Latest / Rise and Thrive with Dr. J. Nicole Podcast / FINALE Becoming Whole - Embracing Freedom and Forging a New Path with Sharon Gladney

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FINALE Becoming Whole - Embracing Freedom and Forging a New Path with Sharon Gladney · Rise and Thrive with Dr. J. Nicole Podcast

• 0:16
  This episode contains discussion of emotional psychological abuse
• 0:21
  as well as reference to sexual acts which may be triggering or
• 0:25
  difficult for listeners. The content shared reflects the
• 0:28
  lived experiences of our guest and is intended for educational
• 0:32
  and awareness purposes only. Listener discretion is advised.
• 0:37
  If you are currently experiencing abuse or need
• 0:39
  support, please reach out to a trusted professional therapist.
• 0:43
  Counselor will call their National Domestic Violence
• 0:47
  Hotline at 1-800-799-7233 for confidential assistance.
• 0:54
  OK so the path towards true healing yes it started from
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  making decision to saying this is not what I want anymore and
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  it got to the place for me where for some people it would have
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  been years ago. World have been like this is
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  enough. But when it hit the whole BDSM
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  and all that kind of stuff, I knew this is going to go way
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  further and this is going to take you so far from your
• 1:24
  purpose and from the direction you're to go in in life that it
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  really, like I said, it seemed like a divine intervention.
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  Had to because, Sharon, think about what that man said to you.
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  Because let's let's be clear, this thing of life is spiritual
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  warfare. Oh, my goodness says this is how
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  I'm being LED spiritually, fiercely.
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  They'll always move godly. And I'm saying that because what
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  he's saying does not align with God.
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  It does not align with covenant. It does not align with God
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  saying that our bodies are temples and then him just
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  invading these women's temples, talking about his feel.
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  And it being in a form of pain exactly that, that giving this
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  pain and them being tied up and dominated it create creates this
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  space of this release that's needed.
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  And so I knew this is it's already gone left, but this
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  about to go further than I can. I might not make it back.
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  Yep. And God said it's enough.
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  Enough's enough. But this, this is the thing that
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  I did not know that I just hit the real world.
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  I didn't know the war that was going to happen.
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  Anything can look a certain way on the outside.
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  If you would have looked at me on the outside, you like girl,
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  you got such a nice place. Are you single?
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  You free. God.
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  Oh, I like your car. This girl, you such a good mom.
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  You doing so good because all of that was true.
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  But see, they didn't know the symptoms of PDSDI was struggling
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  with. They didn't know I couldn't
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  sleep at night, that insomnia was kicking my butt, that
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  depression. I didn't really have an
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  appetite, that there were days I could literally barely take a
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  shower. Everything.
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  I got my undergrad in psychology and in my masters was even
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  though it was education, the classes was majority psychology
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  and counseling. I was working in behavioral
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  health. I was now reading myself.
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  I could go back to textbooks and be like, Oh my God, how did I
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  become the provider and the patient?
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  Because nobody's exempt this lived experience.
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  How did this happen? And then everything seems so
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  together. Why am I not just automatically
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  like this new life now? It gets there, but it was a dark
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  Rd. And Sharon, before you start
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  heading down the road, I want to validate you too because what
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  I'm hearing is that, or maybe y'all figured this out in
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  therapy, but this was the first time, Sharon, that you could
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  actually feel because every day you were in that marriage, in
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  that relationship, it was just more and more and more.
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  So all the when, when was the time to process?
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  It wasn't fair. So then now that you have
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  relief, we think this is the the bottom falling out when really
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  it's the bedrock. It's you be having a solid
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  foundation to really now start to unpack this stuff, even
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  though it feels like you in the sunken place.
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  That was a how do I want to say it?
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  It was a a sacred place to be in, even though it doesn't feel
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  good. Being one of the most sacred
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  places to be in is during your dark night of the soul, which is
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  the season of spiritual transformation.
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  I was going through a transformation within my soul.
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  It had nothing to do with the things on the outside.
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  There were parts of me that had to die, yes ma'am, and parts of
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  me that had to be birthed. So it felt like, yes, sound felt
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  like chaos. That's the one thing these types
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  of situations will birth with. Been in you this whole time.
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  Yes. And and it is a process.
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  It's not overnight. It is, it is a process and it
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  has to be done intentionally and on purpose.
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  And no one is going to save you. No one could save me.
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  I had to make a choice. Even though you can pray or you
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  can do all this like it is a work that's that has to be done.
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  Faith and. Works, yes.
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  And so I you brought up a really good point, because what I was
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  living in was dissociation. That outer body you were talking
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  about disconnect when you said you were like washing yourself.
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  Yeah. Yeah, complete disconnect.
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  And so then when you're ready to go down this path of healing,
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  you have to wake up and everything that you try to get
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  yourself not to feel, you have to feel.
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  But then also disassociation and trauma changes the brain and so
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  you can also experience a lot of forgetfulness, loss of memory.
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  Somebody with CPTSD brain can look the same as somebody that
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  went through combat. That's your brain attempted to
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  protect you from such harmful things.
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  Yes, and so those are some of the things like especially
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  memory. That was one of the things that
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  I talked to my doctor. But I'm like something is wrong.
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  Like I feel like most of my life is this blur and I can't even
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  really remember a lot of good. I could just remember the really
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  bad stuff, but the rest of it was just survival and not
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  wanting to face the truth, choosing that's that self
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  betrayal, not wanting to face it.
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  So you put yourself in a space of disassociation, not knowing
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  that this is going to come at the cost.
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  And so when a lot of people wake up from it and they do the work,
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  one of the things to look out for and that can happen is
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  different coping mechanisms. Because you're so used to
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  dissociation, you're so used to that.
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  So a lot of people that begin this journey may find themselves
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  struggling with addiction. Absolutely.
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  And that was one of the things that I talked to my doctor about
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  was, I mean, I've always been one that I like wine.
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  So, you know, I love me. I love to cook.
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  That is one of my forms of therapy.
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  It is a love of mine. I enjoy it and I love to cook
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  and listen to like some all some 90s music or something like that
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  and a glass. Of wine and baby doing it.
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  I'm I'm in my zone. I'm in my zone.
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  I started noticing that I was drinking wine more of coping and
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  it didn't come in a form of coping.
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  It came in a way, and I get it, it was coping, but.
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  It snuck up on you, probably. It snuck up on me slowly in that
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  and and I began to see that just the the sipping.
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  Sometimes it's a it kept my mind this slow just sipping and
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  before you know it, it's slow sipping.
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  You want it more or during the day?
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  I was, whatever the case may be, and it came to me.
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  And it's never been an issue where there's ever been like any
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  type of issue where I'm, you know, drunk or ever had a DUI or
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  anything like that. You have to be able to know when
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  to ask for help. Yeah.
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  And one of the things that I heard in my spirit was this will
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  take you away from your purpose. Don't let it be a secret,
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  because if it's a secret, it will.
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  Grow. Yes, it will.
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  Was it was in the dark Grove, just like a seed underground.
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  Yes, ma'am. It's a secret.
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  It will grow. So I shared it with my sisters,
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  with my best friend. I went to the doctor.
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  I was like, that's why I was like, I want to get, you know,
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  my blood checked. I scheduled for a therapist.
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  I let the doctor I know like I've been drinking more than I
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  used to. I know it's a cope.
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  I'm going through therapy so you know, I've been trying to cope
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  with this PTSD. I let him know I was like, you
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  are not taking me down. I'm talent like that's how I
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  felt when I heard that voice within me say don't let this be
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  a secret, because if it's a secret, it's going to overtake
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  you. Yeah, and it can't.
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  And you know, as they say, that quote is like a person is only
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  as sick as their secret. And if that's growing, that's
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  wrong. So that was a big part in being
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  honest and saying I have to get these things together.
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  Yeah. And for those that may be going
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  through it, it's different paths, you know, for some
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  people, for depression, you know, you have these different
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  imbalances. If your body has been letting
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  off all these negative chemicals for all this time, you not
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  supposed to be crying all the time.
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  Sad. My whole 20s and 30s was mostly
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  crying. That is so unhealthy on the body
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  to be feeling sad way more. Yes, we have sad times, but
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  majority the body is keeping the score, trust me, and so I'm
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  thinking I'm pushing past all this stuff.
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  It was right there waiting on me and even though things look.
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  Real. Yeah, but one of the things that
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  I had to do because I spent so much time being embarrassed.
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  Yeah. About embarrassment had its hand
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  on me. I was so embarrassed about my
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  story then I had to realize I made choices based on my level
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  of consciousness in each moment. The best you could in that
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  moment. And I choose to be compassionate
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  with myself that those were the choices that I made in those
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  moments, and that there were lessons in that that were
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  necessary for my soul. Yes, nothing is on you with God.
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  It is. It is all being used and it had
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  to be in right timing. And I realized that, as you can
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  see, and I really hope this helps someone, is that in
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  dealing with trauma, I had to look at the whole thing and it
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  takes more than just one way. I had to.
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  I went to my doctor. I needed to make sure and see
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  how I was physically well and what needed to change.
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  I took care of the mental health aspects of it.
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  Then you have to take care of your body because your body has
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  gone under combat and especially if it's been self betrayal, self
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  betrayal, really it affects your cells.
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  So then you want to do healing in those areas.
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  You want to make sure you getting out in nature, you want
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  to make sure you taking the right supplements.
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  You want to make sure that you may be doing some somatic yoga
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  or something that's going to help heal the cells of the body
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  to restructure the cells. So trauma healing is not just
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  OK, well, I'm just going to do this or I'm just going to do
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  that. You want to get to the place
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  where you can be sleepy, sleeping at night because you
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  need that sleep. Your body needs to regenerate.
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  There are things that need to be happening.
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  So it took a lot of work and solitude was important.
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  A season of solitude was so important.
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  The one thing that can sneak up on you when you get that
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  solitude after going through trauma, being alone starts to
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  feel so safe that it can become. Isolation.
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  Isolation and I went through that and I did not want to come
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  out Bebe I remember my sister. For it.
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  But Yep, you said this is the safest I've been.
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  I ain't giving this up. I ain't giving this up for
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  nobody and but it can become imbalanced.
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  Then you find yourself in the other space.
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  But it is such a delicate dance and coming out of it, one of the
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  most, the hardest season for me in the journey of coming out was
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  anger. Because you're what you're doing
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  is you're going through a grief process.
