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Want To Get A Man’s Attention? You Need This! · Pursuit of Sassiness

• 0:16
  Speaker 1: Hey, I do to part two.
• 0:17
  Speaker 2: It's your resident real life single guy in chapter two,
• 0:20
  Speaker 2: mister Wright, and I'm back to answer more of your
• 0:23
  Speaker 2: questions and give you the honest opinion that will hopefully
• 0:26
  Speaker 2: give you some insight on how men think. So since
• 0:31
  Speaker 2: our last episode, we've got tons of comments, back emails, voicemails.
• 0:35
  Speaker 2: It started a lot of conversations. So let's get started
• 0:39
  Speaker 2: here and go through some of the comments and emails
• 0:42
  Speaker 2: that we've gotten since our last episode. So our first
• 0:45
  Speaker 2: listener question came in from Lisa, who's forty eight, and
• 0:48
  Speaker 2: this is what she wrote, do guys, quote unquote do
• 0:51
  Speaker 2: research before a first date. Women will know a mom's name,
• 0:56
  Speaker 2: what kind of dog your cousin has, etc.
• 1:00
  Speaker 1: What is it like for guys?
• 1:02
  Speaker 2: All right, Lisa, So guys tend to do a little
• 1:05
  Speaker 2: bit of research, but really it's basically very simple. We
• 1:09
  Speaker 2: want to know if you're single, we want to know
• 1:12
  Speaker 2: what your friends think about you.
• 1:14
  Speaker 1: It's pretty I think it's pretty.
• 1:15
  Speaker 2: Surface, and I think guys really are looking for whatever
• 1:20
  Speaker 2: that connection is between the guy and the girl where
• 1:24
  Speaker 2: this is interesting, where maybe some women are looking for
• 1:27
  Speaker 2: some more deep down research and background information. I think
• 1:32
  Speaker 2: guys are trying to trying to figure out it on
• 1:34
  Speaker 2: their own. And so I think while it's important to
• 1:37
  Speaker 2: know whether or not you know you're dating somebody that's
• 1:40
  Speaker 2: kind of that will fit you outside of just the chemistry,
• 1:44
  Speaker 2: I think it's a little bit more of a mystery
• 1:46
  Speaker 2: for guys than it is for girls. So now we're
• 1:50
  Speaker 2: into our next question comes from Amy, who's fifty one,
• 1:53
  Speaker 2: and what she writes is this, what are men looking
• 1:55
  Speaker 2: for in a relationship where they're in their thirties than
• 1:59
  Speaker 2: in their forties, in their fifties, and what will they
• 2:02
  Speaker 2: want in their sixties and seventies And does it differ
• 2:06
  Speaker 2: as you get older or some things just stay the same.
• 2:10
  Speaker 2: All right, this is a big old question to unpack.
• 2:12
  Speaker 2: So let's start in our thirties. So what men are
• 2:15
  Speaker 2: looking for in their thirties is kind of a life partner.
• 2:17
  Speaker 2: They're looking for someone that they're going to start a
• 2:19
  Speaker 2: family with, that they're going to build a life with,
• 2:22
  Speaker 2: by their first home, with all of these things that
• 2:25
  Speaker 2: are that happen kind of in your early stages of
• 2:28
  Speaker 2: a relationship. And then when you get into your forties,
• 2:32
  Speaker 2: some guys are into their next chapter. So at this point,
• 2:35
  Speaker 2: now they're looking at kind of what does their stable
• 2:39
  Speaker 2: life look like, And if they're in their chapter two now,
• 2:43
  Speaker 2: they're looking for a reset. And they've probably learned some
• 2:46
  Speaker 2: lessons from their thirties that they don't want to.
• 2:47
  Speaker 1: Repeat when they're in their forties.
• 2:50
  Speaker 2: So I think a guy in their forties is certainly
• 2:53
  Speaker 2: a little bit wiser, a little bit more confident, kind
• 2:57
  Speaker 2: of knows what they're looking for, and has learned from
• 2:59
  Speaker 2: some estates they might have made in their thirties. Now
• 3:03
  Speaker 2: when you get into your fifties, now these are guys
• 3:07
  Speaker 2: that are going through really into the next chapter, not
• 3:10
  Speaker 2: just the next chapter of their relationship, but the real
• 3:13
  Speaker 2: next chapter of their lives. If they've had children, those
• 3:16
  Speaker 2: kids are probably graduating from high school in their fifties,
• 3:20
  Speaker 2: they may be going off to college, they may be
• 3:21
  Speaker 2: even graduating from college in their fifties. And what they're
• 3:26
  Speaker 2: looking for is really somebody that's going to take them
• 3:29
  Speaker 2: probably into the rest of their lives in terms of
• 3:32
  Speaker 2: dating and relationship. And you know, these fifty year old guys,
• 3:37
  Speaker 2: if they've been either newly single or single for a while,
• 3:41
  Speaker 2: they're probably a little bit more set in their way.
• 3:44
  Speaker 1: So just be aware.
• 3:45
  Speaker 2: That that old adage about teaching a new dog old
• 3:48
  Speaker 2: tricks or old.
• 3:49
  Speaker 1: Dog new tricks.
• 3:50
  Speaker 2: Well, you've got a fifty year old man that may
• 3:54
  Speaker 2: be pretty set in their waves, which kind of can
• 3:57
  Speaker 2: be a good thing, because you know what you're going
• 3:59
  Speaker 2: to get. A guy in their thirties or their forties
• 4:02
  Speaker 2: might still be growing and maturing. But a guy in
• 4:05
  Speaker 2: their fifties, they've probably had a career, they've raised children,
• 4:10
  Speaker 2: they've probably been through at least one or two or
• 4:13
  Speaker 2: even three serious relationships. So you're gonna get a guy
• 4:17
  Speaker 2: who knows what they want, that has a sense of confidence,
• 4:20
  Speaker 2: but know that it might be difficult to change them
• 4:23
  Speaker 2: in their ways.
• 4:24
  Speaker 3: Wait, sorry, mister Ray, I have to jump in here.
• 4:27
  Speaker 3: Please so tell me then, if men are set in
• 4:30
  Speaker 3: their ways in their fifties, why do they often gravitate
• 4:35
  Speaker 3: towards younger women.
• 4:38
  Speaker 2: Well, a lot of times they're to gravitating towards younger
• 4:40
  Speaker 2: women because they might feel that those younger women may
• 4:46
  Speaker 2: be willing to put up with a guy that's sitting
• 4:49
  Speaker 2: in their ways that might know that you know that
• 4:51
  Speaker 2: they're not going to be as malleable as a guy
• 4:55
  Speaker 2: in their thirties and in their forties, and and you know,
• 4:59
  Speaker 2: in a lot of times, women in their fifties are
• 5:01
  Speaker 2: just as set in their ways and just as confident,
• 5:04
  Speaker 2: and you know, and just as experienced as guys in
• 5:07
  Speaker 2: their fifties. So it might be, and you know, I'm
• 5:09
  Speaker 2: going to get beat up for saying this by my
• 5:12
  Speaker 2: other guy friends, but guys might be looking for somebody
• 5:15
  Speaker 2: younger that may not be quite as set in their
• 5:19
  Speaker 2: ways and might be more willing to adjust to a
• 5:22
  Speaker 2: lifestyle or to something that the older guy is looking for.
