Latest / Giving Pain Purpose with Lyndsay Soprano / Self-care Isn't Selfish

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Self-care Isn't Selfish · Giving Pain Purpose with Lyndsay Soprano

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This is Your Pain Game podcast where we talk about the game of living in
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and with chronic pain and trauma get into the heart of how to heal.
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I am your host, Lindsay Soprano. On the show, I plan on
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discussing with doctors, chronic pain patients, baalistic practitioners, loved ones, and
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anybody that is interested in having their voice heard in the chronic pain and trauma
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world that we live in. You know one thing that I have learned over
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the past couple years, and I probably should have learned this far before the
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past couple of years, is managing my diagnoses is part of a mindset,
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right, And I talk about this often on the show, but more so
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I talk about it behind closed doors with my sweetee and my loved ones about
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how we need be more mindful, we need to shift our mindset. And
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it is absolutely true and everything I do every moment that I wake up,
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which is unfortunately seventy five thousand times a day and night when I'm trying to
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sleep or trying to do things, is how can I shift my mindset to
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get myself out of feeling this crappy all of the time. And when you
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live in chronic pain, and you live in with CRPS like I do.
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There are moments, and there are hours, and there are days that feel
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hopeless, that feel sad, that feel that there's absolutely no way that I'm
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going to be abundant in my life, that there is no way that I'm
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actually going to care for myself, because I'm caring for everybody else right now,
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and I know that it is the fault. My dad has always told
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me, one of the most amazing things about you, Lindsay, is that
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you're this, but it's also this that you suck at. It's the same
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thing. So all these wonderful things that I want to do for everybody is
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also really really bad for me. So I've had to step back and really
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take inventory of where I am in my world, who I am, where
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I want to go, which is very different than it was five years ago,
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three years ago, sometimes yesterday. But one of the things that I've
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found that has been imperative for me is my morning routine. And I know
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it sounds lame and we're reading all of the books about we need to do
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our meditation. No it's not lame. It is absolutely imperative to my life
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and it should be yours as well. We wake up. I don't care
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if it's two minutes. I don't care if it's two hours, giving your
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self time, putting you as the center first and foremost, before your dog,
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before your kids. Well okay, hold on before your dogs. That's
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crazy. Talk after your dogs. Then take care of everybody. Take care
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of yourself, and then everybody else trickles after that. But you know what,
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one of the things that I need to define in my world and continue
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to is that morning routine so that I don't end up on the evening news
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and then also end up in the morning news. To be calm, to
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be deliberate, put deliberate time into my life and make phenomenal changes within those
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little spots. And I know it sounds strange that we can make huge changes
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in small amounts of time, but we can. And I have this amazing
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check for you guys today. Her name is Rebecca Whitman, and she is
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going to help us do just this. She's going to talk to us about
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being balanced. She's going to talk to us about being beautiful, male or
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female, and abundant, and also embracing the power of our morning routine and
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that self care. So without further ado, I'd like to introduce you to
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my sweet and beautiful Rebecca Whitman. Hello, my darling, how are you,
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Lindsay. It's so great to be on the show. The show was
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a long time coming, and I'm so happy to be here. It was
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a long time coming. In thank you for some of the hiccups that came
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along the way. And guess what, some of those hiccups came from me
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not doing the self care that I needed to and taking on everybody else but
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me. Rebecca is an international best selling author. Get ready for the accolades.
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I mean they're going to keep going on and on. She graduated with
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honors from Princeton No Big Deal. She hosts the top one point five percent
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globally ranked Balanced, Beautiful, Abundant podcast. She has been featured in New
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York Weekly, Miami Magazine, LA Weekly Magazines, and so many more and
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I Love LA. In addition to her appearances on ABC and CBS, she
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has guested on more than one hundred podcasts and now another one. Thank you
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for being here for me, I and us. I am rolling out the
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red carpet for you, babe. So I'd like to start talking about what
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self care really means to you and how we are missing the mark on that
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which really helps us step into abundance. Thank you for all the accolades.
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I you know, I never thought that I would be like world renowned coach.
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I actually moved to LA to be an actress. And when I was
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an actress, I was not a successful one. I never got my big
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break and my my spirit, my ego, everything got just broken because here
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I was. This was my childhood dream when I was three, to move
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to LA and to be an actress, and by the time I got here,
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I was thirty and maybe I missed the boat or didn't sleep my way
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to the top. Who knows that I needed to do a self care practice
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to just a handle being in Hollywood. So I decided to plan my days
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around my workout. And now I like to say body before business. And
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people think that self care, especially women that are wives and mom and caretakers.
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A lot of people call women selfish when they prioritize their self care.
