Latest / Marriage Life and More and Bible Study / Rejection - I'd Rather Ignore Honesty - 225
Transcript
- 0:09Daniel Moore: The rejections we face today, whether overt or discreet, act as a stealth bombs that are directly targeted at our innermost core, unearthing past wounds and causing them to resurface with excruciating intensity.
- 0:24Daniel Moore: These rejections have the uncanny ability to pinpoint the hurts from our past, bringing them vividly back to the present.
- 0:32Daniel Moore: They disrupt the carefully constructed coping mechanisms we have developed to maintain stability in our lives.
- 0:40Daniel Moore: In this episode of Connecting the Gap, we start a three-part series on rejection.
- 0:47Daniel Moore: We'll be back to get that started right after this.
- 0:50Daniel Moore: Welcome to Connecting the Gap.
- 1:27Daniel Moore: This is a podcast about marriage, bible and book studies, and we interview people that have a story.
- 1:32Daniel Moore: I'm Daniel Moore, your host.
- 1:33Daniel Moore: Thank you, guys for joining us this week.
- 1:34Daniel Moore: If not familiar with our ministry and our show, you can check us out on our website at wwwconnectingthegapnet or marriagelifeandmorecom.
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- 2:08Daniel Moore: Well, hopefully you guys have enjoyed the last several months of our marriage series that my wife and I put together for you and we really enjoyed bringing that your way.
- 2:19Daniel Moore: We have lots more marriage stuff coming your way as well.
- 2:22Daniel Moore: But, as I've been telling you, we're going to also continue with some book studies and just other things underneath the Connecting the Gap podcast label, and this is one of those mini-series that I'm going to be doing, and this one is on rejection.
- 2:38Daniel Moore: A lot of us go through moments in life when we feel rejected and sometimes it's hard to deal with that rejection in our life.
- 2:45Daniel Moore: So we're going to kind of dig into that a little bit this week, and this week we're going to talk about I'd Rather Ignore Honesty In the quiet of the early morning.
- 3:06Daniel Moore: Honesty seeks me out.
- 3:09Daniel Moore: It whispers through a gap in my being, urging the truest version of myself to come out.
- 3:16Daniel Moore: Come out wherever you are, not the perfected facade I present to the world, but the raw, unfiltered essence of who I am, the unkempt, unvarnished soul that can't be glossed over with grooming and trendy accessories.
- 3:33Daniel Moore: Honesty is a suitor with piercing vision because, like a suitor who carefully observes and evaluates their surroundings.
- 3:40Daniel Moore: Honesty sees through facades and illusions.
- 3:44Daniel Moore: It penetrates through any pretense or positioning, cutting through the layers of deceit to reveal the truth beneath.
- 3:52Daniel Moore: Just as a suitor is steadfast in their purpose and is not easily swayed by distractions, honesty remains unwavering in its commitment to truth, regardless of any attempts to deceive or manipulate.
- 4:06Daniel Moore: Honesty's sharp insight and unwavering dedication make it a powerful force that cannot be underestimated or disregarded.
- 4:15Daniel Moore: No matter how hard you try to make things appear better than they actually are, honesty will not be deceived.
- 4:23Daniel Moore: Better than they actually are, honesty will not be deceived.
- 4:28Daniel Moore: It sees past the embellishments and facades that you may try to use to cover up the truth.
- 4:31Daniel Moore: While you may attempt to paint a rosier picture or distort the reality of a situation, honesty remains steadfast in its commitment to uncovering the unvarnished truth.
- 4:42Daniel Moore: No amount of manipulation or exaggeration can sway honesty as it cuts through the illusions and reveals the raw, unfiltered reality that lies beneath the surface.
- 4:54Daniel Moore: In the face of honesty, attempts to distort or improve upon the truth are futile, as it stands as a steadfast guardian of the unadulterated reality.
- 5:08Daniel Moore: So I throw on my hat, splash some water on my face I don't suck in my gut or splash on any cologne.