• 5:26
  Speaker 3: That makes sense, mister right, Thanks for that intel, But
• 5:28
  Speaker 3: now I do want to know what they're looking for
• 5:30
  Speaker 3: in their sixties and seventies.
• 5:32
  Speaker 2: Now, sixties and seventies, now we're getting into you know,
• 5:36
  Speaker 2: kind of the you know, kind of the golden years.
• 5:38
  Speaker 2: And at that point, you know, you are looking for
• 5:41
  Speaker 2: that perfect companion. And I think that while you might
• 5:44
  Speaker 2: be you know, set in your ways to a certain degree,
• 5:49
  Speaker 2: I think at this point now there's a sense of
• 5:51
  Speaker 2: vulnerability where you might all of a sudden now be
• 5:55
  Speaker 2: willing to adjust your life a little bit more for
• 5:58
  Speaker 2: a partner, and you know, you are really looking for
• 6:03
  Speaker 2: who that person's going to be for the rest of
• 6:05
  Speaker 2: your life. So I think that there is probably this
• 6:08
  Speaker 2: pivot where guys go from being you know, young and
• 6:13
  Speaker 2: inexperienced to getting more confident and set in their ways,
• 6:17
  Speaker 2: and there might be a little regression back to a
• 6:19
  Speaker 2: point where you're like, wait a second, maybe to make
• 6:22
  Speaker 2: this thing work, I need to be more accepting, I
• 6:25
  Speaker 2: need to be a little more flexible. And I think
• 6:27
  Speaker 2: that's what happens later on, you know, for a man,
• 6:31
  Speaker 2: certainly when they're looking for a partner that's going to
• 6:33
  Speaker 2: be with them for the rest of their lives. So
• 6:36
  Speaker 2: Kristin who's thirty seven rights, do guys ever really say
• 6:40
  Speaker 2: what truly bothers them in a relationship? How can you
• 6:44
  Speaker 2: get a guy to open up so he doesn't feel
• 6:46
  Speaker 2: like he's being grilled? All right, So we are talking
• 6:50
  Speaker 2: chapter two here now. Guys I think are hesitant to
• 6:55
  Speaker 2: talk about what truly bothers him in the moment because
• 6:58
  Speaker 2: they don't want to upset the appu card. Guys generally
• 7:01
  Speaker 2: are I think, are less confrontational in the moment. Not
• 7:04
  Speaker 2: saying that we're less confrontational all the time, but I
• 7:07
  Speaker 2: think in a moment, if something is bothering them, I
• 7:10
  Speaker 2: think they were a little reticent to bring it up
• 7:12
  Speaker 2: right then and there. And oftentimes guys will let things
• 7:16
  Speaker 2: fester and then it'll will kind of blow up, and
• 7:20
  Speaker 2: it won't have anything really to do with the original
• 7:22
  Speaker 2: thing that was bothering them. It'll manifest in something small
• 7:26
  Speaker 2: and silly. And so I think it's important for, you know,
• 7:30
  Speaker 2: both the man and the woman or both the partners
• 7:34
  Speaker 2: to be constantly trying to make sure that they're looking
• 7:36
  Speaker 2: for signals that they're asking the right questions that aren't
• 7:40
  Speaker 2: interpreted as as Kristin was saying, grilling, but rather curious.
• 7:45
  Speaker 1: And you know, I think it's just being a little
• 7:47
  Speaker 1: self aware.
• 7:49
  Speaker 2: If you know, if I did something or a partner
• 7:51
  Speaker 2: did something, and I recognize, wait a second, that isn't
• 7:54
  Speaker 2: that isn't a healthy reaction, that isn't a loving or
• 7:57
  Speaker 2: caring reaction. Even if they don't say something, I think
• 8:01
  Speaker 2: it's my responsibility to recognize that and see that maybe
• 8:04
  Speaker 2: that is bothering them, and then maybe figure out how
• 8:07
  Speaker 2: to elicit a response that doesn't seem like you're being interrogated,
• 8:11
  Speaker 2: that doesn't seem like you're being intrusive, but that you're
• 8:14
  Speaker 2: just saying I just want to know if this is right,
• 8:17
  Speaker 2: or if this is bothering you, if we're going in
• 8:20
  Speaker 2: the right direction. So I mean, it is a Rubik's
• 8:24
  Speaker 2: cube trying to figure out a guy and his emotions.
• 8:28
  Speaker 1: I get that we're.
• 8:29
  Speaker 2: Difficult, we're complicated, we have thick skin, we have thick skulls.
• 8:34
  Speaker 2: But I think it's worth taking the time and effort
• 8:37
  Speaker 2: to be gentle about trying to unwrap what might be
• 8:42
  Speaker 2: bothering your partner.
• 8:43
  Speaker 1: It might be bothering that guy.
• 8:46
  Speaker 2: And not letting it get to a point where it's
• 8:49
  Speaker 2: hitting like this pressure situation, and that pressure explodes over
• 8:54
  Speaker 2: something totally small and tiny because it hasn't been unwrapped
• 8:59
  Speaker 2: before then. So again, I'm not saying that it's going
• 9:02
  Speaker 2: to be easy, but I think it is necessary and
• 9:05
  Speaker 2: it is crucial for the health of a long term
• 9:08
  Speaker 2: relationship for both partners, certainly to figure out how to
• 9:13
  Speaker 2: figure out when something's bothering the other person, when something
• 9:16
  Speaker 2: is you know, just not right, Because I mean, both
• 9:21
  Speaker 2: neither the other partner wants to go and push someone.
• 9:23
  Speaker 1: Over the edge.
• 9:24
  Speaker 2: They don't want to. They don't want to intentionally, you know,
• 9:26
  Speaker 2: push their buttons. Well sometimes they do, but I think
• 9:28
  Speaker 2: generally you don't want to put somebody in a situation
• 9:31
  Speaker 2: where they're getting upset, where they're getting bothered, and then
• 9:33
  Speaker 2: it festers and just lingers until it explodes one day.
• 9:39
  Speaker 2: And unfortunately, sometimes you might not know what it was
• 9:41
  Speaker 2: to cause it in the first place, unless.
• 9:44
  Speaker 1: You're able to have that honest conversation.
• 9:48
  Speaker 2: So Gina, who's fifty five, she writes, I have been
• 9:51
  Speaker 2: single for five years since my divorce and have been
• 9:54
  Speaker 2: surrounded with a bunch of other incredible single women. We
• 9:58
  Speaker 2: have all really full lives, prioritize fitness, and like to
• 10:02
  Speaker 2: have fun. But somehow none of us are able to
• 10:05
  Speaker 2: meet quality men or know any quality men to set
• 10:08
  Speaker 2: each other up with. Why is that everyone knows great
• 10:12
  Speaker 2: single women, but no one seems to know great single men?
• 10:17
  Speaker 2: All right, Gina, So there is a little sense of
• 10:22
  Speaker 2: this question coming out that you have this tight group
• 10:24
  Speaker 2: of what looks like very confident, energetic and outgoing women,
• 10:28
  Speaker 2: and that could be a little bit uh intimidating.
• 10:31
  Speaker 1: For for some guys.
