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Who Decides Your Worth? The Silent War of Self-Worth with Dominika Staniewicz · Your Thoughts Your Reality

• 0:00
  SPEAKER_03: Who gets to decide what you're worth?
• 0:03
  SPEAKER_03: For many veterans, leaders, and high performers, value becomes connected to results, recognition, and being the person everyone depends on.
• 0:11
  SPEAKER_03: But when the role changes or the success stops feeling fulfilling, the deeper question becomes do I still know my value when I'm not proving it?
• 0:19
  SPEAKER_03: Today's conversation is about self-worth, the sixth silent war, and what it takes to lead from something deeper than titles, achievements, or outside approval.
• 0:33
  SPEAKER_00: Welcome to Your Thoughts, Your Reality with Michael Cold, the podcast that shines a compassionate light on the journey of veterans battling through life's challenges.
• 0:43
  SPEAKER_00: Michael is a dual elite certified neuroencoding specialist in coaching and keynote training presentations, dedicated to guiding military veterans as they navigate the intricate pathways of post-deployment life.
• 0:55
  SPEAKER_00: Join him as we delve into the profound realm of neuroencoding science, empowering these brave individuals to conquer universal battles, procrastination, self-doubt, fear, and more.
• 1:06
  SPEAKER_00: Together, let's uncover the strength within you to re-engage with families and society, forging a new path forward.
• 1:18
  SPEAKER_03: Dominika Stanovich is a leadership coach, speaker, and neuroencoding specialist.
• 1:23
  SPEAKER_03: She helps leaders strengthen self-awareness, confidence, and of course, personal alignment.
• 1:29
  SPEAKER_03: Her work focuses on transforming the mindset patterns that shape how people lead and make decisions.
• 1:35
  SPEAKER_03: And Dominica helps individuals move beyond self-doubt, lead with and lead with greater authenticity.
• 1:41
  SPEAKER_03: Her message reminds us truly that lasting leadership starts with knowing our value from within.
• 1:47
  SPEAKER_03: Dominica, welcome back to Your Thought to Reality, of course.
• 1:51
  SPEAKER_03: And tell us a little more about yourself.
• 1:53
  SPEAKER_01: Mike, absolute pleasure and honor to be a guest again.
• 1:57
  SPEAKER_01: We are growing and we are developing every day with every client and with every experience.
• 2:03
  SPEAKER_01: And I think since we last met, it was over a year ago, I have had the privilege to work with some amazing humans, amazing leaders, and great companies.
• 2:13
  SPEAKER_01: You can, of course, check them out on my website.
• 2:15
  SPEAKER_01: That's not what we're talking about.
• 2:16
  SPEAKER_01: Because I believe today we're talking about something that every one of us has struggled with.
• 2:22
  SPEAKER_01: I know I have, and I know all of my leaders have as well.
• 2:26
  SPEAKER_01: Despite what we present outside, it seems that the outside mirror is the determinant of our life and how we choose to live.
• 2:36
  SPEAKER_01: And that's not the way, that's not the best way to live, and not the best way to lead.
• 2:41
  SPEAKER_01: And what we're talking about here is, of course, our self-worth.
• 2:44
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah, absolutely.
• 2:46
  SPEAKER_03: So I believe you actually, since we we've seen each other, you actually have a new certification as well, yeah?
• 2:51
  SPEAKER_01: Oh, yes.
• 2:51
  SPEAKER_01: I did an ICF certification.
• 2:54
  SPEAKER_01: So now my certification, not only NERN coding, elite brain health coach, mentor at Dr.
• 2:59
  SPEAKER_01: Eamon.
• 3:00
  SPEAKER_01: Now we've added also ICF, and I'm in the process of getting two more certifications.
• 3:06
  SPEAKER_01: I overdid it this year, but it's all for the greater good of my clients because every one of these certifications has different tools, and now I get to have a bigger toolbox and adapt it to clients and their needs.
• 3:20
  SPEAKER_03: Absolutely.
• 3:21
  SPEAKER_03: That's fantastic.
• 3:22
  SPEAKER_03: And congratulations, as always.
• 3:24
  SPEAKER_03: Um, so uh when you hear self-worth, and I and you're right, everybody, I I don't know anybody that hasn't dealt with it at some point, if not every day to some extent, right?
• 3:35
  SPEAKER_03: Self-worth is again the sixth silent war.
• 3:38
  SPEAKER_03: What does that mean to you personally?
• 3:40
  SPEAKER_01: To me personally, it is actually detaching myself from the outside world and looking what the value is for me.
• 3:50
  SPEAKER_01: Do I like what I see in the mirror?
• 3:54
  SPEAKER_01: Do I like how I behave?
• 3:56
  SPEAKER_01: Is this what I want to see in my everyday life?
