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Bonus IMPROV - I'll Do Law · Very Fine Friends

• 0:00
  welcome to friends like us bonus improv yeah
• 0:19
  yeah listeners won't know this but francis got real enthusiastic
• 0:26
  He's excited for the improv.
• 0:28
  Wow.
• 0:31
  All right, Joe, can we please get a suggestion?
• 0:35
  Your suggestion is paralegal.
• 0:39
  Paralegal.
• 0:41
  Well, we know you're a lawyer.
• 0:43
  That's right.
• 0:44
  It's long been established.
• 0:46
  Yeah, I was inspired to become a lawyer after I saw the hit film, The Juror,
• 0:50
  with Demi Moore and
• 0:53
  Alex
• 0:55
  minus the ex
• 0:57
  Alec Baldwin.
• 1:00
  That's, I'm assuming, a John Grisham?
• 1:03
  I don't know.
• 1:03
  It could be. It's got Anne Heche, too.
• 1:05
  Oh.
• 1:07
  The late great.
• 1:08
  The late Grish.
• 1:10
  Anne Heche.
• 1:13
  Yeah.
• 1:13
  I love legal thrillers.
• 1:16
  Yeah, I like them, too.
• 1:19
  What's your favorite one?
• 1:20
  I don't know.
• 1:22
  I remember reading The Firm as a young...
• 1:24
  Me too.
• 1:25
  Remember when they're on the island and they rented or bought a photocopier and they were
• 1:29
  in the room?
• 1:30
  Yeah.
• 1:30
  Yeah.
• 1:31
  Yeah.
• 1:31
  Yeah.
• 1:32
  I do remember that.
• 1:33
  This is great podcasting.
• 1:35
  Us just talking about parts of a book that we both remember.
• 1:39
  People crave this.
• 1:41
  Why don't we both sit down silently, read it in our heads on air?
• 1:45
  Okay.
• 1:46
  But what is the prefix para?
• 1:49
  means that mean yeah around near so you're just near the law you're not if you're a paralegal
• 1:56
  that's the perfect word for them because they're not lawyers they do a lot of research
• 1:59
  for the lawyers i think it's like the level of expertise because it's like paramedic too it's
• 2:04
  like you're not technical you're not like a fully certified i just like the idea that it's just yeah
• 2:10
  you're around the law like i'm near the law but like i think it just means like it's like their
• 2:15
  version of like an intern basically is like a paralegal you start as paralegal and then like
• 2:19
  before you get your law degree and then when you get your law degree you become an actual lawyer
• 2:25
  then you can just be illegal yeah that's where the phrase legal pad comes from
• 2:31
  used to be a parapad oh and if there are two of you you could be a paralegals
• 2:37
  paralegals i would do it for the name
• 2:41
  just for the wait for the name paralegal with a friend oh a paralegals yeah two lawyers is a
• 2:49
  paralegals yeah and we best buds they are beagles oh that goes without saying yeah well i mean technically everyone owns beagle yeah you born with a beagle Yeah if you don have a beagle people think you gross and weird
• 3:05
  Yep.
• 3:06
  And a criminal who needs a beagle-owning lawyer.
• 3:11
  Everyone is born into this world with two things.
• 3:13
  The name Cleveland and a beagle.
• 3:15
  Yep. I thought that was going to be like an intro from SVU or whatever.
• 3:22
  You know?
• 3:22
  Everyone is born.
• 3:24
  Dun-dun!
• 3:25
  Da-da-da-da-da.
• 3:27
  Meow, meow, meow, meow, meow.
• 3:29
  There are two parts of the legal system.
• 3:35
  Classic.
• 3:36
  And now, improv.
• 3:44
  Hey, hon.
• 3:46
  Hey.
• 3:47
  I'm having a real hard day.
• 3:49
  Oh, I'm sorry.
• 3:51
  Tell me about it.
• 3:52
  Oh, I passed my bar exam. I'm a lawyer now.
• 3:56
  What? That's great. Congratulations.
• 3:59
  Thanks.
• 4:01
  Why? You don't...
• 4:03
  Jeffrey, you don't seem excited.
• 4:04
  I know. I should be grateful because I worked so hard, but...
• 4:08
  You know how much I love almost being the thing.
• 4:13
  I know. We've been paramarried for years now.
