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Stop Shrinking – Owning Your Value in a System Not Built for You · Work It Like A Mum

• 0:00
  SPEAKER_01: Hey, I'm Elizabeth Willis, and I'm obsessed with helping as many women as possible achieve their boldest dreams after kids and helping you to navigate this messy and magical season of life.
• 0:14
  SPEAKER_01: I'm a working mum with over 17 years of recruitment experience, and I'm the founder of the Investing in Women Job Board and Community.
• 0:22
  SPEAKER_01: In this show, I'm honoured to be chatting with remarkable women, redefining our working world across all areas of business.
• 0:30
  SPEAKER_01: They'll share their secrets on how they've achieved extraordinary success after children, their boundaries and balance, the challenges they faced, and how they've overcome them to find their own versions of success.
• 0:43
  SPEAKER_01: Shy away from the real talk.
• 0:45
  SPEAKER_01: No way! Money, struggles, growth, loss, boundaries and balance.
• 0:49
  SPEAKER_01: We cover it all.
• 0:50
  SPEAKER_01: Think of this as coffee with your mates mixed with an inspiring TED Talk, sprinkled with the career advice you wish you'd really had at school.
• 0:58
  SPEAKER_01: So grab a cup of coffee or a glass of wine, make sure you're cozy, and get ready to get inspired and chase your oldest dreams.
• 1:05
  SPEAKER_01: Or just survive Mondays.
• 1:07
  SPEAKER_01: This is the Work It Like a Mum podcast.
• 1:15
  SPEAKER_01: This episode is brought to you by Investing in Women.
• 1:19
  SPEAKER_01: Investing in Women is a job board and recruitment agency helping you find your dream part-time or flexible job with the UK's most family-friendly and forward-thinking employers.
• 1:30
  SPEAKER_01: Their site can help you find a professional and rewarding job that works for you.
• 1:36
  SPEAKER_01: They're proud to partner with the UK's most family-friendly employers across a range of professional industries.
• 1:42
  SPEAKER_01: Ready to find your perfect job?
• 1:44
  SPEAKER_01: Search their website at investinginwomen.co.uk to find your next part-time or flexible job opportunity.
• 1:53
  SPEAKER_01: Now back to the show.
• 2:10
  SPEAKER_01: I'm recording this um with the lovely Leanne Cooper, who is um one of the UK's leading female leadership coaches and also the founder of Accelerate.
• 2:22
  SPEAKER_01: So I'm really excited to be chatting with you about this.
• 2:25
  SPEAKER_01: And I think it's I think it's a really timely topic because I think so many people feel that the system just isn't built for them.
• 2:31
  SPEAKER_01: And how do they sort of fit themselves, you know, this round peg, square, oh is it square peg, roundhold analogy, whatever the right one is.
• 2:41
  SPEAKER_00: Oh yeah, thank you for having me, Liz.
• 2:43
  SPEAKER_00: I'm really excited to be here.
• 2:44
  SPEAKER_00: So um, yeah, as Liz says, I am Leanne Cooper, I'm a career advancement coach for women, and I am the founder of Accelerate, the UK's leading career advancement program for female senior leaders.
• 2:54
  SPEAKER_00: So, in a nutshell, I help my clients to get hired into the jobs they want, get paid what they actually deserve, and feel amazing while they're doing it.
• 3:01
  SPEAKER_00: So, really looking forward to this session.
• 3:03
  SPEAKER_00: Liz is a friend of mine.
• 3:04
  SPEAKER_00: I am massively inspired, Liz, by the work that you do and also the brilliant work that the rest of the team invests in women do as well.
• 3:11
  SPEAKER_00: So it's an honor to be here with you and invested in women and everybody who is joining the session today.
• 3:17
  SPEAKER_00: So I am here to help you to own your value.
• 3:20
  SPEAKER_00: So this session is for you.
• 3:22
  SPEAKER_00: If you know you are capable of more, if you are feeling at the moment overlooked, undervalued, underpositioned, and underpaid.
• 3:30
  SPEAKER_00: If this is you right now, if you're nodding along thinking, yep, I want you to know that as isolating as these challenges can feel, I want to start off by assuring you that you're absolutely not on your own.
• 3:42
  SPEAKER_00: I have supported over a thousand women across different industries to advance the careers, and many, many, many of them have experienced the challenges that you're experiencing at the moment.
• 3:52
  SPEAKER_00: And secondly, I just want to say before we get into the session, you absolutely do not need to stay here.
• 3:57
  SPEAKER_00: So if this is how you're feeling at the moment, there's lots that we can do to help you to move forwards.
• 4:01
  SPEAKER_00: I'm gonna run through in our session today with you five sort of key areas, and when we get through each area, I'm gonna actually set you an action step for you to take.