• 4:02
  SPEAKER_01: And am I happy going to bed?
• 4:04
  SPEAKER_01: Now that is very important because we just spoke about overdoing with certifications.
• 4:10
  SPEAKER_01: That is something that a lot of people with low self-worth do.
• 4:15
  SPEAKER_01: We collect hundreds and thousands of certificates to prove to the world that we know what we know.
• 4:23
  SPEAKER_01: And sometimes I catch myself falling into that trap as well, despite the fact that I truly believe that my self-worth is pretty good.
• 4:32
  SPEAKER_01: I still fall into that trap of getting another degree, another certification.
• 4:38
  SPEAKER_01: The truth is we are great, and what we know sometimes is enough to change the world because we already know more than everybody else outside of us in our environment.
• 4:51
  SPEAKER_01: And there's never, ever, ever a moment where you will be a person that has all the knowledge in the world and you will have value in everybody else's eyes because everybody has their own self-worth perspective.
• 5:07
  SPEAKER_01: What do they value?
• 5:08
  SPEAKER_01: Do they value knowledge?
• 5:09
  SPEAKER_01: Do they value experience?
• 5:11
  SPEAKER_01: Do they value, I don't know, whatever that might be?
• 5:14
  SPEAKER_01: So have you fallen to that trap?
• 5:16
  SPEAKER_01: Because I know I have.
• 5:56
  SPEAKER_01: So for me, and I suggest this to everybody, if you don't have your own pathway, this could be a way to do it, is asking myself, why am I doing this?
• 6:08
  SPEAKER_01: For me, it was I encountered a client where I had to consult my mentors and ask additional questions because I didn't know how to help them.
• 6:19
  SPEAKER_01: And I went, okay, so that is a knowledge gap that I would like to have because this might show up again.
• 6:26
  SPEAKER_01: Now, the certification per se wasn't because if I have the certification, more people will recognize my value.
• 6:35
  SPEAKER_01: So it was internal need instead of outside validation.
• 6:39
  SPEAKER_03: Absolutely, absolutely.
• 6:40
  SPEAKER_03: So, you know, for people listening and of course, people uh listening on the podcast later on, just keep that in mind.
• 6:45
  SPEAKER_03: I mean, there's it's the question why?
• 6:48
  SPEAKER_03: Why am I really doing this?
• 6:49
  SPEAKER_03: So just go inside and and and really think about that and just take a couple of minutes because we do get in that trap of I need to prove, I need to prove, I need to prove, right?
• 6:59
  SPEAKER_03: So I want to ask this next because it just goes right into it.
• 7:02
  SPEAKER_03: Why do so many leaders really confuse being valuable with being useful, productive, or needed for that matter?
• 7:11
  SPEAKER_01: So I would put that on a carp of society and the way we are raised.
• 7:17
  SPEAKER_01: So notice that our value when when I was raising my kids, I don't know how about you know, people who are listening, is I would ask them, how do you feel about this?
• 7:28
  SPEAKER_01: Did you do the best you could?
• 7:30
  SPEAKER_01: Are you happy with your result?
• 7:33
  SPEAKER_01: The grade was never the first question, because the grade is the outside validation which we measure against.
• 7:41
  SPEAKER_01: And I have met countless amazing leaders who were C students because they had a passion for a certain region element of knowledge, and they would pursue that with excitement, which was contagious to their environment, and they became a natural leader.
• 7:59
  SPEAKER_01: And then I've met people who were straight A students and they were just doing okay.
• 8:04
  SPEAKER_01: They were doing everything right, but they weren't able to create an uprising of emotion, of power, of people following them because they inspire.
• 8:15
  SPEAKER_01: And I think that is a very, very big difference.
• 8:19
  SPEAKER_01: Very often, leaders are asked to perform KPIs, meet standards.
• 8:25
  SPEAKER_01: But how many leaders ask themselves?
• 8:27
  SPEAKER_01: I know my leaders that come to me very often miss that question.
• 8:32
  SPEAKER_01: Is that in line with my values?
• 8:34
  SPEAKER_01: Is this how I would like to lead this environment and this group?
• 8:40
  SPEAKER_01: Is this company representing the values and the core identity that I have?
• 8:45
  SPEAKER_01: And do I have a core identity, my non-negotiables?
• 8:50
  SPEAKER_01: Because although we change and evolve as humans, our core values usually stay the same.
• 8:57
  SPEAKER_02: Very true, very true.
• 8:59
  SPEAKER_02: So, so you know, when when I don't want to ask this.
• 9:16
  SPEAKER_03: Oh, absolutely.
• 9:17
  SPEAKER_01: We're taught that from the beginning.
• 9:19
  SPEAKER_01: Fake it till you make it.
