Latest / Dear Son, / Where Did That Behavior Come From? | Ep 206 | The Dear Son, Show

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Where Did That Behavior Come From? | Ep 206 | The Dear Son, Show · Dear Son,

0:00
[SPEAKER_02]: For Lee having that example of my father's demeanor, right?
0:04
[SPEAKER_02]: It wasn't laughing and joking, but he was kind of even killed and I've never saw him fly off the hand.
0:09
[SPEAKER_02]: Right?
0:09
[SPEAKER_02]: Right.
0:09
[SPEAKER_02]: I've never saw him in my mom argue, maybe they did, and they didn't choose to do it in front of us, but even just seeing the dynamic of him consistently being a way, not a robot, but consistently being a way in the face of being a man, being a father, being a husband.
0:26
[SPEAKER_02]: When I became one, that was my reference, right?
0:30
[SPEAKER_02]: Even though my challenges were different, but now, when I have challenges in marriage or as a man, the conversation becomes, how did you maintain?
0:38
[SPEAKER_02]: All right, guys, let's get it.
0:43
[SPEAKER_02]: Welcome to the Dead Sun Show.
0:45
[SPEAKER_02]: We have meaningful conversations about life through the lens of Fatherhood.
0:48
[SPEAKER_02]: It is four fathers.
0:50
[SPEAKER_02]: Those with fathers and the father, let's say nobody's left out.
0:54
[SPEAKER_02]: These are the conversations we want our sons to access as they grow through life in the manhood.
0:59
[SPEAKER_02]: So no topics are off limits.
1:01
[SPEAKER_02]: I'm just one of your hostie, John.
1:02
[SPEAKER_00]: I'm your host, Jay Black.
1:03
[SPEAKER_02]: Jay Black, how you feel?
1:04
[SPEAKER_00]: I'm good, man.
1:05
[SPEAKER_00]: These kids back in school.
1:06
[SPEAKER_00]: Day two.
1:08
[SPEAKER_00]: Day two.
1:08
[SPEAKER_00]: Day two.
1:09
[SPEAKER_00]: Listen, the pick-up line is absurd.
1:13
[SPEAKER_00]: Right now, I got to find my groove on both schools.
1:18
[SPEAKER_00]: where I had a debacle at the old school, which Boston's did it, but the new school, I gotta see what your eyeballs do on the table.
1:28
[SPEAKER_02]: We should have done, we could do a test as we can, or even out to school just show them.
1:32
[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah, cause I'm not doing what I did yesterday.
1:34
[SPEAKER_00]: No, not doing that again.
1:35
[SPEAKER_00]: You waste three hours.
1:36
[SPEAKER_00]: Did you?
1:37
[SPEAKER_00]: Did.
1:37
[SPEAKER_00]: No, no.
1:38
[SPEAKER_00]: I was like, I'm not doing this.
1:39
[SPEAKER_00]: No, no, no.
1:40
[SPEAKER_00]: I was so many people here.
1:41
[SPEAKER_00]: No, sorry.
1:41
[SPEAKER_00]: It's a, it's a,
1:44
[SPEAKER_02]: The only reason I sit there, or whoever, if Keisha picks him up, we sit there for about 25 minutes is waiting for Eden.
1:50
[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah, because it's a 20 minute difference.
1:51
[SPEAKER_00]: The gap.
1:52
[SPEAKER_02]: But for you, that's a seven minute window.
1:55
[SPEAKER_00]: I got him walking to the tree.
1:56
[SPEAKER_00]: I was, I hate you see this tree right here.
1:58
[SPEAKER_00]: I told him this morning, walk to this tree.
2:00
[SPEAKER_00]: I'm a grabion.
2:00
[SPEAKER_00]: We're going to slide.
2:02
[SPEAKER_00]: And that might not even work.
2:03
[SPEAKER_00]: I'll send them all to the neighborhood.
2:04
[SPEAKER_00]: We'll be on top.
2:05
[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah, we'll be on top.
2:06
[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah, we'll be on top.
2:06
[SPEAKER_02]: We'll get them to get them to get them to get them to get them to get them to get them to get them to get them to get them to get them to get them to get them to get them to get them to get them to get them to get them to get them to get them to get them to get them to get them to get them to get them to get them to get them to get them to get them to get them to get them to get them to get them to get them to get them to get them to get them to get them to get them to get them to get them to get them to get them to get them to get them to get them to get them to get them to get them to get them to get them to get them to get them to get them to get them to get them to get them to get them
2:30
[SPEAKER_02]: I look at her and I expect her to be walking and running and going up and down the stairs by herself.
2:34
[SPEAKER_02]: I never remember the assistance man, you know, she, uh, she trying to catch up with her, her aunties and uncles and will.
2:42
[SPEAKER_02]: So, you know, she's gonna, she probably gonna grow a fast watching them.
2:45
[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah.
2:46
[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah.
2:46
[SPEAKER_00]: They don't make sure of it.
2:48
[SPEAKER_02]: Yeah, they had a little, little celebration, uh, built in party.
2:51
[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah.
2:51
[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah.
2:52
[SPEAKER_02]: And about eight people in the house is always, uh, always a built in, uh, built in
3:00
[SPEAKER_02]: I'm proud of my daughter, man.
3:02
[SPEAKER_02]: Yeah.
3:02
[SPEAKER_02]: I said it a few times, but she's displaying the level of patients.
3:08
[SPEAKER_02]: I didn't know what was in them.
3:09
[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah.
3:09
[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah.
3:10
[SPEAKER_02]: And I'm not suggesting it's patients for everybody.
3:13
[SPEAKER_02]: So trade lightly.
3:13
[SPEAKER_02]: Yeah.
3:15
[SPEAKER_02]: Yeah.
3:15
[SPEAKER_02]: I heard her daughter got a special thing.
3:17
[SPEAKER_02]: Yeah.
3:17
[SPEAKER_02]: I think you slide in and you fit in there.
3:19
[SPEAKER_00]: I love it.
3:20
[SPEAKER_02]: Just saying.
3:23
[SPEAKER_02]: And taking it seriously is putting it to vague, but just who she's becoming, man, is it's beautiful watch, man?
3:31
[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah, that'd be the stuff you don't know until you see it.
3:34
[SPEAKER_00]: I know it.
3:35
[SPEAKER_00]: And then you're blown away by like, thank God, I see it.
3:38
[SPEAKER_00]: Not that I didn't think it was there.
3:40
[SPEAKER_00]: I just didn't know the level of what your adjustment would look like.
3:43
[SPEAKER_00]: Until.
3:43
[SPEAKER_00]: But I'm pleased with what I see.
3:45
[SPEAKER_00]: Speaking of which.
3:46
[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah, oh, speaking of which, oh, today's topic.
3:52
[SPEAKER_01]: This sign, what did that come from?
4:00
[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah, you know, you know, my, my, my thought prices is in my sense of you with me, spit out that pause.
4:08
[SPEAKER_02]: That's a pause.
