Latest / The Love Drive with Shaun Galanos / Sex therapist debunks bedroom myths: squirting, pegging, monogamy with Claire Perelman

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Sex therapist debunks bedroom myths: squirting, pegging, monogamy with Claire Perelman · The Love Drive with Shaun Galanos

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  Being in a monogamous relationship does not guarantee
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  anything. It doesn't guarantee longevity.
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  It doesn't guarantee satisfaction.
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  It doesn't guarantee that someone's not going to leave
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  you. Welcome back to the Love Drive
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  podcast. My name is Sean Galinos.
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  I am very excited about two days episode because it is the very
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  first episode that I have recorded with a live guest.
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  I don't have a studio, so we recorded in bed because I've
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  seen other people do this and it was so fun.
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  We have a couple microphones. We set up the computer and we
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  talked about sex, so very fitting that we did it in bed.
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  My guest is none other than Claire Pearlman, certified sex
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  therapist, working, living and playing in the Bay Area.
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  We've known each other like, we're like Internet friends and
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  now we're going to be in person friends.
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  And this episode is very, very, very fun, very playful, very
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  funny, very explicit. This is not one of those that
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  you listen to without headphones.
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  Also, who's listening to a podcast without headphones?
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  OK, we get deep into squirting, consent, anal play, anal, but
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  hygiene, multiple orgasms, Peter Pan syndrome, whether straight
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  women want more casual sex and what makes that unsafe, how to
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  have more sex, more of the sex you actually want, playfulness
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  and sex, blowjobs versus cunnilingus.
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  It is chock full. Claire and I could have done
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  this for hours. She will be back.
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  I'm so pumped for this episode. I think it's really fun.
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  It's really playful. It's very informative.
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  Enjoy. I bring you Claire Pearlman on
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  the Blood Drive podcast. Hey, you want to hear something
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  funny? I was hanging out with my I
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  guess we've started the podcast. I was hanging out with my friend
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  recently. We we were set up by a friend of
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  ours to. Be friends or to be lovers.
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  To be lovers. But we got, we got connected
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  months before I moved to the Bay Area.
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  And so we we got and we got e-mail connected.
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  And so we decided to keep emailing.
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  Oh, it's like you've got me off. For two months.
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  Holy shit. Yeah, it was.
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  And it was cute, like it was every five days or every week.
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  You know you. Know what she looked like?
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  Yeah, I knew what she looked like.
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  Yeah, yeah, yeah. Hottie somatic therapist.
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  Oh, we. Yeah, we, we.
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  Do right your type. Kind of my, you know, actually
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  my type is more like yoga fairy. Really.
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  Yeah. You're not into like a muscle
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  mommy. A muscle mommy?
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  What's that? Like a like a fully yoked out,
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  like lifts weights, like big muscles.
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  Well, she'll. Just throw you around.
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  She's not that. And no, I want to do the
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  throwing around. Hey, yoga fairy.
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  OK. All right.
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  Harvard educated Ivy Ivy League yoga.
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  She is. Oh no, that's that's your.
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  Type that's like my. We're getting very specific.
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  I mean, you know, shoot for the stars.
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  OK, Yeah. Yeah.
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  Anyways, Long story short, we finally got together and it was
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  really sweet. Fun dates, you know?
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  OK, lots of banter, lots of talking.
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  So is love blind? Is Did you answer the question?
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  Is love blind? Yeah, you know, like love is
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  blind. It's always trying to ask the
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  question, can you get to know someone through the wall?
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  Can you get to know someone? Well, this was.
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  This was via e-mail. It was like I was curious about
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  her, but in in person it was the, you know, the everything
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  was sort of there except for the like sexual charge.
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  Piece, yeah. I didn't want to throw her
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  around. I didn't want to throw her in.
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  So did you try kissing anyway? Oh, we did.
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  That hot? I mean, OK, I was also kind of
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  like I had a sinus infection for half of it, so not hot.
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  OK, all right, that'll, that'll take the hotness.
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  Off but even after that like we did make out and the kisses were
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  good but but it didn't really stir up.
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  Kisses didn't make you want to have more kisses.
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  No, it didn't make me want to take her clothes off.
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  And then I then I, you know, I said, hey, I think we should
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  talk about this because she was like, do you want to make out?
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  And I said, actually, we should talk.
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  Yeah, OK. And I shared all this
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  information with her and then she shared basically the same
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  sentiment. OK, I mean, often people feel
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  the same way. You think so?
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  Yes, well, I think when you're lucky, people feel the same way.
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  Yeah. And then sometimes they don't
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  feel the same way. And that's when you have
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  heartbreak or disappointment or. Right.
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  But I think if the charge isn't there like.
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  It's there. It's not.
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  People know it. It's not there for both.
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  Yeah, like, or at least like even if the charge, like let's
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  say you and I made out, if the charge was there for me but not
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  for you, I would know that it wasn't there for you, right?
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  Like I would pick up on that probably.
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  And so I care for, right? But like, so therefore if the
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  charge, even if it's one sided, it's like less exciting because
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  why would I want to make out with someone who's like not
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  excited about making out with me?
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  Well, unless unless you're a man and you don't care about the
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  woman's pleasure and or desire. Or your own like attunement to
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  someone then yes but. We have a lot to talk about.
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  Yes, we. Do but the OK, we're just
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  finishing the story here at some point.
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  So now we're friends. I I go, I think I think I wonder
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  if we're just supposed to be friends who like I I would love
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  to be friends with you. Like we we have a lot in common.
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  And so we've been hanging out as friends and it's been really,
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  really sweet and she can tell me about her guy and I can tell her
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  about my gal. But then I think the question of
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  kids came up, you know, and I go Beth am IA, Peter Pan.
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  You're 43 and you don't know. I don't know.
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  Yeah, yeah. And she goes a little bit, I
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  think you're a little bit, a little little bit of a Peter Pan
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  and I don't know, I don't know how true that is.
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  I think I've experienced a lot of loss recently which it has
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  made me not interested in partnership up and say quite
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  recently. It's actually very interesting
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  that the loss has made you not interested in partnership.
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  It hasn't made you want to seek partnership and comfort and like
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  a creation of something new in the kind of ashes of.
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  Yes, the the Phoenix. Rising.
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  Yeah, the Phoenix Rising love story.
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  Not, I mean, I think I also struggle relationally in a lot
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  of different ways based on my upbringing where like for me,
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  partnership is hard, but I've had it, you know, I've had
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  relationships that have been like 2 years, four years and
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  I've enjoyed those relationships and I don't have a problem.
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  I don't think I'm, I have a fear of commitment or a fear of
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  intimacy. It's just that it's hard for me
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  to stay in partnership sometimes.
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  Well, they can't all be Harvard educated yoga fairies, you know.
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  I mean, that's that. Don't get you to stay.
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  That does sound kind of Peter Pan ish cause was Peter Pan
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  What? What is?
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  How is sticker about? Doesn't want to grow up, he just
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  wants to stay in his like playing phase.
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  It Neverland. It Neverland.
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  Yeah, yeah, that sounds fun. It does sound fun.
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  I think that the ultimate love story, the ultimate
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  relationship, is to get to stay in your playing face with each
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  other. With each other, each other,
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  that's. What I'm trying to do with all
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  my partners is just play 24/7. That's how great.
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  Yeah, I honestly, I fully believe that sex is an adult
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  playground as well and that we're all under utilizing that
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  because there's so much shit that comes up around sex, right?
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  But I think that if we were all able to access play and sex and
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  access play just over all in our lives, we would all be a lot
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  better off. We could be in Neverland.
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  We could always be in Neverland. And you can have families and
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  commitments and partnership in Neverland, yeah.
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  Whimsy, baby. Yeah, there's a new thing online
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  like Whimsy Maxing. I feel like that's what I've
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  been doing with my whole life anyway.
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  Y'all need more whimsy? Y'all need?
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  More whimsy. You got to be more whimsical.
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  Hey, real quick, yes. Can you introduce yourself?
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  Yes I can. Hi everyone, I'm Claire
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  Pearlman. I am a certified sex therapist
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  living and working and playing in the Bay Area.
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  I am sex clarified at sex clarified on all platforms,
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  spelled normally with AD at the end and I'm just obsessed with
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  relationships of all kinds. It's spelled clarified with AD.
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  Clarified. Yeah, not like my name, which
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  has an I in it, right? Yeah.
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  Sex clarified. Got it.
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  But good, good. Like word play.
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  Thank you thank you I pulled all my friends before I started the
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  account and said what should my account be called and I wanted
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  to include my name and also sex and someone came up with sex
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  clarified so shout out to my friends.
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  To who specifically? Seoul, Seoul came up with it.
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  Good job. How did we get connected?
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  We got connected because I tried to slide into your DM's a couple
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  times and I was like, we can either hook up or we can collab.
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  And I was like excited for for. Either option.
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  And so we ended up collabing. So here we.
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  Are but did I left you on roll? Wish you your shot ladies.
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  You could you shoot your shot, you could end up in my bed.
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  Yes, I I got into your bed. Either way, that's that was the
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  goal. And I have to say it very few
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  people end up in my bed. Oh.
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  Wow, I feel very special. Thank you so much.
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  Contrary to popular belief. Oh, I think we should talk about
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  that. Talk about what?
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  We should talk about does body count matter?
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  One. And two, we should talk about
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  why very few people end up in your bed.
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  OK, so people have ended up in my bed, but they don't not.
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  I'm not saying that this is what's going to happen, but they
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  don't spend the night. Oh, do you kick them out?
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  And when do you let them know that you're going to kick them
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  out? Well, if it's a one night stand,
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  there's no expectation of spending the night, right?
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  I don't, I don't think we should if we're having a one night
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  stand. No, there should never be an
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  expectation. Also, I don't have my contacts
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  case, I don't have my makeup remover.
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  I don't want to spend the night. That said I have had a two night
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  stand where after the first date she had her contacts, her
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  retainer, her toothbrush all in her bag and sunglasses and she
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  said oh I always go out like this because I never know where
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  I'm going to spend the night. Honestly shout out to that
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  queen. I used to do that in my 20s.
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  I would go out always with my contacts case in my purse and
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  like makeup remover because I was like I don't know where I'm
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  going to sleep. I'm just out here being a slut.
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  She slept on my house. Yeah, good for her.
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  Yeah, Queen behavior. Queen behavior for sure, but
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  that that person spending the night.
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  They're just since my last partner I've only had like a
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  handful of sleepovers honestly in years.
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  As I've gotten older, I wanted less and less people to sleep
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  over. I used to be really into just
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  like if I had sex with you, like maybe I would have a sleepover.
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  And then over the past several years, like since my last big
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  breakup, I was like, no, like, no one is interrupting my
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  morning routine. I'd rather just cuddle with my
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  cat like I'm not. I want to sleep, yeah, I also
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  want to sleep and, and the first night is with a new person for
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  me is never good sleep. No, I mean I feel like if you
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  don't know them well, your nervous system is on high alert.
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  It thinks you're going to get killed in your sleep especially.
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  Especially. If you're a woman, I was going
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  to say, but I'm I'm still scared of getting killed in my sleep by
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  some by like a smaller demure woman, you know, yoga fairy by
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  my yoga like a Nikita or something.
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  You know she could be a femme fatale.
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  She could be. You could be a Russian
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  operative. Yeah, I.
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  Think that'd be a fun change for you?
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  So people come and grace the bed, but they they don't spend
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  the night. OK, OK.
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  Unless unless you're a special. Are you letting them know?
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  Like are you on the date or pre date?
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  Just being like, just so you know, I'm not like I'm not
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  having a sleepover tonight. Usually.
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  I mean, do we know we're having sex?
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  Because that's very presumptuous.
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  I think that. We I can't bring that up until
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  we both know we're having sex. That's true.
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  I think if you know you're having sex or even I am
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  overcommunicative and I always encourage my clients and people
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  who follow me on the Internet to be overcommunicative.
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  And so I always encourage a conversation around like, hey,
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  like are you hoping for playtime tonight?
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  Are you hoping to fool around? Like I'd love to fool around
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  later. I don't know what you're
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  thinking. Like to have that conversation,
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  you don't have to do it over a text because that could be
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  pretty awkward, but you can have it in person with your clothes
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  on. As I like to say, you don't have
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  to be doubly naked. Yeah, and you can talk about
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  sexual health at that point as well.
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  Absolutely, yeah. Yeah, I like to have all that
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  information because I want to know if I'm going to bring my
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  contacts. Case that's in for that.
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  That's how you give consent, by giving all the information.
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  Yeah, informed. I don't usually say that I'm not
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  into having a sleepover before we have sex.
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  OK. OK, but I also don't go into the
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  assumption that they're going to want to spend the night.
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  I, I, I do remember kicking somebody out at 2:00 AM in the
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  Mission. Oh, my God, I know.
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  Where did they have to go? She was, well, luckily not that
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  far. She lived in the Mission and she
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  was on her bike. Oh, then she's.
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  Fine, and so did she lived on her bike she did is that what I
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  said she. Was on her bike, that's fine.
