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90's summer · From 9 to Mom

• Catie: Welcome back to From Nine to Mom. Danielle: Where we discuss balancing the nine to five hustle with the beautiful chaos that we call motherhood. Catie: And we're in the last three weeks for your summer or two weeks by the time this airs. and you know, we're just getting the swing of summer still over here, but I'm happy, happy and like mentally stable to confirm we have beat the crying drop offs ⁓ summers over here. Danielle: very proud of you guys for both of you you crying and him crying. I think this is good. This is good. Catie: It's it's a huge, huge piece here. yeah, so it definitely has I think dad is helping with that. Like we're we're enjoying daddy drop offs, which is good. And I know it's like crazy to think about, but like I I feel a little guilty that he's doing better with Ryan for drop off because I spend so much time with him. We did the whole school year of drop offs and it's just like, now dad's doing it and it's perfect. Yay. Danielle: ⁓ Catie: You get all the credit. Danielle: Think that that's that's natural, honestly. I feel like that's like such a common thing that we feel. Like when our kids are successful, we're like, Yes, we did it, but like if it wasn't don't know, like you wanna be the one to say that I did it, but also if he was crying for Ryan and not for you, you'd like, What's wrong with me? Like he doesn't love me as like it's it doesn't matter. Catie: It's just like natural to make it about yourself, right? When I just in my I should just be happy he's there and he's good. so yeah, that's that's a big win. ⁓ it's had me thinking a lot about how I parent because I'm like, why did I make him this way? And I feel like a lot of people think that, like, they take it upon themselves, like, ⁓ my parenting made them into this. ⁓ Danielle: Well, it's because every other minute, if you're on if you're a mom or a dad, it doesn't matter. If you're online and you've talked about being a parent somewhere near an electronic device, which we all have, we are being inundated with like styles of parenting how to be like better at working through your own childhood trauma so you don't project your childhood trauma onto others. Like I just got done with therapy where I'm talking about like the core reason. ⁓ Why I lay out Colton's clothes in pairs so that he because I want to control, like the the first step was like me not picking out his outfits. That was like my first stage of like letting go of control. But now I had to admit that I put the shorts and shirt together and he gets to pick from the lined out clothes. And she's like, that's still control. Like I don't want you to do that, but I don't know if I'm capable of not doing that. Catie: Well, no, I think I've said it to you five times this week of like, I know I'm this way and I'm not willing to change. Because if I do change, then nothing get like it just it it it blows my mind and maybe this is why I'm not in therapy or should be or who knows. But like I'm just like I know. I don't need to go and tell them that, right? Like that Danielle: Yeah. No, you're not there because you don't want them to tell you that you're controlling. Well, I know too. And then that's what I say. Like, I already know I'm like this. But the idea is like to find out like why and to become less. But I feel like in parenting, like when you have two working parents, especially, and this does happen to people who don't work too. I'm not saying that, but with two working parents, like everything could be very out of control. So you really do try to control what you can control. And there's different levels of Catie: Why do I need a change? Danielle: what that looks like for each parent. But like summer is a great example. We're both in it now. The the schedule has changed. Things are different. We have very little time to focus on anything, I feel like. So don't know, it's just one of those things that is gonna be a constant struggle for people like us. Catie: Yeah. Yeah. I think too, we're in a I'm in a phase specifically where the kids are old enough to be part of activities now. Like we're out of the toddler because that's a whole nother thing, right? When they're two 18 months, when they're 18 months in the summer and you're like, they're just crushing it at walking, but they still fall everywhere. They don't want to be held. They don't want to sit at a restaurant. We can't go to like this because they want to crawl on the ground and be there or go places, like that part's hard. Danielle: Yeah. Catie: Then you get to where they're old enough that you want them to be entertained 24-7. And I feel like there's a pressure to be like in have an activity every night, have them try every sport, have them in something to enrich them, you know, academically for the summer and keep them in schedule. Danielle: Yeah. Well, and I think it's pressure that you put on that we put on the kids, but also pressure that's put on us because are you a good parent if you're not at the ball field every night? I I don't know if are you a good parent if you don't have a million activities lined up. But I will tell you, like I have a spreadsheet that I got from a friend, but I kept the spreadsheet going. Last summer, if you remember, by January like fifteenth, I had every camp lined out. They were all different, full enrichment of activities for Colton did the thing. Right? Cost me a lot of time and a million dollars to give him the summer of his dreams. This summer, I was like, screw that. He does he didn't even like half the camps I put him in. So I'm gonna do something different. And I'm just gonna, if a camp