuff about self-care.
• 39:18
  Mary: And I think we understand, you know, communication and emotional health and all of those things, but financial is actually a wedge on that wheel.
• 39:27
  AJ: So good.
• 39:28
  Mary: And I think if we think about how are we balancing all of it, and you saying, you know, be you need to be as intentional about that as you are about taking care of yourself with your yoga or, you know, whatever your your mindfulness break.
• 39:44
  Mary: I think really having a focus on that.
• 39:48
  Mary: And again, I know for me, it's like, oh gosh, I don't want to think about that.
• 39:52
  Mary: And it's like, but then push through that and sort of be curious like, what is it about that that seems so distasteful?
• 39:59
  Mary: And it really is sort of just the what we've been told along the way that's not true.
• 40:05
  Mary: So that's just another way to take up, I always say take up our space.
• 40:09
  Mary: And you said it in just different words.
• 40:11
  Mary: It's another way that we can take up our space and fully live.
• 40:15
  Mary: And, you know, it's so funny that the big stories are the ones where somebody steps away from a lot of money in their career to do something that is soul satisfying.
• 40:26
  Mary: Yes.
• 40:26
  Mary: And, you know, it's that where we're where are we putting the value?
• 40:30
  Mary: It's like, how could and I re actually you this just reminded me when I, every time I changed jobs in my career, I made less money because I went where my heart wanted to go.
• 40:41
  Mary: And I never, I didn't, I never worried about it.
• 40:43
  Mary: It always worked out because I could rely on, you know, we talked about talent.
• 40:48
  Mary: At that point in my life, I knew that I could make whatever, you know.
• 40:52
  Mary: But the first job I left was the best paying job I ever had, believe it or not.
• 40:57
  Mary: And I remember my mom saying, Do you think that you get all the chances in the world?
• 41:02
  Mary: You should not leave.
• 41:03
  Mary: And I remember like it stopped me for a second.
• 41:08
  Mary: And I was like, Is this a mistake?
• 41:09
  Mary: It hadn't occurred to me that it was.
• 41:11
  Mary: I mean, I knew it would be tough for a little bit, but isn't like I just that just came back to me that she it scared her when I said, I'm going to make this change because it'll make me happier.
• 41:23
  AJ: Well, and where she was speaking from was her own experience of being a Great Depression baby.
• 41:28
  Mary: Yeah.
• 41:29
  AJ: Right.
• 41:29
  AJ: Like when you've seen that level of an entire nation, right, going to poverty in a matter of months, you that sticks with you just like COVID is sticking with us, just like 9-11, if you're around, sticks with us.
• 41:44
  AJ: So that it's not uncommon.
• 41:47
  AJ: I remember when I very first started in the business as a financial advisor, it was right before 08 happened.
• 41:53
  AJ: And that was probably the most common thing I would get from clients of your mom's age is this idea that everything's going to go away.
• 42:01
  AJ: Like I just, I'm going to put it under my mattress.
• 42:03
  AJ: I'm going to put dig a hole in my backyard because I know I'll have money.
• 42:08
  AJ: And that's just, again, an experience of I lived through a really challenging time.
• 42:13
  AJ: And the beauty, and I'm sure you teach this to your clients as well, is because you were able to get through that, you now have this whole new skill set.
• 42:21
  AJ: You're extremely resilient.
• 42:23
  AJ: You have intuition on a different level that most people who have not had to overcome challenges do.
• 42:29
  AJ: And can you also set that aside and look at the facts of what is real?
• 42:35
  AJ: Right.
• 42:35
  AJ: Like, yes, when your mother was in the workforce, there wasn't the internet.
• 42:40
  AJ: There wasn't, right, probably even the job that maybe you were leaving for.
• 42:44
  AJ: And so it's that idea that anything new, anything different is always going to feel scary.
• 42:49
  AJ: And if you have the framework and the blueprint of your own personal decision making, which looks different than mine, then looks different than you know anyone else's, it's just easier to make the right next step.
• 43:02
  AJ: Um, and that's the beauty of what I love to do is to always be right, recreating ways that work for women.
• 43:10
  AJ: Because if it's not working, then stop doing it.
• 43:14
  AJ: Right.
• 43:14
  AJ: Like if you go in to talk to a bank manager about a loan and they're just talking above you, stop the madness and ask them to slow down and tell you exactly what you need to know.
• 43:28
  AJ: And I think that's something us as women get to continue to be uncomfortable with is asking for what we need.
• 43:34
  AJ: Yeah.