- 5:16Daniel Moore: I just appear.
- 5:17Daniel Moore: I step out from behind the facade of a carefully constructed identity.
- 5:23Daniel Moore: From behind the facade of a carefully constructed identity, tentatively reaching out my hand to greet honesty.
- 5:28Daniel Moore: Uncertain of how honesty will respond, I am prepared for either a harsh rebuke or a welcoming embrace.
- 5:35Daniel Moore: While I typically wouldn't choose conflict, in my case a direct confrontation may be the safer choice.
- 5:44Daniel Moore: I'm not typically a hugger.
- 5:46Daniel Moore: Sometimes in my awkwardness it's even a stretch to shake hands.
- 5:50Daniel Moore: As a guy, you never know if the other person you are talking to is comfortable with a hug or the more distant option of a handshake.
- 5:59Daniel Moore: So rather than take the chance on the awkwardness, I usually choose neither.
- 6:04Daniel Moore: I didn't want to hug honesty.
- 6:08Daniel Moore: In the past, I have never been eager to fully embrace honesty.
- 6:11Daniel Moore: Though I have become more adept at facing it now than ever before, I still hesitate, aware of the potential risk involved.
- 6:20Daniel Moore: As long as I perceive honesty as a threat with the intention to uncover and potentially harm me, it will always feel like a perilous endeavor.
- 6:30Daniel Moore: It is simpler for me to create a more appealing narrative of my life where I can connect each past hurt with the subsequent healing I have undergone, rather than confronting the unfiltered truth.
- 6:44Daniel Moore: I find comfort in neatly aligning with the challenging chapter of my story with the moments of peace I discovered, amidst God's grace, forgiveness and restoration, using it as evidence that I am now living in a state of freedom, which really I am most of the time.
- 7:03Daniel Moore: But honesty doesn't want me to talk about that.
- 7:12Daniel Moore: Honesty urged me to present the essence of who I perceive myself to be and examine it against the reality of what truly exists.
- 7:16Daniel Moore: In doing so, I realized that there is no individual in this world who will find a flawless match between their self-perception and the actual truth.
- 7:27Daniel Moore: Not one.
- 7:30Daniel Moore: Regardless of how spiritually advanced, refined, mature or liberated we may believe ourselves to be, there are inherent misalignments ingrained within our beings.
- 7:42Daniel Moore: This is the issue that honesty aimed to discuss with me.
- 7:46Daniel Moore: The truth reveals itself.
- 7:49Daniel Moore: The root cause of these misalignments is something we typically wish had remained confined to our middle school locker room, and that is the subject of rejection.
- 8:01Daniel Moore: When someone intentionally crafts rejection tailored to exploit my most vulnerable aspects, it has the power to penetrate the core of my being.
- 8:10Daniel Moore: While maturity in my faith can aid me in processing and responding to such rejection, guiding me in extracting the arrow and tending to the wound.
- 8:20Daniel Moore: It does not serve as an impenetrable shield from the pain of rejection.
- 8:24Daniel Moore: It does not serve as an impenetrable shield from the pain of rejection.
- 8:26Daniel Moore: The rejections we face today, whether overt or discreet, act as the stealth bombs that are directly targeted at our innermost core, unearthing past wounds and causing them to resurface with excruciating intensity.
- 8:42Daniel Moore: These rejections have the uncanny ability to pinpoint the hurts from our past, bringing them vividly back to the present.
- 8:54Daniel Moore: They disrupt the carefully constructed coping mechanisms we have developed to maintain stability in our lives.
- 8:59Daniel Moore: In the midst of these challenges, the voices of doubt and insecurity speak softly but persistently, echoing the belief that we are a disappointment.
- 9:08Daniel Moore: These voices do not need to shout.
- 9:12Daniel Moore: The pain itself resonates in deafening echoes.
- 9:15Daniel Moore: As honesty stares at me, I give a nod in agreement.