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  Yes. So there's moments of grief,
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  there's moments of regret, there's moments of sadness.
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  Even though I never ever experienced sadness of my
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  relationship ending. Well, you have been doing it all
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  throughout. Let's be honest, you were you
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  were already in it from the first moment of like that major
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  betrayal. Every bit was this slow
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  disconnect. That's why when you left, you
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  left. You have catching while still
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  being present with a little bit of.
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  Yeah, Yep. And so I didn't experience it
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  was different. I'm going to say this.
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  I didn't experience sadness of the relationship ending, but the
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  depression. I got to take it a little deeper
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  and call it depression. Sharon.
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  What? The relationship you were really
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  and truly grieving was the relationship with self.
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  It wasn't even about the marriage at that point.
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  It was self. It was all about me.
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  And this is what is the the, the most important part of this
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  interview. And what I want to tell you is
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  really dear to my heart. I shared all of these things
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  that happen, right? And so many people can get into
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  the details and be like, oh, that's crazy.
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  He did that, She did that. That happened.
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  This is the most important, the healing with the self.
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  Yeah, it wasn't. This isn't about him hurting me.
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  This is about me hurting me. Why I stayed, why I went along
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  with it, Why? And not in a judgmental way
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  right? Now imagine judgment like came
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  up, but like who really and truly soul searched and asked
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  the questions? What is in me that knew what it
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  was? He said it straight to my face
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  and still I stayed. Yes, Sharon, I went through my
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  own version of this too, right? Like where I literally asked
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  God, God, how did I get here? How did I get here?
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  And I started having to realize there are anyone with that we're
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  with in relationship. They're a mirror in some sort of
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  way. They're mirroring something back
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  to us. We see ourselves in them.
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  And so as I was reflecting on the relationship, the marriage
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  that I had in the person that I was in that with, there were
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  certain things that came up about him and I was like, slow
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  down on your different Shorty. You got your own version of
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  that. And I had to see myself.
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  So seeing initially being critical of him helped me to see
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  me and where my guts, where my deficits were and to study and
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  do my work, whether that meant physically, spiritually,
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  emotionally, like, and then to do my work as a lot of people
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  don't want to do that part. You want them to be the villain.
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  When? Really just serve the whatever
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  the thing was up to them. Yes, and I released that.
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  You know, even in sharing it the story, I'm really not sharing it
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  from a space of him being a villain.
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  It is sharing he showed up to be exactly.
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  Authentic. Authentic in who he is and it
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  created the lessons and the opportunity for my becoming Yes
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  ma'am. This could have been after five
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  years, after six, after 7. But it is by choice I made a
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  choice. It is the power of choice the
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  the lessons in in this becoming of who I am.
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  It is still coming to pass, but it was up to me how long I had
• 17:07
  to suffer. Yeah, and that's.
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  Sometimes that suffering is a choice.
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  Oh, it is. Because suffering.
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  The difference between pain and suffering is that, like pain,
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  we're all going to have it, and it's temporary.
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  Suffering is when there is resistance, when there's a lack
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  of its deafness. Like you said, he showed himself
• 17:27
  to be as he is, as the as was my situation too, right?
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  He showed himself there were certain things I did not want to
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  see. I assigned yellow flags to red
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  flags, right? Green flag, yellow flag.
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  And that was my choosing, right. So we do, I hear you taking a
• 17:47
  radical of, you know, like, you know, accountability here, but
• 17:50
  not blaming yourself. But right, people show us.
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  And then with the whole romanticizing that happens in
• 17:58
  society about what it should look like and what it should be,
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  we will say, well, then this is enough.
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  Like, you know, where we settle? We don't even know we're
• 18:08
  settling. And that there's a lack mindset
• 18:11
  that's informing this whole program.
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  The whole program is on lack. Let's be clear.
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  There's a programming of lack that's touching every single
• 18:20
  area. So there is a program of lack in
• 18:23
  every single area that's informing all of this.
• 18:27
  That is, it's so insidious. It's like woven and to the
• 18:32
  fabric that you're not over there because that lack would be
• 18:37
  all you're going to let him go. That last going to be before men
• 18:41
  that last going to be you going to give up that cute household
• 18:43
  income to like women. That lack is going to be well,
• 18:47
  ain't nothing out there. At least you know what you lack?
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  It's. Lack around it is.
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  It allows us to settle and then we don't get to 1 really and
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  truly didn't operate in our purpose because we've settled.
• 19:05
  We've decided that good enough or being best is going to get or
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  we ain't no younger. We might as well.
• 19:14
  Those types of things that is, and it's so pervasive and it's
• 19:19
  one of the most horrible, dangerous things that stop
• 19:22
  people and keep us out of perfect.
• 19:24
  Yeah, Yep. And a lot of times because there
• 19:27
  is lack since we're not focused on perfect and some people don't
• 19:31
  even get to that space of the joy and the power of singleness
• 19:38
  because you're, you're experiencing that lack.
• 19:40
  And so there's so much neurological healing that's done
• 19:45
  during that time. It depends on how you're looking
• 19:47
  at it. If you're looking at it from
• 19:48
  lack, Oh, I'm single or oh, I'm not going to have anybody or oh,
• 19:52
  you know, for me, I didn't really know what it was, to be
• 19:54
  honest. I knew that it wasn't financial
• 19:57
  like I can move on just fine financially.
• 20:00
  I knew that it wasn't something physical, you know?
• 20:04
  That I was holding on to. So I'm like, what is it?
• 20:11
  It was just the sheer fear of who am I by myself?
• 20:16
  Come on, that's that. Codependence.
• 20:18
  Yes, My identity was, and this is the theme starting off so
• 20:23
  young. I had not built that up as an
• 20:26
  adult woman. So it's like, well, without
• 20:29
  this, who am I? That was a very fearful, I'm
• 20:34
  talking terror. I was terrified of that because
• 20:38
  I didn't even know. And it's like you just couldn't
• 20:41
  quite put your finger on it. So it was so much healing that
• 20:45
  had to be done. And so now and going through a
• 20:49
  lot of work of and, and understanding the truth of
• 20:53
  programming, I have a completely different outlook.
• 20:57
  Yes, I remember writing out a list of, you know, if I do get
• 21:03
  remarried or whatever one day or just in a partner, the things
• 21:07
  that I would like and what I would like to experience.
• 21:10
  And then I decided to become all of those things.
• 21:13
  Yes ma'am, Give it to yourself first.
• 21:16
  That was the thing I wrote that list out and said even if I do
• 21:20
  grow to this, which is it's not a priority, I'm just going to be
• 21:24
  honest. Yeah, I think it's great.
• 21:25
  To who? Needs to be your priority after
• 21:28
  basically giving your life to everyone and everything else.
• 21:31
  Yes, my 20s and my 30s. So baby, I'm, I'm 41 now.
• 21:37
  When I tell you the joy that I have building healthy
• 21:43
  connections, good connections, I even have like, you know, I
• 21:47
  didn't really have a lot of masculine like male friends and
• 21:51
  stuff, 'cause I spent 20s and 30s.
• 21:52
  It's been something actually meeting healthy men and it not
• 21:57
  even having to be in a romantic way.
• 22:02
  And it's like I didn't realize that I I needed this because one
• 22:06
  of the things I was always told in my marriage, my ex will say,
• 22:09
  you know, you're when it was when I was getting ready to
• 22:11
  leave, he said, you're going to get out here and realize that
• 22:14
  all men cheat and they're all like me.
• 22:16
  That was one of the things and. Trying to man the fear mongering
• 22:20
  was so real. Oh, it was so bad when I tell
• 22:24
  you as a single woman, I've met men that have, you know, been
• 22:31
  abstinent, you know, for a year, 2 years, they in the gym, they
• 22:36
  working on themselves, they're building their businesses there.
• 22:39
  I had to see and then also in solitude and meeting off of
• 22:44
  social media, which portrays this gender war and men ain't
• 22:49
  this and women ain't that. When I got into the real world
• 22:54
  and wasn't consumed with social media and met people.
• 22:57
  There are phenomenal women out there.
• 23:00
  There are amazing men out there. There are people living in
• 23:03
  discipline, working and focused on their spiritual life, focused
• 23:07
  on their mental health, their physical health.
• 23:11
  There are plenty of men where sex is not.
• 23:14
  Everything. And even in some not even
• 23:16
  important if if it's a certain season that they're in in their
• 23:19
  life. So being able to make good
• 23:22
  connections, working on my purpose, writing again, spending
• 23:28
  time with my children, being focused on health and becoming
• 23:35
  all those things. I'm saying, hey, whenever the
• 23:38
  door opens for me to really want to be in a relationship, I am
• 23:42
  whole. I'm not making any decisions off
• 23:44
  of. Well, I need this.
• 23:46
  I need that. I don't want to be a parasite
• 23:48
  and I don't want anybody else to be a parasite.
• 23:51
  I want to be whole and to connect with somebody that's
• 23:54
  whole and then we can enjoy that completeness together.
• 23:58
  So then y'all? Apply one another.
• 24:01
  Yes, and until then it is enjoyable.
• 24:06
  I'm going to be honest. I get in my king size bed at
• 24:09
  night, pull them covers over. I sleep good, I spread.
• 24:16
  And The thing is having a relationship is wonderful.
• 24:19
  But I have to be honest, for me right now, it's like this month,
• 24:23
  I'm going to say it's 2 1/2 years of being of my, my divorce
• 24:29
  ending. And I know like he just, I would
• 24:32
  say within the last couple of weeks got remarried.
• 24:34
  This is a fresh marriage. Yeah, they just recently got
• 24:37
  married. Wow.
• 24:41
  I'm not judging it. And I think wonderful and it, it
• 24:46
  works really good for me for the schedule that I need just to be
• 24:50
  honest. I've learned that there's some
• 24:51
  things you got to be able to look at what it is that you
• 24:53
  need. And so it works out for what I
• 24:57
  need. So, but for Me, 2 1/2 years
• 25:02
  after all that, I want to enjoy the healed version of myself.
• 25:07
  Absolutely. It takes time to heal after a
• 25:10
  divorce. And then this is what so many
• 25:12
  people do. They experience healing and then
• 25:15
  because of that program they automatically think.
• 25:17
  They got to. Heal.
• 25:19
  Now I can be in a relationship. I'm like, I'm just now really
• 25:23
  meeting you. Hello, Sharon, nice to meet.
• 25:26
  You kind of like you, girl. You're fun.
• 25:28
  Get into this. Kind of like you.