speaks to me, I'll put him in it. Otherwise, he's going to flyers. And let me tell you, this kid has been happier this summer, like tenfold, than he was last summer by me just letting him like explore and do what. Catie: Yeah. Danielle: He taking the pressure off, like you're going to art camp this week, and then you're going to invention camp next week, and then you're going to Thunderbird next week and all this stuff. I'm like, we have a couple big camps, but the rest are just whatever. And it's taken the pressure off of me. And honestly, he seems to be happier. And I've been able to do more other things with him afterwards because he's not completely like overwhelmed with the constant changing. Catie: Well, and that's like where where we've been at like these two weeks of like our summer routine, right? Like we have three days a week there is a sport for one of the kids. I tried to do them all in the beginning of the week because then I'm like, then Thursday through Sunday, we have no activities. Now we can do things as a family or whatever it is. And then we still have that routine in the beginning of the week where like I my solid work time, Ryan's working, you know, we got places for them to go. Danielle: I did the same thing. Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday. Catie: But the last two weeks, like four and a half, we're in two different things during the day and then two nights a week soccer. And the nights we have soccer, he is exhausted. Like he gets home from the stuff, I feel guilty. I'm like, you need to go lay on the couch and watch a show because I'm gonna have you go run around for an hour again. And it's gonna be ⁓ bed 'cause we're still working through the adjustment of bedtime, which we should do a whole episode about and pull people on what time they put their kids to bed. I know it varies per child, but like Danielle: Yeah. Well and it varies per season. Like Jordan wants it to be the exact same during the summer, but it's so light out and like they've been sleeping in till eight. But Colden's at school by six like literally seven fifteen at at school year. Catie: They don't they don't realize. Well, that's where we yeah. But so now right now we're in a thing. Jack didn't go to school during the school year till nine. So he could sleep as long as he wanted. Now I have to wake him up every morning at seven. So I'm like, I gotta get him down. But like soccer goes till seven thirty at night. And then by the time if I rushed him home, got him showered, like come down, read a book, do bedtime, like it's almost nine o'clock. And then he's gotta be up. Danielle: It's just wild. Yeah, no, but that's the part that's crazy. And then it'll be like, okay, we'll be at the pool, it doesn't get dark until like what? My dress is, if you guys are watching this, my dress is driving me crazy. So I apologize. like you're at the pool hanging out, somebody's like, let's get pizza, but it's like 7:30, and you're usually starting bedtime by 7:30. And my soul's like, it's the summer. Let's let them have it. And then there's my husband who's like, Catie: Let ⁓ do it. Yeah. Like let's have fun. It could be a memory. Danielle: We gotta stay militant. But I'm like, for whom? You don't adjust your schedule at all. I'm the one who adjusts my schedule every day. This summer has been zero change for you. It's all me. Like, right? So then I'm like, but then don't wanna be too one or the other because you do have to go back to school. And I think that's the hard part is like, and I don't know that you're in it as much yet. You will be now. Kindergarten is like where it starts. Like you start raising. Catie: We'll pay for it in the morning. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Danielle: your kids differently because they're allowed to do more. Like think about Jack. Like he's hanging out at camp. You've already said it to me. Like camp is changing what he's learning, who he's exposed to. Catie: Yeah. The independence. I have a funny story about camp, but finish your thought. Danielle: No, and my my thought is that like as they get exposed to more things, they're getting exposed to different types of kids, different types of parenting, and then you have to adjust like what is your what is your sty like take on things gonna be? Catie: Yeah, like how are you gonna when they learn the bad habits from other kids? I mean, sometimes it's good things here and there, like independence things and that, like that kid other kids can do. I think like my biggest thing was like even in pre-K, and I've said this probably on the podcast before, it's your first kid going through things, like my very first field trip that we went on for Jack's like preschool, so like nursery school, I'm like, they're on this big playground. Like Danielle: Yes. Catie: And we had, I mean, Jack's the youngest one and one of the youngest ones in the class. So he's like three, just turned three at the time. And we're in this thing and they're doing like the big kids' playground where there's like tons of stuff. And I'm like walking around the playground, like trying to keep my eye on him. And I'm like, can he do like we've never done this playground before? Is he going to fall? Like and you've got moms like camped out at the booth. They don't even know where their kids are. Like, and I'm like hovering same age kids. Danielle: Yeah. Catie: And it's just like two different things. And I'm like, wow, I look like a first-time parent here. Like I am realizing it. I finally started talking to another mom. And I kind of was like, ⁓ where's my kid? She's like, ⁓ they're somewhere in here. Like they can't go anywhere. And I'm like, you're right. I'm hovering