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The Best Friend | J. C. Ryle · Reformed Thinking

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Welcome to Reform Thinking. I am really glad you could join
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us today. We are about to jump into a deep
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dive that well, it heats pretty close to home for all of us.
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It really does. I mean, we are talking about the
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reality of human relationships today, yeah.
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And usually when you think about building things like in
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structural engineering, for instance, there is this
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expectation of precision. You know, you build a bridge,
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the math checks out, and the engineer says this will hold.
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Right there is a guarantee. But then you step into the world
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of human friendship and all that precision just goes out the
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window. Oh, absolutely.
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It is honestly just Muddy Waters.
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We build these relational bridges expecting them to hold
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our weight during a crisis, and so often they just collapse.
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It is the absolute definition of structural failure in human
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terms. We want to guarantee that people
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are frail. Our connections are not bound by
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steel and concrete. Yeah, that makes a lot of sense.
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They are bound by shifting human affections, circumstantial
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convenience and mutual benefit, which means they are inherently
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fragile under pressure. Which is the core reason we are
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opening up our source material for today.
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We are looking at excerpts from JC Ryles classic 19th century
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work, Practical Religion. Specifically, a really
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fascinating chapter titled The Best Friend.
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Spot on. Our mission today is to
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investigate that universal human desire for a genuine friend.
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Contrast it with the often disappointing reality of our
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earthly relationships and examine Ryall's proposition that
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Jesus Christ is the sole perfect fulfillment of this desire.
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It is a massive claim. It is so if you are listening to
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this right now, pull up a chair and sit in with us for this
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theological and practical analysis.
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Let us get into it. Ryall starts by establishing a
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very stark contrast right out of the gate.
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He points out that the world is full of sorrow because of sin,
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making a true friend better than gold.
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But then he hits this with a harsh reality.
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Right, he says. True friends are scarce.
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He paints a picture that resonates immediately.
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You know most people will stand by us in prosperity.
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They will eat, drink and laugh with us when the sun is shining.
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Yeah, the fair weather, friends. Precisely.
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But the moment the darkness falls, when we are sick,
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helpless or poor, those connections just vanish.
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It is devastating. It is, and Ryle is setting up a
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diagnosis of the human condition here that is far more severe
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than just feeling lonely on a Friday night.
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He argues that man is the neediest creature on earth.
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And the root cause of that extreme need is sin.
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Let me bring in a modern parallel to this sunshine of
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prosperity, friend Rael talks. About I would love to hear.
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It we see this constantly with social media connections.
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Today you have hundreds, maybe thousands of people liking your
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posts. When your life is curated, you
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know when it looks happy and successful.
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Well, for sure, you post a vacation photo and everybody
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wants to interact. Yes, but when you hit a wall
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when you are in the middle of a 2:00 AM crisis and you need
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someone to actually sit in the ashes with you, the comments
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section is empty. The digital crowd disappears.
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They completely disappear because they only signed up for
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the sunshine. That parallel really hits the
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mark, and Ryle pushes past that social isolation into the
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spiritual reality driving it. He does not view the human
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struggle as a slight stumble or just a temporary lack of
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companionship. No, he goes much further.
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He views it as a fatal, paralyzing condition affecting
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every faculty of the human soul. He uses 3 very specific vivid
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metaphors to describe this depravity.
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Let us walk through those. First, he says, we are sick with
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a moral disease in our blood. It is a fatal plague.
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He is very specific about the insidious nature of this disease
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too, he writes. Whether we know it or not,
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whether we feel it or not, we are all dying daily.
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There's a terrifying thought. It really is.
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He is completely detaching our objective condition from our
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subjective feelings. Which means you might feel fine.
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Subjectively, you might have a high salary, a nice home and a
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robust social calendar. But objectively, the spiritual
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condition is terminal. The disease is acting on the
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system regardless of your awareness of it.
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Right second, he's just to a financial metaphor.
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He describes humanity as bankrupt debtors.
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This one is striking. We owe our creator 10,000
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talents and we have absolutely nothing to pay.
