Latest / Gorls Unplugged / Soft Girl Era: Is it realistic or just an aesthetic?

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Soft Girl Era: Is it realistic or just an aesthetic? · Gorls Unplugged

0:00
Welcome back to Episode 6. I can't believe we're actually
0:03
here at Episode 6 now, three of that, which is amazing.
0:05
Time is going so fast. Soft girl era is literally
0:10
everywhere right now. It's like a global phenomenon.
0:13
Like it's slowly start tripping in January and I feel like
0:15
everyone is talking about being in the soft girl era.
0:18
Yeah, but let's face it, life anxiety men don't always let us
0:24
be in our soccer eras, so we thought we'd dig into that a
0:27
bit. Yeah, I'm excited to talk about
0:29
this one because I feel like this does lean into the types of
0:33
content I've been making recently it.
0:35
Does actually, yes, yeah. So I feel like.
0:37
I have. Thoughts.
0:39
Many thoughts. Yeah.
0:41
Expect chaos. Yeah.
0:43
And some heart furnace. I feel like this is going to
0:45
bring out some serious topics as well in US.
0:47
Yeah, this is a little bit of a deeper 1.
0:49
Not the bookish chaos, it's. More, but in true brunch into a
0:52
star, there will be chaos and carnage will follow, I'm sure.
0:56
Yes, probably. And we'll probably go on a
0:58
tangent at some point that will lead to even more chaos.
1:03
So let's get into it, yeah? So for a little bit of context,
1:07
I've actually been vlogging recently on TikTok on YouTube,
1:12
and I've been doing these like what I call cozy vlogs, which is
1:16
showing my other hobbies outside of reading.
1:18
And it very much leans into this like soft girl trend and soft
1:22
girl era, even though I haven't specifically called it that.
1:25
Yeah, it's a very similar content type, but I do feel
1:29
sometimes like a little bit of a fraud because some of these
1:33
moments are not actually that peaceful or soft and they just
1:36
are in theory. Like, for example, when I blog
1:40
baking, it is never that relaxing for me because a I and
1:46
one of these people that causes like, chaos in the kitchen when
1:49
they cook. Yeah.
1:50
I can't tidy as I go along. Yeah.
1:52
And also, I'm not very good at baking, especially since I've
1:55
been trying to bake vegan 'cause my sister's vegan.
1:58
Yeah, I've found my recipes are even worse.
2:01
So it's just like chaos when I'm doing it.
2:04
And I'm trying to actually film and blog, which is a form of
2:08
work. And then it's stressful.
2:10
It is stressful, like I enjoy it, but it's a lot to think
2:14
about. It's a lot of like mental maths
2:16
and things and like trying to get the angles while you're
2:18
actually doing something that's very manual.
2:20
Yeah. And so sometimes I do feel like
2:23
a bit of a fraud with these soft girl moments.
2:26
Yeah, I get that because I like I have my other TikTok account
2:31
as on my book talk account and sometimes I film these notes.
2:35
Like the other day I posted a video about me and my kids and
2:37
we went out to the farm for dinner and it was genuinely the
2:39
best day. Like, we had so much fun on
2:42
Easter Sunday, but it was so chaotic.
2:48
Yeah. Every moment was trustful.
2:49
Someone was screaming because they wanted this ice cream, that
2:53
ice cream. They didn't want to do this.
2:54
They didn't want to do that. So I do.
2:56
I get that completely. Like, the video made it look
2:59
like the best perfect Family Day out, obviously, because it was
3:03
great. But the reality is, no day like
3:05
that with small kids is peaceful.
3:07
Yeah, at all. Yeah, it's enjoyable, but it's
3:09
not. Peace 100%.
3:11
It's not soft, yeah. But I do feel like it's a hard
3:14
one for me because I do feel conflicted about it because
3:16
there is genuinely a lot of things that I do do within these
3:20
soft girl blogs and stuff that actually do bring me peace.
3:23
So like 1 is I've recently started coloring, which is so
3:29
simple, but I never used to like colouring when people did it.
3:33
Like there was a trend of it a few years ago as well, I think
3:36
just before COVID where people had all those adult colouring
3:39
books and they were all like the mandala ones.
3:41
Yeah, I never liked them because they were a.
3:43
Bit I had those for a while. Yeah, I found them a bit fiddly.
3:46
Like I'd prefer to just actually draw all pain.
3:49
But you know, since all these like cozy like bigger ones have
3:52
come out. Yeah, they're like children's
3:54
easy colouring books. I've seen them.
3:56
Yeah, that's literally what I have.