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So I had to reframe what selfish is. I actually had an ex husband
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who used to call me selfish and were divorced because he was not a very
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nice person. But when I would do self care, he would call me
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selfish. So I had to reframe it and say, you know what,
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self care is selfish, and selfish is a good thing, because if I'm
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not selfish, then I'm going to burn out, get sick, and then
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not be of service to anyone. So women really need to change their paradigm
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around self care. And I think of self care as a cup of tea.
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If your cup of tea is full of self care, then you can
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show up for everyone else, for your boss, for your coworkers, for
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your best friend, for your kids, for your spouse. But if you're
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depleted and you show up, you have nothing to give anyway, and you're
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just showing up as just a shell of a person and you're not You're not
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going to be of service that way. Yeah, and you feel so incredibly
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empty and loss. And I have my moments. In fact, I had
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one yesterday. I was I was just an empty shell. To use your
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words, and thank you for saying that, because that's exactly how I felt
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yesterday. I was like, I'm not good to anybody right now. I'm
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like I'm gonna have a nervous breakdown. I am overwhelmed beyond overwhelmed. And
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I didn't even really know what I was overwhelmed with. It was just because
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it was so much, because I said, yes, yes, yes,
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yes, I'll take care of it. I'll do it. I got it.
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I got it, I got it, I got it. I've been
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like that my whole life, but I've never done that as somebody that has
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literal physical challenges, central nervous system and this amount of pain. That person
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that I used to be, which probably was part of why I am in
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a wheelchair for part of my life and why I got sick, is because
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I didn't have somebody like you saying what you just said. And we fall
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into that chop, especially as women, because we're super women, that's what
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we've been told we're supposed to be. So how do you help us,
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you know, get into this abundant space and help us realize that we are
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worth this selfishness? You know? Yeah, So I would tell you or
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your listeners that are having trouble, like setting aside time for self care.
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Other than that selfishness is good is to have boundaries around your personal time.
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Money can be made, lost, spent made again. The average millionaire goes
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broke four times, according to the book Think and Grow Rich. But time
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is our most valuable resource because once we spend it, we never get it
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back, and we don't know how much we have. And it's really challenging
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for women to set boundaries around their time and say no. No is a
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complete sentence. And when somebody that you really love is asking something of you,
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of course you want to please them because women are natural pleasers. But
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I used to be codependent to people and when I say no, and they
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weren't like high five. Because I'm an approval seeker. I'm a validation addict.
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I want people to be like, yes, all the time, good
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job, and when I say no, oftentimes they are not happy with me.
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And I have to learn to detach from that and say, you know
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what, I am prioritizing myself and my self care so that I don't get
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sick and so I can't actually be of service to them later on in the
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day or later on in the week. And the people who don't understand that,
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then you know, relationships are not forever. People are in your life
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for a reason to see in our lifetime. And I had to divorce that
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husband because he would he would give me a hard time about going to the
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gym every morning, and I was like, I just I can't live like
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this. I've got to prioritize my self care. And so I would tell
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your listeners just it's so hard to say no to someone you love. But
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no is a complete sentence, and it's a muscle. The more you get
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used to saying no, the easier it gets. I love that. Well.
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The no is a complete sentence is something that I've been working on for
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sure, and actually more so since you and I spoke in our meet and
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greet. But it's one of those things that it's actually turned into empowerment instead
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of fear, which in the beginning it felt fearful. It was like,
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well if I say no, well what are people going to think? You
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know? And I mean it's something as simple as and I know this sounds
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totally lame, but I had a conversation with one of my clients this week.
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In fact, and I I've been in business for twenty four years.