• 4:11
  SPEAKER_00: So grab a pen and paper if you haven't got one already or ready to um to get typing.
• 4:17
  SPEAKER_00: All of my sessions, if you've been to a session with me before, you'll know that there's a heavy focus on implementation.
• 4:23
  SPEAKER_00: I'm not about just talking at you for an hour and then you're going away and not doing anything different.
• 4:28
  SPEAKER_00: We want you to take action as a result of coming along here today.
• 4:31
  SPEAKER_00: So grab your pen and paper and get ready to get stuck in.
• 4:34
  SPEAKER_00: Should we get started, Liz?
• 4:36
  SPEAKER_00: Absolutely, I'll be looking forward to it.
• 4:37
  SPEAKER_00: Thank you.
• 4:40
  SPEAKER_00: Okay, amazing.
• 4:41
  SPEAKER_00: So I wanna I want to just get it really clear, first of all, that there are loads and loads of situations, unfortunately, that can erode confidence.
• 4:50
  SPEAKER_00: Um things like career breaks can definitely be one of them.
• 4:53
  SPEAKER_00: And I know firsthand how that feels.
• 4:55
  SPEAKER_00: That definitely happened for me.
• 4:56
  SPEAKER_00: I had a really big wobble after my first son was born.
• 5:00
  SPEAKER_00: We was just talking before um before the session.
• 5:02
  SPEAKER_00: My son is 13 now, but I remember like it was yesterday, um, me having that career break and coming away from work and not having the professional support that I deserved and finding it really, really tough.
• 5:13
  SPEAKER_00: And hindsight's a wonderful thing, isn't it?
• 5:16
  SPEAKER_00: I can look back now and I can absolutely see why that happened.
• 5:19
  SPEAKER_00: Um, and it wasn't at all because I magically became less capable, it was because the context around me shifted such a lot.
• 5:27
  SPEAKER_00: Um, so the first sort of thing really um that I recognized now that I couldn't see when I was in the thick of it, there was a massive identity disruption for me.
• 5:35
  SPEAKER_00: So my identity had been tied so long to my job, to my achievements, to my status, that when I stepped away and had that career break, I didn't know who I was anymore.
• 5:45
  SPEAKER_00: I didn't have that regular structure of appraisals and one-to-ones and 360 feedback.
• 5:50
  SPEAKER_00: I didn't have my boss every week saying, well done and patting me on my back, or my team sending me thanks and recognition.
• 5:57
  SPEAKER_00: And I didn't have a system to recognise A, the new skills that I was developing whilst I was on my career break, and B to recognise the things that I was achieving.
• 6:07
  SPEAKER_00: And looking back, there were loads of skills that I developed and loads of things that I were achieving, but I just wasn't tuned into them.
• 6:14
  SPEAKER_00: Also, what was going on for me, and it might you might relate to this, is there was massive nervous system and cognitive load.
• 6:20
  SPEAKER_00: So my career break was wonderful in many ways, being among for the first time, but it was in no way restful.
• 6:27
  SPEAKER_00: And I remember feeling like I was losing a lot of my skills, and it wasn't that I was losing them, I was depleted.
• 6:33
  SPEAKER_00: Like my brain didn't feel as sharp, and I couldn't string sentences together some days because I was absolutely shattered.
• 6:38
  SPEAKER_00: And maybe you're the same if you're on a career break because you're looking after family, um, caring responsibilities are looking after a small child.
• 6:46
  SPEAKER_00: So please don't think if that's happening, it's because you're less capable, it's because you you're depleted.
• 6:51
  SPEAKER_00: Um, and also another thing that was going on for me, I didn't realise it at the time, and it might be happening for you, was loss of professional muscle memory.
• 7:00
  SPEAKER_00: So confidence comes from action, from repetition.
• 7:03
  SPEAKER_00: And of course, because I was no longer doing some of the things like you know, presenting regularly, leading meetings, all of that stuff, my confidence started to fade through lack of practice, not through lack of capability.
• 7:15
  SPEAKER_00: So, 13 years ago, when I was in that situation where I had that break from work, I actually did the opposite.
• 7:22
  SPEAKER_00: I'll put my hands up now and say I did the opposite of the stuff that I'm gonna talk to you about in a second.
• 7:27
  SPEAKER_00: And it's important that I'm honest about that because I really wish that I knew then what I know now.
• 7:33
  SPEAKER_00: Um, but I wasn't very supportive to myself, I didn't ask for support, I compared myself, I criticized myself, I let negativity get into my head.
• 7:42
  SPEAKER_00: I played really small, I doubted myself, I did not in any way own my impact, I didn't advocate for myself, and I held myself back on opportunities.