because that's how I've been for the first three years of his life. I'm worried he's gonna fall over because he can't walk. He, you know, trying to mitigate the stuff, and I can't like let go to like let him just go play. But it's like, I don't know what made me like that, that I was. I'm an anxious person. So that's probably I'm putting my anxiousness on him like following him around. But you I'm like when if Kelvin did that, I'd be like, which kid is mine? Like I don't even like it's like a second kid thing. I'm like Danielle: Well I do think part of it is that first child, second child, because we learn with the first child that it is okay, right? We've been there, done that. It's a comforting thing to know. You still get nervous about certain things, but I definitely feel that with Colton and Daisy. And then I think of the friends that Colton has made, the parents who have encouraged me or that I've watched them be a little less hovering or more free range, we'll call it parents, they are usually on. Catie: Yeah. Yeah. Danielle: their second child, like their second child is Colden's age. So they've already experienced that. And I think some of it comes down to personality, of course. But another piece of it is comfortability. And we're more comfortable with our second kid. So it feels slightly more natural to let them do stuff. Also, second children are feral animals. They are in like think about Kelvin and Daisy, independent to a fault. They are fine. They're fine. We're Colton and Jack, they're little flowers. They're like little dainty like Catie: Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, they don't care. They're like, and this is the funny thing is like Jack, I can see Jack's personality like molding as he's like being with other kids and like learning things that like w haven't come up. And he's still not the rough and tumble kid yet. He's getting a little more aggressive at soccer, which has been so great. He's gonna be my little soccer star. I think I'm gonna get one here. he's four. ⁓ saying that already. but Danielle: They're huge, but East Dream. Catie: I think something too that we didn't see with Jack that we see with Calvin is when Calvin's here alone. And this has been like recent because Jack's at all the things that we have him in now. Calvin's independent play is superb. He's talking and make playing make believe with like the Paw Patrol, with like all the different things. Like I just don't remember Jack being like that. And maybe it's because our kids are so close in age and Calvin's just always been there at this point. Danielle: Yeah, that's true. Because Colton is very good at like independent play. But part of that too, if you had kids, your first child, Colton was co he was born 2018, December, and COVID hit what? 2020, March. So he was at a pivotal point. He had to play alone. He played alone a lot and I played a lot with him. So it was like one of those, and I do like we talk about this, like I do love a good make believe kind of situation. Catie: Yeah. Had to. You're right. Yeah. Danielle: I think that Colton was very good at that. The other day, even he was here. I working, my mom had both kids, and Colton had gone outside, taken all the craft stuff, set it up for every single person that was home to like make these bath bombs with this kit he had and came in. He's like, Mom, are you done with your meeting? I have a craft set up for us. And it very cool to watch him as a bigger kid do that. But he's four years different than Daisy. He was coming into his own, like Calvin's age. ⁓ By himself during COVID. So I do think that has a piece of it, but I definitely still was more not I wouldn't call myself overbearing. Like I'm definitely not a helicopter parent, but I have anxiety. I listened to way too much Dateline. I've been told too many stories. ⁓ there's so much exposure that we have now on online about all the things that can happen. And you're like, yes. Catie: It is. And we project we project it. Did I send you there was an Instagram post of like why your kids are so afraid to leave you? And it's like you keep tell like when they're so little, you're like, Don't go, don't let go of mommy's hand. Someone's gonna take you in the parking lots and whatever. And then you like try to like push them off and they're like grabbing your hand. You're like, Why are you trying to hold my hand? Like go, you're fine. Like and you like it's like a quick switch. Yeah, and they like think that and you're like, ⁓ wait, yeah, because we threaten crazy shit. Danielle: Yeah. You're fine, but no, somebody's gonna take me. Catie: all the time where we're like, we're not gonna do Danielle: Well constantly. My mom's been telling the kids that they'll get flattened like a pancake if they don't stay close in the parking lot. Like my kids mean, I have a fear of parking lots. Yes. ⁓ Catie: But we have to say it to get their attention. But then it's like I'm sure someone can correct us on the proper way to do that, but Danielle: Well, I think too we're struggling. We're the first generation to come out of like None of our parents were abusive. Let's start there. But you could spank a kid on the butt. You could scare the living like daylights out of them. Like when we were little. Like we were, it was like scared straight was the show, right? Like that was very acceptable behavior. Like you're mom used to drop Joe off at St. Joseph's Villa like three times a week and pretend to drive away. You know what I mean? You can't do that to kids. Like, right? Like it's not you can't do that. Catie: Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Yeah. She only got halfway down the street. But this is the