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Bonus IMPROV - We're Just Gray Now · Very Fine Friends

• 0:00
  one more time we're gonna bonus improv at very fine friends
• 0:20
  you know what Joe should do
• 0:25
  what give us something
• 0:27
  anything of your choosing Joe
• 0:30
  please
• 0:33
  he gave us
• 0:35
  please
• 0:36
  nice
• 0:37
  your suggestion is anonymous
• 0:43
  anonymous
• 0:49
  anonymous
• 0:50
  Anonymous.
• 0:52
  Anonymous?
• 0:57
  What do you think about anonymous sources?
• 1:00
  Like that breaking news?
• 1:02
  Yeah.
• 1:03
  Feels fake.
• 1:04
  I don't know what that was.
• 1:06
  I get sniped.
• 1:07
  Pew!
• 1:09
  Tell your truth.
• 1:13
  I mean, I understand why somebody would be anonymous
• 1:17
  if they were trying to whistleblow.
• 1:19
  Yeah.
• 1:19
  so
• 1:20
  it's hard because you have to like
• 1:23
  critically assess everything
• 1:26
  you are told
• 1:27
  yeah
• 1:28
  and it's
• 1:29
  I think that's hard to do especially when it's like
• 1:32
  people want there to be like
• 1:35
  like you might want something to be true
• 1:38
  right
• 1:39
  so it's like if someone confirms something that you want
• 1:41
  it's going to be like
• 1:42
  this is good information
• 1:44
  yeah
• 1:45
  I like it
• 1:46
  but I can see the opposite being true
• 1:48
  where it's like, if you don't believe something and someone says, you're like, yeah, okay,
• 1:50
  I want you anonymous, big guy.
• 1:52
  I'd be anonymous.
• 1:53
  Hiding behind your anonymity, huh?
• 1:54
  Yeah.
• 1:55
  Real convene.
• 1:57
  Yeah.
• 1:59
  Real convene.
• 2:00
  Yeah.
• 2:01
  So, yeah.
• 2:02
  But I also understand, because people do get killed.
• 2:05
  What?
• 2:05
  I get it, too.
• 2:06
  I don't even want to ever leave a review on Google for anything.
• 2:11
  I don't want people seeing my shit.
• 2:13
  we had a friend Joe found one of their reviews in the wild
• 2:19
  and it was just really funny to me
• 2:20
  he's reviewing something
• 2:24
  it wasn't even like I went to the review section
• 2:27
  it was the top review of this place
• 2:29
  that I had been to before
• 2:32
  I was just looking it up for directions
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  and it was right there
• 2:36
  that's so startling to me
• 2:39
  you guys since you have my location
• 2:42
  you could probably see my profile and read all my reviews.
• 2:45
  I can't believe I haven't done this already.
• 2:47
  Oh, this sounds like.
• 2:50
  It's going to be a good night.
• 2:51
  Oh, because I know you're not leaving night.
• 2:54
  I know you're most of those reviews are probably torching.
• 2:56
  I try to be fair.
• 2:57
  I really do It not my fault that some that people make things look hard Oh I not sure I still do this I don remember but I used to have two accounts One was for good and one was for bad
• 3:09
  Oh, so you look magnanimous in one of them.
• 3:11
  Like a total asshole in the other.
• 3:13
  I just want my two identities separate.
• 3:16
  Right.
• 3:17
  Have you heard about these local reviewers in town?
• 3:21
  The twins. One of them is really nice and one of them is incredibly mean.
• 3:26
  get out of my way i'll make room
• 3:28
  statistically there has to be an evil and nice twin
• 3:34
  right or at least comparatively they're they're never going to be exactly equal morally
• 3:40
  unless they're trying to be in which case like why are you performing well then that's performative
• 3:44
  and then that is that's by default lowers their their vibration yeah yeah true just be yourselves
• 3:54
  twins.
• 3:57
  Yeah, you idiots.
• 3:58
  Don't even get me started on triplets.
• 4:01
  God,
• 4:02
  imagine giving birth to three children at once.
• 4:06
  I think they come out individually.
• 4:11
  It's not like all three of them go,
• 4:13
  we're here.
• 4:14
  In the mother's dead.
• 4:15
  Yeah.
• 4:15
  The explosion.
• 4:21
  Put that part out.
