Latest / I Do, Part 2 / I Was Married To A Man, Now I'm In Love With A Woman

Transcript

I Was Married To A Man, Now I'm In Love With A Woman · I Do, Part 2

0:12
Speaker 1: Welcome back to I Do Part two. It's Cheryl Burke,
0:15
Speaker 1: one of your celebrity mentors, back with you guys again.
0:18
Speaker 1: Sometimes in our I Do Part two, it's not just
0:21
Speaker 1: about finding love with another partner. It's actually about finding
0:24
Speaker 1: love within ourselves. And today I'm going to be joined
0:27
Speaker 1: by two women who both found each other and years
0:31
Speaker 1: later found each other again. This is an empowering story
0:34
Speaker 1: about why living your authentic truth is the only way
0:37
Speaker 1: to have a successful relationship. It's a story about coming out,
0:41
Speaker 1: finding love, making hard decisions, and living your best life
0:45
Speaker 1: in your I Do Part two era, I can't wait
0:48
Speaker 1: to hear about their love journey. Please welcome Amanda Smith
0:51
Speaker 1: and Jessica Gelting to the pod. So, first of all,
0:54
Speaker 1: welcome to I Do Part two day and happy anniversary.
0:59
Speaker 1: It's your year anniversary. Is that correct? Yes, the anniversary.
1:03
Speaker 1: So I don't know if you've heard this podcast before,
1:06
Speaker 1: but it's all about finding love the second time around.
1:09
Speaker 1: And we just found your story to be a beautiful story,
1:13
Speaker 1: but just were captivated by it. What was it like
1:17
Speaker 1: growing up as individuals, obviously in different households? What was
1:21
Speaker 1: how was love shown in your family? I guess.
1:28
Speaker 2: My parents were divorced when I was like twelve and so,
1:32
Speaker 2: and I grew up Mormon, so it.
1:34
Speaker 3: Was it was interesting. My dad got remarried right away,
1:40
Speaker 3: my mom got remarried right away. I didn't have the.
1:44
Speaker 2: Best examples of love in my life, I guess, but yeah,
1:49
Speaker 2: go ahead.
1:50
Speaker 4: My parents were also divorced when I was even I
1:52
Speaker 4: think like kindergarten and pretty much don't really have a
1:56
Speaker 4: relationship with my dad.
1:58
Speaker 3: And my mom's always plus one.
2:00
Speaker 4: I always joke, she's mine, she helps me with everything,
2:03
Speaker 4: She's always there.
2:05
Speaker 1: I can relate my parents too. When I was two
2:07
Speaker 1: years old and then my dad abandoned us and just left.
2:11
Speaker 1: So I feel like that's more of a common story nowadays. Yeah,
2:16
Speaker 1: So talk to me about Amanda, your experience just with
2:22
Speaker 1: you know, being Mormon and realizing I mean, I lived
2:25
Speaker 1: in Utah for like a year and a half. I'm
2:28
Speaker 1: a ballroom dancer and so my competitive partner was actually
2:31
Speaker 1: Mormon and in a way had a similar story to
2:34
Speaker 1: you to yours. What was it like just growing up
2:39
Speaker 1: within that religion of being Mormon and then also knowing
2:43
Speaker 1: deep down inside that maybe you know when it just
2:48
Speaker 1: comes to maybe not living in the Mormon lifestyle. What
2:52
Speaker 1: was that fight within yourself?
2:54
Speaker 2: Like it was really tricky because you know, I didn't
2:59
Speaker 2: I knew pretty early on that I was probably gay,
3:03
Speaker 2: but there wasn't a lot of example of that, and
3:05
Speaker 2: anything you heard about it was negative. It was girls,
3:08
Speaker 2: it was perverted, all these different things. So you just
3:11
Speaker 2: try and shove it down, shot it down.
3:12
Speaker 3: Or part of me also thought like maybe everybody else
3:16
Speaker 3: feels this way too, and it's normal, you know.
3:19
Speaker 2: But and then it was a lot of trying to
3:22
Speaker 2: be what was expected and just there was a lot
3:27
Speaker 2: of self hatred, a lot of shame, a lot of guilt,
3:30
Speaker 2: a lot of just I need to fix this, I need.
3:33
Speaker 1: To change it.
3:34
Speaker 3: I can't be this way due to.
3:36
Speaker 2: Things that my family said, but also things that culturally
3:41
Speaker 2: were said.
3:41
Speaker 3: I lived in.
3:42
Speaker 2: A small town in Idaho where almost everyone was Mormon,
3:46
Speaker 2: and so it was just you didn't see that and
3:50
Speaker 2: anything you've heard was so negative.
3:53
Speaker 1: So right, yeah, yeah, that must have been. Uh that
3:57
Speaker 1: was really hard. How about now, how does your family?
4:02
Speaker 1: Is your family accepting of you?
4:04
Speaker 3: So some of my siblings I can tell are super
4:08
Speaker 3: super accepting.
4:09
Speaker 2: I do kind of wonder sometimes like other siblings I'm like,
4:15
Speaker 2: how did they feel about this?
4:16
Speaker 3: I don't know. They haven't really said much to me
4:18
Speaker 3: about it.
4:20
Speaker 2: My dad hasn't really talked to me at all since
4:22
Speaker 2: I kind of came back out and.
4:25
Speaker 3: Divorced my husband.
4:27
Speaker 2: But I have an amazing stepdad who has really stepped
4:30
Speaker 2: up and he just loves me and accepts me, and
4:32
Speaker 2: it is just incredible.
4:34
Speaker 3: My mom passed away, but I do believe that if
4:37
Speaker 3: she relied now that she would be a lot more
4:40
Speaker 3: accepting than she would have been years ago.
4:44
Speaker 1: So yeah, I hear you. So let's go through the
4:47
Speaker 1: timeline of how the two of you met. Oh my gosh.
4:51
Speaker 2: So I came out when I was like nineteen, and
4:54
Speaker 2: that was a really hard, tricky time because I just
4:57
Speaker 2: felt so much shame and like be this.
5:00
Speaker 3: I can't do this.
5:01
Speaker 2: And then there was a lot of like gaslighting, like
5:03
Speaker 2: you're not actually gay because you don't look at you
5:06
Speaker 2: don't you had boyfriends all these things, you know, So
5:10
Speaker 2: it was kind of like nobody really even believed me.
5:13
Speaker 3: And then I had my mom was telling me like
5:15
Speaker 3: you just need to marry a nice Mormon boy.
5:17
Speaker 4: You know.
5:18
Speaker 2: So I was out for about two years, kind of
5:20
Speaker 2: living that life, but there was so much just I
5:22
Speaker 2: felt like a horrible person because of what I had
5:25
Speaker 2: been kind of conditioned to believe. And then that's when
5:29
Speaker 2: we met. Was pretty shortly after I came out. We
5:33
Speaker 2: had a mutual friend and I think I saw her
5:36
Speaker 2: on my Space.
5:39
Speaker 1: I remember that good old space.
5:41
Speaker 3: Yeah, aging yourselves?
