Latest / Rabbi Moshe Haber - Daily Mussar/Weekly Perasha / Rabbi Moshe Haber -Pirkei Abot Humility, Confidence, and the Arrogance of Insecurity 5.18.25

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Rabbi Moshe Haber -Pirkei Abot Humility, Confidence, and the Arrogance of Insecurity 5.18.25 · Rabbi Moshe Haber - Daily Mussar/Weekly Perasha

• 0:02
  So Mishna Picaya vote. It's an interesting one.
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  I think it sends a powerful lesson kind of approach live.
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  Listen to this Mishna who are y'all Mayor Alti buzz the whole
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  Adam, don't be Buzz means don't act shameful to any person, to
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  anybody. Valti Maflik the whole Davar and
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  never think that's something some possibility is crazy in
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  Atlantis. We'll explain in a second
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  Shandler Adam, Shandler Shah. Every person has his time.
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  Van le Chadavar Shandler Mccormon.
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  Every possibility has its place that it carries out.
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  What are we talking about out the Baz, the whole dam?
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  What are those words? You mean don't be shamed?
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  Don't ever act shameful to any person.
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  The literal meaning is this Alta Vazir Shu Madam Never say I can
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  embarrass so and so or I can be strong to that person because
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  I'm not going to need them. You know, people thinking their
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  lives, they're very careful around the people they need, but
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  around the people that really don't mean anything to them,
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  people treat, you know, you actually have an inclination to
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  not really care what you say to them.
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  ALDI Baz what that means. Don't act that way.
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  Don't think that anyone is. Nobody's free and everyone
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  matters. And the way Michonne says it,
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  Shane, every person's got his time.
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  So what does that mean? That means imagine you had a guy
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  who's not really an important guy and you're treating.
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  You want to treat him. You talk to him like he's
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  nothing, OK? Because he's thinking this up.
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  He doesn't really matter. The people that matter matter.
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  The people that don't matter don't matter what you think of
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  yourself. All the boss means don't think
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  that way. Realize that one day that person
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  might have his time, he might be an informed person and he might
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  miss with you. How many people have taught
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  others like they're not anything?
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  And then lo and below, the daughter is dating a guy from
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  that family, right? And now you're stuck and you
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  have to treat them the right way.
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  You didn't do it all those years.
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  Everything comes around and people go up and down, and
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  therefore every single person should be treated like they're a
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  person because you never know how one day we might need them
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  and one day there might be something important and it's a
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  reality. That's point number one point #2
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  is don't ever think. Alan, can you close that door?
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  Sorry. Thank you, Val de Maflico Davar
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  means never think that some idea is crazy.
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  Never think that some possibility is not going to
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  happen is nuts. It's outlandish.
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  Everything has its place. So what does that mean?
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  If someone tells you an idea, someone tells you a
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  recommendation, someone tells you a possibility, what might
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  happen, don't laugh it off in the scar and say it's crazy.
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  You recognize it, be conscious of it, and keep it in the back
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  of your mind. That doesn't mean you have to
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  deal with every single possibility, but it does mean
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  that you shouldn't make fun of anyone or any idea because both
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  these things will one day come back to you.
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  And that's just the nature of life.
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  People come around, life comes around, things come around.
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  You know, I always remember, this is my sports example.
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  I remember when my favorite team at the time was the hockey team.
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  And I remember that there's a time when the best player in the
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  league referred to them as a Mickey Mouse organization.
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  That was the line he called the Mickey Mouse organization.
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  All right, That was the line. It was very insulting.
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  And years later they won the championship and what they talk
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  about, we were once called the Mickey Mouse organization by
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  him. Look at him now.
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  Look at us now. So everything comes around and
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  we know it to be the case. We've seen it 1000 times in life
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  and the same thing. That's that's a cute example,
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  but in life, that's how life should be.
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  You should treat every single person.
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  What does this do for us? How does this develop our
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  character? Treat every single person as if
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  they matter to you. Recognize that every person
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  really one day will matter. That's the Mishnah saying that's
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  the Mishnah number one. Second Mishnah I believe much
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  more important, where B levitas EG of naome.
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  Listen to this Maud Maud have a person needs to be very, very
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  humble in the rules of speaking. You never say the same word
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  twice. He never says say never, never
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  or never ever. It's not a good speech word
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  nominology might not be good grammar very very is not the
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  proper wording. What is this wording?
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  Very very person should be very, very humble.
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  Why should a person be very, very humble should take you out
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  and no should he mob because every person one day is not
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  going to become anything. Every person one day passes
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  away. You want to become, you know, in
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  the ground. So a person should be very
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  humble. Why do they use the terminology?
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  Very, very humble with it. And he was a middle Melord,
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  Melord Melord. It's not really proper.
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  Why do they use the terminology? So here's the emphasis.