4:08
[SPEAKER_02]: I don't know.
4:09
[SPEAKER_00]: I could, I could, I could, I could, I could run that with all three of my boys, man.
4:13
[SPEAKER_00]: But I'm gonna, I'll focus on the older, uh, because of the transitions.
4:18
[SPEAKER_00]: You, you.
4:19
[SPEAKER_00]: Sometimes,
4:21
[SPEAKER_00]: I feel like my sons get into a mode of, they get so deep in their own thoughts, or the way they want to roll with something that a solution or an outcome they present.
4:37
[SPEAKER_00]: It's, I don't want to say it's careless or reckless, but at the same time, to me,
4:45
[SPEAKER_00]: I have to get past the point of it has to make complete sense to me, and I get it makes sense to you, and perhaps partial sense to me, but a good question I must lean on is, what did that come from, what did that come from, and I'm going to even veer into that with relationship.
5:10
[SPEAKER_00]: My son pulled me to the side well I don't know if I should go that deep yet at the beginning close.
5:14
[SPEAKER_02]: I need to get your feet back on you close it to the pen with that pivot.
5:18
[SPEAKER_00]: Oh, yeah, yeah, because my son sat me down one day Shocked me.
5:24
[SPEAKER_00]: I sat him down, but it kind of turned into a sit me down.
5:28
[SPEAKER_02]: No, hello, you You walk way there.
5:31
[SPEAKER_00]: Good guy.
5:32
[SPEAKER_00]: So add a little conversation with him.
5:33
[SPEAKER_00]: I told you we do the checking in like plans What you doing
5:37
[SPEAKER_00]: And I was kind of like, I said, my piece and was walking away, he's like, hey, hey, like let me talk to you.
5:43
[SPEAKER_00]: But you got it.
5:45
[SPEAKER_00]: And so the things that he shared with me, I needed to know he felt that way or thought that, but that was a certain level of,
5:58
[SPEAKER_00]: things he'd feel like, hey, I can talk to you, but I'm hesitant to talk to you.
6:05
[SPEAKER_00]: And so that's what I asked him.
6:06
[SPEAKER_00]: I was like, where did that come from?
6:07
[SPEAKER_00]: Like, why do you feel that way?
6:08
[SPEAKER_00]: I'm glad you told me that, but like, what am I doing?
6:11
[SPEAKER_00]: So I'd like to take this episode to dig into that.
6:14
[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah.
6:14
[SPEAKER_00]: But what I'm going to for, what about you?
6:16
[SPEAKER_02]: You got that pivot, put it right in perspective.
6:19
[SPEAKER_02]: So this one was a, this one wasn't give me from the comments.
6:25
[SPEAKER_02]: So Ravlihan, who chopped it up without the salute Ravlihan.
6:31
[SPEAKER_02]: That was a clip that I put up that he talked about.
6:34
[SPEAKER_02]: I wish my father, I wish I saw my father treat my mother well, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, but he went on to the, the why, because it's, it's father went around.
6:42
[SPEAKER_02]: Yes.
6:43
[SPEAKER_02]: And a young lady asked, why do you need an example to show you how to treat
6:56
[SPEAKER_02]: And that face was my first, I ain't gonna front, that face was my first face.
6:59
[SPEAKER_02]: And I was like, because I'm trying to not assume everybody's trolling.
7:04
[SPEAKER_02]: Yeah, right?
7:05
[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah.
7:06
[SPEAKER_02]: And then I thought about it from the person, and I'm glad I sat with it.
7:08
[SPEAKER_02]: I actually pinned it because I wanted to see what the dialogue was gonna generate.
7:13
[SPEAKER_02]: Now, this person after a few responses, majors have been saying something for the sake of,
7:19
[SPEAKER_02]: Look at me, right, or maybe maybe this person still doesn't understand what the response is having been adequate for her to understand or feel differently about it.
7:28
[SPEAKER_02]: But I saw it thinking about, um, I guess her position was you can learn how to treat somebody decent from anybody or you should just know how to treat somebody decent.
7:41
[SPEAKER_02]: And I thought about it in a couple of days past, not like, you know what?
7:47
[SPEAKER_02]: I'm not mad any period, but as a phrase, I thought I'm not mad at her saying that.
7:54
[SPEAKER_02]: But I think that what the example does is shows you how to over time and with commitment to somebody constantly adjusts.
8:08
[SPEAKER_02]: to a person that's growing as you're growing.
8:10
[SPEAKER_02]: Yes, right?
8:11
[SPEAKER_02]: So I kind of wanted you to use this episode to talk about the importance of the example.
8:18
[SPEAKER_02]: Why examples, Madden?
8:20
[SPEAKER_02]: It's not that you can't figure things out.
8:22
[SPEAKER_02]: Like you may comment on not comments, but you share part of your life where I didn't have this, I had to go figure this out, right?
8:29
[SPEAKER_02]: And then there wasn't necessarily a,
8:32
[SPEAKER_02]: I'm not gonna speak for you, but maybe there wasn't a single example.
8:34
[SPEAKER_02]: You had the garner, some things you had to glean some things.
8:38
[SPEAKER_00]: That's a move.
8:38
[SPEAKER_02]: Throughout life, oh, I need to pull all this together and then try this and adjust.
8:44
[SPEAKER_02]: So, sorry to hear what this was told in the night.
8:47
[SPEAKER_02]: It kind of, again, my initial response, well, are you being foolish?
8:52
[SPEAKER_02]: Why would somebody need an example, but why does the example matter?
8:57
[SPEAKER_00]: It's very important, both versions, and her comment as well, there are people, man, class he said this, there are people who are blessed enough gifted enough talented, whatever you want to attribute that to, there's a level of discernment or just a, your approach to something.
9:18
[SPEAKER_00]: Nobody told you, it's playing it to your show, do you?
9:21
[SPEAKER_00]: But you engaged, and it just happened to work for both sides.
9:27
[SPEAKER_00]: It was very comfortable.
9:28
[SPEAKER_00]: It was very soothing, pleasing, fulfilling.
9:31
[SPEAKER_00]: Therefore, that became your norm.
9:33
[SPEAKER_00]: This is how I'm going to move in that space.
9:36
[SPEAKER_00]: This I'm going to treat people.
9:37
[SPEAKER_00]: This I'm going to communicate with people.
9:39
[SPEAKER_00]: There are people who they're initial on their own
9:47
[SPEAKER_00]: The opposite though, they think communicating to get my opponent across Amazon's Yale, the louder and more forceful I speak, now you're receiving what I'm saying.
9:58
[SPEAKER_00]: And until they come into a person who does not respond to that, not knowing that person just shut you off.
10:05
[SPEAKER_00]: So now you have this method of communicating that does not work.
10:12
[SPEAKER_00]: People get caught up on definition and meaning.
10:17
[SPEAKER_00]: Good day and try I was having a conversation recently, I saw where the good life, or what, and it struck a memory that from a conversation you and I had on an episode where I was thinking, what about the definition of, just like she says, why do you need an example of was decent or how to treat a person?
