Latest / Jess Ask / From Makeup Artist to Janitor: A Journey of Radical Obedience | FT. Shonte Baltes | EP61

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From Makeup Artist to Janitor: A Journey of Radical Obedience | FT. Shonte Baltes | EP61 · Jess Ask

0:07
Yo, it's your girl Jessica and Smith and you already know that you've entered
0:11
the safe space for influencers to decompress half fun and just ask. Do you
0:18
already know what it is? And then you know it's about to get real.
0:22
To be sure to show your girl the love and like, come in
0:26
and subscribe God for another day. Hey, hey, I know we could
0:33
be another way. Yo. Yo, yo, it's your girl Jessica as
0:41
Smith and you are in for another treat. Listen, you have entered the
0:46
safe space for influencers to decompress half of and just ask. And I am
0:52
super excited about today. I just want to go ahead and get into it.
0:56
But before y'all know y'all like this theme song desert right? What's up
1:04
you guys? Welcome to another episode. Does a rape hasn't been obedient to
1:11
the word of the Lord a minute? So apostle? Howse if you no
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no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no
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no no no no no hold on, hold on now, hold on to
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my defense. I brought three cameras today. You brought it. See what
1:26
happened was? I was excited and then I realized I forgot the HD in
1:32
my table, like, so I forgot. Let me try to like forgot
1:36
like it's still at the stove. But it was in my heart to because
1:41
I was in my heart, I said, Lord, I'm coming in.
1:44
I'm coming in coming in hot today, just gonna be proud. She'd been
1:47
talking about this third camera, which I've always had. I've charged the batteries
1:49
and everything. You know, I was talking about, I want the I
1:52
wouldn't I got the batteries, y'all here like I got the bats, you
1:57
know. And I got down here and I said, oh Dad, she
2:00
ain't even gonna get the HGM I cable dang. But it was in my
2:04
heart, I promise you it was. You know, what's in the heart
2:07
of folks to serve the Lord, but they don't, you know, but
2:10
you know not that Amen Connell Well death Raye just kind of told y'all who
2:17
was here. If you don't know, y'all, let me tell y'all something.
2:24
First of all, I'm excited that you decided to come here. Listen,
2:29
if you have not subscribed what you're waiting for, like, stop playing
2:32
with yourself. Not just because the woman got here, I know. She
2:36
she popular in all, but when you see the name and stuff like that,
2:38
But go ahead and subscribe, because we only over here like unapologetically oily
2:44
influencers, be oily conversations, be oily. It's what you need. So
2:47
go ahead and subscribe. Commit to the family, and we commit to you
2:51
and Jesus name. Amen. So to get into the excitement of why the
2:57
HDM my court was forgotten, I'm just I'm just gonna let that that that
3:01
sick and we're gonna okay bed it. So this woman of God right here
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does not understand how much she has blessed my life by just being so today.
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I'm I'm nervous, I am, I am excited. I am I
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am blessed, beyond measured to have such a prestigious, such an eloquent,
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such a poise, such an anointed being in front of me, Like like,
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y'all, I'm not even being jack. I'm sorry, I'm preparing you.
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So if you're if you're driving in your car, if you're sitting on
3:46
the couch, you just just take one second, just take a deep breath,
3:55
because it's about to get real. I have none of But then,
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Shante Boult, let's go y'all. I always miss up their name because they've
4:14
named their well, I say they because she has a sister, but her
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sister's name is not last name anymore. Yeah, she got last name,
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but I mean that's what I mean. By day however, I said the
4:26
first name, right. That's all you did. That's all that, That's
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all that matter. Shanta has been I've known Shante for since college. I've
4:35
known of her. Your presence is powerful. Wow, and I've gone I've
4:41
gained relationship with you through other people. But before I get into the point
4:47
that you changed my perspective of me, girl, I just want to say
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they you shuan tey Okay, you are the guilt that keep on giving you.
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Hear me like you are something? You are major? You are major.
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How you feeling Today's I was fine, beautiful, you know, and
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I feel like you know, God give you different gifts for different seasons.
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He Like, I knew you was gonna need to know how to do your
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own makeup because you ain't gonna have no money to pay nobody. So shout
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out to the ability. But man, that introduction. Not only you talk
5:34
about nervous like in an exciting way. So somebody gave me a word.
5:42
I forgot what it's called. It's like sight, nervous or something. It
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was two of the words joined together. So that's what it was for me.
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But even in the introduction, like my spirit man beginning to be like
5:54
rise, it's turning, it's turning, But it's because who I'm in a
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room with, and so you you just know when you're in the presence of
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the Lord, and how the old saint say, try to be here,
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buy to be man, when to three are gathered, when two or three
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are gathered, like there shall he be in the miss So I think for
6:13
me it's not only just being excited to sit in front of your genius and
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your greatness and like your life that is like undeniable, undeniable, so to
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be able to even participate in that energy in that moment, but also like,
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oh Lord, I know you finna do something any time. I love
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God so much. I'm always enamored by the way that He takes moments and
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it shapes our life and it shapes our world. But it's only when we're
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open to it, though, because you can miss a moment quickly quickly,
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you can quickly miss a moment. But I knew, I know how intentional
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you are, and I know how intentional just this thing is so for me.
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I'm like, Okay, God, I know you finna get some type
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of gloses for some kind of and I've been watching an interview, so shut
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up, shut up, shut up. Interview in the live the woman the
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God been working. Listen, let them speak, let you let the work
7:15
for you. Okay, I'm so glad you see. That's why I know
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the Lord be lording. Okay, the Lord be lording, Because every time
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I thought about it, I was like, Okay, God, why what
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do you want to talk about? What do you want to send this conversation
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around? And what kept coming up is the idea of your radical obedience?
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Wow, because I was just talking about that, like your radic obedies.
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So what what what I mean by that? Y'all? We're gonna tell her
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story, That's what I feel like. This is gonna be a whole testimon
7:47
his tales, but unapologetically like this is a story that's impactful. You're talking
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about a woman that was thriving in every industry that she gets and now submitted
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so much that you're in a space where you're you're and I hope you don't
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mind me saying any delivery package is still right. So sometimes sometimes, but
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now I'm in a place I don't know what I'm doing from day to day.
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Listen literally, and this morning I was listening to a young lady.
