Latest / Adult Child of Dysfunction / E196: A Homicide, A Hero, and A Mother’s Heart: KD Wagner’s Legacy of Love

Transcript

E196: A Homicide, A Hero, and A Mother’s Heart: KD Wagner’s Legacy of Love · Adult Child of Dysfunction

• 0:45
  I
• 0:45
  know.
• 0:47
  Well,
• 0:47
  hello
• 0:48
  everybody
• 0:48
  and
• 0:48
  welcome
• 0:49
  to
• 0:49
  Adult
• 0:49
  Child
• 0:49
  of
• 0:50
  Dysfunction
• 0:50
  podcast.
• 0:51
  Today
• 0:51
  we
• 0:51
  have
• 0:52
  with
• 0:52
  us
• 0:52
  Dr.
• 0:52
  Katie
• 0:53
  Wagner.
• 0:53
  And
• 0:54
  I'm
• 0:54
  just
• 0:54
  going
• 0:54
  to
• 0:54
  jump
• 0:55
  right
• 0:55
  in
• 0:55
  wherever
• 0:55
  you
• 0:56
  see
• 0:56
  in
• 0:56
  the
• 0:56
  background.
• 0:56
  We're
• 0:56
  on
• 0:57
  Patapaloosa
• 0:57
  today.
• 0:58
  So
• 0:58
  it's
• 0:58
  quick,
• 0:58
  it's
• 0:59
  quick,
• 0:59
  it's
• 0:59
  quick.
• 1:00
  So
• 1:00
  welcome
• 1:01
  Katie,
• 1:01
  how
• 1:01
  are
• 1:01
  you?
• 1:02
  Good.
• 1:02
  How
• 1:02
  are
• 1:03
  you
• 1:03
  today?
• 1:03
  I
• 1:04
  am
• 1:04
  doing
• 1:04
  great.
• 1:05
  So
• 1:05
  being
• 1:06
  on
• 1:06
  the
• 1:06
  podcast
• 1:07
  Adult
• 1:07
  Child
• 1:07
  of
• 1:07
  Dysfunction,
• 1:08
  I
• 1:08
  actually
• 1:08
  read
• 1:08
  a
• 1:09
  quick
• 1:09
  part
• 1:09
  of
• 1:09
  your
• 1:10
  bio
• 1:11
  and
• 1:11
  you've
• 1:11
  had
• 1:12
  a
• 1:12
  whole
• 1:13
  bunch
• 1:13
  of
• 1:13
  things
• 1:13
  going
• 1:14
  on
• 1:16
  in
• 1:16
  my
• 1:16
  life.
• 1:16
  Yes,
• 1:17
  yes.
• 1:18
  So
• 1:18
  I'm
• 1:18
  gonna
• 1:18
  let
• 1:19
  you
• 1:19
  go
• 1:19
  ahead
• 1:20
  and
• 1:20
  we're
• 1:20
  gonna
• 1:20
  just
• 1:21
  jump
• 1:21
  in
• 1:21
  and
• 1:21
  I
• 1:21
  would
• 1:21
  like
• 1:22
  you
• 1:22
  to
• 1:22
  just
• 1:22
  talk
• 1:22
  about
• 1:22
  your
• 1:23
  books
• 1:23
  because
• 1:23
  they
• 1:24
  obviously
• 1:24
  had
• 1:25
  a
• 1:25
  reason
• 1:25
  that
• 1:25
  you
• 1:25
  made
• 1:26
  three
• 1:26
  books
• 1:26
  real
• 1:26
  quickly
• 1:27
  and
• 1:27
  just
• 1:27
  go
• 1:28
  ahead
• 1:28
  and
• 1:28
  explain
• 1:28
  your
• 1:29
  books
• 1:29
  and
• 1:29
  that'll
• 1:29
  start
• 1:30
  us
• 1:30
  off
• 1:31
  well.
• 1:31
  Good.
• 1:32
  Actually
• 1:33
  never
• 1:34
  planned
• 1:34
  on
• 1:34
  writing
• 1:34
  a
• 1:35
  book.
• 1:35
  I
• 1:37
  was
• 1:37
  perfectly
• 1:37
  happy
• 1:38
  working,
• 1:38
  driving
• 1:38
  a
• 1:39
  big
• 1:39
  truck
• 1:39
  across
• 1:39
  this
• 1:39
  country,
• 1:40
  making
• 1:40
  money,
• 1:40
  having
• 1:41
  fun
• 1:41
  with
• 1:41
  my
• 1:41
  two
• 1:41
  sons.
• 1:43
  But
• 1:43
  in
• 1:44
  2001,
• 1:44
  my
• 1:45
  18
• 1:45
  year
• 1:45
  old
• 1:45
  son,
• 1:46
  I
• 1:46
  was
• 1:46
  driving
• 1:47
  my
• 1:47
  semi
• 1:47
  up
• 1:47
  the
• 1:47
  Hill
• 1:48
  Mountain
• 1:48
  in
• 1:48
  California
• 1:49
  and
• 1:49
  I
• 1:49
  got
• 1:49
  a
• 1:49
  phone
• 1:49
  call
• 1:50
  and
• 1:50
  they
• 1:51
  said,
• 1:51
  Jeffrey
• 1:51
  has
• 1:52
  been
• 1:52
  murdered.
• 1:53
  I
• 1:54
  was
• 1:54
  driving
• 1:54
  at
• 1:54
  70
• 1:54
  miles
• 1:55
  an
• 1:55
  hour
• 1:55
  on
• 1:55
  cruise
• 1:55
  control
• 1:56
  and
• 1:56
  didn't
• 1:56
  even
• 1:57
  realize
• 1:57
  I
• 1:57
  was
• 1:57
  still
• 1:58
  driving
• 1:58
  on
• 1:58
  a
• 1:58
  freeway
• 1:59
  with
• 1:59
  an
• 1:59
  80,000
• 2:00
  pound
• 2:00
  truck.
• 2:01
  So
• 2:01
  I
• 2:02
  got
• 2:02
  pulled
• 2:02
  over
• 2:03
  and
• 2:03
  stopped
• 2:04
  and
• 2:04
  then
• 2:04
  I
• 2:04
  had
• 2:04
  to
• 2:05
  drive
• 2:05
  back
• 2:05
  to
• 2:05
  Las
• 2:05
  Vegas
• 2:06
  because
• 2:06
  that's
• 2:06
  where
• 2:06
  I
• 2:06
  had
• 2:07
  to
• 2:07
  take
• 2:07
  the
• 2:07
  truck.
• 2:07
  And
• 2:07
  it
• 2:08
  was
• 2:08
  just
• 2:09
  unbelievable
• 2:09
  night.
• 2:11
  And
• 2:11
  then
• 2:11
  when
• 2:11
  I
• 2:12
  got
• 2:12
  to
• 2:12
  my
• 2:12
  sister's
• 2:13
  house
• 2:13
  in
• 2:13
  Vegas,
• 2:14
  it
• 2:14
  was
• 2:14
  on
• 2:14
  the
• 2:14
  tv,
• 2:15
  secret
• 2:15
  witness
• 2:16
  on
• 2:16
  the
• 2:16
  news.
• 2:17
  You
• 2:17
  know,
• 2:17
  it
• 2:17
  was
• 2:17
  a
• 2:17
  big
• 2:18
  deal.
• 2:18
  An
• 2:19
  18
• 2:19
  year
• 2:19
  old
• 2:19
  kid
• 2:20
  had
• 2:20
  been
• 2:21
  shot
• 2:21
  with
• 2:21
  a
• 2:21
  sawed
• 2:22
  off
• 2:22
  shotgun
• 2:22
  on
• 2:22
  Fremont
• 2:23
  street.
• 2:23
  Robbed.
• 2:24
  So.
• 2:25
  And
• 2:25
  where
• 2:25
  was
• 2:25
  he,
• 2:25
  where
• 2:26
  was
• 2:26
  he.
• 2:26
  Living
• 2:27
  in
• 2:27
  Las
• 2:27
  Vegas?
• 2:28
  Las
• 2:28
  Vegas
• 2:28
  and
• 2:28
  Fremont
• 2:29
  Street.
• 2:29
  Okay.
• 2:30
  And
• 2:30
  y.
• 2:31
  So
• 2:31
  I,
• 2:32
  I
• 2:32
  barely
• 2:32
  made
• 2:32
  it
• 2:32
  through
• 2:33
  that
• 2:33
  and
• 2:33
  I
• 2:33
  had
• 2:33
  to
• 2:33
  stick
• 2:34
  around.
• 2:34
  I
• 2:34
  was
• 2:34
  a
• 2:34
  single
• 2:34
  mom
• 2:35
  from
• 2:35
  when
• 2:35
  they
• 2:35
  were
• 2:35
  three
• 2:35
  and
• 2:35
  eight
• 2:36
  months
• 2:36
  old.
• 2:37
  So
• 2:37
  it
• 2:38
  was
• 2:38
  just
• 2:38
  the
• 2:38
  three
• 2:38
  of
• 2:38
  us.
• 2:39
  And
• 2:39
  so
• 2:40
  Bud,
• 2:40
  my
• 2:40
  older
• 2:41
  son
• 2:41
  was
• 2:41
  in
• 2:42
  the
• 2:42
  Navy
• 2:42
  and
• 2:42
  he
• 2:43
  had
• 2:44
  horrible
• 2:44
  survivors
• 2:45
  guilt.
• 2:45
  He
• 2:45
  thought
• 2:46
  he
• 2:46
  should
• 2:46
  have
• 2:46
  saved
• 2:46
  his
• 2:46
  brother.
• 2:48
  They
• 2:48
  were
• 2:48
  born
• 2:48
  on
• 2:49
  the
• 2:49
  same
• 2:49
  day,
• 2:49
  three
• 2:49
  years
• 2:49
  apart.
• 2:50
  So
• 2:50
  their
• 2:50
  birthday
• 2:50
  is
• 2:50
  July
• 2:51
  17th.
• 2:51
  So
• 2:51
  they
• 2:52
  were
• 2:52
  very
• 2:52
  close
• 2:52
  and
• 2:53
  had
• 2:53
  a
• 2:53
  really
• 2:54
  nice
• 2:54
  relationship.
• 2:56
  So
• 2:56
  I
• 2:56
  stuck
• 2:56
  around
• 2:57
  to
• 2:57
  help
• 2:57
  him
• 2:57
  to
• 2:57
  get
• 2:58
  through
• 2:58
  the
• 2:58
  survivors
• 2:59
  guild
• 2:59
  and
• 2:59
  to,
• 3:00
  you
• 3:00
  know,
• 3:00
  keep
• 3:01
  going.
• 3:01
  And
• 3:02
  then
• 3:02
  911
• 3:03
  happened
• 3:03
  and
• 3:03
  he
• 3:03
  got
• 3:04
  called
• 3:04
  up
• 3:04
  for
• 3:04
  Operation
• 3:04
  Iraqi
• 3:05
  Freedom
• 3:05
  and
• 3:06
  he
• 3:06
  was
• 3:06
  killed.
• 3:07
  So
• 3:07
  in
• 3:07
  two
• 3:07
  years
• 3:08
  and
• 3:08
  five
• 3:08
  months,
• 3:08
  I
• 3:08
  lost
• 3:09
  everything
• 3:09
  I
• 3:09
  had
• 3:09
  worked
• 3:09
  for
• 3:10
  for
• 3:10
  25
• 3:10
  years.
• 3:11
  Wow.
• 3:13
  I
• 3:13
  had
• 3:13
  no
• 3:14
  reason
• 3:14
  to
• 3:14
  stay
• 3:15
  on
• 3:16
  Earth.
• 3:17
  Luckily,
• 3:18
  I
• 3:18
  told
• 3:18
  somebody
• 3:19
  about
• 3:19
  it,
• 3:20
  and
• 3:20
  they
• 3:20
  said,
• 3:21
  well,
• 3:21
  you
• 3:21
  can't.
• 3:21
  You
• 3:21
  can't
• 3:22
  do
• 3:22
  that.
• 3:22
  You,
• 3:22
  you
• 3:23
  know,
• 3:23
  you
• 3:23
  haven't
• 3:23
  got
• 3:23
  over
• 3:23
  Jeffrey
• 3:24
  yet.
• 3:24
  Now
• 3:24
  they
• 3:25
  don't
• 3:25
  bud
• 3:25
  in
• 3:25
  your
• 3:25
  lab.
