Latest / The Boy Scout Book of Campfire Stories / Chapter 3: Hydrophobic Skunk by Irvin S. Cobb

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Chapter 3: Hydrophobic Skunk by Irvin S. Cobb · The Boy Scout Book of Campfire Stories

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  Speaker 1: Chapter three of the Boy Scout's Book of Campfire Stories.
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  Speaker 1: This is a LibriVox recording. All LibriVox recordings are in
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  Speaker 1: the public domain. For more information or to volunteer, please
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  Speaker 1: visit LibriVox dot org. Recording by Kurt Trotweine, The Boy
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  Speaker 1: Scout's Book of Campfire Stories, Chapter three. Hydrophobic Skunk by
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  Speaker 1: Irvin S. Cobb. The hydrophobic skunk resides at the extreme
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  Speaker 1: bottom of the Grand Canyon and next to a Southern
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  Speaker 1: Republican who never asked for a federal office. Is the
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  Speaker 1: rarest of living creatures. He is so rare that nobody
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  Speaker 1: ever saw him. That is, nobody except a native. I
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  Speaker 1: met plenty of tourists who had seen people who had
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  Speaker 1: seen him, but never a tourist who had seen him
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  Speaker 1: with his own eyes. In addition to being rare, he
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  Speaker 1: is highly gifted. I think almost anybody will agree with
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  Speaker 1: me that the common ordinary skunk is the most richly
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  Speaker 1: dowered by nature. To adorn a skunk with any extra
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  Speaker 1: qualifications seems as great of a waste of raw material
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  Speaker 1: as painting a lily or gilding refined gold. He is
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  Speaker 1: already amply equipped for outdoor pursuits. Nobody intentionally shoves him around.
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  Speaker 1: Everybody gives him as much room as he seems to need.
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  Speaker 1: He commands respect, nay more than that, respect and veneration
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  Speaker 1: wherever he goes. Joy riders never run him down, and
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  Speaker 1: foot passengers avoid crowding him into a corner. You would
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  Speaker 1: think nature had done amply well by the skunk, But no,
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  Speaker 1: the hydrophobic skunk comes along and upsets all these calculations.
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  Speaker 1: Besides carrying the traveling credentials of an ordinary skunk, he
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  Speaker 1: is rabbit in the most rubidious misform. He is not
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  Speaker 1: mad just part of the time, like one's relatives by marriage,
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  Speaker 1: and not mad most of the time like the old
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  Speaker 1: fashioned railroad ticket agent, but mad all of the time, incurably,
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  Speaker 1: enthusiastically and unanimously mad. He is mad, and he is
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  Speaker 1: glad of it. We made the acquaintance of the hydrophobic
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  Speaker 1: skunk when we rode down Hermit Trail. The casual visitor
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  Speaker 1: to the Grand Canyon first of all takes the rim drive.
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  Speaker 1: Then he essays bright angle trail, which is sufficiently scary
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  Speaker 1: for his purposes until he gets used to it, and
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  Speaker 1: after that he grows more adventurous and tackles hermit trail,
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  Speaker 1: which is a marvel of corkscrew convolusions, gimleting its way
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  Speaker 1: down the red abdominal wound of the canyon to the
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  Speaker 1: very gizzard of the world. Here, Johnny, our guide, felt
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  Speaker 1: moved to speech, and we hearkened to his words and
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  Speaker 1: hungered for more, For Johnny knows the ranges of the
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  Speaker 1: Northwest as a city dweller knows his own little side
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  Speaker 1: of the street. In the fall of the year, Johnny
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  Speaker 1: comes down to the canyon and serves as a guide
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  Speaker 1: for a while, And then when he gets so he
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  Speaker 1: just can't stand associating with tourists any longer. He packs
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  Speaker 1: up his war bags and journeys back to the northern
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  Speaker 1: range and enjoys the company of cow's o spell. Cows
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  Speaker 1: are not exactly exciting, but they don't ask full questions.
