Latest / Life Will Be the Death of Me with Chelsea Handler / My Dating History with Mary McCormack

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My Dating History with Mary McCormack · Life Will Be the Death of Me with Chelsea Handler

• 0:00
  Speaker 1: Hi, I'm Chelsea Handler. Welcome to Life Will Be the
• 0:02
  Speaker 1: Death of Me A production of I Heart Radio. Good Afternoon, everybody.
• 0:07
  Speaker 1: This is um Chelsea Handlers at the Afternoon Britain. Technically speaking,
• 0:12
  Speaker 1: I think, okay, okay. This week's episode is of my
• 0:19
  Speaker 1: bestie Mary McCormick and me and Phoenix. She interviewed me
• 0:22
  Speaker 1: at the show in Phoenix and somebody got emotional. Well,
• 0:26
  Speaker 1: people need to listen in to find out who that was. Hi.
• 0:32
  Speaker 1: Oh wait, let me get rid of the stool. We
• 0:34
  Speaker 1: flew out here together this morning on a commercial flight.
• 0:37
  Speaker 1: I love. She brags about a commercial flame. Yeah. I'm
• 0:39
  Speaker 1: trying to talne down my behavior this year, so I'm
• 0:42
  Speaker 1: flying commercially. I'm getting into it. Let me just put
• 0:44
  Speaker 1: this here just in case. Let's talk about Robert Mueller,
• 0:47
  Speaker 1: because I want to talk about our crustion of my
• 0:48
  Speaker 1: sexual feelings for him, and then I want to talk
• 0:50
  Speaker 1: about your men well, because I think there's a theme.
• 0:53
  Speaker 1: There is a theme, so I think Robert Mueller plays
• 0:55
  Speaker 1: into that theme. Right. It's not hard to figure out
• 0:58
  Speaker 1: that when your dad leaves you a temple end and
• 1:01
  Speaker 1: let you swim alone, and your brother says I'm coming back.
• 1:04
  Speaker 1: I would never leave you like you're and then you
• 1:07
  Speaker 1: start sucking anyone with the title guide. You're if you're
• 1:13
  Speaker 1: a guy, you're in luck. This bitch loves a guide.
• 1:18
  Speaker 1: You wait, obviously you have daddy ship right like it's
• 1:22
  Speaker 1: it's not, it's not. You don't have to be freud
• 1:24
  Speaker 1: to figure this out. You want to be told what
• 1:27
  Speaker 1: to do. You want to be told where to go.
• 1:30
  Speaker 1: You want to be told, like I know, the guy
• 1:32
  Speaker 1: for her is a guy who goes like this, hey,
• 1:33
  Speaker 1: karmanute shut up, like that's what she needs. She's like
• 1:39
  Speaker 1: my dream for you as somebody who goes, hey, shut
• 1:42
  Speaker 1: the funk up. Yeah, like private, like full her aside,
• 1:45
  Speaker 1: like hey, sweetie, came ram secd shut the funk up,
• 1:48
  Speaker 1: knock it off like too much. We went around Safari
• 1:51
  Speaker 1: with our friend Shirley's there on for her charity h
• 1:54
  Speaker 1: C T a OP. And we went with our guide, Christian,
• 1:57
  Speaker 1: who was like Zulu and he had six or seven wives,
• 2:01
  Speaker 1: and I felt a strong connection to him for real,
• 2:05
  Speaker 1: like I'm not killing like we almost lost her to
• 2:07
  Speaker 1: South Africa and he was the one that was like
• 2:11
  Speaker 1: tracking the animals. So I was of course turned on
• 2:14
  Speaker 1: by that any expert, like any expert or masculine, like
• 2:19
  Speaker 1: if you have a knife on your belt, she's a goner.
• 2:23
  Speaker 1: It's weird. You're like a little girl that way. Yeah,
• 2:26
  Speaker 1: he was. We had a connection though, I mean he
• 2:28
  Speaker 1: understood me. He knew that I had a sense of adventure.
• 2:31
  Speaker 1: And yeah, until you told me about his six or
• 2:32
  Speaker 1: seven wives, that was good that you told me about that.
• 2:36
  Speaker 1: You are looking for some guy, you like a man
• 2:39
  Speaker 1: to tell you what I mean. We both have a
• 2:41
  Speaker 1: real attraction to doctors, but more specifically an a the theologist,
• 2:49
  Speaker 1: because the like, first of all, the scrubs are always hot,
• 2:53
  Speaker 1: but also then the last thing that they're like, you're
• 2:55
  Speaker 1: just gonna relax a little bit. I'm just kidding, and
• 2:57
  Speaker 1: they put their hand on your hand, you know, there's
• 2:59
  Speaker 1: like a little touching and they're super in charge and
• 3:02
  Speaker 1: kind of quiet, like a one on one. They're like,
• 3:04
  Speaker 1: I'm just gonna count backwards from ten. You're like ten nah,
• 3:08
  Speaker 1: and then you're on the Michael Jackson drug and you
• 3:10
  Speaker 1: forget everything else. But you are in love. I'm in
• 3:13
  Speaker 1: love and you are the same problem. I like, we
• 3:15
  Speaker 1: both have daddy ship. I have daddy sure do like
• 3:18
  Speaker 1: I like older men are like men who are not available,
• 3:21
  Speaker 1: like mentally in charge, like a year old who's almost
• 3:25
  Speaker 1: brain dead. Is what I want for new development though
• 3:28
  Speaker 1: that's a new development, And I think that that development
• 3:30
  Speaker 1: has to do with the word guide, meaning I think
• 3:34
  Speaker 1: a twenty four year old skateboarder would not standish. I
• 3:37
  Speaker 1: think if they're First of all, let's get this if
• 3:40
  Speaker 1: anyone knows the right guy, because here's what I want
• 3:42
  Speaker 1: to say. I have a email address I set up
• 3:45
  Speaker 1: for it. It's handles Handler at gmail dot com. I'm
• 3:52
  Speaker 1: gonna screen it, but here's here's what I'm looking for.
• 3:55
  Speaker 1: First of all, that has to be an excellent skier.
