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To Our Spirit Baby | Pregnancy Loss, Miscarriage & Grief Letter · The Letterbox Podcast

• 0:00
  Hello everybody, and welcome back to the Letterbox Podcast.
• 0:04
  I'm Lucy, And this is a space where people share the letters
• 0:08
  they hold in the deepest parts of their hearts.
• 0:12
  These are real stories shared with extraordinary vulnerability
• 0:17
  in the hope that someone listening might feel a little
• 0:20
  less alone. If these letters have ever moved
• 0:25
  you, I would love your support. Please follow the Letterbox
• 0:30
  forecast wherever you are listening today and then share
• 0:34
  an episode with someone who you think might need to hear it.
• 0:38
  Every follow and every share helps these stories reach the
• 0:42
  people who need to hear them the most.
• 0:44
  Today's letter comes from the lovely Sarah.
• 0:47
  She lives with her husband Mike and their cockapoo Sage.
• 0:52
  Sarah reached out and incredibly bravely wanted to share her
• 0:56
  journey to parenthood with the podcast.
• 0:59
  She explains this journey can be long, heartbreaking, and
• 1:03
  deserves so much more sensitivity than it's often
• 1:06
  given. By sharing her experience of
• 1:11
  pregnancy loss, she hopes that anyone walking a similar path
• 1:15
  knows they are not alone. Before I read today's letter, I
• 1:18
  just want to say that if you are listening and this letter
• 1:21
  resonates with you, please listen gently.
• 1:26
  I hope you find some comfort in this letter, but I also
• 1:31
  completely understand if this one is too difficult to listen
• 1:35
  to right now. Thank you again to Sarah for
• 1:39
  being so vulnerable in sharing her letter.
• 1:43
  So together let's read to our spirit.
• 1:49
  PB. We found out at three weeks you
• 1:52
  were going to be part of our lives.
• 1:54
  A star of a beautiful new chapter of being first time
• 1:59
  parents. The sheer excitement, love and
• 2:04
  gratitude we felt, instantly our lives were going to change for
• 2:08
  the better. I shared the special news with
• 2:12
  close family. I could no longer hide your
• 2:14
  presence from the world. You were so loved already.
• 2:20
  I knew from my intuition you already existed and I began to
• 2:24
  notice the small changes in my body.
• 2:27
  I've never experienced thirst in all my life and the craving and
• 2:32
  the taste of fruit was unreal. We imagined our first Christmas
• 2:38
  with you, being surrounded by family and your little cousins.
• 2:44
  You were due in November 2026, our first baby.
• 2:56
  I will never forget the day it all happened, when I knew I had
• 3:03
  lost you at our first scan. It should have been filled with
• 3:12
  happiness and excitement. Instead it was confirmed to us
• 3:18
  you no longer existed in this world.
• 3:22
  I felt empty. It never really hit me at that
• 3:27
  moment. I guess that's the strange thing
• 3:31
  about grief. It comes and it goes in the
• 3:34
  least expected ways. The aftermath of losing you was
• 3:40
  filled with hospital appointments focusing on the
• 3:42
  physical aspects of my body without the time to process the
• 3:48
  grief of losing you and the life we had planned as a family of
• 3:51
  three, seven whole weeks. I carried you and loved you with
• 3:58
  every ounce of my being. I have never wanted your
• 4:07
  existence to just be a phrase used miscarriage or pregnancy
• 4:15
  loss to us both. You will always be our first
• 4:21
  baby and not just a timeline on a screen.
• 4:27
  I am grateful for the lessons you have given me.
• 4:32
  You taught me. I have so much love to give, how
• 4:37
  much I want to become a mother, to be kinder to myself.
• 4:45
  Your father has shown me unwavering love and support.
• 4:51
  This journey has been difficult for him to sage.
• 4:59
  Our Crockapoo has been by my side, giving me a sense of
• 5:03
  purpose, love and reminding me of the simple joys in life.
• 5:09
  To move forward, I want you to know that we will continue to
• 5:17
  talk about you. I know you would want me to
• 5:20
  share my story to help women and men to feel less alone in this
• 5:25
  journey. I often wonder what you would be
• 5:30
  like. Every month that gets closer to
• 5:33
  November is a heavy realisation that you would have entered this
• 5:38
  world soon. In many ways, writing this
• 5:42
  letter has been a mixture of healing and tears to us.
• 5:52
  You are very real and every year I will think about you.
• 6:00
  For now I will live in hope. The hope to become the mother I
• 6:08
  wish I could have been for you in this lifetime.
• 6:15
  All my love, your mother. Wow, Sarah, thank you.
• 6:29
  I don't know if you can tell when you're listening, but I
• 6:34
  have tears in my eyes. This is the thing about this
• 6:37
  podcast is it's very, very real and it's incredibly moving.
• 6:43
  Not only are the stories that people are sharing so emotional,
• 6:48
  it's is such an honour that you've chosen me to be the one
• 6:53
  to share these. Your letter reminds us that love
• 6:57
  begins long before we ever hold someone in our arms, and that
• 7:01
  grief is simply love. Looking for somewhere to go?
• 7:07
  If today's letter resonated with you, or you know someone who
• 7:10
  might find comfort in Sarah's words, please share this episode
• 7:14
  with them. And if you haven't already, I'd
• 7:18
  love for you to follow the Letterbox podcast.
• 7:22
  I've said it before, but every follow, every share, every
• 7:25
  listen helps these incredibly brave letters reach the people
• 7:28
  they're meant to find. And these letters really are
• 7:32
  meant to be heard. If you're carrying a letter of
• 7:37
  your own, perhaps one you've never sent or never thought
• 7:41
  anyone would ever read, I'd love to hear from you.
• 7:45
  Your story could be the one that helps someone else feel seen.
• 7:50
  Until next time, thank you again for opening another letter with
• 7:55
  us and Sarah, Mike and Sage, we are all sending you so much love
• 8:05
  and so much hope.