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  Speaker 1: A highly competent young person is Johnny and a cowpuncher
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  Speaker 1: of parts. Most of the canyon guides are cowpunchers, accomplished
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  Speaker 1: ones too, and of high standing in the profession. With
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  Speaker 1: a touch of reverence, Johnny pointed out to us Sam Scovell,
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  Speaker 1: the greatest bronco buster of his time, now engaged in
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  Speaker 1: piloting tourists. Can he ride, echoed Johnny in an answer
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  Speaker 1: to our question. Scovell could ride an earthquake if she
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  Speaker 1: stood still long enough for him to mount. He rode steamboat,
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  Speaker 1: not young steamboat, but old steamboat. He rode rocking chair.
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  Speaker 1: And he's the only man that ever did, and was
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  Speaker 1: not called upon in a couple of days to attend
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  Speaker 1: his own funeral. We went on and on at a
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  Speaker 1: lazy mule trot, hearing the unwritten annals of the range
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  Speaker 1: from one who had seen them enacted at firsthand. Pretty
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  Speaker 1: soon we passed a herd of burrows with mealy, dusty
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  Speaker 1: noses and spotty hides, feeding on prickly pears and rock lichens.
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  Speaker 1: And just before sunset we slid down the last acclivity
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  Speaker 1: out upon the plateau and came to a camp. As
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  Speaker 1: was a camp, this was roughing it deluxe with the
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  Speaker 1: most deluxey vengeance. Here were three tents, or rather three
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  Speaker 1: canvas houses with wooden half walls, and they were spick
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  Speaker 1: and span inside and out, and had glass windows in
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  Speaker 1: them in doors, and matched wooden floors. The mess tent
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  Speaker 1: was provided with a table with a clean cloth to
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  Speaker 1: go over it, and there were china dishes and china cups,
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  Speaker 1: and shiny knives, forks and spoons. Bill was in charge
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  Speaker 1: of the camp, a dark, rangy, good looking leading man
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  Speaker 1: of a cowboy, wearing his blue shirt and red handkerchief,
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  Speaker 1: with an air that Johnny certainly could cook, served on
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  Speaker 1: china dishes upon a cloth covered table. We had mounds
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  Speaker 1: of fried steaks and shoals of fried bacon, and a
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  Speaker 1: bushel more or less a sheep herder potatoes and green peas,
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  Speaker 1: and sliced peaches out of cans, and sour dough, biscuits
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  Speaker 1: as light as kisses and much more filling, and fresh
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  Speaker 1: butter and fresh milk, and coffee as black as your
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  Speaker 1: hat and strong as sin. How easy is it for
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  Speaker 1: us civilized man to become primitive and comfortable in his
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  Speaker 1: way of eating, especially if he had just ridden ten
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  Speaker 1: miles on a buckboard and nine more on a mule,
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  Speaker 1: and is a way down at the bottom of the
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  Speaker 1: Grand Canyon, and there is nobody to look disapprovingly when
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  Speaker 1: he takes a bite that would be a credit to
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  Speaker 1: a steamshovel. Despite all reports to the contrary, I wish
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  Speaker 1: to state that it is no trouble at all to
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  Speaker 1: eat green peas off a knife blade. You merely mix
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  Speaker 1: them in with potatoes for cement and fried steak. Take
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  Speaker 1: it from an old steak eater. Taste best when eaten
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  Speaker 1: with those tools of nature's own, providing both hands and
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  Speaker 1: your teeth. An hour passed busy yet pleasant, and we
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  Speaker 1: were both gorged to the gills and had reared back
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  Speaker 1: with our cigars lit to enjoy a third jorum of
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  Speaker 1: black coffee apiece. When Johnny, speaking in an offhand way
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  Speaker 1: to Bill, who was still hiding away biscuits in sight
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  Speaker 1: of himself like a parlor prestigitator, said, seeing any of
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  Speaker 1: them hydrophobies in the last day or two, Not so many,
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  Speaker 1: said Bill casually. There was a couple out last night,
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  Speaker 1: per rooting around in the moonlight. I reckon, though, there'll
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  Speaker 1: be quite a flock of them out tonight. A new
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  Speaker 1: moon always seems to fetch him up from the river.
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  Speaker 1: Both of us quit blowing on our coffee, and we
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  Speaker 1: put the cups down. I think I was the one
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  Speaker 1: who spoke. I beg your pardon, I asked, But what
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  Speaker 1: did you say would be out tonight? We were just
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  Speaker 1: speaking to one another about them hydrophobis skunks, said Bill apologetically.