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  She was disappointed because I was and I, this was when I
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  wasn't as commutative, but I said something like, oh, I've
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  got a big day tomorrow. Oh yeah.
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  Which is not. That's rough.
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  That's rough, yeah. I like to just let everyone know
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  because I want to know, I want to set expectations, and I think
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  it can help everyone's nervous system if they know what they're
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  bringing in to the date. I also think that potentially
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  I'm thinking about like dating in the Poly world, people are
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  extremely communicative, right? And often people have other
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  partners or whatever. And so we're all trying to like
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  negotiate around that. And so I think that like talking
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  about whether you're going to have a sleepover or not, I mean,
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  I need to know if I'm going to bring a bag etcetera.
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  Yeah, I need to know if I if you need Creamer in your coffee.
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  Exactly. Because I want to be a good
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  host. That's exactly as you should be.
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  And is it oat based or are we past that now?
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  It's like only now we're going back to almond even though it's
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  almond. Bad for the environment, but
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  it's better for my gut. I know for the left almond.
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  The microbiome, okay, so that's we're basically going to talk
• 14:40
  about sex for the whole hour. My favorite topic.
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  And then I have some questions here that we also have some
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  other questions. Great.
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  Are we pivoting or do you feel like we need to go deeper in?
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  I want to give them that's something they can take away
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  from this conversation of like, OK, if I don't want to have a
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  sleepover, how can I say it nicely to my partner?
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  And I think I would say something like, I'm really
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  excited to see you tonight, really excited to fool around or
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  whatever language you use and then say something like, I don't
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  think I'm up for a sleepover. Just like letting you know, just
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  something like that. You don't even say, I don't
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  think. Yeah, you're right, I'm not.
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  I'm not up for a sleepover and you can also change your mind.
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  That's true. That's why you can say, hey, I
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  said I wasn't up for this, but now I am.
• 15:23
  Yeah, but like, definitely lead with something you're excited
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  about, about seeing them, about touching their skin, whatever.
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  Shit sandwich. Yes, exactly.
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  That's important. Can't wait.
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  And then and with. I cannot wait to see you.
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  Yeah, I can't wait to see you. Can't wait to see you.
• 15:38
  When are you coming? Yeah, bring that big whatever.
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  When are you bring those big titties on?
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  Yeah, bring those big whatevers over here.
• 15:47
  That's a good, that's a good take away.
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  Do you want to do a take away by your Peterman Sidra?
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  Now I feel like I'm still coming to terms.
• 15:55
  This is a new revelation. My biggest question is like what
• 15:58
  is going to turn you either way around kids like you're 43, what
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  are you waiting for to make the decision?
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  Well, I'm not just I I don't have ovaries.
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  That's true, but your sperm does make an impact.
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  The age of your sperm. We're not talking about my the
• 16:15
  age of my sperm right now. No, I'm kidding.
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  It does. It 100% does.
• 16:19
  I was thinking you're getting my my sperm frozen.
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  You should. Yeah, I'm 43.
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  It's like, at this point it's a geriatric sperm.
• 16:25
  It. Is a little bit.
• 16:26
  Yeah, I mean, even even though Mick Jagger and Robert De Niro,
• 16:31
  you know. I mean, you could definitely
• 16:32
  still get someone pregnant with it, it just changes some of the
• 16:36
  outcomes. We don't.
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  We want the best possible outcomes.
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  I should have frozen it at 30. Well, you know, shoulda coulda
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  whata is. I like your attitude.
• 16:44
  Yeah. What was the question?
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  Oh, well, so first of all, I don't have anybody to have a kid
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  with. So for me, it's more I'm not
• 16:52
  just going to. I don't have ovaries.
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  So. So I don't, I don't have the
• 16:56
  baby lust or whatever that desire is that some some people
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  have. I don't have that.
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  I would almost say that I'm baby blind.
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  You're baby blind, Yeah. Like like I just, I met someone
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  recently who really wants to have a baby.
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  She's pet blind. She looks at.
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  She doesn't see pets. Pets are just not in the she
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  only sees. Babies.
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  Oh that's so funny. I see them both.
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  And I'm like kind of baby blind. Like I see babies that I'm just
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  like, cool, you're just like whatever.
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  I'm whatever about. Babies and I'm like, I need to
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  have right of those. I don't have that.
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  Oh, that's. Fine, and I'm more like I would
• 17:31
  prefer not to hang out with them but the idea of having my own is
• 17:36
  interesting. But only in relationship.
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  OK, a great person where like we bring love into this like family
• 17:44
  system. And so for me at 43 without a
• 17:47
  partner and no prospect, well, it doesn't seem very realistic
• 17:51
  that it's like I don't even have to think about whether I want to
• 17:54
  have kids or not. Right.
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  I mean, it's not, it's not front and center.
• 17:57
  I would definitely encourage you to think about it.
• 17:59
  Yeah, but I do think about it. I also think about bringing kids
• 18:02
  into this world. Yes, I think that's a very
• 18:06
  different and challenging conversation.
• 18:08
  Financially, Environmentally, water.
• 18:11
  Are we going to have water? Dude, I texted several people a
• 18:15
  couple weeks ago and was like, is it so immoral for me to try
• 18:18
  and bring a kid into the world when I don't have when there's
• 18:20
  not going to be water? Although I did text one of my
• 18:22
  close friends who's like an environmental scientist guy and
• 18:26
  he was like, don't worry, we'll have water, we'll have water.
• 18:29
  Yeah, I mean, the way people are using, the way people are using
• 18:33
  water, it doesn't seem like we're going to have water.
• 18:35
  I agree with. That.
• 18:36
  So I appreciate the encouragement.
• 18:38
  It's not that I'm not thinking about it, it's just that like,
• 18:42
  first, I need a partner and I'm not, I'm not going to like just
• 18:45
  go get a kid on my own. I don't love them that much.
• 18:48
  And also I feel like people don't like don't think about
• 18:51
  having kids as much as maybe I'm thinking about not having a kid.
• 18:55
  What do you mean? People just kind of like just
• 18:57
  have them without even feel like it just happened.
• 18:59
  Many. People do do that.
• 19:00
  I think especially living in the Bay Area, like most people I
• 19:03
  know are extremely intentional about it.
• 19:05
  But I think that that is a very specific subset of people.
• 19:09
  And also most people in the Bay Area are technically quote UN
• 19:12
  quote older parents than the rest of America statistically.
• 19:16
  Because. Because everyone is like career
• 19:19
  focused and something Peter Pan. Yes, yeah, this is Neverland.
• 19:23
  It is. It is Neverland.
• 19:27
  OK, I think we've, we've, we've covered this topic, Yeah.
• 19:31
  And I hope that people at home now know a little bit more about
• 19:34
  about Peter Pan syndrome. Yeah.
• 19:37
  So there's a few topics you wanted to touch on, one of them
• 19:39
  being monogamy as a false sense of security.
• 19:43
  And I'm very interested in this. Yes, this is one of my new
• 19:47
  favorite obsessions. I posted something about this
• 19:50
  the other day and the Internet went wild and people were very
• 19:55
  upset with me for implying that monogamy was not a false like is
• 20:01
  a false sense of security or that monogamy was not something
• 20:04
  they were choosing intentionally.
• 20:06
  And they were all saying that like but I don't like why are
• 20:08
  you throwing this Poly non monogamy agenda down our
• 20:11
  throats? And the whole point of the post
• 20:14
  was not. That you should be Poly or non
• 20:16
  monogamous. The whole point was that being
• 20:19
  in a monogamous relationship does not guarantee anything.
• 20:23
  It doesn't guarantee longevity. It doesn't guarantee
• 20:26
  satisfaction. It doesn't guarantee that
• 20:28
  someone's not going to leave you.
• 20:30
  Because that's the thing that I hear most, especially working
• 20:33
  with people, couples, singles who are deciding to go into an
• 20:38
  open relationship that they're like.
• 20:40
  But how do I make sure that this person that I'm going to be with
• 20:43
  or that I'm currently with isn't going to then leave me because
• 20:46
  they have met someone else? But The thing is, they could
• 20:49
  have always left you. Yes.
• 20:51
  And doesn't it kind of increase the chances because you're
• 20:55
  opening your heart up to somebody else in a way that you
• 20:58
  might not, you might be a little bit more cagey.
• 21:00
  You might be a little bit more cagey, but you might not.
• 21:03
  Well, plenty of people are cheating in monogamy and then
• 21:07
  leaving people for the affair partner.
• 21:09
  My my favorite non ethical non monogamy.
• 21:13
  Exactly. Exactly.
• 21:15
  Man. I practice.
• 21:16
  Oh, yeah. Wow.
• 21:18
  Just kidding. I'm just kidding.
• 21:20
  Yeah, no one quote him on that. I.
• 21:21
  Have never cheated in my life. Wow, neither am I, hey.
• 21:27
  You know what? It's not that hard.
• 21:30
  It's not hard not to cheat. Yeah you just have to over
• 21:32
  communicate but also cheating is like you want to learn something
• 21:37
  from it. If you have cheated you want to
• 21:39
  gain information. My therapist.
• 21:41
  I'm trying to fucking shame cheaters here.
• 21:45
  Don't do it. Try to make sure cheaters know
• 21:47
  that they're welcome in my practice.
• 21:49
  You're welcome in Claire's practice.
• 21:52
  I think that there's a lot to be gained insight wise about what's
• 21:56
  not working for you, what's not working in your relationship, if
• 21:59
  you have the urge to cheat, if you act on that urge to cheat,
• 22:03
  if you cheat in the past. I definitely don't think once a
• 22:05
  cheater, always a cheater, no. No, you.
• 22:07
  Don't think so. No, no, because that
• 22:10
  relationship is a very specific dynamic, a container that you've
• 22:14
  created, and maybe that thing was not working and you didn't
• 22:17
  communicate about it. That's a definite like.
• 22:18
  You got to work on that, but that doesn't mean that the next
• 22:21
  relationship is also going to be a container that doesn't work
• 22:23
  for you. Yeah, I agree.
• 22:25
  Good. I agree.
• 22:27
  I don't think I've ever been cheated on either.
• 22:29
  But. Oh, I've also never been cheated
• 22:31
  on. We don't know.
• 22:34
  I trust all my ex partners. Shout out to my ex partners.
• 22:37
  Shout out to your to Claire's ex partners.
• 22:39
  Yeah, I I'm pretty sure except for maybe the 1st girl that I
• 22:43
  dated, but we were, this was like a girl.
• 22:45
  We were like 15 yeah, in high school.
• 22:47
  So I don't feel like that that counts.
• 22:50
  Yeah. So people think that monogamy,
• 22:53
  you might get a false sense of security.
• 22:55
  I mean, I've always said like even with like bisexuality,
• 22:59
  people are like, Oh well, if they're bi then they have a
• 23:01
  double, double the chance of them leaving because they're
• 23:04
  also attracted to, they're attracted to all the gender.
• 23:06
  Right, which is a bullshit stereotype of bisexuals.
• 23:09
  We are only slutty if we choose to be, and that does not mean we
• 23:14
  are cheaters. There are a lot of slutty
• 23:16
  straight people. There are a lot of slutty
• 23:18
  straight people. I mean, I think.
• 23:20
  They're slutty people. There should be.
• 23:21
  There should be more sluts in the world.
• 23:23
  Although if we were to rank sluts, yeah, gay, gay men.
• 23:28
  Oh yeah. The sluttiest Well, gay men are
• 23:30
  leading the way for all of. Us, they are opening, they're
• 23:33
  like they're they're plowing the field to to leave a big wide
• 23:37
  open. I am thankful to them for
• 23:40
  showing us the way. The gay men, It's it's like 2
• 23:45
  gas pedals. Yeah, no.
• 23:48
  Breaks. But I also think that that is a
• 23:50
  stereotype of gay men. Of course, that makes it
• 23:53
  difficult for them to find lovers who aren't like people
• 23:57
  who identify as like full gas pedals.
• 23:59
  Yes, my apologies to gay men everywhere because we are I I am
• 24:04
  perpetuating that stereotype. And I think you have.
• 24:05
  A lot of gay male listeners. I have gay male listeners that
• 24:08
  hi hey and that I get questions from them saying I am a
• 24:15
  monogamous man and it's hard for me to find a partner who also
• 24:19
  values monogamy. Yes, yes, and it feels like all
• 24:22
  gay men want to do is hook up. Well, I think that is largely
• 24:25
  like the version of gay men that is like stepping forward.
• 24:29
  But I absolutely don't think that it is like, it has to be
• 24:33
  what gay men want. I know a lot of gay men who are
• 24:36
  monogamous. I have a lot of clients I've
• 24:38
  seen that have been monogamous gay men or seeking monogamous
• 24:41
  gay men. And I think that more power to
• 24:43
  you. Like live in your truth.
• 24:45
  If you want to be monogamous and a gay guy, like fuck yeah.
• 24:48
  And if you want to be heterosexual and polyamorous,
• 24:53
  also heck yeah. Also, fuck yeah.