• 3:26
  It's
• 3:26
  gonna,
• 3:26
  you
• 3:26
  know,
• 3:26
  it's
• 3:26
  gon
• 3:27
  time.
• 3:28
  And
• 3:28
  I
• 3:28
  realized
• 3:28
  that
• 3:29
  time
• 3:29
  doesn't
• 3:29
  heal
• 3:30
  all
• 3:30
  wounds.
• 3:30
  It's
• 3:30
  what
• 3:30
  you
• 3:30
  do
• 3:31
  with
• 3:31
  your
• 3:31
  time.
• 3:32
  So
• 3:32
  that's
• 3:33
  all
• 3:33
  three
• 3:33
  of
• 3:33
  my
• 3:34
  books.
• 3:34
  So
• 3:35
  when
• 3:35
  I
• 3:35
  sat
• 3:36
  down,
• 3:36
  actually,
• 3:36
  what
• 3:37
  happened
• 3:37
  is
• 3:38
  when
• 3:38
  your
• 3:39
  son,
• 3:39
  when
• 3:39
  your
• 3:39
  child
• 3:39
  is
• 3:39
  killed
• 3:40
  in
• 3:40
  the
• 3:40
  military,
• 3:40
  I
• 3:40
  don't
• 3:41
  know
• 3:41
  if
• 3:41
  you
• 3:41
  know,
• 3:41
  but
• 3:41
  you
• 3:41
  become
• 3:41
  a
• 3:42
  gold
• 3:42
  star
• 3:42
  mother
• 3:42
  or
• 3:43
  a
• 3:43
  gold
• 3:43
  star
• 3:43
  family.
• 3:45
  And
• 3:45
  so
• 3:46
  we
• 3:46
  get
• 3:46
  invited
• 3:46
  to
• 3:46
  a
• 3:47
  lot
• 3:47
  of
• 3:47
  stuff
• 3:47
  by
• 3:47
  the
• 3:47
  military
• 3:48
  and
• 3:48
  different
• 3:48
  things.
• 3:48
  So
• 3:49
  I
• 3:49
  got
• 3:49
  invited
• 3:49
  to
• 3:49
  jump
• 3:51
  with
• 3:51
  the
• 3:51
  army
• 3:51
  Golden
• 3:52
  Knight
• 3:52
  elite
• 3:52
  parachute
• 3:53
  team.
• 3:55
  All
• 3:55
  my
• 3:55
  friends
• 3:55
  thought
• 3:56
  I
• 3:56
  was
• 3:56
  crazy.
• 3:56
  I
• 3:57
  said,
• 3:57
  well,
• 3:57
  look,
• 3:57
  if
• 3:57
  I.
• 3:58
  If
• 3:58
  I
• 3:58
  don't
• 3:59
  land
• 3:59
  on
• 3:59
  the
• 3:59
  ground,
• 3:59
  I
• 4:00
  get
• 4:00
  to
• 4:00
  go
• 4:00
  see
• 4:00
  my
• 4:00
  kids.
• 4:00
  If
• 4:01
  I
• 4:01
  land
• 4:01
  on
• 4:01
  the
• 4:01
  ground,
• 4:01
  we'll
• 4:02
  go
• 4:02
  to
• 4:02
  lunch.
• 4:03
  So
• 4:03
  that
• 4:04
  was
• 4:04
  my
• 4:04
  whole
• 4:04
  theory
• 4:04
  on
• 4:05
  it.
• 4:05
  It
• 4:05
  didn't
• 4:05
  matter
• 4:05
  one
• 4:06
  way
• 4:06
  or
• 4:06
  the
• 4:06
  other
• 4:06
  to
• 4:06
  me.
• 4:07
  So
• 4:07
  I
• 4:07
  jumped.
• 4:08
  And
• 4:08
  anyway,
• 4:08
  the
• 4:08
  next
• 4:08
  weekend
• 4:09
  I
• 4:09
  sat
• 4:09
  down
• 4:09
  and
• 4:09
  I
• 4:10
  opened
• 4:10
  my
• 4:10
  computer
• 4:10
  and
• 4:10
  I
• 4:10
  typed
• 4:11
  chapter
• 4:11
  one.
• 4:12
  And
• 4:12
  I
• 4:13
  started
• 4:13
  writing.
• 4:14
  And
• 4:15
  my
• 4:15
  editor
• 4:15
  friend,
• 4:16
  she
• 4:16
  said,
• 4:16
  just
• 4:16
  keep
• 4:16
  writing
• 4:17
  until
• 4:17
  you
• 4:17
  don't
• 4:17
  have
• 4:18
  anything
• 4:18
  else
• 4:18
  to
• 4:18
  say.
• 4:19
  So
• 4:19
  I
• 4:19
  kept
• 4:19
  writing
• 4:19
  and
• 4:19
  writing
• 4:20
  and
• 4:20
  writing,
• 4:20
  writing,
• 4:20
  and
• 4:21
  250,000
• 4:22
  words
• 4:22
  later.
• 4:23
  Wow.
• 4:24
  Which
• 4:24
  is
• 4:24
  more
• 4:24
  than
• 4:25
  War
• 4:25
  and
• 4:25
  Peace.
• 4:26
  She
• 4:26
  said,
• 4:27
  we're
• 4:27
  gonna
• 4:27
  have
• 4:27
  to
• 4:27
  cut.
• 4:27
  Break
• 4:28
  it
• 4:28
  up
• 4:28
  into
• 4:28
  three
• 4:28
  books.
• 4:29
  So
• 4:29
  we'll
• 4:29
  just
• 4:29
  do
• 4:29
  a
• 4:29
  book
• 4:30
  for
• 4:30
  each
• 4:30
  kid,
• 4:31
  and
• 4:31
  then
• 4:31
  everything
• 4:32
  else
• 4:32
  we'll
• 4:32
  throw
• 4:32
  in
• 4:32
  your
• 4:33
  book.
• 4:33
  And
• 4:33
  so
• 4:33
  I
• 4:33
  had
• 4:34
  to
• 4:34
  go
• 4:34
  back
• 4:34
  through
• 4:34
  all
• 4:34
  the
• 4:35
  book,
• 4:35
  all
• 4:35
  the
• 4:35
  books.
• 4:35
  And.
• 4:36
  And
• 4:37
  then,
• 4:37
  well,
• 4:37
  this
• 4:37
  should
• 4:37
  go
• 4:38
  in
• 4:38
  Jeffrey's
• 4:38
  book.
• 4:38
  This
• 4:38
  should
• 4:39
  go
• 4:39
  in
• 4:39
  Bud.
• 4:39
  And
• 4:39
  then
• 4:40
  got
• 4:40
  dumped
• 4:40
  in
• 4:40
  my
• 4:40
  book.
• 4:41
  I
• 4:41
  didn't
• 4:41
  even
• 4:41
  see
• 4:41
  my
• 4:42
  book
• 4:42
  for
• 4:42
  three
• 4:42
  years.
• 4:43
  So.
• 4:44
  Wow.
• 4:45
  And
• 4:45
  then
• 4:45
  the
• 4:45
  attorneys
• 4:46
  got
• 4:46
  a
• 4:46
  hold
• 4:46
  of
• 4:46
  it
• 4:46
  and
• 4:47
  said,
• 4:47
  well,
• 4:47
  you
• 4:47
  know,
• 4:48
  the
• 4:48
  person
• 4:48
  who
• 4:48
  killed
• 4:49
  Jeffrey
• 4:49
  was
• 4:49
  not
• 4:49
  a
• 4:49
  nice
• 4:50
  person.
• 4:50
  So
• 4:50
  said,
• 4:51
  you
• 4:51
  got
• 4:51
  to
• 4:51
  change
• 4:51
  the
• 4:51
  names
• 4:52
  and
• 4:52
  the
• 4:52
  locations
• 4:52
  to
• 4:53
  protect
• 4:53
  the
• 4:53
  innocent
• 4:53
  people.
• 4:54
  So
• 4:54
  I
• 4:54
  had
• 4:54
  to
• 4:54
  go
• 4:54
  back
• 4:54
  through
• 4:54
  three
• 4:55
  books
• 4:55
  and
• 4:55
  do
• 4:55
  all
• 4:55
  that.
• 4:56
  So
• 4:56
  it's
• 4:56
  about
• 4:56
  a
• 4:56
  five
• 4:57
  year
• 4:57
  process
• 4:57
  to
• 4:57
  write
• 4:58
  them
• 4:58
  by
• 4:58
  the
• 4:58
  time
• 4:59
  we
• 4:59
  were
• 4:59
  done,
• 4:59
  but
• 5:00
  they've
• 5:00
  all
• 5:00
  gone
• 5:01
  international
• 5:01
  bestseller
• 5:02
  in
• 5:02
  nine
• 5:02
  countries.
• 5:03
  So
• 5:04
  part
• 5:05
  of
• 5:05
  the
• 5:05
  story
• 5:05
  is
• 5:05
  that
• 5:06
  I
• 5:06
  lost
• 5:06
  my
• 5:06
  entire
• 5:07
  extended
• 5:07
  family.
• 5:07
  They
• 5:08
  don't
• 5:08
  talk
• 5:08
  to
• 5:08
  me
• 5:09
  because
• 5:09
  they
• 5:09
  don't
• 5:09
  know
• 5:09
  what
• 5:09
  to
• 5:10
  say,
• 5:10
  so
• 5:10
  they
• 5:10
  say
• 5:10
  nothing.
• 5:12
  So
• 5:12
  it
• 5:13
  was
• 5:13
  very
• 5:13
  important
• 5:13
  for
• 5:13
  me
• 5:13
  to
• 5:13
  write
• 5:14
  these
• 5:14
  books
• 5:14
  and
• 5:14
  get
• 5:14
  them
• 5:15
  written
• 5:15
  because
• 5:15
  I
• 5:15
  was
• 5:15
  the
• 5:15
  only
• 5:15
  one
• 5:16
  that
• 5:16
  could
• 5:16
  do
• 5:16
  it.
• 5:17
  But
• 5:17
  now
• 5:18
  that
• 5:18
  they're
• 5:18
  written,
• 5:18
  there's
• 5:18
  people
• 5:19
  in
• 5:19
  like,
• 5:19
  Germany,
• 5:20
  Japan,
• 5:21
  England
• 5:22
  that
• 5:22
  know
• 5:22
  my
• 5:22
  kids
• 5:23
  that
• 5:23
  would
• 5:23
  have
• 5:23
  never
• 5:23
  known
• 5:23
  them.
• 5:24
  So
• 5:24
  it's
• 5:24
  kind
• 5:24
  of
• 5:24
  cool.
• 5:25
  And
• 5:27
  so
• 5:27
  that's
• 5:27
  kind
• 5:27
  of
• 5:28
  how
• 5:28
  the
• 5:28
  books
• 5:28
  got
• 5:28
  written.
• 5:29
  But
• 5:29
  they're
• 5:29
  just
• 5:30
  true,
• 5:30
  gut
• 5:31
  wrenching
• 5:31
  stories
• 5:31
  of
• 5:32
  what
• 5:32
  happened,
• 5:32
  their
• 5:33
  life
• 5:33
  stories,
• 5:33
  their
• 5:33
  legacies,
• 5:35
  so
• 5:35
  they'll
• 5:35
  never
• 5:36
  be
• 5:36
  forgotten.
• 5:36
  They're
• 5:36
  cool
• 5:37
  stories,
• 5:37
  really.
• 5:37
  There's
• 5:38
  a
• 5:38
  lot
• 5:38
  of
• 5:38
  pictures
• 5:38
  in
• 5:39
  them.
• 5:40
  You
• 5:40
  know,
• 5:40
  most.
• 5:40
  A
• 5:41
  lot
• 5:41
  of
• 5:41
  times,
• 5:41
  you
• 5:41
  know,
• 5:41
  in
• 5:41
  books,
• 5:41
  they
• 5:42
  put
• 5:42
  the
• 5:42
  pictures
• 5:42
  all
• 5:42
  in
• 5:42
  the
• 5:43
  middle
• 5:43
  in
• 5:43
  a
• 5:43
  section.
• 5:44
  I
• 5:44
  put
• 5:44
  the
• 5:45
  pictures
• 5:45
  right
• 5:45
  where
• 5:45
  you're
• 5:45
  telling
• 5:46
  the
• 5:46
  story
• 5:46
  so
• 5:46
  you
• 5:46
  can
• 5:46
  see
• 5:47
  what
• 5:47
  they
• 5:47
  look
• 5:47
  like
• 5:47
  at
• 5:47
  that
• 5:48
  time.