10:40
[SPEAKER_00]: Well, there are people out here that thinks aggression or
10:45
[SPEAKER_00]: whatever is a way to communicate in a relationship.
10:48
[SPEAKER_00]: There are people that that's not it, that's abusive, that's not healthy.
10:54
[SPEAKER_00]: It's who you talk to and now perhaps a person that thinks this abuse or this damaging behavior is normal because they perhaps they did see that in the home, in the family, on television, maybe they in the single parent home, so they don't know what a relationship
11:13
[SPEAKER_00]: what's on television for drama and entertainment purposes, but they adapt that as their norm.
11:18
[SPEAKER_00]: Because even her, whether she chooses to acknowledge it or not, she did have an example.
11:23
[SPEAKER_00]: You didn't walk around the world your whole entire life with your eyes closed.
11:27
[SPEAKER_00]: You saw people treating and interacting in a way.
11:30
[SPEAKER_00]: They just didn't tell you they were teaching you or training you.
11:33
[SPEAKER_00]: You were a product of your environment, naturally.
11:36
[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah.
11:36
[SPEAKER_00]: That's what makes up our personality.
11:39
[SPEAKER_00]: our community, our surroundings, those are all parts of being things that are pouring into you.
11:45
[SPEAKER_00]: So she can say, hey, look at me.
11:46
[SPEAKER_00]: I figured it out on my own.
11:48
[SPEAKER_00]: Nobody had to show me how to be decent.
11:50
[SPEAKER_00]: Someone absolutely showed you how to be decent.
11:53
[SPEAKER_02]: Yeah, and even even with that, whether you figure it out on your own, whether you figure it out through an example, I think the dynamic of the relationship as another component to it right means decent and passing.
12:08
[SPEAKER_02]: If I see you on the street and I'm a decent person, we have no rapport, we have no history, there's no context.
12:16
[SPEAKER_02]: Yes, we walk it's always our step to the side.
12:18
[SPEAKER_02]: That's me in decent, right?
12:20
[SPEAKER_02]: You drop some of my pick it up.
12:21
[SPEAKER_02]: I should hey man, or if I bump into you, I say I'm sorry.
12:23
[SPEAKER_02]: That's me in decent, yes.
12:25
[SPEAKER_02]: Now, if we see each other every day, now we start to build some kind of dynamic of expectations of you expectations of me.
12:32
[SPEAKER_02]: Well, he moved last time, right?
12:34
[SPEAKER_02]: He moves every time today, he didn't move.
12:36
[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah.
12:37
[SPEAKER_02]: What happened?
12:37
[SPEAKER_02]: That's a very light example, but in relationships, you're constantly dealing with somebody who's dealing with other things, and you have to be mindful of that.
12:45
[SPEAKER_02]: And I think for me having that example of my father's demeanor, right, it wasn't laughing and joking, but he was kind of even killed and I never saw him fly off the head.
12:56
[SPEAKER_02]: Right.
12:56
[SPEAKER_02]: Right.
12:57
[SPEAKER_02]: I've never saw him in my mom argue maybe they did and they didn't choose to do an in front of us, but even just seeing the dynamic of him consistently being a way, not a robot, but consistently being a way in the face of being a man, being a father, being a husband.
13:14
[SPEAKER_02]: When I became one, that was my reference.
13:17
[SPEAKER_02]: Right.
13:17
[SPEAKER_02]: Even though my challenges were different,
13:25
[SPEAKER_02]: The conversation becomes, how did you maintain, right?
13:29
[SPEAKER_02]: I have somebody to look at, somebody to engage with, somebody to see guidance from, because I saw a constant representation to me of what a man is in every stage of life.
13:39
[SPEAKER_02]: You know what I'm saying?
13:41
[SPEAKER_02]: It's one thing to be decent and passive.
13:43
[SPEAKER_02]: It's another thing.
13:44
[SPEAKER_02]: And some may disagree, right?
13:45
[SPEAKER_02]: So if you're decent, you're decent all the time.
13:48
[SPEAKER_02]: I think decent without history is a human thing.
13:52
[SPEAKER_02]: like we don't we don't have any history.
13:55
[SPEAKER_02]: I feel in kind of way about you.
13:56
[SPEAKER_02]: I shouldn't have aggression or anything to you, rather than being decent.
14:02
[SPEAKER_02]: But over time, you start the expectation start to set in.
14:06
[SPEAKER_02]: Things don't happen this time as they normally happen.
14:09
[SPEAKER_02]: And then you got to figure that out, right?
14:11
[SPEAKER_02]: Certainly.
14:11
[SPEAKER_02]: And that thing that didn't happen as it normally happened may be offensive to you.
14:16
[SPEAKER_02]: It also may be tied to something.
14:17
[SPEAKER_02]: It doesn't mean that those two things can't
14:23
[SPEAKER_02]: I'm offended, something triggered you.
14:26
[SPEAKER_02]: Yeah.
14:27
[SPEAKER_02]: We both have a challenge right now.
14:28
[SPEAKER_02]: How do you get through that?
14:29
[SPEAKER_02]: And I think that's where, for me, specifically, like I needed that example of your first instinct.
14:37
[SPEAKER_02]: If it's only that, your first instinct isn't off the handle.
14:43
[SPEAKER_00]: Which becomes a personality trait, that that that's.
14:47
[SPEAKER_00]: It's not steady enough in my opinion, by those who need it, let me add that portion.
14:52
[SPEAKER_00]: Because we don't look as a society, when I say we, don't look closely enough now nowadays, if you will, into cultural norms.
15:06
[SPEAKER_00]: And we think cultural norms are vast.
15:10
[SPEAKER_00]: They're not as broad as we try to make them.
15:14
[SPEAKER_00]: Here, regions, different East Coast.
15:18
[SPEAKER_00]: There are East Coast best coast citizens, if you wield that, they'll walk down the street, they'll pass each other once they two wears to each other.
15:28
[SPEAKER_00]: And that's an acceptable norm.
15:30
[SPEAKER_00]: There's no offense there.
15:31
[SPEAKER_00]: Upper East Coast.
15:32
[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah, New York, Upper New Yorkish.
15:34
[SPEAKER_00]: I'm not going through.
15:35
[SPEAKER_02]: You start a murder.
15:36
[SPEAKER_02]: I'm not going through.
15:37
[SPEAKER_02]: You start a murder.
15:38
[SPEAKER_02]: You start a murder.
15:38
[SPEAKER_00]: You start a murder.
15:40
[SPEAKER_00]: So then you come to the South.
15:44
[SPEAKER_00]: You'll walk by a person, hey, how you doing?
15:47
[SPEAKER_00]: That's a cultural norm.
15:49
[SPEAKER_00]: So much so, if a person walks by you, they may stop and turn around and say, that was pretty rude, especially if they speak and you still don't speak back.
15:59
[SPEAKER_00]: Imagine the norms for these two totally different individuals end up in the same environment.
16:06
[SPEAKER_00]: I walk by you.