• 3:57
  Speaker 1: I'm gonna start with that. I know it sounds shallow,
• 3:59
  Speaker 1: but like she it's a full I don't think skiing
• 4:02
  Speaker 1: is shallow. Why is skiing shallow? What's a shallow thing
• 4:04
  Speaker 1: to put on a list of like must have? Well
• 4:07
  Speaker 1: that he likes to who cares? It's shallow? It's mandatory
• 4:10
  Speaker 1: because she's sucking into it and it turns her on
• 4:12
  Speaker 1: and like that can heal it? Like they could have
• 4:14
  Speaker 1: a fight and then you'd be back on board if
• 4:16
  Speaker 1: you watch them. Yeah, yeah, anyone who can ski, well,
• 4:18
  Speaker 1: I will love her really well because she's pretty good,
• 4:21
  Speaker 1: so it has to be better than her. I think
• 4:23
  Speaker 1: someone was something going on, right, Like you don't want
• 4:26
  Speaker 1: to be like like someone with who's passionate about what
• 4:29
  Speaker 1: they do, someone who's financially independent, somebody I'm not supporting.
• 4:33
  Speaker 1: I can't do that. That's not interesting or that's you've
• 4:35
  Speaker 1: tried it. Yeah, I've tried that, and it's expensive and
• 4:38
  Speaker 1: it's boring. Yeah, so there's that. When I met you,
• 4:41
  Speaker 1: you were dating Ted. Ted was your boss. Was my
• 4:45
  Speaker 1: first boyfriend who was like twenty years older than me,
• 4:47
  Speaker 1: who was my boss and your boss. So it follows
• 4:49
  Speaker 1: the pattern, right, Like She's like, I understand why it happened.
• 4:52
  Speaker 1: I mean I understand because I know you and your makeup,
• 4:55
  Speaker 1: what you're attracted to. I understand how that happened, like
• 4:59
  Speaker 1: grandma or thing like, well I was. We we both
• 5:01
  Speaker 1: shared this about Bob Muller and that's I mean, yes,
• 5:04
  Speaker 1: we both have daddy issues. I'm not sure why you
• 5:05
  Speaker 1: have daddy issues because your dad's great. He's great. Maybe
• 5:08
  Speaker 1: that's why. I just I'm into like people in charge.
• 5:11
  Speaker 1: It's attractive, like I like, uh, looking up to my partner.
• 5:16
  Speaker 1: I like looking up to a man. I mean I
• 5:18
  Speaker 1: did feel safe with my dad, but I feel safe
• 5:21
  Speaker 1: with Bob Muller. I feel like I would feel safe
• 5:23
  Speaker 1: with Bob Moller. I'm just excited that there was a
• 5:26
  Speaker 1: Republican that I could allow to penetrate me. But then
• 5:30
  Speaker 1: you went from Ted. I don't know if people know
• 5:34
  Speaker 1: about this guy. This was a short lived No, there
• 5:37
  Speaker 1: was a guy before. There was a guy before Curtis.
• 5:42
  Speaker 1: But there was a guy before Curtis. It was that
• 5:45
  Speaker 1: animal trainer guy. Remember how Yeah, Dave Semmony, this Canadian
• 5:48
  Speaker 1: animal trainer who came to visit me, and remember he
• 5:52
  Speaker 1: gave chunk. It was like you overcorrecting because Ted was
• 5:54
  Speaker 1: like like dancing to Michael Jackson, goofy, sweet, like short,
• 5:59
  Speaker 1: like just just a man, sort of a sweete and
• 6:01
  Speaker 1: then you were like need masculine. He went got like this.
• 6:04
  Speaker 1: I remember when I met him, he was jumping off
• 6:06
  Speaker 1: the roof of your rental house into a pool like
• 6:09
  Speaker 1: a fucking idiot. Remember that. I was like, that's not
• 6:12
  Speaker 1: a good decision. You're dumb, But you were just like
• 6:17
  Speaker 1: I just like I just like, you're not afraid me
• 6:19
  Speaker 1: up and throw me over. He was big and strong,
• 6:21
  Speaker 1: and I thought he could handle a lion. Right, he can,
• 6:24
  Speaker 1: but you're not afraid to overcorrect. She's the dating is
• 6:28
  Speaker 1: like a series of overcorrections from a big pussy to
• 6:31
  Speaker 1: another big pussy. Then you went to Curtiss, other big pussy.
• 6:35
  Speaker 1: He's a big pussy too. He's not. He's not. I
• 6:39
  Speaker 1: didn't say it, she said it. No, I mean like
• 6:41
  Speaker 1: he's a big teddy bear. He's not like what he seems.
• 6:44
  Speaker 1: I mean he did get shot, so I don't know
• 6:45
  Speaker 1: when I'm like, I'm not calling pussy. Just for the record,
• 6:51
  Speaker 1: let the rect We would hang out with him and
• 6:54
  Speaker 1: he wouldn't smoke any pot or drink attying alcohol. My
• 6:56
  Speaker 1: friends were so bummed, They're like, what this is fifty
• 6:58
  Speaker 1: cent and he's not gonna get a high with us. Know.
• 7:00
  Speaker 1: He was the adult in the room for sure. Yeah,
• 7:02
  Speaker 1: and you go to bed at eight o'clock, So that's silly.
• 7:05
  Speaker 1: Let's let's get some shut I I'm like a rapper,
• 7:08
  Speaker 1: are you? It was weird, but he was nice. I
• 7:12
  Speaker 1: really liked him. Yeah, it was a nice That was
• 7:15
  Speaker 1: a good moment. It was a good two months. It
• 7:18
  Speaker 1: couldn't go more than that. It was. It was two
• 7:20
  Speaker 1: months I was gonna go with him to Anguilla for
• 7:23
  Speaker 1: my family Christmas trip and he and I got in
• 7:25
  Speaker 1: some fight. I can't recall what it was about. And
• 7:28
  Speaker 1: then I said, don't calm to Christmas. And I was like,
• 7:30
  Speaker 1: thank god he didn't come to Christmas. That would have
• 7:32
  Speaker 1: been so weird, you know, strolling down Anguilla beaches with
• 7:35
  Speaker 1: fifty cents like I don't need to be and that.
• 7:38
  Speaker 1: It was really strange. Curtis am I calling you Curtis um.
• 7:44
  Speaker 1: That was really weird. And then you moved on to Andre,
• 7:47
  Speaker 1: which was a long That was a longer thing. And
• 7:49
  Speaker 1: actually one day I remember you called me I think
• 7:51
  Speaker 1: you'd broken up and gotten back together. It was one
• 7:53
  Speaker 1: of those like back and forth and you were like,
• 7:55
  Speaker 1: I think I should just marry him, and I was like,
• 7:59
  Speaker 1: I remember as being like, listen to me, you do
• 8:02
  Speaker 1: not marry anyone like you just you don't have to
• 8:05
  Speaker 1: marry him. I was on ecstasy when we did that.