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I don't remember her name, but it was only YouTube. It came across
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her page and she was saying and it spoke volumes to my spirit. How
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She's like, I'm whatever I need to be in whatever season. And I
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could not articulate that until now because I'm like, I recently got my real
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estate license, so now I'm telling houses just I've been in so many different
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worlds and I'm always I used to be like, God, okay, so
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what now? Like where are we going? I ain't never do what I
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want to do, But now I'm at such a place where I just want
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to be so in his will and I know that wherever he takes me,
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I'm good, I'm gonna be okay. And so I don't mind shifting and
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I don't mind evolving and being in other places. And that's in partnership with
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that obedience. But it took a while to get there because I had my
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own agenda I had my own will, so before before we get to d
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this episode ain't for nobody else all in your business. So to give you,
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let's let's start from beginning, well, the part that I know.
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Okay, all right, so shunty before today, let's say, even because
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I'm ten years of move from school. Yeah, so when I'm in college,
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I know shante as the make up party. Yeah, but even prior
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to then, you graduated from the University of Alabama with a bachelor's in PR.
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Right, so let's talk like how did you you started there and then
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you transfer from PR to make up? Like, can we talk about that
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transition even like you were saying, ended up delivering box at FedEx, which
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that even ended up a whole like blessed you guys. First of all,
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let's look at the Woman of God. Does she look like delivery? Does
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she look like a fed or an X? Nobody? Nope, not okay,
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don't nobody want to be ext The Woman of God is beautiful, annointed,
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appointed on that truck, though you'd be looking like you fight for your
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life, good God, but my my, so my days at so initially
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my even at UA my goal even when I got there, like I just
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wanted to be successful, so we just it was so generic. It's like,
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Lord, I just want to be successful, and this is what I
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want to do. I didn't even know PR was a thing. I wasn't
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doing good at math and so in order. My original major was marketing,
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and I couldn't get through stats, and so I said, hold on,
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no, this ain't gonna whoop me, and I talked of my advisor.
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That's how I ended up in PR. Blessing fully, if that's even a
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word, it really resonated with my identity and my nature because it's so multifaceted.
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I didn't even realize that's what I'm saying, God be on us before
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you even know it. I didn't even know that that suited my persona because
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it's so versatile and it does so many things. And I just was a
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diverse person, which is why I was having a hard time kind of pinning
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down what my future would look like. So end up there out of intern
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with the falcons. I done worked in the industry. I done worked on
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hip hop festivals and stuff like that, and it was like PR introduced me
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to industries and worlds and people. But it was like something just wouldn't stick.
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I would get the opportunity, but I wouldn't get a committed opportunity where
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I'm like, oh, I can grow here. Everything was always like you
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get close enough, but not close enough to where you can keep it the
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falcons and I want, I want to pinpoint this because you brought this up
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before the falcons is where you were driving two hours? Yes, but I'll
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pay for no pay, Like my hustle was on another level, which it
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was like that in college when I was an undergrad, I was a bartender,
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I work security, and then I was a waitress at a restaurant,
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and so that hustle has always been in me, and I felt like,
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if I can do that, you know, on this level trying to pay
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my bill, surely I can invest that same type of energy in what I
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would deem as like my career, my break and so sacrifice to me was
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nothing which innately has manifested in my obedience. I'm a very sacrificial person.
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And what I know about God is he takes your natural nature, and when
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you committed to him, you'll find that that same nature is what you're using
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to manifest his glory and his will wait. Because I just literally heard you
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say that because you learned how to sacrifice, you learn how to obey.
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And we love to throw that scripture out that obedience is better than sacrifice,
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but learn how to sacrifice, because you don't know obedience without it. Listen
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in that particular sector of scripture, like God saw felt like what he was
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giving God, it wasn't what God told him. He'd have made his own.
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Little liked what I'm gonna do? Just take that? And God was
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like, I said this, and I'd rather have obedience better than that sacrifice.
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You didn't call it yourself given me. And so I had to learn
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that what I didn't the level of sacrifice that come with obedience don't compare to
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my love what I'd be trying to give God, like, h just take
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that because that's what we want. That's what we want to do. That's
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what we want to do. And so over the years, like stuff just
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wasn't sticking, which is how I ended up in makeup. So I the
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pr stuff wasn't working. I ended up getting this like event coordinator job at
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a local at a I don't know if you remember Cypresenil it was it was
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you know, it was high end, and it was just so I ended
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up getting this event coordinator position there and at the same time, Girl,
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some kind of way, I ended up in the medical industry as a written
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A technician. Don't ask me this what I'm telling y'all. God just to
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have me everywhere what I was working at Cyprice and I was a written a
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technician working on people eyeballs like you're what I am not lied to you went
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a friend of mine, Calle y'all. Work all over the place. But
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that job, I don't know. That job taught me temperament. It just
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taught me so much. And each each industry I'm in, I've learned and
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it's really helped me on the journey. But I ended up losing. So
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I ended up leaving the medical job, and then I had the event planner
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job, and I had ended up getting the MAC job to replace the medical
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jobs. I'm like, I need an extra income. End up losing both
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of those jobs. This is circle twenty thirteen for so now I have no
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jobs. I'm in grad school though, because I'm still in the back of
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my mind like I'm gonna do public relations. I just need to sharpen myself.
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Then I get a job. That's what I'm telling God. Yeah,
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I still got my plan in place. So I lose them jobs, I'm
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like, I'm gonna work grad school and I'm gonna get it. Baby,
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That's not how that worked. I end up becoming a full time makeup artist
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while still in grad school. And then the Lord opened the door for me
15:24
to open bon Mercy. So that's how we got to bo Mercy because I
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ain't had no job. Then the tornado hit, yeah, and then they
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started releasing like program funding and grants and business startups. That's how I was
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able to get to bond Mercy. And so once I got into entrepreneurship,
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let me tell you how God was like, we gonna turn these corners.
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When I got to entrepreneurship, I did not know what I was doing,
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Like to have a It's different when you have an e commerce and you kind
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of don't have that much pressure on you and you're figuring it out to have
15:56
a brick and mortar, and then it was a requirement to have employees,
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like it was so much unknown. I felt the pressure of that started driving
16:04
me to be like, Okay, God, you gotta help me. So
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where I was kind of just living life and conveniently talking to God and conveniently
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choosing God. Entrepreneurship made me have to talk to God on a daily basis.
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Can you repeat that last statement, because I don't think the people in
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the back. Entrepreneurship made me have to talk to God on a daily basis.
