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Alpha Men Podcast Season 5 Ep. 11 · Alpha Men Podcast

0:00
SPEAKER_03: Interrupt this program for an important announcement.
0:02
SPEAKER_03: Ladies and gentlemen.
0:03
SPEAKER_01: TJ Michaels and John Stacy invite you on a roller coaster ride of Machismo on the Alpha Men Podcast.
10:33
SPEAKER_04: Two mics, red light, couple of beers on a wild late night.
10:38
SPEAKER_04: They hit report, kick the door, laughing as they push the floor.
10:44
SPEAKER_04: No scripts, just truth.
10:46
SPEAKER_04: Talking like they're in your living room.
10:49
SPEAKER_04: Every shot, straight from the chest.
12:20
SPEAKER_08: Welcome to the Alpha Men podcast, season five, episode 11 from the uh granted capital of the world.
12:28
SPEAKER_08: I'm TJ Michaels, my partner in crime.
12:30
SPEAKER_08: He is a guy who makes Forrest Gop look like Oppenheimer.
12:34
SPEAKER_08: John Stacy from Trinity, North Carolina, is here.
12:36
SPEAKER_08: How are you?
12:37
SPEAKER_08: I'm going good there, my buddy.
12:40
SPEAKER_08: Don't say we were just talking before we got started tonight.
12:44
SPEAKER_08: I had a meeting today.
12:46
SPEAKER_08: And uh shall we say uh there was a gentleman in the meeting who was very, very talkative, who said to me, uh well, my bestie.
12:56
SPEAKER_08: And I went, excuse me?
13:00
SPEAKER_08: What?
13:00
SPEAKER_08: He said, Well, my bestie.
13:02
SPEAKER_08: I went to high school with him.
13:03
SPEAKER_08: He's my bestie.
13:04
SPEAKER_08: I went, You're a grown man.
13:07
SPEAKER_08: Do not use that word.
13:10
SPEAKER_08: Like, I get mad when women use it.
13:12
SPEAKER_08: Like, I like it's the dumbest.
13:14
SPEAKER_08: My bestie.
13:16
SPEAKER_08: Let me ask you something.
13:17
SPEAKER_08: Is he a boy?
13:18
SPEAKER_08: Yeah.
13:18
SPEAKER_08: Is he your friend?
13:19
SPEAKER_08: Yeah.
13:20
SPEAKER_08: Do you walk around calling him your boyfriend?
13:22
SPEAKER_08: No, you don't.
13:23
SPEAKER_08: Don't call him your bestie, for God's sakes.
13:28
SPEAKER_08: Made me want to drink.
13:29
SPEAKER_08: You know what?
13:30
SPEAKER_08: We're gonna get this thing started right.
13:31
SPEAKER_08: Right right out of the gate tonight.
13:33
SPEAKER_08: Uh PBR?
13:34
SPEAKER_08: To get things going.
13:37
SPEAKER_07: Gizmo, beer keeper, honey we ale.
13:40
SPEAKER_08: A quality.
13:41
SPEAKER_08: Lawnmower beer at the beverage baron in Barrie, Vermont.
13:44
SPEAKER_08: Dollar 69, a man can.
13:46
SPEAKER_08: Not bad.
13:50
SPEAKER_08: What are you drinking?
13:52
SPEAKER_07: Gizmo, beekeeper, honey we ale.
13:55
SPEAKER_08: Holy cow, you went you went like fancy pants stuff tonight.
13:59
SPEAKER_08: Listen to me.
14:00
SPEAKER_08: I just talked about how you shouldn't use the word use the word bestie, and I just use the word fancy pants.
14:07
SPEAKER_08: Unbelievable.
14:08
SPEAKER_08: Hey, listen, big stories this week.
14:10
SPEAKER_08: The world's oldest land animal.
14:12
SPEAKER_08: Jonathan the tortoise.
14:15
SPEAKER_08: Alive and well at 193.
14:17
SPEAKER_08: He's all over the internet this week.
14:19
SPEAKER_08: Meanwhile, no word on the uh condition of the second oldest land animal, uh, Joseph the Biden.
14:28
SPEAKER_08: Um there's a lot going on this week.
14:32
SPEAKER_08: And the last couple of weeks, you know, we weren't here last week because the Stacy family decided to do their uh annual uh vacation at Universal Studios in Orlando.
14:44
SPEAKER_08: And how much were those wands?
14:46
SPEAKER_08: Four grand a piece?
14:47
SPEAKER_08: Is that what they were?
14:48
SPEAKER_08: Something like that.
14:54
SPEAKER_08: Probably in probably in Orlando.
15:00
SPEAKER_08: So uh your your flight got canceled coming back?
15:02
SPEAKER_08: Is that the deal?
15:05
SPEAKER_07: We got to the Delta Delta Sky Clubs and you relax with the family.
15:15
SPEAKER_07: So I look at alternate flights and give me home the next day at nine o'clock.
15:19
SPEAKER_07: I said screw that we're driving.
15:21
SPEAKER_08: Oh, so you got a rental car and did the did the family truckster.
15:25
SPEAKER_08: Hol holiday road stuff.
15:26
SPEAKER_08: Yeah.
15:27
SPEAKER_08: Okay.
15:28
SPEAKER_08: Well, that's why we weren't here last week.
15:30
SPEAKER_08: Uh I uh actually have a seminar coming up at the end of the month, and uh uh the last Tuesday of the month, we're not gonna be here either, but uh, you know what, we'll make the most of it tonight.
15:39
SPEAKER_08: We've got a uh great there there is so much going on, of course.
15:42
SPEAKER_08: Over the weekend, 21 hours of face-to-face talks in Islamabad without reaching a deal.
15:48
SPEAKER_08: Um things uh were in Islamabad did not go Islama good, and uh now we've got this uh port blockade, naval blockade.
15:57
SPEAKER_08: It was like Iran said, hey, who's gonna shut down the strait?
16:01
SPEAKER_08: We're gonna do it.
16:02
SPEAKER_08: And then Trump said, Yeah, yeah, yeah, go ahead.
16:04
SPEAKER_08: Uh, because we're gonna shut down your shutdown to the strait.
16:07
SPEAKER_08: Which means, of course, they can't make any money off of oil, which is their entire economy.
16:11
SPEAKER_08: So, yeah, you're moved, Jerkovs.
16:13
SPEAKER_08: I mean, that's that's kind of the way that it is, but all over the place, from the I don't know if you're watching the news today, uh, everything is negative.
16:22
SPEAKER_08: Every single thing is negative.
16:25
SPEAKER_08: And I I've gotten to a point where I'm like, God, I'm so I'm just frustrated and tired of people being so freaking negative in the country, and you know, like we had Artemis II last week come back home.
16:38
SPEAKER_08: How awesome, how freaking awesome was that?
16:41
SPEAKER_08: Very cool.
16:43
SPEAKER_07: Iconic moment.
16:44
SPEAKER_08: Yeah, it's like an American pride moment, is it not?
16:47
SPEAKER_08: And for God's sakes, it's it's our 250th birthday, for crying out loud.
16:52
SPEAKER_08: You know?
16:53
SPEAKER_08: And yet, all this crap is going on.
16:55
SPEAKER_08: So I thought this week we would start the show with um an audience poll.
17:00
SPEAKER_08: And you can just comment responses uh uh wherever you may be watching tonight, it'll pop on the screen.
17:05
SPEAKER_08: But I'm on a quest for positivity tonight.
17:08
SPEAKER_08: I really am.
17:09
SPEAKER_08: Uh I'm hearing all of the politics and all of the America sucks and all of the America bashing.
17:15
SPEAKER_08: And quite honestly, there are things we kick ass at.
17:18
SPEAKER_08: I mean, there are.
17:19
SPEAKER_08: You know?
17:22
SPEAKER_08: We excel at hot dog eating contests.
17:24
SPEAKER_08: Nobody does better hot dog eating contests than we do, right?
17:29
SPEAKER_08: And I've traveled to other countries.
17:30
SPEAKER_08: We do breakfast better than anyone else.
17:33
SPEAKER_08: I hate to make this all food related, but uh you were just at theme parks.
17:37
SPEAKER_08: We do theme parks better than anybody else.
17:40
SPEAKER_08: You know?
17:41
SPEAKER_08: Expensive.
17:42
SPEAKER_08: They're expensive though.
17:43
SPEAKER_08: Air conditioning.
17:44
SPEAKER_08: We do air conditioning better than anybody else.
17:47
SPEAKER_08: Uh sandwiches and barbecue, better than anybody else.
17:50
SPEAKER_08: So uh we'd love to see your comment in the uh comic section tonight.
17:54
SPEAKER_08: Something that America does better than anybody else.
17:58
SPEAKER_08: Landing on the moon, by the way, USA 12, rest of the world zero.
18:02
SPEAKER_08: Okay?
18:03
SPEAKER_08: So uh we are gonna get to that a little bit later on.
18:06
SPEAKER_08: So join the poll in the uh comment section.
18:08
SPEAKER_08: Tell us what's something that uh America does better than any other country, and uh we would love to see your responses.
18:14
SPEAKER_08: We've got a great show for you tonight.
18:15
SPEAKER_08: We take on the conspiracy theorists tonight.
18:17
SPEAKER_08: Mancourt is back, Red Foreman Awards, Married Man's Survival Guide, and real or fake news.
18:24
SPEAKER_08: Um please, we'd love to know where you're watching from tonight, too.
18:27
SPEAKER_08: You can also comment on that.
18:28
SPEAKER_08: Uh, welcome to the premiere of season five, episode eleven.
18:31
SPEAKER_08: This, my friends, is the Alpha Men Podcast.
18:41
SPEAKER_03: And now, men's plaining the news.
18:44
SPEAKER_03: Tuesday night update.