3:58
It's much more mindless. So I just put in an audio book
4:03
and I just sit in colour and like sometimes it's only like
4:06
half an hour or sometimes it's while I'm watching TV in the
4:08
evening. But it genuinely does bring me
4:11
peace and I find it so relaxing. And it's one of the only hobbies
4:16
I can do actually as well where I'm listening to an audio book
4:18
and still take Yeah. So that's something that
4:21
actually does genuinely work for me that I got from Cosy TikTok,
4:25
soft Girl TikTok. I love it like I watch it and
4:28
I'm like oh the feeling in my mind of like how it could feel
4:33
to feel that kind of peace seems like the best idea ever.
4:38
But the reality is I just genuinely don't know how to
4:42
relax. I can find moments of ish like
4:47
audio book on clean the house, but even then I'm like, I've
4:51
gotta do this, go do this, go do this, go do this and I just
4:53
don't know how to actually switch off, switch off and steal
4:59
my mind. I feel like that could be a
5:01
phase of life, you know? Yeah.
5:04
Do you think that job you've had kids or do you like that before
5:07
as well? I feel like I've always been an
5:08
on the go person. Like we haven't touched on it
5:11
too much in the in the podcast yet, but I have severe combined
5:15
ADHD and I've never really known how to sit still, but I just
5:22
think like I feel like I've been able to chill out before.
5:26
I think in the phase of life I'm currently in full time job
5:30
content creation podcast, two small children, stepmom to one
5:35
house to run, husband to deal with.
5:38
Like it's a lot I know. So I thought my brain doesn't
5:41
really know how to yeah, shut off.
5:44
When I read, I find a bit of peace, but I never really feel
5:47
it's very, very rare. I feel true moments of complete
5:51
calm. Yeah, I guess like it is very
5:56
different in the sense that our lifestyles are completely so
6:00
completely different and that very much dictates how able we
6:04
are to lean into this soft build era.
6:07
And it's really interesting to hear you say that you don't feel
6:11
peace very often because I'm really lucky that in the last
6:16
year or so, I feel relaxed most of the time.
6:18
But then I think back to when I was working full time and the
6:22
answer would have been very different.
6:23
Yeah. So I can't imagine then having
6:25
like kids on top of that and, you know, all these other things
6:28
to deal with as well. So yeah, it's really interesting
6:31
hearing different perspectives on it.
6:34
But also different, so much going on and I feel like some
6:37
people just generally, genuinely generally don't know.
6:41
Yeah. It doesn't come as a natural
6:44
state of mind. My mom's just like you.
6:47
She hates routine. She really struggles with like
6:50
being sat in the house, like even she's been busy all day.
6:53
When she sits down in the evening, she's still like doing
6:55
something else and thinking about what she has to do.
6:58
And obviously when we were younger, that made more sense
7:00
because she was a mom, she had two children, she was a single
7:03
mom, she worked and she had a house very much like same
7:06
similar lifestyle as you, other than being a single mom.
7:09
But now the kids are growing old.
7:12
They don't live with her. Yeah, you know, so she's got
7:15
still. Doesn't know how to sit.
7:16
Yeah. She still doesn't know how to do
7:17
it. And she's a Gemini like me.
7:19
She is. They are so similar guys.
7:21
ADHD Geminis. It's just carnage up.
7:24
Here, Yeah, she's very similar to you in that sense.
7:28
So, yeah, but I'm, listen, I'm a lazy Leo.
7:30
I'm a cat. I just like to sit around all
7:32
day. I can switch off.
7:35
Like that I can be lazy for the day, rarely do I get the chance
7:42
to do that, but I can be lazy but my mind doesn't switch off.
7:46
I feel like that's the key difference.
7:47
I could physically laser around all day but I've no point will I
7:51
feel calm. Actually that that's actually
7:55
very relatable in that sense because I do relax physically,
8:00
but mentally I am always doing something else.
8:03
So like even when I watch TV at night.
8:05
And This is why I've really liked colouring recently
8:07
actually, because it stops me doing this, but usually I will
8:10
be making content while I'm watching TV.
8:13
Yeah, me too. Whether it's an Instagram post,
8:15
you know, prepping ideas, editing TikTok videos or
8:19
everyone drafts, like it doesn't matter what it is, I'll be doing
8:21
it and I'm not fully watching what's on the TV.
8:24
And if it wasn't that before I did TikTok, it was like, do my
8:27
illustrations at night to then sell.
8:29
And, you know, like I'm always doing multiple things.
