Latest / Very Fine Friends / Flashing Your Friends and Neighbors

Transcript

Flashing Your Friends and Neighbors · Very Fine Friends

• 0:00
  so we have new equipment here in the podcast studio it's kind of exciting there's preloaded
• 0:23
  sound effects
• 0:24
  which
• 0:27
  Joe is having a field day with
• 0:29
  uh-huh
• 0:31
  what else what else you got in there Joe
• 0:33
  yeah okay good good
• 0:35
  crickets
• 0:36
  oh the record scratch
• 0:39
  I think the record scratch
• 0:42
  thank you thank you that applauses for me
• 0:44
  the record scratch is what we should use
• 0:48
  for our middle segment
• 0:49
  spoiler alert
• 0:52
  I'm sorry
• 0:53
  they're going to find out eventually.
• 0:55
  Audience, hit your head really hard
• 0:56
  and forget what you just heard.
• 0:58
  But not all the way to the beginning.
• 1:01
  Yeah, not hard enough
• 1:02
  that you forget what podcasts are
• 1:05
  and how much you love us.
• 1:07
  Say you love us.
• 1:09
  They haven't still.
• 1:11
  You do love us, right?
• 1:12
  I will beg.
• 1:15
  Okay.
• 1:17
  Now I'm worried Joe's going to abuse this throughout.
• 1:19
  Joe's never...
• 1:20
  He likes pressing the buttons.
• 1:21
  He's not going to abuse buttons.
• 1:23
  He might. I've seen him abuse a lot less.
• 1:27
  Joe, loosen up your buttons.
• 1:30
  Unclench your buttons, Joe.
• 1:36
  Okay, well, welcome to Very Fine Friends.
• 1:40
  Podcasts where friends talk about stuff.
• 1:45
  That reminds me of a new word I just invented.
• 1:48
  Discuss.
• 1:49
  What's that?
• 1:50
  It was a mixture of discussing stuff.
• 1:53
  We're friends. Disgust.
• 1:56
  I guess it sucks.
• 1:58
  Never mind.
• 1:59
  Go to your room.
• 2:01
  Okay. Disgust.
• 2:02
  Door slam button, Joe.
• 2:05
  How are you doing?
• 2:07
  Much better, thank you.
• 2:08
  Good. Had a real rough patch, but it's a smooth patch now.
• 2:11
  Good. Glad to hear it.
• 2:13
  Yeah.
• 2:14
  I was mildly sick.
• 2:17
  Really, I've been way worse before.
• 2:20
  Just a little bit of a cough, but it's been annoying.
• 2:22
  it's come back a little bit today.
• 2:23
  I'm sure the audience can relate it's going around.
• 2:25
  Yeah, it's going around in a few weeks from now.
• 2:29
  When they hear this.
• 2:32
  Oh, God.
• 2:33
  I hate that you have this power now.
• 2:36
  It's too much.
• 2:38
  Quick interruption.
• 2:39
  Every week on the podcast,
• 2:41
  we do something where our producer Joe
• 2:44
  gives Francis and I each our own secret word.
• 2:49
  Throughout the course of the podcast,
• 2:50
  we need to find a way to slip the secret word into our conversation without the other person noticing.
• 2:57
  If the other person can correctly guess the secret word, they get a point.
• 3:02
  And right before we die, we add up all the points.
• 3:07
  And then we get a prize, whoever has the most points, for guessing the most secret words.
• 3:12
  Here's Joe with today's secret words.
• 3:16
  Jenna's secret word is semantics.
• 3:18
  Jenna's decoy word is evasions.
• 3:22
  Francis's secret word is talisman.
• 3:25
  Francis's decoy word is jackasses.
• 3:28
  Back to the pod.
• 3:31
  It's too much.
• 3:33
  TM, TM.
• 3:35
  Trademark, trademark.
• 3:37
  Wait, trademark?
• 3:39
  Does that mean you want to invent something, Francis?
• 3:44
  What do you mean want to?
• 3:45
  I did.
• 3:45
  I know. So it's time for the invention of the week.
• 3:53
  Inventions.
• 3:56
  Lay it on me, tits.
• 3:59
  Okay.
• 4:02
  I will.
• 4:03
  Okay. This is a real quick one.
• 4:05
  I think we're going to be done within seven minutes because it's that good.
• 4:09
  Oh, okay, great.
• 4:10
  Okay. Gunshot.
• 4:12
  You know how there's food in the fridge?
• 4:18
  I do know that sometimes.
• 4:19
  Not really in my fridge, but in theory.
• 4:21
  In other people's fridges.
• 4:22
  In other people's fridges, yeah.
• 4:24
  That's just where food goes.
• 4:27
  And yet, in other people's fridges, space is such a commodity.
• 4:31
  Have you noticed?
• 4:32
  Yeah.
• 4:33
  Sometimes they're just like packed to the gills.
• 4:36
  Yeah.
• 4:36
  There's no effing room.
• 4:37
  I know.
• 4:39
  Enter me.
• 4:42
  Here I am with my invention.
• 4:46
  You know how eggs take up a lot of space?
• 4:51
  Yes.
• 4:53
  Yeah, sure.
• 4:54
  Well, yeah, they do.
• 4:55
  They do.
• 4:56
  Yeah, they do.
• 4:57
  They do.
• 4:57
  You're right.
• 4:58
  There's a lot of, it's a lot of horizontal space.
• 5:02
  Yeah, it's real estate that we really can't afford to be giving up to eggs.
• 5:05
  Novum to the ovum, baby.
• 5:07
  I've got a salute.
• 5:14
  Okay.
• 5:16
  It is this.
• 5:19
  It's an egg carton.
• 5:23
  It's similar to an egg carton.
• 5:25
  It's made of lightweight polymer or acrylic.
• 5:28
  Very lightweight.
• 5:30
  And on the top are three suction cups
• 5:34
  that goes to the roof of your fridge.
• 5:36
  and the eggs go in the baskets
• 5:38
  that are now suspended from the roof of the fridge,
• 5:44
  freeing up a bunch of space on the shelf.
• 5:49
  Wait, I'm having trouble picturing this.
• 5:51
  So it's just the egg carton is just attached
• 5:54
  to the roof of the fridge?
• 5:56
  It's...
• 5:56
  No, it's not the egg carton.
• 5:59
  Okay.
• 5:59
  It's a new egg carton.
• 6:04
  so it's like an egg teat basically is what you're saying
• 6:07
  yep it's like it's like that yeah yeah but yeah yep yep yep that's it
• 6:16
  but wait that's it wait no wait i need more description okay okay let's assume just hear me
• 6:27
  picture me out.
• 6:29
  Okay.
• 6:30
  What if you made a chair for an egg?
• 6:33
  Done.
• 6:34
  And you made 11 more and you connected them.
• 6:37
  Okay.
• 6:38
  And then at the corner and one in the middle,
• 6:40
  there was a suction cup.
• 6:41
  So there's three suction cups total.
• 6:44
  Strong suction cups.
• 6:47
  And then you...
• 6:48
  Do these chairs have backs?
• 6:51
  Picturing them with backs.
• 6:53
  It's like an...
• 6:53
  No, it's like...
• 6:54
  Like a stool?
