Latest / The Wholehearted Enneagram Podcast / Spring Series: What You Need to Know About the Enneagram Two! | Sarah Cronin
Transcript
- 0:00SPEAKER_02: Have you found yourself saying things like, I hope my advice will really help them.
- 0:05SPEAKER_02: What can I do to help them so they'll like me?
- 0:09SPEAKER_02: Oh, I was way too honest about what I needed, and now I feel selfish.
- 0:14SPEAKER_02: It's really hard for me that they don't need me anymore.
- 0:19SPEAKER_02: Well, if these are something that you would say, or maybe they're a familiar phrase that you hear said by loved one, you might be an Enneagram too, or know an Enneagram too.
- 0:30SPEAKER_02: And if so, I want to invite you to join me on a journey of self-discovery and compassion to learn insights about the personality type, often known as the helper, the good parent, nurturer, and the generosity advocate.
- 0:44SPEAKER_02: Now, if you know a too or you want others to know more about the Enneagram 2 personality, go ahead and follow that prompting to share this podcast with him.
- 0:54SPEAKER_02: Just hit the share button on this podcast platform so this episode can give others an opportunity to learn more about the worth of an Enneagram 2.
- 1:08SPEAKER_02: Hello and welcome to the Simply Wholehearted Podcast.
- 1:12SPEAKER_02: I'm your host, Amy Wicks, your wholehearted living coach.
- 1:16SPEAKER_02: And I'm so glad that you stopped by to spend some time with me.
- 1:20SPEAKER_02: Are you curious about the Enneagram?
- 1:22SPEAKER_02: Do you want to learn biblical truths?
- 1:24SPEAKER_02: And have you wondered if there are life rhythms that will help you thrive?
- 1:29SPEAKER_02: Well, friend, you are in the right place.
- 1:33SPEAKER_02: For six years, this podcast has focused on sharing conversations with my friends about life, business, motherhood, faith, and all things Enneagram from a Christian perspective.
- 1:45SPEAKER_02: I truly understand what it's like to juggle everything as a wife, mom to three teenagers, a pup, and all while building a growing business.
- 1:55SPEAKER_02: And friend, I haven't always done things with clarity, peace, or joy.
- 2:00SPEAKER_02: But still, the Lord has taken my broken-hearted pieces and healed them so I can live with wholehearted wisdom, to provide women like you with a step-by-step process so that you can get free of anxiety, shame, and frustration that might be holding you back from thriving.
- 2:17SPEAKER_02: I pray that the Lord speaks to you as you listen today and that you would invite your friends and family to join the fun conversations.
- 2:25SPEAKER_02: Are you ready to laugh a little and learn a whole lot?
- 2:29SPEAKER_02: Alrighty, let's get to the conversation.
- 2:35SPEAKER_02: What do you need to know about an Enneagram too?
- 2:38SPEAKER_02: Well, friend, we would need way more time than the time you want to give in one sitting, because the nuances of each Enneagram type are as varied as there are types of birds.
- 2:49SPEAKER_02: I mean, if you've ever played wingspan with or without the expansion packs, you know that there are a lot of birds on this planet.
- 2:57SPEAKER_02: But just for today, I'm going to attempt to offer a few highlights to help you understand more about the perspective of a two.
- 3:04SPEAKER_02: As we dive in, I want you to know that if there are more Enneagram-specific insights that you need to know, or even specific to the Enneagram 2, I have lots of resources for you.
- 3:16SPEAKER_02: Just head to the show notes for podcast recommendations or even at my website to find more.
- 3:24SPEAKER_02: In this episode, I'm going to share unique traits and insights into what is known as a dutiful personality.
- 3:31SPEAKER_02: And you'll get a firsthand account of an Enneagram 2 and her experience in the self-discovery and wholehearted process.
- 3:38SPEAKER_02: Last but not least, I would love to invite you to listen all the way to the end because the wise Deanna Pseudom is going to finish this episode with a scripture and prayer specifically for you or your loved one.
- 3:52SPEAKER_02: Now, what does an Enneagram 2 often look like as a child?
- 3:56SPEAKER_02: They tend to be outwardly compliant, they like to be popular with others, they are very in tune and sensitive to disapproval, and they might please others or tend to use drama to get attention.
