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Are You Homeschooling From Fear or Faith? · Homeschool Revolution

• 0:00
  SPEAKER_00: Welcome to the Homeschool Revolution.
• 0:02
  SPEAKER_00: I'm Rebecca and Homeschool Mama Five for over 20 years, and I've been coaching moms just like you for decades.
• 0:08
  SPEAKER_00: I've done this messy, then it works mom.
• 0:11
  SPEAKER_00: Figured it out as I went.
• 0:12
  SPEAKER_00: This podcast is for the working mom, single mom, stay-at-home mom, and yes, it has too.
• 0:17
  SPEAKER_00: Any parent who is done with the old way and ready to raise creative, competent kids who actually change the world.
• 0:23
  SPEAKER_00: This isn't just homeschooling.
• 0:25
  SPEAKER_00: This is a revolution.
• 0:27
  SPEAKER_00: Let's get into it.
• 0:34
  SPEAKER_00: So, welcome to my homeschool village.
• 0:37
  SPEAKER_00: Hopefully, really good.
• 0:38
  SPEAKER_00: Hopefully, all is well.
• 0:39
  SPEAKER_00: Life is good.
• 0:41
  SPEAKER_00: You're getting moved into the village.
• 0:42
  SPEAKER_00: It's starting to make sense.
• 0:44
  SPEAKER_00: A couple of comments I'm getting from moms is it almost feels too easy.
• 0:48
  SPEAKER_00: And now they're worried because it's too easy.
• 0:50
  SPEAKER_00: Don't overcomplicate, guys.
• 0:52
  SPEAKER_00: This is a marathon, not a sprint.
• 0:54
  SPEAKER_00: I think one of the biggest um like difficulties we have as homeschool moms is we think it should be difficult.
• 1:01
  SPEAKER_00: And if it's not, we're doing something wrong.
• 1:03
  SPEAKER_00: Not the case here.
• 1:05
  SPEAKER_00: If it's not difficult, it doesn't mean difficult doesn't mean right.
• 1:09
  SPEAKER_00: Struggle doesn't mean right.
• 1:11
  SPEAKER_00: If you, if it is smooth for you and it is working for you and everybody's happy, stop trying to find something wrong with it.
• 1:20
  SPEAKER_00: And I say this not just from the bottom of my heart, but from experience.
• 1:24
  SPEAKER_00: Okay.
• 1:25
  SPEAKER_00: Finding a beautiful rhythm where things work is where you want to be.
• 1:30
  SPEAKER_00: And don't feel guilty for that.
• 1:32
  SPEAKER_00: That's number one.
• 1:33
  SPEAKER_00: Okay, number two, we're raising confident children.
• 1:36
  SPEAKER_00: So our number one priority is to first give them a safe place.
• 1:41
  SPEAKER_00: Okay, home.
• 1:42
  SPEAKER_00: And sometimes home isn't a safe place because maybe they feel maybe your kids pick on each other.
• 1:47
  SPEAKER_00: Maybe mom or dad pick on kids and you don't realize it.
• 1:49
  SPEAKER_00: We were we've been raised in a very teasing society.
• 1:54
  SPEAKER_00: It's a very American thing to do.
• 1:56
  SPEAKER_00: We tease each other and we think it's okay because we grew up bullying each other in school.
• 2:00
  SPEAKER_00: And teasing isn't always okay.
• 2:02
  SPEAKER_00: And sometimes you have to like correct family behaviors.
• 2:05
  SPEAKER_00: We don't make fun of each other here.
• 2:06
  SPEAKER_00: We're on the same team.
• 2:08
  SPEAKER_00: I'm not, you don't tease each other here.
• 2:10
  SPEAKER_00: We're on the same team.
• 2:11
  SPEAKER_00: And so sometimes you might have to do some adjustments at home.
• 2:14
  SPEAKER_00: You need to create a safe space where your children feel valued and their opinions matter.
• 2:20
  SPEAKER_00: So we had this experience a long time ago, I don't know, five, six years ago, where we took the kids, we used to have a motorhome before it got wrecked.
• 2:30
  SPEAKER_00: We had a motorhome and we took the kids to the desert of Utah where we went and camped for a night.
• 2:34
  SPEAKER_00: And we got into this really cool little spot right up against those big red mountains that you see on TV.
• 2:40
  SPEAKER_00: And we camped there for the night.
• 2:41
  SPEAKER_00: And as we were pulling out the next morning, my husband's pulling up, and we realize we're kind of stuck.
• 2:46
  SPEAKER_00: We pulled in, but getting back out was going to be tricky because there was like this ditch.
• 2:51
  SPEAKER_00: Well, I stood behind the thing and had my husband back up.
• 2:54
  SPEAKER_00: And when I'm yelling, stop, he didn't.
• 2:57
  SPEAKER_00: And he got us in this ditch and we couldn't get the motorhome out, and there was nobody within miles of us.
• 3:02
  SPEAKER_00: And we were a little panicked because here we had five kids and a motorhome in the middle of the desert, and we were stuck.
• 3:09
  SPEAKER_00: So we spent the next several hours trying to dig ourselves out, put wood under, do all the things.
• 3:16
  SPEAKER_00: Well, we were starting to panic, and it was interesting in the moment.
• 3:20
  SPEAKER_00: I saw my kids panicking.
• 3:22
  SPEAKER_00: They were just watching dad and mom try to figure out the problem.
• 3:25
  SPEAKER_00: And then um the thought came, ask your kids what they think.
• 3:30
  SPEAKER_00: So we were like, okay, guys, what do you think we should do?
• 3:33
  SPEAKER_00: And I watched everybody gave an opinion.
• 3:35
  SPEAKER_00: We're like, okay, we're gonna try everything until one of them works.
• 3:38
  SPEAKER_00: And they immediately shut down the youngest child because he was like five, oh, I don't know, maybe eight or nine.
• 3:44
  SPEAKER_00: And everybody just shut him down right away.
• 3:46
  SPEAKER_00: And I was like, and I watched him shrink.
• 3:50
  SPEAKER_00: And I thought, oh, hold up.
• 3:52
  SPEAKER_00: We have a lesson here.
• 3:54
  SPEAKER_00: We have a lesson here.
• 3:55
  SPEAKER_00: And so we started with his idea first.
• 3:57
  SPEAKER_00: I was like, no, we're starting with the youngest idea first.
• 3:59
  SPEAKER_00: And so we started with his idea, and and actually it was a really good idea.
• 4:05
  SPEAKER_00: And we tried it and it didn't work, but that's okay.
• 4:07
  SPEAKER_00: We tried it.
• 4:08
  SPEAKER_00: And then the next child's idea, we tried it and we put them in charge of it.
• 4:11
  SPEAKER_00: Tell us what to do, let's get it done.
• 4:12
  SPEAKER_00: And I'll be honest, we went through all five kids and none of the ideas worked.
• 4:15
  SPEAKER_00: Eventually, a guy luckily came by and pulled us out.
• 4:18
  SPEAKER_00: But what I saw in that moment, what I learned was that when the when your family is stuck, or when they're we're all in this together, we're on the same team.
• 4:27
  SPEAKER_00: And it's important that the youngest child and the middle child, the ones who tend to get overlooked the most, have a voice and that they get their opinions heard.
• 4:37
  SPEAKER_00: That, and I've learned as a homeschool parent that you give your children an opinion on their education, a say, you let them be the one to say, I don't love this curriculum.
• 4:49
  SPEAKER_00: Or I don't want to learn math that way, or I hate writing like this.
• 4:55
  SPEAKER_00: And a lot of parents were like, well, you're fighting me on writing.
• 4:57
  SPEAKER_00: No, a lot of times it's about how the lesson is being taught.
• 5:02
  SPEAKER_00: And so it's okay to say, okay, what how would you like to learn writing?
• 5:06
  SPEAKER_00: You have to learn writing.
• 5:08
  SPEAKER_00: How do you recommend we do this?
• 5:10
  SPEAKER_00: Or maybe the two of you do research together online to see what maybe you can come up with.