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  Speaker 1: This hire canyon is where they mostly hang out and
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  Speaker 1: frolic round. I laid my cigar down too, I admit
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  Speaker 1: I was interested. Oh, I said softly, like that is it?
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  Speaker 1: Do they? Yes? Said Johnny. I reckon, there's liable to
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  Speaker 1: be one come and shoving his old nose into that
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  Speaker 1: door in a minute or probably two. They mostly travels
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  Speaker 1: and pears sets. As you may say. You'd know one
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  Speaker 1: the minute you saw one, though, said Bill. They're smaller
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  Speaker 1: than the regular skunk, and spotted where the other kind
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  Speaker 1: is strapped, and they got little red eyes. You won't
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  Speaker 1: have no trouble at all recognizing one. It was at
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  Speaker 1: this juncture that we both got up and moved back
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  Speaker 1: by the stove. It was warmer there, and the chill
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  Speaker 1: of the evening seemed to be settling down noticeably. Funny
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  Speaker 1: thing about them hydrophobic skunks, went Johnny, after a moment
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  Speaker 1: of pensive thought, Mad. You know what makes them mad?
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  Speaker 1: The two of us asked the question together. Bonn that way,
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  Speaker 1: explained Bill. Mad from the start. Won't never do nothing
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  Speaker 1: to get shut of it. They never attack humans, I suppose,
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  Speaker 1: don't they said Johnny, as if surprised at such ignorance,
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  Speaker 1: Why humans is the favorite pastime? Humans is just pie
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  Speaker 1: to a hydrophobusunk. It ain't really any fun to be
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  Speaker 1: bit by a hydrophobic skunk neither. He raises his coffee
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  Speaker 1: cup to his lips and invited deeply, which you certainly
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  Speaker 1: said something. Then Johnny stated, Bill, you see, he went on,
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  Speaker 1: turning to us. They aim to catch you asleep, and
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  Speaker 1: they creep up right soft and take hold of you,
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  Speaker 1: take hold of a year usually and clamp the teeth
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  Speaker 1: and just hang on for further orders. Some says hang
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  Speaker 1: on till the thunders, same as sniping turtles. But that's
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  Speaker 1: a lie, I judge, because there's weeks on a stretch
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  Speaker 1: down here that had donned thunder. All the cases I
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  Speaker 1: ever heard they let go of sun up. It is
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  Speaker 1: right painful at the time, said Johnny, taking up the
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  Speaker 1: thread of the narrative. And then in nine days you
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  Speaker 1: go mad yourself. Remember that fellow, the hydrophobic skunk bit
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  Speaker 1: down here by the rapids, Bill Williams supplied Bill heck Williams.
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  Speaker 1: I saw him at Flagstaff when they took him to
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  Speaker 1: the hospital. That guy certainly did carry on regardless. First
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  Speaker 1: he went mad and his eyes turned red, and he
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  Speaker 1: got so he didn't even have no real use for water. Well, then,
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  Speaker 1: prospects don't never care much about water anyway. And then
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  Speaker 1: he got to snapping, and a bitten and a foeman,
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  Speaker 1: so they had to strap him down to the bed.
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  Speaker 1: He got loose, though, broke loose. I suppose, No, he
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  Speaker 1: bit loose, said Bill, with an air of one who
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  Speaker 1: would not deceive you even in the matter of small details.
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  Speaker 1: Do you mean to say he bit those leather straps
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  Speaker 1: in two. No, so he couldn't reach them, explained Bill.
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  Speaker 1: So he bit the bed in two, not in one.
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  Speaker 1: By it, of course, he went on. It took him
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  Speaker 1: several I saw him after he was laid out. He
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  Speaker 1: really wasn't no credit to himself as a corpse. I'm
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  Speaker 1: not sure, but I think my companion and I were
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  Speaker 1: holding hands. By now. Outside we could hear that little
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  Speaker 1: lost echo laughing to itself. It was no time to
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  Speaker 1: be laughing either under certain circumstances. I don't know of
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  Speaker 1: a loone place anywhere on Earth than that grand canyon. Presently,
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  Speaker 1: my friend spoke, and it seemed to me his voice
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  Speaker 1: was a mite husky. Well, he had a bad cold.