• 9:20
  SPEAKER_01: When you're faking it, there's zero confidence, right?
• 9:23
  SPEAKER_01: It's pretending, and the imposter syndrome is just taking over, and then you come home, you feel the dissonance, you feel the disconnect.
• 9:32
  SPEAKER_01: I and the truth is that we very often, which is great, we look up, and Joseph McClender, our mentor, teaches that.
• 9:40
  SPEAKER_01: He says, look for others for possibilities.
• 9:44
  SPEAKER_01: But this is not a comparison, this is only what's possible.
• 9:48
  SPEAKER_01: But the next question most people don't ask, is that possibly what I want?
• 9:53
  SPEAKER_01: Because the fact that it's possible, that's great.
• 9:56
  SPEAKER_01: But is this where I want to go?
• 9:58
  SPEAKER_01: Because if it's not, then it still stays a possibility.
• 10:01
  SPEAKER_01: But if you look at your mentors as a comparison and that this is the outcome, you know, that everybody needs to have, and you're at the beginning of your road and they're already 40 years in, there's just no way in this world you can match that.
• 10:18
  SPEAKER_01: So you will feel always not good enough.
• 10:20
  SPEAKER_01: So, first of all, have mentors along the way at your level, one step above you.
• 10:26
  SPEAKER_01: And always ask yourself, is this where I want to go?
• 10:29
  SPEAKER_01: Is this the life I want to have?
• 10:31
  SPEAKER_01: Not only what I see on social media, but interview that mentor, have a conversation with that mentor, see how their private life looks like.
• 10:39
  SPEAKER_01: You know, is this how I want to live?
• 10:41
  SPEAKER_01: Because for a lot of people, there's a phenomenal experiment that was talking about by Stanford and UCLA, they were talking about that they asked people about success.
• 10:52
  SPEAKER_01: And I love the study because when they ask in public on social media, everybody was talking about cars and millions of dollars and big houses and gold and gosh knows what else, what we've been fed over and over.
• 11:06
  SPEAKER_01: But when they went to the same people, to their house, and did it in the privacy of their home, the success was drastically differently defined.
• 11:16
  SPEAKER_01: It was having a loving family, spending together vacation, enjoying dinners out, money was there, but not to the extent a car was there, but not necessarily in Mercedes.
• 11:30
  SPEAKER_01: It changed because very often we play a role that is not true to ourselves, which creates lack of self-esteem.
• 11:40
  unknown: Right.
• 11:41
  SPEAKER_01: Because then constantly we're not what we're telling people we are, and the dissonance keeps growing, the frustration keeps going, but having the courage, the strength to say, hey, my success, my identity, things that I love are not$50 billion houses and two million dollars in the bank.
• 12:05
  SPEAKER_01: That would be nice, right?
• 12:06
  SPEAKER_01: Nobody's gonna say no.
• 12:07
  SPEAKER_01: I mean, if you say no to two million dollars, I'll take it, right?
• 12:11
  SPEAKER_01: I'll take it in a heartbeat.
• 12:13
  SPEAKER_01: Yes, but that might not be your goal.
• 12:16
  SPEAKER_01: Your goal might be to live comfortably.
• 12:18
  SPEAKER_01: And I've met quite a few business owners, which I'm so proud of them.
• 12:22
  SPEAKER_01: After you know, working together, they go, you know what?
• 12:24
  SPEAKER_01: I redefine my success and I feel great about this.
• 12:28
  SPEAKER_01: And I'm like, what is it?
• 12:29
  SPEAKER_01: They go, you know, I would like to have a company that makes about$300,000 a month, but not more.
• 12:35
  SPEAKER_01: Because this is the space where I get to have time off, enough money, travel, great team.
• 12:42
  SPEAKER_01: And I'm not stressing 24-7, like, that's fantastic.
• 12:45
  SPEAKER_01: And the moment they started speaking up, you know what happened?
• 12:49
  SPEAKER_01: People in their environment started reassessing their success clues.
• 12:54
  SPEAKER_01: And it turns out that most of them did not meet the criteria or have the need for those two million dollars.
• 13:01
  SPEAKER_03: You know, it's it's funny because I've I've redefined success multiple times in my life, you know.
• 13:06
  SPEAKER_03: It it was at one point the house in the cars in this or that, and then you get to a point, you know, I'm I'm gonna be 55 next week, and you you go through life, and life kicks you around, and I'm always been one to keep moving and pivot and and do what needs to be done and be successful in that sense.
• 13:27
  SPEAKER_03: But what are you missing out on?
• 13:30
  SPEAKER_03: And that's that's kind of just like you were just talking about.
• 13:32
  SPEAKER_03: It's okay, well, I'm spent, I'm working 20, okay, 18 hours a day.