• 10:34
  Speaker 2: And oftentimes there can be in this kind of group
• 10:36
  Speaker 2: mentality where this there's this constant competition between one another,
• 10:42
  Speaker 2: and you know, if you're you know, if you're you know,
• 10:44
  Speaker 2: you see a guy, uh, and you're in a group,
• 10:48
  Speaker 2: it might be that you guys are picking them apart,
• 10:50
  Speaker 2: and maybe that great guy doesn't seem that great because
• 10:53
  Speaker 2: you're kind of using this group think. And I've seen
• 10:56
  Speaker 2: it before where you have kind of a pack of
• 10:58
  Speaker 2: girls that are going out, whether at a restaurant or
• 11:00
  Speaker 2: a bar or whatever, and it's intimidating to go and
• 11:04
  Speaker 2: try and break into that group or for guys to
• 11:07
  Speaker 2: feel comfortable going and even I don't know, asking one
• 11:12
  Speaker 2: of them out. And then if the guy knows that
• 11:15
  Speaker 2: not only does he have to win the affection of
• 11:17
  Speaker 2: the girl that he's taking out, but her whole group
• 11:20
  Speaker 2: of friends that he knows are going to be giving
• 11:24
  Speaker 2: their opinions and their critique and asking questions, I would
• 11:28
  Speaker 2: say that maybe, you know, there could be something of
• 11:31
  Speaker 2: this group mentality that might might be holding you back. Gina.
• 11:35
  Speaker 2: So I think there are great guys out there. I
• 11:37
  Speaker 2: think there are great girls out there. But I think
• 11:40
  Speaker 2: it's all about putting yourself in the right situation, the
• 11:42
  Speaker 2: right mind frame, that might the right, you know, just
• 11:45
  Speaker 2: kind of scenario to find that great guy or find
• 11:50
  Speaker 2: that great girl.
• 11:51
  Speaker 1: There are great single men out there.
• 11:53
  Speaker 2: I promise you just got to be looking in the
• 11:55
  Speaker 2: right place and be ready.
• 11:57
  Speaker 1: For it when it hits you.
• 11:58
  Speaker 4: What's the right place?
• 12:01
  Speaker 2: The right place is the grocery store on Sunday after
• 12:04
  Speaker 2: no are I think that you know the classic great
• 12:08
  Speaker 2: places for you know, for guys and girls to meet
• 12:12
  Speaker 2: yoga studios, gyms, grocery stores. I mean, of course there's
• 12:18
  Speaker 2: gonna be bars and restaurants. I think charity events. I think,
• 12:22
  Speaker 2: you know, school events, things that where you can find
• 12:25
  Speaker 2: your priorities and meet up with other people that might
• 12:29
  Speaker 2: be sharing those same priorities. And you know, there's it's funny.
• 12:34
  Speaker 2: I you know, in my chapter two I have noticed
• 12:37
  Speaker 2: that the gym is filled with guys my age that
• 12:41
  Speaker 2: are in their chapter two that are not only looking
• 12:44
  Speaker 2: to stay fit and stay active, but are also trying
• 12:47
  Speaker 2: to exude that same energy and find somebody else that
• 12:51
  Speaker 2: is looking for the same thing. And so again, whether
• 12:55
  Speaker 2: it's the yoga studio, or whether it's gymnasium, whether it's
• 12:57
  Speaker 2: running trails, hiking trails, oftentimes those places are ripe with
• 13:03
  Speaker 2: single chapter two people that are looking for that next
• 13:07
  Speaker 2: chapter and looking for someone else to share it with. So,
• 13:11
  Speaker 2: you know, aside from dating apps that are and get
• 13:13
  Speaker 2: out of the virtual world, get into the real world
• 13:16
  Speaker 2: and get a Labrador retriever. Those seem to work really
• 13:19
  Speaker 2: well too, or you know, Cavalier King Charles. Those all
• 13:22
  Speaker 2: also seem to work really well as bait. So this
• 13:25
  Speaker 2: has brought up a really interesting topic that I think
• 13:27
  Speaker 2: deserves its entire own episode, which is Chapter two, Single People,
• 13:35
  Speaker 2: Jim Etiquette. That's a long title, but it's a long topic.
• 13:39
  Speaker 2: There are so many bits and pieces of how to
• 13:44
  Speaker 2: properly attend to Jim, how much eye contact to make,
• 13:50
  Speaker 2: headphones are no headphones? I mean, this conversation can go
• 13:53
  Speaker 2: on for hours, and I think it deserves its own episode.
• 13:57
  Speaker 2: All right, now we're hearing from Chelsea, who's forty, and
• 14:01
  Speaker 2: is there such a thing as too much communication? Where's
• 14:05
  Speaker 2: the line? Oh, my goodness, too much communication? That is
• 14:10
  Speaker 2: a definite fuzzy line, to say the least, And it
• 14:14
  Speaker 2: is different for every couple. Now, I would think that
• 14:19
  Speaker 2: over communication will always win over less or under communicating,
• 14:25
  Speaker 2: and this is where a lot of couples have gotten
• 14:27
  Speaker 2: in trouble in their chapter one. The assumption that the
• 14:31
  Speaker 2: other person can somehow read their mind, that the other
• 14:36
  Speaker 2: person should know when they're in a good mood or
• 14:38
  Speaker 2: a bad mood, or they're feeling romantic or not feeling
• 14:40
  Speaker 2: romantic or whatever.
• 14:41
  Speaker 1: It is.
• 14:42
  Speaker 2: This idea that the other person can read your mind,
• 14:46
  Speaker 2: unfortunately grows in a relationship.
• 14:48
  Speaker 1: Well you should have known, well, you should have thought
• 14:50
  Speaker 1: of that. No. Chapter two is about telling it like
• 14:55
  Speaker 1: it is.
• 14:56
  Speaker 2: It's about communicating effectively with your partner so you aren't
• 15:01
  Speaker 2: surprised and they aren't surprised. And if a day, you know,
• 15:05
  Speaker 2: if you didn't have a good day at work, your
• 15:07
  Speaker 2: partner may not know why. And and if you come
• 15:10
  Speaker 2: home in a grumpy mood and the other person doesn't
• 15:14
  Speaker 2: know you're coming home in a grumpy mood, that is
• 15:16
  Speaker 2: a ripe situation for an explosion. So I think that
• 15:22
  Speaker 2: too much communication is hard to hit. I think over
• 15:27
  Speaker 2: communicating is a really difficult you know, bar to to clear,
• 15:32
  Speaker 2: and there is no such thing. I think that if
• 15:36
  Speaker 2: you're finding yourself over communicating, then you are the rare,
• 15:40
  Speaker 2: rare circumstance. I think it's important that both partners know
• 15:45
  Speaker 2: where they stand. I think both partners, especially in this
• 15:48
  Speaker 2: chapter two, when we are more confident. When we are
• 15:52
  Speaker 2: more set in our ways, I think, no surprises. Let's
• 15:56
  Speaker 2: just let's just get communication on the table. Let's let
• 15:59
  Speaker 2: everybody know where they're where, where they stand, if something's
• 16:02
  Speaker 2: bothering you, something's making you happy, whatever the case may be,
• 16:07
  Speaker 2: just communicate more. It'll avoid a chapter three. All right,
• 16:21
  Speaker 2: So we're going to bring in producer Heather, who over
• 16:24
  Speaker 2: the weekend I think went down a rabbit hole on
• 16:28
  Speaker 2: a situation that I think is kind of interesting to
• 16:30
  Speaker 2: talk about. It was too difficult to put in a question,
• 16:32
  Speaker 2: so let's just open it up to a producer, Heather,
• 16:34
  Speaker 2: to talk a little bit about.
• 16:36
  Speaker 1: What happened to her out there recently in the wild.
