Latest / Frankie and Johnny: The Conversations We Never Had / Most people ask questions. Few people get real answers.

Transcript

Most people ask questions. Few people get real answers. · Frankie and Johnny: The Conversations We Never Had

• 0:09
  SPEAKER_02: Hi everybody, this is Frankie.
• 0:11
  SPEAKER_02: And this is Johnny.
• 0:12
  SPEAKER_02: And welcome to The Conversations We Never Had.
• 0:17
  SPEAKER_03: Okay, so today um we've been some of you have been bringing in some questions, and I I've I've collected quite a number.
• 0:27
  SPEAKER_03: And today, really, what we're gonna do this episode is really answering the questions that you've you've brought about.
• 0:34
  SPEAKER_03: And uh I almost all of you wanted to remain anonymous, so I'm just gonna keep it anonymous.
• 0:40
  SPEAKER_03: But please send your questions in.
• 0:42
  SPEAKER_03: Uh DM me if you don't feel comfortable putting it out there.
• 0:46
  SPEAKER_03: Uh or DM uh Frankie and Johnny, the Frankie and Johnny, they could DM there as well.
• 0:52
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah, or or or message me.
• 0:54
  SPEAKER_03: Uh, we want to the goal here again is to get everybody involved so that we can have better relationships uh with our parents and with our teens and we can better understand one another.
• 1:07
  SPEAKER_03: And please, if you're getting anything of value, tell them Johnny.
• 1:12
  SPEAKER_00: Send questions.
• 1:13
  SPEAKER_00: No, subscribe.
• 1:14
  SPEAKER_00: Oh, that's true.
• 1:15
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah, yes, subscribe to the channel.
• 1:17
  SPEAKER_03: Uh Johnny can share a little bit about where they can.
• 1:20
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, uh Frankie and Johnny podcast on Instagram and Facebook and on YouTube as well.
• 1:25
  SPEAKER_00: Our podcast is uh audio and video, so you can see it on YouTube, on Spotify.
• 1:31
  SPEAKER_00: They have a video now too.
• 1:32
  SPEAKER_00: You can watch it there, or you could just put audio on whatever you guys want.
• 1:36
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah, but make sure you subscribe to the YouTube channel um and again and and to our our social media uh Frankie and Johnny uh pages, and you know, we'll be pouring in content as well.
• 1:47
  SPEAKER_03: And check out Frankie and Powers um too.
• 1:50
  SPEAKER_03: So uh Johnny, anything new this this last week you wanna you you want to share, or you want to chime in, or you want to just jump right into the questions?
• 1:57
  SPEAKER_00: Let's just jump right in.
• 1:58
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah?
• 1:59
  SPEAKER_03: Any dunking?
• 2:00
  SPEAKER_00: Uh we already talked about that.
• 2:02
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah, I know.
• 2:03
  SPEAKER_03: I know, I know, but any any any new moves?
• 2:05
  SPEAKER_03: Anything no, no.
• 2:06
  SPEAKER_03: Okay, so uh first question, and what what I ended up doing is I wrote down the questions.
• 2:13
  SPEAKER_03: I didn't really sit with them and think about them because I want them I want them to be answered in real time.
• 2:20
  SPEAKER_03: This whole thing, my model uh is real, raw, and vulnerable, and not analytical or what have you.
• 2:28
  SPEAKER_03: So that because just when you get asked certain questions at home, and you're gonna feel maybe afraid, maybe uncomfortable, right?
• 2:42
  SPEAKER_03: And just like uh and sometimes to ask that question, it's it takes courage because many times we may not know what the answers are, or we may be afraid of that.
• 2:52
  SPEAKER_03: And I want to bring that in here as well, like because we don't have all the answers.
• 3:01
  SPEAKER_03: Um there's a lot of experience that that we've shared, ups, downs, and a lot of deep work that that that I've done myself in the in the journey to get here.
• 3:11
  SPEAKER_03: So uh we want to share it in real time.
• 3:14
  SPEAKER_03: Johnny, you want to share anything in there for maybe some some teens that are on the fence or some people your age, your parents even.
• 3:20
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, just uh don't be afraid of sending questions.
• 3:22
  SPEAKER_00: We uh if you want to stay anonymous, you we we will uh respect that and and we'll answer those questions and just be real with us and and we're always real.
• 3:31
  SPEAKER_00: So yeah.