• 5:16
  SPEAKER_00: Like when my my one daughter was really struggling with reading, that's when I found the book, The Dyslexic Advantage.
• 5:21
  SPEAKER_00: And I said, let's read this together and see if we can come up with solutions together.
• 5:25
  SPEAKER_00: And we both learned a lot from that.
• 5:28
  SPEAKER_00: And so what I've discovered is the more input I allow my children, but not just like fake input.
• 5:34
  SPEAKER_00: Oh, yeah, okay, thanks, and move on and do my own thing, but to stop, ask their opinions, respect their opinions, apply their opinions, whether it works or not, give it a trial, talk it out.
• 5:48
  SPEAKER_00: That's when my kids um started showing more confidence because the school system is made to just shut up and listen.
• 5:56
  SPEAKER_00: Do what I tell you.
• 5:58
  SPEAKER_00: Opinions are made fun of.
• 6:00
  SPEAKER_00: Um, ideas are not encouraged or celebrated.
• 6:03
  SPEAKER_00: And so we were trying to change that at home because it wasn't natural.
• 6:06
  SPEAKER_00: It took a lot of work for a while until it became natural.
• 6:10
  SPEAKER_00: But to allow your children to have more opinions.
• 6:12
  SPEAKER_00: Now, I still see us making mistakes here.
• 6:14
  SPEAKER_00: I still see the youngest, who's now 14, still get shut down by the older siblings.
• 6:18
  SPEAKER_00: And I have to go, whoa, or talked over, or ignored because he's the baby.
• 6:24
  SPEAKER_00: What does he know?
• 6:25
  SPEAKER_00: And my kids will still come to me and be like, well, yeah, because I'm young, nobody listened to me.
• 6:28
  SPEAKER_00: And I know this is natural, but to teach your older children to respect the younger child's opinion, ideas, and and then as the younger child sees that people will listen to them, they start to have more confidence in their ideas, in their creativity, in their problem solving.
• 6:43
  SPEAKER_00: And as they do that, their self-esteem grows, and then your teamwork grows as a family.
• 6:49
  SPEAKER_00: So does that make sense?
• 6:51
  SPEAKER_00: So that's that was just something that I um remembered, something that has been in my mind all week.
• 6:59
  SPEAKER_00: Things I need to change.
• 7:00
  SPEAKER_00: I need to do better because sometimes you just get into this, I gotta get it done, I gotta get it done, I gotta get it done, and you just move.
• 7:08
  SPEAKER_00: And I have to constantly stop myself and say, okay, yes, the job to get done is important, but is it more important than the child that needs taught, than the child that needs to feel valued, than the child who needs to have an opinion here?
• 7:19
  SPEAKER_00: And sometimes, yeah, the job's more important.
• 7:22
  SPEAKER_00: We will get to you later, sweetheart, but most of the time it isn't.
• 7:25
  SPEAKER_00: And we I need to stop and say, okay, what are your ideas here?
• 7:30
  SPEAKER_00: And we've gotten better at it as a family.
• 7:32
  SPEAKER_00: Like, hey guys, like when the kids want something that we can't afford, maybe, and we'll say, okay, here's what our family budget looks like.
• 7:39
  SPEAKER_00: Here's how much dad gets paid.
• 7:40
  SPEAKER_00: And I've done this before.
• 7:41
  SPEAKER_00: Here's what how much dad gets paid, here's how much goes to rent, here's how much goes to this bill, here's how much, and we've literally spelled out our family budget and said, all right, this is what we have left.
• 7:51
  SPEAKER_00: What do you recommend?
• 7:52
  SPEAKER_00: We where do where should we put it?
• 7:54
  SPEAKER_00: These are our goals as a family, right?
• 7:55
  SPEAKER_00: And making it a team effort where their input matters.
• 7:59
  SPEAKER_00: And that's what I've seen the biggest difference in my children's self-esteem go up is when mom and dad really actually value and not fake value, but really value those opinions.
• 8:10
  SPEAKER_00: So how does that help?
• 8:15
  SPEAKER_00: Is that am I making sense?
• 8:16
  SPEAKER_00: Is that anybody agree, disagree with this?
• 8:20
  SPEAKER_00: Hi, Priscilla.
• 8:22
  SPEAKER_00: Welcome, welcome.
• 8:24
  SPEAKER_00: And I will tell you right now, it is so hard to do.
• 8:28
  SPEAKER_00: It is so hard to do because I've got a list of things I gotta get done in the day.
• 8:32
  SPEAKER_00: And sometimes stopping to hear an opinion will take a lot of time out.
• 8:37
  SPEAKER_00: And that means I'm gonna have to drop something.
• 8:39
  SPEAKER_00: It means something's not gonna get done.
• 8:40
  SPEAKER_00: It means something's gonna get done in a way maybe I don't like it done.
• 8:44
  SPEAKER_00: And there's a lot of things like even cooking, like to let my children have ideas on what's for dinner or how we cook dinner, as long as they're helping.
• 8:54
  SPEAKER_00: They're not gonna sit there and like, mom, you need to.
• 8:55
  SPEAKER_00: No, no, no, no.
• 8:57
  SPEAKER_00: Come over and show me what you're thinking about cooking.
• 9:00
  SPEAKER_00: So, like I just started by doing like, hey, will you test the salsa and tell me if it needs more lime or salt?
• 9:06
  SPEAKER_00: Or can you test this and tell me what you think?
• 9:08
  SPEAKER_00: Little things like that set aside just as you go along the day, reaching out to each child individually and asking more opinions.
• 9:15
  SPEAKER_00: Now, there are days I feel like I've lost the ability or power to have any because I've now raised all these opinionated children.
• 9:24
  SPEAKER_00: And so there are days where I'm like, nope, because I said so.
• 9:27
  SPEAKER_00: And that's okay because I have PMS days where that's what has to happen.
• 9:30
  SPEAKER_00: But in general, to be able to let my children choose more, what books do we want to read as a family?
• 9:37
  SPEAKER_00: What books do you want to read?
• 9:38
  SPEAKER_00: Do you want to do math on a CTC math or a generation genius?
• 9:43
  SPEAKER_00: Or do you want a workbook?
• 9:44
  SPEAKER_00: Or do you want a con cat?
• 9:46
  SPEAKER_00: What works for you, right?
• 9:47
  SPEAKER_00: And so giving your children more input in our everyday life is what builds self-esteem.
• 9:52
  SPEAKER_00: It would show them that you value them, it shows them that they have worth.
• 9:56
  SPEAKER_00: And so those are just sorry, I can keep going on.
• 9:59
  SPEAKER_00: So that's there's there's my spiel.
• 10:02
  SPEAKER_00: Um, I have time to set aside with each child to ask them their opinions.
• 10:05
  SPEAKER_00: It helps so much to hear their input.
• 10:07
  SPEAKER_00: Yes, it helps it helps so much to hear their input.
• 10:10
  SPEAKER_00: Um, and I like that.
• 10:12
  SPEAKER_00: And I'll be honest, the whole thing, I don't know how to set time aside.
• 10:17
  SPEAKER_00: I'm an ADHD girl and I go, go, go.
• 10:19
  SPEAKER_00: And so it's more like I have to constantly stop and remind myself, stop, deep breath, look at the child.
• 10:25
  SPEAKER_00: And so there's my trial, but I love that.
• 10:29
  SPEAKER_00: I love that, Lizzie.
• 10:31
  SPEAKER_00: So that's there you go.
• 10:32
  SPEAKER_00: There's my little spiel for the day.
• 10:34
  SPEAKER_00: What questions do you have?
• 10:35
  SPEAKER_00: Whether it's about raising confident children, what problems are you having?
• 10:38
  SPEAKER_00: Like, like you can hear in a child's voice or their comments they're making what things need done.
• 10:44
  SPEAKER_00: Or do you have questions about the village itself?
• 10:46
  SPEAKER_00: Um, is everything working for you okay?
• 10:47
  SPEAKER_00: Are you into everything you need to get into?
• 10:50
  SPEAKER_00: My goal this year was to let my kids be more independent and more involved with our family system, and it didn't work out.