18:49
SPEAKER_08: There you go, whatever.
18:51
SPEAKER_08: Good evening! Here's what happened this week.
18:53
SPEAKER_08: Gas prices hit four dollars a gallon in many places, so in a way, it's a perfect time for uh Tiger Woods to lose his license.
19:02
SPEAKER_08: Everybody says uh cancer risk is higher for adults who've never been married.
19:09
SPEAKER_08: Higher, but worth it.
19:14
SPEAKER_08: International travelers now have to pay$100 per person to enter the uh Grand Canyon National Park.
19:22
SPEAKER_08: Although, if you do want to see a gigantic hole for free, uh there is always cams in New Jersey.
19:29
SPEAKER_08: Come on, he's trying to make robots cute to appeal to humans.
19:32
SPEAKER_08: This is scary stuff, dude.
19:35
SPEAKER_08: Like, I'm just you laugh, but you know, that approach already worked once.
19:40
SPEAKER_08: You remember the Olsen twins?
19:47
SPEAKER_08: Uh wildlife affection autos in upstate New York are being charmed by a one-eyed beaver.
19:54
SPEAKER_08: Uh Jonathan the Tortoise and the One-Eyed Beaver are both all over the internet this week.
20:01
SPEAKER_08: And uh one-eyed beaver, I would love to know what that thing's pronouns are.
20:07
SPEAKER_08: Christy Gnob's husband reportedly paid thousands of dollars to a big-breasted model he wanted to marry.
20:15
SPEAKER_08: What's worse?
20:16
SPEAKER_08: They were ballooning.
20:29
SPEAKER_08: It's the biggest news in the history of all since uh one guy had his action shot at the game store.
20:42
SPEAKER_08: The uh US global approval ratings this week.
20:45
SPEAKER_08: I don't know if this thing is legit.
20:52
SPEAKER_08: Keep that in mind.
20:59
SPEAKER_08: It's kind of the first time a woman has bragged about being old.
21:06
SPEAKER_08: Cigarette smoking at an all-time low.
21:10
SPEAKER_08: Which sounds great.
21:11
SPEAKER_08: So you see the action hero try to light a gas canister on a movie by calmly flicking his bait.
21:18
SPEAKER_08: It just doesn't work the same, right?
21:23
SPEAKER_08: RFK launching a podcast.
21:26
SPEAKER_08: Uh nothing more soothing than RFK Jr.'s voice.
21:34
SPEAKER_08: Uh Forbes estimates President Trump now worth$6.5 billion.
21:40
SPEAKER_08: That is not bad for somebody who was working at McDonald's not too long ago.
21:44
SPEAKER_08: I mean, seriously.
21:49
SPEAKER_08: Before the peace deal, the US had started using drone boats in Iran.
21:54
SPEAKER_08: It's like a regular boat, but nobody at the wheel.
21:56
SPEAKER_08: Kind of like Tiger Woods in an SUV.
22:01
SPEAKER_08: Hey, uh court ruled this week that President Trump uh President Trump's uh attempt to defund NPR and PBS, uh they ruled against it, saying you can't do that.
22:12
SPEAKER_08: It's a major win for white women who drive Subarus and go to yoga classes.
22:16
SPEAKER_08: So Vermont.
22:18
SPEAKER_08: Yeah, pretty much.
22:20
SPEAKER_08: Half the state.
22:21
SPEAKER_08: Uh brain eating parasites were found in California this week by scientists.
22:26
SPEAKER_08: Uh good news is they all died of starvation after infecting Gavin Newsom and Kamal Harris.
22:31
SPEAKER_08: So uh not really a big deal.
22:35
SPEAKER_08: Uh there is a virus circulating your neck of the woods, baby Huey, North Carolina.
22:40
SPEAKER_08: They say uh it causes fatal diarrhea.
22:43
SPEAKER_08: Jesus.
22:45
SPEAKER_08: Um officially claiming fatal diarrhea is the name of my new Death Metal Garage Band.
22:51
SPEAKER_08: Just like look at that.
22:52
SPEAKER_08: Fatal diarrhea?
22:54
SPEAKER_07: How does it kill you?
22:56
SPEAKER_07: I don't know.
22:57
SPEAKER_08: I'm not a doctor.
22:59
SPEAKER_08: Well take a look.
23:01
SPEAKER_08: Uh pig semen.
23:03
SPEAKER_08: What the hell?
23:04
SPEAKER_08: Maybe the key to treating cancer of the retina.
23:07
SPEAKER_08: New study out this week.
23:11
SPEAKER_08: Who knew your mom was about to become a hero in the war on cancer?
23:17
SPEAKER_08: Sorry, I was mean.
23:19
SPEAKER_08: Uh nearly all bicycles sold in the United States manufactured overseas.
23:25
SPEAKER_08: Listen, America, Americans avoid making bicycles because they're too tired.
23:30
SPEAKER_08: Okay?
23:33
SPEAKER_07: We avoid actual work.
23:35
SPEAKER_08: To because they're bicycles, because they're too tired?
23:39
SPEAKER_08: Too tired.
23:41
SPEAKER_08: No, you shut up.
23:42
SPEAKER_08: Showbase news, uh, the official Masters of the Universe trailer is out.
23:47
SPEAKER_08: Um I can't believe they got Kelly Osborne to play Skeletor.
23:51
SPEAKER_08: I mean, it's it's there's a moment.
23:58
SPEAKER_08: Uh there's a movement to make uh Sidney Sweeney the next James Bond.
24:02
SPEAKER_08: Oh.
24:03
SPEAKER_08: Yeah, they say her new movie is gonna be called Thunder Bra.
24:07
SPEAKER_07: I bet you it's gonna bust.
24:10
SPEAKER_08: Kylie Jenner and Timothy Chalamet this week posting beach vacation photos.
24:16
SPEAKER_08: Those feminine curves were amazing in the sun.
24:19
SPEAKER_08: Uh Kylie looked good too.
24:23
SPEAKER_08: Ryan Seacrash listed his dating red flags.
24:27
SPEAKER_08: Coming in at number one, uh, it's a woman.
24:32
SPEAKER_08: Uh um Chelsea Handler said uh marriage is outdated this week in an interview she did with one of the entertainment sites.
24:40
SPEAKER_08: Uh she feels the same way about bras and shirts, I think.
24:44
SPEAKER_08: I you know.
24:48
SPEAKER_08: Yeah, that's uh that's that's that's Chelsea Handler.
24:52
SPEAKER_08: Yeah.
24:52
SPEAKER_08: And this is what Chelsea Handler normally looks like.
24:56
unknown: Yeah.
24:57
SPEAKER_08: Sharon Stone said in Hollywood this week the best kisser she's ever kissed, Robert De Niro.
25:05
SPEAKER_08: Wow.
25:06
SPEAKER_08: Uh, for more details, listen to her popular podcast, Sex Talk with Nana.
25:12
SPEAKER_08: Sounds horrible.
25:16
SPEAKER_08: Pepsi with true sponsorship from a music musical festival this week after Kanye was booked.
25:23
SPEAKER_08: Listen, I think Pepsi did the right thing right here.
25:25
SPEAKER_08: I mean, uh right thing here after Kanye did the right thing.
25:29
SPEAKER_08: Um, and uh yeah.
25:32
SPEAKER_08: Michael Jackson, biopic, re-edited to remove any references to his child abuse scandal.
25:41
SPEAKER_08: Which is kind of like making a biopic about Bill Cosby and not mentioning uh jello puddin' pops.
25:52
SPEAKER_08: Arnold Schwarzenegger's son, Joseph Baina, won a bodybuilding competition this month.
25:58
SPEAKER_08: Uh kind of a chip off the old block.
26:00
SPEAKER_08: Check him out there.
26:02
SPEAKER_08: Uh he also followed in his father's footsteps by having an affair with his maid right after the win.
26:09
SPEAKER_08: Yeah.
26:10
SPEAKER_08: That's uh actually her son.
26:12
SPEAKER_08: His mates, that's that's the that's the uh the the bastard son, I guess.
26:18
SPEAKER_08: Joseph Baina.
26:20
SPEAKER_08: Uh Screamate in the works.
26:22
SPEAKER_08: And by rules of horror sequels.
26:24
SPEAKER_08: This one either has to take place in the hood or space, I think.
26:27
SPEAKER_08: It's like a law.
26:28
SPEAKER_07: It just never else.
26:32
SPEAKER_08: Tom Cruise may be the villain in an upcoming Miami Vice movie.
26:37
SPEAKER_08: I can't see him as a bad guy.
26:39
SPEAKER_08: I don't know.
26:40
SPEAKER_08: No.
26:40
SPEAKER_08: I'm not his daughter, but I'm not his daughter.
26:47
SPEAKER_08: And finally, Alec Baldwin joined the cast of a new movie starring Chris Hemsworth.
26:52
SPEAKER_08: Uh, there is no word when he starts shooting.
26:55
SPEAKER_07: Oh, God, yeah, it's coming.
26:59
SPEAKER_08: That's men's planning the news tonight on the Alpha Men podcast.
27:28
SPEAKER_08: Alrighty, John's random facts tonight.
27:31
SPEAKER_08: Because um even in this gathering of brothers, you should at least learn something.
27:36
SPEAKER_07: Some pretty good damn facts.
27:37
SPEAKER_07: I worked hard on these facts.
27:38
SPEAKER_08: Okay, yeah, I know.
27:39
SPEAKER_07: This one blew my mind.
27:41
SPEAKER_08: Yeah.
27:42
SPEAKER_07: Alright.
27:42
SPEAKER_07: So the Matrix came out in 99.
27:45
SPEAKER_07: Yep.
27:45
SPEAKER_07: You know, you know when Neo shows his passport like this?
27:49
SPEAKER_07: Yep.
27:50
SPEAKER_07: No, the date says September 11, 2001.