16:07
[SPEAKER_00]: I criticize you now for saying, why don't you know you're supposed to speak to another human being as you approach them?
16:15
[SPEAKER_00]: Whereas the other is, what made you so comfortable to invade my personal private space?
16:20
[SPEAKER_00]: I'm in personal thoughts.
16:21
[SPEAKER_00]: I'm has nothing to do with you.
16:23
[SPEAKER_00]: Both sides can be respected.
16:25
[SPEAKER_00]: There's no wrong in either of those perspectives, but because of what your social norm is for your environment.
16:33
[SPEAKER_00]: It's received differently.
16:34
[SPEAKER_00]: That's rude of you to impose on my personal space and thoughts to try to force me to speak to you.
16:39
[SPEAKER_00]: That's rude of you to, while by me and not acknowledge me as a human being and say, hey, are you doing?
16:44
[SPEAKER_00]: Gosh, you're nothing to speak to another human being.
16:46
[SPEAKER_02]: Yeah.
16:47
[SPEAKER_00]: is just what you've learned, and then the conflict comes or the issues arise when ethno-centrisal.
16:55
[SPEAKER_00]: I'm gonna use my standards, my beliefs, as the yard, measuring stick for everybody as an entire community, the world, the country.
17:04
[SPEAKER_00]: I don't care where you are.
17:05
[SPEAKER_00]: If you say, you look at something someone's doing, and you base it off your belief, how you move your standards.
17:16
[SPEAKER_00]: Relationship parenting and what you don't make a kid say yes, ma'am.
17:20
[SPEAKER_00]: No, sir It's not a thing for me if that's how they feel or vice versa.
17:24
[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah, man Don't say sir to me son and then that parents standing there.
17:28
[SPEAKER_00]: He absolutely better say sir to you Conflict they don't see that as the same
17:34
[SPEAKER_00]: Hey, Mr. John, I'm there.
17:37
[SPEAKER_00]: You better not call him there.
17:39
[SPEAKER_00]: You see what I mean?
17:39
[SPEAKER_00]: So now these things have to be communicated.
17:42
[SPEAKER_00]: Hey, where do you stand on this?
17:44
[SPEAKER_00]: Where do you stand?
17:45
[SPEAKER_00]: Because I'm not trying to offend you, but perhaps you're a method in those areas.
17:52
[SPEAKER_00]: Let's say you're talking to someone's child.
17:54
[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah.
17:55
[SPEAKER_00]: And it goes.
17:56
[SPEAKER_00]: It absolutely goes against what they're trying to teach an insteele and you're undoing and you're simply trying to
18:03
[SPEAKER_00]: This is my standard.
18:04
[SPEAKER_02]: You see what I mean?
18:05
[SPEAKER_02]: I do.
18:06
[SPEAKER_02]: And I think cultural norms are given too much credit as a means of being compatible.
18:12
[SPEAKER_02]: Yeah.
18:12
[SPEAKER_02]: It all said, because you assume that if you are he was the same and you're from the same place,
18:19
[SPEAKER_02]: Certainly, there are some things that we're dealing as culturally acceptable.
18:23
[SPEAKER_02]: Yeah.
18:23
[SPEAKER_02]: And if I say this, you want to send it be this about do this.
18:25
[SPEAKER_02]: You want to send it be that as we're passing what happens in that house, right?
18:30
[SPEAKER_02]: Yes, because we're happens in this house, stays in this house, right?
18:33
[SPEAKER_02]: That's one, that's one extreme that we look at it that way.
18:36
[SPEAKER_02]: But also, there's the.
18:38
[SPEAKER_02]: This is what happens in his house.
18:40
[SPEAKER_02]: I don't care what happens out there.
18:41
[SPEAKER_02]: This, right?
18:42
[SPEAKER_02]: This is who we are.
18:43
[SPEAKER_02]: This is how our family is defined.
18:45
[SPEAKER_02]: And sometimes you don't figure those things out until year 30 days, three months, three years into the marriage because you thought, culturally, y'all was kicking it so long and the conversations didn't get deep enough or you, you didn't go deep enough in your asses because you wanted to protect.
19:05
[SPEAKER_02]: potential of this thing working out because I like, I like where it's set right now, right?
19:10
[SPEAKER_02]: And that's the thing about relationships again.
19:12
[SPEAKER_02]: People changing over time.
19:14
[SPEAKER_02]: How do you as an adult, I saw my mom change as a child, my mom was my mom.
19:20
[SPEAKER_02]: Yes, my dad experienced all of that.
19:22
[SPEAKER_02]: Yes, just as our children are experiencing that with us and as they get older, my older children are seeing, oh,
19:29
[SPEAKER_02]: My younger children, I'm still just dead, right?
19:31
[SPEAKER_02]: My older children, I started trying to look at me.
19:33
[SPEAKER_02]: Just just trying to look at me.
19:35
[SPEAKER_02]: I don't do it though.
19:37
[SPEAKER_02]: So the decisions that they're making and then they're comparing the contrast and what they saw me doing is like, oh, like I was saying to my mother, like,
19:46
[SPEAKER_02]: We're allowing her to parent and it's not a matter of, she didn't have a choice or we weren't going to have a louder, we weren't up and we're not in the position to dictate, right, right, right, right, right, right, she's throwing a house so the house has rules, but how she's raising her daughter is her daughter.
20:02
[SPEAKER_02]: We got her to the point.
20:03
[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah, of this, right?
20:05
[SPEAKER_02]: Yes, I'm I'm pop pop now.
20:08
[SPEAKER_02]: What my grandmother needs, please please please miss me with all the drugs.
20:14
[SPEAKER_02]: I'm Papa.
20:14
[SPEAKER_02]: Yeah, I mean I'm still the source of this man.
20:17
[SPEAKER_02]: I'm a male figure in her life, but yeah
20:20
[SPEAKER_02]: figure that out.
20:21
[SPEAKER_00]: You got to ask me.
20:22
[SPEAKER_00]: I'm just going to say, come here, baby, ask me.
20:24
[SPEAKER_02]: Yeah, I'm like, oh, she need to be changed.
20:25
[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah.
20:27
[SPEAKER_00]: I do change like because this will be a whole thing.
20:30
[SPEAKER_02]: But, um, yeah.
20:32
[SPEAKER_02]: So, so when I saw that conversation, I was like, uh, the way that conversation started and even with it, the responses, it got me thinking, like what it is, what am I seeing that potentially,
20:50
[SPEAKER_02]: be source of conflict resolution and just the characteristics of my children or keeping our brand in my son.
20:59
[SPEAKER_00]: I'm so glad you said that because I think the biggest or one of one of one of the biggest mistakes and relationship building that happens is I'm enjoying this so much
21:19
[SPEAKER_00]: I don't want to ruin it, by being genuine, or with our authenticity.
21:27
[SPEAKER_00]: The real me may run you off.
21:33
[SPEAKER_00]: That's all the more reason to be the absolute real you.