5:43
Speaker 1: Yeah yeah, I mean I had a pager. Okay, so
5:47
Speaker 1: I'm really aging myself.
5:50
Speaker 5: I love that.
5:51
Speaker 3: So I think I saw her on my Space. And
5:53
Speaker 3: then we went on a day actually to the Mall
5:55
Speaker 3: of America. We went to and tell restaurants.
5:58
Speaker 1: Jessica, what did you think of Like, what was your
6:01
Speaker 1: first impressions of Amanda?
6:02
Speaker 6: My first impressions, Well, hold on this, Yeah, your name
6:07
Speaker 6: was Amanda hardcore in my children. So I thought she
6:11
Speaker 6: I was like the vanilla one, and I was like,
6:13
Speaker 6: good straight at student, you know, mind by p's and q's,
6:16
Speaker 6: and she was like.
6:16
Speaker 3: Yeah, that's hell the fun And I was like, yeah,
6:19
Speaker 3: she's too cool for me. I an aware.
6:21
Speaker 1: Oh my gosh, I love that so much. But let's
6:24
Speaker 1: go back here for a second. So Amanda, you married,
6:27
Speaker 1: you married a man, and you guys got and then
6:30
Speaker 1: you guys got back together.
6:31
Speaker 3: Can you just tell me that whole.
6:32
Speaker 1: Timeline from how you know you met your ex husband
6:37
Speaker 1: and what that was like, because you guys were married
6:40
Speaker 1: for quite some time. Correct, Yes, we were. Yes.
6:44
Speaker 3: So I kind of went back in the closet because
6:47
Speaker 3: I just my A lot of my family members had
6:50
Speaker 3: completely cut me off, you know, and I just felt
6:53
Speaker 3: horrible about myself. I felt like I was going to hell,
6:56
Speaker 3: Like there was no question about it. I was going
6:57
Speaker 3: to hell. I felt bad about myself, and so I
6:59
Speaker 3: started meeting. Came a lot of decisions I think that
7:01
Speaker 3: I maybe wouldn't.
7:02
Speaker 2: Have because of just feeling so bad about who I was,
7:07
Speaker 2: which is why I was Amanda hardcore, you know. And
7:10
Speaker 2: so then I kind of went back in the closet.
7:13
Speaker 2: That I moved to Utah, I kind of like changed everything.
7:16
Speaker 2: But his sister I knew his sister, and she said,
7:20
Speaker 2: you know, I have this brother that I think you
7:22
Speaker 2: would really like, that you guys would really get along.
7:24
Speaker 2: And he lives in California. I was living in Minnesota
7:26
Speaker 2: at the time, and we just started talking and we
7:31
Speaker 2: just clicked really well. And I was like, if I
7:34
Speaker 2: am going to do this with any man, this is
7:37
Speaker 2: the guy, Like he's so awesome, he's so great, and
7:40
Speaker 2: I was like, I can do this. And so we
7:42
Speaker 2: got married and we had a really great marriage. We
7:46
Speaker 2: get along so well, we're such good friends where you know,
7:49
Speaker 2: he's an incredible person, just amazing person.
7:52
Speaker 3: I like it, Yeah, yeah, yeah, it was nothing bad
7:55
Speaker 3: to say about him.
7:56
Speaker 2: And then I just really struggled with my sexuality and
8:00
Speaker 2: I was like, this isn't a marriage. This is not
8:02
Speaker 2: a marriage. It's like a co parenting partnership, you know.
8:07
Speaker 2: And so we went through we tried so hard for
8:11
Speaker 2: years of just like therapy for me, therapy for him,
8:15
Speaker 2: for us together, you know, just trying to see if
8:18
Speaker 2: we could make it work. We tried everything besides having
8:21
Speaker 2: an open marriage, because neither of us were open to that.
8:24
Speaker 2: And it kind of hit the point where I was like,
8:27
Speaker 2: don't I don't want to ever cheat on him.
8:29
Speaker 3: I don't want to ever be unfaithful.
8:31
Speaker 2: I just if we're going to end this, I want
8:34
Speaker 2: to just do it very cleanly, and I don't want
8:36
Speaker 2: to wait until the kids are older, because that's not
8:38
Speaker 2: fair to he's older, he's quite a bit older than
8:40
Speaker 2: I am.
8:40
Speaker 3: So I just was like, I don't this isn't fair
8:43
Speaker 3: to any of us.
8:44
Speaker 2: And we were living in separate rooms for a little while,
8:48
Speaker 2: and he would have been totally fine doing that the
8:50
Speaker 2: rest of his life.
8:51
Speaker 3: But I was like, this isn't I want you to
8:53
Speaker 3: find love. You deserve it. He's such an incredible guy,
8:55
Speaker 3: you know.
8:56
Speaker 2: So that's kind of how it was until we've you know,
9:00
Speaker 2: kind of settled on the idea that we can't keep.
9:04
Speaker 1: Doing this, and ultimately too, I mean, you deserve it
9:07
Speaker 1: right to live your truth. And so talk to me
9:10
Speaker 1: about your trips to Bali if you kind of eat,
9:12
Speaker 1: pray love. Was it kind of like that that experience
9:15
Speaker 1: or it.
9:15
Speaker 2: Was, Yeah, I was in really just a super dark
9:18
Speaker 2: place in my life and I wasn't happy, and I
9:20
Speaker 2: just knew I wasn't. I just I had gone through
9:23
Speaker 2: a lot of different things on top of everything else,
9:26
Speaker 2: and my daughter had had cancer and my mom had died,
9:31
Speaker 2: and so it's just there was a lot of heavy stuff,
9:34
Speaker 2: and so I decided to go do a yoga teacher
9:37
Speaker 2: training out in Bali.
9:38
Speaker 3: So I went to Bali.
9:39
Speaker 2: I was there for three and a half weeks into
9:41
Speaker 2: a yoga teacher training, and then I went back about
9:43
Speaker 2: six months later and did another yoga teacher training and
9:47
Speaker 2: then I and then I've been back since two times
9:50
Speaker 2: to do host retreats there. So I listed a couple
9:53
Speaker 2: of retreats there and it just has such a special
9:56
Speaker 2: place in my heart. But it's a really magical place
9:58
Speaker 2: and it's like, yea, you just start able to connect
10:01
Speaker 2: with yourself.
10:02
Speaker 3: And while I was there, there was.
10:03
Speaker 2: A moment on my second trip there where I was like,
10:07
Speaker 2: all by myself.
10:08
Speaker 3: I was just there by myself.
10:09
Speaker 2: And I was like, I would rather be alone and
10:13
Speaker 2: true to who I am than stay in this marriage.
10:17
Speaker 2: So I'm not alone, you know, And it just was
10:20
Speaker 2: this really kind of awha moment. So I actually text
10:23
Speaker 2: her when I got home from the trip, and because
10:25
Speaker 2: I knew I was going to get divorced, I knew
10:27
Speaker 2: that was happening, and I said like, hey, how did
10:30
Speaker 2: your divorce go? You know?
10:31
Speaker 3: She's like, uh, why, what's happening?