8:33
Yeah. Or I think it's different
8:37
because in my case, the things I really, really enjoy, whereas
8:41
some of the things occupy in your brain space are like
8:43
household responsibilities. And yeah.
8:45
So that's where it's different. Is the nursery been paid like
8:48
how I put Zola's school lunches, like swimming lessons, you need
8:52
to get their bags ready. Is those war bought ready for
8:55
the morning? Like there's so many things and
8:59
I feel like I'm constantly dropping balls so but I feel
9:02
like I don't typical. I haven't really lent into soft
9:04
girl era too much in my tik toks at all really because I really
9:10
need to chaotic girl life really.
9:12
I think, yeah. But I'd love it.
9:14
Like I love watching it and thinking, so chill, yeah.
9:19
Well, that's the thing like one of the reasons I started making
9:22
these videos was because it's my absolute favorite thing to watch
9:25
like overbook videos over fashion videos, you know, over
9:28
anything. I love watching people do like
9:30
cozy vlogs or like even just someone's like I find there's a
9:34
girl, I can't remember her name on TikTok, but she's, she's
9:38
literally huge and she's just gone as a full time content
9:41
creator. But all she was posting was her
9:44
5:00 to 9:00 AM like before work.
9:48
And it was literally, you know, there's like short ASMR vlogs
9:50
and the door slamming and the coats.
9:52
Yeah, my favorite thing. I'm hooked instantly.
9:56
ASMR videos. It's so funny, yeah.
9:58
Like I just because it utilizes all your sensors, doesn't it?
10:01
And you just instantly get hooked.
10:03
But yeah, I started kind of making vlogs and things because
10:06
it was my favorite thing to watch and I actually do really
10:09
love filming them too. I do have a potentially tomorrow
10:14
evening Kyle might be out with the kids for dinner and I'm
10:17
thinking I'm not going to go and I am going to.
10:20
I've got some new. PJS upstairs.
10:23
I'm going to start a new book and I'm just going to.
10:26
Try and relax. Try and relax a bit, Yeah,
10:29
because I have to force myself into this situation, which is
10:32
normally the times when I end up being the most productive.
10:36
What about a bath? Would you like a bath?
10:39
I just get irritated. I like a bath so much time.
10:42
I like a bath but I just end up getting frustrated and like I
10:45
want to get out and do something.
10:47
That's exactly what my mom and Whitney are like.
10:49
I could. I'm literally a mermaid at this
10:51
point aren't I? The amount of baths I take that
10:54
is my even when I'm like anxious or depressed, which to be fair
10:59
doesn't happen very often anymore.
11:00
But when I was really bad with those things, even a bath would
11:03
sort that out. I don't know what it is because
11:06
I don't like swimming. I just like baths.
11:07
I love swimming. I do like a bath, but like I
11:10
said, like they're normally like, short and sharp and I feel
11:12
like I relate them to like, having to take my fake tan off,
11:15
like soak in an Epsom salt bath before the godsend that was rose
11:19
and caramel fake tan remover. Yeah.
11:22
And I used to have to just like, fucking lay in the bath for 20
11:24
minutes and EPS themselves to make it easy to take my fake tan
11:27
off. So again, I just like, yeah,
11:29
tweak it with. It's a chore.
11:31
Yeah, OK. That's fair enough.
11:33
I mean for me I I'm literally baths, colouring, what else?
11:40
Reading, watching TV, having those like like what would you
11:48
even call them? There's like videos on YouTube
11:50
that are like backdrops, you know the ones I always use for
11:53
reading. Oh yeah, Robin uses those as
11:55
well. They're like they're.
11:57
They're almost like, I don't know if they actually are AI,
11:59
but they're like like little twinkly backgrounds and stuff,
12:02
you know, you guys know what I mean?
12:03
But. They just bring the vibes.
12:05
Yeah, like even when I'm working in the day on editing or
12:09
whatever it is, content creation, I always have one of
12:11
them in the background and they relax me so much.
12:15
So funny. Yeah, I should try it Monday.
12:17
Yeah, I do do that at Christmas. Put a little fireplace on the
12:20
TV. Yeah.
12:21
I love the Netflix Witcher fire, that is awesome.
12:25
But yeah, no, I, I, I'm quite lucky I think in that I can
12:29
switch off. But I didn't always used to be
12:32
like that. I had to have a lot of therapy
12:34
actually to be like that because when I was at uni, people were
12:37
getting a little bit concerned about my obsessive behaviours
12:42
with perfectionism and like I would literally be open until
12:45
like 3 in the morning doing uni work.
