Latest / Funny Comedy | Laugh Out Loud / S6 Ep5: Billionaire Buffoonery: A Stand-Up Roast Comedy 🤣

Transcript

S6 Ep5: Billionaire Buffoonery: A Stand-Up Roast Comedy 🤣 · Funny Comedy | Laugh Out Loud

• 0:00
  SPEAKER_02: The world is in such chaos that I had to watch the news a lot this year.
• 0:05
  SPEAKER_02: Cause a lot of shit was popping.
• 0:07
  SPEAKER_02: One of my friends called me, said, Yo, turn the TV on.
• 0:10
  SPEAKER_02: Uh, there's some shit happening, you gotta watch it.
• 0:12
  SPEAKER_02: I said, No, you know I don't fuck with the news like that.
• 0:15
  SPEAKER_02: I ain't watching it.
• 0:16
  SPEAKER_02: He said, No, you gotta watch it.
• 0:17
  SPEAKER_02: I said, no.
• 0:19
  SPEAKER_02: He said, All right, I'ma say this.
• 0:22
  SPEAKER_02: Five niggas on a submarine about to die.
• 0:32
  SPEAKER_02: I said, let me get my remote.
• 0:41
  SPEAKER_02: That submarine shit was wow.
• 0:45
  SPEAKER_02: Y'all really tried to gloss over them niggas in the submarine.
• 0:50
  SPEAKER_02: Cause it barely made new, right?
• 0:52
  SPEAKER_02: We walked, but then it like went away.
• 0:55
  SPEAKER_02: And I'm sitting here like, yo, why we ain't really dissect this shit?
• 1:00
  SPEAKER_02: Cause it this was something that's like it's typical of the world today.
• 1:06
  SPEAKER_02: White niggas going rogue.
• 1:10
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, that's white nigga shit.
• 1:13
  SPEAKER_02: Getting on a submarine, nigga, it's who's still getting on submarines?
• 1:22
  SPEAKER_02: I was floor, I said submarine.
• 1:26
  SPEAKER_02: There's no reason for you to get on a submarine at all.
• 1:30
  SPEAKER_02: Zero.
• 1:33
  SPEAKER_02: I was talking about this a couple weeks ago and this white woman said to me, because you know how white women, y'all busy.
• 1:40
  SPEAKER_02: Y'all like getting busy.
• 1:43
  SPEAKER_02: You don't give a fuck a show going on, you're gonna open your fucking raggedy ass mouth.
• 1:49
  SPEAKER_02: Oh white bitch said, um, excuse me.
• 1:54
  SPEAKER_02: There was two Indian guys on there.
• 1:58
  SPEAKER_02: They weren't all white.
• 2:01
  SPEAKER_02: I said, yeah, but them Indian guys was billionaires, and when Indians become billionaires, they think they white.
• 2:09
  SPEAKER_02: So like I said, five white niggas was on the submarine.
• 2:24
  SPEAKER_02: See, this is why I got quiet.
• 2:26
  SPEAKER_02: White people y'all, you you hush your shit down, right?
• 2:31
  SPEAKER_02: You yell nigga shit all niggas did this, niggas did that.
• 2:36
  SPEAKER_02: But when white niggas do, it's all shh shh shh shh.
• 2:40
  SPEAKER_02: Just like y'all try to shush down January 6th.
• 2:43
  unknown: Shh, shh, shh.
• 2:46
  SPEAKER_02: How you gonna shush it down?
• 2:47
  SPEAKER_02: It's a bunch of hillbillies climbing the cabin.
• 2:50
  SPEAKER_02: We all see that shit.
• 2:52
  SPEAKER_02: These niggas think they Spider-Man.
• 2:54
  SPEAKER_02: What the fuck is happening?
• 2:59
  SPEAKER_02: Five white niggas died a white nigga death.
• 3:06
  SPEAKER_02: White niggas, y'all died all kinds of fucking ways.
• 3:09
  SPEAKER_02: It's too much.
• 3:11
  SPEAKER_02: Niggas die a few ways.
• 3:14
  SPEAKER_02: White niggas, y'all die every way.
• 3:20
  SPEAKER_02: Niggas gonna die.
• 3:23
  SPEAKER_02: Diabetes.
• 3:26
  SPEAKER_02: Right, sickle cell.
• 3:30
  SPEAKER_02: Or we gonna get shot at our cousin's fourth of July barbecue.
• 3:35
  SPEAKER_02: Thank you, the one white guy brave enough to laugh.
• 3:39
  SPEAKER_02: Cause all the woke white people like, oh, that's so sad.
• 3:42
  SPEAKER_02: You guys created this environment.
• 3:51
  SPEAKER_02: White people, y'all die so many different ways.
• 3:53
  SPEAKER_02: They got an almanac about the way y'all fucking die, like a thousand ways to die.
• 3:59
  SPEAKER_02: You niggas is always doing something.