• 43:34
  AJ: We just, if you don't get it, it's okay.
• 43:36
  AJ: It's their job to teach you what and give you all the information that you need.
• 43:40
  AJ: Yes.
• 43:40
  Mary: And it doesn't mean you're stupid or you can't.
• 43:42
  Mary: Correct.
• 43:43
  Mary: Yes.
• 43:43
  AJ: No, far from.
• 43:45
  Mary: Right.
• 43:45
  Mary: Okay.
• 43:46
  Mary: So um ever people are listening to this, they're thinking, yeah, this is great.
• 43:52
  Mary: I feel inspired.
• 43:53
  Mary: What would be the first step for a woman who feels stuck or uncertain about where to go from here?
• 43:59
  AJ: Yeah, I always say the first step is looking for tools and resources that are aligned with what it is you're trying to do next, right?
• 44:07
  AJ: I tell women, like our sweet spot is the woman who's really a life transition.
• 44:12
  AJ: So that's divorce, it's typically death, it's inheritance, it's leaving a corporate job to do your passion.
• 44:20
  AJ: But that doesn't mean that there aren't tools and resources, for example, that exist in our playbook, as I like to call it, that wouldn't support.
• 44:28
  AJ: So I always say look for tools because you can't solve your challenges in a vacuum.
• 44:35
  AJ: Right.
• 44:35
  AJ: It's like trying to read a book on how to grow a garden when you're trying to become a master chef.
• 44:40
  AJ: Yeah.
• 44:41
  AJ: So start looking for educators.
• 44:44
  AJ: And I always say that, not influencers, but educators, people with a proven track record, even people with experience and what it is that you're looking for, and find them and look to see what resources they have.
• 44:57
  AJ: Typically, they offer free ones.
• 44:59
  AJ: We're in the middle of creating a whole database of them because at the end of the day, I'm uh like my next chapter is legacy.
• 45:06
  AJ: I'm I created a book because of legacy.
• 45:08
  AJ: I'm creating these tools because of legacy.
• 45:11
  AJ: Like my vision is a million women in 10 years, right?
• 45:14
  AJ: And so to be able to serve that amount of women, I need to have resources on my website, right?
• 45:19
  AJ: Like an example of what most, if you know, we're not in the business world, but if we were talking business, they'd say don't give that away for free.
• 45:26
  AJ: But that's not what I'm here about, right?
• 45:28
  AJ: Like I'm here to empower women and help them build their confidence.
• 45:32
  AJ: But again, look for educators, right?
• 45:35
  AJ: Like who truly wants to teach me what I need to know?
• 45:37
  AJ: Because it's not about like hiring the person.
• 45:41
  AJ: It's like, no, no, how do I know enough and feel confident enough to be able to go and do the work on my own, right?
• 45:49
  AJ: Like ultimately, you want to find someone who wants to build you up to the next level, not keep you stuck.
• 45:55
  AJ: And I think that's the challenge I'm seeing in a lot of the programs and courses out there is no, I got to buy the next level, I got to buy the next level, I gotta buy the next level.
• 46:04
  AJ: And it's like it that doesn't empower anyone if you're constantly still holding up gates.
• 46:09
  AJ: So look for an educator, look for someone who has the experience, um, and just really find what resonates with you.
• 46:17
  AJ: Because if it doesn't work for you and you're trying to force it and it's not fun, like I use the word fun all the time.
• 46:23
  AJ: Like I don't want to learn about boring Excel spreadsheets either.
• 46:26
  AJ: So if that doesn't work for you, find something that does.
• 46:30
  AJ: Because the beauty is, is there is not a lack of information.
• 46:34
  AJ: It's just a lack of, I think, women taking the time to really figure out what is it that I want.
• 46:40
  AJ: And then I say begin again.
• 46:42
  AJ: I don't say start over because you're not starting from scratch.
• 46:46
  AJ: You're beginning again.
• 46:47
  AJ: You're looking at today's October 2nd, today's my line in the sand.
• 46:52
  AJ: I'm gonna begin again as of today.
• 46:54
  AJ: I'm gonna put into practice these tools and resources I found.
• 46:57
  AJ: I might hire a coach, I might hire a therapist, I might hire a consultant if I own a business, and I'm gonna prioritize getting this in order by X date, right?
• 47:08
  AJ: Um, and I find that it's just those little movable steps.
• 47:12
  AJ: Like it's not, you said this earlier, it's not like how do I solve world hunger in a day, right?
