Latest / Curiously Guided Podcast / Ep.95 | Get Comfortable with Conflict & Hard Conversations w/ Lauren Bronson Petrous, Leadership Consultant & Coach

Transcript

Ep.95 | Get Comfortable with Conflict & Hard Conversations w/ Lauren Bronson Petrous, Leadership Consultant & Coach · Curiously Guided Podcast

0:07
SPEAKER_00: Welcome to the Curiously Guided Podcast.
0:10
SPEAKER_00: We're your hosts, Mariah.
0:12
SPEAKER_00: Incha.
0:13
SPEAKER_00: Two online business strategists passionate about rewriting the rules to success within both life and business.
0:21
SPEAKER_01: This podcast started because we both felt frustrated by the lack of deep, meaningful, and transparent conversations around what it takes to actually run a business that we both feel good about.
0:31
SPEAKER_01: And so we decided to create that for ourselves.
0:34
SPEAKER_00: We want our solo episodes and guest interviews to be examples of how you two can chase your dreams and go down your own rabbit holes, ultimately leading to a more sustainable and fulfilling life.
0:47
SPEAKER_01: We believe that curiosity is our superpower.
0:50
SPEAKER_01: And trusting the nudge is a muscle that's meant to be strengthened.
0:54
SPEAKER_00: Especially if we want to create a lifestyle that feels good from the inside out.
1:00
SPEAKER_00: So are you ready to open your mind and let curiosity guide the way?
1:05
SPEAKER_00: Let's take this journey together.
1:07
SPEAKER_01: We're so glad you're here.
1:08
SPEAKER_01: Now let's dive in.
1:10
SPEAKER_01: You guys, we have the coolest guest on for you today.
1:14
SPEAKER_01: Lauren Bronson Petris joined us, who's a leadership coach, to talk, really actually to continue the conversation that Mariah and I had in a couple episodes previously, all about um conversation and conflict and how we can kind of improve relationships by communicating better.
1:33
SPEAKER_01: And we didn't really have this planned, but Lauren specializes in conflict management and she gets flown all over the country to lead uh executive suites in big problem-solving workshops where they tackle their biggest issues.
1:48
SPEAKER_01: So she's the shit.
1:49
SPEAKER_01: She's doing the coolest work.
1:51
SPEAKER_01: To be frank with you guys, she's got me reconsidering my career path.
1:54
SPEAKER_01: I think what she's doing is so cool.
1:56
SPEAKER_01: I didn't even know that was an option.
1:58
SPEAKER_01: And she'll share her story in this episode.
2:01
SPEAKER_01: But one of the pieces that I really resonated with was just she also didn't really know this was a thing and just kind of followed where the opportunities were for her, what people were asking her to do, where she was getting invitations, and kind of just landed in this really cool field that is a really good fit for her what I call kind of softer skills, the ability to facilitate and communicate and kind of lead this, these types of conversations.
2:26
SPEAKER_01: So she, I am a total fangirl.
2:28
SPEAKER_01: I got off this episode feeling really inspired and I am excited to share what she does and and how she built her business.
2:34
SPEAKER_01: It's a really cool story with y'all.
2:36
SPEAKER_00: Yeah, it's cool when I can have some of my clients like come on and share their genius.
2:43
SPEAKER_00: Like I feel like I have a really cool job where it's like I get to help my people get found by like the people that are already looking for them.
2:52
SPEAKER_00: And then I get to know like their genius.
2:54
SPEAKER_00: And so when I pitched Lauren to come on the podcast, she was super excited.
2:58
SPEAKER_00: And it was really cool to just like nerd out with her and just like hear the deeper, deeper levels of like how she thinks about things and how she got into like this entrepreneurship space.
3:10
SPEAKER_00: You could tell that she's really, really passionate about what she does.
3:14
SPEAKER_00: That's like very, very apparent, like the way that she breaks things down.
3:18
SPEAKER_00: And you're right, like it's cool to see an example of a business like this or like making money, making good money like this.
3:29
SPEAKER_00: Like, I remember when I first hopped on a conversation with her and really learned what she does.
3:33
SPEAKER_00: I was like mind blown.
3:34
SPEAKER_00: I made her hop on another call.
3:35
SPEAKER_00: I was like, yo, girl, can I just ask, like, how the fuck do you do what you do, girls?
3:40
SPEAKER_00: Like what she does is so fucking cool to me.
3:44
SPEAKER_00: And yeah, it just so happens to piggyback off of our previous podcast episode about why people are so bad at communication.
3:53
SPEAKER_00: And Lauren kind of breaks down why people are so bad at communication.
3:57
SPEAKER_00: And I feel like in the previous communication episode with me and you, we were kind of just taking it apart from like our lens, but not really giving action steps or like how to move through this and how to get better at it.
4:09
SPEAKER_00: And I feel like Lauren really came in and like gave us things that we can start implementing in conversations today, which is pretty cool.
4:17
SPEAKER_00: So Lauren is a leadership consultant and coach who owns a change management firm called Boundless and Co.
4:26
SPEAKER_00: Lauren specializes in helping individuals, mission-driven leaders, and global organizations navigate conflict, embrace change, and cultivate purpose-driven cultures that create a lasting impact.
4:38
SPEAKER_00: Her approach is deeply rooted in authenticity, guiding individuals, leaders, and global organizations to align their values, aka what they say matters, with action, their consistent behaviors.
4:51
SPEAKER_00: With over a decade of experience working with Fortune 500 companies, international nonprofits, ministries, and executives, Lauren delivers tailored strategies to her consulting and coaching clients.
5:04
SPEAKER_00: Drawing from hard-earned lessons of both failure and triumph, she empowers others to step boldly into their full potential, leading with courage, vision, and conviction.
5:15
SPEAKER_00: And I will say that like Lauren is just a perfect example of being truly, honestly, curiously guided.
5:23
SPEAKER_00: So let's hop into the conversation.
5:26
SPEAKER_00: Lauren, thanks so much for coming on the podcast.
5:30
SPEAKER_00: Me and Shay are really stoked to have this conversation.
5:33
SPEAKER_00: We already know that it's gonna be a good one.
5:35
SPEAKER_00: So just to kind of like get people up to speed, Lauren was an SEO consultant client of mine.
5:41
SPEAKER_00: And then literally after like 10 minutes of being at our intro call, we basically became best friends.
5:47
SPEAKER_00: Um and I just, it's so funny because like Lauren, and I'm gonna let her tell the story, but essentially Lauren has built mainly like her entire business up until recently, like offline, like through referrals and stuff like that, which is like wild to me.
6:04
SPEAKER_00: I have been in the online business space for 10 years.
6:07
SPEAKER_00: What do you mean?
6:08
SPEAKER_00: You just like you didn't have a website.
6:10
SPEAKER_00: Like, what the fuck do you mean?
6:12
SPEAKER_00: And then it's funny because like, and then Lauren looks at my business and she's like, How the like you have a website, you have all of these fucking moving pieces on the online space.
6:21
SPEAKER_00: Like, how did you even create all this?
6:22
SPEAKER_00: Like, this is a whole lot.
6:23
SPEAKER_00: So I feel like both of our business models are really interesting to each other because we come from like such different uh paths of getting to where we are right now.
6:35
SPEAKER_00: So, Lauren, first and foremost, thanks so much for coming on the podcast.
6:38
SPEAKER_00: And can you kind of like take us back to the beginning?
6:42
SPEAKER_00: Because what you do, you basically get like flown all over the United States, like all over the world, to like consult with big time companies and executives on like leadership stuff.
6:54
SPEAKER_00: How the fuck does one get into that and like you don't even have a website?
6:58
SPEAKER_02: Girl, first off, I adore you and I'm just so happy to just have this chat with you.
7:03
SPEAKER_02: I fell in love with you because, like, like you were saying, I had no idea what even SEO was.
7:08
SPEAKER_02: And I was like, I actually probably should have a website.
7:11
SPEAKER_02: And oh, maybe I should have social media.
7:12
SPEAKER_02: And what is email marketing?
7:14
SPEAKER_02: I'm like a senile old man, is how I like just I'm like 95 years old coming into this world.
7:18
SPEAKER_02: I've built a reputation through word of mouth.
7:21
SPEAKER_02: Like that is all the credit I've been given is word of mouth.
7:24
SPEAKER_02: So a vice president at a company tells his buddy, who's an executive director at another organization, about me, and that's just how my business was built.
7:31
SPEAKER_02: But then I was realizing actually, to be successful and take the consulting firm even farther and where I want to go, um, I should probably have a freaking website and I should probably know what email marketing is and SEO.
7:42
SPEAKER_02: And here you come along, this bright ray of sunshine helping me get my life together, and here we are.
7:47
SPEAKER_02: So thank you for all of that.
7:49
SPEAKER_02: Um, okay, so the question is how did I get how do I get flown?
7:54
SPEAKER_02: So I basically, so as a consultant and as a coach, organizations will hire me to usually help with their organizational culture.
8:05
SPEAKER_02: They'll help me, they'll bring me in to help with their teams.
8:07
SPEAKER_02: So if they're tired, if their senior leadership teams are getting foggy with their vision or they're not really like acting out what they say is important to them, let's say they have high attrition rates, or um, let's just say there's a small business and they're like, hey, we're not getting the kind of attention that we want from customers.
8:22
SPEAKER_02: We can't figure out why, what it is, they'll literally fly me to their office.
8:26
SPEAKER_02: And what I'll do is I'll usually set up a two to three day workshop where we're just like whiteboarding it out.
8:31
SPEAKER_02: We are in it, we're in the weeds, I'm asking hard questions, and we're just flushing content out to get to an end result by the end of the third day.
8:37
SPEAKER_02: So part of what I do, my background is in corporate.
8:41
SPEAKER_02: So, corporate, you don't they're the people who own the most successful companies, like that we don't know about, have maybe 150 followers on Instagram.
8:50
SPEAKER_02: Like they're on private, they are following me, I'm following them, but like we don't put, they'll they'll maybe post a picture of their burrito while they're at an airport in JFK on their way to London.
8:59
SPEAKER_02: Like there's no strategy, it's just like they don't care about followership because they're making millions and millions of dollars and already successful.
9:06
SPEAKER_02: So why would they need to go to social?
9:08
SPEAKER_02: So that is kind of the environment I was a part of.
9:12
SPEAKER_02: So like 12 years ago, I started my career in media publishing, very devil wears Prada.
9:17
SPEAKER_02: Like I was like, okay, Miranda Priestley, like she doesn't care, she doesn't need followers, she's a badass, she doesn't need to do any of that.
9:23
SPEAKER_02: So that's kind of the environment I was raised in.
9:25
SPEAKER_02: So that's why I think when I started my own business, I was like, I don't know, I don't know how to have a following, I don't know what a website is because I was part of this different world.
9:34
SPEAKER_02: But um yeah, I don't know.
9:36
SPEAKER_02: Did I even ask that?
9:37
SPEAKER_01: Did I answer your question?
9:38
SPEAKER_01: I mean you did kind of, but we Ryan and I are really literal.
9:41
SPEAKER_01: I want to know, like specifically, how does one where where did the workshop come from?
9:47
SPEAKER_01: And like, what was your first like consulting gig?
9:50
SPEAKER_01: And like, how did that like how do you become a leadership consultant?
9:54
SPEAKER_01: That what does that jump look like?
9:55
SPEAKER_02: Okay, great question.
9:57
SPEAKER_02: All right, so back when I was in my um Devil Wars Prada media publishing world, my job had nothing to do with helping with culture or leadership.
10:04
SPEAKER_02: However, the organization and this company I worked for was the largest um publishing um media publishing company for city regional magazines.
10:13
SPEAKER_02: So like Los Angeles magazine and like New York magazine and Charleston magazine, we owned all of them.
10:17
SPEAKER_02: So I was constantly flying doing publishing for them.
10:21
SPEAKER_02: And I was then being brought into meetings where let's say there were fights between managers.
10:26
SPEAKER_02: I'm not in HR, but I would be brought in because I was really good at understanding different perspectives and then moving forward together towards a resolution.
10:34
SPEAKER_02: Um, or another example, Lauren, um, we need to pick, we need to create like an employee handbook, but we don't even know like who we are.
10:41
SPEAKER_02: Could you just put something together for us based on what you know?
10:44
SPEAKER_02: Okay, sure.
10:44
SPEAKER_02: It was just innate gifts that I had.
10:47
SPEAKER_02: And then I was brought into situations just because people knew these were gifts.
10:50
SPEAKER_02: Now, Shay, at the time, I had no freaking clue that this was a career or a job.
10:55
SPEAKER_02: I just thought I was like, oh, cool, like the bosses are noticing me.