- 4:12SPEAKER_02: Many twos identify with a childhood experience of being the nurturing one in the family and maybe even the caretaker of the parent.
- 4:21SPEAKER_02: Unconsciously, they received the message that it wasn't okay to do things that they wanted, and nor was it okay to have needs of their own, as the demands of others should or often took precedence.
- 4:34SPEAKER_02: There was always the theme of needing to be helpful and would find security and acceptance from others, including their parents, if they fulfilled their supportive role in the family or in the community unit.
- 4:46SPEAKER_02: Sometimes this personality type would seek autonomy from the protective parent, feeling that the protective parent's protection was a rejection of their tender and nurturing personality.
- 4:59SPEAKER_02: Their desire to get others to respond through helping evolves and grows as a two continues to move through the world.
- 5:06SPEAKER_02: Two's are motivated by their desire to be wanted and to even vindicate their need to feel unselfish, generous, and helpful.
- 5:14SPEAKER_02: Being generous and going out of their way for others make twos feel that their way is the most vibrant and meaningful way to live.
- 5:22SPEAKER_02: The love and concern they feel and the genuine good they do makes them or gives them a sense of being worthwhile.
- 5:31SPEAKER_02: But of course, this may be done with a manipulative intent in order to receive love or at the expense of their own needs.
- 5:40SPEAKER_02: The two's decision-making strength associates them with what is known as the heart triad, and that is the type two, three, and four in that triad specifically.
- 5:49SPEAKER_02: They feel information first and then incorporate reaction or thinking secondarily.
- 5:55SPEAKER_02: Another commonality of the hard triad and the types in those triads is the desire for significance.
- 6:01SPEAKER_02: A type in this triad is going to be led by their reaction to their emotional struggle, which is shame.
- 6:09SPEAKER_02: While the two struggle with shame, it's tied to their desire for significance from being needed and wanted.
- 6:15SPEAKER_02: So in an effort to avoid feelings of shame, the two might focus on others by being a helpful and caring person, which also helps them to avoid anxiety and anger.
- 6:26SPEAKER_02: But when love fails to be returned and their efforts are maxed, they will get caught in the frenzy of manipulation, perpetuating the emotional loop of shame, anger, and anxiety.
- 6:40SPEAKER_02: The two's communication preference falls within the dutiful stance of the Enneagram, which means they rely more on others' opinions and desires.
- 6:48SPEAKER_02: They come along the ideas and visions of others or group thinking for a sense of resolution in conflict or and just problem solving in general.
- 6:58SPEAKER_02: Their strength is being present focused.
- 7:01SPEAKER_02: They tend to think, what should be done right now?
- 7:04SPEAKER_02: This dance may struggle the most with the boundaries needed in the workplace and in their relationships.
- 7:12SPEAKER_02: Now, when it comes to thinking, you might be surprised to learn that the two is thinking repressed, because their constant thinking loop revolves around relationships.
- 7:21SPEAKER_02: Similar to the type one, this is unproductive thinking because the amount of time a two spends thinking about others, about how that relationship is or it isn't.
- 7:33SPEAKER_02: That sort of thinking loop can hinder their focus, what they need to do next, and it can distract them from the people that they are with in the moment.
- 7:42SPEAKER_02: What often triggers a two into this thinking repression loop is the need for help from everybody, from kids, from family, from the neighbors, community, friends, church, spouse, everyone.
- 7:56SPEAKER_02: Everything.
- 7:57SPEAKER_02: And everywhere seems to demand more from the Enneagram too.
- 8:03SPEAKER_02: What often triggers a two into this thinking loop of repression is the constant need for help.
- 8:10SPEAKER_02: It's the demands from the family, the neighbor, community, church, everyone.
- 8:16SPEAKER_02: Right?
- 8:17SPEAKER_02: Everything everywhere seems to demand more from the two or more help and support from the two.
- 8:23SPEAKER_02: And so this keeps them in this thinking repression about who they need to help and have they helped enough.
- 8:30SPEAKER_02: The two must be cognizant of their tendency to believe that if they are not front and center helping or not the first one needed, then they are unwanted and unloved.
- 8:42SPEAKER_02: The invitation is to live in the middle space of just being emotionally available and supportive, even if they are not physical demands, or you're not the primary nurturer in that situation.
- 8:54SPEAKER_02: When faced with loss and grief, the two may naturally grieve what is happening in the present or what is happening currently.