• 8:07
  Speaker 1: By the way, serious, this is a good time to
• 8:12
  Speaker 1: get proposed to and say yes. I remember him proposing
• 8:15
  Speaker 1: to me, like on the lawn of this like we're
• 8:17
  Speaker 1: upstate New York, and I just looked at him and thought,
• 8:19
  Speaker 1: we're way too funked up for you to be from
• 8:21
  Speaker 1: fund to say today, even in that moment, I'm like no,
• 8:24
  Speaker 1: and I go yes, I'll marry you, and I'm Monday,
• 8:26
  Speaker 1: I'm like, I gotta get the funk out of here.
• 8:28
  Speaker 1: I remember when you met him though. I was there
• 8:31
  Speaker 1: and it was a dinner, and I remembered the moment
• 8:35
  Speaker 1: that you, like, I literally saw hearts in your eyes
• 8:38
  Speaker 1: because he lit your cigarette. And I don't think like
• 8:44
  Speaker 1: he was like in an expensive suit. He was really dapper.
• 8:47
  Speaker 1: He had an accent. We were like one accent, like
• 8:50
  Speaker 1: we're both Jersey girls, like Central Jersey to like the
• 8:53
  Speaker 1: gross part European accent. I mean, while he was from Boston,
• 8:57
  Speaker 1: but we didn't know that. We didn't know that. We
• 8:59
  Speaker 1: thought he was like and then he he leaned over.
• 9:03
  Speaker 1: You had a cigarette your mouth and you're about to
• 9:04
  Speaker 1: light it, and he was like, let me, and he
• 9:06
  Speaker 1: let your cigarette, and you were like, I know, it's
• 9:10
  Speaker 1: so embarrassing. I know it's embarrassing, but I had to
• 9:13
  Speaker 1: say it because it's true. It's like that that felt
• 9:16
  Speaker 1: like a guy who knew things, like a guy who
• 9:19
  Speaker 1: would teach you things. And then even in the beginning
• 9:21
  Speaker 1: of the relationship, like we went to our basil we did,
• 9:24
  Speaker 1: it was always about like art shows and museums and
• 9:27
  Speaker 1: find restaurants and we're traveling here and like you really
• 9:30
  Speaker 1: wanted to learn. And then then and then it was
• 9:33
  Speaker 1: like oz the right, like then the curtain came up
• 9:35
  Speaker 1: and you're like, like, one day I said to Andrea,
• 9:37
  Speaker 1: I was like, you're English, is incredible, Like when when
• 9:42
  Speaker 1: did you move here? And he's like, she goes, He's
• 9:46
  Speaker 1: from Boston. It's fake. And that was when it was.
• 9:50
  Speaker 1: It was like that Transatlantic accent where you're like, hello,
• 9:54
  Speaker 1: it was just very it. His parents were his parents,
• 9:59
  Speaker 1: his parents. We're Hungarian, but he grew up in Boston,
• 10:02
  Speaker 1: so there's no excuse for that. No, just it looks good,
• 10:05
  Speaker 1: it sounds better with the suit. Yeah. But then you've
• 10:08
  Speaker 1: sort of wised up and you're like, wait a minute,
• 10:10
  Speaker 1: this is awful ship. I can go to museums on
• 10:12
  Speaker 1: my own and light my own cigarette. And then you
• 10:15
  Speaker 1: moved one. Oh, this one was funny. This is a
• 10:18
  Speaker 1: good one. One time she called I got this call.
• 10:22
  Speaker 1: I guess it was from Karen. It may have been
• 10:24
  Speaker 1: from Karen, who is her tour manager but used to
• 10:26
  Speaker 1: be her assistant, who's incredible, And she said Mary and
• 10:30
  Speaker 1: my husband Michael, and she was like, Chelsea needs you, guys,
• 10:32
  Speaker 1: She's in Where were you? I don't know, billis? I mean,
• 10:36
  Speaker 1: who even knows, I've never been anywhere, believes and she
• 10:40
  Speaker 1: she really needs you, She's she's there. How did you meet? First?
• 10:46
  Speaker 1: We met Flora and the Bahamas. He was working at
• 10:51
  Speaker 1: a resort and you started sleeping with him, and then
• 10:55
  Speaker 1: we thought mistakenly that it could continue, and I fund
• 10:57
  Speaker 1: with him. They had these cottages for the people that
• 10:59
  Speaker 1: worked at a resort, and we went back to his
• 11:01
  Speaker 1: little cottage and I was walking out of his cottage
• 11:03
  Speaker 1: in the morning to our main house and my nephew,
• 11:05
  Speaker 1: who was like ten, was walking out and I just
• 11:08
  Speaker 1: ran right into him and I'm like, hey, Mats, carrying
• 11:12
  Speaker 1: your shoes walk a shame. Which was why it was
• 11:16
  Speaker 1: work work. It was good because there was a language barrier,
• 11:18
  Speaker 1: which is always how my relationships, you know, strengthens when
• 11:24
  Speaker 1: there's no He was so pretty that sometimes he would
• 11:28
  Speaker 1: face time us and we were just like we would
• 11:30
  Speaker 1: forget to talk because we're like, you're like looking at
• 11:32
  Speaker 1: the sun. He was so beautiful, but really not a
• 11:36
  Speaker 1: you know, that was not a love match, but cad floor.
• 11:39
  Speaker 1: And then she called so she went decided to go
• 11:41
  Speaker 1: on vacation with Flora and Belize and then called us
• 11:43
  Speaker 1: and was like, it's a disaster. I need help, I
• 11:46
  Speaker 1: need back up. I can't be here alone with him,
• 11:48
  Speaker 1: remember yeah, Because he couldn't talk unless he was drunk.
