Latest / The Ultimate Intimacy Podcast / 440. Stop Wingin’ It: This ONE weekly thing will be a game changer for your intimate life!

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440. Stop Wingin’ It: This ONE weekly thing will be a game changer for your intimate life! · The Ultimate Intimacy Podcast

• 0:22
  SPEAKER_00: Our podcast is for all public people and forcome to another episode of the Ultimate Intimacy Podcast, your favorite podcast, hopefully.
• 0:47
  SPEAKER_00: If you're listening to it.
• 0:49
  SPEAKER_00: You know, uh Amy, Amy came to me with a topic this morning.
• 0:54
  SPEAKER_00: She's like, hey, we should do this topic.
• 0:55
  SPEAKER_00: I'm like, uh, it doesn't sound very fun.
• 0:58
  SPEAKER_00: And then she explained, hold on, hold on, let me explain.
• 1:01
  SPEAKER_00: And then you explained what it was, and I'm like, we absolutely need to do that topic.
• 1:05
  SPEAKER_01: You actually shut down my first topic.
• 1:07
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 1:08
  SPEAKER_00: Uh so I it's getting picked with the topics.
• 1:10
  SPEAKER_01: I'm like, they would like this topic.
• 1:12
  SPEAKER_00: So no, you are gonna like this topic because Amy and I we've talked about like you know, sitting down and like talking about things and planning things out.
• 1:22
  SPEAKER_01: It's not about being a yeah, you're making it sound so boring.
• 1:26
  SPEAKER_01: I'm trying to spice up your marriage.
• 1:28
  SPEAKER_01: I'm trying really hard to spice up your marriage.
• 1:31
  SPEAKER_00: Really hard.
• 1:32
  SPEAKER_00: Yes.
• 1:32
  SPEAKER_01: Today is a Tuesday episode with Nick and Amy spice up your marriage more.
• 1:37
  SPEAKER_01: You know, we're doing therapy Fridays today, spice it up Tuesdays.
• 1:42
  SPEAKER_01: This is a really important topic if you want to spice up your marriage.
• 1:46
  SPEAKER_00: I agree 1090%.
• 1:50
  SPEAKER_01: Just took you a minute to agree.
• 1:52
  SPEAKER_00: Well, when she when she said, Hey, here's what I'm doing, I'm like, babe, you're gold.
• 1:57
  SPEAKER_00: You're brilliant.
• 1:58
  SPEAKER_01: No, I didn't say this is what we're doing.
• 2:00
  SPEAKER_01: I was like, what do you think about this?
• 2:02
  SPEAKER_00: I said, babe, you are the smartest person I know.
• 2:05
  SPEAKER_00: That's amazing.
• 2:07
  SPEAKER_00: Anyways, um so yeah, we've been rambling.
• 2:11
  SPEAKER_00: What are we doing the podcast, Tom?
• 2:13
  SPEAKER_01: Well, I just wanted to say that we ran into somebody this weekend that lives by us that had watched us on social or listened to our podcast, can't remember what she said.
• 2:21
  SPEAKER_01: And she's like, Oh my gosh, I recognize you too.
• 2:24
  SPEAKER_01: And that was so fun.
• 2:26
  SPEAKER_01: That was so fun to like get to meet someone that like like knew us.
• 2:30
  SPEAKER_01: I'm like, let's go to dinner.
• 2:31
  SPEAKER_01: So, anyways, um, I just thought that was fun.
• 2:34
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, first if you ever come in town and you know where we live, like let's go to dinner.
• 2:37
  SPEAKER_01: But like we need like new friendships.
• 2:38
  SPEAKER_00: So that's right, yeah.
• 2:39
  SPEAKER_00: If you're ever in southern Utah, just ping Amy and I, and uh yeah, we'll go hit up dinner.
• 2:46
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, super, super.
• 2:47
  SPEAKER_01: We I don't know, we just love we've gotten more social with our years, and I think that we like love new friendships.
• 2:52
  SPEAKER_01: I don't know, it's fun, it's fun.
• 2:54
  SPEAKER_00: So yeah, we've made some great friendships at the retreat that people we still talk to.
• 2:58
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, yeah, totally.
• 3:00
  SPEAKER_01: Okay, so diving in.
• 3:01
  SPEAKER_01: Um, no, this isn't just about communication, this is about really strong emotional intimacy for a better passion, but something that we've never talked about before.
• 3:10
  SPEAKER_01: Or like really we've talked about it, but we've never really dove into it and why it's so important and how to do it.
• 3:15
  SPEAKER_01: I think the how to, like a lot of people are like, well, so explain like what exactly you talk about, or what exactly do you do?
• 3:22
  SPEAKER_01: And so this is like diving in deeper.
• 3:24
  SPEAKER_00: I think we've kind of hit surface level, just assuming that oh, people will go do it, but you know, as we talked about it, like sometimes people they have the idea, but they don't know how to implement it, right?
• 3:35
  SPEAKER_00: Like, you know, so so hopefully this can be like, hey, here's how you could implement it, and here's the things you can do.
• 3:40
  SPEAKER_01: Right.
• 3:41
  SPEAKER_01: And I've noticed our most downloaded newsletters are the ones where we're talking about practical ways to improve your marriage.
• 3:51
  SPEAKER_01: Like very practical ways.
• 3:53
  SPEAKER_01: And this is probably the number one.
• 3:55
  SPEAKER_01: And before I say like exactly what the topic is, husbands, I promise that if you do this with your wife, it will strengthen your emotional intimacy and it will make your intimate life better.
• 4:08
  SPEAKER_01: Like, I really do believe that if you're willing to be like, okay, if I take this hour and I do this each week, my intimate life and my emotional connection in my marriage will improve.
• 4:18
  SPEAKER_01: I can almost I can't guarantee anything because it takes two.
• 4:21
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 4:21
  SPEAKER_01: But I can almost guarantee that if you're both on board with this one thing, your intimate life will improve.
• 4:27
  SPEAKER_00: Oh, I agree.
• 4:28
  SPEAKER_01: Whether you want the emotional side of the marriage or the more intimate side of the marriage, whatever it is that you're after in your own relationship, this will improve both.