• 25:32
  And so I'm just enjoying me. I mean genuinely, genuinely.
• 25:39
  This is a a every season has its purpose you what I'm hearing is
• 25:44
  that you are in bloom, right? Like every flower season, every
• 25:49
  plant has its season. But I'm going to pick a spec,
• 25:53
  just a little bit something that I heard you saying or my
• 25:56
  interpretation is that all of this that you experienced, but
• 25:59
  how did I get here? It was an identity crisis. 100%.
• 26:03
  And I know I expressed some of this in on some other content
• 26:08
  that I set out on YouTube, but identity crisis about like this,
• 26:13
  who you are as a daughter of God, the most high God, you know
• 26:18
  what I mean? And allowing that to lead,
• 26:22
  because the thing I think was Satan, he can distract us with
• 26:25
  all that lack and we forgive whom we are and who we are.
• 26:31
  And then we start operating in the material and not the
• 26:34
  spiritual. And that's where the lack make
• 26:38
  its way everywhere. And So what I'm hearing you say
• 26:42
  in this season of singleness is really, like I said earlier,
• 26:45
  this is a wild reclamation of self, but God also reclaiming
• 26:49
  you and bringing you home. Looks like a parent will do.
• 26:53
  Enough is enough. Daughter, I'm going to get you
• 26:55
  up out of here. Come on up.
• 26:57
  Enough's enough. And then and those wonderful
• 27:00
  children that you had, keep praying over them because they
• 27:04
  also have their place, right? Like, so we are not just like
• 27:09
  random accidents, right? Like God had an intention for
• 27:12
  every single one of us. Even though these things
• 27:15
  happened, your children were there, right?
• 27:18
  Like who? I don't know what they may have
• 27:20
  taken in, right? But children are always, in
• 27:22
  practice, just like you. Oh yeah, the moment when you
• 27:26
  left, right? But keep praying over them.
• 27:28
  And I want you to talk would have been more about that and
• 27:30
  how the season of solitude they're reclaiming of identity.
• 27:35
  But Sean, up in your Florence. My goodness, children are
• 27:39
  greatly affected and I want to say the one that affected the
• 27:43
  most was my oldest who now he will be 18 girl.
• 27:47
  What? Next week I know it's crazy, I'm
• 27:51
  going to have an 18 year home. Girl, so he really understands
• 27:54
  some of the stuff that's that's been going on.
• 27:57
  Yeah, he was 15 when things started, but one of the things
• 28:00
  that he said was he was like, it's like he just woke up one
• 28:02
  day and his whole life changed. So I watched him go through
• 28:05
  depression and go through all that.
• 28:06
  But this is. What happened to you too?
• 28:08
  You woke up one day your whole life.
• 28:10
  My whole life changed and so this is one of the things is in
• 28:14
  the beginning, parenting, still being there, still got to get up
• 28:18
  in the morning, get him ready for school, school, pick him up,
• 28:21
  cook. You're doing all this and going
• 28:23
  through depression and insomnia. That's a still having to be
• 28:27
  mommy. That's a whole other level
• 28:29
  because there are people who are mommy and they cannot get out of
• 28:32
  bed and they start teaching their kids to do it, or their
• 28:35
  kids figure it out and they start compensating.
• 28:37
  Yes, yes, and. Thankful for your children then
• 28:41
  you were able to compensate and keep that consistency for them.
• 28:45
  Yes. Well, in the beginning it was
• 28:46
  very hard because I was still going through my ice.
• 28:48
  I was going through in the beginning of the depression and
• 28:52
  this was maybe right before I was educated.
• 28:56
  I got diagnosed with CPTSD is my kids noticed and I did too.
• 29:03
  I would do everything that I had to do and then I would sit in my
• 29:06
  room and be quiet. All the energy you had was.
• 29:10
  Done. Depleted.
• 29:11
  Yeah. I didn't watch TVI didn't watch
• 29:14
  TVI didn't watch any kind of show for well over a year.
• 29:18
  And that's another level, right? Because sometimes people use
• 29:21
  that as a form of escape. And you were like, no, I need
• 29:24
  silence. Oh I need it.
• 29:26
  And that was another side of CPTSD.
• 29:28
  Like I don't like a lot of loud noise.
• 29:30
  I like silence is important. I can't sleep with the TV on.
• 29:35
  I can only listen to tones. I need it to be dark.
• 29:38
  I need all the doors closed. I don't like open doors.
• 29:42
  I like it's a closed in dark feeling like I need the lights.
• 29:45
  Off it sounds like you can get your own closet.
• 29:48
  This is a way to it's a way to create safety.
• 29:51
  You get the controlled environment.
• 29:53
  You know what's in it. You know what's not This is what
• 29:56
  I can expect. It's it's a yes safety.
• 29:59
  That's exactly what it is. And so, but I noticed my son was
• 30:04
  going through the same thing. He started showing signs of
• 30:06
  isolation, signs of, I mean, everything that I was
• 30:11
  experiencing. I started to see it in him.
• 30:13
  And it was a very hard season. And he's he's finally doing
• 30:19
  well, coming around more. He lives with his dad.
• 30:23
  So he's he's at that stage though.
• 30:26
  I knew that at 16 when he started really going through it.
• 30:30
  It's like you need to be with your dad.
• 30:34
  Yeah. So, but he was just here the
• 30:38
  other day. I still see him quite a bit.
• 30:40
  We go to the mood. That's our thing is the movies.
• 30:42
  We go to the movies and hang out and things of that nature.
• 30:45
  But in my parenting, I mean, I had to push because, and I'm
• 30:50
  talking about on the inside where they couldn't see it, all
• 30:54
  they could see is that mommy's quiet.
• 30:57
  But you better believe they had a big meal every day.
• 31:00
  They got up and was taken to school on time.
• 31:02
  They had what they need. They got some hugs and some
• 31:04
  kisses, but I wasn't the same and they picked up on it.
• 31:08
  She's not getting now we not going, you know, walking around,
• 31:12
  you know, outside, going to feed the ducks are going to exercise,
• 31:16
  are going to do fun things. It's just like I did what I've
• 31:19
  had to do and then I wanted to sit in my silent circle.
• 31:23
  I want to sit in my little cocoon and that begin to as I
• 31:28
  begin to really go through the healing that got better and
• 31:32
  better and better. But you better believe it was a
• 31:35
  heavy season to fold it all together for children and try
• 31:41
  not to let them see it to find so especially in the beginning,
• 31:45
  to have to find somewhere to live, to pay for all the moving,
• 31:49
  to move on your own, to keep everything together.
• 31:53
  Go to work, pay all the bills, smile, go to the after school
• 32:00
  program, every single thing and try not to act depressed.
• 32:06
  Try to act like you slept last night.
• 32:09
  Girl, the level of the number of masks you had and what you're
• 32:14
  getting at is a burden. That one, I think a lot of women
• 32:18
  theory women that are like professional working mothers
• 32:22
  carry, but then big a woman and professional working and you
• 32:27
  know, woman and then a black one.
• 32:30
  It's on a whole other level because again, I get it.
• 32:34
  I think I get it because my family's also from Mississippi.
• 32:37
  I come from a long line of strong women in my family is
• 32:41
  Missouri, where it don't matter what's going on.
• 32:45
  We still have to show up. We still have to perform, we
• 32:48
  still have to produce. And yes, I'm alleged to slavery.
• 32:52
  I don't know if you have people were, you know, if your
• 32:54
  ancestors were enslaved, Mine were, right.
• 32:57
  That's one of those things that we did to not give up is to keep
• 33:03
  going. But you're not living in those
• 33:07
  same spaces of trauma. But we've not come out of those
• 33:12
  survival harbits, that black superwoman schema.
• 33:15
  I gotta do everything. I'm a strong and black woman.
• 33:18
  And you really and truly probably needed a month or two
• 33:24
  away, but the way things are set up, what was going to happen, it
• 33:29
  wasn't possible. So you did the best that you
• 33:32
  could and you put together your own treatment team.
• 33:35
  I love how you clinically, like work your stuff out, right?
• 33:39
  Like you went to your doctors, you went to the therapist, you
• 33:42
  was doing your spiritual work, you're doing your emotional
• 33:45
  work, all those things, the physical.
• 33:47
  And I would imagine your diet probably even changed during
• 33:50
  this time too. It has to.
• 33:51
  That's a very important part of trauma healing work is that you
• 33:55
  are releasing things from your sales.
• 33:57
  You're releasing that stuff that you have to be able to detox,
• 34:01
  You have to be able to have somewhere for that to go.
• 34:04
  So exercise, which took me forever to get myself together
• 34:08
  with, and I ain't gonna lie, it took a while.
• 34:11
  Girl, exercise is so important. Sweating, releasing, detoxing,
• 34:19
  putting fruits in your body, colorful foods, Peppers, onions,
• 34:25
  like color is very important. And getting out outside, getting
• 34:30
  in nature, the sun is extremely important in combating some of
• 34:34
  those symptoms of depression. Absolutely.
• 34:37
  And so this can seem super, super, super hard, if not
• 34:41
  impossible when it comes to the beginning stages, if you are
• 34:46
  struggling with depression and anxiety and things of that
• 34:49
  nature, because the dopamine and those things, you're imbalanced.
• 34:53
  So some people around you could be like, man, why won't you just
• 34:57
  get up and do it, but deep? Down.
• 34:59
  You don't think I would? Yes.
• 35:02
  And so yes, definitely all of these things can be done
• 35:06
  naturally. But one thing I always like to
• 35:09
  say, because it is the truth for some, if it is just so far off
• 35:14
  and you're not in that place to have the strength to even get up
• 35:18
  and brush your teeth, you may need a moment.
• 35:22
  And it's OK to need certain medications to bring that
• 35:26
  balance. It may be something you may need
• 35:28
  to be on for three months to six months.
• 35:31
  Then all of a sudden you just like, oh, can't get up and go
• 35:34
  for a walk today. I can't.
• 35:36
  And then before you know, you've, you've gotten the the
• 35:38
  push and now you can just get it.
• 35:41
  You can get off of that because you've gotten the push to get
• 35:43
  there. Don't judge if that's necessary.
• 35:47
  Yeah, you bring up such a good point about medication
• 35:49
  management because first of all, mental health in a lot of
• 35:52
  communities is taboo. And then two, if you're on
• 35:55
  medication, are you crazy? Again, that goes that's
• 35:58
  ignorance, that's a lack of understanding and knowledge
• 36:00
  because the same way you take medicine for diabetes, high
• 36:05
  blood pressure, high cholesterol, mental health is
• 36:08
  medical is what people need to also recognize.
