Latest / Limitless Living with Fredricka Davis / 013: The Truth About Work-Life Balance (And Why It’s Keeping You Burned Out)

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013: The Truth About Work-Life Balance (And Why It’s Keeping You Burned Out) · Limitless Living with Fredricka Davis

• 0:32
  SPEAKER_00: Welcome back to the Limitless Living Podcast.
• 0:35
  SPEAKER_00: I'm your host, Frederica Davis, wellness expert, entrepreneur, and the creator of the reset method.
• 0:41
  SPEAKER_00: Today is Sustainable Success Tuesday.
• 0:43
  SPEAKER_00: This is where we talk about building success and leadership and business in a way that actually supports your life instead of consuming it.
• 0:52
  SPEAKER_00: So if you've ever felt like no matter how much you get done, it's just never enough.
• 1:00
  SPEAKER_00: And somehow you're still behind in your business or your home, your health, your relationships, your parenting, wherever it's at, this episode is for you.
• 1:11
  SPEAKER_00: Maybe this sounds familiar.
• 1:13
  SPEAKER_00: You're the one everyone depends on.
• 1:16
  SPEAKER_00: You show up, you handle things, you figure things out, and from the outside, it looks like you have it all together.
• 1:24
  SPEAKER_00: But behind the scenes, you are maybe you're feeling like you are pulled in a hundred directions.
• 1:31
  SPEAKER_00: You're constantly feeling like you're trying to catch up and never quite getting there.
• 1:37
  SPEAKER_00: And no matter how hard you try to create balance, it just never actually feels balanced.
• 1:44
  SPEAKER_00: And then comes the guilt.
• 1:46
  SPEAKER_00: Guilt that you're not doing enough, guilt that you're not present enough, guilt that there's always something slipping through the cracks.
• 1:53
  SPEAKER_00: I get it.
• 1:55
  SPEAKER_00: I hear this all the time.
• 1:58
  SPEAKER_00: Here is the truth that most people will not say out loud.
• 2:04
  SPEAKER_00: Work life balance the way it's commonly taught.
• 2:09
  SPEAKER_00: It's a lie.
• 2:10
  SPEAKER_00: I'm gonna say it.
• 2:11
  SPEAKER_00: It's a lie.
• 2:12
  SPEAKER_00: We've been taught that we can have it all and we can have it all at the same time.
• 2:15
  SPEAKER_00: It's a lie.
• 2:17
  SPEAKER_00: Not because balance is impossible, but because the expectation behind it is broken.
• 2:25
  SPEAKER_00: So you've been taught, likely if you're in my generation or anywhere around it, that you should be able to do everything.
• 2:33
  SPEAKER_00: You can do everything, and all of it at the same level, and all of it at the same time, and all the time, and still feel calm, present, and fulfilled.
• 2:43
  SPEAKER_00: That's not balance.
• 2:45
  SPEAKER_00: It's burnout.
• 2:46
  SPEAKER_00: Have you felt it?
• 2:47
  SPEAKER_00: It's burnout.
• 2:49
  SPEAKER_00: Definitely not balance.
• 2:51
  SPEAKER_00: I used to believe myself if I could just manage my time better, I could make it all work, I could run the business, I could work in the business, I could keep the house together, show up for my family, take care of my health, be everything to everyone.
• 3:08
  SPEAKER_00: And I wasn't really failing at balance.
• 3:11
  SPEAKER_00: It felt like it, honestly.
• 3:14
  SPEAKER_00: I was trying to carry a load that was never meant to be carried by one person.
• 3:20
  SPEAKER_00: And think about this: in the years past, your parents would come over and help you as you raised your children.
• 3:27
  SPEAKER_00: And then when they got older, you would go over and you would help them.
• 3:30
  SPEAKER_00: And we didn't all have everybody in the household working, and there was a lot of different things going on.
• 3:37
  SPEAKER_00: So the demand was less.
• 3:41
  SPEAKER_00: It just simply was.
• 3:42
  SPEAKER_00: I'm not saying it was good or bad or better or worse, it just was.
• 3:47
  SPEAKER_00: Things are different.
• 3:48
  SPEAKER_00: We are so conditioned to look for the balance, but not let go of any of the things that we're doing and not ask for help and not get the help we need that we're carrying these loads that simply are not meant for one person to carry.
• 4:09
  SPEAKER_00: And the one thing that really woke me up was when no matter what I did, I just could not, I just never felt like I was getting ahead, even though I was going faster and faster and harder and harder.
• 4:25
  SPEAKER_00: And and my body body started to break down.