- 9:20Daniel Moore: I acknowledge that there is progress yet to be made.
- 9:24Daniel Moore: Eventually, I understand that honesty's intent is not to harm, but it's trying to heal me.
- 9:31Daniel Moore: If you want to know what's really inside of a person, listen to the words they speak.
- 9:37Daniel Moore: Years ago, the Lord made sure that I had an acute awareness of what some of my own words would reveal.
- 9:44Daniel Moore: Hints of the misalignment between what is true and what I believe about myself leaked out one day at the airport, I had been visiting a girl I was dating at the time in Bakersfield, california, and it was time to get to the airport in LA.
- 9:58Daniel Moore: We jumped in the car several hours early and headed toward my flight.
- 10:03Daniel Moore: Halfway into the journey we ended up in a traffic jam.
- 10:07Daniel Moore: Halfway into the journey, we ended up in a traffic jam.
- 10:11Daniel Moore: We sat and waited and waited and crept slowly towards my destination.
- 10:19Daniel Moore: I was getting more anxious and worried as the time slipped by that we were still on the freeway when we should have been turning into the airport parking lot.
- 10:25Daniel Moore: Finally, an hour later into the trip than was intended, we saw the airport looming in the distance.
- 10:31Daniel Moore: We finally made it to the terminal.
- 10:34Daniel Moore: I leaped out, grabbed my luggage and started running to my gate.
- 10:37Daniel Moore: As I approached the check-in, I saw the last few people trickle into the passageway to board the plane.
- 10:43Daniel Moore: My luggage was checked and down the conveyor it went.
- 10:48Daniel Moore: I ran over to the attendant standing at the boarding lane and, with one line spoken, my heart sank.
- 10:55Daniel Moore: I heard the airport worker say something to the effect that the doors had already shut.
- 11:01Daniel Moore: My luggage made it on the plane, but I would not.
- 11:05Daniel Moore: I had arrived a few minutes too late, my mind started racing.
- 11:11Daniel Moore: I had to go back to work the next day.
- 11:14Daniel Moore: I'm in one of the biggest multi-floor airports in the USA.
- 11:17Daniel Moore: Stuck in the waiting room because I got held up in a traffic jam, I looked at the worker and asked the obvious question how do I get on a flight to go home now, since I missed mine?
- 11:28Daniel Moore: Well, I was advised that I would have to wait until a seat was open on a future flight.
- 11:35Daniel Moore: I could jump on as an extra passenger if a seat was open for me to do so.
- 11:40Daniel Moore: All day long, flights came and went and my panic was setting in.
- 11:47Daniel Moore: I had no idea how long I was going to be stuck there in that waiting room.
- 11:51Daniel Moore: Bummer, big, huge, stinking bummer.
- 11:56Daniel Moore: Eventually, after about six to seven hours of waiting for that empty jump seat, I walked back up to the counter and asked if there were any favors they could do to get me on a plane, to which they replied Nope, we just have to wait.
- 12:13Daniel Moore: And then I started doing what I do sometimes when life doesn't cooperate with me.
- 12:18Daniel Moore: I started talking to myself.
- 12:21Daniel Moore: Impatient frustration lifted my nerves right up through my body and right out of my mouth.
- 12:27Daniel Moore: I am such an idiot.
- 12:29Daniel Moore: I knew we should have left sooner.
- 12:32Daniel Moore: Why does this kind of stuff always have to happen to me?
- 12:35Daniel Moore: I mean, seriously, if I had a brain, I wouldn't even know how to use it.
- 12:40Daniel Moore: The desk attendant spun around and held up her hand for me to stop.
- 12:44Daniel Moore: Not here in front of me.
- 12:46Daniel Moore: She said Not here in front of me.
- 12:49Daniel Moore: Will you talk that way about yourself?
- 12:50Daniel Moore: Absolutely not.
- 12:52Daniel Moore: As she wagged a finger at me.
- 12:55Daniel Moore: Her defiant outburst startled me.