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I no, I will never ever do a PowerPoint presentation again, because I'm
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gonna blow my fucking brains out if I look at PowerPoint ever again. That's
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it. I'm done. No, And I know it sounds totally lame for
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those of you that are listening that I didn't have done PowerPoint ducks for like
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their whole life like I have in marketing and working with investor presentations and all
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of it. It is like mind of sucking emotional, just drolly, like
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the worst thing for me. And I know it sounds lame, but I
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said no. And my client was like, I've known for many, many
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years that you've hated this. It's about time that you said no. And
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I'm like, in the back of my mind, I'm like, why didn't
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you not make me do this? But it wasn't because it was me saying
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I got this, I got it, I'll do it. Oh yes,
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yes, yes, yes yes. And I felt so good having that conversation
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and the positive response was just like boop. I stressed so much about how
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that response would be for me saying no. And he was like, all
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right, what. So you work in the seven pillars of abundance, right,
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which spiritual, physical, emotional, romantic, mental, social, and
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financial. So let's talk about how you bring elegance into being a warrior,
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right, especially as a woman, because that's how we are. Let's talk
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about what you do and your seven pillars of abundance. So basically, I
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live life in seven key areas as you mentioned, and most people are hyper
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focused on one or two and they neglect the other ones. For example,
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somebody's may be obsessed with their relationship, but then they don't make time to
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go to the gym, or somebody's obsessed with making money and they have no
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time to date. So I teach people that you can have a balanced,
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beautiful, and abundant life, and you can have excellence in all seven of
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these areas. And an elegant warrior is the perfect mix of masculine and feminine
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energy. So elegance is refinement, it's being calm, not trying so hard,
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not pushing your energy, being magnetic and warrior is fighting for your dreams
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and goals. And I teach women it's the balance. It's not about just
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sitting at home being elegant, eating bonbonds, because you're obviously not going to
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be successful doing that. But it's about aligning your energy using the law of
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attraction, having positive thoughts, positive words, affirmations, so that people are
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magnetized to you, and people want to work with you and hire you and
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buy your product. Good or service. So it is the combination of action
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and magnetism. And for the purpose of our show, because we talk a
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lot in regards to emotions and trauma and pain and all of that. And
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I know that, and I'm only going to speak for myself in this regard.
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But you know, I wake up every morning. My alarm goes off
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at three point fifty am. It used to start a little bit later than
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that, but life changes, right, and you've got to ebb and flow
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with it. And so now I've got to get up a little earlier because
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it takes me about two hours for my body and my brain and my heart
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and my soul and all of these places that I've got to, like kind
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of a line to go, Okay, you've got this today. I suck
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at it some days, I mean for sure, yesterday was one of them.
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I will absolutely I own my shit right, but overall I pretty much
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nail it to the wall. But in the world where it comes with women
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that are living in chronic and I'm sorry men, we're going to put you
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to the side for a bit. For women that live in chronic pain or
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and now we're dealing with this feeling of being lost and hopeless and unable to
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financially hit some of their targets in life because we're being eaten alive by health
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care costs. Our health insurance doesn't cover ninety percent of what we need it
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to cover, Like please pay for acupuncture, please, somebody, And you
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know, like you go on and on and on, and all that stuff
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adds onto our plate and then we've got screaming kids or dark, darking bogs,
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yeah, barking dogs husbands that are I mean, we take it all
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in and we try so hard to manage it with a crown on our head
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that's not tilted. Mine is tilted. And I'm okay with that. What
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can we do to help us understand that it is okay and that we will
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be able to hit all of the marks that we want. They might not
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be exactly the way that we may want them to be at the time,
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But how can you give us some guidance and regards to this? I would
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tell you, since you're speaking for yourself, is to strive for imperfection.
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And you're not a mistake if you make a mistake. And there's no such
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thing as failure because you either win or you learn, and because you are
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dealing with another obstacle to reach your goals and dreams. Chronic pain. It's
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not a race, it's a process, and just do the next indicated action.
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If you feel like overwhelmed by everything you have to do and you're dealing
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with pain at the same exact time, it can be just debilitating. So
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it's like, what is the next indicated action. Is it just making that
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phone call, doing that email. Maybe it's taking a meditation break, maybe
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it's icing the part of your body that's in pain, or you know,
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just taking a break, just taking a hot salt bath. I mean,
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what is the next indicated action to do right now to take care of yourself
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while in pursuit of your goals and dreams. Because if you if you keep
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pushing through pain and not listening to your body's signals to the extent you know
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that it gets you sick, then you could literally be hooked up to IVS
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and die. I actually one of my heroes in the network marketing space,
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Jesse Lee. She got stage four cancer and died like at age thirty four,
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and she, you know, was a millionaire. She made like almost
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a million dollars a month and was you know workaholic, working like eighteen to
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twenty hours of days. But then she died, So how can you find
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the joy in the day, in the journey, in the moment. Go
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easier on yourself. It's it's not a race to get anywhere. I mean,
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we're all going to die anyway, so you know it's not a race.