• 10:56
  SPEAKER_00: I went straight back to doing it all for them.
• 10:58
  SPEAKER_00: My body is burnt out and I'm snapping at everything.
• 11:02
  SPEAKER_00: Oh, Priscilla, Priscilla, Priscilla, there is a constant, you have got to step back and take time for yourself.
• 11:11
  SPEAKER_00: I don't know what you're going through right now, but you are in a burnout mode, which means, and I'm, yeah, I'm thinking about your kids and your ages.
• 11:21
  SPEAKER_00: You are you able to put your kids on our live classes in the afternoon and do something just for you, whether it's working on your personal health, a workout, a walk, um, a facial, like scripture reading.
• 11:34
  SPEAKER_00: How are you taking care of you, Priscilla?
• 11:36
  SPEAKER_00: Because when I'm when I'm seeing your comments, I'm seeing a woman who has given and given and given and given, and you're not getting back, and nobody's gonna give it back but you and the Lord.
• 11:47
  SPEAKER_00: So I got you.
• 11:49
  SPEAKER_00: I I I'm all worried about you, woman.
• 11:52
  SPEAKER_00: Celeste says my son looks so happy when he's included.
• 11:55
  SPEAKER_00: Great, isn't that a beautiful, beautiful thing?
• 11:57
  SPEAKER_00: What do you say to the kiddos that don't know what to decide when presented with being able to give their own opinions?
• 12:03
  SPEAKER_00: Okay, this is a great question because I have one of those and he's growing out of it.
• 12:08
  SPEAKER_00: But um, is this the child who never decides anything?
• 12:14
  SPEAKER_00: Something I have this is one of the mom things that number one drives me crazy.
• 12:20
  SPEAKER_00: And I push and push and push my kids to decide things because I tell them if you don't decide, someone will decide for you.
• 12:26
  SPEAKER_00: If you don't decide how to run your money, someone will well, someone will spend it for you.
• 12:29
  SPEAKER_00: If you don't decide what job you want, you're gonna get stuck in something you don't want.
• 12:32
  SPEAKER_00: Someone will decide for you.
• 12:33
  SPEAKER_00: And even God will not decide for us, but Satan will.
• 12:37
  SPEAKER_00: And so I'm I'm constantly telling my children if you don't decide, you are deciding to let someone else pick for you.
• 12:44
  SPEAKER_00: It's still a decision.
• 12:46
  SPEAKER_00: So they may not decide this, but in deciding to stay out of it, you have let go of any control that you wanted and you cannot complain anymore.
• 12:55
  SPEAKER_00: And I'll tell them that you've lost the right to complain once you give up the right to decide.
• 13:01
  SPEAKER_00: And that includes spiritually, if you won't make the decision, Satan will make it for you.
• 13:06
  SPEAKER_00: So decide who you want to decide for you because God doesn't decide for us, He gives us freedom.
• 13:11
  SPEAKER_00: Satan, on the other hand, ooh, loves to tell us where to go, right?
• 13:16
  SPEAKER_00: So this is a major life skill, and you drill it until eventually they get it.
• 13:20
  SPEAKER_00: My son is starting to get it now.
• 13:21
  SPEAKER_00: He's been always like, whatever, I don't know, he's the peacemaker in the family.
• 13:25
  SPEAKER_00: And now he's like, no, I'm gonna decide for myself.
• 13:28
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, yeah.
• 13:29
  SPEAKER_00: That's that's something, and maybe you better ask yourself, when he gives his opinion, do I respect them?
• 13:36
  SPEAKER_00: Or have I been putting down the opinion?
• 13:39
  SPEAKER_00: Like, I actually might I learned this because my family were like, why would I give you my opinion?
• 13:43
  SPEAKER_00: You don't listen to it anyway.
• 13:45
  SPEAKER_00: They told me that because I'm an opinionated, strong-willed woman, and I would just go, go, go and I'd be like, What do you want to do?
• 13:50
  SPEAKER_00: Okay, well, we're gonna do this anyway.
• 13:52
  SPEAKER_00: And I was constantly doing that.
• 13:53
  SPEAKER_00: And my kids called me out on it and said, Mom, I'm not sharing my opinion with you because you don't really care.
• 13:59
  SPEAKER_00: You're just asking.
• 14:01
  SPEAKER_00: And I had to start going, please tell me, we're gonna do your idea.
• 14:05
  unknown: And that was so hard.
• 14:07
  SPEAKER_00: But it has paid off.
• 14:09
  SPEAKER_00: And so now my kids will give opinions.
• 14:11
  SPEAKER_00: Now it's to the point where if I didn't ask, I don't want your opinion.
• 14:14
  SPEAKER_00: Like I have to, because they've become so opinionated in a good way that now it's like, when I want your opinion, I'll ask for it, but don't give it to me unless I ask.
• 14:23
  SPEAKER_00: Like, where are we gonna go out to dinner?
• 14:25
  SPEAKER_00: Person who pays gets to pick.
• 14:27
  SPEAKER_00: That's the new deal.
• 14:28
  SPEAKER_00: Um, yes, I can, but I promise you, the moment I don't do anything, I feel guilt.
• 14:35
  SPEAKER_00: Priscilla, guilt is Satan's best tool against moms.
• 14:40
  SPEAKER_00: So ask yourself guilt.
• 14:41
  SPEAKER_00: Guilt for what?
• 14:42
  SPEAKER_00: Guilt for anytime you feel guilt, that is Satan punching you in the gut.
• 14:48
  SPEAKER_00: Pure and simple.
• 14:50
  SPEAKER_00: So you have to go, okay, how you've got to figure out how to not feel guilt.
• 14:55
  SPEAKER_00: Um, I gotta think about that.
• 14:57
  SPEAKER_00: How do you not feel guilt?
• 15:00
  SPEAKER_00: Recognize it for what it is as Satan's tool, and then go to the Lord and say, okay, help me not feel guilt for this.
• 15:06
  SPEAKER_00: These two weeks I've had them do things themselves, but the moment I feel they're doing it wrong, I go and do it myself.
• 15:12
  SPEAKER_00: Ooh, do not do that.
• 15:14
  SPEAKER_00: I've been doing it all for them since day one.
• 15:16
  SPEAKER_00: I know it's wrong, but it's guilt.
• 15:17
  SPEAKER_00: I'm not like I'm not doing enough.
• 15:19
  SPEAKER_00: Okay, I'm gonna say something right now, Priscilla.
• 15:22
  SPEAKER_00: Don't hate me.
• 15:24
  SPEAKER_00: It's not about you.
• 15:27
  SPEAKER_00: So, what you just said here, I think I always wanted my mom with me, and I feel like I need to be there for mine.
• 15:33
  SPEAKER_00: You can be there for your children without doing everything for your children.
• 15:38
  SPEAKER_00: There's a difference.
• 15:39
  SPEAKER_00: And doing everything for your children hurts both you and your children.
• 15:44
  SPEAKER_00: The only thing it fixes is your guilt.
• 15:47
  SPEAKER_00: But when you have your children do it and they mess up and they do it again, you're serving your future children, your future or your future in-laws and your future grandchildren.
• 15:59
  SPEAKER_00: If you want to serve the next generation, you have to get over your own guilt and do it because it's right, not because your guilt feels better.
• 16:07
  SPEAKER_00: When you're doing it out of guilt, you're doing it out of selfishness.
• 16:11
  SPEAKER_00: Don't hate me for that.
• 16:13
  SPEAKER_00: But the truth is that we aren't selfish women.
• 16:16
  SPEAKER_00: We're giving women.
• 16:18
  SPEAKER_00: But doing it out of guilt makes it about me.
• 16:23
  SPEAKER_00: Letting them do it again and repeat it is about them.
• 16:28
  SPEAKER_00: Letting them do it themselves is building the child.
• 16:32
  SPEAKER_00: Every time you do it for them, you're telling your child, you're not good enough.
• 16:38
  SPEAKER_00: So I will come in and save you.
• 16:40
  SPEAKER_00: And that is not, I know it's not the lesson you want to teach.