• 4:01
  SPEAKER_02: You put your head in the alligator's mouth and you know what I'm saying, you roller skating with battery, jumper cable.
• 4:09
  SPEAKER_02: It's just crazy shit.
• 4:14
  SPEAKER_02: Five white niggas on submarine.
• 4:20
  SPEAKER_02: Billionaire niggas died on submarine.
• 4:32
  SPEAKER_02: How are you a billionaire and you died?
• 4:36
  SPEAKER_02: Such a stupid death.
• 4:40
  SPEAKER_02: They died, they died like Wally Coyote.
• 4:42
  SPEAKER_02: It didn't even make you stupid, right?
• 4:46
  SPEAKER_02: They holding up little help signs and shit.
• 4:48
  SPEAKER_02: They crazy.
• 4:54
  SPEAKER_02: Five white niggas on submarine, billionaires.
• 4:58
  SPEAKER_02: You're not even supposed to die like that if you're a billionaire.
• 5:01
  SPEAKER_02: You're supposed to hire somebody to die for you.
• 5:07
  SPEAKER_02: Why are you a billionaire?
• 5:08
  SPEAKER_02: Why you don't have a deaf nigga?
• 5:10
  SPEAKER_02: You should have hired a deaf nigga.
• 5:14
  SPEAKER_02: They entire family should have been, oh my god, Peep Paw, he's on the submarine, he's about to die.
• 5:19
  SPEAKER_02: No, Peep Pa.
• 5:22
  SPEAKER_02: And then Peapa should have came up and said, no nigga, I'm here.
• 5:24
  SPEAKER_02: That's Earl.
• 5:25
  SPEAKER_02: Remember, I hired him to die.
• 5:34
  SPEAKER_02: The news was fucking with us.
• 5:36
  SPEAKER_02: That's why I don't like the news.
• 5:37
  SPEAKER_02: The news gives you hope.
• 5:41
  SPEAKER_02: And then take it away right away.
• 5:44
  SPEAKER_02: They build you a way up.
• 5:49
  SPEAKER_02: The first thing they said is they said, these niggas got 75 hours.
• 6:00
  SPEAKER_02: They said 75 hours these niggas got of oxygen on their submarine.
• 6:08
  SPEAKER_02: I said, okay.
• 6:11
  SPEAKER_02: Right?
• 6:12
  SPEAKER_02: This sounds like a lot of fucking oxygen.
• 6:16
  SPEAKER_02: 75 hours.
• 6:17
  SPEAKER_02: The niggas is only going in there for like an hour.
• 6:21
  SPEAKER_02: I said, oh, they gonna be alright.
• 6:26
  SPEAKER_02: And then they come out with a report right after they said, uh, but we need 900 hours worth of oxygen to rescue them.
• 6:41
  SPEAKER_02: Right, because now I got to do the math.
• 6:45
  SPEAKER_02: I ain't great at math, but something say, oh, you mean them niggas is dead.
• 6:51
  SPEAKER_02: Right?
• 6:52
  SPEAKER_02: Like they could have just said that up, that just these niggas is dead.
• 6:55
  SPEAKER_02: Here's what's happening in Cincinnati.
• 6:59
  SPEAKER_02: We don't need this hope.
• 7:01
  SPEAKER_02: It's crazy.
• 7:09
  SPEAKER_02: Then they said, the CEO of uh Ocean Game.
• 7:20
  SPEAKER_02: The guy that put the submarine together, they said, guess what?
• 7:25
  SPEAKER_02: He is on the submarine with them.
• 7:30
  SPEAKER_02: And I go, okay.
• 7:33
  SPEAKER_02: That's awesome, because he put the shit together.
• 7:37
  SPEAKER_02: He knows what he doing.
• 7:42
  SPEAKER_02: And then five minutes later, they have some old employee of his going, this nigga don't know what he doing.
• 7:53
  SPEAKER_02: Crazy.
• 7:54
  SPEAKER_02: They said, like, you right?
• 7:57
  SPEAKER_02: I don't know shit about submarines, right?
• 8:00
  SPEAKER_02: But I know if I'm gonna put one together, I'ma go to like submarines R Us.
• 8:07
  SPEAKER_02: They said this nigga was going to IKEA, Home Depot.
• 8:13
  SPEAKER_02: They said at one point they was driving a shit with a PS5 controller.
• 8:23
  SPEAKER_01: What it are y'all not outraged?
• 8:29
  SPEAKER_02: What the fuck is happening?
• 8:35
  SPEAKER_02: Why would billionaires get on a fucked up, like the shit didn't have no clearance?
• 8:40
  SPEAKER_02: They told this nigga they said, don't take that shit out there no more.
• 8:43
  SPEAKER_02: That white niggas do whatever the fuck they want.
• 8:47
  SPEAKER_02: They said, don't take the shit out there.
• 8:49
  SPEAKER_02: Nigga said, I'm white, I'm gonna take the shit out there.
