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Special Podcast: The Cruelest Thing You Will Ever Say To Yourself – And How To Stop It · Naughty But Nice with Rob Shuter

• 0:08
  Speaker 1: Terrible advice low. I'm Rob Shooter, and today we're going
• 0:18
  Speaker 1: to do something a little bit different. I know that
• 0:22
  Speaker 1: you think of me as a podcaster, a gossip columnist,
• 0:25
  Speaker 1: someone who is naughty but nice, maybe somebody who once
• 0:28
  Speaker 1: worked with Jennifer Lopez, did He, Alicia Keys, bon Jovi,
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  Speaker 1: Jessica Simpson, even British Royalty. And while all of that
• 0:37
  Speaker 1: is true, there's another side of my professional life that
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  Speaker 1: I want to share with you. I am the best
• 0:46
  Speaker 1: selling author of The Four Word Answer, a book that
• 0:50
  Speaker 1: has changed my life and the life of thousands of
• 0:54
  Speaker 1: other people around the world by asking a very simple question,
• 0:59
  Speaker 1: who are you? In just four words? Are you kind?
• 1:03
  Speaker 1: Are you funny? Are you naughty? Are uchikie? Are you nice?
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  Speaker 1: Who are you? In four words? I have seen firsthand
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  Speaker 1: that every successful person I have ever met could describe
• 1:18
  Speaker 1: themselves in just four words. Who are you? Is going
• 1:23
  Speaker 1: to be the most important question you are ever going
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  Speaker 1: to ask. Only those comfortable in their own skin will
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  Speaker 1: know the answer, and only those who know the answer
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  Speaker 1: will be successful. Just like I did when I worked
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  Speaker 1: with j Lo or did He or Alicia, I'm gonna
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  Speaker 1: help you discover who you are in just four words
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  Speaker 1: in these very short fifteen minutes also weekend bonus podcasts. Today,
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  Speaker 1: we're gonna focused on the cruelest thing you will ever
• 1:59
  Speaker 1: say to yourself. Paul McCartney. Yes, that Paul McCartney, the Beatle,
• 2:06
  Speaker 1: said that even as one of the most successful living
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  Speaker 1: songwriters and performers, worth over a billion dollars, he still
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  Speaker 1: hears a nasty little voice inside his head telling him
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  Speaker 1: the crueliest things that you could ever say to yourself,
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  Speaker 1: telling him quote, I'm not good enough. Words that are
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  Speaker 1: powerful enough to stop and destroy even the most successful
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  Speaker 1: people in the world in just four seconds. Well, if
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  Speaker 1: Paul hears them, then so does everybody else, including you.
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  Speaker 1: We all just have to be as brave as Paul
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  Speaker 1: and admit it, admit you have a cruel voice in
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  Speaker 1: your head telling you you can't, you won't, You're not
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  Speaker 1: good enough. It's a voice that steals happiness and joy
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  Speaker 1: from people around the world every single day. Just imagine
• 3:04
  Speaker 1: how many brilliant songs, novels, plays, cures for diseases, or
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  Speaker 1: just happy days we've all been robbed of because of
• 3:12
  Speaker 1: that nasty little voice. I know firsthand it has stolen
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  Speaker 1: a great deal from me because I listened to that
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  Speaker 1: voice for almost forty years. Stop and think, what is
• 3:24
  Speaker 1: it stolen from you? The guy or the girl you
• 3:28
  Speaker 1: never said hello to her, believing that you just were
• 3:31
  Speaker 1: not pretty handsome enough, the dream job maybe that you
• 3:35
  Speaker 1: didn't feel qualified to apply for, or the friends you
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  Speaker 1: have never made because you didn't feel good enough to
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  Speaker 1: hang out with them. What has it stolen from you?
• 3:47
  Speaker 1: If you are waiting for the perfect moment or until
• 3:51
  Speaker 1: you feel perfect to do something, I promise you're never
• 3:55
  Speaker 1: going to do it. So it's very wise to strive
• 3:59
  Speaker 1: to be good enough and foolish to strive for perfection.
• 4:05
  Speaker 1: A lot of people do this. They won't even take
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  Speaker 1: a chance until everything is perfect wrong. Be good enough.
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  Speaker 1: That has saved my life. I'm good enough. I'm not great,
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  Speaker 1: I'm not extraordinary. There's a lot of people that are
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  Speaker 1: better than me. There's a lot of people that are
• 4:25
  Speaker 1: not as good. But I've managed to turn off that
• 4:28
  Speaker 1: voice in my head that tells me, no, I'm not
• 4:31
  Speaker 1: good enough. The good news is that voice has been
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  Speaker 1: a lie your entire life. A lie. It's not even
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  Speaker 1: a voice, it's an echo, an echo you have been
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  Speaker 1: listening to repeating the lies that other people have told
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  Speaker 1: you before. That's what that voice is. Things that were
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  Speaker 1: not true then and they are not true now. Over
• 5:00
  Speaker 1: my many, many years working with some of the most
• 5:02
  Speaker 1: successful people in the world, I have discovered that they
• 5:06
  Speaker 1: are often not the most talented people in the world. No,
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  Speaker 1: it's not talent that my former superstar clients had in common.