thing. You can't do that. As soon as those kids are school age and they repeat something at school, you can't like they're you're done. Like you were lit like it's like crazy because they're gonna believe the kid. I mean like the teachers and stuff, like they have to report it. Danielle: CPS is at your door. Yes. And then like do you remember like threatening your parents, like, I'm gonna run away. I'm gonna run away. And you'd like pack your bag and you'd run away, like Catie: How about so Michelle one time did run away and my parents live my parents live on like not super rural, like there are neighbors, but it's not like your normal, like there's no sidewalks that it's a bit like the d the speed limit on the road is 45 on the road. So it's it's a you know, Michelle at point had packed up a suitcase of stuff and like was walking down the street and this was she had to be four or five. But then I'm like, I'm Danielle: For real? Catie: Reading some of the books that these like they talk about going away. There's this one book, and actually if my mom's listening, I haven't brought this up to her yet. There's a book about like I forget the names of it, but it's called All to Myself. And it's like this book talking about it's supposed to be about eventually sharing, but it's like the kid being all mad the whole thing, and it was like, No, like I don't wanna do that or I'm so mad. That's another one of them. But it's the Danielle: Okay. Catie: the he keeps trying to do stuff and the parents are like, You can't do that. And he's like, I'm so mad, I'm gonna run away. And he shows him packing his bag. And I'm like, why am I read that's Kelvin's favorite book. And I'm reading it. I'm not gonna be surprised when he packs up cookies in a bag and is like, gone. Danielle: The kids series. Okay. tries to go away. But we all did it. And now like Colton will be like I'm going I'm running away. Like 'cause I'm mad. And he o he doesn't get very far. But my mom's like, let him go. He's fine. And in my head, I'm playing every Dateline episode I've ever listened to, like waiting. Catie: There's someone waiting in the bush across my street that's they've been waiting, they're camping out my house to get him. Danielle: Yes, waiting for my son to decide that today's the day that he runs away. But like that's what I mean, my mom we've talked about this on the podcast, I think. The blockbuster videos that she used to make me do. Like in case I was taken. Like I planned out from the moment I was abducted, like how I'd leave my hair in certain places, like take off articles of clothing. Like I and I don't want that fear to live in my kids, but I also don't want them to be idiots and not know. Catie: They've been gifted. It's what your brain basically thinks. Mm-hmm. Danielle: what's going on. And I think that's like what it really comes down to. Like, we're doing the best we can with the information we had can, but we're not. We keep saying like we're raising our kids to be A, B, and C. But the reality is like we gotta look at it like we're raising adults. Like are they going to be capable adults? Can they cut a tomato? I could not. I'm just going to be clear. But like you and I both came from families with three kids. All three in the eyes of the Catie: Yeah. Danielle: Societal standards successful. We all went to college. We all graduated. We all have good jobs. We all have like, you know, houses or families or whatever it is. Like, that's the eyes of success. But now we're in this realm where success looks different. We don't even know if there's gonna be college, whatever. It doesn't matter. The point is like, are our kids going to be able to be their own based on the things we're doing for them? And I think there is a fine line between, you know. Catie: Yeah. Yeah. In society. Yeah. Danielle: Are we raising capable adults or are we raising helpless adults? And we've both raised, you know, some helpless adults in our lives. Catie: Yeah. Yeah. Well, it is true. Like you think about the independence levels of things and is really good to be around other kids and see what other what's normal in other people's homes because like getting dressed in the morning, like what age do you do that? Like if you don't hear from other people and you don't hear what others are doing, like I would still be getting like I sometimes do get jack dressed in the morning because I'm like, come on. Danielle: Because it's easier for us. We're on a time crunch. Yep. Catie: Let's go. I don't think I need to pick out his like he can pick out his clothes yet. Like we're on the weekends we'll let him pick out his stuff. But like for school and stuff, like put his clothes out and work on we're working on it. But like I wouldn't have even thought twice about it unless I had heard someone else his age like talk about getting dressed in the morning and like other people trying it. Probably second kids. Like Calvin will start getting dressed by himself probably next week. It just won't be. Danielle: Yeah. Daisy will not Daisy is so independent. To the point where I have to like lay out options for her so that she like doesn't put on a winter outfit in ninety degree heat 'cause that's what she wants to wear today. She comes down ready to to go where Colton's like, Where was my clothes? Did you give me socks? Like Catie: Yeah. Yeah. Once my kids wanna come downstairs 'cause the other thing that's cra in my house, they wanna wear pajamas like daddy wears to bed. And daddy wears his underwear to bed. And so they wanna do that now. And they they both and Kelvin's still in a pull up overnight. And they wear like their little briefs and I make them wear a shirt 'cause I'm like just temperature