• 11:51
  Speaker 1: And it was like, after a while, the alcohol was
• 11:52
  Speaker 1: too much. So I was like, can you come and
• 11:54
  Speaker 1: give me some backup? And then they came down for
• 11:56
  Speaker 1: four days and then I yeah, I think I saw
• 11:59
  Speaker 1: him one our time, but it was one And then
• 12:01
  Speaker 1: paid him a severance package. I paid him as well,
• 12:04
  Speaker 1: more than he said he was in the hospital. So
• 12:08
  Speaker 1: I just said a whole like lung thing. Younger guys
• 12:12
  Speaker 1: crossed you a fortune, don't do it. It's a ski
• 12:16
  Speaker 1: guy has stole from you too, remember that. Oh no,
• 12:20
  Speaker 1: before you pay the severance package. One day she gets
• 12:23
  Speaker 1: a call from a jewelry store. I'm allowed to say this. Yeah.
• 12:27
  Speaker 1: One day she gets a call from a jewelry store
• 12:29
  Speaker 1: in Whistler and they're like, um, there's a young man
• 12:32
  Speaker 1: here charging a lot of jewelry to your credit card,
• 12:35
  Speaker 1: and it was that fucking kid that you're trying to
• 12:38
  Speaker 1: charge it. And then when she was an addition to
• 12:41
  Speaker 1: be giving him a twenty dollars, he had stolen my
• 12:43
  Speaker 1: credit card. That's why everyone, if you if you know
• 12:47
  Speaker 1: a decent guy who's smart and funny, great area, and
• 12:52
  Speaker 1: a great skier, go to handles Handler at gmail dot com. Okay,
• 12:57
  Speaker 1: we're gonna take a quick break and we'll be right back.
• 13:01
  Speaker 1: I want to give an example of how far I've
• 13:03
  Speaker 1: come since my therapy, because these are really bad examples
• 13:05
  Speaker 1: of just stupid behavior. I would like to say that
• 13:08
  Speaker 1: I took a plane to Clearwater, Uh, Florida. I got
• 13:11
  Speaker 1: on a plane and there was a man on the
• 13:13
  Speaker 1: plane next to me. It's a long flight from l A.
• 13:15
  Speaker 1: It's like five and a half hours, and he looked like,
• 13:17
  Speaker 1: you know, a bad version of Harvey Kitel, like if
• 13:19
  Speaker 1: Harvey Kitel was in deliverance. You know, like long hair,
• 13:23
  Speaker 1: denim sweat pants that looked like jeans until they got
• 13:27
  Speaker 1: up and you could tell they were sweatpants. Just all
• 13:29
  Speaker 1: fucking kinds of wrong. So I'm sitting there and I'm like,
• 13:32
  Speaker 1: just be cool, you're a different person now. You can meditate,
• 13:35
  Speaker 1: do your breathing exercises. Don't let somebody like he's a person,
• 13:38
  Speaker 1: he's got a soul, try and think of it that way.
• 13:43
  Speaker 1: And then he started farting. He started eight times, eight
• 13:46
  Speaker 1: times on a five and a half hour flight, and
• 13:48
  Speaker 1: each time was like a fucking hurricane every time. I
• 13:51
  Speaker 1: couldn't believe it at first because already it was assault
• 13:53
  Speaker 1: on my eyes, and then it became an assault on
• 13:55
  Speaker 1: my face, you know, and I started, I was like,
• 13:57
  Speaker 1: just breathe. This is never time, this is a trigger,
• 13:59
  Speaker 1: this is okay, this is enough comtunity to meditate and
• 14:01
  Speaker 1: to breathe, and to breathe deeply, breathe in. And then
• 14:04
  Speaker 1: with that, I'm like, no, I can't because I'm breathing
• 14:06
  Speaker 1: in his fucking wet asshole. But I can breathe meet
• 14:09
  Speaker 1: coming in. I can't breathe in. I can't do my
• 14:11
  Speaker 1: breathing exercises. I have to sit here and close my
• 14:14
  Speaker 1: eyes and hope that this is just over soon. And
• 14:17
  Speaker 1: I just thought, what is the most compassionate way to
• 14:20
  Speaker 1: tell somebody or ask somebody, can you please stop? Please
• 14:24
  Speaker 1: stop parting? And then he got up to go to
• 14:27
  Speaker 1: the bathroom, and I looked over and those denims did
• 14:29
  Speaker 1: the one I thought were jeans, which were not jeans
• 14:31
  Speaker 1: that thin material that we're sweatpants, were stuck inside his
• 14:34
  Speaker 1: wet asshole stuck inside and I gasped, I want and
• 14:41
  Speaker 1: the flight atent it came over, and I was like,
• 14:43
  Speaker 1: I'm just breathed, because are you okay? Yes, I'm fine,
• 14:45
  Speaker 1: I'm fine, No problems here. So I want to say
• 14:47
  Speaker 1: I've come along fucking way okay, because five years ago
• 14:50
  Speaker 1: I would have been like, how you fucking paste of
• 14:51
  Speaker 1: ship tape your asshole? Like I wouldn't have been able
• 14:58
  Speaker 1: to deal with it, So how your p trying me
• 15:00
  Speaker 1: is accurate. But I want to say that there has
• 15:02
  Speaker 1: been growth because of my patients, because I've learned to,
• 15:06
  Speaker 1: you know, deal with those situations in a normal way.
• 15:10
  Speaker 1: The growth is incredible for me. It's full windfall. I mean,
• 15:15
  Speaker 1: like I used to, we'd leave parties, and I always
• 15:18
  Speaker 1: knew because I know you, all of you. I knew
• 15:23
  Speaker 1: how wonderful and generous and kind and loyal and and
• 15:27
  Speaker 1: and reliable and funny, and I knew all the good
• 15:30
  Speaker 1: right and then I knew some of the bad, and
• 15:32
  Speaker 1: you know, that's how we love each other. You love
• 15:33
  Speaker 1: all of them. But some people only got the bad
• 15:37
  Speaker 1: part because it was like later in the night and
• 15:39
  Speaker 1: she had a lot of drinks and the patients was
• 15:41
  Speaker 1: low and there was no therapy and she, you know,
• 15:44
  Speaker 1: and she'd be like getting the car and then you
• 15:48
  Speaker 1: were just sitting the car yelling my name where I'm
• 15:50
  Speaker 1: walking around and I'm so sorry, I'm so sorry. I'm
• 15:52
  Speaker 1: really sorry. It's not it's just we're she's tired or
• 15:55
  Speaker 1: you know. I mean, like the apology tour for me
• 15:59
  Speaker 1: is ended out because you do your own you do
• 16:02
  Speaker 1: your own inventory. Now, like I don't have to do that.
