Latest / I Said No Gifts! A comedy interview podcast with Bridger Winegar / Jordan Morris Disobeys Bridger

Transcript

Jordan Morris Disobeys Bridger · I Said No Gifts! A comedy interview podcast with Bridger Winegar

• 0:08
  Speaker 1: Well, I invited you here, thought I made myself perfectly clear.
• 0:17
  Speaker 1: When you're a guest to my home, you gotta come
• 0:22
  Speaker 1: to me empty. And I said, no, guests, your own
• 0:28
  Speaker 1: presences presence enough. I already had too much stuff, So
• 0:35
  Speaker 1: how did you dare to surbey me?
• 0:49
  Speaker 2: Welcome to? I said, no gifts. I'm Bridger Wineger. We're
• 0:54
  Speaker 2: in the backyard. It's at least ninety four degrees perfect
• 1:00
  Speaker 2: podcasting temperature. It's you know, in the next hour and
• 1:04
  Speaker 2: a half, we're going to be feeling very breezy, very relaxed.
• 1:09
  Speaker 2: Over the weekend, I stopped feeling like I existed, and
• 1:12
  Speaker 2: so I decided I would take back my life by
• 1:16
  Speaker 2: making a decision, and that was to make slaw. I
• 1:19
  Speaker 2: made him probably enough slaw for an entire Mormon congregation.
• 1:24
  Speaker 2: It's just sitting in my fridge rotting. Oh, let's get
• 1:29
  Speaker 2: into the podcast. I love today's guest. It's Jordan Morris.
• 1:33
  Speaker 2: Jordan's thank you, thank you. Oh my gosh, welcome to.
• 1:36
  Speaker 2: I said, no gifts.
• 1:36
  Speaker 3: Oh my gosh, I can't. I'm so happy to be
• 1:38
  Speaker 3: here as a listener. Fun to see the musings done. Irl,
• 1:44
  Speaker 3: it's very impressive. You you actually gaze off so as
• 1:50
  Speaker 3: to you.
• 1:50
  Speaker 2: Know, get in the right headspace, just admiring whatever's happening,
• 1:55
  Speaker 2: just trying to lose myself in nature.
• 1:57
  Speaker 3: I mean, that's so important being present. I've been told
• 2:02
  Speaker 3: getting getting off of our little devices, to be off
• 2:05
  Speaker 3: a device.
• 2:07
  Speaker 2: I want to hear more about the slaw. I love slatla.
• 2:09
  Speaker 2: I love slaw. Well, describe your ideal slot to me
• 2:12
  Speaker 2: and then I'll reveal my slots. There's so many beautiful
• 2:15
  Speaker 2: slaws of all kinds.
• 2:16
  Speaker 3: I think a goopy man naisy scooped out of the
• 2:21
  Speaker 3: deli counter at the supermarket slaw is delicious. I think
• 2:24
  Speaker 3: an artisanal vinegary slaw can be really great to clean crisp.
• 2:31
  Speaker 2: I'll take all slaws. You had to pick one slaw, gosh.
• 2:36
  Speaker 3: I you know, and I'm and I'm gonna feel like
• 2:40
  Speaker 3: a you know, SHEESHI Ivory tower type here, but I
• 2:44
  Speaker 3: do think, gun to my head, I am picking the
• 2:48
  Speaker 3: vinegar y, higher end, crisp clean slaw.
• 2:53
  Speaker 2: This is so good to hear. Yeah, good way to
• 2:55
  Speaker 2: start the podcast off. If you had gone Mayo, I
• 2:58
  Speaker 2: don't know what would have happened. We don't see eye
• 3:01
  Speaker 2: to I'm moving away I love a vinegar sauce. You
• 3:05
  Speaker 2: would move to another sit hear me pounding the for
• 3:11
  Speaker 2: sale sign out front, calling my realtor. Uh no, I
• 3:15
  Speaker 2: only will eat a vinegar slaw. Okay, I don't. I
• 3:18
  Speaker 2: have to imagine I've had a mayonnaise slaw in the past, Yeah,
• 3:22
  Speaker 2: which must have had a bad impact on me because
• 3:25
  Speaker 2: I avoid it at all costs.
• 3:26
  Speaker 3: It can be heavy, and it can it can go
• 3:29
  Speaker 3: from delicious to foul pretty easily if not stored at
• 3:33
  Speaker 3: the temperature.
• 3:34
  Speaker 2: So I understand, even if stored at the correct temperature,
• 3:37
  Speaker 2: it's just too much. It's too much. I mean. I
• 3:40
  Speaker 2: saw a friend Saturday night and I mentioned to her
• 3:42
  Speaker 2: that I had made a slawn. She said, did you
• 3:44
  Speaker 2: kind of with this look of horror with mayonnaise? And
• 3:46
  Speaker 2: I couldn't believe she even for a moment thought I
• 3:48
  Speaker 2: would make a mayonnaise slaw. I think the tides have turned.
• 3:52
  Speaker 2: I think most people prefer you know, where you you
• 3:55
  Speaker 2: can see the cabbage, right where it's not you want
• 3:59
  Speaker 2: to appreciate the ca just a mayonnaise delivery device, right.
• 4:04
  Speaker 2: I don't need mayonnaise to be delivered in any scenario.
• 4:07
  Speaker 2: Oh so you know not on a sandwich, not on
• 4:09
  Speaker 2: a burger. On a sandwich, I'll like if it's easy
• 4:14
  Speaker 2: and I didn't have any other choice, of course, I'll
• 4:16
  Speaker 2: eat it, okay. Otherwise, you know, there are other condiments
• 4:19
  Speaker 2: that I would prefer. You're right about that. There's a
• 4:21
  Speaker 2: lot of great condiments. We've got all kinds of runny,
• 4:23
  Speaker 2: wet things we can put on sandwiches.
• 4:25
  Speaker 3: Yes, there's a lot of ways to get a sandwich wet.
• 4:27
  Speaker 3: It's not just mayonnaise.
• 4:30
  Speaker 2: But to answer your question, the it's a cabbage, vinegar, limes, cilantro, jalapeno,
• 4:38
  Speaker 2: and almond. Sounds fucking fantastic refreshing.
• 4:41
  Speaker 3: Do Is that just a sided on itself or is
• 4:43
  Speaker 3: it like on top of something in a side?
• 4:46
  Speaker 2: I mean, just sitting in my fridge, just ready to
• 4:49
  Speaker 2: be eaten, the only kind of food in my fridge currently.
• 4:52
  Speaker 2: It's a real psycho situation. And now I'm going out
• 4:57
  Speaker 2: oftown tomorrow and I have truly enough for huge picnic.
• 5:01
  Speaker 2: So I'm not sure what to do with the slaw
• 5:03
  Speaker 2: at this point.
• 5:04
  Speaker 3: Yeah, I mean, I guess you could just like drift
• 5:06
  Speaker 3: around Griffith Park and look for a family having a
• 5:10
  Speaker 3: barbecue or a family reunion and just like either like, hey,
• 5:15
  Speaker 3: you guys, look like you're having fun, or just set
• 5:17
  Speaker 3: it on the table and and.
• 5:19
  Speaker 2: Walk off into the sunset, just drifting from a picnic
• 5:23
  Speaker 2: blanket to picnic blanket. Can I that's not a bad idea.
• 5:30
  Speaker 2: The slaw phantom was here. I guess it'll kind of
• 5:34
  Speaker 2: pickle and then become like a kimchi or a what's
• 5:38
  Speaker 2: the German oh, sour kraw? Yeah sure, I guess that's
• 5:43
  Speaker 2: just kind of an old slaw ferment. Yeah, which I'm
• 5:47
  Speaker 2: willing to experiment with.
• 5:49
  Speaker 3: Yeah, I think, I mean, maybe you come back to
• 5:51
  Speaker 3: this fermented slaw. You have some you get a little
• 5:53
  Speaker 3: buzz from it.
• 5:54
  Speaker 2: Oh yeah, yeah. It's a good die of alcohol poisoning.
• 6:00
  Speaker 2: What a way to go, killed by his own slaw.
• 6:03
  Speaker 2: Have you ever made a slaw? Oh? Have I made
• 6:06
  Speaker 2: a slaw? No?
• 6:08
  Speaker 3: I have never, Like from scratch, I've like done a bag,
• 6:12
  Speaker 3: you know, kind of a pre mixed But I should
• 6:16
  Speaker 3: experiment with home slain.
• 6:17
  Speaker 2: What am I doing? You've got to get home with
• 6:19
  Speaker 2: your cabbage. The one thing I'll tell you is you
• 6:22
  Speaker 2: always have more cabbage than you could possibly imagine. Right,
• 6:25
  Speaker 2: one head of cabbage is I mean, it's buckets and
• 6:28
  Speaker 2: buckets full of slaugh. Sure, and it overshadows all the
• 6:32
  Speaker 2: other ingredients. It's hard to get ratios correct. Yeah.
• 6:34
  Speaker 3: I don't do a lot of like you know, entertaining,
• 6:37
  Speaker 3: and you know, usually i'm like, you know, cooking for
• 6:40
  Speaker 3: myself for one or two other people. So I think
• 6:43
  Speaker 3: I like big batches of stuff. I don't make a
• 6:46
  Speaker 3: lot just because you're right, it's gonna sit in the fridge, right,
• 6:49
  Speaker 3: I'm a good lesson here.
• 6:51
  Speaker 2: Sure. Yeah, there was no party planned. There was nothing.
• 6:54
  Speaker 2: This was post fourth of July, like it's July fifth.
• 6:58
  Speaker 2: Time to make something salad and hot dogs. Yeah, but
• 7:04
  Speaker 2: it's a nice little thing to snack on. What are
• 7:06
  Speaker 2: you snacking on around the house? Oh, snacking on around
• 7:09
  Speaker 2: the house? Love berries?
• 7:11
  Speaker 3: So you know, and you know there they're they're a
• 7:15
  Speaker 3: little pricey, but I'm worth it.
• 7:16
  Speaker 2: So I like to have nice like a plump blueberry. Yeah.
• 7:21
  Speaker 2: And I like that popcorn. What is it called?
• 7:24
  Speaker 3: It has a Buddha on the front, and it might
• 7:26
  Speaker 3: be problematic corn.
• 7:28
  Speaker 2: It is delicious lesser evil, lesser evil.
• 7:32
  Speaker 3: Yes, it's a nice I guess it's a you know,
• 7:34
  Speaker 3: advertised as a healthier option for just mindlessly putting something
• 7:37
  Speaker 3: in your mouth. I've never heard of this really tasty,
• 7:40
  Speaker 3: really delicious. I am a What I'm trying to do
• 7:43
  Speaker 3: here is to just to not buy chips.
• 7:47
  Speaker 2: Right. I love chips danger, I love ruffles.
• 7:51
  Speaker 3: You're give me all the chips, and I think, left
• 7:55
  Speaker 3: to my own devices, I would just sit in the
• 7:57
  Speaker 3: dark and eat chips and not do anything or to anyone.
• 8:01
  Speaker 3: So I'm trying to find kind of a crunchy salty substitute,
• 8:05
  Speaker 3: and and those kinds of like popcorn, popcorny air popped right.
• 8:12
  Speaker 2: Canola oil? What are the good oils? It's no one,
• 8:16
  Speaker 2: no one on earth can give you the correct information
• 8:19
  Speaker 2: on what oil is good. What is the avocado cocon nut?
• 8:22
  Speaker 2: I don't know. Olive seed help me? Their oils galore.
• 8:28
  Speaker 2: I think olive oil is probably the one you can
• 8:30
  Speaker 2: count on. Yeah, it seems to be. I could be wrong,
• 8:34
  Speaker 2: but I feel like there's new oil danger all the time. Right,
• 8:37
  Speaker 2: We've got a nice oils. We got all these milks.
• 8:41
  Speaker 3: Sorry, I feel like I'm about to do like a
• 8:43
  Speaker 3: tim Alan routine.
• 8:45
  Speaker 2: These kids. I mean, when I grew up, it was
• 8:47
  Speaker 2: we always only motor oil. That has to be a
• 8:52
  Speaker 2: joke in one of his television shows. That's that's been made.
• 8:56
  Speaker 3: Yes, there's season six of Last Man Standing has a
• 9:00
  Speaker 3: Now Dad, we have to use coconut oil?
• 9:03
  Speaker 2: That would use them anyway? O to melon dies in
• 9:07
  Speaker 2: the show you ate motor oil. He finally took being
• 9:12
  Speaker 2: the Last Man Standing too far?