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When you're thinking about rent and customers and you got all this stuff going
16:33
on and you feel so unequipped. God used that mechanism to draw me to
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Him. And it was so funny. I was looking at a journal a
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couple of weeks ago, and in the journal twenty fifteen, it was New
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Year's Eve. Everybody else went out. I was in the beauty bar and
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I said, you know what, I'm gonna stay in the beauty bar tonight
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and I'm just gonna sit with God for New Year's Eve. And in that
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journal, I said, Lord, you can have all of me, and
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whatever your will is, I'm gonna. I'm gonna. It was in a
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word I think I'm a paraphrase here, I'm gonna follow what your will is
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to the fullest. Sixteenth It was something like that, no matter there,
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are you a babe in Christ or you like, where where is your development?
17:14
Because sometimes I think we get intimidated by where people are today. Yeah,
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yeah, somebody that's starting out and can relate to that part of your
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story, like where were you to even ask that question? So and how
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on this side, I would consider myself a babe. Grew up in church.
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I grew up in a very Pentecostal atmosphere. So the the activities of
17:37
God I was familiar with. And once I got the high school and the
17:38
college girl lukewarm, lukewarm was me? Me? Was luke warm. Yes,
17:44
you couldn't Jesus what she gonna say, Jesus, but departed, don't
17:48
start to shine to get here. I heard about you, and so I
17:52
heard about you. I heard you? Was that that? Yeah? I
17:55
was? You know, I'm the one. Hey, I'm gonna get us
17:57
in here. Who who had to do? I got it? Don't worry
18:00
about it. We all getting in Who the owner I by the end of
18:04
the night, Baby, I don't care Atlanta no matter where. I know
18:07
the owner. I know the ins and outs. And that was just me,
18:11
just the hustle, the move of the shaker and all other things.
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So I knew God and the formalities of church. I knew church I didn't
18:21
know God in relationship, and so that moment was pushing me into a promise
18:30
of relationship. I didn't know that though. I was just like, I
18:33
just need to get close to God for these answers so that I don't lose
18:36
this business, because I want to do this right. And I knew innately
18:40
from church teaching me that like you supposed to put God first. At No,
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I don't know what that really looks like. It was not made,
18:48
It was not made practical as a twenty something year old woman in this day
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and era, and so it was really a prayer of faith. I had
18:56
no clue what that was going to cost me, not a clue, But
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I said it in faith. I had a heavenly language because I was introduced
19:03
to that as a child. But I didn't have a strong prayer life.
19:07
I didn't know the rams of prayer. I didn't know girl, I could.
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I barely can quote a scription now still sometimes like I have to dig
19:15
in my bank because no, no take, because what really happens is I
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do it. Yeah. I compare myself to friends that keep quote scripture front
19:27
and back, can tell me about the the rems, and I'm the bi
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case, and I'm just as confused as some of these babes. And I'm
19:37
like, bro, I'm just learning and I'm just leaning on what I understand.
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Yes, just I be I'll be confused. Like they'd be like,
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get a scripture springboard, somebody to pull it up. I can't read it
19:51
from the book. I just can't pull it like that. Now. I
19:55
can just give you that it's in there. I can't tell you where to
19:57
go. You're gonna have to put that thing in the search bar and find.
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And then I get asked all the time, you know, people are
20:10
like what scriptures for this? And what scriptures for this? And I tell
20:14
them babies, I'd be like, hey, baby, go to that Bible
20:15
up, going to search bar, type in heartbroken, what come up?
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Lean on that? On that. Yes, the search bar, it was
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made made by man, but through the Lord it was and it was designed
20:29
for me. What Bible gateway When I'm googling and they pull up them different
20:33
scriptures. Appreciate it, Thank you, thank you whoever the creative. This
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listen for real And so as deep as I've experienced God, I still I
20:45
can't take myself there seriously because I'm still so to me, I'll say ignorant
20:51
in a in a positive way that I'm still so leaning on His Holy Spirit.
20:55
Like, definitely you want to get wisdom and understanding knowledge, but I
20:59
don't let knowledge become what dis dictates where I sit with God because that ain't
21:07
the same thing. You gotta break that down, hold up that just that
21:11
was for me. You do not allow knowledge no to dictate what does that
21:18
look like? So because I don't know particular scriptures doesn't keep me from going
21:25
into the heavenlys of heavenlys with the Father, nor does it keep me from
21:27
being able to share the word of the Lord to people to strength. Like
21:32
baby, I don't know no scripture, but you finna get this oil,
21:34
pour it all over you in the greatest confidence. I don't know, I
21:38
can't. I may can't tell you today how many heavens there are because I
21:41
done forgot. But I'm about to pray you through this situation. So it
21:45
doesn't keep me from showing up in my fullness of who I am in God,
21:49
because on paper it may be like you know, you're unequipped in in
21:53
these areas and all of the things. I just confidently trust I'm a I'm
22:00
a son, I'm a daughter, and I just stay in that place and
22:03
that's where I keep my focus. You didn't, You didn't took us somewhere
22:11
because that's so freeing. Yeah, it took me a while to get there.
22:19
The idea to be at peace with who you are that you know you
22:26
have to God can't. God is limited when you are not authentic. He
22:30
can't. He can only move so much. It's just like when you step
22:34
in a room and you really not yourself, people start to treat you like
22:37
you not really yourself and will start thinking as people and it's like, no,
22:42
you don't even believe who you are, but you want us to accept
22:45
a person you don't believe, So people move around that type of energy.
22:52
God is the same way. He's an energyty beings. So it's like you
22:55
showing up in the presence feeling very fragile and just unworthy. That's why he
23:00
says come boldly, like you can have a boldness and still I ain't got
23:07
no theologic degree, but my heart, if God told me to take that
23:11
journey, hey we'll take it. But at the same time, I can
23:15
authentically be me and God because I'm not allowing his spirit to be limited by
23:19
what I, as a human, feel like I don't have because he like
23:23
I don't. I really don't need that, to be honest. So this
23:29
is I think this is a good segue for me to tell you what you've
23:33
done for me. And I'm getting I'm gonna get somewhere with this story.
23:40
With what you just said, I wouldn't have known that you weren't as aware
23:48
or as confident in your oiliness. So I don't know if you remember,
23:56
but I will take this story to my grave. There was you had an
24:02
event, a makeup event to teach people how to do their own makeup.
24:06
It was you and the other young lady, yes, Tiffany, And it
24:11
was a room like we're in right now, and it was probably like ten
24:15
of us, ten no more than ten of us that came and paid and
24:19
did everything. And I remember not even having them funds to really do it.