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It's just like, enjoy the moments, the simple things like a hot
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cup of tea, your coffee, or petting your dog, you know,
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just watching the sun come up. You wake up so early at three fifty
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you get to see the sun come up. So just be present and just
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find the joy in your day without pushing yourself toward perfectionism. The when you
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said strive for imperfection, literally like my butt tightened and I lifted and I
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got chills and I started to sweat a little bit, and I wrote it
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down because I'm like, I think I might barf because I've never heard strive
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for imperfection in my life. And I've mentioned it a couple times on my
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show about a song by Alanis Morrise that called perfect And when I was a
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freshman in college, I remember it like it was just yesterday and I was
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in this I was. I was an opera major, and so I was
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in this drama troop and we had the chick that was in charge of the
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troop gave us these and mine was a drunk mother, and believe it or
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not, my freshman year in Call, I was pretty drunk all of the
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time. And I would show up for these these practices if you would,
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and I would literally be still drunk from the night before. Wow. I
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have never talked about this out loud before. Wow, this is great,
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congratulations Rebecca to you, and I would. The song that she played during
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that practice was perfect. And one of those things that I dealt with as
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a kid was I was never going to be good enough. It was one
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of those things. So that perfectionism was part of me, and part of
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me not wanting to be perfect was rebellion and doing everything that I could to
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show I'm not perfect. I've got all this shit going on with me?
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How can I be better? And I think some of those things transition into
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transfer into us as we get older, where we feel like we're not perfect
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and we seek that perfectionism. And I think that perfection is boring, right,
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And I love that you said that strive for imperfection. What is what
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is perfect? It sucks? Man, give me a break. Who do
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you know that's perfect? If you do, they're probably boring as hell.
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Nobody's perfect and uh imperfectionist beauty imperfect because if you're so perfect, you're like
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nobody can connect with you. You're not vulnerable, You're not real. I
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mean you, Lindsay, are one of the most authentic real podcast hosts I've
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ever met. So you are you have an authenticity? Thank you for that?
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Yeah? So I think authenticity is a thank you attractive than perfectionism.
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Perfectionism is really a way to keep people at arm's length because people don't feel
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connected to you when you're so perfect. And it's something I think that we
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struggle with when we're in relationship. I know with my I have that relationship
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with my mother where there's been she almost vicariously, I think, wanted to
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live a little bit through me to a certain extent because she's scared to be
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somebody like me. And yes, it is scary to be somebody like me.
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I live in a scary world because I make crazy decisions and I live
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live live like crazy and life like there's like this is it even though I
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feel like I'm on my eighth or ninth or tenth life. Nobody knows over
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here, but it is exhausting to do that as well. So between the
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striving for imperfection and not being perfect, there's got to be this balance in
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here, and that's where you come in. So help me figure out how
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to take that resilient, tenacious, crazy woman that does not want to be
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perfect and certainly doesn't want to be imperfect. How do we take somebody life
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meat. Actually I'm kind of a tough one. How do we take people?
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How do we take that resilience in that nature of ours to go it's
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okay, and be more balanced and be more calm, to support your pillars
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of spiritual and physical and emotional, romantic, mental, all the things that
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you've said, How can we take those all and kind of blend them a
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little bit more and make them feel a little less difficult but still more fun
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and uplifting. It's about planning out your week. So the first thing I
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recommend people do is have a couple non negotiables, which one is the morning
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practice that you mentioned, that's virtuality. The second pillar is physical, So
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if you're in physical therapy, acupuncture, whatever you need to do to manage
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your pain, exercise, yoga, whatever that is. The next pillar is
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emotional. Every moment you can choose fear or love. You can choose scarcity
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or abundance. So that is a moment to moment thing when you feel yourself
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getting derailed and thinking I'm not good enough, I'm not enough, there's something
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wrong, like okay, I'm gonna I can't do it all, I can't
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do this. Guys, Yeah, you can have an abundance conversation around time
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and energy like I have plenty of time, I have plenty of energy to
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get done what I need to do. So to shift emotionally from scarcity to
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abundance romance, I recommend just having one date night a week with your spouse,
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or if you're looking for love, just set up one internet date a
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week, like a coffee or a lunch. The next one is mental,
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and that is listening to awesome podcasts like the Pain Game podcast. You can
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be listening to this podcast and the nooks and crannies of your day while you're
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doing housework or walking your dog or driving exercise. This is the only show
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that you, guys need to listen to yes, and the balance beautiful.
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You only need to have two and we'll cover everything. But yeah, so
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we'll cover it. We got you, babe, doing your mindset work,
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and then social. I just recommend one social visit a week with a friend
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or like a live event, a some kind of a social function, a
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party, a networking event once a week. And then finally financial, So
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when you are focused on making money, to have what I call power hours.
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Be very focused and just block out how many hours a day you are
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going to focus on your business. So I teach not to quit your job
24:30
to have a side hustle. If your job is not fulfilling, you find
24:36
something that you're passionate about. I help people go from passion to profit and
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I have a course called create your six figure side Hustle. But you know,
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plan your day where you can actually do your financial and do it in
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a way that is like fun, not not exhausting. Make sure that your
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side hustle. Maybe you hate your job, so have a side hustle and
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something that you are really having fun I'm doing and that you would be passionate
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about creating some time for in your schedule. So it sounds like a lot.