• 36:11
  But then also to you're talking about an imbalance, you're
• 36:14
  talking about bringing it into balance.
• 36:16
  And that is what can give you that, right?
• 36:19
  And then people automatically assume I don't want to be
• 36:23
  dependent on nothing my whole life.
• 36:25
  Who said you even needed that? You're not even talking to the
• 36:27
  person. It just starts to go do an
• 36:30
  evaluation with the psychiatrist.
• 36:32
  It you can talk to the psychiatrist about what your
• 36:35
  concerns are, what your reservations are.
• 36:38
  I don't want to be on self the rest of my life.
• 36:40
  But also it doesn't change the fact that your symptoms are your
• 36:43
  symptoms and then people are having a maladaptive cope with
• 36:47
  drugs, alcohol, sex, shopping, gambling.
• 36:52
  You will rather you will wreck your life before you go to a
• 36:56
  doctor, a psychiatrist, a doctor.
• 36:59
  Yeah, absolutely. And it happens all the time.
• 37:02
  And I'm telling you, it is such a thing.
• 37:06
  That's why I talk so much about mental health.
• 37:08
  That's why, you know, on my Facebook page, I'm always
• 37:10
  posting and reminding people this is mental health awareness.
• 37:13
  My I wore my mental health awareness T-shirt today.
• 37:16
  I almost put on my green ribbon today.
• 37:18
  It wasn't a cute in my outfit though.
• 37:21
  But I I know this for myself, it is vitally important and you can
• 37:31
  do it. Now for those that feel like I
• 37:34
  just don't want to go that nature, I mentioned some of the
• 37:37
  other things that I did, but it can be changed.
• 37:40
  The neurological healing can happen if you are willing and
• 37:45
  able to make some of those changes.
• 37:48
  But just know to be able to do that is thinking differently man
• 37:53
  it. Is it is and and?
• 37:57
  A lot of times those symptoms make you feel lazy, and if
• 38:02
  you're really going to fight it, it is.
• 38:06
  You got to start by fighting your language and your.
• 38:08
  Fault. That's self talk, I'm telling
• 38:10
  you. And also you know if.
• 38:12
  We're talking about like emotional psychological abuse.
• 38:15
  Anguish is a bit part of that. I know when I like was going
• 38:19
  through my divorce, when some negative things came up one day
• 38:22
  I was like, girl, that ain't even you.
• 38:24
  You don't even think that way. And that's when I said, God,
• 38:27
  please purge this man, remove him from every fiber of my being
• 38:31
  because I didn't want any of it. Mm hmm.
• 38:34
  But that's what happens when you're in community with
• 38:37
  unhealthy thoughts, toxicity, whatever you want to call it,
• 38:41
  that can seep in. That's also the programming.
• 38:44
  So languages are the programming and what we hear, what we think,
• 38:48
  what we believe in all manner starts in our actions.
• 38:52
  Absolutely have to be aware of that and also do a purging of
• 38:57
  the verbal stuff, which is mental, which is becomes
• 39:00
  behavioral, which becomes habits like and there's and and you,
• 39:04
  but you have to start somewhere. I think we're all able to start
• 39:08
  somewhere if we don't minimize what we're doing right.
• 39:12
  So maybe you're having such a hard time, you can't get out the
• 39:15
  house. You have a patio or even it so
• 39:18
  you can't or just open your window, let the first air in you
• 39:21
  have patio, go sit out on your patio, get some of that sun and
• 39:24
  just keep building up until you can get out of house and then
• 39:29
  until you don't feel tired because then people are like,
• 39:31
  well, I got to go through something.
• 39:33
  You got to be an hour to create these crazy pressure and it's
• 39:37
  like it happened like so for me, my healing health, like all
• 39:43
  that. So like I walked off.
• 39:46
  I was like 14 by the knock on the 16 walked down to a 6 and
• 39:53
  sometimes depending on it and God also changed my diet during
• 39:58
  that time. He sat me down and solitude.
• 40:01
  I was going to church regularly, regularly.
• 40:04
  I got in my community. I said prayers for safe to be
• 40:07
  around safe men and women because toxicity showed up in
• 40:11
  some of my friendships as well and.
• 40:14
  That time in nature, the sun like it.
• 40:17
  It just. We are solar power beings.
• 40:20
  Literally. Yes, bodies take sun, and
• 40:22
  especially us melanated folks, Our bodies take the sun and
• 40:25
  convert it into energy and we need it.
• 40:28
  And we need. It and so.
• 40:30
  There's so much that could happen, but start somewhere.
• 40:33
  Journaling was another big part of it for me too.
• 40:36
  I mean that. Like I never journaled with
• 40:39
  such. Commitment, the way that I, I do
• 40:41
  now, like my day is not complete.
• 40:43
  If I can't write or something has to happen.
• 40:45
  If I'm so tired, I don't pull up my phone and write a note at
• 40:49
  least, but I'm going to write. I'm going to talk to God because
• 40:52
  when I journal, I talk to God. And building that intimate
• 40:55
  relationship, there's a huge part of me because like you, I
• 40:58
  have been through survival mode, trying to do it all on my own.
• 41:02
  Or you know what, it's too little for me to bring to God.
• 41:04
  Hyper independence, again, reinforced by those, the strong
• 41:08
  women who did what they had to do to make it.
• 41:11
  But we are far enough to move from that struggle and we don't
• 41:16
  need those things helping mechanism.
• 41:18
  And it's doing us a disservice. And there ends up in
• 41:22
  relationships, friendship, workplaces where we are
• 41:26
  overextending because no one has stopped and challenged the
• 41:30
  survival behaviors. And then we're exhausted and
• 41:33
  there's no one to rescue us because we've been programmed
• 41:36
  that nobody's coming. God has been waiting.
• 41:42
  He has been waiting because God is a gentleman.
• 41:44
  And when you fly out, when you make that declaration or you
• 41:50
  just, I don't know, you surrender.
• 41:54
  That he's like, that's all I've been waiting for.
• 41:56
  And he's full for surrender. Is this surrender?
• 41:59
  Is key on on many different levels.
• 42:02
  Yes ma'am, on many different. Levels.
• 42:05
  And you will find yourself doing it quite a few times because
• 42:09
  there is it's it's levels to this.
• 42:11
  There's the layers and healing. It's like a onion.
• 42:15
  It's like a spiral, OK. And some things you're going to
• 42:19
  meet again in a different way, in a different light.
• 42:22
  And the more you go through it, you're not all falling all out
• 42:25
  like before. You're just more like you're.
• 42:28
  It is and. You know what to do.
• 42:30
  Yeah. OK, I see.
• 42:31
  That you it it's different. So in my prayer is just, you
• 42:35
  know, anyone that's in a in a situation where I'm just going
• 42:38
  to leave it as self betrayal because it doesn't always have
• 42:41
  to show up in a in a psychologically abusive
• 42:44
  relationship or whatever. It can show up in different ways
• 42:46
  in your life, even if it comes to career.
• 42:49
  Yes. What you mean no?
• 42:51
  It's a self betrayal and that's biblical.
• 42:53
  Yet let your yes be yes and you'll no be no.
• 42:56
  Let your not be no you like let me make that.
• 43:00
  Clear, but to just know it comes with the cost.
• 43:07
  It does it comes with the cost and then it's it's work.
• 43:10
  And so I am grateful. But yes, I have been able to
• 43:16
  turn, you know what the doctors call PTSD into, you know, post
• 43:22
  traumatic wisdom. I've been able to get an
• 43:27
  understanding of addiction that I usually was just teaching or
• 43:32
  talking about. But I've experienced what that
• 43:35
  can feel like. And it's changed me as as a
• 43:40
  coach, as a counselor, as a teacher.
• 43:45
  I'm grateful for all of that. I've learned so much about
• 43:49
  health. But did it have to get to that
• 43:52
  place of doing that or having to go that far or, you know, high
• 43:56
  blood pressure, things of that nature?
• 43:58
  I'm grateful for the lesson. But basically the point of what
• 44:02
  I'm saying is listen to yourself.
• 44:04
  Yeah. Be radically honest, radically
• 44:09
  honest with yourself. Identity crisis is very
• 44:14
  difficult, and I was glad that you brought that up.
• 44:16
  It was actually something my doctor said.
• 44:18
  Oh, really? My doctor said it.
• 44:21
  I think that you're having an identity crisis.
• 44:24
  Your doctor is tuned in like. That ain't no regular MD
• 44:28
  statement. Again, that's God.
• 44:31
  Oh God, it is people to talk to you it is.
• 44:36
  And when he was? Talking to me about high blood
• 44:38
  pressure, he said, you know, your mom went through this tube.
• 44:40
  He was like, I noticed that as you went through this divorce
• 44:43
  and all that, that's when this ignited.
• 44:45
  And so I think that our the reason why we have these
• 44:49
  conversations that he always tells me he's like, you are not
• 44:53
  like any of my other patients. He's like you are so aware, like
• 44:57
  I can barely say anything, give you advice you didn't already
• 45:00
  came up with it. And OK, the doctor said.
• 45:04
  You know, you already got a treatment team plan before I can
• 45:07
  even say anything. And I'm like, I'm sorry.
• 45:12
  That's just from my background. Seriously, I need the same thing
• 45:16
  I had to social work myself. Yes, I I'm serious.
• 45:20
  I had to. Treat myself like a patient.
• 45:22
  I had to have like a a treat literally this is my treatment
• 45:26
  team have people that would check in on you.
• 45:28
  My sister, she had always called me girl.
• 45:30
  I'm just checking to see how we feeling today.
• 45:33
  Like you want that when you're going through those phases, but
• 45:37
  I'm telling you no, and I don't mean this in a way, because I
• 45:41
  know we say, you know, and, and from your platform, a Christian
• 45:45
  platform, I don't want it to mean a way when I say nobody's
• 45:48
  coming to save you when it comes to this work.
• 45:52
  You have to get up yes and save yourself.
• 45:57
  Yes. It is a choice and this is the
• 46:00
  work, but it is worth it and it is going to be OK.
• 46:06
  That's what I would want to tell anybody that's going through
• 46:09
  what I've gone through that look at my store and you don't got to
• 46:12
  be like, OK, I don't need 18 years to learn what she learned.