• 16:05
  Speaker 1: It's a great exercise for me. Now I have to
• 16:07
  Speaker 1: look at everybody I see, going, oh, what's her family? Like?
• 16:10
  Speaker 1: I see somebody walking, I'm like, what's her house? Like?
• 16:12
  Speaker 1: Does her husband hit her? What's her family? Like? I'm like,
• 16:15
  Speaker 1: I'm so much empathy. I'm looking exhausted, But I have
• 16:18
  Speaker 1: to work on it because I want to get better
• 16:19
  Speaker 1: at having empathy. And empathy is learned, you can learn it, yes,
• 16:24
  Speaker 1: And that's you know, he reveals to me. All the
• 16:26
  Speaker 1: deathy is learned. You can learn you can improve its
• 16:29
  Speaker 1: patience and patients and empathy are tied. And for those
• 16:32
  Speaker 1: of you, like you know, sympathy and empathy because we've
• 16:35
  Speaker 1: had this conversation, because you know, we've been friends for
• 16:38
  Speaker 1: a long time, so we've seen each other through a
• 16:40
  Speaker 1: lot of things. But when he said to me, goes,
• 16:42
  Speaker 1: are you you know, do you feel empathetic like when
• 16:44
  Speaker 1: you're when you're a great Because I could be the
• 16:46
  Speaker 1: best friend, I best friend, show up if anyone's going
• 16:49
  Speaker 1: through anything, I'm there. I don't even have to know you.
• 16:52
  Speaker 1: It could be a stranger and I will be there
• 16:54
  Speaker 1: just for the sake of it. But what I realized
• 16:56
  Speaker 1: is sometimes I was just showing up to be the
• 16:58
  Speaker 1: person who always showed up so everyone would say, oh,
• 17:01
  Speaker 1: Chelsea's good at showing up, not because I was thinking
• 17:04
  Speaker 1: about what it was like to be in a person's
• 17:06
  Speaker 1: shoes who was going through something difficult. Being sympathetic it's
• 17:10
  Speaker 1: different than being empathetic. It's still pretty good, though, having
• 17:13
  Speaker 1: been on the receiving end of it, it's still pretty good.
• 17:16
  Speaker 1: It's nice to show up. It is. It's nice to
• 17:19
  Speaker 1: show up. She shows up and shows up and shows up.
• 17:21
  Speaker 1: Some days I'd be like, don't come, I'm fine, She's like,
• 17:24
  Speaker 1: and then she is. I was like, oh, I do
• 17:25
  Speaker 1: need a shower. If you could just in time, I
• 17:30
  Speaker 1: was like, I'm gonna watch you from here. It is
• 17:34
  Speaker 1: You're pretty great. I have to say, like, I know,
• 17:36
  Speaker 1: obviously there's nothing more horrific than losing a sibling, especially
• 17:40
  Speaker 1: you know your book end, Like, what's more horrible than that?
• 17:44
  Speaker 1: But it is part of what forms you, and I
• 17:46
  Speaker 1: do think like you having grown up having to self
• 17:50
  Speaker 1: parent yourself, or having to become the reliable one, the
• 17:53
  Speaker 1: fixer because no one was making you feel safe as
• 17:57
  Speaker 1: a kid, has been a huge benefit to me. Thank you,
• 18:02
  Speaker 1: know and everyone else whom you love, like you are
• 18:05
  Speaker 1: the most reliable, the most you know, you are the fixer.
• 18:09
  Speaker 1: You're incredible. But it is wonderful that now you're fixing yourself,
• 18:14
  Speaker 1: that you're allowing yourself that love you know that you've
• 18:17
  Speaker 1: given everyone else. Because I think, I actually I do.
• 18:20
  Speaker 1: I think I'm not I'll cry cry. You need an orange, girl,
• 18:25
  Speaker 1: I do need an orange. But I do think like
• 18:28
  Speaker 1: chat would be so proud. That's so sweet, Thank you,
• 18:34
  Speaker 1: thank you. This is a more serious night than I'm sorry.
• 18:39
  Speaker 1: I'm sorry, but I love it. It's nice because you
• 18:42
  Speaker 1: are you do you give so many people, so many
• 18:44
  Speaker 1: so much love because I think that was what you were.
• 18:46
  Speaker 1: You know, you were forced into that role as a
• 18:48
  Speaker 1: nine year old girl. If no one's looking after you
• 18:51
  Speaker 1: and you have to start to you're like, oh, shoot,
• 18:53
  Speaker 1: I guess I'll do it myself, and then you start
• 18:55
  Speaker 1: to do it for everyone else. You know. I think
• 18:58
  Speaker 1: it's nice for people to you want to be held.
• 19:01
  Speaker 1: It's why that orange moment was so powerful in the book.
• 19:04
  Speaker 1: It's just he was being he was keeping you in mind, right,
• 19:08
  Speaker 1: So to think of him at home having thought of you,
• 19:12
  Speaker 1: like he's in the backyard and he goes she meant
• 19:14
  Speaker 1: like that, I'm gonna get that for her and just
• 19:16
  Speaker 1: bring it in. That's simple. It's a little thing, right,
• 19:20
  Speaker 1: It's a it's a non it's a non thing, but
• 19:22
  Speaker 1: it means you were in his mind and so to
• 19:25
  Speaker 1: be kept in mind is is so lovely. My brother,
• 19:29
  Speaker 1: my brother, Checked did this thing that was so similar
• 19:31
  Speaker 1: to the orange, which I always think now, like when
• 19:33
  Speaker 1: I was I was born going through menopause, I've been
• 19:34
  Speaker 1: sweating my entire life. I'm just fucking constantly hot, I
• 19:38
  Speaker 1: have to sleep with sixty five degree temperature fans everywhere.
• 19:41
  Speaker 1: When I was a little girl, I had like fans
• 19:43
  Speaker 1: oscillating in my room. They had it on rotation. Like
• 19:45
  Speaker 1: I was like, you know, the burden victim. And I
• 19:49
  Speaker 1: and my brother was the only person who took it seriously.
• 19:52
  Speaker 1: And we had six kids in our family. So I
• 19:54
  Speaker 1: was the youngest and my brother Chet was the oldest,
• 19:57
  Speaker 1: and so he was like the captain of our team.
• 19:59
  Speaker 1: You know. Our parents were fucking out of their minds
• 20:01
  Speaker 1: and you know, irresponsible and tired from having six kids.