• 16:39
  Speaker 4: Well, thanks, mister Ray. Yeah, I have a scenario.
• 16:43
  Speaker 3: I wanted to run past you because I just thought
• 16:45
  Speaker 3: it was a little bit odd. But maybe as a
• 16:47
  Speaker 3: man you can tell me if it was odd or not.
• 16:50
  Speaker 3: So I have an incredibly cute puppy and we go
• 16:55
  Speaker 3: to different parks all the time.
• 16:59
  Speaker 4: We're always meeting people.
• 17:00
  Speaker 3: People want to come up and meet the dog, touch
• 17:03
  Speaker 3: the dog, all sorts of stuff. So we go to
• 17:06
  Speaker 3: a park on Sundays that plays live music.
• 17:10
  Speaker 4: So we're hanging out, and probably I.
• 17:13
  Speaker 3: Would say forty to fifty feet away from me was
• 17:18
  Speaker 3: a family on a blanket, and at one point the
• 17:22
  Speaker 3: mom and the toddler came over and met me and
• 17:26
  Speaker 3: introduced themselves and wanted to play with the dog, and
• 17:29
  Speaker 3: the husband stayed back at the blanket. Fine, so again,
• 17:35
  Speaker 3: forty to fifty feet away, they're not like within an earshot.
• 17:38
  Speaker 3: They're not like right next to me. They're a little
• 17:42
  Speaker 3: ways away. So then twenty minutes later, after they've left,
• 17:46
  Speaker 3: the husband comes over on his own to say hi
• 17:51
  Speaker 3: to the dog. So I'm like, fine, well, my dog
• 17:54
  Speaker 3: is not interested whatsoever at this point. So the guy
• 17:59
  Speaker 3: sits down, and my dog is like off somewhere else,
• 18:04
  Speaker 3: like not even near us.
• 18:05
  Speaker 4: And this guy.
• 18:07
  Speaker 3: Continues to just chitchat with me, wants to know how
• 18:10
  Speaker 3: my weekend was, what did I get up to, tells
• 18:14
  Speaker 3: me about what him and his family did, and is
• 18:17
  Speaker 3: talking about my dog, talking about the kind of dog
• 18:20
  Speaker 3: he has. Again, my dog is not playing with him.
• 18:22
  Speaker 3: This guy is now sitting at my blanket. He's not
• 18:26
  Speaker 3: like kneeling over anything. And so I just wondered what
• 18:29
  Speaker 3: you thought of that kind of interaction, if that was
• 18:33
  Speaker 3: appropriate as I'm just like a single woman just sitting
• 18:36
  Speaker 3: alone with my dog.
• 18:38
  Speaker 2: Wow, that is an interesting scenario. So just we're talking
• 18:45
  Speaker 2: a family fifty feet away. Has the family now retreated
• 18:48
  Speaker 2: back to their original blanket and now it's just you,
• 18:51
  Speaker 2: no dog and the husband's slash father.
• 18:54
  Speaker 3: Yes, so my dog is like attached to me, but
• 18:58
  Speaker 3: he's like often another direction. He's not interested in this guy.
• 19:02
  Speaker 3: This guy's not petting my dog interacting with my dog.
• 19:05
  Speaker 1: No. Wow. So that's a rough situation.
• 19:09
  Speaker 2: And I'm wondering, did you catch just dagger eyes coming
• 19:13
  Speaker 2: from the wife slash mom. No, she wasn't interested in
• 19:19
  Speaker 2: the fact that her husbands slash father was not attending
• 19:24
  Speaker 2: to the family and was more interested in the dog
• 19:27
  Speaker 2: slash you.
• 19:28
  Speaker 4: Yeah, I know she did not care.
• 19:30
  Speaker 3: Wow. I just thought it was so strange.
• 19:35
  Speaker 1: That's and so there's so many dynamics at work here.
• 19:40
  Speaker 2: I think that there is a certain flex that this
• 19:42
  Speaker 2: guy is trying to prove to himself that he can
• 19:46
  Speaker 2: go over and you know, talk to a single girl.
• 19:49
  Speaker 2: I think there might be a situation in which he's
• 19:51
  Speaker 2: also trying to let his his wife slash mother of
• 19:55
  Speaker 2: his child see that he is able to go over
• 19:58
  Speaker 2: and successfully talk to a single girl. I also think
• 20:02
  Speaker 2: there's another dynamic where the wife slash mother is saying, yeah,
• 20:06
  Speaker 2: I don't care if you go over and talk to
• 20:08
  Speaker 2: a single girl, because I'm just that confident. I mean,
• 20:11
  Speaker 2: there is so much stuff to unpack there. But I
• 20:14
  Speaker 2: gotta so, how did how did the interaction between you
• 20:18
  Speaker 2: and this guy ultimately end? That I think is important.
• 20:22
  Speaker 3: I think he just at one point, like again, my
• 20:24
  Speaker 3: dog wasn't paying any attention to him, So I think
• 20:27
  Speaker 3: just at one point he got up and was like, Okay,
• 20:30
  Speaker 3: have a nice rest of your day, and like and
• 20:32
  Speaker 3: then him and his he went back to his blanket,
• 20:35
  Speaker 3: and him and his wife grabbed like some sort of game,
• 20:39
  Speaker 3: and then they went off behind me and were like
• 20:41
  Speaker 3: playing a game together with their toddler standing nearby. I
• 20:45
  Speaker 3: just thought it was strange. The moment that I thought
• 20:48
  Speaker 3: it was strange. I didn't think it was weird when
• 20:49
  Speaker 3: he asked to see my dog pet my dog. Literally
• 20:53
  Speaker 3: people do it all day every day. It's actually like
• 20:55
  Speaker 3: when the biggest shock I've had since getting him, it
• 20:59
  Speaker 3: was when he decided to sit down, lean up against
• 21:02
  Speaker 3: a tree, put his legs out in front of him
• 21:05
  Speaker 3: turn to me and say, so, what'd you get up
• 21:07
  Speaker 3: to this weekend?
• 21:09
  Speaker 1: Okay? Can I well you?
• 21:10
  Speaker 2: Okay, producer Heather Wey, Are you going to give us
• 21:12
  Speaker 2: an honest answer here if I ask you?
• 21:14
  Speaker 4: Yeah?
• 21:14
  Speaker 2: Of course, what was your body language like and what
• 21:18
  Speaker 2: was your response like? Were you answering in short, curt
• 21:22
  Speaker 2: sentences or were you were you you know, were you
• 21:24
  Speaker 2: leading on in terms of like this conversation could could
• 21:28
  Speaker 2: keep going.
• 21:29
  Speaker 3: No, So I'm sitting cross legged on a blanket, facing.
• 21:34
  Speaker 1: Him, facing him, okay, yeah.
• 21:36
  Speaker 4: Because he came and sat in front of me. So
• 21:38
  Speaker 4: they were forty to fifty feet ahead of me.
• 21:41
  Speaker 1: Oh, and they came backwards.
• 21:43
  Speaker 4: He picked himself up, came back and sat with me.
• 21:46
  Speaker 2: So you changing your direction, you know, your pivoting would
• 21:50
  Speaker 2: have meant it would have been awkward because then you
• 21:52
  Speaker 2: would have been staring off into space kind of you
• 21:53
  Speaker 2: wouldn't have been looking at this concert.