- 12:58Daniel Moore: It also stopped me Suddenly.
- 13:01Daniel Moore: I felt like I was talking to the angel.
- 13:04Daniel Moore: Gabriel Spit happens, only Gabriel Spit happens.
- 13:06Daniel Moore: Only she didn't say spit, she said well, you know I'm thinking great.
- 13:13Daniel Moore: I have an angel with a language problem.
- 13:15Daniel Moore: So maybe she wasn't really a heavenly being.
- 13:18Daniel Moore: But the words she said sure were divine.
- 13:20Daniel Moore: They stuck to me.
- 13:22Daniel Moore: You know, like everyone's experience.
- 13:25Daniel Moore: You've had at least once in your lifetime where you were chewing a piece of bubble gum and it got stuck in your hair.
- 13:30Daniel Moore: The only way to get it out was with scissors.
- 13:33Daniel Moore: You know, that kind of stuck A very serious problem.
- 13:40Daniel Moore: And this was a serious problem also.
- 13:44Daniel Moore: Those words not here in front of me, will you talk that way about yourself?
- 13:49Daniel Moore: Stuck to me.
- 13:50Daniel Moore: They don't brush off that easily.
- 13:57Daniel Moore: Sometimes, a particular phrase or set of words can resonate so deeply with us that it leaves a lasting impact on our soul.
- 14:00Daniel Moore: These words may hold significant meaning or truth that speaks directly to our innermost thoughts and emotions.
- 14:07Daniel Moore: Such phrases have the power to evoke strong feelings or trigger a huge sense of realization or understanding within us, leaving an imprint on our soul that we carry with us long after we first hear them.
- 14:22Daniel Moore: Those are the phrases you want to collect in your memory bank, like you might collect hot wheels or Barbie dolls.
- 14:29Daniel Moore: Those words that can move you are treasures.
- 14:32Daniel Moore: I wanted to write it down, but my luggage was somewhere between California and Missouri.
- 14:39Daniel Moore: Maybe it can never be seen again.
- 14:42Daniel Moore: The airport terminal provided an unlikely backdrop for such a deep lesson to be learned.
- 14:48Daniel Moore: I then realized why those words were so necessary for me.
- 14:54Daniel Moore: Negative self-talk was a rejection from my past that reared its head from time to time.
- 14:59Daniel Moore: I had let it settle into the very core of who I was.
- 15:04Daniel Moore: I would later come to realize that I permitted myself to talk about me in ways I would never let anyone else do so.
- 15:11Daniel Moore: In some ways, self-rejection and words that would poison myself scrambled my thoughts more than I would ever care to admit.
- 15:20Daniel Moore: When we reject ourselves, we essentially create an open runway for external rejection to come in and take hold within us.
- 15:28Daniel Moore: The self-criticism and negative beliefs that we hold about ourselves act as a magnet for similar criticisms from others to land on the already vulnerable grounds of our hearts.
- 15:41Daniel Moore: This is why it stings so much when others say or do things that make us feel rejected, because it often mirrors the same vulnerabilities and insecurities we have already inflicted upon ourselves.
- 15:56Daniel Moore: It's like adding insult to injury, as the external rejection exacerbates the pain of the internal self-rejection we are already grappling with.
- 16:06Daniel Moore: The convergence of both internal and external rejection can intensify the emotional impact and compound the hurt we feel, making it even more challenging to heal and move forward.
- 16:19Daniel Moore: I mean it's kind of like getting kicked in the shin where you were just kicked not even five minutes ago.
- 16:27Daniel Moore: It hurts when someone doesn't invite you to their event.
- 16:31Daniel Moore: It can trigger a cascade of negative thoughts and self-doubt.
- 16:35Daniel Moore: You may find yourself revisiting all the criticisms and vulnerabilities you have expressed about yourself recently and in that moment you start associating those negative thoughts with the person who didn't invite you.