• 46:15
  OK, Please don't take 18 years and and all that though, like.
• 46:20
  The lesson takes as long as the lesson take.
• 46:23
  Sound like my mom. Yeah, for.
• 46:25
  Real, because that's what sound like.
• 46:26
  My mom and I want. To have gotten it sooner, you
• 46:29
  would have. Gotten it sooner or you would
• 46:32
  have. Left and then.
• 46:33
  You would have repeated the same pattern, so that's what a lot of
• 46:36
  people do they go get with completely different people.
• 46:38
  So This is why I think life is like a video game because if you
• 46:43
  think about it, Super Mario Brothers you're going through,
• 46:45
  you've never seen the territory the very first time you played.
• 46:48
  You don't know where to jump fire and all of that.
• 46:51
  You just got to go down anything, the turtles, all that.
• 46:54
  But you get a chance. You go back and start over.
• 46:57
  Now if you do the same thing, or if you get caught up out of the
• 47:00
  same thing, you're forget the little muscle summons to shrink
• 47:04
  you or if you already trunk. Back to you.
• 47:09
  Remember the sound and. Everything.
• 47:11
  I love Mario Brothers. But you recognized it.
• 47:17
  So we keep going back until we get the lesson.
• 47:20
  And the goal is to get to the end and get the Princess, right?
• 47:24
  Like, So what about the person who just shuts the video game
• 47:28
  off? That's the person who's giving
• 47:30
  up. And that's what I mean, bringing
• 47:32
  his back around, like spiritual warfare, right?
• 47:34
  Like the best thing that the enemy can do is to trick you
• 47:38
  into giving it up. He ain't even got to do nothing.
• 47:41
  If you will give it up, if you will stop fighting, if you, if
• 47:46
  you don't take. That if you don't.
• 47:48
  Answer the call from your higher self that pardon you that was
• 47:51
  like or responded to the messages when God is like watch
• 47:55
  out girl, don't you sacrifice that way.
• 48:01
  So there are a lot of people who may have stopped but your soul
• 48:06
  is worth fighting for. And I get it, he can be tedious
• 48:10
  and sometimes you might need to like just take a break to be,
• 48:14
  but you'll never, you will never ever ever regret putting that
• 48:18
  time into you 100% and what you just.
• 48:22
  Said is golden, and I think it's even bigger than that.
• 48:26
  When you just say you know your soul is worth fighting for, what
• 48:31
  else is there? Brag then your soul.
• 48:35
  I mean, just think about it. We are, you know you're.
• 48:37
  Having this human experience, if it is not to be authentic, to be
• 48:43
  all that you are called to be, to live in purpose from your
• 48:49
  soul. What it?
• 48:52
  What it? What are we doing?
• 48:53
  A lot of people, they think it's wants to be in a relationship.
• 48:56
  To experience love. And they're right, but they're
• 48:58
  looking to the wrong source. God is love and when you get
• 49:03
  that with him, which goes back to the identity crisis, which is
• 49:07
  where the love deficit kicks in, right?
• 49:11
  And so I talk about this, like I said in one of my videos, I'll
• 49:13
  link it in the description, but that love deficit based on what
• 49:17
  we experienced with our earthly caregivers, other relationships.
• 49:22
  If we don't have that good relationship with God and allow
• 49:26
  him to fill it in, we're looking always externally to have this
• 49:30
  thing poured into us and we are supposed to be loved and cared
• 49:33
  for. Like you understand attachment
• 49:35
  theory, right? And all of that stands with the
• 49:37
  caregivers and how any disruptions are, they have an
• 49:43
  impact and we adapt based on what is and what is not person.
• 49:47
  You did your versions of that just like your mother did, just
• 49:51
  like your father did, and back on back and back and back to the
• 49:54
  beginning of the time. So this is how these things do
• 49:57
  become intergenerational strongholds if no one.
• 50:03
  And Sharon, I want to recognize you as a cycle breaker.
• 50:07
  So yes, you went through all of this and you did not stop.
• 50:12
  You did not give up on the fight for your soul.
• 50:15
  Like it really wasn't about the marriage.
• 50:17
  This is about your soul and what I do know 100%.
• 50:21
  Is the enemy is. Not going to break into an empty
• 50:25
  house. He is not going to.
• 50:28
  He's not going afterward darkness already.
• 50:31
  He's trying to recruit more to darkness.
• 50:34
  He's trying to snuff out your lighter, convince you to turn it
• 50:37
  off. And if he can do that, that's
• 50:39
  plenty. That makes this job easier.
• 50:41
  Well, I'm making it real hard right now.
• 50:43
  Honey keep. Shining so it's like keep
• 50:47
  shining, keep fighting in the anybody that's hearing this.
• 50:50
  It doesn't matter what you've been through.
• 50:53
  Excuse me, it does matter what you've been through and none of
• 50:57
  those things will disqualify you from healing from having a
• 51:03
  deeper relationship with God for him pouring his love into you
• 51:08
  and to heal every broken, dark, trusty hidden place that's on
• 51:13
  the inside of you from what you did not receive from your
• 51:17
  caregivers. And those are things that you
• 51:20
  did that left negative impressions that left dense that
• 51:23
  left holds. Let's feel those for you because
• 51:27
  he will do it. And when we do that work from
• 51:30
  the inside comes out on the outside and you can then really
• 51:36
  take up the space that you were habit on this Earth, which looks
• 51:42
  like that was. Good, because girl, you over
• 51:46
  here. You over.
• 51:46
  Here preaching. Do I need to sing your offering?
• 51:48
  Because you are. I receive it all.
• 51:53
  You just preach a girl. But don't for real.
• 51:57
  Because I had to go through my stuff too.
• 51:59
  Like mine took me 7 years at least since that marriage.
• 52:01
  But really it was every year that led up to that, really, you
• 52:04
  know what I mean? But those essentially those 6
• 52:08
  1/2, almost seven years. And that relationship brought
• 52:11
  everything to a head. And I have said before that was
• 52:15
  one of the most important things that could have happened to me
• 52:19
  because it shifted me. It forced me into my identity.
• 52:23
  When we have that last blow up, you know who I what I was
• 52:26
  talking about how God always got me.
• 52:29
  It forced my value values out. I had to say what my standards
• 52:35
  were and I had to like make it clear, no, God got me.
• 52:40
  I don't know what you talking about.
• 52:42
  So it forced it. Oh, so I am grateful for it
• 52:45
  because ain't no way nobody can ever get between me and my
• 52:48
  relationship with God. Ever.
• 52:52
  How long has so how in how long has it been since then?
• 52:55
  So that happened. October 2023.
• 53:00
  Yeah. What?
• 53:01
  God. Has done.
• 53:02
  In like a year and a half. So I'm like, let's go.
• 53:05
  I'm like, where were we going? How fast you need me to go?
• 53:09
  Like I'm writing anything like when I tell you I have
• 53:12
  experienced godspeed and healing because I'm OK with doing the
• 53:17
  work, looking at myself. Did my therapy repair my
• 53:21
  physical? I also had high blood pressure
• 53:23
  too. Sis, I sure did change the diet
• 53:26
  change. God took away my taste.
• 53:28
  I don't really. I don't eat chicken.
• 53:30
  I rarely eat beef. I'm more plant based then.
• 53:34
  So I'm closest probably to a pescetarian about what I what
• 53:38
  I'm going to eat. But I don't even have to have
• 53:40
  meat. I don't.
• 53:41
  And I heard something this morning.
• 53:43
  I think it was in, it was either in Job or Psalms because I was
• 53:45
  listening to the Bible. And then we wrapped up Job and
• 53:48
  went into Psalms and there was talk about the now what?
• 53:54
  Animal was. It is.
• 53:54
  Zinger than the mammoth. I think it's like the wiggly
• 53:57
  mammoth or something like some of these the big this is a big
• 54:01
  old animal who was a vegetarian They so we think we need meat.
• 54:06
  You don't. And you feel better too.
• 54:09
  You feel lighter. So if they feel really light.
• 54:11
  Bible first, it just talked about like the building, the
• 54:14
  muscle or how strong this animal is, but it's the plantain diet.
• 54:20
  And that spoke to me today. I said, all right, God, I got
• 54:22
  commenced about the message because he he talks to you.
• 54:25
  But saying all that to say, it's a journey.
• 54:29
  It is and it takes as long as it takes.
• 54:31
  There's value in every single thing that you've experienced
• 54:34
  sharing. And thank you again coming here
• 54:38
  today to share this because somebody needed to hear it
• 54:41
  because your journey, your healing is giving someone else
• 54:46
  permission, is giving them validation and giving them
• 54:48
  affirmation to choose themselves to do the work and they're not.
• 54:52
  They're going to wake. You and I are here waking souls
• 54:57
  up. We're waking people up.
• 55:00
  Thank you. Thank you for having me.
• 55:01
  Too. And it was just, it was, it was
• 55:04
  all the way. But I needed to.
• 55:05
  Give you I thought you was rapping.
• 55:07
  I had to. Say it.
• 55:09
  Yeah, Yes, yes. I'm like, and clearly we could
• 55:12
  go on and I was just thinking too, it might be really even
• 55:15
  dope to come back and just have a talk.
• 55:17
  Have you back on to talk about Wellness practices and things
• 55:20
  like that, right? Like, you know, there's, there's
• 55:22
  so many layers to it and the great deal of time of you
• 55:26
  telling a story. And I know that's a big part of
• 55:29
  your healing and I'm grateful to be a part of your healing
• 55:34
  process to get that out and what that means.
• 55:38
  Thank you. How that just really will unlock
• 55:40
  some things for you. Because the shame is out there.
• 55:44
  It's it's gone. Like you put it out there.
• 55:46
  So what? What?
• 55:47
  What Shane? What embarrassment?
• 55:50
  What secrets? Your health.
• 55:54
  In every area of your life is about to go up, up, up, up, up.
• 56:00
  Thank you for answering the call.
• 56:02
  Thank you. Thank you for reaching out.
• 56:04
  And then yes, I would love to come back and talk some more
• 56:07
  because there are just a couple things that we brought up that
• 56:10
  I'm just like, Oh my gosh, that is a conversation within itself.
• 56:14
  I think you might have mentioned like into like.
• 56:18
  Yes, you. Know.