10:58
SPEAKER_02: That's great.
10:59
SPEAKER_02: But then after a while, I started um volunteering at some nonprofit organizations, primarily anti-human trafficking organizations, because that was something near and dear to my heart.
11:09
SPEAKER_02: Um, I'd been to Africa and Thailand when I was 17, and it changed my life to this problem of human trafficking.
11:15
SPEAKER_02: And so when at this time I'm living in San Francisco and I just started volunteering at these nonprofits.
11:20
SPEAKER_02: Through volunteering, I started getting to know the board.
11:22
SPEAKER_02: The board would then sit here and tell me, you know what, we're really struggling with like our five-year plan, or like, hey, we're having some tensions right now, but you know, it'll all be fine, like that kind of thing.
11:30
SPEAKER_02: And I'm like, oh, I'm really, I've been good at that.
11:32
SPEAKER_02: My company brings me in and has me do that stuff all the time.
11:35
SPEAKER_02: Maybe I could be helpful.
11:36
SPEAKER_02: And they're like, okay, sure.
11:37
SPEAKER_02: I'm doing it for free right now because I don't know this is literally a thing.
11:41
SPEAKER_02: So I'm spending my time thinking that I'm like, hey, I'm just here to help their mission by giving my time and talent to help them prosper.
11:48
SPEAKER_02: Like, that's literally all I was thinking about.
11:51
SPEAKER_02: And then after a while, they're like, wait, can you continue to help us?
11:54
SPEAKER_02: And then they're like telling their buddy who owns another nonprofit downtown, hey, if you you're struggling with the same thing we are, go use her.
12:02
SPEAKER_02: After maybe, maybe like this happening three times with different nonprofits, while I still have my job and publishing, um, I realized I can charge.
12:11
SPEAKER_02: Like this must be a thing.
12:13
SPEAKER_02: So then I start charging for it.
12:14
SPEAKER_02: Like, not much, because I'm like, this is just a side gig, this is a passion project.
12:18
SPEAKER_02: Then I start to charge, guys.
12:20
SPEAKER_02: Then after a while, through word of mouth, this grows and grows and grows to even outside of nonprofits.
12:26
SPEAKER_02: And I get to the point where I'm at a fork in the road and I have to decide: do I stay at this media publishing company?
12:31
SPEAKER_02: Is this where I see my future?
12:32
SPEAKER_02: Is this where my definition of success looks like for my life?
12:34
SPEAKER_02: Or is this other route where I become an entrepreneur?
12:38
SPEAKER_02: I leave this world and I decide to work for these nonprofits and charge and create this baby that I don't even, I didn't even know existed.
12:46
SPEAKER_02: So I ended up doing the latter.
12:47
SPEAKER_02: I also ended up getting into Northwestern and earning a master's in organizational change.
12:51
SPEAKER_02: And I, that's that's when I really started to realize people go get degrees for this.
12:55
SPEAKER_02: This is a specialty, this is an expertise.
12:57
SPEAKER_02: And my innate talent was there.
13:00
SPEAKER_02: And now I go and get the credentials and um got a certificate in high-performing leadership from Cornell.
13:07
SPEAKER_02: And so then from there, it just grew.
13:09
SPEAKER_02: Then I ended up um working for an international consulting firm where I worked with Fortune 500s, I worked with major companies like Hilton and Blue Cross Blue Shield.
13:19
SPEAKER_02: And then while still doing my stuff on the side through word of mouth, so that's kind of like in a nutshell, it was all through word of mouth.
13:25
SPEAKER_02: I did not see the necessity for a website because it was all just flourishing through word of mouth.
13:31
SPEAKER_02: And so I can't underestimate, like, I cannot emphasize enough for all like my entrepreneurial people out there, like your reputation, like your brand.
13:39
SPEAKER_02: Like, I think I owned the personal brand, like my reputation before it got like online.
13:44
SPEAKER_02: Does that make sense?
13:45
SPEAKER_02: Like, I was so focused on my credibility, my brand, the experience I created for clients and made it so attractive to them that they couldn't help but tell other people about it.
13:54
SPEAKER_02: Now I just that now I bring in Mariah and other people.
13:56
SPEAKER_02: Now I got to do that online.
13:58
SPEAKER_01: Well, I'm curious.
13:59
SPEAKER_01: I'm very much in your camp.
14:01
SPEAKER_01: I've always been about my network.
14:02
SPEAKER_01: I literally don't have to do anything these days if my network will come through eventually, which is awesome and a great place to be.
14:08
SPEAKER_01: I've always thought about like watering all my seeds every day, you know, or whatever that looks like.
14:12
SPEAKER_01: I love that analogy, yes.
14:13
SPEAKER_01: But what flipped for you then?
14:15
SPEAKER_01: Because I'm kind of at that point too, where at some point you can be kind of behind the scenes, like the secret business card that one friend gives to another, but at some point you want to step a bit more into visibility, I'm guessing.
14:26
SPEAKER_01: Can you tell us about when did that switch for you and why?
14:28
SPEAKER_02: Totally.
14:29
SPEAKER_02: And I'm like, oh, like I hate it.
14:31
SPEAKER_02: And like Mariah knows, like I was even like begrudgingly hiring her.
14:34
SPEAKER_02: Like, I'm like, I know you're important, but like I just hate it.
14:37
SPEAKER_02: Like, and here, and that's just again my crap, my world, my world, and even the most successful people in my field that like you may not know their name, but like in my field, it's like because they maybe have 89 literal followers online, but like the influence they have in my field is huge.
14:53
SPEAKER_02: So I think I have that bias coming in, but at the end of the day, I had to look and say, like, if I want to live a life of impact, that's my definition of success.
15:02
SPEAKER_02: And if I want to create as much impact as possible, I have to get with the times and get a website, get social media going, because I'm also limiting myself on the impact I know I can give.
15:14
SPEAKER_02: So, like, even as I've started putting out my website and I'm getting more and more clients that way, or even as I'm starting to build up my social media, I'm getting people almost every other day like just DMing me, being like, you're so inspiring.
15:26
SPEAKER_02: I'm a stay-at-home mom that wanted to start my own like quilting business, and like you inspire me to take bold steps.
15:31
SPEAKER_02: Like, that's so cool.
15:32
SPEAKER_02: And if I wasn't, you know, it may not be someone who's an executive at a board, but to be honest, like the more the hope and the impact and the value and the joy I get from those DMs is actually far greater.
15:42
SPEAKER_02: And so I'm increasing my impact.
15:43
SPEAKER_02: So I think I had to reframe Shay my definition of success.
15:48
SPEAKER_02: And so if I wanted my definition of success to be about as much impact as possible, I needed to do the uncomfortable work of focusing on visibility.
15:56
SPEAKER_02: And then the second thing is, is I originally was so happy to just like do my thing.
16:01
SPEAKER_02: I was making great money.
16:03
SPEAKER_02: I was really proud of myself.
16:04
SPEAKER_02: But then as my then my vision expanded of like, I want a generation of female leaders to rise.
16:10
SPEAKER_02: Like, I want to hire these people.
16:12
SPEAKER_02: I love leading women.
16:13
SPEAKER_02: I love, I believe in the strengths that women bring to the table.
16:16
SPEAKER_02: Not that I don't for men, like we love men, yay.
16:19
SPEAKER_02: But for me, my passion of seeing what women have been treated like in boardrooms or even at home, like I just want to create a team of like-minded women who have different strengths, um, personalities, backgrounds.
16:30
SPEAKER_02: We've been through it, we've been scarred, but now we're using those scars to actually do something about it and help leaders, individuals, and organizations change the world.
16:38
SPEAKER_02: And so if I want a bigger team, I need to make more moolah.
16:41
SPEAKER_02: And to have more moolah, I gotta freaking show up in ways that are uncomfortable to me, but my my desire has to be greater than the discomfort.
16:50
SPEAKER_00: So yeah, I love your perspective.
16:54
SPEAKER_00: And it's funny because you're like, well, I have a bias about all of this in terms of like the reputation and whatever, but it's like, yes, but I feel like I have a bias in terms of, I mean, I've said it on our podcast interview with Nick when we were talking about like e-commerce business development.
17:12
SPEAKER_00: He's selling stuff on Amazon where I was like, what do you mean?
17:15
SPEAKER_00: You didn't like create a full website for that product to then like sell it on your own website.
17:19
SPEAKER_00: He was like, Why the fuck would I do that?
17:21
SPEAKER_00: And like my bias is very much like since I came into this industry as a website designer and developer, I see like the website is the foundation of everything.
17:29
SPEAKER_00: And I think that like how we see things kind of points back to our strengths and our natural gifts because like that's how we're just able to see things a little easier.
17:40
SPEAKER_00: But like, I love what you're saying, and it's just a really good reminder for us that are stuck in the online business space of like, I need a social media following, my website looks like shit.
17:48
SPEAKER_00: There are people making hundreds of thousands and like millions of dollars without like a personal brand website, without like a pop-in social media thing.
17:57
SPEAKER_00: And like if social media isn't your thing or like online visibility, if you don't feel comfortable there yet, I feel like can you get grassroots and like fucking talk to people?
18:09
SPEAKER_00: Can you really just have interactions with human beings?
18:13
SPEAKER_00: See what solutions you are naturally good at offering, get feedback on like how this supports people, and then you will naturally be able to take baby steps forward.
18:25
SPEAKER_00: But like if you didn't follow the breadcrumbs, and I feel like you're just a really good example again of like being curiously guided, like if you didn't follow the breadcrumbs and you didn't take like and look at hindsight into what people are like inviting you to do, it might have taken you a really long time if you came right into the business space and you or into the website space and you were like, I'm gonna have a website about uh three-day workshops, and then you would have strategized your messaging until it crumbled in your hand, and then you would beat yourself up and you would be like, Well, I'm not good at this, nobody's hiring me for this.
18:58
SPEAKER_00: And it's like, but you didn't have enough time chatting with the people, building the relationships, testing out what you were doing.
19:04
SPEAKER_00: So I feel like your story and the way that you've kind of developed all of this is just a really good reminder that we can do whatever the fuck we want, however the fuck we want to do it.
19:14
SPEAKER_02: I love that so much.
19:16
SPEAKER_02: I'm obsessed with every word you said because um there's this um incredible entrepreneur.
19:22
SPEAKER_02: Like, if you're an entrepreneur, you need to go find this man.
19:25
SPEAKER_02: He's amazing.
19:26
SPEAKER_02: He's like the number one podcaster in Britain, Stephen Bartlett.
19:29
SPEAKER_02: And one of the things that he says the most that I just like live and breathe for, and honestly, it's become an anthem personally and professionally for me.
19:35
SPEAKER_02: He says, you just need to experiment.
19:38
SPEAKER_02: So when we are all like trial and error, should this work?
19:40
SPEAKER_02: And to your point, like we need to strategize so much and make sure and curate.
19:43
SPEAKER_02: Like, yes, that's important.
19:44
SPEAKER_02: But at the end of the day, if you can reframe like everything I'm doing, everything I'm trying is an experiment.
19:50
SPEAKER_02: And if it fails or if it's triumphant, it's equipping you with data on yourself and the world around you.
19:56
SPEAKER_02: So the more data you collect, the more informed decisions you can make, but you don't get enough data until you experiment more.
20:02
SPEAKER_02: So, like, I love what you're saying about this, even this grassroots idea, right?
20:06
SPEAKER_02: So, like, for example, I hated social media.
20:08
SPEAKER_02: I mean, like again, here's a picture of me on a beach eating a taco and cabo.
20:12
SPEAKER_02: We love that, but it's like that's not helping me like grow my account.
20:15
SPEAKER_02: And that's kind of the meth, the mindset I had before.
20:17
SPEAKER_02: But what I was doing is I was showing up to when people would ask, like, hey, can you speak at this at the library on human trafficking awareness for us?
20:26
SPEAKER_02: Sure.
20:27
SPEAKER_02: An hour of my time, I'll go do that.
20:29
SPEAKER_02: 25 people show up.
20:31
SPEAKER_02: All you need is one that knows somebody or has a company or is like, hey, I like what you said.
20:36
SPEAKER_02: And then that person go meets with me and then they hire me.
20:39
SPEAKER_02: That's all you need is one.
20:41
SPEAKER_02: I literally put flyers up.
20:43
SPEAKER_02: I think I even talked to you about this, Mariah.
20:45
SPEAKER_02: Put flyers up in a Starbucks in a library.
20:47
SPEAKER_02: All you need is a mom who's literally like helping your kid out of the bathroom and walking out of the door, and all of a sudden she sees the bulletin board and it's like, hey, and you're meeting their need, you're providing a solution to their problem.
20:58
SPEAKER_02: All they do is look up.