wise, like you gotta put a shirt on right now. And ⁓ Danielle: Yeah. I mean that's cute. That's so cute. Catie: So they wear that. So gone are pajama sets in our house. But they both want to come downstairs and be naked. Danielle: Well that same. We're going on vacation next week and Daisy and Colton, all they want to wear are my t-shirts. Like my big t shirts. So now like I have all these cute pajama sets this is but this is the thing. Like it's about me. You know, my niece and nephew will be in these adorable matching pajamas and look so cute. And my kids are gonna look like the like Raggedy Ann and Andy, homeless. And you know that's like not me, but why am I trying to control that? Like who cares? Catie: Homeless. Yeah. Mm-hmm. That's what they want. Why do you why do you wanna keep like it's so crazy and it's like some kids just don't care about that and they just wear what mom puts out and that that's fine and it is fine. Like for the most part, they'll do that. But then like it's just you wanna have the ⁓ the moments of all of them snuggled in their pajamas making breakfast in the morning at there and it's like, ⁓ there's Colton and mom's stray shirt. Danielle: Yes. pants and T shirt or like right now they all wanna wear my stray kids t shirt. So it's like Catie: Yeah. It's just funny. Like the things we worry about, but I think there's like a big trend that I've been seeing right now is people talking about like ha let your kids have a nineties summer. But like what did summer like what do you remember about summer in your like when you were ten? Danielle: I remember we had so I had an amazing neighborhood. So we did like Backyard Baseball League, which was I was not good at, but was my favorite. Like we would every day we had Backyard Baseball League. It was in somebody's backyard and we would do teams. We did capture the flag every night, like across the houses. We did sardines. So like a 90 summer to me is like hoses and water and sprinklers, above ground pools, which we're not allowed to have here. But like Catie: Mm-hmm. Danielle: and ghost stories and games in the yards. Like that's a nineties summer to me. What about you? Catie: I think a lot of the same. It was like parents' house was the house that we hung out at 'cause we didn't have a ne like we didn't have the neighbor hit could hit wow neighborhood kids running around. Like it was people had to come get dropped off at my house and that, like big sleepovers. I used to have like my room I used to have two d two twin beds in 'cause I just always had a friend over. So like my mom's like, Cool, just there you go. We we have two in there. Like there was somebody over my house every I had Danielle: Yeah. Just for sleepovers. Yeah, I have the day bed with the go. Catie: different friends to feel like every other year or so like that would just stay at our house. But it was capture the flag and my parents have a huge yard. So it was like front back bed at night. Then dark. Danielle: Yep, always at night. Like late dark. So you think about how dark we're saying it gets dark at eight nine. You we were playing that. Catie: I don't let my kids out in the house, 'cause that's when the the people come out. They they're waiting behind my fence. like can't even let like I let we have a fenced in backyard and we're getting better at like literal free range, like letting the dogs out go outside and letting them do whatever's out there because we're like, whatever's out there is safe for the most part. They they will make it they will make it dangerous, but it's safe. And ⁓ Danielle: The abductors come. Yes. Is safe. That is like yes. Yes. Catie: But then I'm still like, ⁓ is the gate closed on the side? Like somebody could run back. Like Ryan lets him go out into the garage and I'm like, What if they go out into the driveway in the front yard? He's like, in what? Run into the street where no cars come down every day? Like we have zero traffic. It's just the people on our sur like and I'm like, Yeah. What if someone comes and grabs them? ⁓ funny. Danielle: It's just in our brains, like as moms, worst case scenarios show up, but like we were playing think about it, like we were playing we were rollerblading in the street. Yes. Missing. Catie: My parents had no clue where I was. I was hiding in bushes. Yeah, like hiding in bushes, like gone. Not in our yard sometimes, like in different that, but like pool outside like that's what I remember is just being outside like the whole time, or like watching movies at night, popcorn smoors, like there's a campfire every night. I didn't Danielle: Yes. And horror movies. I used to go to Wegman's because there like a deal at Wegman's buy five, get one, or like I can't remember. Me and Kelly would rent like literal, like the Exorcist, the Omen One, Two, Three, like all these. Yeah. And my mom would let us watch them. Like, what was going on? But then you think about it, like, there weren't all the distractions. There weren't all the expectations on us. Catie: Yeah. Yes. ⁓ my gosh, you guys have problems. No. Happy movies only. Mm-hmm. Danielle: Or them to like make it. I think as working moms, we do overcompensate a little bit because we want to do stuff with our kids, but that like in the very little time we have. Everybody wants to do stuff with their kids, but in the very little time we have. And we want everything to look great and them to feel great. But the reality is like us 90s summer kids are very capable kids because we had to entertain ourselves. Like you didn't come home, like I had a curfew, like ish, and then like I have a tattoo. Catie: Course. Yes. Mm-hmm. Danielle: on my side, the only rule I had was my best friend lived