• 7:52
  SPEAKER_00: Like looking back now, there were loads of things I could have thrown my hat in the ring for, but I didn't.
• 7:56
  SPEAKER_00: I minimized, I self-disqualified, I sold myself short, and I remember feeling like I wanted to come back to work and I wanted well, I needed that flexible work, but I was scared to ask for it.
• 8:07
  SPEAKER_00: Um, so the approach that I took when I did ask for it wasn't the best approach.
• 8:11
  SPEAKER_00: Um, and it really informed what played out next for me, and it's a pattern that I saw in myself and in loads of other women, um, shrinking their ambitions, shrinking their expectations, and shrinking the voice.
• 8:22
  SPEAKER_00: So when Liz asked me to do this session, I was really, really up for it because it's something that I've experienced and I know how tough it can be, and you feel like you're being overlooked for opportunity, and it's something that I see with my clients time and time again.
• 8:35
  SPEAKER_00: Uh, and I'd love to help you to step away from that, from shrinking your ambitions, from shrinking your expectations and shrinking your voice.
• 8:42
  SPEAKER_00: I want to help you to um really own who you are and own your brilliance and own your value moving forward.
• 8:48
  SPEAKER_00: So I'm gonna share five sort of key tips with you to help you to um to do that.
• 8:53
  SPEAKER_00: Before I do, Liz, I just want to come back to you and and just sort of check in with you.
• 8:56
  SPEAKER_00: Have you ever felt like that?
• 8:57
  SPEAKER_00: Like, I look like the same.
• 9:00
  SPEAKER_01: So when I discovered I was pregnant, I was actually going for a promotion and I self-disqualified.
• 9:05
  SPEAKER_01: Did you?
• 9:06
  SPEAKER_01: Oh, we do it all.
• 9:07
  SPEAKER_01: You think, yeah, why?
• 9:08
  SPEAKER_01: And then you know you're on maternity leave and you then you doubt yourself, you think you can't do it anymore.
• 9:12
  SPEAKER_01: And so yeah, absolutely common into it.
• 9:16
  SPEAKER_00: Resonated, yeah.
• 9:17
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, it really, really is common.
• 9:18
  SPEAKER_00: So you you might be sat there thinking it's just you, it isn't.
• 9:21
  SPEAKER_00: Honestly, it really, really isn't.
• 9:23
  SPEAKER_00: Um, so the first sort of key area that I want to focus on to help you to move forward with this, um, it's really, really important, and it's one that is missed such a lot, and it's prioritizing the relationship with yourself.
• 9:35
  SPEAKER_00: So the relationship with yourself has got more impact on your results than anything else.
• 9:39
  SPEAKER_00: That is a hill I will die on.
• 9:41
  SPEAKER_00: This stuff is foundational, so please do not skip it.
• 9:44
  SPEAKER_00: Um, when we want to progress, or if we want to re-establish ourselves after time away, or if we want to pivot our careers, or make any kind of ask like a flexible work request, we often focus so hard on proving ourselves that we forget about ourselves in the process.
• 10:00
  SPEAKER_00: And that was definitely me after Matt Leave.
• 10:02
  SPEAKER_00: Like I was trying to be the best mum I could to my boys, the best leader at work, all whilst putting myself to the very bottom of the pile.
• 10:09
  SPEAKER_00: Um, had no boundaries, I was overworking, over-delivering, taking on more and more and more and more, all in a bid to prove my worth.
• 10:18
  SPEAKER_00: And I genuinely believed at that time that once I prove myself, then I'll feel confident.
• 10:24
  SPEAKER_00: But you know what?
• 10:24
  SPEAKER_00: The absolute opposite happened.
• 10:26
  SPEAKER_00: And by treating myself as that lowest priority, what was happening was subconsciously I was telling myself that I wasn't as important as everybody else, and over time that chipped away at my confidence and my self-esteem.
• 10:38
  SPEAKER_00: Confidence is an inside job, and it starts with how you treat yourself.
• 10:42
  SPEAKER_00: So if you think of somebody now, if I can invite everybody to think of somebody, picture that person who you see as confident, and I can bet you any money that that confident person that's come to mind in your head is somebody who makes themselves a priority and looks after themselves.
• 10:58
  SPEAKER_00: And when I talk about the relationship with yourself, what I mean is things like how you speak to yourself.
• 11:05
  SPEAKER_00: So whether you're bigging yourself up or whether you're talking yourself down, how you treat yourself when you make a mistake, so are you beating yourself with a stick, or are you being supportive like you would be if it was one of your friends who made a mistake?