• 24:55
  I think fuck you to whatever you want to be as long as you are
• 24:58
  doing it with a consent forward practice and everyone knows what
• 25:03
  they're signing up for. Everybody's on board.
• 25:05
  Everyone's on board and everyone's excited about it.
• 25:08
  Yeah, what if you try something new that you're not super
• 25:12
  excited about? Like I got pegged recently.
• 25:14
  Oh my God. Oh my God.
• 25:16
  Not the first time, OK, yeah, but the first time in a long
• 25:20
  time. OK, what made you decide to open
• 25:22
  yourself up both literally, physically and metaphorically?
• 25:27
  I met somebody on field who love field.
• 25:30
  We do love field. Who was a queer woman looking to
• 25:35
  top? Great love that.
• 25:37
  And I'm a pretty straight dude and I was like into exploring
• 25:41
  being a bottom because honestly, being sort of like a more
• 25:45
  dominant man who sleeps with women, like I end up doing most
• 25:49
  of the like directing and like this is kind of how things go.
• 25:53
  And it's really nice to not yes, my I was just so nice How it.
• 25:57
  Is our bottoms. You have to experience what
• 26:01
  you're giving. I think that's the best way to
• 26:03
  learn. Well, I did.
• 26:04
  Good. And did you have a prostate
• 26:06
  orgasm? Definitely not.
• 26:08
  Once I gave a guy a prostate orgasm and he told me he saw
• 26:11
  God. It was like the best fucking
• 26:13
  thing ever. That sounds great.
• 26:16
  Here's the thing, this will be a good sag into like achieving
• 26:20
  orgasm or multiple orgasms. Asking questions about that but
• 26:24
  I have tried prostate stimulation.
• 26:27
  OK, since I was like a 13 year old boy.
• 26:30
  OK, so you're into it or you've just been trying?
• 26:33
  I've just been trying it OK and it just doesn't feel that great.
• 26:36
  OK, then why keep doing it? Because I want to see God,
• 26:41
  obviously. OK, I like this.
• 26:44
  It's like, you know, it's like women trying to squirt when they
• 26:46
  can't squirt or whatever. I.
• 26:50
  You don't need to squirt. Well.
• 26:52
  You don't want to squirt. They've heard it's good, and
• 26:54
  I've heard that a prostate orgasm is good too, and so I
• 26:56
  want to experience the fullness of the sexual smorgasbord.
• 27:02
  That's true. OK, but not all bodies can do
• 27:05
  everything. Yeah, well, mine can't.
• 27:07
  Mine can't do that. Did you feel pleasure though?
• 27:10
  There was a. There was some pleasure around
• 27:14
  being dominated, right? Like being at being a bottom was
• 27:17
  kind of fun. The power play is fun.
• 27:19
  Yeah. And she smacked me around a
• 27:20
  little bit. And, you know.
• 27:21
  Yeah. But the sensation wasn't
• 27:23
  pleasant. Wasn't pleasant.
• 27:26
  No, But I But I've done that. I've done that plenty.
• 27:30
  And it's like, OK, now I'm just jerking off with the prostate
• 27:34
  simulation here. OK, here's what I will say it.
• 27:36
  Didn't take it to another. Level We'll we'll get into the
• 27:38
  nitty gritty every time. If I if I jerk off with
• 27:44
  something in my ass, the orgasm is not as good.
• 27:48
  Oh, that's interesting. It's like it's not as powerful.
• 27:51
  It feels like kind of stilted or like like there's something
• 27:57
  stopping. I like rimming.
• 27:58
  I like, I like around. I like maybe.
• 28:02
  Like maybe. That's how you're going to see
• 28:03
  God. I just don't think that that's
• 28:06
  for how I'm going to see God. OK, the other thing is that
• 28:09
  like, how relaxed and comfortable and like connected
• 28:13
  did you feel to this woman? Yeah, that gives us all the
• 28:18
  information. Yeah, I mean, not.
• 28:20
  No, she's a total freaking stranger.
• 28:22
  Right. So the dude that I helped see
• 28:24
  God, like we, we were lovers. They've been seeing each other
• 28:27
  for a while. Like we had a lot of comfort, a
• 28:29
  lot of intimacy. I think that is also very
• 28:31
  important. It's the same with squirting.
• 28:33
  If you're out here trying to squirt, like don't just get some
• 28:36
  random person off the Internet who's like, I'm so good at
• 28:38
  making women squirt, Like, this is my thing.
• 28:41
  Like that squirt is not going to feel that good.
• 28:44
  Should I take that off my field profile?
• 28:48
  I have AI have a personal vendana with the the men who are
• 28:52
  into making women squirt as like a thing.
• 28:55
  I had an experience recently with someone who unexpectedly
• 28:59
  squirted. Oh wow, And it was incredible.
• 29:02
  Well, I mean unexpected squirting.
• 29:04
  I think it can be very fun. We we, we soaked the mattress.
• 29:08
  Unfortunately, Yeah, I really. That's why you have to have one
• 29:11
  of those blankets. Yeah, I know.
• 29:12
  I have have we just, we just didn't have it out, you know,
• 29:16
  and it's like you can't be like, oh, so oh, you're about to
• 29:19
  squirt. Well, that's why you have like
• 29:21
  the blanket. You set it down and you're like,
• 29:23
  this is the sex blanket. Just in case.
• 29:25
  Whatever. It's easier to clean.
• 29:26
  Absolutely. And I'm.
• 29:27
  With you just from the beginning.
• 29:29
  I'm with you. This was, we were not.
• 29:30
  This was a new, this is the first time having sex.
• 29:33
  We didn't have all that. Yeah, she'd never squirted it
• 29:36
  before. She had, but you know, I don't
• 29:38
  think reliably OK. Yeah, I mean fun.
• 29:40
  Super hot, Super hot. Yeah, that actually sags really
• 29:44
  well into a question that I got on Instagram, which is then we
• 29:49
  can we can talk about squirting as well.
• 29:52
  But is super wet a turn off? Oh, do we know if this is a Dick
• 29:57
  Haber or a vulva? Haber, this is a this is a
• 30:00
  pussy. Oh.
• 30:01
  This is a question that I get actually fairly frequently.
• 30:04
  Really. Yeah, Women are concerned that
• 30:08
  their pussy's too wet and because they've also heard from
• 30:11
  their male partners, like kind of shaming them for being too
• 30:15
  wet. Thumbs down.
• 30:17
  I don't see the. Thumbs down to being too wet.
• 30:19
  No thumbs down to those male partners.
• 30:23
  Wait, this is a podcast? But.
• 30:24
  But also video. But also video.
• 30:25
  Yeah. So I so I did my thumbs down,
• 30:27
  but then I had to say what I was doing.
• 30:29
  No girl too wet. No, no, it's you are.
• 30:33
  You are perfect just as you are. And if you are that turned on,
• 30:36
  like fuck yeah. But also wetness isn't an
• 30:39
  indicator of turn on. No, it's a pretty it's it can
• 30:44
  it? Can be, I mean if you're like
• 30:45
  extremely fucking wet, I would assume that you are a little bit
• 30:49
  turned on more than usual. Like like I drop those male
• 30:54
  partners immediately or educate them, send them to my page and
• 31:01
  educate the fuck out of them about how sex can work and how
• 31:05
  you can communicate or be curious about what's happening
• 31:08
  for your partner's body. If it feels different for them
• 31:13
  then you can just like take a second and do something else,
• 31:16
  take their Dick out and then it will be a little less wet next
• 31:19
  time they put their Dick back. In well, I've also heard women
• 31:21
  saying just grab a towel and go and just slop it out there for
• 31:26
  a. Yeah, or like use your fucking
• 31:27
  hand and then lick it off like a good boy, OK?
• 31:33
  They're definitely not doing that.
• 31:34
  Definitely not. Yeah, OK as OK, I'll see.
• 31:38
  From my experience, never have I been like, oh, this is too wet.
• 31:43
  I'm always like more wet. I have never said that to any
• 31:47
  vulva having partner I have ever had.
• 31:49
  I've never been like oh God, I can't believe how turned on you
• 31:52
  are. And squirting is fun because it
• 31:56
  makes things extra wet. Yeah, it's a different kind of
• 31:59
  wet though. It's a definitely a different
• 32:00
  kind. Of wet it's it's it's you're
• 32:02
  not. Be prepared.
• 32:03
  Yeah, it's not as like Slick. Yeah.
• 32:06
  It's not as luby. No, it's not.
• 32:08
  It's not as luby. It's more watery, yes.
• 32:10
  It's more watery. It's like less sticky.
• 32:12
  So super wet is not a turn off. No, it's great.
• 32:16
  It's a turn on. Yes, for everybody.
• 32:19
  Yes, except for people who are shaming you for having an
• 32:22
  overabundance. Yeah, it's a turn off that they
• 32:24
  said that to you. That should turn you off.
• 32:27
  Yes, knowing that squirting in in in quotation is mostly urine.
• 32:35
  Do men actually enjoy when women do this?
• 32:38
  Honestly I think it's like each person has a different opinion.
• 32:42
  No, we want a blanket statement generalizing all men.
• 32:48
  I I can't do. That is this a not all men
• 32:50
  situation. Hashtag not all men.
• 32:55
  I think different people feel different ways about squirting
• 32:57
  like I, I don't think anyone is like ill gross, but I think some
• 33:00
  people like sure, it like really turns them on and other people
• 33:02
  are like, okay, I feel neutral about this and like it happened
• 33:05
  and I'm excited that you're excited.
• 33:07
  And some people might be like, yeah, I'm not into it.
• 33:09
  Yeah, but that, but I think it's also about like some vulva
• 33:14
  Havers can squirt and it cannot be that orgasmic for them.
• 33:17
  Like sometimes it can just be kind of like a physical response
• 33:22
  that is actually not that like great feeling.
• 33:25
  It could be annoying too. I mean it is.
• 33:27
  It can be annoying. Yeah, if if they like, don't
• 33:30
  like the way that it feels in their body when they squirt, but
• 33:34
  like, please don't stop yourself from squirting because you feel
• 33:37
  embarrassed that it happens. Like if you are a squirter, fuck
• 33:41
  yeah. Like just have some stuff ready
• 33:43
  to go. To you need a lot of sex
• 33:45
  blankets. You need sex blankets.
• 33:47
  You can also use puppy pads. The same thing.
• 33:50
  Yeah, yeah. But I will say from a logistical
• 33:53
  standpoint, having dated someone long term who was a squirter
• 33:57
  consistently every time, lots of laundry.
• 34:00
  Yep, you have to travel with your with your sex blankets and
• 34:05
  they have travel size. They make things for this like
• 34:10
  yeah y'all, you can squirt every single time and it can be great.
• 34:15
  And I like it. Oh, great.
• 34:17
  Sean loves it You. Drink it up.
• 34:18
  No I I have heard that you can drink squirt and it's like
• 34:25
  drugs, like better than just drinking cum.
• 34:31
  I mean, I won't say no to trying it.
• 34:33
  I need to try and get back to your.
• 34:35
  Listeners Well, The thing is that it's like I've never had
• 34:38
  somebody squirt without my Dick inside of them so.
• 34:41
  Interesting. Yeah.
• 34:43
  OK, not to say that I have like a Magic Dick.
• 34:45
  Oh, it sounds like I'm a Magic Dick.
• 34:48
  It is. It is apparently a good size.
• 34:50
  It's a good size. It's not, I mean squirting
• 34:53
  normally there's no normal, but like often I know happens from
• 34:57
  hands like because people are very specifically trying to like
• 34:59
  make them squirt with their hand.
• 35:01
  Right. A lot of G spot, a lot of
• 35:02
  pressure, a lot of like pulling on.
• 35:04
  I've never seen your Dick but I wonder if it's like specifically
• 35:07
  curved to hit. It's like curved.
• 35:08
  It's just pretty. It's just a pretty straight
• 35:10
  Dick, but I think it's are. You doing it at a specific angle
• 35:13
  that makes people squirt every time?
• 35:14
  Or is it just like missionary NBD any any position cowgirl OK.
• 35:20
  Cowgirl or or some, I mean this, this hyper, I could call her a
• 35:25
  hyper squirter. I guess it didn't really matter
• 35:29
  which position as long as there was some G spot simulation.
• 35:31
  It was good. Love it.
• 35:33
  Yeah. But I think most times I've had
• 35:35
  it like spontaneously happened. It's only happened like a
• 35:38
  handful of times in my life. They've been on top living in
• 35:41
  cowgirl. Well, that's a that's a much
• 35:43
  easier G spot stem. And the feeling of, like, your
• 35:48
  crotch being flooded with hot liquid is really hot.
• 35:53
  Very hot. Yeah.
• 35:55
  OK, that's squirting. Love it.
• 35:57
  Everyone should try it. But also, it's not for
• 36:00
  everybody. It might not.
• 36:02
  It might not happen. Right.
• 36:03
  I mean, don't try and force yourself to squirt That I think
• 36:06
  is like, there's no need unless you are like, really like just
• 36:09
  trying to be curious about what your body can do.
• 36:12
  Yeah, but it's not necessary to have hot sex.