24:25
But I gave my last for that moment, and I'm so glad I
24:30
did. And I had brought my makeup bag and I was like, I
24:36
ain't really got much. This is so good. I'm about to speak a
24:38
someone I don't really have much, but I am going to show up and
24:42
I'm gonna learn how to do my makeup. Unbeknownst to me that the is
24:48
that the word the old people sayn beknownst that I would be chosen to get
24:56
my makeup done. And literally the color of your lip is literally the color
25:00
the look that you gave me I would. I can see it like it
25:02
was yesterday, and you not knowing the space that I was in and not
25:07
even really knowing me. Mm hmm. I ain't got no tissue. I
25:14
know. Hold up. I was there too. I didn't even really understand
25:21
why I was there because I was, you know, lack confidence and like,
25:25
you know, grooming myself and giving myself to the standard that I wanted
25:29
to be in. And I was like, I want to learn how to
25:30
do my face like this, so I want to be confident in this area.
25:33
And you was like, okay, y'all, I'm I'm gonna need I'm
25:37
gonna use somebody as an example. And you the whole time I was that,
25:41
you just kept looking at me, and you looked at me. It's
25:45
like you you saw me, and I don't think as a as a woman
25:52
to woman. That was one of the first moments I remember being seen by
26:00
another woman. Wow. I ain't said this, but you you first you
26:07
saw me, and then when I was up there, you kept telling me
26:15
how beautiful I was, and I was like, y'all can do this,
26:18
and I just felt so man. I'll never forget that moment because it messed
26:26
me up for life, because if there was never a moment where I felt
26:30
I'm looking at im, I was admiring you like somebody that I ain't have
26:34
to be jealous about, because you you looked at me, you accepted me,
26:38
and I didn't even have to do my makeup. God was like,
26:41
I didn't even come here. I can't. You served me in that moment,
26:45
knowing what I know now, You you touched the need. And the
26:49
reason why I bring this up is because even as an entrepreneur, even as
26:55
when you say God really set you up, God really set you up for
26:59
an entrepren was to do relationship with him. It was exposed in that moment
27:03
for me because that was another saying, another love of saying God saying,
27:07
or You've been a representation of what God believed in me. I don't think
27:12
I've ever told you thank you for that moment like you that that changed something,
27:18
and it started to It started the breaking of something that I didn't know
27:22
how that was an opportunity for me. And so when you talk about entrepreneurship,
27:29
how did you really start seeing that as not just entrepreneurship but an opportunity
27:33
of ministry? Who wow, sorry, but because it uh, it just
27:41
it takes me back to that place, and it takes me. It takes
27:48
me back to just how I was tussling with my identity of Lord. Is
27:56
this enough? Like is just being a makeup artist enough? Is this gonna
28:03
ever take me to where I really want to go? And wrestling with that
28:07
but still also doing this dance of yielding at the same time. I think
28:11
in those moments like that, because my spirit man has always been able to
28:18
articulate when God is doing something. So in that moment, like those were
28:21
genuine affirmations, like they were flowing genuinely authentically, and I meant every word,
28:26
but also God meant every word too, which amplified the experience. And
28:32
I think those moments like that, and in certain moments when people would come
28:36
in that beauty barn and we would have divine moments that I wasn't I was
28:41
still learning on calling and all of this stuff. I begin to then know
28:45
like, Okay, this is what God has for me to do. And
28:49
even in that like still, okay, so Lord, where is this,
28:53
this is what you call me to do. Gonna take me. I couldn't
28:56
let that limit to what was happening in the current exchange of being with him
29:03
in that space of entrepreneurship. So I think it's moments like that. It's
29:07
moments like I would have other girl I didn't know what I was doing.
29:12
I would have other business owners come in there, women and they would want
29:15
to sit and they would be like, can you mentor me through opening a
29:21
business? I could give them what I felt like I had the capacity to
29:26
give them, but also by faith, Okay, God, if you download
29:29
some I'm gonna get them a strategy and it would turn into counseling sessions like
29:33
it would turn into moments of helping them navigate some hard spaces in their life.
29:38
And one of the things that I always knew I would help women,
29:44
I just didn't know how. And I thought it would be like through a
29:45
qt nonprofit and we would not a cute enough you know, like a cute
29:49
none profit, and we wear blazers and we helped the little girls and we
29:53
you know, cute or whatever, but ministry is a whole different thing.
30:00
So God began to unfold that for me over that time and many moments like
30:04
that where He's like, this is what you're call to do. So when
30:07
God called me to shift out of that, it was super challenging because I
30:11
didn't realize I was beginning to morph my identity in him around that one calling.
30:18
And so that's why he like, Okay, I'm gonna take you over
30:21
here and deliver boxes, like I gotta break you completely out of that,
30:23
not only break you, but humble you. Humble the makeup makeup later to
30:29
delivering the maker to owning a business, to owning the business, and I
30:33
remember when I felt this tug of war happening with me and God. Girl.
30:37
It would be times I didn't have lights and water at my house,
30:40
but I had to keep them own at the business. There would be times
30:44
I would sleep at the beauty bar because I couldn't go home. It was
30:47
it wasn't no water, it wasn't no lights like or I would get to
30:52
a place where I had power, but I would get water from the beauty
30:55
bar and I would take it home like God was ripping me apart with that.
31:00
Yes, And in hindsight, I thank him for every moment of suffering,
31:04
because without him breaking that, and without him making me malleable and flexible
31:11
in him, I would not be able to be who I am. You
31:15
wouldn't get this level of obedience, yeah, because there would always be some
31:18
sort of resistance. And the Lord was like, I gotta get all of
31:22
that to be all that I want to be in you. And so even
31:26
in that, and the crazy part about my fitex journey is the first area
31:30
I was in I would be it was an area an hour outside of Huntsville
31:34
and the rulest part where most people of our complexion would be scared to go.
31:41
Yeah, but me and God had so many encounters in that in that
31:45
area, and I would have no phone service, Like my shift may be
31:48
nine hours, six of them hours, I had no phone service, So
31:52
it would literally be me and God. And for nine months, it was
31:56
me and him out in the mountains, crying, get broke down like little
32:00
why am I here? And He was stripping me of all of those seasons.