• 13:37
  SPEAKER_03: I'm missing life, I'm missing my wife, I'm missing grandchildren, you know, all of those different things.
• 13:42
  SPEAKER_03: And so when you reassess it, and I'm gonna say this, reassess it often.
• 13:47
  SPEAKER_03: Doesn't mean you have to change it, but just like like Coach D said, sorry, Coach Dominica is also known as Coach D, um, you you really can can keep your life more on on track with integrity and what you really want, like you said in the beginning.
• 14:01
  SPEAKER_03: So I love that you were talking about that.
• 14:03
  SPEAKER_01: And you're talking about seasons, and those seasons are so important.
• 14:08
  SPEAKER_01: The truth is, we can have everything we want, just not at once.
• 14:12
  SPEAKER_01: Yes, we will have everything we want in our lifetime if we reassess, like you did, your values, what's important to you.
• 14:21
  SPEAKER_01: I mean, there is time to play, there's time to work hard, there is time to raise a family, there's time for grandchildren.
• 14:29
  SPEAKER_01: But the truth is when we die, that money is not going anywhere.
• 14:33
  SPEAKER_03: Absolutely.
• 14:34
  SPEAKER_01: And if it's given very often, it's distributed in a way that those people who we've raised or were around us don't know how to use it, then it kind of disappears.
• 14:45
  SPEAKER_02: That is true.
• 14:46
  SPEAKER_01: Unfortunately, which really sucks for us humans, hard means satisfaction.
• 14:55
  SPEAKER_01: And despite whatever everybody tells you, satisfaction rarely comes from easy.
• 15:03
  SPEAKER_01: But feeling the effort, feeling the need, feeling the drive is something that drives humans.
• 15:10
  SPEAKER_01: On the other hand, we it's worth not to fall into the trap that everything has to be hard because some things could be effortless, right?
• 15:22
  SPEAKER_01: And if everything is hard, then we get overwhelmed, depressed, and our self-worth is non-existent because you go in your head and you go, Yeah, everything I do just sucks.
• 15:33
  SPEAKER_01: I can't get anything right, everything is so hard, I don't have the strength to deal with this.
• 15:39
  SPEAKER_01: But what if we choose our heart in each season?
• 15:43
  SPEAKER_01: Just one heart and go towards that, just one heart, not three hearts, not four hearts, not five, just one, and let everything else go, leave it for another season.
• 15:55
  SPEAKER_01: And when we achieve wherever we went, self-worth is tied to achievement, but achievement on your own terms, not of the outside world, and that is so, so important.
• 16:09
  SPEAKER_01: Is this good enough for me?
• 16:11
  SPEAKER_01: Is this good enough for me and my vision of my life?
• 16:15
  SPEAKER_01: Not my mom's, not my dad's, not my wives, not my husband's, not my kids.
• 16:21
  SPEAKER_01: Am I happy with what I've achieved?
• 16:24
  SPEAKER_01: And if you're good with, you know, whatever you have, and this is your happiness, that's great.
• 16:32
  SPEAKER_01: That is how you build self-worth.
• 16:35
  SPEAKER_01: You've worked on it and you achieve where you want to be.
• 16:37
  SPEAKER_01: And you don't have to say that, right?
• 16:38
  SPEAKER_01: As you said, we can assess that, go, okay, I was happy with, you know, I don't know, fiat, but now I would like to have a home diet or whatever that might be for you.
• 16:51
  SPEAKER_01: Or I was happy with working part-time because that was the season of my life.
• 16:55
  SPEAKER_01: Now I would like to have a more challenging project and learn new things, and I want to feel uncomfortable because growth and self-worth is also connected to discomfort.
• 17:07
  SPEAKER_03: Humans are complicated, it is, but it's not when you understand it.
• 17:14
  SPEAKER_03: So thank you for bringing that up.
• 17:16
  SPEAKER_03: And you know, I also want to say that hard that you talked about.
• 17:21
  SPEAKER_03: I I think if you're enjoying the journey, it's not as hard.
• 17:25
  SPEAKER_03: If you reframe it in your mind that the journey is is part of the success and it's not the end game, then you can really enjoy the hard, if you will, whether it's you know that that one or whatever it is.
• 17:38
  SPEAKER_03: I think it's really important to focus on the journey as well.
• 17:42
  SPEAKER_03: Can you talk about that for a second?
• 17:44
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, I think the journey is very important.
• 17:46
  SPEAKER_01: But one of the things we forget that our journey is never alone.
• 17:50
  SPEAKER_01: And we forget to ask for help.
• 17:53
  SPEAKER_01: And there are moments in that hard.
• 17:55
  SPEAKER_01: So that another Stanford study in UCLA was about the difficulty, the naming of emotions.