10:33
Speaker 2: You know, And then we just talked for a little
10:35
Speaker 2: bit and then we kind of stopped talking after that.
10:48
Speaker 1: Jessica, during Amanda's marriage and her you know, creating a family,
10:52
Speaker 1: you also were married too, correct, Yeah, how I guess
10:57
Speaker 1: what did your life look like during that time of
11:00
Speaker 1: of different marriages.
11:01
Speaker 3: I was gay the whole time and out she never
11:04
Speaker 3: went back. My kids got it. So I was with
11:07
Speaker 3: my ex wife.
11:08
Speaker 4: We were together for thirteen years and we have two kids,
11:11
Speaker 4: six and nine, and.
11:12
Speaker 3: We had separated.
11:15
Speaker 4: And let's see it, when you had gotten back from Balwie,
11:19
Speaker 4: I had already we had already started like the divorce
11:22
Speaker 4: and everything.
11:22
Speaker 3: I think I might have even moved on.
11:24
Speaker 4: You had been divorce because this was twenty twenty three,
11:26
Speaker 4: you were divorced, and so yeah, that was pretty much that. Yeah,
11:30
Speaker 4: that's why you reached out, and you're like, how did
11:32
Speaker 4: it go? And okay, do you need free advice? That's right,
11:37
Speaker 4: got it?
11:37
Speaker 1: And so in your kids. So first of all, I'm
11:40
Speaker 1: so sorry, is your how's your daughter today? Is she
11:43
Speaker 1: cancer free?
11:44
Speaker 3: Yes?
11:45
Speaker 2: Yeah, so she's thirteen now, super healthy, blood work once
11:49
Speaker 2: a year.
11:49
Speaker 3: Yeah, it's almost like it never happened.
11:51
Speaker 1: But oh good, Okay, I'm so happy to hear that.
11:54
Speaker 1: And I'm sorry about your mother. What how did your
11:58
Speaker 1: kids take the news? The how did you tell them?
12:02
Speaker 1: How did you tell them? Like the whole process of everything.
12:05
Speaker 2: So my daughter, I hadn't told that I was gay
12:07
Speaker 2: earlier like a couple of years, you know, and she's
12:11
Speaker 2: just one of those people she never has a lot
12:12
Speaker 2: of was she was like, okay, like what are we.
12:14
Speaker 1: Having for dinner?
12:15
Speaker 3: You know, like it was like, you know, it's been
12:17
Speaker 3: really open about like like all that stuff. So it
12:21
Speaker 3: was like it didn't even FaZe her.
12:22
Speaker 2: And then a couple of years later, or maybe it
12:25
Speaker 2: was like a year before we got divorced, I told
12:27
Speaker 2: my son, and he had a lot of questions and
12:30
Speaker 2: it was a really really tender moment with him because
12:34
Speaker 2: he is just like such a sweet boy, and he
12:37
Speaker 2: was just like, I am just sad that you don't
12:40
Speaker 2: get to be married to who you want to be
12:42
Speaker 2: married to, you know kind of thing.
12:43
Speaker 3: And because he just got that, like he just understood it.
12:47
Speaker 2: And we kind of talked about church stuff at the time,
12:49
Speaker 2: because I had stopped going to church at that time.
12:51
Speaker 2: So I said, do you understand why it would be
12:53
Speaker 2: hard for me to go to church? You know, because
12:55
Speaker 2: he didn't.
12:55
Speaker 3: Really understand why I wasn't going anymore.
12:59
Speaker 2: Yeah, and I don't think that God said that, you know,
13:02
Speaker 2: so like that you can't be with who you want
13:04
Speaker 2: to be with. And so it was really cool and
13:05
Speaker 2: just like, you know, it's a really special moment. And
13:08
Speaker 2: then when we were getting divorced and we told them,
13:11
Speaker 2: they were.
13:12
Speaker 3: Sad, they were so sad.
13:14
Speaker 2: And then I said, so, if I started dating someone,
13:17
Speaker 2: do you understand what that's going to look like? And
13:20
Speaker 2: they said, yeah, it'll be a woman. And I'm like, okay,
13:23
Speaker 2: Like it was just like and then my son who's six,
13:25
Speaker 2: he was five at the time, he kind of snickered
13:27
Speaker 2: a little because he didn't know, like oh, because he
13:30
Speaker 2: just was younger and didn't understand.
13:32
Speaker 3: And my older two were like.
13:35
Speaker 2: That's not funny, you know, like they just like totally
13:37
Speaker 2: stood up for me, and it was so small.
13:39
Speaker 1: I was like, wow, I love that. I love that.
13:43
Speaker 1: So yeah, I feel like kids are just so intuitive, right, so,
13:46
Speaker 1: and I just love that they, you know, shared their
13:50
Speaker 1: compassion and love. So I can't even imagine. I don't
13:55
Speaker 1: have kids, but you know, I'm sure it's just not
13:57
Speaker 1: an easy conversation. And then you start to like they about,
14:00
Speaker 1: oh know, how are they going to react? And then
14:02
Speaker 1: really it's just it's okay, it's all good. And how
14:05
Speaker 1: about so when your guys' families, do your kids get along? Like,
14:08
Speaker 1: how is it working out.
14:10
Speaker 6: Yeah, it's they're all here together and just running around
14:15
Speaker 6: from room to room inside outside, upstairs, downstairs.
14:17
Speaker 4: The boys go off, the girls go off and do
14:19
Speaker 4: their Baker play. Their age range is wide, but you
14:24
Speaker 4: can't tell.
14:25
Speaker 3: I mean, they just feed off of each other. But
14:28
Speaker 3: also they like reset with each other too.
14:30
Speaker 4: And we thought five is a lot, We thought how
14:33
Speaker 4: it is, but they actually haven't shown they need that
14:39
Speaker 4: a whole lot of like reset time we have.
14:45
Speaker 3: I love helping.
14:48
Speaker 4: It's even we're not together though, they're still like communicating.
14:52
Speaker 4: They like share a group message and they send pictures
14:55
Speaker 4: and videos and we'll FaceTime a lot, and they you know,
14:57
Speaker 4: pop in and they always know what's going on in
15:00
Speaker 4: each other's lives and what's important to him.
15:03
Speaker 1: That's great. And so how talk us through how you
15:06
Speaker 1: reconnected after all these years? Like who who texts two first?
15:12
Speaker 2: So this was it's wild, like it's one of those
15:14
Speaker 2: like crazy crazy things. So I hadn't been back to
15:18
Speaker 2: Minnesota for like twelve years, probably my Dwayne. Nobody lived
15:23
Speaker 2: in Minnesota anymore except for anyway. My stepdad was from Minnesota,
15:28
Speaker 2: which is why we had originally moved here, and he
15:31
Speaker 2: wanted to do a family reunion for his birthday back
15:35
Speaker 2: in Minnesota.
15:36
Speaker 3: So and I was kind of like, oh, you know,
15:39
Speaker 3: like Minnesota, okay, you.