• 4:34
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 4:35
  SPEAKER_00: And I, yeah, on and I think from the wife side too, same thing.
• 4:38
  SPEAKER_01: No, that's what I mean.
• 4:39
  SPEAKER_01: Like either direction, whatever way, like whatever your goal is, whether it's sexual, more physical touch, more emotional connection, I believe this one thing that takes maybe 30 minutes to an hour a week max will change your entire marriage.
• 4:52
  SPEAKER_01: This has changed my marriage.
• 4:54
  SPEAKER_01: For sure.
• 4:54
  SPEAKER_01: So um it is on communication, but it's uh how to do it, and it's called the weekly marriage checkup.
• 5:01
  SPEAKER_01: And before we dive in, we did make a printable to go with this and to help you out, like literally step by step.
• 5:10
  SPEAKER_01: Here's questions, here's the categories to talk about.
• 5:12
  SPEAKER_01: This is what our marriage meeting would look like.
• 5:15
  SPEAKER_01: You can like literally go grab it on your phone, go to the ultimate intimacy app, go into the resource section, resource section, go down to weekly marriage or what it would be on the printables, coupons and printables, and then go to the weekly marriage meeting.
• 5:31
  SPEAKER_01: Okay.
• 5:32
  SPEAKER_01: So it'll be there.
• 5:33
  SPEAKER_01: We'll throw it at the top.
• 5:33
  SPEAKER_01: We'll throw it at the top.
• 5:35
  SPEAKER_01: So this is pretty much just gonna be like what it looks like, how long it can take.
• 5:40
  SPEAKER_01: It can, I mean, obviously you can take as long as you want, but like I always felt like on a Sunday night when the kids are in bed, hey, let's jump into what next week looks like or what went well this week, what didn't go so great this week.
• 5:52
  SPEAKER_01: If you can learn how to discuss what's coming up the next week, show your husband or your wife, whoever is maintaining.
• 5:59
  SPEAKER_01: I always say husband because I've been the one that maintains the calendar and the kids' schedules and all that stuff, whatever that looks like in your marriage.
• 6:05
  SPEAKER_01: Um, that person, if they can get the other person to be more involved in the weekly schedule, if you talk about date night planning, all those things that we're gonna talk about today, like if you're both on the same page, you're going to feel like your marriage has so much more unity.
• 6:21
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, right, and direction.
• 6:22
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, I mean, it's no different than like with a sports team, right?
• 6:25
  SPEAKER_00: The sports team is preparing for their next game.
• 6:28
  SPEAKER_00: Like, how do we approach this?
• 6:29
  SPEAKER_00: What do we do?
• 6:30
  SPEAKER_00: How can I mean it's it's no different, right?
• 6:34
  SPEAKER_01: The coach has a plan.
• 6:35
  SPEAKER_00: The coach has a plan, yeah.
• 6:36
  SPEAKER_00: And same thing with your marriage.
• 6:37
  SPEAKER_00: Your marriage has to have a plan.
• 6:38
  SPEAKER_00: You can't just kind of float through life or float down the river wherever the river takes you, that where you that's where you're gonna go.
• 6:45
  SPEAKER_00: You gotta have a plan.
• 6:47
  SPEAKER_00: And I think you have to have a plan in all areas, right?
• 6:50
  SPEAKER_00: Like how what does our intimate life look like?
• 6:52
  SPEAKER_00: What does our um parenting look like?
• 6:56
  SPEAKER_00: What does our spiritual life look like?
• 6:58
  SPEAKER_00: And talk about all those things.
• 6:59
  SPEAKER_01: Oh, absolutely.
• 7:00
  SPEAKER_01: I was just thinking when you said that, I'm glad you brought that up.
• 7:03
  SPEAKER_01: Every, so two of our girls and our son before he graduated, he's now on a college team and he his college coach does the same thing.
• 7:10
  SPEAKER_01: But their coach sends out an entire agenda every single Sunday night at 8 p.m.
• 7:16
  SPEAKER_01: and says, This is what our workouts, our running schedule, our team meetings, all the things that you need to know for the week.
• 7:23
  SPEAKER_01: It is laid out, it is very factual, it is very detailed.
• 7:27
  SPEAKER_01: It is like show up at 7, 7 a.m., 3 p.m.
• 7:31
  SPEAKER_01: every day.
• 7:32
  SPEAKER_01: This is how many miles we're running, this is what our cooldown looks like, this is what our workout looks like, this is the weight we're gonna be doing that day, or like it's it's in it's incredible.
• 7:42
  SPEAKER_01: I mean, here they are high school kids, and it is incredible what he is teaching them to be on track with their life and their goal setting for the week.
• 7:51
  SPEAKER_01: And they have to, they literally have to like write in like how many miles I got that day, how many hours of sleep I got that day.
• 7:57
  SPEAKER_01: Like, we're not saying you have to do that for a marriage, but it's some sort of plan.
• 8:03
  SPEAKER_01: I have seen our kids change their entire personalities, their whole entire lifestyle, their eating, their sleeping, their grades, their grades, their exercise.
• 8:10
  SPEAKER_01: They are like boom, on tee.
• 8:13
  SPEAKER_01: And I'm like, if you really want your marriage, and you don't have to be extreme like this, but to just have a conversation or a plan that you put together every Sunday night or every Monday morning or whatever look works for you over the weekend for the next week and set goals together, your marriage is gonna change, and it can be as detailed or as non-detailed as you want, right?
• 8:32
  SPEAKER_01: Right?
• 8:32
  SPEAKER_00: It's whatever fits your personality and your marriage style, right?
• 8:35
  SPEAKER_00: Like Amy's and mine is pretty casual.
• 8:37
  SPEAKER_00: You know, you're chill.
• 8:38
  SPEAKER_00: You go sit in the hot tub and we talk about things like, hey, what do we have upcoming, even for like the next few months, and how do we approach this?
• 8:44
  SPEAKER_00: And it's it's pretty chill.
• 8:46
  SPEAKER_00: But for some people, maybe it needs to be a little more structured, and that's okay too.
• 8:49
  SPEAKER_01: Totally up to your marriage.
• 8:50
  SPEAKER_01: So if you want it more structured, if you want questions to ask, if you want a format, you want a PDF file that you're like, this are the things that we should talk about, we design one for you.