21:36
[SPEAKER_00]: Because the person you're representative
21:44
[SPEAKER_00]: Let this person marry your representative and see how happy you are, down the road, marry that person's representative, and see how fulfilled you are down the road.
21:57
[SPEAKER_00]: This is the time to, if I'm going to run y'all, I need to run y'all now, because don't
22:10
[SPEAKER_00]: And then once I'm attached, I get on the boat, the ship went in the middle of the ocean, and now you're saying, hey, there's no life jackets or life bolts on this day.
22:19
[SPEAKER_00]: Hey.
22:21
[SPEAKER_02]: Better conversation with you.
22:23
[SPEAKER_02]: When I was shopping for ships.
22:27
[SPEAKER_00]: Let's try the ships.
22:30
[SPEAKER_00]: I'm claiming, I'll take that one day.
22:33
[SPEAKER_00]: You told me, I don't, you asked me hey.
22:37
[SPEAKER_00]: in your search for these ships, what are your non negotiables safety?
22:44
[SPEAKER_00]: I need safety.
22:45
[SPEAKER_00]: I need security.
22:46
[SPEAKER_00]: I need to know that this thing's not going to sink and I need to know that should something happens.
22:53
[SPEAKER_00]: There are safety measures in place that we will survive beyond perhaps this vessel going down, but we'll survive in order to rebuild the next vessel together.
23:06
[SPEAKER_00]: Life checkers, like boats, all of the things, flares, yeah, yeah, we got all of that.
23:13
[SPEAKER_00]: Because that's the right thing to say.
23:16
[SPEAKER_00]: You don't want to share that with me.
23:19
[SPEAKER_00]: And if I tell him or her, there's not a single safety device on this entire vessel.
23:27
[SPEAKER_01]: It's gonna leave it.
23:29
[SPEAKER_01]: She's gonna leave it.
23:30
[SPEAKER_00]: She's not gonna take this or accept this.
23:36
[SPEAKER_00]: All I know is safety.
23:37
[SPEAKER_00]: Safety is, so now you become a thing that you're not.
23:41
[SPEAKER_00]: One day, it's gonna rain.
23:45
[SPEAKER_00]: And now this person figures out this, not even an umbrella on the ship.
23:50
[SPEAKER_00]: What do you think they're gonna do?
23:52
[SPEAKER_00]: So now in the relationship realm, even parenting, there are stories that we've
24:03
[SPEAKER_00]: You're skeptical of sharing true life stories about yourself with your children, all of it, all of it, you know, leaving, you perhaps are leaving the most important part out that'll teach the lesson that you really try to convey.
24:17
[SPEAKER_00]: So if you imagine if you leave this embarrassing part of the story out, and that it was like, I didn't hear nothing wrong with that story, I'm gonna try that the first chance I get.
24:28
[SPEAKER_00]: No son, I passed out and they had to take me and revive me because of this, if they get that portion of the story, you don't want to tell them you had alcohol poisoning.
24:39
[SPEAKER_00]: You almost died.
24:40
[SPEAKER_00]: I feel attacked.
24:43
[SPEAKER_00]: So I feel attacked.
24:44
[SPEAKER_00]: Right, so because you leave that key component of the story out, they see nothing wrong with a, man, my partner, group of my friends challenged me to drink this many shots in this much time.
24:58
[SPEAKER_00]: It was tough on me the next day.
24:59
[SPEAKER_00]: They're thinking, but did you die, though?
25:02
[SPEAKER_00]: Whereas if you say, hey, head out to a hard pausening, they actually risked me to the hospital, they had to pump my stomach, shake me back, hit me with the IV, didn't hit me with the, they didn't happen to me, people.
25:12
[SPEAKER_00]: I'm just saying those are the process, that could be a story somewhere that happened to a guy, or a person.
25:18
[SPEAKER_02]: Or you drink, pass out, and you woke up, thought up on somebody.
25:23
[SPEAKER_02]: It's not the whole part of them.
25:24
[SPEAKER_02]: I'm not saying that happened to me, but I don't even know why they're trying me.
25:28
[SPEAKER_02]: I don't even know why they're trying me.
25:31
[SPEAKER_00]: So imagine leaving that out because you're trying to spare your image or look a certain way out.
25:38
[SPEAKER_00]: I don't want you to take a certain way about me, son.
25:40
[SPEAKER_00]: No, no, no, no.
25:42
[SPEAKER_00]: I need you to know these are the Bumble Brain moments I had.
25:50
[SPEAKER_02]: So here's the thing about, when you say a representative, I'm glad you walked it the way that you walked it.
25:54
[SPEAKER_02]: Don't sing your representative.
25:57
[SPEAKER_02]: Also, when you see challenges with their representative, don't look past it.
26:05
[SPEAKER_02]: Oh, please, please.
26:08
[SPEAKER_02]: Don't think that you're not negotiable is going to change over time, right?
26:12
[SPEAKER_02]: It's like it's, I don't like this thing about the nail, surely they'll grow out of it.
26:20
[SPEAKER_02]: That's not the dice roll.
26:21
[SPEAKER_02]: That's not it.
26:22
[SPEAKER_02]: That is not the dice.
26:23
[SPEAKER_02]: The roll.
26:24
[SPEAKER_02]: No.
26:24
[SPEAKER_01]: You got to be a combo today because there's, I mean, to me, that's something.
26:34
[SPEAKER_01]: But it.
26:35
[SPEAKER_02]: That's the, that's the simple approach that I don't, I don't know who does it doesn't like the term, but to see something that you know is not you want and to stay in it.
26:49
[SPEAKER_02]: especially uh... come on please place but up place before children yes right because we've already seen both sides of the festival if she was good enough to lay down and we would this is not that that's not that yep
27:07
[SPEAKER_02]: Relationship changes.
27:08
[SPEAKER_02]: Did dynamic changes?
27:09
[SPEAKER_02]: You got more to think about.
27:10
[SPEAKER_02]: Yeah, I'm gonna lead that there.
27:12
[SPEAKER_02]: See some other episodes a few hundred back.
27:15
[SPEAKER_02]: If you if you want some in a team with some some Ier on on that discussion.
27:19
[SPEAKER_02]: Yeah, but To enjoy something another thing that you said to be something to be so be so focused on the enjoyable aspects That you willingly ignore
27:32
[SPEAKER_02]: the things that you know, rub you the wrong way, this.
27:36
[SPEAKER_02]: Only for them to continue to rub you the wrong way and now you're frustrated with your decision.
27:40
[SPEAKER_02]: I'mma keep saying that.
27:42
[SPEAKER_02]: For me, that's always the first accountability.
27:44
[SPEAKER_02]: This, well, she, she, what did you choose?
27:48
[SPEAKER_02]: And what did you see?
27:49
[SPEAKER_02]: How far over the part to is it from what you chose, right?
27:52
[SPEAKER_02]: Right.
27:54
[SPEAKER_02]: I haven't experienced that big of a change.
27:56
[SPEAKER_02]: I'm sure there exists.
27:58
[SPEAKER_02]: I'm also sure if people are lying about that too.