• 8:53
  SPEAKER_02: It hadn't passed, no codes, no inspection.
• 8:56
  SPEAKER_02: So I'm like, why the fuck would five billionaires carry their ass on some haphazard submarine?
• 9:02
  SPEAKER_02: Just have the confidence to get on this shit with this hap-hazard nigga that don't know what the fuck he doing.
• 9:12
  SPEAKER_02: It's racism.
• 9:15
  SPEAKER_02: It's true.
• 9:15
  SPEAKER_02: White people, your racism kills you every fucking time.
• 9:22
  SPEAKER_02: They trusted this nigga because he was a white nigga.
• 9:26
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, you get quiet all you want.
• 9:28
  SPEAKER_02: That's how y'all gonna die.
• 9:30
  SPEAKER_02: Trusting white niggas.
• 9:33
  SPEAKER_02: They like, oh yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
• 9:35
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, that's Ted.
• 9:36
  SPEAKER_02: We know him.
• 9:39
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, well, well, Summarine.
• 9:42
  SPEAKER_02: This nigga remember he played uh in the back nine last week.
• 9:46
  SPEAKER_02: That nigga was hitting that golf all over the place.
• 9:50
  SPEAKER_02: Let's give this nigga$250,000, go to NDS.
• 9:55
  SPEAKER_02: They got there and then they blew the fuck up.
• 9:59
  SPEAKER_02: Because they trust white niggas.
• 10:01
  SPEAKER_02: If a nigga nigga had asked a white nigga to get on a submarine, you niggas would have called the cops.
• 10:12
  SPEAKER_02: You'd have called the cops.
• 10:13
  SPEAKER_02: Oh, yeah, officer, get there.
• 10:14
  SPEAKER_02: Some niggas tell me they got a submarine.
• 10:16
  SPEAKER_02: I don't know what that was happening.
• 10:17
  SPEAKER_02: I don't feel safe.
• 10:25
  SPEAKER_02: And then we sick, we sick.
• 10:26
  SPEAKER_02: We are sick as a people.
• 10:28
  SPEAKER_02: Cause we watched that countdown.
• 10:30
  SPEAKER_02: That shit was nuts.
• 10:32
  SPEAKER_02: Every day we woke up and like, whoop, they got 17 hours left.
• 10:36
  SPEAKER_02: Whoop, they got six hours left.
• 10:38
  SPEAKER_02: Whoops, they got three hours.
• 10:40
  SPEAKER_02: It was like a new New Year's Eve.
• 10:47
  SPEAKER_02: What I'm proud of is that.
• 10:55
  SPEAKER_02: What I'm proud of is this young lady in the front going to sleep like a motherfucker.
• 11:03
  SPEAKER_02: If your iron long bitch, what you got a name in the I'm about to put this bitch on the submarine.
• 11:25
  SPEAKER_02: No women on that.
• 11:39
  SPEAKER_01: Stop sleeping the clap.
• 11:40
  SPEAKER_02: She's a woman.
• 11:44
  SPEAKER_02: I'm proud of the women.
• 11:45
  SPEAKER_02: You deserve the Barbie movie.
• 11:51
  SPEAKER_02: Women aren't stupid enough to get on no bullshit like that.
• 11:55
  SPEAKER_02: Plus, it was only 75 hours worth of oxygen.
• 11:58
  SPEAKER_02: You know, bitches, we talk so much we done.
• 12:02
  SPEAKER_02: That ain't enough oxygen for us.
• 12:03
  SPEAKER_02: We done died before the shit even went hit the water.
• 12:15
  SPEAKER_01: Why did they go down there?
• 12:18
  unknown: Right?
• 12:18
  SPEAKER_02: You gotta ask, why?
• 12:21
  SPEAKER_02: I was like, yo, they must have gone down there for like the cure or something, right?
• 12:25
  SPEAKER_02: They found a cure of cancer, fountain of youth, something noble that they would go and get on a submarine with a little eye pulp like that.
• 12:35
  SPEAKER_02: They couldn't even see nothing.
• 12:36
  SPEAKER_02: All them niggas had to crowd their eyeballs together in a little.
• 12:44
  SPEAKER_02: They said, oh, they went down there to see the Titanic.
• 12:56
  SPEAKER_02: I said, oh, they didn't see it when it came out in theaters.
• 13:07
  SPEAKER_02: White people, y'all hilarious.
• 13:11
  SPEAKER_02: I actually I predicted this.
• 13:17
  SPEAKER_02: I did, I predicted it.
• 13:18
  SPEAKER_02: At the top of the year, I said, oh my god, there's gonna be a lot of white deaths in the sea.
• 13:24
  SPEAKER_02: I felt it in my spirit.
• 13:28
  SPEAKER_02: I knew the minute we got a black mermaid that you nosy ass white niggas was gonna go down to the sea to see what niggas was doing.
• 13:41
  SPEAKER_02: Thank you guys so much.