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We are daily getting more involved in liability with 0
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hope of discharging ourselves. I want to stop and look at the
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math on that for a second, just to put that into perspective for
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you listening 10,000 talents in the ancient world was wow.
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It was an astronomical, almost comical sum it.
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Was a number they could barely wrap their heads around.
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Yeah, a single talent was roughly equivalent to 20 years
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of wages for an ordinary laborer.
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Wow, so 10,000 of them would be 200,000 years of manual labor.
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It is a deliberately absurd number to illustrate an
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unpayable debt. You could work for 1000
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lifetimes perfectly, yeah, and you still would not make a dent
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in the principle. You are looking at the core
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issue. The sheer scale of the debt
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means any attempt at self repayment is a complete
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delusion. And his third metaphor is
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maritime. We are shipwrecked, castaway,
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castaway, sinking under the waves of our own guilt, totally
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tied and bound. He uses the words shiftless,
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hopeless, helpless and powerless.
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The spiritual debt and the mortal sickness are
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insurmountable without outside intervention.
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The rescue has to come from above the waves.
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But if I am drowning, sympathy on the shore is useless.
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Empathy without action is just shared misery.
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That is a crucial point. A rescue requires intervention
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which fundamentally shifts how we have to define what a friend
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actually is. Yes, it changes the whole
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standard. A friend who just sits on the
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shore and shouts words of affirmation is no good to me in
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that scenario. I need someone who takes action.
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Ryle argues that the true measure of friendship is deeds,
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not just words or feelings. He writes friendly as that
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friendly does. Friendly as that friendly does.
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I like that. The doings of the Lord Jesus
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Christ for man are the grand proof of his friendly feeling.
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Never were there such acts of kindness and self denial.
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Ryle maps out the voluntary actions of Christ here.
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Right, He does. He starts with the incarnation.
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He points out that for our sakes, he took our nature.
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Upon Him, the Almighty Creator laid aside His glory for bodily
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weakness, experiencing our physical and emotional
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limitations. Then he lives 33 years in an
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evil world, despised and poor, and finally he suffered the
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agonizing death of the Cross to pay the price of redemption.
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Wait, I need to bring up how heavily this clashes with our
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current cultural definition of friendship.
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Oh, it is night and day. Today we define a good friend as
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someone who validates us. If I complain about my boss or a
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massive mistake I made, a modern friend is expected to say you
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did nothing wrong, your feelings are valid, you are perfect the
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way you are. We want friends who agree with
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our choices and boost our self esteem.
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Ryle is defining the ultimate friend as someone who steps into
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a fatal flaw, recognizes the absolute ruin we are in, and
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sacrifices himself to fix it. That feels like a very rigorous
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standard for the modern ego to accept.
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It is entirely antithetical to the modern ego.
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Validation asks nothing of the friend and changes nothing about
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the individual score problem. Right.
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It just makes you feel better while the ship is still sinking.
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Sacrifice, however, acknowledges that there is a massive terminal
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problem that needs solving. What is fascinating here is the
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voluntary nature of the cross that Ryle highlights.
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Let us dig into that. He stresses that Jesus was not
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forced into this by circumstances.
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He could have summoned 12 legions of angels and scattered
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his enemies with a single word. The sheer restraint of that
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moment is staggering. He had absolute authority over
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the situation at every moment. He had the complete capability
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to end his physical suffering instantly, but chose to endure
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it to make an atonement. He did, and Ryle draws out a
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stark contrast based on Romans chapter 5, verse 8.
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He notes that humans might theoretically find it within
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themselves to die for someone who loves them.
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We see that in history, right? Soldiers falling on a grenade
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for their brothers in arms. Or parents sacrificing
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themselves for their children. But Christ laid down his life
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for those who hated him. He suffered the just for the
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unjust. No one ever paid so much to do
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good to enemies. Good intentions and even
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sacrificial actions are beautiful in isolation, but
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sacrifice alone is only effective if the person has the
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sheer capability to actually succeed.
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That is very true. I might be willing to jump into
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a rushing river to save someone, but if I cannot swim, we both
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drown. The intention was pure, but the
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capability was 0. Earthly friends might intensely
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want to help you, but they lack the means.