• 4:22
  leave it in that happens medical explosion look it up oh don't say that
• 4:30
  is there like a tragedy i don't know no it just sounds gross oh
• 4:34
  as opposed to all the other stuff we say yeah this this is the line and now improv
• 4:44
  oh uh it's you uh it's you again um hi welcome welcome to the restaurant uh i'm i'm really i saw
• 5:00
  your negative review i'm sorry i i didn't think that our uniforms were a shade of blue that
• 5:10
  shouldn't exist in nature and was an affront to God and man.
• 5:14
  I thought it was just,
• 5:16
  it was,
• 5:16
  I thought it was just regular Royal blue,
• 5:18
  but we've changed them since your review.
• 5:22
  I'm sorry.
• 5:23
  I'm really sorry.
• 5:24
  Hopefully,
• 5:25
  hopefully this we're,
• 5:27
  we're just gray now.
• 5:29
  Well,
• 5:29
  you're just lucky that no other restaurant in town was open tonight.
• 5:32
  Cause I didn't want to come back.
• 5:35
  Well,
• 5:35
  we're happy to have your service and please,
• 5:38
  I'm going to be honest with you.
• 5:40
  We're all scared of you and your reviews.
• 5:44
  We're worried about what you're going to say next.
• 5:46
  So if you have any issues, please let us address them in the moment.
• 5:52
  I don't want you.
• 5:53
  It looked like last time you were reviewing things literally as they happened.
• 5:57
  You had a string of like 14 reviews right in a row And each one was an individual complaint I have to say I flattered because you were paying so much attention to me Well one of your reviews said at the very end of it the last line was
• 6:11
  hang on, I gotta go pee.
• 6:13
  And then the next review was, okay, I'm back.
• 6:16
  They served my lobster while I was in the bathroom.
• 6:20
  One star.
• 6:21
  A lobster that, quote, had it tasted itself,
• 6:25
  would have come back to life and committed suicide.
• 6:28
  Unquote.
• 6:29
  I don't think that that's fair.
• 6:31
  I don't think that that's really true.
• 6:33
  We win awards for our lobster.
• 6:34
  We trap them ourselves.
• 6:37
  Table for one.
• 6:39
  Right.
• 6:39
  How about this?
• 6:40
  You pick the table.
• 6:43
  I want you to pick the best table that we have.
• 6:46
  I want you to have it.
• 6:47
  I want you to have a great...
• 6:49
  Of course.
• 6:49
  Of course.
• 6:49
  Just make a quick note for later.
• 6:51
  Okay.
• 6:52
  Indecisive staff leaves administrative tasks to the clientele.
• 6:56
  No, no.
• 6:57
  I was just trying to make you happy.
• 6:58
  You're fine. I'll choose a table. I'll choose a table for you.
• 7:00
  Here you go.
• 7:01
  Ambivalency knows no bounds.
• 7:04
  Take me to the seat.
• 7:05
  Here we go.
• 7:06
  This is, I set you up.
• 7:09
  It's half booth, half table.
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  So you can choose either side.
• 7:13
  Can't even commit to a single kind of seated arrangement.
• 7:17
  What sort of Jekyll and Hyde nonsense does this restaurant operate under?
• 7:21
  I ask you.
• 7:23
  I'm sorry. Okay, fine.
• 7:25
  Does it bother you that I'm saying this out loud?
• 7:26
  Well, no, I mean, I guess I need to get ahead of it.
• 7:30
  I'd rather hear it while it's happening.
• 7:32
  I'll take the booth.
• 7:34
  Okay, there you go.
• 7:35
  It's nice.
• 7:36
  Put the napkin in my lap.
• 7:39
  Oh, touched me.
• 7:42
  I'm sorry.
• 7:44
  Sorry, that was an accident.
• 7:46
  I'm really sorry.
• 7:46
  I'm going to choose to believe you.
• 7:48
  I'd like a drink menu and a food menu.
• 7:50
  Oh, of course.
• 7:51
  Right here.
• 7:52
  Drink menu, food menu.
• 7:54
  Hmm.
• 7:54
  Do you hand all of your customers the menu upside down?
• 7:57
  Oh, my goodness.
• 7:58
  I'm so sorry.
• 7:59
  I'm so sorry.
• 8:00
  Are you making fun of me because you know, as a child, I was dyslexic?
• 8:03
  No.
• 8:04
  How would I know that?
• 8:05
  No, I choose to believe you.
• 8:07
  Thank you.
• 8:08
  Thank you so much.
• 8:09
  Now, may I tell you about our specials?
• 8:12
  Yes.
• 8:12
  Okay.
• 8:14
  For an appetizer, we have grilled artichoke hearts that are lightly dressed with tips of asparagus.
• 8:23
  Hold on one second.