• 6:55
  No, no.
• 6:56
  No, no, no, no.
• 6:59
  No, it's a picture.
• 7:01
  Just try.
• 7:03
  Okay?
• 7:04
  I am trying.
• 7:05
  I'm failing.
• 7:05
  I want you to get all the wrong ideas out of your mind.
• 7:07
  Okay.
• 7:08
  We're starting new.
• 7:09
  All right.
• 7:10
  Little chaise lounge.
• 7:12
  Kind of.
• 7:13
  Yeah.
• 7:13
  This picture in an egg carton.
• 7:14
  You got it?
• 7:15
  Mm-hmm.
• 7:15
  We're going to rip the top off.
• 7:17
  Okay.
• 7:19
  And we're going to angle it slightly so you can reach the front and the back, but not so
• 7:23
  much that the eggs fall out.
• 7:25
  and then there's suction cups
• 7:28
  and they
• 7:30
  hey you know those rides at
• 7:32
  a fair or an amusement park
• 7:34
  that people
• 7:36
  get in and it's like whoa whoa
• 7:38
  what if that
• 7:40
  didn't move because there were suction cups
• 7:42
  so like the big ship
• 7:46
  that goes back and forth and it kind of
• 7:48
  goes like yep but
• 7:50
  there's a suction cup so when it goes all the way
• 7:52
  to the back of the fridge you stick it up
• 7:54
  and then the eggs suspend
• 7:56
  freeing up all that space.
• 8:01
  Yeah, and the reason why they have those rides at amusement parks
• 8:03
  is to free up all the space underneath the ride
• 8:06
  for other people to go.
• 8:07
  Yeah, it's called the line.
• 8:11
  Okay, so you're thinking this will free up about 10 inches.
• 8:21
  Yeah.
• 8:22
  Why don't you just do what most people do
• 8:24
  and just if you need more space, you put things on top of the egg carton.
• 8:32
  You don't have to live like that anymore with my invention.
• 8:38
  What about the refrigerators that have built-in egg trays?
• 8:42
  What?
• 8:43
  Have you not seen that?
• 8:44
  Yeah, I've seen it.
• 8:45
  It's usually on the door.
• 8:47
  Yeah.
• 8:48
  Well, now you have those eggs.
• 8:50
  That's not enough.
• 8:51
  That's not enough.
• 8:52
  That's not enough.
• 8:53
  We need more eggs.
• 8:54
  That's true. We do every single day. We prepare like Rocky.
• 8:58
  I had four eggs just this morning.
• 9:01
  Good protein.
• 9:02
  Yeah. And I had them in high fiber tortillas.
• 9:05
  Yeah. With Taco Bell fire sauce.
• 9:09
  And a hash brown mixed in.
• 9:11
  Wow. Cheese?
• 9:14
  Yeah. American cheese.
• 9:16
  Your breakfast game is tight.
• 9:19
  Yeah. I got up early.
• 9:22
  Nice. Good for you.
• 9:23
  And I wished and prayed when I opened the fridge that there were dangling eggs.
• 9:28
  Ah, why are they dangling?
• 9:33
  Why aren't they suspended for my easy grab?
• 9:38
  Okay.
• 9:41
  I feel like this is the kind of thing that would be at the container store.
• 9:50
  Okay, yeah, that makes perfect sense.
• 9:52
  Yeah.
• 9:52
  Yeah.
• 9:53
  I don't know how much, I mean, how much room is it really saving?
• 10:01
  We haven't published that study yet.
• 10:04
  But it's lots?
• 10:06
  Yeah, lots is the scientific term.
• 10:10
  Lots and more.
• 10:14
  That's the other store that sells it.
• 10:16
  Lots and more.
• 10:18
  If someone gave it to you, you'd use it, right?
• 10:20
  I don't know that I would.
• 10:22
  Well, you're an interesting case study because your fridge is so empty.
• 10:25
  Yeah, my fridge is pretty empty.
• 10:27
  Joe, I need you.
• 10:30
  I do have a pretty full fridge and I do buy a lot of eggs.
• 10:35
  Actually, as a matter of fact, I did have four eggs this morning.
• 10:39
  Wow.
• 10:39
  Am I the only one that didn't have four eggs this morning?
• 10:42
  I guess so.
• 10:43
  God, I feel so left out.
• 10:44
  I'm going to have to beat you out of the best friends gang.
• 10:46
  No.
• 10:48
  Don't worry.
• 10:48
  We'd only do it within an inch of your life.
• 10:50
  Okay.
• 10:51
  Just leave me that inch.
• 10:52
  Honestly, I am a little hung up on the fridges that have built-in egg trays
• 10:59
  because I was just looking at pictures of it online and they look awesome
• 11:02
  and I really want one now.
• 11:06
  Did the fridges ever have anything else built in?
• 11:09
  Francis looks like he's going to either kill you or kill himself.
• 11:14
  And not necessarily in that order.
• 11:16
  Two things can be true at once.
• 11:19
  Yes, fridges have a lot of built-in things and that's great.
• 11:22
  Good for fridges, okay?
• 11:26
  Good for fridges.
• 11:28
  This you don't understand.
• 11:29
  You would have to buy a specific fridge to get a stupid built-in egg carton.
• 11:33
  My invention could go in any fridge with a roof.
• 11:36
  Well, that's why I'm saying why not just have trays instead of like a hanging thing.
• 11:43
  Okay, first of all, you can have a tray and my thing.
• 11:45
  Second of all, a tray only holds 12 eggs.
• 11:48
  You're buying at least 18.
• 11:51
  12 isn't enough.
• 11:52
  If you buy 12 eggs and then you have four for breakfast, that sucks.
• 11:55
  You're left with eight.
• 11:57
  There's only two more days worth of eggs.
• 11:59
  Bad.
• 12:01
  Yeah.
• 12:03
  But, okay.
• 12:04
  But also, fridges need vertical space.
• 12:09
  They need?
• 12:09
  They need vertical.
• 12:10
  You need vertical space, too.
• 12:11
  So if you're hanging it from the top.
• 12:13
  Why do they need vertical space?
• 12:14
  You're basically just essentially saying,
• 12:17
  I'm going to put things under the eggs instead of putting things over the eggs.
• 12:21
  Yeah.
• 12:21
  you so you've seen so you see my fridge like where i put the water pitcher is the only place i could
• 12:28
  hang eggs from but i need that space for the water pitcher which is tall have we thought about getting
• 12:34
  a short wide water filter a chode filter check in next week for francis's new invention chode water
• 12:51
  Chode water.
• 12:54
  Yeah.
• 12:55
  Anyway.
• 13:00
  Yeah.
• 13:01
  Okay.
• 13:02
  Well, I heard your opinion, which sucks.
• 13:04
  And I see the vision clearly in my mind.
• 13:08
  And people will buy it.
• 13:10
  Maybe not you guys.
• 13:12
  But me guys will.
• 13:17
  Well, I'm sure.
• 13:18
  Yes.
• 13:19
  I'm sure there are people that will buy this.