• 3:32
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah, just remember, like uh the only question, the only dumb question you ever a you ever have is the one that you don't ask.
• 3:39
  SPEAKER_03: And and I was just sharing with Johnny a little while a little bit ago that sometimes somebody'll let's say a teacher or or maybe you're you're uh at some type of workshop or conference, parents, and they're like, hey, anybody have any questions?
• 3:52
  SPEAKER_03: And if you notice, you'll see most TEDs go like this.
• 3:59
  SPEAKER_03: They're looking around because there's you have a question, like, but you don't want to be first, you know, and then somebody raised their hand and all of a sudden, you know, you got tons of questions poured in.
• 4:10
  SPEAKER_03: So here we go.
• 4:11
  SPEAKER_03: Let's start.
• 4:12
  SPEAKER_03: This is from a parent.
• 4:15
  SPEAKER_03: My son spends hours in his phone and pulls away every time I try and talk or connect with him.
• 4:26
  SPEAKER_03: How do I reach him?
• 4:29
  SPEAKER_03: My son spends hours on his phone, and every time I want to talk to him, basically, um he doesn't want to.
• 4:40
  SPEAKER_03: He has something better to do.
• 4:42
  SPEAKER_03: How do I reach them?
• 4:43
  SPEAKER_03: Johnny, what would you say to those parents who and then I'll I'll answer too after, um how how to better reach their their their son or daughter?
• 4:53
  SPEAKER_00: Like um I'm not a parent, but as a kid, like uh I've always that you need to hear for like so let's say so.
• 5:08
  SPEAKER_03: This is how I want you to so you can understand the question.
• 5:11
  SPEAKER_03: Um that let's say I'm trying to reach you, you know, and and I'm you're like, oh no, I'm busy, I'm on my phone, leave me alone, you know, close the door, you know, happens sometimes, or stuck in your room, uh, or young people, what's the best way to open that that opportunity to be able to have that conversation?
• 5:36
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, I mean like just as a kid being open to your parents like just trying to want to talk to you, and as a parent, I guess being more like strict or firm on them being on their phone because the phone is really a piece of garbage.
• 5:53
  SPEAKER_00: Um so I mean if you want to talk to them, you're the parent and you have more, I guess, authority than them.
• 6:00
  SPEAKER_00: Um so just tell them to get off and that you want to talk to them, and if they don't listen, then I don't know.
• 6:08
  SPEAKER_00: I mean, you could tell them.
• 6:10
  SPEAKER_03: Well, you you guess.
• 6:12
  SPEAKER_03: We hope the parent here has more authority.
• 6:14
  SPEAKER_03: Listen, if you're the parent and you're listening and you don't have more authority, if your kids are really running your life, that's a whole other conversation for another moment.
• 6:24
  SPEAKER_03: But standing your ground, standing your power, like you're the adult.
• 6:28
  SPEAKER_03: It's it's no matter how much we don't want to get into it with our kids, like we gotta learn, we gotta lay a foundation, a set of rules and laws.
• 6:39
  SPEAKER_03: And I and I love the fact that that you said like get more strict as a parent.
• 6:44
  SPEAKER_03: The biggest misconception that we have as parents is thinking, our kids they may not like some of the rules that we put in place, but they absolutely know that they need rules and structure.
• 6:59
  SPEAKER_03: And believe it or not, in laying that groundwork, although they don't like it, oddly enough, it makes them feel more loved and that you care.
• 7:08
  SPEAKER_03: Now, as we said that you said something that you've you you shared in a few episodes overall, and and I want you to elaborate on that because I'm curious too, as your dad, because I haven't asked you off uh you know, outside of of the podcast this either.
• 7:25
  SPEAKER_03: You keep saying the phone is a piece of garbage.
• 7:28
  SPEAKER_03: I want you to share in detail because you're saying that, right?
• 7:33
  SPEAKER_03: But like we still use our phones, and there's many adults and more so people your age who may think the same way.
• 7:43
  SPEAKER_03: So describing overall, what do you actually mean by that, and how is it a piece of garbage as as you claim or or use something else?
• 7:52
  SPEAKER_00: Um, yeah, social media, especially.
• 7:54
  SPEAKER_00: I mean, there's news and stuff, and sports and entertainment on there that, like, of course, I love, but at the same time, there's a limit that I have to put myself.