• 5:48
  Ever.
• 5:48
  It's
• 5:49
  really.
• 5:49
  Yeah,
• 5:50
  yeah.
• 5:50
  I
• 5:50
  love
• 5:50
  that.
• 5:51
  Instead
• 5:51
  of
• 5:51
  having
• 5:51
  just
• 5:51
  a
• 5:52
  section
• 5:52
  of
• 5:52
  20
• 5:52
  pages
• 5:53
  in
• 5:53
  the
• 5:53
  middle
• 5:53
  and
• 5:53
  you're
• 5:53
  like,
• 5:53
  oh,
• 5:54
  what's
• 5:54
  this?
• 5:54
  When
• 5:54
  was
• 5:54
  this?
• 5:54
  And
• 5:55
  you
• 5:55
  have
• 5:55
  to
• 5:55
  kind
• 5:55
  of
• 5:55
  go
• 5:56
  back
• 5:56
  and
• 5:56
  try
• 5:56
  to
• 5:56
  reference
• 5:56
  and
• 5:57
  it
• 5:57
  just
• 5:57
  never
• 5:57
  works
• 5:58
  anyway.
• 5:58
  No,
• 5:58
  I'm
• 5:58
  like,
• 5:59
  I
• 5:59
  want
• 5:59
  to
• 5:59
  do
• 5:59
  that.
• 6:00
  No,
• 6:01
  yeah,
• 6:01
  no,
• 6:01
  I
• 6:01
  absolutely
• 6:02
  love
• 6:02
  that.
• 6:03
  So
• 6:03
  tell
• 6:04
  the
• 6:04
  audience
• 6:05
  because
• 6:05
  that
• 6:06
  just
• 6:06
  seems,
• 6:07
  I
• 6:07
  mean,
• 6:08
  like
• 6:08
  a
• 6:08
  lot
• 6:08
  to
• 6:08
  get
• 6:08
  through.
• 6:09
  And
• 6:09
  you
• 6:09
  made
• 6:09
  the
• 6:10
  comment,
• 6:10
  you
• 6:10
  know,
• 6:10
  if
• 6:10
  I
• 6:10
  jumped,
• 6:11
  I
• 6:11
  jumped.
• 6:11
  If
• 6:11
  I
• 6:11
  landed,
• 6:12
  I
• 6:12
  landed.
• 6:12
  And
• 6:12
  I
• 6:12
  know
• 6:13
  a
• 6:13
  lot
• 6:13
  of
• 6:13
  people
• 6:13
  have
• 6:14
  been
• 6:14
  there.
• 6:15
  So.
• 6:15
  So
• 6:15
  what
• 6:15
  did
• 6:15
  you
• 6:16
  do?
• 6:16
  Like,
• 6:16
  what
• 6:16
  was
• 6:16
  your.
• 6:18
  What
• 6:18
  was
• 6:18
  the.
• 6:19
  I
• 6:19
  guess
• 6:19
  not
• 6:19
  the
• 6:20
  moment,
• 6:20
  but
• 6:20
  even.
• 6:21
  What
• 6:21
  made
• 6:21
  you
• 6:21
  decide,
• 6:22
  hey,
• 6:22
  I
• 6:22
  want
• 6:22
  to
• 6:22
  do
• 6:23
  something
• 6:23
  else,
• 6:23
  I'm
• 6:23
  going
• 6:24
  to
• 6:24
  get
• 6:24
  through
• 6:24
  this?
• 6:24
  Or
• 6:24
  how
• 6:25
  did
• 6:25
  you
• 6:25
  get
• 6:25
  through
• 6:25
  it?
• 6:26
  Well,
• 6:27
  the
• 6:27
  first
• 6:27
  thing
• 6:27
  I
• 6:27
  did
• 6:27
  is
• 6:28
  I
• 6:28
  was,
• 6:28
  you
• 6:29
  know,
• 6:29
  I
• 6:29
  told
• 6:29
  you
• 6:29
  I
• 6:29
  was
• 6:29
  a
• 6:29
  single
• 6:30
  mom
• 6:30
  from
• 6:30
  when
• 6:30
  they
• 6:30
  were
• 6:30
  three
• 6:30
  and
• 6:31
  eight
• 6:31
  months
• 6:31
  old.
• 6:32
  And
• 6:32
  I
• 6:32
  always
• 6:32
  told
• 6:33
  them
• 6:33
  how
• 6:33
  important
• 6:33
  an
• 6:33
  education
• 6:34
  was.
• 6:34
  And
• 6:34
  I
• 6:34
  guess
• 6:35
  somewhere
• 6:35
  along
• 6:35
  the
• 6:35
  line
• 6:35
  I
• 6:36
  promised
• 6:36
  them
• 6:36
  when
• 6:36
  they
• 6:36
  grew
• 6:37
  up,
• 6:37
  I'd
• 6:37
  go
• 6:37
  to
• 6:37
  college
• 6:37
  and
• 6:38
  get
• 6:38
  a
• 6:38
  easier
• 6:39
  job
• 6:40
  because
• 6:41
  I
• 6:41
  was
• 6:41
  a
• 6:41
  police
• 6:41
  officer.
• 6:42
  And
• 6:42
  then
• 6:42
  I
• 6:42
  was
• 6:42
  a
• 6:42
  truck
• 6:42
  driver
• 6:43
  for
• 6:43
  14
• 6:43
  years.
• 6:44
  So
• 6:45
  when
• 6:45
  Jeffrey
• 6:46
  was
• 6:46
  killed,
• 6:46
  Bud
• 6:46
  looked
• 6:47
  at
• 6:47
  me
• 6:47
  and
• 6:47
  he
• 6:47
  goes,
• 6:47
  why
• 6:48
  don't
• 6:48
  you
• 6:48
  go
• 6:48
  to
• 6:48
  college?
• 6:49
  He
• 6:49
  said,
• 6:49
  we
• 6:49
  grew
• 6:50
  up.
• 6:50
  So
• 6:50
  he
• 6:51
  kind
• 6:51
  of
• 6:51
  called
• 6:51
  me
• 6:51
  on
• 6:51
  it.
• 6:51
  So
• 6:52
  we
• 6:52
  started
• 6:52
  going
• 6:52
  to
• 6:52
  college
• 6:53
  together
• 6:53
  and
• 6:53
  then
• 6:53
  he
• 6:53
  was
• 6:54
  killed.
• 6:54
  So
• 6:54
  anyway,
• 6:55
  I
• 6:55
  went
• 6:55
  on.
• 6:55
  I
• 6:55
  got
• 6:55
  a
• 6:56
  bachelor's
• 6:56
  and
• 6:56
  master's
• 6:56
  degree
• 6:57
  in
• 6:57
  their
• 6:57
  honor.
• 6:58
  But
• 6:59
  then
• 6:59
  I
• 6:59
  had
• 6:59
  to
• 6:59
  find
• 7:00
  another
• 7:00
  purpose.
• 7:00
  Every
• 7:01
  time
• 7:01
  I
• 7:01
  finished
• 7:02
  something,
• 7:02
  I
• 7:02
  had
• 7:02
  to
• 7:02
  find
• 7:02
  another
• 7:03
  purpose
• 7:03
  because
• 7:04
  then
• 7:04
  I.
• 7:05
  And
• 7:05
  then
• 7:05
  I
• 7:05
  found
• 7:05
  the
• 7:06
  gold
• 7:06
  Star
• 7:06
  mothers
• 7:06
  and
• 7:07
  I
• 7:07
  got
• 7:07
  involved
• 7:07
  with
• 7:07
  them
• 7:07
  and
• 7:08
  serve,
• 7:09
  you
• 7:09
  know,
• 7:09
  as
• 7:09
  a
• 7:09
  president
• 7:10
  in
• 7:10
  their
• 7:10
  chapter.
• 7:10
  And
• 7:11
  we
• 7:11
  do
• 7:11
  a
• 7:11
  lot
• 7:11
  of
• 7:12
  volunteer
• 7:12
  work,
• 7:12
  give
• 7:12
  back
• 7:13
  to
• 7:13
  the
• 7:13
  veterans,
• 7:13
  the
• 7:14
  VA
• 7:14
  hospital,
• 7:15
  the
• 7:15
  community.
• 7:16
  And
• 7:17
  so
• 7:17
  that
• 7:17
  helps
• 7:18
  by
• 7:18
  giving
• 7:18
  back
• 7:18
  and
• 7:19
  helping
• 7:19
  other
• 7:20
  people.
• 7:21
  And
• 7:21
  then,
• 7:22
  then
• 7:22
  I
• 7:23
  wrote
• 7:23
  the
• 7:23
  books
• 7:23
  and
• 7:23
  then
• 7:24
  now
• 7:24
  that
• 7:24
  the
• 7:24
  books
• 7:24
  are
• 7:24
  done,
• 7:24
  I
• 7:25
  got
• 7:25
  to
• 7:25
  find
• 7:25
  out
• 7:25
  what
• 7:25
  my
• 7:25
  next
• 7:26
  thing
• 7:26
  is.
• 7:26
  So
• 7:26
  I
• 7:26
  think
• 7:26
  it's
• 7:27
  going
• 7:27
  to
• 7:27
  be
• 7:27
  speaking
• 7:28
  and
• 7:28
  sharing
• 7:29
  the
• 7:29
  story
• 7:30
  so
• 7:30
  that
• 7:30
  people
• 7:32
  can
• 7:32
  help
• 7:32
  other
• 7:32
  people.
• 7:33
  So
• 7:34
  well,
• 7:34
  and
• 7:34
  you
• 7:35
  made,
• 7:35
  yeah,
• 7:36
  and
• 7:36
  you
• 7:36
  made
• 7:36
  the
• 7:36
  comment
• 7:36
  right
• 7:36
  in
• 7:37
  the
• 7:37
  beginning.
• 7:37
  There's
• 7:37
  no
• 7:38
  timeline
• 7:38
  for
• 7:39
  grief.
• 7:39
  Like,
• 7:40
  and
• 7:40
  I
• 7:40
  have
• 7:40
  a
• 7:41
  very
• 7:41
  good
• 7:42
  friend
• 7:42
  who
• 7:42
  is
• 7:42
  a
• 7:42
  grief
• 7:43
  coach.
• 7:44
  And
• 7:44
  that's
• 7:45
  one
• 7:45
  of
• 7:45
  the
• 7:45
  biggest
• 7:46
  things
• 7:46
  is
• 7:46
  she
• 7:46
  says
• 7:47
  that,
• 7:47
  you
• 7:47
  know,
• 7:47
  some
• 7:48
  people,
• 7:48
  like,
• 7:48
  there's
• 7:49
  nothing
• 7:49
  worse
• 7:49
  than
• 7:49
  saying,
• 7:50
  well,
• 7:50
  it's
• 7:50
  been
• 7:50
  a
• 7:50
  year,
• 7:51
  get
• 7:51
  over
• 7:51
  it.
• 7:51
  It's
• 7:52
  been
• 7:52
  five
• 7:52
  years,
• 7:53
  get
• 7:53
  over
• 7:53
  it.
• 7:54
  It's
• 7:54
  so
• 7:55
  unique
• 7:55
  to
• 7:55
  each
• 7:55
  individual
• 7:56
  person.
• 7:57
  And
• 7:57
  I,
• 7:58
  I
• 7:58
  mean
• 7:58
  even
• 7:58
  just
• 7:59
  speaking,
• 7:59
  like
• 8:00
  just
• 8:01
  to
• 8:01
  be
• 8:01
  able
• 8:01
  to
• 8:01
  tell
• 8:01
  people
• 8:03
  how
• 8:03
  to
• 8:03
  handle,
• 8:03
  you
• 8:04
  know,
• 8:04
  how
• 8:04
  to
• 8:04
  help
• 8:04
  and
• 8:05
  how
• 8:05
  to
• 8:05
  help
• 8:05
  people
• 8:05
  navigate
• 8:06
  that.
• 8:06
  Because
• 8:07
  like
• 8:08
  you
• 8:08
  said,
• 8:08
  your
• 8:08
  extended
• 8:09
  family
• 8:09
  doesn't
• 8:09
  know
• 8:10
  what
• 8:10
  to
• 8:10
  say,
• 8:10
  so
• 8:10
  they
• 8:10
  say
• 8:11
  nothing.