• 20:05
  Speaker 1: And I was like the little mascot. So I was
• 20:07
  Speaker 1: his plaything and we were bookends. He would do this thing.
• 20:10
  Speaker 1: Whenever I would eat soup, I'd have to take my
• 20:12
  Speaker 1: top off because I would sweat. And then when night,
• 20:15
  Speaker 1: when once I was like you know, like eight or nine,
• 20:18
  Speaker 1: I started getting my leg buds in and all of
• 20:20
  Speaker 1: a sudden, they were like, oh, these are gonna be big.
• 20:24
  Speaker 1: Dad knew, and they were like, we're on Martha's vineyard.
• 20:28
  Speaker 1: And I was like, I want to get some clam chowder.
• 20:30
  Speaker 1: And my brother looked at me. I'll never forget the
• 20:32
  Speaker 1: look on his face, like you know what that means
• 20:35
  Speaker 1: I'm gonna to take your top off in a restaurant,
• 20:37
  Speaker 1: like it's the middle of the daytime, you're getting older,
• 20:39
  Speaker 1: Like do we want to do this? And he went
• 20:41
  Speaker 1: and we got take out clam chowder and he went
• 20:43
  Speaker 1: and put me in the car and he goes, okay,
• 20:45
  Speaker 1: take your top off in there and eat it in there.
• 20:49
  Speaker 1: And and I remember he standing outside the door and
• 20:52
  Speaker 1: just come into the car. He's like, I'm gonna wait
• 20:54
  Speaker 1: till you're done with the soup. And I was eight
• 20:58
  Speaker 1: years old and like, just eat the soup in me
• 21:00
  Speaker 1: when my tips I like, He's like, no, you stay
• 21:03
  Speaker 1: in the car and I'll be even be done when
• 21:04
  Speaker 1: And you know, he did those things like he put
• 21:06
  Speaker 1: me in bed, He carried me up the stairs. You
• 21:08
  Speaker 1: drive me to Martha's vineyard and back, like it was
• 21:10
  Speaker 1: a five hour drive to the ferry. And he put
• 21:12
  Speaker 1: me in bed and put my fan on on high
• 21:14
  Speaker 1: in my face like and I was wide awake, but
• 21:17
  Speaker 1: pretending to be asleep because I just wanted to be
• 21:19
  Speaker 1: carried by him. But it was it was those moments
• 21:22
  Speaker 1: that taught me what like, oh, this is what love is.
• 21:25
  Speaker 1: This is the first expression of it. I had my parents,
• 21:28
  Speaker 1: but this was like a boyfriend, you know, like that's
• 21:31
  Speaker 1: who took me and stuffed me out of the house.
• 21:33
  Speaker 1: So that moment for me, you know, I thought, I
• 21:37
  Speaker 1: really you know, we had talked about it so many
• 21:39
  Speaker 1: times about oh yeah, my brother died. Anybody would be
• 21:41
  Speaker 1: like I'm sorry, like you didn't kill him, like you know,
• 21:43
  Speaker 1: it just a total fuck up reaction to everything. And
• 21:47
  Speaker 1: then my friends would get into a situation or there'd
• 21:49
  Speaker 1: have somebody die and I was like on the floor
• 21:52
  Speaker 1: for them, you know, I'd be like my friends, uh,
• 21:55
  Speaker 1: marriage broke up Amber who you know, and her fiance
• 21:59
  Speaker 1: broke up with her, and I more devastated than she was.
• 22:01
  Speaker 1: Like after three days, she was like I need you
• 22:03
  Speaker 1: to get away from me. She's like I just got
• 22:05
  Speaker 1: dumped and you're still crying about it. I'm like, I
• 22:07
  Speaker 1: know this isn't a normal rection because you need to
• 22:09
  Speaker 1: go to a psychiatrist. And that was when I was
• 22:12
  Speaker 1: like twenty five. So you know the point is that
• 22:14
  Speaker 1: it builds up, and it builds up and it shows up.
• 22:17
  Speaker 1: It's never gonna go away until you extinguish it yourself.
• 22:20
  Speaker 1: That deal with your ship, or it deals with you yeah, right,
• 22:23
  Speaker 1: or it punches you right in the face and then
• 22:25
  Speaker 1: you're like, fun, what am I doing with my life?
• 22:28
  Speaker 1: But what's come out of it? It's really good, right obviously,
• 22:31
  Speaker 1: Chet You know, I would love to have met Chat.
• 22:33
  Speaker 1: I would love him to be here now. But part
• 22:36
  Speaker 1: of who you are is that scar, right, That's right.
• 22:41
  Speaker 1: It's a big part of who you are. I mean,
• 22:42
  Speaker 1: I think scars are like you're wearing with pride. You
• 22:45
  Speaker 1: survive something and you're different from it. You know, it's
• 22:48
  Speaker 1: not a wound, it's a scar, and a scar you
• 22:50
  Speaker 1: sort of show off. It makes you more fuckable and
• 22:55
  Speaker 1: without the severance on. Somebody calls handle handles or whatever
• 22:58
  Speaker 1: that don't suck it up. It's handles handler. It's not great.
• 23:03
  Speaker 1: I was in a panic. Why did it five minutes
• 23:04
  Speaker 1: before I came out here? Handlers no, no ship fuck
• 23:09
  Speaker 1: handles handler at gmail dot com. Okay, well this sounds
• 23:13
  Speaker 1: like a good time to take a break. I want
• 23:17
  Speaker 1: to talk about um men because Mary has always been like, listen,
• 23:22
  Speaker 1: this is a fucking man's world. You you're a woman,
• 23:25
  Speaker 1: You're to get no respect. And I would always I
• 23:28
  Speaker 1: was like, what are you talking about? Life was great?