15:40
Speaker 2: Know, and so these so we came for the fourth
15:43
Speaker 2: of July. We were coming for the fourth of July,
15:45
Speaker 2: and I flew in on a Saturday, and then Sunday afternoon,
15:52
Speaker 2: she had heard a song on Spotify or something that
15:57
Speaker 2: had this little phrase in it that I used to
15:59
Speaker 2: say to her, and she was just like, set me
16:01
Speaker 2: the song and said, Hey, I just heard this song
16:03
Speaker 2: and thought of you because it says this in it.
16:06
Speaker 1: And I was like, guess.
16:07
Speaker 3: Where I am right now? Like that, She's how I responded.
16:09
Speaker 3: I was like, guess where I am right now? And
16:12
Speaker 3: so I just sent her a screenshot of like my
16:14
Speaker 3: location and she's like, oh, damn, Braggie, what are you
16:18
Speaker 3: doing here? You know?
16:19
Speaker 2: And then we just started talking about like I'm going
16:23
Speaker 2: through I'm going through that divorce now.
16:25
Speaker 3: So this had been the last time we had text
16:28
Speaker 3: was in October.
16:28
Speaker 2: When I got home from Bali, and this was July,
16:31
Speaker 2: so we hadn't talked for a mom and she just
16:33
Speaker 2: texted me.
16:34
Speaker 3: Out of the blue right after I landed him. And
16:36
Speaker 3: normally we wouldn't have just done that.
16:38
Speaker 4: And I even sat on it from Friday until Sunday,
16:41
Speaker 4: so it was like some playlists that came up, and
16:43
Speaker 4: it was like, there's one line in the song that
16:46
Speaker 4: is like a long standing joke.
16:48
Speaker 3: Between us that I never hear.
16:49
Speaker 4: I've never heard, and then it came up and I
16:51
Speaker 4: laughed when I heard it, and then so I was like, oh,
16:54
Speaker 4: you know whatever, and then I read it the second
16:55
Speaker 4: time and I laughed again, and I was like, I
16:57
Speaker 4: have to.
16:57
Speaker 3: Share this with her, so I sent her.
16:59
Speaker 5: Yeah.
17:00
Speaker 4: I didn't expect her to be in Minnesota, so then
17:03
Speaker 4: she was like so crazy north and then I drove
17:06
Speaker 4: up and sat for just like two.
17:08
Speaker 1: Hours, and there was you just caught up or like
17:12
Speaker 1: was there instant connection? Did you feel like you know
17:14
Speaker 1: that feeling when you know it's like right.
17:18
Speaker 3: She touched my knee twice. We've been texting all week.
17:26
Speaker 3: And then right before I flew out, I was like,
17:28
Speaker 3: so are we going to see each other?
17:30
Speaker 5: You know?
17:30
Speaker 3: And so she yea, I'll come up to where you are.
17:32
Speaker 3: I had no time to visit her.
17:34
Speaker 4: I had that entire day was fully booked, like I
17:36
Speaker 4: was like going from one thing to another that had
17:38
Speaker 4: like times with people I had to be there, and
17:40
Speaker 4: I was like, sure, no problem, I can be there.
17:42
Speaker 3: I'll drive two hours and two hours back two hours.
17:45
Speaker 1: Oh my gosh.
17:48
Speaker 3: So she got up there and yeah, I was like.
17:55
Speaker 4: What.
17:56
Speaker 7: I was like, that's my first she said, She's.
18:01
Speaker 3: Like you are or something like that.
18:04
Speaker 1: Oh my gosh.
18:10
Speaker 3: We haven't seen each other for so many years. But
18:13
Speaker 3: then she doesn't share much on social media, and so
18:17
Speaker 3: I didn't.
18:18
Speaker 2: Really know much about and she had two kids, you know,
18:21
Speaker 2: so I didn't really know much about her in her life,
18:24
Speaker 2: and we just connected and.
18:25
Speaker 3: We didn't want to stop talking. I just and I
18:28
Speaker 3: touched her beat twice.
18:31
Speaker 1: You guys are the cutest ever. So you guys were
18:35
Speaker 1: obviously following each other during your time of just like yeah,
18:38
Speaker 1: so okay, so you kind of knew a little bit.
18:42
Speaker 1: So you two posts the most out of the two
18:45
Speaker 1: of you, you're more socialized. Okay, So yeah, so Jessica
18:48
Speaker 1: definitely knew more about what was happening in your life
18:50
Speaker 1: that vice versa. So now I guess today, are we
18:55
Speaker 1: planning on maybe moving closer to each other or you're
18:59
Speaker 1: going to Obviously your kids, you know, are a priority
19:02
Speaker 1: and what's life like now?
19:05
Speaker 3: Right now?
19:05
Speaker 4: It's just this, and we don't really have a long
19:07
Speaker 4: term answer, and I can sometimes ask us and it's
19:11
Speaker 4: as simple as this, this is what it is right now.
19:14
Speaker 3: You know exactly if they're life there, we have our
19:17
Speaker 3: life here.
19:18
Speaker 4: Is there a way to make that work for everybody
19:21
Speaker 4: in the future?
19:21
Speaker 3: And what does that look like?
19:22
Speaker 4: We don't know, And it's okay to talk about that
19:25
Speaker 4: if they have questions, because sometimes they have worries that
19:28
Speaker 4: have come up, like what would happen if this, or
19:30
Speaker 4: what would happen if that. So it's definitely talked about,
19:32
Speaker 4: but not in a way that's like here's our plan.
19:35
Speaker 1: Right And honestly, you can only live day by day, right.
19:38
Speaker 2: Like yeah, And it's like her essence here, stationed here,
19:42
Speaker 2: my essence there, stationed there.
19:45
Speaker 3: So it's just a lot of back and forth.
19:47
Speaker 2: And this summer we've been able to see each other
19:49
Speaker 2: almost every other weekend, so on the other whole parents day.
19:54
Speaker 3: A lot of times I come here. It's easier for
19:56
Speaker 3: me to come here than it is for her to
19:57
Speaker 3: go there, So I come here a lot and this
19:59
Speaker 3: is like my second home, so it's almost like I
20:01
Speaker 3: live part time in Minnesota, part time in California. Yeah,
20:04
Speaker 3: but it's really great when I can bring my kids
20:06
Speaker 3: and kind of bring them into this world and have
20:09
Speaker 3: the two worlds.
20:10
Speaker 1: And yeah, I honestly think it's healthy. I mean, you know,
20:13
Speaker 1: at the end of the day, some space, you know,
20:15
Speaker 1: it just grows, makes you miss each other more. It's
20:18
Speaker 1: like I think that if you want to make it work,
20:20
Speaker 1: you make it work, right.
20:22
Speaker 4: And it's kind of I always think it's like, as
20:24
Speaker 4: hard as it is and sad for us, it's it's
20:27
Speaker 4: okay for our kids. How you know, they both had
20:30
Speaker 4: families that had split, and now they get us all
20:33
Speaker 4: of themselves majority of the time, and I think that's
20:36
Speaker 4: pretty special. Like during their ages right now, they're going
20:39
Speaker 4: to be older and they're gonna ditch us and they're
20:41
Speaker 4: not going to want to hang out.
20:42
Speaker 3: So this page of life is so temporary.