28:01
[SPEAKER_02]: I'm sure some people are just framing the conversation to look like people should have sympathy or empathy for your terrible decision.
28:09
[SPEAKER_02]: Man and women.
28:10
[SPEAKER_00]: Right.
28:11
[SPEAKER_02]: I don't want my sons and I, you know, privacy respected.
28:15
[SPEAKER_02]: You know what I'm saying?
28:16
[SPEAKER_02]: Hey, they're moving and grooving.
28:18
[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah.
28:19
[SPEAKER_02]: And I'm
28:21
[SPEAKER_02]: There's a conversation.
28:22
[SPEAKER_02]: I'm trying to time right now.
28:24
[SPEAKER_02]: And I'm probably even that's the wrong thing.
28:26
[SPEAKER_02]: Don't miss the one thing.
28:27
[SPEAKER_00]: Even that's the one thing that's like, hey, don't miss the window.
28:31
[SPEAKER_02]: I see you excitement in this area.
28:32
[SPEAKER_00]: Yes.
28:33
[SPEAKER_02]: Yes.
28:34
[SPEAKER_02]: Are you aware of it?
28:35
[SPEAKER_02]: I just want to start there.
28:37
[SPEAKER_02]: Are you aware?
28:38
[SPEAKER_02]: Are you aware?
28:40
[SPEAKER_02]: You know, you're moving the certain way.
28:42
[SPEAKER_02]: I just want to make sure that you, I know this, it's not a wrong change.
28:51
[SPEAKER_02]: However, I've experienced this and to get way beyond me or I'll allow it to get way beyond me only to look up and say, oh, oh, you know what I'm saying, you know, those those conversations around What did this come for like you, you are That emotion
29:18
[SPEAKER_01]: That behavior, right?
29:20
[SPEAKER_02]: That behavior.
29:21
[SPEAKER_02]: Yeah, that decision making.
29:22
[SPEAKER_02]: Yeah, that priority.
29:26
[SPEAKER_02]: Did you see something to me that I didn't explain?
29:29
[SPEAKER_02]: Cause I, I'm not above suggesting that they've noticed something that I haven't willingly acknowledged or I wasn't even consciously aware of that.
29:39
[SPEAKER_02]: left the mark.
29:40
[SPEAKER_02]: Right?
29:41
[SPEAKER_02]: Yes.
29:41
[SPEAKER_02]: And without conversation, whatever I've done in front of them is acceptable to them unless there's a conversation otherwise.
29:48
[SPEAKER_02]: That's how I carry.
29:50
[SPEAKER_00]: And we've expressed in the past, the assumption.
29:55
[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah.
29:57
[SPEAKER_00]: I assumed because you've spent so much time around me that there are certain lessons that you, I guess I assumed you got it through
30:09
[SPEAKER_00]: or you saw how, you see how we move, you know, we wouldn't, you don't, because you didn't specifically see some of those areas, some of the things that we do.
30:21
[SPEAKER_00]: the character we're presenting would have made a different decision in that situation.
30:26
[SPEAKER_02]: Yeah.
30:26
[SPEAKER_00]: But you didn't see anything remotely even close to that situation.
30:30
[SPEAKER_00]: So you really don't exactly know what to do in that situation or have seen us deal with a situation like that.
30:38
[SPEAKER_00]: Now here you are dealing with it.
30:40
[SPEAKER_00]: This is literally your first exposure to it.
30:43
[SPEAKER_00]: And I am assuming, as your father, that I've seen a game of you this too big.
30:50
[SPEAKER_00]: Well, now we talk in specialty tools now.
30:52
[SPEAKER_00]: You're trying to put a regular socket on an impact wrench and wonder why I keep bussing and split and open.
30:58
[SPEAKER_00]: That's a different level of pressure in torque.
31:00
[SPEAKER_00]: I didn't explain that part to you, I thought.
31:04
[SPEAKER_02]: It just needs a torque wrench.
31:05
[SPEAKER_00]: It's exactly, so now, because I'm assuming you're like, that's not only you, because that's the other thing.
31:13
[SPEAKER_00]: The frustration as a parent, I now want to attack you.
31:18
[SPEAKER_00]: Maybe even the gray, belittle, your decision making like, man, why would you even, why did you get something like that tone?
31:24
[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah, I thought about that.
31:26
[SPEAKER_00]: I'm asking the right question, but my tone is off.
31:29
[SPEAKER_00]: So now go back and self evaluate like a, I shouldn't have to equip you for every single thing.
31:40
[SPEAKER_00]: I'm hoping I can give you a,
31:42
[SPEAKER_00]: a broad understanding of how life works, and then it's your job to fill in the little blanks and gaps.
31:47
[SPEAKER_00]: You know what I mean?
31:48
[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah.
31:52
[SPEAKER_00]: I have regrets that I haven't shared like in the dating realm with my with my sons.
31:58
[SPEAKER_00]: We have to find our way past that as well because it's not disrespectful to shared dating experiences without children.
32:07
[SPEAKER_00]: I get it where your parents
32:10
[SPEAKER_00]: It's, it perhaps may be awkward to feel like I'm talking to my son about another woman outside of his mother.
32:18
[SPEAKER_00]: Life didn't stop with your mom.
32:19
[SPEAKER_00]: Your mom, life started with me.
32:22
[SPEAKER_00]: Huh.
32:23
[UNKNOWN]: Ha ha ha ha.
32:25
[SPEAKER_00]: Your mom, life started with me.
32:27
[SPEAKER_00]: But my life didn't stop with my mom.
32:30
[SPEAKER_00]: Ha ha ha.
32:31
[SPEAKER_00]: So when I tell you, I was dating a young lady and just sitting there on a chair.
32:36
[SPEAKER_00]: She just took a glass of water and splashed it in my face and mushed me with the glass.
32:41
[SPEAKER_00]: That's a that's a conversation that needs to be a because we'll do you now do do you last shot do you retaliate do you do you see past it like oh we were just having a heated discussion and she's not really liked it.
32:59
[SPEAKER_00]: If you see that song that flag doesn't
33:09
[SPEAKER_00]: Man, all women though, yes, ladies, if you're dating a guy, oh, that was just the most heated conversation we ever had.
33:16
[SPEAKER_00]: That's why he last out grabbed the fistful of my shirt and snatched me to him, but he let me go, he didn't hit me.
33:24
[SPEAKER_00]: But he did grab me and snatch me close to him, but he let me go.
33:29
[SPEAKER_00]: That's abuse, that is, that is, that is, these signs, there's more to come.
33:37
[SPEAKER_00]: That's the preface if you saw you got it.
33:39
[SPEAKER_00]: That's all you have.
33:41
[SPEAKER_00]: That's all you need there.
33:43
[SPEAKER_00]: Okay.
33:43
[SPEAKER_00]: We need to go get some counseling.
33:46
[SPEAKER_00]: You're dating.
33:47
[SPEAKER_00]: Stop trying to counsel your way through dating.