• 4:27
  SPEAKER_00: If you've listened to any of my other podcasts, you'll get bits and pieces.
• 4:30
  SPEAKER_00: But yeah, my body started to break down.
• 4:31
  SPEAKER_00: So one of the shifts that I initially made, this was not a pandemic resulting shift either.
• 4:38
  SPEAKER_00: It was groceries, okay?
• 4:39
  SPEAKER_00: And this kind of woke me up.
• 4:41
  SPEAKER_00: I know this sounds funny, but I used to say, no way will I ever let somebody else pick my groceries.
• 4:48
  SPEAKER_00: Absolutely not.
• 4:49
  SPEAKER_00: I want to pick my own fruits, my own vegetables, my own meats.
• 4:51
  SPEAKER_00: No way.
• 4:52
  SPEAKER_00: I'm picking my own groceries.
• 4:53
  SPEAKER_00: I don't trust anyone else to do it.
• 4:55
  SPEAKER_00: Mm-mm.
• 4:56
  SPEAKER_00: No way.
• 4:57
  SPEAKER_00: Well, I've changed.
• 4:59
  SPEAKER_00: And again, not as a result of the pandemic.
• 5:02
  SPEAKER_00: This was actually a time factor where I needed to, and it was out of a need once, and I thought, huh, that worked out really well.
• 5:10
  SPEAKER_00: And now I get them delivered all the time.
• 5:14
  SPEAKER_00: And I know it sounds really small, but it was not small, and I'll tell you why.
• 5:20
  SPEAKER_00: It saved me time every week.
• 5:22
  SPEAKER_00: It saves me time.
• 5:23
  SPEAKER_00: I don't have to get in, I don't have to drive to the grocery store, I don't have to pick the groceries, I don't have to check out, I don't have to come home and unload it, and all of that stuff.
• 5:31
  SPEAKER_00: I order it while I'm sitting with my husband watching a TV show.
• 5:35
  SPEAKER_00: We order what we want, boom, boom, boom.
• 5:37
  SPEAKER_00: I schedule it for the next morning.
• 5:38
  SPEAKER_00: It shows up, I bring it in-house and put it away.
• 5:41
  SPEAKER_00: It is absolutely a life saver in reducing some of the decision fatigue that comes with life in general and doing our everyday needs, meeting those needs.
• 5:57
  SPEAKER_00: So it actually saved me money too.
• 5:59
  SPEAKER_00: I for those of you out there who might be thinking, oh, I can't afford that or it's going to cost me more money.
• 6:04
  SPEAKER_00: Not the case.
• 6:05
  SPEAKER_00: I actually track all of that and I spend less on groceries by doing it because I'm not buying things incidentally on impulse.
• 6:13
  SPEAKER_00: And more importantly, I want to say it really showed me how much energy I was wasting doing this because I wanted to control how this was done, and this didn't really actually require me to do it.
• 6:31
  SPEAKER_00: So this one little act and shift in my thinking made it a little more possible for me to see other areas and other places that that could happen and reduce the decision fatigue, reduce the time, reduce that level of imbalance.
• 6:52
  SPEAKER_00: So this is just an example.
• 6:54
  SPEAKER_00: But there's five truths about work-life balance that I want to share with you.
• 6:59
  SPEAKER_00: And number one, first and foremost, I do believe that you can have it all.
• 7:04
  SPEAKER_00: I just do not believe in everything that I have seen over all of the years with my clients and experience myself, is that you can have it all at the same time.
• 7:15
  SPEAKER_00: So, yes, you can have it all, but not all at the same time.
• 7:20
  SPEAKER_00: And this is where most of us break.
• 7:22
  SPEAKER_00: This is where most women break.
• 7:23
  SPEAKER_00: This might be where you're breaking, trying to do it all.
• 7:25
  SPEAKER_00: You're trying to give 100% to everything simultaneously.
• 7:31
  SPEAKER_00: That is not sustainable.
• 7:33
  SPEAKER_00: There are seasons, there are moments where something gets more of you and something gets less.
• 7:40
  SPEAKER_00: Simple as that.
• 7:41
  SPEAKER_00: When you're raising kids, they get more of you.
• 7:44
  SPEAKER_00: When you're building a business, it gets more of you.
• 7:46
  SPEAKER_00: When you are repairing a relationship, it gets more of you.
• 7:50
  SPEAKER_00: When you are taking care of elderly parents, it gets more of you.
• 7:54
  SPEAKER_00: You get the picture.
• 7:55
  SPEAKER_00: That's also not failure, it's reality.