20:44
Speaker 4: Anyways, I feel like as much as I get sad
20:47
Speaker 4: about not being in this year, I'm still like okay
20:50
Speaker 4: with that. We get to like really focus on our
20:51
Speaker 4: kids that entire time we're with them.
20:53
Speaker 3: We're with them.
20:54
Speaker 1: You're so right. Actually, yeah, that's a good point because
20:58
Speaker 1: I have to say my mom, she worked so many hours.
21:01
Speaker 1: You know, she just created a business or started a
21:03
Speaker 1: business when they divorced. But still I was able to
21:05
Speaker 1: still have more one on one time. I think everything's
21:08
Speaker 1: meant to be, you know, And I feel like, you guys,
21:11
Speaker 1: you're such you have such a strong connection and bond
21:14
Speaker 1: that nothing will break it. So thank god for technology nowadays.
21:17
Speaker 3: Huh yeah, fake time a lot. And it's also kind
21:20
Speaker 3: of been nice too because this is my first time
21:23
Speaker 3: on my own really, you know, and so it was
21:25
Speaker 3: kind of nice to like have these moments of like
21:28
Speaker 3: doing life on my own and can I do this,
21:31
Speaker 3: and just kind of building my confidence and like I
21:33
Speaker 3: can do life on my own. You know.
21:36
Speaker 2: That's been good too, rather than because we kind of
21:39
Speaker 2: just jumped right into it after my divorce and so
21:41
Speaker 2: it was like damn, damn, and I didn't really have
21:43
Speaker 2: that and.
21:44
Speaker 3: So and I've had three years out.
21:46
Speaker 4: So I went through my divorce, I went through my
21:49
Speaker 4: you know, finding myself.
21:50
Speaker 3: I rented for a year and then I bought a house.
21:52
Speaker 3: I built this for the kids.
21:53
Speaker 4: So it's like I needed that time anyways, and I
21:57
Speaker 4: just kind of got into like the Okay, maybe I
21:59
Speaker 4: can just buy a camper van and hang out with
22:01
Speaker 4: my kids for the rest of my life stage and
22:03
Speaker 4: then in walks her.
22:05
Speaker 1: I love it. So what are you guys going to
22:08
Speaker 1: get married? Do you believe in marriage? Again? Like? What
22:10
Speaker 1: is what is your view on marriage? And are you
22:12
Speaker 1: two thinking about it?
22:14
Speaker 3: So we have both been like never again.
22:17
Speaker 2: Like I went into like like there's no way I'll
22:20
Speaker 2: ever get married.
22:21
Speaker 3: Why like why would I ever get married? Like that'll
22:24
Speaker 3: be fun?
22:24
Speaker 2: Really, that's why I was like a hard no, no no, and.
22:35
Speaker 3: Suddenly were like, well that would be fun.
22:37
Speaker 4: I don't always want to planet right, you may have
22:39
Speaker 4: a par we got that back.
22:42
Speaker 3: For twelve years.
22:45
Speaker 1: Well it's fun. I mean, cow, I feel like you
22:51
Speaker 1: guys are. But no pressure, no pressure. I love me
22:54
Speaker 1: a good old Pinterest board. So uh, I'm sure. I'm
22:58
Speaker 1: sure I'll see your beautiful wedding set in the near future,
23:01
Speaker 1: probably on People magazine or thank you. Yes, actually I
23:06
Speaker 1: could be your wedding pan. I'm a great wedding planner
23:09
Speaker 1: s boards.
23:14
Speaker 3: That's all I want.
23:16
Speaker 1: Yes, I mean we should get those big ones like
23:18
Speaker 1: that we you know that you see on television there's
23:20
Speaker 1: like big confetti pans. This We're good we're good. I'll
23:25
Speaker 1: just borrow it from like the set. Yeah, we're good. Okay,
23:33
Speaker 1: Hey guys, it's cheryld Burke. Okay, So I have to
23:35
Speaker 1: put you onto these leggings I've been so obsessed with lately.
23:38
Speaker 1: They're from this brand called Tona, and get this, the
23:41
Speaker 1: designer behind them also created Lululemon, so they know exactly
23:45
Speaker 1: what they're doing. These leggings are next level think buttery soft,
23:50
Speaker 1: super flattering, and very comfortable. Also, they are supportive in
23:53
Speaker 1: all the right places. I started worrying them for when
23:56
Speaker 1: I take my dog on walks, but now I'm basically
23:59
Speaker 1: living in them. And here's what makes them even better.
24:02
Speaker 1: Every pair you buy helps fund a mental health counseling
24:04
Speaker 1: session for a teen in need. Tona's on a mission
24:07
Speaker 1: to end teen suicide and self harm, which we think
24:10
Speaker 1: is so important and incredible, and we've partnered with Tona
24:13
Speaker 1: to give you twenty percent off your order and free shipping.
24:17
Speaker 1: So head to tona active dot com and use code
24:20
Speaker 1: iHeart for twenty percent off and free shipping. First of all,
24:25
Speaker 1: your story is so beautiful to anyone who is listening,
24:28
Speaker 1: who may be struggling in a marriage or just struggling
24:33
Speaker 1: with their own identity. I guess what would you say
24:36
Speaker 1: to them.
24:37
Speaker 4: I would say, talk to your support people that are
24:41
Speaker 4: your safe people, and be honest and be open and
24:43
Speaker 4: don't protect other people. And that's not just like protecting
24:48
Speaker 4: you know, it's like take care of yourself first and
24:53
Speaker 4: put yourself around people that are going to support you
24:56
Speaker 4: doing that. And it's a big scary step and it
24:59
Speaker 4: affects a lot of people and it feels really selfish.
25:02
Speaker 4: But we only have one life peer and there are
25:05
Speaker 4: ways to do it cordially and you can come out
25:08
Speaker 4: on the other side of it. And it's hard to
25:10
Speaker 4: even remember not being able to be in that mindset.
25:14
Speaker 4: So you do get there, and it does take time.
25:16
Speaker 4: You do have to put a lot of work in.
25:17
Speaker 4: You have to be very intentional with what you do
25:20
Speaker 4: and what you spend your time doing.
25:22
Speaker 3: I feel like you either go one way or the other, and.
25:26
Speaker 4: It takes a lot of work to go the right way,
25:28
Speaker 4: and you have to keep making those decisions.
25:30
Speaker 3: It's hard. It's hard.
25:31
Speaker 4: I feel like life it's not made for a singleton.
25:32
Speaker 4: It it feels easier with somebody else.
25:35
Speaker 3: So it's intimidating, it's scary, but it's worth it.
25:39
Speaker 2: I would say that things I carried two words with
25:42
Speaker 2: me through the whole process of my divorce and kind
25:45
Speaker 2: of getting there is intentional and deliberate.
25:48
Speaker 3: Like I wanted everything to be very intentional and very deliberate.
25:51
Speaker 2: I thought everything through, I weighed everything out.