- 9:01SPEAKER_02: So in the face of loss, they may be overwhelmed with grief and have a challenging time with the typical demands of life, especially making plants too far in the future.
- 9:12SPEAKER_02: Just like all Enneagram types, the Enneagram 2's wings are on either side of its number of the diagram.
- 9:17SPEAKER_02: Or another way to think of wings is it's just like how it is on a butterfly, right?
- 9:22SPEAKER_02: One on either side.
- 9:24SPEAKER_02: The Enneagram 2 Wing 1 tends to be more idealistic, reasonable, objective, self-critical, quietly serving, and judgmental.
- 9:34SPEAKER_02: The Enneagram 2 Wing 3 tends to be more self-assured, charming, maybe a flatterer, ambitious, outgoing, and a little bit more competitive.
- 9:44SPEAKER_02: When a two's triggers are activated, they may self-sabotage, engage in behaviors on the low side of the eight.
- 9:51SPEAKER_02: They might blame others for problems while seeing their intentions as only good and helpful.
- 9:57SPEAKER_02: And perhaps a typical amiable two will suddenly become irritable, defensive, controlling, aggressive, demanding, and dominating, which of course might inadvertently cut off really good relationships.
- 10:11SPEAKER_02: But that's where we all need grace with one another, right?
- 10:15SPEAKER_02: When a two practices rhythms of consenting to solitude, this practice teaches the two to be present to themselves, God, and others.
- 10:26SPEAKER_02: Consent is an act of agreement.
- 10:28SPEAKER_02: It's about how you will give or posture yourself.
- 10:31SPEAKER_02: So instead of a two giving themselves to everyone else, they posture themselves towards God.
- 10:36SPEAKER_02: And this opens the door to encounter Jesus, the true servant.
- 10:41SPEAKER_02: Their broken-hearted moments are transformed into wholehearted healing as they declare these truth statements.
- 10:48SPEAKER_02: May I offer love without strings attached.
- 10:51SPEAKER_02: May I receive unconditional love.
- 10:53SPEAKER_02: May I love myself by tending to my needs.
- 10:57SPEAKER_02: When a two intentionally engages in rhythms of consent to solitude, they agree to get alone and stop pleasing everybody.
- 11:05SPEAKER_02: They can withdraw to solitude to be present to God rather than please God.
- 11:10SPEAKER_02: This opens the space to be filled with God's delight in a way that they crave.
- 11:16SPEAKER_02: I love that A.J.
- 11:17SPEAKER_02: Sherrill advises Enneagram2s to observe the church calendar rhythm of Monday Thursday.
- 11:22SPEAKER_02: Monday is derived from the Latin monotum, which means command, because the command that Jesus gave during the Last Supper was to love one another.
- 11:33SPEAKER_02: And he specifically said this after he demonstrated love by washing the disciples' feet.
- 11:38SPEAKER_02: You may remember that in the gospel accounts, Peter resisted this act of service.
- 11:43SPEAKER_02: So you too may resist receiving and are more comfortable with their autopilot habits of serving.
- 11:50SPEAKER_02: In addition to spiritual rhythms, here are some practical tips for a two to remember.
- 11:55SPEAKER_02: Now, don't laugh, but spending time alone is not just a spiritual rhythm.
- 12:00SPEAKER_02: It is a true game changer and an upstream practice for a two to spend time alone.
- 12:06SPEAKER_02: Some coaches would strongly encourage a full hour alone once a day.
- 12:11SPEAKER_02: Maybe that sounds dreamy to you, maybe that sounds extremely challenging, but something to ponder and to try out.
- 12:20SPEAKER_02: Also check in on a daily basis and ask yourself, what do I need at this time?
- 12:25SPEAKER_02: And if you have unmet needs, how can you invite others to support you in this time?
- 12:32SPEAKER_02: Also practice honesty and humility by examining the ways you might be giving in order to get something in return, even if it's intangibles like relationships or a feeling of being wanted or needed.
- 12:46SPEAKER_02: Would you like to meet an Enneagram too?
- 12:48SPEAKER_02: Then I'd like to introduce one of my clients and collective coaches, Sarah Cronin.
- 12:54SPEAKER_02: I am so grateful for her trust over this last year, and even more thankful that she is willing to share some of her story with you.