• 4:20
  Yeah.
• 4:20
  I keep telling my parents that you're going to finally settle down and tie the knot, but still nothing. Not yet.
• 4:29
  Well, we both know if I did that, you know, we'd fall in love with each other because, you know, it's more fun being almost married, almost a lawyer.
• 4:40
  Okay, Jeffrey.
• 4:43
  I gotta say, you should maybe just try being a full lawyer instead of almost a lawyer.
• 4:50
  and see how that feels?
• 4:52
  You worked so hard for this.
• 4:54
  If you think that makes more sense
• 4:56
  than moving out of this town,
• 4:58
  pretending I don't have my degree,
• 4:59
  and starting over as a paralegal in Duluth,
• 5:02
  then sure.
• 5:03
  I'll try.
• 5:06
  Okay, well, I don't want it to be, like,
• 5:08
  a burden on you.
• 5:10
  Do we have to go through all of that?
• 5:13
  Or can you just maybe tell people
• 5:15
  you failed the bar?
• 5:17
  Starting to act a little too wifey, but...
• 5:20
  Okay.
• 5:21
  Sorry to not have fun, but okay.
• 5:24
  I'll go to court.
• 5:25
  I'll do law.
• 5:27
  We'll see how it goes.
• 5:31
  Cut to court.
• 5:34
  Hi.
• 5:35
  You're my criminal?
• 5:38
  Yeah, what's up?
• 5:40
  I'm your criminal.
• 5:41
  Okay.
• 5:41
  Did you...
• 5:42
  I'm going to defend you, I guess.
• 5:44
  To the best of my ability, I guess.
• 5:46
  Well, here's the thing.
• 5:50
  I think it should be an easy thing to defend.
• 5:52
  I didn't technically commit a crime.
• 5:55
  I was just near the crime when it was happening I a para I just like to be almost a criminal I think it more fun that way
• 6:06
  Oh my God.
• 6:08
  You probably don't understand what I'm talking about.
• 6:10
  I'm the only one who understands.
• 6:12
  I get this.
• 6:13
  We're getting you off.
• 6:14
  There's no way you're doing the time for this.
• 6:16
  Wait, how could you possibly understand this?
• 6:18
  Because I love being near the legal system.
• 6:20
  Ah, my almost wife doesn't get it.
• 6:21
  I...
• 6:22
  Whoa, dude.
• 6:25
  This is unbelievable.
• 6:27
  I believe it.
• 6:29
  Well, let's hope the judge believes it, too.
• 6:32
  He's going to.
• 6:33
  Trust me.
• 6:34
  This guy loves being almost retired.
• 6:37
  All rise for the Honorable Judge Chuby.
• 6:46
  Hi, Your Honor.
• 6:48
  Hi.
• 6:50
  This should be a quick one.
• 6:52
  Okay.
• 6:52
  Okay.
• 6:52
  By the way, I'm just on the threshold of retirement and loving every minute of it.
• 7:01
  This is great.
• 7:01
  This is great for us.
• 7:03
  Thank you, Your Honor, Juby.
• 7:05
  So, as you can see, we're near the crime.
• 7:12
  Yes, thank you for bringing me to the actual crime scene, by the way.
• 7:16
  Thanks for coming.
• 7:16
  Most people don't take the time.
• 7:19
  Well, we did.
• 7:20
  To show me the crime.
• 7:22
  That was a fun little rhyme.
• 7:23
  Yeah, because we don't want to do the time.
• 7:26
  I like the cut of your jib.
• 7:28
  Wow.
• 7:29
  Wow, this lawyer thing is more fun than I thought.
• 7:32
  Your Honor, Juby, we'd like you to dismiss the crimes.
• 7:37
  That is fully in my power, and just as long as nobody makes me retire,
• 7:42
  because I just want to be close to retirement.
• 7:43
  You don't have to do anything you don't want to do.
• 7:46
  I like that.
• 7:47
  I like the sound of that.
• 7:48
  You know what else I like the sound of?
• 7:50
  what this gavel dismiss in this case right on the asphalt oh something metal on the ground
• 8:00
  apparently yeah thank you we did it we did it man this is amazing i never i never knew it could be
• 8:07
  so much fun being an actual lawyer wait does that mean you're gonna give up being near the law and
• 8:12
  just being with the law because then i won't understand you anymore man well our relationship
• 8:18
  kind of...