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They can sit beside you in the hospital and weak with you, but
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they cannot remove the grief or cure the disease.
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They just do not have the tools. Christ, however, possesses all
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authority in heaven and earth. He is not just empathetic, he is
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almighty. Think of human sympathy like a
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well meaning bystander watching a burning building.
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OK, I see where you're going with this.
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They care intensely. They might be crying, they might
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be shouting for help, but they lack the fireproof gear, the
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oxygen tanks and the hoses to put out the flames.
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They are helpless to change the outcome.
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Right Christ is a fully equipped rescuer who actually kicks the
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door down, walks into the inferno and pulls you from the
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fire. He has the equipment.
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That analogy perfectly captures Wile's list of four distinct
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capabilities that Christ possesses.
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Let us hear them. First, he is able to pardon and
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save the very chief of sinners. He can wash away the vilest
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stains and give perfect peace with God.
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That is the first one. What is the 2nd?
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Second, he is able to convert the hardest of hearts.
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This goes beyond just forgiving past actions.
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This is about fundamentally altering human desires, making
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people hate the sin they once loved.
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That internal change is massive. It is one thing to forgive a
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debt. It is another thing to change
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the debtors spending habits and financial philosophy entirely.
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Spot on 3rd Ryle notes Christ's capability to preserve his
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disciples to the end. He gives them grace to overcome
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the world, the flesh, and the devil.
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So he does not just save them and leave them to fend for
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themselves. No, he preserves them.
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And 4th He grants unmatched gifts, peace and poverty, joy
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and sorrow, and bright hopes and death.
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Ryle contrasts this true capability with historical
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examples of false, ineffective remedies that people try.
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Does he not? He does, and he lists some very
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vivid, specific examples of people trying to secure this
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peace on their own. We need to provide some
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historical context for his language here.
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Yeah, let us contextualize this for the listener.
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Writing in the 19th century Victorian era, Ryle uses the
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cultural touchstones of his time to represent universal human
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attempts at self salvation. What kind of examples does he
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give? He points to the Hindu idolater
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and during 50 years of self-imposed physical suffering,
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trying in vain to find peace through extreme asceticism.
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Trying to earn it through physical pain, right?
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He points to the Romanist giving money to a priest representing
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the attempt to purchase peace through religious works and
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financial transaction. Then the third.
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He points to the wealthy man spending thousands in search of
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happiness, yet remaining perpetually discontented.
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All of these are human attempts to find a capable friend in
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systems self harm or wealth. None of them possess the might
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to actually cure the soul. They're all completely
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ineffective. Now, absolute unchecked
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capability could be terrifying if it were not governed by
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absolute kindness. No, without a doubt.
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A surgeon with a scalpel is incredibly capable, but if he
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does not care about the patient, that scalpel is dangerous.
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We have to look at the affection driving this mighty capability.
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Ryle states that kindness is the essence of true friendship.
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He illustrates Christ's love in two distinct phases.
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What is the first phase? His initial reception of sinners
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he turns no one away. Ryle quotes John chapter 6,
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verse 37. Him that cometh unto me I will
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in no wise cast out. It does not matter how wicked
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their lives have been. Or how much they're diseased
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with sin. He is not ashamed to befriend
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those whom the entire world cats off as hopeless.
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Think about that for a second. How do you personally process a
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love that requires absolutely nothing from you upfront?
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It is hard to even wrap your mind around it it.
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Completely appends our transactional view of human
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relationships. We usually love someone because
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they are attractive, because they are kind to us, or because
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they're useful to our social standing or career.
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We always have a prerequisite. It requires a massive mental
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shift we love where we can give some reason for loving.
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The great Friend of Sinners, as Ryle points out, draws his
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reasons entirely out of his own everlasting compassion.
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There is nothing in the center that warrants the affection.
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But the beauty of this affection shines even brighter in the
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second phase. Which is.
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His dealings with them after they become his friends.
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Because getting through the door is one thing, living in the
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house is another. Yeah, very different dynamics.
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We all have friends we loved at first sight, but after a week of
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being roommates, the affection wears incredibly thin.