• 9:14
  Speaker 1: Right?
• 9:14
  Speaker 2: Yes? And yeah oils? How if we? Oh? Yeah, the popcorn.
• 9:22
  Speaker 2: I do love a chip, but I really I can't
• 9:25
  Speaker 2: have chips around the house. Yeah, it's hard for me
• 9:27
  Speaker 2: to because you know, you just eat, eat, eat, eat eat.
• 9:31
  Speaker 3: Yeah, if I remember my lore correctly. You're also also
• 9:34
  Speaker 3: kind of.
• 9:34
  Speaker 2: A cookie guy. I love a cookie. Yeah, me too,
• 9:37
  Speaker 2: me too? Are you making cookies or buying?
• 9:39
  Speaker 3: I usually buy my cookies, but I'll make a cookie
• 9:42
  Speaker 3: every now and then, and it's a lot of fun.
• 9:44
  Speaker 2: Oh that's a nice healthy mix. Yeah.
• 9:45
  Speaker 3: Yeah, but I'm really susceptible to the like if you're
• 9:49
  Speaker 3: getting something delivered on one of the delivery apps, they'll
• 9:52
  Speaker 3: ask you if you want to throw in a cookie?
• 9:54
  Speaker 2: I usually throw in the why not bring the cookie with? Right?
• 9:58
  Speaker 2: There was on the delivery apps. I don't know if
• 9:59
  Speaker 2: you ever saw this, but Mariah Carey had cookies on
• 10:01
  Speaker 2: the delivery app. Yes I did. I never got one
• 10:04
  Speaker 2: of them, did you? You have very fortunate My friend
• 10:09
  Speaker 2: ordered a batch with our dinner and possibly the worst,
• 10:14
  Speaker 2: I mean, probably top five worst foods I've ever eaten, Really,
• 10:17
  Speaker 2: the Mariah Carey cookie. Mariah, you know, maybe she doesn't
• 10:21
  Speaker 2: have the baking touch. I'm sure she was heavily involved. Sure,
• 10:25
  Speaker 2: I'm sure she's at the ovens doing all of it.
• 10:28
  Speaker 2: And they were sub I don't even know if it
• 10:34
  Speaker 2: was just barely edible. I don't think I made my
• 10:37
  Speaker 2: way through an entire cookie.
• 10:38
  Speaker 3: I'd be interested to hear about like one of the
• 10:40
  Speaker 3: most successful celebrity foods. There's not many.
• 10:44
  Speaker 2: I think maybe the Paul Newman salad dressing.
• 10:47
  Speaker 3: Yeah, yeah, I think makes a good Caesar makes a
• 10:49
  Speaker 3: great blue cheese Paul Newman rip to a blue cheese king.
• 10:54
  Speaker 3: I find that I usually like celebrity boozes. Celebrity boozes
• 10:59
  Speaker 3: are usually seeing good.
• 11:01
  Speaker 2: I wonder why that is, you know, I here's I think.
• 11:05
  Speaker 3: I think I'm stealing this theory from the great Nick
• 11:08
  Speaker 3: Wiger of The dough Boys. Of course, we did a
• 11:10
  Speaker 3: celebrity booze taste test not too long ago, and I
• 11:12
  Speaker 3: think it's it's simply because they're mid shelf. Oh interesting,
• 11:17
  Speaker 3: And maybe if you are a well spirit drinker, you're
• 11:23
  Speaker 3: just not used to the mid shelf and you're like
• 11:25
  Speaker 3: this is pretty good.
• 11:26
  Speaker 2: It's like, yeah, it's it's better than the well.
• 11:28
  Speaker 3: So I think that maybe if you were a more
• 11:30
  Speaker 3: discerning booze guy, which I am not, you would you know,
• 11:33
  Speaker 3: taste the flaws in.
• 11:35
  Speaker 2: The Rocks tequila. But does the Rock have one? The
• 11:39
  Speaker 2: Rock has a tequila? Yes, yeah, yeah, the Rock. George Clooney,
• 11:45
  Speaker 2: who else wins? What?
• 11:48
  Speaker 3: Yeah, I'm Mulholland's spirits. Wow, Yeah, they're pretty good.
• 11:53
  Speaker 2: That one. You're almost buying. I mean, like the normal
• 11:55
  Speaker 2: consumer is just buying because it's like, well, Goggin's God blessed,
• 11:59
  Speaker 2: but I don't think he has the name power to
• 12:00
  Speaker 2: be moving right, beloved, beloved that guy from that thing? Wow? Yeah?
• 12:08
  Speaker 2: Who else?
• 12:08
  Speaker 3: It's like m Emmett Walsh having, you know, having a
• 12:12
  Speaker 3: line of face creams. Oh yeah, that guy creating all
• 12:16
  Speaker 3: those Coen Brothers movies.
• 12:19
  Speaker 2: Yeah. And then of course uh uh Coppola Coppola wines. Yes,
• 12:23
  Speaker 2: I had a little coopol of wine not too long?
• 12:25
  Speaker 2: How was that? It was really tasty? Yeah? And does
• 12:27
  Speaker 2: he have any controlling stake in the business now that
• 12:29
  Speaker 2: he's made that movie with all the money?
• 12:31
  Speaker 3: Oh right, Megaopolis Mega maybe the Yeah, maybe the wine
• 12:34
  Speaker 3: is out of his hands. He needed it to fund
• 12:36
  Speaker 3: his weird it's steampunk movie that I can't fucking wait
• 12:41
  Speaker 3: to see.
• 12:42
  Speaker 2: Oh, I'm so excited. Sounds insane. Mega sounds like a
• 12:45
  Speaker 2: level and sonic doesn't it doesn't it?
• 12:47
  Speaker 3: That sounds like probably like level three of a song.
• 12:49
  Speaker 3: You have to find a giant robot crab at the end.
• 12:52
  Speaker 3: There might be a robot crab in this movie.
• 12:54
  Speaker 2: From what I understand, Adam Driver plays the crab and
• 12:58
  Speaker 2: then the movie, from what I understand, good and everything.
• 13:00
  Speaker 2: They're going to have a live actor in every audience.
• 13:03
  Speaker 2: Have you heard this? I maybe have heard this, hinted
• 13:06
  Speaker 2: at Is that true? I've you know, I heard it,
• 13:09
  Speaker 2: and so I looked it up over and over trying
• 13:11
  Speaker 2: to confirm. And it seems like they're going through with
• 13:12
  Speaker 2: the plan. I can't wait. Yes, do it? Where are
• 13:16
  Speaker 2: they going to find these people? They mustn't. There's probably
• 13:18
  Speaker 2: a plan for like five screenings total.
• 13:20
  Speaker 3: But yeah, I'm sure this will be a limited release. Yeah,
• 13:23
  Speaker 3: I mean, I would love it if you ordered it
• 13:25
  Speaker 3: on demand. They sent somebody to your house. It's like
• 13:27
  Speaker 3: a improv guy shows up.
• 13:30
  Speaker 2: Yeah, I don't know what it is. I guess he
• 13:31
  Speaker 2: interacts with the screen or something. Yeah, I mean I
• 13:33
  Speaker 2: guess you know, New York and LA.
• 13:35
  Speaker 3: Probably pretty easy to find, you know, to hire these
• 13:38
  Speaker 3: people to come in, right, maybe even get a name for.
• 13:41
  Speaker 2: A couple of screens to show up. Oh m yeah,
• 13:45
  Speaker 2: drunk on his own whiskey. Yeah, just you have a
• 13:48
  Speaker 2: belly full of Mulhoan spirits.
• 13:50
  Speaker 3: But yeah, you're, you know, screenings where there's not a
• 13:54
  Speaker 3: thriving entertainment industry.
• 13:55
  Speaker 2: I guess you're going to the community theaters, right, you're
• 13:58
  Speaker 2: asking the kid behind the counter, Oh, can you just
• 14:00
  Speaker 2: take a minute to yell at the screen for us?
• 14:03
  Speaker 3: Does the popcorn kid have to put on a top
• 14:05
  Speaker 3: hat and goggles and.
• 14:07
  Speaker 2: Be an airship captain or something? Yeah? I know that
• 14:12
  Speaker 2: about the movie. I know the Aubrey Plaza play someone
• 14:14
  Speaker 2: named like Platinum Seed or something. I don't know. It's bizarre.
• 14:18
  Speaker 2: I can't wait. And then I think Adam Driver controls time.
• 14:21
  Speaker 3: Yeah, and he does have a weirdo name too. It's
• 14:23
  Speaker 3: like Ultimate Futureman or something like that.
• 14:27
  Speaker 2: It's yeah, I'm really looking forward to I'm My fear though,
• 14:32
  Speaker 2: is that it's going to be boring. Yeah, I know, ultimately,
• 14:35
  Speaker 2: like where you think, oh, this is gonna be a
• 14:36
  Speaker 2: real fun time at an insane movie and then it's like, oh,
• 14:38
  Speaker 2: this is four hours long and INCOMPREHENSI I'm sure. Yeah,
• 14:42
  Speaker 2: but I'll go and see if somebody interrupts the I
• 14:45
  Speaker 2: mean they're kind of opening the door to anyone in
• 14:47
  Speaker 2: the audience getting up and yelling.
• 14:49
  Speaker 3: Right, yeah, I guess so if you are, Yeah, if
• 14:52
  Speaker 3: you are just like a psycho or someone who wants
• 14:55
  Speaker 3: to like go viral or something, right, you stand up
• 14:58
  Speaker 3: and just do your Megapolis.
• 14:59
  Speaker 2: Right, make your little announcements. Yeah. Interesting, Now I'm getting
• 15:03
  Speaker 2: some ideas. Some things are cooking in my head. This
• 15:05
  Speaker 2: could be my big moment at the just I have
• 15:09
  Speaker 2: a podcast. Yeah that's uh so that wine business, I
• 15:16
  Speaker 2: believe he sold almost all of his shares and oh
• 15:19
  Speaker 2: yeah the wine was tasty. I mean again, I'm not
• 15:21
  Speaker 2: a wine guy.
• 15:21
  Speaker 3: I am kind of just used to, you know, having
• 15:24
  Speaker 3: having the house red right whatever, Chicken palm.
• 15:26
  Speaker 2: But I I liked my I feel like there's a difference. Yeah,
• 15:30
  Speaker 2: I think so. I do think so.
• 15:32
  Speaker 3: I do think that that for whatever reason, I have
• 15:36
  Speaker 3: not had that Mariah Carey cookie experience with a celebrity.
• 15:40
  Speaker 2: Boost, Like what the fuck is this? Like I'm like, hey,
• 15:42
  Speaker 2: this is good. More celebrities need to get into the
• 15:46
  Speaker 2: their hands at cookies. I'd like to see other celebrities
• 15:49
  Speaker 2: try a cookie. Who would be the ultimate cookie celebrity.
• 15:51
  Speaker 2: He's Witherspoon. It probably Oh my god, job, that's such
• 15:54
  Speaker 2: a good idea. Yeah, I feel like she has like
• 15:58
  Speaker 2: just the level of taste and populist feel right, she'd
• 16:02
  Speaker 2: be able to make a cookie that's a crowd pleaser
• 16:04
  Speaker 2: and as well made. Sure, because like if you'd ask
• 16:06
  Speaker 2: a Gwyneth.
• 16:07
  Speaker 3: Paltrow or it's gonna be garbage. Yeah, sure, it's gonna
• 16:10
  Speaker 3: be made with sand or something tastes like a pussy.
• 16:15
  Speaker 3: I don't know what is Gwyneth Paltrow cooking up over
• 16:18
  Speaker 3: there these days? Maybe both, Yes, sure, day at the beach. Yes,
• 16:28
  Speaker 3: she should.
• 16:28
  Speaker 2: Not be trusted with a dessert. No, no, no, no,
• 16:31
  Speaker 2: but Reese, I think we should do a nice job. Wow,
• 16:33
  Speaker 2: I mean Reese probably has something in the works already.
• 16:36
  Speaker 2: I feel like she has a team of people that
• 16:38
  Speaker 2: she's like, what am I doing? Now? We got the
• 16:40
  Speaker 2: book The Book Club? Yeah, because initially it was like
• 16:45
  Speaker 2: Reese Witherspoon is recommending books, This is ridiculous. And now
• 16:48
  Speaker 2: she's she like owns the publishing industry. Yeah, yeah, I know, fascinating.
• 16:54
  Speaker 3: I mean, I guess I would. I'm very quick to
• 16:57
  Speaker 3: buy her cookies that don't exist. So maybe I should
• 17:00
  Speaker 3: just start with the books that she already had.