20:59
SPEAKER_02: Like that has nothing to do with social media, but you're just meeting people where they're at and you're trying and you're seeing what works.
21:05
SPEAKER_02: You're gathering data for yourself.
21:07
SPEAKER_02: And I think that's the most empowering thing you can do, whether it's on social media, a newsletter, put a flyer up on a bulletin board, show up at an event, go volunteer.
21:15
SPEAKER_02: I cannot say this enough.
21:16
SPEAKER_02: My career would not be in existence, people, if I didn't volunteer.
21:21
SPEAKER_02: Making an impact, making the world a better place as far as I'm able to is a huge passion of mine.
21:27
SPEAKER_02: So I went and do did something about it.
21:29
SPEAKER_02: I love, I think a big thing that we do sometimes too is like we're like, um, we can sometimes have you heard the saying, like we judge um ourselves by our intentions, but we judge others by their actions.
21:40
SPEAKER_02: Have you heard that that saying?
21:42
SPEAKER_02: Yes.
21:43
SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
21:43
SPEAKER_02: So it's kind of sometimes like with this idea of impact too.
21:46
SPEAKER_02: It's like we're like, I really want to make the world a better place.
21:49
SPEAKER_02: And I I believe in that, but sometimes like I this is a little challenging, but this is what I do.
21:54
SPEAKER_02: I'm a coach, I can't help it.
21:56
SPEAKER_02: I I would ask, like, okay, what are you doing about that then?
21:58
SPEAKER_02: That's amazing.
21:59
SPEAKER_02: I love that you're in.
22:00
SPEAKER_02: Intention is to make a difference in the world.
22:01
SPEAKER_02: But like, what are you doing with that?
22:02
SPEAKER_02: And a simple way is like go find an organization that you're passionate about, go volunteer there.
22:07
SPEAKER_02: You're one, increasing your network, even if it's not like in your field of expertise, you're still increasing your network.
22:13
SPEAKER_02: Two, again, all you need is one.
22:15
SPEAKER_02: All you need is one person.
22:17
SPEAKER_02: And so you're one, living out your values by going and making the world a better place by volunteering somewhere.
22:23
SPEAKER_02: Two, you're increasing your network.
22:25
SPEAKER_02: And three, you're doing something uncomfortable.
22:27
SPEAKER_02: It's uncomfortable to volunteer.
22:28
SPEAKER_02: It's uncomfortable to give up your time.
22:30
SPEAKER_02: It's uncomfortable to be around strangers or like, do you know how uncomfortable it was for me to go to these libraries randomly all the time talking about human trafficking?
22:38
SPEAKER_02: Like, and it's a sad topic.
22:40
SPEAKER_02: I mean, it's it's not like it's something like fun, but I believed in it enough to sit through the discomfort of it.
22:45
SPEAKER_02: Then I got good at it, and then I read benefits for it personally and professionally.
22:49
SPEAKER_02: So that's like the most practical advice I could give.
22:52
SPEAKER_02: Like, go serve somewhere.
22:54
SPEAKER_01: And let yourself get uncomfortable.
22:56
SPEAKER_01: I like what you're saying.
22:57
SPEAKER_01: That experiment idea is something we share a lot of collect the data points, right?
23:02
SPEAKER_01: We don't have to assign too much emotion to this.
23:04
SPEAKER_01: There's not really even like a failure, right?
23:06
SPEAKER_01: Like it's just a data point.
23:08
SPEAKER_01: And your story is really cool.
23:10
SPEAKER_01: Do you know human design at all?
23:11
SPEAKER_01: I'm curious about what yours is.
23:13
SPEAKER_02: So I actually haven't done it, but you're like probably the fifth person to tell me, but I it this week alone.
23:18
SPEAKER_02: So now I'm like, all right, I need to do this now.
23:21
SPEAKER_02: But do you could you?
23:22
SPEAKER_02: I was would would it be.
23:23
SPEAKER_01: Well, the reason I'm curious, you're my strategy is very much um look for those invitations.
23:29
SPEAKER_01: So as you were sharing your story, you said I I showed up like this way to a meeting, and all of a sudden I was invited to this opportunity.
23:35
SPEAKER_01: Now is this opportunity.
23:37
SPEAKER_01: And to me, those invitations are very meaningful because that's kind of where the data point that the universe is saying, hey, there's ease here.
23:44
SPEAKER_01: This is kind of where we're um guiding you.
23:46
SPEAKER_01: So those invitations stuck out.
23:47
SPEAKER_01: That's uh part of my human design, but you'll have to follow up and let us know once you dive into it.
23:52
SPEAKER_01: Um but the part of your story I'm really struck by is soft skills that are hard to quantify.
23:58
SPEAKER_01: Um, we just, and then the idea of bringing women up, I think that those skills you communicated, that ability to be this calm, neutral force that can kind of help people come together and move forward is maybe a slightly more feminine trait.
24:14
SPEAKER_01: It's a skill I've seen a lot of women have.
24:16
SPEAKER_01: And we just recorded an episode about how people are so bad at communicating.
24:20
SPEAKER_01: And on that episode, I shared one of my, I think, zones of genius.
24:24
SPEAKER_01: As like a 24-year-old, I was getting invited to all of these top leadership meetings.
24:28
SPEAKER_01: And they said, Oh, we like to have Shay there.
24:30
SPEAKER_01: People that are hard to deal with are easier while she's there.
24:33
SPEAKER_01: And so I kind of realized early on, this is a skill I have, but I'm not kidding you.
24:39
SPEAKER_01: A decade later, I still don't really know what to do with that skill.
24:43
SPEAKER_01: Like, I'm like, there's value here, but how do I package it up?
24:47
SPEAKER_01: How can I get paid for it?
24:49
SPEAKER_01: I know I'm good at communicating, but there's no job for like, I guess there's like mediators, right?
24:54
SPEAKER_01: But that's about as literal as I got with it.
24:56
SPEAKER_01: So I like what you're saying about there's absolutely value in the skill of someone who can come and be like an outside perspective and this neutral force that can help these teams of people communicate together.
25:09
SPEAKER_01: So um, the other side of what you're saying, I think is cool.
25:13
SPEAKER_01: A lot of us get told as we're starting, don't do any work for free.
25:16
SPEAKER_01: You're really selling yourself out if you're doing work for free.
25:20
SPEAKER_01: Um, and I'm into a lot of creatives, and I it's it's exactly what you said, like we have to start somewhere.
25:25
SPEAKER_01: And a lot of times as we're like battling through impostery feelings and we're wanting to step into something new, the very best thing you can do to add data to your data bank is volunteer.
25:36
SPEAKER_01: Take some unpaid work, even if the invitations are free at the beginning, you know, you got to build your muscles somehow.
25:42
SPEAKER_01: And so I do think at the beginning, there is no shame in doing volunteer work, taking an unpaid project.
25:49
SPEAKER_01: If it is helping you build this skill set that you think will take you somewhere else, do that.
25:54
SPEAKER_01: That is how you get the connections, that is how you build the confidence.
25:57
SPEAKER_01: And it sounds like that process is kind of the seed for the rest of this.
26:01
SPEAKER_01: Is that right?
26:02
SPEAKER_02: Oh my gosh, 100%.
26:03
SPEAKER_02: And like emphatic yes to everything you said.
26:06
SPEAKER_02: And you know, here's the thing.
26:07
SPEAKER_02: I think that like um personal and professional development is a very personal thing and it's a very vulnerable thing and it's a very individualistic thing.
26:16
SPEAKER_02: So if someone out there is like, hey, I never had to do something free, like, and you want to go that route, like knock yourself out.
26:23
SPEAKER_02: For me, I just think when we can like first align to something bigger than ourselves, you're getting a currency that may not be monetary, but it's still meaningful.
26:32
SPEAKER_02: So I think that that's why like this service aspect, this like go volunteer to me, it was like, I may not be paid for speaking right now or for giving my time to help this organization achieve their mission, but I am making a difference.
26:45
SPEAKER_02: And so that to me was another form of currency.
26:48
SPEAKER_02: And it also expanded my capacity for like understanding the strengths I had and that I was making a difference in the world.
26:54
SPEAKER_02: So I just love, I think the idea of volunteering and serving worked for me because it was compensation of some sort, even if it wasn't going directly into my bank.
27:04
SPEAKER_01: So I And then you got real feedback about how this is valuable for our organization.
27:10
SPEAKER_01: And then those people were even telling other people how it was valuable.
27:13
SPEAKER_01: So when you can get that outside language describing your value, I feel like that's the hardest thing to get and the most valuable for you.
27:19
SPEAKER_02: Oh, I love it.
27:20
SPEAKER_02: And exactly, and you were kind of uh nodding to it earlier, but like this um having unbiased people to like these people don't know me from Adam, like they they can say whatever they want and they're not even losing money.
27:31
SPEAKER_02: So it's almost like they can just say something to me.
27:33
SPEAKER_02: And so that's where I'm getting this like unbiased feedback on like where are my strengths, where are my weaknesses?
27:39
SPEAKER_02: And even you mentioned about like messaging.
27:40
SPEAKER_02: Oh, I'm a really great communicator.
27:42
SPEAKER_02: How are people what are people saying about me?
27:44
SPEAKER_02: Like when I finished a session, what were the compliments they gave me?
27:49
SPEAKER_02: What were the affirmations I noticed?
27:51
SPEAKER_02: I always, even when I was volunteering, because I'm a psycho, but I would always ask for feedback.
27:56
SPEAKER_02: So I was always asking, give me this is something so practical.
27:58
SPEAKER_02: And I'm telling, I tell everyone I coach, I tell everyone on my team this.
28:03
SPEAKER_02: Always ask for two affirmations and two areas for improvement.
28:07
SPEAKER_02: So it doesn't have to be this long, like performance review situation.
28:10
SPEAKER_02: But what you're doing is you're like, give me two things I did well from the speech at the library, from how I'm volunteering.
28:16
SPEAKER_02: I've volunteered at your organization for three months now.
28:19
SPEAKER_02: What are two things I'm doing well?
28:20
SPEAKER_02: What are two things I could do better?
28:21
SPEAKER_02: Do that with your boss, do that with friends.
28:23
SPEAKER_02: I do check-ins with my friends and just be like, hey, you're evolving, I'm evolving, seasons are changing.
28:29
SPEAKER_02: Like, what are two things that I'm doing that you love about me as a friend that brings value?
28:33
SPEAKER_02: And like, what are two areas that I can do better?
28:34
SPEAKER_02: And then I will then say the same thing back to them usually.
28:37
SPEAKER_02: I would even go back to the organization and be like, great, here's two things I think you're doing well and two things I think you can improve on.
28:43
SPEAKER_02: So it's uncomfortable.
28:45
SPEAKER_02: And I'm not saying everyone loves it to pieces.
28:47
SPEAKER_02: Some people were like, you know, screw you, I don't want your feedback.
28:50
SPEAKER_02: Fine.
28:50
SPEAKER_02: But what I did was I became I grew in my aptitude and my resiliency towards hearing constructive criticism, as well as getting more and more data that told me and affirmed the kind of things that people were finding valuable in me.
29:05
SPEAKER_02: And in turn, I got better at communicating feedback towards others and affirming others.
29:10
SPEAKER_02: And so, in so doing this, again, not being paid, just learning and growing, gathering data, it tells you a lot.
29:16
SPEAKER_02: And then you have this huge amount of data where you can say, all right, I don't know how to note, like for your example that you gave, I'm really good at communicating, but like maybe people when they talk to you would affirm you, Shay is like she's very, she gets she's very authentic and she speaks like with a genuine, um, like in such a genuine way that I believe her and I trust her.
29:35
SPEAKER_02: I trust her more than I trust other people.
29:36
SPEAKER_02: So maybe then if that's something that came across often, you could be like, huh, the value that I bring is I actually help people grow and trust towards one another.
29:43
SPEAKER_02: And because people trust me, I'm able to challenge them in ways and take them to difficult places that they otherwise wouldn't go because there's trust in the room.
29:51
SPEAKER_02: That's what I bring to the table.
29:52
SPEAKER_02: I don't know.
29:52
SPEAKER_02: So you know what I mean?
29:53
SPEAKER_02: Like that data can just help.
29:54
SPEAKER_02: I I agree.
29:55
SPEAKER_01: I'll I'll cut you off for a second, Ryan.
29:57
SPEAKER_01: And I think that asking for the being able to accept both sides is very difficult, especially as a new entrepreneur, because it can feel very personal.
30:06
SPEAKER_01: But what you're saying, keep a bank to record all of that stuff and you can go back and reference it.
30:11
SPEAKER_01: But the idea of asking for feedback, I think is one of the most important uh pieces of advice or good advice that you can get.