• 11:16
  SPEAKER_00: I'm talking about how quickly and how well you meet your own needs, how you prioritize your goals or the things that make you happy, and also how you view your situation, because that'll come across and really inform your next steps.
• 11:29
  SPEAKER_00: So if you've been made redundant, for example, this is something I see such a lot with my clients, they carry some shame around the fact that they've been made redundant.
• 11:36
  SPEAKER_00: Um they absolutely shouldn't do, but they they do, and and that that feels like they're not good enough, and your thoughts create your feelings, your actions, and then your results.
• 11:46
  SPEAKER_00: So, in cases like that, if you're thinking something negative about the fact that you've been made redundant, you then start feeling embarrassment, then your actions consequently mean that you avoid conversations and situations that could potentially open doors.
• 12:00
  SPEAKER_00: So, as a result, you you find that you you get offered less opportunities.
• 12:04
  SPEAKER_00: So the rate the way that you view your situation is really, really important.
• 12:08
  SPEAKER_00: And we talk about this such a lot because it's really, really, really makes a difference.
• 12:13
  SPEAKER_00: And I know Liz, like when you were starting off with investing in women, your first business, um, and and again, I bet when you you started your second business with utility warehouse, there were times, there'll have been times, won't there, where fear showed up or you were a little bit wobbly and that that little self-doubt voice came in.
• 12:30
  SPEAKER_00: But because of the fact that you were able to privatise that relationship with yourself and be kind to yourself, that's why you stepped forward and continued, and that's why you're here now.
• 12:38
  SPEAKER_00: Like if you'd have um self-sabotaged, if you'd have restricted yourself, if you told yourself you weren't good enough, you wouldn't be sat here with two businesses, would you?
• 12:46
  SPEAKER_00: No, you're not.
• 12:47
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, I think it's helpful.
• 12:48
  SPEAKER_01: I don't know what you think as well, to have just like a long-term vision and just give yourself some grace as well that you know you're gonna have bad days, yeah, but not have the grit and determination that you're not gonna give up on the bad days.
• 13:01
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, absolutely that.
• 13:03
  SPEAKER_00: And and the way that you support yourself on those bad days, so you're gonna make a mistake.
• 13:08
  SPEAKER_00: God, I I make 10 a week long.
• 13:10
  SPEAKER_01: I've made some catastrophic mistakes.
• 13:11
  SPEAKER_01: I mean, they've been awful.
• 13:12
  SPEAKER_01: You look back and you think, oh my gosh.
• 13:15
  SPEAKER_01: No, yeah.
• 13:16
  SPEAKER_00: I am I are always gonna make mistakes, but it's about how you how you respond to them, isn't it?
• 13:21
  SPEAKER_00: And like if you're horrible to yourself and you know, I told you that you yeah, that you won't be able to do this, and you've made a mistake because you're not giv good enough, you might as well quit.
• 13:30
  SPEAKER_00: That's not gonna serve and support you, is it?
• 13:32
  SPEAKER_00: You've got to help yourself through these situations.
• 13:34
  SPEAKER_00: So, my first action step on this first area um for everybody, then is to give yourself a score from zero to five at how well you are prioritizing yourself right now, that how strong that relationship with yourself is.
• 13:48
  SPEAKER_00: Um, and and if you were, I'd give yourself a score from zero to five.
• 13:52
  SPEAKER_00: So zero is oh, I'm horrible to myself, I don't make myself a priority, don't make my needs, I'm really mean to myself, I I restrict my opportunities, um I disqualify myself, and then at the other end of the scale, we've got five.
• 14:03
  SPEAKER_00: So that would be you, you you um you champion yourself, you support yourself, you talk yourself up to opportunities, you meet your needs, you prioritize yourself, all of the positive stuff.
• 14:12
  SPEAKER_00: So my first action step would be to give yourself that scot off and then ask yourself this question what is one small step I could take this week to raise that score?
• 14:23
  SPEAKER_00: So that's the first action area for everybody.
• 14:26
  SPEAKER_00: So moving on to number two, then.
• 14:30
  SPEAKER_00: So the second thing is to remind yourself who you are, like this is relevant for every single one of us, um, but especially if you've had some time away from work um or you're having a confidence wobble, um, or if you are stretching your comfort zone and you're going for something like a promotion or um an opportunity, or you're making an ask like a flexible working request, you have to remind yourself of who you are.
• 14:54
  SPEAKER_00: Um, there's an exercise that I set all of my clients at the beginning of when we work together, and it's the achievement reconnection exercise.
• 15:00
  SPEAKER_00: So I invite all my clients to write a list of their achievements, not just from the most recent role, but across the whole of their career, including time away from work.