- 16:49Daniel Moore: It's as if you project your own insecurities onto them and hear their words echoing your self-criticism.
- 16:56Daniel Moore: This can lead to a sense of being labeled, judged and ultimately rejected by that person, even if they may not have intended to hurt you.
- 17:05Daniel Moore: If they may not have intended to hurt you, the convergence of your own internal struggles and external events can amplify feelings of rejection and inadequacy, making it difficult to separate your own self-perceptions from the actions of others.
- 17:20Daniel Moore: This can create a cycle of self-blame and emotional distress, highlighting the impact that external actions can have on our inner thoughts and feelings of worthlessness.
- 17:32Daniel Moore: Or maybe your spouse makes a comment about something that you're already sensitive about and it triggers a heightened emotional response that may seem disproportionate to the situation.
- 17:43Daniel Moore: This could be due to the fact that you interpret their words and actions through the lens of your own insecurities and vulnerabilities, magnifying their impact and intensifying your emotional reaction.
- 17:56Daniel Moore: As a result, you may perceive their comments as more hurtful or critical than they intended, leading to feelings of rejection and emotional distress, leading to feelings of rejection and emotional distress.
- 18:10Daniel Moore: This can then create a strain in the relationship, as your partner may be left confused and unaware of the underlying issues that are influencing your reactions.
- 18:19Daniel Moore: Perhaps a situation you were deeply invested in doesn't pan out as planned.
- 18:23Daniel Moore: You attempt to encourage yourself, acknowledging that it was a result of unexpected events.
- 18:29Daniel Moore: Yet a sense of rejection lingers within you.
- 18:33Daniel Moore: You strive not to internalize it, but the disappointment leaves you feeling slightly unsettled for the remainder of the day, unable to fully shake off the letdown.
- 18:44Daniel Moore: Or when one of your adult children intentionally goes against the advice you provided the more you insist, the further they withdraw.
- 18:53Daniel Moore: You start to see yourself as the parent you vowed you would never become intrusive and domineering.
- 19:00Daniel Moore: In response, they become reserved and distant, leaving you with a deep sense of heartache.
- 19:07Daniel Moore: Or when someone outright rejects you, whether it's your idea, invitation, children, project or anything else, it impacts you more deeply than you expect.
- 19:23Daniel Moore: As relationships become more uncertain and opportunities seem riskier, life can feel like a series of obstacles that are difficult to navigate.
- 19:32Daniel Moore: Despite these challenges, we persist because perseverance is ingrained in us.
- 19:38Daniel Moore: That's just what we do.
- 19:40Daniel Moore: However, the constant feeling of rejection, whether real or imagined it, takes a toll on our security.
- 19:47Daniel Moore: It undermines our self-worth and amplifies the negative messages we have internalized about ourselves.
- 19:54Daniel Moore: In this way, rejection not only affects our external circumstances, but also chips away at our self-confidence and identity, overshadowing the best parts of who we are with the lingering echoes of past hurts.
- 20:10Daniel Moore: Rejection steals the best of who we are by reinforcing the worst of what's been said to us.
- 20:19Daniel Moore: Rejection is not merely an emotional response.
- 20:22Daniel Moore: It serves as a powerful message that penetrates deep into our inner being, shaping our beliefs about ourselves, others and even our faith in God.
- 20:32Daniel Moore: When we experience rejection, it triggers memories of past hurts and critical words spoken by others.
- 20:41Daniel Moore: These words can become internalized, forming labels that we subconsciously attach to ourselves.
- 20:47Daniel Moore: Over time, these labels morph into damaging lies that we start to believe about our worth and capabilities.
- 20:55Daniel Moore: As these falsehoods take root in our minds, they influence how we perceive ourselves and impact our interactions with others in every new relationship we form.
- 21:06Daniel Moore: The cycle continues as we carry the burden of these perceived liabilities, affecting our self-esteem and the way we engage with the world around us.
- 21:18Daniel Moore: Let's look at an example of this process.