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  Speaker 1: What they have in common is the ability to silence
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  Speaker 1: there I'm not good enough voice. First of all, like
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  Speaker 1: Paul McCartney, they were brave enough to admit that those
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  Speaker 1: voices existed inside them. You've got to admit that first.
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  Speaker 1: But it's the way they handle those fears that made
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  Speaker 1: them successful, and you can do this too. I once
• 5:41
  Speaker 1: was riddled riddled with self doubt and fear. I had
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  Speaker 1: good reason to be too, after damage in my arm
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  Speaker 1: at birth and having to learn to walk with a cane.
• 5:52
  Speaker 1: On top of all that, I'm a working class kid
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  Speaker 1: from Birmingham, macho England and industrial town on its look
• 6:00
  Speaker 1: growing up in the eighties. And add to that, I'm
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  Speaker 1: gay too. Oh. I had a lot of stuff that
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  Speaker 1: made those voices in my mind really, really loud. No wonder,
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  Speaker 1: I was constantly scared and frightened to the point where
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  Speaker 1: I was immobilized with fear. Really, I literally couldn't move
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  Speaker 1: because I was so frightened. Does that sound familiar. The
• 6:27
  Speaker 1: habit of second guess in myself had become so natural
• 6:32
  Speaker 1: that I wanted to become invisible. Every year, when I
• 6:36
  Speaker 1: blew my candles out on my birthday cake, I wished
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  Speaker 1: I had an invisible cape. How sad that I wanted
• 6:43
  Speaker 1: to be invisible. I became that person that stopped contributing
• 6:48
  Speaker 1: and instead spent my life taking notes of other people's comments.
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  Speaker 1: I never said anything. I never had my own thoughts.
• 6:56
  Speaker 1: I just wrote down other people's thoughts at school and
• 6:59
  Speaker 1: when I started my career. But that changed when I
• 7:02
  Speaker 1: started to ask myself every single morning while brushing my teeth,
• 7:07
  Speaker 1: who are you Rob Shooter? In forwards? It took a
• 7:11
  Speaker 1: moment to find the answer, but I knew immediately that
• 7:15
  Speaker 1: one of the worlds was cruel. I was cruel, especially
• 7:20
  Speaker 1: to myself, something that I was determined to change. It's
• 7:26
  Speaker 1: not easy to break a lifelong habit of saying cruel
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  Speaker 1: things to yourself. In fact, it was really really hard.
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  Speaker 1: But it was a change that changed everything, and something
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  Speaker 1: I'm going to share with you the only way to
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  Speaker 1: crush those nasty voices telling you that you are not
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  Speaker 1: good enough is to go after your dreams. It's that easy.
• 7:50
  Speaker 1: Taking action. Taking action is the best way to prove
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  Speaker 1: everyone wrong. Every voice, every negative voice in your head,
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  Speaker 1: proved it wrong. By going after your dreams. Take action,
• 8:04
  Speaker 1: no matter what the voices are telling you. Remind yourself
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  Speaker 1: how far you have come. The moment you realized you
• 8:11
  Speaker 1: climb the mountain is the moment you realize you can
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  Speaker 1: overcome anything. You have to start showing up. This is
• 8:20
  Speaker 1: really important. You have to start believing in yourself just
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  Speaker 1: as important, which you can only do when you stop
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  Speaker 1: calling yourself names. I want you to start practicing every
• 8:31
  Speaker 1: single day. The next time you want to say something
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  Speaker 1: unkind to yourself, stop literally stop and write that word down.
• 8:40
  Speaker 1: At the end of the day, you take a look
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  Speaker 1: at all that abuse. That's what it is. Abuse, the
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  Speaker 1: constant assault you go through on a daily basis. Is
• 8:51
  Speaker 1: it any wonder that you don't feel good enough? Well,
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  Speaker 1: that stops today, because I'm here to tell you that
• 8:59
  Speaker 1: you are good enough. I promise you that when it
• 9:03
  Speaker 1: comes to natural abilities and talents, most of us have
• 9:07
  Speaker 1: about the same amount. Some of us might be better
• 9:09
  Speaker 1: singers than others, but very few of us are Whitney Houston.
• 9:12
  Speaker 1: I like to dance, but it doesn't make me fred
• 9:14
  Speaker 1: to stare, And really, who amongst us is a Bobby
• 9:18
  Speaker 1: Flay in the kitchen. My point is there are for
• 9:21
  Speaker 1: more ordinary people in the world than extraordinary, and that's
• 9:26
  Speaker 1: just fine. Think about it. Is your boss or your
• 9:29
  Speaker 1: supervisor really that talented. In fact, it's really rare to
• 9:34
  Speaker 1: find anyone who is truly exceptional, which is why when
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  Speaker 1: they are, we call them extraordinary. So if it's not
• 9:42
  Speaker 1: God given talents that makes some people successful, what is it.
• 9:45
  Speaker 1: It is their ability to turn down the volume of
• 9:48
  Speaker 1: that nasty voice inside their head telling them they are
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  Speaker 1: not good enough. The next time you feel unworthy, think
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  Speaker 1: of the most average person you know who has achieved
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  Speaker 1: the greatest six Think about it now, someone you know.