• 16:44
  SPEAKER_00: It's the easier thing we do.
• 16:46
  SPEAKER_00: The harder lesson is you're gonna do it again because you can.
• 16:51
  SPEAKER_00: Quit throwing it, right?
• 16:53
  SPEAKER_00: Sometimes it's like you're gonna do it again because I know you can.
• 16:57
  SPEAKER_00: You're going to learn this for your own future sake, because the whole point is to put ourselves out of a job.
• 17:03
  SPEAKER_00: You have to put yourself out of a job.
• 17:05
  SPEAKER_00: If your children still need you in 10 and 15 years, you failed.
• 17:10
  SPEAKER_00: And I will tell you, in a very nice way.
• 17:14
  SPEAKER_00: I, my husband was raised by a mom who did it all for him.
• 17:18
  SPEAKER_00: And then I had to raise him.
• 17:20
  SPEAKER_00: I had to show him how to do things.
• 17:23
  SPEAKER_00: And there are days I'm like, that woman should have raised a more independent son.
• 17:27
  SPEAKER_00: Now we've been married 25 years now.
• 17:29
  SPEAKER_00: He's beautiful, he's perfect, he's been raised.
• 17:32
  SPEAKER_00: No, it's and it's not all me.
• 17:33
  SPEAKER_00: He's a great man.
• 17:35
  SPEAKER_00: But being the wife of the man who had everything done for him, it was a long walk.
• 17:46
  SPEAKER_00: What are you guilty over?
• 17:47
  SPEAKER_00: Guilt is a form of grief.
• 17:49
  SPEAKER_00: Ooh, Lizzie, deep.
• 17:51
  SPEAKER_00: Explain.
• 17:51
  SPEAKER_00: Don't hate you.
• 17:52
  SPEAKER_00: I love you.
• 17:53
  SPEAKER_00: You always have voice words.
• 17:55
  SPEAKER_00: Lizzie, I think, guilty because my mom was never there.
• 17:58
  SPEAKER_00: I had my kids and I never had her by my side.
• 18:00
  SPEAKER_00: I have had to mother my own mom, um, which is painful.
• 18:04
  SPEAKER_00: And that is so hard.
• 18:05
  SPEAKER_00: And there you go, Lizzie.
• 18:06
  SPEAKER_00: That's her grief.
• 18:07
  SPEAKER_00: Her grief is the loss of her own relationship with her mother.
• 18:11
  SPEAKER_00: I didn't, my mother was not around because she was always working.
• 18:14
  SPEAKER_00: And so we had to raise each other as seven children.
• 18:17
  SPEAKER_00: And I never had a mom.
• 18:19
  SPEAKER_00: I didn't feel that I had a mom I could rely on because she was somebody who brought in the paycheck, but she had been raised in a very sad situation and didn't know how to mother.
• 18:29
  SPEAKER_00: She was as the best mother she could have been.
• 18:33
  SPEAKER_00: But I know that I have overbabied my kids because I giving my children what I wish my mother had given me.
• 18:39
  SPEAKER_00: I will admit that.
• 18:40
  SPEAKER_00: And sometimes I overspoil and sometimes I over-coddle, and sometimes I over-rescue because that's what I wished I'd had.
• 18:48
  SPEAKER_00: And I don't know what damage I'm doing, but you know what?
• 18:51
  SPEAKER_00: In the end, and here's what I have to tell myself every time.
• 18:55
  SPEAKER_00: In the end, every day I'm doing the best I can.
• 18:57
  SPEAKER_00: And sometimes it's out of guilt, and sometimes it's out of selfishness, and sometimes it's out of whatever.
• 19:02
  SPEAKER_00: In the end, God will make up the difference.
• 19:05
  SPEAKER_00: No matter.
• 19:06
  SPEAKER_00: As long as my heart is in the right place, I'm doing what I can, God will make up the difference.
• 19:12
  SPEAKER_00: And yeah, they're gonna have some lessons to learn.
• 19:14
  SPEAKER_00: I can't be perfect, but I do 100% trust that God will make up the difference.
• 19:19
  SPEAKER_00: Well, I love her so much, it's hard.
• 19:21
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, she will call me and ask me for help on things.
• 19:24
  SPEAKER_00: I've needed her help.
• 19:26
  SPEAKER_00: I'm sorry.
• 19:28
  SPEAKER_00: There's a book that was recommended to me, Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents.
• 19:33
  SPEAKER_00: Ooh, it helps explain a lot.
• 19:35
  SPEAKER_00: Ooh, Janelle.
• 19:37
  SPEAKER_00: Are you getting that, Priscilla?
• 19:39
  SPEAKER_00: Adult children of emotionally mature parents.
• 19:42
  SPEAKER_00: Lindsay says you're building a relationship with your children.
• 19:44
  SPEAKER_00: Keep providing the safe space that many of us didn't have.
• 19:46
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 19:47
  SPEAKER_00: I think most of us, um, right?
• 19:50
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, thank you, Janelle.
• 19:51
  SPEAKER_00: I think most of us grew up in unsafe places or even just like, even if we had good parents, growing up in the public school system made our childhood unsafe because we put up with a lot of ick and we thought it was normal.
• 20:03
  SPEAKER_00: And now, as we are not putting our children through those things, we're having to look back at what we had and go, oh my gosh, I can't believe that was okay.
• 20:12
  SPEAKER_00: I can't believe I put up with that.
• 20:14
  SPEAKER_00: I can't believe the sexual harassment I received.
• 20:16
  SPEAKER_00: I can't believe that, right?
• 20:17
  SPEAKER_00: And then you start kind of mourning your childhood.
• 20:20
  SPEAKER_00: This kind of happens as homeschool parents.
• 20:22
  SPEAKER_00: You start going through this therapy of you're trying to give your child a better life than you had.
• 20:27
  SPEAKER_00: It is better than you had.
• 20:28
  SPEAKER_00: So it makes you confront the childhood you did have.
• 20:32
  SPEAKER_00: And you have to rework that in your head.
• 20:36
  SPEAKER_00: Not a psychologist or therapist in any way.
• 20:38
  SPEAKER_00: This is just my own process.
• 20:39
  SPEAKER_00: I wonder daily if my parents knew what was happening in the public schools we attended.
• 20:43
  SPEAKER_00: I know they didn't.
• 20:44
  SPEAKER_00: I know they didn't.
• 20:46
  SPEAKER_00: Even today, you guys, I talk to parents that still believe beautiful things about the public school system.
• 20:52
  SPEAKER_00: And I'll ask that parent.
• 20:54
  SPEAKER_00: I literally had this conversation like three days ago with a parent over in my kitchen.
• 20:58
  SPEAKER_00: Um, and she just kept saying that she just kept defending that her child needed to be in school.
• 21:03
  SPEAKER_00: It was the best place for him.
• 21:04
  SPEAKER_00: And I said, just answer one question for me.
• 21:05
  SPEAKER_00: When was the last time you went into a school, walked the halls, stayed there at lunch, just go do see if you can get in for a day.
• 21:13
  SPEAKER_00: Look around and tell me if you want to be sitting there for eight hours a day.
• 21:17
  SPEAKER_00: And she like, uh, uh, and I said, What?
• 21:22
  SPEAKER_00: Just ask yourself before you require that your child do these things, make sure that you can do them.
• 21:26
  SPEAKER_00: And she went, I don't want to do that.
• 21:29
  SPEAKER_00: I said, Then why are you asking a 13-year-old?
• 21:31
  SPEAKER_00: And she it was she was like dumbfounded.
• 21:33
  SPEAKER_00: And now every time I see her, she um, it's been hard because every time I see her, she's giving me a million excuses why she has to keep her kid in school.
• 21:41
  SPEAKER_00: I'm like, I'm not asking.
• 21:42
  SPEAKER_00: I just you don't have to justify to me.
• 21:44
  SPEAKER_00: That's your guilt, sweetie.
• 21:46
  SPEAKER_00: Uh Janelle says, You're very welcome.
• 21:48
  SPEAKER_00: My parents are very similar.