27:54
SPEAKER_08: Wow.
27:54
SPEAKER_07: And that's when the whole world changed.
27:56
SPEAKER_08: That's Simpsons level stuff right there.
27:58
SPEAKER_08: That is.
27:59
SPEAKER_08: That's that's that's like uh so the movie comes out in 99.
28:03
SPEAKER_08: Yeah.
28:04
SPEAKER_08: And the date on his uh passport, the expiration date is September 11th, 2001.
28:11
SPEAKER_08: Oh, look at that.
28:13
SPEAKER_07: That's pretty wild, isn't it?
28:14
SPEAKER_08: Yeah.
28:16
SPEAKER_07: We're living the matrix.
28:17
SPEAKER_07: Yeah.
28:18
SPEAKER_07: Alright, so next fact I found, or this, which you know, I'm a Jack Daniels guy, but I'll I this is a cool fact.
28:26
SPEAKER_07: There are 16.1 million barrels of bourbon in the state of Kentucky.
28:32
SPEAKER_07: Oh, okay.
28:34
SPEAKER_07: That's three times the population of Kentucky.
28:36
SPEAKER_08: So there's three barrels of bourbon to every one person in Kentucky.
28:40
SPEAKER_07: Four and a half million has that's what the Kentucky's population is.
28:45
SPEAKER_08: Wow.
28:46
SPEAKER_08: Isn't that that's all?
28:48
SPEAKER_08: Kentucky's drunk.
28:49
SPEAKER_08: That's a lot of bourbon.
28:51
SPEAKER_08: Normally, when you see you see numbers like that, 16.1 million barrels, you're expecting to hear the word oil come right after that, but uh bourbon.
28:59
SPEAKER_07: Okay, that's all on the street right now.
29:01
SPEAKER_07: Alrighty.
29:03
SPEAKER_07: Um, what was that?
29:04
SPEAKER_07: Oh yeah.
29:05
SPEAKER_07: So Frederick Burr, the inventor of Pringles, the chips we eat.
29:09
SPEAKER_08: Uh the guy who invented Pringles, okay.
29:11
SPEAKER_07: Yeah, the chips you put, you can't fit your arm down, you have to dump them out like you're drinking a soda.
29:15
SPEAKER_05: Yeah.
29:17
SPEAKER_07: Um before he died in 2008, his final request was to be cremated and buried in a Pringles can.
29:24
SPEAKER_07: So, I mean, his family fulfilled their quest.
29:26
SPEAKER_07: His son said, My siblings I briefly debated what flavor to use.
29:32
SPEAKER_07: But they end up sticking with uh original.
29:37
SPEAKER_07: Well, yeah, you kind of have to in that case, right?
29:40
SPEAKER_07: Yeah.
29:40
SPEAKER_07: I thought that was pretty sweet.
29:42
SPEAKER_07: I mean, I'm gonna be buried in a Jack Anders bottle.
29:46
SPEAKER_07: There you go.
29:47
SPEAKER_07: I don't know if that'd fit.
29:48
SPEAKER_07: It's a lot of I'd have to get like a three-liter.
29:51
SPEAKER_07: I think so.
29:52
SPEAKER_07: Pack it all in.
29:54
SPEAKER_07: Um Paul 11.
29:58
SPEAKER_07: Yep.
29:59
SPEAKER_07: So some scientists were terrified the moon was covered in a dust trap that would swallow the whole lunar module whole.
30:07
SPEAKER_07: When it they they weren't 100% sure when they're gonna land the thing down if it was actually gonna you know, it was like it was quicksand.
30:15
SPEAKER_07: Yes.
30:16
SPEAKER_08: Okay.
30:18
SPEAKER_08: That's interesting.
30:19
SPEAKER_07: So the who yeah, so whoever thought of that is sitting there, you know, just waiting whilst it goes down, goes down, they're like, oh my god, oh my god, and it hits, they're like okay, whoo.
30:28
SPEAKER_08: Do you remember when you were a kid, like the thought of quicksand seemed like it was a huge problem?
30:35
SPEAKER_08: Like, I've realized that the the quicksand problem as you become adult is really not a big deal.
30:40
SPEAKER_08: No, but like when you were a kid, like every television show had a quicksand episode where people were like getting swallowed up.
30:47
SPEAKER_07: Yeah.
30:48
SPEAKER_08: Um, anyway.
30:50
SPEAKER_07: It's actually slower than you think, just don't move.
30:52
SPEAKER_07: Yeah, right.
30:53
SPEAKER_07: Right.
30:53
SPEAKER_07: So, all right, so last fact it got, which is pretty damn bizarre.
30:57
SPEAKER_07: God bless his soul.
30:58
SPEAKER_07: Oldest person to father a child was 96 years old.
31:03
SPEAKER_07: Holy crap.
31:04
SPEAKER_07: 96.
31:06
SPEAKER_07: So he believed that the reason he could still have children was that he that he was a vegetarian his entire life.
31:13
SPEAKER_07: Uh-huh.
31:13
SPEAKER_07: He died, he died in 2020.
31:15
SPEAKER_07: He was 104 though.
31:18
SPEAKER_08: Well, so the kid got to see dad get got got to eight before dad kicked the bucket.
31:22
SPEAKER_08: I mean 96.
31:25
SPEAKER_08: God bless him.
31:27
SPEAKER_08: Yeah.
31:28
SPEAKER_07: That's that if I was.
31:29
SPEAKER_08: Well, here's what they're not telling you, though.
31:31
SPEAKER_08: Like what they're not telling you is dad was 96 and mom was like 19.
31:36
SPEAKER_08: You know?
31:38
SPEAKER_08: Probably.
31:40
SPEAKER_07: So that's all I got for random facts.
31:41
SPEAKER_07: That's a five random facts.
31:44
SPEAKER_07: So.
31:45
SPEAKER_08: Alrighty.
31:46
SPEAKER_08: Um John's Random Facts this week on the Alpha Men podcast.
32:11
SPEAKER_08: Alrighty, Founding Fathers would uh not approve tonight, where we imagine Ben Franklin and Thomas Jefferson, George Washington, all sitting around a couple of whiskies.
32:21
SPEAKER_08: Uh, apparently we have enough.
32:23
SPEAKER_08: Uh, watching watching the news and uh shaking their heads so hard their wigs fall off.
32:28
SPEAKER_08: And and this week, after 40 some odd days of devastating military success, America has crippled Iran's Navy, their Air Force, their air defense, missile drone programs, nuclear capabilities, Strait of Hormuz reopened, and then we had a two-hour ceasefire in place, and then well, that all went to crap this weekend, and now we have a closed Strait of Hormuz, but we're really kind of bleeding them dry.
32:58
SPEAKER_08: They have no ability to make any money whatsoever.
33:01
SPEAKER_08: So um, while all of that is happening, the American media and Democrats' response is we're losing this thing.
33:14
SPEAKER_08: And John, I know you were in the military.
33:17
SPEAKER_08: I don't know how anybody can look at what's going on with a straight face and tell you we're losing anything.
33:24
SPEAKER_08: I mean, we are so unbelievably dominant that it's incredible.
33:31
SPEAKER_08: 44 days, 40, I guess it's 46 days now, something like that.
33:36
SPEAKER_08: You know, they're out there claiming we're losing this war.
33:39
SPEAKER_08: Why?
33:41
SPEAKER_08: Because they'd rather see Trump fail than America win.
33:45
SPEAKER_08: And I really think that's what's going on.
33:48
SPEAKER_08: But if you ask the men who actually built this republic, what would Washington and Jefferson and Adams, what would Madison think?
33:56
SPEAKER_08: Well, you have to imagine they'd be proud of the results.
33:59
SPEAKER_08: Quick, decisive action, protect American interests and commerce, straight out of Jefferson's playbook with the Barbary Pirates, smash the threat, secure the sea lanes, then pause from a position of strength, no endless occupation, no boots on the ground for the most part, smart warfare.
34:22
SPEAKER_08: I don't think we've ever seen anything like this, where we've so massively devastated a country without really putting any boots on the ground whatsoever.
34:34
SPEAKER_08: So we're at a point where we really should be kind of respecting Trump's approach.
34:44
SPEAKER_08: Over the weekend, uh there were a bunch of tweets that came out.
34:49
SPEAKER_08: Last week it was all about I'm going to uh end a civilization.
34:55
SPEAKER_08: And he called them stupid bastards and told them they needed to open the strait.
35:01
SPEAKER_08: For a lot of people, that was a little bit too far.
35:04
SPEAKER_08: The president shouldn't talk like that.
35:08
SPEAKER_08: Shouldn't act like that.
35:11
SPEAKER_08: What do you have to understand is it's nothing new.
35:13
SPEAKER_08: It's straight out of the art of the deal.
35:16
SPEAKER_08: It's the way he negotiates with these people.
35:20
SPEAKER_08: Ask for something outrageous, threaten something completely outrageous, and then back off to a position that's actually an acceptable one.
35:28
SPEAKER_08: The other side folds.
35:31
SPEAKER_08: Trump was never going to nuke Iran.
35:33
SPEAKER_08: He was never going to turn the entire country into a piece of glass.
35:36
SPEAKER_08: He was using maximum pressure and rhetoric to force real concessions, and it worked.
35:42
SPEAKER_08: It brought him to the table this weekend with J.D.
35:45
SPEAKER_08: Vance.
35:45
SPEAKER_08: Now, while that meeting didn't exactly work, the founding fathers understood hard bargaining.
35:51
SPEAKER_08: They didn't win independence by being polite to tyrants.
35:56
SPEAKER_08: And while many people may not like the bluntness, the harsh truth is this: the terrorists who run the Iranian government have spent the last 47 years shouting death to America while building nukes or trying to build nukes and missile programs and funding their proxies.