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Familiarity usually breeds contempt.
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Ryle notes that Christ is infinitely patient.
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Human conduct is often very trying and provoking, yet he
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never tires of hearing complaints.
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He sympathizes intensely. Ryle uses a really beautiful
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illustration here, right? He does regarding our actions.
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He says Christ accepts our poor services the same way a parent
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is pleased with a child's clumsy attempts to speak and walk.
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When a toddler takes 3 wobbly steps and falls flat on their
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face, the parent does not critique the bio mechanics of
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the stride. No, they applaud the effort.
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The affection covers the clumsiness.
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It offers immense theological comfort.
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We follow a Savior who is acquainted with grief and
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sympathizes with human sorrow rather than scolding.
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It that is such a relief to hear.
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He limits temptations so they are not unbearable, and he
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supplies daily grace for daily conflicts.
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But wait, if a human friend told me I love you now go and do
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hardship for me, we would call that a toxic abusive
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relationship. People would tell you to run the
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other way. We would tell people to run.
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Pure affection without boundaries often leads to
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enabling bad behavior. If a parent only ever applauds
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and never corrects, that child grows up to be a menace.
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That is a very fairpoint. How do we reconcile that red
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flag with Ryles assertion that this friendship is perfect
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wisdom? This is a crucial balance.
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Human friends often injure those they love through injudicious
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kindness. They mean well, but they cause
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harm. Exactly.
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I mean, that is right. They give bad advice or they
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encourage worldliness and levity just to keep the mood light.
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Christ never spoils his friends with extravagant indulgence.
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He does not just give us candy. No, he gives them everything
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that is genuinely for their benefit, but he also requires
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them to take up their cross and endure hardships.
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To understand this, let us step away from the medical or
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parenting analogies and look at it through the lens of a master
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metallurgist. OK, lay it out for me.
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If you want to strengthen a piece of steel, you do not wrap
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it in bubble wrap and keep it at room temperature.
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That will not do anything. You thrust it into a blindingly
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hot furnace, and then you pull it out and quench it in freezing
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oil. The intense, violent stress of
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that temperature change is the exact mechanism that aligns the
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molecular structure to make the blade unbreakable.
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A human friend wants to take you out of the fire immediately to
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spare you pain. Ryle is arguing this friend
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controls the temperature of the furnace to ensure your
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structural integrity. That captures the mechanics of
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divine Providence beautifully. Ryle states that Christ manages
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his friends affairs with perfect wisdom.
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He does not make mistakes with the temperature.
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Never. He prescribes the exact right
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proportions of sickness, health, poverty and wealth as he sees
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their souls require. He ensures they do not have a
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single drop, too little or too much of that bitter cup.
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That is a bitter pill to swallow.
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If we apply this to your life right now.
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This wisdom inevitably creates friction.
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Oh, major friction. When you lose a job or face a
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sudden health crisis, your immediate reaction is not
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usually the perfect proportion of hardship prescribed by a wise
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friend. Not at all.
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The immediate reaction is anger, confusion and feeling abandoned.
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And Ryle anticipates that reaction.
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He notes that believers often misunderstand these dealings at
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the time they're silly enough to fancy their course of life might
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have been ordered better. We all think we know better.
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We do. But Ryle stresses the value of a
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friend whose fellowship is always sanctifying, rather than
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one who simply affirms our comfort.
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He contrasts this with human friends again.
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He does. He says.
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Human friends often gather together, not to quicken each
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other's souls toward heaven, but to confirm one another in the
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love of this present world. So they just drag each other
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down. Thousands, he says, are wounded
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unexpectedly in the House of their friends through this
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enabling behavior. So we have this profile of a
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mighty, loving and infinitely wise friend who knows exactly
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what we need, even when it involves the furnace.
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It sounds incredible in theory. But theory only goes so far.
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What is the historical data? Raul does not just leave us with
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abstract concepts. He turns to the track record.
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He provides a historical survey spanning 6000 years.
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He argues that Christ is a tried and proved friend.