25:55
Speaker 3: I was like, how is this going to affect my kids,
25:57
Speaker 3: How is it gonna affect him, How's it going to
25:58
Speaker 3: affect my community. I'm going to lose my community, you know,
26:02
Speaker 3: and friends and family and just all these people I'm
26:04
Speaker 3: going to lose. But I was like, I don't want
26:07
Speaker 3: to just make this rash decision, you know, and just
26:09
Speaker 3: be like I can't do this anymore. I'm out. So
26:12
Speaker 3: I was just very intentional, very deliberate.
26:13
Speaker 2: And I just got to the point too, where I
26:15
Speaker 2: realized I can't show up as the mom I want
26:17
Speaker 2: to be when I'm struggling with this so much. Like
26:20
Speaker 2: I got to the point where I was miserable, Like
26:22
Speaker 2: I just was so unhappy and I have this perfect life,
26:25
Speaker 2: you know, I have this amazing husband and like these
26:29
Speaker 2: beautiful kids and you know, and it was just like
26:32
Speaker 2: everything seemed so perfect, but I was so miserable.
26:34
Speaker 3: And I just felt like I was trying to take care.
26:37
Speaker 3: I was sacrificing my own happiness for everybody else.
26:40
Speaker 2: And I got to the point where I was like,
26:43
Speaker 2: I can't keep doing this otherwise I'm not going to
26:46
Speaker 2: make it to be the mom that they need me
26:49
Speaker 2: to be, you know. And so once you once I
26:52
Speaker 2: kind of started making choices for myself, it was like
26:57
Speaker 2: it improved their lives. It made their lives better. I
26:59
Speaker 2: am able to show up as a better mom, as
27:01
Speaker 2: a better even with him. The relationship that we have
27:05
Speaker 2: now is so much better because there isn't this weird
27:08
Speaker 2: tension and so whole parent better and we get along
27:11
Speaker 2: better and just all of this, not that we didn't
27:14
Speaker 2: get along before, just it's like a different relationship where
27:17
Speaker 2: I don't build this pressure to show up as a
27:19
Speaker 2: white to a husband. That was like weird for me
27:22
Speaker 2: to say husband. I was like, I don't want a husband.
27:24
Speaker 3: I didn't want a wife. But I'm like, I'm.
27:28
Speaker 1: We all change, we all eve all. Yeah, No, I
27:31
Speaker 1: mean not the same story. But I can relate. Like
27:33
Speaker 1: this is a great lesson because at the end of
27:35
Speaker 1: the day, you can't fill up anyone else's cup until
27:38
Speaker 1: you fill yours up right, and that is that like
27:41
Speaker 1: inner voice and that feeling of just you know, I
27:46
Speaker 1: truly believe doctors will come at me, but that is
27:48
Speaker 1: the type of stuff that creates diseases, and like that
27:51
Speaker 1: just feeling of not being able to be your fully
27:54
Speaker 1: authentic self. And I think that this is such a
27:57
Speaker 1: great example of of it. And you guys are living
28:00
Speaker 1: proof that you know, you do have to be who
28:03
Speaker 1: you are and the people that don't like it, oh
28:05
Speaker 1: well bye.
28:06
Speaker 4: You know you have to be okay, people down essentially,
28:11
Speaker 4: and that's I think hard for both of us. We
28:13
Speaker 4: didn't want to let anybody down, yeah, but you know,
28:15
Speaker 4: we both even when we entered our relationships.
28:18
Speaker 3: You know, I was twenty years old when.
28:19
Speaker 4: I started dating my ex, and you think what you
28:22
Speaker 4: changes you go through from twenty to age three to
28:25
Speaker 4: four when we got divorced. And it's okay that we
28:28
Speaker 4: grew apart, but our lives were so intertwined that it
28:31
Speaker 4: felt like I was tearing everybody's life apart. Our friends,
28:34
Speaker 4: our families that emerge, our kids obviously aren't everything when
28:38
Speaker 4: we knew and it's it's it feels so selfish to
28:42
Speaker 4: say and to fight for.
28:44
Speaker 1: But selfish is a good thing, is a good word.
28:46
Speaker 1: I know there's such a bad meaning when people say, oh,
28:49
Speaker 1: you're selfish, you have to be. It's your life. You know,
28:52
Speaker 1: you have to give to self before you can give
28:55
Speaker 1: to others. I mean, it's just a it's facts. And
29:00
Speaker 1: you both learned in this relationship that you didn't know
29:03
Speaker 1: in your previous relationships.
29:06
Speaker 4: I learned that all the things that are in like
29:11
Speaker 4: books or all these taglines that people say about being
29:13
Speaker 4: like so in love and this is different and this
29:16
Speaker 4: is not about I was like whatever, Like I read
29:18
Speaker 4: every romance book before and I was like whatever, gang,
29:21
Speaker 4: I loved it.
29:22
Speaker 3: I love homework. I love me a Hallmark movie. I
29:24
Speaker 3: always want a homework ending.
29:25
Speaker 4: And like all the things I feel like I said,
29:28
Speaker 4: and she says, it's like so corny, it's straight out of.
29:32
Speaker 3: All these books.
29:32
Speaker 1: I love it.
29:34
Speaker 7: But when you really feel it, it's real and like,
29:37
Speaker 7: I feel like a lot of people don't know that
29:39
Speaker 7: it can be that intense and that constant and fun
29:44
Speaker 7: and easy.
29:46
Speaker 3: I've learned that all the time we're like is this real?
29:50
Speaker 3: Like how do we keep loving each other?
29:52
Speaker 2: More?
29:52
Speaker 3: Like like surely we can't fall more in love and
29:55
Speaker 3: then like each day happens and just something else that
29:58
Speaker 3: I love it. And it could be some bad that happened.
30:00
Speaker 3: It could be like our worst moment.
30:02
Speaker 4: It could be like we're struggling, we're going through something
30:04
Speaker 4: really hard, and we're not available in like the way
30:07
Speaker 4: that we want to be for each other, especially when
30:09
Speaker 4: you're long distance.
30:10
Speaker 3: It's hard when you're struggling to be there for somebody.
30:13
Speaker 4: But actually not like the way that we communicate and connect,
30:18
Speaker 4: it's very safe. And we even have like an emoji
30:21
Speaker 4: when we're spiraling, or when we have a white flag
30:23
Speaker 4: day where it's like I just I'm wake by my
30:25
Speaker 4: white flag.
30:25
Speaker 3: I just I can't give anything right now, and then
30:29
Speaker 3: that the other one s so I taught her to spiral.
30:32
Speaker 6: I spiler right now just then I know she needs
30:35
Speaker 6: a few more positive Oh.
30:36
Speaker 1: I love that.
30:38
Speaker 3: It's a confirm we're good and like that's it.
30:40
Speaker 4: It's like communicating just our needs and our wants and
30:43
Speaker 4: and the goods and the bads, and.
30:44
Speaker 3: It's like what did you mean by that? What did
30:46
Speaker 3: you mean by this? Where I felt this and we
30:48
Speaker 3: do it and like a very I always.
30:50
Speaker 4: Say, she gives me the benefit of the doubt, and
30:51
Speaker 4: so she lets me explain. You know, if something came
30:54
Speaker 4: off from I like that, she'll ask me because I
30:57
Speaker 4: didn't mean it, you know, and I mean in a
30:58
Speaker 4: her full way.