- 13:01SPEAKER_02: Of course, Sarah and I met thanks to the Become an Enneagram coach launch.
- 13:07SPEAKER_02: She had already begun a spiritual formation program and training, but she wanted to add Enneagram to her knowledge base.
- 13:15SPEAKER_02: We connected over her decision of jumping into the Become an Enneagram course, and then we continued working together as a one-on-one client through the 12 sessions of the wholehearted journey.
- 13:27SPEAKER_02: Now, she's a delight, and of course, you've heard her voice here before because she has said yes to the collective, well, maybe the collective experiment.
- 13:44SPEAKER_01: Hi friends, my name is Sarah Cronin and I live in Greenwood, Indiana.
- 13:49SPEAKER_01: Today I'm excited to share with you my wholehearted journey.
- 13:53SPEAKER_01: About seven years ago, my sister-in-law shared with me this new to me personality tool called the Enneagram.
- 14:00SPEAKER_01: Now, my sister-in-law is usually ahead of every trend, so I thought I better check it out.
- 14:06SPEAKER_01: I remember driving down the road and listening to The Road Back to You, which had just come out on audiobook.
- 14:12SPEAKER_01: And when I heard my type describe, my jaw dropped.
- 14:16SPEAKER_01: I just remember staring at the audio console in my minivan while it was playing these words.
- 14:22SPEAKER_01: These words that spoke about my internal world at such an accurate level beyond what I had even been aware of.
- 14:32SPEAKER_01: I remember crying, feeling known, seen, and understood.
- 14:38SPEAKER_01: Learning about my type brought a new level of insight to why I do what I do.
- 14:44SPEAKER_01: And it equipped me with more awareness in my work, in my marriage, and in motherhood.
- 14:51SPEAKER_01: But at the time, I was in the throes of having babies, so I didn't necessarily have capacity to dive too deeply into the tool.
- 14:59SPEAKER_01: And to be honest, I was a little overwhelmed by all of the layers and numbers and types and parts of the Enneagram.
- 15:07SPEAKER_01: I followed a couple of Instagram accounts and read a couple books, but I stayed at a surface level of information.
- 15:14SPEAKER_01: Then more recently, about two years ago, I found myself coming to what I call a spiritual plateau.
- 15:21SPEAKER_01: What I mean by that is I was at a point in my faith where I had been walking with Jesus for a really long time.
- 15:28SPEAKER_01: And I was checking off all of the quote spiritual boxes.
- 15:33SPEAKER_01: I was involved in my church.
- 15:35SPEAKER_01: I was even on staff at my church for a while.
- 15:37SPEAKER_01: I was a small group leader, an honest serving team.
- 15:41SPEAKER_01: I read my Bible daily and I prayed daily.
- 15:44SPEAKER_01: I still had this yearning for more.
- 15:47SPEAKER_01: Maybe you felt that way or are currently feeling the same way.
- 15:51SPEAKER_01: I longed for a deeper relationship with Jesus.
- 15:54SPEAKER_01: And I knew in the depths of my heart that it was possible, but I didn't know what to do differently to get there.
- 16:01SPEAKER_01: Through the recommendation of a friend, I enrolled in a two-year spiritual formation program where I learned more about the connection between spiritual growth and emotional growth.
- 16:12SPEAKER_01: This was fascinating to me that we cannot continue to grow deeper spiritually if we don't also grow deeper emotionally.
- 16:23SPEAKER_01: So I began to ask the Lord to take me deeper in my emotional journey, desiring to pursue him with all of me.
- 16:31SPEAKER_01: My mind, my heart, my body, and my soul.
- 16:35SPEAKER_01: This is where the Enneagram came back around as a helpful tool to not only dive deeper into my motivations, but also to identify the deepest longings of my heart.
- 16:46SPEAKER_01: This was the first step of integration of my faith from just intellect in my head to experience in my heart.
- 16:56SPEAKER_01: With this deeper dive in correlating the Enneagram along with spiritual formation, I started to become increasingly aware of how influenced I was by what others thought of me and even my perception of how others viewed me.
- 17:13SPEAKER_01: I now had this new clarity into the deepest desire of my heart to be loved, valued, and cherished.
- 17:21SPEAKER_01: The Lord began to reveal to me the strategies I adopted as a child to try to solve and achieve this love on my own.