- 21:20Daniel Moore: The line is I don't want you becomes the label you aren't accepted.
- 21:26Daniel Moore: The label you aren't accepted becomes the lie you aren't worthy.
- 21:31Daniel Moore: The lie you aren't worthy becomes the script of self-rejection.
- 21:37Daniel Moore: Believing that we are unworthy can trigger a cascade of negative emotions and behaviors that act as barriers in current relationships.
- 21:45Daniel Moore: This mindset can lead to suspicion, doubt and hesitancy, creating obstacles to forming meaningful connections with others.
- 21:54Daniel Moore: We may unknowingly project past instances of rejection onto new relationships, unfairly attributing words and actions to others that they never expressed.
- 22:06Daniel Moore: This cycle of self-doubt and mistrust can extend to our relationship with God, of self-doubt and mistrust can extend to our relationship with God.
- 22:16Daniel Moore: We may find ourselves questioning if God shares the same negative opinions about us as those who have caused us pain in the past.
- 22:21Daniel Moore: These doubts can breed insecurity and further isolate us from the possibility of healing and growth within ourselves and our interactions with others.
- 22:33Daniel Moore: And you may be asking why did you pick this topic of rejection?
- 22:38Daniel Moore: No, it isn't because I've mastered it.
- 22:42Daniel Moore: I chose it because I think we need to dig deep inside the very core of ourselves and expose and hopefully finally heal rejection's deep wounds.
- 22:51Daniel Moore: There is a warning that I must issue with this journey that we're going to be taking over the next couple of weeks.
- 22:57Daniel Moore: It won't be tidy, but it will be honest and it will be good.
- 23:02Daniel Moore: I also may still not be ready to give hugs, but I am willing to shake hands and walk forward from here.
- 23:11Daniel Moore: Oh, by the way, I did finally get on a plane.
- 23:14Daniel Moore: I made it home to lost luggage and worked my next day at work.
- 23:18Daniel Moore: My luggage finally made it back home about three weeks later.
- 23:23Daniel Moore: I'm still not real sure where it was lost.
- 23:26Daniel Moore: To be honest, I never could find anyone that could give me a straight answer.
- 23:32Daniel Moore: But the fear of rejection is an anxiety that runs deep inside of us.
- 23:35Daniel Moore: Often we're not even aware of how significantly it is influencing and affecting us.
- 23:42Daniel Moore: When the fear of rejection dominates us, we make lots of bad decisions.
- 23:48Daniel Moore: When we're insecure on the inside, we miss some of the best that God has for us some of the best that God has for us.
- 23:58Daniel Moore: You will never experience enough love from people to successfully and perpetually free you from insecurity and the fear of rejection.
- 24:04Daniel Moore: The only love that can and will do this is God's love.
- 24:09Daniel Moore: That's going to wrap it up for this week.
- 24:14Daniel Moore: Next week we're going to come back with the second episode in this mini series on rejection.
- 24:19Daniel Moore: Please subscribe to be sure that you don't miss that episode.
- 24:22Daniel Moore: I'm Daniel Moore.
- 24:23Daniel Moore: Thank you for joining us this week on Connecting the Gap podcast.
- 24:26Daniel Moore: This show really wouldn't be possible without you.
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- 24:39Daniel Moore: The links for those are in the show notes.
- 24:42Daniel Moore: Well, that's all for this week, and we believe that God's Word never fails us.
- 24:47Daniel Moore: God's Word has stood the test of time and through Jesus' death on the cross, he has connected the gap.
- 24:55Aria: You've been listening to Connecting the Gap podcast.
- 24:57Aria: In this world, there are many disconnects that cause chaos in our lives.
- 25:00Aria: This podcast is birthed from the desire to share hope and restoration of the power of the gospel by being transparent and open in our biblical walk with God.
- 25:08Aria: Each week, we take a few moments as we navigate God's word and peer into other people's testimonies and encourage each other to connect the gap.
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