• 18:04
  SPEAKER_01: And that is so, so important.
• 18:06
  SPEAKER_01: When you name that something is hard, the stress level drops, and your prefrontal cortex goes online, goes, okay, let's solve this.
• 18:15
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, we don't need to do this alone.
• 18:17
  SPEAKER_01: Life is not meant to be done alone.
• 18:20
  SPEAKER_01: One person can help you, you know, drive you to work, another person can help you, I don't know, clean the house, whatever that might be.
• 18:27
  SPEAKER_01: We don't have to do this alone, and it doesn't have to be a life partner.
• 18:30
  SPEAKER_01: It can be your child, it can be your friend, it could be your best friend, it can be a stranger on the street that opens the door for you.
• 18:38
  SPEAKER_01: Question is, do you notice that you have a whole array of people who are willing to help?
• 18:45
  SPEAKER_01: Most of them probably will not charge you for small favors.
• 18:48
  SPEAKER_01: Why?
• 18:49
  SPEAKER_01: Because it makes them feel good.
• 18:51
  SPEAKER_01: The journey is part of the process.
• 18:53
  SPEAKER_01: We can't skip the journey.
• 18:55
  SPEAKER_01: Absolutely.
• 18:56
  SPEAKER_01: We can do, we can design the journey in a way that is less hard and have also those pockets of support systems when it gets too difficult for whatever reason that we can pick up a phone and start crying.
• 19:11
  SPEAKER_01: I do that, I have my set of people.
• 19:14
  SPEAKER_01: Uh, I don't know if they still like me because I usually call them when life sucks.
• 19:17
  SPEAKER_01: I have to start calling calling them when life doesn't suck.
• 19:21
  SPEAKER_03: You should call in when you're celebrating too for sure.
• 19:24
  SPEAKER_01: Yes, yes.
• 19:25
  SPEAKER_01: So I will make a note to myself.
• 19:27
  SPEAKER_01: Call them when I'm celebrating and share the successes.
• 19:30
  SPEAKER_03: Just to shock them for a second, you know.
• 19:31
  SPEAKER_03: I'm just so you know, I think it's a good thing.
• 19:34
  SPEAKER_03: To put them in discomfort, like, what's wrong with you?
• 19:37
  SPEAKER_03: Right.
• 19:37
  SPEAKER_03: It's like she's calling.
• 19:41
  SPEAKER_03: So let me ask you this: how does unstable self-worth affect the way a leader makes decisions, handles criticism, or really responds when someone just challenges them?
• 19:51
  SPEAKER_01: Fantastic question.
• 19:53
  SPEAKER_01: It literally takes away your power.
• 19:56
  SPEAKER_01: That that's as simple as I can put it.
• 19:58
  SPEAKER_01: See, low self-worth, you come from a place of fear and being judged and being rejected.
• 20:05
  SPEAKER_01: Fear produces cortisol.
• 20:07
  SPEAKER_01: Cortisol that is permanently running, cortisol is a good thing, but permanently running in your system shuts off your prefrontal cortex, which is responsible for decision making, forecasting, ideas, future self, even daydreaming, which is so important, so we can create new ideas, it blocks access to your memory system.
• 20:28
  SPEAKER_01: And that is just not leadership, because leadership is grounded, leadership is clarity, leadership is understanding and navigating.
• 20:40
  SPEAKER_01: You can't do that if you feel not enough and you're on constant improving.
• 20:45
  SPEAKER_01: That is where the micromanaging comes from, which is the worst style of leader.
• 20:50
  SPEAKER_01: Well, I wouldn't say leadership, that's not even leadership, that's management style.
• 20:53
  SPEAKER_02: Management, yeah, right.
• 20:55
  SPEAKER_01: So all of those things, you cannot be a great leader if you cannot handle your own emotions and your own brain.
• 21:03
  SPEAKER_03: Period.
• 21:04
  SPEAKER_03: Absolutely.
• 21:05
  SPEAKER_03: I I I love that you said that.
• 21:07
  SPEAKER_03: And and you know, great leaders also rely on their team, right?
• 21:11
  SPEAKER_03: You're talking about getting further faster earlier.
• 21:13
  SPEAKER_03: You didn't say that specifically, but it's in my head because that's been conditioned.
• 21:18
  SPEAKER_01: I know.
• 21:19
  SPEAKER_03: I know, you know.
• 21:22
  SPEAKER_03: So, I mean, when you ask for help and the people around you, I mean, the team feels much more valued, if you will.
• 21:31
  SPEAKER_03: I mean, for instance, for me, I ask people's opinion before making decisions generally.
• 21:35
  SPEAKER_03: You know, I want to use their brains because you know what?
• 21:39
  SPEAKER_03: I don't want to be the smartest person in the room.