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He has the receipts. He definitely has the receipts
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during this immense period. Millions have unfortunately
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refused his offers, but thousands upon thousands have
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enjoyed the privilege of his friendship and found it to be
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flawless. Look at the sheer breadth of the
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demographics royal list. He details that Christ has
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befriended every type of person imaginable.
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It is a massive spectrum. By rank you have kings like
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David and Solomon, alongside poor laborers like the shepherds
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of Bethlehem. By age you have those who knew
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him from childhood, like Timothy, and those who found him
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late in life, like the old king Manasseh.
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And by temperament, too. Yeah, he befriends the fervent,
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impulsive Peter and the quiet, retiring Mary.
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He continues the list by condition, married, single,
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sick, healthy, servants, masters, and perhaps most
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strikingly, by nationality. Ryle covers the whole globe
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here. Ryle's Book of Life contains
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Greeks, Romans, Jews, reserved Englishmen and Bolsive Irishmen,
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refined Italians and solid Germans.
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Every conceivable human category is represented.
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When I look at this list, what strikes me is how it completely
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defies our modern obsession with tribalism.
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We are so divided today. We sort ourselves into hyper
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niche digital communities based on our politics, our diets, our
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hobbies, our tax brackets. It is incredibly rare to find a
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community that genuinely bridges these divides.
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It is almost unheard of. How is it mechanically possible
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for one figure to cross all those psychological lines
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without watering down his personality to the point of
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being a blank slate? The mechanism of this unity is
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fascinating. Earthly tribes are built on
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shared affinities. We gather because we like the
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same things or share the same socioeconomic status.
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We like people who are like us. But this friendship is built on
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shared bankruptcy. The king and the shepherd are
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unified not because their daily lives look the same, but because
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they both desperately need the same rescue from the same
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terminal disease. That completely reorients the
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foundation of the relationship. It does, and furthermore, the
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grace of this friend adapts to supply exactly what each unique
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soul requires. He does not flatten their
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personalities into a homogeneous group.
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He treats them as individuals, yes.
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The quiet spirit of Mary received the peace she needed.
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The fiery zeal of Paul was channelled and directed.
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There is, as Ryle puts it, enough and to spare for the
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entire spectrum of humanity. They all made trial of his
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friendship and found nothing wanting.
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Nothing wanting at all. Having proven this friendship
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across history and across all these different personality
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types, there remains one final vulnerability we have to
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address. It is the tragic, transient
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nature of all earthly bonds. Even the best human friend, the
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most loyal, the most wise is. Subject to time and decay.
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Ryle paints a deeply melancholic picture of earthly instability.
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To introduce this point, he observes that riches fly away,
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youth decays, and intellect is soon exhausted.
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But the sharpest pain comes from relationships.
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They're marked by scattering, leave, takings and eventually
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the grave. He describes the sorrow of
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falling loved ones to the cemetery and coming back to a
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cold, silent, lonely and blank fireside.
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That phrase, the blank fireside, taps directly into the universal
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human fear of abandonment. It is a chilling image.
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Think about the human experience of packing boxes, moving away,
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aging out of communities, or watching children grow up and
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leave home. There is a constant undercurrent
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of saying goodbye. We are always saying goodbye.
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Ask yourself to consider the sheer psychological and
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spiritual relief of knowing a friend who physically cannot and
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will not ever pack their bags and leave.
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In stark contrast to the shifting sands of human
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relations, Christ is unfailing. Ryle quotes Hebrews chapter 13,
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verse 8, noting He is the same yesterday, today, and forever.
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He does not change his mind. Husbands may forsake wives.
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Parents may cast off children, but Christ never changes his
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feelings towards one of his friends.
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He accompanies them everywhere. When duty calls them far from
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home, he is there. When they lie on a bed of
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sickness, he stands by them. This friendship does not hit a
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wall at mortality. The graveyard is not the end of
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the road. It extends well beyond the
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grave. When human friends must stop at
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the edge of the valley of the shadow of death, he goes down by
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their side. He walks right through it with
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them. Ryle details how this friendship
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is fully realized in the resurrection at the Judgement
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Day. Believers will not stand alone.