• 36:15
  It's not necessary to have hot sex, no, but it can.
• 36:18
  Yeah, it can be part of hot sex. Yes, it can be part of hot sex.
• 36:21
  And are there How do you squirt if you wanted to try?
• 36:25
  Oh God, well, you're the one who has the school.
• 36:30
  Come over you're. Going to get so many DMS.
• 36:35
  I already get so many DMS. About making people squirt.
• 36:38
  Well, I, I get DM, I get a lot of DMS of like people like
• 36:42
  shooting their shot, but it's always like come to Des Moines
• 36:45
  or like, yeah, exactly. That's how I respond.
• 36:47
  I'm like, why? Like, I'm not coming for coffee,
• 36:52
  but if it's like, hey, I want to squirt, then I might be more
• 36:55
  interested, you know? Listen, if you really want to
• 36:58
  squirt, there are definitely like squirting workshops that
• 37:00
  you can go to or take. Check out Pleura, they probably
• 37:04
  have some squirting workshops on there.
• 37:06
  Online. Yeah, you could also ask Claude.
• 37:12
  I have no idea what Claude would say about how to make someone
• 37:14
  squirt. They might tell you it's
• 37:16
  inappropriate. Or that they can't give you that
• 37:17
  information. Yes, yeah, but there are there
• 37:19
  are resources out there. We just don't particularly have
• 37:22
  them be super turned on. G spy simulation push, that's
• 37:27
  that's all I got. Pushing, I think, feels like an
• 37:31
  important part of the the experience.
• 37:34
  It can be, some people can do it without like pushing often it
• 37:38
  also it just depends on like if you're going to squirt or not.
• 37:41
  Not not everyone squirts. That's the name of this episode.
• 37:45
  Not everyone squirts and it's OK.
• 37:48
  It was sex clarified and it's OK.
• 37:52
  Yourself through your non. Squirting.
• 37:54
  OK, let's see, what else do we got?
• 37:59
  Snowballing can be so fun, but lots of CIS guys are opposed to
• 38:03
  making out after blowjob. What gives?
• 38:06
  Oh. My God, I've never heard the
• 38:09
  term snowballing. Are you serious?
• 38:11
  Well, I. Can't believe.
• 38:12
  That OK, hold on. What she's describing here is
• 38:16
  not making out after a blowjob is not snowballing.
• 38:19
  She means having the cum in her mouth.
• 38:20
  Well, snowballing is when you have cum in your mouth and then
• 38:23
  you feed it to somebody else. How have I been in the sex
• 38:27
  space? I never heard this term.
• 38:30
  That is, that is quite shocking. I am shocked it.
• 38:34
  Is I'm not to the point where I need to like question your
• 38:37
  credentials? I am baffled.
• 38:41
  It's also not like, it's not like a hot Carl or something.
• 38:44
  It's not like there's like some of them that are like, really,
• 38:47
  you know, very specific. Alex Snowball's like pretty.
• 38:51
  She said people aren't into snowballing, so I I got caught
• 38:53
  up on the back that I didn't even know the phrase.
• 38:55
  It's so fun, but lots of CIS guys are opposed to making out
• 38:57
  after a blowjob, right? So it's like CIS guys like don't
• 38:59
  want to like taste their cum. Yes, that I have known for a
• 39:03
  long, long time of fucking CIS men.
• 39:06
  Fucking CIS men. Fucking CIS men.
• 39:11
  Oh yeah. I mean, what are you going to?
• 39:16
  I don't think you can force them.
• 39:17
  No, and I think I think we're that's not I don't think that's
• 39:20
  where she was heading. She's just saying what gives
• 39:22
  She's. Saying what gives the patriarchy
• 39:24
  bro? The patriarchy heteronormativity
• 39:28
  is gay to taste your own sperm. Probably is is It's not.
• 39:34
  We're not. We're saying it's I'm saying I'm
• 39:36
  not saying it's gay to taste your own sperm.
• 39:37
  That's what that's the message. Well, that's the idea.
• 39:39
  There's no message. We've gotten, yeah, but.
• 39:42
  From who? Big sperm.
• 39:44
  There's no nobody's saying it's gay to taste your own sperm.
• 39:48
  Honestly, patriarchy says it's gay to do most stuff.
• 39:52
  Right. Probably it makes sense that it
• 39:55
  then follows it's gay to taste your own sperm.
• 39:59
  These are the same dudes who think squirting is gross or that
• 40:04
  extra wet pussies are gross. Just stop fucking that.
• 40:07
  Yeah, don't fuck these guys. Don't fuck just.
• 40:09
  Like on the first date, sit them down and say listen, I need to
• 40:14
  know your thoughts on these three things.
• 40:16
  Are we, are we like victim blaming though?
• 40:18
  If we're saying don't fuck these guys like it's kind of on you
• 40:21
  like you should. No, I think that you should be
• 40:24
  assessing for people's approach to sex before you have.
• 40:29
  Sex with them be discerning. Well, yes, be discerning, but
• 40:33
  also like do a little bit of assessment, ask some questions
• 40:37
  about how they think about sex, how they approach sex, how
• 40:40
  playful they feel like sex can. And, yeah, I think you can do
• 40:45
  all of this before ever taking clothes off.
• 40:48
  And then you don't have to straight up say, like, what do
• 40:51
  you think of a super wet pussy? But you can ask questions
• 40:55
  around, just, like, the idea of sex or sexuality and then see
• 41:00
  how someone approaches it. And that will give you an idea
• 41:03
  of how they might answer the question.
• 41:04
  What do you think about tasting your own cum after?
• 41:07
  It's in my mouth, Yeah. I think it's hot.
• 41:10
  Yeah. Great also.
• 41:11
  Think you are? Right.
• 41:13
  I know. OK, never mind.
• 41:14
  OK. I just won't.
• 41:15
  I won't chime in then obviously this hot.
• 41:19
  I just I'll just ask questions. Yeah, Yeah.
• 41:23
  Sean, stop talking. No, but I but I am also
• 41:29
  presenting an alternative view. Hey, guys, it's fine.
• 41:34
  It's like it doesn't taste weird.
• 41:36
  Also for the I mean, a snowball is different.
• 41:38
  That's like a whole load that you might not be into that.
• 41:41
  But like if you come in somebody's mouth and they
• 41:44
  swallow, there's you very little sperm left.
• 41:48
  There's like it's like a a mild coating.
• 41:51
  I think it's NBD. And it's hot.
• 41:53
  Yeah, she's going to find it really hot.
• 41:55
  Everyone's finding it hot. You have to stop sex.
• 41:57
  You can just keep playing around.
• 41:59
  Yeah, but I'm hungry. I can't.
• 42:02
  Your own that's not, and she's got a snack for you.
• 42:10
  Problem solved. You don't have to go.
• 42:12
  You don't have to go to the kitchen.
• 42:13
  My main message here, beyond drink your own sperm, is sex
• 42:18
  does not have to end once the Dick haver comes.
• 42:22
  Yes, it should keep going. It can.
• 42:25
  It can. Some people are OK with it
• 42:27
  ending there some. People are OK.
• 42:29
  With it, both partners can be OK with it like but also maybe
• 42:32
  that's. I don't think that has to be the
• 42:34
  rule though. I think that we have been lulled
• 42:36
  into this sense of, of OK, the Dick comes and then we're all
• 42:40
  just done, no matter how satisfied either parties are.
• 42:43
  And I think that you can keep going.
• 42:45
  And also for women. Fucking dudes.
• 42:47
  You can ask for it to keep going.
• 42:49
  You should if you want. If you wanted to, yeah.
• 42:54
  I will say in my defense, I should probably stop talking
• 43:04
  and, and I'm actually really curious about your, your input
• 43:06
  on this, because my sexual arousal peaks after an orgasm
• 43:11
  and it, there's a there's a lull, there's it kind of goes
• 43:14
  down. And so and I, and the way I
• 43:16
  understand feminine sexuality, it's not necessarily like that,
• 43:20
  but I actually have heard from a lot of women who are like, after
• 43:23
  I come, I'm down. I'm like, done.
• 43:25
  Yeah. So for some women, it also
• 43:28
  depends if you're like experiencing multiple orgasms as
• 43:31
  a vulva haver, there might be a specific orgasm that you get to
• 43:35
  that's like tiered, you know, you might get to like the third
• 43:38
  tier of orgasm and then feel like you're done.
• 43:41
  So I know other women or vulva Havers might just have one
• 43:46
  really big orgasm and then they feel finished.
• 43:48
  But I think the whole point is that like make sure you're
• 43:50
  discussing when you actually want to finish, finish sex.
• 43:55
  Yeah. And if you are with a Dick haver
• 43:57
  who comes and then feels like they're totally just down for
• 44:00
  the count, they're they're not going to engage in sex after
• 44:03
  that because they're just not that into it.
• 44:04
  One, I say like you can still use your hands and stuff like
• 44:09
  you don't have to like it's not engaging with your Dick.
• 44:12
  And two, if you like, if that really is, if they like fall
• 44:16
  asleep immediately or whatever, then plan your sexual play
• 44:19
  around that. Like make sure you're super
• 44:22
  satisfied before we get to that point.
• 44:25
  I'm happy to keep going after. I would prefer not to.
• 44:29
  And so I make sure that you're good before I come.
• 44:34
  I mean, there is that book She Comes First, which I don't know,
• 44:38
  Ian Kerner. I actually enjoy that because, I
• 44:42
  mean, some people were like, oh, it's problematic for I don't
• 44:44
  know what reasons, but like, let's make sure she has an
• 44:47
  orgasm. Multiple well.
• 44:50
  If she can't multiple, that's. And so if that means she comes
• 44:53
  first and that's she comes first, yeah, I'm happy to wait.
• 44:57
  Yeah, I'm also more turned on. It's like there's like some
• 44:59
  edging happening, yes. Exactly.
• 45:01
  Well, I mean, she comes, you know, 8 or 9 or 15 times.
• 45:06
  That's great, but that's. Also another thing I want Volvo
• 45:12
  owners to take out of this is that if you are having trouble
• 45:16
  experiencing orgasm, you potentially can experience
• 45:20
  multiple of them and you just haven't like figured out how to
• 45:22
  reach the multiple tiers. And you can also use a toy for
• 45:26
  that, like with pertinent sex. Yeah, but what about now?
• 45:30
  I feel emasculated. Sorry, I know you don't, which
• 45:34
  is why I mean that I mean. Why do you need that if I'm
• 45:38
  here? Well, because it's a lot for
• 45:41
  people to focus on to be that. That means that the Dick haver
• 45:45
  has to be not only directing most of the sex, but using his
• 45:50
  hands and his Dick to get this chick off.
• 45:52
  Feels like a one man band. Right, it's a lot, it's a lot
• 45:56
  and like that's a lot of pressure and to have the
• 45:58
  pressure to keep his Dick hard and.
• 45:59
  Stay hard. Yeah, stay.
• 46:00
  Hard and not come too quickly or whatever.
• 46:03
  Like don't you want a little bit of support here?
• 46:06
  This is like your your other Co conspirator.
• 46:09
  I need the truth. The truth.
• 46:11
  Yeah, like and. Bring in the backups, yeah.
• 46:13
  Well it's not backups, it's someone it's like your Co
• 46:16
  director here. If if you can get off reliably
• 46:19
  with a toy like I don't see why you would not want your chick to
• 46:23
  have an orgasm. And then also you can do
• 46:25
  honestly more positions because if you're fucking or from behind
• 46:29
  and you don't necessarily have the like.
• 46:31
  Dexterity or the the outward stability.
• 46:34
  Or your body sizes are too different or something.
• 46:36
  It's like too hard to like reach around.
• 46:38
  Like use a fucking toy there. There is absolutely no shame and
• 46:41
  I actually think it's way hot if someone doesn't think that it is
• 46:46
  in competition with them. I'm a big fan of fucking while
• 46:50
  you're using a toy. I can't vibrate my my hand
• 46:54
  can't. Yeah.
• 46:55
  You know a lot. It's a lot to do the DJ.
• 46:57
  You know, you got to get a lot of forearms.
• 46:59
  And, like, you're chill, OK? If you're on your back and
• 47:01
  you're getting penetrated, you're chilling.
• 47:03
  Yeah, for the most part. Yeah, you can.
• 47:05
  You got two hands you could do. I'll do my thing.
• 47:07
  You do your thing. It's honestly, it is a, it is a
• 47:09
  Co creation here. You're doing it together.
• 47:11
  There are women who are like, I cannot achieve orgasm with my
• 47:14
  partner. But can they achieve it alone?
• 47:17
  All the time. Oh great, I actually made a
• 47:19
  whole post about this. Great.
• 47:20
  Very recently. OK, what's the answer?
• 47:22
  So the answer is there's a lot of different stuff that is
• 47:25
  happening when you are alone versus with a partner.
• 47:28
  And honestly, I have lots of men that I work with as well who can
• 47:31
  achieve orgasm, achieve orgasm alone and not with a partner.
• 47:34
  And yes, Oh yes, a lot. And so the.
• 47:37
  Weirdos. No, I'm kidding.