• 8:20
  I mean, you don't need each other anymore.
• 8:21
  You're free.
• 8:23
  Oh, yeah. Bye.
• 8:24
  Bye.
• 8:25
  Cut back to Jeffrey's home.
• 8:28
  Honey!
• 8:29
  Yeah?
• 8:29
  I want to marry you.
• 8:30
  I want to marry you right now.
• 8:32
  Wait, what?
• 8:34
  I...
• 8:34
  You've had a change of heart?
• 8:36
  I had a change of heart.
• 8:37
  I thought it would be no fun to be in the law,
• 8:39
  and then I was and I loved it.
• 8:41
  I want to be in our marriage.
• 8:44
  Honey, I...
• 8:45
  I think...
• 8:46
  Actually, you kind of convinced me to be a para-wife.
• 8:51
  What?
• 8:52
  I don't want to actually be married.
• 8:54
  Look I was you know how I was a paramedic Yeah For a long time and then I finally got my medical degree and passed the medical bar so to speak Yeah so to speak
• 9:07
  To use parlance you'd understand.
• 9:09
  Yeah, thank you for dumbing it down.
• 9:10
  Yeah, you're welcome.
• 9:11
  Stupid lawyer husband.
• 9:13
  And then I became a real surgeon, and I gotta tell you, it was not so much, it wasn't as fun as I thought it was going to be.
• 9:20
  And then I realized being close to the goal was better than the actual goal.
• 9:28
  You were right this whole time.
• 9:31
  I can't believe.
• 9:33
  Okay, have you heard the song Send in the Clowns?
• 9:37
  Yes.
• 9:38
  Me and Art Last in Midair, You on the Ground.
• 9:42
  I can't believe we're finally.
• 9:45
  Wait, I don't know.
• 9:46
  I only heard of the song.
• 9:48
  I only know the part that says, Send in the Clowns.
• 9:50
  That's all I know.
• 9:51
  Can you sing it for me?
• 9:53
  The song?
• 9:54
  Yes, it'll give me a better understanding of what you're about to say.
• 9:57
  This feels like a watershed moment in our relationship.
• 10:00
  I don't know.
• 10:00
  I'm not really a singer.
• 10:02
  Can I just tell you the words?
• 10:04
  Yeah, all right, fine.
• 10:05
  Okay, isn't it rich?
• 10:06
  Aren't we a pair?
• 10:08
  Me here last on the ground, you in midair.
• 10:11
  We're passing ships, Donna.
• 10:15
  Oh, God, Jeffrey, are we the clowns?
• 10:18
  Yeah, I think we're the clowns.
• 10:20
  But you know, I'm really more of a para-circus person.
• 10:27
  Of course.
• 10:28
  I'll get my things.
• 10:31
  Obviously, this relationship has to end.
• 10:35
  Wow.
• 10:36
  I thought once we both decided we just wanted to be near marriage and not actually married,
• 10:43
  I never thought you'd want to take the plunge.
• 10:46
  I never thought so either, but when that judge banged that gavel,
• 10:50
  I knew.
• 10:52
  Let me ask you.
• 10:54
  Did it hit something metal?
• 10:56
  How did you know that?
• 10:58
  I was near a crime scene earlier and I dropped something metal.
• 11:04
  I don't know.
• 11:05
  I just thought maybe that was what I dropped.
• 11:09
  Anything's possible, I guess.
• 11:12
  Well, should we shake hands?
• 11:15
  Shake near my hand.
• 11:17
  Yeah.
• 11:17
  Don't actually touch it.
• 11:18
  Okay.
• 11:19
  All right.
• 11:20
  Oh.
• 11:21
  Love ya.
• 11:22
  Like ya.
• 11:23
  I like ya.
• 11:25
  I don't feel anything for you anymore.
• 11:29
  Okay.
• 11:30
  That doesn't hurt.
• 11:32
  I'm gonna go get my legal pad.
• 11:35
  Okay.
• 11:36
  Well, you've earned it now.
• 11:37
  Yeah.
• 11:38
  I know.
• 11:39
  I'm gonna go...
• 11:40
  Do surgery?
• 11:42
  Probably kill somebody.
• 11:43
  Oh my god.
• 11:45
  It's seen.
• 11:50
  Bye.