• 17:02
  Speaker 2: I guess is she reading all of the books? That's
• 17:04
  Speaker 2: the big question. Wonder. I can't be reading all of them.
• 17:07
  Speaker 3: Maybe she has them summarized to her by a nice
• 17:11
  Speaker 3: you know, assistant or something like a team.
• 17:13
  Speaker 2: Of great readers. Right, I would like to think that
• 17:16
  Speaker 2: she's going through all these books, but she's got other
• 17:18
  Speaker 2: things going on. She's sure. I can't name any of them.
• 17:21
  Speaker 2: But no, I guess I have not seen Reese Rutherspoon
• 17:23
  Speaker 2: on screen, and I guess she's in The Morning Show.
• 17:25
  Speaker 2: Oh right, the Morning Show.
• 17:27
  Speaker 3: Yes, I watched a bit of that and then stopped
• 17:28
  Speaker 3: watching it, then didn't watch any more of it.
• 17:32
  Speaker 2: I have seen the scene where Steve Carell drives off
• 17:36
  Speaker 2: a cliff.
• 17:38
  Speaker 3: Right, Yes, he was like written off in a very
• 17:41
  Speaker 3: insane way, right.
• 17:42
  Speaker 2: Yeah, like a very old fashioned like, well, you don't
• 17:43
  Speaker 2: want to be part of this, We're gonna drive you
• 17:45
  Speaker 2: off a cliff.
• 17:46
  Speaker 3: Here's maybe when I stopped watching, if I could pinpoint,
• 17:49
  Speaker 3: it is sometime in the first season, and you know
• 17:53
  Speaker 3: the Reese Witherspoon is like a firebrand character.
• 17:56
  Speaker 2: Right, named like Devon or Sure Chris some something like that.
• 18:01
  Speaker 2: Brian is it Brian.
• 18:03
  Speaker 3: Bradley, brad Bradley, good old Bradley, Bryan Bradley, And she
• 18:10
  Speaker 3: like makes a impassioned speech at like a union rally,
• 18:14
  Speaker 3: and it goes viral. And I'm like, when does something
• 18:18
  Speaker 3: like that go viral? It's people fighting in a waffle
• 18:22
  Speaker 3: house parking lot. That's what goes viral. The worst of
• 18:26
  Speaker 3: speech at a union meeting. When was the last fucking
• 18:29
  Speaker 3: time that happens?
• 18:30
  Speaker 2: There would have to be three videos total available for
• 18:33
  Speaker 2: that to go viral. Yes, right, anytime in a TV
• 18:37
  Speaker 2: show something goes viral, I'm out. I'm like, this is stupid,
• 18:41
  Speaker 2: don't want to use it to make it current?
• 18:43
  Speaker 3: And I guess you got to move the plot somehow,
• 18:45
  Speaker 3: and it's easy. But I'm just like, well, that's the
• 18:47
  Speaker 3: exact problem. I mean, it's just an easy sure, And
• 18:49
  Speaker 3: then they go viral.
• 18:51
  Speaker 2: They go viral, and it's never something that would go viral.
• 18:54
  Speaker 2: If they go viral, issould just ruin the character's life.
• 18:56
  Speaker 2: That should be the only thing that should happen in
• 18:58
  Speaker 2: a TV show, right, It shouldn't lead to ear things.
• 19:00
  Speaker 2: This should just completely yeah, exactly.
• 19:03
  Speaker 3: And then they have to like, you know, appear on
• 19:06
  Speaker 3: stage at Comic Con as a joke and then like
• 19:09
  Speaker 3: just to get a little bit of ironic applause, and
• 19:12
  Speaker 3: like that's their life now.
• 19:13
  Speaker 2: It's a very have you ever read Nightmare Alley?
• 19:16
  Speaker 3: Oh, the basis of the the No, I've seen the movie,
• 19:19
  Speaker 3: but I well, you know how the movie ends.
• 19:21
  Speaker 2: That's a very Nightmare Alley type where you're like eating chicken,
• 19:24
  Speaker 2: live chickens to make people happy. Wow, how did we
• 19:28
  Speaker 2: get there? It's always withspoon, always leads to eating live birds. Uh, well,
• 19:36
  Speaker 2: I think there's something else we should talk about that
• 19:39
  Speaker 2: I would I don't know that I'd love to talk
• 19:41
  Speaker 2: about it, but I would like to just approach it.
• 19:45
  Speaker 2: I was excited to have you here on the podcast today.
• 19:47
  Speaker 2: I was excited to be asked. Naturally, I thought, Jordan's
• 19:50
  Speaker 2: so wonderful, sweet, funny, what could possibly go wrong? So
• 19:55
  Speaker 2: it was a little surprised. Why you know, there was
• 19:57
  Speaker 2: a knock at the door, and I kind of skimpered over, skimpered, scampered.
• 20:03
  Speaker 2: Skimpring's an interesting thing to do as well. I scampered
• 20:06
  Speaker 2: over a.
• 20:07
  Speaker 3: Slightly slower scamper. I did scamper. I skimpered.
• 20:13
  Speaker 2: Opened the door, and almost immediately you said I think
• 20:16
  Speaker 2: the first words you said were my gift is a disaster. Yeah, no, hello, nothing.
• 20:21
  Speaker 2: So you were owning the fact that you brought a
• 20:23
  Speaker 2: gift to I said, no gift, which I wasn't supposed
• 20:24
  Speaker 2: to do. We're not supposed to do. I was explicitly
• 20:27
  Speaker 2: told not to do. We all begged you not to begged.
• 20:32
  Speaker 2: Absolutely you did. The producing team did. Analie was on
• 20:35
  Speaker 2: the phone multiple times. Karen Kilgarriff called personally and said, Jordan,
• 20:39
  Speaker 2: please do this. Our network depends on it. Uh, and
• 20:45
  Speaker 2: so you know, you know, but fortunately it seems like
• 20:48
  Speaker 2: it blew up in your face almost immediately. It did. Yes,
• 20:50
  Speaker 2: So I mean I've I disobeyed you explicitly okay, and
• 20:57
  Speaker 2: was yeah and rightfully hoisted by my own petard. So uh,
• 21:05
  Speaker 2: what I.
• 21:05
  Speaker 3: What I wanted to do in my head was to
• 21:08
  Speaker 3: bring you a gift because you're such a gracious host
• 21:10
  Speaker 3: and my mother raised me right and no matter how
• 21:12
  Speaker 3: many now, I gonna thank you mother. Yes, it's all
• 21:15
  Speaker 3: the moms out there, you know. And I and despite
• 21:19
  Speaker 3: the fact I was told not to, I wanted to
• 21:20
  Speaker 3: thank you for having me. This is so wonderful to
• 21:22
  Speaker 3: be here, and you know we're recording this in the summertime.
• 21:26
  Speaker 3: I kind of thought I would I would put together
• 21:29
  Speaker 3: a fun chillen pool side package. I don't know how
• 21:34
  Speaker 3: much chillen pool side you're going to do this summer,
• 21:36
  Speaker 3: but I assumed.
• 21:37
  Speaker 2: Lots and hopefully more now with whatever you've brought.
• 21:40
  Speaker 3: Yeah, and so like, yeah, if you weren't already planning
• 21:42
  Speaker 3: on it, you know, I wanted to like coaxhoot a
• 21:45
  Speaker 3: chill pool side because it's such a wonderful.
• 21:46
  Speaker 2: Trying to draw me close to a body of water.
• 21:49
  Speaker 3: Right, notrefarious, but just for your enjoyment, because you work.
• 21:54
  Speaker 2: Hard and I want you to relax. Thank you so much.
• 21:59
  Speaker 3: The part of it that I think went right as
• 22:01
  Speaker 3: I've included a couple of books great for reading by
• 22:04
  Speaker 3: the pool. One is a collection of short stories from
• 22:08
  Speaker 3: a great bookshop I love.
• 22:09
  Speaker 2: Called want to open it yet it's the actually the case.
• 22:13
  Speaker 2: So we're starting with the things on track. This went fine? Okay,
• 22:19
  Speaker 2: so okay.
• 22:20
  Speaker 3: Oh, so you've got a collection of short stories by
• 22:22
  Speaker 3: Octavia Butler one of my shoes.
• 22:24
  Speaker 2: Incredible. I've only read one book, sow.
• 22:30
  Speaker 3: The I almost got that. I didn't because you've read it.
• 22:34
  Speaker 2: Although it's good to reread a book, it's sometimes it's
• 22:37
  Speaker 2: very important to you're at a different point in your life.
• 22:39
  Speaker 3: Maybe you get something different from I had not a
• 22:42
  Speaker 3: great indie book story in my neighborhood called Octavia's Bookshelf,
• 22:45
  Speaker 3: Oh yeah, which I really love. If you ever in Pasadena,
• 22:47
  Speaker 3: check them out and you can shop online there. They
• 22:49
  Speaker 3: have a wonderful curated section of books.
• 22:51
  Speaker 2: Where's that in Pasadena? It is? I think over there
• 22:54
  Speaker 2: on hill By. If you ever get coffee at Lavender
• 22:57
  Speaker 2: and Honey, oh that sounds nice. It is nice.
• 23:00
  Speaker 3: So that's a nice day, right there, grab your coffee, right,
• 23:02
  Speaker 3: I need to go over to Octavia's.
• 23:03
  Speaker 2: Does Octavia's bookshelf have any connection to Octavia Butler. It does.
• 23:07
  Speaker 3: I think the owner is like a giant fan, and
• 23:09
  Speaker 3: I think Octavia Butler is or is or was, I
• 23:12
  Speaker 3: don't know if she's alive, still is or was a
• 23:15
  Speaker 3: Pasadena residence. Oh so there's a connection there.
• 23:18
  Speaker 2: Okay, wonderful. I have never heard of this. I need
• 23:20
  Speaker 2: to go.
• 23:20
  Speaker 3: Yeah, yeah, it's great. And if if you're at It's
• 23:22
  Speaker 3: you're now in Pasadena, you can shop there online. They're
• 23:24
  Speaker 3: a great store to support.
• 23:25
  Speaker 2: But speak more to this book. So I actually haven't
• 23:28
  Speaker 2: read it.
• 23:28
  Speaker 3: I was about to grab parable they were out, so
• 23:33
  Speaker 3: I'm like, well this I love a short story collection.
• 23:35
  Speaker 2: So nice. Maybe I'll see if Bridger enjoys this, and
• 23:39
  Speaker 2: if he does, maybe I'll call you and ask you
• 23:41
  Speaker 2: to buy it from Yeah, Jordan, I simply can't buy
• 23:43
  Speaker 2: myself a book. Sure, So that's that.
• 23:46
  Speaker 3: And then also in there you have a you have
• 23:48
  Speaker 3: a copy of my new graphic novel youth group of course,
• 23:53
  Speaker 3: artist Bowen mcgirty. It's a ya horror comedy youth group.
• 23:57
  Speaker 2: Yeah. Yeah, I don't know if you're a comic sky
• 23:59
  Speaker 2: or a graphic no casual, very casual. Yes, But when
• 24:03
  Speaker 2: I enjoy them. I really enjoyed them. Yeah, I have
• 24:06
  Speaker 2: one sitting on my night stand. That's about It has
• 24:10
  Speaker 2: something to do with PTSD. Okay, what is it? Oh gosh, man,
• 24:16
  Speaker 2: it's oh god, I wish I could remember. It's so great.
• 24:18
  Speaker 2: I might have to go get it to recommend it
• 24:20
  Speaker 2: to people. But it's a yeah. When you read them there,
• 24:22
  Speaker 2: it's just such a lovely experience. Yeah.
• 24:24
  Speaker 3: Yeah, I'm a big comics guy, and I think our
• 24:27
  Speaker 3: book will appeal to comics folks, but also to the
• 24:30
  Speaker 3: occasional comics reader. You don't need any previous knowledge. It's
• 24:35
  Speaker 3: a self contained story.
• 24:36
  Speaker 2: And does this have anything to do with like a
• 24:37
  Speaker 2: church youth group? It does.
• 24:39
  Speaker 3: It is about a bunch of teenagers who are in
• 24:41
  Speaker 3: a goofy Bible study group. I was in one as
• 24:44
  Speaker 3: a child. You sing the parody songs. The youth pastor
• 24:47
  Speaker 3: sits backwards on the chair. He's got some tattoo sleeves.
• 24:50
  Speaker 2: What church was this affiliated with?