• 21:56
  Speaker 3: Yeah, the band was in front of me, which means
• 21:58
  Speaker 3: if they were in front of him, So yeah, me
• 22:01
  Speaker 3: turning around would have been very strange.
• 22:04
  Speaker 1: Was there any hair flipping? No, I was.
• 22:08
  Speaker 3: I can say this honestly. I was not physically attracted
• 22:12
  Speaker 3: to this man. Whatsoever.
• 22:14
  Speaker 1: No, didn't bring over a pineapple or anything like that.
• 22:16
  Speaker 4: No, No, he was just so.
• 22:20
  Speaker 3: I don't tend to talk to men just willy nilly
• 22:25
  Speaker 3: on my own in the in the real world, it
• 22:31
  Speaker 3: men just approach me now a lot more because of
• 22:33
  Speaker 3: the dog, and usually it's your dog is so cute,
• 22:36
  Speaker 3: they pet, they walk away whatever. I had an experience
• 22:40
  Speaker 3: literally the weekend before as well, same park, same event,
• 22:44
  Speaker 3: where we were sitting in A man that was probably
• 22:47
  Speaker 3: old enough to be my father came by, asked to
• 22:51
  Speaker 3: speak to asked to pet the dog. Dad, and that
• 22:55
  Speaker 3: man continued to rattle off questions to me. Where did
• 23:00
  Speaker 3: I grow up, Where did I go to school, What
• 23:02
  Speaker 3: do I do for a living?
• 23:03
  Speaker 4: How long have I had this dog?
• 23:04
  Speaker 3: Did like this man I was like, oh, he's going
• 23:07
  Speaker 3: to ask for my Social Security number next, you know,
• 23:09
  Speaker 3: that man just kept talking to me. And that guy,
• 23:12
  Speaker 3: I felt, was like kind of overtly like trying to
• 23:16
  Speaker 3: figure out like if I was married or if I
• 23:19
  Speaker 3: was in a relationship or something, and that man I
• 23:22
  Speaker 3: was giving very short answers to, being like, get the hint,
• 23:27
  Speaker 3: like they're old enough to be my dad, Like absolutely not.
• 23:30
  Speaker 3: You have three hairs on the top of your head
• 23:32
  Speaker 3: like this is I'm not interested. But that guy kept
• 23:37
  Speaker 3: talking to me. I was literally not giving him any
• 23:40
  Speaker 3: follow up whatsoever. So same park, same event, just a
• 23:44
  Speaker 3: week later, and this guy and I was just like
• 23:47
  Speaker 3: the minute he turned to me and said, so, what'd
• 23:50
  Speaker 3: you get up to this weekend? I actually I probably
• 23:53
  Speaker 3: was like a little bit like shocked, but I was
• 23:55
  Speaker 3: wearing sunglasses, so I was probably like I and by
• 23:58
  Speaker 3: the way, I didn't get up to anything this weekend.
• 24:01
  Speaker 3: I have a very boring life. So I was like, oh, well,
• 24:06
  Speaker 3: I took a class on Saturday. I go, I take
• 24:10
  Speaker 3: a foreign language class on Saturdays. And he goes, oh,
• 24:13
  Speaker 3: what language are you learning?
• 24:15
  Speaker 1: Okay, let me just tell you.
• 24:17
  Speaker 2: You could have come up with some answers that were
• 24:19
  Speaker 2: you know, that that that really would have turned them
• 24:21
  Speaker 2: off in a way. You could have, you know, you
• 24:23
  Speaker 2: could have you know, told them that you had your
• 24:24
  Speaker 2: dungeons and dragons meeting. You know, you could have given
• 24:27
  Speaker 2: all sorts.
• 24:28
  Speaker 3: Of but maybe then he would have asked, like, what
• 24:30
  Speaker 3: my character is that I play or something, you know.
• 24:35
  Speaker 3: I was like, I was like, oh, I take French
• 24:38
  Speaker 3: twice a week, and I we hung out at another
• 24:41
  Speaker 3: park that we liked to go to. I was, you know,
• 24:44
  Speaker 3: reading pretty low key, and then he was like, yeah,
• 24:49
  Speaker 3: we we went to Disneyland for the first time. And
• 24:53
  Speaker 3: I was like, oh cool, and he was like yeah.
• 24:59
  Speaker 3: I'm like I I didn't realize it was forty five
• 25:01
  Speaker 3: minutes away. And I was like, oh, are you not
• 25:04
  Speaker 3: from here? And he's like, wow, we've lived here for
• 25:07
  Speaker 3: six years, but uh, yeah, I didn't know Disneyland was
• 25:10
  Speaker 3: there only forty five minutes away?
• 25:12
  Speaker 4: And I was like, oh yeah.
• 25:14
  Speaker 3: And then he just asked me if I'd ever been
• 25:16
  Speaker 3: to Disneyland, and I was like, yeah, I grew up
• 25:19
  Speaker 3: in Orange County. I like, that's like our backyard, Like
• 25:22
  Speaker 3: we used to hang out there all the time as
• 25:24
  Speaker 3: a kid.
• 25:24
  Speaker 4: And he's like, oh, like that's so. He said.
• 25:26
  Speaker 3: That was so fascinating that I said, I like grew
• 25:29
  Speaker 3: up going to Disneyland.
• 25:31
  Speaker 4: Like, I don't know.
• 25:31
  Speaker 3: I just thought this was a really strange conversation, and
• 25:36
  Speaker 3: I was just thinking, like, if I was married to
• 25:39
  Speaker 3: this guy, I would think.
• 25:43
  Speaker 4: This was a weird interaction.
• 25:45
  Speaker 3: I would be thinking to myself, why am I married
• 25:49
  Speaker 3: to a guy that feels the need to walk away?
• 25:52
  Speaker 3: From me and go talk to somebody that he doesn't know.
• 25:56
  Speaker 3: I think it would be It would have been different
• 25:58
  Speaker 3: if he had come over initially when his wife and
• 26:02
  Speaker 3: child came over to talk to me, if he had
• 26:04
  Speaker 3: been like, oh, I want to join in on this
• 26:06
  Speaker 3: and like meet the doggie. But the fact that he
• 26:09
  Speaker 3: waited like twenty five minutes to do it on his own,
• 26:13
  Speaker 3: I thought was strange. And I didn't know if like
• 26:17
  Speaker 3: that's me being like a weirdo woman just like thinking
• 26:21
  Speaker 3: and over analyzing, or if like you as a man,
• 26:24
  Speaker 3: agree with me that that is like a weird way
• 26:27
  Speaker 3: to interact with somebody that you don't know when you're married.
• 26:40
  Speaker 2: One of the things that I think that we've unwrapped
• 26:42
  Speaker 2: on this episode is that having a puppy in a
• 26:45
  Speaker 2: park is a great way to meet guys, whether they're
• 26:48
  Speaker 2: old or married or what have you.
• 26:50
  Speaker 3: So I think I think if the dog honestly attracts
• 26:53
  Speaker 3: old and married, I really do. I don't think he's
• 26:55
  Speaker 3: ever attracted like in my age range, like single in
• 26:59
  Speaker 3: a vail. Not that I'm looking, because I'm I'm definitely
• 27:03
  Speaker 3: not looking, but it's so far it's like it's honestly hilarious,
• 27:08
  Speaker 3: Like how many I think weirdos have come up to
• 27:11
  Speaker 3: me since I've gotten the dog. I'm always texting my
• 27:13
  Speaker 3: sisters being like another old man came up to talk
• 27:18
  Speaker 3: to me, to like doc to the dog.