• 21:41
  SPEAKER_03: I want the team to give me feedback and thoughts and things to make the best decisions possible.
• 21:46
  SPEAKER_03: So I really love that you brought that up.
• 21:48
  SPEAKER_01: I think perspective is so important because they have different life experiences and they see the same thing in a very different light.
• 21:55
  SPEAKER_01: And maybe their light just might be better or more useful.
• 22:00
  SPEAKER_01: This situation.
• 22:01
  SPEAKER_03: Absolutely.
• 22:02
  SPEAKER_03: And I always say, you know what?
• 22:04
  SPEAKER_03: Use everybody's ideas, even when in the construction company, right?
• 22:07
  SPEAKER_03: It's when I'm talking to a client, it's we're we're brainstorming as part of a team to have the best outcome in the end.
• 22:13
  SPEAKER_03: Because that's what matters.
• 22:15
  SPEAKER_03: It's not ego, it shouldn't be ego.
• 22:16
  SPEAKER_03: Let me rephrase that.
• 22:17
  SPEAKER_03: It shouldn't be those kinds of things, right?
• 22:19
  SPEAKER_03: It should be a partnership in that sense, in my opinion.
• 22:23
  SPEAKER_01: You know, one of my favorite designs of teams is fluid leadership.
• 22:28
  SPEAKER_01: And that is a concept that I absolutely love, where we know our team well enough.
• 22:33
  SPEAKER_01: We're we're doing a task or there's a goal or whatever we need to get the project done.
• 22:39
  SPEAKER_01: And along the project, leaders change based on skills within the team.
• 22:45
  SPEAKER_01: So it shifts.
• 22:46
  SPEAKER_01: Somebody is great, and you know, there's just the time to analyze data, the leadership goes to one person.
• 22:51
  SPEAKER_01: This is the time to be creative, another person starts to lead that.
• 22:55
  SPEAKER_01: This is the time to be firm and stern with a client.
• 22:58
  SPEAKER_01: This leadership shifts.
• 23:00
  SPEAKER_01: And that way everybody plays a part and it becomes a common effort, common goal.
• 23:07
  SPEAKER_01: And everybody feels like they were a part of it.
• 23:09
  SPEAKER_01: Now, that also builds self-esteem because people feel, as you said, needed.
• 23:16
  SPEAKER_01: I was important.
• 23:17
  SPEAKER_01: I could make a decision.
• 23:19
  SPEAKER_01: Decision, ability to make decisions within a team is crucial, absolutely crucial for building self-esteem because that means somebody trusts the way I see the world and how I think.
• 23:32
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah, yeah, you uh they've been seen, is always a beautiful thing.
• 23:36
  SPEAKER_03: I create value, everything you just said, absolutely love that.
• 23:39
  SPEAKER_03: Um, what's the we're gonna we're I can't believe we're already almost done.
• 23:44
  SPEAKER_03: Oh, we are?
• 23:44
  SPEAKER_03: Oops, we're getting there, we're getting there.
• 23:47
  SPEAKER_03: So I want to ask this is what's the real difference between believing you can perform well and believing you're worthy um even when you don't?
• 24:00
  SPEAKER_01: Grace and gratitude.
• 24:03
  SPEAKER_01: See, the moment we create an expectation for a leader or anybody else of perfection, we're setting them up to fail.
• 24:12
  SPEAKER_01: And understanding that I will not perform at all times at the highest level is giving ourselves grace.
• 24:24
  SPEAKER_01: And that's where we go back to the beginning of our conversations is did I do the best I could at that time, right?
• 24:33
  SPEAKER_01: Is it enough?
• 24:34
  SPEAKER_01: Now, is the outcome the way I wanted?
• 24:38
  SPEAKER_01: Probably not exactly, but I'm still further along, right?
• 24:42
  SPEAKER_01: Did I pick myself up after I failed?
• 24:45
  SPEAKER_01: And that also builds your self-esteem.
• 24:47
  SPEAKER_01: And that that also every time you get up, this is the time to say, I I freaking rock.
• 24:52
  SPEAKER_01: I'm amazing.
• 24:53
  SPEAKER_01: I got up despite the fact that I felt like staying in bed and not doing anything, because it proves to your brain and to your environment and to yourself that you are able to crawl out of the hole that you just jumped into or were thrown into or life threw you into because it's not always you, sometimes it happened.
• 25:14
  SPEAKER_01: True, and the ability to understand that it happens to other people as well allows for grace, and that grace is necessary.
• 25:25
  SPEAKER_01: Perfectionism is one-way street, and it's not the street you want to end up because there's the end of the road.
• 25:32
  SPEAKER_01: Perfectionism is very, very difficult, and it comes from fear, yeah.