• 24:52
  Speaker 3: This was a like evangelical okay, wow, and so yeah
• 24:57
  Speaker 3: are And it was in southern California, so like sure
• 25:00
  Speaker 3: had a surfboard in.
• 25:01
  Speaker 2: This truck, and he wore flip flops and you know,
• 25:05
  Speaker 2: kind of cover up any sort of horrible yeah, biggest opinions, right, yes,
• 25:12
  Speaker 2: any horrible beliefs. You're like, ah, this guy he likes
• 25:17
  Speaker 2: to kill a gay person.
• 25:18
  Speaker 3: Sure, yes, So these are these are some kids who
• 25:22
  Speaker 3: are in a goofy Bible study group and they have
• 25:24
  Speaker 3: to do exorcisms. So it's a little horror comedy. Oh,
• 25:28
  Speaker 3: kind of set in that weirdo little world.
• 25:30
  Speaker 2: That's fantastic. So it's a little bit of I mean
• 25:33
  Speaker 2: The Exorcist, it's a little bit of uh maybe Scott Pilgrim.
• 25:37
  Speaker 3: Yeah, Scott Pilgrim is actually a good a good analogy.
• 25:39
  Speaker 3: It's kind of a yeah, it's kind of you know,
• 25:42
  Speaker 3: coming of age stuff, but also some genre stuff. So yeah,
• 25:45
  Speaker 3: I think if you're a Scott Pilgrim fan, I think
• 25:47
  Speaker 3: if you know Seanathan Dead a good.
• 25:49
  Speaker 2: Oh it's a good parallel. Is this your uh is
• 25:52
  Speaker 2: this your first graphic novel, second graphic novel?
• 25:56
  Speaker 3: So yeah, my first ya graphic novel, and I'll shut
• 25:58
  Speaker 3: out the artist Bowen mcgurty is a great, beautiful art.
• 26:01
  Speaker 2: Yeah, the artist gorgeous. They have a great series.
• 26:03
  Speaker 3: Called Specter Inspectors that they do another fun YA horror
• 26:06
  Speaker 3: comedy thing, and I was very lucky to work with them.
• 26:09
  Speaker 2: Oh that's really terrific. Have you ever written any uh, like,
• 26:12
  Speaker 2: what is a graphic novel that's essentially a comic book? Sure?
• 26:16
  Speaker 3: Yeah maybe maybe In the biz they call them floppies.
• 26:20
  Speaker 2: Floppies comics are the floppies floppies.
• 26:23
  Speaker 3: So yeah, I have written some stories for Archie. Oh okay,
• 26:27
  Speaker 3: Archie Comics. They do a line called Chilling Adventures where
• 26:30
  Speaker 3: it's the Archie Gang in horror scenarios. Oh so, I
• 26:35
  Speaker 3: don't know what it is.
• 26:36
  Speaker 2: People love seeing those little fuckers get killed, just so. Yeah,
• 26:39
  Speaker 2: they like to see them in any type of thing. Yeah, sure,
• 26:42
  Speaker 2: like Riverdale is like what Yeah.
• 26:44
  Speaker 3: It's like now they fight a cult and now they
• 26:47
  Speaker 3: have superpowers.
• 26:48
  Speaker 2: Why are people so hooked on those characters?
• 26:50
  Speaker 3: Yeah, I mean they've endured. I guess it's just a univeral.
• 26:54
  Speaker 2: I never knew of anyone that had read one of those.
• 26:56
  Speaker 2: Well funny, you know, I grew up with them.
• 26:58
  Speaker 3: My mom loved Archie, and I think it's something that like,
• 27:01
  Speaker 3: as a kid, they used to sell them in the grocery.
• 27:04
  Speaker 2: Yeah, that's my memory of like, oh, there's a thing
• 27:06
  Speaker 2: that looks almost appealing, but I don't want it, right,
• 27:09
  Speaker 2: and you would just get it.
• 27:10
  Speaker 3: I would get them if I was good in the
• 27:11
  Speaker 3: grocery store. Here you go, this is here, this is
• 27:14
  Speaker 3: this thing. Cost two bucks here, don't throw a fit.
• 27:17
  Speaker 3: So I think just like through being easy to get
• 27:20
  Speaker 3: and kind of being cheap, they just kind of like
• 27:21
  Speaker 3: wormed their way into a lot of people's homes, right, Yeah.
• 27:24
  Speaker 3: And I think they've done a lot of fun, cool
• 27:26
  Speaker 3: stuff with Archie over the years and kind of updated
• 27:29
  Speaker 3: it and made it a little more modern and relevant
• 27:31
  Speaker 3: and not just kind of like goofy one liners. So yeah,
• 27:34
  Speaker 3: they were lovely to work with, the Archie folks. But
• 27:36
  Speaker 3: that's the only like floppy comic Eve had.
• 27:38
  Speaker 2: Oh okay, yeah, yeah. The thing in the grocery store
• 27:41
  Speaker 2: aisle that I always wanted was those little horoscopes that
• 27:43
  Speaker 2: were rolled up like cigarettes.
• 27:45
  Speaker 3: As a youth group kid, I bought one of those
• 27:48
  Speaker 3: once and brought it to youth group and was was
• 27:52
  Speaker 3: taken to task.
• 27:53
  Speaker 2: I can only supporting the devil witchcraft. Of course, a
• 27:57
  Speaker 2: star reader, how dare you look to the stars for advice?
• 28:03
  Speaker 2: It's all right here, I'm pointing at a Bible. I
• 28:06
  Speaker 2: should mention in this story.
• 28:09
  Speaker 3: Yeah, I remember getting raped over the calls for getting
• 28:11
  Speaker 3: one of those little.
• 28:12
  Speaker 2: Story Yeah, those like that whole category wigia boards. All
• 28:15
  Speaker 2: of that was very within Mormonism, very I remember with
• 28:19
  Speaker 2: my fifth grade class in a public school, our teacher
• 28:22
  Speaker 2: like turned off the license, like we have to talk
• 28:23
  Speaker 2: about something. Starts like telling us we can't use wija boards,
• 28:27
  Speaker 2: we can't do like horoscopes or anything. It's all the
• 28:29
  Speaker 2: devil's work.
• 28:30
  Speaker 3: Yeah, wild, Yeah, I know. I still like your battles religion.
• 28:36
  Speaker 2: Come on, this is fun.
• 28:38
  Speaker 3: Yeah, they're starving people. Jesus is pretty clear about that.
• 28:43
  Speaker 3: Do something about that that's in there.
• 28:47
  Speaker 2: Let's focus our energies. But yeah, did they do away
• 28:51
  Speaker 2: with those little horoscope rolls?
• 28:53
  Speaker 3: God, I have not clocked one of those in a while,
• 28:55
  Speaker 3: but now I will the next time I'm at the
• 28:56
  Speaker 3: old Stater Brothers, I'm gonna look.
• 28:59
  Speaker 2: Yeah, it looked just did you unroll them? You unrolled them.
• 29:02
  Speaker 2: There was a fun scroll style element to it, so yeah, wow,
• 29:05
  Speaker 2: yeah they did it because they looked like a cigarette.
• 29:07
  Speaker 2: They did seem kind of out of bounds, off limits, right,
• 29:10
  Speaker 2: there's a little bit of a naughty miss to them.
• 29:14
  Speaker 3: I guess for me explicitly because I was yelled at
• 29:16
  Speaker 3: for having one?
• 29:18
  Speaker 2: How did that unfold? You walked in and said, who
• 29:20
  Speaker 2: wants their horoscope? Or any geminis in the house? Any
• 29:23
  Speaker 2: messy geminis at church today? I forget. I think I
• 29:27
  Speaker 2: just had.
• 29:28
  Speaker 3: I think I just you know, I would think I'm
• 29:30
  Speaker 3: a fidgetter. I was a fidgety kid. I'm still a
• 29:33
  Speaker 3: fidgety adult. So I think I always just had little
• 29:35
  Speaker 3: things in my pockets that I would have with me
• 29:38
  Speaker 3: that I can mess with, and I think those were
• 29:40
  Speaker 3: like fun to mess with. So I think I just
• 29:41
  Speaker 3: had one and some authority figure clocked me messing with
• 29:46
  Speaker 3: it and yelled at me in front of everyone.
• 29:49
  Speaker 2: And did that fix the situation or did it make
• 29:52
  Speaker 2: you want to do more of that?
• 29:53
  Speaker 3: I think at the time, at the time that stuff
• 29:57
  Speaker 3: worked on me, I felt bad about it, you know,
• 29:59
  Speaker 3: And I think I I did feel like a dipshit
• 30:02
  Speaker 3: for looking to the.
• 30:05
  Speaker 2: Stars for whatever.
• 30:08
  Speaker 3: Yeah, and I know now that that was shitty for
• 30:11
  Speaker 3: that person to do. And again, you shouldn't you know,
• 30:16
  Speaker 3: you're trying to impart good values to kids.
• 30:20
  Speaker 2: Pick your battles right.
• 30:21
  Speaker 3: Well, But anyway, sure, that's a whole other thing. But
• 30:25
  Speaker 3: I think at the time I did feel pretty bad
• 30:27
  Speaker 3: about that stuff.
• 30:27
  Speaker 2: Have you ever used a wigea board? No, I don't
• 30:30
  Speaker 2: think I have used a Wigi board. I feel like
• 30:32
  Speaker 2: maybe like kind of homemade one I've used. Yeah, never,
• 30:36
  Speaker 2: I would love to use an official Milton Bradley me too,
• 30:40
  Speaker 2: bought off the toys shelf in the target or whatever.
• 30:43
  Speaker 2: That would be fun. I need to call upon some spirits.
• 30:46
  Speaker 2: Yeah right, I don't know how I've managed to avoid
• 30:48
  Speaker 2: those so long. They do kind of still scare me
• 30:51
  Speaker 2: me too.
• 30:52
  Speaker 3: Oh, totally. There's a little Wigi board horror series.
• 30:56
  Speaker 2: Oh the movies. Yes, yes, I think I've seen helicopter. Helicopter.
• 31:01
  Speaker 2: Oh that's a loud baby, very gorgeous tone right over
• 31:07
  Speaker 2: the house, so rich? Where are they headed? Okay? Well, uh, yeah,
• 31:15
  Speaker 2: there's the Luigi board movies. I believe I've seen one
• 31:19
  Speaker 2: or two.
• 31:19
  Speaker 3: Yeah, I think I've seen the first one, and I
• 31:22
  Speaker 3: remember it being pretty scary. And yeah, as a kid,
• 31:23
  Speaker 3: I think I would have been really scared to use
• 31:25
  Speaker 3: one of those, right, the religious gunk of course, but
• 31:28
  Speaker 3: then just a there's a general creepiness about them.
• 31:30
  Speaker 2: Yeah, I mean I generally don't believe in any of that,
• 31:33
  Speaker 2: but I'm always like, there's a small chance I call
• 31:36
  Speaker 2: upon a demon. If I do that fuck everything up.
• 31:40
  Speaker 2: It'd also be very exciting. Again, another reason you might
• 31:42
  Speaker 2: have to move someone else has moved in the devil.
• 31:50
  Speaker 2: There's fucking demons. So white bread Satan's standing at the
• 31:56
  Speaker 2: fridge just eating handfuls of maos. Well, should we get
• 32:02
  Speaker 2: into this next bag here? Yeah, so here's the part
• 32:05
  Speaker 2: that went raw. Okay, so this is what I want
• 32:07
  Speaker 2: to know about.
• 32:08
  Speaker 3: You'll notice a half inflated is generous quarter inflated pineapple floaty.
• 32:15
  Speaker 3: I thought it'd be fun to bring you a pool toy,
• 32:19
  Speaker 3: you know, for chilling by the pool, chilling in the pool,
• 32:22
  Speaker 3: I guess, and you know, listen, I'm I'm a creative.
• 32:26
  Speaker 3: I know you got to be on social media, that's
• 32:27
  Speaker 3: the game. I thought it'd be fun.
• 32:28
  Speaker 2: For the photo. Of course, we hold up.
• 32:31
  Speaker 3: A giant inflatable pineapple. So a lot of things went
• 32:35
  Speaker 3: wrong with this one. Somebody let me know that it
• 32:39
  Speaker 3: is a symbol for swingers. Oh that's right, So I've
• 32:44
  Speaker 3: inadvertently perhaps made you a target for people in with
• 32:48
  Speaker 3: gray ponytails and wolf shirts to show.
• 32:50
  Speaker 2: Up assistant managers at PetSmart. Yeah.