• 47:42
  The the thing that I tell people is there's a few steps to this
• 47:46
  one. It's not to shame yourself or
• 47:48
  your partner. It is not either of y'alls
• 47:50
  faults. That never helps.
• 47:52
  Shame. Never.
• 47:52
  Helps. Shame never helps and it
• 47:53
  actually makes it so much worse. One thing that I encourage
• 47:56
  people to do is stop making orgasm the goal.
• 47:59
  Make pleasure the goal because when we are focused on trying to
• 48:03
  have an orgasm then the pressure goes up and we are less relaxed
• 48:08
  and to have an orgasm we actually have to be relaxed.
• 48:11
  So the thing that I want you to try and do is one try and copy
• 48:16
  paste as much as you can from your solo play to your partner
• 48:21
  play with the knowledge that your body is probably going to
• 48:24
  feel different, right? Like some women orgasm or
• 48:28
  masturbate like face down, stomach down, and they're like
• 48:33
  grinding on something, right? And that is not a very easy
• 48:37
  thing to copy paste into partnered play.
• 48:40
  And so sometimes when I encourage people to do is simply
• 48:43
  start by masturbating the way that you do and the way that you
• 48:46
  like and making yourself come while your partner is also there
• 48:49
  with you, stimulating you as well.
• 48:52
  Maybe they're just kissing you. Maybe they're talking to you,
• 48:55
  you know, just part of the play so that your brain and body can
• 48:58
  start to learn. Oh, this is possible.
• 49:00
  I can come. I can come with my mark.
• 49:03
  With somebody else? Yeah, exactly.
• 49:05
  And to just to recognize that like you're going to be thinking
• 49:09
  about a lot of other things when you're doing partner play rather
• 49:12
  than doing solo play. And another thing is to do
• 49:16
  mindful masturbation where you are essentially doing like a
• 49:19
  mindfulness body scan practice when you're masturbating.
• 49:24
  And if you generally watch porn when you masturbate, then this
• 49:28
  is going to be slightly more challenging only because you're
• 49:30
  focusing a little bit on the porn.
• 49:32
  So I encourage you to try and do like audio only porn for this or
• 49:36
  like turn the audio off and only do visual so that you can have a
• 49:38
  little less stimulation, so you can pay a little more attention
• 49:41
  to your body. But watching porn is not bad,
• 49:44
  but I want you to pay attention to are the physical sensations
• 49:46
  that are happening when you're doing solo play so that you can
• 49:49
  then replicate those physical sensations when you're doing
• 49:52
  partnered play. Yeah, it requires a little.
• 49:54
  That requires tires, tuning in and being aware of the
• 49:57
  sensations. And I think a lot of people have
• 50:00
  a hard time kind of tuning into what's happening in the body.
• 50:03
  It's extremely hard and it's also hard when you're doing
• 50:05
  partner play because you're often then wondering how your
• 50:07
  partner's doing, like are they getting off?
• 50:09
  Are they excited? There's a whole other dimension
• 50:12
  of worrying about the other person instead of focusing on
• 50:17
  your own physical the the sensations that are happening.
• 50:22
  There's a book, oh God, so many segways.
• 50:26
  There's a book by Diana Richardson and not the one taste
• 50:29
  orgasmic meditation person and she wrote a book called Slow
• 50:33
  Sex. Oh yes.
• 50:34
  Do you remember? This yes.
• 50:36
  I had a lover once who was like obsessed with slow sex.
• 50:38
  Yeah, yeah, it's a great. I love and and and this kind of
• 50:41
  segs segues really well into one of the topics that you wanted to
• 50:44
  talk about, which is like soft penis sex.
• 50:48
  But I also do want to go back to clitoral desensitization based
• 50:54
  on vibrator stuff and like having partners, you know,
• 50:58
  having an orgasm with your partner, but the slow sex, she
• 51:02
  says. Focus on your own pleasure.
• 51:05
  Let your partner focus on their own pleasure, but do it
• 51:08
  together. Yes, which I really love that.
• 51:10
  And, and it's actually a little counterintuitive because people
• 51:12
  are like, no, no, but I want to focus on their pleasure.
• 51:15
  I want to be a good lover. Right, right.
• 51:16
  But. What if you assumed that they
• 51:18
  were good and that you're good and then together?
• 51:21
  Yes. Even better.
• 51:22
  Yes, I wrote a sub stack called your partner's not responsible
• 51:25
  for your pleasure or something like that.
• 51:27
  And it is exactly that idea. And if we are able to come in
• 51:32
  with like our own agency around our own sexual pleasure,
• 51:37
  especially for vulva Havers who have been taught that our agency
• 51:41
  is like given away when we enter into bed, then we are able to
• 51:45
  reclaim our pleasure. And I think that's really
• 51:47
  important. Amen.
• 51:49
  Amen. No notes, thank.
• 51:53
  You. Thank you.
• 51:56
  Yeah, a couple different directions that we can go in.
• 51:59
  I do want to touch on, you know, people who can't get off without
• 52:04
  using pornography. Yeah, that is hard.
• 52:08
  I would encourage people not to like pathologize themselves
• 52:12
  around it. And it kind of like creates A
• 52:16
  neural pathway in your brain where you're like, I'm going to
• 52:19
  get off and I'm going to use porn to do it and.
• 52:22
  The deeper that is, the harder it is to experience to have a
• 52:25
  different experience. Yes, and so it's the same way.
• 52:28
  It's the same thing as if you didn't use porn, but you
• 52:30
  masturbated the exact same way, which you probably do using.
• 52:34
  Like let's say you have a Dick using your hand and Lube and the
• 52:37
  exact same sensations every single time since you were
• 52:40
  fucking 13, right? That's way harder to then come
• 52:44
  with a partner or to get off with a partner because they're
• 52:46
  not using their hand in the exact same way since.
• 52:49
  They have to come behind you, right, right, right.
• 52:52
  Exactly. Exactly.
• 52:52
  It's just fine. You could do that, yeah.
• 52:55
  But I think using porn every single time and then expecting
• 52:58
  your partner sex to feel the same is like setting yourself up
• 53:02
  for failure there. And so I would encourage you to
• 53:04
  just like extend the breadth of the way that you masturbate.
• 53:08
  Like you don't have to limit porn or you don't have to like
• 53:11
  change your porn use all together, but you might want to
• 53:13
  add in other ways of masturbating.
• 53:17
  Amen. Like try try without porn, yes?
• 53:21
  Try without porn. Try with just audio porn.
• 53:25
  Try in the dark. If you normally do with the
• 53:27
  lights on, try with a different hand position.
• 53:29
  Do it in the shower and the shower.
• 53:31
  Maybe you can record. Sometimes I record myself
• 53:33
  jerking off. Yeah.
• 53:35
  And then you can look at while it's recording, you can kind of
• 53:37
  look at yourself masturbating. Oh my God, It's actually kind of
• 53:40
  like recording your sets at the gym and then seeing like, oh,
• 53:43
  how is my form? You know, what's great about
• 53:46
  recording yourself masturbating is you can then show it to your
• 53:49
  partner and be like, hey, this is how I get off.
• 53:53
  And then you can replicate that as close as possible.
• 53:56
  I often encourage people to mutual masturbate so that they
• 54:00
  can kind of show and tell for them.
• 54:02
  But it can feel so, so vulnerable and intimate.
• 54:05
  And so if it feels easier to record yourself and then just be
• 54:08
  like, here, go watch this in the other room.
• 54:10
  Like that can also be a way. Too.
• 54:14
  I've just been putting them on. Only fans.
• 54:15
  Are you? No.
• 54:17
  I was going to say, your followers would be really
• 54:20
  excited. I would be rich, Yeah.
• 54:22
  I would be rich, Yeah. I mean, maybe you should do it.
• 54:25
  I could think about it. There's some things are private,
• 54:28
  you know, some things are private.
• 54:30
  Everything is public on the pod though.
• 54:32
  That's true, Yeah. OK, what about women who are
• 54:35
  used to having an orgasm or using a vibrator?
• 54:40
  It's actually not going to desensitize your clit.
• 54:43
  Your clit's not going to like stop feeling pleasure otherwise.
• 54:46
  It's the same idea though. If you're coming the exact same
• 54:50
  way every time, your brain and body are going to get used to
• 54:54
  that. And so it's about just adding in
• 54:56
  other ways to do it. I will say that like when I
• 55:00
  don't use pornography and I'm just like kind of vibing with my
• 55:03
  memories or my fantasies. My spank bank.
• 55:06
  Love a good spank thing. Extensive.
• 55:08
  At this point it usually takes a little bit longer.
• 55:13
  Yeah, which honestly is not a bad thing.
• 55:15
  It's not and I, it's like, OK, I'm going to like settle in here
• 55:17
  for the extended session. I also try because there's a lot
• 55:20
  of tension sometimes. Like you tense up because you
• 55:23
  want an orgasm, which is kind of counterproductive.
• 55:25
  Sometimes you want to relax, but I'm sorry, I'm always trying to
• 55:28
  relax like my pelvic floor and just like not tense up, not
• 55:32
  tense up. Usually orgasms are better, but
• 55:34
  it takes longer to like kind of. It's a slower ramp up to the
• 55:38
  point of no return. I think that's so important.
• 55:40
  Important though, because I think that's an easy thing for
• 55:43
  people to add in and also to ship their expectations, right?
• 55:46
  Like many people masturbate and they just do it kind of as
• 55:49
  quickly as possible. And I think it's so important to
• 55:52
  masturbate in different ways so that you when you have partnered
• 55:55
  sex, which usually takes a slower time, you are able to
• 55:59
  kind of flow in fat and not feel pressure to come or not feel
• 56:03
  like, Oh my God, I'm not feeling the same way that I'm
• 56:05
  masturbating because masturbation and partnered sex
• 56:08
  are going to feel different and that's OK.
• 56:10
  Yeah, OK, what about homies who would rather masturbate the
• 56:17
  pornography than have sex with their partners?
• 56:19
  I would look into whether it is important to you to have sex
• 56:24
  with your partner. I think it's important for the
• 56:26
  partner. It's important for the partner,
• 56:28
  but not who's. Who's not?
• 56:29
  Yeah, yeah, who's who's gooning in his, in his vape den and his
• 56:33
  gamer den, you know. Well, if that is, if it's not
• 56:37
  important to that dude generally, then I would
• 56:40
  encourage the partner of that dude to really investigate
• 56:44
  whether that is the kind of partner that they want to
• 56:46
  continue to invest in and to continue to work with.
• 56:50
  Because you just. You can't make someone change if
• 56:52
  they don't want to change. I think what happens is maybe in
• 56:55
  this hypothetical scenario is that like they have a good sex
• 56:59
  life, you know, both of them are into it.
• 57:01
  And then sort of that becomes less exciting and it gets
• 57:05
  replaced with pornography because it's like easier, it's
• 57:09
  quicker. It doesn't require, you know.
• 57:11
  It is. Yeah, it is easier.
• 57:13
  It's easier and it doesn't require another person.
• 57:15
  Yeah, I say that to my clients all the time.
• 57:16
  Often what I see in this scenario is not actually someone
• 57:20
  who's like, oh, the sex life has dropped off.
• 57:23
  It's become more like my partner's sex life has had a lot
• 57:26
  of pressure put onto it. Or maybe we're trying for a
• 57:29
  baby. Or maybe there's like, there's
• 57:31
  this added anxiety around it. And so like, doing masturbation
• 57:36
  with porn is so much easier and less pressure and less
• 57:39
  emotionally taxing. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
• 57:41
  And so in those scenarios, often the person I am talking to wants
• 57:45
  to have a partner sex life back again.
• 57:48
  And So what we're working on is how to reintegrate that.
• 57:52
  It starts with acknowledging that, like, yeah, masturbating
• 57:55
  to porn on your own is always going to be easier and less
• 57:58
  emotionally taxing. Like, yeah, we know that, but
• 58:01
  that and, like, normalize that. And I'm never going to be like,
• 58:04
  Oh, yeah, actually having sex with your partner is like, so
• 58:07
  blah, blah, blah. Like, no, dude, yeah, it's
• 58:09
  always going to be easier to just fuck yourself alone.
• 58:12
  And if it is important to you to have partnered sex, like you are
• 58:16
  going to have to move through some of those more difficult
• 58:18
  moments of emotional labor and all the other good stuff to
• 58:23
  create that partnered sex life that you've been looking for.
• 58:26
  There's also the, the idea that like, if things aren't going
• 58:29
  well in your relationship, it's hard to have sex, right, because
• 58:34
  there's a lot of intimacy required And it's like you
• 58:36
  always have to like face the music.
• 58:38
  Yes. And so I can imagine that it's
• 58:40
  easier to just like lock yourself in your, in your
• 58:43
  bedroom until you get, get your needs taken care of rather than
• 58:46
  addressing all the issues that that might be getting in the way
• 58:49
  of wanting to connect romantically.
• 58:51
  And the real question is like, what kind of partnership do you
• 58:54
  want to have? What kind of partnered sex life
• 58:56
  do you want to have? And are you willing to do the
• 58:58
  work to get it? You know it's funny.