• 8:24
  I gotta check your menu.
• 8:26
  Didn't realize I was at Yard House.
• 8:28
  What?
• 8:28
  No, this is a...
• 8:29
  If I wanted a grilled artichoke, that's where I would have gone.
• 8:33
  No, no, no.
• 8:33
  This is a signature dish for our chef in the back.
• 8:37
  All right.
• 8:37
  Break me off one.
• 8:39
  All right.
• 8:40
  Okay, great.
• 8:40
  One appetizer special.
• 8:42
  And our feature tonight is a little beef bourguignon.
• 8:47
  It's done in a traditional French manner.
• 8:51
  No?
• 8:51
  Stop.
• 8:52
  What?
• 8:54
  What I going to do is provide you with a link to a website that helps English speakers with French accents because that frankly was appalling It was tr d No no my mother was French That how she would pronounce it Beef bourguignon
• 9:13
  Your mama was an imposture.
• 9:16
  I am sorry to tell you.
• 9:18
  No French woman would ever say...
• 9:20
  Say it again.
• 9:21
  Beef bourguignon.
• 9:22
  Dear God.
• 9:23
  What?
• 9:24
  That's how she said it.
• 9:24
  I don't know what to tell you.
• 9:25
  She's from...
• 9:27
  She's from France.
• 9:28
  She's from Nice.
• 9:30
  No more about your Polish mother.
• 9:31
  Go on.
• 9:32
  All right.
• 9:34
  And then our featured wine tonight is a Barolo.
• 9:39
  It pairs beautifully with the beef bourguignon.
• 9:42
  How am I supposed to say it?
• 9:43
  Tell me.
• 9:44
  Did you say Barolo?
• 9:45
  Yeah, Barolo.
• 9:46
  Yes.
• 9:46
  All right.
• 9:47
  Yeah.
• 9:48
  We'll have water.
• 9:50
  Okay.
• 9:51
  Water it is.
• 9:53
  Here you go.
• 9:54
  Here you go.
• 9:56
  Ice water for you.
• 9:58
  Is that what I said?
• 9:59
  You said water?
• 10:00
  I got to write something down.
• 10:01
  freely dispenses ice
• 10:04
  as though they were the Atlantic Ocean
• 10:06
  and I were a thirsty Titanic.
• 10:09
  Do you like that?
• 10:10
  It's poetic,
• 10:12
  but please don't write that about us.
• 10:14
  Please don't write that about us.
• 10:15
  It's a good line.
• 10:16
  I'm going to have to think about it.
• 10:18
  Bring me a dessert.
• 10:20
  Redeem yourself.
• 10:21
  Starting with dessert.
• 10:22
  Sure.
• 10:23
  Okay.
• 10:23
  Yeah.
• 10:24
  Here we go.
• 10:25
  I'll be right back.
• 10:26
  Just let me grab it.
• 10:28
  You can entertain yourself while I'm gone.
• 10:32
  Okay.
• 10:33
  Let me just make a couple of quick notes as I look around.
• 10:35
  This fucking hell hole, tear down, hole in the wall.
• 10:42
  And I'm back.
• 10:43
  Oh.
• 10:44
  Death by chocolate.
• 10:47
  It's a flourless chocolate cake with raspberries on top of it.
• 10:52
  Go on.
• 10:54
  And that's it.
• 10:58
  if you fancy yourself an evening where you don't have to think about the human condition,
• 11:04
  may I not recommend this establishment?
• 11:07
  Because though my mother just recently died and I didn't want to think about death,
• 11:12
  they deigned to bring me a dessert called, basically,
• 11:19
  your mother's dead. Here's chocolate.
• 11:22
  Try it.
• 11:24
  Try the death by chocolate.
• 11:26
  Why the hell not?
• 11:28
  Last time I'm coming here, one-star bullshit-ass restaurant.
• 11:33
  Yeah, that's right.
• 11:34
  It is the last time you're coming here.
• 11:37
  That's right.
• 11:38
  Would you taste our special ingredient in that cake?
• 11:41
  No.
• 11:41
  It's something.
• 11:43
  Yeah.
• 11:43
  It's the chef's special poison.
• 11:45
  No.
• 11:46
  Why?
• 11:48
  Death by chocolate.
• 11:49
  No.
• 11:50
  Oh, my God.
• 11:51
  Wait.
• 11:52
  My lights are going out.
• 11:53
  One last thing.
• 11:55
  The staff is ugly.
• 11:58
  Fuck you.
• 12:00
  Scene.