• 25:37
  SPEAKER_01: Planning for imperfection allows you though to be joyful because it helps you understand that you're human and humanity is the imperfection.
• 25:50
  SPEAKER_01: We're not AI, and guess what?
• 25:52
  SPEAKER_01: Even chat GPT makes mistakes, plenty of them.
• 25:56
  SPEAKER_01: Robots break.
• 25:58
  SPEAKER_01: So there is nothing perfect yet.
• 26:00
  SPEAKER_01: For some unknown reason, we believe that there is a way to be out of it.
• 26:05
  SPEAKER_01: The moment you take the way to be out of context, that is not the perfect way.
• 26:12
  SPEAKER_01: So, what if we would allow ourselves to be imperfect as leaders and we would admit the vulnerability that would allow our teams to feel vulnerable and connected to us, he's or she is, just like me.
• 26:26
  SPEAKER_01: She's not perfect.
• 26:28
  SPEAKER_01: They would uh give us grace with our mistakes, they would feel comfortable coming to us saying, Hey, you know what, that didn't work out very well, and your ability to go, hmm, okay, yeah, maybe that wasn't so great.
• 26:42
  SPEAKER_01: Let me redo this without the punishment.
• 26:46
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, I promise your leadership skills will grow exponentially and your teams will succeed like nowhere before because you will be leading by example, not by theory.
• 26:58
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah, absolutely.
• 26:59
  SPEAKER_03: So, and I want to add to that is you know, we don't learn from success as much as we learn from mistakes.
• 27:06
  SPEAKER_03: And if we get up, I'm gonna use Rocky Balboa, the Rocky movies, right?
• 27:10
  SPEAKER_03: How many times have we knocked down and got the hell back up?
• 27:13
  SPEAKER_03: So it's it's very similar, but as long as you learn from it and your team is learning from it, it just makes it even more cohesive to move forward where when that next success from that comes, right?
• 27:25
  SPEAKER_03: Would you agree with that?
• 27:26
  SPEAKER_01: Yes, and you know how amazing it is to see a person you're looking up to fail, not because you wish they're failed, but you go, if they failed, that means I can too.
• 27:36
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah.
• 27:36
  SPEAKER_03: And they learned from it and then had success from the from learning from it, the gift can it be.
• 27:41
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah, I love that.
• 27:43
  SPEAKER_03: What time is it?
• 27:43
  SPEAKER_03: I totally lost time just paying attention, talking.
• 27:46
  SPEAKER_03: Sorry.
• 27:46
  SPEAKER_03: So we we are at time, but I do want to ask, you know, we're we're we've shown kind of the darkness of what it what it can be.
• 27:53
  SPEAKER_03: We've cut some light onto it.
• 27:55
  SPEAKER_03: Now, give us some uh some examples of really moving forward when and really building.
• 28:04
  SPEAKER_03: I know we talked about you know success, you know, builds self-worth.
• 28:09
  SPEAKER_03: So, what are some other things that people can literally do skill sets to help build that before success happens?
• 28:17
  SPEAKER_01: One of my favorite exercises is going at night before you go to bed and write down two things.
• 28:28
  SPEAKER_01: You did great, just two things, and write them down because most people don't realize, but we the learning happens when we're asleep, not when we're awake.
• 28:38
  SPEAKER_01: So that's when the learning happens.
• 28:41
  SPEAKER_01: That's one.
• 28:42
  SPEAKER_03: Explain that just a little bit, please.
• 28:43
  SPEAKER_03: Why does it happen when we're asleep?
• 28:46
  SPEAKER_01: When we're asleep, our brain starts to clean up and the fluids go through the brain, get rid of bits and pieces of information that we take in.
• 28:55
  SPEAKER_01: And from the first memory, so the short-term memory, now your brain transfers information to the long-term memory and creates neuropathways that later on can be enhanced by repeating something.
• 29:09
  SPEAKER_01: So learning happens actually when we're asleep, acquiring information when we're awake, but learning happens when we're asleep.
• 29:17
  SPEAKER_01: So that's the biological function of the brain.
• 29:19
  SPEAKER_01: It is important because when we program our brain, when we work with our brain, the sleep factor is important.
• 29:25
  SPEAKER_01: You do need enough sleep.
• 29:26
  SPEAKER_01: Second thing you can do to build that self-worth, because that's what we're talking about, is remind yourself of the image, how you want to be, and how did you match that who you want to be today?
• 29:40
  SPEAKER_01: So you first need to know who you want to represent, how do you want to show up, how do you want to behave.
• 29:47
  SPEAKER_01: And we're great at remembering things we messed up, we're fantastic at it.
• 29:52
  SPEAKER_01: But what you could do is again in the evening, go, okay, this is how I want to show up.