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  We know that there's a rule in life from the Rambam.
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  It's called Derek Hammer Mutsa. Derek Hammer Mutsa means a
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  person's character in every area should be middle of the road.
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  You shouldn't be too extreme one, way too extreme another in
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  any levels of character, any areas.
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  The only character that we're told I should be extreme.
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  Thank you. Is humility.
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  The only character in the entire list of character traits that a
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  person has to be work at the extremes it seems another
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  healthy in general, we know that balance is always good.
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  What's the 1 character trait that's supposed to be extreme
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  humility? That's number one now, extreme
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  humility. Why is it so important?
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  The way he says it is because one day we're all going to end
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  up in the same place. What does that mean?
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  That's the reason to be humble. So here's the depth of the
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  concept. The reason the person should be
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  humble, it's because everything that we have in all honesty, is
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  not from us. Every single person that you
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  know who's a big deal easily could have not been a big deal.
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  Sometimes it's very noticeable. It's easy to say, oh, he joined
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  that business at the right time, that's why he's successful.
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  Or he got married to the right person.
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  That's why he's a good family. Or it could be not as obvious.
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  It seems like he's smart in business.
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  It seems like he worked at his marriage.
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  OK, so maybe it is him. But even there, even a person
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  who does seem to have built himself up is still always an
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  area that if you pull out that link, his entire story is
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  different. Every person we know who is a
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  very big deal, every single one, one small tweak to their life
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  and the entire story is different.
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  So if that being the case, how could a person be arrogant?
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  How can a person think of themselves as anything?
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  Every person has to be always very, very humble.
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  Now, the key to humility is this.
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  Who's the most humble man who ever lived?
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  Mushir Abeno? All right, Mushir Abeno, Hashem
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  himself referred to Mushir Abeno as enough.
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  And now behold, Adam, if God can refer to you as the most humble
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  man at the time, that means you must be unbelievably humble.
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  So now a person can misunderstand the word humori.
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  The most dangerous thing with the word humility is
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  misunderstanding. People think the humility means
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  kaha, bent over, hands clutch, quiet, not saying a word.
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  That's not humility. Humility means you recognize
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  where things came from and all came from a Shim.
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  But it doesn't mean to be weak. The assumption is the humility
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  goes perfectly with weak. Not correct.
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  Monsieur Abando was the most humble man who ever lived.
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  He's also baby the most confident man who I believed he
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  might have been both am I proof Some of the Gemara that says and
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  we should have been to make three decisions before God gave
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  him the green light and Hashem confirmed them and one of the
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  biggest ones one was he delayed. He had an extra day waiting for
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  Matan Tuda end of the day he decided Benedea sonny's one more
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  day in the day. Hashem is planning changing the
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  world to bring the Tuda and mushair passes.
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  We need an extra day. He added A day I shall be grief.
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  I forgot the third one, but the second one is second one.
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  Most important one is breaking the lohot.
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  He comes down from how I see an eye Musha and he sees the head.
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  There we go. Musha doesn't make a split split
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  second decision. Does he give Benet cell to the
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  hot that we're in his hands coming from semi or does he not
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  give it to him and he sides to throw it down to the ground and
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  allow them to shatter? Could you imagine what kind of
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  decision that was by Shaman made?
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  These lahot spent 40 days in shaman.
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  This is the moment the whole world is waiting for and more
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  shared desires on his own to shatter the lahot.
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  What kind of confidence kind of security kind of understanding
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  you need to have and the feeling that you're right?
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  How can the most humble man have the strength to make this
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  decision? As a possible answer is,
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  humility is not meant to break into your confidence one iota.
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  You can be the most humble person in the world and be the
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  most confident person in the world.
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  There's no contradiction. In fact, arrogance, which is the
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  opposite of humility, is also insecurity.
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  Arrogance and insecurity is the same thing.
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  It's exact. Arrogance and security is the
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  exact same thing. Arrogant people are very
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  insecure. People who talk about themselves
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  all the time, you've said, as before, are also people who are
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  very not sure of themselves and they need the world to accept
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  them. People who promote themselves
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  are people where they seem arrogant or they really are.
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  They're not sure if they exist and they need to create their
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  existence. It goes hand in hand if you're
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  humble. Real immunity and you're
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  confident, those are one in the same.
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  And the job of a Jew is to say I'm going to be balanced in
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  every area of life. I'm going to be never be so
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  strong one way, never so strong the other way.
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  All you may do, it should be balanced, right?
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  You shouldn't be such a pushover, but you shouldn't be
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  so muck beating everything you do.
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  But in one area you need to be confident.
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  In one area you need to be very strong.
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  And that is the area of humility.
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  Because with humility and confidence, a person who can
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  become something great, and this is very important to realize in
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  our lives. A person has to be very, very
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  humble. And what does he really do for
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  you? I've said this before.