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  Speaker 1: You said they mostly attack persons who are sleeping out,
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  Speaker 1: didn't you. That's right too, said Johnny, and Bill nodded
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  Speaker 1: in affirmation. Then, of course, since we sleep indoors, everything
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  Speaker 1: will be all right, I put in, Well, yes and no,
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  Speaker 1: answered Johnny. In the other part of the evening, the
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  Speaker 1: hydrophobea is liable to do a lot of prowling around outdoors,
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  Speaker 1: but toward morning they like to get into camps. They
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  Speaker 1: dig up under the side walls and come up through
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  Speaker 1: the floor, and they seem to prefer to get in
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  Speaker 1: bed with you. They're cold blooded, I reckon same as rattlesnakes.
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  Speaker 1: Cool nights always drive them in. Seems like it's going
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  Speaker 1: to be sort of coolish tonight, said Bill casually. It
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  Speaker 1: certainly was. I don't remember a chillier night in years.
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  Speaker 1: My teeth were chattering a little from before we turned in.
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  Speaker 1: I retired with all my clothes on, including my boots
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  Speaker 1: and leggings, and I wish I had brought along my
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  Speaker 1: ear muffs. I also buttoned my watch into my left
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  Speaker 1: hand shirt pocket. The idea of being that if for
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  Speaker 1: any reason I should conclude to move during the night,
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  Speaker 1: I would be fully equipped for traveling. The door would
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  Speaker 1: not stay closely shut. The doorjam had sagged a little,
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  Speaker 1: and the wind kept blowing the door ajar. But after
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  Speaker 1: a while we dozed off. It was one twenty seven
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  Speaker 1: am when I woke to a violent start. I know
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  Speaker 1: this was the exact time, because that was when my
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  Speaker 1: watch stopped. Appeared about me in the darkness. The door
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  Speaker 1: was wide open. I could tell that down on the
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  Speaker 1: floor there was a dragging, scuffling sound, and from almost
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  Speaker 1: beneath me, a pair of small red eyes peered up phosphorescently.
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  Speaker 1: He's here, I said to my companion as I emerged
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  Speaker 1: from my blankets, and he, waking instantly, seemed instinctively to
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  Speaker 1: know whom I meant. I used to wonder at the
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  Speaker 1: ease of which a cockroach can climb a perfectly smooth
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  Speaker 1: wall and run across the ceiling. I know now that
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  Speaker 1: this is the easiest thing to do in the world,
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  Speaker 1: if you have the proper incentive behind you. I had
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  Speaker 1: gone up one wall of the tent and crossed over,
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  Speaker 1: and was in the act of coming down the other
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  Speaker 1: side when Bill burst in. His eyes blurred with sleep
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  Speaker 1: and lighted a lamp in one hand and a gun
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  Speaker 1: in the other. I never was so disappointed in my
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  Speaker 1: life because it wasn't a hydrophobic skunk at all. It
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  Speaker 1: was a pack rat sometimes called a trade rat, paying
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  Speaker 1: us a visit. The pack or trade rat is also
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  Speaker 1: a Denzien of the Grand Canyon. He is about four
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  Speaker 1: times as big as an ordinary rat and has an
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  Speaker 1: appetite to correspond. He sometimes invades your camp and makes
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  Speaker 1: free with your things, but he never steals anything outright,
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  Speaker 1: but merely trades with you, hence the name. He totes
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  Speaker 1: off a side of meat or a bushel of meal
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  Speaker 1: and brings a cactus stalk in, or he will confiscate
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  Speaker 1: your saddlebags and leave you in exchange a nice dry chip.
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  Speaker 1: He is honest, but from what I can gather, he
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  Speaker 1: never gets badly stuck on a deal. Next morning, at breakfast,
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  Speaker 1: Johnny and Bill were doing a lot of laughing between
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  Speaker 1: them over something or other. End of Chapter three. Hydrophobic
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  Speaker 1: Skunk recording by Kurt Trotwine