33:50
[SPEAKER_00]: Let me say that is weird.
33:51
[SPEAKER_00]: Convict your way through dating.
33:52
[SPEAKER_00]: That is convincing your way through dating.
33:55
[SPEAKER_00]: And that is broken.
33:56
[SPEAKER_00]: Do not.
33:57
[SPEAKER_00]: Let's let me tell you something.
33:58
[SPEAKER_00]: The blessing of dating is there are no attachments.
34:02
[SPEAKER_00]: If you moved so quickly that you dug yourself into this hole of a attachment, I knew a young lady that was dating a guy for so long, that by the time they were ready to break up, they had actually had to do like a non-conventional divorce through the state of Texas because so many things were intertwined.
34:21
[SPEAKER_02]: Yes, it's a common law state, this is common law state, yes.
34:25
[SPEAKER_00]: Absolutely, this was a kind of scam here people, I don't know.
34:27
[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah, well, we'll, we'll, we'll, we'll, we'll, we'll, we'll, we'll, we'll, we'll, we'll, we'll, we'll, we'll, we'll, we'll, we'll, we'll, we'll, we'll, we'll, we'll, we'll, we'll, we'll, we'll, we'll, we'll, we'll, we'll, we'll, we'll, we'll, we'll, we'll, we'll, we'll, we'll, we'll, we'll, we'll, we'll, we'll, we'll, we'll, we'll, we'll, we'll, we'll, we'll, we'll, we'll, we'll, we'll, we'll, we'll, we'll, we'll, we'll, we'll, we'll, we'll, we'll, we'll, we'll, we'll, we'll,
34:52
[SPEAKER_00]: So be mindful in that dating phase of nobody really talked to me about that.
34:58
[SPEAKER_00]: We liked each other and as my partner said, we fed them and happy.
35:02
[SPEAKER_00]: You're not married, be mindful of how you move in that dating space.
35:08
[SPEAKER_00]: Because it can't lead you down a road of how did I get here?
35:14
[SPEAKER_00]: That's dangerous.
35:15
[SPEAKER_02]: Yeah, sometimes when you move to attachment too quickly, you'll spend the rest of that relationship just to find the attachment or resenting the attachment.
35:26
[SPEAKER_02]: And it's typically don't typically know well.
35:29
[SPEAKER_02]: We talk a lot about our mistakes and that's intentional.
35:33
[SPEAKER_00]: Yep.
35:34
[SPEAKER_02]: Also being a good father, being a good example in and of itself may not be enough, just.
35:43
[SPEAKER_02]: I like to think, I know I had a good example as a father of his character, his reaction, his demeaning, all those things, but I felt that there was a gap between the lifestyle I desired or the things I wanted to do in life that I never knew he had any.
36:09
[SPEAKER_02]: dealings with.
36:10
[SPEAKER_02]: Yeah, I'm talking about like just alcohol, smoking, like women, like these things, because I saw him after he mature beyond the point.
36:23
[SPEAKER_00]: Yes.
36:24
[SPEAKER_02]: And he'd live nothing up the life.
36:26
[SPEAKER_02]: I don't want to suggest that.
36:27
[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah.
36:27
[SPEAKER_02]: But he had a life.
36:29
[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah.
36:30
[SPEAKER_02]: And I'll talk about the embarrassing aspect of me becoming a man as well because I knew the things that I was doing.
36:36
[SPEAKER_02]: I never saw him doing.
36:37
[SPEAKER_02]: I didn't think that that was an opportunity to actually for him to understand.
36:43
[SPEAKER_02]: So we didn't talk about things because I didn't bring things to them.
36:46
[SPEAKER_02]: Yeah, so my point is even doing all of the right things in front of your child is not enough.
36:54
[SPEAKER_02]: You got to have the conversations around what they're going through because what they're going through might not look anything like what you've shown them.
37:03
[SPEAKER_02]: Only for them to learn that you went through it too, they just didn't see it.
37:12
[SPEAKER_02]: age appropriate, right, because I talked about struggling with that, you know, and how you say it, the glorification of a thing, you know, you, you, you logging for that time back in your life.
37:23
[SPEAKER_02]: And God forbid, you actually try to live by careously through your son.
37:27
[SPEAKER_00]: Oh, you're stopping.
37:29
[SPEAKER_02]: Please don't stop putting all causes for you ain't like that down.
37:42
[SPEAKER_01]: That was the other piece of it, um, like having the courage to talk when your child is the one that has that aggression moment.
37:56
[SPEAKER_02]: Right?
37:59
[SPEAKER_02]: I know of stories where the parent has seen
38:11
[SPEAKER_02]: because either it's a it's a it's a a disheartening reminded the day of where it came from yes or you don't know your place in that moment to actually address it that moment is is later than when it should be addressed but when you see your child even react
38:41
[SPEAKER_02]: Sports is a good one because that's, you know, that, that, that, that, um, people definitely don't either side of the fence or that, but their reaction to a miss happening sport to a failed assignment or to a miss this or a miss that, yes, how they react, right?
38:55
[SPEAKER_02]: Yes.
38:56
[SPEAKER_02]: And when that sport is a thing that becomes their identity, does it spill over?
39:01
[SPEAKER_02]: This is not an attack on a sports.
39:03
[SPEAKER_02]: This can be anything.
39:05
[SPEAKER_02]: This could be your child building something, right?
39:08
[SPEAKER_02]: And when the glue didn't, didn't bond, they break the whole thing, right?
39:12
[SPEAKER_00]: Crash it out.
39:12
[SPEAKER_02]: You know, I'm saying like, how are you taking those moments along the way?
39:19
[SPEAKER_02]: Is it just something they'll get over?
39:21
[SPEAKER_02]: Is it something that you believe was just to phase in their life because whatever the triggering thing was at that phase, there may be another version that and another phase in life.
39:32
[SPEAKER_00]: which you don't want a guy for being that happens with somebody else's life is tied to how your child acts to this you know what I'm saying I do and and and several ways you can miss that that's that because now you're you're using words like passion so I see that passion in you you're encouraging it now
39:54
[SPEAKER_00]: Now he thinks, if I'm not acting this way, it looks like I don't care.
39:58
[SPEAKER_00]: It looks like I'm not trying, it looks like I'm mediocre.
40:01
[SPEAKER_00]: If I'm not smashing my helmet against the bench or throwing things kicking and flipping over coolers or pushing people away from me because we lose and why you don't seem like or act like the end of the world is near.
40:17
[SPEAKER_00]: That's broken.
40:18
[SPEAKER_00]: That's why.
40:20
[SPEAKER_00]: There are, I'm not saying, be complacent and accept or get comfortable losing.
40:27
[SPEAKER_00]: Sure, be frustrated.
40:29
[SPEAKER_00]: Let it drive you what mistakes did I make.
40:34
[SPEAKER_00]: I need to refocus.
40:35
[SPEAKER_00]: I gotta try hard.
40:36
[SPEAKER_00]: I gotta change something.
40:37
[SPEAKER_00]: Self-evaluate, maybe even motivate others.