• 8:58
  SPEAKER_01: If you're like us and we sat in the hot tub last night, and we literally like we started talking about summer, like we got some vacations, some family reunions, some camp stuff that our kids are gonna be signed up for.
• 9:09
  SPEAKER_01: Like, we had to start going over the next few months and then the schedule for spring, which is intense when you have kids and in sports and stuff.
• 9:16
  SPEAKER_01: Like to be on the same page is really big for marriage.
• 9:18
  SPEAKER_01: And I can, I'm telling you, like when you're on the same page for that kind of stuff and you are both caring about it equally, that's gonna help the emotional connection because a wife, I know personally, a wife wants to feel like your husband's on the same team, that he's involved, that he cares, that he's listening, that he wants to be a big, you know, part of the part of the family.
• 9:39
  SPEAKER_01: That's really attractive to women.
• 9:40
  SPEAKER_00: I'm not batting for the wrong team.
• 9:42
  SPEAKER_00: I'm gonna promise you that.
• 9:43
  SPEAKER_01: Well duh.
• 9:45
  SPEAKER_01: Okay, so um so these are the categories I wanted, I threw into the PDF that I thought were super important that we talk about.
• 9:52
  SPEAKER_01: Um, appreciation is where we're gonna start, emotional check-in, logistics and teamwork.
• 9:58
  SPEAKER_01: That is more calendar items, reconnection, affectionate intimacy check-in, desire check-in, fun and planning, and then meeting ending.
• 10:07
  SPEAKER_01: So it's just eight quick categories.
• 10:09
  SPEAKER_01: And if you want to skip a couple, you can.
• 10:10
  SPEAKER_01: If you need to add a couple, you can.
• 10:12
  SPEAKER_01: I felt like that kind of covered everything.
• 10:13
  SPEAKER_01: Like, where's our intimate life?
• 10:15
  SPEAKER_01: Where's our emotional connection?
• 10:16
  SPEAKER_01: Where's our date night?
• 10:17
  SPEAKER_01: How's our like scale scale, like schedule it?
• 10:20
  SPEAKER_00: And I'm just gonna add this too like, don't, you know, if one section for one spouse is like, oh, that's lame.
• 10:25
  SPEAKER_00: I don't want to do that, don't dismiss it.
• 10:26
  SPEAKER_00: Because if it's important to your spouse, it probably should be important to your marriage.
• 10:30
  SPEAKER_00: So, you know, don't don't just talk about each section and say, hey, do we need to talk about these things?
• 10:35
  SPEAKER_01: Good point.
• 10:36
  SPEAKER_01: Very good point.
• 10:38
  SPEAKER_01: Okay, so let's start with um appreciation.
• 10:41
  SPEAKER_01: So this is gonna be the first thing we can do better at this in our marriage, like starting out our meeting, but I I feel like we do have conversations and all these things.
• 10:49
  SPEAKER_01: But um building admiration is the number one predictor of desire.
• 10:54
  SPEAKER_01: So this is where you would each share, you know, a couple things that you're thankful for or just admire about your spouse.
• 11:01
  SPEAKER_01: Just start out the meeting like on a good note, right?
• 11:03
  SPEAKER_01: Some some of you that are super spiritual, you might want to start your meeting with a prayer.
• 11:06
  SPEAKER_01: I don't know.
• 11:07
  SPEAKER_01: Whatever your ritual is in your marriage that like helps you feel connected, maybe you make love first.
• 11:12
  SPEAKER_01: I don't know, maybe you make love after.
• 11:14
  SPEAKER_00: Like great idea.
• 11:15
  SPEAKER_00: That's totally excited.
• 11:17
  SPEAKER_01: You don't want to be like doing this where you're like having some resentment or hard feelings.
• 11:21
  SPEAKER_01: Like, this is this is the moment where you're like, okay, how do we just need to come together right now and plan out next week, right?
• 11:26
  SPEAKER_00: I think that was inspired.
• 11:28
  SPEAKER_00: I think we should start implementing that.
• 11:29
  SPEAKER_01: I'm sure you do.
• 11:30
  SPEAKER_01: Which one?
• 11:31
  SPEAKER_01: The praying one?
• 11:32
  SPEAKER_00: The making love thing.
• 11:33
  SPEAKER_01: Oh, yeah.
• 11:33
  SPEAKER_00: Oh, yeah, we should yeah, we should pray as well too.
• 11:35
  SPEAKER_00: Yes.
• 11:36
  SPEAKER_01: Yes, okay, good answer.
• 11:38
  SPEAKER_01: Okay, so then I have three questions on that section, like name something your spouse did this week that meant you feel loved, share a moment that you felt appreciated, or share a small thing that your spouse did that meant a lot to you.
• 11:49
  SPEAKER_01: Like those kind of questions, okay?
• 11:50
  SPEAKER_01: So there's some prompts on there, and maybe you just pick one.
• 11:53
  SPEAKER_01: Maybe you're like, Oh, I got 20 minutes to go over this.
• 11:56
  SPEAKER_01: Even 20 minutes, if you give your marriage 20 minutes on a Sunday night, like your week's gonna go smoother in your marriage.
• 12:03
  SPEAKER_01: So the next one would be emotional check-in.
• 12:05
  SPEAKER_01: And feeling emotional connected obviously is gonna build more physical closeness and intimate.
• 12:10
  SPEAKER_01: So um, I just feel like it's really, really important to to kind of rate your marriage here.
• 12:16
  SPEAKER_01: Like, how did last week go?
• 12:18
  SPEAKER_01: Like, how's our emotional connection?
• 12:19
  SPEAKER_01: Are you feeling loved by me?
• 12:20
  SPEAKER_01: Are you feeling loved by me?
• 12:22
  SPEAKER_01: Vice versa.
• 12:22
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, what can we do better?
• 12:24
  SPEAKER_00: What can I what can I do, Amy?
• 12:26
  SPEAKER_00: What can I do better for you emotionally to feel more emotionally connected, or vice versa, and talk about those things?
• 12:32
  SPEAKER_01: So Nick's really good at like what days are you really, really stressed out and busy this week that you would like me to like take care of dinner or something?