• 10:02
  Speaker 1: It might be a family member, it might be a friend,
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  Speaker 1: it might be somebody you work with. Think of that
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  Speaker 1: person the next time you don't feel good enough, the
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  Speaker 1: next time you start hearing those negative voices starting to
• 10:16
  Speaker 1: pop up inside your head, to stop and think of
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  Speaker 1: that person. Let me tell you a little secret. When
• 10:21
  Speaker 1: I was offered this podcast, I thought of that person,
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  Speaker 1: and then I said yes. When I appear on the
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  Speaker 1: Today Show, CNN or the other outlets you see me
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  Speaker 1: on talking about the Royals or the Kardashians, I don't
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  Speaker 1: think of the most talented people in the world. I
• 10:36
  Speaker 1: don't think of Jimmy Fallon or Stephen Colbert with his
• 10:39
  Speaker 1: razor shop wit. Now I think of somebody on TV
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  Speaker 1: that I know. You know him too, who's not that talented.
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  Speaker 1: He's very successful, but he's not that talented. And suddenly
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  Speaker 1: it calms my nerves and it also turns down those
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  Speaker 1: nasty voices in my head. I promise you that once
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  Speaker 1: you make this little tricker habit, everything changes. Everything changes.
• 11:06
  Speaker 1: I remember a time when I was working with j
• 11:08
  Speaker 1: Lo that you might have heard of her. Well. She
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  Speaker 1: was asked me what color shoes she should wear? Red
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  Speaker 1: or black. That was a time in my life when
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  Speaker 1: I froze, praying for that magic tape that I wanted
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  Speaker 1: as a child to suddenly appear and make me disappear.
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  Speaker 1: But instead I had an opinion, and I chose red.
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  Speaker 1: We don't have to make the perfect choice, because the
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  Speaker 1: perfect choice doesn't exist. In fact, often there is not
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  Speaker 1: a bad choice because at the end of the day,
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  Speaker 1: the color didn't matter. One manns to Jennifer is that
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  Speaker 1: I had the confidence to make a choice. Believing you
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  Speaker 1: are good enough to have an opinion will change everything.
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  Speaker 1: And never forget that an opinion is not a fact.
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  Speaker 1: Let me say that again, an opinion is not a fact.
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  Speaker 1: The only person in your life with a p of
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  Speaker 1: all the information about everything that's going on in your
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  Speaker 1: life is you making the only opinion that matters yours.
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  Speaker 1: People are always going to have something to say about you.
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  Speaker 1: The more successful you become, the more opinions you are
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  Speaker 1: going to get. Think about it. Can you imagine being
• 12:20
  Speaker 1: as successful as Beyonce? Imagine all the opinions she gets.
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  Speaker 1: My point is you can never get away from opinions,
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  Speaker 1: but you can stop them from over influencing your life
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  Speaker 1: by constantly reminding yourself that the only opinion that matters
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  Speaker 1: is yours. What you say about yourself counts, So choose
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  Speaker 1: your words carefully because before too long, you will start
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  Speaker 1: believing them. Your words have great power and will define you.
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  Speaker 1: So if you wouldn't say it to somebody else, why
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  Speaker 1: are you saying it to yourself. And now we know
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  Speaker 1: what we mustn't say. Let's all practice the one thing
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  Speaker 1: we should be saying a lot more. No. No, It's
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  Speaker 1: a complete sentence. Never forget that you do not have
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  Speaker 1: to explain yourself. I want everybody to get very comfortable
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  Speaker 1: with saying no, because saying no is the only way
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  Speaker 1: of saying yes to an amazing life. I'm just as
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  Speaker 1: proud of the things I haven't done as the things
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  Speaker 1: that I have done. But what makes me proudest of
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  Speaker 1: all is I have finally stopped saying the cruelest things
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  Speaker 1: to myself. The most important relationship you will have in
• 13:34
  Speaker 1: your entire life is with yourself. So cherish it because
• 13:39
  Speaker 1: the truth is, you are good enough. Just this morning,
• 13:43
  Speaker 1: when I got out of bed, I said to myself,
• 13:46
  Speaker 1: Rob Shooter, you are good enough. You are good enough.
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  Speaker 1: You are good enough, You are good I said it
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  Speaker 1: over and over again. So instead of saying the cruelest
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  Speaker 1: things to yourself today, say the kindest, which is you
• 14:01
  Speaker 1: are good enough. I hope you enjoy these new short
• 14:05
  Speaker 1: podcasts that we plan to do as bonuses on the weekend.
• 14:09
  Speaker 1: Let me know, and don't worry, we will still be
• 14:11
  Speaker 1: back to the Naughty but Nice Show. Nothing's going to
• 14:14
  Speaker 1: change their lots of celebrity gossip five days a week,
• 14:17
  Speaker 1: as well as these extra bonus podcasts. Let's end with
• 14:22
  Speaker 1: our tagline, Remember everybody, if you're going to be naughty,
• 14:26
  Speaker 1: you've got to be nice. Take care. It's not even
• 14:34
  Speaker 1: nice with