• 8:12
  And
• 8:12
  that
• 8:12
  is
• 8:13
  so
• 8:13
  often
• 8:13
  the
• 8:14
  way
• 8:14
  when
• 8:14
  somebody
• 8:15
  has
• 8:15
  a
• 8:15
  loss
• 8:15
  because
• 8:16
  they
• 8:16
  don't
• 8:16
  know
• 8:16
  what
• 8:16
  to
• 8:16
  say.
• 8:17
  And
• 8:17
  it's
• 8:17
  awkward
• 8:18
  and
• 8:18
  uncomfortable
• 8:19
  and
• 8:19
  it's
• 8:19
  like.
• 8:19
  So
• 8:20
  like
• 8:20
  in
• 8:20
  her
• 8:20
  book
• 8:21
  she
• 8:21
  puts
• 8:21
  a
• 8:21
  whole
• 8:22
  section
• 8:22
  on
• 8:22
  like
• 8:23
  what
• 8:23
  not
• 8:23
  to
• 8:24
  say,
• 8:24
  what
• 8:24
  to
• 8:24
  say
• 8:25
  to
• 8:25
  help
• 8:25
  people
• 8:25
  through.
• 8:26
  Because
• 8:28
  for
• 8:28
  the
• 8:28
  longest
• 8:28
  time,
• 8:29
  like
• 8:29
  nobody.
• 8:29
  And
• 8:29
  it
• 8:30
  might
• 8:30
  have
• 8:30
  happened
• 8:30
  with
• 8:30
  your
• 8:31
  boys,
• 8:31
  nobody
• 8:31
  said
• 8:32
  their
• 8:32
  name.
• 8:32
  It
• 8:32
  was
• 8:33
  like
• 8:33
  their
• 8:33
  name.
• 8:33
  They,
• 8:34
  nobody
• 8:34
  wanted
• 8:34
  to
• 8:34
  say
• 8:35
  the
• 8:35
  name.
• 8:35
  And
• 8:35
  she's
• 8:36
  like,
• 8:36
  no.
• 8:36
  And
• 8:36
  it
• 8:36
  was
• 8:36
  her,
• 8:37
  wasn't
• 8:37
  her
• 8:37
  child,
• 8:38
  it
• 8:38
  was
• 8:38
  her,
• 8:39
  her
• 8:39
  spouse.
• 8:40
  She
• 8:40
  lost.
• 8:40
  But
• 8:41
  she's
• 8:41
  like,
• 8:41
  I
• 8:41
  wanted
• 8:42
  to
• 8:42
  hear
• 8:42
  his
• 8:42
  name,
• 8:43
  like
• 8:43
  be
• 8:44
  other
• 8:44
  people,
• 8:44
  validate
• 8:45
  that
• 8:45
  they
• 8:45
  knew
• 8:46
  him
• 8:46
  and
• 8:46
  loved
• 8:47
  him
• 8:47
  and.
• 8:48
  Yeah,
• 8:48
  yeah.
• 8:49
  That's
• 8:49
  one
• 8:49
  of
• 8:49
  the
• 8:49
  things
• 8:49
  that
• 8:50
  gold
• 8:50
  star
• 8:50
  mothers
• 8:50
  do
• 8:50
  at
• 8:51
  the
• 8:51
  end
• 8:51
  of
• 8:51
  every
• 8:51
  meeting
• 8:52
  is
• 8:52
  they
• 8:52
  go
• 8:52
  around
• 8:52
  the
• 8:53
  room
• 8:53
  and
• 8:53
  you
• 8:53
  say
• 8:53
  your
• 8:53
  child's
• 8:54
  name
• 8:54
  and.
• 8:55
  Yeah,
• 8:55
  right.
• 8:56
  Service.
• 8:56
  Yeah.
• 8:57
  So
• 8:57
  it's
• 8:57
  kind
• 8:57
  of
• 8:58
  cool
• 8:58
  because
• 8:58
  then,
• 8:59
  then
• 8:59
  like
• 8:59
  you
• 8:59
  say
• 9:00
  you
• 9:00
  hear
• 9:00
  it,
• 9:00
  you
• 9:01
  get
• 9:01
  to
• 9:01
  hear.
• 9:02
  Yeah,
• 9:03
  because
• 9:04
  you're
• 9:04
  not
• 9:04
  going
• 9:04
  to
• 9:04
  ever
• 9:04
  forget.
• 9:05
  It's
• 9:05
  not
• 9:05
  like
• 9:05
  if
• 9:05
  nobody
• 9:06
  says
• 9:06
  their
• 9:06
  name,
• 9:06
  you're
• 9:07
  going
• 9:07
  to
• 9:07
  forget
• 9:07
  them,
• 9:07
  you
• 9:08
  know?
• 9:08
  Yeah.
• 9:09
  It's
• 9:09
  like
• 9:09
  just
• 9:10
  talk
• 9:10
  about
• 9:11
  them,
• 9:11
  have
• 9:12
  memories,
• 9:12
  have
• 9:13
  fond
• 9:13
  memories,
• 9:13
  whatever.
• 9:14
  So.
• 9:15
  And
• 9:15
  they,
• 9:15
  you
• 9:16
  say
• 9:16
  they
• 9:16
  were
• 9:16
  born
• 9:16
  on
• 9:16
  the
• 9:16
  same
• 9:17
  day,
• 9:18
  July
• 9:18
  17,
• 9:19
  wasn't
• 9:19
  black.
• 9:20
  This
• 9:20
  is
• 9:20
  how
• 9:20
  they
• 9:21
  came
• 9:21
  out.
• 9:22
  First
• 9:23
  off,
• 9:23
  my
• 9:23
  mother
• 9:24
  in
• 9:24
  law,
• 9:24
  when
• 9:24
  I
• 9:25
  got
• 9:25
  pregnant
• 9:25
  with
• 9:25
  the
• 9:25
  first
• 9:25
  one,
• 9:26
  she
• 9:26
  said,
• 9:26
  you'll
• 9:26
  never
• 9:26
  have
• 9:26
  a
• 9:27
  boy.
• 9:27
  It
• 9:27
  took
• 9:27
  me
• 9:27
  five
• 9:28
  girls
• 9:28
  to
• 9:28
  get
• 9:28
  a
• 9:28
  boy.
• 9:29
  And
• 9:30
  I
• 9:30
  said,
• 9:30
  okay,
• 9:30
  so
• 9:30
  then
• 9:31
  I
• 9:31
  had
• 9:31
  a
• 9:31
  boy.
• 9:31
  So
• 9:32
  they
• 9:32
  named
• 9:32
  him
• 9:32
  the
• 9:32
  fourth.
• 9:34
  The
• 9:35
  one
• 9:35
  I
• 9:35
  was
• 9:35
  married
• 9:35
  to
• 9:35
  was
• 9:35
  a
• 9:36
  third.
• 9:36
  So
• 9:36
  he
• 9:36
  became
• 9:36
  the
• 9:36
  fourth.
• 9:37
  I
• 9:37
  said,
• 9:37
  well,
• 9:37
  I'll
• 9:37
  never
• 9:37
  call
• 9:38
  him
• 9:38
  that
• 9:38
  name.
• 9:39
  So
• 9:39
  I
• 9:39
  called
• 9:40
  him
• 9:40
  my
• 9:40
  little
• 9:40
  buddy.
• 9:40
  And
• 9:41
  a
• 9:41
  little
• 9:41
  western
• 9:41
  belt
• 9:41
  buckle,
• 9:42
  he
• 9:42
  wore
• 9:42
  that
• 9:42
  said
• 9:43
  Buddy
• 9:43
  on
• 9:43
  it.
• 9:43
  And
• 9:43
  then
• 9:44
  about
• 9:44
  junior
• 9:44
  high,
• 9:44
  it
• 9:45
  got
• 9:45
  shortened
• 9:45
  to
• 9:45
  Buddha.
• 9:46
  And
• 9:47
  then
• 9:47
  when
• 9:47
  he
• 9:47
  was
• 9:47
  in
• 9:47
  the
• 9:48
  navy,
• 9:48
  he
• 9:48
  said,
• 9:48
  mom,
• 9:49
  I
• 9:49
  can
• 9:49
  walk
• 9:49
  into
• 9:50
  any
• 9:50
  bar
• 9:50
  and
• 9:51
  see
• 9:51
  a
• 9:51
  girl
• 9:51
  and
• 9:51
  walk
• 9:52
  up
• 9:52
  and
• 9:52
  say,
• 9:52
  this
• 9:52
  bud's
• 9:53
  for
• 9:53
  you.
• 9:55
  I
• 9:55
  go,
• 9:55
  really?
• 9:55
  Does
• 9:55
  that
• 9:56
  work
• 9:56
  mine?
• 9:56
  He
• 9:56
  goes,
• 9:56
  mom,
• 9:57
  you
• 9:57
  don't
• 9:57
  even
• 9:57
  want
• 9:57
  to
• 9:57
  know.
• 10:00
  He
• 10:00
  was
• 10:00
  cute.
• 10:01
  They
• 10:01
  were
• 10:01
  both
• 10:01
  6
• 10:01
  foot
• 10:02
  3,
• 10:02
  blonde
• 10:02
  haired,
• 10:03
  blue
• 10:03
  eyed
• 10:03
  surfer
• 10:03
  dudes.
• 10:04
  They
• 10:04
  love
• 10:04
  the
• 10:04
  water.
• 10:05
  Anything
• 10:05
  to
• 10:05
  do
• 10:05
  with
• 10:05
  the
• 10:06
  water.
• 10:06
  But.
• 10:07
  But
• 10:07
  you're
• 10:07
  right
• 10:07
  there.
• 10:08
  You
• 10:09
  never
• 10:09
  get
• 10:09
  over.
• 10:10
  I
• 10:10
  got
• 10:10
  about
• 10:10
  30
• 10:10
  seconds
• 10:11
  in
• 10:11
  the
• 10:11
  morning
• 10:11
  when
• 10:11
  I
• 10:12
  first
• 10:12
  wake
• 10:12
  up
• 10:12
  that
• 10:12
  I
• 10:12
  don't
• 10:13
  remember
• 10:13
  it.
• 10:14
  And
• 10:14
  then
• 10:15
  I
• 10:15
  remember
• 10:15
  it.
• 10:16
  So
• 10:16
  that's
• 10:16
  when
• 10:16
  I
• 10:16
  learned
• 10:17
  it.
• 10:17
  It's
• 10:18
  resilience.
• 10:18
  That's,
• 10:19
  you
• 10:19
  know,
• 10:19
  I
• 10:19
  didn't
• 10:20
  wake
• 10:20
  up
• 10:20
  one
• 10:20
  day
• 10:20
  and
• 10:20
  say,
• 10:20
  all
• 10:20
  right,
• 10:21
  I'm
• 10:21
  over
• 10:21
  this,
• 10:21
  I'm
• 10:21
  going
• 10:21
  to
• 10:21
  move
• 10:22
  on.
• 10:22
  You
• 10:22
  know,
• 10:22
  yada,
• 10:22
  yada.
• 10:23
  No,
• 10:23
  it's
• 10:23
  every
• 10:24
  day.
• 10:24
  It's.
• 10:24
  Some
• 10:25
  days
• 10:25
  are
• 10:25
  better
• 10:25
  than
• 10:25
  other
• 10:26
  days,
• 10:27
  right?
• 10:27
  And
• 10:28
  we
• 10:28
  have
• 10:28
  their
• 10:28
  birthday,
• 10:29
  which
• 10:29
  is
• 10:29
  a
• 10:29
  bad
• 10:29
  day.
• 10:30
  We
• 10:30
  always
• 10:30
  go
• 10:30
  out
• 10:30
  to
• 10:30
  dinner.
• 10:31
  My
• 10:31
  spouse
• 10:31
  is
• 10:31
  always
• 10:32
  gets
• 10:33
  reservations
• 10:33
  for
• 10:33
  four
• 10:34
  and
• 10:34
  only
• 10:34
  two
• 10:34
  show
• 10:34
  up.
• 10:35
  And
• 10:35
  then
• 10:35
  we
• 10:35
  tell
• 10:35
  them
• 10:36
  why
• 10:36
  we're
• 10:36
  there.
• 10:36
  And
• 10:37
  then
• 10:37
  they're
• 10:37
  always
• 10:37
  very
• 10:37
  nice
• 10:38
  about
• 10:38
  it.