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Christ will be there. You will publicly claim his
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friends and declare they are mine, deliver them and let them
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go free. He does not want us to close the
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book and say wow, what a nice idea.
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He forces a direct confrontation with the material, leading to
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his final applications. This is where the rubber meets
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the road. Ryle concludes with four very
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direct applications. First, he issues a solemn call
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to consider if Christ is truly your friend.
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He asks some hard questions here.
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He notes that you might be baptized, attend church, and be
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an outward member, but still not actually be a friend of Christ.
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He asked, Do you hate the sins he died to put away?
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Do you seek close fellowship with him in prayer?
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And then he delivers a very blunt warning.
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He says that if Christ is not your friend, you are a poor,
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miserable being, regardless of your earthly income.
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It is a harsh wake up call. To modern years, this sounds
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incredibly abrasive. We are conditioned to avoid
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negative assessments of people's lives, especially if they appear
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outwardly successful. We really do not like judging
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people's internal states. How do we read this without just
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writing rile off as a Yankee Victorian preacher?
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We have to break down what Rile means by miserable.
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He's not talking about a subjective feeling of sadness.
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Right, a person might feel perfectly content with their
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bank account and their earthly friends.
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Rile is talking about an objective state of being.
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You are a dying creature, going to be judged and entirely
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unprepared to meet God. Pointing that out is the
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equivalent of a doctor looking at an MRI and telling a patient
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they have a massive tumor. It is jarring, it is terrifying,
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but withholding the diagnosis just to preserve the patient's
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good mood would be gross malpractice.
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The abrasive nature of the warning is born out of intense
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care for the person's actual state.
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A true friend tells you the bridge is out before you drive
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over the Cliff, even if it interrupts your favorite song on
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the radio. And he does not leave the reader
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in that misery. His third application is a wide
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open invitation. The door is open.
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He states that Christ is ready to be your friend right now.
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The mechanics of this invitation are rooted in radical grace.
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He asks you to come precisely as you are waiting for nothing.
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You do not need to clean yourself up or become worthy
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first. He bids you come, acknowledging
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your vileness, unworthy of anything in yourself.
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Think about how strange that is. It is the complete opposite of
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how we approach networking or making high status friends on
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Earth. You.
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Usually Polish your resume. You buy nice clothes, you try to
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present your best self so you look like an asset.
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Kraif says bring the bankruptcy, bring the fatal disease, bring
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the absolute ruin, and I will write your name on the list of
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my friends. It is an invitation based on
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your need, not your assets. That is the heart of the gospel.
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And finally, his fourth application is directed toward
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those who are already his friends.
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What does he ask of them? He exhorts them to walk worthy
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of the privilege. True Christianity is not just
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believing dry, abstract propositions.
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It is living in daily personal communication with an actual
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living person. It is an active relationship.
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He urges believers to avoid everything that would grieve
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this friend and to fight hard against besetting sins, asking
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themselves in moments of temptation, Is this thy kindness
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to thy friend? So let us bring all of this
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together. We have looked at the massive
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contrast between the fleeting, conditional and feeble nature of
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human friendship and the perfectly capable, infinitely
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wise and unending friendship offered by Jesus Christ.
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It is a striking comparison. Human bridges collapse under the
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weight of our fatal spiritual condition.
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The bridge built by Christ's voluntary sacrifice holds up
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eternally. We have seen that he is a friend
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indeed, capable of saving the chief of sinners, intensely
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affectionate, yet perfectly wise in prescribing the exact
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hardships we need to fortify our faith, and entirely unfailing
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through life, death and resurrection.
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I want to leave you with a final thought to Mull over as you go
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about your week. If Christ is indeed the perfect,
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all knowing, never failing friend described in these pages,
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how should that specific reality alter the way you react to the
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very next crisis, disappointment, or moment of
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intense loneliness that. Changes the whole perspective.
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The next time an earthly relationship fractures, or the
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next time you feel like you are standing on a bridge built on
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sand, will you remember the friend who controls the furnace,
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who paid the 10,000 talents, and who walked into the fire fully
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equipped to save you? Thanks for joining us on this
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deep dive.