- 17:30SPEAKER_01: Strategies like helping others, giving to others, encouraging, and even flattering others to hope for this desire for love from those around me.
- 17:42SPEAKER_01: Whether that was my siblings, my friends, my middle school boyfriends, coaches, and teachers.
- 17:50SPEAKER_01: The combination of the Enneagram language and the structure that it provides, plus a surrendered heart that is inviting the Lord to come in and make me aware of what's going on inside of me, I think Psalm 139, that led to a very specific realization of how I still now as an adult tend to look to others for my significance.
- 18:17SPEAKER_01: But oh the kindness of the Lord.
- 18:20SPEAKER_01: Once he began showing me my misdirected efforts for love and acceptance, he also began to remind me and to show me with fresh awareness his love for me.
- 18:33SPEAKER_01: That he is the one, the only one who can fulfill that deep, deep longing of my heart.
- 18:39SPEAKER_01: That I am so beloved by him, not because of anything that I have done for him, or because of any way that I have helped anyone else, but just because that is who he is as my father.
- 18:54SPEAKER_01: That he delights over me and he is always looking at me with a tender gaze.
- 19:00SPEAKER_01: When I believe this with my whole heart, I don't have to defend myself when I'm challenged by others, hiding behind a shield of quote, good intentions.
- 19:10SPEAKER_01: Good intentions has been the record on repeat for nine years of my marriage.
- 19:16SPEAKER_01: I have said so many times, I'm not sure what I have to apologize for, honey.
- 19:20SPEAKER_01: I was coming from a good heart.
- 19:23SPEAKER_01: Oh, but when I rest in how Christ meets my needs, I don't have to be fearful of disappointing someone or letting others down.
- 19:32SPEAKER_01: When I've experienced the beauty of just being with my father, I will overflow with love and service to others as a unique display of my creator, but without depending on those strategies to fill my own needs.
- 19:49SPEAKER_01: The Enneagram has been a guide to reveal where and when I'm not fully leaning on Christ for love, and where I'm striving in my own strength and strategy to achieve it.
- 20:00SPEAKER_01: It has provided a roadmap to healthy growth.
- 20:04SPEAKER_01: It's also shown me how God has created me as a unique display of his image and how all of us are unique creations joining together as one big, beautiful symphony, declaring God's glory.
- 20:18SPEAKER_01: Using the Enneagram has increased my worship of God as creator, sustainer, and perfecter of my faith.
- 20:26SPEAKER_01: Because each type has a different desire that they are ultimately solving for, we can use the Enneagram as a launch pad to a personalized, customized pathway for intimacy with God.
- 20:39SPEAKER_01: I remember back in college when I was studying education, I remember just wishing that we can make customized lesson plans for each student.
- 20:48SPEAKER_01: Because each one of us has such a complexity of nuances that makes us uniquely us.
- 20:55SPEAKER_01: The Enneagram is a support structure to begin that personalized journey.
- 21:02SPEAKER_01: When I first learned about the Enneagram, I knew pretty quickly that I eventually wanted to become a coach and use this powerful tool, probably stemming from my propensity to help others.
- 21:12SPEAKER_01: But it wasn't until recently that our family capacity has lined up with that dream.
- 21:17SPEAKER_01: Before coaching others, I knew that I needed and wanted to be coached myself.
- 21:22SPEAKER_01: We can only take others as far as we've gone ourselves.
- 21:26SPEAKER_01: And inviting a trusted friend into this growth is a helpful and accelerating way to become aware of blind spots that we are simply just blind to.
- 21:38SPEAKER_01: In pursuing coaching, I was mostly hoping for advice and guidance as I pursued my own coaching, certification, and business launch.
- 21:48SPEAKER_01: What I didn't expect was for Amy to gently identify places where I was still trying to solve for love myself instead of relying on Christ.
- 21:57SPEAKER_01: I cannot quantify the value.
- 22:00SPEAKER_01: Of sitting alongside a trusted and biblically minded person, offering up my honest thoughts, feelings, and struggles, and allowing the Holy Spirit to work through that coach to bring light bulb insights and awarenesses.
- 22:15SPEAKER_01: Amy has been for me a place of refuge, pointing me back up to my father when it felt like a lot of other things were falling down around me.
- 22:24SPEAKER_01: Meeting with Amy has been a place of laughter, encouragement, wisdom, and love.