• 15:09
  SPEAKER_00: And when they've made a list of those achievements, I'll invite them to write down the strengths, skills, and qualities that they use in order to make those things happen because those achievements weren't look, they didn't happen by accident, they happened because of the work that you did.
• 15:24
  SPEAKER_00: Um, so I'd invite you to write down the achievements and then the strengths, skills, and qualities that you've used.
• 15:29
  SPEAKER_00: Um also consider what challenges you overcame to achieve those things and what changed because of you.
• 15:36
  SPEAKER_00: So, what what impact did you have as a result of those things?
• 15:40
  SPEAKER_00: And by doing this work and sitting with it and taking the time to get rid of all the distractions of stuff that's going on outside and meeting everybody else's needs and actually focusing in on you and looking sort of retrospectively across your career, it reconnects you with that capable, confident, and successful version of yourself, and it reminds you just how much evidence that you can succeed, you've already got.
• 16:03
  SPEAKER_00: Um, and if you're feeling really brave, I would invite you to take it one step further as well and ask for feedback from other people.
• 16:10
  SPEAKER_00: Um, so it doesn't need to be a big deal.
• 16:11
  SPEAKER_00: You can just say, Look, I'm doing some work on how I articulate my value and my strengths, especially things that come naturally to me and might be hard for me to see.
• 16:20
  SPEAKER_00: And I'd really value your perspective.
• 16:22
  SPEAKER_00: You can just ask them a couple of questions.
• 16:24
  SPEAKER_00: So the kind of questions that I invite clients to ask are things like when you think about me at my best, what am I doing?
• 16:30
  SPEAKER_00: And what impact does that have?
• 16:32
  SPEAKER_00: Another one is what am I particularly good at that I might underestimate?
• 16:36
  SPEAKER_00: It's a really powerful one.
• 16:38
  SPEAKER_00: Um, what problem do you associate me being especially good at solving?
• 16:43
  SPEAKER_00: Uh, when you have seen me, where have you seen me add the most value?
• 16:47
  SPEAKER_00: What do I make look easier than it actually is?
• 16:51
  SPEAKER_00: Um I would I would definitely invite you to for your next for your next action step for section two is to spend that time reviewing your achievements and getting that feedback and spot those patterns because this is what's gonna help you to identify your obvious choice edge, that thing that sets you apart from all other candidates from that sea of similarity and be able to lean into it.
• 17:14
  SPEAKER_00: And you know what?
• 17:14
  SPEAKER_00: You have to believe in yourself first.
• 17:17
  SPEAKER_00: Um, if you don't believe in yourself and you don't do this work to remind yourself of how brilliant you are, you're gonna have a really tough time um having somebody else to believe in you.
• 17:26
  SPEAKER_00: So, really, really important one.
• 17:28
  SPEAKER_00: Um, that was the the second one.
• 17:30
  SPEAKER_00: So scribble that one down, the action step, and and take some time to review your achievements and your feedback.
• 17:38
  SPEAKER_00: Anything that you want to add about that one, Liz?
• 18:31
  SPEAKER_01: No, I think it's important to do that.
• 18:33
  SPEAKER_01: I've got a little a gratitude diary, and every night it's like I'm proud of whatever it was today.
• 18:38
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, doing it as a consistent practice is really important, isn't it?
• 18:43
  SPEAKER_00: Um yeah, that that leads nicely on to the next one, actually, because that that number two was about doing that big reflection piece.
• 18:50
  SPEAKER_00: But number three is about um making it a consistent habit.
• 18:54
  SPEAKER_00: So, number three is all around stop relying on external validation.
• 18:57
  SPEAKER_00: Now we all love to be told we've done a great job, don't we?
• 19:00
  SPEAKER_00: It feels brilliant in the moment, but it's fleeting, and in between those moments, what you're left with is what you think of you.
• 19:07
  SPEAKER_00: So to build that lasting confidence, to consistently feel powerful, regardless of the season of life that you're in or the challenges that you're facing, you need your own criteria for success and your own system to recognise it and record it.
• 19:19
  SPEAKER_00: Um so you told us about yours, Liz.
• 19:21
  SPEAKER_00: Um, and it's important that you get a system that works for you.
• 19:25
  SPEAKER_00: So for me, I mine's really simple because if it's anything that's too onerous, I don't stick it.
• 19:30
  SPEAKER_00: So any habit that I create, I have to make it really easy for myself to um to stick it.
• 19:35
  SPEAKER_00: So I just have a recurring diary entry um every week for 15 minutes where I sit down, I ask myself five questions.
• 19:42
  SPEAKER_00: I ask myself, where did I add value this week?
• 19:44
  SPEAKER_00: What am I proud of?
• 19:45
  SPEAKER_00: Where did I overcome a challenge?