• 13:21
  whenever I go into the container store
• 13:25
  I'm overwhelmed by all the different solutions
• 13:29
  there are to everything
• 13:30
  and it makes me want to be a better person
• 13:33
  but I'm not
• 13:34
  and I never do anything like that
• 13:38
  but there are people that go into the container store
• 13:40
  buy things and then use them
• 13:42
  and I think that could be
• 13:44
  container store if you want to use that as a little ad
• 13:49
  feel free
• 13:50
  You know, one time I went in there and they had a clearance section and it had notebooks
• 13:54
  and had a really nice notebook that usually retailed for $38, which I was like, I was
• 13:59
  paying $38 for a notebook, but it was on clearance for $12.
• 14:03
  Loved that notebook.
• 14:04
  I go in there sometimes.
• 14:05
  It's like a dog who found a waffle in a bush and checks the bush.
• 14:08
  I always go in and look for more clearance notebooks.
• 14:13
  Found a waffle in a bush?
• 14:16
  You know, like some dogs could.
• 14:18
  like if they're on a walk and they find something in a bush
• 14:21
  well yeah I just really like that you chose a waffle
• 14:23
  a better thing to find in a bush
• 14:26
  yeah it would be a great thing to find in a bush
• 14:29
  a human that finds a waffle in a bush
• 14:33
  I'd check that bush
• 14:34
  I'd go deep in that bush
• 14:37
  every single time I saw it
• 14:40
  you're gonna love this
• 14:41
  I just invented the other day because I was in line and it was a really long line at the bathroom And I thought we should they should do bush toilets And what I mean by that is plant a bunch of
• 14:56
  like tall
• 14:58
  bushes
• 14:59
  and like you go in and turn
• 15:04
  and you pee in a hole in the ground.
• 15:05
  And there's like 12 of them.
• 15:07
  So you gotta wait for a line.
• 15:08
  You just go pee in your bush hole.
• 15:10
  um does one invention at a time princess well doesn't doesn't uh amsterdam have something like
• 15:19
  that where it's just like public toilets for men like where it's like a stall basically like
• 15:23
  it's not bushes but you're but it's like basically like
• 15:28
  i we have a friend a well-traveled friend that has told me about this he thinks they're awesome
• 15:36
  that it's just like, it spots like you just like kind of like,
• 15:41
  no, you just like go around.
• 15:42
  It's like a little pole and the pole is specifically like,
• 15:45
  no, just go behind this pole and you can pee.
• 15:48
  Oh, so Amsterdam has built-in egg cartons basically
• 15:53
  is what you're telling me?
• 15:54
  No, they have bush toilets,
• 15:56
  but I guess they don't look like bushes.
• 15:58
  What you're talking about would make them
• 16:00
  more aesthetically pleasing.
• 16:01
  Yeah.
• 16:02
  So you've zhuzhed it up a bit.
• 16:04
  Yeah.
• 16:04
  I don't think that that's
• 16:07
  that might be what everyone does but I don't think that's an official thing
• 16:10
  in Amsterdam because it says that in the Netherlands it's actually
• 16:13
  like hard to find a public toilet
• 16:17
  just anywhere and like sometimes you even have to pay for them
• 16:20
  I'm pretty sure it was Amsterdam
• 16:26
  Wow America's way better where you have to be a customer to use the toilet
• 16:30
  Yeah
• 16:31
  um well in any event maybe this person's a liar but um okay good so sub invention of bush toilets
• 16:43
  good job you could use it too thank you just stand over the hole yeah um
• 16:53
  back to oh back to your eggs
• 16:56
  uh what are you going to call your egg invention i was thinking egg content
• 17:06
  egg content yeah because it also is content which is like the contents of the carton is the egg
• 17:16
  but is that like a pun?
• 17:18
  Is that like a
• 17:19
  egg content?
• 17:22
  You sure said it like one.
• 17:24
  You said it like you're changing a word.
• 17:26
  Yeah, I was trying to.
• 17:28
  What if we just call it
• 17:29
  sunny side up?
• 17:32
  Because the eggs are up.
• 17:35
  Okay.
• 17:38
  Sunny side up.
• 17:39
  That works.
• 17:42
  How do you like your eggs?
• 17:44
  That's the tagline.
• 17:45
  I like that a lot.
• 17:48
  Yeah.
• 17:49
  Where in the world are eggs San Diego?
• 17:55
  Where in the world are eggs Seattle?
• 17:59
  Because San Diego's south and Seattle's north.
• 18:02
  And the eggs are going to be north in your fridge.
• 18:05
  That's how that works.
• 18:07
  Upward egg.
• 18:10
  Fallopian rooftop.
• 18:13
  There it is.
• 18:15
  not fallopian tube top
• 18:17
  I like that too
• 18:21
  fallopian tube top
• 18:28
  do you think anyone's ever made that tube top
• 18:31
  out of
• 18:31
  god I hope so
• 18:33
  probably
• 18:34
  this is America of course someone has
• 18:36
  the world's gross
• 18:37
  not out of actual fallopian tubes
• 18:41
  but just like something that looks like it
• 18:43
  neither of us were thinking that
• 18:45
  I just wanted to clarify
• 18:51
  for the listeners at home too
• 18:53
  okay
• 18:55
  sunny side up
• 18:56
  okay
• 18:59
  it's nice right?
• 19:00
  sunny side up I like it
• 19:01
  it's cute
• 19:02
  it's real cute
• 19:05
  okay
• 19:08
  are there any other
• 19:10
  things in your
• 19:12
  fridge that take up a lot of room?
• 19:15
  pickles
• 19:15
  i like the big jars i always want there to be more pickles
• 19:21
  oh what if you invented something because milk takes up a lot of room too
• 19:26
  um what if you invented like a a bag that attaches to like the sides of your fridge
• 19:35
  like all along the sides of your fridge and then so you when you buy new milk you like pour the
• 19:40
  milk into it and and so then it like takes a like it spreads the surface area of the milk all around
• 19:47
  their fridge so it keeps it nice and cool and then you just you kind of like milk it when you need
• 19:52
  some milk from your thing so a camel milk a cam milk back yeah but it's like it's but then that
• 19:59
  would like really you could store a lot of milk in the surface area yeah of the fridge because it
• 20:05
  like it wouldn't have to like expand the bag wouldn't have to expand too much because it would
• 20:09
  take up so much space all over the
• 20:13
  it would cover most of the walls. What if we bred cows
• 20:17
  to be small and we just kept one in the kitchen?
• 20:21
  Back to the pod.
• 20:24
  Oh, you just hit a button. I know. He's hurting us.
• 20:30
  Okay, I don't like that you have this control over these buttons.
• 20:34
  Okay. Okay. Well.
• 20:36
  thanks for being enthusiastic both of you about it and agreeing to invest i can't believe
• 20:42
  how easy it's going to be to make eggs and store them oh i'm gonna have so much room underneath
• 20:49
  these eggs exactly all the other food in my fridge will want to be directly underneath these eggs
• 20:54
  so i could stare up at it yeah you could get in the fridge and look up at it
• 20:59
  Like a night sky.
• 21:03
  Yeah.
• 21:05
  Well, great.
• 21:06
  The sunny side up is probably going to come preloaded into fridges
• 21:10
  from now on.
• 21:11
  It's a nice feature.
• 21:13
  Maytag?
• 21:15
  Call us.
• 21:16
  Or email.