12:48
I'm and I wasn't eating very well, wasn't looking after
12:52
myself because I was just like so obsessed and couldn't switch
12:54
off. So it hasn't always been like
12:56
this. I had to teach myself how to do
12:58
it. That's what I mean.
12:59
I feel like phases in life bring out different things in you and
13:03
then you learn how to create and deal with that.
13:05
And then, you know, there is going to be a day, as sad as it
13:09
sounds, where And my kids aren't here.
13:12
And I always think, Oh yeah, I'm.
13:14
Just willing to. Conform to that.
13:15
But no. But the reality is when the kids
13:18
are like filling up my time, I'm going to be like, what?
13:21
What do I do with myself? And I'm going to, you know, I'm
13:24
going to be older and have to freaking relax a bit more.
13:27
So yeah, I'm just one of those people that thrives in a busy
13:30
and chaotic environment. It's just natural for me and I
13:33
feel like I'm getting to the point now where people accept
13:36
that for what it is rather than overly worrying about it.
13:39
Yeah, or try to fight. It yeah, like people, you need
13:41
to slow down. I don't.
13:43
If I need to slow down, I'll hit brick ball and I'll just do it.
13:48
I'm not very good at going. I need to slow down.
13:51
I'm going to take a rest day, but I will eventually hit all.
13:54
And I feel like that's why I get to the point though now where
13:59
when something, when illness grabs hold of me, it like rips
14:04
on for dear life because I feel like I'm not rested enough for
14:06
my body to fight stuff off sometimes.
14:09
You know what it is? It's.
14:10
Like you're burnt. Out when I get ill, I get really
14:12
ill how long have I had this like cough for like 8 weeks now
14:15
yeah it's. Crazy.
14:16
So when you do rest, do you ever feel guilty with having so many
14:22
responsibilities? Yes I do.
14:27
I feel guilty for anything. I'm not doing so and it's not
14:32
down to, it's not really down to anything that anyone else is
14:34
doing around me. I definitely feel like it comes
14:37
from like childhood traumas, maybe traumas, I don't know.
14:45
Definitely kind of, it definitely comes from like
14:47
certain things growing up. But you know, if my house isn't
14:51
not Immaculate, I don't feel like my house is still
14:53
Immaculate all the time. But if the house isn't tidy when
14:56
Kyle gets home from work, I feel bad.
14:59
Like when I was really ill with whatever I've had recently and I
15:03
couldn't get up and do stuff because I felt so rundown.
15:06
I felt guilty that Kyle was having to do everything.
15:09
The logical part of my brain is saying you do this for everyone
15:12
every single day. But they that emotional, what do
15:18
they call it? The chimp?
15:20
I was just like, I feel terrible.
15:24
So yes, I'd ensure I do. I do feel guilty for resting but
15:29
I just, I'm aware of it, try to ignore it and I'm definitely
15:34
getting better at it but it is a really hard thing to fight your
15:39
natural instincts and like emotional reflexes because
15:42
sometimes you don't realize you're doing it.
15:43
Yeah, I understand. I mean, even I feel guilty,
15:47
which mine is like completely different situation to yours.
15:50
I feel guilty because I have a very privileged life, like I am
15:56
very fortunate in the life I live.
15:58
I don't really have any responsibilities, so if I'm not
16:02
doing loads, I feel guilty like I should be and I should be like
16:06
hustling. You feel like you're not.
16:07
Utilizing it, yeah. And also, like, I think mine is
16:12
similar to you in that it's like a very much a childhood thing
16:15
because both of my parents are super hard workers.
16:18
But like, my dad especially, like, not in a normal way, like
16:25
12 hour days minimum, you know, like six days a week, sometimes
16:29
even 7, you know, went on holiday with him, what, last
16:31
year? And he's on the phone to work
16:33
the whole time. You know, it's like, that's my
16:35
normal. Yeah.
16:36
So if I'm not doing that, I'm like, oh God, I must be like
16:39
really lazy or whatever. But in reality that is so not
16:43
true. No, because even when I'm not
16:46
doing something, I'm doing something, if that makes sense.
16:49
Yeah. So like when I quit my job, I'm
16:52
still doing content. I was still trying to do
16:54
freelance bit. It's not like you're being lazy
16:58
in that very typical sense of the word.
17:00
Like even if you're sat down at home, you are doing something.
17:04
Yeah, and I'm always, always either working on a hobby,
17:08
working on a goal, or trying to work on myself in some way.
17:12
Literally always. That's why like so many people
17:15
joke about how many hobbies I have and interests.