• 29:58
  SPEAKER_01: In which situations today did I show up the way I wanted to, the way I am, I believe I am.
• 30:06
  SPEAKER_01: Because your brain needs proof.
• 30:08
  SPEAKER_01: And this is like something I keep repeating over and over.
• 30:11
  SPEAKER_01: Your brain needs proof for you to believe something.
• 30:14
  SPEAKER_01: And to dismantle beliefs that were kind of given to you by the environment and by the programming, by you know, society, by your parents, you need to prove to yourself that what you're thinking is true.
• 30:26
  SPEAKER_01: So, how did I show up?
• 30:28
  SPEAKER_01: Was I honest today?
• 30:29
  SPEAKER_01: And in which situations?
• 30:31
  SPEAKER_01: Yes, that is true.
• 30:32
  SPEAKER_01: I'm an honest person.
• 30:33
  SPEAKER_01: Let's say that is your value.
• 30:34
  SPEAKER_01: Another thing you can do for self-worth is actually, and you know this one, it's celebrate.
• 30:44
  SPEAKER_03: Oh, sorry, I didn't know you're waiting for me.
• 30:46
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah, celebrating.
• 30:48
  SPEAKER_03: Woohoo!
• 30:49
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, celebrating every time you kept your word to yourself, and that is the most important part.
• 30:56
  SPEAKER_01: I don't care what you promise others, I care how often do you keep the word you gave yourself, because that's how self-worth is built, an identity.
• 31:08
  SPEAKER_01: Saying, I'll exercise tomorrow and you don't go actually tells your brain that you're not a person of value and you don't keep your word, which creates then that behavior outside, and you don't even realize it.
• 31:21
  SPEAKER_01: So when you talk to yourself and you make plans, make sure you can actually deliver them, make sure that those plans are realistic and you will follow through no matter what.
• 31:34
  SPEAKER_01: That's the part of building yourself worth as well.
• 31:37
  SPEAKER_03: Love it, absolutely love it.
• 31:38
  SPEAKER_03: So, Dominica, for everyone listening who connected with your message, what's the best way for them to learn more about your work, follow you, book you, or just support what you're building?
• 31:47
  SPEAKER_01: That is absolutely great question.
• 31:49
  SPEAKER_01: So I will invite everybody who's on LinkedIn, please.
• 31:52
  SPEAKER_01: If you speak Polish, there's a Polish newsletter, and then there is an English newsletter, Neurowired for Success.
• 31:59
  SPEAKER_01: Please subscribe to that.
• 32:00
  SPEAKER_01: You can find me on my website, yourbraincoachd.com or dominika saniewicz.com for speaking engagements, keynotes, and trainings, as well as you can find me on Instagram and that's yourbraincoach thee.com and Facebook, your braincoach thee.com.
• 32:19
  SPEAKER_01: So basically, wherever you go, your braincoachd.com, coach thee.
• 32:25
  SPEAKER_03: Awesome.
• 32:26
  SPEAKER_03: Um, as we know, time is the most precious resource we have as human beings.
• 32:29
  SPEAKER_03: We can't get it back.
• 32:30
  SPEAKER_03: So again, Coach D, Coach D, uh thank you for spending this moment in time to help our mission really just make a difference.
• 32:38
  SPEAKER_01: My honest, honest respect, you're doing fantastic work.
• 32:42
  SPEAKER_01: It has been a privilege and an honor to be a guest again.
• 32:45
  SPEAKER_03: Thank you so much.
• 32:46
  SPEAKER_03: If something in today's conversation resonated with you, don't just move on to the next thing.
• 32:51
  SPEAKER_03: If if coach D said something, sit with it for a minute and just lean into it.
• 32:56
  SPEAKER_03: So, because it matters, right?
• 32:58
  SPEAKER_03: If you know someone who needs to hear this, share this episode with them.
• 33:02
  SPEAKER_03: You can also join us at your thoughtsyreality.com where we continue these conversations around identity, transition, resilience, and growth.
• 33:10
  SPEAKER_03: And remember, your thoughts shape your reality.
• 33:13
  SPEAKER_03: We're out of here.
• 33:18
  SPEAKER_00: Thank you for joining us on another insightful journey of Your Thoughts, your reality podcast with your host, Michael Cole.
• 33:25
  SPEAKER_00: We hope the conversation sparked some thoughts that resonate with you.
• 33:29
  SPEAKER_00: To dive deeper into empowering your thoughts and enhancing your reality, visit EmpowerPerformance Strategies.com.
• 33:36
  SPEAKER_00: Remember, your thoughts shape your reality, so make them count.
• 33:40
  SPEAKER_00: Until next time, stay inspired and keep creating the reality you desire.
• 33:45
  SPEAKER_00: Catch you on the next episode.