• 7:59
  SPEAKER_00: And it's okay to prioritize what needs more of you in the season you're in.
• 8:04
  SPEAKER_00: So, number two, you cannot be the one who does it all all the time.
• 8:10
  SPEAKER_00: You cannot be the one who does it all all the time.
• 8:15
  SPEAKER_00: This one should hit because your identity is likely tied to being capable, reliable, the one who handles it all.
• 8:24
  SPEAKER_00: But if everything falls on you, if everything depends on you, you don't have a life.
• 8:33
  SPEAKER_00: You have a system that collapses without you.
• 8:41
  SPEAKER_00: Think about that.
• 8:43
  SPEAKER_00: You don't have a life if everything is dependent on you.
• 8:48
  SPEAKER_00: What you have is a system that will collapse without you.
• 8:52
  SPEAKER_00: And is that what you want?
• 8:56
  SPEAKER_00: That's not success.
• 8:57
  SPEAKER_00: That's pressure.
• 9:00
  SPEAKER_00: Number three, time management is not your problem.
• 9:05
  SPEAKER_00: Sure, there's a whole bunch of tips and tricks and things I could share with you, and I probably will on a future podcast.
• 9:11
  SPEAKER_00: But it's likely that your bigger problem is energy.
• 9:16
  SPEAKER_00: You don't usually need a better planner or a better uh program or task management system.
• 9:25
  SPEAKER_00: You need better energy, which gives you better focus and better stamina to get the things done.
• 9:32
  SPEAKER_00: Because when your nervous system gets overwhelmed because you're busy trying to do everything, no matter what it is, it feels harder to do.
• 9:41
  SPEAKER_00: Everything takes longer, everything drains you faster.
• 9:47
  SPEAKER_00: Sure, you might still be doing it, but it drains you more and it drains you faster, leaving you with less for the rest of anything in life.
• 9:55
  SPEAKER_00: That's why two women can have the same 24 hours and completely different experiences of those hours.
• 10:04
  SPEAKER_00: And each woman has a different capacity.
• 10:07
  SPEAKER_00: We've talked about capacity before, in what they can handle, how many things they can do, what their nervous system can handle.
• 10:17
  SPEAKER_00: So, number four, control is costing you more than you think.
• 10:24
  SPEAKER_00: A lot of what you are holding on to, you don't actually need to be doing.
• 10:31
  SPEAKER_00: If you're honest with yourself, you're doing it because you used to, you're used to doing it.
• 10:36
  SPEAKER_00: It's habit, maybe it's expected and you feel like you should, or maybe it's not really expected, but you think it is.
• 10:44
  SPEAKER_00: We often self-impose those those expectations.
• 10:48
  SPEAKER_00: Maybe it's because you don't trust others, you know, they won't do it as as good as I do.
• 10:53
  SPEAKER_00: Or and I let me tell you, I I can, I come from the philosophy that if you're gonna do it, do it right the first time.
• 10:58
  SPEAKER_00: I hate it when somebody else does it wrong because then I have to fix it.
• 11:01
  SPEAKER_00: So the mindset that goes with that, if you're listening and you can relate, is I might as well do it myself because by the time I explain it, or I have to fix it later when they do it wrong, I mean I can go down that rabbit hole right alongside of you.
• 11:13
  SPEAKER_00: However, it does not serve me, it does not serve you, it does not serve us.
• 11:21
  SPEAKER_00: And we are holding on so often to so many unnecessary responsibilities, and they steal your time, they steal your energy and your life.
• 11:35
  SPEAKER_00: So, number five, sustainable success requires you have systems.
• 11:41
  SPEAKER_00: Not that you sacrifice, but that you have systems.
• 11:44
  SPEAKER_00: This is what sustainable success really looks like.
• 11:49
  SPEAKER_00: It's not about doing more all the time, it's not about pushing harder all the time, it's building a life and a business that supports you.
• 12:00
  SPEAKER_00: You don't support it, it supports you.
• 12:06
  SPEAKER_00: That means support systems, that means simplified systems and intentional systems because success should expand your life, it should not consume it.
• 12:18
  SPEAKER_00: And that means whether you're you're striving for success or you've already gotten there, it should expand your life, not consume it.
• 12:27
  SPEAKER_00: So I want to give you a couple of action or a few actionable takeaways here, and then I'll continue this conversation in the Limitless Living group if you want to join in there.
• 12:37
  SPEAKER_00: There are three things you can actually do this week to move this needle for you.
• 12:43
  SPEAKER_00: Number one, identify one thing to release.