30:18
SPEAKER_01: Sorry, Mariah.
30:19
SPEAKER_00: And the way that you've spun that so effortlessly, you were like, Oh, you're good at communication and people trust you.
30:25
SPEAKER_00: Well, that must mean that I like the way that you spun that was so good.
30:32
SPEAKER_00: Oh, thank you.
30:33
SPEAKER_00: Like I tell you things, but I mean, like, I would just never be able to switch that perspective and then make it into something that like is solving a problem.
30:45
SPEAKER_00: I would be like, Yeah, people trust me so I can what manipulate them in marketing?
30:49
SPEAKER_00: Like, I that's where my brain would have gone.
30:51
SPEAKER_00: I was like, the fuck?
30:52
SPEAKER_00: Like, I don't even know what I'm saying.
30:53
SPEAKER_00: But you were just like, people trust me, so then I can facilitate trust in between other people and then get everybody on board and help move them forward.
31:02
SPEAKER_00: And I feel like that's a really cool example of like taking your soft skills and turning them into how am I helping people solve these problems?
31:12
SPEAKER_00: But everything else that you were kind of talking about and like asking for feedback, I feel like it's a perfect segue into the other part of this conversation that we wanted to have of like conflict resolution and having hard conversations.
31:26
SPEAKER_00: So I actually had a friend who was reading a book, I don't remember what book it was, but she ended up reaching out to me and her other close friends and was basically like, Can you tell me three things that I'm really good at and three things that I'm really bad at?
31:39
SPEAKER_00: And like I took that really seriously.
31:42
SPEAKER_00: And I was like, I want to be really honest because sometimes, especially like I've been friends with her since we were 15 years old.
31:50
SPEAKER_00: We had our first jobs together, we grew up together, we used to drink out of a keg in the woods, like we grew up, and I feel like when you're so comfortable with somebody like that, it's kind of hard to transition into a more difficult conversation because like you've already established a foundation where you don't do that.
32:14
SPEAKER_00: Do you know what I mean?
32:15
SPEAKER_00: So I feel like especially like we can talk about business too, but like I feel like personal is a little bit harder when you have a past and maybe you don't have experience having difficult conversations.
32:25
SPEAKER_00: And like I think about my childhood and like how I learned to have different difficult conversations.
32:31
SPEAKER_00: And like, if I were to take what my parents taught me, it would be you yell and you scream, and then you run out of the room, and then you move out of the house, essentially.
32:41
SPEAKER_00: Like it goes from A all the way to Z very quickly, and so like that made me shy away from difficult conversations because I don't want people to leave, but like I never learn the skills to be able to go at this from a place of like love and respect.
32:57
SPEAKER_00: Like my friend asking me, Hey, three things I'm good at, three things I'm bad at.
33:01
SPEAKER_00: If I wasn't self-aware or intentional about what I said, I could have really hurt her feelings and it could have gotten pretty fucking bad.
33:09
SPEAKER_00: So it's like, how do you approach this in terms of difficult conversations, especially when it's like a relationship that you've had for a long time?
33:18
SPEAKER_00: But I because I the other part is like, I feel like if you're if you create a relationship with the intention from the beginning to be honest and transparent, like me and you, Lauren, like we just connected last year, and it's like we've set this from SEL.
33:32
SPEAKER_02: I'm like, I know.
33:34
SPEAKER_00: Oh my god, thank you.
33:35
SPEAKER_00: Um, and so it's like we said from the beginning of like we're gonna have honest conversations.
33:40
SPEAKER_00: It's way easier to keep moving forward having honest conversations, but like the what what do you do with these conversations like help?
33:48
SPEAKER_00: What do you do?
33:49
SPEAKER_02: Well, I think you um brought up like super, super important topics.
33:54
SPEAKER_02: So the first thing I'll say is like you're spot on when you started bringing up your upbringing.
33:57
SPEAKER_02: So, like, I'm not joking.
33:59
SPEAKER_02: I'll be with a room of executives and they brought me in because they're like stonewalling each other or they're like they can't get any work done because the room is divided and there's this tension in the room.
34:08
SPEAKER_02: So they bring me in to try and alleviate that tension and move them forward, essentially conflict resolution.
34:13
SPEAKER_02: I will literally ask them, I don't care if they're 75-year-olds, multi, multi, multi-millionaires, the head of the board, I will ask them what in front of people, what was your upbringing like an association with conflict?
34:24
SPEAKER_02: Because without understanding where you come from, your origin story, you're not gonna understand why you are the way that you are.
34:30
SPEAKER_02: So for you, you are more self-aware than the average executive I've worked with.
34:33
SPEAKER_02: You've been like, hey, in my home, conflict was something that I don't like how we did it.
34:39
SPEAKER_02: Conflict was scream at each other and then run away.
34:41
SPEAKER_02: So now, and you didn't say this, but I could presume I now don't want to enter into conflict because I'm afraid of abandonment.
34:47
SPEAKER_02: You will leave me if I confront truth.
34:50
SPEAKER_02: And like that's something that was a part of your upbringing.
34:53
SPEAKER_02: Other people were taught growing up, like my husband, for example, you do not have conflict.
34:58
SPEAKER_02: You conflict, you will have a Mount Everest pile of conflict in the room, and you'll throw a rug over it, and everyone will walk around the living room like, literally, don't touch the rug, don't mention the rug, even though it's taking up the whole space, because God forbid you say truth.
35:12
SPEAKER_02: So he grew up being like, conflict is evil.
35:15
SPEAKER_02: Like you, you keep artificial peace at all costs.
35:19
SPEAKER_02: Now, I grew up in it with an emotionally healthy single mom.
35:22
SPEAKER_02: So she would always be like, that was not okay.
35:24
SPEAKER_02: And we're gonna sit down, we're gonna have a conversation.
35:26
SPEAKER_02: And she would totally doctor fill me from the time I was like four.
35:29
SPEAKER_02: So that also helped garner a little bit of this idea of like healthy and hard conversations are not bad.
35:36
SPEAKER_02: They're necessary for growth.
35:37
SPEAKER_02: So that I had that growing up.
35:39
SPEAKER_02: Now, I will say though, my mom definitely was sort of like a turn the cheek.
35:43
SPEAKER_02: So when I got really severely bullied in school, for example, I never stood up for myself ever because I was like, I can I have to be the strong one.
35:51
SPEAKER_02: So my idea of showing up as the good one or the strong one or the wise one was taking people's shit too much.
35:59
SPEAKER_02: I became someone, a rug that people just trampled over.
36:02
SPEAKER_02: And that I needed to relearn behavior.
36:05
SPEAKER_02: So I have learned how to do conflict through failure.
36:08
SPEAKER_02: And failure, I don't say that as a negative way, like, oh, I suck.
36:11
SPEAKER_02: It's like failure is our greatest teacher if we let it, right?
36:14
SPEAKER_02: It can be the most powerful lessons we ever learned.
36:16
SPEAKER_02: And so when I say I have um taken on conflict and been a doormat and let people say and do things to me that they should have been checked and I should not have ever allowed that, I allowed really horrible things to happen to me because I didn't use my voice.
36:29
SPEAKER_02: And then on the other extreme, when I was like, this is crap and I'm angry enough to make it stop, I went the other extreme where I was such a bulldog and so intense and overly like, don't come near me, like, you know.
36:39
SPEAKER_02: So I've done both extremes.
36:41
SPEAKER_02: And the reason why I think now that I'm I love doing this with clients or even just like I do one-on-one coaching for literally like people like, hey, I have a friendship, I have a best friend.
36:50
SPEAKER_02: We're about to like break up essentially, and I need you to help me figure out how to move past this conflict.
36:54
SPEAKER_02: So I do this now all the time, and I think it's because I'm like, oh, I am you.
36:59
SPEAKER_02: I have been every part of the spectrum.
37:01
SPEAKER_02: So I understand the cost.
37:02
SPEAKER_02: And an analogy I like to give is like, I feel like we either from our upbringing and in our personalities, we either like handle conflict like a turtle.
37:09
SPEAKER_02: Like we either go inward, we have a protective shell, we we uh we demean ourselves, we diminish ourselves, we get really small and we just want it to go away.
37:18
SPEAKER_02: Or we get like a porcupine and we get like really big, like a porcupine's quills make it bigger than it appears.
37:25
SPEAKER_02: And so we can appear like, oh, I don't care, I don't give a crap about anything.
37:28
SPEAKER_02: They can do what they want, like in this attitude, but like on the inside, they're this big softy, and they're just acting that way because they're scared.
37:34
SPEAKER_02: So I think when we, and I literally will be like to executives, are you a porcupine or are you a turtle?
37:38
SPEAKER_02: And like they're like, okay, but then like you have grown men crying in the room.
37:42
SPEAKER_02: So I think like doing the work of understanding your origin, and and you may be a porcupine.
37:48
SPEAKER_02: You brought up an interesting point about like people you've known forever versus maybe acquaintances, like people you've known forever, you may tend to be more of a turtle because you're like, I want to safeguard this relationship so much that I'm not gonna ever bring anything up.
38:01
SPEAKER_02: But maybe with friendships or in the workplace, you show up more as a porcupine.
38:04
SPEAKER_02: So you can show up in different ways, but pay attention to how you show up with who you show up with.
38:09
SPEAKER_02: So I would say that those that we want to keep most in our life, we tend to take on more than we should, and we become more of this turtle.
38:15
SPEAKER_02: We let things slide much more.
38:17
SPEAKER_02: But the problem with a lot of those relationships is oftentimes resentments become huge.
38:23
SPEAKER_02: So even though you're like, I love this person so much that I'm not really gonna bring stuff up, resentments or like questions or like a callousness towards someone, oftentimes with family members, like you just don't want to even bring anything up, but you start getting this bias, this perception towards them, this resentment towards them, this bitterness.
38:38
SPEAKER_02: Even if you love them, two truths can coexist.
38:40
SPEAKER_02: You can love someone desperately and still have a lot of resentment.
38:44
SPEAKER_02: And the problem is that I think that if we're being honest, it's not as great of a relationship as you think it is.
38:50
SPEAKER_02: You just don't want to lose it.
38:52
SPEAKER_02: So I think the idea of conflict is it's super uncomfortable.
38:55
SPEAKER_02: And I'm gonna let everyone know like I've been doing this for years.
38:58
SPEAKER_02: I've got certified from Cornell and conflict resolution.
39:01
SPEAKER_02: Like I've studied, studied, studied, and again, in every possible way, done it amazingly and done it horribly.
39:08
SPEAKER_02: It doesn't get less uncomfortable, but you get more comfortable living in discomfort.
39:13
SPEAKER_02: And that's the best advice I can say.
39:15
SPEAKER_02: So I actually do this framework with clients and just like people in my life.
39:19
SPEAKER_02: I call it the brave framework.
39:20
SPEAKER_02: It's what my company, Boundless and Co.
39:21
SPEAKER_02: We we do this with every single person, whether we're consulting or we're coaching them.
39:26
SPEAKER_02: It's a five-step process.
39:27
SPEAKER_02: It's called brave.
39:28
SPEAKER_02: So B stands for first, when you're entering into a conflict with someone, you need to believe in something bigger than yourself.
39:34
SPEAKER_02: This like grounds you again to like, okay, let me zoom out.
39:37
SPEAKER_02: What's what are my values?
39:39
SPEAKER_02: What's important to me?
39:40
SPEAKER_02: I'm mad, let's say your your friend that you're talking about, let's say her friend, your friend's name is Stacy.
39:44
SPEAKER_02: So you you have an issue with Stacy, and but you love her so much.
39:48
SPEAKER_02: So you're gonna first be like, okay, I need to have this conversation with Christine.
39:52
SPEAKER_02: There's things she's doing that's bothering me.
39:54
SPEAKER_02: And but my values are like, I want a relationship to be authentically deep and I want it to be safe and I want it to be intimate and I want it to last a long time.
40:02
SPEAKER_02: In order for that to happen, I need it to be healthy and I also want to be a woman that allows my soul to speak and allows my words to be spoken because I'm worth that.
40:11
SPEAKER_02: However, my friend is also worth that too.
40:14
SPEAKER_02: So I want to have a conversation where we're both worthy, and how does that look?
40:18
SPEAKER_02: So, like that's an idea where you're like grounding it something bigger than the tension of the point.
40:22
SPEAKER_02: I believe in something bigger than myself.
40:24
SPEAKER_02: The next is R.
40:25
SPEAKER_02: Reframe it.
40:26
SPEAKER_02: If you're pissed at someone in the moment, it's really easy to get heated and like create this whole narrative in the moment.
40:31
SPEAKER_02: But what I always tell clients is like, take a minute and what does this look like?