• 23:30
  Speaker 1: I at my own show. I'm doing great. I didn't
• 23:32
  Speaker 1: realize that wasn't what it was like for everybody. I
• 23:34
  Speaker 1: really was in my own ass so hardcore that I
• 23:37
  Speaker 1: had to rip myself out of it. And and you know,
• 23:40
  Speaker 1: when we discovered all this disgusting ship, like you know
• 23:44
  Speaker 1: the fact that Harvey Weinsteiner, Louis c. Cattle, remember it
• 23:47
  Speaker 1: was who it was. You had no idea me too,
• 23:49
  Speaker 1: was going on. Yeah, I mean, it wasn't no surprise
• 23:52
  Speaker 1: to me. I know all the executives who have beds
• 23:54
  Speaker 1: in their offices, and yeah, it's not what's not a
• 23:57
  Speaker 1: shock shocking to find out that men were jerking off
• 24:00
  Speaker 1: into plants something that I knew was going on. I mean, honestly,
• 24:04
  Speaker 1: one of those guys, Louis c k or no, I
• 24:07
  Speaker 1: think that was Harvey, Harvey jerking off into a like
• 24:10
  Speaker 1: That's what I knew that ship was real, because in
• 24:14
  Speaker 1: no circumstances ever in the history of mankind or in
• 24:17
  Speaker 1: the future will you find a fucking woman rubbing one
• 24:20
  Speaker 1: out into a fucking plant. Only a man would do
• 24:24
  Speaker 1: something so stupid. Oh, I mean, honestly, a plant. It's like, oh,
• 24:30
  Speaker 1: is there a wall? No, I guess I'll suck this plant.
• 24:34
  Speaker 1: But I think that is even part of why I
• 24:37
  Speaker 1: thought Trump was gonna win the whole time. And you
• 24:39
  Speaker 1: were like, no, no, no, I'm definitely not on most things,
• 24:44
  Speaker 1: but on that, I just had a I just knew
• 24:47
  Speaker 1: how much how deep seated that sexism is. Like I
• 24:52
  Speaker 1: just thought, there's no a lot of men, even men
• 24:54
  Speaker 1: I like, who were like, no, no, definitely, I know
• 24:57
  Speaker 1: when the privacy of the booth, the voting booth right,
• 25:00
  Speaker 1: that people are privates to win when they elected an Africa,
• 25:04
  Speaker 1: I mean, you know, we're not a traditionally not a
• 25:06
  Speaker 1: sort of open country to the first black president, like
• 25:09
  Speaker 1: it took us a while, right, and still anything but
• 25:13
  Speaker 1: a woman like right, I mean his name was Hussain,
• 25:15
  Speaker 1: and they're like, just get him. Who cared anyone but her?
• 25:17
  Speaker 1: Just fucking get him. Get anyone right right now. I mean,
• 25:21
  Speaker 1: now there's a guy running. Thank God. I love Mayor Peat,
• 25:24
  Speaker 1: but now we're I love Mayor Pe, love him, love
• 25:26
  Speaker 1: him so much. But it's interesting because Elizabeth Warren has
• 25:29
  Speaker 1: policy dripping from her ears and we're still and we're
• 25:33
  Speaker 1: still even may I'm like, I do love Mayor p
• 25:35
  Speaker 1: And then I'm like, what am I up to? Like?
• 25:37
  Speaker 1: What is this? Like? Elizabeth Warren has a solution for everything,
• 25:42
  Speaker 1: like like for the last like the last episode of
• 25:45
  Speaker 1: like the last season of Game of Throne. She's like,
• 25:46
  Speaker 1: I think I can fix that. I mean, she has
• 25:48
  Speaker 1: a solution for everything, and she has like plan A
• 25:52
  Speaker 1: through C. And we're still like, I don't know, is
• 25:55
  Speaker 1: she electable? I like Elizabeth Warren. I like she fuck
• 26:01
  Speaker 1: knows what she's talking about, and she's somebody that would
• 26:03
  Speaker 1: win the election. She's not celebrating that night, she's getting
• 26:06
  Speaker 1: to work. You know. There's like all these ego candidates
• 26:09
  Speaker 1: and you can tell what that's about. And then there
• 26:11
  Speaker 1: are there are politicized candidates. But I am warming up
• 26:14
  Speaker 1: and I like that there are so many people reaching good.
• 26:17
  Speaker 1: And I also love Mayor Pete. I don't mean to disparage.
• 26:19
  Speaker 1: I love Mayor Pete. I'm on board for all of them.
• 26:23
  Speaker 1: All Right, let's see what else should we talk about?
• 26:25
  Speaker 1: You want to talk about? Sexual history is over? I
• 26:27
  Speaker 1: think we sealed that well and there's been others, but
• 26:30
  Speaker 1: we can leave it at that. What I learned contress.
• 26:33
  Speaker 1: This is an announcement I'd like to make because as
• 26:34
  Speaker 1: long as I keep saying it, it becomes more and
• 26:36
  Speaker 1: more real. I'm ready to be in an adult relationship
• 26:39
  Speaker 1: because it takes a healthy to get a healthy and
• 26:41
  Speaker 1: now I'm sort of healthy. All right. I have a question. Question.
• 26:48
  Speaker 1: I mean, I think she would like to fuck her boyfriend.
• 26:50
  Speaker 1: But I think you would also like a partner who
• 26:52
  Speaker 1: makes you laugh and challenges you. I would. Yeah, a
• 26:56
  Speaker 1: lot of skiers in Arizona. I think skiers are everywhere. Um,
• 27:02
  Speaker 1: all right, here's a question, because I'm interested in how
• 27:06
  Speaker 1: brave you are, what scares you. I mean I could
• 27:10
  Speaker 1: jump off a building no problem, and I could fly
• 27:13
  Speaker 1: like I could skydi have no problem. I could do
• 27:15
  Speaker 1: all that. I don't have fear like jumping. I love
• 27:18
  Speaker 1: to jump because then I can just keep moving. You know.
• 27:20
  Speaker 1: That's like my that's my my speed. When I talked
• 27:23
  Speaker 1: to Dan about skiing, I was so like, you know,
• 27:26
  Speaker 1: effusive about skiing and so passionate. And he goes, you know, Chelsea,
• 27:29
  Speaker 1: if you can achieve that feeling when you're skiing, this
• 27:32
  Speaker 1: like one with the you know, not one with the universe.
• 27:34
  Speaker 1: But I was like, I just feel so high when
• 27:36
  Speaker 1: I ski. He goes, Yeah, that's you. Know, rush like
• 27:39
  Speaker 1: you're one, you feel like at home in the mountains,
• 27:41
  Speaker 1: and I'm like, no, I just like to fucking ski, Dan,
• 27:43
  Speaker 1: and then he goes, you know, if you feel like
• 27:45
  Speaker 1: that when you're skiing, if you have that that point
• 27:47
  Speaker 1: of elation, you can feel that at home in your
• 27:50
  Speaker 1: regular day to day life through meditation. I'm like, oh,
• 27:52
  Speaker 1: fuck you, Dan, And well now I do feel I
• 27:57
  Speaker 1: don't feel that I'm working on it, but meditation. Listen,
• 28:00
  Speaker 1: I gotta tell you guys, I'm not somebody who subscribes
• 28:04
  Speaker 1: to all of that stuff. And I my psychiatrist said,
• 28:07
  Speaker 1: meditate for three months. I just want you to commit
• 28:09
  Speaker 1: three minutes a day. And I was like, three months.