• 59:01
  What? That we we talk a lot when we
• 59:03
  talk in society there's like there's there's a lot of talk
• 59:07
  about libido discrepancy and how it's always assumed that it's
• 59:12
  the male partner who wants to have more sex, right but in my
• 59:16
  experience or from what I've been seeing or hearing it's
• 59:19
  usually the woman who wants to have more sex the.
• 59:22
  Vulva have her wanting to have more sex.
• 59:23
  I think it's like, but also as people get older, homies are
• 59:28
  going to, you know, testosterone is going to drop and female
• 59:32
  desire is going to keep. Yeah.
• 59:34
  I mean, I think it's also about like what kind of effort goes
• 59:40
  into a partner in sex life again, like I think that there's
• 59:42
  going to be some kind of desire discrepancy in whatever
• 59:45
  relationship you're in. Like even 2 gay men are going to
• 59:49
  have a desire discrepancy. Like no two people are exactly
• 59:53
  the same in how much they desire sex.
• 59:55
  And so it's about how do you work with that in your
• 59:58
  relationship, whether it's gone up or down for?
• 1:00:01
  By their person, and it likely will across the entire span of
• 1:00:06
  your relationship. I guess what I was trying to say
• 1:00:08
  is also like let's stop blaming women for being the low libido
• 1:00:12
  harder because it's not always true.
• 1:00:15
  Well, yeah, yeah, I think there there's no like 1 generalization
• 1:00:18
  you can make about desire discrepancy, but I people love
• 1:00:21
  to make them right Yeah and it definitely makes women with high
• 1:00:25
  desire feel bad. And so, women with high desire,
• 1:00:29
  there's nothing wrong with you if.
• 1:00:32
  Amen. Hold on.
• 1:00:33
  I got to go get water, OK? OK.
• 1:00:41
  Would you want to go through some of these questions?
• 1:00:42
  You pick one picture. Dealer's choice.
• 1:00:45
  OK, let's see, there's so many sweet ones.
• 1:00:50
  Okay, they were particularly good.
• 1:00:52
  Yeah, yeah, okay, So what? Some of these are going to be
• 1:00:55
  quick answers, but this one we kind of went over.
• 1:00:58
  This is from a vulva. Have our friends have 5 plus
• 1:01:01
  orgasms per sesh. How not to compare when I'm
• 1:01:04
  stoked to have one? What the fuck?
• 1:01:07
  Just be happy you're stoked. Right, if you're stoked to have
• 1:01:11
  one, fucking great. Like you do not need to have
• 1:01:13
  multiple orgasms if it's not if that's how your body works.
• 1:01:16
  Well, it's like, it's also like it's either keeping up with the
• 1:01:19
  Joneses, you know, or it's like comparison.
• 1:01:22
  Comparison is the thief of joy. Yes, it's it's all about having
• 1:01:25
  satisfying sex for you. If you have a great one orgasm.
• 1:01:29
  Like fuck yeah. Pumped.
• 1:01:32
  Yeah, that's more than most. Yeah, we love it.
• 1:01:36
  OK, hetero guy who loves butt stuff.
• 1:01:41
  How do we get women more comfortable?
• 1:01:44
  Great. Well, I hate to say you got to
• 1:01:48
  talk about it. I mean always.
• 1:01:50
  Got to talk. About it, definitely you don't
• 1:01:52
  want to go for the booty, any sort of booty play.
• 1:01:54
  Well, you're not going to get booty play if it's not coming up
• 1:01:58
  organically. Well, you can bring it up.
• 1:02:00
  No, no, but like like during like non verbally during sex if
• 1:02:05
  they're not touching your butt. I would say many straight women
• 1:02:10
  since they're a straight guy asking.
• 1:02:11
  Many straight women are not just going to go for some dudes ass.
• 1:02:14
  They're not going to go for some dudes ass, but also dudes.
• 1:02:18
  First of all, hygiene. Yes.
• 1:02:21
  You need the cleanest of. Asses.
• 1:02:23
  I would suggest, you know, clipping, shaving when you have
• 1:02:28
  a lot of hair, it's tough for the play.
• 1:02:31
  Oh, you don't have to, but I think it makes it easier.
• 1:02:35
  I used to shave my ass for a long time.
• 1:02:38
  I used to shave balls and ass. OK, because I really liked a lot
• 1:02:43
  of ass play. Great.
• 1:02:44
  Yeah. And so it's it's much more
• 1:02:46
  inviting. I think it is much more
• 1:02:48
  inviting. It's much more inviting.
• 1:02:49
  I stopped recently because like I'm, I don't know.
• 1:02:52
  Because you live in the Bay now. Because so no, I was living in
• 1:02:56
  the Bay then when when that happened.
• 1:02:57
  It's just like it's, it's a lot of upkeep.
• 1:02:59
  It's a lot of upkeep. I think you can do it just like
• 1:03:02
  before, you know you're going to have sex if you want.
• 1:03:05
  And I just think that it like it's helpful and it doesn't get
• 1:03:08
  Lube everywhere. Like Lube really sticks to a lot
• 1:03:12
  of hair. Well, you also don't need Lube
• 1:03:13
  if you're just doing it like mild.
• 1:03:15
  Butt play. Right, right, right.
• 1:03:16
  OK, so this. Guy loves butt stuff according
• 1:03:19
  to. This guy loves it, so yeah.
• 1:03:20
  So you probably use Lube. But this is, we're, we're
• 1:03:22
  talking about like reggae, regular people, not butt, butt
• 1:03:26
  sluts. Yeah.
• 1:03:27
  So trimming is a good idea. You use a Clipper, put a #3 on
• 1:03:31
  there or something and just kind of like thin the forest.
• 1:03:34
  Yeah, they make manscapers and they make.
• 1:03:36
  Manscapers so #1 #2 hygiene, clean, clean, clean.
• 1:03:40
  I think the fear with some hetero women is that like, it's
• 1:03:45
  dirty back there. It does not have to be dirty
• 1:03:48
  back there also like. It shouldn't.
• 1:03:49
  It shouldn't be dirty if you're. Doing full on like pegging,
• 1:03:54
  inserting things like there's always a potential that there
• 1:03:58
  will be yes, some poop yeah, and that's fine you.
• 1:04:01
  Can't keep knocking on poop's door expecting poop not to be
• 1:04:04
  home. Exactly.
• 1:04:05
  But generally if we're just doing like outer butt play or a
• 1:04:08
  little bit of light finger stuff or like rimming, it shouldn't.
• 1:04:11
  Yeah, there should not be any. Just wash your ass.
• 1:04:13
  Just wash your asshole. Number one.
• 1:04:15
  Number one, one, number two, clip your asshole #3 you're
• 1:04:20
  going to have to at some point talk about, talk about your
• 1:04:23
  asshole. Yeah, the three.
• 1:04:25
  Major. Points.
• 1:04:26
  I think an entry way is like, hey, can we like how do you feel
• 1:04:30
  about butt stuff? Yeah, yeah.
• 1:04:32
  Butt stuff, yes. Just that you could use those
• 1:04:35
  words exactly. Yeah.
• 1:04:37
  And I wonder, I mean, usually when someone says it to me, I
• 1:04:39
  say, like, for you or for me. And I would hope that whoever's
• 1:04:44
  on the receiving end of that says you can ask that question.
• 1:04:47
  Because if a man says to a woman, what do you think about
• 1:04:50
  butt stuff, she might automatically assume he's trying
• 1:04:52
  to have anal with her. Right, which is kind of probably
• 1:04:55
  a safe assumption. Yeah, often.
• 1:04:57
  But I think like, if this dude's trying to get his ass, you know,
• 1:05:01
  worked, then I think he can be like, you know, how do you feel
• 1:05:04
  about butt stuff? I'm into it.
• 1:05:07
  I'm into receiving it. He can just, you know, float
• 1:05:10
  that. I love, I love getting my ass
• 1:05:12
  played with. Yeah, I love getting my ass
• 1:05:14
  played with. I like the rimming.
• 1:05:15
  I like the outside part. A little finger inside during a
• 1:05:19
  blowjob or. And you could be like, it's not
• 1:05:21
  a necessity unless it is, then you should really only be dating
• 1:05:24
  women who are into it. But you could be like, I'm just,
• 1:05:26
  I'm just bringing up the conversation and do this with
• 1:05:29
  your clothes on before you are in bed, please.
• 1:05:33
  Easier. To way less vulnerable, you
• 1:05:35
  don't have to be doubly naked. Who's doubly Oh, oh, that's your
• 1:05:38
  double. Vulnerable.
• 1:05:39
  I mean that. Got it.
• 1:05:40
  That's good. Yeah, Yeah, we'll keep using it.
• 1:05:42
  But also how it's like so awkward if you're naked in bed
• 1:05:46
  and like your Dick's getting sucked and you're like, how
• 1:05:49
  about touching my ass? And then she's like.
• 1:05:51
  Yeah. When I do it before, it's like
• 1:05:53
  you're like, no, what's happening?
• 1:05:54
  Yeah, I think there's also a fear that like maybe some hetero
• 1:05:58
  women will think that that's a gay thing to do or that he might
• 1:06:01
  he might be like a little fruity.
• 1:06:03
  Well, I hope that those women understand that that is not what
• 1:06:07
  it is. And also if he is a little
• 1:06:09
  fruity, who gives a flying buck? Yeah, well, because then what
• 1:06:12
  does that mean? Maybe he'll leave me for a.
• 1:06:14
  Dude, I mean this is the patriarchy and
• 1:06:16
  heteronormativity. I would encourage then those men
• 1:06:19
  to not date those women right? And I would hope that they would
• 1:06:22
  be able to expand their view of what sexuality is.
• 1:06:26
  Yes, love it. Yeah, that's all I want is for
• 1:06:29
  people to be able to expand it. It's fun.
• 1:06:31
  It's playful. You're allowed to want to get
• 1:06:32
  your ass played with. Yeah, like and it doesn't mean
• 1:06:36
  you are a specific sexuality. Well, OK, so I've, I've had like
• 1:06:41
  a couple homosexual encounters in my life.
• 1:06:44
  I've dated some trans women, but I've had some threesomes with
• 1:06:47
  dudes. I blew a guy in college and some
• 1:06:52
  women will say, oh, homie is for sure gay.
• 1:06:55
  No, yeah, no straight guy would ever do any of those things.
• 1:06:59
  And I identify as pretty straight.
• 1:07:02
  Like I'm I'm a little fruity. Well, you're pretty straight
• 1:07:04
  because you know what the options are and.
• 1:07:07
  And I've tried them. You know what you like.
• 1:07:08
  I've tried them, yeah. Just knowing I mean I can be
• 1:07:12
  vegetarian and have eaten meat, no?
• 1:07:15
  In the A real vegetarian would not do that.
• 1:07:17
  Oh my. God, no, because I want to know,
• 1:07:19
  you know, I want to know what the.
• 1:07:20
  One that was that was my exact argument.
• 1:07:23
  Like oh, if I'm a vegetarian and I had meat once, am I no longer
• 1:07:27
  a vegetarian? You just understood what the
• 1:07:29
  options are and you're like, oh, actually being a vegetarian
• 1:07:31
  works for me. No one's fighting the
• 1:07:34
  vegetarians on that. Most vegans do not start vegan,
• 1:07:37
  OK, And no one's coming for them.
• 1:07:39
  Actually, they're all coming for vegans anyway.
• 1:07:41
  But. Yeah, vegans do your own thing.
• 1:07:43
  We love you. You're saving.
• 1:07:44
  You're literally saving the world.
• 1:07:46
  Yes, yes, thank you. And you're saving the chickpea
• 1:07:51
  industry. Big, big chickpea big.
• 1:07:55
  Tempe. Big, big soybean.
• 1:07:57
  Big soybean is, is alive as well.
• 1:07:59
  Yeah, I have gotten a little push back there and well.
• 1:08:02
  I assume then you stopped dating whoever gave you that.
• 1:08:05
  Push. No, no, I wasn't dating these
• 1:08:06
  people. Oh, God, yeah.
• 1:08:07
  No, they're, they're they're, you know, Internet.
• 1:08:09
  Getting their opinions on your sexuality.
• 1:08:11
  Yes, people love doing that on my Instagram.
• 1:08:14
  So dumb. They're allowed to though.
• 1:08:17
  You're allowed to you're. Right, more engagement.
• 1:08:18
  You're allowed to be wrong. That engagement is engagement.
• 1:08:24
  It's funny, I get a lot of like, oh, I thought he was straight.
• 1:08:26
  Oh, I thought he was gay. Oh, I thought he was bi.
• 1:08:27
  Oh, I thought he was. We would love you on the BI
• 1:08:30
  team. You're always welcome.
• 1:08:31
  I, you know, I've, I've, yeah, I don't know, presentation.
• 1:08:35
  I just don't want to make out with a guy.
• 1:08:38
  Yeah, I don't want to be romantic with a dude.
• 1:08:41
  Yeah, I don't even really want to.