• 21:50
  SPEAKER_00: It makes me realize why I'm so focused on helping my kids and their emotions and explaining their feelings to them.
• 21:54
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 21:56
  SPEAKER_00: They didn't.
• 21:57
  SPEAKER_00: My parents loved public schools.
• 21:58
  SPEAKER_00: My mom told me when Turned out okay when I said we were going to homeschool, but the things I remember from school, yes, my mom said the same.
• 22:06
  SPEAKER_00: Well, I don't know, get it.
• 22:07
  SPEAKER_00: You guys turned out fine.
• 22:08
  SPEAKER_00: I'm like, you don't know the scars I carry.
• 22:10
  SPEAKER_00: You have no, my mom had no clue the horrific harassment I was receiving on a daily basis.
• 22:19
  SPEAKER_00: As Hispanics, the culture expects us to be a certain parent.
• 22:22
  SPEAKER_00: The best thing is to ask God, what parents do you want me to be to your children and ask for grace daily?
• 22:27
  SPEAKER_00: Oh, Lizzie, that's gorgeous.
• 22:30
  SPEAKER_00: And yes, Janelle.
• 22:34
  SPEAKER_00: Amen.
• 22:35
  SPEAKER_00: I don't mean to have a sermon in here, you guys, but you know.
• 22:38
  SPEAKER_00: Hi, Candy.
• 22:40
  SPEAKER_00: Celeste Clarissa is here.
• 22:41
  SPEAKER_00: Dina, welcome.
• 22:42
  SPEAKER_00: Georgia, hi.
• 22:43
  SPEAKER_00: She came and joined us.
• 22:44
  SPEAKER_00: Karen is in here.
• 22:46
  SPEAKER_00: Kelsey.
• 22:46
  SPEAKER_00: Look at all you ladies showing up.
• 22:47
  SPEAKER_00: Hey, don't forget to stay around, stick around to the end, guys.
• 22:50
  SPEAKER_00: We're doing a giveaway.
• 22:51
  SPEAKER_00: There will be a giveaway.
• 22:55
  SPEAKER_00: School now is nothing like school when I went to school, right?
• 22:59
  SPEAKER_00: Even my own kids.
• 23:00
  SPEAKER_00: So I had a couple of daughters who were taking some electives before COVID.
• 23:06
  SPEAKER_00: And they were there, and then they were in high school when COVID hit.
• 23:09
  SPEAKER_00: And then they went back and they were like, it has changed like a complete woe.
• 23:15
  SPEAKER_00: My my uh my brother-in-law, who is a teacher, said the school before COVID and the school after is not the same.
• 23:23
  SPEAKER_00: It's more violent, it's scarier.
• 23:25
  SPEAKER_00: The kids are scarier.
• 23:27
  SPEAKER_00: He fears for his life and he's in a safe area.
• 23:30
  SPEAKER_00: So he's a high school teacher.
• 23:32
  SPEAKER_00: So yeah, it's nothing like that.
• 23:33
  SPEAKER_00: One reason I homeschool is because I went to public school and I know exactly what happens there.
• 23:37
  SPEAKER_00: Yep.
• 23:38
  SPEAKER_00: Right.
• 23:38
  SPEAKER_00: That was one of the many reasons why I pulled mine out.
• 23:41
  SPEAKER_00: Oh, it skipped.
• 23:42
  SPEAKER_00: Uh I spent a couple days in the school.
• 23:44
  SPEAKER_00: They will never go back.
• 23:45
  SPEAKER_00: Yay, Yvette.
• 23:46
  SPEAKER_00: I wish more parents.
• 23:47
  SPEAKER_00: I you know, I'm gonna do a post on that.
• 23:49
  SPEAKER_00: Before you put your kids in school, go see where you're putting them.
• 23:52
  SPEAKER_00: Like, why, why in the world?
• 23:54
  SPEAKER_00: Here's here's one of my frustrations, you guys.
• 23:56
  SPEAKER_00: It's a brother of mine, aren't you?
• 23:59
  SPEAKER_00: And he tells me about, you know, they pray over his job, they pray over where to live, they pray over everything.
• 24:04
  SPEAKER_00: Like they're they're very religious people and they pray about where to go to school, what job he should have.
• 24:10
  SPEAKER_00: Is this a good job for him, right?
• 24:11
  SPEAKER_00: But when it came to school, they just put their kids in the first place they had.
• 24:14
  SPEAKER_00: And I was like, but did you pray about that?
• 24:16
  SPEAKER_00: The same way you pray about your job, the same way you pray about your calling?
• 24:19
  SPEAKER_00: Did you pray about where your child should be, how your child should be educated?
• 24:23
  unknown: No.
• 24:23
  SPEAKER_00: They just why would we not do give this our children the same spiritual work into their lives and their future that we give ourselves?
• 24:32
  SPEAKER_00: I don't know.
• 24:33
  SPEAKER_00: I don't.
• 24:34
  SPEAKER_00: That's that's one of those answers.
• 24:35
  SPEAKER_00: I'm like, what?
• 24:37
  SPEAKER_00: Anyway, trying not to be judgy.
• 24:39
  SPEAKER_00: I'm sorry, I don't mean to be judgy.
• 24:41
  SPEAKER_00: My mom was all for homeschooling at first, and now she's telling me that I should put them in public school so they can learn discipline.
• 24:49
  SPEAKER_00: I'm sorry.
• 24:50
  SPEAKER_00: I'm sorry, but I listened to that when I your kids.
• 24:54
  SPEAKER_00: My my mom, accuse me, she's like, she seemed supportive until I heard other rumors by my back.
• 25:02
  SPEAKER_00: But my mom was very like, you guys live in a bubble.
• 25:06
  SPEAKER_00: You don't know what the real world is like, and you need to put your kids in school.
• 25:10
  SPEAKER_00: And Becky, you need to get a job, and y'all need to know what the real world is like.
• 25:13
  SPEAKER_00: And I was like, mom, shut up.
• 25:17
  SPEAKER_00: No, I didn't tell her that.
• 25:18
  SPEAKER_00: I was more respectful than that.
• 25:19
  SPEAKER_00: That's what I was thinking.
• 25:20
  SPEAKER_00: But I remember thinking, um, actually, it hurt.
• 25:25
  SPEAKER_00: It really hurt because I'd already been homeschooling 20 years.
• 25:27
  SPEAKER_00: She'd already seen my kids and how they kid grew up.
• 25:29
  SPEAKER_00: She'd already commented how great they grew up.
• 25:31
  SPEAKER_00: And so I was like, you know what?
• 25:35
  SPEAKER_00: I choose not to live in that world.
• 25:38
  SPEAKER_00: I choose to not live in an ugly world with the stress and the anxiety.
• 25:46
  SPEAKER_00: And that's okay.
• 25:48
  SPEAKER_00: Because I also choose, we all get to choose our life.
• 25:51
  SPEAKER_00: We all get to choose the bubble we live in, whatever bubble that might be.
• 25:54
  SPEAKER_00: And I've chosen a different bubble than my mother has chosen.
• 25:57
  SPEAKER_00: And she disagrees with it.
• 25:59
  SPEAKER_00: That's fine.
• 26:00
  SPEAKER_00: I have a lot of family members who completely disagree with the way I've done things.
• 26:04
  SPEAKER_00: Don't care.
• 26:05
  SPEAKER_00: We are happy.
• 26:07
  SPEAKER_00: We have a great life, we have a great relationship, and it's because we chose to live differently.
• 26:14
  SPEAKER_00: And that's why you guys are here, because you chose to live differently.
• 26:17
  SPEAKER_00: That's what we're doing together.
• 26:19
  SPEAKER_00: That's why we're all in this together, because we all chose to live differently than the status quo, because God told all of us that are here there is something better, and I will show you.
• 26:30
  SPEAKER_00: And we are doing this, and we're gonna get the next generation on board, and it's gonna be beautiful.
• 26:35
  SPEAKER_00: Uh Celeste says, I worked in public school as staff, got so much disrespect.