• 8:03
  SPEAKER_00: Like, um, it's a great way to communicate, of course, but at the same time, like you have to have a balance because sometimes communication, like, you're just getting on it to communicate.
• 8:14
  SPEAKER_00: Like, as kids, like, they go on Snapchat and they just like text people and stuff.
• 8:18
  SPEAKER_00: It's basically for like for no reason.
• 8:20
  SPEAKER_00: If you like really think about it, the next day you're not gonna remember what conversation you had with that person.
• 8:26
  SPEAKER_00: So I mean, limit yourself, but at the same time, like you obviously need your phone for certain things, like to call people and stuff, but have that balance between those, like between like the the different kind of apps and stuff that you use, like some like the games on your phone.
• 8:48
  SPEAKER_00: I mean like delete that, like it's not a like it's not a big deal to be honest.
• 8:52
  SPEAKER_00: I mean so I guess like that's really what I mean by it's a piece of garbage, like everything that that you see on social media and stuff is not people just post so like like you're on social media just to see what other people are doing in their lives, and not really you're not really doing anything with your life at as you're watching those people.
• 9:15
  SPEAKER_03: So and the truth is you're seeing the life that they want you to see.
• 9:18
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah, like it's the highlight reel.
• 9:20
  SPEAKER_03: Like they're not posting, generally speaking, you're not posting, my life is terrible, look how terrible this like the girls aren't looking, oh my god, look at this dress, look how big my butt looks, or or whatever it is, or like somebody doing something that's gonna make them look bad.
• 9:37
  SPEAKER_03: You're not seeing that.
• 9:38
  SPEAKER_03: You were seeing the highlight reel.
• 9:40
  SPEAKER_03: Now, as you said, there's something really important.
• 9:43
  SPEAKER_03: Um, you mentioned something that parents, uh, I am and teens, I mean, I think you guys know, but parents, you may not know.
• 9:50
  SPEAKER_03: Like, it's all garbage, right?
• 9:53
  SPEAKER_03: Uh a lot of it is is garbage.
• 9:55
  SPEAKER_03: Um, but Snapchat is extremely dangerous.
• 10:02
  SPEAKER_03: 90, I think it's 92% of drug deals go go on on Snapchat because it immediately gets deleted.
• 10:10
  SPEAKER_03: Like, Snapchat really serves no purpose.
• 10:13
  SPEAKER_03: The people who who who built these apps know exactly what they're what they're what they were doing.
• 10:19
  SPEAKER_03: Um a huge settlement with Instagram a couple weeks ago.
• 10:25
  SPEAKER_03: Uh having said that, they know exactly what they're doing.
• 10:28
  SPEAKER_03: They're calling our kids attention, and and and people who are don't have our best interests know exactly the loopholes in order, you know, to to do the things that they're doing that are affecting our children.
• 10:40
  SPEAKER_03: Uh, as I said that, so what I would say is to piggyback off of my son on that first question is be intentional.
• 10:48
  SPEAKER_03: Like, these are the rules.
• 10:50
  SPEAKER_03: At certain hours at the dinner table, and and parents, you have to lead by example.
• 10:57
  SPEAKER_03: You can't say, well, I'm the parent and I can have my phone, but you're the child.
• 11:03
  SPEAKER_03: You know what?
• 11:04
  SPEAKER_03: You may end up winning in that moment through force, but you're not going to end up building the foundational relationship that you want with your child because when they're 18 and gone, there's a song I'm coming home, they're not coming home.
• 11:20
  SPEAKER_03: They won't be coming home.
• 11:22
  SPEAKER_03: Because we have the same value as human beings.
• 11:25
  SPEAKER_03: We may be the parent, have the authority figure, but we we're not better or or worth more than than our children.
• 11:32
  SPEAKER_03: So let's treat them as equal.
• 11:33
  SPEAKER_03: Lay down the law and the foundation because you're the grown-up.
• 11:37
  SPEAKER_03: Um, thank you for that.
• 11:38
  SPEAKER_03: That was good.
• 11:39
  SPEAKER_03: Uh so Johnny, number two, another parent question.
• 11:45
  SPEAKER_03: Let's see what happens here.
• 11:47
  SPEAKER_03: My teenager says I always lecture her, in this case it's a it's a girl, instead of listening, how do I listen without turning it into advice?
• 12:02
  SPEAKER_03: So, how does a parent basically like in this case, she thinks that every oh, you know, all every time you know you want to talk to me, it's always a lecture.