40:35
SPEAKER_02: Um, I forget her name.
40:37
SPEAKER_02: It's oh, Susie, it's Susie.
40:39
SPEAKER_02: We'll have to look it up.
40:40
SPEAKER_02: Susie Moore, I believe her name is.
40:41
SPEAKER_02: She does this 10, 10, 10 framework where it's okay, 10 minutes from now, if you confront someone, for example, what's gonna happen 10 minutes after you confront this person?
40:51
SPEAKER_02: Then zoom out and say, 10 months after I confront this person, what will this look like?
40:55
SPEAKER_02: And then 10 years from now, what will have happened to me or to her if we had that confrontation?
41:01
SPEAKER_02: And it's just a way to take and reframe what's currently happening in this isolated moment and create it long term.
41:07
SPEAKER_02: Sometimes it's like not necessary to really go there.
41:09
SPEAKER_02: You may think about it, you're like, I need to let this one slide.
41:12
SPEAKER_02: And other times you're like, you know what?
41:14
SPEAKER_02: This is such a recurring issue and it's damaging not only my security with this person, but it's now starting to affect me mentally, emotionally.
41:21
SPEAKER_02: Like that means you need to do something about it.
41:23
SPEAKER_02: Next, are you with me?
41:24
SPEAKER_02: So there's the B, there's the for brave, for believing something big on yourself.
41:27
SPEAKER_02: There's R, which is reframe.
41:29
SPEAKER_02: Next is A, which is acknowledge with curiosity.
41:32
SPEAKER_02: This is the hardest part.
41:33
SPEAKER_02: So now you've entered in, you've decided to have conflict, a hard conversation with someone.
41:37
SPEAKER_02: You've entered into the conversation.
41:39
SPEAKER_02: A is acknowledge with curiosity.
41:42
SPEAKER_02: I didn't say affirm, it's acknowledge.
41:45
SPEAKER_02: So this is where you go to the other person, you're like, hey, what I just told you what's going on.
41:48
SPEAKER_02: I'm bringing something up.
41:49
SPEAKER_02: What do you think?
41:50
SPEAKER_02: What do you feel?
41:51
SPEAKER_02: What's your perspective?
41:52
SPEAKER_02: Your name of your podcast is amazing.
41:54
SPEAKER_02: Curiously got curiosity is number one.
41:57
SPEAKER_02: Acknowledge with curiosity.
41:59
SPEAKER_02: Genuinely get in.
42:00
SPEAKER_02: If you're not mature enough to be curious about the perspective, you're not ready to honestly have a hard conversation.
42:05
SPEAKER_02: So you got to go do some pre-work to be able to sit in a conversation with someone and say, hey, my feelings are valid.
42:12
SPEAKER_02: Absolutely.
42:13
SPEAKER_02: But in order to make the other person be worthy as well, I need to acknowledge that I don't have to agree, but I need to acknowledge what they're going through, experiencing whatever, and be curious and ask questions.
42:24
SPEAKER_02: Okay, V.
42:26
SPEAKER_02: Next, the fourth part of the five-part framework is V.
42:29
SPEAKER_02: Voice your needs.
42:30
SPEAKER_02: Now, this is your point where you have to say, okay, you know, I've heard you.
42:33
SPEAKER_02: Here's my perspective.
42:34
SPEAKER_02: Like this is what I need moving forward.
42:36
SPEAKER_02: Like this is how you've made me feel.
42:38
SPEAKER_02: And you have to be really crystal clear.
42:40
SPEAKER_02: And this is that part where it's like, this is less about like, this is why it's better to respond when conflict is just happening than if you have like three decades of crap you've had with a person and then you try and unload it in this conversation.
42:52
SPEAKER_02: So that's why it's like if I have more consistent conversations when things are small, because when it's time to like voice my needs, I can be like, hey, what you've been doing the last two months, X, Y, Z, I'm not down with it.
43:03
SPEAKER_02: Just letting you know, you know what I mean?
43:05
SPEAKER_02: Like you can talk about it about two months worth of stuff or something that happened last week, or if you're leading a team of people, you don't want to hold on to be like, for years you've been doing this.
43:13
SPEAKER_02: That just honestly shows it's a reflection of your immaturity to not really have had the conversation.
43:19
SPEAKER_02: Again, not demeaning it.
43:20
SPEAKER_02: I understand the fears, the fears of rejection, the fear of losing control, the fear of abandonment.
43:25
SPEAKER_02: All of that is legitimate.
43:26
SPEAKER_02: But if you believe in something bigger in yourself and you want to live out your values, you have to be able to respond quicker to conflict.
43:32
SPEAKER_02: Okay, and the last one is E.
43:35
SPEAKER_02: End with clarity.
43:36
SPEAKER_02: This is essential.
43:37
SPEAKER_02: Whether you're a leader and you're confronting an employee or you're with a friend, you have to be clear with what are the expectations moving forward.
43:45
SPEAKER_02: So, an example is I uh last year I had a really close friend.
43:49
SPEAKER_02: She's in a different season of life, she's had multiple kids.
43:52
SPEAKER_02: I am like full front, like my business is exploding.
43:55
SPEAKER_02: So we have just completely different seasons of life.
43:57
SPEAKER_02: So our time, our efforts look different than how they used to be.
44:00
SPEAKER_02: To be.
44:00
SPEAKER_02: She's someone that, like, when I die, I want her to like be speaking at my funeral.
44:04
SPEAKER_02: And if she dies before me, I want to be asked to speak at her funeral.
44:07
SPEAKER_02: Like, that's how close I want to be with her.
44:09
SPEAKER_02: But our relationship was really, really slipping.
44:11
SPEAKER_02: And so I decided to confront her on how I was feeling.
44:14
SPEAKER_02: I basically went through the exact same thing.
44:16
SPEAKER_02: I'm living out what I'm telling you guys to do.
44:18
SPEAKER_02: And when I got to the E part, which is when we end, what we end with clarity, I was like, okay, so what I'm hearing from you is that you need me to show up more with your kids between 11 and 1, to like at least once a month.
44:30
SPEAKER_02: And it's a more important for me, it's important for you that I show up at your home to hang out with your kids.
44:35
SPEAKER_02: And you need that from me more often.
44:37
SPEAKER_02: Okay, is that correct?
44:39
SPEAKER_02: And I literally make her like repeat it because this is where we hold each other accountable.
44:44
SPEAKER_02: Then the flip is, okay, what did and then I'll say, hey, what did you hear me say I need from you?
44:49
SPEAKER_02: And it's not condescending.
44:50
SPEAKER_02: It's like, I need to make sure that she knows what I said.
44:52
SPEAKER_02: Cause sometimes we think that we're making ourselves clear and we're not.
44:55
SPEAKER_02: So I always ask, again, whether it's an employee in the workplace or a friend, what did you hear me say?
45:00
SPEAKER_02: What do I need moving forward?
45:02
SPEAKER_02: And she was like, okay, I need you, you need me to pursue you more and initiate more and show more that like you care even through text messages.
45:09
SPEAKER_02: It's not even about quality time, it's through text.
45:11
SPEAKER_02: Thank you.
45:12
SPEAKER_02: Okay, so we're gonna start doing that because we care about each other.
45:15
SPEAKER_02: Yes.
45:16
SPEAKER_02: So it that's sort of this five framework like B-R-A-V-E that I have worked time and time again, and it works so well.
45:24
SPEAKER_02: I know I threw a lot at you in a short amount of time, but it really, really does work.
45:29
SPEAKER_02: You just have to be comfortable with the discomfort of it.
45:34
SPEAKER_00: Yeah, I feel like I wanted to say so many things as you were going through that, but I'm glad that I didn't.
45:39
SPEAKER_00: Um that's really helpful because it's it's difficult.
45:44
SPEAKER_00: And I don't know if this is a female thing, I don't know if this is an empathetic thing, I don't know if this is a human thing, I don't know if this is an emotional thing.
45:53
SPEAKER_00: But it's the curiosity of perspective or like acknowledging the curiosity is interesting.
46:00
SPEAKER_00: And I feel like I'm I'm pretty good at like, let's say the first three, right?
46:06
SPEAKER_00: Oh, I'm curious, and then I would stop at three, curious of their perspective.
46:11
SPEAKER_00: Well, you know, she's been working a lot and like she's got all this.
46:14
SPEAKER_00: So I would make, I would allow the curiosity to make up excuses why I cannot confront like what I was feeling about it, because like I know that, you know, she likes, you know, she she cares about me and she loves me.
46:27
SPEAKER_00: And like I know that she would never mean to do that, and so blah, blah, blah.
46:31
SPEAKER_00: And then I would just shut down.
46:32
SPEAKER_00: Or and then, so it's like all that resentment that you're talking about is essentially just sitting on my shoulders, and now I'm feeling guilty for even feeling offended or like left out or like whatever, because it's like I know her intentions were never that, and so I would just stop at number three versus like keep moving down.
46:52
SPEAKER_00: Oh, look, the next one is to voice what the fuck you need, like, and I feel like that's the thing that is a little scary because like you don't have control over how somebody's going to respond.
47:05
SPEAKER_00: But my boyfriend, it's it's interesting because he has a different relationship with conflict that I think uh a lot of us are maybe different than me.
47:17
SPEAKER_00: And so in his house, everybody yelled all the time, and it didn't mean shit.
47:21
SPEAKER_00: It meant nothing.
47:21
SPEAKER_00: It was literally like this is just how we communicate.
47:23
SPEAKER_00: So it's like he'll get mad and he'll just like yell, and then I'm a turtle and he's a porcupine, but he's not a porcupine like attacking me, porcupine.
47:30
SPEAKER_00: He's a porcupine just to like let it out, and then like he'll come back in, and then I'm over here teddy bear.
47:36
SPEAKER_02: He's like, I'm a teddy bear.
47:37
SPEAKER_02: I just why are you telling me I have coils?
47:39
SPEAKER_00: Yeah, literally, and I'm like over here in a turtle shell, like hiding underneath a rock because I need to cover myself twice.
47:45
SPEAKER_00: Yeah, and so it's interesting for me to learn from conflict.
47:48
SPEAKER_00: Like, he's got to learn a little bit from me, and I have to learn a little bit from him.
47:52
SPEAKER_00: And I feel like through having him and like being able to verbalize and rationalize through somebody that has such a different way of seeing conflict has been really helpful.
48:00
SPEAKER_00: And I think what I've learned, and essentially why we recorded that podcast conversation earlier about communicating is like when you don't communicate, you are holding that person back from personal growth.
48:15
SPEAKER_00: And that's not to like shame you into doing it.
48:18
SPEAKER_00: That doesn't mean every little thing you got to tell your friend what you fucking can't stand about them.
48:22
SPEAKER_00: But I think it's like I have had friendships for 20 years and like I haven't said jack shit.
48:28
SPEAKER_00: And because I haven't said jack shit, they don't know that what they're doing is annoying me.
48:33
SPEAKER_00: And now there's a huge mountain in the room under the rug.
48:38
SPEAKER_00: And then I'm like, is it too far gone?
48:39
SPEAKER_00: Is this just the relationship at this point?
48:42
SPEAKER_00: And it's like I didn't have the emotional maturity to go ahead and have that conversation.
48:47
SPEAKER_00: And the fear comes in when you're voicing your needs.
48:50
SPEAKER_00: Does that other person have the emotional maturity?
48:53
SPEAKER_00: Because that's something that we don't have control over.
48:57
SPEAKER_00: How are they going to take it?
48:59
SPEAKER_00: Are they going to get offended?
49:00
SPEAKER_00: Are they going to be like um passive aggressive?
49:04
SPEAKER_00: That's a huge thing.
49:06
SPEAKER_02: Huge, huge thing.
49:07
SPEAKER_02: And I think you bring up such a great point as you know, weighing the cost.
49:10
SPEAKER_02: Um, and it we can only be in charge.
49:12
SPEAKER_02: We're responsible for our choices.
49:14
SPEAKER_02: We are not responsible for outcomes.
49:16
SPEAKER_02: Like we do not have control over the way an individual is going to act.
49:19
SPEAKER_02: There have been times I've worked again with Fortune 500 companies or my literally, my neighbor Betsy, literally right in front of me, like where we've handled conflict.
49:28
SPEAKER_02: And it's like, you can have the most eloquent, integrity, humility-filled speech and do everything, quote unquote, right, and someone still handles it wrong.
49:37
SPEAKER_02: So the way of like the framing and the grounding that happens and believing in something bigger than yourself, you have to get to a point where, like, what me entering into this conversation is worth them being angry with me, even them leaving me, because if they can't handle me speaking truth, it really doesn't mean that they want me.