• 12:39
  SPEAKER_01: Like when he it's that's more of a logistic, like what night should I do this or this?
• 12:44
  SPEAKER_01: But that is the kind of question for I think most women that like, oh my gosh, you really care that I have a lot going on that day and that you want to take care of that for me.
• 12:54
  SPEAKER_01: Like, that just shows not that it's her job, his job, whatever, whatever that looks like in your marriage, but the fact that you're like, you can see that I could use that help tonight.
• 13:02
  SPEAKER_01: Thank you.
• 13:02
  SPEAKER_01: I appreciate that.
• 13:03
  SPEAKER_01: That starts a great connection.
• 13:05
  SPEAKER_00: And I will admit, sometimes taking care of dinner looks a little different than what Amy's taking care of dinner might look like, but hey, hey, I don't know, the kids get fed, no one's starving or dying.
• 13:18
  SPEAKER_00: So that's a that's a good thing.
• 13:21
  SPEAKER_01: Oh, Nick's been really stepping it up with like the whole kitchen thing.
• 13:24
  SPEAKER_01: Like I shared one night, I opened up and I was like, You should I okay, I'm gonna share this story quick because it's a really good analogy.
• 13:31
  SPEAKER_01: He's like, Why why do you not always love to initiate?
• 13:36
  SPEAKER_01: And I said, Why do you not always love to cook?
• 13:40
  SPEAKER_01: And he's like, I don't like cooking.
• 13:42
  SPEAKER_01: And I'm like, Well, I just don't really think about initiating, but I'm I'm I'm happy to, but I'm not like thinking about it.
• 13:49
  SPEAKER_01: You're not really thinking it's okay, that was a really bad example.
• 13:52
  SPEAKER_00: But to me, where where are you going with that?
• 13:55
  SPEAKER_01: It just made sense because I'm like, you're not constant, you're never thinking, like, oh, I want to go make some dinner.
• 14:00
  SPEAKER_01: It's not exciting to you.
• 14:01
  SPEAKER_01: You don't really want to do it.
• 14:03
  SPEAKER_01: I don't always want to initiate, but I know it's important to you.
• 14:05
  SPEAKER_01: You know, making a nice meal is important to me.
• 14:07
  SPEAKER_01: Like, sometimes we do things and then we get excited about it because we know it's gonna mean the world to our spouse.
• 14:11
  SPEAKER_01: That was my point.
• 14:12
  SPEAKER_00: Oh, yeah, yeah.
• 14:13
  SPEAKER_00: Well, did it make sense?
• 14:14
  SPEAKER_00: Oh, totally.
• 14:14
  SPEAKER_00: Did it make sense?
• 14:15
  SPEAKER_00: Totally clear.
• 14:17
  SPEAKER_01: I don't think it did.
• 14:18
  SPEAKER_00: Oh, you're totally clear.
• 14:19
  SPEAKER_00: I yeah.
• 14:21
  SPEAKER_00: Okay, absolutely.
• 14:22
  SPEAKER_01: So, like emotional check-in questions would be like, How are you feeling emotionally right now?
• 14:26
  SPEAKER_01: What was the hardest part of your week?
• 14:27
  SPEAKER_01: What was the best part of your week?
• 14:28
  SPEAKER_01: Um, what was a win or a highlight for your week?
• 14:31
  SPEAKER_01: And when you can ask that about the past week before you go into the next week, I think that's really awesome that you care again, but that you want to know and you want a deeper answer.
• 14:41
  SPEAKER_01: That starts a really good thing.
• 14:42
  SPEAKER_00: Well, we share we shared this a long time, but for those of you that have listened a long time, might remember this.
• 14:47
  SPEAKER_00: But I I remember going to Amy and I'm like, all right, on a scale of one to ten, how do you how would you rate our marriage right now?
• 14:54
  SPEAKER_00: She's like, uh, you know, seven.
• 14:56
  SPEAKER_01: I feel like you share that like every other episode.
• 14:58
  SPEAKER_00: No, no, it's been a long time.
• 14:59
  SPEAKER_00: No, it's been a totally long time.
• 15:01
  SPEAKER_00: No, just see if I can remember the number right.
• 15:03
  SPEAKER_00: Uh, somewhere around seven.
• 15:05
  SPEAKER_00: It was a seven.
• 15:07
  SPEAKER_00: Seven.
• 15:07
  SPEAKER_00: I'm feeling like a ten.
• 15:09
  SPEAKER_00: And I I'm like a seven.
• 15:10
  SPEAKER_00: You know, what where am I what am I doing wrong?
• 15:13
  SPEAKER_00: Anyways, she it prompted a great conversation.
• 15:16
  SPEAKER_00: She's like, well, you know, just things I'm going through in my life.
• 15:18
  SPEAKER_00: It really didn't have as much to do with me, as much as just like other things in life and being busy and all that kind of stuff.
• 15:26
  SPEAKER_00: So, anyways, we talked about like, oh, how how can we lift you up from a seven to a 7.2 or even an eight.
• 15:33
  SPEAKER_01: No, you now that's not what happened.
• 15:35
  SPEAKER_01: You're like, I want it to be a 10.
• 15:36
  SPEAKER_00: Well, yeah, of course, but baby steps, right?
• 15:39
  SPEAKER_01: I said it was the stage of life.
• 15:40
  SPEAKER_01: I was bored.
• 15:40
  SPEAKER_01: That's what I said.
• 15:41
  SPEAKER_01: I said every day's kind of the same, and that's the only part of my marriage that I feel kind of bland, you know?
• 15:47
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, yeah.
• 15:48
  SPEAKER_01: You're like, let's fix that.
• 15:49
  SPEAKER_01: I'm like, I don't know if I can fix that.
• 15:50
  SPEAKER_00: I might I let's go skydiving tomorrow.
• 15:53
  SPEAKER_01: No, definitely not doing that.
• 15:55
  SPEAKER_00: Wait, I thought you wanted some excitement.
• 15:58
  SPEAKER_01: Not that kind, not that kind.
• 15:59
  SPEAKER_00: Anyways, the point of that before I rambled is like just a simple, you know, I could have said, Oh, it's an eight, okay, whatever.