• 12:14
  SPEAKER_03: How can as a parent we be better listeners without always telling you, well, this is what you need to do, and and instead of just listening to what you feel, to what you're going through, to your day without it becoming a lecture?
• 12:28
  SPEAKER_00: Well, yeah, uh, we talked about this not too long ago.
• 12:31
  SPEAKER_00: Instead of uh just I guess yeah, lecturing them, uh tell them how you feel, and uh like start with the words I feel like this is going on, like you don't spend enough time with this appearing question, right?
• 12:43
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah, it's a parent question.
• 12:44
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, so I mean I feel like uh you don't spend enough time with me, like you're always I guess out or going on your phone or whatever the case is.
• 12:53
  SPEAKER_00: Um start with the words I feel that that makes the the conversation less defensive because it's your feelings.
• 12:59
  SPEAKER_00: Um like make sure that that you come off in a way that's like I guess soft, like in a way that's calming and not in a defensive way or not in an angry way, because then it just puts the other person in the same level that you are.
• 13:20
  SPEAKER_03: So Okay, that that's really good.
• 13:22
  SPEAKER_03: So so to piggyback off of what what what Johnny was saying was instead of saying you always what you need to do or you never spend time, it's I feel like we don't spend as much time together as as we'd like to, or or I feel like also asking the question, may I share something?
• 13:47
  SPEAKER_03: You know, Johnny, may may I share something?
• 13:49
  SPEAKER_03: May I give you what I think about this?
• 13:52
  SPEAKER_03: Because now we're asking for permission, and now when they open it, they're receptive to what we what we have to say.
• 14:00
  SPEAKER_03: And and and sometimes again, look, this is very simple.
• 14:04
  SPEAKER_03: How often do we like to be told what we're doing wrong?
• 14:08
  SPEAKER_03: Or to be told what you need to do, what you need to do.
• 14:11
  SPEAKER_03: And and I'm gonna I'm gonna bet like none of us do.
• 14:17
  SPEAKER_03: None of us do.
• 14:18
  SPEAKER_03: Like, we don't want to be told, well, you know, by the way, I need to talk to you about something.
• 14:22
  SPEAKER_03: What happens every time you hear that?
• 14:24
  SPEAKER_03: Cringe.
• 14:25
  SPEAKER_03: Oh God.
• 14:26
  SPEAKER_03: What happened now?
• 14:28
  SPEAKER_01: Say, hey, uh, is it okay if we talk uh if we if we should if we talk later on today?
• 14:34
  SPEAKER_03: Is it okay again asking the question, asking for that relationship, that opening, and now let's have a conversation.
• 14:41
  SPEAKER_03: We don't you don't get love through through force.
• 14:44
  SPEAKER_03: You don't.
• 14:45
  SPEAKER_03: You do it through dialogue, through trust.
• 14:48
  SPEAKER_03: Um so that's for that.
• 14:50
  SPEAKER_03: Now, uh, okay, number three.
• 14:52
  SPEAKER_03: Routine question.
• 14:57
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah, that the the this is one of the reasons we started this.
• 15:05
  SPEAKER_03: I don't know how to I have a lot of people, friends, but I still feel completely alone.
• 15:13
  SPEAKER_03: There's something wrong with me.
• 15:18
  SPEAKER_03: I'm gonna start.
• 15:22
  SPEAKER_03: I know what that's like.
• 15:25
  SPEAKER_03: I know what it's like to feel like nobody understands you.
• 15:30
  SPEAKER_03: Like you're almost like in this world.
• 15:34
  SPEAKER_03: Trying to figure it out, wondering where you fit, or if people can really understand your feelings.
• 15:41
  SPEAKER_03: There's nothing wrong with you.
• 15:45
  SPEAKER_03: Actually, what's wrong is with most other people because you know like who it is that you are or who you're trying to be, and while many most people are trying to play the role, the person that they think they need to be in order to be accepted in a group, in order to gain that person's approval and to be loved, because we all want to be a part of something.
• 16:09
  SPEAKER_03: We all there's a basic human need of wanting to belong, of needing to be loved, and I say needing, not loved by that one person who you think is that one person in your life, but just genuinely needing that love and connection, and what brought emotion to me is is I I I'm tired, it pains me deeply to see people feeling alone.