we had like a row of like five houses on each side that everybody played together, but my best friend lived like twenty houses away. So we had to meet at a lamppost. Our parents had to be able to see us walk the lamppost and then we could walk wherever wanted. But like that was like that's a tattoo because that was like our meeting spot. But then we would go play in the cre we call it the crick, but like the creek or walk like Catie: Together. Mm-hmm. Danielle: I mean we were going house to house selling stuff. Do you remember doing that in the summers? Like making crayon shavings, snow globes. Like if my kid went house to house, I'd be having and I have had anxiety attacks. Catie: Yeah, like you would be like, don't go to the and like there was like there were rules like that we ha like don't go past this or you know, don't go to that near that house, right? Like or whatever it would be. Yeah. Danielle: Yes. That's where the witch lived, every all of us had the witch's house. Like, don't go near that house. Yeah. Catie: There was always one bad house, like somewhere. depending on where you were, yeah. But it was like that it's just ⁓ it's just different now. And then like when the kids go to bed, like our parents were probably watching shows, getting caught up for the next day doing that stuff. And now like we can sit and scroll our phones and see what literally everyone else in the world did that day. Danielle: And then you're like, ⁓ my gosh, they made a bucket list that had A, B, and C on it. Should I have made a bucket list? Now you're making a bucket list for for your kids because somebody else did. And then they're like, What you're like, what do you want to do? And they're like, I wanna play with my friend James and have a sleepover with mommy. Like that's all that they wanted. Catie: Yeah, like and that's her yeah, it just like the expectations and it's self, you know, induced at this point. Like we know it, but yeah, there's like every day we're expected to like give ⁓ the best day and like sometimes it's independent play and going out in the backyard, like go be bored. Danielle: Yeah. And as an adult, not every day is gonna be your best day, right? There's gonna be days where nothing's going on, or you have to figure something out for yourself. So it's one of those things where the 90s summer, like I get it. And it's better for us parents. We're more like connected to our kids and enjoying. I do think in my neighborhood, there is it's full of kids. There's a school in my neighborhood, it's all kids. And Colton's friends, some of them have a lot more free range than he does. And it has been painful, painful. Catie: Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Danielle: let him do some of the things because I know I have to, but it like I have anxiety the whole time. Letting him like explore and do all this stuff. ⁓ now, of course, there's the watches. So even though they're free range and you can still track where they're going and stuff like that. But it's ⁓ difficult to allow it. But I do think that it's important that we remember. ⁓ Catie: Yeah. About letting them do that. Yeah. Danielle: that every minute of every single day doesn't need to be planned for them. A, and B, they do need a level of independence if we want them to be independent adults someday. That doesn't mean you don't want your kid or you let them walk to at four years old to the corner store. I no, that's not what I'm saying. I'm saying they can walk three houses down and knock on their friend's door to see if they can play. Catie: I know that was a big thing going remember like going to someone's house to see, not like arranging it's just ⁓ is different. It's hard to do that. And I feel like we've gone down like all the different parenting styles before too, because like I mean, we have talked briefly. We there was an episode we did, but I don't remember all the parenting styles we went through. But they keep adapting, let's be honest. Like there's and then based on where you look. Danielle: Yes. Yes. Me either. I I honestly don't remember. Catie: 'Cause I mean, there's helicopter parents, there's gentle parents, but it it's so interesting to see like now, not that I have like friends yet, like s from Jack yet, but like I'm starting to make friends because I'm coaching, like we're at sports, like we're seeing the same people every time. So we're like, okay, like our kids are the same age and like we have a lot of friends that have Kelvin age kids, ⁓ Danielle: Yeah. Catie: Jack's level kids. And then it also for us, it's like none of them are gonna go to our school. So we need to make friends there. So I keep like, even last night, you would have been proud of me. I like went out of my way to like talk to one of the moms that as she was she was that they were on our baseball team and now they're on a different soccer team. But we see them every week and she like waved over and I was like, Ryan, I gotta go say hi because I'm so social. Danielle: Whoa, who are you? Such a social butterfly. You are social. Like you just have to do it in you know, pockets. Catie: Yeah. You have to pry it out of me. yeah, but it was it's just it and then you see how they parent when their, you know, kids are doing stuff and 'cause sometimes you're stuck in your circle, right? And you like don't see and we're also you're you hang out with people. Yeah. Danielle: And that's your reality. Who you surround yourself with is your reality. And there's someone, and if they're listening, I will laugh so hard because they're gonna know immediately who they are. they're my I love this family. Their son ⁓ is the same grade as Colton at the same school, and their