• 1:08:42
  Think of sucking a Dick. I like sucking a Dick on a trans
• 1:08:46
  woman, OK? Yeah.
• 1:08:47
  Yeah, because I like femininity. I like the female form, but I'm
• 1:08:51
  also turned on by penis, but not when it's attached to a dude.
• 1:08:55
  Yeah, So it's like pretty, pretty margin.
• 1:08:58
  Like it's like, you know, it's a, it's a specific niche.
• 1:09:02
  Yeah, it's a specific niche. It can be.
• 1:09:05
  Served. It's it, it has been great.
• 1:09:10
  But yeah, dudes, I don't know. Like I've, I've had that couple
• 1:09:12
  of threesomes with another guy and, and a woman and like, I
• 1:09:15
  tried like blowing them or whatever.
• 1:09:17
  And I'm just like, well, first of all, it's a lot of work.
• 1:09:20
  It is a lot of. Work.
• 1:09:21
  It's way more work than eating pussy.
• 1:09:23
  The jaw. Really.
• 1:09:24
  Yeah. The jaw the like the it's
• 1:09:26
  active. It's I, I mean, I think eating
• 1:09:29
  pussy is pretty active. I thought there's less stuff in
• 1:09:32
  your mouth. First of all, there's you could.
• 1:09:34
  Yeah, it's easier. Well, I was going to say it's
• 1:09:36
  easier to breathe. Not necessarily, but no, it's
• 1:09:39
  less physical. Both can be very physical.
• 1:09:43
  Well, if you're incorporating other here's the thing with
• 1:09:48
  eating pussy. Your your mouth can be your head
• 1:09:51
  can be static, but your mouth is working.
• 1:09:54
  Yes, you're not usually doing this moving right, but with a
• 1:09:58
  blowjob, there's a lot of, you know.
• 1:10:01
  I just think the jaw like has to be so much bigger with a blowjob
• 1:10:05
  than it does eating pussy. It depends.
• 1:10:08
  Yeah, depends on the size of the penis.
• 1:10:10
  That's that's true. I encourage everyone to try
• 1:10:16
  both. Yeah, and it doesn't mean
• 1:10:17
  anything it. Doesn't mean anything.
• 1:10:19
  It means you tried. It means.
• 1:10:20
  You tried? Yeah, Just like being a
• 1:10:22
  vegetarian. Tell people that.
• 1:10:24
  I did wonder if I was gay for a while there because because I
• 1:10:27
  had experimented as a younger, as like a teenager.
• 1:10:29
  Yeah, I mean, I think that that is the messaging that most men
• 1:10:32
  especially get, yeah, That if you are even experimenting,
• 1:10:36
  you're gay. Because straight guys don't do
• 1:10:37
  that. They know.
• 1:10:39
  Right. I actually think it's so much
• 1:10:40
  hotter for everyone to have experimented and understand as
• 1:10:45
  long as you are being clear with the people that you are
• 1:10:47
  experimenting with that like you are learning something new about
• 1:10:50
  yourself and they are opting in to that scenario and you're not
• 1:10:53
  just like using them for your own experiment.
• 1:10:56
  Yeah, if you're like, bicurious, yeah.
• 1:10:58
  Well, I hooked up with this woman who was bicurious on
• 1:11:00
  field, and she said that it was shockingly difficult to find a
• 1:11:04
  woman to sleep with as a bicurious woman.
• 1:11:06
  Yeah, I think that. Lesbians are like, less
• 1:11:09
  interested in like coaching you. There's a lot of lesbian hate
• 1:11:15
  towards by women who, especially by women who are experimenting.
• 1:11:19
  By Curious, yeah. It's very unfortunate.
• 1:11:22
  Yeah, it's too bad. I mean, I like some of my
• 1:11:26
  favorite sex experiences were with lesbians who were.
• 1:11:30
  Yeah, I love that. Like so fun.
• 1:11:33
  I love that so much. So fun.
• 1:11:35
  It's, I think it's a lot of lesbians have been really burned
• 1:11:38
  by, by women who or like by curious women who are
• 1:11:42
  experimenting and then inevitably go back to a man.
• 1:11:45
  I think that that can feel really, really shitty.
• 1:11:47
  And so it makes sense that a lot of lesbians who have had this
• 1:11:49
  experiment experience or have had other women in their lives
• 1:11:55
  had this experience want to stay away from it.
• 1:11:57
  But I do think that there should be more emphasis on like, being
• 1:12:02
  inviting to buy curious women and them presenting people
• 1:12:08
  because I think otherwise, like, how are we supposed to
• 1:12:11
  understand what we like, where we fit in?
• 1:12:15
  And also I think it stops a lot of by women from coming out and
• 1:12:19
  claiming their queerness. I think it's very sad.
• 1:12:23
  But by women, you can experiment with each other.
• 1:12:25
  And and yes, that's true. And I have also, you know,
• 1:12:28
  that's right. Yeah.
• 1:12:29
  Two bi curious women together? Yes, that's what you filter for
• 1:12:33
  on fuel A. Lot of like learning.
• 1:12:35
  That would be the best scenario. I mean, it could.
• 1:12:38
  Be a little bit like a little clumsy, but you know what?
• 1:12:41
  We all got to store somewhere. I will say that when I had sex
• 1:12:44
  with with someone who had never had sex with a woman who had
• 1:12:47
  never had sex with a man before, she was a self clip proclaimed
• 1:12:50
  Gold Star lesbian. Oh.
• 1:12:52
  And then she gave away her gold. She gave me her Gold Star, I
• 1:12:54
  guess. Do I get it?
• 1:12:56
  I don't. I didn't want to assume.
• 1:12:58
  I don't want to assume that I got it.
• 1:12:59
  That's like, oh, it's mine now. Yeah, she's like, here you go.
• 1:13:03
  Not once did I assume that she would just be like Oh my God,
• 1:13:07
  Sean, you're the best. This is all I've ever wanted.
• 1:13:10
  I assumed experimental that's she would be going straight back
• 1:13:13
  to women after me. But there was just a one time
• 1:13:16
  deal. So you got to opt into it.
• 1:13:19
  And I think a lot of women especially are like, that's not
• 1:13:23
  what I'm looking for. It's just like a hookup, right?
• 1:13:25
  But if you are interested in it, then fucking like, make it
• 1:13:29
  known. And I hope that other people
• 1:13:31
  will receive that. She made it known.
• 1:13:33
  She reached out to me. She said hey, I've got did you?
• 1:13:35
  DM you on your. No, no, this was way before
• 1:13:37
  this. This is somebody that I used to
• 1:13:38
  know in San Francisco I love and she reached out and she she we
• 1:13:43
  had like friends in common and she goes hey, and we used to
• 1:13:46
  always flirt, but like it was totally clear.
• 1:13:48
  Yeah, and you were like this? She's a.
• 1:13:49
  Lesbian. She's a lesbian and I love for
• 1:13:51
  lesbians because yeah, exactly. So it's very like.
• 1:13:53
  Everyone should flirt more often overall, and it doesn't have to
• 1:13:56
  go anywhere beyond flirting. Except for I get called gay bait
• 1:13:59
  all the time because I like flirting with gay gay boys too.
• 1:14:03
  Anyway, she reached out, she goes.
• 1:14:05
  Hey, weird request but I would love to have sex with a man and
• 1:14:10
  I've identified you as someone who might a.
• 1:14:13
  Safe. Guy a safe guy to have sex with.
• 1:14:16
  Are you interested? I go, I think we should talk
• 1:14:17
  first. Yeah, let's sit together.
• 1:14:20
  And we talked and I go I'm super into it.
• 1:14:21
  But like, what are you looking to experience?
• 1:14:24
  What are your boundaries? We did like desire spheres and
• 1:14:27
  boundaries. She was like, OK, I want to like
• 1:14:30
  penetration and do not want to suck your Dick.
• 1:14:32
  Great. And I was like, great, thank you
• 1:14:34
  so much. And then during sex, she was
• 1:14:36
  like, actually, I really want to suck your Dick.
• 1:14:38
  I was like, wow, Also great. Are you?
• 1:14:40
  Flexible. Be clear about your interest.
• 1:14:44
  Yeah. What do you want to do after?
• 1:14:45
  Oh, I want like 10 minutes of cuddling and then like a shower
• 1:14:49
  or something. Yeah.
• 1:14:50
  That peak excellent sex behavior.
• 1:14:54
  Talking about aftercare before you have sex.
• 1:14:57
  Hard to remember to do. Hard to remember to do.
• 1:15:00
  And if you're having that negotiation, I mean, obviously
• 1:15:03
  that was a very clear specific negotiation, but it can be a
• 1:15:06
  great thing to bring it back to the beginning when you're asking
• 1:15:09
  about sleepover or not. You can also include like, even
• 1:15:13
  though we're not going to have a sleepover, I'd love to like make
• 1:15:15
  sure that I give you exactly what you need after we play.
• 1:15:18
  What would that look like? A.
• 1:15:19
  Sleepover. Well, that's going to take some
• 1:15:23
  negotiation, OK. We could, like, nap for 10
• 1:15:27
  minutes and then yeah, yeah. Shower citrus.
• 1:15:31
  Yeah, I'm gonna sleep citrus. We can have some some oranges
• 1:15:34
  together. And slices like after.
• 1:15:36
  Chocolate, yeah. Orange slices and like an igloo
• 1:15:38
  like Gatorade thing with a little yeah.
• 1:15:42
  It could pretty sun. It could be a shower, it could
• 1:15:44
  be puddling pillow top. I love a sexist survey.
• 1:15:49
  One of my past lovers gave this to me.
• 1:15:53
  Shout out to her. This was the best thing ever.
• 1:15:56
  You can go over. What did you love about the sex
• 1:15:59
  that you just had? What are you excited about the
• 1:16:02
  next time that you have sex? If you think there's going to be
• 1:16:05
  a next time, what do you want more of next time you have sex?
• 1:16:08
  And what also might not have worked for.
• 1:16:11
  You. Yeah.
• 1:16:11
  What do you want less of? Rose Thorn bug on the sex we
• 1:16:15
  just had. A sexist survey, everyone.
• 1:16:17
  We should have them. I'm a fan.
• 1:16:19
  I'm a fan of this exit survey. Love this exit survey Yeah, I've
• 1:16:23
  done them before. I don't do them all the time,
• 1:16:25
  but one more question, Yes, and then we'll wrap it up.
• 1:16:28
  I know you've got a busy day. I.
• 1:16:31
  Know. Clients.
• 1:16:32
  Clients. OK, hold on.
• 1:16:34
  Just a couple real quick. Fire quick.
• 1:16:36
  Necessary to give a new partner a heads up.
• 1:16:38
  That's squirting like a fire hose that I squirt like a fire
• 1:16:41
  hose, yes. Bring your own supply.
• 1:16:46
  Yeah, bring a freak sheet, bring a splash blanket, bring bring
• 1:16:49
  what? A puppy pad?
• 1:16:50
  Like yes, absolutely your fucking.
• 1:16:52
  Bag of tricks. 100% unless it's at your house.
• 1:16:59
  Then you should have it all. You've got the blanket all set
• 1:17:01
  up and you want to surprise them.
• 1:17:06
  I feel like that would be OK. I feel like you don't have to
• 1:17:09
  say. Yeah, you should surprise them
• 1:17:11
  and then be like, Oh my God, it's the first time.
• 1:17:13
  Oh my God, you so hot. Your Dick is amazing.
• 1:17:15
  You're amazing. That's hilarious.
• 1:17:19
  Don't actually do that. That would be funny.
• 1:17:20
  I mean, I think that's it's like that would be funny also.
• 1:17:23
  OK, you could also be like, sorry, just kidding.
• 1:17:26
  Like that happens a lot. Just kidding, your Dick isn't
• 1:17:29
  not. Good.
• 1:17:29
  So not necessary but like. I think probably, yeah, people
• 1:17:33
  probably want a heads up. I would be OK with being
• 1:17:36
  surprised for sure, but I would be pissed.
• 1:17:39
  I would be pissed if you were in my bed.
• 1:17:41
  I I would, yeah. I mean, you're going somewhere.
• 1:17:44
  You should definitely be clear that you're going to squirt
• 1:17:46
  because that might shift the bed set up.
• 1:17:48
  Yeah, because some people spend a lot of money on their bedding,
• 1:17:51
  yes. I would be very annoyed if
• 1:17:54
  someone squirted in my bed and I was not prepared for it.
• 1:17:56
  Yeah. Also, all of you, every single
• 1:17:59
  goddamn of you listeners, you need this is a requirement.
• 1:18:07
  A fucking waterproof mattress pad.
• 1:18:09
  Oh. To protect your investment.
• 1:18:12
  That's true. Period.
• 1:18:14
  Blood, Lube, squirt, all sorts of sweat.
• 1:18:18
  Come on. I mean I use the sex playing it.
• 1:18:21
  You don't have a waterproof mattress protector.
• 1:18:23
  No. Wow.
• 1:18:24
  Oh, OK. Oh, I'm already failing.
• 1:18:27
  Anyways, I think that's one of my non negotiables.