32:07
And so I find myself realizing, Okay, makeup is one fascet of
32:10
how He's gonna use me, and I begin to open myself up to the
32:14
Lord with his next and so man, yeah, that took me back to
32:21
like the beginning phase of the journey of obedience. And I remember having this
32:27
moment with God during that stripping, like even when I would be doing those
32:31
classes, like I was going through it, and I remember telling God one
32:36
night, I'm gonna wrestle with you like Jacob, because you gotta give me
32:39
this breakthrough. You're messed up then, huh ind And I remembering that man
32:45
right away with a limb, a big one, and he had to tussle.
32:51
Now in this level of understanding, he tussled with the identity and the
32:57
divinity of God, which he wasn't just tough with an angel. He was
33:00
tussling with the divinity of God. And so to be, I ain't even
33:06
know what I was saying when I said it, just I'm just trying to
33:08
get breakthrough, and the spirit in me saying this is our declaration, because
33:14
this is what we're gonna have to do to get where we're going. So
33:17
I am unaware when you you know, like you mentioned the Oilly, I'm
33:22
so unaware because I just been trying to get it right with God, and
33:27
this has been the symptoms of trusting him with the journey and letting him be
33:30
who he needs to be in my life and who I need to be for
33:35
him to be able to be God in the earth, because we're only here
33:39
to be vessels for him. Yeah, and I had to learn that,
33:43
like God, how you use me is how you're graciously using me. But
33:47
even if I was the homeless person on the corner that held a sign of
33:52
with scriptures on it every day, that's a calling. And the Lord cause
33:55
people to do different things that are different fastest of Him. So you know,
34:02
yeah, what you're saying is so profound because what I hear is so
34:14
needy, because sometimes we can feel or relate to being the least of them
34:20
and think that we don't have purpose that because our purpose isn't magnified in the
34:27
in the flesh, in the natural right, and we could deem ourselves so
34:36
irrelevant in the world to make you feel like that, and and they will,
34:39
they will say, oh, because of what you don't do right.
34:44
And I think even going back to the idea of identity, what you said
34:49
is I think that's the that's the biggest struggle that we have with identity because
34:52
we think identity is about doing instead of being. And so it sounds like
34:58
to me that you've gotten to that place. What are some practical steps that
35:05
you took for yourself that could possibly encourage the listeners of how to go from
35:09
the door to the beer? Ooh okay. So and then this was a
35:15
phase too, so one being committed to However, being committed to whatever season
35:22
God has you in. So being committed to that season means some seasons,
35:30
I'm not doing nothing. I'm resting, I'm trusting God and in me not
35:36
doing nothing. I gotta know how to be because if I don't, if
35:39
I'm not used to working, what else is there. I have to know
35:43
how to be. I have to know how to rest, I have to
35:45
know how to trust. Prior to me becoming a FedEx driver, the only
35:47
job I was able to get in a HUSBANDE was a janitor. I was
35:51
a janitor with a master's degree, having had own a business, this luxurious,
35:55
glamorous job of a makeup artist. And I remember a moment I laughed
36:00
with God. I didn't laugh at him, but I had to laugh with
36:04
him because I was in this. He was breaking pride, he was breaking
36:07
that work thing off of me, like who you are does not like it
36:13
doesn't equate to what I'm doing in you. And I remember there was a
36:16
guy that worked it. It was at a plant and everybody in there they
36:20
making six figures, you know, And I'm like, I'm a jenditor.
36:24
And this guy had a whole bunch of Alabama memorabilia in his office and I
36:29
would clean his office every day, and so one day I just felt compelled
36:32
to tell him, Oh, I got some pictures you can have, and
36:35
he was like, how did you get the pictures? Like so it was
36:37
just kind of this the meaning thing coming off. And he didn't think I
36:43
could get the pictures, and he didn't think I had the pictures, nor
36:45
did he think how I got the pictures and knowing my history and who I
36:47
knew or whatever. So anyway, I come back in a few days later.
36:51
I come back in with the autograph photos that are hard to get,
36:53
but I had them. We had a bunch of them. And it was
36:59
a moment of of like a glory feel moment of God saying I'll always back
37:06
you in a moment. Don't ever worry about what season I got you in.
37:08
You don't have to prove yourself. I'm only telling you to do this
37:14
for me, Like this ain't even about you proving a point to him who
37:17
you know. This is a moment for you to be able to open the
37:21
door on how to tell your story on how you got here. Wow.
37:23
And so I think about moments like that where I allowed God to put me
37:30
in seasons in places where I didn't have control, and where I leaned into
37:36
those those places of suffering. Well, what I would deem suffering, and
37:39
God is like, I'm really just equipping you. I'm looking at it as
37:43
suffering. He was equipping me. And so in those seasons I allowed God
37:47
to do all of what he wanted to do. And my prayer would be,
37:51
don't move me out of this until you're done, or don't move me
37:53
out of this until I have what I need. And I think that will
37:57
help anybody who's trying to cultivate that level of this is with God, that
38:00
it's not about what I'm doing in or for him. It's about who I
38:06
am to him, and that is not determined by money, cars, clothes,
38:10
title, where I am location, Like it's not about if I'm in
38:15
Houston or Dallas or Memphis. It's about where I am sitting with God,
38:22
in my secret place, in my quiet time, where my heart is with
38:25
Him. And those seasons are what helped me get to that place where I
38:30
had no control, and I got to a place where I stopped trying to
38:35
get control, because that's where people get frustratressed. So good because you still
38:39
trying to gain some control over what God is doing. But that's also a
38:45
manifestation of a lack of trust. Because the more you learn how thorough God
38:52
is and how that man do not lie, the more you know that about
38:57
him, the more you will let him. I had to learn when God
39:00
was stripping I was homeless, Like when I was homeless, when I didn't
39:04
have no water, no money, no lights, I didn't have to weave
39:07
the week. When God starts stripping all of those things and I stopped fighting
39:13
that, I really begin to like realize like how effective this thing is gonna
39:20
be with him, and also what God was really trying to do with me,
39:23
Like, and I stopped vacillating internally with anxiety and worry and depression because
39:30
that also are symptoms of you trying to be in control and you ain't got
39:35
no control. So now I'm depressed about what I don't have control. Now
39:37
I'm anxious about what I don't have control over. And all of these things
39:40
that we find ourselves in war against is really because we don't trust God.
39:45
It's because we a lot of us are in bad, bad relationships that God
39:50
is like, get out of that. It's because you don't trust him.
39:52
Okay, you're not gonna go past that. You're not gonna go past that.
40:00
You're not gonna go past that. Because when I tell you the Lord
40:06
be knowing, I said, God, how can I sick this question?