daughter's a little older than Daisy. I get all the she has the best style. They're from New York. Like they're I just love them. And her husband is not from the US, and he is the nicest. Catie: Mm-hmm. One. Mm-hmm. Danielle: We me and Jordan when we first moved here, we're like, is he a real person? Like, how can someone be that nice? Like he is but like not fake nice, like genuinely the nicest person ever. ⁓ Jordan, we were in the car and we'd seen him at the pool with the kids. And I was like, I just we should hang out with them more. Like I love them. And he's like, Me too, honestly. He's like, and I gotta tell you, he's human. And I said, Yeah, what what do you mean he's human? Like, he's like, No, like he's a real human being. Catie: Yeah. Good people. Danielle: And again, I was so confused. He's like, ⁓ I saw him and I saw him discipline his son in the yard the other day and I just stopped and he caught me watching him. I don't know if he noticed, but he Jordan's like, I was literally smiling with approval, shaking my head, being like, he's he's real, like we're real. We're bonded now for life because of that. And it's like seeing other people in circles that you're not always exposed to, it does change your viewpoint on what kinds of parenting is the norm. Catie: Right. You're doing that. Danielle: Of parenting. Catie: Yeah. Right. Right. And it also is like good because you need to get out there and see the other parents. Cause this is something too, like, I feel like when I was younger, there were overly involved parents and then there were parents you just never saw, right? Like they were they just didn't. because working parents it it means a lot of different things now. Like when we were kids, if you worked, you were not at, know, drop off every day. You were Danielle: Yeah. Nope. You could And I think about that constantly, how grateful I am that that's not our reality. But Catie: And it's not. So there are so many working parents that are so heavily involved now. So it's way different. sometimes I think that, but then sometimes I'm like I look at the pickup line and I'm like, it's all grandparents here. Like it's not that different still, but it is because you get to these things and you see the the kids and you know, based on who was involved. I feel like my friends were very based on like who my mom like interacted with and like that. And that was kind of a way she molded Danielle: Yes. Yeah. Catie: who my friends were and then like sometimes you have no control over who your kids hang out with. And I'm very curious when you get to that point and you're like, Man, these parents suck. But my kid is like best friends. Danielle: My mom said she went through that. Like, I was you, the mom's like Colton's best friend at school is like my best friend ⁓ like at that school too. we connected like right away. The kids love each other, and sometimes we do a lot of stuff with them because they're we like each other. It makes it easy, but they love each other too. Catie: Perfect. You're aligned, yeah. Danielle: But that's how it does form. You're right. Like that's how it begins. It's like these mom groups, like the kids like each other. You're like, ⁓ I like you. I like you. You know what I mean? Like, honestly, that's all Colton's really good friends because I text with the moms and we're like, what are you doing today? Let's hang out. Let's do this. But my mom always says there was a point where, like, sixth grade, I started like, I was very like, I'm still an empath. And I could see this happening to Colton, where I wanted to like help people who needed friends or who needed more. And my mom did let me do it, but she she didn't know the parents she didn't feel comfortable. And she said that it was very, very hard. Very, very hard to like give me the independence to go do that. But she trusted my judgment at that point. So ⁓ Catie: that age. Yeah. Well, and that's like what we're preparing for, right? Like you show the good and bad in kids and like Jack like knows already like ⁓ was the bad kid at school. Like he sees ⁓ He does know. But then it's like, you know, he's gotta tell like especially the boys are gonna t I mean the girls will test in different ways, I feel like too, but like the boys have to test the limits of some things. But it brings me back to my funny camp story. So yesterday Danielle: Yes, they don't. They already talk about it. Yes, tell us. Catie: Ryan picked Jack up from camp and like he's definitely getting more adventurous and like starting to play more. And like that's something he just struggles. I think I've said he struggles with like the free open play. Like he wants a game. so when it's playground time, he'll go and do that. But he like would gravitate towards the kids that like are playing some sort of organized game. Like if they're playing tag or whatever. But he found his love for the monkey bars. Danielle: ⁓ my gosh. Catie: Doesn't this kid show come home from camp with this big open blister open like on his hand right here from he must have all he did yesterday must have been be on the monkey bars. Like Danielle: For him to get a blister in a day, yes, that's all he did. Catie: So he must have started yesterday and then like or two days ago, whatever. yesterday Ryan like took him ⁓ he did pickup. He went and did he likes to bring Ryan has a turtle in his classroom at school and it's his j he's got to take care of it over the summer. So he likes to bring the boys in to feed the turtle. And ⁓ yeah. So technically have a turtle, just doesn't live in our home. ⁓ which great. And Danielle: Take care of the turtle. I love this. It's like Leo. Make sense for you. Yeah. Catie: So they take go in