• 10:39
  And
• 10:39
  then
• 10:39
  their
• 10:40
  death
• 10:40
  days,
• 10:40
  which
• 10:40
  is
• 10:41
  March
• 10:41
  26th
• 10:41
  and
• 10:42
  August
• 10:42
  28th.
• 10:43
  And.
• 10:44
  And
• 10:44
  then
• 10:44
  of
• 10:44
  course,
• 10:44
  you
• 10:44
  got
• 10:44
  to
• 10:45
  get
• 10:45
  through
• 10:45
  the
• 10:45
  holidays.
• 10:45
  So
• 10:46
  we
• 10:46
  don't
• 10:46
  do
• 10:47
  the
• 10:47
  holidays
• 10:47
  anymore.
• 10:48
  What
• 10:48
  we
• 10:48
  do
• 10:48
  is
• 10:48
  we
• 10:48
  have
• 10:48
  a
• 10:49
  dinner
• 10:49
  for
• 10:49
  people
• 10:49
  who
• 10:50
  would
• 10:50
  sit
• 10:50
  at
• 10:50
  home
• 10:50
  alone
• 10:52
  so
• 10:52
  that
• 10:53
  as
• 10:53
  few
• 10:53
  as
• 10:53
  four
• 10:54
  and
• 10:54
  as
• 10:54
  many
• 10:54
  as
• 10:54
  24.
• 10:55
  And
• 10:55
  we
• 10:55
  just
• 10:55
  provide
• 10:56
  them
• 10:56
  dinner
• 10:56
  and
• 10:56
  you
• 10:57
  know,
• 10:57
  watch
• 10:57
  football
• 10:58
  or
• 10:58
  whatever.
• 10:58
  And
• 10:59
  on
• 10:59
  Christmas,
• 11:00
  Thanksgiving,
• 11:01
  Christmas
• 11:01
  and
• 11:01
  Easter,
• 11:01
  we
• 11:02
  do
• 11:02
  that.
• 11:02
  So.
• 11:03
  Right.
• 11:03
  Yeah.
• 11:04
  So
• 11:04
  it's
• 11:04
  just
• 11:04
  been
• 11:05
  giving
• 11:05
  back
• 11:05
  and
• 11:06
  help,
• 11:06
  you
• 11:06
  know,
• 11:06
  sharing
• 11:06
  with
• 11:07
  others
• 11:07
  because
• 11:08
  being
• 11:08
  alone
• 11:08
  is
• 11:08
  a
• 11:08
  lonely
• 11:09
  place
• 11:09
  to
• 11:09
  be.
• 11:10
  Yeah,
• 11:11
  absolutely.
• 11:11
  And
• 11:11
  you
• 11:12
  need
• 11:12
  to
• 11:12
  be.
• 11:12
  It
• 11:13
  always
• 11:13
  helps
• 11:14
  to
• 11:14
  be
• 11:14
  around
• 11:14
  people
• 11:14
  and
• 11:14
  be
• 11:15
  with
• 11:15
  people.
• 11:16
  So
• 11:16
  you
• 11:16
  went
• 11:16
  back
• 11:17
  and
• 11:17
  you
• 11:17
  got
• 11:17
  your.
• 11:18
  Well,
• 11:18
  you're.
• 11:18
  You
• 11:19
  have
• 11:19
  a
• 11:19
  Dr.
• 11:19
  Katie
• 11:20
  Wagner.
• 11:20
  What
• 11:20
  did
• 11:21
  you
• 11:21
  get?
• 11:22
  Well,
• 11:22
  I
• 11:22
  went
• 11:22
  to
• 11:22
  school
• 11:23
  and
• 11:23
  I
• 11:23
  got
• 11:23
  a
• 11:23
  bachelor's
• 11:24
  and
• 11:24
  master's
• 11:24
  degree
• 11:24
  in
• 11:24
  their
• 11:25
  honor.
• 11:25
  There's
• 11:25
  a
• 11:26
  plaque
• 11:26
  out
• 11:26
  at
• 11:26
  Cal
• 11:27
  State
• 11:27
  on
• 11:27
  the
• 11:27
  wall
• 11:27
  that
• 11:28
  says
• 11:28
  I
• 11:28
  did
• 11:28
  it
• 11:28
  for
• 11:28
  them.
• 11:29
  And
• 11:29
  then
• 11:30
  In
• 11:31
  September
• 11:32
  of
• 11:32
  22,
• 11:34
  the
• 11:34
  college
• 11:35
  contacted
• 11:36
  me
• 11:36
  and
• 11:36
  I
• 11:36
  guess
• 11:36
  somebody
• 11:37
  had
• 11:37
  told
• 11:37
  them
• 11:37
  that
• 11:38
  with
• 11:38
  my
• 11:38
  transcripts
• 11:39
  because
• 11:39
  I
• 11:39
  graduated
• 11:40
  first
• 11:40
  in
• 11:40
  my
• 11:40
  class
• 11:40
  with
• 11:41
  highest
• 11:41
  honors
• 11:41
  and
• 11:42
  seven
• 11:44
  honor
• 11:45
  society
• 11:45
  membership,
• 11:46
  lifetime
• 11:46
  memberships
• 11:47
  and
• 11:47
  all
• 11:47
  that
• 11:47
  stuff.
• 11:47
  So
• 11:48
  I
• 11:48
  did
• 11:48
  really
• 11:48
  well.
• 11:48
  But
• 11:49
  I
• 11:49
  did
• 11:49
  it
• 11:49
  for
• 11:49
  them.
• 11:50
  And
• 11:50
  then
• 11:51
  I've
• 11:51
  written
• 11:51
  the
• 11:51
  books
• 11:52
  and
• 11:52
  I
• 11:52
  do
• 11:52
  all
• 11:52
  this
• 11:52
  stuff
• 11:53
  for
• 11:53
  the
• 11:53
  Gold
• 11:53
  Star
• 11:53
  mothers
• 11:54
  and
• 11:54
  stuff.
• 11:54
  So
• 11:55
  they,
• 11:55
  they
• 11:55
  made
• 11:55
  me,
• 11:56
  had
• 11:56
  me
• 11:56
  send
• 11:56
  that
• 11:56
  in,
• 11:57
  send
• 11:57
  my
• 11:57
  books
• 11:57
  in
• 11:58
  and
• 11:58
  they
• 11:58
  put
• 11:58
  it
• 11:58
  all
• 11:59
  together
• 11:59
  and
• 11:59
  they,
• 11:59
  so
• 11:59
  they
• 11:59
  offered
• 12:00
  me
• 12:00
  an
• 12:00
  honorary
• 12:01
  doctorate
• 12:01
  of
• 12:01
  humanity.
• 12:03
  So
• 12:04
  I
• 12:04
  took
• 12:04
  it.
• 12:05
  That
• 12:05
  looks
• 12:05
  good
• 12:05
  on
• 12:05
  my
• 12:06
  books.
• 12:06
  Well,
• 12:07
  I
• 12:07
  mean
• 12:07
  it's
• 12:07
  very
• 12:08
  cool.
• 12:08
  And
• 12:08
  it's,
• 12:09
  you
• 12:09
  know,
• 12:09
  there's
• 12:10
  so
• 12:10
  much,
• 12:10
  so
• 12:10
  much
• 12:10
  more
• 12:10
  of
• 12:10
  a
• 12:11
  story
• 12:11
  behind
• 12:11
  it.
• 12:11
  Like
• 12:12
  that's,
• 12:12
  that's
• 12:13
  pretty
• 12:13
  cool
• 12:13
  because
• 12:13
  I've
• 12:13
  never
• 12:13
  heard
• 12:14
  anything
• 12:14
  like
• 12:14
  that.
• 12:14
  So
• 12:15
  that's
• 12:15
  really
• 12:16
  neat
• 12:16
  when
• 12:17
  they
• 12:17
  give
• 12:17
  the
• 12:17
  honorary
• 12:17
  one.
• 12:18
  It's
• 12:18
  based
• 12:18
  on
• 12:18
  what
• 12:18
  you've
• 12:19
  done
• 12:19
  and
• 12:19
  given
• 12:19
  to
• 12:19
  society
• 12:20
  or,
• 12:21
  you
• 12:21
  know.
• 12:22
  Right.
• 12:25
  So
• 12:25
  what
• 12:25
  would
• 12:25
  you
• 12:26
  say?
• 12:26
  I
• 12:26
  mean,
• 12:26
  I
• 12:27
  like
• 12:27
  to
• 12:27
  always
• 12:27
  kind
• 12:28
  of
• 12:28
  end
• 12:28
  things
• 12:29
  or
• 12:29
  start
• 12:29
  things
• 12:29
  or
• 12:30
  whatever
• 12:30
  with
• 12:31
  a
• 12:31
  tip
• 12:31
  or
• 12:31
  trick.
• 12:32
  So
• 12:32
  for
• 12:33
  somebody
• 12:33
  who
• 12:33
  has
• 12:33
  had
• 12:34
  that
• 12:34
  kind
• 12:34
  of.
• 12:34
  I
• 12:35
  mean
• 12:35
  that's
• 12:36
  inexplicable
• 12:37
  loss,
• 12:38
  you
• 12:38
  know
• 12:38
  what
• 12:38
  I
• 12:38
  mean?
• 12:39
  Just
• 12:39
  two
• 12:39
  in
• 12:40
  that
• 12:40
  many
• 12:40
  years.
• 12:41
  And
• 12:41
  what
• 12:42
  would
• 12:42
  you
• 12:42
  say
• 12:42
  is
• 12:43
  maybe
• 12:43
  something
• 12:44
  like
• 12:44
  when
• 12:44
  you
• 12:44
  wake
• 12:44
  up
• 12:45
  in
• 12:45
  the
• 12:45
  morning
• 12:45
  and
• 12:46
  you
• 12:46
  get
• 12:46
  that
• 12:46
  30
• 12:47
  seconds
• 12:47
  of
• 12:47
  I
• 12:47
  don't
• 12:48
  remember
• 12:48
  and
• 12:48
  then
• 12:48
  it
• 12:48
  hits
• 12:49
  in.
• 12:49
  What
• 12:50
  do
• 12:50
  you
• 12:50
  do
• 12:50
  to
• 12:50
  get
• 12:50
  through
• 12:51
  that?
• 12:51
  Well,
• 12:52
  I
• 12:52
  think
• 12:53
  I
• 12:53
  always
• 12:53
  tell
• 12:53
  people
• 12:54
  three
• 12:54
  things.
• 12:54
  One,
• 12:55
  you
• 12:55
  got
• 12:55
  to
• 12:55
  find
• 12:55
  your
• 12:56
  new
• 12:56
  purpose
• 12:56
  because
• 12:56
  whatever
• 12:57
  your
• 12:57
  old
• 12:57
  purpose
• 12:57
  was
• 12:58
  doesn't
• 12:59
  exist
• 12:59
  anymore.
• 13:00
  So
• 13:00
  you
• 13:00
  got
• 13:00
  to
• 13:00
  look
• 13:00
  at
• 13:01
  what
• 13:01
  was
• 13:01
  the
• 13:01
  pain
• 13:01
  and
• 13:02
  what
• 13:02
  happened
• 13:02
  to
• 13:02
  you.
• 13:03
  How
• 13:03
  can
• 13:03
  you
• 13:03
  take
• 13:04
  that
• 13:04
  pain
• 13:04
  and
• 13:05
  move
• 13:05
  it
• 13:05
  forward
• 13:05
  and
• 13:06
  help
• 13:06
  other
• 13:06
  people?
• 13:07
  Because
• 13:07
  if
• 13:07
  you're
• 13:08
  as
• 13:08
  long
• 13:08
  as
• 13:08
  you're
• 13:08
  a
• 13:08
  step
• 13:08
  ahead
• 13:09
  of
• 13:09
  the
• 13:09
  other
• 13:09
  people,
• 13:09
  you
• 13:10
  can
• 13:10
  help
• 13:10
  other
• 13:10
  people
• 13:11
  and
• 13:11
  help
• 13:12
  them
• 13:12
  move
• 13:12
  out
• 13:12
  of
• 13:12
  that
• 13:13
  spot
• 13:13
  because
• 13:13
  you
• 13:13
  know
• 13:13
  how
• 13:13
  horrible
• 13:14
  it
• 13:14
  is.