• 26:39
  SPEAKER_00: I don't want my kids to think, okay, from some staff and faculty, yeah, and students.
• 26:45
  SPEAKER_00: Trish says it's called programming.
• 26:46
  SPEAKER_00: We're programmed to believe that we had to follow the ways of society.
• 26:49
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 26:49
  SPEAKER_00: And guess what?
• 26:51
  SPEAKER_00: I have always been a rebel.
• 26:53
  SPEAKER_00: I know this surprises you.
• 26:55
  SPEAKER_00: But uh, yeah, I love to go.
• 26:59
  SPEAKER_00: Okay, where's everybody unhappy?
• 27:02
  SPEAKER_00: I'm gonna find a better way.
• 27:04
  SPEAKER_00: And I like that.
• 27:05
  SPEAKER_00: I want to teach them to respect adults and later others in their own age.
• 27:08
  SPEAKER_00: Yes, which we can do because we're there when they're interacting with adults and others, right?
• 27:15
  SPEAKER_00: I had a sound on the door that said, school hours do not disturb.
• 27:18
  SPEAKER_00: Uh, I like that.
• 27:21
  SPEAKER_00: I might have to.
• 27:22
  SPEAKER_00: There was a time we went through a phase where everybody wanted to drop their kids off at my house because we I homeschooled and I didn't obviously have anything else to do.
• 27:30
  SPEAKER_00: And so I could babysit everybody else who had things to do.
• 27:33
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 27:34
  SPEAKER_00: Once I realized that's what happening that quick, quick, that's when I was like, and people would be like, hey, can you watch my kids?
• 27:40
  SPEAKER_00: Because no.
• 27:41
  SPEAKER_00: Um, no.
• 27:43
  SPEAKER_00: Here's where you learn the word no, the most valuable world word in the English language, no.
• 27:51
  SPEAKER_00: I also want their thoughts to be their oh, not a robot, like that.
• 27:54
  SPEAKER_00: Yes.
• 27:55
  SPEAKER_00: Which, full warning.
• 27:57
  SPEAKER_00: I need a warning sign for this one.
• 28:00
  SPEAKER_00: The problem is, is then their thoughts don't always line up with mine.
• 28:05
  SPEAKER_00: I'm like, who taught you to be an independent thinker?
• 28:08
  SPEAKER_00: Oh crap, that was me.
• 28:11
  SPEAKER_00: So, oh, that happens.
• 28:13
  SPEAKER_00: And I'm like, I taught you to question everything.
• 28:16
  SPEAKER_00: And they're like, I am questioning everything, mom.
• 28:18
  SPEAKER_00: Oh yeah.
• 28:20
  SPEAKER_00: Did I forget to mention that I'm still right all the time?
• 28:24
  SPEAKER_00: So those conversations happen.
• 28:26
  SPEAKER_00: And so I'll tease my husband and I'll tease each other when we're a little frustrated.
• 28:30
  SPEAKER_00: And we're like, whose idea was it to raise independent self-thinkers?
• 28:34
  SPEAKER_00: It was your fault, honey.
• 28:35
  SPEAKER_00: And he's like, No, that was your fault.
• 28:38
  SPEAKER_00: Oh, yeah.
• 28:40
  SPEAKER_00: And you know what?
• 28:41
  SPEAKER_00: The friends you lose when you say no were never your friends anyway.
• 28:45
  SPEAKER_00: That's why I created my homeschool village so I could have real friends.
• 28:49
  SPEAKER_00: Because I got tired of mom groups, and everybody wanted me to do everything for them.
• 28:54
  SPEAKER_00: And I got tired of husband fashion.
• 28:57
  SPEAKER_00: That's that's what I got.
• 28:58
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 28:58
  SPEAKER_00: So I created what I wanted.
• 29:01
  SPEAKER_00: Some best is yes, Celeste, to teaching our children to respect adults, but also remember to teach them to demand respect from the people they are giving respect to.
• 29:09
  SPEAKER_00: Right, Beth.
• 29:11
  SPEAKER_00: So, Beth, I know this probably happened to you.
• 29:13
  SPEAKER_00: Village friends are better.
• 29:15
  SPEAKER_00: Amen, Lizzie.
• 29:17
  SPEAKER_00: Amen.
• 29:19
  SPEAKER_00: Um, yeah, I was raised.
• 29:22
  SPEAKER_00: So I was raised.
• 29:22
  SPEAKER_00: My father always taught us that you respect an adult, you never say no to an adult, you do what you're told without question.
• 29:31
  SPEAKER_00: And yet, here, and my mother was a very, very, she was not that way.
• 29:35
  SPEAKER_00: She was like, I didn't raise doormats.
• 29:37
  SPEAKER_00: She was like, uh-uh.
• 29:39
  SPEAKER_00: Um, whereas my father was like, You did you say no to an adult?
• 29:43
  SPEAKER_00: And I remember I when I had kids, and my daughter, I'd asked her to do something, she was like three, and she goes, No, mommy, because and my dad was like, You let her say no to you, you know you're gonna raise bad kids.
• 29:54
  SPEAKER_00: And I stopped him.
• 29:55
  SPEAKER_00: And I was like, Dad, stop.
• 29:57
  SPEAKER_00: I don't raise victims.
• 29:59
  SPEAKER_00: I am raising my children to respectfully have an opinion, be allowed to say no to an adult, and how to do so.
• 30:06
  SPEAKER_00: But I will not teach my children to say yes to all adults because that's how you get victims.
• 30:14
  SPEAKER_00: That's how your children run into all kinds of problems.
• 30:17
  SPEAKER_00: And he was like, he looked like I'd slapped him.
• 30:20
  SPEAKER_00: My dad was my bestie back then.
• 30:21
  SPEAKER_00: He's passed since, but I remember he looked like he'd I'd slapped him in the face when I looked him in the eye and said, You did it wrong, and I'm not doing it that way.
• 30:30
  SPEAKER_00: Was like, oh, well.
• 30:33
  SPEAKER_00: And I remember though, it hurt, but boy, I love standing up doing it fell good.
• 30:38
  SPEAKER_00: Um, yeah, I didn't raise doormats.
• 30:41
  SPEAKER_00: Do it.
• 30:42
  SPEAKER_00: My mom, that is one thing I can quote my mom on all the time.
• 30:46
  SPEAKER_00: Uh, I didn't, you know, when we're like, mom, this is happening to me, and da-da-da.
• 30:49
  SPEAKER_00: She'll go, uh, I didn't raise doormats.
• 30:52
  SPEAKER_00: And I'd be like, Oh, you're right.
• 30:53
  SPEAKER_00: Sorry.
• 30:54
  SPEAKER_00: That one and the other thing she would say to us that like slaps me when I need it is, I thought you were better than that.
• 31:01
  SPEAKER_00: When you go to her and you're like, I remember being like a teenager and trying to get some attention from her.
• 31:06
  SPEAKER_00: And I was like trying to get into dyslexia, not dyslexia, I'm sorry, uh, bulimia to um get attention.
• 31:14
  SPEAKER_00: And I remember kind of going to her at that like 14, 15-year-old age, mom, I'm bulimic.
• 31:19
  SPEAKER_00: I need help.
• 31:20
  SPEAKER_00: And she looked at me with this look of total confusion.
• 31:24
  SPEAKER_00: I was expecting to go, oh, sweetheart, what do we need to do for you?
• 31:27
  SPEAKER_00: How can we help you?
• 31:28
  SPEAKER_00: She looked me right in the eye with confusion on her face.
• 31:30
  SPEAKER_00: She goes, That's weird.
• 31:32
  SPEAKER_00: I always thought you were better than that.
• 31:34
  SPEAKER_00: That's all she ever said.
• 31:36
  SPEAKER_00: And I quit.
• 31:38
  SPEAKER_00: And I quit looking for attention from her, and I quit being whatever it was I was being at the time.
• 31:46
  SPEAKER_00: And it hit me so hard.
• 31:49
  SPEAKER_00: And there have been times I have had issues with children, and sometimes that fit.