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  What does he really do for you and your character?
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  All right, I'll say what it does for you.
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  When a person is humble. And if I throw an insult at you,
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  doesn't matter to you. You know why insults hurt so
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  much? Because an insult means that I'm
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  taking you down, all right? I'm knocking down your stature.
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  If you're humble, if you don't think you deserve to be
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  anything, then an insult doesn't goes right, washes right over
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  you. Like Marianne with.
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  Moshe Moshe Abedeoki kill us. He prayed exactly Mariam
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  specific very strong comment about Moshe Abedneo Talking
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  about the fact that he marries a certain person was a very strong
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  comment. Moshe Abedneo, Not only did he
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  not care about what his sister had to say, he prayed for her to
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  get healed from her punishment. Because a confident and humble
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  person doesn't care what people say.
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  Look around. This is true as anything.
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  Look around. The people who get insulted by
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  everything are the ones who are both insecure and very arrogant.
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  The people who get crazy when someone says a negative word for
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  them or someone gives them the wrong look.
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  What is that? So it seems like it's arrogance.
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  No, it's people whose entire existence is dependent on how
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  other people treat them. We don't want to be that person.
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  You never want to be dependent on the world around you.
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  You want to be you. You want to be solid over here
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  and let the world chips forward. The mayor, the rest of the
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  world, You want to be you. Let me tell you how it works,
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  all right? Let me tell you.
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  I notice it's going a little bit off.
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  This is not from beside, not from the Cowboys itself, but
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  it's just from analyzing life. The people who are the most
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  secure are those who got least insulted, those who promote
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  themselves the least, those who don't get angry that fast.
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  It's all related. But those people who are always
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  involved in some sort of fight and always involved in some sort
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  of insult and always dealing with apologies and then making
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  things up and all that stuff, those are people whose security
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  is at risk. Those are people whose
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  confidence is really in the tubes, and those are people who
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  constantly at the same time of promoting themselves.
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  Look around. You'll see it all over the
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  place. And the more a person is willing
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  to be all the more that the more that person is confident, is
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  secure, is strong and has no weakness.
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  These are the me dot and just to connect to the end of the car,
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  vote this me da, he writes. First of all, go forward.
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  Am I saying something that you've seen in life or not?
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  I think we've seen this all over the place.
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  And the other thing is this, this is good me doubt to be a
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  good person. It also actually makes you a
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  much better Jew as well. Because if a person's willing to
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  grow, humility plays a role, lack of arrogance plays a role.
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  A person wants to build themselves up.
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  Having this, this confidence and this security and this kindness
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  mindset makes them much easier to build themselves up.
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  Let's play it out. If a guy is arrogant and I tell
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  him, you know, you should learn a certain topic, there's nothing
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  you told me to learn. I know everything.
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  I've seen this with learning people.
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  I've seen this with guys in in the world of learning, in
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  Khalil. They can't find what to learn.
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  They don't have anything to learn.
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  What does it mean? You can't find what to learn?
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  Because in their mind they think in a certain sense they learned
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  everything. You kidding me?
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  You think you learned everything?
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  That Tara is humongous. A person can learn their entire
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  life and they'll learn everything and they're careful.
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  We learn what is it? They're so insecure and
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  therefore they're so arrogant that they think they know
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  everything and it's true in life as well.
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  A person, he tells them you got to work on your character.
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  Stop and think for me, you got to work on your character.
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  And the guy says look out. I'm willing to work on my
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  character. I'm pulling in.
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  I just can't think of anything to come up with which I work on.
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  Should I work on my ass feet? Should I work on right?
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  And then they end up with nothing, and this is a reality
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  across the board. What is that?
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  It's the same exact thing. It's an arrogance and an
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  insecurity that makes them think that they're humongous and
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  really, they're as hollow as it gets.
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  On the other hand, a confident but humble person is constantly
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  working at themselves. I give another example.
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  I know people who are in their 70s and their 80s who sit down
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  every day, every single day, and they learn mussar to learn about
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  life, and they reread the same books about how to analyze life.
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  And they're working at themselves and working at
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  themselves and working at themselves and then making the
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  thinking about their life. They're making a hasborn.
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  Every single day. They're looking back at the day
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  and they're saying, how do I fix up my day?
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  These are big rabbis. The rabbi that came in Friday
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  night. I can guarantee you, I don't
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  know for a fact, but I can guarantee you that every single
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  day he sits down, I'm sure it's for a few minutes and he makes a
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  hasborn activates. Was I good today?
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  Was I not so good today? Did I live people out?
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  I followed this all the time. My father wrote down Ashbourne
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  Was IA good person not a good person today?
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  I, my father, we found, I told you this.
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  We found writings, years and years of writings of my father
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  calculating his day. Was I nice to people today?