• 56:20
  Mention generational trauma. I'm like, oh, I can have a whole
• 56:23
  conversation about that and, and the effects on the DNA and our
• 56:29
  behavior from different things that are great, great, great,
• 56:34
  great grandfather, you know, proof that it's in US going
• 56:38
  back. I want to say it's either 11 or
• 56:40
  13 generations. That's a lot that that's way far
• 56:46
  back there. And so it's just so many
• 56:48
  different, a couple of different things that came up that don't
• 56:53
  happen to be it's a general problem.
• 56:56
  Wellness, it sounds like you got two more episodes coming in the
• 56:59
  future. You just let me know.
• 57:03
  You just let me know the health, you know, just on the health
• 57:08
  end. I just would love to add more on
• 57:11
  specifics. And you just brought up plant
• 57:12
  based, you know, and things of that nature.
• 57:15
  Some people just don't know where to start to really make
• 57:20
  that change. Or in the darkness of the night,
• 57:23
  when you don't know who you are and you don't really even know
• 57:27
  where to start. You just know that your heart is
• 57:30
  broken and life doesn't make sense anymore because who am I
• 57:36
  in it? That's where my passion.
• 57:40
  Is is in because I know that moment, yeah, that
• 57:44
  disconnection. Same same right?
• 57:46
  Like so like when If I put this as simple as possible.
• 57:50
  Oh wow. Oh, OK.
• 57:54
  Catching that. The catching down low.
• 57:55
  Lord, wow, wow, wow, wow. My entire life I've been nothing
• 58:01
  but a vessel like and I and I, I know like I've always been the
• 58:06
  person that people will come talk to you about that problem
• 58:10
  that want my advice and it just, and I'm like, how like I was the
• 58:15
  one in the house, but that's what God do to his people.
• 58:17
  He'd be keeping you in and he'd be keeping you set apart because
• 58:21
  my auntie was not having it. She had me in the house where
• 58:24
  I'll be on punishment for the smallest offense or or anything.
• 58:28
  If I thought about doing the thing, she knew that don't don't
• 58:32
  punch me for two weeks, but but just kind of keeping me bubble
• 58:38
  wrap. Yes, she's kept me bubble
• 58:40
  wrapped in so many ways. So I didn't lose my light so
• 58:44
  that like, you know, the darkness couldn't like really
• 58:47
  and truly have me because this light is something different and
• 58:50
  just being in a space to help bring.
• 58:53
  So I had to go through my own identity crisis and find my way
• 58:57
  out and into reclaim my own identity of the daughter of the
• 59:02
  King, the Most High God, to be able to help.
• 59:06
  Others. And to just walk yeah, before
• 59:09
  then normalize these things in obedience in that and to show
• 59:16
  OK, gonna. I used to have a hard time for a
• 59:19
  popular like really religious people because I'd be like, but
• 59:23
  y'all mean y'all down people as folks like the experience of
• 59:27
  them wasn't good, but I was just like, I'm not them or it needed
• 59:31
  to look like a mother of the church, right?
• 59:33
  And I'm like, that is me, right? And I didn't yeah, my own
• 59:42
  identity, what that looks like and like spiritually, my
• 59:46
  actions, my behaviors, but even physically, right, Because
• 59:49
  they'll tell you there's somebody probably watching this
• 59:52
  and they're like, she got way too much makeup off.
• 59:54
  They ain't none of your business showing.
• 59:57
  They ain't none of your. Business and you choose to.
• 59:59
  See God in me, you know what I mean?
• 1:00:02
  Budget burden of that where women.
• 1:00:06
  And then even how people use religion to suppress, yes, me
• 1:00:11
  being a woman is not a problem, but people will make it your
• 1:00:15
  problem and that you're doing something wrong for other
• 1:00:17
  people's lack of discipline and self-control.
• 1:00:20
  And I don't think God gave you or I our beauty for it to
• 1:00:23
  necessarily be hidden. But it's not to be exploited,
• 1:00:28
  right? You're right thing, and clearly.
• 1:00:33
  That needed to be said. I don't know who needs to hear
• 1:00:36
  it, but OK, got it. Somebody needed to hear that.
• 1:00:39
  How you? Got your makeup is not fake
• 1:00:41
  business. It's not.
• 1:00:45
  But yes, sometimes it is those. Small things that people try to
• 1:00:49
  find judgement wherever they can, but then that's how you
• 1:00:53
  know that's not God, that is. The confusion and God is not the
• 1:00:57
  author of such thing. Yeah, and that that shows way.
• 1:01:00
  More about them than the person that they're even talking to.
• 1:01:02
  Absolutely. And that goes back to just like
• 1:01:04
  what we were. Saying when you didn't defend
• 1:01:06
  yourself right, what people are saying and doing and what they
• 1:01:10
  are putting out, even though on the surface it's about sharing.
• 1:01:13
  It was about sharing. No baby, y'all missing it.
• 1:01:16
  Y'all hanging out on the surface.
• 1:01:18
  You, you don't, you can't even understand the death, what's
• 1:01:20
  happening in the spiritual right now.
• 1:01:22
  I'm not going. I don't need to fight in right
• 1:01:25
  here. I don't need to be being fought
• 1:01:27
  for me spiritually, right? So Sharon, you kind of mentioned
• 1:01:31
  this earlier. I know about like in the future
• 1:01:34
  and dating. So with all of this lived
• 1:01:37
  experience, this expertise that you have, your real life and
• 1:01:42
  your professional life and your academic life, what would what
• 1:01:46
  would dating with the sermon look like for you?
• 1:01:48
  You think in the future what would dating look like for me
• 1:01:51
  with? Discernment, specifically
• 1:01:53
  dating. With discernment because we not
• 1:01:55
  going to abandon any of these lessons learned.
• 1:02:03
  Dating for me. That's a good question.
• 1:02:06
  I'm so deep in loving this singleness.
• 1:02:09
  Let me think about this. Yeah.
• 1:02:14
  I'm so in. Tuned at this point, it does not
• 1:02:19
  take any time for me to know if someone is not in alignment with
• 1:02:24
  me. Come on it.
• 1:02:26
  Can be a, it can just be 1. Conversation or getting around
• 1:02:29
  that person when you have gotten into a place.
• 1:02:33
  And it's funny to say that because I was just saying how
• 1:02:35
  before, it's like, I don't know who I am now I deeply know who I
• 1:02:42
  am, so I'm very in tune. So would I be open to it at some
• 1:02:46
  point? When is that?
• 1:02:48
  Yes, but definitely an individual that I feel a
• 1:02:54
  connection to spiritually. That's a priority for me, that
• 1:03:00
  there is a spiritual connection, but also like I said, whole.
• 1:03:03
  Yeah, not not. Someone.
• 1:03:05
  That I can tell they have a deficit and they need something
• 1:03:09
  they need this for me whether they somebody they don't got
• 1:03:12
  some A lot of these women be letting men come live with them.
• 1:03:15
  They don't have no, they start dating that person.
• 1:03:19
  They need somewhere to live. They need this.
• 1:03:21
  They need that. Dating for me, you said what?
• 1:03:26
  Oh, dependence. None of that.
• 1:03:28
  So dating for me will. Be connecting with somebody that
• 1:03:31
  is already in there becoming I won't date and spiritually
• 1:03:37
  babysit at the same time. Girl, you just dropped that bar.
• 1:03:43
  We not dating and spiritually babysitting.
• 1:03:45
  We girl. That was the best modern take on
• 1:03:50
  not being unequally yoked that I have ever heard.
• 1:03:53
  OK, We we not seriously babysitting and dating girl.
• 1:03:57
  No no and I will. Be able to tell and it's not
• 1:04:01
  it's not about perfection. I'm not perfect, but if if I'm
• 1:04:06
  dating, if somebody's dating me, I'm somebody that it's balanced.
• 1:04:11
  I can take care of myself. One of the things that irritate
• 1:04:14
  me so much in this society is people that are, you know,
• 1:04:18
  especially women do this a lot. To date me, you have to pay my
• 1:04:21
  bills. I am a grown woman now we
• 1:04:25
  married. That's different.
• 1:04:27
  But the dating process for me is being whole and having somebody
• 1:04:32
  else that's whole. And then we can, we can, we can
• 1:04:34
  date. And for me, dating also, a lot
• 1:04:38
  of times I hear people, well, you know you're single, be open.
• 1:04:43
  You know you can date multiple people at one time.
• 1:04:46
  You know you don't have to. If he hasn't put no ring on it,
• 1:04:50
  don't dating for me I can't process multiple energies on any
• 1:04:56
  level but also that's giving. Lack, right?
• 1:04:59
  Like yeah, I can't somehow do all this.
• 1:05:02
  Stuff, but also. Because of your discernment,
• 1:05:05
  that heightened spiritual awareness, you're not even just
• 1:05:08
  going to entertain to entertain. You're immediately like, I know
• 1:05:13
  mine has gone up where it's like I read and I, I recognize that
• 1:05:17
  now it's my superpower. Like I would be disconnected
• 1:05:20
  from it sometimes, but now I just feel energy off people
• 1:05:23
  immediately. And I'd be like, that's not even
• 1:05:24
  somebody I'm going to look at. I am telling you it is.
• 1:05:27
  So different. And this really, I think this
• 1:05:31
  grew even the more that I learned to myself, the more that
• 1:05:35
  I sat in solitude and was not influenced by any outside
• 1:05:40
  sources. When I took that break from
• 1:05:42
  social media, when I stopped being consumed with TV or
• 1:05:45
  anything like that, the quietness, it's like I was
• 1:05:48
  dating myself. You were dating God.
• 1:05:51
  You were getting. Into an intimate relationship
• 1:05:53
  with God. It was in very intimate.
• 1:05:55
  Very intimate and in the beginning it felt like darkness
• 1:05:59
  for me. It felt like I was in, but some
• 1:06:02
  would say in the womb or in The Cave, you know I was in went
• 1:06:05
  through a form of withdrawal. If you're used to always being
• 1:06:09
  with someone and your biggest fear or a big fear is being
• 1:06:13
  alone, it felt like withdrawal. That's why people still be in
• 1:06:16
  their phone flirting and just accepting whatever because they
• 1:06:19
  are detoxing and that that you just broke it down.
• 1:06:22
  Perfectly, that's exactly what it is.
• 1:06:25
  And so that being able to be so connected to yourself that you
• 1:06:31
  can even feel someone's energy or they can say a couple of
• 1:06:35
  sentences, they don't even take much it, it really doesn't take
• 1:06:38
  much to see if if there is any type of alignment.
• 1:06:42
  And no, it doesn't have to be, you know, oh, well, if they
• 1:06:45
  don't do this, they don't do that.