17:17
But like that to me, there is nothing better in life than
17:21
learning a new skill, having a new hobby to put your passion
17:25
into. I just love it.
17:26
Or if I'm I very much don't know how so.
17:29
Good at stuff as well, like drawing, painting, that's all.
17:34
Like in the same little you're. So creative.
17:37
Thanks. No, but yeah, so like if I'm not
17:40
doing those, I'm like, do something, yeah, you better be
17:44
working hard then if you're not doing stuff in your free time.
17:49
But it's something I very much have to learn to deal with
17:52
because of what I said in the chronic illness episode.
17:56
Yeah, because like you with getting ill in the sense that
18:00
you get ill really easily if I push myself too hard, I'm going
18:03
to be in the Chronicle and this flare up.
18:04
Yeah. And even this week I've been
18:06
nonstop. I've been flat out and I've got
18:08
now an eczema flare up, which is healing, thank God.
18:11
But I know that that's because my immune system was like not
18:15
being looking after fast. It was kicking up before so I
18:18
wasn't eating properly blah blah blah.
18:20
So I definitely am very similar to you in this sentence, but
18:23
there's different reasons for it.
18:24
In a way I absolutely, it's something I'm terrible at is
18:29
resting without. Guilt.
18:30
I'd love to pick a man's brains, but as such I never think about
18:33
speaking to Kyle about this. But like, do do men never feel
18:37
like this? Do they ever feel like they
18:39
should be trying to do it all? Do they ever feel guilty for
18:42
sitting down, relaxing, resting? I actually saw a tick tock about
18:47
this yesterday and it was really funny.
18:50
It was just this woman. I can't remember what the actual
18:52
video was, but the comments were all women like men never have to
18:57
deal with this. And it was like this one comment
18:59
I remember this woman was like I once detailed to my husband
19:03
every single thing I was thinking about in my brain at
19:06
all times, even when I'm relaxing.
19:08
And he had a look of horror on his face and he was like, no one
19:11
person could think about all those things.
19:12
They'd explode. And she was like, well, yeah,
19:16
like that's why we're gonna end up kind of burnt out or, you
19:19
know, resentful or whatever it is.
19:21
So I think probably not all. Obviously there's a lot of men
19:25
that don't feel like we do with rest, but there obviously will
19:28
be like, I think my dad is really bad at resting, to be
19:32
honest. I don't know if that's a
19:34
conscious thing that you feel guilty or he's just like you
19:37
likes to be just. Likes to be busy, Yeah.
19:40
Yeah. So we thought that's something
19:42
fun for us to do would be to give you our soft girl starter
19:45
pack. So all of the real life but also
19:48
crazy and chaotic things that we do in our soft girl eras.
19:53
Yeah, I feel like I was made for this moment, to be honest.
19:58
OK, so I've got a mixture of things that are like things that
20:02
I do that are very easy for people to be implemented.
20:06
Things that I do that people shouldn't.
20:08
Maybe I'll take some tips from this.
20:10
OK. So I feel like item number one
20:13
very much links into what I'm saying earlier and that is
20:15
scheduling in time for hobbies. And so I tried to think at like
20:21
the start of every week, when am I going to do something that's
20:24
not related to content, that's not related to a job that I
20:28
absolutely love. And so like, I'll be like, OK,
20:30
well, I've not got plans on Saturday.
20:32
So Saturday morning I'm going to do some colouring with an audio
20:36
book. And it like, gives me something
20:38
to look forward to that I know is not social, Not, you know.
20:42
Organized, don't you? Just it just gives me something
20:45
to like, yeah, focus on. And I do that in general as
20:49
well. Like in the day, I'll be like,
20:50
OK, I know today's going to be like a long day.
20:52
I've got a lot to do, When can I read?
20:54
And that will be my soft moment. So that's item number one.
20:59
Item number 2 is romanticizing your chores.
21:03
So this is something I've only started doing in the last few
21:06
months and it's made them so much easier.
21:09
So like I hate cleaning. I'm not like tall, I really hate
21:12
cleaning. I'm not like a dirty person, but
21:15
I am naturally kind of messy and chaotic and making sure that I
21:20
can like do it when I won with an audio book on or music on,
21:25
all that thing on the TV I was saying really makes it so much
21:29
more enjoyable and less stressful for me.
21:31
And that makes it kind of feel more like a ritual rather than a
21:35
chore that has to be done. Lovely.
21:38
Yeah, item number 3 is a bit of a weird one.