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Having all seven pillars of abundance in alignment. But when you plan it
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out for the week, you're not doing every pillar every day right, and
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you're not like, oh my gosh, am i am I doing my abundance
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seven late, like like, don't get overwhelmed with it. And I think
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that perfectionism leads to overwhelm And I can speak to that for myself because I
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have more damn things I didn't accomplish during the day. At the end of
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the day, and I don't give myself credit for the twenty seven thousand things
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that I did do I focus on, well, I didn't get that done.
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It's like Lindsay Tomorrow's the other day, like nobody died. Everybody's cool,
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Like ninety nine point nine percent of the people on the planet have no
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idea that you didn't accomplish that because that was my own list. But a
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lot of it comes from I've been in this transition between I've run my marketing
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agency for twenty four years this coming May, I've worked from home for twenty
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four years. That has led to then you add my physical stuff that's happened
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with my pain and my wood whatever, so that has that has turned me
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more into a homebody than I was before. And my personality type looks and
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feels like I love being out and I love being part of people's lives.
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I'm like, uh ah, I am a gloraphobic. I do not like
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being in groups of people. I don't like people touching me. I don't
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like going to the supermarket. I don't like doing any of these things.
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So the social side of me has dropped over the past decades substantially. Some
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of that was my ex husband. He was drunk every single moment of every
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single day of my life. So I never went in public with him.
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So that kind of started that part of it. And it was longer than
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ten years, you know, so some of that came to it. Then
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I got diagnosed and so I got more home and then my sweetie he moved
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in with my life and now his world is all internal too, and so
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I am trying to figure out how I can get outside of this space.
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And yesterday, yesterday was a big day for us today, Rebecca, Honest
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to god, it's so weird. Yesterday, I was like, I got
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to get out of here, and I just left. I took my laptop
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and I left for four hours and I came back home and I slept for
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eleven and for those of you that know me, I normally sleep two hours.
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So somebody, just like magic wanded me, and maybe it was you.
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I conked out and I woke up this morning happy and feeling so ready
27:44
to take on the day. And it's been a while since I felt as
27:47
good and uplifting and ready for abundance in a while. Because I'm just This
27:52
show takes a lot out of me too, because I gave it everything I've
27:56
got. You know, it's a great show. Yeah, it is a
28:02
great show, but you're a great show as well. So when it comes
28:04
to the financial part, I want to talk about that for a minute,
28:07
because I think that when we think about abundance, finance is the first thing
28:11
that everybody thinks about, right like what can I have? What can I
28:15
get? What can I pay for my bills? My bills? I know,
28:17
COVID hit everybody. Everybody got affected by it. No matter what kind
28:22
of money that you make, doesn't matter. We all got hit by it.
28:23
Our lives changed, our world's changed, our work world's changed, the
28:26
way we think about work, the way we think about our relationships within our
28:30
workspace, has changed. So how can we make finances not so scary in
28:34
this world of abundance because I feel like those other six pieces we all forget
28:41
when it comes to finance. Well, people think abundance is finance. They
28:47
think, right, I'll just spend all my time and energy on work.
28:51
I'll make a ton of money. I'll have enough money to hire a trainer.
28:55
Then I'll look really hot. Then I'll track my soulmate. Then we'll
28:57
go on spiritual retreat with other couples and be happy. So it's really in
29:03
reverse. I have a spirituality and physical first and second for a reason,
29:10
because we're not human doings. We're human beings, and we manifest abundance by
29:15
not doing It's people think it's do be have. I'll do the doing.
29:22
I'll make all the money. I'll be happy and then i'll have, you
29:26
know, the life that I want. But it's actually be. If I'm
29:33
happy, if I'm peaceful, if i'm content, I'm going to be happy,
29:37
and happiness is a choice. Be Then I'll do the things that create
29:42
abundance, as in self care, morning practice, taking care of my pain,
29:48
taking care of my vessel. Do be, and then I'll have the
29:55
time and the energy to attract financial abundance or do actions necessary to create financial
30:03
abundance. So it starts from the being this. It starts from the decision
30:07
to be happy and to prioritize your self care, not from it doesn't start
30:14
from I'll just work all the time and make all this money and then and
30:17
then I'll burn out and then I'll get sick well, And I am the
30:22
absolute complete like poster child for that. I made a shit ton of money.
30:27
I worked my ass off, I started my business very very young,
30:32
and I worked and I worked, and I worked, and I worked and
30:33
I worked, and I worked and I worked, and then I got sick.