• 16:39
  SPEAKER_03: But the answer, and I you I know you can elaborate on this, is we keep avoiding doing what we need to do, and then we feel lonelier.
• 16:52
  SPEAKER_03: We know that we feel better when we're out and about, in community, in person, with other people, but then we do the complete opposite.
• 17:04
  SPEAKER_03: We isolate, looking at stuff, social media, or in our rooms or gaming, or whatever it is you're your thing, further away, disconnecting ourselves, knowing full well that the answer, the solution to what we want is out there, yet we isolate ourselves locked up, whether it's here, in our rooms.
• 17:31
  SPEAKER_03: So the answer is be yourself, find people that you have common ground with and and go out and spend real time together, Johnny.
• 17:42
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, um, yeah, I mean spend spend time with people that that you know care about you, and if you if you feel alone, just know that there's always somebody out there that's gonna care about you, if it's you even if it's just family.
• 17:57
  SPEAKER_00: Um But I'm sure like all of those kids or whoever sent these questions, like you know is in school.
• 18:06
  SPEAKER_00: Um there's a lot of people in school that you can meet.
• 18:08
  SPEAKER_00: Uh even if you have a small school, there's always in high school I realized that there's always these different groups of people, and that there's literally there's literally a group for everybody.
• 18:18
  SPEAKER_00: Like it's honestly I it's crazy because in my in my middle school wasn't like that, and it is in high school.
• 18:24
  SPEAKER_00: High school is like there's just like these groups that that you could be a part of with anybody, and if and if you get invited to anything or just take that invite, go meet some new people, be social.
• 18:36
  SPEAKER_00: Um Yeah, I mean sometimes I know it might be hard to when you're feeling this way to go out and and have a good time, but try your best to because it's it's gonna be worth it.
• 18:58
  SPEAKER_00: I mean you're gonna you're gonna I guess get that weight off your shoulders and feel better.
• 19:03
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah, and and don't try to if something doesn't feel right with you, like if something doesn't feel right with you aligned, like you know, um if there's like a voice inside of you that's like I really don't want to do this, don't force yourself to fit into a group that's not your group.
• 19:21
  SPEAKER_03: Like, don't align yourself with people that aren't aligned with you, and so I I'm gonna share like um uh with a friend of mine not too long ago, lifelong friend, and his daughter uh was having this um situation, she was out of school and and she didn't have friends.
• 19:43
  SPEAKER_03: And I I I I can imagine now having like some deep empathy for for the parents here and for the for the child, but as a parent, like how much how must that feel and for the child, like you know, what's what's wrong with me?
• 20:02
  SPEAKER_03: But you know, she had the courage, and they thankfully, like amazing parents, they sat, she was like, I'm not happy, I'm not happy.
• 20:13
  SPEAKER_03: They sat together, and here's a group of parents, like this is someone going into their eighth grade school year, which is like a a big deal as as as you all know, like for a kid, like transition before high school, and they sat there together, and as a family said, Look, our kid's not happy, let's put them in a new school.
• 20:35
  SPEAKER_03: And they did.
• 20:37
  SPEAKER_03: She found her group.
• 20:39
  SPEAKER_03: Sometimes we limit ourselves to this these circles.
• 20:42
  SPEAKER_03: Parents, this is really important.
• 20:44
  SPEAKER_03: Don't force your kid to make friends with people that they don't align with because then they'll end up making decisions that you don't agree with yet.
• 20:51
  SPEAKER_03: We put them in that boat.
• 20:53
  SPEAKER_03: Like, have a real dialogue, don't be attached to your idea of what their life should look like.
• 20:59
  SPEAKER_03: Because your life, you're living it currently, and we all have we're all different.
• 21:04
  SPEAKER_03: We have similar, um, we have a lot of similarities as human beings, but we're all different.
• 21:10
  SPEAKER_03: And what may have worked for you may not work for for your child.
• 21:14
  SPEAKER_03: Anything you want to add?
• 21:15
  SPEAKER_00: No.
• 21:16
  SPEAKER_00: That's good.
• 21:17
  SPEAKER_03: Um okay.
• 21:21
  SPEAKER_03: That's another teenager question.
• 21:25
  SPEAKER_03: This is good, especially during this time.
• 21:28
  SPEAKER_03: Um, my parents are always on my case about my future.
• 21:33
  SPEAKER_03: I don't even know what I want to do yet.