21:41
And this is like not a shame, but I think having access when
21:45
you're doing anything you're doing to like healthy tasty
21:48
snacks is kind of like a soft girl thing that is like
21:55
self-care. At the same time, because I
21:57
don't know about anyone else, but when I'm doing hobbies or
22:00
relaxing, I naturally want to eat or drink.
22:03
And it's very easy as an introvert who spends a lot of
22:08
time at home to like make bad food choices.
22:12
But I found recently that like doing like snack prep or meal
22:16
prep and having access to like homemade tasty treats has been a
22:22
really good way to like be able to still do that.
22:25
Yeah, but. But do it guilt free.
22:26
Yeah, 100%. So I've enjoyed that recently.
22:29
Good. Vibes.
22:30
I do that for my kids. Not so much for myself, but I do
22:32
that from. I don't really snack very much
22:35
these days, but for my kids I find yeah.
22:38
I'm a big snacker. Like I'm a little person.
22:41
And then my final one, which ties into .1, is actually having
22:45
a hobby. I just feel like every person
22:47
should have should have a hobby that is not related to a job or
22:51
you know, you know, anything that they do and then normal
22:53
like nice five day save lives. Like you should have some kind
22:56
of a hobby, doesn't have to be creative, but I do think
22:59
creative hobbies are like really?
23:00
Good for. Emotions and not regulating
23:02
emotions so that is my soft girl start pack but then these are
23:07
the things that I do that are not very soft girl and I need.
23:10
I need to stop. The first one which is my
23:13
biggest worst habit and taught is going to roll a rise at this
23:17
going to bed and then doom scrolling into like 2 AMI.
23:23
I'm so bad when it comes to sleep in every sense of the
23:26
word. Like I've always had insomnia
23:29
but I make it worse for myself by then being on my phone until
23:32
really late and it's just. How you stop?
23:35
You do. I don't it's so bad.
23:37
It's so I'm. So with sleep, like healthy
23:39
sleep. Habits I need to be, but I've
23:41
never been good with sleep. And then my second one is
23:45
procrastinating on the things that I don't like doing, so then
23:49
they end up in a rush and chaotic, which is not very soft.
23:52
Girl, that is not very soft. Girl.
23:54
And it tends to be like an online food shop.
23:57
And I realized that like 11:00 PM at night that I haven't done
24:00
one. I've got no food left to them.
24:02
Like on my phone under the covers.
24:03
Like shit, I need to do this. And we've been there, yeah.
24:07
Usually on a Sunday night for me, yeah.
24:09
Some some kind of time in the week when I'm supposed to be
24:13
sleeping, probably. I love this.
24:15
I feel like I might have to start romanticizing my feeling,
24:17
you know? Yeah, OK.
24:20
My reading is essential for me, so I now do this.
24:27
Started doing this this year. Every morning I get up apart
24:31
from I've been over the last few weeks, but this year I've really
24:33
got into the habit of getting out, making my coffee.
24:37
Sometimes the kids will be up. I try and get up early enough
24:39
that they are not awake by this point.
24:41
And I now read 5 to 10 pages of a nonfiction book everyday.
24:46
Yeah, I love this. I have found this so useful this
24:50
year for keeping me in healthier habits all round.
24:54
Because if I'm starting the day with something that is
24:56
beneficial. To your mind.
24:58
And future for your body. It's just such a good way to
25:01
start the day. So that is #1 soft girl vibes,
25:05
coffee, quiet on the sofa. Especially now it's summer, back
25:09
doors open, Aubrey's coming in. It is nice.
25:12
It is nice. Good vibe, so just some soft
25:14
girl moments. Pilates is my new big one.
25:19
I discovered Reforma last year. Every Friday morning almost
25:24
without fail, 9 AMI go and do my reformer class.
25:29
It just brings me so much joy. Isn't it kind of fits with the
25:33
soft? Girl ear vibes but.
25:34
It just brings me so much joy. I look forward to it all.
25:38
Week. Very soft girl.
25:39
Yeah, yeah. I love it.
25:41
It's intense though. People don't realize how hard it
25:43
is, but. Yes.
25:44
It is. It's a vibe.
25:46
Setting boundaries is another one for me, something that I've
25:49
been getting much better at over the years.
25:53
Whether that's boundaries with the kids.
25:55
Or boundaries with Kyle, anything with work.
25:59
I'm so much more like it's 6:00 on a Thursday.
26:04
I'm not doing a call. I'm putting, you know, getting
26:08
my kids ready for bed. Yeah.
26:10
Like those boundaries, I think, create a much softer experience
26:15
for everyone because I'm not getting stressed because I'm
26:19
trying to do everything at the same time.