• 21:17
  I don't answer numbers.
• 21:18
  I don't know.
• 21:19
  Or fax us.
• 21:23
  That's fine, too.
• 21:24
  Start to leave your voicemail.
• 21:25
  It pops up on my phone.
• 21:26
  I can read it.
• 21:26
  Just say, the first thing you should say is,
• 21:28
  I'm with Maytag and then I'll pick up.
• 21:30
  Yeah.
• 21:30
  It'll like do that live transcript thing.
• 21:32
  Yeah.
• 21:33
  Don't hang up.
• 21:34
  Yeah.
• 21:34
  Let's get you back in the game.
• 21:38
  Thanks.
• 21:39
  I feel good.
• 21:39
  Well, I guess that's another successful invention of the week.
• 21:47
  Now, it's time for our next segment.
• 21:52
  QV Seeing Red.
• 21:58
  I get so mad when I shop.
• 22:00
  It's like I'm QVCing red.
• 22:06
  Oh.
• 22:07
  Great title.
• 22:10
  So, in this segment,
• 22:14
  we will be telling stories of times that we were wrong.
• 22:19
  But at any given time, Joe can press...
• 22:24
  I forget which sound effect.
• 22:26
  Which one did I say you should use?
• 22:27
  Oh yeah, record scratch, yeah.
• 22:29
  If you hear that, we hear that noise,
• 22:31
  then whoever is talking needs to pivot
• 22:36
  to giving a commercial for the thing that annoyed them.
• 22:42
  It should be pretty straightforward.
• 22:45
  We'll see what happens.
• 22:46
  Yeah.
• 22:47
  Francis, I think you have more times that you were wronged than me.
• 22:51
  Because I was.
• 22:52
  I know you were. You really are.
• 22:54
  Because I'm so nice and I haven't taken advantage of.
• 22:56
  Yes.
• 22:56
  Not anymore.
• 22:58
  Good.
• 23:00
  Tell me about it.
• 23:01
  Tell me about one of those times.
• 23:01
  I got one right now.
• 23:03
  Oh, yeah.
• 23:04
  Give it to me.
• 23:05
  It's bringing up this boiling rage in me.
• 23:07
  Oh, I just saw flames go like on irises of your eyes.
• 23:16
  I did.
• 23:17
  It was like a cartoon.
• 23:18
  Did you know?
• 23:19
  Yeah, I did.
• 23:21
  How about that?
• 23:22
  Okay, great.
• 23:25
  Here's what I'm going to say.
• 23:26
  I had an uncle who, you know, when I was a kid,
• 23:32
  I wanted to be famous so bad.
• 23:34
  I wanted to be like a famous singer-actor, right?
• 23:38
  And everyone knew this.
• 23:39
  Yeah.
• 23:40
  And this is not really an uncle.
• 23:41
  It's like a cousin's cousin's life partner.
• 23:44
  Oh, okay.
• 23:45
  One of those nebulous uncles.
• 23:47
  Basically a nobody.
• 23:48
  Yeah.
• 23:49
  Nothing.
• 23:51
  Yeah.
• 23:51
  Yeah.
• 23:53
  Anyway.
• 23:56
  He told me, I went over that one time,
• 23:58
  and he told me that he was in The Expendables 2.
• 24:07
  Welcome.
• 24:13
  Have you ever wanted to be in a movie?
• 24:18
  Introducing auditions.
• 24:20
  Come on down with your whole family
• 24:22
  and audition for The Expendables 2.
• 24:25
  We've got parts for children.
• 24:26
  Adults, elderly people, dogs.
• 24:31
  We've got pets for fridges, egg cartons.
• 24:36
  Anyway, I soaked it up, I believed.
• 24:41
  I was like hanging on every word.
• 24:44
  How old were you?
• 24:45
  I don't know.
• 24:47
  I don't know.
• 24:50
  Probably 10.
• 24:55
  Yeah.
• 24:56
  I don't think that math checks out for when the Expendables 2 came out.
• 25:00
  He was lying about everything.
• 25:01
  He lied about a movie that didn't exist yet?
• 25:03
  I don't know.
• 25:04
  He's a liar.
• 25:07
  Okay.
• 25:07
  All right.
• 25:08
  I don't know.
• 25:09
  That's just what happened.
• 25:12
  Okay.
• 25:12
  Okay.
• 25:13
  And then I found out later and I was so upset that he lied because he said he knew Meryl
• 25:17
  Streep.
• 25:20
  And I really wanted to know her as well.
• 25:26
  Are you alone?
• 25:28
  Do you need someone to perform for you?
• 25:32
  Introducing the Meryl Streep action figure.
• 25:37
  It comes with two identifiable Meryl Streep phrases.
• 25:41
  All you have to do is pull the string.
• 25:45
  That's all.
• 25:48
  Eep.
• 25:50
  Thank you, Emily.
• 25:51
  we only have 200 by one anyway jenna you have a time you were wronged um i do yeah so um there
• 26:06
  was one time that i had um like at this cafe i had pre-ordered food like to pick up so i got
• 26:14
  and a sandwich and, um, a soda. Like they had like bottles of soda. Right. So, um, I was like
• 26:23
  standing in line waiting to like pick up my food. It's already paid for it and everything like that.
• 26:27
  Um, and I can see in the little case in the front by where, where the soda is,
• 26:32
  they literally have one Coke left. There's one bottle of Coke left. Um, and so I, uh,
• 26:41
  get to the, oh no, that's, I wanted a Coke. They didn't have Coke, but then they had
• 26:47
  something else. They had a different kind of soda. It was like, there was only one of that left.
• 26:54
  And so, um, I get to the front of the line finally. And I'm like, Hey, I already paid and
• 26:59
  ordered. And I ordered on the app or like on the online, I ordered a Coke, but I could see you don't
• 27:05
  have coke but you do have sprite can i take the sprite and then the woman that was in line behind me
• 27:13
  runs over the case grabs the sprite and gets back in line and i was like okay like
• 27:23
  that's great now i have to get an orange fanta like that's
• 27:28
  Hi
• 27:32
  You want to spice up your drink game?
• 27:36
  Orange Fanta, Orange Fanta, Orange Fanta
• 27:39
  Why have a drink that's a normal color
• 27:41
  When you can have one that doesn't appear naturally in nature
• 27:44
  Orange Fanta, Orange Fanta, Orange Fanta
• 27:47
  You're going to feel like the funnest guy at the party
• 27:49
  With your Orange Fanta, Orange Fanta, Orange Fanta
• 27:57
  Anyway
• 27:58
  so it was just like, I couldn't like, it was like shocking. And the guy that she was with,
• 28:03
  uh, just kind of like, he like looked at her, like you, like he knew exactly what happened.
• 28:08
  He was like, and then she went, but she did this. This was crazy to me. She, she looked at him and
• 28:13
  she went, ha ha ha. And like, she like held it and went like, ha ha ha. And I was like,
• 28:18
  this is unbelievable. It was like, you know, I can see you, right? Like you, like you're not
• 28:23
  invisible you're literally like eight inches from me right now wow i know i was it was just like so
• 28:32
  i was like i couldn't believe it and like effectively too she has stolen from me because
• 28:38
  i've already paid for that drink she hasn't paid for it yet can i just say yeah jackasses
• 28:43
  thank you you're welcome thank you so much yeah yeah anyway so i had to walk out of there with an
• 28:52
  Orange Fanta, Orange Fanta.