40:40
[SPEAKER_00]: Hey, man, don't watch for those that are looking to point the finger as well.
40:46
[SPEAKER_00]: Sports is a good, good way to really see the inner character of a person.
40:51
[SPEAKER_00]: Because are you too passive?
40:53
[SPEAKER_00]: Are you overly aggressive?
40:55
[SPEAKER_00]: Are you a team player?
40:57
[SPEAKER_00]: Are you selfish?
40:58
[SPEAKER_00]: If you mess up, are you looking at him like, man, why you ain't blocking him?
41:04
[SPEAKER_00]: Man, why are you dropped above?
41:05
[SPEAKER_00]: Hey, hey, hey, hey, man.
41:07
[SPEAKER_00]: We lost.
41:09
[SPEAKER_00]: We should do better.
41:12
[SPEAKER_00]: Here's some things that I did, here's some things you did.
41:14
[SPEAKER_00]: Here's the opportunity to teach these traits and behaviors.
41:17
[SPEAKER_00]: I wanna go back to something else you said, though, that the apparent standing there, perhaps your child, daughter or son, gets into it with another individual, right in front of you.
41:30
[SPEAKER_00]: And it goes bad, perhaps even gets physical.
41:33
[SPEAKER_00]: The absolute worst thing you could do as a parent, intervene and talk to the other person that's not your child, trying to convince them, you know, my baby don't like like this.
41:44
[SPEAKER_00]: I don't know what y'all got going on to make this happen like this or go this way.
41:50
[SPEAKER_00]: Maybe just y'all just take a couple days off from each other and cool down.
41:57
[SPEAKER_00]: No, we're not going.
41:58
[SPEAKER_00]: We're not going to just sweep this thing on the river.
42:01
[SPEAKER_00]: This, this is an issue.
42:02
[SPEAKER_00]: This is a problem.
42:03
[SPEAKER_00]: All the more reason it's time for you to evaluate.
42:07
[SPEAKER_00]: Because now, this person just showed you, no matter how this goes, no matter how bad this gets.
42:14
[SPEAKER_00]: They team abuse or team cover for mine.
42:17
[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah.
42:18
[SPEAKER_00]: mine was wrong.
42:20
[SPEAKER_00]: I'm team cover for mine.
42:23
[SPEAKER_00]: Hey, hey, don't call the cops on.
42:24
[SPEAKER_00]: Come on, ruin his life.
42:26
[SPEAKER_00]: You're going ruin his life, ruin her life.
42:29
[SPEAKER_00]: She and school, trying to, he's trying to become her.
42:33
[SPEAKER_00]: He, he working, you know, y'all live together and he's trying to pay the bills.
42:37
[SPEAKER_00]: He go to jail right now.
42:38
[SPEAKER_00]: What are y'all going to do with the good?
42:40
[SPEAKER_00]: Hey, listen, don't let people convince you
42:47
[SPEAKER_00]: or justify something that you know you have no business enduring.
42:52
[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah.
42:53
[SPEAKER_00]: Wrong is wrong.
42:55
[SPEAKER_00]: Parent?
42:56
[SPEAKER_00]: I love my child of death, but love my child of life.
43:00
[SPEAKER_00]: I cannot stand here and allow a co-sign.
43:03
[SPEAKER_00]: You're doing things that I know.
43:05
[SPEAKER_00]: If I, if I bless you beyond this and help you get past this with no consequence,
43:11
[SPEAKER_00]: What about the next time when I'm not there to cover it up, or sweep it under the rug, or talk to the other person about looking past this floor, and you double down on it?
43:21
[SPEAKER_00]: And now, a decision has been made that changes both your lives for the rest of time.
43:38
[SPEAKER_02]: of realizing a failure in your parenting, govern that situation, right, right, right.
43:46
[SPEAKER_02]: You try to protect your name, your family name, nobody can, or people who people think about me as a parent, you can parent as perfect as you think.
43:55
[SPEAKER_02]: We hear stories all the time with two children, even if it's twins that grew up in the same house,
44:02
[SPEAKER_02]: One is thriving, yes, one is on the street, yes, right?
44:06
[SPEAKER_02]: Yep, it's not always in it, and it could be, I'm not trying to get into the dynamics of how they each evaluate it every situation in the house.
44:15
[SPEAKER_02]: But the house could have a tone.
44:17
[SPEAKER_02]: And your child could go outside of the house and represent a totally different tone in their life and that's that decision.
44:25
[SPEAKER_02]: Yes.
44:26
[SPEAKER_02]: I'm not suggesting you stop loving them, but you can only, you can't, you're not protecting them.
44:34
[SPEAKER_02]: by keeping them from the consequences of the actions, especially when the consequences are only going to exponentially increase and be careful as a parent, especially fathers, forcing your lifestyle on your sons.
44:56
[SPEAKER_00]: You're a super over-the-top socialite, you live for the good time, you live for the party, you live for the drinking, you live for the whatever, and maybe there's just not just someone's personality, just like, that's okay, that's perfectly fine because the other issue is think about it now if you're
45:19
[SPEAKER_00]: 60, 70, 80 years old, and you still can't turn this witch off.
45:25
[SPEAKER_00]: You in the club with a drink, all you in the bar with a drink in your hand, chicken, your hip side to side.
45:31
[SPEAKER_00]: To my, what you got for me at, not knowing, perhaps your son thinks you look absolutely ridiculous.
45:38
[SPEAKER_00]: Or he may be like, you're going out, like, son, come on, go out with me.
45:46
[SPEAKER_00]: I gotta go to work in the morning.
45:48
[SPEAKER_00]: Oh, whatever the case may be.
45:51
[SPEAKER_00]: I don't feel like that about my dead, but my entire life, my memories of my father, my dead, are the party, good time.
46:02
[SPEAKER_00]: He's the party guy, he's a good time guy.
46:06
[SPEAKER_00]: And more of this will be discussed when we do the episode, start to do the episodes with him.
46:16
[SPEAKER_01]: but just a preface that I think I'm interested to know his perspective on life, his stamp on life, so I'm anxious to do that and see like just because you don't know, I've never asked him, but I will.
46:38
[SPEAKER_02]: I will think that's the cliffhanger we're going to skate
46:44
[SPEAKER_02]: That's it, man.
46:45
[SPEAKER_02]: Be intentional.
46:46
[SPEAKER_00]: And when you do things, I always be mindful of there's a cost associated with it.
46:54
[SPEAKER_00]: At what cost?
46:55
[SPEAKER_00]: If I don't do this, and I do this, did I lose anything or what did I trade for that?
47:04
[SPEAKER_00]: Trade, I'll smack it.
47:05
[SPEAKER_00]: Trade, I'll smack it.
47:06
[SPEAKER_02]: Five-year anniversary is approaching.
47:08
[SPEAKER_02]: Yes, sir, it's probably gonna be something to see.
47:16
[SPEAKER_02]: That's gonna do it for this episode, we appreciate you guys, God bless you, peace.