30:59
Speaker 3: And I always feel bad if she took it that way.
31:01
Speaker 4: But I love that we're able to give each other
31:03
Speaker 4: that time and we trust each other that it was
31:06
Speaker 4: not intentional to.
31:07
Speaker 3: Hurt each other and we are just misunderstood.
31:09
Speaker 4: And I think that's probably one of the biggest things,
31:11
Speaker 4: is like you can just honestly communicate through it.
31:15
Speaker 1: And that is a great thing about long distance. It's
31:17
Speaker 1: forcing you to communicate for it, right. So so I'm
31:23
Speaker 1: I'm that, you know, coming from a divorce and just
31:25
Speaker 1: obviously being a bad picker in general, I've just been like, really,
31:29
Speaker 1: I've been that woman who's like, you know, life is
31:31
Speaker 1: not the notebook, but now you're making me feel like
31:35
Speaker 1: maybe maybe it can be.
31:36
Speaker 3: It's obnoptious, it's annoying.
31:38
Speaker 4: I always say this is what Seriously, when I say
31:40
Speaker 4: it's annoying, how much I love youself?
31:41
Speaker 3: Like it's obnoxious. I wish I didn't love you as much.
31:46
Speaker 1: Oh, I love that I love all the time.
31:49
Speaker 3: Like can I just not love you so much easier.
31:54
Speaker 1: And when you guys, is it communicate? Would you say
31:57
Speaker 1: name like two things that really keep keep you guys?
32:00
Speaker 1: Is connected? Is it communication and communication?
32:03
Speaker 5: And I think it's like a respect for each other
32:06
Speaker 5: and just like openness and very honest and open. And
32:11
Speaker 5: I think that's where the communication comes in important because
32:15
Speaker 5: you're exposing you're vulnerable.
32:16
Speaker 4: You know, you're like exposing your worst parts or or
32:20
Speaker 4: the things that you want the most, you know, and
32:21
Speaker 4: I can feel risky.
32:24
Speaker 1: And Jessica you said something like safety. I think that's
32:26
Speaker 1: so important. You feel safe.
32:28
Speaker 4: Yes, It's like I can't do something that's going to
32:33
Speaker 4: turn off her love for me. She's not gonna like,
32:35
Speaker 4: she doesn't get mad at me. She gives me the
32:38
Speaker 4: time and the space to figure out how I'm feeling
32:40
Speaker 4: and what I meant to say and what I meant
32:41
Speaker 4: to say or how it was supposed to come out
32:44
Speaker 4: or how I thought it came out. And that that's
32:46
Speaker 4: safety in that time and knowing that she's giving me
32:50
Speaker 4: the benefit doubt during that time is like invaluable.
32:54
Speaker 1: Absolutely, What are your what is your love language? Too?
32:58
Speaker 3: All of them?
33:00
Speaker 1: All of them?
33:01
Speaker 3: Do you know what's interesting that you ask this.
33:03
Speaker 2: This is so interesting you asked this because my love
33:05
Speaker 2: languages were like gift some words of affirmation.
33:08
Speaker 3: For like, what was was quality time and physical touch.
33:11
Speaker 3: Like I was like, oh, I don't need that. And
33:13
Speaker 3: it's interesting because now I feel like quality time and
33:16
Speaker 3: physical touch. I'm like, these are like my love languages,
33:20
Speaker 3: and they weren't because I wasn't in a relationship that
33:23
Speaker 3: made me want that, and now that I'm in it,
33:25
Speaker 3: I'm like touch.
33:30
Speaker 4: Well, I literally liked, tell me how to She said
33:33
Speaker 4: it would be fine if I said it every five minutes,
33:35
Speaker 4: and then she gave me an extension.
33:36
Speaker 3: It could go to to.
33:38
Speaker 1: Oh my gosh, I love that so much. How about yours, Jessica,
33:42
Speaker 1: what's your what's your love leguge?
33:44
Speaker 3: Mine's definitely quality time at the top.
33:46
Speaker 4: And I was really honestly worried because that's like the
33:51
Speaker 4: thing they get the least of, you know, so on paper,
33:54
Speaker 4: to me, I was very, very worried, and I was
33:57
Speaker 4: guarding my part a lot in the beginning. But I
34:00
Speaker 4: learned that quality time doesn't have to be physically together.
34:03
Speaker 4: We spend a lot of quality time together at the
34:05
Speaker 4: end of our day talking about our days and really
34:07
Speaker 4: breaking down our entire days. She I can call her
34:10
Speaker 4: in them on my birthday to learn about a good meeting,
34:12
Speaker 4: to learn about a hard meeting.
34:13
Speaker 3: I can say something at a doctor appointment.
34:16
Speaker 4: Like the quality time is different for a lot of it,
34:19
Speaker 4: but it's quality time focused on each other present.
34:23
Speaker 2: And when we are together, we are very intentional about
34:28
Speaker 2: like doing things and going out or if we're here,
34:32
Speaker 2: just like we have that quality time of we're just
34:37
Speaker 2: we have so little of it that we take full
34:39
Speaker 2: advantage of the time that we do have together and
34:43
Speaker 2: like maximizing everything everything.
34:46
Speaker 4: We sit at the counter for hours and just about
34:49
Speaker 4: everything and nothing at the same time.
34:53
Speaker 1: I love that. So you guys are like not obviously
34:55
Speaker 1: distracted by your phone. You're intentionally in this together, which
34:58
Speaker 1: is good. So what's next for you to other than
35:01
Speaker 1: me planning your wedding?
35:05
Speaker 3: What's next? We just honestly what's always next is we
35:10
Speaker 3: always keep planning our next trip. Who's coming, who's.
35:12
Speaker 4: Going, And like, my kids want to go there again,
35:15
Speaker 4: so we'll probably start planning that.
35:18
Speaker 1: Racking up the miles, Yeah, what car.
35:21
Speaker 2: Should get right, exact, counting down until the next time
35:27
Speaker 2: that we're.
35:27
Speaker 1: Together and like holidays, Like, what do you guys do
35:30
Speaker 1: for holidays? You guys just are you gonna switch?
35:32
Speaker 3: We're gonna spend one together. Yeah, so we did spend
35:36
Speaker 3: the fourth of July.
35:36
Speaker 2: Is fourth We spent fourth of July and say, so
35:39
Speaker 2: so we go to Now.
35:40
Speaker 3: We have Thankskeeping coming up, and I feel like that's
35:42
Speaker 3: like a real one. Yeah. Yeah.
35:44
Speaker 2: My ex is taking my kids on a cruise, so
35:47
Speaker 2: they'll be gone for a week.
35:48
Speaker 3: And I'm like, I guess, so I'm coming for Thanksgiving.
35:53
Speaker 1: And now it's just gonna be the two of you.
35:56
Speaker 3: No, we're gonna host it now with my whole family.
35:58
Speaker 4: Oh god, change because I'm the last in the world
36:01
Speaker 4: to host anything.