49:55
SPEAKER_02: They want a version of me that makes it comfortable for them.
49:58
SPEAKER_02: And when you really pay attention to like, oh, if someone is gonna leave me, because even with kindness and with respect, I'm voicing my needs, but they're just done with me, it is obviously heartbreaking.
50:08
SPEAKER_02: You do not want to lose that person, you don't want to lose that employee, you don't want to lose that friendship.
50:12
SPEAKER_02: But if you really bring it down in a nutshell, what that person is saying to you is you telling me your authentic self and your authentic feelings is not worth my time because you made me uncomfortable.
50:23
SPEAKER_02: And and that's like that's what it is.
50:26
SPEAKER_02: And if you I've done that in relationships where I'm like one of my best friends, we went through a lot of conflict, we we hashed this out, and she literally was like, screw you, like this is not something I want.
50:39
SPEAKER_02: And we have not, we have not been best friends in five years, we have not spoken, like that friendship died.
50:44
SPEAKER_02: And I mourn her, I miss her, but I can look back and be like, you know what?
50:49
SPEAKER_02: I honor the relationship we had and the time we did have, but who I've evolved into and who you evolve into doesn't seem to be able to do this life together.
50:58
SPEAKER_02: And that's okay.
51:00
SPEAKER_02: It's okay because if I was to allow you to continue to do the things that you were doing without voicing them, I would be not honoring myself.
51:09
SPEAKER_02: And I can't live in a relationship where someone doesn't love me enough to want me to honor myself and is too full of their ego or their fears or insecurity to not hear from someone they know loves them truth about themselves.
51:21
SPEAKER_02: So that's where we have to rise to.
51:23
SPEAKER_02: Like this is like when I'm doing the coaching and consulting, it's really like I'm calling you upwards to fulfill and live in alignment with who you say you are and who you want to be, because at the end of the day, it's a worth issue.
51:35
SPEAKER_02: Am I worth fighting for?
51:38
SPEAKER_02: Am I worth you hearing me out and hearing something uncomfortable?
51:42
SPEAKER_02: Even if I and again, your job is you cannot come in all hot and crazy and then be mad and if they don't respond well, like that's on you.
51:48
SPEAKER_02: But it's like if you're being humble and integritous, yet direct and respectful, and they still can't handle that, that is a worth issue.
51:58
SPEAKER_02: Like that is on them, that's not on you.
52:00
SPEAKER_02: And you're living in alignment with your life, and that's the most powerful thing you can walk away with.
52:06
SPEAKER_02: So, again, even in the I'm not like a I hate fake positivity.
52:10
SPEAKER_02: Like, I think we just need to be like some things suck and that hurts, and like be sad for a minute.
52:14
SPEAKER_02: Like, you need to mourn things.
52:16
SPEAKER_02: So, like in that friendship, I was so sad, I was heartbroken, and yet I walked away with a peace, which is different than comfort, saying, I'm at peace with myself because I lived in alignment with the values that are important to me.
52:29
SPEAKER_02: I fought for this relationship's health, and ultimately I fought for both of our worths.
52:34
SPEAKER_02: She just was not aligned the same way I was aligned, and that's okay, and we need to say goodbye.
52:39
SPEAKER_02: So I wish I could have like, oh yeah, all people will never leave you if you do the right thing, but like that's not the world we live in.
52:45
SPEAKER_02: The best thing you can do is be like, I want to love others, I want to love myself, and I want to fight for this in a healthier way, but the outcome is not on me.
52:54
SPEAKER_01: My choices are I want to hop in here that there's an ambulance like right outside, so just give me two seconds.
53:04
SPEAKER_01: I'm right if you guys have that sweet.
53:15
SPEAKER_01: There's something going on in the neighborhood today.
53:18
SPEAKER_01: Okay, okay, Lauren, that was insane.
53:22
SPEAKER_01: Peace is different than comfort, is like the gym I'm gonna take from this episode.
53:26
SPEAKER_01: How uh profound.
53:29
SPEAKER_01: Like the whole this whole action is requiring people to step out of comfort, which I think is one of the hardest things we can do.
53:37
SPEAKER_01: But the trade-off in what you're saying, I think is really important.
53:40
SPEAKER_01: That's kind of the lesson we came to at the communication episode as well, is every time Mariah and I both struggle with like wanting to be the easy-going person, like I'm so cool, I'm easygoing, I don't need to pick a fight right now.
53:53
SPEAKER_01: But the problem is when these things are so important to you, when you continually tell yourself, I'm not gonna say anything about it, what you're communicating to yourself is that my voice is not worthy and what I'm feeling right now is not worthy, and I'm not gonna say anything about it.
54:12
SPEAKER_01: So, yes, I agree you need to choose your own battles, but at some point there are relationships that are important enough to you where when you continue to tell yourself, like, I'm not worthy, what I have to say is not worthy, what I want is not worthy, that'll start to wear you down over time.
54:27
SPEAKER_01: And then you'll get to a point where you're totally disconnected with yourself and what you want.
54:30
SPEAKER_01: And no wonder you're feeling resentful, right?
54:32
SPEAKER_01: So I know that these conversations are difficult and it's easy to just be the easy-going person, but at some point you gotta stick up for yourself.
54:41
SPEAKER_01: And that's where that true peace comes from.
54:43
SPEAKER_01: It's it's not really a comfort, it's it's a peace, like a long-lasting peace.
54:47
SPEAKER_01: And that feeling is worth anything.
54:50
SPEAKER_01: So I really like that you made that clarification.
54:52
SPEAKER_01: And what I want from you now, I'm struggling thinking about a clear way to ask this, but I want you to put on your data braid and kind of think about all of the conflicts that you have facilitated.
55:03
SPEAKER_01: Um, I'm curious about the trends that you've noticed.
55:06
SPEAKER_01: Um, my husband and I always listen to this relationship advice podcast.
55:10
SPEAKER_01: It's run by two comedians and it's called The Endless Honeymoon.
55:13
SPEAKER_01: And every single episode, there's people calling in with, I have this problem with my partner, and let me tell you 25 stories around it and why, how I feel, and blah, blah, blah.
55:24
SPEAKER_01: And their first question is always, have you communicated this to your partner?
55:29
SPEAKER_01: And usually the answer is no.
55:31
SPEAKER_01: And it's always blowing my mind, every single person, they have not had the conversation.
55:37
SPEAKER_01: They're calling strangers on an advice podcast with 30 minutes of reasons why that they haven't communicated with their partner.
55:44
SPEAKER_01: So I'm always struck by, wow, everybody has such different issues.
55:49
SPEAKER_01: But the answer is typically, oh, you need to have an open, honest conversation.
55:53
SPEAKER_01: So I'm curious from your perspective, do you notice trends like that?
55:57
SPEAKER_01: Like it kind of typically boils down to this, or if there's this one type of personality in the room, I know we're not going to get anywhere.
56:03
SPEAKER_01: Like, what are kind of the bigger takeaways that you've observed?
56:06
SPEAKER_02: Although that's a good question.
56:07
SPEAKER_02: Um, first, I think a huge takeaway across the board, and even to what you're talking about, like in marriage, right?
56:14
SPEAKER_02: Like, um, so the reason why I don't like the word comfort is because I think that literally comfort is the greatest idol of our world.
56:23
SPEAKER_02: Like, whatever's comfortable to me is my truth.
56:26
SPEAKER_02: And I think we have to be careful with that because growing pains, like growth is always uncomfortable.
56:32
SPEAKER_02: So it's like people say they want like growth and development.
56:34
SPEAKER_02: And I'll literally have coaches or I'll have clients come to me for coaching and they're basically like, tell me how to grow without any discomfort, or like, I don't want to be painful, I don't want to have this inconvenience me in any way, but just give me the three steps of the formula that I can get.
56:50
SPEAKER_02: But what you're really saying is, is I don't want to be uncomfortable.
56:53
SPEAKER_02: So I want you to wave a magical wand that makes my problems go away.
56:55
SPEAKER_02: And obviously, we don't live in that kind of world.
56:57
SPEAKER_02: So the reason that I move towards peace is peace, you can stay the calm, the eye of the storm, and still enter into discomfort.
57:04
SPEAKER_02: And so that's something across the board.
57:06
SPEAKER_02: With merit with my husband, we've done marriage therapy through the years when we've had hard conversations.
57:11
SPEAKER_02: It's like uh it to enter into communication, it requires vulnerability.
57:16
SPEAKER_02: That's why I think don't people don't do it.
57:18
SPEAKER_02: It's a self-protection mechanism.
57:20
SPEAKER_02: And I think that like if we're saying don't just communicate more, I actually think that's not the first step.
57:25
SPEAKER_02: The first step is you need to get more comfortable with discomfort, which is vulnerability.
57:31
SPEAKER_02: Exposing how you feel to someone, again, at risk of being rejected, misunderstood, not in control of how that person reacts, is terrifying.
57:40
SPEAKER_02: So it's far easier to not communicate, complain that this person isn't changing, and then go to a therapist or go to the host of you know a podcast or go or go hire a consultant to go fix the problem or go hire a coach to go fix the problem.
57:52
SPEAKER_02: But like the number one step is not just communicate.
57:56
SPEAKER_02: It's like, okay, what are you so afraid of?
57:59
SPEAKER_02: And let's talk about what your fear says is going to happen first.
58:03
SPEAKER_02: And they'll be like, well, what if they misunderstand me?
58:05
SPEAKER_02: And they make this thing is like, are you telling me that they won't if I do?
58:08
SPEAKER_02: I'm like, no, they most likely will.
58:10
SPEAKER_02: Like, that's the scary part.
58:11
SPEAKER_02: When you start doing this, most people don't have self-awareness, are not living from a place of integrity.
58:17
SPEAKER_02: They get very defensive, or they instantly get judgmental, or they usually attack back, right?
58:21
SPEAKER_02: As a turtle, where they even maybe will gaslight you and they'll kind of be like, I don't know what you're talking about.
58:25
SPEAKER_02: That doesn't exist, or they'll be porcupineess and they'll get really big and loud and scary, and you're like, oh shit.
58:30
SPEAKER_02: But at the end of the day, the vulnerability of like, hey, I'm going to expose something, but I need to be brave enough to be uncomfortable with saying it starts first.
58:43
SPEAKER_02: But I think that's why people don't communicate.
58:44
SPEAKER_02: So that to be honest is a huge takeaway.
58:46
SPEAKER_02: I'm talking in boardrooms or coaching across the board.
58:49
SPEAKER_02: Um, what was another you said another example of like a key point on like a personality in the room?
58:54
SPEAKER_01: I'm curious if there's like if you've ever walked in a room and there's one personality, and maybe it takes a minute to recognize it, but you're like, ooh, it's gonna be hard to get anywhere when we've got ego in the room or something.
59:05
SPEAKER_02: The one who always thinks they're right.
59:06
SPEAKER_02: So something I always say, you're if you are coming in to win a conversation, you're actually not interested in conflict resolution, you're just interested in winning.
59:15
SPEAKER_02: So conflict resolution, that's why the acknowledgement, the acknowledged with curiosity bit is so important in the brave framework because you're not coming in saying, I'm right, you're wrong.
59:24
SPEAKER_02: If again, that's where you're at, you're not gonna be successful.
59:28
SPEAKER_02: It's about saying, hey, two parties are both worthy.
59:31
SPEAKER_02: And even if someone, let's say, is is did something wrong, it doesn't mean you did everything perfectly either.
59:36
SPEAKER_02: So it's like coming in with this humility to say, I'm interested in resolution.
59:42
SPEAKER_02: I'm interested in hearing and acknowledging your perspective with curiosity.
59:45
SPEAKER_02: I'm also interested in voicing my needs and setting the expectations of what I need from you and what you need from me moving forward.
59:52
SPEAKER_02: But I'm willing to um own that I haven't done everything perfectly along the way.
59:57
SPEAKER_02: So again, I think this the person, and this happens a lot.
1:00:01
SPEAKER_02: There's always, always a person in a relationship or someone I'm coaching or in a boardroom of executives that I'm consulting with that thinks that they are right and that their definition of successful conflict resolution is whether they won.
1:00:14
SPEAKER_02: So if that's your mentality, that really just shows it an immaturity in your own thinking and a lack of servant leadership, a lack of humility, a lack of self-awareness, all of which, whether again, you're in a boardroom or you're just talking with a friend, does not serve you.
1:00:29
SPEAKER_02: And to be frank, you're not living as a person who's in alignment with their values.
1:00:34
SPEAKER_02: You're living selfishly because it's easier to think you're right about everything than accepting the vulnerability that you could be wrong.
1:00:42
SPEAKER_00: Yeah, wow.
1:00:43
SPEAKER_00: I feel like so many situations of my childhood are like popping into my head.