• 13:14
  So,
• 13:15
  you
• 13:15
  know,
• 13:16
  help
• 13:16
  them
• 13:16
  move
• 13:17
  out.
• 13:17
  The
• 13:17
  second
• 13:18
  thing
• 13:18
  I
• 13:18
  say
• 13:18
  is
• 13:18
  to
• 13:19
  find
• 13:19
  a
• 13:19
  group
• 13:19
  of
• 13:19
  like
• 13:19
  minded
• 13:20
  people
• 13:20
  like
• 13:21
  the
• 13:21
  Gold
• 13:21
  Star
• 13:21
  mothers
• 13:22
  for
• 13:22
  me
• 13:23
  that
• 13:23
  to
• 13:23
  be
• 13:23
  a
• 13:24
  gold
• 13:24
  star
• 13:24
  mother
• 13:24
  you
• 13:24
  have
• 13:25
  to
• 13:25
  lost
• 13:25
  a
• 13:25
  child.
• 13:26
  There's
• 13:26
  no
• 13:26
  other
• 13:26
  way
• 13:26
  you're
• 13:27
  going
• 13:27
  to
• 13:27
  get
• 13:27
  in
• 13:28
  so
• 13:28
  you
• 13:28
  don't
• 13:28
  have
• 13:29
  to
• 13:29
  talk
• 13:29
  about
• 13:29
  it
• 13:29
  or
• 13:30
  you
• 13:30
  can
• 13:30
  talk
• 13:30
  about
• 13:30
  it.
• 13:31
  There's
• 13:31
  some
• 13:31
  mothers
• 13:31
  who
• 13:31
  never
• 13:32
  tell
• 13:32
  their
• 13:32
  story,
• 13:32
  but
• 13:32
  there's
• 13:33
  other
• 13:33
  mothers
• 13:33
  like
• 13:33
  me
• 13:34
  and
• 13:34
  some
• 13:34
  of
• 13:34
  the
• 13:34
  others,
• 13:34
  we
• 13:35
  get
• 13:35
  up
• 13:35
  and
• 13:35
  speak.
• 13:36
  The
• 13:36
  first
• 13:36
  time
• 13:37
  I
• 13:37
  spoke
• 13:37
  at
• 13:37
  an
• 13:37
  event
• 13:38
  there
• 13:38
  were
• 13:38
  600
• 13:38
  people
• 13:39
  and
• 13:39
  I
• 13:40
  was
• 13:40
  standing
• 13:40
  on
• 13:40
  the
• 13:40
  side
• 13:40
  of
• 13:40
  the
• 13:41
  stage
• 13:41
  and
• 13:41
  hopefully
• 13:42
  we
• 13:42
  got
• 13:42
  time
• 13:42
  and
• 13:42
  the
• 13:43
  general,
• 13:43
  three
• 13:44
  star
• 13:44
  general
• 13:44
  got
• 13:44
  up
• 13:44
  before
• 13:45
  me
• 13:45
  and
• 13:45
  he
• 13:45
  says,
• 13:45
  there's
• 13:45
  no
• 13:46
  one
• 13:46
  more
• 13:46
  resilient
• 13:46
  than
• 13:46
  the
• 13:47
  troops.
• 13:47
  They
• 13:47
  go,
• 13:47
  you
• 13:48
  know,
• 13:48
  they
• 13:48
  train,
• 13:48
  they
• 13:48
  go
• 13:49
  to
• 13:49
  war,
• 13:49
  they
• 13:49
  come
• 13:49
  home,
• 13:50
  blah,
• 13:50
  blah,
• 13:50
  blah.
• 13:51
  And
• 13:51
  I
• 13:51
  thought,
• 13:51
  really?
• 13:52
  So
• 13:53
  I
• 13:53
  got
• 13:53
  up
• 13:53
  there
• 13:53
  and
• 13:53
  I
• 13:54
  said,
• 13:54
  I
• 13:54
  beg
• 13:54
  to
• 13:55
  differ
• 13:55
  with
• 13:55
  the
• 13:55
  general.
• 13:55
  But
• 13:56
  I
• 13:56
  think
• 13:56
  there's
• 13:57
  no
• 13:57
  one
• 13:57
  more
• 13:57
  resilient
• 13:57
  than
• 13:58
  a
• 13:58
  mother
• 13:58
  who
• 13:58
  gets
• 13:58
  up
• 13:59
  the
• 13:59
  next
• 13:59
  day
• 13:59
  after
• 13:59
  she's
• 14:00
  been
• 14:00
  told
• 14:00
  her
• 14:00
  child
• 14:00
  is
• 14:01
  never
• 14:01
  coming
• 14:01
  home.
• 14:02
  600
• 14:03
  people.
• 14:03
  The
• 14:03
  whole
• 14:03
  room
• 14:04
  went
• 14:04
  silent.
• 14:05
  I
• 14:06
  mean,
• 14:06
  you
• 14:06
  could.
• 14:07
  Then
• 14:07
  there
• 14:07
  was
• 14:07
  a
• 14:07
  standing
• 14:08
  ovation.
• 14:08
  I
• 14:08
  said,
• 14:09
  all
• 14:09
  right,
• 14:09
  I'm
• 14:09
  supposed
• 14:09
  to
• 14:10
  talk
• 14:10
  about
• 14:10
  resilience.
• 14:11
  That's.
• 14:12
  That's
• 14:12
  what
• 14:12
  it
• 14:12
  is,
• 14:12
  you
• 14:13
  know,
• 14:14
  wow,
• 14:14
  what
• 14:14
  if.
• 14:14
  What
• 14:15
  a
• 14:15
  lead
• 14:15
  in
• 14:15
  too
• 14:16
  to
• 14:16
  a
• 14:16
  great.
• 14:17
  Yeah.
• 14:17
  So
• 14:17
  that's
• 14:17
  what.
• 14:18
  I'm
• 14:18
  assuming
• 14:18
  that's
• 14:18
  what
• 14:18
  your
• 14:19
  talks
• 14:19
  are
• 14:19
  about
• 14:19
  then.
• 14:20
  Resilience.
• 14:21
  Yeah.
• 14:21
  Yeah.
• 14:22
  So.
• 14:22
  And
• 14:22
  the
• 14:23
  third
• 14:23
  thing
• 14:23
  is,
• 14:23
  is
• 14:23
  to
• 14:24
  find
• 14:24
  a
• 14:24
  way
• 14:24
  to
• 14:24
  honor
• 14:25
  your
• 14:25
  loss,
• 14:25
  because
• 14:26
  whatever
• 14:26
  that
• 14:26
  loss
• 14:27
  is,
• 14:28
  we.
• 14:28
  It
• 14:28
  happened
• 14:29
  to
• 14:29
  you
• 14:29
  for
• 14:29
  a
• 14:29
  reason.
• 14:30
  You
• 14:30
  got
• 14:30
  to
• 14:30
  find
• 14:30
  out
• 14:31
  what
• 14:31
  that
• 14:31
  reason
• 14:31
  is
• 14:31
  and
• 14:32
  honor
• 14:32
  it
• 14:32
  and
• 14:32
  then,
• 14:33
  you
• 14:33
  know,
• 14:33
  use
• 14:34
  it
• 14:34
  to
• 14:34
  help
• 14:34
  other
• 14:34
  people.
• 14:35
  And.
• 14:35
  Or
• 14:36
  you're
• 14:37
  just
• 14:37
  going
• 14:37
  to
• 14:37
  sit
• 14:37
  there,
• 14:37
  you
• 14:37
  can,
• 14:37
  you
• 14:37
  can
• 14:38
  do
• 14:38
  drugs,
• 14:38
  you
• 14:38
  can
• 14:38
  drink,
• 14:39
  you
• 14:39
  can
• 14:39
  kill
• 14:39
  yourself,
• 14:40
  but
• 14:40
  you're.
• 14:40
  You
• 14:41
  actually
• 14:41
  did
• 14:41
  it
• 14:41
  for
• 14:41
  a
• 14:42
  purpose.
• 14:42
  It
• 14:42
  happened
• 14:42
  for
• 14:43
  a
• 14:43
  purpose.
• 14:43
  So
• 14:43
  find
• 14:43
  that
• 14:44
  purpose
• 14:44
  and
• 14:44
  move
• 14:45
  forward
• 14:45
  and
• 14:46
  help
• 14:46
  other
• 14:47
  people.
• 14:48
  Absolutely.
• 14:48
  I
• 14:48
  always
• 14:49
  say,
• 14:49
  I
• 14:49
  always
• 14:49
  use,
• 14:49
  and
• 14:50
  it's
• 14:50
  not
• 14:50
  my
• 14:50
  quote,
• 14:50
  but
• 14:51
  the,
• 14:51
  the
• 14:51
  day
• 14:52
  that
• 14:52
  you
• 14:52
  start
• 14:52
  thinking
• 14:53
  about
• 14:53
  things
• 14:53
  as
• 14:54
  happening
• 14:54
  for
• 14:54
  you
• 14:54
  and
• 14:55
  not
• 14:55
  to
• 14:55
  you,
• 14:56
  it
• 14:56
  becomes
• 14:57
  a
• 14:57
  different
• 14:57
  world
• 14:57
  you
• 14:57
  live
• 14:58
  in.
• 14:58
  Your.
• 14:58
  Your
• 14:59
  whole
• 14:59
  mindset
• 15:00
  literally
• 15:00
  shifts
• 15:01
  as.
• 15:02
  Instead
• 15:02
  of
• 15:02
  be
• 15:03
  like
• 15:03
  you,
• 15:03
  like
• 15:03
  you
• 15:04
  said,
• 15:04
  you
• 15:04
  could
• 15:04
  literally
• 15:05
  have
• 15:05
  just
• 15:05
  picked
• 15:06
  up
• 15:06
  the
• 15:06
  bottle,
• 15:07
  stayed
• 15:07
  there
• 15:07
  the
• 15:07
  rest
• 15:07
  of
• 15:08
  your
• 15:08
  life,
• 15:09
  and
• 15:09
  from
• 15:09
  the
• 15:10
  people
• 15:10
  outside
• 15:10
  looking
• 15:11
  in,
• 15:11
  you
• 15:11
  would
• 15:12
  have
• 15:12
  been
• 15:12
  totally
• 15:12
  justified
• 15:13
  in
• 15:13
  doing
• 15:13
  that.
• 15:14
  No
• 15:14
  way.
• 15:16
  Completely
• 15:16
  understood.
• 15:17
  Yeah.
• 15:17
  I
• 15:17
  had
• 15:18
  actually
• 15:18
  got
• 15:18
  my
• 15:19
  eight
• 15:19
  year
• 15:19
  chip
• 15:19
  on
• 15:20
  Friday
• 15:21
  when
• 15:21
  Jeffrey
• 15:22
  was
• 15:22
  murdered
• 15:22
  the
• 15:22
  following
• 15:23
  Monday.
• 15:23
  So
• 15:23
  how
• 15:23
  easy
• 15:24
  would
• 15:24
  it
• 15:24
  have
• 15:24
  been
• 15:24
  to
• 15:25
  go
• 15:25
  back?
• 15:26
  But
• 15:26
  wow,
• 15:27
  I
• 15:27
  had
• 15:27
  Bud
• 15:27
  and
• 15:28
  he
• 15:28
  had
• 15:28
  horrible
• 15:29
  survivor's
• 15:29
  guilt
• 15:29
  because
• 15:30
  he
• 15:30
  didn't
• 15:30
  save
• 15:30
  his
• 15:30
  brother.
• 15:31
  So
• 15:31
  I
• 15:31
  stayed
• 15:31
  to
• 15:32
  help
• 15:32
  him
• 15:32
  and
• 15:32
  then
• 15:32
  two
• 15:32
  years
• 15:33
  later,
• 15:33
  he's
• 15:33
  gone.
• 15:34
  Well,
• 15:34
  now
• 15:34
  I
• 15:34
  really
• 15:34
  have
• 15:35
  no
• 15:35
  reason
• 15:35
  not
• 15:35
  to.
• 15:36
  But
• 15:36
  you
• 15:36
  know
• 15:37
  what?
• 15:37
  They
• 15:37
  were
• 15:37
  so
• 15:37
  proud
• 15:37
  of
• 15:38
  me
• 15:38
  that
• 15:38
  I
• 15:39
  didn't
• 15:39
  drink.