• 32:53
  Speaker 3: And yet if that's if you're we love it. If
• 32:56
  Speaker 3: you're looking for that, great make me your target. You're not,
• 32:58
  Speaker 3: I'm sorry and open to the idea. Sure you're hope
• 33:00
  Speaker 3: you're not updight right?
• 33:02
  Speaker 2: You puts all over my house. So there's that.
• 33:05
  Speaker 3: And also I assumed I could blow this up with
• 33:08
  Speaker 3: my mouth like you would have died.
• 33:11
  Speaker 2: I I got the thing at Target.
• 33:15
  Speaker 3: I had a nice lunch at Mendocino Farms, fantastic, and
• 33:19
  Speaker 3: I'm like, I'll blow this up while I'm sitting here
• 33:21
  Speaker 3: at Mendo.
• 33:21
  Speaker 2: Put a mouthful of sandwich.
• 33:23
  Speaker 3: Put a mouthful of sandwich. I could this. There's no
• 33:27
  Speaker 3: way you could blow this thing up with a mouth.
• 33:29
  Speaker 2: The amount of air that would require you it require
• 33:31
  Speaker 2: So I don't know why I thought I could.
• 33:33
  Speaker 3: There's a I doesn't say anywhere on the box that
• 33:36
  Speaker 3: you can't use your mouth, And so I had a
• 33:39
  Speaker 3: little bit money boxes say that more boxes should can't
• 33:44
  Speaker 3: use your mouth, don't use your mouth, or go ahead
• 33:47
  Speaker 3: and use your mouth.
• 33:48
  Speaker 2: That's that would be wonderful to see how a box.
• 33:51
  Speaker 3: And so I drove over to the Big Five okay,
• 33:54
  Speaker 3: and I got a pump.
• 33:56
  Speaker 2: Your life is spinning out of control.
• 33:58
  Speaker 3: And this pump worked, but kind of. I was in
• 34:02
  Speaker 3: the parking lot of Big Five trying to blow this
• 34:04
  Speaker 3: up for a good twenty minutes, and I realized I
• 34:08
  Speaker 3: wasn't gonna get it blown up in time for the podcast.
• 34:11
  Speaker 2: So any watching this? Just this desperate man in the
• 34:15
  Speaker 2: Big five love.
• 34:16
  Speaker 3: And I had a real lovely piece of small talk
• 34:18
  Speaker 3: with the woman who checked me out at Big Five
• 34:20
  Speaker 3: and I'm just buying that and we're waiting for my
• 34:23
  Speaker 3: credit card to go through and she just feels like
• 34:25
  Speaker 3: she needs to make some small talk.
• 34:26
  Speaker 2: So she's like, so you're gonna pump something up? Yeah, No,
• 34:31
  Speaker 2: this is for my collection. Don't ask me what it's for.
• 34:33
  Speaker 2: I love how these look, right, I'm keeping it in
• 34:37
  Speaker 2: the box because I removed it from the box.
• 34:38
  Speaker 3: It's not this an investment, yes, thank you, it's like
• 34:41
  Speaker 3: a fun code.
• 34:43
  Speaker 2: Uh So I got about this full? Okay, pretty full.
• 34:47
  Speaker 3: You got the the fronds or the pineapples. Fronds are
• 34:51
  Speaker 3: nice and thick, but the rest of the pineapple is droopy.
• 34:54
  Speaker 2: And this is someone who's considering swinging. Yeah, that's right.
• 34:57
  Speaker 2: When you have the full fronds. It just got to
• 34:59
  Speaker 2: mee with their spouse, right, Maybe I will, maybe I'll
• 35:03
  Speaker 2: go on. I don't know what I like.
• 35:04
  Speaker 3: Yeah, we're all on a journey. We're all on a journey,
• 35:08
  Speaker 3: and we're figuring it out. So I've included the pump.
• 35:11
  Speaker 2: Okay, great, So this should we I mean, should we
• 35:13
  Speaker 2: pump it up here on the podcast? Don't hear how
• 35:16
  Speaker 2: long that would take? Do we have two and a
• 35:17
  Speaker 2: half hours? Take that long? I and I'm I don't
• 35:20
  Speaker 2: know if he knows how sweaty I am.
• 35:22
  Speaker 3: I'm soaked from trying to blow up this thing in
• 35:24
  Speaker 3: the Big five parking.
• 35:27
  Speaker 2: We should at least get a little bit of the
• 35:28
  Speaker 2: noise of it, don't you just do? Yeah, let's get
• 35:30
  Speaker 2: a little pumping. Git some pumping noise happening. Okay, Oh,
• 35:35
  Speaker 2: this is a This is a gorgeous pump. Thank you,
• 35:37
  Speaker 2: thank you. This looks like it. Let's see here.
• 35:41
  Speaker 3: It is a let me see the brand. This is
• 35:42
  Speaker 3: a high output air pump.
• 35:44
  Speaker 2: So this is quick too. But this is not a
• 35:46
  Speaker 2: an electric pump. No, this is my god, So this
• 35:50
  Speaker 2: is a dangerous I mean wow. Oh, and it's all
• 35:53
  Speaker 2: through the top. There's not another one on the trunk,
• 35:56
  Speaker 2: not that I can see.
• 35:57
  Speaker 3: So there are a couple of different heads you can
• 35:59
  Speaker 3: put on the pump, and I think this is.
• 36:01
  Speaker 2: The one that fits best in the nozzle. Shortan, I
• 36:05
  Speaker 2: feel like there has to be one in the trunk.
• 36:07
  Speaker 3: There might be that might be something that I've fucked up.
• 36:10
  Speaker 3: Is just relying on this one soul there is.
• 36:14
  Speaker 2: This is why you aren't able to do it. Maybe
• 36:16
  Speaker 2: this will go quicker. I'm an inflatable expert. Are you
• 36:20
  Speaker 2: do you like an inflatable poolside? I guess that was
• 36:23
  Speaker 2: so yeah, of course. Okay, here I'm going do you
• 36:32
  Speaker 2: mind if I get a video of you doing please?
• 36:35
  Speaker 2: This is what people need to see, somebody doing some
• 36:39
  Speaker 2: pumping of Oh no, we have a helicopter. This is
• 36:43
  Speaker 2: gonna go viral. This is what people love to see online,
• 36:47
  Speaker 2: A man's manly pumping a pineapple. Okay, I mean this
• 36:53
  Speaker 2: does I do want to try give it a share.
• 36:55
  Speaker 2: I want I want to I want to prove how
• 36:59
  Speaker 2: maybe you have better body, let's see. Yeah, very simple.
• 37:10
  Speaker 3: I was I thought it would be hilarious to bring
• 37:12
  Speaker 3: the pineapple. I was so committed to this.
• 37:16
  Speaker 1: Okay, this is enough. This is it's too much.
• 37:19
  Speaker 2: So this uh, this is such a large object that
• 37:22
  Speaker 2: you do you need to lay it, put it a
• 37:25
  Speaker 2: sided day to pump it.
• 37:27
  Speaker 3: Yeah, absolutely, maybe a long weekend long get right, because
• 37:31
  Speaker 3: it seems like you would want it for a long weekend,
• 37:33
  Speaker 3: but it takes a long weekend.
• 37:34
  Speaker 2: So it's like you do it on Memorial Day, right,
• 37:38
  Speaker 2: and then next Memorial Day nothing to make some progress
• 37:41
  Speaker 2: while you guys, let's do I want to see how
• 37:43
  Speaker 2: far I can get. Do you want to give it
• 37:44
  Speaker 2: a shot? Okay, on a least while we're talking, it's
• 37:47
  Speaker 2: going to do physical labor.
• 37:49
  Speaker 3: And it could be she has better upper body strength
• 37:52
  Speaker 3: than we do and.
• 37:52
  Speaker 2: At least kind of do a video of you. Okay,
• 37:56
  Speaker 2: I'm just gonna just see who's best at this. Oh wow, No,
• 38:01
  Speaker 2: this is a different holy this is using a different method,
• 38:04
  Speaker 2: which is oh so no, it has no this is
• 38:08
  Speaker 2: a horrible pump. The pieces come apart pretty easily.
• 38:11
  Speaker 3: That was another problem that I had with it, was
• 38:14
  Speaker 3: that the pieces kept coming apart.
• 38:16
  Speaker 2: This pump is like something that you would have in
• 38:19
  Speaker 2: a survival kit, like it's a last option. Just bring
• 38:23
  Speaker 2: out the physical pump. We're trying to get off the island.
• 38:26
  Speaker 3: And I think there are you know, electric pumps that
• 38:30
  Speaker 3: it'll probably you know.
• 38:31
  Speaker 2: Right pretty quick to buy an electric pump for just
• 38:35
  Speaker 2: who owns just an electric pump? Oh, now the mic
• 38:38
  Speaker 2: cord is tangled. This thing is causing all sorts of
• 38:41
  Speaker 2: problems for the podcast. And I guess if like.
• 38:43
  Speaker 3: You have a lifestyle that requires a lot of inflatables,
• 38:48
  Speaker 3: or if you have a lifestyle where you just need
• 38:50
  Speaker 3: to display a lot of pineapples to get the right
• 38:52
  Speaker 3: people to come to your house, maybe you want to
• 38:55
  Speaker 3: invest in that electric Right.
• 38:57
  Speaker 2: How do I get to a point when I have
• 38:59
  Speaker 2: a lot of inflatable in my life? Great?
• 39:01
  Speaker 3: I mean, I guess if you throw Vegas pool parties.
• 39:05
  Speaker 3: I own the hard Rock, If you own the hard
• 39:07
  Speaker 3: Rock Hotel and you know DJ pauly D is going
• 39:12
  Speaker 3: to be there over the weekend, you want to throw
• 39:14
  Speaker 3: some inflatables in the pool for his fans to mess around.
• 39:17
  Speaker 2: And at least is actually doing kind of a great
• 39:19
  Speaker 2: job with this. Yeah, but I mean even though they
• 39:21
  Speaker 2: are doing an incredible job, there's it's still taking a
• 39:25
  Speaker 2: very long time. Yeah, this is a this is a
• 39:27
  Speaker 2: large object on this is estimating five minutes and then
• 39:32
  Speaker 2: I'll be lying on it for the rest of the podcast.
• 39:35
  Speaker 2: Just kind of how luxurious. Now do you How often
• 39:38
  Speaker 2: are you swimming? So I am part of like an
• 39:40
  Speaker 2: adult swim team. Oh no, this I like to hear
• 39:43
  Speaker 2: about it. So I swim three or four times a week.
• 39:45
  Speaker 2: How did you get involved with this? So?
• 39:46
  Speaker 3: I swam in high school, okay, and kind of like
• 39:49
  Speaker 3: it left my life when I graduated right college, right,
• 39:53
  Speaker 3: and then I could feel the ravages of time. Yeah,
• 39:57
  Speaker 3: I wanted to lose a little weight. I had back
• 39:59
  Speaker 3: problems and and they will tell you the swim. The
• 40:02
  Speaker 3: swim folks will tell you that's the best thing you
• 40:03
  Speaker 3: can do for your back.
• 40:04
  Speaker 2: Incredible exercise, it is, it really is.
• 40:06
  Speaker 3: So I joined a master's program okay, the old do
• 40:10
  Speaker 3: you go aquatic facility and beautiful Burbank.
• 40:12
  Speaker 2: Okay, And we swim a couple times a week together.
• 40:14
  Speaker 3: And in one of the I was gonna say, one
• 40:17
  Speaker 3: of the slower lanes, the slowest tie.
• 40:19
  Speaker 2: Let's I'll call a spade of spade. But yeah, I
• 40:21
  Speaker 2: love it. It's great exercise and wonderful camaraderie, is it.
• 40:25
  Speaker 2: Do you have to have a certain level of skill
• 40:27
  Speaker 2: to join?
• 40:28
  Speaker 1: Yeah?
• 40:28
  Speaker 3: I think it does assume you know some like swim
• 40:32
  Speaker 3: terminology and you can swim kind of a certain very illugiant.
• 40:36
  Speaker 2: It is pretty. They've built the wall so I can't
• 40:38
  Speaker 2: climb over.
• 40:39
  Speaker 3: And you do need to subject a DNA test because
• 40:42
  Speaker 3: they want to know your background, your heritage, if from
• 40:47
  Speaker 3: if you have a Teutonic origin, you're a welcome now not.