1:00:47
SPEAKER_00: And I'm like, oh, oh, lol.
1:00:49
SPEAKER_00: Um, you know what's really interesting?
1:00:51
SPEAKER_02: I've had grown men cry like in boardrooms talking about this stuff.
1:00:55
SPEAKER_02: It's very vulnerable.
1:00:56
SPEAKER_00: Because I mean, like, even if you do come to the conversation where you think that you're right, which to be honest, that's like half of like that's the motivation half the time.
1:01:03
SPEAKER_00: I'm like, I'm right, you're wrong.
1:01:04
SPEAKER_00: We're gonna have a conversation about this.
1:01:06
SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
1:01:06
SPEAKER_00: Sometimes that's true, but it's like asking the the question of like, how do you want this conflict to end?
1:01:15
SPEAKER_00: Is it like me standing over you and I'm like, see, I told you I was right, but like that doesn't feel good for the other person either.
1:01:21
SPEAKER_00: Like a literal lame example.
1:01:23
SPEAKER_00: Okay, so Andrew is making sourdough bread, okay, in the basement.
1:01:28
SPEAKER_00: The basement is too cold lately.
1:01:30
SPEAKER_00: And if anybody knows anything about bread, temperature matters a lot.
1:01:33
SPEAKER_00: So what is he doing?
1:01:34
SPEAKER_00: He's doing it on our kitchen table in the middle of the dining room.
1:01:37
SPEAKER_00: Okay, so I had a beautiful table runner, like a vintage one that my friend got me, okay?
1:01:43
SPEAKER_00: And there was a plant on it.
1:01:44
SPEAKER_00: So he had to move this.
1:01:45
SPEAKER_00: And so what he did is he wrapped the table runner around the plant and then placed it on the heater.
1:01:53
SPEAKER_00: He placed it on the heater, okay?
1:01:55
SPEAKER_00: As I'm saying this, you're just like, what an idiot.
1:01:58
SPEAKER_00: Okay, yeah, that's what I thought too.
1:01:59
SPEAKER_00: And I couldn't see the plant under the table runner because the plant was wrapped up.
1:02:04
SPEAKER_00: So I thought it was just a big ball of the table runner.
1:02:09
SPEAKER_00: Four days later, I'm like, is that my fucking plant?
1:02:12
SPEAKER_00: I go and I pick this up, the poor little plant, half dead.
1:02:16
SPEAKER_00: I was pissed.
1:02:18
SPEAKER_00: And in that moment, I'm right, you're wrong.
1:02:20
SPEAKER_00: I don't really give a shit.
1:02:21
SPEAKER_00: But I came to the thing and I was like, I'm also trying to get better at like allowing myself to be angry about things, which he's really supportive of.
1:02:29
SPEAKER_00: He thinks that it's silly that I like don't get angry at things.
1:02:32
SPEAKER_00: So I was like, listen, I am expressing my anger right now and how annoyed I am that you fucking killed my plant and how ignorant it was to rap this.
1:02:39
SPEAKER_00: He was like, Oh my god, I am so sorry.
1:02:43
SPEAKER_00: And I was like, the plant is dead, it's over for the plant now.
1:02:46
SPEAKER_00: And like I just kind of kept drilling into it, and he was like, Okay, I get it.
1:02:49
SPEAKER_00: And like, I'm sorry, and I didn't mean to.
1:02:51
SPEAKER_00: I will buy you another plant.
1:02:52
SPEAKER_00: I understand why you're mad.
1:02:54
SPEAKER_00: And if I kept going just because I wanted to drill in that I am right and he is wrong, we would have gotten into another fight.
1:03:02
SPEAKER_00: Exactly.
1:03:02
SPEAKER_00: Because he would have brought up, he would have been like, Well, why can't you just let things go?
1:03:06
SPEAKER_00: And then it would have like ended up snowballing into the same.
1:03:08
SPEAKER_00: But I was like, okay, I'm glad that you understand that that was the dumbest thing you've done in like two weeks.
1:03:16
SPEAKER_00: So I'm glad that you're gonna be a little bit more aware of that.
1:03:19
SPEAKER_00: And he was like, Cool.
1:03:20
SPEAKER_00: And then I ended up watering the plant and brought it back to life.
1:03:22
SPEAKER_00: So crisis averted.
1:03:24
SPEAKER_00: But like, it's just situations like that where I feel like, especially in a partnership or even with clients, you can get annoyed at something and then go into it, kind of like you're saying, of like, I'm right, you're wrong, and then you beat a dead horse and now it flips, and now you're the wrong one, and they're the right one because like you don't let it go.
1:03:42
SPEAKER_00: And I feel like that's the tough thing about conflict resolution sometimes, is like you have to know also when to stop and like when you've hit like this end point of like, does is this good enough?
1:03:55
SPEAKER_00: Maybe it's not fully resolved, but like, can we close the chapter of this book?
1:04:00
SPEAKER_00: Like, is that hard sometimes when you're facilitating conversations in order to find like where is the end point where like it's good enough?
1:04:07
SPEAKER_02: Yeah, such a good point.
1:04:08
SPEAKER_02: I mean, and I think it's also, you know, we have to take like the variables of like, for example, like my husband or like Andrew with a plant, like literally, like my like we get an argument every single night because I like unwind, my brain is going a million miles a minute, like multitasking all day.
1:04:22
SPEAKER_02: I like to put on a freaking like a David Attenborough or like history channel documentary to unwind and then go to bed.
1:04:29
SPEAKER_02: The man's like, it is now 9:30, lights out, I'm tired.
1:04:32
SPEAKER_02: And I'm like, no, I need to unwind.
1:04:34
SPEAKER_02: It's like we go back and forth and argue on this, right?
1:04:36
SPEAKER_02: And so some of the things that, like with Andrew and the plant, or like there's little tiny conflicts, and then there's ones of depth.
1:04:41
SPEAKER_02: So when I actually think about conflict, I actually look at it from depth.
1:04:45
SPEAKER_02: So, like this plant, maybe, or like, you know, us arguing about the TV, literally, we've gotten in like screaming matches before because we're idiots and we're tired, and we're talking about like, you know, you always say I'll play the documentary, whatever.
1:04:57
SPEAKER_02: And so there's ways we can handle it better.
1:04:58
SPEAKER_02: But at the end of the day, it's a low, it's a low cost, low risk emotional argument conflict.
1:05:04
SPEAKER_02: But the deeper you go, also I would say, however long it's been since you've actually dealt with the issue.
1:05:09
SPEAKER_02: So if this is something that like your mom has done to you for the last three decades and you've never talked to her about, that's gonna be like DEF CON 5, like super like 30,000 leagues under the sea, worth of depth and stuff in time.
1:05:20
SPEAKER_02: That's why earlier when I'm saying the more quickly we can respond, the less deep we have to go and the quicker we can move on.
1:05:25
SPEAKER_02: But that's also why the A of acknowledgement sit and create the time and space to truly hear and be curious and ask questions about the other person.
1:05:34
SPEAKER_02: The voice your needs, that's where it's like this is your time.
1:05:37
SPEAKER_02: We're having this conversation.
1:05:38
SPEAKER_02: So you say what you need to say in this time, but after that, there is a follow up to the framework, which is e end with clarity.
1:05:46
SPEAKER_02: And so that is your responsibility to voice your needs at the time.
1:05:50
SPEAKER_02: And then you need to end with clarity so that both parties know the expectations moving forward.
1:05:54
SPEAKER_02: So now it's like Andrew knows, don't freaking do that again.
1:05:57
SPEAKER_02: Like, you know, it's it's very clear it's E, end with clarity.
1:06:00
SPEAKER_02: So, like even with my friend that I brought up an example with, it was, I was so right in this sense, right?
1:06:05
SPEAKER_02: Like it is clear I have factual evidence that I'm always initiating and texting you first and you never pursue me.
1:06:10
SPEAKER_02: Like I will, I have the receipts.
1:06:12
SPEAKER_02: You know what I mean?
1:06:12
SPEAKER_02: Like it is, I am right in that you do not pursue me and I pursue you, but you complain I don't hang out with you, right?
1:06:18
SPEAKER_02: That is, this is like I have the facts.
1:06:20
SPEAKER_02: However, her perspective of like what how she feels loved and what she needs in her season looks different than mine.
1:06:28
SPEAKER_02: And so that's where some of the rightness, wrongness goes away.
1:06:31
SPEAKER_02: It becomes shades of gray.
1:06:32
SPEAKER_02: That's why I'm like, I have to put myself and be curious enough.
1:06:35
SPEAKER_02: Hey, as a mom, she doesn't want to text me or she's not really honestly even thinking about me.
1:06:39
SPEAKER_02: And that's something that's hard because I'll think about her through, oh, this is a funny podcast.
1:06:43
SPEAKER_02: Oh, I'm traveling at the airport on my way to work.
1:06:46
SPEAKER_02: And I, you know what I mean?
1:06:48
SPEAKER_02: Like I'll weave her in through my day.
1:06:50
SPEAKER_02: In her season of life, that's just it's harder for her.
1:06:52
SPEAKER_02: But what makes her feel really loved is give me two hours of your time at my house with my kids.
1:06:57
SPEAKER_02: That means a lot.
1:06:58
SPEAKER_02: To me, to be frank, I don't, that is really hard for me.
1:07:01
SPEAKER_02: I don't feel loved by spending time with you hanging out with the that's just where I'm at right now.
1:07:05
SPEAKER_02: So it's less about right and wrong, even though clearly I am right in saying you don't pursue me with text and I do.
1:07:11
SPEAKER_02: It just so I think when we can expand, and that's why this framework is so important, the A of really understanding the other person's perspective, it always should give you some clarity on what the other person's experience and perspective is.
1:07:23
SPEAKER_02: It doesn't mean you need to like it.
1:07:24
SPEAKER_02: Did I like what she had to say to me?
1:07:25
SPEAKER_02: Do I like when I have to confront different executives and that's their perspective?
1:07:28
SPEAKER_02: Like, no, we don't like it.
1:07:30
SPEAKER_02: But again, if resolution, if the end with clarity is what's important and we move forward, that is worth it.
1:07:37
SPEAKER_02: So I don't know if that answers your question fully, but um, I think it's like use the V well.
1:07:42
SPEAKER_02: That's the best advice I'll give you.
1:07:43
SPEAKER_02: So the V of like voice your needs, use it well, and then remember that E is coming, which is end with clarity.
1:07:49
SPEAKER_02: And then if you could continue making it a thing, then you're actually not to me, then I would say you're not really interested in conflict resolution.
1:07:56
SPEAKER_02: You have a lot of undealt with frustrations that you're now bringing out into this episode, but it has really less to do with like the conflict or episode at hand.
1:08:06
SPEAKER_02: That's that would be my question back.
1:08:08
SPEAKER_01: That's so good.
1:08:09
SPEAKER_01: Honestly, all of the steps of that brave framework are profound in their own way, but I'm really sitting here thinking about how important that first one is of getting an alignment of like where is the dream?
1:08:21
SPEAKER_01: If we could wave a magic wand and like be at the promised land, what does that look like for all of us?
1:08:26
SPEAKER_01: And kind of being able to connect on that, like there is an end where we all feel resolved, and how that that can help me zoom out.
1:08:36
SPEAKER_01: So I like, and even as I'm thinking, like going through the steps, as soon as we start to get derailed, that's a nice anchor to come back to like, hey, why are we all here?
1:08:44
SPEAKER_01: What's the bigger picture that can kind of help us?
1:08:47
SPEAKER_02: You're so right.
1:08:47
SPEAKER_02: It's it's why I call the believe in something bigger than yourself step one.
1:08:50
SPEAKER_02: It's your true north.
1:08:51
SPEAKER_02: Like it's your compass.
1:08:53
SPEAKER_02: Like you always find true north.
1:08:54
SPEAKER_02: And when even you're in the midst of your feelings, it literally regulates you back to your why.
1:08:58
SPEAKER_02: This is your why, which is believe in something bigger than yourself.
1:09:01
SPEAKER_01: So you're and then when we can get alignment on that true north, that can kind of be the thing that guides us through the whole process.
1:09:08
SPEAKER_01: I that's incredible.
1:09:09
SPEAKER_01: Thank you for sharing that with us.
1:09:10
SPEAKER_01: I think that's gonna help so many people just uh being aware of that framework.
1:09:14
SPEAKER_01: Um, I wanna, as we're wrapping up, I kind of want to take a hard lift.
1:09:17
SPEAKER_01: One of a word that you will say on your website, and I've heard you talk about is authenticity.
1:09:24
SPEAKER_01: And a lot of this, whether we speak up about something, comes back to this idea of being authentic.