40:09
If you want me to ask this question? And just the God, so
40:15
he heard, he heard, he heard you, He heard you listen,
40:21
so memory of him, there was a relationship that you were in. You
40:30
already kne where I was going. Look look see the Woman of God saw
40:35
all of this. She already know what I was gonna spring up because I
40:37
don't really know what happened. Testimony. This blew my mind. And I
40:43
need to ask this because I'm gonna tell you I fail if I'm I ain't
40:46
got so we early being hello but I'm still there. I'm not even live
40:54
with the with the yes but still don't fail. But still don't you've got
41:02
I don't know it was opposed. I don't know, I don't know what,
41:07
but I remember it was like, y'all know how y'all be slick and
41:10
holding hands and stuff like that, show the face of the man that yeah,
41:15
like myself. One time that's all I needed. And then all of
41:22
a sudden you was like, but when God tells you, even when it's
41:24
good, but when it's not, God, listen, I need you to
41:30
set us up. And how do you how do you even get to a
41:34
place to say, oh, this is the evidence of God when it's good.
41:38
But God is like, but it's not good enough, it's not good
41:42
enough. Because I had to learn and my former passion would say that he
41:46
was like, good don't always mean God, because you I mean, in
41:51
this realm of the earth, there are good people. But there are good
41:52
people who will still cuts you out. There are good people who will still
41:57
take your money. There are good people who will still do things so good
41:59
does and always necessarily equate God. And that's something I had to learn through
42:05
the trial and era of looking at something that is good, and God saying,
42:09
but does this align with my full will and what has taken place in
42:13
your life? And when I begin to measure it to that, not to
42:16
a Sierra prayer, not to a list, she just called. I'm sorry,
42:22
she said, y'all, because that's a thing. Do you know I'm
42:28
as a single woman, how many times I get and I love my friends.
42:31
I want y'all know I love y'all. I love y'all with all my
42:34
heart, and they know how I am when they be like, gir you
42:36
got to write it down and I and for me, God is like,
42:43
you know what you know that I know what you need? You know exactly
42:49
that I know what you need. I need you to pivot your prayer to
42:52
asking me first, what is it that you need? Because what you want
42:57
may not be what you need. So step one, I had to learn
43:00
that what I want doesn't always necessarily align with what I need because when you
43:06
think about the culture of the world, you think about what's happening, culture
43:08
will tell you to want something that's not necessarily conducive for what you need.
43:15
And so that's something that I had to learn with God. In allowing that
43:19
I got I had to throw that list out and I had to really dive
43:22
into comparison to his will from like where am I going? And I feel
43:25
like a lot of times we don't. We don't choose and trust what God
43:30
is saying because we don't know where we're going in God. Because if you
43:32
knew where you were going, and if you knew what God was saying about
43:37
your life and how important that was, you would not let anything come in
43:42
between that, And then you would know that as a good father, as
43:45
a good father, he is going to supply your every need. And a
43:50
man is one of them, a wife is one of them. So in
43:54
knowing that, I knew, like, okay, God to walk away from
43:58
this relationship, because I don't walked away, I don't lost the business.
44:01
What is it to give up on a man? I done stepped away from
44:06
a whole what I thought was an identity, Like Lord, I thought this
44:09
was me. I was supposed to be. I was supposed to be a
44:13
Carter BPR person like I was supposed to do that take somebody from the Mud
44:16
and take them to the to the dog on grams. That was what I
44:20
was supposed to do. And so if I could yield who I saw myself
44:23
as as a human. Surely I can yield this relationship. This is a
44:28
relationship. I can yield myself as what I see as a wife. Yes,
44:32
yeah, I could do that and bump the time. God is time
44:37
his time. So I'm not when people try to put the pressure of oh,
44:39
you ain't got no kids and you ain't never been married, first of
44:44
all, and as a human being, as a woman, I've also had
44:47
to navigate the stigmas, the pressure, all of these things. But I'm
44:52
not calling my loved ones the enemy. But the enemy would use who he
44:55
wanted to use. He'll use Instagram. And so I've had to combat those
45:00
thoughts of time and kids and all of these things and go back into Lord.
45:06
I trust you, you carried me through all of this. You done
45:09
raised somebody from the dead. Surely you can get you a husband. So
45:14
I'm glad you even brought that up. I just love how the Lord's just
45:17
let me see the thoughts I've had as far as our conversation. So the
45:22
thing about it is, you don't have no slought friends, you don't have
45:27
a sought family. Your sister by chance, like it's very polished well,
45:31
groom, she is married, you know, and presumably happily married. Right,
45:36
and so your best friend one of the note frist friends I know of,
45:39
right, Brandy, Yeah, amazing woman's celebrity hair stylist like y'all actually
45:45
had the brick and border together. Yeah, right, we were side by
45:49
side. We started our journeys together, we built the businesses together. Like
45:53
child. I already know you already know I'm going because as a to see
46:00
it happen for others. Yes, man, to be it for it now,
46:04
because I wouldn't even consider brand of your sister, is what I see.
46:07
Yeah, Brandy, I still wear just spose be asking what you get
46:14
the ring for. I don't even know she was they last forever man May
46:16
four years. That was my corona wig. Listen. But what I see
46:22
from you and how you respond yeah, and how you support Yeah, what
46:30
happened in the background for you to get there? Because for me, I
46:34
had to have a heart to heart with my sister. Let me let her
46:37
know that it wasn't her, It was me that was dealing with the fact
46:39
that you beat me to the punch of the family. You beat me to
46:44
the punch of the marriage, beat me to the punch of the success in
46:46
my mind, whereas she and it really told me, but you you get
46:52
to do what you want and you have freedom, and I was pushed into
46:55
this, I was forced to do. So I'm looking at her one way
46:58
she Patty Kate Baker's man, you know what I'm saying, Yes, no
47:02
for real. And that's something I've learned too, because in those situation,
47:07
God is He's so kind and he's so mindful, and not just with those
47:12
individuals. Has he allowed conversations for us to appreciate where each other is in
47:15
life and how where you are is blessing your sister, like somebody need an
47:22
innecessor because my people prosily, but they ain't praying amount of time like the
47:28
truth that the truth I get them at the time. You ain't praying yes,
47:31
and so you become the intercessor and more so than anything. Yeah,
47:36
I could be the fun auntie, but you need an innecessor. I can
47:38
show up with the gifts and show up the stuff, but you need somebody
47:42
praying for your mind, for your union, for everything that you are so
47:45
one. I found confidence in that that. Okay, Lord, this is
47:50
this is who you made me to be and a lot of the things just
47:53
I block out all of those other things. I have to shut that stuff
47:58
down, and I have to say, okay, you this is what you
48:01
got me doing. This is what you call me to do. Once I
48:05
get confident and stabling that, then I can okay, now less and let's
48:10
deal with this. I'm confident enough to go over here and deal with Okay.