• 19:47
  SPEAKER_00: How did I show up for myself positively?
• 19:50
  SPEAKER_00: And what did I improve on this week?
• 19:52
  SPEAKER_00: So the same sort of five questions.
• 19:54
  SPEAKER_00: Um, and I just sit on my own and reflect on that.
• 19:59
  SPEAKER_00: So important to celebrate the small wins as well as the big ones because when you do this consistently, it shifts your awareness and your confidence without even realizing grows with it.
• 20:09
  SPEAKER_00: So, my action step for this one is for you to schedule some sort of review with yourself, whether that's a daily thing, a weekly check-in, a monthly check-in, whatever frequency and format works for you.
• 20:22
  SPEAKER_00: Um, and you know what?
• 20:23
  SPEAKER_00: This will not only help you with self-belief and confidence and positioning, it's gonna help you when you are looking to update your CV, it's gonna help you when you're going for interviews because you're gonna have all these examples at the forefront of your mind rather than be sat racking your brain thinking, what did I do?
• 20:39
  SPEAKER_00: I can't remember.
• 20:39
  SPEAKER_00: I'm sure I did something good, but I can't remember.
• 20:42
  SPEAKER_00: And it's gonna help you like when you um are preparing for your appraisals as well.
• 20:46
  SPEAKER_00: So, really, really important that you don't rely on external validation and you've got your own system in place.
• 20:52
  SPEAKER_00: That's definitely a mistake I made.
• 20:54
  SPEAKER_00: Um, and uh my confidence really took a knock as a result of it.
• 20:58
  SPEAKER_00: And I and when I started working for myself, I realized like this Liz, we've talked about this before.
• 21:03
  SPEAKER_00: There's no pat on the back, is there?
• 21:04
  SPEAKER_00: No, absolutely not.
• 21:08
  SPEAKER_01: I think it's really hard.
• 21:09
  SPEAKER_01: That's what I miss the most.
• 21:11
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, and it's really, really hard because there's some days when you'll come to work on your work, your absolute socks off our wee.
• 21:19
  SPEAKER_00: And there's no one that says, Well done, or great effort, or it's just like you've got to do it for yourself.
• 21:25
  SPEAKER_00: Um, no, I agree.
• 21:29
  SPEAKER_00: So, really big one, and then moving on to number four, this one um is all around owning your story.
• 21:34
  SPEAKER_00: So, especially if you've had a career break um or if you want to put forward an application for reduced hours or or anything like that, you've got to own your story.
• 21:44
  SPEAKER_00: You really, really have.
• 21:46
  SPEAKER_00: Um, so whether like if you're having a career break, whether it was unexpected um or planned, it isn't something to apologize for.
• 21:53
  SPEAKER_00: There's always a way to frame whatever your situation is, whatever your story is positively and credibly, but it starts again with how you see it.
• 22:02
  SPEAKER_00: So if you're carrying around, even if you're not aware of it, you're carrying around like guilt or embarrassment or a sense that you need to explain yourself, that energy will leak into interviews, it will leak into conversations, and it'll make you shy away from certain things because you're worried about talking about it, you're worried about having that conversation.
• 22:22
  SPEAKER_00: So you'll you'll try and protect yourself from having to have it.
• 22:25
  SPEAKER_00: But when you genuinely see your situation as valid and as a valuable chapter, other people follow that lead.
• 22:33
  SPEAKER_00: Um, so when it comes to positioning it confidently, you want to frame it as a strategic decision, even if the trigger wasn't your choice, the response was the way that you handled it was your choice.
• 22:44
  SPEAKER_00: Um, so frame it as a strategic decision, highlight the skills that you that you you develop um based on.
• 22:50
  SPEAKER_00: The situation that you're in.
• 22:52
  SPEAKER_00: So, like if you're in a career break for looking after children, for example, decision making, resilience, prioritization, perspective, clarity, all of that stuff is stuff that you will be doing every single day.
• 23:04
  SPEAKER_00: Um, and join the dots, like show how your current season, your situation has strengthened your focus and made you a stronger candidate moving forwards.
• 23:15
  SPEAKER_00: So I'll talk to you very briefly about a client that I worked with recently who took voluntary redundancy, um, and it took her a bit of time to get back into work.
• 23:23
  SPEAKER_00: And when she started working with me, she she told me that she'd been out of work for a bit and she was worried that it was going to damage her credibility.
• 23:30
  SPEAKER_00: And that was coming through in the way that she spoke about the situation.
• 23:34
  SPEAKER_00: Um, and again, it was having that knock-on effect on what she did next.