1:09:30
SPEAKER_01: If we're visible, um, are we being authentic with ourselves?
1:09:33
SPEAKER_01: And I'm curious, I've heard you say this to be uh, I don't know if off the record's the right phrase here.
1:09:38
SPEAKER_01: Mariah and I roll our eyes at authenticity a lot.
1:09:41
SPEAKER_01: It's a word that you hear thrown around.
1:09:43
SPEAKER_01: Be authentic, are you being your authentic self?
1:09:45
SPEAKER_01: Blah, blah, blah.
1:09:46
SPEAKER_01: And it's like, what does that actually mean?
1:09:48
SPEAKER_01: And I've heard you say a quote over and over again.
1:09:52
SPEAKER_01: And you said a person living in alignment with their values.
1:09:55
SPEAKER_01: And that really like struck me.
1:09:57
SPEAKER_01: And I'm wondering, is that your definition for authentic?
1:10:00
SPEAKER_01: A person living in uh alignment with their values?
1:10:03
SPEAKER_01: Or can you talk to us more about like what that means to you?
1:10:05
SPEAKER_02: Yes, I love it.
1:10:06
SPEAKER_02: And thank you so much for bringing this up because um I am so not a fluffy person.
1:10:12
SPEAKER_02: Like, again, someone who's in conflict resolution can't be like it's like fluffy, sprinkle fairy dust, like be yourself.
1:10:17
SPEAKER_02: And like I've even been in meetings or coach people where they've been like, well, what I did was wrong.
1:10:22
SPEAKER_02: It what I said wasn't wrong because it was authentic to me.
1:10:25
SPEAKER_02: And it's like, no, that's the biggest BS thing on the planet.
1:10:28
SPEAKER_02: You don't get to do whatever you want because you you say that's authentic to you.
1:10:31
SPEAKER_02: Um, and I think it's definitely an overuse term.
1:10:33
SPEAKER_02: But when I use authentic leadership, to me, it's a grounding and principle of it's like, are you acting on what you say is important and encouraged?
1:10:43
SPEAKER_02: To me, it's a very simple formula like you need to spend time understanding your values.
1:10:47
SPEAKER_02: Something I um always do with those I coach is I force them to choose five to seven core values that are personal to them.
1:10:55
SPEAKER_02: So just like when I help a company and they come in and are like, who are we and what's our culture like?
1:10:59
SPEAKER_02: And what's our when they're figuring out who they are and their identity, they, you know, companies have these values that are usually three to seven long.
1:11:05
SPEAKER_02: Like we are excellent, we are integritous, we love community, like whatever it is, because those values stand as pillars for the organization.
1:11:12
SPEAKER_02: The thing that I hate that people don't do is I've applied what I do for companies to the individual.
1:11:17
SPEAKER_02: Sit and get to know yourself, have the courage to look in the mirror and identify the strengths and identify the weaknesses, identify what's beautiful about you uniquely to you, and have the courage to look in the mirror and accept and embrace these are areas of weaknesses or ugly pieces of me that I don't like.
1:11:35
SPEAKER_02: But when you can truly be an authentic person, you can look in the mirror because you have the courage to embrace and choose yourself again, saying for every ugly thing that's there, there is something beautiful, for every strength that that's there, there is something weak.
1:11:46
SPEAKER_02: And I would still choose her again.
1:11:48
SPEAKER_02: But it requires you knowing your values and it requires courage.
1:11:52
SPEAKER_02: So going into the coaching sessions, working through, really identifying five to seven values that you live out, not that you think like when people say, for example, like, or even let's say courage.
1:12:03
SPEAKER_02: Sometimes people will put courage as one of their values.
1:12:05
SPEAKER_02: But when I'm talking to them, I'm like, okay, how does that give lived out?
1:12:08
SPEAKER_02: It honestly becomes painful.
1:12:10
SPEAKER_02: And I always hate having to do this because it hurts.
1:12:12
SPEAKER_02: But sometimes we need to hurt a bit to really excavate what needs to get out.
1:12:16
SPEAKER_02: And they'll sit there and realize, I actually don't live a courageous life.
1:12:19
SPEAKER_02: I live through comfort.
1:12:21
SPEAKER_02: But their restlessness, their directionlessness, their emptiness, they don't feel purpose-driven.
1:12:26
SPEAKER_02: Okay, so what that's saying is your actions are out of alignment with what you say is important to you.
1:12:31
SPEAKER_02: And unless you're doing the work of looking in the mirror and identifying what's important to you and then looking at your actions and seeing if there's alignment, if there's misalignment, you're not living an authentic life and you're also not living a purpose-driven life.
1:12:43
SPEAKER_02: You're also clearly showcasing that you don't know who you are.
1:12:46
SPEAKER_02: So authenticity is far more to me about are you taking the time to get to know who you are?
1:12:52
SPEAKER_02: Are you clear in what your values are?
1:12:54
SPEAKER_02: And then are you following through by putting those values into actions consistently, not perfectly.
1:12:59
SPEAKER_02: No one does things perfect perfectly, but consistently.
1:13:02
SPEAKER_02: And if you are, that's where that purpose and that authenticity comes into play.
1:13:06
SPEAKER_02: That's also when, if we take it to like the professional level, authentic leaders are leaders that bring transparency.
1:13:12
SPEAKER_02: They'll be like, guys, I actually don't know what I'm doing and I really need your help.
1:13:15
SPEAKER_02: Like, whoa.
1:13:16
SPEAKER_02: Like it's so refreshing.
1:13:18
SPEAKER_02: Like, I know I'm the captain of the ship, but you guys, you're the experts.
1:13:21
SPEAKER_02: And I need the three of you to try and come up with something because, guys, I honestly don't know, I don't know what to do.
1:13:25
SPEAKER_02: Like, what are your thoughts on this?
1:13:26
SPEAKER_02: And having that transparency, that vulnerability inspires teams to be like, oh, they're human too.
1:13:31
SPEAKER_02: And oh, they actually are empowering me to help.
1:13:34
SPEAKER_02: Authentic leaders are also the ones that are like building trust.
1:13:37
SPEAKER_02: Hey, um, I'm willing to go to vulnerable places or expose parts of myself that are weak myself because I'm not better than you.
1:13:44
SPEAKER_02: I'm sitting and looking in the mirror at where I want to grow, and I'm encouraging you to do the same.
1:13:48
SPEAKER_02: So let's do this together.
1:13:50
SPEAKER_02: So that's kind of my stance on authentic leadership.
1:13:54
SPEAKER_02: I think people make it fluffier than it is.
1:13:56
SPEAKER_02: It's actually pretty like intense and I wouldn't even say dangerous, I would say painful.
1:14:00
SPEAKER_02: It will cost you something.
1:14:01
SPEAKER_02: But if again, you want to be a person that's living in alignment with what you say it's important, it's gonna cost you something.
1:14:07
SPEAKER_02: But boy, that peace that we talked about earlier, that alignment, that purpose that comes, will follow.
1:14:14
SPEAKER_02: Fuck, dude.
1:14:15
SPEAKER_02: Mic drop.
1:14:16
SPEAKER_00: That was so good.
1:14:17
SPEAKER_00: Thanks for, yeah, thanks for explaining it that way.
1:14:20
SPEAKER_00: And like the examples that you give Lauren, this conversation was like amazing.
1:14:24
SPEAKER_00: I feel like time flew, like things went so quickly.
1:14:29
SPEAKER_00: So we're coming down to a wrap-up here.
1:14:31
SPEAKER_00: But if people are really like loving the juice that you're sharing, can you tell them where they can find and connect with you, what you got going on, how they can maybe work with you?
1:14:40
SPEAKER_00: What does that look like?
1:14:42
SPEAKER_02: Yes.
1:14:42
SPEAKER_02: Oh my gosh, I would so welcome anyone who's a part of this community.
1:14:46
SPEAKER_02: Um, I would just adore to connect with.
1:14:48
SPEAKER_02: So um, my website is w.bounlessandco.com.
1:14:52
SPEAKER_02: Um, you can find me on Instagram, Lauren BronsonPetris, or at Boundless and Co.
1:14:57
SPEAKER_02: Um, thanks to where I am actually online.
1:14:59
SPEAKER_02: So I would love to see you there.
1:15:01
SPEAKER_02: And um, we have some exciting things going on.
1:15:03
SPEAKER_02: So I always have coaching one-on-one happening.
1:15:05
SPEAKER_02: Um, I consult with organizations on the same stuff that we talked about today.
1:15:09
SPEAKER_02: And I'm also doing a confidence building workshop for women.
1:15:12
SPEAKER_02: Um, it's gonna be a mastermind class.
1:15:14
SPEAKER_02: We have a wait list of 20 already started.
1:15:15
SPEAKER_02: So if you're interested, we're gonna have a couple of these throughout the year.
1:15:18
SPEAKER_02: And it's really bringing in these principles of conflict and authenticity and identifying who you really are and how you live that well and how those are all necessary to live a life of confidence.
1:15:27
SPEAKER_02: Um, so those will be coming up, and I would love, love, love um to connect with you.
1:15:31
SPEAKER_00: Okay, cool.
1:15:32
SPEAKER_00: We are going to put all of that in the show notes.
1:15:35
SPEAKER_00: And then before we let you go, we do have one question that we ask every human on the podcast.
1:15:40
SPEAKER_00: What has been sparking your curiosity lately?
1:15:44
SPEAKER_02: Oh, um, I'm okay.
1:15:49
SPEAKER_02: This just goes back to I think my 95-year-old senile self right now.
1:15:53
SPEAKER_02: But I'm telling you, I am really interested in history right now.
1:15:57
SPEAKER_02: Like um watching documentaries on the Revolutionary War, the Civil War, like Abraham Lincoln, like Theodore Roosevelt, like even the crown.
1:16:06
SPEAKER_02: I'm obsessed with the crown on Netflix.
1:16:08
SPEAKER_02: It's just like this idea of you all these leaders are imperfect.
1:16:11
SPEAKER_02: All these things that happen in history, there's a lot of horrible things that happen and good things, whatever.
1:16:15
SPEAKER_02: But it's like sitting and really being curious about how people triumphed in the face of um pain, danger, and um like just overcoming things and studying those things has been something I'm so curious about.
1:16:30
SPEAKER_02: It's really easy to be like, you know, Queen Elizabeth or George Washington or Abraham Lincoln, they were so great, they just knew what to do.
1:16:36
SPEAKER_02: And it's like when you actually are curious about their lives, they've overcome a lot.
1:16:40
SPEAKER_02: And so I think just being warm or curious about history and where we come from and how that can dictate our future is something I'm obsessed with right now.
1:16:46
SPEAKER_02: Also, Indian food.
1:16:48
SPEAKER_02: I had eat Indian food right now like twice a week, and I'm just beyond obsessed.
1:16:52
SPEAKER_02: Indian food's the best food on the planet.
1:16:53
SPEAKER_02: So I'm curious, very curious on DoorDash right now of every Indian restaurant in the local tri-state area.
1:17:01
SPEAKER_01: I totally agree with you about Indian food.
1:17:03
SPEAKER_01: Um, that was incredible.
1:17:04
SPEAKER_01: I agree.
1:17:05
SPEAKER_01: More of us need to remember that history is fun.
1:17:09
SPEAKER_01: If you have weird thoughts about it from school, revisit it.
1:17:12
SPEAKER_01: There's a lot.
1:17:12
SPEAKER_01: I think a lot of us could benefit by revisiting all of that and connecting with the humanness of our past leaders.
1:17:18
SPEAKER_01: I love that.
1:17:18
SPEAKER_01: Um, but I honestly just wanted to say, Lauren, thank you for ending us on a values exercise.
1:17:24
SPEAKER_01: I know that that sounds so basic to a lot of people, but if you haven't connected with your core values in a while, that for me was the first step in all of this.
1:17:34
SPEAKER_01: And it can change season to season.
1:17:36
SPEAKER_01: So reconnect with those core values.
1:17:38
SPEAKER_01: I think that's such a great place, a really tactical thing for us to end on.
1:17:42
SPEAKER_01: But Lauren, this has been incredible.
1:17:43
SPEAKER_01: Thank you so much for coming on the podcast.
1:17:45
SPEAKER_01: We're gonna leave all the links and information in the show notes for you guys.
1:17:48
SPEAKER_01: Please follow up with Lauren.
1:17:50
SPEAKER_01: As you guys can tell, she is um a wonderful energy to be around.
1:17:54
SPEAKER_01: Um, I think we're ready to close this episode down, unfortunately.
1:17:57
SPEAKER_01: So remember, friends, you have the power to create whatever the hell you want.
1:18:01
SPEAKER_01: Follow the nudge.