- 22:29SPEAKER_01: Getting coached has spurred me on in my own journey as a Christ follower.
- 22:35SPEAKER_01: Now I too have the privilege of coaching, specifically through the lens of spiritual formation plus the Enneagram.
- 22:42SPEAKER_01: If you're curious how the lens of your personality type affects your walk with the Lord, or if you're longing for a fresh joy and deeper intimacy with Christ, I would love to chat with you more.
- 22:54SPEAKER_01: I believe that when we not only know, but also experience the ways that He meets the deepest desires of our heart, there is new joy, peace, and hope ready to overwhelm and overflow in our lives.
- 23:11SPEAKER_01: I will leave you with this prayer of spiritual strength from Ephesians 3.
- 23:16SPEAKER_01: I pray that you, being rooted and grounded in love, may have strength to comprehend with all the saints what is the breadth and length and height and depth, and to know the love of Christ that surpasses knowledge, that you may be filled with all the fullness of God.
- 23:35SPEAKER_00: Type 2 friend, this is Deanna Sudim.
- 23:38SPEAKER_00: You have been created to reflect the love of God.
- 23:42SPEAKER_00: What a picture and a call as you represent his love so naturally to a world that so desperately needs him.
- 23:49SPEAKER_00: You are some of the deepest nurturers, intuitive to the needs of others, sometimes to the detriment of your own.
- 23:56SPEAKER_00: Thank you for how you pour out selfishly, with your whole hearts serving those around you.
- 24:02SPEAKER_00: You are some of the best cheerleaders, connectors, and companions for people.
- 24:07SPEAKER_00: Ephesians five, verse one and two is a good reminder where you need to be poured into before you can go out and share the love with the world.
- 24:16SPEAKER_00: God is the one that gives you the fragrance you need.
- 24:20SPEAKER_00: It says, therefore be imitators of God as dear children, and walk in love, as Christ also has loved us and given Himself for us, an offering and a sacrifice to God for a sweet smelling aroma.
- 24:35SPEAKER_00: Father, thank you for these sincere, generous, sacrificial ones that you love.
- 24:40SPEAKER_00: Lord, I feel that you want to remind them that you are love, the creator of love, and it is meant for them too.
- 24:48SPEAKER_00: Lord, will you help them to receive this and fill up their tanks overflowing into a reservoir?
- 24:54SPEAKER_00: Father, show them how they are wanted and loved by you.
- 24:58SPEAKER_00: The King of Glory sees their needs and longs to meet them.
- 25:02SPEAKER_00: Lord, bring joy through their selfless acts, and where there are underlying motives to do to get, bring them gently to the light and encourage them to submit them to you.
- 25:13SPEAKER_00: Father, I pray that you will protect their tender hearts, that you will give them wisdom like serpents and keep them innocent as doves.
- 25:21SPEAKER_00: I pray that you will send them a barnabas, the encouragers, Lord, that will breathe your life and truth into the places in their hearts that have been or feel rejected, someone to affirm their worth in you.
- 25:34SPEAKER_00: Father, bring discernment when they see a need to determine whether it's theirs to meet, and bring contentment in the profound privilege of making a difference in people's lives where you call them to.
- 25:46SPEAKER_00: Be their confidence, their courage, and their endurance, and remind them that you will go ahead of them and never leave them nor forsake them.
- 25:56SPEAKER_00: In Jesus' name, amen.
- 25:59SPEAKER_00: Amen.
- 26:00SPEAKER_02: If you are an Enneagram 2, I hope you feel loved, wanted, and needed, and praised in celebration for your personality in this specific episode.
- 26:11SPEAKER_02: I know there are some hard truths as well, but I'm guessing if you are a two, you will appreciate this episode.
- 26:20SPEAKER_02: And if you want others to know about the two, be sure and share this episode with others.
- 26:25SPEAKER_02: Now, if you know a two, I know they would love to hear that you've taken the time to learn more about how they view the world, and that they are so much more than a number.
- 26:35SPEAKER_02: So share this episode with them and a message about how you value their supportive and nurturing personality.
- 26:42SPEAKER_02: Next week will be what you need to know about the Enneagram 3.
- 26:46SPEAKER_02: Until then, continue to pursue God's perspective, purpose, and plans for your wholehearted life.