• 16:07
  SPEAKER_01: Oh, that's great.
• 16:08
  SPEAKER_00: That's great.
• 16:08
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, but no, I asking the questions and finding out why, and I was like, Oh, that was good to find out why and talk about that.
• 16:15
  SPEAKER_00: And it, you know, really didn't have as much to do with me, because I'm not boring.
• 16:19
  SPEAKER_00: I mean, let's not be real, right?
• 16:22
  SPEAKER_01: I mean, Nicolai wants to eat at the same place every Friday night, but he's not boring at all.
• 16:25
  SPEAKER_00: Okay, some areas I'm boring, but uh, anyways, yeah.
• 16:29
  SPEAKER_00: Oh man, oh, it prompted a great conversation.
• 16:31
  SPEAKER_01: Yes, it it prompted a great conversation, and that is the point, right?
• 16:34
  SPEAKER_01: To get talking.
• 16:36
  SPEAKER_01: Okay, so the next one is logistics and teamwork.
• 16:39
  SPEAKER_01: Calendars, chores, money, kids, get the boring stuff out of the way, right?
• 16:44
  SPEAKER_01: So now you're emotionally feeling connected.
• 16:46
  SPEAKER_01: You've asked about the week, whatever.
• 16:48
  SPEAKER_01: You had a little bit of conversation.
• 16:49
  SPEAKER_01: Okay, this is where you jump into calendar.
• 16:52
  SPEAKER_01: Why is it so important to share the calendar with your husband?
• 16:56
  SPEAKER_00: Uh, because if you don't, and that's why we also have the ultimate intimacy calendar.
• 17:01
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 17:01
  SPEAKER_00: Uh, if you want to schedule events that aren't on your normal calendar, um, you can jump on there, or you or if you want to be boring, you can schedule normal events on it.
• 17:10
  SPEAKER_00: It works out way too, I guess.
• 17:12
  SPEAKER_00: But uh yes.
• 17:14
  SPEAKER_00: Um, no, it's important to schedule events because if you're like me, I'll ask Amy five minutes later, hey, what what was the date on that?
• 17:22
  SPEAKER_00: Was it next September?
• 17:23
  SPEAKER_00: No, it's tomorrow.
• 17:24
  SPEAKER_00: Oh, that's right.
• 17:25
  SPEAKER_01: So all you have to do is walk over, look at the calendar.
• 17:29
  SPEAKER_01: It doesn't happen.
• 17:30
  SPEAKER_01: He doesn't do it, he doesn't know how to do that.
• 17:32
  SPEAKER_01: So I have to like sit him down and be like, this is what's happening this week.
• 17:36
  SPEAKER_01: I might have to remind him another 10 times too, but that's okay.
• 17:39
  SPEAKER_01: At least he wants to know, right?
• 17:41
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, and then I put it in the drawer right in the kitchen.
• 17:43
  SPEAKER_01: At least all he has to do is walk over to the calendar.
• 17:45
  SPEAKER_00: That's true.
• 17:46
  SPEAKER_00: At least someone's putting it on the calendar.
• 17:48
  SPEAKER_01: At least someone's putting it in the calendar.
• 17:50
  SPEAKER_00: If it's in the calendar, I know I just need to go check the calendar.
• 17:54
  SPEAKER_01: Yep.
• 17:54
  SPEAKER_00: Just yeah.
• 17:55
  SPEAKER_01: Yep.
• 17:56
  SPEAKER_01: Sometimes you have to have this little marriage meeting like every morning.
• 18:01
  SPEAKER_01: No, like on a serious note, though, when you can sit down on a Sunday night and be like, this is what's happening this week.
• 18:06
  SPEAKER_01: Remember, it's your mom's birthday Friday.
• 18:08
  SPEAKER_01: We're going to dinner on Friday night, you know, those kind of things.
• 18:11
  SPEAKER_01: Like, that's really important.
• 18:12
  SPEAKER_01: Like, please remember that kind of thing, you know.
• 18:14
  SPEAKER_00: And in certain cases, you can say, Well, let's remove that from the calendar.
• 18:18
  SPEAKER_00: Uh, that shouldn't be in the calendar.
• 18:20
  SPEAKER_01: Um not that he's not saying mom's.
• 18:21
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, I'm not saying that, mom.
• 18:22
  SPEAKER_00: I hope you're not listening.
• 18:23
  SPEAKER_00: I wasn't referring to that.
• 18:26
  SPEAKER_01: There's other things that do need to get taken off the calendar, and there's things that need to be added to the calendar.
• 18:31
  SPEAKER_01: So um, kids' schedules, um, driving, transportation, like all those kind of things, like get talking about your week.
• 18:41
  SPEAKER_01: I think that so many people like we created the harmony home section in the UNI app so people could be like, This is what you need to do, this is what I need to do.
• 18:49
  SPEAKER_01: Like, we need to get on the same page and figure out this whole mental load problem, right?
• 18:53
  SPEAKER_01: Women are complaining about it like crazy.
• 18:55
  SPEAKER_01: We both have mental loads.
• 18:56
  SPEAKER_01: So share that.
• 18:57
  SPEAKER_01: I mean, this is the point of the marriage meeting where you share that mental load.
• 19:01
  SPEAKER_01: What's your mental load?
• 19:02
  SPEAKER_01: What's your mental load?
• 19:03
  SPEAKER_01: What are you stressed about this week?
• 19:04
  SPEAKER_01: What are you stressed about?
• 19:05
  SPEAKER_01: How can I take that off your plate this week?
• 19:06
  SPEAKER_01: Like, what can I do on Tuesday night or Wednesday night to help you with that?
• 19:10
  SPEAKER_01: Or can I take the kids that night so you can get that stuff done?
• 19:13
  SPEAKER_01: Like, this is where it really comes down to just okay, let's put it all out on paper if we need to, if you're visual, visual, get it on a calendar.
• 19:21
  SPEAKER_01: I um I'm not promoting this because I don't know anything about it, but apparently there's big shared calendars that you can buy that I don't know how they work.
• 19:29
  SPEAKER_01: But whether you're a printable one or you're a digital one or you want to get on the app and use the one that you can program in, I mean custom, and then it's synced to your phone, like whatever you want to do is like really gonna help your marriage, right?