36:16
SPEAKER_08: They don't respond to harshly worded letters.
36:20
SPEAKER_08: They don't respond to general diplomacy.
36:24
SPEAKER_08: Unfortunately, they only understand the stick and the carrot.
36:29
SPEAKER_08: They only understand brute force.
36:32
SPEAKER_08: And Trump gave them all three.
36:34
SPEAKER_08: And it worked.
36:37
SPEAKER_08: The founders would not approve of the domestic reaction that's going on right now.
36:43
SPEAKER_08: Watching the American media and the politicians twist a clear military victory into we're losing and doing it purely out of the hatred of Trump.
36:54
SPEAKER_08: It would make him furious.
36:56
SPEAKER_08: George Washington warned that a spirit of party would destroy the Republic from within.
37:01
SPEAKER_08: They fought a revolution so we could have a strong, unified country.
37:06
SPEAKER_08: Not one where half the elite roots against America just to own the other side.
37:12
SPEAKER_08: So 40-some odd days of kicking ass, securing oil lanes, using the art of the deal to force real concessions, and the media's response is we're losing.
37:25
SPEAKER_08: Founding fathers would be disgusted, quite frankly.
37:28
SPEAKER_08: They'd see this as the exact kind of poisonous factionalism that they warned us would one day tear the Republic apart.
37:38
SPEAKER_08: Love to know your thoughts and comments.
37:41
SPEAKER_08: You can put them in the comment section wherever you're watching tonight.
37:44
SPEAKER_08: That's Founding Fathers would not approve tonight on the Alpha Men podcast.
38:57
SPEAKER_02: Step forward and plead your case.
38:59
SPEAKER_02: Just know the verdict was probably decided before you started talking.
39:09
SPEAKER_07: Alright.
39:10
SPEAKER_07: The man court's back in session, but sometimes definitely questionable.
39:14
SPEAKER_07: TJ Michael's residing.
39:16
SPEAKER_08: Uh thank you, baby Huey.
39:18
SPEAKER_08: Uh, you can send in your domestic disputes.
39:20
SPEAKER_08: We haul them into mancourt.
39:22
SPEAKER_08: We're ruling that we'll uh hold up in any born in America.
39:25
SPEAKER_08: You got a problem that needs solving, you can visit any of our social media pages and drop your mancourt dilemma in a DM to us.
39:31
SPEAKER_08: Uh and uh we have this thing, John, called the freak jury.
39:35
SPEAKER_07: Nasty can join anytime by commenting their their input, their two cents, what they think, for or against.
39:40
SPEAKER_08: Yeah, that's what it's for.
39:42
SPEAKER_08: And you can give uh our plaintiff your advice, just hit the comment tab.
39:46
SPEAKER_08: Let's dive into uh tonight's uh case.
39:49
SPEAKER_08: Uh and uh we have a docket number.
39:52
SPEAKER_07: What is that?
39:52
SPEAKER_07: 260414.
39:55
SPEAKER_07: Our plaintiff is Derek from Hanover, New Hampshire.
39:58
SPEAKER_07: Okay of the fantasy football fiasco.
40:03
SPEAKER_07: Okay, to the sometimes honorable TJ Michaels, judge, the man of court, TJ Michaels, bailiff babyhew, and free jury.
40:10
SPEAKER_07: What is that?
40:12
SPEAKER_08: I don't know.
40:13
SPEAKER_08: My name is Derek, he writes, from Hanover, New Hampshire.
40:18
SPEAKER_08: I come before mancourt this week seeking justice for the most brutal act of betrayal a man can suffer in this day and age.
40:26
SPEAKER_08: Last NFL season, my wife really wanted to join fantasy football.
40:33
SPEAKER_08: And so I let her join my fantasy football league.
40:38
SPEAKER_08: She then went on to destroy me.
40:42
SPEAKER_08: Your Honor, for 12 glorious years, I had my Sunday ritual.
40:48
SPEAKER_08: I'd sit in my chair, drink my PBR, yell at the TV, trash talk my buddies in the league, like a real man, and it was sacred.
40:58
SPEAKER_08: It was beautiful, and it was mine.
41:02
SPEAKER_08: Then, last fall, my wife said, That looks like fun.
41:07
SPEAKER_08: I want to play too.
41:09
SPEAKER_08: Initially I laughed.
41:12
SPEAKER_08: I said, Sure, babe, whatever makes you happy.
41:16
SPEAKER_08: That has turned out to be a very, very big mistake.
41:20
SPEAKER_08: Exhibit A.
41:21
SPEAKER_08: She drafted Patrick Mahomes in the first round while I was in the bathroom.
41:29
SPEAKER_08: Exhibit B.
41:30
SPEAKER_08: She picked up a waiver wire running back I slept on, and he scored 28 points in the fourth week of the season.
41:39
SPEAKER_08: Exhibit C, she finished the season, beat me and all of my buds in first place in the league.
41:46
SPEAKER_08: And I'm always in the hunt.
41:48
SPEAKER_08: But last year, I was sitting in ninth like a chump.
41:52
SPEAKER_08: The worst part, she kept sending me screenshots of her team with the caption, How's my team looking, honey?
42:02
SPEAKER_08: Oh wow.
42:05
SPEAKER_08: While I was over here with three injured players and a kicker who hasn't made field goals since September.
42:12
SPEAKER_08: Relief requested.
42:13
SPEAKER_08: A court order declaring fantasy football a sacred sacred male space and banning all wives, girlfriends, and significant others from joining.
42:22
SPEAKER_08: Immediate reversal of last season's results.
42:24
SPEAKER_08: Her wins should be declared void due to emotional warfare.
42:29
SPEAKER_08: Or at the very least, carry an asterisk or something.
42:32
SPEAKER_08: Emotional damages in the form of having her having that having her to cook wings for the entire league championship party next year while wearing my team journey jersey.
42:43
SPEAKER_08: And punitively, if she wins the league, she has to tell all my friends that I taught her everything she knows, even though we both know that's a lie.
42:54
SPEAKER_08: This is funny.
42:55
SPEAKER_08: I rest my case as I get ready for the real draft, followed by an end-of-summer fantasy football draft.
43:01
SPEAKER_08: I need something done about this before I start crying into my fantasy football app.
43:06
SPEAKER_08: Respectfully, and currently in last place, Derek from Claremont, New Hampshire.
43:12
SPEAKER_07: Alright.
43:14
SPEAKER_07: Poor Derek.
43:16
SPEAKER_07: Alright, free Jarry, give us some give us some help here.
43:19
SPEAKER_07: Give me a comment.
43:19
SPEAKER_07: What you think you should do?
43:22
SPEAKER_08: You know, this is one of those cases where if you've been with your partner for a long time, and the kids have grown up, and you're kind of preparing for that empty nester thing, you're always thinking to yourself, oh, well shit, that's something we can do together.
43:44
SPEAKER_08: Right?
43:45
SPEAKER_08: Yeah.
43:46
SPEAKER_08: But I warn you that there are things that you don't want to do together.
43:51
SPEAKER_08: All right.
43:52
SPEAKER_08: There just aren't.
43:54
SPEAKER_08: Now, is Derek's wife a fantasy football phenom?
44:00
SPEAKER_08: Or is she lucky?
44:02
SPEAKER_08: That's the first question.
44:06
SPEAKER_08: Um.
44:07
SPEAKER_08: But after reviewing the evidence and listening to the testimony, uh uh I have to say, Derek, uh you really screwed the pooch on this one.
44:18
SPEAKER_08: For twelve years you had a beautiful, sacred thing, Sunday afternoons, cold beer, yelling at the TV.
44:24
SPEAKER_08: We all do it.
44:26
SPEAKER_08: And mercilessly, I I send John 15 texts texts on Sundays during the NFL.
44:34
SPEAKER_08: Most of them are anti cowboy.
44:36
SPEAKER_07: Michelle says Ron said he should paint his room, man cave, pink, and accept defeat.
44:46
SPEAKER_08: Okay.
44:47
SPEAKER_08: All right.
44:49
SPEAKER_08: Um.
44:51
SPEAKER_08: But here's the thing.
44:53
SPEAKER_08: That whole experience is manly, and it's it's ours.
44:57
SPEAKER_08: And then you made the single dumbest decision a married man can make.
45:01
SPEAKER_08: You looked at your wife and said, Yeah, this'll be fun.
45:04
SPEAKER_08: Okay.
45:05
SPEAKER_08: No, I'm not suggesting that you shouldn't have fun with your wife.
45:08
SPEAKER_08: I'm not suggesting that there isn't things that you can do together.
45:11
SPEAKER_08: I'm not suggesting.
45:13
SPEAKER_08: I'm just saying.
45:17
SPEAKER_08: What am I saying?
45:19
SPEAKER_08: Fantasy football probably shouldn't be one of them.
45:22
SPEAKER_08: Right?
45:23
SPEAKER_08: I mean, you just open the door and let the wolf in.
45:26
SPEAKER_08: You handed the playbook to her.
45:28
SPEAKER_08: Okay, the roster sheet.
45:30
SPEAKER_08: Then you asked her to sit on your lap as she drafted Patrick Mahomes in the first round.
45:34
SPEAKER_08: You basically gave a sniper rifle to someone who's been quietly studying your every move for years.
45:39
SPEAKER_07: Surprised she didn't take Travis Kelsey.
45:42
SPEAKER_08: True.
45:44
SPEAKER_08: Of course, she's destroying you.
45:46
SPEAKER_08: She knows your sleep schedule, your emotional triggers, and exactly which players you overvalue because they have, quote, good vibes.
45:56
SPEAKER_08: That's not a fair fight.
45:58
SPEAKER_08: This was an execution on your part.
46:01
SPEAKER_08: It was.
46:01
SPEAKER_08: You got you got murdered.