• 47:17
  AJ: Looking at that, that's such a big complex issue.
• 47:20
  AJ: It's like, no, how can I just take one small step every day to get me closer to where it is that I want to be?
• 47:26
  Mary: Yeah, I love that.
• 47:27
  Mary: And we really have anything that we were have been interested in in life, we had to learn.
• 47:32
  Mary: So whether for me it was I was a beginning gardener and I pulled out my echinacea because I thought, what are these?
• 47:38
  Mary: And now I buy echinacea and I plant them because they're, you know, a beautiful pollinator plant.
• 47:42
  Mary: So I think it's like anything if you love to cook.
• 47:45
  Mary: You didn't know how to do a lot of what you do now until you learned about it.
• 47:51
  Mary: So I think as to to go back to that idea, it is a skill set.
• 47:56
  Mary: It is not something that wasn't meant for you.
• 47:58
  Mary: It's just something different that you have to learn.
• 48:01
  Mary: And I love when you say, do the do it in a way that feels good for you.
• 48:06
  Mary: Because I have sat in front of somebody that intentionally talked over my head.
• 48:10
  Mary: And, you know, in when I was young, so I'm like, oh, I should know this, I should understand this.
• 48:15
  Mary: And now I'm like, that no, I'm not, I will, I will um not be back.
• 48:21
  Mary: I'm going to find someone else.
• 48:22
  Mary: So I think it's that empowerment to learn in the way that you need to learn that makes you feel confident and good, and that you can ask those questions when you have them.
• 48:34
  AJ: I love that.
• 48:35
  AJ: It makes me think of even small differences.
• 48:37
  AJ: And I don't love the word budget, right?
• 48:40
  AJ: I use a spending report instead, right?
• 48:43
  AJ: And I I monitor it like it is a budget, but it just that small shift of being aware of my spending versus being on a budget feels so much more giving, life-giving, and freedom, right?
• 48:56
  AJ: I don't want to feel restricted because if I feel restricted, then most likely I'm gonna go right leak that energy or leak that desire somewhere else.
• 49:05
  AJ: So I think really being clear, like clarity is the first pillar in our Faroe's methodology.
• 49:12
  AJ: Clarity, knowing what you want is half the battle.
• 49:16
  AJ: I think a lot of women know what they don't want, but figuring out what you do want is actually always the first step in building skills, empowering yourself, and building confidence.
• 49:27
  Mary: Yeah, in anything.
• 49:28
  Mary: And I love the changing of the language because words have so much power.
• 49:33
  Mary: So even I tell somebody it's not a mistake, it was a learning opportunity.
• 49:37
  Mary: Yes.
• 49:38
  Mary: So I am now going to talk about a spending report instead of a budget because I hate the word budget too.
• 49:43
  Mary: It has been so awesome.
• 49:45
  AJ: AG, I actually learned something and I feel like I was like, this is quite the fun challenge.
• 49:51
  AJ: I'm gonna have to ask her if she feels excited about money now, finally.
• 49:54
  AJ: Yeah.
• 49:55
  Mary: Not excited.
• 49:56
  AJ: Okay, we'll take it.
• 49:58
  Mary: But I I think I feel more confident about it.
• 50:01
  Mary: And I think there, I feel like there was a shift, and you know, I'm at a pivotal point now in my business where I have to start to think a little more critically.
• 50:09
  Mary: So I think that I backed away from that initially and it did not serve me.
• 50:13
  Mary: So this has been helpful.
• 50:14
  Mary: So review for us what you offer and talk about your book again, what what that is called and where we can find you.
• 50:23
  AJ: Yeah.
• 50:23
  AJ: So my book comes out in January.
• 50:25
  AJ: It's what I call my New Year's baby.
• 50:28
  AJ: Um, but it's called Rich Like Her.
• 50:30
  AJ: And what I decided to do, Mary, is a little unconventional, but I knew it would resonate with women is it's an it's a fiction book.
• 50:38
  AJ: I was like, wait a minute, health and fiction.
• 50:40
  AJ: I'm like, no, we love stories, right?
• 50:43
  AJ: Women learn through stories, we transfer knowledge through stories, like it's such a powerful way.
• 50:49
  AJ: And even thinking about rich dad, poor dad, right?
• 50:51
  AJ: Like a great book is an example.
• 50:53
  AJ: So there's four characters in and at these financial crossroads having to decide do I continue moving forward on the path I'm at, or is there a new way and direction that I need to get myself aligned, right?
• 51:07
  AJ: And they're in different scenarios in the life.