and they went out to the playground and Jack did it and started like screaming. And Ryan's like, you would have thought his hand fell off. Like thought he broke his arm, like something, but he can like do the whole upside down thing now. And Ryan's like, see, like he's getting he's getting good at it, but like ⁓ was just so funny that he had this like giant blister and he's like, Well, all the other kids were swinging across it. So ⁓ must have like practiced for two days. Like that's all he went and went on the monkey bar so that he could do it with his friends. And Danielle: Well my Yes, to do it. Catie: It's just funny to like see how they pick up on that. And then also like not the bad behaviors, just the silliness for that. Like he must have he must have needs to understand when we were in the crying phase, I was pulling out anything I could. Like I promised so many crazy things to get this kid to not cry. like probably a million dollars I offered him at one point. But like the thing that ⁓ the that was like driving him was that he really wants a pet fish. Danielle: Yeah, and bad, like both. Still cried. So you're getting a fish? Catie: So he well, he's gotta make it through the whole week. But if he if he he must have started talking to somebody at school about it and then they got really silly and now he like his thing is like I'm gonna fight the fish. He's gonna fight everything. Like he comes home and is like, I'm gonna fight it. Like we're gonna pretend and then he like does like the fake like this. ⁓ now Calvin does that. So that's great. Danielle: How? That's definitely a boy thing. Daisy now does it too, but like it's like but then they get big enough where they're play fighting with you and they can actually hurt you because they don't realize they're ginormous. I'm like, dude, you're so I fight, I'll never play with you again. No, I want you to play with me. You gotta remember that like your fake punching that we used to do, like wrong move and I'm in the hospital. Like you're too big now. Catie: They like learn the little things and then Yeah. I'm like you You're a big boy. Yeah. Yeah. Even today, like, Jack's getting strong. Like we're like joking around and I'm like he's getting he's gonna have like, you know, a blue collar hand soon from working. Danielle: Yeah. Look at his monkey bar hand. I mean the dude is a beast. I think you need to I want like I kinda wanna be there when he picks out his fish. Catie: He's got the whole thing planned out. Danielle: Course he does. Of course he does. This child. Catie: 'Cause that's the way his brain works. So he's like, one more day, and then I get a fish. We're like, shit. then you know that that means we're in the phase of like, you buy one fish, I have to get Calvin one, or it's gonna like we literally got Calvin went because of his Binky giveaway here, he was able to go pick out a toy at the dollar store and he picked out a pet dog that comes in the crate and it's like you pretend to be the veterinarian thing. So he keeps carrying this puppy around Cujo. Danielle: Yeah. Super. Catie: in the can the carrier. Yeah. And yeah. And so they carry it around. Doesn't like every day for three, four days straight, crying over this dog. Finally we sent my mother in law out to get Jack one because I'm like, my God, I can't do it anymore. It's a dollar. Go get another one. ⁓ now we have two pet dogs too. Danielle: Who they named it Cujo. Cujo the killer dog. They better care for them. Catie: Mm-hmm. So it's gonna be the same thing with the fish. We're gonna be getting two beta fish. We're gonna be buying two beta fish. I'll report back how many fish we have. It will never turn they will each get a bowl that sits in their room. And my cat will probably go after it. Yeah, it's fine. Danielle: It a hundred percent. But you could start with one and then put it in like a common area. We have a hundred. We like we're gonna do beta fish. Your cat's gonna eat it, so it's fine. But beta fish will fight the mirror. Just remember that. They will kill themselves. Catie: Yeah, I'm gonna put w I did have a beta fish when I was little. I'm not like an animal hater. I just know what it go what goes into it and prefer to take care of the human. Danielle: You have a cat, so obviously you're like It's fine. It's fine. I'm proud of you and I'm proud of Jack. And I think this is like, you know, you bribe with what you gotta bribe with. You you do what you gotta do. And I think Catie: Sometimes you just like you threaten with the crazy stuff, you have to bribe with the crazy stuff. Danielle: Yeah, like kids do really well with rewards. So just and the dollar dog, great. The fish, just it'll be fine. It'll be fine. Remember when Colton carried around the dead fish 'cause he wanted to play with them? You'll just it's you're just a couple months away from that. Foy there, fish. I think we're doing a good job of I I don't know. I might knows if we're doing a great job. Catie: We'll see. Jack's gonna fight it. Jack's gonna fight it. It's just funny that I think we're okay. I think that's what we're coming out of this, right? Like we're okay. Everyone out there, you're okay. If if you're like in line with us here, we're okay. Danielle: And most of the people we know are okay. Yeah, if your kid is like there, happy, you're okay. My big thing now is like executive functioning, just making sure like they're ready to on what comes their way, but they can always come back to mom if they need some love. Catie: Healthy. We're we've got we've got. It's true. Well, I think it's time for us to clock out and clock back in. We'll see you guys next time. Danielle: Yeah, clock back into the nine to five. We got this.