• 1:06:47
  You know, you're trying to act like somebody has to be perfect.
• 1:06:49
  It's not that, but it's just that that's cold.
• 1:06:52
  Coded language for settling that people are trying to put onto
• 1:06:55
  you again. You going to take it back to
• 1:06:59
  lack because that. Is it is the truth?
• 1:07:01
  It's the truth. And so for me that's it's, it's
• 1:07:05
  no rush. And even though I have like, you
• 1:07:08
  know, I have connections, I've dated, I've been in a
• 1:07:11
  relationship since then, you know, I have a connection if I
• 1:07:17
  want to get out or go do something, want to come over,
• 1:07:20
  cook dinner, you know, things of that nature when I want to.
• 1:07:25
  But that's the power of see, I can just I like my peace.
• 1:07:31
  And I know a lot of people think that when people say that, it's
• 1:07:35
  like they're saying that you can't have peace in a
• 1:07:37
  relationship or I'm not saying that singleness you.
• 1:07:41
  Said what? Or.
• 1:07:42
  That you can't have. Peace and singleness.
• 1:07:44
  The goal is to have it either way.
• 1:07:46
  You need either way and within your.
• 1:07:49
  Relationship. Either way, so I think.
• 1:07:51
  That another way of saying it is not just I'm not just in a a
• 1:07:55
  season where I'm enjoying my peace, I'm in a season where am
• 1:08:01
  I, I am just enjoying me and I don't have to be responsible for
• 1:08:07
  another person's feelings, emotions, needs dinner at night.
• 1:08:12
  Like having a break from that. And that's just the truth of
• 1:08:15
  where I am. But if I'm in a relationship, I
• 1:08:18
  love those things. I love to give, I love to serve,
• 1:08:21
  I love cooking dinner, I love doing all those little cute
• 1:08:24
  things. I enjoy it.
• 1:08:26
  But right now I'm enjoying. And then and another part of it
• 1:08:30
  is God continue to open doors where my ex-husband had asked
• 1:08:35
  for 5050 for the kids and in him thinking I remember when he did
• 1:08:42
  it and my kids didn't want to do it at first.
• 1:08:44
  They're like, oh, because they, they love their.
• 1:08:47
  Dad. But they're just in used to
• 1:08:49
  being with me and him, just having them every other weekend.
• 1:08:52
  And so I get home and I'm like, God, is this you?
• 1:08:59
  Before I start cut because I. Can't this can go one way?
• 1:09:02
  I can start being like, well, no, we're used to this or you've
• 1:09:07
  been putting me on this path of freedom.
• 1:09:09
  I'm always the one to do everything.
• 1:09:13
  It's not the end of the world. It isn't you know, moms, we feel
• 1:09:16
  like you always have. You have to be there the one
• 1:09:18
  full time. Even though there are two people
• 1:09:20
  that made the children, we automatically put it on us.
• 1:09:23
  You have to be there all the time.
• 1:09:25
  You're the one that has to do all this.
• 1:09:27
  And so I have to ask like, is this you again?
• 1:09:29
  Because every time something end up coming up with this, it ends
• 1:09:34
  up being movement for my good. So before I try to make it
• 1:09:40
  something else is this for my good?
• 1:09:43
  Let me process this. So doors have opened for me to
• 1:09:51
  for freedom. But it's not just freedom to
• 1:09:53
  just be like, oh, she just want to have fun.
• 1:09:56
  It's freedom for purpose. I'm experiencing freedom that is
• 1:10:00
  necessary for the journey for my soul.
• 1:10:03
  What is necessary for my purpose requires more freedom that
• 1:10:10
  liberation. Thing yeah and and I I.
• 1:10:14
  Recognize that as I started going into that becoming like
• 1:10:18
  really opening up and learning more and going down the path of
• 1:10:23
  trauma informed Care now with experience because I also felt
• 1:10:29
  in me spiritually and what I felt or I knew in my heart was
• 1:10:33
  that you have the education you needed the experience for it to
• 1:10:38
  become truly authentic because my background all that in
• 1:10:42
  psychologist like no, this is spiritual psychology.
• 1:10:46
  There are some things yeah, there are some things that you
• 1:10:48
  had to experience outside of this book and then now I'm going
• 1:10:53
  to give you the freedom. So now not only are you dating
• 1:10:57
  yourself and getting to know yourself, you're no longer in a
• 1:11:02
  pain a, you know, psychologically abusive
• 1:11:05
  relationship, but also you are an amazing mother and you have
• 1:11:10
  wonderful kids. And now you're even more of an
• 1:11:12
  amazing mother because you're not tired all the time and you
• 1:11:16
  don't feel consumed that because you are a woman and your mother,
• 1:11:20
  you have to be consumed with your children all the time And
• 1:11:23
  heat up, man. Bei bei, you want 5050?
• 1:11:27
  Oh man, where the papers? At he was.
• 1:11:30
  Awful. Probably looking for a.
• 1:11:31
  Reaction. Yeah, no.
• 1:11:33
  Like behavior is that is still. Go Oh yeah and all that and
• 1:11:38
  even. With that, I know that it was
• 1:11:40
  asking from, you know, wanting it from a space of thinking that
• 1:11:43
  it would hurt me in some type of way.
• 1:11:45
  But the children, I just took time to talk to them over a
• 1:11:50
  month or two. We had to go through the process
• 1:11:52
  with the family court and I still got one of my.
• 1:11:56
  Kiddos, it's like. And I'm not for it.
• 1:11:59
  But he just kids though, because The thing is because she has
• 1:12:04
  four kids herself. So my home is quiet.
• 1:12:07
  My home is very quiet, very relaxed.
• 1:12:10
  They have their own room, their own space, their own.
• 1:12:12
  So to go from that and then now it's like a house full of kids.
• 1:12:15
  I think the youngest is 1. So now you got like babies and
• 1:12:20
  all this kind of stuff. And so, but they do love it over
• 1:12:23
  there. They enjoy it.
• 1:12:25
  Me, just let it be known. I don't want to, like, live
• 1:12:28
  there. It's all I'm like, honey, it's,
• 1:12:31
  you know, it's weak here. Weak here.
• 1:12:33
  It's not like you're there all the time.
• 1:12:36
  And then not only that, this is more time.
• 1:12:38
  What's your dad like? I had to help them to see, you
• 1:12:43
  know, just to be flexible. And we'll see how it goes.
• 1:12:46
  So that's what the judge agreed to, what she did, a temporary
• 1:12:49
  order to see how it goes. Yeah.
• 1:12:51
  Yeah. Do you want to know how it's?
• 1:12:53
  Going for me. Great.
• 1:12:55
  Would you like to? Know how it's?
• 1:12:57
  Going, I'll get up in. The morning look, I.
• 1:12:59
  Already see it the way you even. Stroked your hands, your hands
• 1:13:02
  to your locks. He was just like I see the ease.
• 1:13:05
  Go ahead sis, when I tell you when it has been.
• 1:13:09
  Years of you doing most of the work, you cannot understand the
• 1:13:15
  peace of just quiet in the morning.
• 1:13:18
  Now look, they come back on Sunday and trust and believe.
• 1:13:21
  When I hear them little feet, it's going to sound like heaven
• 1:13:24
  because there is. I will give it that.
• 1:13:27
  Even when it was every other weekend, when it was time for
• 1:13:29
  them to go, I was always like boom boom boom let's go.
• 1:13:33
  And then when I hear that, when I hear my sons key open that
• 1:13:37
  door, it's like I have that. Too so.
• 1:13:42
  I am enjoying myself now more and I'm enjoying motherhood
• 1:13:47
  because I'm not overwhelmed with it.
• 1:13:49
  I'm not just a mother anymore. Was it just a wife?
• 1:13:53
  Now I'm experiencing sharing the woman.
• 1:13:56
  Yes, I'm experiencing. Sharing.
• 1:13:59
  At 41, you know, like this is my week to not have them.
• 1:14:03
  I can get up and cook if I want to.
• 1:14:05
  I can go read, go write, go do what I'm not having to say, oh,
• 1:14:09
  let me do this. By this time, that time, my mind
• 1:14:11
  has time time to recover, my mind has time to recover.
• 1:14:15
  And so it literally is creating more space for me in this
• 1:14:20
  becoming like it has all just been this divine setup, this
• 1:14:24
  divine plan. So that's why anything, and I'm
• 1:14:28
  just going to say this thing in in bringing him up is no matter
• 1:14:33
  what has been planned for me or has been done to attempt to
• 1:14:39
  bring harm has literally been for me, even down to the recent
• 1:14:44
  things, you know, right after he asked for. 5050 is he?
• 1:14:49
  Got married that very next week. Y'all are creating space.
• 1:14:53
  I mean just to be honest and I appreciate it.
• 1:14:56
  It would be different if I felt like it was somebody that, you
• 1:14:59
  know, didn't seem safe or the kids are safe, the kids are
• 1:15:04
  happy and you know, as a mother, the first thing you going to
• 1:15:09
  look and see if there is an issue of safety.
• 1:15:11
  But no, I'm not having to deal with those.
• 1:15:14
  I'm not coming this weekend. I'm not doing.
• 1:15:18
  I thank God that she brought stability in his life because it
• 1:15:22
  has provided the structure that I need from my household, from
• 1:15:27
  their support with him being the father.
• 1:15:30
  Meaning if I got somewhere to go, I need you here to I need
• 1:15:33
  you to be where you're supposed to be.
• 1:15:35
  If I have a trip I need you to be on, it is the woman that came
• 1:15:40
  in and provided that structure. So I thank God for that and
• 1:15:46
  being. Willing to do the 50?
• 1:15:48
  50 when it's day week, they got a house full of kids when it's
• 1:15:52
  my week, girl, I'm over here. We still got a house full of.
• 1:15:55
  Kids, but me, it's like I can get.
• 1:15:59
  Up and light my incense and my candle and I can just pray and
• 1:16:03
  write and get out. And this is the time of even
• 1:16:08
  though I've gone through so much healing, this is God still.
• 1:16:10
  This is healing. This is healing for me.
• 1:16:14
  God is giving you rest, yes. That's it, I feel.
• 1:16:18
  Rest and I'm enjoying myself. I'm enjoying myself meeting new
• 1:16:22
  people, connection, community. Yeah.