46:04
SPEAKER_08: So we can't blame her for that, though.
46:09
SPEAKER_08: I I think your request to ban wives from fantasy football is um denied.
46:16
SPEAKER_08: Okay.
46:18
SPEAKER_08: Fantasy football is not, never has been, a protected mail space.
46:23
SPEAKER_08: It's a gladiator arena.
46:25
SPEAKER_08: And your wife just walked in wearing heels, you know?
46:29
SPEAKER_08: And she still dropped the hammer on all of you guys.
46:32
SPEAKER_08: So a rare act of mercy, though, we do offer the following sentence.
46:39
SPEAKER_08: Your wife shall officially be recognized as the league champion with full unrestricted bragging rights.
46:47
SPEAKER_08: You must address her as Commissioner Wifey in the group chat for the remainder of the season.
46:55
SPEAKER_08: You're required to cook and serve the wings at the championship party while wearing the apron that says, My wife beat me in fantasy football, and all I got was this lousy apron.
47:06
SPEAKER_08: As emotional damages, probably should bring her coffee in bed every Sunday morning during football season while she checks her clearly superior lineup.
47:16
SPEAKER_08: So let it serve every man listening tonight.
47:20
SPEAKER_08: Never, under any circumstances, invite your wife into your fantasy football league unless you're emotionally prepared to get absolutely cooked.
47:28
SPEAKER_08: Okay?
47:30
SPEAKER_08: And have her send you smiley emojis while she does it.
47:34
SPEAKER_08: Kate, case, is dismissed.
47:37
SPEAKER_08: Court is adjourned.
47:43
SPEAKER_08: And by the way, uh somebody please tell the rest of these idiots not to make the same rookie mistake.
47:48
SPEAKER_08: Okay?
47:49
SPEAKER_08: That's uh guide of the deal.
47:51
SPEAKER_07: Now court's adjourned.
47:53
SPEAKER_02: On this week's episode of Armchair Legend, we break down sports like we're on the payroll without ever leaving the couch.
48:00
SPEAKER_02: We've got bold takes, zero coaching credentials, and just enough confidence to tell the pros exactly what they did wrong.
48:12
SPEAKER_08: Alright, welcome to Armchair Legends on the uh Alpha Men podcast, the only place where we talk real sports, no filters, no excuses.
48:19
SPEAKER_08: Uh Josh Allen and uh Haley Steinfeld, speaking of real sports, had a baby girl this week.
48:26
SPEAKER_08: Nice.
48:28
SPEAKER_08: It's not exactly a sport, is it?
48:30
SPEAKER_08: It doesn't quite work after saying we talk real sports and real It's true.
48:34
SPEAKER_07: That's very true.
48:35
SPEAKER_08: Uh she has mom's eyes and dad's inability to deliver into the playoffs.
48:41
SPEAKER_08: He delivered something.
48:44
SPEAKER_08: Uh the NFL.
48:47
SPEAKER_08: The NFL launched a um a flag league.
48:50
SPEAKER_08: Have you seen this?
48:51
SPEAKER_08: Flag football?
48:52
SPEAKER_08: NFL flag?
48:53
SPEAKER_07: I've seen spits and pieces of it.
48:55
SPEAKER_08: It's basically football without the tackling.
48:58
SPEAKER_08: Or as the Las Vegas Raiders know it, just regular football.
49:06
SPEAKER_08: The uh Justice Department has opened an investigation into whether the uh NFL engaged in anti-competitive tactics that harm consumers.
49:15
SPEAKER_08: Um meanwhile, the league says the only anti-competitive thing we do is uh on the New York Jets.
49:26
SPEAKER_08: That's harsh.
49:27
SPEAKER_08: Poor Jets.
49:29
SPEAKER_08: All right, NBA playing tournament is uh here.
49:31
SPEAKER_08: It's the Hunger Games with better sneakers.
49:34
SPEAKER_08: Tonight, um, the league turns the regular season into a reality show.
49:39
SPEAKER_08: Uh underway already, the Miami Heat in Charlotte to face the Hornets.
49:43
SPEAKER_08: Uh, winner gets the nine seed and a first-round date with the Celtics loser.
49:48
SPEAKER_08: Pack your bags and start planning next year's tank.
49:50
SPEAKER_08: Uh, Miami's playing like they're allergic to vacations, while Charlotte's hoping some home court magic and uh whatever Lamello's been eating uh pulls off an upset.
50:00
SPEAKER_08: Uh at 10 tonight, Portland Trailblazers versus the Phoenix Suns out west.
50:04
SPEAKER_08: This one's basically um who wants the seven seed more.
50:07
SPEAKER_08: Suns fans are praying Kevin Durant's knees hold up a little bit longer than a grocery store banana, and Portland's trying to prove they're not uh just a team that makes Damian Lillard um sad from afar.
50:19
SPEAKER_08: So uh playing is the best, worst idea in sports.
50:23
SPEAKER_08: It's like the league looked at the playoffs and said, you know what this needs?
50:27
SPEAKER_08: More drama and uh few and fewer guaranteed spots.
50:32
SPEAKER_08: It's exactly the opposite of what NASCAR's going through right now.
50:35
SPEAKER_08: So uh if you're not watching tonight, you're missing basketball's version of musical chairs with million-dollar chairs.
50:42
SPEAKER_08: So that's kind of how it is.
50:44
SPEAKER_08: Um Major League Baseball over on the Diamond.
50:46
SPEAKER_08: We got a full menu of games tonight.
50:47
SPEAKER_08: Arizona Diamondbacks in Baltimore, uh trying to keep the early season hot streak alive against the Orioles, Kansas City and Detroit, Washington's and Pittsburgh, San Francisco's and Cincinnati, and the Cubs are visiting Philly.
51:00
SPEAKER_08: And uh that is uh just the appetizer.
51:02
SPEAKER_08: Every team still pretending they're World Series contenders, the Cubs are acting like uh this is the year that they break the curse.
51:09
SPEAKER_08: The Phillies are swinging like they're mad at baseball, and somewhere in Baltimore, a rookie just hit a 450-foot bomb, then immediately forgot how to run the bases.
51:18
SPEAKER_08: So uh classic April baseball, hope is high, ERAs are low, and nobody's mathematically eliminated yet.
51:26
SPEAKER_08: Uh NHL, regular season scramble is on.
51:31
SPEAKER_08: It ends in uh just a day.
51:34
SPEAKER_08: So every shift feels like a playoff game with worse lighting.
51:38
SPEAKER_08: Um Carolina's in New York, Washington's in Columbus, Montreal's in Philly, uh, New Jersey's in Boston, and a bunch more playoff spades are uh uh kind of tighter than Baby Huey's jeans at Thanksgiving.
51:50
SPEAKER_08: So um the um Metropolitan Division, basically a game of hot potato with the uh last wild card spot, one bad period, and you're golfing in May, while your rival is uh still dreaming of uh Lord Stanley.
52:02
SPEAKER_08: So uh just a quick uh public service announcement.
52:06
SPEAKER_08: If your team still is in, buy the jersey now.
52:08
SPEAKER_08: If they're out, buy the jersey anyway.
52:10
SPEAKER_08: Retail therapy works.
52:12
SPEAKER_08: Okay.
52:12
SPEAKER_08: Uh quick hits, NFL draft buzz.
52:15
SPEAKER_08: Already louder than a marching band in a library.
52:18
SPEAKER_08: Pittsburgh gets the host this year, coming up uh the 23rd through the 25th this month.
52:24
SPEAKER_08: And every GM is pretending they're not texting quarterbacks at 2 a.m.
52:28
SPEAKER_08: Um golf note Rory McElroy won the Masters at Augusta National on Sunday.
52:35
SPEAKER_08: Only the fourth player to go back to back.
52:37
SPEAKER_08: He shares it with Jack Nicholson, Nick Faldo, Tiger Woods.
52:41
SPEAKER_08: The Masters hangover is kind of a real thing.
52:44
SPEAKER_08: Everybody's still arguing about that one putt that lipped out on Sunday, and I'm still laughing about CBS having a billion cameras on the 18th hole at the Masters, and somehow still not having any idea where both guys' approach shots landed on 18.
53:01
SPEAKER_08: They went to the camera shot and couldn't find it.
53:05
SPEAKER_08: Like it was it was it was like, how many cameras, how many cameras do you need on 18?
53:10
SPEAKER_08: So, uh, in any case, uh, they went for the camera shot, and then you couldn't see Rory's winning putt, kind of ruined the whole thing.
53:18
SPEAKER_08: Very anticlimactic, and that's Armchair Legends tonight on the Alpha Men podcast.
53:29
SPEAKER_02: And now the Red Foreman Awards, where you make dumb choices, you will win dumbass awards.
53:35
SPEAKER_02: Dumbass.
53:36
SPEAKER_08: You dumbass.
53:42
SPEAKER_08: Welcome to the Red Foreman Awards on the Alpha Men Podcast, the only awards show where the trophy is a 12-sized, uh 12 uh size 12 steel toe boot delivered straight to your rear end, brought to you by Point Place's patron, Saint of Dumbassery himself, Red Foreman.
53:58
SPEAKER_08: Uh, tonight we're handed out golden Foremans to the absolute cream of the crop of the mouth-breathing, window-licking, Darwin Award-contending morons who are single-handedly keeping the dream pool from evolving too fast.
54:11
SPEAKER_08: People, real stupidity, zero excuses.
54:15
SPEAKER_08: Our first award tonight, the Cookie Monster Meltdown Award, goes to Jalen Minzi of Orlando, Florida.
54:23
SPEAKER_08: Uh, this genius rolls into a McDonald's, places his order like you or I, normal person, gets his food, but then demands free cookies.
54:35
SPEAKER_08: And when the workers don't hand them over on a silver platter, he pushes past everyone, jumps behind the counter, like a toddler on a sugar crash, swipes two extra meals on his way out over a box of cookies.