• 28:54
  Those are pretty good.
• 28:57
  Yeah.
• 28:57
  But I felt bad because it wasn't for me.
• 28:59
  I was picking it up for somebody else.
• 29:00
  So it was like I had to like, like first choice was gone.
• 29:04
  Second choice was gone because somebody stole it.
• 29:07
  So I had to give the last possible choice.
• 29:13
  Last possible choice.
• 29:17
  Why start with the best when you can end with the rest?
• 29:22
  last possible choice means you'll never be disappointed in life you always take what
• 29:29
  nobody else wants it's always going to be there you're never going to be disappointed
• 29:33
  by running out of stock of something last possible choice Get it Every day All day Constantly
• 29:46
  Anyway, that's...
• 29:47
  That's fucked up.
• 29:49
  Yeah, it was weird.
• 29:50
  It was like jarring to watch that.
• 29:53
  Yeah, just to know that people out there like that exist.
• 29:55
  Mm-hmm.
• 29:57
  Anyway, so what about you?
• 30:00
  What about another time you were wrong?
• 30:01
  Yeah, I've got one.
• 30:04
  One time I was walking my dog
• 30:08
  and it was such a nice night in the neighborhood
• 30:12
  and I was like far from my house
• 30:16
  and while I was walking her,
• 30:20
  the button on my pants blew off.
• 30:26
  Aren't you tired of your pants staying up?
• 30:29
  Why would you want to be like everyone else
• 30:31
  walking around clothed?
• 30:34
  No.
• 30:35
  Introducing the exploding pant button.
• 30:38
  Surprise nudity at any function.
• 30:42
  Everybody wants you at their party.
• 30:44
  You'll be on every guest list known to man.
• 30:46
  Show up, have some crudity, and boom, you're in your jingle hoppers.
• 30:54
  Also comes with poop.
• 31:00
  Anyway.
• 31:01
  From crudity to nudity.
• 31:04
  Oh, that's good.
• 31:05
  That's good.
• 31:07
  I'm going to say it now.
• 31:09
  From crudity to nudity.
• 31:11
  Yeah, that's great.
• 31:13
  Anyway, so it was really hard for me
• 31:15
  because my dog wasn't a great listener at the time.
• 31:18
  And so I was trying to hold my pants up
• 31:20
  and walk her at the same time
• 31:23
  and my pants kept falling down.
• 31:26
  And so, yeah, it was just super stressful.
• 31:30
  When you said your dog wasn't a good listener at the time,
• 31:32
  I was picturing you trying to tell her,
• 31:35
  can you believe this terrible thing happened to me, Summer?
• 31:38
  And then she's just like not paying attention.
• 31:41
  Like I was picturing you like trying to commiserate with your dog
• 31:44
  and she just wasn't paying attention.
• 31:47
  Thanks for picturing that.
• 31:48
  It was actually my other dog.
• 31:50
  Oh, Megan?
• 31:50
  Yeah.
• 31:52
  Rest in peace.
• 31:54
  Who's the bad listener after all?
• 31:56
  I'm a good listener.
• 31:58
  I knew the other dog's name.
• 32:01
  you know what really bugs me
• 32:03
  my dad will always say things like
• 32:04
  the dog and I'm always like
• 32:07
  use her fucking name
• 32:08
  yeah she has a name use it we picked it out
• 32:11
  it's on a tag I paid to have it engraved
• 32:13
  and he'll be like
• 32:15
  oh don't forget to give the dog her medicine
• 32:17
  I'm like
• 32:18
  she's more of a person to me than you are
• 32:21
  don't you hate people
• 32:25
  don't you love dogs
• 32:28
  introducing
• 32:29
  A new surgery that turns man's best friend into a human being.
• 32:34
  You started with a dog, and now you've got Brett.
• 32:40
  He's cool. He doesn't speak English.
• 32:42
  Sometimes he barks.
• 32:44
  He's got floppy ears.
• 32:46
  But he's a person, and we did that for you.
• 32:49
  Go to our website, humanbeingequalsdog.com.
• 32:59
  From cutity to humidity.
• 33:08
  Wow.
• 33:10
  I'm sorry.
• 33:12
  Sorry that happened.
• 33:13
  Thanks.
• 33:15
  Do you make it back without any incident?
• 33:18
  Neighborhood incident?
• 33:18
  You didn't flash anybody?
• 33:19
  Do you like living in a neighborhood, but you hate not seeing your neighbors' butts?
• 33:31
  Flashing. Flashing your neighbors.
• 33:34
  It's the new trend that's sweeping the nation.
• 33:38
  I used to mind my own business. Then I found flashing.
• 33:42
  Now everyone in the neighborhood chases me around. Thanks, Flash.
• 33:45
  you're suddenly going to become the most popular guy in the cul-de-sac
• 33:50
  that's right everyone will want to invite you over
• 33:54
  for exercise from cul-de-sac to mad at zach
• 33:59
  flashing
• 34:01
  yeah um so this isn't really like i technically wasn't wronged but i hated it
• 34:11
  um i was i could see so i was waiting to like get a parking space the other day that was like in
• 34:21
  like along along the street and so like i kind of pulled over to the side because i could see someone
• 34:25
  waiting to get out like to get out of their space and i wanted to take their space so i kind of like
• 34:30
  pulled over to a not parking space a couple cars behind so that i could wait because it was like
• 34:35
  they had to wait for traffic to go by so they could pull out and then i was going to pull it
• 34:39
  So like they, they got to go out and then traffic kept coming and I was going to wait
• 34:43
  for my spot to like pull out.
• 34:45
  And then there's like, finally, like, oh, the end of a line, long line of cars that are
• 34:49
  all driving by, I'm going to like pull out and get this space now.
• 34:54
  And then the last car in line took the space that I was like waiting for like a minute for.
• 34:59
  And I technically, he didn't know I was waiting for it, I suppose.
• 35:03
  But I was very annoyed.
• 35:05
  I felt like I was owed that spot.
• 35:08
  so
• 35:09
  did he hold up a coke while he was taking your space
• 35:12
  yes
• 35:13
  he did actually
• 35:15
  wow
• 35:16
  and then he poured orange Fanta
• 35:20
  into my gas tank
• 35:21
  Iran got you down
• 35:29
  no
• 35:32
  all right well damn
• 35:39
  i guess that's the end of that commercial yeah um i'm sure i've been wronged a lot more than that
• 35:50
  oh you know what really pissed me off one time i'm gonna have to change a couple of details
• 35:55
  because I don't want the person to know.
• 36:02
  I had a family member visit.
• 36:05
  And this was probably in 2016.
• 36:09
  They were visiting and staying with us.
• 36:11
  And I was making a comment about how I was trying to get promoted
• 36:16
  so I could make more money.
• 36:18
  And then my family member,
• 36:20
  and they were like, you're money hungry.
• 36:23
  And I was like, what?