• 15:39
  And
• 15:40
  Now
• 15:40
  I
• 15:40
  have
• 15:40
  33
• 15:40
  years
• 15:41
  in
• 15:41
  their
• 15:41
  honor,
• 15:42
  so
• 15:42
  everything
• 15:42
  I
• 15:42
  do
• 15:43
  is
• 15:43
  in
• 15:43
  their
• 15:43
  honor.
• 15:43
  So.
• 15:44
  Absolutely.
• 15:45
  I
• 15:45
  absolutely
• 15:46
  love
• 15:46
  that.
• 15:47
  And
• 15:48
  yeah,
• 15:48
  and
• 15:49
  I
• 15:49
  mean,
• 15:49
  like
• 15:49
  I
• 15:49
  said,
• 15:49
  you
• 15:50
  can,
• 15:50
  you
• 15:50
  can
• 15:50
  go
• 15:51
  either
• 15:51
  way.
• 15:51
  And
• 15:51
  I
• 15:51
  say
• 15:52
  that
• 15:52
  to
• 15:52
  people
• 15:52
  all
• 15:52
  the
• 15:52
  time.
• 15:53
  It's
• 15:53
  like,
• 15:53
  you
• 15:53
  have
• 15:53
  to.
• 15:54
  It's
• 15:54
  a
• 15:54
  choice
• 15:54
  at
• 15:55
  that
• 15:55
  point
• 15:56
  because
• 15:57
  nobody
• 15:57
  would
• 15:57
  have
• 15:58
  judged
• 15:58
  you
• 15:59
  if
• 15:59
  you
• 15:59
  had
• 16:00
  stayed
• 16:01
  drinking
• 16:01
  or
• 16:01
  whatever
• 16:02
  you
• 16:02
  did.
• 16:02
  And
• 16:02
  they
• 16:03
  would
• 16:03
  have
• 16:03
  been
• 16:03
  like,
• 16:03
  oh
• 16:03
  my
• 16:03
  gosh,
• 16:04
  yes,
• 16:04
  this
• 16:04
  is
• 16:04
  what
• 16:04
  happened.
• 16:05
  We
• 16:06
  understand.
• 16:07
  But
• 16:07
  it's
• 16:07
  like
• 16:07
  now
• 16:08
  you
• 16:08
  have
• 16:08
  a
• 16:08
  purpose
• 16:09
  and
• 16:09
  you're
• 16:10
  helping
• 16:10
  other
• 16:10
  people
• 16:10
  and
• 16:11
  there's
• 16:11
  so
• 16:11
  many
• 16:11
  people
• 16:11
  out
• 16:12
  there.
• 16:12
  It's
• 16:13
  the
• 16:13
  same
• 16:13
  thing
• 16:13
  with
• 16:13
  my
• 16:14
  friend's
• 16:14
  widow
• 16:14
  group.
• 16:16
  So
• 16:16
  many
• 16:18
  have
• 16:18
  turned
• 16:18
  to
• 16:19
  drugs
• 16:19
  and
• 16:19
  alcohol
• 16:20
  to
• 16:20
  just
• 16:20
  numb
• 16:20
  the
• 16:21
  pain
• 16:21
  and.
• 16:22
  Yeah,
• 16:23
  because
• 16:23
  I
• 16:23
  started
• 16:23
  drinking
• 16:23
  when
• 16:24
  I
• 16:24
  was
• 16:24
  7
• 16:25
  because
• 16:25
  I
• 16:25
  found
• 16:25
  out
• 16:26
  I
• 16:26
  had
• 16:26
  a
• 16:26
  very
• 16:27
  abusive
• 16:27
  father.
• 16:28
  And
• 16:28
  I
• 16:28
  found
• 16:28
  out
• 16:29
  if
• 16:29
  you
• 16:29
  were
• 16:29
  numb,
• 16:29
  they
• 16:30
  couldn't
• 16:30
  hurt
• 16:30
  you.
• 16:31
  So
• 16:31
  I
• 16:32
  started
• 16:32
  drinking
• 16:32
  at
• 16:32
  7
• 16:33
  and
• 16:33
  I
• 16:33
  quit
• 16:34
  at
• 16:34
  30,
• 16:34
  33,
• 16:35
  so.
• 16:36
  But,
• 16:36
  yeah,
• 16:36
  7
• 16:37
  years
• 16:37
  old.
• 16:38
  Yeah.
• 16:38
  You
• 16:38
  know,
• 16:39
  it
• 16:39
  was
• 16:39
  really
• 16:39
  funny
• 16:39
  because
• 16:40
  I
• 16:40
  used
• 16:40
  to
• 16:40
  play
• 16:40
  with
• 16:40
  the
• 16:40
  boys
• 16:41
  in
• 16:41
  the
• 16:41
  neighborhood,
• 16:41
  and
• 16:41
  we
• 16:42
  found
• 16:42
  this
• 16:42
  bottle
• 16:42
  of
• 16:42
  whiskey
• 16:43
  behind
• 16:43
  the
• 16:43
  print
• 16:43
  shop
• 16:43
  and.
• 16:44
  Well,
• 16:44
  let's
• 16:45
  try
• 16:45
  it,
• 16:45
  man.
• 16:45
  It
• 16:46
  was
• 16:46
  like,
• 16:46
  I've
• 16:46
  just
• 16:46
  gone
• 16:46
  home.
• 16:47
  I
• 16:47
  still
• 16:47
  remember
• 16:47
  today.
• 16:48
  It's
• 16:48
  like
• 16:48
  I
• 16:49
  just
• 16:49
  gone
• 16:50
  home.
• 16:50
  It
• 16:50
  was
• 16:50
  so
• 16:50
  comforting
• 16:51
  and
• 16:51
  straight.
• 16:52
  I
• 16:52
  mean,
• 16:52
  it
• 16:52
  was
• 16:52
  straight
• 16:53
  whiskey
• 16:53
  out
• 16:53
  of
• 16:53
  a
• 16:53
  bottle
• 16:54
  at
• 16:54
  7.
• 16:55
  Yeah,
• 16:55
  well,
• 16:56
  yeah.
• 16:56
  And
• 16:56
  if
• 16:56
  you
• 16:56
  had
• 16:56
  an
• 16:57
  abusive
• 16:57
  father,
• 16:57
  it
• 16:58
  was
• 16:58
  probably
• 16:58
  that
• 16:59
  fear
• 16:59
  of
• 16:59
  every
• 17:00
  night
• 17:00
  that
• 17:00
  when
• 17:00
  he
• 17:01
  came
• 17:01
  home
• 17:01
  or
• 17:01
  whatever.
• 17:02
  It
• 17:02
  was
• 17:02
  whatever
• 17:02
  your
• 17:02
  triggers
• 17:03
  were.
• 17:04
  And
• 17:04
  to
• 17:04
  be
• 17:04
  numb
• 17:05
  to
• 17:05
  that.
• 17:06
  Yeah,
• 17:06
  probably
• 17:07
  felt
• 17:07
  comforting.
• 17:08
  Yeah,
• 17:08
  it
• 17:08
  was.
• 17:09
  And
• 17:09
  I
• 17:09
  told
• 17:09
  people
• 17:09
  I
• 17:09
  grew
• 17:10
  up
• 17:10
  with
• 17:10
  two
• 17:10
  emotions,
• 17:11
  fear
• 17:11
  and
• 17:11
  anger.
• 17:12
  Fear
• 17:12
  of
• 17:13
  me
• 17:13
  or
• 17:13
  somebody
• 17:13
  in
• 17:13
  my
• 17:14
  family
• 17:14
  dying
• 17:14
  in
• 17:14
  anger
• 17:15
  that
• 17:15
  nobody
• 17:15
  did
• 17:15
  anything
• 17:16
  about
• 17:16
  it.
• 17:17
  People
• 17:17
  would
• 17:18
  say,
• 17:18
  well,
• 17:18
  you
• 17:18
  know
• 17:18
  how
• 17:18
  you
• 17:19
  always
• 17:19
  ask
• 17:19
  kids,
• 17:19
  what
• 17:19
  do
• 17:19
  you
• 17:20
  want
• 17:20
  to
• 17:20
  be
• 17:20
  when
• 17:20
  you
• 17:20
  grow
• 17:20
  up?
• 17:21
  I
• 17:21
  would
• 17:21
  tell
• 17:21
  them,
• 17:22
  I
• 17:22
  just
• 17:22
  want
• 17:22
  to
• 17:22
  live
• 17:22
  long
• 17:22
  enough
• 17:23
  to
• 17:23
  leave
• 17:23
  home.
• 17:25
  Yeah.
• 17:25
  So.
• 17:26
  And
• 17:26
  you
• 17:26
  know
• 17:26
  what?
• 17:27
  I
• 17:27
  think
• 17:27
  that
• 17:27
  really
• 17:27
  prepared
• 17:28
  me
• 17:28
  for
• 17:28
  what
• 17:28
  happened
• 17:29
  with
• 17:29
  my
• 17:29
  two
• 17:29
  kids
• 17:30
  because
• 17:31
  I
• 17:31
  had
• 17:31
  that
• 17:32
  ability
• 17:33
  to
• 17:33
  survive.
• 17:35
  And,
• 17:35
  you
• 17:36
  know,
• 17:36
  life
• 17:37
  is
• 17:37
  we
• 17:37
  life.
• 17:38
  And
• 17:38
  obviously,
• 17:38
  if
• 17:39
  you
• 17:39
  had
• 17:39
  that.
• 17:40
  That
• 17:40
  for
• 17:40
  that
• 17:41
  insight
• 17:41
  or
• 17:41
  whatever
• 17:42
  the
• 17:42
  foresight
• 17:42
  or
• 17:42
  whatever
• 17:43
  it
• 17:43
  is
• 17:43
  to
• 17:43
  be
• 17:43
  thinking
• 17:43
  that
• 17:44
  as
• 17:44
  a
• 17:44
  young
• 17:44
  person,
• 17:45
  where
• 17:45
  a
• 17:45
  lot
• 17:45
  of
• 17:46
  children
• 17:46
  in
• 17:47
  that
• 17:47
  13
• 17:47
  to
• 17:48
  16
• 17:48
  year
• 17:48
  old,
• 17:50
  they
• 17:50
  don't
• 17:50
  even
• 17:51
  know,
• 17:51
  like,
• 17:51
  they.
• 17:51
  Like
• 17:52
  you
• 17:52
  said,
• 17:52
  it's
• 17:52
  just
• 17:52
  one
• 17:53
  day
• 17:53
  at
• 17:53
  a
• 17:53
  time.
• 17:53
  They
• 17:54
  don't
• 17:54
  even
• 17:54
  have
• 17:54
  that
• 17:56
  looking,
• 17:56
  that
• 17:56
  vision
• 17:57
  of
• 17:57
  looking
• 17:57
  forward.
• 17:58
  It's
• 17:58
  literally.
• 17:59
  Yeah,
• 18:01
  but
• 18:01
  I
• 18:01
  get
• 18:02
  it.
• 18:02
  Like,
• 18:02
  I
• 18:02
  totally
• 18:03
  get
• 18:03
  it
• 18:03
  when
• 18:04
  people
• 18:04
  would
• 18:04
  say
• 18:04
  same
• 18:05
  thing
• 18:05
  to
• 18:05
  me.
• 18:05
  People
• 18:05
  would
• 18:05
  say,
• 18:06
  you
• 18:06
  know,
• 18:06
  what
• 18:06
  do
• 18:06
  you
• 18:06
  want
• 18:06
  to
• 18:06
  be?
• 18:07
  And
• 18:07
  I'm
• 18:07
  like,
• 18:09
  I
• 18:09
  don't
• 18:09
  care.
• 18:09
  I
• 18:10
  just
• 18:10
  want
• 18:10
  to
• 18:10
  be
• 18:10
  gone.
• 18:11
  I
• 18:11
  just
• 18:11
  want
• 18:11
  to
• 18:11
  be
• 18:11
  out.
• 18:12
  I
• 18:12
  just.
• 18:13
  Yeah.
• 18:14
  When
• 18:14
  I
• 18:14
  graduated
• 18:14
  from
• 18:14
  high
• 18:15
  school,
• 18:15
  I
• 18:15
  graduated
• 18:15
  at
• 18:15
  17.
• 18:16
  They
• 18:16
  said,
• 18:16
  what
• 18:16
  are
• 18:16
  you
• 18:16
  gonna
• 18:16
  do?