54:54
SPEAKER_08: I would too.
54:56
SPEAKER_08: Listen, if you're robbing Mickey D's over cookies, let's be honest.
55:00
SPEAKER_08: First of all, they're not that good.
55:02
SPEAKER_08: They kind of suck.
55:03
SPEAKER_08: I've actually robbed them.
55:05
SPEAKER_08: Uh your life's already in the value menu, okay?
55:09
SPEAKER_08: And it's extra crispy.
55:11
SPEAKER_08: Cops tracked him down to a nearby apartment, hit him with battery and robbery charges.
55:16
SPEAKER_08: I hope the county jail has better desserts.
55:19
SPEAKER_08: Um, here's it.
55:22
SPEAKER_08: Can you imagine having what are you in for?
55:25
SPEAKER_08: I uh I uh stole a box of cookies at McDonald's.
55:30
SPEAKER_08: Got him milk.
55:31
SPEAKER_08: Yeah, right.
55:33
SPEAKER_08: Next up, the rekindling gone wrong award.
55:38
SPEAKER_08: And the uh winner is 40-year-old Melissa Dunham of Orlando, Florida.
55:44
SPEAKER_08: Now Melissa moves back in with her husband to quote rekindle the marriage for their son's 18th birthday.
55:53
SPEAKER_08: And after days of nonstop arguing, how's it going?
55:57
SPEAKER_08: Not too good.
55:58
SPEAKER_08: She grabs her bags, leashes up the two dogs, tells the hubby in the driveway, now we both don't have shite.
56:10
SPEAKER_08: And after that quote, she set the whole damn house on fire.
56:16
SPEAKER_08: She's clearly a lunatic.
56:18
SPEAKER_08: Smoke billowing, flames everywhere.
56:21
SPEAKER_08: Now I know you're gonna find this shocking.
56:23
SPEAKER_08: Cops found meth and marijuana in her purse.
56:27
SPEAKER_08: She's facing arson of a dwelling, plus drug charges.
56:32
SPEAKER_08: And let's be honest, nothing says let's work on us.
56:35
SPEAKER_08: Like turning the house into a bonfire.
56:38
SPEAKER_08: Rekindle the marriage.
56:41
SPEAKER_08: I think she took rekindling a little too.
56:45
SPEAKER_08: A little too literally.
56:47
SPEAKER_08: She, yeah, she came in hot.
56:50
SPEAKER_08: Came in hot, yeah, absolutely.
56:53
SPEAKER_08: Uh next up, the Chicken Coop Chaos Award, West Virginia edition, goes to Anna Groves of Clenden, West Virginia.
57:04
SPEAKER_08: Clendonon is the place for me.
57:06
SPEAKER_08: Anyway.
57:07
SPEAKER_08: Uh Anna decides the best way to collect on some ow money is to break into a little literal chicken coop.
57:18
SPEAKER_08: Where another adult woman named Ashley and her dad James were currently living inside the chicken coop.
57:31
SPEAKER_08: What the hell?
57:32
SPEAKER_08: She's allegedly threatening to kill Ashley while she's forcing her way in.
57:37
SPEAKER_08: Ashley was sleeping, wakes up scared, and promptly stabs her in self-defense.
57:46
SPEAKER_08: Anna and her buddy uh run off to the hospital.
57:49
SPEAKER_08: She later admits she went there to beat, quote, beat her ass, but denies the death threat.
57:58
SPEAKER_08: And get this no charges for Ashley because the stand your ground law applies even if you live in a chicken coop.
58:14
SPEAKER_08: That's that's cool.
58:16
SPEAKER_08: Swear! Swear! So Anna gets felony burglary and the uh sheriff's Facebook comments on this are pure gold.
58:27
SPEAKER_08: First rule of a chicken coop: what happens in the chicken coop stays in the chicken coop.
58:32
SPEAKER_08: Uh, she showed them who run the who who who runs that roost.
58:38
SPEAKER_08: So, uh, listen, if you're breaking into a damn chicken coop, I guess they are right.
58:45
SPEAKER_08: What happens in the chicken coop probably should stay in the chicken coop.
58:51
SPEAKER_08: The dress for the arrest award this week goes to 53-year-old Farron Fullerton of Brevard County, Florida, I guess.
59:01
SPEAKER_08: Back to the Sunshine State.
59:04
SPEAKER_08: So Farron gets trespassed from a hotel for refusing to leave after checkout.
59:10
SPEAKER_08: Cops show up, and um they notice he's standing out there in a full stolen inmate uniform from the Mitchell County jail.
59:23
SPEAKER_08: But how?
59:25
SPEAKER_08: He wasn't an escape.
59:27
SPEAKER_08: He just swiped it after a previous stay and thought it was a good look.
59:34
SPEAKER_07: I mean, well, they saved some money by uh not switching clothes in.
59:38
SPEAKER_08: Yeah, the uh Brevard County Sheriff joked, I've heard of dress for success, but never dressed for arrest.
59:46
SPEAKER_08: The uh Flying Coke Refund Award goes this week to 47-year-old Bobby Johnson of Daytona Beach, Florida.
59:54
SPEAKER_08: Keeping it real in the Sunshine State.
59:56
SPEAKER_08: Bobby's in the uh Bobby's in the middle of a drug deal when cops storm in.
1:00:03
SPEAKER_08: His customer, a guy by the name of Charlie Damon, decides it's return time and hurls several bags of cocaine back out the window of the vehicle at Bobby's head.
1:00:16
SPEAKER_08: The uh uncensored video shows the bag flying as deputies roll up.
1:00:21
SPEAKER_08: Bobby kind of shrugs it off.
1:00:23
SPEAKER_08: Coke to the dome, no big deal.
1:00:25
SPEAKER_08: But cops said, yeah, we saw that.
1:00:29
SPEAKER_08: They nab Bobby, Charlie, 53, and the guy who ran out the back with the heavier charges, recovering 831 grams of cocaine,$10,000 cash, uh, one stolen gun, and one gun with uh the serial number removed.
1:00:48
SPEAKER_08: Charlie tries telling cops that uh the other guy threw the stuff and they just laugh.
1:00:53
SPEAKER_08: So, you know, getting hit in the head with your own product, that's kind of a refund with interests.
1:01:00
SPEAKER_08: But uh they uh they arrested both of them.
1:01:04
SPEAKER_08: And uh finally tonight, the Bud Light Run Award goes to uh 41-year-old Randall Baker, Evansville, Indiana is where he calls home.
1:01:15
SPEAKER_08: Uh Randall stole a Bud Light semi-truck from a liquor store this week and led police on a very low-speed chase.
1:01:24
SPEAKER_08: We don't know if he was thirsty or he had a master plan, but he refused to pull over.
1:01:30
SPEAKER_08: And that led the sheriff's department to ram into the Bud Light trunk and crash it into a field.
1:01:38
SPEAKER_08: Uh, no one was seriously hurt.
1:01:40
SPEAKER_08: Beer status unknown, however.
1:01:42
SPEAKER_08: Uh his BA BAC.103.
1:01:46
SPEAKER_08: He looks sober.
1:01:48
SPEAKER_08: Yeah.
1:01:49
SPEAKER_08: Looks like a good upstanding guy, doesn't he?
1:01:52
SPEAKER_07: Yeah.
1:01:53
SPEAKER_08: He's charged with attempted murder, auto theft, criminal reckoness, uh resisting uh recklessness, track-to-trailer operation, and uh DUI.
1:02:03
SPEAKER_08: Um Matt would be our Red Foreman Awards this week on the Alpha Men podcast.
1:02:09
SPEAKER_08: Some good ones there.
1:02:12
SPEAKER_06: I just got three things to say.
1:02:15
SPEAKER_06: God bless our troops, God bless America and gentlemen.
1:02:30
SPEAKER_07: Raceon's back.
1:02:32
SPEAKER_07: Back again.
1:02:33
SPEAKER_08: Back in Bristol, baby.
1:02:35
SPEAKER_07: Yep, and all cry I mean cry ba I mean cry cry tie.
1:02:41
SPEAKER_08: Oh, you you were trying to say cry gibbs.
1:02:43
SPEAKER_08: I got it.
1:02:44
SPEAKER_08: I caught it.
1:02:45
SPEAKER_08: I caught it.
1:02:46
SPEAKER_08: Yeah.
1:02:47
SPEAKER_08: He's a little shit.
1:02:48
SPEAKER_07: You gotta give the guy a break.
1:02:50
SPEAKER_07: Come on.
1:02:51
SPEAKER_07: He is an arrogant asshole to everybody in the garage.
1:02:54
SPEAKER_07: Yeah.
1:02:57
SPEAKER_07: He makes Kyle Bush look so soft.
1:03:01
SPEAKER_08: And I mean, speaking of Kyle, I mean I saw the video of him and the coach uh um on the uh on the the uh cherry picker putting putting the placard up on the garage wall the win at Bristol for the for the team.
1:03:15
SPEAKER_07: So I mean good for Gibbs, you know, yeah.
1:03:19
SPEAKER_08: See, I have a I have a hard time because I love I love the coach.
1:03:23
SPEAKER_08: I love I love Joe Gibbs.
1:03:24
SPEAKER_08: I think Joe Gibbs is an incredible human being.
1:03:27
SPEAKER_08: And uh yeah, you're probably right.
1:03:30
SPEAKER_08: It's his his grandson's a little shit.
1:03:32
SPEAKER_07: So it was I mean it's good for them the way it's good for him at least when one, but that should be.
1:03:39
SPEAKER_07: Do you watch the race?
1:03:40
SPEAKER_07: No, I have not watched NASCAR since I left.
1:03:45
SPEAKER_08: Here's the deal.