• 36:25
  like the rest of your chickens
• 36:29
  it's geese
• 36:29
  do you
• 36:32
  need meat
• 36:33
  but
• 36:37
  you sworn not to buy it
• 36:39
  introducing
• 36:41
  neighborhood geese
• 36:43
  first you get your cardio
• 36:45
  trying to find them
• 36:47
  then you work on your empathy
• 36:50
  by gaining their trust
• 36:51
  then you go what we call psycho
• 36:53
  and you choke him out this is more than just meat this is exercise this is psychology
• 37:02
  this is a gym where you strangle an animal introducing geese for yous and meese
• 37:11
  anyway um i was so mad because this first of all listen to this this person is related to
• 37:22
  I'm trying to be so careful here.
• 37:25
  Their immediate family member had just like embarked on like a very expensive program
• 37:30
  to get into a career where they would make like bucco bucks.
• 37:35
  So I'm sitting there like, oh, I can't dream.
• 37:41
  You can dream.
• 37:44
  I'm a money hungry bitch.
• 37:46
  but like
• 37:47
  that's
• 37:49
  it's not like
• 37:51
  I mean you were already working a regular
• 37:54
  job it's not like you were working your dream job
• 37:56
  and you're like I'm going to leave this
• 37:57
  to go make money where it's like
• 38:00
  no I'm working a job I don't
• 38:02
  like and then I want to get a different job
• 38:04
  that I won't like
• 38:05
  sorry I need money for steaks
• 38:07
  or well I mean
• 38:09
  we're neighborhood geese you don't need money for that anymore
• 38:12
  those are free
• 38:12
  that was an interesting product the company went out of business because
• 38:15
  you could just do it.
• 38:17
  Yeah, like, don't worry about me, ho.
• 38:21
  Yeah.
• 38:24
  Introducing, mind your business.
• 38:27
  You don't like what people are doing?
• 38:29
  Tough ditty, said the kitty.
• 38:31
  Don't worry about it.
• 38:33
  Ain't got nothing to do with you.
• 38:35
  Uh-oh, loud noises coming from next door?
• 38:37
  Shut up.
• 38:38
  I ain't your house party.
• 38:39
  you at the doctor's office and somebody calls someone else's name
• 38:46
  don't worry about what they have you'll die in your own time grandma
• 38:51
  how about you
• 38:54
  yeah um like well i don't i can't now i'm not now i'm having trouble thinking of a specific
• 39:04
  example. Well, you started strong. Thank you.
• 39:09
  I hate when
• 39:11
  I hate when you're, okay, I hate when you're telling a story and people get like carried
• 39:16
  away with the semantics and you're just like, where it's like they're correcting you.
• 39:20
  I'm like, that's not the point. Leave me alone.
• 39:24
  I hate that.
• 39:28
  Yeah. How do you feel about it, Francis? When people do that?
• 39:34
  you know when you're like you're telling this and they're like like the the ford escape and
• 39:41
  someone's like it was an explorer and you're like at that okay it doesn't matter what kind of
• 39:44
  okay it doesn't matter not the point that's not the point yeah i don't like people who are
• 39:50
  there's a word for them um assholes yeah that's a synonym for the word i was thinking
• 39:56
  basically it's like even if you're trying to like talk to someone and you're like trying to
• 40:01
  be on their side and you're like oh i know that's so frustrating and they're like well i wouldn't
• 40:05
  say it's frustrating it's like i'm already one foot out of this conversation now yeah okay if
• 40:11
  you're not frustrated then why are you telling me right if you're if you're neutral about this then
• 40:16
  what the fuck is this story and then it happens if it happens one more time i've already made up my
• 40:21
  mind that we're not friends anymore yeah yeah like i don't ever want to speak to you again
• 40:25
  yeah don't make me frustrated on your behalf and then you go i'm not no i'm not frustrated
• 40:31
  Right. Now I'm on the other person's side.
• 40:33
  Yeah.
• 40:34
  You're wrong.
• 40:37
  That's what they heard as I pushed them off a cliff.
• 40:43
  Do you need a way to get rid of people?
• 40:47
  Are you tired of asking them to leave?
• 40:50
  Introducing cliffs.
• 40:54
  Cliffs, no witnesses, only a nice breeze on the Riviera
• 40:58
  and a faint scream of someone you used to know.
• 41:05
  I wasn't frustrated.
• 41:09
  And why did you say you were, bitch?
• 41:12
  Cliffs.
• 41:15
  Oh.
• 41:18
  Well, I think we've gotten a lot of grievances aired
• 41:22
  and we've sold a lot of really good products, too.
• 41:25
  So I think that wraps up QVCing red.
• 41:34
  Well, crap.
• 41:35
  Turns out I don't look very good in red.
• 41:39
  I'm okay.
• 41:43
  Well, we should buy some of that stuff.
• 41:47
  Just to have.
• 41:48
  I'm going to buy some neighborhood geese right after this.
• 41:52
  I'm going to buy glyphs.
• 41:55
  Cliffs.
• 41:57
  Cliffs.
• 41:58
  Cool, cool, cool.
• 41:59
  I think you started Russian and then just did your own voice after a time.
• 42:05
  That reminds me of another grievance I have.
• 42:08
  But we'll save it for another day.
• 42:12
  Okay.
• 42:14
  Well, it's time for...
• 42:17
  No, no, that means we're getting close to the end.
• 42:19
  I know.
• 42:20
  No, I'll drink this NyQuil.
• 42:23
  Dude, I want you to do that anyway.
• 42:25
  Thanks.
• 42:26
  It's time for our next segment.
• 42:28
  Our final segment.
• 42:30
  The Baku.
• 42:31
  The big question.
• 42:34
  The question is very big.
• 42:37
  I want to call it the big Baku from now on.
• 42:40
  Baku.
• 42:41
  Baku.
• 42:42
  Baku.
• 42:43
  Yeah.
• 42:43
  Why?
• 42:44
  Big question.
• 42:45
  Big BQ.
• 42:47
  Baku.
• 42:47
  Baku.
• 42:48
  Yeah.
• 42:49
  Oh, okay.
• 42:50
  Big question.
• 42:51
  You want me to ask you a big question?
• 42:53
  We got a big question.
• 42:54
  You got a question, ask a question.
• 42:56
  I got one.
• 42:57
  You got one?
• 42:57
  Yeah.
• 42:59
  Okay.
• 42:59
  I have one.
• 43:00
  All right.
• 43:01
  I have one for you.
• 43:02
  Here it is.
• 43:04
  My big question.
• 43:04
  Tell it to me.
• 43:05
  Ears for your ears.
• 43:09
  Remember as I asked you this, God gave you one mouth, but two ears.
• 43:13
  So listen.
• 43:14
  Okay.
• 43:17
  One for each of your dogs that I know their names.
• 43:22
  Because I'm a good listener.