• 19:40
  SPEAKER_01: Okay, this is the tricky one.
• 19:42
  SPEAKER_01: This is reconnection.
• 19:44
  SPEAKER_01: This is where you could maybe bring up if you're in a good, if you're in a good spot, you know, depending on where your marriage is at.
• 19:50
  SPEAKER_01: Is there anything small that's been bothering you this week?
• 19:52
  SPEAKER_01: Or did something um did either of us have any kind of resentment this week, or something that we need to do better or get resolved?
• 19:58
  SPEAKER_01: This is kind of the moment where, like, did anything happen that we felt disconnected with?
• 20:03
  SPEAKER_01: And can we what can we do better this week?
• 20:04
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, or how what do we need to do to reconnect a little bit?
• 20:07
  SPEAKER_01: Reconnect better, right?
• 20:08
  SPEAKER_01: So you know, maybe that's just setting a goal in that area to be more on the same page when it comes to this one certain thing, or we're spending more time together.
• 20:18
  SPEAKER_00: Maybe it's like, you know what?
• 20:19
  SPEAKER_00: Last week sucked, it was really busy.
• 20:21
  SPEAKER_00: We didn't get we didn't get to spend much time together.
• 20:23
  SPEAKER_00: Let's this week, let's try to get out um on this day and this day, and at least spend a few minutes together.
• 20:29
  SPEAKER_01: Yep.
• 20:30
  SPEAKER_01: Quality time.
• 20:31
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, if you're at our stage where you can leave your kids, you know, for an hour or two, like hey, does an hour or two?
• 20:38
  SPEAKER_00: Could leave our kids for a week.
• 20:41
  SPEAKER_01: We cannot leave our kids for a week.
• 20:43
  SPEAKER_00: Uh whatever the department is, you didn't hear that.
• 20:47
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, we have adult kids.
• 20:49
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, I'm I'm joking.
• 20:50
  SPEAKER_01: I'm joking.
• 20:51
  SPEAKER_01: Nick is in a jokey mood today, if you could tell.
• 20:53
  SPEAKER_01: Um what are we talking about?
• 20:56
  SPEAKER_01: Um, just getting quality time, like reconnecting.
• 21:00
  SPEAKER_01: Maybe we need to go on a walk tonight and and talk long or tomorrow night and talk longer or whatever.
• 21:05
  SPEAKER_01: Like this doesn't need to be a long thing, and and if your marriage is going great, like you can just skip this section, right?
• 21:10
  SPEAKER_01: Like, if there's nothing like reconnecting about your marriage, that's fine.
• 21:13
  SPEAKER_01: So jumping into the next one is affection and intimacy check-in.
• 21:16
  SPEAKER_01: Talk talk openly about physical touch, sexual intimacy, and closeness.
• 21:20
  SPEAKER_00: Do we really have to talk about this on a podcast?
• 21:26
  SPEAKER_00: I'm joking.
• 21:26
  SPEAKER_00: I'm joking.
• 21:28
  SPEAKER_01: I'm letting you take over this one.
• 21:29
  SPEAKER_00: No, I'm I'm I'm totally joking.
• 21:31
  SPEAKER_00: This obviously this is an important area.
• 21:33
  SPEAKER_00: I'm gonna talk about it often.
• 21:34
  SPEAKER_00: Sorry, I didn't mean to interrupt you.
• 21:36
  SPEAKER_01: You're not, I'm letting you take over this one.
• 21:38
  SPEAKER_00: Why I need some prompts to to get me going.
• 21:42
  SPEAKER_01: You're on one.
• 21:43
  SPEAKER_01: Uh well, how connected did you feel physically to your spouse this week?
• 21:46
  SPEAKER_01: What kind of um effects or intimacy felt best to you this week?
• 21:49
  SPEAKER_01: Is there something you've been missing or wanting more of this week?
• 21:52
  SPEAKER_01: Where is our physical, sexual, and intimate connection?
• 21:54
  SPEAKER_01: How do we feel about that in our marriage?
• 21:56
  SPEAKER_01: I would rate it.
• 21:57
  SPEAKER_01: I mean, we've done the rate the rate year intimacy quizzes.
• 22:00
  SPEAKER_01: This is like a mini questionnaire on really quick, like how was it last week and how can we make it better this week?
• 22:05
  SPEAKER_01: Was there enough physical touch?
• 22:06
  SPEAKER_01: I mean, we had that conversation a couple weeks ago.
• 22:08
  SPEAKER_01: I haven't got approved, I have not improved at it.
• 22:10
  SPEAKER_01: I'm gonna keep trying.
• 22:12
  SPEAKER_01: Touched us back in church yesterday.
• 22:14
  SPEAKER_01: Oh, yeah.
• 22:15
  SPEAKER_01: Really liked it.
• 22:16
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 22:16
  SPEAKER_01: Um yeah, like how how do we better do better this week?
• 22:20
  SPEAKER_01: What can I do better?
• 22:21
  SPEAKER_01: What can you do better?
• 22:22
  SPEAKER_01: It's about both of you, right?
• 22:23
  SPEAKER_01: It's not about pointing fingers.
• 22:25
  SPEAKER_01: So, hey, what is one thing?
• 22:26
  SPEAKER_01: Come up with your own questions.
• 22:27
  SPEAKER_01: What is one thing I can do better when it comes to physical touch for you this week?
• 22:30
  SPEAKER_01: Hey, what is it something that I can do better when it comes to like initiating this week?
• 22:34
  SPEAKER_01: Do you feel loved by me?
• 22:35
  SPEAKER_01: Do you feel desired by me?
• 22:36
  SPEAKER_01: What can I do better?
• 22:37
  SPEAKER_01: Like the kind of conversations that are gonna fix your marriage.
• 22:40
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, and I think in other conversations, like, hey, let's make time to connect intimately.
• 22:45
  SPEAKER_00: Like, what night would be best based upon like just kids and different things like that?
• 22:50
  SPEAKER_00: And I know that sounds kind of lame, but if you just like everything else, if you don't really plan on it or you're not thinking about it, it might it very well might not happen.
• 23:00
  SPEAKER_00: Right.