1:03:47
SPEAKER_08: It's Bristol, right?
1:03:49
SPEAKER_08: Yeah, it's Bristol! Woohoo! Right?
1:03:53
SPEAKER_08: I don't know what it is, man.
1:03:54
SPEAKER_08: The spring race is never as good as a fall race.
1:03:56
SPEAKER_08: It's never is the fall race.
1:03:58
SPEAKER_08: You know what I mean?
1:03:59
SPEAKER_07: It's more on the line, it's nicer weather, it's just yeah.
1:04:03
SPEAKER_08: And I was watching the stands, man, and the crowd sucked, man.
1:04:09
SPEAKER_08: They did not sell a lot of tickets, and like it's Bristol.
1:04:14
SPEAKER_08: It's you know, like the lore of Bristol.
1:04:18
SPEAKER_08: Bristol is Bristol should be sold out.
1:04:22
SPEAKER_08: I mean, it just should.
1:04:28
SPEAKER_08: I don't know that there's another place uh short of Daytona that's as sacred as Bristol.
1:04:34
SPEAKER_08: Maybe Charlotte.
1:04:35
SPEAKER_08: Taladega.
1:04:36
SPEAKER_07: Okay, Talladega, too, but Talladega and and Bristol and Daytona, the top three.
1:04:46
SPEAKER_07: Uh sorry, Watkins Glen.
1:04:48
SPEAKER_08: Right.
1:04:49
SPEAKER_08: But I I don't know.
1:04:50
SPEAKER_08: I don't I don't know if it's the track just doesn't have its fastball anymore or what the deal is, but um it's there's not much there.
1:04:57
SPEAKER_07: Like it used to be used to be the the yard used to be full of of all these things.
1:05:01
SPEAKER_07: When I first started, I mean there was a hundred different things for fans to do.
1:05:04
SPEAKER_07: Now there's maybe 25, 30 things.
1:05:08
SPEAKER_07: So the fan attraction is horrible now.
1:05:11
SPEAKER_07: Yeah.
1:05:13
SPEAKER_07: Plus, they don't really care if the fans are there or not.
1:05:15
SPEAKER_07: I mean, I've heard it right from executives' mouths who own tracks.
1:05:19
SPEAKER_07: Yeah.
1:05:20
SPEAKER_07: Saying that.
1:05:21
SPEAKER_07: Well, because all the money's in the TV deal.
1:05:22
SPEAKER_07: TV pays the bills.
1:05:24
SPEAKER_07: Yeah.
1:05:24
SPEAKER_07: Actually, the the other stuff just pays the insurance and a little extra for this and that.
1:05:29
SPEAKER_08: Yeah, but you know what?
1:05:30
SPEAKER_08: It's a it's a double-edged sword, my friend, because I can tell you the TV people you said call me bestie.
1:05:37
SPEAKER_08: I did not.
1:05:38
SPEAKER_07: Can you?
1:05:39
SPEAKER_08: No, I can't.
1:05:40
SPEAKER_08: I will not.
1:05:41
SPEAKER_08: All right.
1:05:41
SPEAKER_08: All right.
1:05:42
SPEAKER_08: Um, the TV people do not like to shoot footage of crowds that are the of grandstands that are half empty.
1:05:50
SPEAKER_08: And you know, uh you that kind of thing tells the TV executives well, maybe this thing isn't worth what we're paying for it.
1:06:00
SPEAKER_08: you know maybe maybe maybe maybe it's maybe this this sport is not as popular as as uh they claim and look they can't even sell tickets at the track i mean you know it's just it's it's just above basketball for ratings and basketball's not that great ratings yeah yeah no i i i I know and and and if you go back to you know the 90s and the early 2000s nascar was so plugged into culture in this country like you know you turn the race on on sunday and the commercial break hits and you're gonna see commercials with NASCAR drivers in them but in the in the early 2000s you saw commercials in regular television programs sitcoms on Thursday night with deal and hard in them yep you know you I mean you you it was they they were on the late night talk shows they were you know so I yeah the sport you know I I don't know what it is I I I I really I don't there is I don't think there's I don't think there's a single thing that is killing them I think it's a variety of different things I really do I I think it's they had um talented drivers who uh worked their way up to NASCAR and developed followings at short tracks all around the country in Missouri and Kansas and you know Michigan and all over the place and you know they didn't get to the big show until they had a significant short track racing career at small intermediate tracks around the country and now we're taking guys off of simulators and throwing them in cars you know I think that's part of it.
1:07:45
SPEAKER_08: I I I I and I think it's when you talk about guys and and I guess the old folks who are older than me would argue a different set of drivers but when you talk about a a a a field of cars where you're talking about Dale Earnhardt Jeff Gordon Mark Martin Rusty Wallace Terry Laboni and look they were all going to grow old they were all going to retire or you know unfortunately in earnhardt's case pass on um but man it's hard to replace talent like that and you know I I think we got into this place where we were just we're just moving kids into cup rides way too quickly people don't even know who they don't even know who they are you know so I mean look at I mean now back different side of the coin here not different side of the coin but different part of the what we're talking about here is this is huge.
1:08:44
SPEAKER_08: Kyle Bush has hit a hundred races without a win yeah yeah that's insane he's one of the last old dogs now him and Danny Hamlin pretty much you're right yeah well and you know I think what what was earnhardt's longest spell like 96 races or something like that I'm not sure it was almost a hundred races I do know that I do know I know it was over 90 so um you know oh but uh it was actually uh that's Dale Jr.
1:09:17
SPEAKER_07: Oops Dale Sr.
1:09:21
SPEAKER_08: Dale Jr won 143 races by the way and senior longest winless streak 50 I'm curious oh it wasn't okay yeah maybe I had maybe I had 60 and 90 can I mean like I I thought it was 90 but it was almost 60 okay yeah all right so well that's pretty much really junior was junior was in a a late model this week national speedway oh yeah yeah so that was kind of you'll probably see that on the circuit soon the that track yeah the the ground probably give it to the give the Bristol spring race to it because it was a boring ass race it really was it really was uh and then what next week we're off to Kansas right yes they're going to Kansas that's one of my favorite places to work when I worked there for NASCAR I enjoyed working that place it was nice it's it's a nice facility it's it's kind of a nice area so red flag ranch tonight on the uh alpha men podcast since you're attacking us can you give us a question organization you are attacking our news organization sir go ahead sir present like go ahead do you think she's asking a question like you are fake news all right it's real or fake news tonight the uh part of the show where I feed baby Huey five of the most insane headlines from this week four of them are 100% made up of crap only one is gloriously and embarrassingly real so uh if you're ready I will deliver your headlines this week first one study finds men who say yes dear live seven years longer but report feeling 15 years older researchers claim the constant agreement causes accelerated emotional aging I believe that's that's that's headline number one headline number two India closes border with crocodiles and snakes government officials call it a biological barrier okay okay uh number three average middle aged man spends 14 hours per year searching for his phone while it's in his hand study finds I believe it now experts are calling it the phantom pocket syndrome they say it's becoming an epidemic among middle-aged men headline number four Oregon Sheriff claims space aliens were drag racing on County Road overnight feels fun I'd believe it and final one travel vlogger and influencer apologizes after authentic exotic vacation vlog discovered to be filmed in his backyard I believe that too these are good ones all right so we got um study who finds men who say yes dear live seven years longer but report feeling 15 years older that's headline one headline two India closes border with crocodiles and snakes government officials call it a biological barrier yep average middle aged man spends 14 hours per year searching for his phone while it's in his hand according to study experts call it the Phantom pocket syndrome uh Oregon Sheriff claims space aliens were drag racing on County Road overnight that's one that sounds fake so far and travel vlogger and influencer apologizes after authentic exotic vacation vlog discovered to be filmed in his backyard those are good ones I'm gonna go with the travel vlog travel vlog not correct damn another guess uh aging first one first one um study finds men who say yes dear live seven years longer but report feeling 15 years older no that's not correct either damn you got uh Oregon Sheriff um average middle aged man spends 14 hours per year searching for phone while it's in his hand crocodiles India closes border with crocodiles and snakes I'll go crocodiles then ding ding ding ding ding ding that is correct third one you know in America we have been trying to improve our border security for decades with guards and patrol agents technology surveillance fences walls and um even making a country a less desirable place but in India they have come up with a creative solution India border security officials are considering and have deployed crocodiles and snakes in rivers along the borders um they're doing it primarily in law along wet marshy stretches of India's border with Bangladesh which isn't really suitable for fencing and physical barriers these are areas that can flood and the river's pathways shift over time the idea is that it's a a possible biological barrier that can make the area more challenging to cross wildlife experts say it's a huge mistake maybe try to cross and by the way dumping all of these predators into the area could have a major and irreversible impact on the local ecosystems not to mention if the flooding's so bad that the rivers change course you could have bigger problems.
1:15:31
SPEAKER_02: Oh god yeah nonetheless they're doing it well eh works if it works that's real that's real or fake news tonight on the Alpha Med podcast the Married Man Survival Guide is your playbook for staying alive in a world where you're always wrong even when you're right we'll teach you how to pick your battle apologize strategically and survive marriage with your sanity snacks and TV remote intact listen brothers if you're married you're not just surviving the relationship you're surviving a full contact sport with no timeouts no refs and penalties that last longer than a Pats game in overtime that's why we bring you the Married Man Survival Guide and um five fresh tips from the survival guide this week to make sure you're not a statistic.
1:16:24
SPEAKER_08: All right the first one this week the I'll take care of it trap never say I'll take care of it unless you actually plan to do it within 48 hours.
1:16:37
SPEAKER_08: In wife language I'll take care of it means I will magically fix this while you're at work.
1:16:45
SPEAKER_08: If you'd like a survival mood move when she asks you to handle something immediately reply with a specific day and time like hey I'll knock it out Saturday at 1115 write it down in front of her.