• 40:51
  Speaker 2: But yeah, I think it kind of assumes that you've
• 40:53
  Speaker 2: done some right, you have some level of Yeah, you're
• 40:56
  Speaker 2: not me just dog paddling, right, are you? Do you
• 40:58
  Speaker 2: like to swim when? But I don't. I also just
• 41:02
  Speaker 2: want to mention I love how much sound has happened,
• 41:05
  Speaker 2: never birds. There is this inflatable. It's incredible. Is almost
• 41:09
  Speaker 2: done with this? Yeah, I'm gonna capture the final moment,
• 41:13
  Speaker 2: please do Yeah, the final pumps. Look at this outstanding work.
• 41:21
  Speaker 2: The two of us couldn't do this in a decade
• 41:24
  Speaker 2: and with minutes. Look at that. Now we can all
• 41:33
  Speaker 2: begin swinging. Yes, finally, I'll put this on the roof
• 41:37
  Speaker 2: right after.
• 41:39
  Speaker 3: It really is a nice you know, not to compliment
• 41:42
  Speaker 3: my own gift, but it's a nice looking.
• 41:43
  Speaker 2: It's a really good looking inflatable. I feel like there
• 41:46
  Speaker 2: are a few, like there's the unicorn. We're doncing that
• 41:49
  Speaker 2: on social light. Pizza again, all right, we get it.
• 41:54
  Speaker 2: You like pizza. You like to tell people you like pizza. Yes,
• 41:57
  Speaker 2: you've made it a personality. But no. I took swim lessons. Yeah,
• 42:04
  Speaker 2: but really like I can kind of swim. I can do.
• 42:07
  Speaker 2: I mean, I don't know any of the words arms
• 42:10
  Speaker 2: going forward on my back like you talked the top,
• 42:14
  Speaker 2: all right, I mean arms, sure, but I do love
• 42:19
  Speaker 2: doing it. In my old apartment, they had kind of
• 42:22
  Speaker 2: the swimming pool that was essentially in the parking garage,
• 42:25
  Speaker 2: kind of a dungeon. Oh interesting, which that held some
• 42:29
  Speaker 2: appeal I guess where it kind of felt like you
• 42:31
  Speaker 2: were in the sewer and I was I think the
• 42:32
  Speaker 2: only person in the entire building who used it. And
• 42:34
  Speaker 2: it was so nice to wake up and go swim
• 42:37
  Speaker 2: in the parking lotch in the parking garage. Exercise down
• 42:41
  Speaker 2: there too. Oh yeah, okay, that's the only thing keeping
• 42:43
  Speaker 2: it from the cars was like a you know, like bars.
• 42:46
  Speaker 2: It was a very appealing swimming pool. I think there
• 42:49
  Speaker 2: are a lot of those in LA where they're like,
• 42:50
  Speaker 2: it's got a pool. It just happens to be in
• 42:53
  Speaker 2: a parking garage.
• 42:54
  Speaker 3: Right, and so they can put it on the apartment
• 42:56
  Speaker 3: listing and it's nothing you would.
• 42:57
  Speaker 2: Ever used with any regular exactly.
• 42:59
  Speaker 3: I was in one of those apartment buildings once that
• 43:02
  Speaker 3: had the pool kind of like in the center, huh,
• 43:04
  Speaker 3: and like the idea of swimming in it was so
• 43:07
  Speaker 3: unappealing just because people could look out their windows.
• 43:09
  Speaker 2: Opticon. Yeah, the swimming pop to her anally's fucking great.
• 43:16
  Speaker 2: It looks gorgeous as it really does. Wow, it's really
• 43:20
  Speaker 2: an outstanding No. But yeah, the one in the middle.
• 43:22
  Speaker 2: I don't want anyone from above looking at you know,
• 43:25
  Speaker 2: if you're in the pool of Okay, fair game. We're
• 43:28
  Speaker 2: all using this facility, this thing, but to be looking
• 43:31
  Speaker 2: down on me, you know, spying, maybe taking pictures criticizing
• 43:36
  Speaker 2: the way I swim, right, critiquing your stroke. No, I
• 43:39
  Speaker 2: don't need any of that. Sure, no, thank you.
• 43:41
  Speaker 3: You have to stay long in the water bridge, or
• 43:43
  Speaker 3: you have to it's all about form.
• 43:44
  Speaker 2: Stay long, cut your hands, cup your hands. You don't
• 43:47
  Speaker 2: want to hear that. Being young, you assume they are
• 43:49
  Speaker 2: adult swimming lessons. There are, yeah, I think there are.
• 43:51
  Speaker 3: I think you go to any you know, public pool
• 43:53
  Speaker 3: and there will be someone there I should teaching you.
• 43:56
  Speaker 2: Okay, honestly, wow, Anally's pose with your work. Take your
• 44:01
  Speaker 2: picture here. This is amazing. No, this is the perfect,
• 44:08
  Speaker 2: incredible Okay, great, No, I.
• 44:10
  Speaker 3: Don't have uptight ideas about what constitutes a marriage.
• 44:17
  Speaker 2: My greatest memory from swimming was I was in boy
• 44:19
  Speaker 2: Scouts and we had to get a swimming merit badge.
• 44:22
  Speaker 2: I think it was a swimming wear badge or something,
• 44:24
  Speaker 2: and they made us swim fully clothed. Really yes, So
• 44:28
  Speaker 2: I was being like weird flannel jeans, everything, and it
• 44:32
  Speaker 2: sinks you so quickly. Yeah, it's like if you fell
• 44:35
  Speaker 2: in you would know again. I will say it felt
• 44:38
  Speaker 2: very cinematic, okay, I mean nothing feels more dramatic than
• 44:42
  Speaker 2: being in a pool swimming from end to end in
• 44:45
  Speaker 2: your flannel. That would make a good movie. Now that
• 44:47
  Speaker 2: you say I can, sounds like this is my pitch.
• 44:50
  Speaker 2: It's someone in flannel swimming. That's that's at least four movie.
• 44:53
  Speaker 3: So that could be a fun prid for mister Tim Allen. Oh,
• 44:56
  Speaker 3: I'm you not getting me in a speedo, him in
• 45:00
  Speaker 3: my dungaree like a real man, fully color man swims
• 45:04
  Speaker 3: in his jeans in flannel.
• 45:06
  Speaker 2: Why is that my Tim Allen impression? It's a cave
• 45:08
  Speaker 2: man that feels right? Yeah, not enough grunting obviously. Whatever
• 45:14
  Speaker 2: happened to the sidekick from Home Improvement? Oh al Borlan
• 45:18
  Speaker 2: al Borland hosted Family Richard Richard kind love Richards, but yeah,
• 45:25
  Speaker 2: we might love this Richard too. I don't know Richard
• 45:27
  Speaker 2: Karan with Richard Karn. Interesting. We don't know what Richard
• 45:31
  Speaker 2: Karn's politics are. I have to assume he's better than
• 45:35
  Speaker 2: Tim Allen.
• 45:36
  Speaker 3: Yeah, not tough to be better than Tim Allen, but yes,
• 45:40
  Speaker 3: I would I would like to believe that good old
• 45:43
  Speaker 3: al Borland has his headst right.
• 45:45
  Speaker 2: We should get Richard on the podcast Richard reach Out
• 45:48
  Speaker 2: Richard Karn. I believe he was also selling garage doors
• 45:51
  Speaker 2: at one point. Okay, that sounds just kind of the
• 45:53
  Speaker 2: face of a garage door. It's a nice Yeah, there's
• 45:55
  Speaker 2: a nice one to one. Yeah, that made sense. I'm
• 45:57
  Speaker 2: a smart branding. I am such a.
• 45:59
  Speaker 3: Big Steve Harvey Family Feud fan, and it is my
• 46:02
  Speaker 3: favorite TV.
• 46:04
  Speaker 2: Yeah.
• 46:04
  Speaker 3: Nothing makes me laugh more than Steve Harvey mugging. And
• 46:08
  Speaker 3: maybe it's like a you know, when you become a
• 46:10
  Speaker 3: comedy professional. Sometimes it's a little bit hard to like
• 46:13
  Speaker 3: watch comedy. You pick it, you wonder why you didn't get.
• 46:16
  Speaker 2: That job, just blasting with envy, right, yes.
• 46:20
  Speaker 3: Exactly, But there's something just so primal about Steve Harvey
• 46:25
  Speaker 3: mugging it. I have a huge belly laughs every time
• 46:29
  Speaker 3: I watch Family Feud.
• 46:30
  Speaker 2: I've never seen a full episode of Family Feud. Oh
• 46:32
  Speaker 2: you must.
• 46:33
  Speaker 3: Celebrity Family Feud is coming back, so it'll be him
• 46:36
  Speaker 3: and celebrity teams, which is really fun.
• 46:38
  Speaker 2: Okay, I need to give how do you even access that?
• 46:41
  Speaker 2: Let's see.
• 46:42
  Speaker 3: So it is one of the few things that I
• 46:44
  Speaker 3: still just watch on broadcast ass TV channel nine, Channel nine,
• 46:49
  Speaker 3: So that'll come on several times in the evening, okay,
• 46:52
  Speaker 3: but the celebrity ones are on Hulu. Hulu, Okay, I
• 46:55
  Speaker 3: need to give it a one. Just culturally, I think
• 46:57
  Speaker 3: that I need to experience to I've seen Family Feud.
• 46:59
  Speaker 2: I think you should. I think you like it. I
• 47:01
  Speaker 2: feel like I'm out of the conversation. Everyone's talking about
• 47:04
  Speaker 2: the bear and the Family Feud. These are the things.
• 47:07
  Speaker 2: Have you seen House of the Dragon and Family Feud? Yeah?
• 47:14
  Speaker 2: So Richard carn hosted that than Steve Harvey, then Steve
• 47:18
  Speaker 2: I think was the line of succession next. I don't know.
• 47:21
  Speaker 3: No one take it over because I like it too much.
• 47:24
  Speaker 2: Like it is. I wonder how Richard carn was as
• 47:26
  Speaker 2: a host.
• 47:27
  Speaker 3: I bet probably not, is I bet more just kind
• 47:30
  Speaker 3: of a pleasant host and the less less less of
• 47:33
  Speaker 3: a comedy.
• 47:34
  Speaker 2: Perspective, right, more of like a dad presence, more of
• 47:36
  Speaker 2: a dad friendly neighborhood dad. And that's a good presence.
• 47:39
  Speaker 2: I like that. But you know, I I need I
• 47:42
  Speaker 2: need the I need the high energy Steve Harvey in
• 47:45
  Speaker 2: those suits and those purple.
• 47:47
  Speaker 3: Suits, looking at the camera like, can you believe what
• 47:49
  Speaker 3: she just said? Am I Where do I work?
• 47:53
  Speaker 2: Have you ever seen a live tape it? No, I
• 47:55
  Speaker 2: would love to. Oh my god, I think it's in Atlanta.
• 47:58
  Speaker 2: Oh it is.
• 47:58
  Speaker 3: Yeah, but if I ever travel to Atlanta, that would
• 48:00
  Speaker 3: be me. That's your number one. I might do it
• 48:03
  Speaker 3: just for that.
• 48:04
  Speaker 2: Wow. I thought I just assumed it was somewhere in
• 48:06
  Speaker 2: the valley. Yeah. No, you know, And it's interesting because
• 48:09
  Speaker 2: it is in the South. You know.
• 48:11
  Speaker 3: The answers on that show are all surveyed, and the
• 48:15
  Speaker 3: answers are kind of Southern. They are like there there's
• 48:18
  Speaker 3: a lot of church in them. There's a lot of like,
• 48:21
  Speaker 3: who's the worst person to see you with your pants down?
• 48:24
  Speaker 3: And it's always preachers number one.
• 48:27
  Speaker 2: So yeah, they're Wow, that's really probably shaping the national
• 48:32
  Speaker 2: conversation on a lot of things. The South is secretly
• 48:35
  Speaker 2: controlling the country through family feud, right, I know this
• 48:39
  Speaker 2: is the thing. Let's make some YouTube videos radicalized in people.
• 48:45
  Speaker 3: Our YouTube channel will be blowing up inflatables and explaining
• 48:48
  Speaker 3: how family feud controls politics.
• 48:50
  Speaker 2: Is there any like strategy to family feud or is
• 48:53
  Speaker 2: it just you're good at guessing?