• 27:20
  Speaker 2: But the dog, I think is like a it's like
• 27:22
  Speaker 2: a little bit of like a like a question mark,
• 27:24
  Speaker 2: a little bit of an opportunity.
• 27:25
  Speaker 1: It's an easy one, too easy in yeah.
• 27:29
  Speaker 2: I mean, you know, there are so many hurdles to
• 27:33
  Speaker 2: meeting somebody, and you know, just the just the social
• 27:37
  Speaker 2: mores and norms of of introduction are difficult, and I
• 27:41
  Speaker 2: think having a dog, I think, you know, is one
• 27:44
  Speaker 2: of those things that it's like anybody can go up
• 27:46
  Speaker 2: and use the dog as a ruse to go up
• 27:48
  Speaker 2: and start a conversation. And what kind of dog is this?
• 27:51
  Speaker 2: I mean, that's like an easy one.
• 27:53
  Speaker 4: Yeah.
• 27:53
  Speaker 2: And and right away you are in that physical like bubble.
• 27:58
  Speaker 2: You you crossed that three foot you know, they say
• 28:00
  Speaker 2: that there's a three foot bubble around each of us.
• 28:02
  Speaker 2: And if you can get within that three foot bubble,
• 28:04
  Speaker 2: then both people are very very vulnerable, and in a
• 28:08
  Speaker 2: good ways, you know, well it can be in a
• 28:09
  Speaker 2: good way. And so I think that you know, dogs
• 28:13
  Speaker 2: are a great way to go ahead and find a
• 28:15
  Speaker 2: way to get into that impenetrable bubble.
• 28:18
  Speaker 3: Yeah, And I will say for singles that are looking
• 28:20
  Speaker 3: to mingle, they should look into their local areas, especially
• 28:24
  Speaker 3: as we get into these warmer months, for things like
• 28:26
  Speaker 3: they do in my area, which is this Sunset Park
• 28:32
  Speaker 3: concert thing that is free and it happens every single week.
• 28:35
  Speaker 3: I mean hundreds of people show up to this and
• 28:39
  Speaker 3: like bring blankets and snacks and their dogs. And again,
• 28:44
  Speaker 3: I'm not single, and I mean I am single, but
• 28:46
  Speaker 3: I'm not looking to mingle. I just go for you know,
• 28:49
  Speaker 3: fresh air and stuff like that in.
• 28:51
  Speaker 1: Content for it for podcasts too, exactly.
• 28:56
  Speaker 3: I'm there just you know, sitting on a blanket waiting
• 28:59
  Speaker 3: for a weirdo to come and talk to me.
• 29:02
  Speaker 4: But thank you mister.
• 29:03
  Speaker 3: Wright, for you know, really letting me know that I'm
• 29:08
  Speaker 3: actually not crazy that that was a weird interaction. And hey,
• 29:11
  Speaker 3: men that are married, don't do that.
• 29:14
  Speaker 2: No, Yeah, I think, yeah, I think that you can
• 29:17
  Speaker 2: go up and pet a dog.
• 29:18
  Speaker 1: That's fine.
• 29:19
  Speaker 2: I think that I would do it with the with
• 29:21
  Speaker 2: the toddler or with the wife or or whatever.
• 29:24
  Speaker 3: Or don't sit down like that. Was the other thing.
• 29:27
  Speaker 3: It was like come over, say hi to the dog,
• 29:29
  Speaker 3: but it was the sitting.
• 29:31
  Speaker 1: Down making yourself comfortable.
• 29:33
  Speaker 4: Yeah, so what'd you get up to this weekend? I
• 29:36
  Speaker 4: was literally was like, uh, I.
• 29:39
  Speaker 3: Was, and I felt compelled to like say something super interesting.
• 29:43
  Speaker 1: I know.
• 29:43
  Speaker 3: I was like, I was like, Oh, what did we
• 29:46
  Speaker 3: do today? I was like, I went to a new
• 29:48
  Speaker 3: coffee shop. And then he was like wanting to know
• 29:51
  Speaker 3: what it was, and I was like, Oh, it's blah
• 29:54
  Speaker 3: blah blah.
• 29:55
  Speaker 4: And then he looked confused, and I was like, it's
• 29:58
  Speaker 4: near where we live.
• 30:00
  Speaker 2: I don't I don't think he was even listening to
• 30:02
  Speaker 2: your answers. I think he just wanted to.
• 30:03
  Speaker 1: Be in your space. So I think you take take
• 30:05
  Speaker 1: that as a compliment. Take that as a compliment.
• 30:07
  Speaker 3: It makes me feel strange, It makes me feel that like,
• 30:12
  Speaker 3: I don't know, it makes me feel and who knows.
• 30:15
  Speaker 3: I think he was married. I think I saw a ring.
• 30:19
  Speaker 3: But I just feel like, I mean, let me ask
• 30:23
  Speaker 3: you this, mister Wright. I've always been of the mindset
• 30:27
  Speaker 3: that men and women can be friends. It's not that
• 30:29
  Speaker 3: I don't think that they can't be friends, but I
• 30:33
  Speaker 3: think that when you get married, and when you even
• 30:36
  Speaker 3: cross into a more serious level of relationship, that those
• 30:41
  Speaker 3: friendship dynamics between men and women change, and I think
• 30:44
  Speaker 3: that they should change. I've been in situations. I'll just
• 30:48
  Speaker 3: give an example where I was in a long term
• 30:52
  Speaker 3: relationship and I had a partner who had a quote
• 31:00
  Speaker 3: unquote best friend that was a woman. And when that person,
• 31:04
  Speaker 3: the woman, got out of a relationship, my partner thought
• 31:09
  Speaker 3: it was appropriate to talk about going on a trip
• 31:13
  Speaker 3: together with this person to help them get over their breakup,
• 31:19
  Speaker 3: because that's what that person did for them when they
• 31:25
  Speaker 3: were in college.
• 31:27
  Speaker 4: And I had.
• 31:29
  Speaker 3: To have this conversation because I was a little bit
• 31:34
  Speaker 3: annoyed by this that I felt like this was a
• 31:37
  Speaker 3: very obvious thing, that this was inappropriate, and they were
• 31:43
  Speaker 3: painting me as like being jealous, and I was like, no,
• 31:48
  Speaker 3: I'm not jealous. I think it's inappropriate based on how
• 31:53
  Speaker 3: long our relationship has been. And then I also felt
• 31:56
  Speaker 3: the need to point out that this woman was in
• 32:00
  Speaker 3: a very vulnerable state at this time.
• 32:04
  Speaker 4: She had just ended an engagement.
• 32:06
  Speaker 3: And I said, I don't know if being in close
• 32:10
  Speaker 3: quarters with a man is.
• 32:14
  Speaker 4: A safe thing to do.
• 32:15
  Speaker 3: And I said, and to maintain your friendship. I don't
• 32:20
  Speaker 3: think you want to put yourself in a situation that
• 32:22
  Speaker 3: could possibly go too far, because once you go too far,
• 32:26
  Speaker 3: she makes a pass at you whatever, you can't go
• 32:29
  Speaker 3: back to being friends after that. So you might want
• 32:31
  Speaker 3: to avoid that kind of situation altogether. I was met
• 32:35
  Speaker 3: with it's not like that, she's like that. I'm not
• 32:39
  Speaker 3: interested in her.