• 31:54
  SPEAKER_00: I always thought you were better than that, or you are you're better than that.
• 31:57
  SPEAKER_00: Why are you doing this?
• 31:58
  SPEAKER_00: Boo, you put that question on your kids.
• 32:02
  SPEAKER_00: That's hard for them to get out.
• 32:03
  SPEAKER_00: That that they can't argue that.
• 32:06
  SPEAKER_00: And um, I had I later had a similar situation with one of my own daughters who was trying to get attention because that's what all our friends were doing, and so she saw it working for her friends.
• 32:15
  SPEAKER_00: And when she came to me, I remembered that moment.
• 32:18
  SPEAKER_00: And so I gave her the same answer my mother gave me, and she just went, Yeah, you're right, Mama, I am.
• 32:23
  SPEAKER_00: And she quit.
• 32:25
  unknown: Yeah.
• 32:26
  SPEAKER_00: So there you go.
• 32:26
  SPEAKER_00: Wisdom from Becky's mom.
• 32:28
  SPEAKER_00: She's gonna be here next week.
• 32:30
  SPEAKER_00: So I gotta make sure we're yeah.
• 32:34
  SPEAKER_00: Wisdom from Debbie Brown is her name.
• 32:37
  SPEAKER_00: She'll be here next Monday.
• 32:40
  SPEAKER_00: And I don't like doing lives when my mom's listening.
• 32:44
  SPEAKER_00: So we might, we might figure something else out next week if she's maybe I'll just try to get the kids to take her up.
• 32:49
  SPEAKER_00: But I don't like doing lives when my mom's around.
• 32:51
  SPEAKER_00: Um right, Trish.
• 32:54
  SPEAKER_00: Did it work, Trish?
• 32:56
  SPEAKER_00: I'm telling you, holding your child to a high standard is so like you get so much better behavior from them than holding them to a low standard and trying to baby them up.
• 33:12
  SPEAKER_00: I've this this was a very hard lesson for me to learn.
• 33:14
  SPEAKER_00: It took a long time.
• 33:17
  SPEAKER_00: Did you you've got to hold your child to a high standard?
• 33:22
  SPEAKER_00: And if they fall a little bit, that's okay, but hold them high.
• 33:25
  SPEAKER_00: But I watch too many parents really think very little of their kids because they're they're babying them.
• 33:29
  SPEAKER_00: Oh, honey, oh honey, are you okay?
• 33:31
  SPEAKER_00: Are you okay?
• 33:31
  SPEAKER_00: And when you do that, you're literally telling your child, you're not good enough.
• 33:35
  SPEAKER_00: I have to constantly catch you.
• 33:36
  SPEAKER_00: You're incapable.
• 33:37
  SPEAKER_00: I'm here to catch you when you fall, because of course you're gonna fall.
• 33:40
  SPEAKER_00: But it's really a parent needing to be needed.
• 33:43
  SPEAKER_00: And when you hold your child accountable and you tell them you're better than that, you can do this.
• 33:48
  SPEAKER_00: Oh, what do you mean you didn't clean the bathroom well?
• 33:50
  SPEAKER_00: Get back and do it right.
• 33:52
  SPEAKER_00: Because you're not getting freedom until it's done right.
• 33:54
  SPEAKER_00: And if you have to go back and check four times and make them do it again, then do it because it'll only take once.
• 33:59
  SPEAKER_00: These are the things we have to do as parents because it's not about my guilt, it's not about how I feel, it's not about whether or not I want to do it again.
• 34:05
  SPEAKER_00: Get back and do it again until it's done right.
• 34:08
  SPEAKER_00: Because I love you enough to not let you aim love.
• 34:13
  SPEAKER_00: And that's the hard part.
• 34:15
  SPEAKER_00: I love you enough to hold you to a high standard.
• 34:19
  SPEAKER_00: And that is true love.
• 34:21
  SPEAKER_00: Someone that you will work on to become better, not baby, so they don't have to.
• 34:28
  SPEAKER_00: And that's where the parenting gets the hardest.
• 34:31
  SPEAKER_00: It can be really, really hard.
• 34:35
  SPEAKER_00: All right, ladies.
• 34:36
  SPEAKER_00: Questions, comments?
• 34:38
  SPEAKER_00: Oh, it's so good to see you guys all back.
• 34:40
  SPEAKER_00: I can tell it's September.
• 34:42
  SPEAKER_00: Hi, Sarah, because everybody's popping back in.
• 34:44
  SPEAKER_00: I love it.
• 34:45
  SPEAKER_00: Dina's hot.
• 34:46
  SPEAKER_00: Hi.
• 34:47
  SPEAKER_00: All right, ladies.
• 34:49
  SPEAKER_00: You ready for a drawing?
• 34:50
  SPEAKER_00: Did you see the t-shirts are done?
• 34:52
  SPEAKER_00: Did you see?
• 34:54
  SPEAKER_00: All right.
• 34:55
  SPEAKER_00: Uh, yes, I'm so proud of him.
• 34:56
  SPEAKER_00: While he interacts with his four-age friends who all go to public school and are disrespectful to their parents, he sees the difference.
• 35:02
  SPEAKER_00: I fill you with the mom situation.
• 35:04
  SPEAKER_00: I'm the same.
• 35:06
  SPEAKER_00: I know.
• 35:06
  SPEAKER_00: I tease my kids.
• 35:07
  SPEAKER_00: I'm like, please have a better relationship with me than I do with my mom.
• 35:11
  SPEAKER_00: Please let's not repeat this.
• 35:15
  SPEAKER_00: All right.
• 35:15
  SPEAKER_00: Okay, so t-shirts.
• 35:17
  SPEAKER_00: Have you seen the t-shirts?
• 35:20
  SPEAKER_00: Trish.
• 35:21
  SPEAKER_00: So here's what happened, you guys.
• 35:23
  SPEAKER_00: We we tried to get she tried to get the t-shirts exact.
• 35:26
  SPEAKER_00: So, in order to print a t-shirt like this, did you see my t-shirt today?
• 35:29
  SPEAKER_00: My son gave me this.
• 35:30
  SPEAKER_00: Here, this is my t-shirt today.
• 35:31
  SPEAKER_00: That's a terrible idea.
• 35:33
  SPEAKER_00: I can't remember.
• 35:34
  SPEAKER_00: What time?
• 35:35
  SPEAKER_00: My son gave me this.
• 35:37
  SPEAKER_00: Um, so in order to do this, you have to have a specific file for the computer for them to be able to print it on.
• 35:44
  SPEAKER_00: And our moms didn't understand that.
• 35:45
  SPEAKER_00: We did not communicate that very well.
• 35:46
  SPEAKER_00: And so they created the t-shirts, but didn't have the file.
• 35:49
  SPEAKER_00: And so there had to be some translation.
• 35:51
  SPEAKER_00: So Trish went in and tried her best to get the design on a file and then put it on the shirts.
• 35:57
  SPEAKER_00: So the shirts, they look amazing, Trish.
• 35:59
  SPEAKER_00: You did such a good job.
• 36:00
  SPEAKER_00: They are now available for purchase.
• 36:01
  SPEAKER_00: You can go get one yourself.
• 36:03
  SPEAKER_00: Um, so yeah, go in and get you a t-shirt.
• 36:06
  SPEAKER_00: We're all gonna have a t-shirt.
• 36:07
  SPEAKER_00: I'm gonna go order mine as well.
• 36:08
  SPEAKER_00: And then we can all wear matching t-shirts because we're all part of the village.
• 36:12
  SPEAKER_00: It's our team go-to t-shirts.
• 36:14
  SPEAKER_00: I'm excited to have one.
• 36:15
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, Trish did great.
• 36:17
  SPEAKER_00: Um, the the winning design was Priscilla, who's here in the group.
• 36:20
  SPEAKER_00: Hers was uh number one, and then Ashley Cardinus was our second place winner.
• 36:27
  SPEAKER_00: Um, Celeste, I'm hoping I'm doing enough to get him to be a good man and independent and respectful.
• 36:32
  SPEAKER_00: You know what?