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  Was I not so nice? He has examples for one example
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  he says and his one one they can get publicized.
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  We only found this if our father passed away.
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  One example and our father says he was living in Israel and he
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  says today I had a conversation about the bus driver and my
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  little LED till I've shown it up and people talking negatively
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  about the bus driver or another time.
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  He says today I came to shul and I forgot to bring money and I
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  never wasn't able to give to the poor person money.
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  He says another time I forgot to invite a person who needs food
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  to the priests. I'm going to make sure to invite
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  that person to the pigeon. He goes to every single these
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  are the and he goes to every single detail.
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  I didn't thank our sharp enough and he has in this cosborne
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  pages and pages and pages about arrogance, pages about what they
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  mean of arrogance is he goes on and on and on patients by
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  arrogance. And in there my father writes
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  and as soon as he says arrogant people are people who talk about
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  themselves all the time. If we talk about ourselves
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  because you want to feel good about ourselves and Izzy Rice
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  and there's a he's born. That means he sat there at the
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  end of the day and he wrote this down.
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  Is he really a fine line? The the, the, we were talking
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  about confidence and arrogance. Yes, because of a president
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  works on his confidence sometimes I think.
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  We're going out of control, huh? Absolutely.
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  A person has to work at this. If you're a real person and
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  you're real with yourself and you sit there every single day
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  and you start thinking about number one, who you are, what
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  you've accomplished by the same time you think about on the
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  phone, 5 minutes, you think about who you are, what you
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  accomplished. If you think about both those
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  things, you can be very with everyone in this room and
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  everyone you know has a million accomplishments.
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  I'll tell you myself personally, I tell myself personally, right?
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  Ready for this? I am, I say this all time,
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  probably the most confident person I know.
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  I think I myself, I'm very confident.
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  At the same time, I also know that everything that I have was
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  completely, totally a fluke. I say this all the time.
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  Everything in the shul, everything in the learning,
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  everything in my marriage, all these things are fluke and it
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  could easily have gone a different way.
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  I know that to be the case and I'm very, very secure in saying
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  so. It doesn't take away at all.
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  Does that take away, Have you? If I go to a guy who's a very
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  successful businessman and I tell him, do you realize you got
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  hired by that guy and that's why you're successful?
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  Does that take away from his hard work you put in?
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  No. Does that take away from his
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  wisdom that he applied to his work?
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  No. It just takes away from his
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  sketch that he built in his mind to believe that he's some sort
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  of unbelievable person. You're great, but you're not the
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  world. Hashem wants the world, and a
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  person has to believe that at all times.
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  You'll be both beautiful and humble, confident and humble.
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  And watch if a person adapts to me doubt properly, watch how
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  much easier they are in life. If you really have this, life is
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  so much easier. But if you go with this balloon
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  of life, this both arrogant and emptiness, life is such a
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  greater challenge. Everyone's insulting you,
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  everyone's driving you crazy. Every day there's a fight.
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  Every day you're trying to build yourself up and it's impossible
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  to live. But even all the more devish.
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  If a person is very humble, at the same time very confident,
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  life is awesome, life is beautiful.
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  No one could take you down. No one can insult you, no one
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  can give you none of respect. I've seen people get crazy by
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  the smallest levels of disrespect.
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  All right, crazy. And you watch him.
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  You say your life stinks. You always getting crazy by not
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  being respected like you. What kind of life is that?
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  But people are like that because they're they're empty, because
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  they don't really feel like anything.
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  And that's why it's so important to be a humble and confident
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  person. All right, you go to a wedding
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  and the, the, the, the parents of the couple are busy.
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  They only give you half of them. I'm telling you half of hello.
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  If you're an insulted person, you always drive yourself crazy.
• 20:51
  I spent so much time making it to the right now they now they
• 20:53
  don't care about me. If you think 2 seconds, they're
• 20:56
  busy. Their mind is involved in 1000
• 20:57
  things that doesn't give them a pass.
• 21:00
  But it downgrades the level of insult, right?
• 21:02
  What about not getting invited at all?
• 21:04
  Not getting invited, People make humongous deal by not going to
• 21:07
  invite you, right? By the way, people make the
• 21:11
  biggest deal by not going to invite.
• 21:13
  It's it's love not getting invited.
• 21:14
  It's one of those topics. People make the biggest deal,
• 21:19
  not going to invited, right? Think about that for a second.
• 21:23
  Is it a big deal yet? But do they mean anything by it?
• 21:25
  They didn't mean that much by it.
• 21:27
  They have a list they forgot. Whatever it is, don't make such
• 21:29
  a big deal. People get crazy.
• 21:31
  It's because of that hollowness inside that a person is both
• 21:35
  confident and humble. Life is a beautiful life to
• 21:39
  live. That's the reality and it's from
• 21:41
  this mission. We'll stop with this.