• 32:41
  Speaker 4: Da da da da da. So uh, I dropped it.
• 32:47
  Speaker 3: I let it go, and after I said my piece,
• 32:50
  Speaker 3: it never ended up coming to fruition.
• 32:52
  Speaker 2: No, we'll never know that the experience experiment never never
• 32:55
  Speaker 2: played out.
• 32:56
  Speaker 4: Well, I'll tell you this.
• 32:57
  Speaker 3: I'll there's a very real possibility that that experience played
• 33:01
  Speaker 3: out after my relationship ended. I would not be surprised
• 33:06
  Speaker 3: if those two went on a little trip together.
• 33:09
  Speaker 4: But what do you think about that?
• 33:10
  Speaker 3: What do you think about men and women being friends,
• 33:14
  Speaker 3: close friends, not acquaintances, moost friends. As you know, marriages
• 33:22
  Speaker 3: and deeper relationships develop outside of that friendship.
• 33:27
  Speaker 2: Yeah, so I think that And this came actually up
• 33:31
  Speaker 2: in our other episode. Previously talked a little bit about
• 33:35
  Speaker 2: the dynamic of girl friends and guy friends. And you know,
• 33:40
  Speaker 2: I think as you get older, I think that it
• 33:43
  Speaker 2: gets easier to have guy and girlfriends. I think you
• 33:47
  Speaker 2: know when you're younger that you know it can be
• 33:50
  Speaker 2: difficult just because you know, everything's I don't know, everything's
• 33:53
  Speaker 2: just so like experimental, and you're going through so many
• 33:56
  Speaker 2: changes in your lives, and this person that with your friend,
• 33:59
  Speaker 2: you think, well, maybe they'retually supposed to be my girlfriend,
• 34:01
  Speaker 2: or maybe they're supposed to be my wife or my
• 34:02
  Speaker 2: husband or whatever else, because I do get along with
• 34:05
  Speaker 2: them so well. So at my age now, I actually
• 34:08
  Speaker 2: have really really good girl friends, and it's never but
• 34:13
  Speaker 2: it's never been any question mark about anything more than
• 34:17
  Speaker 2: just you know, friends that are just you know, respect
• 34:20
  Speaker 2: each other and give good advice and all these sorts
• 34:22
  Speaker 2: of things.
• 34:23
  Speaker 3: Well, sorry, let me ask you this, mister, right, did
• 34:25
  Speaker 3: you have these girl friends, these good girl friends when
• 34:28
  Speaker 3: you were in your chapter one?
• 34:30
  Speaker 1: Not really not the same way.
• 34:32
  Speaker 2: I mean, this is definitely it's definitely changed, okay, because
• 34:36
  Speaker 2: you know, primarily out of respect for my you know,
• 34:39
  Speaker 2: my my my previous partner, spouse, and so they're just
• 34:45
  Speaker 2: just was I think it wasn't appropriate to have, you know,
• 34:50
  Speaker 2: friends that were getting the same information you know, that
• 34:54
  Speaker 2: i'd be sharing with my wife with them. So but
• 34:59
  Speaker 2: now that that, now that I'm that I'm single, you know,
• 35:02
  Speaker 2: I've developed probably closer relationships with friends that are that
• 35:06
  Speaker 2: are girls that I've had friends with all along. But
• 35:09
  Speaker 2: I can promise you it hasn't been anything that has
• 35:11
  Speaker 2: been you know, that has towed the line of anything
• 35:14
  Speaker 2: you know, romantic or anything else like that, even at
• 35:16
  Speaker 2: a convenience or whatever else. It's never been like that,
• 35:20
  Speaker 2: because I do know you said it just a minute ago.
• 35:22
  Speaker 2: That is, you know, once you cross that line, coming
• 35:25
  Speaker 2: back is an impossibility exactly. But you know, I think
• 35:30
  Speaker 2: as you get older, I think it's I mean personally,
• 35:33
  Speaker 2: I think it's easier to have good, close, even best
• 35:36
  Speaker 2: friends that are of the opposite sex.
• 35:38
  Speaker 3: Well, let's talk about that when you get into your
• 35:41
  Speaker 3: next relationship.
• 35:42
  Speaker 4: Because this is where where I.
• 35:44
  Speaker 3: And again I identify as a feminist. I absolutely love women.
• 35:51
  Speaker 3: Women make up my circle of friends.
• 35:53
  Speaker 4: I do not have.
• 35:56
  Speaker 3: Straight male friends. I have straight male acquaintances, guys that
• 35:59
  Speaker 3: I've worked with, Guys that I enjoy seeing, you know,
• 36:03
  Speaker 3: every once in a while. But I do not have
• 36:06
  Speaker 3: a best friend, male buddy that I call or hang
• 36:09
  Speaker 3: out with or anything like that. Not saying that that's wrong.
• 36:13
  Speaker 3: It's just that's how my life has kind of always been.
• 36:15
  Speaker 3: I have sisters, I don't have brothers. I just always
• 36:18
  Speaker 3: grew up around a lot of women. So I love women,
• 36:21
  Speaker 3: and I do believe that men and women can be friends.
• 36:25
  Speaker 3: My issue is when being in a relationship with a man,
• 36:30
  Speaker 3: I do not want somebody that is going to talk
• 36:35
  Speaker 3: about our issues or things between us to get a
• 36:39
  Speaker 3: woman's opinion or a woman's take on instead of coming
• 36:45
  Speaker 3: to me. It's one thing when guys talk about their
• 36:48
  Speaker 3: issues with other guys, and guys will give you a
• 36:50
  Speaker 3: like guys give each other whatever kind of advice guys give,
• 36:54
  Speaker 3: but it's a different It feels it feels disrespectful in
• 36:59
  Speaker 3: a way, and maybe it's coming from a genuine place, like, oh,
• 37:03
  Speaker 3: I don't know how to talk to her, blah blah
• 37:05
  Speaker 3: blah blah blah blah blah, So I'm going to go
• 37:06
  Speaker 3: talk to my female best friend who might give me
• 37:09
  Speaker 3: some perspective to me. I think that that's inappropriate. I
• 37:14
  Speaker 3: think you should be having those kinds of conversations with
• 37:18
  Speaker 3: your woman. And it makes I just have experienced this
• 37:24
  Speaker 3: more than once of guys that as I look back
• 37:28
  Speaker 3: on patterns in my relationships and why I'm at where
• 37:31
  Speaker 3: I'm at now. The similarity I see with guys that
• 37:35
  Speaker 3: I've been in relationships with is they tend to be
• 37:39
  Speaker 3: less alpha men, and they tend to have female friends.
• 37:45
  Speaker 3: And one boyfriend I had, anytime we got into a disagreement,
• 37:49
  Speaker 3: would run to said female friend to talk about it,
• 37:55
  Speaker 3: bitch about it. And then that girl has this mentality
• 38:03
  Speaker 3: anytime we were around each other and things were fine,
• 38:07
  Speaker 3: that she knew, she knew everything, She knew everything that
• 38:10
  Speaker 3: went on in our relationship, which is I think a
• 38:14
  Speaker 3: violation and I don't think.
• 38:18
  Speaker 4: Is great.