30:37
And then I was like, hmm, I wonder why I am sick
30:41
because my priorities were all completely screwed up. But I didn't know anything other
30:47
than that because I was raised by two different fathers, both of which were
30:49
extremely successful, and both of which were entrepreneurs who worked in their home office
30:56
and worked their asses off and drake Chardonnay vodka on the side to make it
31:00
happen. Right, So I was, and my one father is wonderful.
31:06
The other one can go to help. But my stepfather, who is my
31:08
dad. He modeled a very very good work ethic for me. But men's
31:15
work ethics are very different than women's work ethics, come to find out.
31:19
And I modeled myself after a man's work ethic, and I only recently figured
31:26
out that that does not work well for women. It just doesn't. I
31:33
don't like working reactively. I don't like working based on what the money is
31:38
on the bank account. I don't like working on sales leads. And this
31:41
is not who I am. I work on the emotional and the abundantly beautiful
31:48
work that I do for somebody, you know, and the relationship that I
31:52
build within that client or that relationship within that project, or what have you.
31:57
So I took some really great things from being raised by two very successful
32:02
male entrepreneurs, and I put them into my world. And that came down
32:07
to, that's not what I should have been doing. I should have been
32:09
working as a woman. So now here we are, and I'm going to
32:14
be forty six, and I'm going, all right, I'm rebooting now in
32:17
business. Right now, I have taken everything that I've ever done and I
32:22
threw it away, and I'm starting from scratch as we're speaking, and it's
32:28
a beautiful place to be in and it's a beautiful place to be in our
32:30
conversation with you today because I think that you're able to help somebody like me
32:37
bring that abundance and that spirituality behind it and putting that financial side on the
32:43
very bottom, because it's only going to support that growth of finances by doing
32:47
all the things that you're talking about. And I believe we should live to
32:52
work, not live to work, but work to live. And that's right.
32:57
Yes, take all you're a pile of money or a pile of clothes
33:00
or cars with you to the other side. It's about right how much joy
33:05
and peace we can cause in ourselves and other people while we're here. And
33:09
it is the opposite message of society, because society is like you need this
33:15
perseon, this bag and this jacket, and you need to have this kind
33:19
of a vacation. And you know that's consumerism. That is how they sell
33:22
stuff by making us feel that we're not enough unless we have that. So
33:28
we get to take our power back and say no, I am enough.
33:31
I have enough, and I am willing to set myself free from this being
33:37
the donkey chasing the carrot. My whole life and then being eighty five years
33:39
old going, oh my god, I spent my whole life working and I
33:44
only have, like, you know, one good year left. What am
33:46
I going to do with it? So we want to enjoy your life while
33:51
while we can, while we're here. Yeah, you don't want to be
33:53
the cliche of like and all I got was the stupid TA shirt. Yeah,
33:58
I mean, you know, the whole thing that I went on the
34:00
trip and all I got was this dumb T shirt. And and that's that's
34:05
something that's insane. I'm so god the timing of our conversation is so weird,
34:08
and that's one of the things I love about the show and meeting people
34:12
in my world. It's stripping away that stuff. I honestly have more joy
34:20
in less. Now. That doesn't mean that we can't go out and buy
34:23
our bag and have nice things guys. Okay, if that's your jam,
34:29
great, okay, but that cannot define us. It's not gonna define me
34:32
whether I have a big house or I'm in a one bedroom apartment. I
34:36
don't give a shit. I want to be happy and healthy and joyful and
34:40
have people that love me and support me around me. That is what that
34:45
is financial success to me because it depends on what you what you were,
34:51
what your definition of finances. Right, everybody thinks it's the dollar sign.
34:55
To me, financial freedom doesn't necessarily mean that you have lot of shit and
35:00
you have a lot of money in the bank account. It could be wrong.
35:02
Success is the amount of joy that you feel, because why not if
35:07
we want the house or the bag or the vacation homes so that will feel
35:12
happy. Well, you can not find happiness sometimes by simplifying your life.
35:19
You know. Transformation is a process of subtraction, not always addition, and
35:24
you can find joy just in the simple things. And if you look at
35:30
underdeveloped countries, a lot of them don't have indoor plumbing. They don't even
35:32
have you know, a floor. They're literally sleeping on the dirt, and
35:37
they are way happier than people who have like mansions and Beverly Hills and Greenwich,
35:43
Connecticut. So it's not the job. It's not the acquisition that makes
35:47
us happy. You know, we can't fill the whole in our soul or
35:52
in our heart with stuff. It is it is an inside job, John.