• 1:16:26
  And Sharon, as you were talking. I thought, you know, since I was
• 1:16:29
  talking about the video game reference earlier, it's like to
• 1:16:32
  being in the video game, you know, you get so many lives and
• 1:16:35
  then show them as hearts. And a lot of games you see it at
• 1:16:38
  the top of the screen. What you've been experiencing is
• 1:16:41
  each of those hearts filling up and you're going to get to fool
• 1:16:47
  and then you'll be operating and over when most of us are
• 1:16:50
  operating out of that one or two instead of four.
• 1:16:54
  If it's the Max of four on the game to get 4 lives or whatever
• 1:16:57
  3 lives. We're operating on that lower
• 1:17:00
  end and still trying to pull people when we need to focus on
• 1:17:02
  stuff. Yes, that's what is, I think
• 1:17:05
  also another illustration of thinking about doing your
• 1:17:09
  healing and being cold, coming in with a relationship, you
• 1:17:12
  yourself not coming in with your deficits and than picking a
• 1:17:15
  person who doesn't have their deficits because then you
• 1:17:18
  multiple up from there because you can't feel yours, your own
• 1:17:21
  cup if you're trying to feel somebody else's cup.
• 1:17:25
  I've had. At least probably more, I don't
• 1:17:28
  know, but two people that wanted to connect with me and it it
• 1:17:34
  because one of the first things that stood out to me was they
• 1:17:37
  were just loving what I give off.
• 1:17:40
  And it's like, you know what? I'm trying.
• 1:17:43
  As soon as he said, you know, well, I'm trying to, you know, I
• 1:17:45
  just want that connection with you because I'm trying to find
• 1:17:49
  myself. I said not on my watch.
• 1:17:51
  I could, or I could be a minister, literally.
• 1:17:53
  What I said, that's me. I said no.
• 1:17:56
  I said I'm going to tell you this.
• 1:17:57
  I said the work that you need to do, it's a, it's a journey
• 1:18:02
  alone. You're not going to find it.
• 1:18:04
  Yeah, I can't do it for you. And me being an example, I can
• 1:18:09
  be an example, I have no problem being cool or something like
• 1:18:12
  that, but not in the romantic sense, because you'll take from
• 1:18:17
  me. And also, that's God's work to
• 1:18:19
  do. Not Sharon's work.
• 1:18:20
  It's not my job. Just like it.
• 1:18:22
  Was no one's job for me. And even though I had loved
• 1:18:25
  ones, I had sisters, friends, I had a great tribe in my room.
• 1:18:32
  2:00 in the morning, in the dark, me and God, nobody could
• 1:18:37
  come in that that feeling of not wanting to be alone, that death
• 1:18:42
  that had to happen, that birth, that pushing out of who I am,
• 1:18:48
  that pain, that release. Nobody could have done that for
• 1:18:53
  me and everything had to happen and line up for it to happen.
• 1:18:58
  Everything had to be made and done in fullness to get to that
• 1:19:04
  space and nobody can do that for you.
• 1:19:07
  So that's one of the things in dating as soon as it come out of
• 1:19:10
  somebody's mouth, you know, cuz I believe that a man, just a
• 1:19:14
  woman, we recognize it too. You can tell when somebody
• 1:19:18
  there's, you can feel their energy.
• 1:19:20
  If you know, you know. And sometimes they can.
• 1:19:24
  See you from a mile away like, Oh, that's a good one right
• 1:19:27
  there. That's a good one.
• 1:19:28
  But give them a moment to open their mouth.
• 1:19:32
  It it does it. It doesn't take long to know.
• 1:19:35
  Listen, I'll just say. What?
• 1:19:37
  You have to listen when they tell you to listen.
• 1:19:41
  You can't go by looks. You can't go by looks.
• 1:19:45
  You can't go buy money. Look, I don't care and I'm not
• 1:19:49
  sure I've. Taken one Proverbs 423 above all
• 1:19:57
  else, guard your heart for everything you do flow from it.
• 1:20:00
  So even if this person is not guarding their hearts, whatever
• 1:20:04
  they do is flowing from it. So loose they don't tell you.
• 1:20:08
  They don't tell you. Yeah.
• 1:20:10
  You get. You get to a place.
• 1:20:11
  Where you know, even though there are different aspects that
• 1:20:14
  are important to you in the dating process, the first thing
• 1:20:17
  you're not looking at is looks or money or their careers.
• 1:20:22
  Listen. What?
• 1:20:23
  What that soul? Look like that's, that's what I
• 1:20:26
  want to know. What does that look like?
• 1:20:28
  How do you you know what's coming from your heart, your
• 1:20:32
  experience? I know different things matter
• 1:20:35
  depending on what it is that we may go through.
• 1:20:37
  I care. It matters to me.
• 1:20:39
  If a man grew up with either a good or negative relationship
• 1:20:43
  with his mother, a big part of that plays a part.
• 1:20:47
  Where is our religion? Today because if he's not
• 1:20:50
  resolved that thing, if he's not done, it's healing baby.
• 1:20:53
  It's not short all the way up in your relation.
• 1:20:55
  You better forget about it if he.
• 1:20:57
  Has not at some point healed his relationship with his mother.
• 1:21:02
  You are going to get it as a woman.
• 1:21:05
  Yep. So Speaking of scripture,
• 1:21:07
  there's. Some other really good
• 1:21:08
  scriptures and we talked, I talked the intimate
• 1:21:10
  relationship. There is a scripture, Isaiah 54,
• 1:21:14
  five for your maker is your husband, the Lord Almighty is
• 1:21:17
  his name. It's so much goodness in this
• 1:21:19
  Bible. It's crazy.
• 1:21:22
  And clearly you and I talking and talking, but we got to wrap
• 1:21:26
  this up. But I love how essentially what
• 1:21:29
  you just saw was that healing it helps to refine your yoke and
• 1:21:33
  that you will attract what you're aligned with and you know
• 1:21:38
  when it's not aligned. And because you have the
• 1:21:40
  boundaries now, you're not afraid to speak it and do so
• 1:21:43
  lovingly and you'll you know it. No longer.
• 1:21:49
  Being nice to be named nice for being authentic.
• 1:21:54
  Being authentic. Not about being nice and you
• 1:21:59
  will know what you want by becoming what you want.
• 1:22:04
  If you could leave our. Audience with one powerful truth
• 1:22:10
  to help them to rise and thrive. What would it be?
• 1:22:14
  1 Powerful truth. To well, this is a quote I know
• 1:22:18
  everybody has heard, but I understood it on a different
• 1:22:21
  level. To know thyself, to know thyself
• 1:22:24
  is I didn't. It seems so simple, but I didn't
• 1:22:28
  get it till I got it and it took some real life and knowing,
• 1:22:35
  recognizing that I didn't know myself.
• 1:22:39
  And in each situation, if you are connected to God and God is
• 1:22:44
  living within you and through you, and Christ's consciousness
• 1:22:47
  is living within you and through you in each situation and in all
• 1:22:52
  things, you must know thyself, to know thyself.
• 1:22:56
  And if you get to a place where you don't, you can lose
• 1:23:00
  yourself. And that can be a long Road
• 1:23:03
  home. So radically, if you're not
• 1:23:07
  already on the journey, begin to radically work towards knowing
• 1:23:13
  thyself, being obedient to the guidance, and being courageous
• 1:23:17
  enough to fulfill your assignment.
• 1:23:20
  Be courageous enough and know that it's worth it.
• 1:23:23
  It truly is. There's nothing else if if I
• 1:23:27
  didn't make it, you know we don't.
• 1:23:29
  We never know our time, but what's the point?
• 1:23:32
  If you didn't come here and do what you were designed and
• 1:23:35
  created to do, what else are we doing here?
• 1:23:38
  So which means if you're created or designed to do it, that means
• 1:23:42
  that you're equipped and you will be supported and.
• 1:23:45
  You will be supported failure. Is not an option.
• 1:23:48
  So as you go. On that journey to know thyself
• 1:23:52
  is very important and if you can just really get to a place of
• 1:23:56
  truly understanding in depth with that statement really mean
• 1:24:01
  yeah, that was good. Well, Sharon, I want to thank
• 1:24:04
  you again for coming today and allowing light to be shined in
• 1:24:10
  on you so that the darkness of change, of embarrassment could
• 1:24:15
  all be gone away. And you can truly and fully, you
• 1:24:20
  know, operate in that and just giving people keys permission
• 1:24:26
  gems, however people want to take them right and just for
• 1:24:31
  being vulnerable and not allowing this fear and shame to
• 1:24:34
  stop you. I appreciate that yes thanks so
• 1:24:37
  much. Well, wow, this episode was so
• 1:24:42
  hot. Your phone over here.
• 1:24:44
  OK, love audience of y'all didn't know OK, like this thing
• 1:24:49
  you got and we're going to flam the heat over to y'all.
• 1:24:55
  So this is where you all are going to get your reflection
• 1:24:59
  action in the affirmation. So what relationship or patterns
• 1:25:04
  have you outgrown or stayed connected to out of fear, habit
• 1:25:08
  or false hope? And what would choosing you look
• 1:25:10
  like today? So after you reflect that, I
• 1:25:13
  want you to take action and begin and or continue your
• 1:25:17
  healing journey, whether it's journaling, setting new
• 1:25:21
  boundaries, seeking therapy, or walking away from what and or
• 1:25:25
  who no longer serves your growth.
• 1:25:28
  Honor that next step and trust that God will meet you once you
• 1:25:33
  start moving right, he will meet you in motion.
• 1:25:36
  And then finally, I'm going to affirm you, you're not too late,
• 1:25:40
  too broken, or too far gone to be made whole.
• 1:25:43
  God can restore the years, renew your identity and realign your
• 1:25:49
  life with divine purpose. You are worthy of love, of peace
• 1:25:55
  and freedom. So I want to thank you all again
• 1:25:57
  for joining us for another episode of Rise and Thrive with
• 1:26:01
  Doctor J Nicole. I propose drop every Tuesday.
• 1:26:04
  You can watch and listen on YouTube, Spotify and Apple
• 1:26:07
  Music. The merch is available.
• 1:26:09
  You can just visit the website www.evolve at Doctor J
• 1:26:13
  nicole.com and click shop the merch.
• 1:26:16
  It'll take you there and make sure you subscribe.
• 1:26:19
  Share this with someone who needs permission for someone who
• 1:26:24
  is this close to taking that step towards liberation, and
• 1:26:28
  I'll see you next time. But in the meantime, keep rising
• 1:26:31
  faith and thriving and perfect.