• 28:11
  Speaker 1: It is like a pregnancy, you know, that's too long.
• 28:15
  Speaker 1: And he's like, no, that's actually not what a pregnancy is,
• 28:17
  Speaker 1: and what's my pregnancy is work? But so I did.
• 28:24
  Speaker 1: I did commit, and I have to tell you I
• 28:27
  Speaker 1: did three minutes today Headspace. Then I did five minutes
• 28:30
  Speaker 1: a day, then I did ten minutes a day, and
• 28:32
  Speaker 1: I swear it has changed my life, like I am
• 28:35
  Speaker 1: calmer and well, I mean it's everything together. But for
• 28:38
  Speaker 1: all inedibles, well edibles helped me meditate They were the
• 28:41
  Speaker 1: gateway drug to get me to fucking sit down long
• 28:43
  Speaker 1: enough that I could go. Finally, I was like, oh
• 28:46
  Speaker 1: my god, today I went and I meditated in the
• 28:48
  Speaker 1: middle of the afternoon and I woke up. But it
• 28:50
  Speaker 1: feels good. I mean, it's it all fucking works, and
• 28:52
  Speaker 1: people talk about it because it does work. So if
• 28:55
  Speaker 1: you're a cynic like me, I just wanted to know
• 28:57
  Speaker 1: there's hope out there. I want to read you, guys
• 29:02
  Speaker 1: a passage from my book before I go. So I
• 29:04
  Speaker 1: have these I decide bracelets, um, and I decide t
• 29:08
  Speaker 1: shirts that were selling outside. All the proceeds go to
• 29:10
  Speaker 1: l g B t Q. I a youth, So you're
• 29:15
  Speaker 1: donating to a good cause to keep them off the
• 29:19
  Speaker 1: streets and to keep them loved and safe and sound,
• 29:21
  Speaker 1: just like all of us when we grew up. I
• 29:26
  Speaker 1: want to read this passage. Don't stare at my ass,
• 29:28
  Speaker 1: Mary you. I didn't know then that my brother's death
• 29:31
  Speaker 1: was defining me. I didn't know that I had the
• 29:34
  Speaker 1: ability to say no to being defined by death. Now
• 29:38
  Speaker 1: I was with a person Dan, who could help me
• 29:40
  Speaker 1: process what happened and turned the parts of me that
• 29:43
  Speaker 1: acted like a nine year old into a self actualized
• 29:47
  Speaker 1: adult who had come to a better understanding of what
• 29:50
  Speaker 1: it means to dig deep and admit that you are
• 29:53
  Speaker 1: in pain, thereby beginning the process of relinquishing that pain.
• 29:58
  Speaker 1: I was in a place where my brother died. Ying
• 30:00
  Speaker 1: no longer had to define my existence. It is a
• 30:03
  Speaker 1: part of who I am, perhaps the biggest part, and
• 30:06
  Speaker 1: it may have helped steer me in a certain direction,
• 30:08
  Speaker 1: but it is not all of me. I define me.
• 30:13
  Speaker 1: No event or person does this. I define me. I
• 30:17
  Speaker 1: decide who I am and how I'm going to behave
• 30:20
  Speaker 1: and I choose to be better, to look more carefully,
• 30:23
  Speaker 1: to trudge deeper, to think about other people's pasts and
• 30:27
  Speaker 1: not judge someone for doing or handling something differently than
• 30:31
  Speaker 1: I would. To understand my limitations and my shortcomings. That
• 30:35
  Speaker 1: is my growth edge, to know I'm not going to
• 30:39
  Speaker 1: go through something, I'm not going to circle around something
• 30:43
  Speaker 1: and hoping to avoid it, that I'm going to go
• 30:46
  Speaker 1: through it, sitting it and experiencing and feeling and not running.
• 30:52
  Speaker 1: To understand that things take time, and to be okay
• 30:56
  Speaker 1: sitting with my pain. No one is fully cooked, no
• 31:00
  Speaker 1: person is complete. I choose to be better I hope
• 31:03
  Speaker 1: you all choose to be better too. I decided thank
• 31:06
  Speaker 1: you Phoenix for fronding out tonight, and thank you to
• 31:09
  Speaker 1: very right that stage where the yeah yeah you guys
• 31:16
  Speaker 1: wants well, Brandon, what is your review anything with you?
• 31:20
  Speaker 1: And Mary? I'm on board for really what's been your
• 31:23
  Speaker 1: favorite show so far? You know, I really like Jake Tapper,
• 31:26
  Speaker 1: which I think was the first that you did. But Mary,
• 31:30
  Speaker 1: probably because it's the most natural for me to hear
• 31:34
  Speaker 1: you on stage. Mary, I only asked Brandon that because
• 31:36
  Speaker 1: he has to listen to all these podcasts with me
• 31:38
  Speaker 1: every week. When we listen to them before we let
• 31:40
  Speaker 1: them before they drop, Mary can challenge you and she
• 31:44
  Speaker 1: can like stay on beat with you. Were some other
• 31:47
  Speaker 1: people they don't pick it up quite as quick, and
• 31:49
  Speaker 1: Mary really serves it back. And that's why this was
• 31:52
  Speaker 1: probably one of my favorites. Well, it's an important Brandon,
• 31:55
  Speaker 1: that you have favorites and to express those on a
• 31:59
  Speaker 1: regular basis us. Can you not be on your phone
• 32:01
  Speaker 1: while we're recording a podcast? I mean, speaking of favorites,
• 32:04
  Speaker 1: she's right here in front of you. Julie Novid Goodbye
• 32:09
  Speaker 1: Life Will be the Death of Me. As a production
• 32:11
  Speaker 1: of i heart Radio. For more podcasts from my heart Radio,
• 32:13
  Speaker 1: visit the i heart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever
• 32:16
  Speaker 1: you listen to your favorite shows.