• 21:37
  SPEAKER_03: How do I get them to back off?
• 21:42
  SPEAKER_03: I'm sure you have a lot of people in your and maybe like something that you may be going with, you know, going over or struggling with, or definitely sure a lot of people that you know are are in this boat.
• 21:58
  SPEAKER_03: Actually, I know because I we discussed this not too long ago.
• 22:02
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, um your parents obviously have an influence in your life, but at the same time, um depends where you are in life.
• 22:11
  SPEAKER_00: If you're a senior and you don't know what you want to do with your future, I would start researching and stuff because sooner or later you're gonna be in college and after college you're gonna be in the real world.
• 22:22
  SPEAKER_00: And um telling them to back off I mean I feel like yes you have to make your own decisions for yourself.
• 22:37
  SPEAKER_00: Especially like me as a senior I'm gonna make my own decisions.
• 22:40
  SPEAKER_03: I think I'm old enough to to make my own decisions and I think we'll see about that you know what I'm saying?
• 22:47
  SPEAKER_00: No just I'm just saying I think my dad trusts me on that um but at the same time uh like I'm obviously gonna seek advice from my parents I mean I'm gonna ask them what they think is best they know better than I do.
• 23:00
  SPEAKER_00: So ask them for advice but don't don't necessarily tell them to back off but ask them ask them like what they think.
• 23:09
  SPEAKER_03: I I think you misinterpreted the question and I could see how you got it that way.
• 23:12
  SPEAKER_03: By the way whoever sent this question if you're listening please like expand on it if we don't answer it now.
• 23:18
  SPEAKER_03: Just to want to make sure we answer it.
• 23:20
  SPEAKER_03: What they were saying is almost like as a as a my under the way I understood it is like I don't know what I want to do and I feel this pressure of building like I have to do something.
• 23:33
  SPEAKER_03: So I'm gonna I'm gonna answer myself and then if you want to add anything after like seeing it from a different lens.
• 23:40
  SPEAKER_03: So this is something that's super like really common for me.
• 23:44
  SPEAKER_03: I see it all the time.
• 23:45
  SPEAKER_03: I mean I've been working it like most of my conversations and and and and dealings it's it's people that I work with it's it's deep stuff.
• 23:54
  SPEAKER_03: You know it's deep stuff it's it's it's young people it's um adults that wish they would have made different decisions and parents look newsflash here I know you want what's best for your kid but more often than not what we think is best for them we're only looking at things from a monetary perspective.
• 24:20
  SPEAKER_03: There's no money on that this I see over and over and over again.
• 24:23
  SPEAKER_03: You have to go you have to go to school you have to choose this career and now you see kids who have over$100,000 in loans they have a degree they are not doing anything with it but I made my parents happy but I'm miserable other side of the spectrum they ended up choosing the career here they are people that are 40 50 years old they've had a miserable life they have good money decent money maybe even in certain instances a lot of wealth but their family life is miserable because imagine waking up every single day dreading getting up going to work you're bringing home what you've been told is the answer to all your problems which is financial resources but it's not fine it's not about the money.
• 25:10
  SPEAKER_03: We're all chasing a feeling in life and what we have been indoctrinated to believe is that money is the answer to your problems.
• 25:19
  SPEAKER_03: But if you're going to a job that you don't like how good do you think you're gonna be at that job and even if you are good and you fool your way there are you gonna fool yourself at home with the people that you love?
• 25:29
  SPEAKER_03: How is your relationship going to be with your kids with your partner if you still have a partner?
• 25:34
  SPEAKER_03: Because I guarantee you if you're just chasing success from the place of monetary value you may get the money but I I I'm I don't know the numbers and I I get back to you on the data but the data's gonna tell you your your the life that really matters the ones with your loved ones is going to be miserable.
• 25:53
  SPEAKER_03: In addition I will tell you this if you choose a career that may not give you the greatest amount of what is considered financial wealth but you go all in on something that you love and you will become and you go all in which is fire drive passion you'll be in the top five ten percent of that industry and the money will flow to you so don't allow what is perceived as wealth influence where the real riches are because the real riches is in the bonds the relationships the people that you have standing inside standing right beside you because that's where you leave your legacy and your impact in life yeah love what you do and and if you love what you do you're gonna be waking up every morning uh excited to go to work or doing whatever you're you're I guess what you're passionate about because that's that's what you're gonna be doing.