1:17:02
SPEAKER_08: This buys you six full days apiece before she starts asking again just saying tip number two the leftover chicken negotiation now when your wife says there's leftover chicken in the fridge she's not offering you food she is testing whether you're willing to eat mystery chicken from three days ago so she doesn't have to throw it all away pro tip open the fridge stare up for five seconds and dramatically say babe this chicken has seen things and then order a pizza you both win.
1:17:44
SPEAKER_08: Alright the plant murder cover up if you if you kill one of her houseplants and you will do not try to hide the dead leaves she notices everything best move immediately replace it with an identical looking fake client from Amazon and act like nothing happened.
1:18:11
SPEAKER_08: When she compliments how well it's doing just smile and say yeah I really got the green thumb lately risky yes legendary also yes if you pull it off tip number four the how was your day strategy now when your wife asks how was your day she actually does not want a play by play of your work day what she wants is for you to ask about her day within the first ten seconds okay so the second you walk in before she even finishes the question say babe tell me about your day I want to hear everything then zone out after a minute or two and just nod enthusiastically you will look like husband of the year and finally tip number five the fine I'll do it myself maneuver should your wife ever say fine I'll do it myself do not let her it's a trap.
1:19:30
SPEAKER_08: Okay?
1:19:31
SPEAKER_08: If you let her do it you will hear about it for the next 25 years just jump up and say no I got it then do a half-ass job so she never asks you to do whatever it is again.
1:19:48
SPEAKER_08: Fair it's called strategic incompetence and it's an art form.
1:19:53
SPEAKER_08: And that's the Married man survival guide this week on the Alpha Men podcast.
1:19:59
SPEAKER_02: The views jokes opinions and heart takes shared on this podcast are for entertainment purposes only and are not filtered with something or sensitivity.
1:20:09
SPEAKER_08: If you are offended uncomfortable or triggered by untainment sarcasm or unqualified opinion that's unfair we are not responsible for listening to the show unfiltered and unqualified part of the show where we drop all pretense of expertise grab a cold one and um just uh unload with a hot take and zero filter.
1:20:45
SPEAKER_08: And I want to start because we started the show tonight with something positive for once um we we asked you to comment with um something that America does better than everybody else because we're kind of in this place where I'm I I think both of us I don't want to speak for you if you don't feel this way but I'm just tired of the America bashing.
1:21:08
SPEAKER_08: Like it's our 250th anniversary it's supposed to be our birthday we got space stuff going on and I'll come kicking ass over I mean I just like come on I'm tired of the complaining yeah like I just it drives me crazy.
1:21:22
SPEAKER_08: Maybe gave me shirley when I said that um one of the positive things from this last week Friday night Artemis II completely badass.
1:21:36
SPEAKER_08: Yeah that was I mean I don't know if you geek out like I do with the space stuff I do I get I do too like I grew up in the space shuttle era so you know I I they stopped sending rockets to the moon in 1972 and I was born in 1973 so you know my space knowledge comes from the space shuttle program and while there were some horrific moments in that um it was yeah yeah yeah it was it was cool but we we spent uh all day Saturday at Kennedy Space Center we had a great time yeah kids learned a lot of shit yeah um after 50 damn years uh we put boots back in the game with with NASA we actually sent a crewed spacecraft around the moon broke multiple records brought the astronauts home safe real engineering real courage real human achievement and something that should not be partisan some real American pride greatest distance from earth April 6 2026 maximum distance 2526 miles away from earth major tom to ground control holy crap deepest space exploration the crew conducted the first human crewed flight around the moon since 1972 first crewed flight of the Artemis program fastest humans have ever traveled a reentry speed of 25000 miles an hour that's freaking awesome and we should all be standing up clapping like idiots for all of the men and women that made it happen but of course we live in a clown world okay we can't have nice things this is why we cannot have nice things instead from the moment Artemis's incredible launched ten days prior to the second the capsule splashed down on Friday night the internet filled up with the usual parade of smooth brain geniuses and screaming that the whole thing was fake that's staged CGI you know that's filmed in a Hollywood basement next to the guy who still thinks the earth is flat we never went to the moon in 1969 you know that let me get this straight you believe that NASA faked the entire Apollo program six moon landings 4000 people 400 000 NASA employees working on the program kept it a secret for 55 years you believe that a flat earth makes more sense than basic physics you think every astronaut every scientist every engineer every camera guy every janitor at NASA is in on the greatest conspiracy in all of human history and yet you can't keep your fantasy football picks secret from your wife shut up shut up look I'm listening I'll prove it to you hold on a second okay I'm all for a good conspiracy theory I love a solid what if over a beer but at some point you gotta look at these guys and go bro touch grass all right go outside feel the curvature of the earth under your feet while you're at it the same rocket scientists who just flew a spacecraft 240,000 miles to the moon and back are apparently so incompetent that they couldn't fake a decent moon landing video in 2026.
1:26:09
SPEAKER_08: But in 1969 they pulled off six perfect ones on less computing power than's in your toaster give me a break I get it look the government lies about a lot of things they lie about money they lie about wars they lie about what's in your food political parties lie about what's real and what's not they lie about their motives they lie about their agendas but pretending we never went to the moon that's Olympic level stupidity right there.
1:26:49
SPEAKER_08: Well what's a gang that's what I'm thinking like what what why I mean they're lying about it who if they what if they are lying about it what's it what's a gang to the person because it was the space race it was the space race against the Russians it was the space race it we had to win it to prove our dominance over the evil Russian bear okay so they're suggesting that we faked it listen let it go okay be proud of Artemis II be proud that America's back on the moon back in the moon business be proud that humans are still dumb enough and brave enough to strap themselves to a giant controlled explosion and fly on a fireball to another celestial body and to the flat earthers the moon hoaxers the it was all filmed in a a studio Area 51 crowd do us all a favor let us have the moment and just shut up we're trying to do cool Shit up here.
1:28:02
SPEAKER_08: The rest of us would like to celebrate without your tin-foiled hat ted talk in the comments.
1:28:08
SPEAKER_07: Did you know that?
1:28:09
SPEAKER_07: More more valiant earth people are Christians than any other religion.
1:28:17
SPEAKER_08: Okay.
1:28:19
SPEAKER_08: Whatever.
1:28:23
SPEAKER_08: That is almost it for tonight, gentlemen.
1:28:28
SPEAKER_08: We want to leave you tonight with four-time whistling champion and member of the whistling hall of fame.
1:28:36
SPEAKER_08: Hold on.
1:28:41
SPEAKER_08: I gotta take the tinfoil hat off.
1:28:44
SPEAKER_08: Sorry.
1:28:46
SPEAKER_08: Chris Ullman, who over the weekend whistled the national anthem.
1:28:52
SPEAKER_08: I saw.
1:28:53
SPEAKER_08: That was awesome.
1:28:53
SPEAKER_08: At the ball game in Baltimore.
1:28:56
SPEAKER_08: And if the video works, great.
1:28:59
SPEAKER_08: It does.
1:29:00
SPEAKER_08: I tested it.
1:29:01
SPEAKER_08: If it doesn't work, I also uploaded the audio version.
1:29:04
SPEAKER_07: I saw that.
1:29:05
SPEAKER_07: I was like, why is he doing that?
1:29:07
SPEAKER_08: Then I realized.
1:29:08
SPEAKER_08: All right.
1:29:09
SPEAKER_08: Ladies and gentlemen, our national anthem from Chris Allman.
1:29:15
SPEAKER_00: Four-time whistling champion and member of the whistling hall of fame, Chris Ullman, who will now honor our nation with his rendition of our star spangled banner.
1:30:45
SPEAKER_08: Fantastic.
1:30:56
SPEAKER_08: But uh no, you shut up.
1:31:01
SPEAKER_08: Listen, go live something heavy.
1:31:03
SPEAKER_08: Tell your wife you love her, even if she's wrong about the thermostat.
1:31:07
SPEAKER_08: And for the love of God, stop believing everything you see on Tic Tac from a guy who thinks Australia isn't real.
1:31:12
SPEAKER_08: That is it for tonight.
1:31:13
SPEAKER_08: If you loved it, tell your friends.
1:31:15
SPEAKER_08: If you hated it, tell your friends and argue about it.
1:31:18
SPEAKER_08: Either way, we'll be back again next Tuesday night.
1:31:20
SPEAKER_08: And in the immortal words of the Beverly Hillbillies, y'all come back now, you hear?
1:31:26
SPEAKER_07: Right all.
1:31:34
SPEAKER_01: Alright, AlphaPad.
1:31:35
SPEAKER_01: That's all the damage we're legally allowed to do tonight.
1:31:38
SPEAKER_01: If you're offended, confused, clutching your pearls, or googling, is it normal to agree with idiots?
1:31:45
SPEAKER_01: Perfect.
1:31:45
SPEAKER_01: Mission accomplished.
1:31:46
SPEAKER_01: This has been the AlphaFet Podcast, where opinions are loud, facts are optional, and HR would have tackled this before the intro music even finished.
1:31:55
SPEAKER_01: Thanks for hanging out, cracking a beer, or three, and pretending you were something while we aggressively were absolutely nothing.
1:32:03
SPEAKER_01: Smash, like, subscribe, share it with that friend who gets kicked out of family dinner.
1:32:07
SPEAKER_01: And remember, if common sense were common, half this country would be unemployed.
1:32:12
SPEAKER_01: If this skill would not exist.
1:32:13
SPEAKER_01: Now, we've got to go explain what wise while we said that.
1:32:17
SPEAKER_01: Swear was for the show.
1:32:18
SPEAKER_01: And sweep on the counts like a real bad.
1:32:20
SPEAKER_01: Till next time, same idiots, same chaos, zero filters, zero apologies, and absolutely no response.