• 23:01
  SPEAKER_00: And some of the women out there are probably like, I'm okay with that if it doesn't happen.
• 23:05
  SPEAKER_01: But don't be okay with that if your spouse isn't okay.
• 23:07
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, for the health of your marriage, like, you know, we talk about that all the time.
• 23:12
  SPEAKER_00: Right.
• 23:12
  SPEAKER_01: No, yeah, but it's important to almost have that in the weekly questions every single Sunday night or Monday morning or whatever.
• 23:18
  SPEAKER_01: That's important to ask your spouse how do you feel about it in this area of our marriage, right?
• 23:25
  SPEAKER_01: Um, the next one is fun and planning.
• 23:26
  SPEAKER_01: Plan something enjoyable together, dates, adventures.
• 23:29
  SPEAKER_01: This is this is date night planning, and you know that we're advocates for every single week date nights that doesn't have to be out on the town, it can be at home.
• 23:36
  SPEAKER_01: We created our new app with tons of date night ideas.
• 23:40
  SPEAKER_01: You can customize it, you can throw in a picture, you can pick at home, whatever.
• 23:44
  SPEAKER_01: We have date night coupon books in our shop.
• 23:47
  SPEAKER_01: Like dating is what keeps people together, keeps people in love.
• 23:50
  SPEAKER_01: We're super advocates about that.
• 23:52
  SPEAKER_01: And in your weekly marriage meeting, you should be talking about what we are gonna do fun together to rekindle our passion this week.
• 23:59
  SPEAKER_00: And I would say if you even did one thing, if you did that one thing, which is date nights, you're probably gonna encompass a lot of these things, right?
• 24:07
  SPEAKER_00: You're probably gonna be talking about your week and what you know what you can do better and planning things out.
• 24:12
  SPEAKER_00: Like, just it's amazing how important date night is in marriage.
• 24:16
  SPEAKER_00: And I can't stress that enough.
• 24:18
  SPEAKER_00: Like for us, it was completely changed, changed things for us.
• 24:21
  SPEAKER_01: And this could even be fun and planning like adventures or playful moments.
• 24:25
  SPEAKER_01: This could be, hey, we all need to get out.
• 24:27
  SPEAKER_01: We've you've been kind of just nagging each other the whole family.
• 24:30
  SPEAKER_01: Let's get out and go on a hike on Saturday, or let's get out and go do this together as a family, like planning stuff together instead of one person always having to be the person that initiates fun or initiates dates or initiates family time, like fun things in your family and your marriage, like it needs to be like a mutual thing, right?
• 24:49
  SPEAKER_01: So that is the section where you're planning.
• 24:52
  SPEAKER_01: It goes kind of go back to the calendar, but where are we prioritizing quality time?
• 24:56
  SPEAKER_01: What does that look like?
• 24:57
  SPEAKER_01: What do we want to do this week?
• 24:58
  SPEAKER_01: Get it on the calendar, right?
• 25:01
  SPEAKER_01: And that's pretty much it.
• 25:02
  SPEAKER_01: The end of the meeting is one major goal you want to accomplish this week.
• 25:05
  SPEAKER_01: What do you how do you want to reconnect before we end this?
• 25:08
  SPEAKER_01: What intention do you want to carry into the coming week together?
• 25:11
  SPEAKER_01: Should we end with this a prayer?
• 25:12
  SPEAKER_01: Should we end with this affection?
• 25:13
  SPEAKER_01: Like just some kind of weekly ending.
• 25:17
  SPEAKER_01: So I just think this is really important to take 30 minutes.
• 25:21
  SPEAKER_01: You can do all those questions in 20 minutes, if or you can let them take an hour, you're probably gonna take longer just because you start having fun talking about what's coming up and and everything.
• 25:30
  SPEAKER_00: If you would have asked me this, you know, 10-15 years ago when Amy and I were in a bad place in our marriage, and you would have brought this up at a marriage meeting, I probably would have been like, this is so lame.
• 25:42
  SPEAKER_00: Right.
• 25:42
  SPEAKER_00: Why do we need to do that?
• 25:44
  SPEAKER_00: Having said that, that's why our marriage was in a bad place, right?
• 25:48
  SPEAKER_00: Is because we weren't doing things like this.
• 25:50
  SPEAKER_00: Now, if you ask me the importance of doing something like this, I feel like it's extremely important.
• 25:57
  SPEAKER_00: And again, it like you can tailor it to whatever you want it to look like in your marriage.
• 26:02
  SPEAKER_00: It it for some couples, it might be really like you know, going through every single thing and planning it out and this and that.
• 26:10
  SPEAKER_00: For other couples, it might be a very casual conversation where you just talk about a couple things and whatever works best for you in your relationship, you know, tailor it to that.
• 26:21
  SPEAKER_00: But having these conversations, talking about these things will will really help your marriage.
• 26:27
  SPEAKER_00: I promise you that.
• 26:28
  SPEAKER_00: Um, it's just been so beneficial for Amy and I.
• 26:31
  SPEAKER_00: And it looks different for Amy and I than it maybe, like I said, it will look for some of you, and that's okay as well.
• 26:37
  SPEAKER_00: There's no exactness or right or wrong way to do this as long as you're doing it.
• 26:41
  SPEAKER_00: That's the important thing.
• 26:43
  SPEAKER_01: And once again, I just want to reiterate like when a guy will like the husband will come to his wife and be like, I want to sit down and discuss this week and how to make our marriage better this week.
• 26:52
  SPEAKER_01: She is going to be like, Oh my gosh, I am so excited that you care.
• 26:56
  SPEAKER_00: You might want to do that while she's sitting down so she doesn't like fall over and hit her head or something.
• 27:02
  SPEAKER_00: Like, yeah, just make sure she's not she's in a place where she's not gonna be totally shocked.
• 27:07
  SPEAKER_01: Unless you're already doing this, and then you can just step it up a notch.
• 27:10
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 27:10
  SPEAKER_01: I feel like this has changed our marriage.
• 27:12
  SPEAKER_01: I feel like having a weekly and it's not always the schedule thing with a notepad and a calendar, it's not always that formal for us, like we were saying.