36:02
Speaker 3: And I'm like, I'll go to your home for it.
36:07
Speaker 4: They love her, They already accepted her whole family as mine,
36:11
Speaker 4: so that'll be fun.
36:12
Speaker 1: What do you guys think of certain celebrities. I'm not
36:17
Speaker 1: sure if you're if you if you know, I'm sure
36:19
Speaker 1: you know you've heard of like Sophia Bush that you
36:22
Speaker 1: know are actually coming out and being their true selves.
36:27
Speaker 1: What do you think the shift is in this generation
36:29
Speaker 1: that we're living in, Like, why all of a sudden.
36:31
Speaker 4: Well, when I got married, it was illegal to get
36:35
Speaker 4: married as two women. So we lived in Minnesota at
36:38
Speaker 4: that time and it wasn't legal. We got married in
36:40
Speaker 4: kN Kun it wasn't legal. We didn't get legally married
36:43
Speaker 4: until we had moved to California. Now to be living
36:48
Speaker 4: in a time, well, yeah, And I came out when
36:49
Speaker 4: I was in high school and it was not cool.
36:51
Speaker 3: It was not cool. It was I was.
36:53
Speaker 1: That was a big deal.
36:54
Speaker 4: It was a big high school and people had a
36:57
Speaker 4: lot to say about it. And my own family was
36:59
Speaker 4: anty and accepting until I came out when I was
37:02
Speaker 4: outed when I was seventeen, and I didn't really have
37:05
Speaker 4: my family backing me until two weeks two months before
37:09
Speaker 4: I got married when I was twenty four. So that
37:11
Speaker 4: was a long time to go without that. And now
37:15
Speaker 4: to have more people, really famous people, people that they
37:19
Speaker 4: look up to and so out there on the Internet
37:23
Speaker 4: and available for everyone to see and live in it,
37:25
Speaker 4: and I think it just creates a safe culture for
37:27
Speaker 4: people to come out.
37:29
Speaker 3: I have to say too, I had it was in twentynineightteen.
37:33
Speaker 2: I remember this happening specifically, Taylor Swift had released her
37:37
Speaker 2: Like Lover album and there was you need to calm down,
37:40
Speaker 2: love it, and she'd said, like Shade never made anybody
37:43
Speaker 2: list gay, and that whole song was basically about like
37:45
Speaker 2: being true to yourself and you know, you guys all
37:47
Speaker 2: just shut up and let people live their lives.
37:50
Speaker 3: And I just remember being like, the world is changing.
37:53
Speaker 2: The world is changing, and it's going from like how
37:56
Speaker 2: it was when I was out before to this, like
37:59
Speaker 2: being more accepted and having celebrities like Taylor Swift accepting
38:03
Speaker 2: people and like showing their support.
38:06
Speaker 3: And that video came out and I was just like,
38:07
Speaker 3: oh my gosh, like we're going in this beautiful direction here.
38:11
Speaker 3: And I feel like that kind of helped me a lot,
38:13
Speaker 3: and that was like a little mental shift for me
38:15
Speaker 3: to be like this is different. For sure. Strength and
38:20
Speaker 3: numbers is that a real thing?
38:22
Speaker 1: It really? And also this is where social media is beautiful, right,
38:25
Speaker 1: like just being able to really express who you are.
38:28
Speaker 1: You don't need to you don't need to be on
38:30
Speaker 1: TV to do it anymore. Like you can use your
38:32
Speaker 1: own platform and it doesn't matter. Of all walks of life.
38:35
Speaker 1: It has Glenn and Doyle been somebody of somebody you
38:39
Speaker 1: love and events have you done for podcast? Yet I'm
38:42
Speaker 1: as with their podcast No No.
38:47
Speaker 2: But it's actually interesting because when I had gone to
38:49
Speaker 2: Bali in October and felt like I could be alone
38:51
Speaker 2: by myself, I met a girl there and she said,
38:54
Speaker 2: you need to listen to this book I'm Tamed by
38:55
Speaker 2: Glennon Doyle and I had listened to it before, but
38:57
Speaker 2: it wasn't the right time.
38:58
Speaker 3: And so I listened to it.
39:00
Speaker 2: I Want a Bali And I actually had quoted this
39:03
Speaker 2: in this magazine article where in the in the book
39:08
Speaker 2: it says I'm doing this for my children basically, but
39:13
Speaker 2: what I want.
39:14
Speaker 3: This for my children? And it just really hit.
39:16
Speaker 2: Me, and so it was like, yes, Glennon Doyle had
39:18
Speaker 2: like a huge role in me being like Okay, I
39:22
Speaker 2: can do this, you know, and just some of the
39:24
Speaker 2: things she said in that book, I just I mollowed
39:26
Speaker 2: the entire way home from that flight and was like,
39:29
Speaker 2: I need to do this. And I feel like her
39:31
Speaker 2: book Hunting was kind of a huge part of that.
39:36
Speaker 1: Do you guys listen to there? We can do her
39:38
Speaker 1: things he listen to.
39:39
Speaker 3: Yeah, I listened to a couple.
39:40
Speaker 1: I'm not It's amazing. I literally have listened to every episode.
39:44
Speaker 1: I think I'm obsessed, but yeah.
39:46
Speaker 3: They're hilarious and so relatable, like I'm my sister.
39:50
Speaker 1: She called their sister sister. I just like I'm obsessed
39:53
Speaker 1: with their sister as well. It's just a great you
39:56
Speaker 1: know trio. Anyway, you guys are so this. Thank you
39:59
Speaker 1: for sharing and taking the little timing up together to
40:02
Speaker 1: doing this so we really appreciate it. And yeah, I
40:07
Speaker 1: mean positive love energy to you. Thanks for like maybe
40:11
Speaker 1: me thinking maybe I'm like, okay, maybe there is I
40:13
Speaker 1: can find this type of love. I'm not so jaded
40:16
Speaker 1: after my conversation with you.
40:18
Speaker 3: Don't and tell you I'm not even dating.
40:21
Speaker 1: I don't even want to date. I'm just perfectly happy
40:24
Speaker 1: alone with my friendship.
40:25
Speaker 3: Someone wows you and wows you and Maasi and Maasi
40:28
Speaker 3: and Wazi again, because that's not supposed to be. You're
40:30
Speaker 3: supposed to show up all the.
40:31
Speaker 1: Time exactly and not through a dating app. Thanks, thank
40:36
Speaker 1: you guys so much, and yeah, enjoy your time together.
40:40
Speaker 3: Thank you, Thank thank you so much.
40:42
Speaker 1: Thanks again to Jessica and Amanda for sharing their love
40:45
Speaker 1: journey with us. Have you recently left a marriage for
40:47
Speaker 1: a brighter future, wanting to live authentically but don't know
40:50
Speaker 1: where to start? Well, we can help, call us or
40:53
Speaker 1: email us. All the info is in the show notes.
40:56
Speaker 1: Follow us on socials. Make sure to rate and review
40:59
Speaker 1: the podcast. I Do Part two an iHeartRadio podcast where
41:02
Speaker 1: falling in love is the main objective