• 48:56
  Speaker 3: I mean yeah, I think it's like and with family fue,
• 49:00
  Speaker 3: you know, you have eight answers or six answers or whatever,
• 49:04
  Speaker 3: and the top ones are always you could are pretty
• 49:07
  Speaker 3: easy to get. Who's the worst person to see with
• 49:09
  Speaker 3: your parents die? A preacher, your boss, your parents? And
• 49:13
  Speaker 3: then the last two are always just like there was
• 49:15
  Speaker 3: one psycho who said something weird, there was one psycho
• 49:19
  Speaker 3: who said like a horse, you know, and that's on
• 49:23
  Speaker 3: there because one person said it, right. I think it's
• 49:26
  Speaker 3: all just like can you find those or can you
• 49:28
  Speaker 3: play the game right to where that doesn't matter?
• 49:29
  Speaker 2: So I'm really excited to start this journey. I just
• 49:32
  Speaker 2: finished Tabitha's Salon Takeover, which was an incredible show three
• 49:37
  Speaker 2: seasons of an Australian woman taking over salons around the
• 49:41
  Speaker 2: country to try to turn them around. I love a
• 49:43
  Speaker 2: turnaround show. I was a bar rescue guy for a while,
• 49:46
  Speaker 2: then you would love Tabitha. Okay, she's going into these salons.
• 49:49
  Speaker 2: They're a mess. She's taking the keys, she's taking over,
• 49:54
  Speaker 2: and she's getting She's essentially just trolling the people in
• 49:56
  Speaker 2: the place, yelling at them, insulting them, trying to cause
• 50:00
  Speaker 2: fights through salons across America, and then remodeling and leaving
• 50:05
  Speaker 2: it to go out of business. Right.
• 50:06
  Speaker 3: Yeah, Usually those shows where you see the business makeover.
• 50:09
  Speaker 3: If you google the business while you're watching, it has
• 50:12
  Speaker 3: already closed.
• 50:14
  Speaker 2: Yes, are you have you ever been to Capri Club
• 50:17
  Speaker 2: in Eagle Rock.
• 50:18
  Speaker 3: Yes, this is the kind of rum focus. They do
• 50:22
  Speaker 3: a lot of tropical hip fancy.
• 50:24
  Speaker 2: Yeah. It was on restaurant Yeah Rescue, so there's bar
• 50:30
  Speaker 2: rescue and then there's some other wine one. Yeah, one
• 50:34
  Speaker 2: of these. It was on that in like twenty eleven.
• 50:36
  Speaker 2: My gosh was owned by these kind of horrifying twins
• 50:40
  Speaker 2: who had no idea how to make Italian food. It
• 50:42
  Speaker 2: was looks so revolting, and it got completely made over
• 50:46
  Speaker 2: in the most twenty eleven thing where you can imagine,
• 50:49
  Speaker 2: and then obviously went out of business and is now
• 50:53
  Speaker 2: still the same emails. Yes, and it's very popular. Huh,
• 50:56
  Speaker 2: But to know what it is now and go watch
• 51:00
  Speaker 2: that episode of the show, Alisa, could you tell us
• 51:03
  Speaker 2: what that show was called? I mean, it could be
• 51:06
  Speaker 2: Kitchen Nightmares. It's Kitchen Nightmares. The Twins. Yes, the twins
• 51:10
  Speaker 2: are very scary and they make some very twins are
• 51:13
  Speaker 2: sorry if that's not Popp named Jeff and Jim. By
• 51:18
  Speaker 2: the way, Jeff and Jim twins are not scary. Take
• 51:23
  Speaker 2: that back. Are you a twin? No? But I just
• 51:27
  Speaker 2: I love them. I feel like there's this this conversation
• 51:30
  Speaker 2: started up about five years ago where people started saying
• 51:32
  Speaker 2: twins were scary only that like is that like I
• 51:35
  Speaker 2: hate the word moist kind of thing. Okay, I'm sorry
• 51:38
  Speaker 2: I wandered into that trap. Gosh, I feel like I
• 51:40
  Speaker 2: have original, but I appreciate you owning. Yes, I think,
• 51:44
  Speaker 2: I mean, obviously in the shining.
• 51:46
  Speaker 3: Right, maybe that's the twins were intentionally scary for some reason.
• 51:50
  Speaker 2: But I don't think they're smooth. Yeah, when was the
• 51:54
  Speaker 2: last time I interacted with him in person? That's right?
• 51:56
  Speaker 2: Maybe I am.
• 51:57
  Speaker 3: And at the same time, you know it's you know,
• 51:59
  Speaker 3: you have a friend there and they're coming after me.
• 52:01
  Speaker 3: Sure they're popping up in your bedroom and you didn't
• 52:05
  Speaker 3: know they were in the house.
• 52:06
  Speaker 2: I take it back, they're terrified. We need to eliminate
• 52:09
  Speaker 2: all twins. It's interesting that twins are either they've media
• 52:14
  Speaker 2: has either called them sexy or scary. You can't just
• 52:17
  Speaker 2: be a normal twin.
• 52:18
  Speaker 3: Yeah, right, because there was that time in media when
• 52:21
  Speaker 3: you know, the ultimate bait was a twin, and then yes,
• 52:26
  Speaker 3: and of course the viral and twins.
• 52:28
  Speaker 2: Yes, exactly. Yeah, it's like twins in a corvette.
• 52:33
  Speaker 3: I'm the horniest guy in nineteen eighty nine.
• 52:38
  Speaker 2: Twin representation has been very bad, Yeah, very very bad.
• 52:42
  Speaker 3: Either over sexualized or you turned into a ghost monster.
• 52:45
  Speaker 2: These poor people. And then the unattainable billionaires of the
• 52:48
  Speaker 2: Ulsen Twins. Yes, of course they're really doing the twin thing, right,
• 52:52
  Speaker 2: smoking their way out of twindom. Yeah, well, I think
• 52:55
  Speaker 2: we should play a game. I would love to play
• 52:56
  Speaker 2: a game. Oh my gosh, we're gonna we haven't played
• 52:59
  Speaker 2: this in a minute. Were gonna play Gaster? I need
• 53:01
  Speaker 2: a number between one and ten from you? Uh seven, Okay,
• 53:04
  Speaker 2: I have to do some like calculating in order to
• 53:05
  Speaker 2: get our game pieces. You can recommend, promote, do whatever
• 53:09
  Speaker 2: you want. I'll be right back.
• 53:10
  Speaker 3: Oh sure, I'll give a one more plug form my
• 53:12
  Speaker 3: graphic novel Youth Group should be in stores now, the
• 53:16
  Speaker 3: Ya horror comedy about teenage exorcists for fans of Buffy
• 53:19
  Speaker 3: the Vampire Slayer Sean of the Dead, art by the
• 53:22
  Speaker 3: Great Bowen mcgerty. You can get that Amazon, Barnes and Noble.
• 53:26
  Speaker 3: Better yet, your local indie bookstore. If they don't have
• 53:29
  Speaker 3: it on the shelf, ask them for Youth Group. They'll
• 53:31
  Speaker 3: order it up for you. I'm really proud of it.
• 53:33
  Speaker 3: I love how it turned out. It's a personal tale
• 53:36
  Speaker 3: in many ways, but it's fun and spooky. If you're
• 53:39
  Speaker 3: a youth group kit, I think you'll find some familiar
• 53:41
  Speaker 3: cringe if you weren't. It's a fun tale with a beginning, middle,
• 53:44
  Speaker 3: and an end that will delight comics readers and casuals alike.
• 53:49
  Speaker 2: Beautiful. Thank you, everybody go get at the proper length.
• 53:52
  Speaker 2: That felt right. Yeah, it was just enough information. I
• 53:55
  Speaker 2: was giving you time to do your calculations well, and
• 53:57
  Speaker 2: then I gave you a little more time. I like
• 53:59
  Speaker 2: there's a mutual respect within the promotional circle, of course.
• 54:04
  Speaker 2: Can I recommend anything, Oh, the Basement Jack's album Kish Cash.
• 54:10
  Speaker 2: If you haven't listened to that in a long time, ooh,
• 54:13
  Speaker 2: that's an underrated album. What a fun do. Are you
• 54:16
  Speaker 2: familiar with Basement Jacks? M Yeah, they were.
• 54:18
  Speaker 3: They were in my rotation in high school early college,
• 54:22
  Speaker 3: and I have not revisited them sometime.
• 54:24
  Speaker 2: I think this one's from two or three. I bet
• 54:26
  Speaker 2: that's a good year for them. Solid gold, pure gold
• 54:29
  Speaker 2: that are not in the car on the way home.
• 54:31
  Speaker 2: It's probably the best n SYNC side product. JC what's
• 54:36
  Speaker 2: his last name? Chase is on it. Really incredible. And
• 54:41
  Speaker 2: then you've got all kinds of people. I'm Susie, Sue.
• 54:43
  Speaker 2: Oh it's so good, really, Susie, Yeah, it's great. Okay,
• 54:47
  Speaker 2: this is how we play gift masks. Okay, I'm gonna
• 54:50
  Speaker 2: name three celebrities. I'm gonna name three things you can
• 54:52
  Speaker 2: give away gifts that you could give these celebrities. You're
• 54:55
  Speaker 2: gonna tell me which gift you would give which celebrity
• 54:57
  Speaker 2: and why? Fine love it? Okay. The three celebrities today
• 55:00
  Speaker 2: are number one, Tom Brady, get him out of those
• 55:03
  Speaker 2: stupid commercials, get him off my TV. Number two Billie Eilish,
• 55:08
  Speaker 2: number three Andy McDowell. Okay. The gifts you'll be giving
• 55:12
  Speaker 2: are an FBI raid, controlling share in the Ford Motor Company,
• 55:18
  Speaker 2: and sense of professionalism. Okay. Birds are screaming for Andy McDowell. Yeah,
• 55:24
  Speaker 2: they love her, so, I mean, but who does it?
• 55:28
  Speaker 2: Who does? I truly think she's kind of universally loved humans?
• 55:31
  Speaker 2: Birds please, those are her three main audiences. Sure, yeah,
• 55:38
  Speaker 2: that kind of makes sense actually.
• 55:40
  Speaker 3: So okay, FBI raid. I am aware that Tom Brady,
• 55:46
  Speaker 3: by a certain metric, is the most famous man in
• 55:47
  Speaker 3: the world.
• 55:48
  Speaker 2: I really know what his deal is. Maybe kind of
• 55:53
  Speaker 2: a secret.
• 55:54
  Speaker 3: Conservatives, let's say FBI raided Tom Brady just in.
• 55:59
  Speaker 2: Case, just find out what's going on.
• 56:01
  Speaker 3: Let's just be sure. Let's just all and if there's something,
• 56:05
  Speaker 3: it's good that we did it. And if there's not,
• 56:07
  Speaker 3: we have some peace of mind.
• 56:08
  Speaker 2: Can't be too careful.
• 56:11
  Speaker 3: Controlling stake in the Ford motor company. Gotta be Andy McDowell.
• 56:14
  Speaker 3: She has a sense of professionalism. I think we need
• 56:17
  Speaker 3: American industry now more than ever. I don't want to
• 56:20
  Speaker 3: put it in the hands of someone who's gonna treat
• 56:22
  Speaker 3: it flippantly or casually. I think Andy McDowell will take
• 56:26
  Speaker 3: it seriously and bring industry back to our nation.
• 56:30
  Speaker 2: I can see her behind the wheel of a Ford Taurus.
• 56:33
  Speaker 2: She brings the Taurus back. I'm sure I don't think
• 56:35
  Speaker 2: it's currently on the market. Yeah, feels, let's bring the Torus.
• 56:38
  Speaker 3: See a respectable everyone loves her star like Andy McDowell
• 56:42
  Speaker 3: behind the wheel.
• 56:42
  Speaker 2: Maybe I just consider a Turus from an X Car
• 56:45
  Speaker 2: trus Beaver and now, listen, I generally like Billie Eilish. Sure,
• 56:51
  Speaker 2: I you know, I know the hits and I know
• 56:52
  Speaker 2: you know, I like it when she shows up in
• 56:54
  Speaker 2: a fun outfit with her brother Phineas to an event, right,
• 56:58
  Speaker 2: And I yeah, generally have positive about Billie Eilish. Maybe i'll,
• 57:02
  Speaker 2: you know, just by process of elimination, I'll have to
• 57:04
  Speaker 2: give her the sense of professionalism. Not that I don't
• 57:06
  Speaker 2: think she is. She's accomplished so much at such a
• 57:08
  Speaker 2: young age, But I.
• 57:10
  Speaker 3: Mean maybe, you know, maybe by gifting her this, we
• 57:14
  Speaker 3: prevent her from like some sort of spin out, getting
• 57:18
  Speaker 3: out of.