• 23:37
  SPEAKER_00: So, together we reframed it and we we made it a deliberate decision to pause and be intentional rather than rushing into the wrong role.
• 23:45
  SPEAKER_00: We made it around her gaining clarity and where she performed at her best, and we made it around her being in a position now where she was returning to the workforce, re-energized, refocused, and confident.
• 23:57
  SPEAKER_00: And as a result, she didn't just get another job, she landed the right job for her at the right level.
• 24:02
  SPEAKER_00: Um, and it's the same with flexible working requests as well.
• 24:05
  SPEAKER_00: Like, I remember when I put my first one in, because of the negative feelings that I was having, Liz, like the first time round, having that conversation felt like I was asking for a favour instead of me making a professional proposal.
• 24:18
  SPEAKER_00: But the second time round, when I'd done the work, I properly owned that narrative and I went in and I positioned this as a strategic choice that I was making and asking for support with.
• 24:29
  SPEAKER_00: And because I'd gone from thinking, oh no, I'm going to be the weakest link in this team to I'm a high performer, I deserve sustainable success.
• 24:38
  SPEAKER_00: And that influenced the action that I took to prepare the evidence, to propose a structure, to anticipate risks and to mitigate them.
• 24:45
  SPEAKER_00: My energy was very much like, here is how I can operate that I have the highest level for you.
• 24:50
  SPEAKER_00: And that that shift was was massively different.
• 24:53
  SPEAKER_00: Um, so my action step for this one is to think and reflect and ask yourself honestly, how are you feeling about your situation?
• 25:02
  SPEAKER_00: Because if that energy is negative, it's going to be showing.
• 25:06
  SPEAKER_00: It's going to be showing in what you do do and what you don't do in terms of um where you hold yourself back.
• 25:12
  SPEAKER_00: So ask yourself how you're feeling about it.
• 25:14
  SPEAKER_00: And if there's any negative thoughts, spend some time looking to positively reframe them.
• 25:20
  SPEAKER_00: And it's really, really important um that you that you do that because it will have a have much more impact on what happens next than than you probably even realize.
• 25:30
  SPEAKER_00: So, yeah, sit with that.
• 25:32
  SPEAKER_00: How do you really feel about your situation?
• 25:34
  SPEAKER_00: Um, would be the next one.
• 25:35
  SPEAKER_00: Before we move on to number five and the last one, Liz, is there anything that you want to add?
• 25:40
  SPEAKER_01: I think I do think it's a confidence thing as well.
• 25:43
  SPEAKER_01: And I think the confidence thing, I don't I think action builds confidence, actually.
• 25:46
  SPEAKER_01: I honestly do.
• 25:47
  SPEAKER_01: I don't think anyone's like or before they start something new, before they move into one certain situation ever really feels confident, but actually taking steps, you do start building that confidence.
• 25:58
  SPEAKER_01: And I think once you start building that confidence, it's easier than to shape a narrative.
• 26:03
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, I I agree with you.
• 26:04
  SPEAKER_00: And the confidence, like you say, comes from the reps, doesn't it?
• 26:07
  SPEAKER_00: Like, you know, how many times uh do people make the mistake?
• 26:10
  SPEAKER_00: And I've definitely done it myself, where I've thought, oh, I will wait until I feel confident before I do that thing, but you're waiting forever, aren't you?
• 26:18
  SPEAKER_01: Because the confidence comes from the action, not the from the messy action, and the action sometimes can go wrong, but then actually the more you do it, like you said, it's the reps.
• 26:27
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, putting the putting the reps in.
• 26:29
  SPEAKER_00: Um it's never down to lack of capability, it's always la lack of practice, yeah.
• 26:34
  SPEAKER_00: Um, like like anything else.
• 26:35
  SPEAKER_00: Um so yeah, that was uh number four.
• 26:37
  SPEAKER_00: And then number five, last but not least, um, is once you you've got that story, I want you to practice sharing it out loud.
• 26:45
  SPEAKER_00: Really important step.
• 26:47
  SPEAKER_00: Um, so many people don't create the opportunity to practice in a safe space.
• 26:52
  SPEAKER_00: Um, it's one of those things like practicing for interviews or practicing conversations or practicing positioning yourself.
• 26:59
  SPEAKER_00: It's one of those things, isn't it?
• 27:00
  SPEAKER_00: That nobody wants to do that practice with somebody else because it feels a bit cringy.
• 27:05
  SPEAKER_00: Um, but every time everyone ever does it, they're like, Oh yeah, I did help actually.
• 27:08
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, I do feel better, but you you just want to avoid it.
• 27:12
  SPEAKER_00: But don't.