48:15
Now, my sister is married, she's in the she even her career,
48:19
like Janaida always been able to have a job. Wow, and it
48:22
seems like she didn't go. Let's let's break it down. Not only does
48:27
she have the job, it seems that she wants job. She fine benefits.
48:30
Shout out you, jan Then she has the beautiful HUDs, beautiful hoods.
48:35
Shout out to y'all talented man. Then y'all know how to dress.
48:38
Shout out look like y'all smell good. Then y'all go where y'all want,
48:44
y'all want both of y'all body YadA, YadA, YadA, like y'all guys
48:47
like, how do I not compare myself to that? It's gonna happen.
48:52
You know, you do find yourself because and I oftentimes I don't think it
48:59
is to tear their life life down, but it's to just make sure you're
49:00
doing what you're supposed to be doing. Yeah, because you're looking at other
49:04
people like, am I doing this right? Like? It's all about the
49:08
keywords of this whole conversation has been identity. Yeah, And it sounds like
49:14
you have learned your answer and found your answer in identifying yourself as God identified.
49:21
Yes. Yes, it's the foundation of all things and it helps you
49:24
move through this world. And even in those moments, I would like I
49:29
would have this conversation with God because I will always guarant need to move that.
49:34
Leonard. It's because you're in in Huntsville. Ain't no money there,
49:37
like, and my people who were that's a lot. Let's got the Huntsville
49:40
is Huntsville. Now that's a Lospell's Huntsville a Huntsville. Let me tell you
49:45
somethingbout when I got to Huntsville. Because when I got to Huntsville, this
49:50
this lady that I didn't really know, but I was familiar with. God
49:53
sent her to come get me, actually, and the way that she came
49:57
and got me it was so unorthodized, but she was like my almost oph
50:00
you just come stay with me. Now, there were some things that navigated
50:02
with that, and it wasn't all perfect, but it was the way that
50:06
God could get me there, and I thank him for it. I remember
50:08
when I got to Huntsville. It was like, you know how you go
50:13
outside and you smell fresh soil. I remember coming down five sixty five and
50:17
like, dang, it must be a lot of farmland. It smells like
50:21
fresh soil out here. And the Lord began to speak to me about how
50:25
rich and how fertile Huntsville was. And I'm seeing that in my spirit walk
50:32
with God. But now we're starting to see the city building. It's the
50:36
number one city. At that point it was it was quiet, yeah,
50:38
But the Lord began to tell me just where Huntsville was going and whatever the
50:44
case may be. So I knew, like that's where I was supposed to
50:46
be. Even as a genital, I'm supposed to be in Huntsville. So
50:50
I got my friend doing celebrity here and she's doing all these things, and
50:53
she's doing all this stuff and I'm a janitor, and I'm like, Lord,
51:00
you gotta make some sense of this. And I would just cling onto
51:06
the scripture for our present suffering does not compared to the glory that shall be
51:09
revealed. And so the Lord began to minister that to me, and that
51:13
begin to be basically the anchor for my soul. And God begin to speak,
51:20
I got some promises for you, And just because you don't see them
51:22
now, don't think because other people are walking in some of their promises that
51:27
you don't have any. And so it would sober me because the Lord will
51:30
have to remind me you acting like you ain't got no promises, And so
51:36
it would make me take my eyes off my people and let me put them
51:38
on my promises, and then let me begin to pace my promise with the
51:43
Lord. And so there are times people ask like, so what you got
51:47
going on? What are you doing? And those are moments I have to
51:51
go back to for our prison suffering that's not compared to the glory that shall
51:55
be revealed, And I have to go and say, what are my promises?
51:58
Okay in due time, and it settles my soul. It settles my
52:04
soul. This this has been so good. Yeah, this here, DESI,
52:09
ray, are you just soaking? Or no? This is this?
52:16
It's crazy because I didn't know her journey, right, but it's literally been
52:21
my last four years. Yeah, you know what I'm saying, Like,
52:25
you know, I'm a licensed Calls patologist, and I built the salon kind
52:30
of same thing. And I begin to hear the Lord make room for me,
52:32
make time for me, and I'm like, what you're talking about?
52:35
And then it started dwn on me. You're talking about you want me to
52:37
stop doing this? Like this is what I I'm a hairstyle. It's like
52:39
this, this is what I do. This is how I'm paying my bills.
52:42
This is how I'm supporting myself so I don't have to worry about depending
52:45
on nobody, and so as I you know, we tussled back and forth.
52:49
You know, days went down, then days went back up because like
52:51
who the bills is building? Like hold up, I don't know what that
52:52
means because I didn't know him in that area. You know what I'm saying.
52:55
I didn't know God to be good my provider. I didn't know that.
52:59
I knew my have to be my own provider because that's what That's how
53:01
I grew up. I grew up more watching my mama do that. And
53:04
so now I'm in this space where you know, I've sold my home.
53:10
Last year, I went down at the top of the year to like literally
53:14
like one day. That's one day with maybe four clients and my little older
53:16
ladies. So it's not like, hey, this is my revenue stream,
53:21
right, but literally sold my home. Stepped back from the salon February this
53:27
year, left the studio, still had least on the studio, right,
53:30
left the studio, and here I am in my apartment complex recording a podcast.
53:37
We're recording the podcast. Yeah, from the apartment complex. But man,
53:42
if you could be honest, how safe do you feel? Man?
53:45
You know that's the thing. And it's still you know, I'm still journeying,
53:47
right, I'm still journeying because there's times like he's literally been providing like
53:52
there's no way to be honest, there is no way with still having business
53:57
expenses in my personal expenses. And I do two days in the in the
54:00
in a salon suite. He's graced me to do that. I do this
54:05
podcast, but there's still no way that I'm still floating right now without the
54:07
Lord and I still and we still be wrestling, And he'd be like,
54:10
girl, like what else, what else? What else do I need?