• 43:23
  it's so good
• 43:25
  here it is
• 43:26
  has there ever been
• 43:30
  something you wanted
• 43:32
  and like you really wanted this thing
• 43:36
  and then you didn't get it
• 43:38
  and then
• 43:40
  you later you like really
• 43:42
  wish that you had purchased it
• 43:44
  or got it or asked for it or whatever
• 43:46
  like something you let go
• 43:49
  because you were like
• 43:50
  or like it just wasn't the right time
• 43:52
  yeah
• 43:53
  yes
• 43:56
  now I'm
• 43:58
  orange fanta
• 44:02
  coconut sprite
• 44:03
  but now I'm having
• 44:06
  like I know I've had that feeling before
• 44:08
  but now I'm having
• 44:09
  a hard time
• 44:12
  remembering
• 44:14
  something in particular
• 44:18
  do you have something like that
• 44:23
  yes this is kind of like I know it gonna sound silly but I think it was Encyclopedia Britannica They did their last set of encyclopedias because they were going into publication and everything was going digital
• 44:38
  And I really wanted the set, but it was a few hundred dollars.
• 44:42
  And so I was like, I don't really want to spend that.
• 44:46
  And then obviously they stopped making them.
• 44:50
  And even now today, I'm like,
• 44:52
  I wish I had the last set of encyclopedias.
• 44:58
  And there was, okay, this is kind of embarrassing.
• 45:02
  Well, you know how I had my Harry Potter face?
• 45:04
  Yeah.
• 45:05
  So I was at this bookstore in San Diego.
• 45:10
  It was like a magic-themed bookstore.
• 45:12
  Nice.
• 45:12
  Yeah, it was pretty cool.
• 45:14
  And I went to cash out.
• 45:15
  And at the register, I guess they had,
• 45:17
  one of the people that worked there's parents
• 45:20
  was made stuff by hand,
• 45:23
  and so they had a whole selection of wooden wands carved
• 45:28
  of all different kinds,
• 45:30
  and magic talismans, things like that.
• 45:34
  And I wanted them both, but I could only afford...
• 45:40
  I was not sure I had credit, but...
• 45:42
  Right. You were being responsible.
• 45:43
  Yeah. I bought the wand, but I always wish I'd got the set.
• 45:47
  because it was first of all it was magic themed and second of all it was one of a kind yeah
• 45:55
  everything was like made by hand individually so it's like not like i could go find it now
• 45:59
  yeah sorry my button flew off in the night
• 46:05
  was that a woman's scream
• 46:10
  yes it was one of the neighbors who saw you flashing yeah so uh i wish i could remember because i
• 46:21
  uh i i that was
• 46:25
  definitely something um i know that i have things like that but i just can't remember them i guess
• 46:35
  it's a preservation thing for me that I don't think about it too much.
• 46:41
  A preservation thing? Like I'm forgetting it. Like I'm forgetting it. Uh, cause if I
• 46:45
  remembered, I would still be mad about something. Cause I, I know that feeling exactly where
• 46:50
  you're like, nope. My wand and talisman. Yeah. Yep.
• 46:56
  Uh, um, what's your talisman?
• 46:59
  what about the other way around is there something that you thought you really wanted
• 47:06
  and then you were very happy that you didn't end up getting it
• 47:10
  or very disappointed that you did like a regretful purchase
• 47:17
  yeah you know like how sometimes you have remorse after you buy something
• 47:24
  there should be a name for that
• 47:26
  no
• 47:27
  it's too nebulous
• 47:29
  no one will ever come up with the term
• 47:31
  it's called bitter talisman
• 47:33
  anyway
• 47:37
  yes
• 47:40
  I bought a lot of shit
• 47:42
  later I'm like
• 47:44
  why
• 47:46
  like let me think
• 47:47
  like a lot of it will come to me
• 47:49
  I'm sure
• 47:51
  like things I just had to have
• 47:54
  I bought a car
• 47:58
  I was going to say
• 47:59
  I feel like
• 48:00
  car is going to be the big one
• 48:03
  that was a huge one because I wanted it so bad
• 48:06
  first of all I bought it on Friday the 13th
• 48:10
  which I didn't
• 48:12
  give a shit about
• 48:13
  but then everything started going
• 48:15
  the next day I had a blowout on the freeway
• 48:18
  and guess what
• 48:20
  starting that year of the car
• 48:21
  they didn't put spare tires in the trunk anymore
• 48:23
  so you had to call for help.
• 48:26
  That happened.
• 48:27
  And then my water pump went out.
• 48:30
  I was pissed.
• 48:32
  Was that your Audi?
• 48:33
  Yes.
• 48:34
  See, I'm a good listener.
• 48:35
  I remember.
• 48:37
  Oh yeah, there's your third year.
• 48:41
  This is interesting.
• 48:42
  You know my favorite saying?
• 48:43
  You never know what worse your bad luck saved you from?
• 48:45
  So I don't know how that applies to me in this situation,
• 48:48
  but I will say that the day I bought that car,
• 48:49
  the minute I had signed the paperwork,
• 48:51
  a lady and her husband came in looking for the car.
• 48:55
  And I was like, in the moment, like, oh, I'm so lucky I got it.
• 48:57
  And I'm like, that bitch was lucky.
• 48:59
  I just saved her like $1,400 here and my blowout here.
• 49:04
  Like she really lucked out.
• 49:07
  Yeah.
• 49:07
  But at the time you probably were like, ha ha, I got it.
• 49:10
  I was the lady with the Coke.
• 49:11
  Yeah.
• 49:12
  Although, but I got there first, so.
• 49:14
  Yeah.
• 49:14
  So I mean.
• 49:15
  You should find that lady and go hit her with that car.
• 49:18
  well i don't have time for that i wouldn't know where to begin mist connections
• 49:26
  mist evasions no what oh mist mist connections for like a water installation company
• 49:36
  for those like mist connections yeah oh i'd love that so we just invented a water company
• 49:43
  that does like patio nozzles
• 49:46
  missed me with that gay shit
• 49:50
  yeah that's another that's another possible name um yeah indubitably
• 50:02
  interesting interesting what's your did you even have one thing no because
• 50:16
  put your pen down be in the moment wait what was that joe well i'm afraid you're being a dumb
• 50:24
  bitch yep yeah that's a good sound drop um i put my pen down don't write down this word you need to
• 50:34
  be in the moment i think you need to be here be here now um i feel like there are god i wish i
• 50:45
  could i'm terrible at this this is the problem is you ask me things about my past oh my god i have
• 50:50
  one more okay when i was 16 i bought a shirt that was so stylish and then later i saw pictures and
• 50:58
  it was like a pirate shirt like big flared sleeves and like flared at the bottom i had like lacing
• 51:04
  yeah i feel like the majority of my answers to this question would be things that i bought from
• 51:08
  like h&m when i was 16 that i thought looked really good and then they did not look good
• 51:14
  but at least you put yourself out there yeah i can think of something from when i was a kid
• 51:19
  I guess or like a teen perhaps. Um, I was like, I was working at this like, like kind of like
• 51:29
  craft fair, um, helping this lady out, making these bracelets or whatever. And, um, it was
• 51:36
  boring, but anyway, she gave me cash. Yeah. Yeah. She gave me cash for like the time that I spent.