26:21
Yeah. Yeah, so I feel like.
26:22
That's in a super important one for me.
26:24
My slightly more chaotic ones, audio books will manically came
26:29
in my house, Grunty says. Like I'm tidy, I'm not that
26:34
tired. I'm naturally a very messy
26:38
person. My typical ADHD girly I If I'm
26:42
getting ready to go out before we went to Andy's event last
26:45
week, I tried so hard to get things tidy before leaving the
26:49
house. I knew Carl was going to come
26:52
here and be like, fucking what has she been doing?
26:55
Yeah, because I do leave a trail of destruction.
26:57
Oh yeah, like anytime I go anywhere like that my when I get
27:01
back my bed is covered in. Clothes.
27:05
Throw it all off getting bed sorted out and it may.
27:07
Cook desk looks like a bombs on. Yeah, yeah, 100% terrible for
27:12
it. So I tend to through the day
27:15
just kind of like let it be, but then I will throw my headphones
27:20
on, put my audio book on on two times speed.
27:24
And just like power hour is what I like to call it.
27:27
Put a timer on. I see how much I can get tied at
27:29
my house in an hour. Yeah, I love it.
27:33
And then my second one is spending money on shoes when I
27:39
should be doing life admin online.
27:43
Yeah, you know what I thought. And my parents probably too,
27:47
thought I was a shopaholic. But then I met these girls and
27:51
they make me look tame. Some of them, honestly, I Amy
27:55
is. Worse than me, I think, Amy.
27:57
Is the worst miss. Cartwright is so much worse than
27:59
me. You could name any makeup
28:02
product, I might go around it, and same with skin care.
28:05
Honestly, she's on my robless makeup one day and when I'm just
28:09
like completely, you know, makeup.
28:11
I've lost everything. I'm poor or I'm just going to
28:13
Amy, oh, come in for your makeup.
28:16
But she's so good when she doesn't like something she's
28:18
always like have this pilot. I'm like you're.
28:20
The fucking. Best.
28:20
Yeah, she. Gives us so much, but no, you
28:23
and her beat me by a little bit. Yeah, 100%.
28:27
You're kind of close. We I'm pretty, I'm pretty bad,
28:30
especially if I'm procrastinating on doing
28:32
something else. Yeah.
28:34
Internet shopping is like the worst thing that ever happened
28:36
to my bank account. It takes one Instagram advert as
28:39
well and I'm like bye. I'm just as bad in person
28:44
because I'd hit the kids in town for like a coffee at the weekend
28:46
and I'm like just popping, oh, that's nice, that's nice.
28:50
And then, you know, like the other week I went in, went into
28:54
Levi's. Yeah, that was that was not, not
28:57
good for my bank. Yeah, it looked great.
28:59
You actually didn't need new trousers because you've lost
29:01
weight. Yeah, I did, but.
29:04
Like she. Could have.
29:08
Gone to like Zara but. She went for the most expensive
29:11
jeans. You know, yeah, that's what it
29:13
is. Yeah.
29:14
So we've obviously shared our issues with soft Live.
29:18
We've shared the habits we try and adopt.
29:21
We've shared our thoughts on it. How realistic do we think it
29:25
actually is to embrace the soft girl culture?
29:29
How realistic do we think this movement on TikTok is?
29:33
I feel like. It's a, it's a really difficult
29:34
one because it comes down to so many factors.
29:40
It comes down to your general lifestyle, your personality
29:48
type. And also, I mean you such an
29:52
earlier privilege. Like I feel like so many don't
29:56
hate on me for this but I feel like so many girls live in this
30:00
like soft life vibe. Live in very privileged
30:03
situations where they're either at uni.
30:09
You know. You can tell parents pay for
30:12
everything or you know, people that have come from money or
30:17
people that have hustled hard to make good money and now have the
30:23
privilege and the luxury to slow down their life.
30:30
So I just really feel like it comes down to circumstance.
30:36
Exactly. And I think people shouldn't
30:38
feel pressured to fit into this soft life aesthetic just because
30:45
it's what is popular at the moment.
30:47
Go against the grain if that's who you are.
30:50
I always think for the people who, especially people trying to
30:55
be content creators, go against, go against the grain.
31:00
Like if you're authentic to yourself, you're likely going to
31:05
do. Well, yeah, because if people.
31:08
Can tell when you're you're faking it.
31:10
Yeah, 100% agree. And I also think that like you
31:14
kind of touched on this soft girl, life is not for everyone
31:20
in terms of like that's not good for everyone either.