• 36:33
  SPEAKER_00: Can I can I change that?
• 36:36
  SPEAKER_00: Because you are.
• 36:37
  SPEAKER_00: The idea that that's what you're working on is what sets you apart.
• 36:42
  SPEAKER_00: It's what will set him apart.
• 36:44
  SPEAKER_00: Because I can't tell you how many parents I talk to.
• 36:46
  SPEAKER_00: I talk to thousands of parents a week, you guys, thousands.
• 36:48
  SPEAKER_00: How many don't even care about that?
• 36:52
  SPEAKER_00: How many don't put that on their top-to-do list, top-to-teach list?
• 36:56
  SPEAKER_00: There are so many parents that never even get that far into their children because they're pawning them off into the world to be raised so they don't have to.
• 37:04
  SPEAKER_00: Shocking.
• 37:05
  SPEAKER_00: Okay.
• 37:05
  SPEAKER_00: So the fact that you even say, I'm hoping I'm doing enough to get him to be a good man and independent and respectful means that you are.
• 37:14
  SPEAKER_00: Because as long as that's the hope that you're working on, God blesses that.
• 37:18
  SPEAKER_00: And he will give you the thoughts and the ideas and the inspiration to move forward.
• 37:22
  SPEAKER_00: And that's the kind of man you're you will get because that's the man you're working on.
• 37:27
  SPEAKER_00: You get the fruits, the fruits of your labors, right?
• 37:31
  SPEAKER_00: That is, that's your labor.
• 37:32
  SPEAKER_00: You will get the fruit of your labor.
• 37:34
  SPEAKER_00: Have faith in that.
• 37:35
  SPEAKER_00: You're doing a beautiful job.
• 37:37
  SPEAKER_00: Just the fact that you even put that on there says you're doing a beautiful job.
• 37:40
  SPEAKER_00: One more thing.
• 37:41
  SPEAKER_00: I was on a podcast last week and one of the funnest podcasts I've ever had.
• 37:46
  SPEAKER_00: We had so much fun.
• 37:47
  SPEAKER_00: I'll post the podcast link inside the village as well, so you guys can hear, listen to that if you want.
• 37:54
  SPEAKER_00: The schedule is out, fall is out.
• 37:56
  SPEAKER_00: It's just scroll into September and see what we've got.
• 37:59
  SPEAKER_00: We did keep the classes to Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday because that was the bigger vote.
• 38:03
  SPEAKER_00: Whether or not we add anything onto Monday will be a right now, we're not.
• 38:08
  SPEAKER_00: Honestly, I think we're gonna keep it open because as classes get full, we're gonna need a day to add more classes in.
• 38:15
  SPEAKER_00: And we are working on right now getting the classes not full.
• 38:19
  SPEAKER_00: So as you're starting to feel classes a little full, please stick with us.
• 38:24
  SPEAKER_00: We're meeting tomorrow.
• 38:26
  SPEAKER_00: We're discussing these things.
• 38:27
  SPEAKER_00: We're working on making dividing up classes even further by age so that the classes are even smaller.
• 38:33
  SPEAKER_00: So as you feel overwhelmed by classes that are getting full, you're welcome to send me a message or Trisha Mesh, just let me, or even the teacher.
• 38:41
  SPEAKER_00: But we are aware we are working on it.
• 38:44
  SPEAKER_00: We just didn't want to increase classes before we had the students.
• 38:46
  SPEAKER_00: Now that the students are pouring in, we're gonna we'll work on that.
• 38:48
  SPEAKER_00: So be patient with this as we grow together.
• 38:51
  SPEAKER_00: Okay.
• 38:52
  SPEAKER_00: Well, let me upload here.
• 38:53
  SPEAKER_00: I'll post in the community.
• 38:54
  SPEAKER_00: Okay, yeah, post in the community so you can all hear it.
• 38:56
  SPEAKER_00: That'll be go.
• 38:57
  SPEAKER_00: I'll be cool.
• 38:58
  SPEAKER_00: Thank you.
• 38:58
  SPEAKER_00: Okay, and then if you are wondering where to find links, let me do, let's see if I can share it real quick.
• 39:05
  SPEAKER_00: Let me share with you.
• 39:07
  SPEAKER_00: Okay, when you're in the community, and usually we're right here in community or classroom, right?
• 39:12
  SPEAKER_00: Click about page.
• 39:14
  SPEAKER_00: This is this is where all this information is.
• 39:17
  SPEAKER_00: And if you look right here, this is where you can join the co-op, the Bonfire Academy and the Homeschool Village Swag.
• 39:25
  SPEAKER_00: Um, okay, one last thing for you to know.
• 39:27
  SPEAKER_00: The Bonfire Academy is closing down, but village members can just go in and purchase and join.
• 39:35
  SPEAKER_00: You don't have to have an interview.
• 39:37
  SPEAKER_00: I interview people who are not village members to make sure they're the right fit, but village members understand the philosophies in here.
• 39:43
  SPEAKER_00: And so I do allow them in.
• 39:45
  SPEAKER_00: If you are interested in having your child join the bonfire community um it's this week, um, and then we're gonna be shutting it down.
• 39:54
  SPEAKER_00: So if you are interested in Bonfire Academy, make sure you you can ask me for the link.
• 39:58
  SPEAKER_00: I'll I'll post the link one more time to let parents in.
• 40:01
  SPEAKER_00: Members can just head on in.
• 40:02
  SPEAKER_00: Okay, you don't have to apply because members get first dips.
• 40:06
  SPEAKER_00: So just giving you that heads up.
• 40:08
  SPEAKER_00: All right, guys, we will see you.
• 40:10
  SPEAKER_00: Oh, bonfire Academy is 14 to 18.
• 40:13
  SPEAKER_00: So yeah, they've got to be at least 14 because we're gonna be dealing with AI.
• 40:17
  SPEAKER_00: We're gonna be uh doing some if if parent approves some social media stuff because I want to show them how to use social media and I want to show them how to use it for good, not evil, and how to make money on social media versus using it, letting social media make money off of you.
• 40:30
  SPEAKER_00: So that's something that I'll be showing your kids.
• 40:33
  SPEAKER_00: So yeah.
• 40:34
  SPEAKER_00: Um, so Janelle, yeah, 14 and up.
• 40:37
  SPEAKER_00: If they are homeschooled, they're in the village, they're automatically in until space is filled.
• 40:41
  SPEAKER_00: Once space is filled, that's it.
• 40:43
  SPEAKER_00: And I don't have very many spaces left.
• 40:45
  SPEAKER_00: So you've got this week to get your kids signed up.
• 40:47
  SPEAKER_00: Right now, I have all boys and one girl.
• 40:49
  SPEAKER_00: I need some more girls in there.
• 40:50
  SPEAKER_00: And we got a 14-year-old daughter who's an entrepreneur.
• 40:53
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, let's get some.
• 40:54
  SPEAKER_00: I mean, boys too.
• 40:55
  SPEAKER_00: Of course, I'm not gonna turn down the boys, but interesting that I have mostly boys and only one girl.
• 41:00
  SPEAKER_00: Okay, you guys have a great week.
• 41:02
  SPEAKER_00: Have a good one, you guys.
• 41:03
  SPEAKER_00: And remember, messages in the village, whatever you need.
• 41:05
  SPEAKER_00: We're here.
• 41:06
  SPEAKER_00: Bye, guys.
• 41:09
  SPEAKER_00: That's the rep for today.
• 41:11
  SPEAKER_00: I hope you're leaving with something real, something you can actually use.
• 41:14
  SPEAKER_00: This is a long game.
• 41:16
  SPEAKER_00: You don't have to get it all right today.
• 41:18
  SPEAKER_00: Just show up tomorrow.
• 41:19
  SPEAKER_00: That's enough.
• 41:20
  SPEAKER_00: If this episode helped you, share it with another mom who needs it.
• 41:23
  SPEAKER_00: And if you're ready for a village to do this with, find us in the show notes.
• 41:27
  SPEAKER_00: Until next time, keep going.
• 41:29
  SPEAKER_00: The revolution starts at home.