• 12:47
  SPEAKER_00: What is one thing that you're doing that you don't actually need to be doing?
• 12:53
  SPEAKER_00: Just pick one.
• 12:54
  SPEAKER_00: There's probably 20, but pick one.
• 12:57
  SPEAKER_00: Delegate it, automate it, simplify it.
• 13:00
  SPEAKER_00: Get the help you need, pay for the help you need, delegate it, whatever it is.
• 13:05
  SPEAKER_00: Maybe it's you're still paying your bills one by one by one.
• 13:08
  SPEAKER_00: Set them up so they automatically pay.
• 13:11
  SPEAKER_00: Maybe it's the grocery shopping.
• 13:14
  SPEAKER_00: Delegate that by having it delivered.
• 13:18
  SPEAKER_00: Maybe it's cleaning, hire someone.
• 13:20
  SPEAKER_00: Maybe it is you're still cleaning, setting up whatever in your business when you could have someone else take that on as part of their job description.
• 13:30
  SPEAKER_00: Whatever it is, pick one thing.
• 13:34
  SPEAKER_00: Number two, create one system that saves you some time.
• 13:37
  SPEAKER_00: And this could be the grocery delivery.
• 13:39
  SPEAKER_00: Oh my gosh, saves so much time.
• 13:41
  SPEAKER_00: How about meal prep?
• 13:43
  SPEAKER_00: Meal prep once a week for your core ingredients.
• 13:47
  SPEAKER_00: I do this, it's something I teach, is amazing at keeping you healthy, keeping you energetic, and minimizing the stress of all of that.
• 13:57
  SPEAKER_00: You can cook other times if you want, but if you're doing a bulk meal prep once a week, it really takes a lot of stress out of it.
• 14:03
  SPEAKER_00: How about batching tasks too?
• 14:06
  SPEAKER_00: Batching things like I'm only going to do uh cleaning and laundry and whatever uh for two hours.
• 14:18
  SPEAKER_00: I'm not going to be doing it and trying to answer emails and trying to text my girlfriend and trying to do meal prep all at the same time.
• 14:28
  SPEAKER_00: I'm only going to do that.
• 14:29
  SPEAKER_00: I'm going to get it done quickly and efficiently.
• 14:31
  SPEAKER_00: That's one thing.
• 14:32
  SPEAKER_00: How about hiring help?
• 14:35
  SPEAKER_00: One system can change everything.
• 14:38
  SPEAKER_00: It really can.
• 14:39
  SPEAKER_00: I cannot tell you how much of a positive change just having my groceries delivered was.
• 14:44
  SPEAKER_00: I know I sound like a broke of record, but it really was.
• 14:47
  SPEAKER_00: Define your current season.
• 14:49
  SPEAKER_00: This is number three.
• 14:50
  SPEAKER_00: I want you to define the current season you're in.
• 14:53
  SPEAKER_00: So, what actually is your primary focus right now?
• 15:00
  SPEAKER_00: Let's get ask yourself what actually needs my focus right now.
• 15:07
  SPEAKER_00: Not everything.
• 15:08
  SPEAKER_00: This could be your relationship, it could be your business, it could be your kids, it could be your parents, it could be whatever you need it to be.
• 15:15
  SPEAKER_00: But you need to define that.
• 15:18
  SPEAKER_00: Give yourself permission to prioritize that and create systems that will support you and whatever that priority is.
• 15:31
  SPEAKER_00: So here's a question I want you to sit with this week.
• 15:35
  SPEAKER_00: Where in your life are you trying to do everything instead of deciding what actually matters the most right now?
• 15:46
  SPEAKER_00: Where in your life are you trying to do everything instead of deciding what actually matters the most right now?
• 15:54
  SPEAKER_00: If this conversation resonated with you today, come join us in the Free Limitless Living community.
• 16:00
  SPEAKER_00: I will be talking more about this in there.
• 16:03
  SPEAKER_00: It's where we have real life, real shifts, and talk about how to actually build a life that feels really wonderful to live, not just looks wonderful.
• 16:13
  SPEAKER_00: If this episode spoke to you, please share it with someone who needs to hear it.
• 16:17
  SPEAKER_00: And if you haven't already, leave a review.
• 16:19
  SPEAKER_00: It helps more women find the show.
• 16:21
  SPEAKER_00: You don't need to do more to create a better life.
• 16:25
  SPEAKER_00: You need to decide what actually matters, and then build your life around that.
• 16:31
  SPEAKER_00: Because sometimes the most powerful shift isn't doing more, it's finally letting something go.