31:24
If you have a personality that is more like tools and likes to
31:28
be busy and doing things, trying to force something that's not
31:31
for you isn't going to benefit you.
31:33
But what I do like about the trend is that it does encourage
31:37
mindfulness and Wellness. 100% and I.
31:41
Think those are always good habits to try and put into your
31:43
life? Because let's face it,
31:46
capitalism is like basically how society is ruled, right?
31:50
So we have to work a long job to survive.
31:53
You know, we've got to do all these responsibilities and
31:56
things. So finding time for yourself,
31:58
finding your passions, looking after yourself can only ever be
32:02
a good thing. Yeah.
32:04
Or trying to kind of aspire to this lifestyle is unrealistic, I
32:11
think, because nobody can have a life that is peaceful all the
32:15
time. And you've touched on it that
32:16
right if finding the realistic ways to find soft girl moments
32:24
living this like aesthetic soft girl life, it's almost
32:30
impossible. A lot of what you see on TikTok
32:33
with the girls that make everything look soft girl it's
32:37
99.999%. Fake like you.
32:40
Can't constantly live a life like that, it's not realistic.
32:44
It's so heavily curated but also just like not everyone is a soft
32:50
girl, not everyone is a clean girl like and there's nothing
32:53
wrong with that at all. I always see these posts like
32:56
type A girls versus type B girls and like the type B girls kind
33:01
of get shamed a lot because like people perceive it as like lazy
33:04
or messy or. Such a type.
33:06
AB yeah, I'm. Such a middle ground.
33:08
Well that's what Polly was saying when we were on holiday
33:10
and I was like, you're Type C I'm Type A for sure because I
33:13
just love being organised. But there's nothing wrong with
33:18
either lifestyle. It's like what works for you?
33:21
Unless you're obviously like drastically doing something like
33:23
very unhygienic or whatever, and then yeah, that might be a
33:27
problem. But otherwise you're unhygienic
33:30
bitches. But you just.
33:33
Like lean into the best of what your personality type is,
33:37
whether that's soft or hard girl.
33:38
Like, maybe you're really feisty and you don't like.
33:41
What is half hard girl aesthetic?
33:44
I feel like it's giving mob wife.
33:48
Yeah, yeah. I was thinking like Tori Vega.
33:52
Yeah. She she would be my anti soft
33:54
girl example. 100%. That's that's the kind of if
33:58
you've read Zodiac, then you know, if not, you need to get
34:01
reading. But that is kind of what I was
34:04
thinking is like the opposite of soft girl and that is fine.
34:07
Yeah. Doesn't need to be this like
34:09
peaceful aesthetic, perfectly like neutral.
34:15
I don't know, I'm pulling words out my ass now, but there's
34:18
nothing wrong with any personality archetype.
34:21
It's just making the best of you, whatever that personality
34:24
is. This one was a good one to chat
34:26
about because I think like we have a unique perspective as
34:28
content creators we like. We can tell you the truth that
34:32
some of the stuff that gets posted is clearly it's set up
34:37
for that. It's to deliver to the people
34:40
and what they want to see. So you shouldn't feel the
34:43
pressure to be that because most of the people posting that
34:48
aren't that. Yes, you sit.
34:49
There and play games. Chilling out, yes, you sit there
34:52
in color, but you know, you know, behind the scenes you are
34:55
moving the camera around to post these bits.
34:58
So you've got chaos in between the calm of the things that
35:01
you're doing. Yeah, exactly.
35:03
And it's like I said about, you know, I will have a cozy vlog
35:06
this Saturday, but this week has not been very cozy.
35:08
This week has been manic, hence the X-Men.
35:11
So it's like I have a fraud. So it's like.
35:16
Fraud. Let's just tattoo it on the
35:17
forehead. Yeah, that's change that to my
35:20
tick Tock username, but it's just like that's the things I
35:24
enjoy doing and posting, so you should take it as like that
35:28
rather than. I need to be like.
35:30
Yes, exactly. As you can probably tell, Latin
35:33
most of our episodes, we could sit here talking about this all
35:35
freaking day. Sometimes I sit here thinking
35:38
while we're chatting we need to shut up because this podcasts
35:42
are going to be way too long anyway.
35:45
We want to know about your favorite soft girl moments, and
35:48
we'll be back in a couple of weeks for another.
35:50
Episode and don't forget to follow us in all of the places
35:53
we're on YouTube Spotify TikTok, Instagram but in.
35:57
Wherever we. Are everywhere, but we will see
36:01
you in two weeks for a new episode.
36:03
Until then, bye.