• 27:20
  SPEAKER_01: It has been, but not always is, but as long as you start talking about and talking about goals for the week and getting on the same page, like it changes your intimate life, it changes the connection in your marriage.
• 27:30
  SPEAKER_01: That's what we want for everybody.
• 27:32
  SPEAKER_00: It's really just being more organized, it really is, and keeping things on your mind.
• 27:38
  SPEAKER_00: And uh the second part of that is instead of just assuming you're asking questions, and I can promise you that you know you're just assuming things, and a lot of those things are probably gonna be wrong.
• 27:48
  SPEAKER_01: For sure.
• 27:49
  SPEAKER_00: So just have those conversations.
• 27:51
  SPEAKER_01: So for sure.
• 27:52
  SPEAKER_01: So you can grab this in the app, it's the weekly marriage meeting under the resources section in the ultimate intimacy app.
• 27:59
  SPEAKER_01: If you want lists of how to harmonize your home more because you want literal lists to talk about you do this, I do this.
• 28:06
  SPEAKER_01: We have added the um monthly membership to the UNI app, uni.app.com, if you need more very detailed lists, because maybe the mental load really is killing your relationship.
• 28:18
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, it's about the same price as uh one and a half uh Starbuck Starbucks drinks.
• 28:24
  SPEAKER_00: So and you're gonna be like just totally helping your marriage.
• 28:28
  SPEAKER_01: So and we can't reiterate again, like that emotional connection is what makes passion so amazing in your marriage.
• 28:35
  SPEAKER_01: And and guys, that's why we want you to have a good intimate life, but it starts with being teammates and best friends and and having that conversations and that communication in your marriage.
• 28:44
  SPEAKER_01: Like you've got to be able to have like talk about these questions on a weekly basis, really.
• 28:48
  SPEAKER_01: How's our intimate life?
• 28:50
  SPEAKER_01: How was your week?
• 28:51
  SPEAKER_01: What can how can I love you better?
• 28:52
  SPEAKER_01: How can I serve you better?
• 28:53
  SPEAKER_01: When you can have those kind of conversations in your marriage, you know you're having a really good marriage.
• 28:57
  SPEAKER_01: It might not be perfect, but it's probably pretty good.
• 28:59
  SPEAKER_00: Well, and we talk about this all the time, but almost anything can be resolved with good communication.
• 29:04
  SPEAKER_00: And so everything we're talking about today is sitting down and talking, talking and having that communication.
• 29:09
  SPEAKER_00: So yeah, like Amy said, if you want to have a better marriage, it's just simply talking about it, planning it, and figuring out, you know, how do we approach these things.
• 29:18
  SPEAKER_01: So the US friends, yep.
• 29:20
  SPEAKER_00: So uh Valentine's Day.
• 29:22
  SPEAKER_00: Let's talk about Valentine's Day, like that coming up.
• 29:25
  SPEAKER_01: Less than two weeks.
• 29:26
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, less than two weeks.
• 29:27
  SPEAKER_00: So we know you want a Valentine's Day gift that's just gonna just be amazing.
• 29:34
  SPEAKER_00: Uh, as we've been talking about great emotional connection, maybe a little great intimate connection.
• 29:40
  SPEAKER_00: Uh, you should go check our sponsor, shop.ultimateintimacy.com.
• 29:44
  SPEAKER_00: Uh, I would go check it out right away if that were me.
• 29:47
  SPEAKER_00: In fact, I'm gonna get on there when we're done with this podcast.
• 29:49
  SPEAKER_01: It is February now.
• 29:50
  SPEAKER_01: And it's urgent to get on that.
• 29:53
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 29:53
  SPEAKER_00: And we ship within 24 hours or less on the weekdays.
• 29:56
  SPEAKER_00: So go find your spouse that great gift.
• 29:58
  SPEAKER_00: I'm gonna go find one for Amy when we get off this podcast.
• 30:01
  SPEAKER_00: And uh let us let us know how we can help.
• 30:03
  SPEAKER_00: On a serious note, if you have any questions about anything, just shoot us an email, uh, Amy at ultimateintimacy.com.
• 30:10
  SPEAKER_00: Let us know how we can help or any questions you have.
• 30:12
  SPEAKER_01: Hold on, I was going to talk about a couple of the gifts.
• 30:15
  SPEAKER_01: If your wife wants more like really fun date nights, we have our date night dice that got added to the shop.
• 30:20
  SPEAKER_01: We have the date night coupon deck.
• 30:23
  SPEAKER_01: Um, we have scratch cards that makes a fun date night.
• 30:27
  SPEAKER_01: Um, we have our intimate game, our truth or dare game that you can get, like physical card decks if you want to give an actual gift.
• 30:35
  SPEAKER_01: We have um marriage aids for her pleasure, the best ones, five stars every time.
• 30:41
  SPEAKER_01: Uh, the intimate lube is a gift for both of you, the marriage.
• 30:45
  SPEAKER_01: Like pair that the intimate massage cream slash organic lubricant, pair that with the coupon deck for like massages and stuff.
• 30:54
  SPEAKER_01: Amazing gift.
• 30:55
  SPEAKER_01: It's gonna give to both of you.
• 30:56
  SPEAKER_01: Pair that with the ring, even better, and you can get all the best stuff in our Valentine's box right now that comes with just the collection of like the best stuff ever.
• 31:05
  SPEAKER_01: It's just we're just trying to make your marriage better and easier.
• 31:08
  SPEAKER_01: You can literally just jump on the shop and get that sent right to you and put a big bow on it, and yeah, it's happy.
• 31:15
  SPEAKER_00: It's gonna be a good night.
• 31:16
  SPEAKER_01: She'll be happy, he'll be happy, it's gonna be a good night.
• 31:18
  SPEAKER_00: Yep.
• 31:19
  SPEAKER_00: Well, as always, we appreciate you listening to the podcast.
• 31:22
  SPEAKER_00: We really enjoy doing this.
• 31:23
  SPEAKER_00: Um, we got some exciting things ahead this year, which we'll be announcing pretty soon.
• 31:27
  SPEAKER_00: So stay tuned for those.
• 31:29
  SPEAKER_00: But uh, we we appreciate listening to the podcast, and until next time.