• 1:18:31
  It's a deal breaker. Oh shit, yeah, I travel with
• 1:18:35
  one. No, no, I'm kidding.
• 1:18:38
  I just think like, OK, one of my pet peeves is like a dirty ass
• 1:18:42
  stain. No, a stained mattress.
• 1:18:44
  Who? The fuck is?
• 1:18:45
  Looking at the actual, it's disgusting.
• 1:18:48
  Who? Is.
• 1:18:48
  What are you a name? When I'm changing sheets.
• 1:18:51
  When I'm changing my sheets and there's a big old wet spot.
• 1:18:55
  OK. I don't know.
• 1:18:56
  That's not happening to my mattress.
• 1:18:57
  Is your mattress pristine? It doesn't have one little spot.
• 1:19:00
  Pretty pristine. OK, well then we don't have a
• 1:19:02
  problem. Great.
• 1:19:04
  I'm back in the good graces everyone.
• 1:19:06
  I know you're all concerned there.
• 1:19:07
  We're about two minutes. OK, let's see if we have another
• 1:19:11
  like yes, no, that we can both agree on.
• 1:19:14
  My mom listens to all my podcasts.
• 1:19:16
  This one, I'm going to be going to have to give her a little.
• 1:19:19
  Why is this one more explicit than?
• 1:19:22
  No, I feel like it's more specific sex stuff like actual
• 1:19:26
  sex acts rather than. I'm willing to go there.
• 1:19:29
  I love it. I love it rather than talking
• 1:19:31
  about the idea of sex. This is what women talk about
• 1:19:35
  after sex. They talk about the specifics,
• 1:19:37
  the nitty gritties. Honestly I I am such a bad like
• 1:19:41
  biased version of this because I talk about this with literally
• 1:19:44
  everyone all the time. Do you identify as a woman?
• 1:19:46
  I do OK but. But not like with it's not only
• 1:19:49
  with other women like. Right, right.
• 1:19:50
  But. I'm talking to strangers.
• 1:19:52
  But generally speaking, what I've heard is the women will get
• 1:19:55
  into the nitty gritty down to like the degree curve of the
• 1:19:58
  penis that they have sex with. Guys, don't do that.
• 1:20:01
  Well, guys are missing out. We don't do that.
• 1:20:05
  They should be. Yeah, we should be, because
• 1:20:06
  that's how you all get better at sex is you got to be telling
• 1:20:10
  each other the tips and tricks. We're all great at it, so why
• 1:20:13
  would we meet? Perfect at sex.
• 1:20:15
  What's the point of we have other things to talk about?
• 1:20:18
  Great. Sports.
• 1:20:19
  Yeah. Business.
• 1:20:22
  Finances. Just some insight on men with
• 1:20:26
  low libido. Feels like all men but my
• 1:20:28
  boyfriend have high libido. Oh well, all people have
• 1:20:32
  different libidos. But but it is sort of the
• 1:20:35
  cultural expectation or the storyline and that's why they
• 1:20:39
  need to fuck all the women and their cheaters.
• 1:20:42
  And like, it's just it's, it's in their DNA.
• 1:20:44
  I think the thing other people need to understand too is that
• 1:20:47
  like libido is not just this ephemeral like comes from the
• 1:20:52
  groin type of shit. Like your desire is impacted by
• 1:20:57
  your stress level, by how connected you feel to your
• 1:20:59
  partner, by how blow did you feel, by how.
• 1:21:04
  Yeah, exactly. Like, and if you're in a season
• 1:21:08
  of like challenge in your life, your libido might go way down
• 1:21:12
  and that is fucking normal. And in the current state of the
• 1:21:15
  fucking world, your libido might be way down, which is also
• 1:21:18
  normal. There are things to do to like
• 1:21:22
  figure out how to kind of negotiate with your own desire
• 1:21:26
  and figure out what are some accelerators for your desire,
• 1:21:30
  and more importantly, what the brakes are for your desire and
• 1:21:33
  how to take those brakes off as much as possible.
• 1:21:35
  Shout out Emily Nagowski for making that.
• 1:21:38
  Come as you are. Yes, I was in my in my head.
• 1:21:41
  I was like, what's the name of the book?
• 1:21:42
  What's the book? You got it.
• 1:21:44
  Go, Emily. OK, a couple quick, quick fire
• 1:21:47
  because then we got to get you out of here.
• 1:21:49
  How to address wanting anal as a woman?
• 1:21:53
  I mean the same way that we had the discussion earlier.
• 1:21:55
  Hey baby, how do you feel about plowing my ass tonight?
• 1:21:59
  How do you feel about butt play? How do you feel about putting
• 1:22:04
  your Dick in my ass? Yeah, but also for everyone
• 1:22:07
  doing butt play where you're inserting something, please make
• 1:22:09
  sure that you are using a lot of Lube, that you are going slow to
• 1:22:13
  begin with, and that you are warming up with your fingers
• 1:22:17
  probably first. Or a butt plug or a butt plug.
• 1:22:19
  I love a butt plug because it's like static.
• 1:22:21
  Yeah. It lets the the butt just like
• 1:22:23
  relax. Yeah, there you can get like a
• 1:22:25
  series of butt plugs, small, medium, large, then you know,
• 1:22:30
  whatever. You can also train on your own
• 1:22:32
  like. Train on your own solo play.
• 1:22:33
  You can train while you're out doing grocery.
• 1:22:37
  Yes you can. Absolutely.
• 1:22:38
  If you are into that. You can have a little ponytail
• 1:22:41
  sticking out of it too if you want you.
• 1:22:43
  Can go to Folsom St. Fair and have a Unicorn tail.
• 1:22:45
  You can do all sorts of things. Yeah.
• 1:22:47
  Is that have you done that? Not a Folsom St.
• 1:22:49
  Fair, OK. There are some women who love
• 1:22:54
  anal. These are probably not the the
• 1:22:56
  women who are having a hard time addressing if they want anal.
• 1:23:00
  But like, also, there's, you know, you can just be like,
• 1:23:01
  yeah, I love, I love to get fucked.
• 1:23:04
  I'd love to get my ass fucked. And and just make sure they know
• 1:23:07
  how to fucking do it. Like it's.
• 1:23:11
  Not just like, oh, I would love to get my ass fucked.
• 1:23:12
  Like great. And now I'm just gonna fucking
• 1:23:14
  plow you. Like you have to do the warm up
• 1:23:17
  and they have to understand how to use their Dick in your ass
• 1:23:20
  and that like you might need to stop for a second and breathe
• 1:23:24
  while their Dick is getting inserted all the way.
• 1:23:27
  And that's totally normal. It the insertion part, unless
• 1:23:30
  you're like, you know, used to getting plowed back there is is
• 1:23:35
  going to take some time. It can take like 20 minutes,
• 1:23:38
  sure, like 30 minutes. Like it's not just a totally.
• 1:23:40
  Fine. Yeah, yeah.
• 1:23:41
  What's the rush? Sure, you use a lot.
• 1:23:43
  Of what else you doing? It's nothing.
• 1:23:45
  You have nothing else to do. You are just doing each other.
• 1:23:50
  Take your time how often is normal to get tested every
• 1:23:53
  partner. If they want.
• 1:23:55
  If you want. I think some general guidelines
• 1:23:59
  could be like every three months if you are having a lot of new
• 1:24:02
  partners every six months. You could say every three
• 1:24:05
  partner. Every three partners.
• 1:24:07
  Every five partner, every I like to get to, you can say I want to
• 1:24:11
  get tested after every new partner.
• 1:24:12
  Yeah, you can absolutely do that.
• 1:24:14
  Whatever you want. Yeah, it's, it's really up to
• 1:24:16
  you, as long as you understand what your results are and you
• 1:24:19
  have current results and your partner has current results.
• 1:24:23
  Great, but they were asking how often is normal.
• 1:24:25
  There is no normal. Never.
• 1:24:27
  Never is probably normal. Average is probably.
• 1:24:31
  Not enough? Yeah.
• 1:24:33
  Almost never, yeah, but that's not what we're going off of.
• 1:24:35
  Yeah, I mean, there's nothing hotter than being like, I was
• 1:24:38
  tested last month. Yeah, I've had two partners
• 1:24:40
  since then. My tests were whatever, blah,
• 1:24:42
  blah, blah. Yes, I love when I hear that.
• 1:24:44
  I also love that. Yeah, throw it on your field and
• 1:24:46
  you got me. You got me, girl.
• 1:24:47
  Especially for someone that has multiple sex partners at the
• 1:24:50
  same time or overlapping or whatever.
• 1:24:52
  Like get normally tested, get. Also, how risky is the sex?
• 1:24:57
  Right. If you're having condom sex, if
• 1:24:59
  you're using, let's say you're using condoms and there isn't,
• 1:25:02
  then you're not having oral, oral sex.
• 1:25:04
  Like, OK, you can maybe go longer, you know?
• 1:25:07
  It depends on your risk tolerance.
• 1:25:08
  It depends on your partner's risk tolerance.
• 1:25:12
  It it's really up to you. You can get tested whenever
• 1:25:15
  you'd like. If you're having sex with no
• 1:25:17
  condoms, with HI, with IV drug users, sex workers.
• 1:25:22
  You probably want to get tested a lot more.
• 1:25:24
  Often, yeah. You just want to know you want
• 1:25:26
  to have a current status update for people.
• 1:25:29
  Yeah, OK, one last one. OK, one quickie.
• 1:25:32
  Yeah. What do you think the breakdown
• 1:25:34
  is of men wanting casual sex compared to women?
• 1:25:39
  I think that ideally women actually want more casual sex.
• 1:25:44
  Like overall not more than men, but just more than they say.
• 1:25:47
  But I. Or more than they're having.
• 1:25:49
  More than they're having. But I think that in actuality it
• 1:25:53
  is so much more dangerous for women to be having casual sex,
• 1:25:57
  so they are having less of it. Yeah, the risks are the the
• 1:26:00
  risks and the consequences are so much.
• 1:26:01
  Higher, right. And so I think that like if
• 1:26:04
  we're talking about heterosexual people, right?
• 1:26:06
  And I think that men have less of a danger risk and so they
• 1:26:12
  have more casual sex. Dan Savage was saying that if
• 1:26:14
  women felt safer to have more casual sex and they, they, they,
• 1:26:18
  they would have much more. We we can't say how much more.
• 1:26:22
  But absolutely. But if there was the the like
• 1:26:24
  straight equivalent of a bath house.
• 1:26:26
  We. Women would go.
• 1:26:28
  Yeah, because we are constantly, we're not just assessing for
• 1:26:31
  sexual partnership or assessing for safety every single time we
• 1:26:35
  assess with anyone and. Which I don't have to, right?
• 1:26:39
  Even when I'm getting pegged, I don't really have.
• 1:26:41
  Fairy yoga woman, correct. Yeah, yeah.
• 1:26:45
  It's, it can be a physically dangerous, emotionally
• 1:26:49
  dangerous, sexually dangerous environment for us.
• 1:26:52
  And so all of those assessments can be really exhausting.
• 1:26:57
  And so women are having way less casual sex.
• 1:27:00
  But I I would encourage you, if you feel safe, to do what you
• 1:27:03
  want sexually. And that's a shame.
• 1:27:05
  Yeah, it is a shame. It's a shame.
• 1:27:07
  It's a shame. Wow, do we end on a high note.
• 1:27:10
  I don't know. That's OK, the whole thing was a
• 1:27:13
  high note. Yeah, the whole thing was a high
• 1:27:14
  note. OK, two questions.
• 1:27:16
  Where can we find you? At Sex Clarified on all
• 1:27:19
  platforms you can also find my website sexclarified.com.
• 1:27:24
  If you want to work with me, you can put an inquiry on my
• 1:27:28
  website. I can only work with
• 1:27:29
  California-based people. Instagram sex clarified.
• 1:27:33
  Sub stack sex clarified. Only fans and sex clarify.
• 1:27:42
  OK, last question, what does love mean to you?
• 1:27:43
  Oh. My God, love means to me, I
• 1:27:47
  think, understanding, playfulness and consistency.
• 1:27:54
  Oh yeah. Thank you so much for all of
• 1:27:57
  your wisdom and your time and your playfulness and your
• 1:27:59
  consistency. Thank you so much for having me,
• 1:28:02
  I loved it. You're welcome.
• 1:28:05
  Thank you, thank you. Thank you all for being here.
• 1:28:08
  What did you think? Leave me a comment on Spotify,
• 1:28:11
  on YouTube, leave a review on Apple Podcasts, and you can
• 1:28:17
  leave me any sort of messages at Podcast at the Love dr.com.
• 1:28:22
  That is such a better place to send me questions than my DMS.
• 1:28:26
  So Podcast at the Love dr.com or leave a voicemail 415-494-9559
• 1:28:34
  Look in the show notes for everything about Claire
• 1:28:36
  Pearlman. Thank you for being here.
• 1:28:39
  Thank you for spending this hour and a half with with us.
• 1:28:41
  Today means the world to me and have a beautiful week and a
• 1:28:46
  beautiful weekend. Bye bye.