• 51:09
  AJ: One woman is in corporate and she's burning out.
• 51:12
  AJ: One woman's a stay-at-home mom and her kids are getting older and she's starting to wonder what her value is in the household.
• 51:19
  AJ: So I really wanted to take the women that I've served.
• 51:22
  AJ: I wanted to take the women that I've been over the years and put it into a book about stories of women reinventing their identity, redefining what success is and finding and navigating what wealth means to them.
• 51:34
  AJ: So that's coming out in January.
• 51:36
  AJ: I'm really excited about it.
• 51:39
  AJ: Um, and from there, I'm gonna start launching um some what I call intensives, or as I as you introduced our annual experience.
• 51:48
  AJ: And this is for women who want to go deep, right?
• 51:51
  AJ: Women who want to come into a room with other women who are ready to make some big decisions and big choices in their life, and we'll go deep on the financial psychology, we'll work through right the three paths.
• 52:04
  AJ: I always say you actually don't have options if you don't have three, right?
• 52:09
  AJ: Because one means you don't have an option.
• 52:11
  AJ: If you only have one choice, that's not an option.
• 52:13
  AJ: If you have two, it creates a dilemma.
• 52:16
  AJ: And if you have three, then that's really where you start feeling like you have choices.
• 52:20
  AJ: So these weekends are so amazing because it's a time to connect, it's time for community, but it's also time to actually really get deep into what it is that I want to create in this next chapter, because often the women are, you know, freshly divorced or they've recently lost someone, or maybe it's just a woman who's like looking for a new direction.
• 52:42
  AJ: But the community that's created out of that is phenomenal.
• 52:45
  AJ: And our next event isn't until about this time this year, or this time next year, but we'll be creating those small um events to start building um excitement for that in-person event, but we'll also have quite a few virtual events too.
• 52:59
  Mary: Wow, I love all of that.
• 53:01
  Mary: That book idea is genius because you there you took the barrier right down because you made it learning through fiction.
• 53:07
  Mary: Yeah.
• 53:08
  Mary: That's awesome.
• 53:09
  AJ: Yeah, it was so fun to write.
• 53:11
  AJ: It was a great place to direct my own emotional journey.
• 53:15
  AJ: Um, my mom recently this year got diagnosed with dementia.
• 53:20
  AJ: And so it's just, you know, it's that it's been a journey of like navigating, even being in the industry, knowing what to do, but navigating that emotional burden that comes from how do I tell my mom we need to move her out of the house she's lived in for 50 plus years, right?
• 53:37
  AJ: How do I get her excited about moving into a retirement community that she knows no one?
• 53:43
  AJ: So it's like it was a beautiful, cathartic experience to write the book.
• 53:47
  AJ: And I'm hopeful that you know, women who read it really can walk away with just the reality that they're not alone and that this community exists for them and that they're already honestly a part of it.
• 53:59
  Mary: Yeah, sorry about your mom.
• 54:01
  Mary: I've been through that.
• 54:02
  AJ: That's it's you know, it's the it's we're called the sandwich generation, right?
• 54:06
  AJ: I'm sure you and the listeners have heard, but it's this idea that you're taking care of your parents while you're taking care of your kids, and it often finds it falls on women, right?
• 54:15
  AJ: Like it, you know, my husband's been fantastic, and it typically the emotional, all of that falls on the woman more than the man.
• 54:23
  AJ: So it's been a journey, but I'm just so grateful.
• 54:26
  AJ: And um, it's it's been a blessing to be able to, you know, provide and give her right the the hands-offness, right?
• 54:36
  AJ: She's navigating her own reality of what this new chapter looks like in her life.
• 54:40
  AJ: So I've been grateful to be able to just kind of remove some of the more heavy lifting for her.
• 54:46
  Mary: Yeah, that's awesome.
• 54:47
  Mary: Well, I have loved our conversation.
• 54:49
  Mary: Thank you.
• 54:49
  AJ: Yeah, me too.
• 54:50
  AJ: Me too.
• 54:50
  AJ: Thank you.
• 54:51
  Mary: Thank you for being here.
• 54:52
  AJ: Thanks for having me.
• 54:53
  AJ: Really appreciate it.
• 54:55
  Mary: And I want to thank everyone for listening.
• 54:57
  Mary: Please share this episode with another woman who could benefit from a mindset shift regarding worth and wealth.
• 55:03
  Mary: And until next time, go out into the world and be the amazing, resilient, vibrant violet that you are.