• 57:19
  Speaker 2: The elders without enough respect, I think, right exactly, not
• 57:25
  Speaker 2: wearing a suit, not wearing yes, yeah, so let's let's
• 57:30
  Speaker 2: let's do that. Although I don't want it to seem
• 57:31
  Speaker 2: like a slide against Billy Eilish. I like, well, she
• 57:33
  Speaker 2: can just turn that into like her professional era. She's
• 57:36
  Speaker 2: wearing business attire, she's acting very professional. She's got a
• 57:39
  Speaker 2: pen and paper, a calculator. This is part of her
• 57:42
  Speaker 2: new esthetic. Has one glass of wine at dinner, but
• 57:44
  Speaker 2: not too you know, she's very buttoned up. Of course.
• 57:50
  Speaker 2: In bed by ten that's her. That's a good like
• 57:57
  Speaker 2: I think twenty years from now, like she's an aging
• 57:59
  Speaker 2: pop star. That's a good title for an out. Yeah,
• 58:02
  Speaker 2: she's got to put that in her back pocket and
• 58:04
  Speaker 2: watch a little dateline in bed No drink some tea
• 58:07
  Speaker 2: and then when she names it, you come out of
• 58:09
  Speaker 2: the woodwork and sue.
• 58:10
  Speaker 3: I will, oh, yes, me and my lawyers, we're gonna
• 58:14
  Speaker 3: sue an a or two Billy.
• 58:16
  Speaker 2: Old I be I'll be like eighty Okay. This is
• 58:23
  Speaker 2: the final segment of the podcast. I said no emails.
• 58:26
  Speaker 2: People write into I said, no gifts at gmail dot
• 58:28
  Speaker 2: com begging for answers. Just they need help. Would you
• 58:32
  Speaker 2: help me answer a listener question, Gosh, I would love to. Okay,
• 58:35
  Speaker 2: this is dear Bridger and Guest. I would love some
• 58:37
  Speaker 2: help with ideas to celebrate my friend's wedding. My friend
• 58:42
  Speaker 2: Kyla got married in France last year and I couldn't
• 58:44
  Speaker 2: be there. She is coming to visit the summer with
• 58:47
  Speaker 2: her new husband, and I want to do something to
• 58:48
  Speaker 2: congratulate them, but not create more luggage for them to
• 58:52
  Speaker 2: have to pack home by giving gifts. We live in
• 58:56
  Speaker 2: Washington State near Seattle, so the weather is perfect for
• 58:59
  Speaker 2: outdoor activity right now. She is very sporty, likes to hike, bike,
• 59:03
  Speaker 2: et cetera, and loves the sun and the beach. Oh,
• 59:05
  Speaker 2: this is interesting that it's on this episode. Hmm.
• 59:08
  Speaker 3: I know, I feel like we're is this this couple's
• 59:11
  Speaker 3: dating profile that about.
• 59:13
  Speaker 2: She likes gardening and cooking and is learning to make clothes.
• 59:16
  Speaker 2: I don't know too much about her husband yet, but
• 59:18
  Speaker 2: he has a cat and also likes outdoor things like
• 59:20
  Speaker 2: bike rides. She didn't want to do a big second
• 59:23
  Speaker 2: wedding party. So if you can help me come up
• 59:26
  Speaker 2: with some other way to let her know that I'm
• 59:27
  Speaker 2: so happy for her, I would greatly appreciate it. Thanks
• 59:30
  Speaker 2: for all you do. That's from Emma. So okay, so
• 59:35
  Speaker 2: the first thing I'm seeing here is she's assuming that
• 59:38
  Speaker 2: at any point this person wanted to do a big
• 59:40
  Speaker 2: second wedding party. Okay, I don't think that Kyla ever
• 59:43
  Speaker 2: even mentioned that. I think that was Emma's idea. Yeah,
• 59:45
  Speaker 2: so Emma's throwing some blame at Kyla almost immediately. She
• 59:48
  Speaker 2: didn't want to have a party for her real family
• 59:51
  Speaker 2: here in the States. She's obviously bitter about that. Oh,
• 59:54
  Speaker 2: there's maybe a little bit of that there. Yeah, so
• 59:56
  Speaker 2: we're starting with kind of a bad attitude, and she
• 1:00:00
  Speaker 2: basically doesn't care about the new husband. Didn't look into
• 1:00:03
  Speaker 2: him at all.
• 1:00:04
  Speaker 3: She thinks he likes cash. Yes, I guess he probably
• 1:00:08
  Speaker 3: might like cats.
• 1:00:09
  Speaker 2: She knew it was a fifty to fifty and she's uh,
• 1:00:12
  Speaker 2: and that he likes bike rides. Okay, so that's a
• 1:00:15
  Speaker 2: real easy thing to assume about a Frenchman. So almost
• 1:00:20
  Speaker 2: he was having a bag at in the baskets of
• 1:00:23
  Speaker 2: the disgusting stereotype of French smoking. He's having affairs. Yeah,
• 1:00:29
  Speaker 2: we know, he's this mime that my friend has married
• 1:00:33
  Speaker 2: and she wants to give them something that she obviously
• 1:00:36
  Speaker 2: doesn't want to buy anything expensive. When she says she
• 1:00:38
  Speaker 2: doesn't want them to have to lug anything back, that's
• 1:00:40
  Speaker 2: code for I don't want to spend too much money
• 1:00:43
  Speaker 2: because I no longer care and they're a burrow. You've
• 1:00:46
  Speaker 2: read between the lines. Yeah, I really have here, So
• 1:00:50
  Speaker 2: what do you What do we say to Emma who
• 1:00:53
  Speaker 2: doesn't deserve Kayla as a friend? Right? Yes, I think that.
• 1:00:56
  Speaker 2: I mean, yeah, you could eject yourself from her life
• 1:01:00
  Speaker 2: a gift. I'm just for your own good. I will
• 1:01:03
  Speaker 2: be leaving. I won't be here when you get here.
• 1:01:05
  Speaker 2: I won't be here, Yes exactly.
• 1:01:07
  Speaker 3: I've rented you a nice airbnb and you can do
• 1:01:09
  Speaker 3: in it whatever you want to. I have changed my
• 1:01:11
  Speaker 3: number and I will get plastic surgery to alter my face.
• 1:01:14
  Speaker 2: You can never find me. Give her the address of
• 1:01:17
  Speaker 2: the Marriotte. There you go, that's where.
• 1:01:20
  Speaker 3: Get You're gifting her some bonvoy points for Marriott's Day. Yeah, no,
• 1:01:27
  Speaker 3: I mean you could. I mean again, themes of this episode,
• 1:01:30
  Speaker 3: you could.
• 1:01:31
  Speaker 2: This is a perfect gift, right, an inflatable thing to
• 1:01:34
  Speaker 2: take to France. I mean right, it's already packed for you.
• 1:01:38
  Speaker 2: There you go, you can. Yeah, so inflatable pineapple. If
• 1:01:41
  Speaker 2: you make it a pineapple, they might invite you into
• 1:01:43
  Speaker 2: their marriage, and wouldn't that be great?
• 1:01:45
  Speaker 3: And then maybe you would be less bitter because you're
• 1:01:47
  Speaker 3: a part of the marriage.
• 1:01:49
  Speaker 2: I'm sure part of her French profile is that all
• 1:01:51
  Speaker 2: French people are sexual deviance. Of course. Yeah, so yeah,
• 1:01:55
  Speaker 2: I mean she's.
• 1:01:55
  Speaker 3: Already preconceived notions of the French. Yeah, so see if
• 1:01:59
  Speaker 3: they are open to a little swinging, see if their
• 1:02:02
  Speaker 3: definition of marriage is traditional or open minded. But I
• 1:02:06
  Speaker 3: mean I think but also you just maybe plan a
• 1:02:08
  Speaker 3: nice hike, use all.
• 1:02:10
  Speaker 2: Trails, beautiful, all trails to get on all trails, download
• 1:02:13
  Speaker 2: the map, download or you go on to download the maps.
• 1:02:16
  Speaker 2: You don't know if there will be reception where Oh
• 1:02:18
  Speaker 2: I was recently victim of this. Oh boy, I'm sorry
• 1:02:21
  Speaker 2: sorry to hear that former guest of the show took
• 1:02:23
  Speaker 2: me on a hike, did not download the map. I
• 1:02:26
  Speaker 2: got so Sunbury. Did you survive barely? Wow? I truly
• 1:02:29
  Speaker 2: felt myself panicking. Okay, you're like, maybe he's the end,
• 1:02:32
  Speaker 2: just like, oh, the dangerous things do happen to people
• 1:02:35
  Speaker 2: that crossed my mind?
• 1:02:36
  Speaker 3: Download the maps, the maps, and then you give it.
• 1:02:39
  Speaker 3: You have a nice some nice memories. You get some photos,
• 1:02:42
  Speaker 3: and then maybe you know, a nice dinner somewhere where
• 1:02:44
  Speaker 3: there's like a photo booth. You get some photos. You
• 1:02:46
  Speaker 3: create these nice memories that they take with them always.
• 1:02:49
  Speaker 2: You have a photo of you, Kyla, this sweat drench frenchman,
• 1:02:52
  Speaker 2: sure so sexy, chuging right from a bottle of wine.
• 1:02:57
  Speaker 2: It's a little berets slipping off the back of this
• 1:03:00
  Speaker 2: mouthful of croissant. I think that's the perfect gift to hike.
• 1:03:07
  Speaker 2: And then you surprise them by sneaking in an inflatable
• 1:03:11
  Speaker 2: pineapple into their luggage without asking, just to test the water.
• 1:03:14
  Speaker 2: Just to test the water. See how everyone feels. Yeah,
• 1:03:19
  Speaker 2: after they get back to France, who text, did you
• 1:03:21
  Speaker 2: find anything interesting in your luggage? Right? And then everything,
• 1:03:24
  Speaker 2: all of Emma's problems are solved. You go, because she
• 1:03:27
  Speaker 2: has so many problems. Emma, do not write back into
• 1:03:31
  Speaker 2: the podcast. Oh, Jordan, we answered her question perfectly. I'm
• 1:03:36
  Speaker 2: ready to swim to swing. I can do it all.
• 1:03:40
  Speaker 2: Now you can in the comfort of my pineapple.
• 1:03:43
  Speaker 3: There's nothing you can't do in the pineapple. It's all
• 1:03:46
  Speaker 3: legal in the pineapple too. It's like international waters.
• 1:03:49
  Speaker 2: I can gamble on this, that's all arowin out of
• 1:03:51
  Speaker 2: the pineapple. I can kill political opponents whatever I want whatever.
• 1:03:58
  Speaker 2: It's all games. It's too bad I don't have a swimming pool.
• 1:04:01
  Speaker 2: Maybe I'll just lie on the grass in my backyard.
• 1:04:03
  Speaker 2: That's nice, and then occasionally take it to a friend's
• 1:04:05
  Speaker 2: swimming pool or to my new swimming team that I'm
• 1:04:08
  Speaker 2: inviting myself into. As long as Annalisa is there to
• 1:04:11
  Speaker 2: blow it up for you. Well, thank you for being
• 1:04:16
  Speaker 2: her much nice. What a thrill? Uh listener, Take a dip,
• 1:04:20
  Speaker 2: do whatever you want with the rest of your day.
• 1:04:22
  Speaker 2: I don't care. The podcast is over. I love you, goodbye,
• 1:04:31
  Speaker 2: I said No Gifts is an exactly right production. It's
• 1:04:35
  Speaker 2: produced by our dear friend Analise Nilson, and it's beautifully
• 1:04:38
  Speaker 2: mixed by Ben Holliday. And we couldn't do it without
• 1:04:41
  Speaker 2: our guest booker, Patrick Kottner. The theme song, of course,
• 1:04:45
  Speaker 2: could only come from miracle worker Amy Man. You must
• 1:04:49
  Speaker 2: follow the show on Instagram at I said, no gifts.
• 1:04:52
  Speaker 2: I don't want to hear any excuses. That's where you
• 1:04:55
  Speaker 2: get to see pictures of all these gorgeous gifts I'm getting.
• 1:04:57
  Speaker 2: And don't you want to see pictures of the gifts.
• 1:05:01
  Speaker 1: But I invited you here, thought I made myself perfectly clear.
• 1:05:09
  Speaker 1: But you're a guess to my home. You gotta come
• 1:05:14
  Speaker 1: to me empty, And I said, no, guess, your own
• 1:05:20
  Speaker 1: presences presents enough. I already had too much stuff, So
• 1:05:27
  Speaker 1: how do you dare to surbey me?