35:57
You know, I was watching something on the Newsy other day in regards
36:00
to the war in Israel, right, And I was having a very very
36:05
bad day, and I was feeling very sorry for myself. We all have
36:07
them. It's okay, don't feel bad about it. It happens. But
36:12
I was particularly feeling sorry for myself. And then I turned on the news
36:17
because my sweeties in the news industry and so by proxy I am. And
36:22
there were these little kids that were like dragging bags of like they were like
36:29
holding bags of bodies of people and they were and they were like six years
36:32
old, and I'm like, I think, I'm okay. This day just
36:39
shifted in that second, because perspective is all of it, you know,
36:45
like, give me a fucking break, I've got. There are so many
36:47
people and I hate, like, oh, there's so many people that are
36:51
hungry without you, And yes, of course there is, and we do
36:53
have to remember that, but there are those moments that are so humbling where
36:59
you yourself out of yourself and gough and we have to remember to do that,
37:05
and then we're more grateful for what comes to us too, Like I'm
37:08
so grateful for you coming into my world. I've never met you had it
37:13
not been for this show, right, and bringing in a perspective to me
37:16
and to my listeners into whoever's going to be in my life after this,
37:22
to show what abundance actually means and what the what what that means to you
37:27
is different from another person. I don't need a gold toilet to be happy.
37:30
I can tell you that much. Yes, just need a toilet.
37:35
Happiness is not getting you one. It's wanting what you have. And the
37:38
fastest way, oh I love that get to happiness is to have gratitude for
37:44
what you have. Yeah, and you know we have most of us,
37:47
we have first world problems. And people you know that are going through war
37:52
in the Middle East and in Russia and Ukraine, we can't even wrapperhad around
37:58
the hardship and the torture that they're experiencing. They would they would kill for
38:01
our problems. Yeah. I'm like Target, didn't have what I wanted today?
38:07
Yeah, what, lindsay, get a grip? Yeah? You know,
38:14
it's so funny. My nephews, they were complete a holes all of
38:16
twenty twenty three. They were just getting in trouble like crazy, and so
38:21
I kept telling them, you're not getting anything for Christmas. Because I'm a
38:23
major, major gifter. I always always, always, always, always,
38:28
always always give my nephews and nieces as much as I possibly can. This
38:32
Christmas, both boys who continuously got into trouble literally got a piece of coal
38:37
from me. That's it. And they were pissed. And I'm like,
38:45
I don't know what to tell you boys. Start acting better and be better
38:49
humans, be better humans. And also I don't think that you need yet
38:53
another television, you know, I mean, we just were. We were
38:58
raising children too in this environment. I don't have children of my own,
39:02
but my nieces and nephews I tend to try to at least assist and their
39:07
well being and their care. But we're raising children, and in my perspective,
39:12
I think that a lot of what we're doing is we're not producing people
39:15
that are loving and hopeful and giving people into our society. They're just getting
39:21
getting getting, And I don't know how we're going to shift that, but
39:24
we've got to start somewhere. But by learning within ourselves how to look out
39:32
abundance and look at what's so positive in our world around us, I think
39:37
is a huge component of what we need to do as a whole. And
39:39
us women have to start, you know, we have to drive that.
39:43
I mean, we do who else is going to do it? Yeah?
39:45
People are just obsessed with what they want to get instead of what they can
39:51
contribute. And we do need to need to shift from go getters to go
39:54
givers because I am self obsessed focusing only on myself and what I want,
40:01
then there's never enough. There's never enough of what I want. And when
40:06
I focus on how I can be of service to other people, that's where
40:09
I try it by find my fulfillment. I love that about the service part
40:14
because when when I first started doing this, it was kind of like I
40:19
didn't know where it was going to go. Honestly, I knew that I
40:22
needed to do what I needed to do, and I wasn't really sure how
40:24
I was going to do it and what it was going to come of it.
40:27
But what came of it was exactly what you're talking about. Is I
40:30
do this no matter how shitty I feel, know, how matter bad,
40:35
no matter how much I was crying before I came into the studio, I
40:38
pull it together and I get here because if I can touch one person,
40:45
then everything I did today is worth it. Yes, And you're touching a
40:49
lot of people with the show. Yeah, so now, God bless you
40:53
for showing up. So are you with your show as well? Yeah,
40:57
thank you for showing Yeah, we show up. That's the point. Show
41:01
up. You don't have to be perfect, you don't have to look perfect,
41:05
you don't have to be in the best mood. You can be just
41:07
like you said, coming off a cry, like you were before the show.
41:09
But show up because you never know who's going to hear your message.