• 51:45
  And then like, so that I was like walking around the craft fair and I had cash now,
• 51:49
  like suddenly I have money and um I there was this like lotion that smelled like rose and it
• 51:57
  was like smelled really really good to me and I was like oh it's a little expensive but it's like
• 52:02
  it smells so good and then I bought it and then it was like and then one of those things where
• 52:08
  it's like I once I tried to use it I was like this is too much this is overpowering this was
• 52:12
  like a huge waste of money it's like way too much scent it was not like nice and subtle like the
• 52:17
  little bit it's like you can't use this on your body yeah this is overwhelming and i had wasted
• 52:24
  like that then then i thought like that was half my day gone like that was not worth the sitting
• 52:31
  board in the booth and they occasionally making a little like bracelet for that so i definitely
• 52:39
  at almost instant nebulous term for when you are you have remorse when you buy something
• 52:44
  why'd you just say that
• 52:46
  because Joe said there couldn't be a term for that
• 52:49
  yeah he did you're right
• 52:50
  he wouldn't have said your word because that would be fucked up
• 52:53
  okay
• 52:54
  sorry I'm on guard as you know I'm way down
• 52:57
  I say nebulous at least
• 52:59
  five times a day
• 53:00
  yeah I usually say it about six or seven
• 53:02
  eight times a day
• 53:03
  I say like ten so I mean not that it's a competition
• 53:06
  or anything
• 53:07
  yeah but how many eggs do you eat a day
• 53:09
  zero
• 53:11
  I'm afraid you're being a dumb bitch
• 53:13
  yeah thank you for that one example yeah you that's okay you're welcome okay yeah that's stupid
• 53:23
  uh well there's definitely times like i well because i know that feeling i like make it happen
• 53:28
  where i'm like this is gonna be one of those moments if i don't pull the trigger on this i'm
• 53:33
  gonna regret it yeah and so i i try to keep myself out of those situations
• 53:39
  you know what that reminds me of
• 53:44
  one time I was in San Diego
• 53:45
  again a different time
• 53:47
  and I went to this like shop
• 53:49
  different shop
• 53:50
  and I watched
• 53:52
  they like made their own like perfumes and stuff
• 53:54
  and potions or whatever
• 53:56
  and they had one for like Felix Felizes
• 53:59
  for like Harry Potter
• 53:59
  and I was like oh can I
• 54:01
  like try it
• 54:03
  and she was like no
• 54:05
  that's weird
• 54:07
  like sorry we don't allow that
• 54:09
  and then I bought it anyway
• 54:11
  and I was so, later I was like, I should have said
• 54:13
  fuck, excuse me, sorry listeners
• 54:15
  why did I buy it? I should have been like, okay then
• 54:17
  buy
• 54:17
  something scent based and they wouldn't let
• 54:21
  you smell it?
• 54:22
  I could smell it but I couldn't put a little on
• 54:24
  but you know things change on your skin
• 54:26
  yeah, that's weird
• 54:27
  the epidermis is unique to everyone
• 54:31
  yeah
• 54:32
  you ever know what worse Felix Felicis
• 54:34
  your bad Felix Felicis saved you from
• 54:36
  thanks for listening
• 54:39
  that's okay you're welcome
• 54:42
  well
• 54:43
  I think we've answered
• 54:45
  well you've answered
• 54:47
  the big question
• 54:50
  the big question
• 54:51
  merci beaucoup
• 54:52
  well one final
• 54:56
  moment
• 54:56
  I don't want to do this I want to end it
• 54:59
  here I don't know I'm worried
• 55:01
  I'm worried you're going to guess my
• 55:03
  word I don't know I know how you are with your
• 55:05
  stupid decoy words so we'll see it's probably gonna go your way as per usual
• 55:10
  i don't think it is because i don't think i got yours
• 55:15
  just you go first this time and since you're winning okay and keep in mind i don't like to
• 55:24
  Is your word epidermis?
• 55:29
  No.
• 55:31
  Is your word crudité?
• 55:34
  It was nudité.
• 55:35
  No, no.
• 55:37
  I wish it was, though.
• 55:39
  Jingle hoppers.
• 55:41
  I don't even remember saying that.
• 55:43
  You said it, and then your jingle hoppers are out.
• 55:46
  Like, your pants come down and your jingle hoppers are out.
• 55:50
  No.
• 55:50
  Is your word indubitably?
• 55:56
  No.
• 55:58
  Oh.
• 56:00
  All right.
• 56:02
  I have two guesses for your decoy word.
• 56:06
  Okay.
• 56:08
  Is your decoy word scream?
• 56:11
  No.
• 56:13
  Okay.
• 56:15
  Is that a woman's scream?
• 56:16
  I'd be pissed if that was my word.
• 56:17
  I mean, for your sake.
• 56:18
  For your sake.
• 56:20
  Is your decoy word talisman?
• 56:24
  That was my word.
• 56:25
  No!
• 56:29
  Damn it.
• 56:30
  You said it so many times, I thought it was your decoy.
• 56:33
  Here's why I said it so many times.
• 56:34
  The first time I said it, I said talismans,
• 56:36
  and I was like, I got to get it out again.
• 56:39
  And so I didn't know of any other way to do that,
• 56:42
  except to just...
• 56:44
  I'm so relieved.
• 56:47
  I hate that.
• 56:50
  Wait, do you get a point if I guess your word as a decoy word?
• 56:54
  I'm going to say yes.
• 56:55
  Yeah.
• 56:56
  Okay.
• 56:57
  God damn it.
• 56:59
  God damn.
• 57:00
  I needed it.
• 57:01
  I needed it.
• 57:02
  I needed it.
• 57:04
  And I feel fairly confident you're going to guess my word.
• 57:07
  I'm worried one of these is your decoy.
• 57:10
  No, I don't think you clocked my decoy.
• 57:14
  Of course you're going to say that.
• 57:15
  No, I'm serious.
• 57:16
  I don't think you did.
• 57:16
  You want me to stumble into it.
• 57:17
  All right.
• 57:18
  Let's just get this out of the way.
• 57:19
  Okay.
• 57:19
  irises no
• 57:21
  I knew you were going to guess that though
• 57:26
  is it cul-de-sac nope
• 57:28
  I only have one more guess
• 57:31
  semantics
• 57:33
  that's my word
• 57:35
  are you serious
• 57:36
  yes I saw you write it down
• 57:40
  god damn it
• 57:41
  did you do that
• 57:42
  did you
• 57:43
  wait what was your decoy word
• 57:45
  jackasses
• 57:46
  that was your decoy word
• 57:48
  we say that all the time well oh there's no way i was gonna pick up on that i feel like i went out
• 57:55
  of my way to say it um okay so you guys i'm coming back oh that's three points for you
• 58:03
  that might actually put this tied or it might i really thought i thought you were laying the
• 58:10
  tracks for a decoy and i thought you were gonna guess mine i can't believe i you said talisman
• 58:14
  so many times I thought it. That's why I guess it has your decoy. I can't
• 58:18
  believe it. I was worried. God damn it.
• 58:23
  Well, now you
• 58:26
  like this game again, huh? I'm just
• 58:30
  happy to not be totally losing.
• 58:34
  I think we might be tied. No, I'm not sure. Joe, I'd like to thank you for today's
• 58:38
  words.
• 58:38
  well this is frustrating for me
• 58:45
  I don't care for this
• 58:47
  I can't believe I was so close
• 58:50
  you were close
• 58:50
  well good job Francis
• 58:54
  congratulations on your three points
• 58:57
  and maybe I'll see you
• 59:00
  on the cleave
• 59:01
  on the cleave
• 59:04
  bye
• 59:08
  you