• 38:18
  Speaker 3: And so now again I very much love women and
• 38:22
  Speaker 3: identify as a feminist, but I don't It's very strange
• 38:27
  Speaker 3: for me now when I if I were to get
• 38:30
  Speaker 3: back out there in date, if I were to meet
• 38:32
  Speaker 3: another guy that was like, yeah, my best friend is
• 38:36
  Speaker 3: so and so, it would.
• 38:40
  Speaker 4: It would make me uncomfortable.
• 38:41
  Speaker 3: And I will say in my last relationship, when I
• 38:44
  Speaker 3: met said best friend for the first time, I wasn't
• 38:49
  Speaker 3: greeted with a warm response.
• 38:52
  Speaker 2: And this is this is the guy's girlfriend, a friend
• 38:54
  Speaker 2: that's a girl friend and you're meeting her and you're saying,
• 38:58
  Speaker 2: she was just very.
• 38:59
  Speaker 3: Like I remember she I felt very excluded from the conversation,
• 39:03
  Speaker 3: and I remember her turning to me at one point
• 39:05
  Speaker 3: and going, so sorry, we're gabbing.
• 39:07
  Speaker 4: We've just known each other for so long.
• 39:10
  Speaker 2: So okay, in a guy's defense, just so. And I've
• 39:14
  Speaker 2: been on the wrong side of this unfortunately. But you know,
• 39:17
  Speaker 2: oftentimes and when we're looking for a woman's perspective that's
• 39:22
  Speaker 2: not our partner or whatever, it's a we're really trying
• 39:26
  Speaker 2: to be sensitive, like we're trying to be like, wait,
• 39:28
  Speaker 2: what am I missing?
• 39:29
  Speaker 3: I fully understand that the intention is pure, like it's
• 39:33
  Speaker 3: a good thing.
• 39:33
  Speaker 2: I get that, Yeah, but I have also been bitten
• 39:37
  Speaker 2: with that and it has been like, why do you
• 39:39
  Speaker 2: need to go talk to that person? He could have
• 39:40
  Speaker 2: talked talked to me about it exactly, And I'm saying, well,
• 39:43
  Speaker 2: why didn't want to upset you? Or this was something
• 39:45
  Speaker 2: that we were going through, and so I was trying
• 39:47
  Speaker 2: to fix it before it was a problem.
• 39:49
  Speaker 1: Unfortunately it was already a problem.
• 39:52
  Speaker 4: Yeah, exactly.
• 39:53
  Speaker 3: It's like I would not have a problem if men
• 39:56
  Speaker 3: went to other men for that kind of advice. I
• 39:59
  Speaker 3: think that women operate differently amongst each other when it
• 40:06
  Speaker 3: comes to knowing information and how they act. So again,
• 40:15
  Speaker 3: like I said, this girl the interaction, and by this point,
• 40:20
  Speaker 3: I mean we'd already been together for six seven years
• 40:24
  Speaker 3: or something at this point when I met this person
• 40:26
  Speaker 3: for the first time, and I just remember walking away
• 40:29
  Speaker 3: from that interaction being like, they didn't ask me anything
• 40:32
  Speaker 3: about myself, they weren't interested in getting to know me.
• 40:35
  Speaker 4: And then sure enough, a month.
• 40:38
  Speaker 3: Later, we found out that she was now single, her
• 40:44
  Speaker 3: engagement had been called off, and she was wanting to.
• 40:48
  Speaker 4: Go on a trip. And I thought that was strange too.
• 40:53
  Speaker 3: I remember having this conversation with a friend of mine
• 40:56
  Speaker 3: because I was I was peeved, right irritated by this,
• 41:01
  Speaker 3: and I remember being like, am I being insane? And
• 41:04
  Speaker 3: my friend being like, did she ask you to come
• 41:07
  Speaker 3: on the trip? And I said, no, not that I'm
• 41:10
  Speaker 3: aware of, and she goes. Then that's a direct disassociation
• 41:16
  Speaker 3: of your relationship. You would never ask a man, right,
• 41:20
  Speaker 3: A woman would never ask a man who's married to
• 41:23
  Speaker 3: go on a trip with her, Right, No, we would
• 41:26
  Speaker 3: never do that, right, So why would she ask somebody
• 41:29
  Speaker 3: that's been in a relationship for six seven years at
• 41:32
  Speaker 3: this point to go on a trip with her, and
• 41:35
  Speaker 3: I remember.
• 41:35
  Speaker 1: Being like, great, that's crazy, right.
• 41:38
  Speaker 4: It's crazy. I thought it was actually crazy.
• 41:41
  Speaker 3: And I remember being like, so are you going to
• 41:44
  Speaker 3: stay in separate rooms?
• 41:46
  Speaker 4: Like what's happening?
• 41:48
  Speaker 3: And I remember my boyfriend being like, I just let
• 41:53
  Speaker 3: her plan all that stuff.
• 41:55
  Speaker 2: Well, this is this is actually another, I think another episode.
• 41:58
  Speaker 2: An interesting talk topic is exes and how they relate
• 42:03
  Speaker 2: to one another in terms of like what is the
• 42:05
  Speaker 2: chapter two look like separately? You know, when you have children, Like,
• 42:09
  Speaker 2: what's the dynamic between an ex husband and an ex wife?
• 42:14
  Speaker 2: What's appropriate? What's you know? What is too much? What's
• 42:17
  Speaker 2: too little? Do you go on vacations if you have
• 42:20
  Speaker 2: young kids together? Do you you know, do you go
• 42:23
  Speaker 2: to dinners together? Do you go to celebrations together? What's
• 42:25
  Speaker 2: the what's the line at which you draw that? You know,
• 42:29
  Speaker 2: if there's a boyfriend or a girlfriend in the chapter two,
• 42:33
  Speaker 2: how do they see the relationship with the you know,
• 42:36
  Speaker 2: with their partner's previous spouse, Like there is and I
• 42:41
  Speaker 2: see it a lot right now, because you know, there's
• 42:44
  Speaker 2: a lot of ambical breakups.
• 42:45
  Speaker 1: Not every breakup ends up in you.
• 42:48
  Speaker 2: Know, throwing plates across the kitchen and screaming, yelling a
• 42:50
  Speaker 2: lot of them.
• 42:51
  Speaker 1: You know, people are growing apart or whatever else.
• 42:54
  Speaker 2: And so you're still raising kids together, you still have
• 42:57
  Speaker 2: a history together, whether that's five years, ten, what the
• 43:00
  Speaker 2: time is, but especially with kids, and so what are
• 43:05
  Speaker 2: the rules of engagement in terms of what's appropriate in
• 43:07
  Speaker 2: terms of spending time together as that family unit was
• 43:10
  Speaker 2: when you were married versus now as divorced parents of
• 43:16
  Speaker 2: those of those kids.
• 43:17
  Speaker 1: And I think it's a there's a lot to impact there, definitely.
• 43:21
  Speaker 3: Yeah, So listeners, send in your questions or leave us
• 43:24
  Speaker 3: a voicemail. All the info is in the show notes.
• 43:27
  Speaker 3: Thanks mister right for basically confirming I'm not crazy.
• 43:31
  Speaker 4: Really appreciate your advice.
• 43:33
  Speaker 1: All right, guys, we've run out of time.
• 43:34
  Speaker 2: There were so many questions coming in on our email
• 43:37
  Speaker 2: and our voicemails that we need to dedicate an entire
• 43:40
  Speaker 2: another episode to this, So follow along for part two
• 43:43
  Speaker 2: of this episode on I Do.
• 43:45
  Speaker 1: Part two