• 26:49
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah and if you're happy what happens when you wake up happy and you enjoy what you're doing what happens to the people around you you feel that spreads.
• 26:58
  SPEAKER_03: It spreads people want to be around you people want you relationships build more wealth than any degree ever will I want to write that down remind me that was a good one um we got time for I got a couple more but uh we're gonna we got time for let's let's do at least one more um how do I de It's another teen question by the way before I even ask this question good job you know good job like I I expected parents to be bringing questions but not young people which leads me to believe this isn't a question but I we think our teens don't want to talk we're asking the wrong questions they want to speak more than we think they do we're the ones as adults that need to do a better job of opening up that safety container for them to have a dialogue that that we want put the ego out of the way and come from a place of of love and connection you want to say something to that I agree he's silent today jeez all right so yeah this is gonna be it for for today how do I deal how do I deal with losing a friendship that was really important to me that was from a teen but it could be from a parent too let me know that's a hard question um I'll let you answer that first because I really don't I don't know I um I've had to go through that more often than I care to not more often more than I would have liked to uh what was it that you valued so much in that friendship like we did a couple uh weeks ago we did a friendship test did they pass that test because if not maybe some see this is the thing with life you know like um some people are here for a lifetime but more often than not there's people in our lives that are here for seasons and and what that means is you know for for time frames in our life and they're here to we're all here to grow and to learn from each other and oftentimes we get stuck on something of what once was instead of what it actually is now and I firmly believe in the core of my being that everything is here is to teach us something we outgrow relationships we outgrow friendships we outgrow work environments you know we all have a basic human need uh for certainty we want everything like to know everything but we also have a basic need for uncertainty for excitement for adventure and the thing is like we need to realize that what can we learn from these friendships did I give more than I was getting in return and it's not about an equal exchange but was it even did they value me?
• 30:30
  SPEAKER_03: So what I would tell whoever asked that question is what did you bring to the table of that friendship is it your ego that's stopping you from that friendship as well like I I there's so much more I would need to know about this particular situation and if that's you and you're listening please give me more details so I can give you the best advice I I possibly can and and and help you on this journey because sometimes it's our ego that stops us in the way of no what they did to me did they really do that to you or is that also the way that you saw a situation and and perhaps they saw a situation differently too I need more information on that John yeah um uh if you lost that friend maybe really think about it and and uh ask yourself if they were really like you said like if they were giving uh as much as you guys gave um but at the same time were they even truly a real friend because there's times that you might think so and uh my dad's always told me this that a lot of people really don't care um so make sure that that person like make sure your friends are not people that that you're you're putting all all your effort into that friendship and they're not doing anything because that really tells you whether they're a real real friend or not and ask yourself that question are they were they really a real friend or were they just an acquaintance that that you knew and you called the friend because you wanted that friendship and relationship and really important now going back to like the mental health side of it which is like super like that that's that's the most important thing here your self-worth is should never be tied to anybody else's opinions or thoughts of you like that friendship has nothing to do with you and who you are and your value as a human being I don't care who that no relationship is worth that you're valuable you're valuable you're here for a reason you're valuable in the eyes of God you're valuable in society somebody values you know your worth you're not above anyone but but you're not below anyone either um so takeaways Johnny you want to give a takeaway for uh any takeaways parents teens um yeah uh come go to every conversation as if it was a brand new one and like if nothing happened before what I mean by that is like don't don't come off aggressive or defensive be calm uh tell them how you feel start off with how how you feel and and make sure that that argument doesn't escalate because if if it's really your true feelings or if it's the kids true feelings that's um there's there you can't argue about that I mean it's that's how they feel and and like my dad said a lot of kids want to talk and sometimes they feel stuck but have those have those uh those conversations a lot of wisdom in those 17 years son that was great um don't be afraid uh to ask don't be be afraid to be the first one to bring up conversation and parents don't think that you need to have all the answers none of us do don't be afraid to tell our kids that hey you know what I don't know how about we figure this out together you want to talk about something that helps bring you closer together instead of you know oh my parents think they have all the answers and they're always right you know what ends up happening too we start raising our children to be the exact things that we teach them not to be your ego is never your amigo so that's it for today if you enjoying you know what we what we're bringing uh we're providing value and and please subscribe below you know follow us subscribe bring in the questions and that Johnny I think that's it that's what we got for today Frankie and Johnny conversations we never had have a great week everybody