54:14
To show you, like I still be battling sometimes, like Lord, I
54:17
know you did it this much, but we be like God, prove yourself
54:22
to me again again for four D five hundred. You ain't do well enough
54:27
last time? Can you give yourself to me that you provided again. Prove
54:29
yourself that you're a would fallow. Prove yourself that I got grace in this
54:31
therea because my little little mind, my little my little little mind, listen,
54:37
it's not it's not gathering the information or digesting it. Because because if
54:40
we really we really sat in that place, if we really if we really
54:46
rested with God, Yeah, come on, that's where like just listening to
54:51
her in her in the peace, in the serenity that she has in her
54:54
father, in her position, in who he is in her and who she
54:58
and who she is in him, Like I'm excited about getting there, like
55:02
all this other stuff, like all this other stuff, like it's like great,
55:06
yeah, I know he over vibe, but I want to get in
55:07
that place, that place of piece where no matter what, no matter what
55:10
the assignment is, no what the direction is, it's okay God, it's
55:15
me and you. Yeah, And that's the place I learned that even he's
55:19
been telling me, I can give you everything because none of this will be
55:22
a priority over me. And it's not that God be trying to be this
55:27
dictator, this communist, but it's that he knows when you prioritize stuff,
55:31
stuff can come with some pain, Stuff can come with some let downs.
55:37
Stuff could come with disappointment that he has to help it recover from. But
55:43
when you prioritize God, he's he's such a good father, he's so consistent,
55:47
he sustains so in all things, I'm gonna always be well. He
55:52
could. God could bust me with four million dollars right now and say,
55:55
okay, now go tithe all it for real? Okay you can. He
56:00
is what it is how Paul said, I'm content. I'm content, but
56:05
the God in me is gonna always push me for more. That's the thing.
56:07
Be okay with where you are, But know that God, because he's
56:10
so omniscient, omnipresent and omnipotent, he's going to stretch you for more.
56:15
It's just that's just his character. That's just what he's gonna do. But
56:19
your heart, your will, your mindset, he just wants to know that
56:23
you don't. You just need him, and in him you have everything,
56:28
everything, everything, everything, everything store. The other day, I ain't
56:34
no, huh, I don't know how we got to talk, I said,
56:37
ma'am, I start over with God anytime, My God, he can
56:40
he can build me up and I hand it over to him and we can
56:44
start over from scratch every single time. Because that's how good God. That's
56:50
how good Jesus, that's how good Holy Spirit, that's how good he is.
56:53
Like I can't imagine in my life. I thought I was doing something.
56:58
I don't know how I was navigating this world without this concept of God.
57:02
Like it's so rich and so when you go into spaces, and it
57:08
also gives you a grace for people who want to know God but are who
57:13
are challenged in getting to that place that you can give them the confidence and
57:17
you can't give them the connection of faith that if I can do it,
57:21
you can do it. Because I struggle with the same thing. Yeah I
57:23
did. I gotta me and I normally don't say that, normally have like
57:31
a practically like a real ease. I don't people got I gotta be all
57:38
night and I be hre for it. Yeah, yeah, we might have
57:43
to hit up alive though, like well talk like I want to whatever you
57:46
need. Yeah, this this came to your last time, like you know
57:51
how we got regulars like Breed Greg like they didn't been here before they got
57:58
Yeah, girl girl. So when I call you huh yeah, yeah,
58:04
that has never been a thing. It's never because you You've been there and
58:07
I'm so grateful for your your being. I am normally I ask I asked
58:17
the guests if there is a final thought, because you you know, because
58:22
you watched it, you watched the YouTube and stuff, what would you leave?
58:28
But I really feel that you got a prayer from the people. So
58:34
okay, I was about to say one thing. One thing I know about
58:37
you is every morning Monday through Friday seventh, seven thirty Central Standard time.
58:42
Yeah, you praying and you wring scripture on that ram and so can you
58:47
leave us with it? Yes? Of course, of course, of course.
58:52
Amen. Amen, So de Heavenly Father, we thank you God,
58:55
We thank you for this time, We thank you for this moment. Got
59:00
thank you for the platform. I thank you for the work of these women
59:04
of God and Father. Before you bless anybody else, I just pray that
59:07
you would bless them. Lord may the promises that you have for their lives
59:12
begin to emerge and prevail, and may the harvest that you have for them
59:15
begin to sprout because of their efforts and their hearts towards you and Father,
59:21
I also pray that for each and every individual who would hear this podcast,
59:23
that they would be able to be stimulated in their godly identity. Father,
59:28
I'm praying that they would have the navigation and the tools to find you,
59:32
whether they are far from you or they are saying I want to be closer.
59:37
Father, I'm praying that you would hear the echoes of their heart and
59:39
that life would begin to become conducive for that desire. God, I'm praying
59:44
now that every individual who is struggling in their identity that they know that they
59:49
can find themselves in you, because you are such a good father, You
59:52
are so gracious and so kind. So God, in the name of Jesus,
59:57
bless every listener, Bless those that put this together. Bless every supporter
1:00:02
and every souler into this moment and into this space and into this place.
1:00:07
And God, I just decree blessings over those that facilitate this, over those
1:00:13
that will be listening to this and God, we just pray that your hands
1:00:16
stay on it and that heart stay committed to this journey into this assignment.
1:00:21
In Jesus' name, we pray Amen. Amen, that was so beautiful.
1:00:24
Thank you so much, You're welcome. Thank you so much. Desiree.
1:00:30
We still got our face. Me, me and God got talking tonight.
1:00:36
We yeah, oh we. I feel like I'm about to be in a
1:00:37
quiet space after this. Oho. Jesus, y'all, I warned you in
1:00:43
the beginning, and this is what you got, So gather yourselves. You
1:00:47
got a week to gather yourself and make sure you shove this out because somebody
1:00:52
needs to hear this. But until next week, until next time, remember
1:00:57
life could be much more simple if you just ask see thank you for tuning
1:01:07
in to this week's episode. Since you've made it this far, you might
1:01:12
as well connect with us on all social media platforms at the Jessica S.
1:01:16
Smith. I know I won't see you back until next week, but until
1:01:21
then, remember to love always yourself and always say thank God for one another
1:01:29
day. Hey, Hey, I know we could be another way. Hey,
1:01:37
pray thank God for another day. Hey, Hey, I'm just thankful
1:01:44
another day. Hey, Hey, another day, Oh, another day wise,
1:01:51
another day to get it right, another day to rise up, another
1:01:53
day living, another day. We love ones. I always remember hold it
1:01:58
down for a ball one, Yeah,