41:15
And you could change somebody's life absolutely, even with just a sentence. And
41:19
I know that my life has been changed by a few sentences, so words
41:22
are important as well. I want to drive people to your website and you
41:29
and who you are all about, and your abundance that you support for all
41:32
of us and all the things that we're talking about. How can I get
41:37
our listeners to find you? Yes, you can go to my website Rebecca
41:42
Elizabethwhitman dot com with a Z. And I'm also yeah, I'm going to
41:46
offer your listeners a special gift to help your morning practice. I have an
41:52
amazing abundance journal download. I met this woman at a twelve step meeting when
41:58
I was a teenager. Her name was Janet. To this day, I
42:00
think she's an angel because she gave me these life changing journal prompts, which
42:05
I've been following every day for thirty years. Wow, added a few of
42:09
my own, and I now want to share this gift with your listeners.
42:15
You can do it in the morning or the evening, it doesn't matter.
42:17
Have to be a part of a morning ritual. And these are questions that
42:21
will help you reframe your life from scarcity to abundance, will help you with
42:25
your gratitude practice, and help you with the issues that Lindsay and I have
42:30
been talking about, like perfectionism. And it's just an amazing journal. And
42:35
I promise you if you write in it every day for ten days, you
42:37
will have a breakthrough by the end of the ten days. Because it's ten
42:40
days. Yeah, it's really come on. Yeah, it's going to help
42:45
you reframe how you think about your life and yourself and your pain, and
42:50
you're going to go from negative to positive ten days. Guys. Okay,
42:52
we are like, oh my god, I don't want to do ten days.
42:57
We've got this together. I'm in So if anybody wants to like hop
43:01
on the bandwagon for ten days together, I'm and we can start a day
43:06
I will reach out to my sweet little Rebecca and we will figure it out
43:09
and do something cool with it, because that's amazing, because I think that
43:14
what's so scary about digging deep within yourself is everybody thinks that it's just like
43:19
so much work. And I've been through so many things, and you don't
43:22
know what I've been through, And give me a break on that. We've
43:28
all been through so much. And there's no levels in scales, at least
43:34
in my mind as to what like big tea, little tea, too much
43:37
this to I don't give a crap about any of that. Give me a
43:40
break. Everybody experiences their life the way they're going to experience it, and
43:45
they're gonna experience itly poor. I could go through the same thing as you,
43:49
Rebecca, and you may be completely okay, and I might be totally
43:54
distraught from the same thing. So we never know what has happened to us.
44:00
We never know how it's going to affect us. So don't ever judge
44:02
yourself for feeling gross or ichy or scared about something. Face it, and
44:08
don't be afraid of it because you have support. At least you got two
44:12
of us broads here, broads I just called you a broad. I don't
44:15
know what age you turn into a broad, but let's just call it forty.
44:21
Okay, there you go. No, but seriously, so thank you
44:23
so much. So we're gonna get your Abundance Journal out to everybody. You
44:28
can find her ut her at her website, Rebecca Elizabeth Whitman. That's Zanelizabeth
44:34
dot com. She's on all the socials, so there's a little bit of
44:37
different ones for all of her different socials, but there's all beings in show
44:40
notes as well as in social Is there anything that you'd like to leave our
44:45
listeners with before we hit the dusty trail? I would just tell them to
44:50
find the joy in the moment, because when we think about the future,
44:53
we get anxious and we get overwhelmed. When we think about the past,
44:59
often we will be in depression or regret, beating ourselves up. But if
45:04
we just think about the present, what am I doing right now? What
45:07
am I experiencing with my five senses? What am I seeing, feeling,
45:12
smelling, tasting, touching, And if the present is too overwhelming, do
45:16
what we said earlier in the interview, just to what is my next step?
45:20
Like, what is my next right step, and before you know it,
45:23
you'll be hitting the pillow at night. And you have had a series
45:27
of beautiful moments throughout your day with you by our side. Thank you so
45:30
much for your time today. It's been nothing but a pleasure. And I've
45:34
learned so much from you before this episode and clearly during this. Thank you
45:38
again, and I hope to have you on again. Thank you again so
45:42
much. It's been a pleasure. Thank you, it's been wonderful. You
45:45
are exclusively invited to share this joyful and abundant VIP pain journey together. Let's
45:52
get to the heart of how to heal with you by my side. Do
45:55
you know somebody that is living in chronic pain or struggling with health challenges,
46:00
or feels like they feel like they're just not enough and all they're doing is
46:04
trying to be perfect? Be imperfect with us here with Rebecca and Lindsay,
46:08
we've got you. I would love to connect with you and then DM us
46:14
do whatever you need to get in touch with us. We are here.
46:17
Follow the Paying Game Podcast wherever you digest your podcast content, we are here.
46:22
Visit us at the paygamepodcast dot com and follow us on all the socials.
46:28
Thanks for listening my little VIPs catch you on the other side.