• 18:17
  And,
• 18:17
  well,
• 18:17
  I
• 18:18
  didn't
• 18:18
  want
• 18:18
  to
• 18:18
  get
• 18:18
  joined
• 18:18
  the
• 18:18
  Air
• 18:19
  Force,
• 18:19
  or
• 18:19
  I
• 18:19
  didn't
• 18:19
  want
• 18:19
  to
• 18:19
  join
• 18:20
  the
• 18:20
  military,
• 18:20
  and
• 18:20
  I
• 18:20
  didn't
• 18:21
  want
• 18:21
  to
• 18:21
  go
• 18:21
  to
• 18:21
  school.
• 18:21
  And
• 18:22
  I
• 18:22
  said,
• 18:23
  I
• 18:23
  guess
• 18:23
  I'll
• 18:23
  just
• 18:23
  get
• 18:24
  married.
• 18:24
  So
• 18:24
  I
• 18:24
  got
• 18:25
  married
• 18:25
  and
• 18:25
  had
• 18:25
  my
• 18:25
  two
• 18:26
  kids,
• 18:26
  which
• 18:26
  I
• 18:27
  guess
• 18:27
  was
• 18:27
  what
• 18:27
  I
• 18:27
  was
• 18:27
  supposed
• 18:27
  to
• 18:28
  do
• 18:28
  because.
• 18:29
  Yep.
• 18:30
  That's
• 18:30
  what
• 18:30
  got
• 18:30
  me
• 18:31
  through
• 18:31
  life.
• 18:31
  Go
• 18:32
  to
• 18:32
  college,
• 18:32
  get
• 18:32
  married,
• 18:33
  have
• 18:33
  kids.
• 18:34
  They
• 18:34
  taught
• 18:34
  me
• 18:34
  how
• 18:35
  to
• 18:35
  love.
• 18:35
  So
• 18:35
  that's,
• 18:36
  that's
• 18:36
  really.
• 18:37
  Yeah,
• 18:38
  they
• 18:38
  were
• 18:38
  my
• 18:38
  gift
• 18:39
  and
• 18:39
  I,
• 18:40
  I'm
• 18:40
  thankful
• 18:40
  for
• 18:40
  them
• 18:41
  every
• 18:41
  day.
• 18:41
  Well,
• 18:42
  amen
• 18:42
  to
• 18:42
  that.
• 18:43
  Well,
• 18:43
  thank
• 18:44
  you
• 18:44
  so
• 18:44
  much.
• 18:44
  I
• 18:45
  know
• 18:45
  we
• 18:45
  don't
• 18:45
  have
• 18:45
  much
• 18:45
  time
• 18:46
  today,
• 18:46
  but
• 18:46
  this
• 18:46
  was.
• 18:46
  I'm,
• 18:48
  I'd
• 18:48
  love
• 18:48
  to
• 18:48
  have
• 18:48
  you
• 18:49
  back
• 18:49
  on
• 18:49
  and
• 18:49
  we
• 18:49
  could
• 18:49
  get
• 18:50
  into
• 18:50
  more
• 18:50
  conversation
• 18:51
  about,
• 18:51
  you
• 18:52
  know,
• 18:52
  there's
• 18:52
  so
• 18:52
  many
• 18:52
  things
• 18:53
  we
• 18:53
  could
• 18:53
  tackle
• 18:54
  just
• 18:55
  hearing
• 18:55
  your
• 18:56
  story,
• 18:56
  the
• 18:56
  10
• 18:56
  minutes
• 18:57
  of
• 18:57
  it
• 18:57
  that
• 18:57
  I
• 18:57
  heard.
• 18:58
  But
• 18:59
  if
• 18:59
  you
• 18:59
  could
• 18:59
  give
• 18:59
  the
• 19:00
  audience.
• 19:00
  Well,
• 19:01
  first
• 19:01
  of
• 19:01
  all,
• 19:02
  if
• 19:02
  people
• 19:02
  want
• 19:03
  to
• 19:03
  hear
• 19:03
  you
• 19:04
  speak
• 19:04
  or
• 19:04
  where
• 19:04
  do,
• 19:04
  where
• 19:05
  do
• 19:05
  they
• 19:05
  find
• 19:05
  you?
• 19:06
  Well,
• 19:06
  the
• 19:07
  best
• 19:07
  thing
• 19:07
  right
• 19:07
  now
• 19:07
  to
• 19:08
  do
• 19:08
  is
• 19:08
  go
• 19:08
  to
• 19:08
  talktokd.com
• 19:11
  and
• 19:11
  they
• 19:11
  can
• 19:12
  get
• 19:12
  a
• 19:12
  30
• 19:12
  minute
• 19:13
  complimentary
• 19:13
  call
• 19:13
  if
• 19:13
  they
• 19:14
  want.
• 19:14
  They
• 19:14
  can
• 19:14
  get
• 19:14
  the
• 19:15
  From
• 19:15
  Hell
• 19:16
  to
• 19:16
  Hope.
• 19:16
  Three
• 19:17
  step
• 19:17
  Easy
• 19:17
  steps
• 19:18
  to
• 19:18
  Resilience.
• 19:18
  It's
• 19:19
  a,
• 19:19
  it's
• 19:19
  a
• 19:19
  lead
• 19:20
  magnet,
• 19:20
  you
• 19:20
  know,
• 19:21
  thing.
• 19:22
  Or
• 19:22
  if
• 19:23
  they
• 19:24
  get
• 19:24
  there
• 19:24
  in
• 19:24
  the
• 19:24
  next
• 19:24
  day
• 19:25
  or
• 19:25
  two,
• 19:25
  then
• 19:25
  I'll
• 19:25
  send
• 19:25
  them
• 19:26
  the
• 19:26
  digital
• 19:27
  copy
• 19:27
  of
• 19:27
  Jeffrey's
• 19:28
  book
• 19:28
  to
• 19:28
  get
• 19:28
  started.
• 19:29
  Oh,
• 19:30
  okay.
• 19:30
  So,
• 19:31
  yeah,
• 19:31
  I'll
• 19:31
  post
• 19:31
  all
• 19:31
  that
• 19:32
  in
• 19:32
  the
• 19:32
  show
• 19:32
  notes
• 19:33
  and
• 19:34
  especially
• 19:34
  the
• 19:35
  PDF.
• 19:35
  I'd
• 19:35
  love
• 19:36
  to
• 19:36
  see
• 19:36
  that.
• 19:36
  The
• 19:37
  resilient.
• 19:37
  Because
• 19:37
  everybody
• 19:38
  needs
• 19:38
  steps
• 19:38
  to
• 19:39
  resilience.
• 19:39
  There's
• 19:39
  no
• 19:40
  doubt
• 19:40
  about
• 19:40
  that.
• 19:41
  And
• 19:41
  if
• 19:41
  you
• 19:41
  got
• 19:42
  three
• 19:42
  easy
• 19:42
  ones,
• 19:42
  that's
• 19:43
  good,
• 19:43
  even
• 19:43
  better.
• 19:44
  People
• 19:44
  are
• 19:44
  like,
• 19:45
  what's
• 19:45
  so
• 19:45
  easy
• 19:45
  about
• 19:45
  it?
• 19:46
  I'm
• 19:46
  like,
• 19:46
  oh,
• 19:46
  well,
• 19:47
  it's
• 19:47
  going
• 19:47
  to
• 19:47
  be
• 19:47
  easier.
• 19:47
  No,
• 19:48
  I
• 19:48
  know.
• 19:48
  And
• 19:48
  I've
• 19:48
  had
• 19:48
  coaches
• 19:49
  that
• 19:49
  say,
• 19:49
  change
• 19:49
  it
• 19:49
  from
• 19:50
  easy
• 19:50
  to
• 19:50
  simple.
• 19:52
  That's
• 19:52
  a
• 19:52
  good
• 19:52
  idea.
• 19:53
  In
• 19:54
  a
• 19:54
  simple
• 19:54
  step.
• 19:54
  Sounds
• 19:55
  easy.
• 19:56
  Sounds
• 19:56
  like
• 19:56
  when
• 19:56
  you're,
• 19:57
  especially
• 19:57
  when
• 19:57
  you're
• 19:57
  going
• 19:58
  through
• 19:58
  grief
• 19:58
  or
• 19:58
  going
• 19:59
  through
• 19:59
  some
• 20:00
  kind
• 20:00
  of
• 20:00
  massive
• 20:00
  loss,
• 20:01
  to
• 20:01
  say
• 20:02
  easy.
• 20:02
  It's
• 20:02
  like,
• 20:03
  no,
• 20:03
  nothing
• 20:03
  easy
• 20:03
  about
• 20:04
  this,
• 20:04
  but
• 20:05
  simple.
• 20:06
  It's
• 20:06
  okay.
• 20:07
  I
• 20:07
  always
• 20:07
  tell
• 20:07
  people,
• 20:08
  look
• 20:08
  at
• 20:08
  the
• 20:08
  million
• 20:08
  people
• 20:09
  who
• 20:09
  died
• 20:09
  during
• 20:09
  COVID
• 20:10
  that
• 20:10
  didn't
• 20:10
  get
• 20:10
  to
• 20:10
  say
• 20:11
  goodbye
• 20:11
  and
• 20:11
  didn't
• 20:12
  get
• 20:12
  to
• 20:12
  with
• 20:13
  their
• 20:13
  family.
• 20:14
  All
• 20:14
  those
• 20:14
  people
• 20:14
  are
• 20:15
  grieving.
• 20:15
  So
• 20:16
  there's
• 20:16
  a
• 20:16
  lot
• 20:17
  of
• 20:17
  people
• 20:17
  that
• 20:17
  need.
• 20:18
  And
• 20:18
  I'm
• 20:18
  willing
• 20:18
  to
• 20:19
  talk
• 20:19
  to
• 20:19
  them,
• 20:19
  which
• 20:19
  that's,
• 20:20
  you
• 20:20
  know,
• 20:20
  right
• 20:21
  there.
• 20:21
  Yeah.
• 20:21
  A
• 20:22
  lot
• 20:22
  of
• 20:22
  people
• 20:22
  need
• 20:22
  support
• 20:23
  and
• 20:23
  we
• 20:23
  so,
• 20:24
  so
• 20:24
  appreciate
• 20:24
  what
• 20:25
  you
• 20:25
  do.
• 20:25
  So
• 20:26
  thank
• 20:26
  you
• 20:26
  so
• 20:26
  much
• 20:27
  for
• 20:27
  coming
• 20:27
  on.
• 20:28
  Oh,
• 20:28
  thanks
• 20:28
  for
• 20:28
  having
• 20:29
  me.
• 20:29
  I
• 20:29
  appreciate
• 20:29
  it.
• 20:30
  Oh,
• 20:30
  you
• 20:30
  are
• 20:30
  very
• 20:30
  welcome.
• 20:31
  And
• 20:31
  for
• 20:31
  everybody
• 20:31
  else
• 20:32
  out
• 20:32
  there
• 20:32
  listening,
• 20:33
  you
• 20:33
  heard
• 20:33
  it
• 20:33
  again.
• 20:34
  Another
• 20:34
  story.
• 20:34
  Hope
• 20:35
  healing
• 20:36
  you.
• 20:36
  Just,
• 20:37
  this
• 20:37
  is
• 20:37
  a
• 20:37
  story
• 20:38
  of
• 20:38
  being
• 20:39
  a
• 20:39
  victor,
• 20:39
  not
• 20:40
  a
• 20:40
  victim.
• 20:40
  Taking
• 20:40
  what
• 20:41
  happened
• 20:41
  to
• 20:41
  you
• 20:41
  and
• 20:42
  turning
• 20:42
  it
• 20:42
  around
• 20:42
  and
• 20:43
  finding
• 20:43
  a
• 20:43
  purpose.
• 20:44
  And
• 20:44
  we
• 20:44
  so
• 20:44
  appreciate
• 20:46
  Dr.
• 20:46
  Wagner
• 20:47
  for
• 20:47
  doing
• 20:47
  that.
• 20:48
  So
• 20:48
  thank
• 20:48
  you,
• 20:48
  and
• 20:48
  we
• 20:49
  will
• 20:49
  see
• 20:49
  you
• 20:49
  all
• 20:49
  back
• 20:50
  next
• 20:50
  week.
• 20:51
  Thank
• 20:51
  you.
• 20:51
  Have
• 20:51
  a
• 20:51
  great
• 20:52
  day.
• 20:53
  Thank
• 20:53
  you.