• 27:12
  SPEAKER_00: Um when you practice out loud, whether that's practicing out loud, recording yourself and listening back, or doing it in a safe space with someone that you trust, by practicing sharing your story out loud, you can spot things that are undermining you that you can't spot if you're just going over things in your head.
• 27:30
  SPEAKER_00: So the kind of things that I'm talking about are where you're softening and apologizing.
• 27:35
  SPEAKER_00: Um, often people do this before they even start the story.
• 27:38
  SPEAKER_00: Um, so they'll say things like it's not ideal, but and it's you're already off to a bad start.
• 27:43
  SPEAKER_00: Um minimizing and diminishing.
• 27:46
  SPEAKER_00: So like things like, oh, I didn't really do much, or I just did this, or it was just that, like that kind of language really plays down what you've you've done.
• 27:55
  SPEAKER_00: Justifying and over-explaining um is another thing that you'll pick up if you listen back to yourself, downplaying, selling yourself short, um, nervous filler, like does that make sense?
• 28:07
  SPEAKER_00: Am I being clear?
• 28:08
  SPEAKER_00: Like um, all of that stuff, you won't pick that up unless you practice.
• 28:11
  SPEAKER_00: So if you back to the confidence space, if you want to get good at something, you have to practice it.
• 28:16
  SPEAKER_00: And I guarantee you that if you've practiced articulating something out loud for a few times, when you do it in that high-stakes environment of a flexible work request meeting or an interview or a call with a potential employer, when you've practiced saying it, it's gonna come out, you're gonna feel more confident in articulating it, and it's gonna be so much smoother.
• 28:36
  SPEAKER_00: So practice, please, please practice sharing your story and your narrative out loud.
• 28:41
  SPEAKER_00: So that's my last action step for you is to practice articulating your story until it feels grounded, confident, true, and um you you're able to articulate it powerfully.
• 28:54
  SPEAKER_00: Even if you're just practicing in a WhatsApp group with yourself, um, obviously somebody else's insight is even better.
• 29:00
  SPEAKER_00: And if you can work with a professional and get professional feedback, better still.
• 29:04
  SPEAKER_00: But regardless, practising and putting the reps in will really, really help you.
• 29:08
  SPEAKER_00: So we've talked about five areas there, five ways to own that incredible value that I know that every single one of you have got.
• 29:16
  SPEAKER_00: Number one was prioritize that relationship with yourself.
• 29:19
  SPEAKER_00: Number two was do the exercise around reminding yourself who you are.
• 29:24
  SPEAKER_00: Number three was around stopping relying on the external validation, having your system in place to recognize your brilliance on a regular basis.
• 29:32
  SPEAKER_00: Number four was around owning your story, and number five was around practicing, articulating it.
• 29:38
  SPEAKER_00: So I would love to know how you get on with these things.
• 29:41
  SPEAKER_00: Um, so if we are not connected on LinkedIn already, let's connect.
• 29:45
  SPEAKER_00: Please don't just follow me.
• 29:46
  SPEAKER_00: Connect with me, say hello, let me know that you've come along to the session today and share with me what you're gonna work on.
• 29:53
  SPEAKER_00: Tell me how each of those action steps are going.
• 29:55
  SPEAKER_00: I absolutely love it when you get in touch with me after these sessions.
• 29:58
  SPEAKER_00: So I would love to um to hear from you.
• 30:00
  SPEAKER_01: And it's based on LinkedIn, isn't it?
• 30:01
  SPEAKER_01: I know you're more on LinkedIn.
• 30:03
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, LinkedIn, please.
• 30:04
  SPEAKER_00: I'd love to hear from you.
• 30:05
  SPEAKER_00: Um, let's connect and let me know how you've you've got on.
• 30:08
  SPEAKER_00: Hopefully, those five things will be really, really helpful and supportive for you today.
• 30:12
  SPEAKER_01: They will be.
• 30:13
  SPEAKER_01: Thank you so much, Leanne.
• 30:14
  SPEAKER_01: It was an absolutely brilliant session, and thank you so much to everybody that's watched.
• 30:18
  SPEAKER_00: Well, thank you.
• 30:22
  SPEAKER_01: Thank you for listening to another episode of the Work It Like a Mum podcast.
• 30:27
  SPEAKER_01: If you enjoyed this episode, please rate, review, and subscribe.
• 30:31
  SPEAKER_01: And don't forget to share the link with a friend.
• 30:34
  SPEAKER_01: If you're on LinkedIn, please send me a connection request at Elizabeth Willet and let me know your thoughts on this week's episode.
• 30:41
  SPEAKER_01: You can also follow my recruitment site, Investing in Women, on LinkedIn, Facebook, and Instagram.
• 30:46
  SPEAKER_01: Until next time, keep on chasing your biggest dreams.